King Solomon and The Talking Door

King Solomon and the
Talking Door
by Ahimaaz, Court Historian
Translated and Annotated by

Professor Solomon
Talking Door
by Ahimaaz, Court Historian
Translated and Annotated by

Professor Solomon
Illustrated by Steve Solomon
Copyright © 2010 by Top Hat Press
Professor Solomon is the author of How to Find

Lost Objects, Coney Island, Japan in a Nutshell, etc.
His books may be downloaded free at:
http://www.professorsolomon.com
Talking Door
Y  ,”   , “ 

before you this morning to appeal for justice. Last
night my shop was burgled. The thief broke in
through the front door and stole from me a quantity of gold.
In your father’s day, such lawlessness was unheard of. Shall
it thrive under your rule? For the sake of your own honor,
Sire, apprehend this burglar, punish him, and restore to me
my gold.”
“I shall attempt to do so,” said King Solomon, “my honor
being precious to me. Tell me—was anyone present in your
shop last night, who might help identify the burglar?”
“No, Sire. My family and I live in an adjoining building;
and the shop was deserted at the time.”
“Did any of your neighbors see or hear anything?”
“They did not.”
“And you say the burglar broke in through the front
door?”
“Yes.”
“Perhaps then,” said Solomon, “this door of yours should
be questioned. For apparently it was the sole witness to the
break-in.”
“Question the door, Sire? Can such a thing be done?”
“Possibly—with this.” Raising his hand, Solomon dis-
played his ring. “Among the powers my ring gives me is the
ability to speak with birds and beasts, and even with the
fishes of the sea.”*
* An Islamic tradition attributes this power to one of the four
jewels in the ring—a jewel inscribed with the words “All crea-
tures praise the Lord.” The jewel had been given to King Solo-
mon by an angel. In Myths and Legends of Ancient Israel, Angelo
Rappoport relates: “Solomon immediately decided to test the
power of the stone….There were assembled before Solomon all

“But with a door?”
“Why not? I’ve never tried communicating with one. But
here’s a chance to test the ring’s capabilities. Your door has
witnessed a crime. I shall attempt to speak with it and elicit
its testimony. Benaiah, send the herald to this man’s shop.
Have him proclaim to the residents of the neighborhood
the following announcement: ‘In one hour, a unique event
shall take place. A door shall be questioned by the King.’”
Adjourning court, Solomon went into the lounge and
busied himself for an hour with official reports.
Then, accompanied by Captain Benaiah and three other
guards, he left the palace and made his way through the nar-
row lanes of the city.
A small crowd had already gathered in front of the shop.
There was a murmur of expectation as King Solomon arrived.
He approached the door, regarded it with a stern eye, and
raised his ring. “O door, hear me,” he said. “A chief virtue,
in both men and their implements, is trustworthiness. In
that you have failed. For the goldsmith trusted you to safe-
guard his gold—and you let him down. There is a way,
however, whereby you could make amends for your lapse
and restore your honor. Would you care to do so?”
Solomon put his ear to the door and listened. Then he
turned to the crowd and said: “The door says that, yes, it
would like to make amends.” Turning back to the door,
Solomon said: “Tell me then, O door, who was the thief?”
Again he put his ear to the door. Beside him, Benaiah was
watching with amazement.
“Hmm,” said Solomon. “The door says it doesn’t know
the man’s name. Very well, then, can you describe him?…
How’s that? Speak up, please….I see, I see. The door informs
sorts of creatures, from the elephant to the smallest worm, and

also all sorts of fishes and birds. Solomon conversed with them
and was instructed in all their different habits. He also listened
to their complaints and rectified many abuses and evil customs
amongst the beasts, birds, and fishes. It was, however, with the
birds that he entertained himself longest, both on account of
their beautiful and melodious speech, which he understood as
well as the language of man, and the sentences full of wisdom
which they uttered.”

me that the night was moonless and the burglar’s features
were obscured by darkness. O door, is there anything you
can tell me? Anything whatsoever that might lead to the
apprehension of this man?”
Solomon pressed his ear to the door and listened intently.
“Ah!” he said, turning to face the crowd. “Now that’s
something. The door recalls that upon entering the shop,
the man brushed up against a cobweb—which clung to his
cap and may be clinging to it still.”
Solomon was peering into the crowd. Suddenly he cried:
“Aha!” And pointing to a man in a red cap, he said: “Guards,
arrest that fellow. Who just now reached up to touch his cap.”
The guards waded into the crowd, grabbed the man, and
brought him before the king.
Solomon glared at him and said: “Your fear of discovery,
my friend, disclosed your guilt. A fear, by the way, that was
baseless. For that cobweb existed solely in my imagina-
tion.”
The man fell to his knees. “O King,” he said, “I confess
to the crime. It was I who broke into the shop and stole the
gold. Have mercy on me. I shall return the gold and live
honestly for the rest of my days.”
“We’ll discuss mercy at some later date. For now I’m
going to toss you into a cell. As a warning to those who
would steal the property of another, and promote lawless-
ness in the realm.”
The guards led the thief away. And the crowd began to
disperse.
Solomon was rubbing his ring and looking pleased with
himself. Captain Benaiah gave him a knowing look. “So,”
said Benaiah, “talking with the door, were you? Testing the
capabilities of the ring, were you? O you’re a sly one! Well,
Your Highness, I too can talk with doors—and require no
ring to do so. Watch me now.”
Smirking like a schoolboy, Benaiah stepped up to the
door. He grasped the handle and shook it, as if shaking
hands.
“Hello there, Mr. Door. A pleasure to meet you. How’s
everything?” He put his ear to the door and listened. “Oh
really? Glad to hear it. All right, see you around. And have

a nice day.”
Benaiah waved to the door, chuckled, and rejoined Solo-
mon.
“I have to hand it to you, Sire. ’Twas a clever ruse.”
“What ruse was that?”
“You know, pretending to question the door, then spring-
ing that bit about the cobweb. Talking with a door, indeed.
You nearly had me believing it! That ring of yours has pow-
ers. But a door’s a dumb thing—a mere block of wood. And
not even King Solomon’s ring shall lend it a tongue.”
“To the contrary, I was in fact talking with the door.”
“You were?”
“You’re right, though—I did employ a ruse. For as the
door spoke, I misreported what it was saying. Actually, it
told me the thief ’s name, described him, and indicated his
location in the crowd. But the door’s testimony was prob-
lematical.”
“How so?”
“It was insufficient to establish guilt. For our law requires,
in a criminal case, at least two witnesses. After all, the door
might have been falsely accusing the man. Or it might have
misidentified him in the dark. Moreover, a door’s testimo-
ny is probably inadmissible as evidence. After all, is not a
witness required to be sentient? Given these concerns, I
needed something more—I needed a confession. So I sup-
pressed its testimony and made up that business about a
cobweb. The idea was to trick the thief into incriminating
himself.”
“And trick him you did, Sire. With a craftiness one does
not expect in a judge.”
Solomon gave him a look of mock innocence. “What bet-
ter means than a man’s own guilt—when the scales of
justice need a tilt?”

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King Solomon and the

Translated and Annotated by

Translated and Annotated by

Copyright © 2010 by Top Hat Press

Professor Solomon is the author of How to Find

Y  ,”   , “ 

sorts of creatures, from the elephant to the smallest worm, and

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