InstructorGuide
InstructorGuide
InstructorGuide
Conflict Resolution:
Dealing With Difficult
People
Instructor
Career Development Training
Fully
Unlimited Number of Users
Customizable
No Annual Renewal Fees
Print on
Demand
Instructor Guide
Dealing with Difficult
Guide
COPYRIGHT
All rights reserved world-wide under International and Pan-American
copyright agreements. No part of this document can be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise
without the prior written permission of Velsoft Training Materials, Inc.
Courseware Version: 3.0
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Preface................................................................................1
Understanding Your Training Package..........................................................................1
Preparing for Training.................................................................................................. 2
Our Top 10 Training Tips..............................................................................................3
Materials Required....................................................................................................... 4
Related Courses........................................................................................................... 4
Additional Resources................................................................................................... 4
Agenda................................................................................5
Icebreaker: Scrap It!.................................................................................................... 6
Session One: Course Overview....................................................................................7
Session Two: Conflict as Communication...................................................................10
Defining Conflict................................................................................................. 10
Self-Assessment................................................................................................. 13
Session Three: Benefits of Confrontation...................................................................16
Session Four: Preventing Problems............................................................................18
Overview............................................................................................................ 18
Group Discussion................................................................................................ 19
Break.................................................................................................................. 19
Debrief............................................................................................................... 19
Session Five: Getting Focused...................................................................................21
Getting to the Heart of the Matter......................................................................21
The Three Fs...................................................................................................... 23
Session Six: Managing Anger.....................................................................................24
Coping Strategies...............................................................................................24
Guidelines for Assertive Anger...........................................................................26
Morning Wrap-Up....................................................................................................... 28
Lunch......................................................................................................................... 28
Energizer: Tri-Dents................................................................................................... 28
Session Seven: Dealing with Problems......................................................................29
Dealing with Problems........................................................................................29
Debrief............................................................................................................... 30
Causes of Difficult Behavior................................................................................31
Session Eight: The Three-Step Conflict Resolution Model..........................................32
The Three-Step Model......................................................................................... 32
Getting the Hang of Things.................................................................................34
Break......................................................................................................................... 34
Session Nine: Practice Makes Pretty Good.................................................................35
Planning............................................................................................................. 35
Practice.............................................................................................................. 36
Session Ten: Changing Yourself..................................................................................37
Negative vs. Positive Interactions.......................................................................37
Dealing with Negative Feelings...........................................................................39
Session Eleven: Why Dont People Do What They Are Supposed To?.........................41
Session Twelve: De-Stress Options to Use When Things Get Ugly.............................42
Workshop Wrap-Up.................................................................................................... 44
PREFACE
Understanding Your Training Package
Arrive at least one hour before the start of the session to ensure that:
o Signs are placed directing trainees to your room.
o The classroom is set up as desired.
o You know where washrooms, break facilities, smoking areas, and fire
exits are located.
o You have all necessary resources for the day.
o Materials for the morning are laid out, particularly for the
icebreaker.
o Pens, sticky notes, and scrap paper are placed at every table.
o If you are using a laptop, it should be connected to the projector
and both items should be turned on.
Although we will provide advice throughout the workshop, there are a few
tips that we think every trainer should know.
1. I always shake hands with each participant and introduce myself
as they come into the classroom. I find that it breaks the ice and sets
the type of friendly atmosphere that is conducive to learning.
2. I always practice before the big day, even if I have delivered the
course beforehand.
3. Bring extra activities with you. I have a list of childrens games that
Ive adjusted for adults.
4. Always have a backup plan! For example, if you plan to use
PowerPoint slides, make sure you have a copy of the Instructor Guide,
which includes the information to be covered.
5. I like to print my instructor guide and place it in a three-ring
binder. I put any customized information in here, plus during the
workshop I make notes about what worked and what didnt. This will be
a resource that you can build on in the future too!
6. Things will go wrong during your workshop. If you are well prepared
and confident, you should be able to resolve most situations quickly
and easily. Try not to let participants see you stressed!
7. Involve participants as much as you can. Have them help you set
the agenda, guide activities (by passing out or collecting forms, for
example), lead discussions, and improve the course. The more
participants put into it, the more they will get out of it.
8. Be ready to learn. I have not yet taught a workshop where I didnt
learn something. Challenge yourself!
9. Tie everything back to the workplace. Its no good knowing
information unless participants know how to use it.
10.
And finally dont be afraid to have fun! I always bring a few
fuzzy toys with me. I use them as a speaking hat during discussions
whoever is speaking has the toy. Plus, it sparks creativity and keeps
participants interested.
Materials Required
o
o
o
o
o
o
Related Courses
o Building Your Assertiveness and Self-Esteem Skills
o Communication Strategies
o Conflict Resolution - Getting Along in the Workplace
Additional Resources
If you would like more information on training, Velsoft offers Train-the-Trainer
courses at several different levels. We also like the following books:
o The Trainers Tool Kit, by Cy Charney and Kathy Conway
o Diversity Training, by Cris Wildermuth
o Games that Teach, by Steve Sugar
o Sivasailam Thiagarajans books on games and activities
AGENDA
8:30-8:45
8:45-9:00
9:00-9:30
9:30-9:45
9:45-10:45
10:45-11:15
11:15-11:45
11:45-12:00
Morning Wrap-Up
12:00-1:00
Lunch
1:00-1:15
Energizer: Tri-Dents
1:15-2:00
2:00-2:30
2:30-2:45
Break
2:45-3:15
3:15-3:45
3:45-4:00
4:00-4:15
4:15-4:30
Workshop Wrap-Up
Now, bring the group back together and combine all the objectives gathered
onto a flip chart. What seems to be the conclusion?
Housekeeping Items
Let participants know:
o When the workshop will end
o When breaks and lunch will be
o Where they can find break and restroom facilities
o Where fire exits are and what will happen if there is an emergency
o What the buildings smoking policy is
o How you would like cell phones to be handled, although this should
be agreed upon by all participants
o What the classroom food and drink policy is
Agenda Review
Present the agenda as a handout, PowerPoint slide, or on flip chart. Review
the topics and the timeline.
Here is how our in-house trainer handles some common concerns.
This looks like a lot of information. Will we be able to cover it all?
Reassure participants that todays timeline is indeed feasible. If issues arise,
promise that you will involve participants in solving the problem, rather than
cutting out topics or breaks autocratically.
Wed rather spend more time on x rather than y. Is that possible?
If it is at all possible, accept suggestions like these. For example, you may be
able to move an activity (particularly discussion activities) from one topic to
another. Make a few minutes before the session to prepare.
I was expecting to discuss _______. Is it included in todays course?
If it is included, reassure participants and let them know when it will be
covered. If its not included, suggest resources or provide additional
information. If you dont have the answers, promise participants that you will
track the information down and get it to them as soon as possible. (Give a
timeline if you can.)
Course Overview
Ask students to turn to Session One in their workbooks. Read the introduction
below.
Workbook Material
We can get into a routine where it feels like everyone we speak with is
either having a bad day, or we are having a bad day ourselves. We feel
like we constantly meet people who seem to be inconsiderate, stubborn,
incorrigible, indecent, miserable, or passive-aggressive. Sometimes we
can be equally awkward ourselves. While it might seem that the easiest
remedy is to lock yourself up at home and avoid people, we eventually
have to pick up the phone or step outside and interact with someone.
Success comes from understanding how we behave, as well as how we
can influence others. If difficult interactions are necessary, and we
approach those conversations with a plan, we will find that we have less
difficult people to deal with. More often than not, we will also have more
meaningful and significant conversations. In this workshop, you will learn
how to turn difficult situations into opportunities for growth.
Learning Objectives
At the end of this workshop, you will be able to:
o Recognize how your own attitudes and actions affect others.
o Find new and effective techniques for dealing with difficult people.
o Learn some techniques for managing and dealing with anger.
o Develop coping strategies for dealing with difficult people and
difficult situations.
Give participants a moment to write down their own learning objectives in
their workbook.
Action Plans and Evaluations
Next, pass out evaluations and action plans. (Both of these items are in the
Handouts folder and the Student Manual.) Ask participants to work on these
throughout the day. They will also have a few minutes at the end of the
workshop to finalize their ideas.
10
Defining Conflict
(15 minutes)
Handy Quotes
Woody Allen, celebrated American entertainer
One of my problems is that I internalize everything. I cant express anger. I
grow a tumor instead.
Understanding Conflict
Conflict is a very normal part of healthy relationships. Its not possible for
everyone to agree about everything all the time, and to do so can squash
creativity and innovation. What is important, then, is to learn how to manage
disagreements so that they do not harm relationships. By learning skills to
manage conflict, you can approach disagreements with confidence that
keeps your personal and professional relationships strong.
Another way to look at dealing with difficult people is to realize that we need
to have conversations about accountability. If you consider that holding
people accountable (i.e., they are taking responsibility for their actions and
results) is a part of your role as a supervisor or at home as a spouse or
parent, then these conversations are a part of life. Holding people
accountable may or may not become a confrontation, but it is necessary
nonetheless. If we avoid these sometimes difficult conversations because we
do not like them, consider for a moment whether or not you are valuing that
person as a contributor at work or home. If you value them, you are more
likely to have these conversations because of your respect for the other
individual. We also have to have these conversations with people we do not
like for the same reasons.
When you are dealing with difficult people whom you also do not like (we all
have people who can rub us the wrong way!), we have an important tip for
you before you enter that important conversation. Find something that you
like about that person, and you will be able to frame the conversation
positively. It doesnt matter what the positive attribute is: they offer good
11
insight in meetings, they are always on time, they meet deadlines, they bring
great lunches just find SOMETHING that you can connect to positively. We
guarantee that your conversation will be less likely to get off track and
become difficult.
Do We Have To Fight?
People want to be understood and supported. Some of them also want to be
nurtured as they progress through life and along their career path. Conflict
arises from the differences between people; it flares up when people
disagree over something related to their values, motivation, and perception
of things or their ideas. From the outside, these differences can look
insignificant, but from the inside (or the perspective of the people involved in
the conflict) the issues that are at the core of the problem can trigger strong
emotions and are very significant.
If you consider the conflicting need for safety versus the desire to challenge
and take risks (a frequent conflict between young children and their parents),
the conflict becomes readily apparent. The child wants to explore and so the
need to move as quickly as possible on stairs becomes their focus. The
parent is responsible for the childs safety, so they limit the childs access to
the staircase. This limited access becomes the conflict, as the child wants to
explore, and the parent wants to avoid bruises and broken bones.
Whether at home or in the workplace, we have to consider that both parties
needs play an important role in the success of the relationship. Each side
deserves respect and consideration. A lack of understanding can contribute
to arguments, low productivity, and continued disputes. This in turn can lead
to the total breakdown of important relationships.
When you acknowledge the legitimacy of conflict and are willing to examine
issues in a cooperative environment, you can open the door to creative
problem solving, more cohesive teams, and improved relationships.
Developing a method to cope and work through conflict empowers people to
take control of the outcomes and to contribute strongly to effective teams.
What is A Conflict?
12
On the other hand, you may be in a situation where you feel threatened or
somehow unsafe, or you decide that the relationship is not one that you want
to foster, and then walk away. You can reschedule the conversation when
everyones temper has been restored, or you can choose to get some help
(i.e. through mediation, your manager, or an HR specialist) with the situation.
13
Self-Assessment
(15 minutes)
Activity Ideas
Ask participants to complete the self-assessment, and then discuss
afterward to see if they have any questions.
Note there is sometimes feedback on Question 4. The truth is that
everyone is motivated, but we can be working with people who are not
motivated to do what we want them to do in the workplace.
This assessment will help you to determine your preferences for involvement
in dealing with difficult people, and taking on those challenging
conversations. Answer each question with yes or no. Scoring directions follow
the assessment.
14
15
Questionnaire
Ye
s
1. Instead of getting into an argument, I put off certain
discussions.
2. When someone doesnt deliver on a promise, I judge them
more quickly than I should.
3. Sometimes I bring up difficult subjects in a way that makes
people defensive.
4. Lets be honest: there are people I deal with who simply
cannot be motivated.
5. When someone is struggling, I tend to offer advice, even
though they may just want to have someone listen to their
ideas.
6. When discussing problems, I sometimes get sidetracked and
miss the actual problem.
7. There are some people I simply cannot work with.
8. Sometimes its not them being difficult, its me.
9. I prefer to just jump in and have the conversation, rather
than spending a lot of time planning for it.
10.
I know that I have to have these conversations, but I do
not have to like them.
Scoring
Add up the number of times you answered yes and have a look at the
explanations below.
o 7-10: This course is perfect for you. Dont let your attention
wander!
o 4-6: Youre in the right place for help, and youre going to learn
some things.
o 1-3: Youre managing well and likely successful in dealing with
difficult people.
N
o
16
17
Discussion Points
Workbook and Slide Material
Ask participants to think of their difficult person who they identified in
their pre-assignment. Discuss these questions:
o How do they approach you?
o How do you approach them?
o In terms of a reciprocal relationship, what kind of expectations do
they have in interactions with you?
o What could you do to improve that relationship?
Another point to ponder: How do you think we can achieve better results
or performance from our employees, clients or colleagues?
Some ideas:
o Expect more and you get more, especially if you are clear about
what your expectations are at the outset.
o Offer sincere praise and/or thanks for things that people do well.
o Be aware of and act on destructive cycles in your conversations
with clients. Be accountable for making a break from that cycle.
18
Overview
(15 minutes)
The Importance of Empathy
We can do a lot to keep problems from happening in the first place. If you
develop your empathizing skills, you can put yourself in the other persons
shoes even though you do not have to agree with them. If you are practicing
being empathetic (and we recommend that you do) you should avoid
phrases like, I agree or, Yes, thats true. Dont reinforce a concern, either.
You can simply express your empathy by rephrasing the key topic of the
persons statement.
Some phrases you might use include:
o "I hear
o "I understand"
o "I think you're saying"
The concept of rephrasing before answering gives you:
o A chance to empathize with the concerns
o An opportunity to show the person that you understand the concern
o A moment to think of an appropriate response
Its also important to check to be sure the individual is satisfied with your
level of understanding or your explanation. Your ability to empathize will play
an important role in your overall communication skills and your ability to
foster a positive and productive environment.
Dangerous Misconceptions
Although we believe that we are being clear when we speak, were not
always being as efficient as we think. Here are some important
misconceptions for you to keep in mind when you are having a conversation:
o People always pay attention when you are speaking to them.
o When people say they are paying attention, they really are.
o When someone says "I know", they really do.
19
o Saying something over and over will ensure that your listener
understands.
o Saying something over and over, slowly or loudly, will be even more
effective.
20
Group Discussion
(15 minutes)
Activity Ideas
Divide the class up into small groups. Ask them to brainstorm additional
methods of preventing problems that they have found successful.
Break
(15 minutes)
Debrief
(15 minutes)
Bring participants back together and have them share their ideas. We have
included some talking points on the next page.
21
Discussion Points
Slide Material
Look at non-verbal communication.
Refusing eye contact, red face, clenched hands, and arms crossed can all
indicate negative feelings.
Reading between the lines.
This is more difficult. We have to listen to what the person isnt saying as
well as what they are saying. Do they sound angry, defensive, or put
upon? Are they refusing to give an opinion or take action to correct things?
Do you sense a reluctance to do something or confusion over what the
person is to do?
Probing
Probing is a helpful form of open questioning that can lead you to a deeper
level of understanding within your conversations. One of the most
common ways of probing is to ask an open question, such as:
o Can you describe that with more details for me?
o Would you give me a specific example of what you mean?
o What do you think we should do?
The difficulty here is that if you ask too many probing questions, the other
person begins to feel like they are being interrogated. Be careful with what
you ask and how you ask it.
A second, very effective way of probing is to simply pause. Stop talking.
People often do not like silences and will invariably speak up to fill the
silence.
A third way is to ask a reflective question. For example, the person has
just said, What I really want is more variety in my work, and you may
respond by just reflecting back to them, Variety? The reflective question
usually provides you with an expanded answer without you appearing to
ask more questions. Of course, it is best used in conjunction with a pause.
A fourth method that is particularly useful to make certain you are clear
about what the individual has said is paraphrasing what has just been
said, in your own words. Example: So if I understand you correctly, you
22
If the person is perpetually late because they do not set their alarm (and get
up to it) because they really do not care about their job, or they feel
underutilized, or they are being bullied by a co-worker and cannot drag
themselves into the office, then we are getting at the root of the real
problem.
23
If, as leaders, we are content to only deal with the surface issues, and we are
afraid to dig and get at the deeper issues, we will not create a better
workplace. We simply scrape the moss off of the surface, only to have it to
grow back later.
The ability to peel an infraction back to its core takes patience and precision.
Sometimes we dont do this because it can take time to uncover the real
problem. We can often find ourselves in too much of a hurry to do this
properly. At other times, our emotions get involved and we make the decision
that we really dont want to go there, because well also have to deal with
what is bothering us.
If you dont stop to think about the big picture, youll end up either missing
the problem, or going after too many problems at once. To stop yourself from
being over-involved, you must be able to state the problem in a single
sentence. If you make it longer, your conversation will lose focus as soon as
it starts.
24
The Three Fs
(15 minutes)
To get to the heart of the problem, evaluate the 3 Fs: facts, frequency, and
frustrated relationship.
Facts
What are the facts of the issue? Create a list so that you do not get
sidetracked while you plan your conversation. Dont drag in other stories or
unrelated issues that have happened previously. If you are talking to
someone about tardiness, then stick to that and leave things like poor report
writing, gossiping, or not taking care of equipment out of the conversation.
Frequency
Make sure you have a very clear history of the frequency of the issue. In this
case, how often is the individual late? How late are they?
Describe the pattern like this: This is the second time that Ive called this to
your attention. You agreed it would not happen again. Now I am concerned
that I cannot trust you to keep a promise.
Revealing that you notice a pattern brings the history to the forefront. The
history is important because repeated frequency erodes your trust.
Frustrated Relationship
If your real concern is about the relationship, but you only focus on the
pattern, then you are not likely to get the change that you are aiming for. You
have to discuss what is important to you in terms of the relationship. Explain
that when they repeatedly ignore your expectations to be on time, they
arent just demonstrating a lack of commitment to the job. They are eroding
your trust in them, your trust in their ability to do their job, and the
possibility of being trusted with assignments in the future.
25
Coping Strategies
(15 minutes)
Too many people are angry. Workplace violence is an extreme example, but
there are examples everywhere. Even without violence, every day we hear of
managers and co-workers who are mad at each other, their co-workers, their
employees, their bosses, their customers, the company, and the world itself.
Anger interferes with teamwork and productivity. It also contributes to an
environment that is negative, hostile, and frightening.
Companies face legal pressures to prevent this type of environment. From
employees points of view, anger takes the fun out of work. Because anger is
a natural emotion, it would be unrealistic to ask people not to feel it. Instead,
the goal is to help (and sometimes, require) that people deal with their anger
appropriately.
Problems dont come from anger. Problems come from the negative ways
people express anger.
Activity Ideas
Slide and Workbook Material
Ask the group: How can we manage our own anger?
Some possible answers may include:
o Express feelings appropriately and skillfully
o Release your physical tension
o Analyze whats going on
o Address your fears
o Put yourself in charge of you
o Use your emotions effectively
o Approach the situation logically
And remember:
o Dont accuse others of making you angry
o Dont preach at others when you are angry
o Dont bring up past grievances when you are trying to fight fair
26
27
28
29
30
31
Morning Wrap-Up
(11:45-12:00)
Use the last fifteen minutes to answer remaining questions. Key points of the
morning included:
o Defining conflict
o Benefits of walking away versus dealing with the confrontation
o Managing anger
o How to prevent problems
o How to approach a conflict in a focused, calm manner
Lunch
(12:00-1:00)
Energizer: Tri-Dents
(1:00-1:15)
32
Divide the class up into eight groups. Assign each a suggestion. Ask them
to define what we mean and why the suggestion is important. Theyll need
to work quickly, so keep them focused!
33
Debrief
(15 minutes)
Bring the group back together and see what everyone came up with. We
have included some talking points below.
34
Discussion Points
Assess the situation.
Think before you act. Get all the facts and start with a plan, even if it is
sketchy.
Meet the difficult behavior head-on.
Dont bury your head in the sand. This has happened and you must deal
with it.
Stay calm and objective.
Getting emotional will only make matters worse and you may say things
youll regret. Watch for words like but, never, always, and should. There is
no point in waving a red flag in anyones face. Those kinds of words can
inflame the situation rather than contribute to problem solving.
Be upfront with the individual.
The longer you wait, the more difficult things become. Say what needs to
be said.
Make this a two-way conversation.
Make sure that the other individual gets a chance to have their say as
well. Give them that chance earlier rather than later. Then you may have
more facts. They may even say some of the things you wanted to say, but
felt uncomfortable saying.
Try to put yourself in their place and look at the situation from
their point of view.
You need to put yourself in their shoes to see how they are looking at the
problem and to have any chance of understanding it, let alone resolving it.
Flexibility.
This is a useful tool, so use it! Treat this as a learning experience and
accept that this conflict may change the way you see or do things. Thats
okay.
Be tolerant
What a dull world it would be if we were all the same! It may not be your
way, but that doesnt make it a wrong way.
(15 minutes)
35
There are no simple answers about the causes of difficult behavior, because
we human beings can be very complicated. We do know that some causes
include fear (of failure, humiliation, losing power, and/or rejection) and poor
self-esteem. If you add people who are working with drug or addiction issues,
illness (theirs or someone elses), as well as some people having limited
coping skills, we start to get a good idea of what can provoke difficult
behavior. Sometimes, of course, youll run into a combination of factors.
Discussion Points
Ask participants: Can you think of any other causes of difficult behavior?
Some things that drive one person crazy may not bother another person
at all. From this, we may be able to draw another conclusion: that each of
us is quite likely a difficult person for others at times.
What are the characteristics of others that make them difficult for us to
deal with? Put the list on the flip chart as participants suggest them. Some
ideas:
o They are negative
o They whine
o They say hurtful things
What are the weapons they use against us? Anger? Tears? Silence?
Others? Put this list on flip chart also.
The old 80/20 rule (Paretos Rule) says that 80% of our problems will come
from 20% of our employees or our clients. Would you agree with this,
disagree, or have something to share? Record these ideas on the flip
chart.
Encourage participants to reflect on these lists and think about how this
information can help them deal with difficult situations.
Slide and Workbook Material
The questions asked are included on the slides and in the workbook.
36
Step 1: Research
We have covered the elements for Step One in Session Five.
Step 2: Presentation
37
This is where you will invite your difficult person into a conversation. In doing
so, it is important to create a safe zone for the conversation to take place. A
safe zone is a place where other people cannot eavesdrop on your
conversation. (Tip: Use a meeting room if you do not have an office.) It is also
a zone where you, as host, need to feel safe. If history says that this
individual is unpredictable, you may want to have an HR consultant or union
representative present.
It is important that any guests to the meeting are there to simply observe
and take notes, and that the conversation is between only you and your
difficult person if possible.
The safe zone is also about trust and respect. If there is no mutual respect
between you and your difficult person, you may have to take time to
establish a few rules at the beginning of the meeting. For example, We will
control our tempers and language during the conversation, means that you
start with an agreement to treat each other respectfully.
Next, you describe the behavior gap using the facts, frequency, and
frustrated relationship language that you learned in Step 1.
Finally, you must make it easy. This may seem like a Zen statement and
also bother some of you, but it is also the sign of a very competent leader.
Make the conversation easy on them and make it easy for them to comply
with your requests. If there are barriers to the difficult person improving,
your job is to remove those barriers. If they are having trouble getting
motivated, your job is to help them find the motivation within and work with
it.
There is nothing helpful or noble if you make things harder for people, so
take this step seriously. (Youll see that it works great with teenagers, too, if
you happen to have any!) Explore the barriers together. Ask the individual
what they think they can do and what is possible. Dont follow your natural
tendency to tell them what to do or to give tasks they dont want to someone
else. The work still has to be done. Your role is to enable them to do it, and
do it to the best of their ability.
Step 3: Take Action
In order to make sure the gap raised in your conversation gets dealt with,
you will need to create an action plan. These action plans are no good
without the difficult persons agreement to deliver. Youll also need to set up
a follow up timetable (daily, weekly, or monthly check-ins) to make sure they
have what they need and can deliver.
38
If the action plan is not followed to the letter, then youll know that it is time
to take things to the next level. This might mean that you must start careeraltering conversations with your difficult person. Those second-level
conversations are rarely needed when you determine that your action plan is
appropriate and that you and the difficult person had the tools to succeed.
39
Break
(2:30-2:45)
40
Planning
(15 minutes)
Activity Ideas
Slide Material
Have students work with their pre-assignment and map out the
circumstances using the three-step model. If they do not have an actual
example, encourage them to select someone they dont actually have to
deal with, an example at home, or create something entirely fictional. Its
the process that is important here, and we want them to experience it.
Workbook Material
41
Practice
(15 minutes)
Activity Ideas
Have participants find a partner (someone they have not worked with yet)
and present their plan on how they will deal with a specific, difficult
person. Do not let them speak in general or third party terms: they need
to be applying the steps to a very specific example, and only make up the
research facts that they may not know at this time.
They can each role play their example for their partner. Each person
should offer feedback on statements they make, how they handle
describing the behavior gap, etc.
If time allows and there is a pair working very well, have them
demonstrate their role play to the class.
Workbook Material
42
43
Handy Quotes
Unknown
If it is to be, its up to me.
You are the one in the best position to change a negative cycle to a positive
one, and youll find it an easier task when you start with a plan. Our spur of
the moment reactions often dont work out that well. You can use the threestep process as a guide any time you have a tough meeting coming up with
an employee or with a client.
Weve also got to be realistic. There is an old expression that says the best
laid plans of mice and men (and managers) do not all turn out as well as
wed like.
Discussion Points
o When should you call for a time out? Answers might include when
you are getting emotional, when you have been asked a tough
question for which you arent prepared, or when the other person
is emotional or unprepared.
o When should you walk away from a conversation, or when should
you decide enough is enough when you are considering
employee performance?
o Does this organization need a policy for dealing with those
difficult people who heap verbal abuse on people, or do you have
one already? If you have one already, is it used properly?
Slide and Workbook Material
The questions asked are included on the slides and in the workbook.
44
One of the most important things that you can do to deal with your negative
feelings is to have a support group people you can go to and just talk about
how you feel. In your organization, do you feel you have that kind of support?
45
Do all staff have that kind of support? (This is very different from gossiping;
confidentiality is a big factor here.)
However great your support system is at home, others will rarely be able to
understand just how you feel as well as someone who is working within the
same culture and walking in a similar pair of shoes. Part of your action plan
for the end of today may be to work with others to create a safe haven (a
partner or confidante or some other support mechanism) where you can let
off steam and pent up emotion.
46
47
Laughter
48
Laugher is the best medicine of all. A good belly laugh can lower blood
pressure, slow your adrenaline, and reverse the stomach acid that comes
with negative responses. Be on the lookout for jokes and cartoons you can
share with family and friends. During a meeting with your difficult person,
you may find that humor helps to defuse the situation; laugh at yourself (not
the other person, which is insulting).
General Coping Thoughts When Things Get Messy
49
Workshop Wrap-Up
(4:15-4:30)
Take the last fifteen minutes for a quick review and to answer any questions
the class may have.
In closing:
o Dealing with difficult people can seem very daunting, but hopefully
the model that we have learned today, combined with some very
clear actions that you can take, will help those times to be less
difficult.
o Using these techniques and getting comfortable with them will
mean that you are developing stronger communication skills, that
your own expectations are clearly stated, and that you will have less
of these difficult conversations in your future.
This is also a good time to help participants wrap up their action plans,
collect evaluations, and to pass out certificates.
Trainers Tip
If you havent provided students with the Student Manual, print out the
Recommended Reading List and give it to participants as a bonus.
50