Master 50 Topics & Questions

SLAA HOW DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS SKYPE MEETING
THURSDAY 20:30 21:30 London time

50 TOPICS AND QUESTIONS
Updated 20 May 2013
1. Do I really trust God to guide me in my new dating/relationship choices
and decisions?
2. Healthy Sexuality and Spirituality is the ability to connect sexual desire
and expression to the value of meaning in one's life. This stage
encourages us to constantly improve our spiritual consciousness. In this
way, I can remember my connectedness and purpose. How can I link
sexuality and spirituality to create and communicate meaning in sex?
3. Who am I now attracting in recovery?
4. Many of us have experienced shame based relationships. We may be
embarrassed about past behaviors and not believe that "good" people
would accept our struggles and share themselves with us. In what ways
do I project my shame and seek to blame my partner or others?
5. Has sobriety taken away my sexiness or allure? Do I fear I now have less
to offer?
6. Healthy sexuality and nurturing is the capacity to receive care from
others and provide care for ourselves. This means giving up control,
letting go and trusting others, discuss.
7. In what ways have I tolerated pain in relationships that was unnecessary?
8. Healthy Sexuality and Sensuality is the mindfulness of the physical
senses that create emotional,
intellectual,
spiritual,
and physical
presence. A sense of wonder emerges if we are present to our lives. What

prevents me from being sensual and focused on the present?
9. Drama, intensity and high sexual attraction can play a destructive role in
my life. I may see potential partners who do not trigger me in this way as
boring. How can I stay free of the addict/avoidant dynamic that was so
much a part of the dance in my unhealthy relationships?
10.
Do I know how fast or slow to go in relationships?
11.
Healthy Sexuality and Self-image is a positive self-perception that
includes embracing my sexual self. What were the agendas of the original
programmers of my sexuality? Are these agendas still part of my life
and how could new sexual affirmations help my own agenda?
12.
Some of us try to reach a place of body image perfection through
food, exercise, clothing, excessive make-up and plastic surgery. I may

also use SLAA behaviors to receive validation from others. How can I
manage these coping mechanisms and accept myself exactly the way I
am in this moment?
13.
Healthy Sexuality and Self-definition is clear knowledge of myself,
both positive and negative with the ability to express boundaries. This
area also asks for an honest expression of my needs. Clarifying sexual
priorities and setting boundaries can help me to stay safe. How can I
begin taking a stand about who I am as a sexual person?
14.
Am I ready to let go of any fantasy relationships or finding the one
in order to accept a real relationship?

15.
What does 'unavailable' mean in sobriety and do I seek regular
ways to connect with myself and my partner?

16.
Healthy sexuality and partnership is the ability to maintain an
interdependent, equal relationship that is intimate and erotic. This stage

demands rigorous honesty which is central to healthy relationships. This
also makes my partnerships durable and my sexual expression renewable
in its eroticism. Seek out tools to confront sexual exploitation, sexualized
conflicts and self destructive patterns. How can healthy sexuality change
the rules of abandonment and what behaviors can be used to create
enduring connections in my partnerships?
17.
Many of us learned about unhealthy relationships in our families of
origin, where we did not receive healthy nurturing or intimacy from our
primary care givers. How has recovery impacted my own parenting

behaviors / or choices about becoming a parent?
18.
Healthy Sexuality and Knowledge is a base about sex in general
and about my own unique sexual patterns. This area encourages me to

look deeper for areas that still need work in my life. Some of my most
important lessons come from here. How do my sexual issues enter and
affect my day to day life and what am I learning about my sexual self?
19.
How do I meet potential partners without re-entering into painful,
unhealthy patterns and environments?

20.
Having fun in relationships can sometimes really feel like hard
work. Where has this pattern come from in my past and how can I
introduce more playfulness in my life?
21.
Healthy sexuality and comfort is the capacity to be at ease about
sexual matters with myself and others. This stage requires me to be fully
known by others, including my dark side. Identifying and overcoming
dysfunctional family, abuse, religious, and cultural messages about sex
can help create greater comfort about my sexuality, discuss.
22.
Healthy Sexuality in relationships is also the capacity to have
intimacy and friendship with both those of the same gender and opposite
gender. Examine my own beliefs about men and women. Develop deeper
relationships with those of both genders. Learn to separate the erotic
from relationships with those of the gender to which I am attracted,
discuss.
23.
Healthy conflict can be one of the most positive forms of intimacy.
Sharing confidently and respectfully shows I value the partnership.

Historically, I may have fought over right and wrong, escalating issues
into dramatic exits instead of being clear about my feelings. Avoiding
conflict feeds resentment and constricts all feelings, including joy,
tenderness and care. How have I fought unfairly and how has sobriety
helped me to shift any self-righteous blame for honest resolution?
24.
Healthy Sexuality and Passion is the capacity to express deeply
held feelings of desire and meaning about my sexual self, relationship,

and intimacy experience. This stage asks that I share my experience with
others. Discuss how my relationship with my sexuality has changed as a
result of this process. Share how I can leave the observer of life status
and actively participate in the world around me.
25.
Honoring grief at the end of a relationship honors myself. I may
grieve the loss of the emotional attachment, companionship, maybe

wanting to start a family or never achieving the financial/material goals.
When I numb my grief, I also dull my ability to feel love and joy. How do I
grieve the loss of my relationships and what does my process look like?
26.
How do I keep my Higher Power in the bedroom?
27.
Abandonment, betrayal and sexual exploitation by someone in a
position of trust may lead me to an unconscious commitment never to

combine intimacy and sexuality. How do I avoid being close when I have
an opportunity for sexual intimacy?
28.
Healthy sexuality and non-genital sex is the ability to express erotic
desire emotionally and physically without the use of my genitals. This

stage helps to reduce the focus on orgasm and increase focus on the
whole process of sex. Learn more about non genital touch and plan time
to enjoy its pleasures. Practice communicating needs and desires;
express what feels good. Use touch to gradually acclimatize self to more
healthy levels of sexual contact, discuss.
29.
How do I know when to compromise and when to assert my needs?
30.
Discuss the freedom in forgiveness and being forgiven?
31.
Some of us may have experienced spiritual abuse in our family-of-
origin. One of our parents may have been our Higher Power. We may
have experienced shaming, blaming or belittling from clergy, religious
teachers or nuns. What spiritual/religious messages did I learn about
myself and partnerships growing up?
32.
In what ways have I been unclear about my choices, leaving things
undecided or up to my partner?
33.
In what ways have I been hyper vigilant in relationships and looked
for things to go wrong?

34.
Do I trust myself and recognize when a potential partner may be
unsuitable?
35.
In order to try and save dysfunctional relationships, what measures
have I tried that didnt work and how has my recovery impacted my
choices on how to end my relationships?
36.
In recovery, I can practice top lines which celebrate my sexuality,
passion and joy. Discuss my top lines and what I enjoy about my
relationships/partnerships in recovery.
37.
38.
Rejection is Gods protection, discuss.

How have I sabotaged and neglected my partner/relationships and
how can I nurture them?

39.
Do I maintain a separate life away from my partner and does this
life include recovery, friends and activities?

40.
Do I know how to ask for help and support outside my partnerships
and am I able to receive it?

41.
In every partnership, there will be times when one partner will
experience deep pain and change which may threaten the sobriety in the
relationship. How do I monitor my partners behavior/recovery and how
can I keep focused on my own recovery during difficult times.
42.
When relationships are in conflict or end, both partners may say
there was no mutual respect. There may have been shaming, abuse and
inappropriate treatment where anger was very destructive. Acting
respectably and being respectful creates an integrity that commands
respect. How can I create a healthy relationship with my anger and how
do I practice mutual respect in my relationships?
43.
Relationships heal when I accept my partners strengths and
liabilities. Discuss honesty within intimate communication.

44.
Love addiction may be based on fear of abandonment, deep
shame, or a need for approval. When I make decisions based on what my

partner wants, I can lose myself in the process. Do I have a pattern of
people pleasing and how can I stay true to myself in my partnership?
45.
Am I still holding onto unhealthy intimacy issues that keep showing
up in my current relationships/partnerships?
46.
In what ways have I left unfinished business with my partner and
let things fester?

47.
How can I survive the pain of withdrawal during the break ups and
how can I detach with love?

48.
What beauty in my recovery contributes to the positive growth in
my relationships /partnerships?
49.
What are my dating/relationship deal breakers and how do they
keep me focused?
50.
Healthy sexuality and genital sex is the ability to freely express
erotic feelings. Confront impotence and pre-orgasmic conditions by
reviewing sexual information and resources to explore new techniques.
Do I still have unresolved issues of control and power in sex?

Master 50 Topics & Questions

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Master 50 Topics & Questions

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Description:

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Master 50 Topics & Questions

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

SLAA HOW DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS SKYPE MEETING

THURSDAY 20:30 21:30 London time

presence. A sense of wonder emerges if we are present to our lives. What

Do I know how fast or slow to go in relationships?

Healthy Sexuality and Self-image is a positive self-perception that

Some of us try to reach a place of body image perfection through

food, exercise, clothing, excessive make-up and plastic surgery. I may

Healthy Sexuality and Self-definition is clear knowledge of myself,

Am I ready to let go of any fantasy relationships or finding the one

in order to accept a real relationship?

What does 'unavailable' mean in sobriety and do I seek regular

ways to connect with myself and my partner?

Healthy sexuality and partnership is the ability to maintain an

interdependent, equal relationship that is intimate and erotic. This stage

Many of us learned about unhealthy relationships in our families of

primary care givers. How has recovery impacted my own parenting

Healthy Sexuality and Knowledge is a base about sex in general

and about my own unique sexual patterns. This area encourages me to

How do I meet potential partners without re-entering into painful,

unhealthy patterns and environments?

Having fun in relationships can sometimes really feel like hard

Healthy sexuality and comfort is the capacity to be at ease about

Healthy Sexuality in relationships is also the capacity to have

Healthy conflict can be one of the most positive forms of intimacy.

Sharing confidently and respectfully shows I value the partnership.

Healthy Sexuality and Passion is the capacity to express deeply

held feelings of desire and meaning about my sexual self, relationship,

Honoring grief at the end of a relationship honors myself. I may

grieve the loss of the emotional attachment, companionship, maybe

How do I keep my Higher Power in the bedroom?

Abandonment, betrayal and sexual exploitation by someone in a

position of trust may lead me to an unconscious commitment never to

Healthy sexuality and non-genital sex is the ability to express erotic

desire emotionally and physically without the use of my genitals. This

How do I know when to compromise and when to assert my needs?

Discuss the freedom in forgiveness and being forgiven?

Some of us may have experienced spiritual abuse in our family-of-

In what ways have I been unclear about my choices, leaving things

In what ways have I been hyper vigilant in relationships and looked

for things to go wrong?

Do I trust myself and recognize when a potential partner may be

In order to try and save dysfunctional relationships, what measures

In recovery, I can practice top lines which celebrate my sexuality,

Rejection is Gods protection, discuss.

how can I nurture them?

Do I maintain a separate life away from my partner and does this

life include recovery, friends and activities?

Do I know how to ask for help and support outside my partnerships

and am I able to receive it?

In every partnership, there will be times when one partner will

When relationships are in conflict or end, both partners may say

Relationships heal when I accept my partners strengths and

liabilities. Discuss honesty within intimate communication.

Love addiction may be based on fear of abandonment, deep

shame, or a need for approval. When I make decisions based on what my

Am I still holding onto unhealthy intimacy issues that keep showing

In what ways have I left unfinished business with my partner and

let things fester?

how can I detach with love?