Friendship In St Augustine

St Augustine and his friends

At the far end of the great Basilica of St Peters, beyond the high altar and below the
stained glass window of the Holy Spirit, is the chair of St Peter. No doubt St Peter never
sat in it nor saw it but that is not really the point. There it is a sy!bol of the apostolic
church gifted with the authority given it by the "ord. #rouped round the chair are the
four huge and powerful statues of four of the great early doctors of the $hurch. %epicted
there are &ero!e, Basil, &ohn $hrysosto!, Basil and Augustine. Their presence there is
not !erely decorative, these four were !en whose thought, teaching and spirituality
shaped and for!ed the $hurch as it 'ourneyed ever !ore deeply into the !ystery of
$hrist and the co!!unity which he brought into being. (an)ing in influence only after
Paul and the early apostolic co!!unity, these teachers left an i!print which re!ains
clearly visible in the life of the $hurch today. They truly represent the great thin)ers who
uphold the living tradition sy!bolised in the chair of Peter.
*acing the group, the powerful, swirling figure on ones left is Augustine, holding so!e
of the sy!bols which identify hi! in our iconography. +henever , a! in (o!e, , always
go to spend so!e ti!e 'ust loo)ing at the statue and , a! always i!pressed by it, even
awed by it. , have, however, co!e to feel that it represents only part of the co!ple-
person Augustine was and is. The statue e-presses so!ething of the towering intellect,
the creative i!agination, the energetic teacher and preacher. Here, , feel is one of the
giants of the $hristian story. And so he is. So , stand in front of the statue and !arvel
not only at the physical si.e but also at the intellectual and spiritual stature which is
represented. And yet , always feel that so!ething is !issing. The statue spea)s of one ,
can ad!ire, but fro! afar it spea)s of one , can respect, but fro! a very lowly position/ it
spea)s of one fro! who! , can learn, but not as fro! an e0ual.
+hile , a! i!pressed and gain so!ething fro! this dyna!ic portrait of Augustine, , find
that , a! !ore touched by the frescos of the life of Augustine which can be seen in San
#i!ignano. Here is a gentler and !ore approachable picture of Augustine which gives a
balance to the St Peters statue. 1ne of the pictures which stays in !ind is of Augustine
sitting, surrounded by his followers obviously in discussion over so!e passage in the
Scriptures. *or !e, this brings into focus an essential aspect of Augustine, an aspect of
his personality and way of living which lies at the core of his spirituality and at the heart
of any authentic following of Augustinian spirituality, na!ely relationship and friendship.
1ne of the aspects of the character of Augustine which !a)es hi! such an appealing
person is the hu!anity which shines through in what he says and does. (eading the
$onfessions or so!e of the letters, it beco!es very obvious that Augustine was a
person with a passionate nature, a nature which is nurtured by relationships and
friendships. (arely do we get a picture of Augustine in isolation. ,t is true that there is
the inner Augustine who strives alone, who prays alone, who, as all of us !ust
ulti!ately do, faces #od alone. Augustine appreciated that #od alone can fulfil the
longings of the hu!an heart. Augustine, however, found that that inner 'ourney and
inner searching could be initiated, pro!pted and supported by the co!pany of friends.
His war!, affectionate and passionate nature needed hu!an co!panionship and love
but, after his conversion, he began to understand the deeper significance and purpose
of these friendships.
*ro! the outset of his life Augustine is always to be found in the co!pany of others.
The early parts of the $onfessions refer fre0uently to his need to be with others, it was
part of his nature and, loo)ing bac) on this period, Augustine was able to be realistic
about its dangers but also about its graces/
2et, "ord, , should have owed than)s to 2ou, !y #od and the !ost e-cellent $reator
and (uler of the 3niverse, even if it had been 2our will that , should not live beyond
boyhood. *or even then , was4 , lived4 , felt/ even so early , had an instinct for the care
of !y own being, a trace in !e of that !ost profound 3nity whence !y being was
derived4 in !y interior sense , )ept guard over the integrity of !y outward sense
perception, and in !y s!all thoughts upon s!all !atters , had co!e to delight in the
truth. , hated to be wrong, had a vigorous !e!ory, was well trained in speech,
delighted in friendship, shunned pain, !eanness and ignorance. ,n so s!all a creature
was not all this ad!irable and reason for praise5
$onf 6/76
The grace of his nature, however, was also the source of his sin. His desire and need
for friendships brought out in Augustine that all too fre0uent desire in young !ales to be
8one of the lads9. He records that he stole food and drin) fro! his parents, disobeyed
and lied to spend ti!e with his friends, cheated at ga!es, s0uabbled with his
co!panions and allowed hi!self to be drawn in to actions and behaviour which he
)new to be wrong. The fa!ous incident of the fruit stealing su!s it up/
There was a pear tree near our vineyard, heavy with fruit, but fruit that was not
particularly te!pting either to loo) at or to taste. A group of young blac)guards, and ,
a!ong the!, went out to )noc) down the pears and carry the! off late one night, for it
was our bad habit to carry on our ga!es in the street till very late. +e carried off an
i!!ense load of pears, not to eat : for we barely tasted the! before throwing the! to
the hogs. 1ur only pleasure in doing it was that it was forbidden . . . Now : as , thin)
bac) on the state of !ind then : , a! altogether certain that , would not have done it
alone. Perhaps then what , really loved was the co!panionship of those with who! ,
did it. . . Since the pleasure , got was not in the pears, it !ust have been in the cri!e
itself, and put there by the co!panionship of others sinning with !e. . .+e laughed
together as if our hearts were tic)led to be playing a tric) upon the owners, who had no
notion what we were doing and would have strongly ob'ected.
$onf. ;/<66
(eflecting on it, Augustine cries/
1 friendship unfriendly, unanalysable attraction for the !ind, greediness to do
da!age for the !ere sport and 'est of it. . . So!eone cries, 8$o!e on, lets do it
: and we would be asha!ed to be asha!ed.9
$onf. ;/6=
This desire for friendship, he writes 8>y longing then was to love and be loved 9?$onf ,ll.
6@, He desired to be accepted, to be ad!ired and to achieve/
, went headlong on !y course, so blinded that , was asha!ed a!ong the other
youths that !y viciousness was less than theirs4 , heard the! boasting of their e-ploits,
and the viler the e-ploits the louder the boasting4 and , set about the sa!e e-ploits not
only for the pleasure of the act but for the pleasure of the boasting . . . , grew in vice
through desire of praise4 and when , lac)ed opportunity to e0ual others in vice, ,
invented things , had not done, lest , !ight be held cowardly for being innocent, or
conte!ptible for being chaste.
$onf ;/=
+hat a conte!porary ring that hasA How !any of us who are parents or teachers have
witnessed that sa!e thing in young people : we wont e-plore how !any can identify
through personal e-perienceA
As Augustine grew, the shallowness of these childhood and early adolescent
relationships beca!e !ore and !ore apparent to hi!. This type of 8unfriendly
friendship9 had not brought hi! the peace for which he longed. Augustine e-perienced a
great hunger of the heart, he writes 8*or within !e was a fa!ine9. His friendships began
to change and he searched for friends a!ong those with who! he could find so!e
peace of heart.
A!ong the friends he !ade in early adulthood, none was !ore dear to hi! than one
with a young !an whose na!e he does not give us. 1f this friendship, Augustine says
that it was 8sweeter than all the sweetness of !y life.9
%uring the period in which , first began to teach in the town of !y birth, , had found a
very dear friend, who was pursuing si!ilar studies. He was about !y age, and was now
co!ing, as , was, to the floweringti!e of young !anhood. He had indeed grown up
with !e as a child and we had gone to school together and played together. Neither in
those earlier days nor indeed in the later ti!e of which , now spea) was he a friend in
the truest !eaning of friendship . . . with !e he went astray in error, and !y soul could
not be without hi!.
$on.B/=
+hen this friend beca!e gravely ill, he was reconciled to the $hurch and was baptised.
Augustine ridiculed his friend but his friend rebuffed hi!/
He loo)ed at !e as if , had been his deadly ene!y, and in a burst of independence
which startled !e warned !e that if , wished to continue his friend , !ust cease that
)ind of tal)
$onf B/66
Augustine )ept his silence but planned to resu!e the debate when his friend recovered.
,n the event the friend died shortly after. His death threw Augustine into deep and
overwhel!ing grief.

At this sorrow !y heart was utterly dar)ened, and whatever , loo)ed on was
death.. .>y eyes sought hi! every where. .. and , hated all places because he was not
in the!.
$onf B/B
, !arvelled that he should be dead and , his other self living still. (ightly has a friend
been called 8the half of !y soul9.
$onf B/66
Still wrapped in the pain of his loss, Augustine returned to $arthage. "ater in life
Augustine wrote in one of his letters/
+henever a person is without a friend, not a single thing in the world appears friendly to
hi!
"etter 67C
,n $arthage, Augustine again drew friends around hi!, recording this ti!e he says/
The co!fort , found in other friends : and the pleasure , had with the! in things of
earth : did !uch to repair and re!a)e !e . . . All )inds of things re'oiced !y soul in
their co!pany : to tal) and laugh, and to do other )indness4 to read pleasant boo)s
together4 to pass fro! lightest 'esting to tal) of deepest things and bac) again4 to differ
without rancour, as a person !ight differ with the!selves, and when !ost rarely
dissensions arose, to find our nor!al agree!ent all the sweeter for it 4 to teach each
other and to learn fro! each other.
These and such things )indled a fla!e that fused our very souls together and !ade us
one out of !any.
$onf B/D
Perhaps it was in this e-perience that Augustine began to understand and value
friendship even !ore deeply. Even though in his old age, when he reread what he had
written in the $onfessions, he was very selfcritical of the power of his e!otion, this
friendship was very for!ative in his understanding of friends. ,n his grief he was
co!forted by his friends and later he wrote/
+hen we are weighed down by poverty, and grief !a)es us sad4 when bodily pain
!a)es us restless and e-ile despondent, or when any other grievance afflicts us, if
there be good people at hand who understand the art of re'oicing with the 'oyful and
weeping with the sorrowful, who )now how to spea) a cheerful word and uplift us with
their conversation, then bitterness is for the !ost part !itigated, worries are alleviated,
and our troubles are overco!e.
"etter 67C
A!ong the friends he !ade in this period, two are particularly significant. Nebridius and
Alypius. Nebridius was Augustines co!panion of the !ind. The two had !any
si!ilarities. 1ne writer says of their friendship/
There were !any si!ilarities which drew the! together and !ade possible easy
co!!unication of thought and feeling/ both possessed unusual gifts of intelligence,
shared a 0uest for truth, were of delicate health and apt to e-haust the!selves in study,
were loveable and loving by nature.
>cNa!ara PF=
Nebridius went to ,taly to be with Augustine. There he began to 0uestion aspects of the
>anichean beliefs and the astrology which had captured Augustine and the group of
friends. His intellect gave hi! the power to challenge Augustine and helped to prepare
hi! for the !o!ent of grace in which Augustine was to turn to $hrist. At so!e point
Nebridius returned to Africa. There is so!e correspondence between the two. ,t is filled
with affection and fa!iliarity. Both felt the separation )eenly. Even though Nebridius
wished to 'oin Augustine after his return to Africa, this was not to be.
+hen Nebridius died he lost a friend who was al!ost if not entirely his intellectual
e0ual. The pain of loss was now entirely different fro! that which he e-perienced when
the unna!ed friend died.
Blessed is the !an who loves you, C #od, and his friend in you, and his ene!y for
you. *or he loses no one who is dear to hi!, if all are dear in #od who is never lost.
$onf. B/6B
And with great tenderness, Augustine writes/
And now he lives in Abraha!s boso!. +hatever is !eant by that boso!, there !y
Nebridius lives, !y !ost beloved friend.
$orif </F
Along with Augustine and Nebr'dius there was a third who !ade up the group who
searched for truth, Alypius.
Thus there were together the !ouths of three needy souls, bitterly confessing to one
another their spiritual poverty and waiting upon you that you !ight give the! their food
in due season. And a!idst the bitter disappoint!ents . . . we turned away in the deepest
gloo! saying/ 8How long shall these things be59 This 0uestion was ever on our lips, but
for all that we did not give up our worldly ways, because we still saw no certitude which
it was worth changing our way of life to grasp.
$onf F/6=
,n this restless trio if Nebridius was the friend of Augustines head, Alypius was the
friend of his heart. Both Augustine and Alypius had their wea)nesses and each was
deeply concerned for the change of the other. Alypius, deeply sensitive, )new that his
presence was strength for Augustine. No where is this !ore gently yet powerfully put
than in the story of the dra!atic !o!ent when Augustines heart was pierced/
There was a garden attached to our lodging, of which we had the use. . To this
garden the stor! in !y heart so!ehow brought !e, for there no one could intervene in
the fierce suit , had brought against !yself.. Alypius was close on !y heels4 for it was
still privacy for !e to have hi! near, and how could he leave !e to !yself in that state5
+e found a seat as far as possible fro! the house . . . A !ighty stor! arose within !e,
bringing a !ighty rain of tears. That , !ight give way to !y tears and la!entations, ,
rose fro! Alypius/ for it struc) !e that solitude was !ore suited to the business of
weeping.
He re!ained where we had been sitting, still in utter a!a.e!ent.
$onf G,,, ;H
,t was with Alypius that Augustine first shared the spiritual brea)through which had
occurred and, sharing this with hi!, was for Alypius also the !o!ent of conversion.
+hat could weld two people !ore closely together5 Now the two truly shared the unity
of friendship which Augustine was later to state very clearly/
*riendship has been rightly and with 'ust reverence defined as 8agree!ent on things
hu!an and divine co!bined with good will and love.9
$ontra Acad ,ll 67
After the !o!entous event in >ilan, Augustine retired to $assicaicu!. >any !ight
have gone into solitary retreat but this was not in Augustines nature. He went there with
fa!ily and friends. Here the !i-ture of co!!unity, prayer and study was established.
+e get hints of life at this ti!e fro! the $onfessions and fro! the dialogues which were
recorded. ,t is fascinating to see in the dialogues how the interchange !oved fro! high
theology and philosophy to prayer and to laughter. ,t is beautiful to read of the 'oyous
har!ony which e-isted. 1ne of the insights which a!uses !e !ost is when at one point
in the %ialogue on the Happy "ife Augustine notes 8at this point even !other s!iled9 :
it see!s to !e to tell us so !uch about >onicaA Augustine, his son Adeodatus and
Alypius were baptised on Easter Sunday 7D=. *ro! there they returned to Africa and for
three years lived in a co!!unity of fraternal charity prayer and study. Prior to baptis!
and after Alypius is fre0uently figured in the dialogues which have co!e down to us.
Always he is presented as a close, ad!ired and !uch loved friend. ,n one of his letters,
Augustine wrote/
,n body only, and not in !ind, we are two, so great is the union of hearts, so fir! the
inti!ate friendship subsisting between us.
"etter ;D
The inti!acy of the few years following his conversion could not continue in the sa!e
way after his ordination first as priest and then as bishop. The circle had to widen if
Augustine was to fulfil his pastoral responsibilities. There always re!ained those who
were dear to hi! and they were a support to hi! when he felt weighed down by the
duties which were now his. +riting to &ero!e, he says/
, confess that , readily throw !yself entirely upon the charity of !y friends, especially
when , a! wearied with the scandals of the world, and , can rest in that without an-iety.
,ndeed , feel that #od is there, and , cast !yself on Hi! and rest in Hi! without care. ,n
that carefree state , do not in the least fear the uncertain to!orrow of hu!an frailty . .
+henever , feel a person burning with $hristian charity and love for !e has beco!e !y
friend, when , entrust any of !y plans and thoughts to hi!, , a! entrusting the! not to a
!an, but to Hi! in who! he abides, so as to be li)e Hi!, for #od is love, and the one
who lives in love lives in #od.9
"etter=7
Then in his old age when he was burdened not only with the care of his people in Hippo
but also with the theological disputes which were raging while the society in which he
had lived was falling apart, he wrote in The $ity of #od/
,s not the unfeigned confidence and !utual love of good and true friends our one
solace in hu!an society5
%e $iv %ei 6</D
,nevitably !any of his friends were called on to leave the co!!unity he had established
in Hippo to serve the $hurch in other ways. These separations were not easy for
Augustine. ,n a letter to Novatus, a fellow bishop, he says/
1ne day, you yourself will begin to surrender so!e of the very dearest of those you
have reared, to the needs of the churches situated far fro! you.
,t is then that you will understand the pangs of longing that stab !e on loosing the
physical presence of friends united to !e in dose and sweet inti!acy.
"etter DB
As bishop he developed !any friends and engaged in lengthy correspondence with
!any of the!. He had friends a!ong the nobility, govern!ent officials and scholars.
1ne friendship which is worth !entioning is the friendship he !anaged to establish and,
with no inconsiderable difficulty, !aintain with the so!ewhat crusty &ero!e who was
living in &erusale!. Alypius had !ade contact with &ero!e on Augustines behalf in 7<7.
Both had an ad!iration for the others scholarship. Augustine wrote to &ero!e. &ero!e
had gone to Palestine to study Hebrew with a view to producing a translation of the
Bible using Hebrew sources. Augustine was not convinced of the value of the e-ercise
and e-pressed his reservations to &ero!e. ,n particular the two disagreed over an
interpretation of a te-t in the "etter to the #alatians. The story is co!ple- but
!isunderstanding piled on !isunderstanding. &ero!e wrote to Augustine/
*riendship should be free of all suspicion and one should spea) to a friend as
another self. So!e of !y inti!ates, servants of $hrist, of who! there are !any at
&erusale! and in the holy places, have been suggesting that your conduct was not
single !inded, but that your !otive was a desire of praise and s!all renown and
cheap popularity/ that you wished to gain credit at !y e-pense . . . , a! so not silly as
to thin) !yself in'ured if you have views different fro! !ine. But, if you attac) !y
writings . . and 0uestion the authority of the writer . . . then by that conduct friendship
is in'ured and the bonds of inti!acy bro)en . . 2ou are harassing an old !an4 you are
goading a silent one to speech4 you see! to !a)e a show of your learning. . . , write
this that we !ay not see! to be engaging in a childish contest, and !ay not give
grounds of contention to our !utual supporters or detractors, because , wish to love you
with a pure, $hristian love, and , would not )eep in !y heart anything that differs fro!
!y words.
Augustine wrote to &ero!e/
,f , cannot !ention what see!s to !e faulty in your writing, nor you in !ine, without
suspicion of 'ealousy or in'ury to our friendship, then let us drop this for the sa)e of our
lives and salvation.
"etter =7
He wrote again trying to pacify &ero!e. ,n this letter he also tiled to plead for
understanding between &ero!e and (ufinus after a 0uarrel between the two of the!.
Augustine, so concerned that he !ight not be handling the situation, even went to the
e-tent of as)ing a fellow bishop to review his letters to &ero!e in case there !ight be
anything to offend. %espite this care, &ero!e too) offence. His reply is energetically
waspish/
, have received three letters . . containing what you call in0uiries, but which ,
consider criticis!s of !y wor) . . . , pass over the greetings and co!pli!ents with
which you anoint !y head4 , say nothing of the flattery with which you try to !a)e up
to !e for your reproof of !e. . . %o not go on thin)ing that , a! a !aster of lies . . and
do not stir up against !e a !ob of ignorant people, who respect you as a bishop and
receive you with priestly honour when you preach in the church, but who have little use
for a !an li)e !e, old and al!ost feeble and living an obscure life in a country
!onastery. ,n other words, find yourself so!e other people to teach or criticise.
Augustine replied/
, hope that there !ay reign between us not only the love, but even the freedo! of
friendship, and, if we ob'ect to anything in each others letters, you !ust not fail to
criticise !ine as , shall do yours, but of course it !ust be with such dispositions as do
not displease the eyes of #od in the love of brothers.
"etter D;
,t was ten years before they corresponded again which indicates that Augustines efforts
to regain and retain the friendship of &ero!e had been successful. Perhaps their
friendship was not that of true friends as Augustine would wish but nonetheless there
was friendship to a degree. +hat is !ost significant was the desire of Augustine to
cherish his friendships and his belief that these could only e-ist if there was openness
and honesty and even correction in the relationship. Such is necessary for the de!ands
of love/
"ove and do what you will4 if you hold your peace, of love hold your peace4 if you cry
out, of love cry out4 if you correct, of love correct4 if you spare, spare through love4 let
the root of love be within4 fro! this root nothing can spring but what is good.
ln Ep &o I/D
+hile Augustine gained friendship, he also lost friends4 such brea)downs in
relationships always caused Augustine i!!ense pain. A!ong those whose friendship
was lost was &ulian of Eclanu!. &ulian was the son of Bishop >e!orius, one of
Augustines closest friends. &ulian was a young !an of great pro!ise and, at a young
age, was consecrated bishop of Edanu! by Pope ,nnocent ,. Augustine had high hopes
of the young bishop but &ulian too) up the cause of Pelagius and e!bar)ed on a
ruthless attac) on Augustine. Ti!e and again Augustine reached out to &ulian. ,n one
letter he wrote/
>y dear son, &ulian, , hope, with the help of the "ord. . . to !a)e you understand, if
that be possible, how unfortunate it is for you to believe what you see) to convince
others of. J., have not forgotten your father, >e!orius, of blessed !e!ory, with who!
, was united by a close friendship through letters. ,t was he who inspired !e with a
tenderness for you...
As for !e, in virtue of the tenderness , have for you and which, with the grace of #od,
no insult will ever tear fro! !y heart, , wish ardently, &ulian, !y dearest son, that by a
better and stronger youth, you will triu!ph over yourself.
$ontra &ull 6/;
,t is only when &ulian attac)s >onica that Augustine was !oved to anger/
2our passion for evil speech has led you to insult even !y !other who has hurt
you in no way . . . But is it surprising that you cannot tolerate her5 2ou cannot even
support the grace of #od, that grace which has liberated !y !other fro! this
wea)ness of her youth. , )new your parents4 they were both honest $atholic $hristians,
and , a! happy that they died before seeing you beco!e a hereticA
,t is interesting to note that Augustine had to correspond and relate to a nu!ber of
opponents. +hile he disagreed strongly with their theology, he always spo)e and wrote
with love and concern for the persons involved.
As the end of his life approached it is perhaps surprising that Augustine as)ed to be left
alone. As he prepared to face the Beauty for which he longed he wanted to be left
undisturbed. Throughout his life he had surrounded hi!self with friends, delighting in
their co!pany, discovering #od with the! and in the!. But within Augustine there was
always that recognition of the iso"ation which is the final condition of every !an and
wo!an. The 'ourney with friends leads eventually to a place where the other cannot go.
Augustine )new this and recorded it in the $onfessions/
But as to what , now a! while , a! writing !y $onfessions, there are !any who
desire to )now : both people who )now !e personally, and people who do not, but
they have heard so!ething fro! !e or about !e. 2et they have not their ear at !y
heart, where , a! what , a!. They wish, therefore, to hear fro! !y own confession
what , a! inwardly, where they cannot pierce with eye or ear or !ind. They desire to
)now and are prepared to believe, but will they )now5
$onf 6C/B
,n another place he writes/
Each heart !ust re!ain closed to anothers heart.
This is not a pessi!is! but a realistic appreciation of the uni0ueness and individuality of
each person. %espite the ulti!ate aloneness of the hu!an person, Augustine was
strengthened, consoled and enriched by his friendships throughout his life and he in
turn gave his love to others both in friendship and fraternal charity. These friendships
sustained hi!, drew hi! towards #od but in the end he )new/
2ou have !ade us for yourself, C "ord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in
you.
$onf 6/6
St Augustines Concept of Friendship
Having loo)ed at so!e of the friendships which were so !uch part of Augustines life,
what conclusions can we begin to draw about what this all !eant for hi!5 +hat is the
purpose of friendship5 +hat are the duties of friendship5 +hat are its li!itations5
To begin, fro! where does Augustine draw his thin)ing about friendship5 ,t would see!
that the desire and need for friendship was si!ply part of Augustines nature. He was,
by nature, a passionate !an. His i!!ense intellectual capacity did not !ean that he
was cut off fro! the affective side of his nature. 1ne writer says of Augustine/
,t can truly be said that Augustine was passionate, that he was even too passionate.
His, however, was no si!ple passion. 1ne !ust not suppose that it e-pended itself
fully on lust and anger or other violent e!otions and e-periences. 1f this )ind of
passion he doubtless had his share. Nevertheless, his passion was on the whole less
violent, but !ore sustained4 less disturbing but !ore insistent4 less an appetite of the
senses, but !ore a hunger of the heart.
1>eara The 2oung Augustine
,t can also be said of Augustine that alongside his intellectual genius, he had a genius
for friendship. This natural genius was fostered by his reading of the wor) of $icero on
friendship, this wor) echoed his own thin)ing and desires. The basic tenets of $iceros
e-position are/
*irstly, friendship is an accord of wills, tastes and thoughts. ,t is an har!onious
agree!ent in all things, divine and hu!an and is acco!panied by !utual good will and
affection.
Secondly, true friendship is li!ited to the good. ,t is founded on virtue and presupposes
it. The !ore virtuous the person, the !ore capable the person is of friendship.
Thirdly, love is the cause of friendship.
*ourthly, *riends !ust be truthful with one another, they correct each other. Suspicion
has no place in friendship. 1ne never as)s a friend to do anything which is wrong.
*riendship !ust be entered into slowly and should a friend have incorrigible vices,
the friendship !ust be renounced.
Throughout his writings it is possible to see the thin)ing of $icero shining through what
Augustine says and not a few ti!es he 0uotes directly fro! the writings of $icero. But,
after his conversion and particularly after he has studied and reflected on the writings of
St &ohn, Augustine goes beyond the thin)ing of $icero and brings to his theories
aspects which are specifically $hristian.
*irstly, Augustine sees friendship as a grace. *riendship co!es fro! #od, #od is the
author and giver of friendship. Augustine says/
There is no true friendship unless 2ou weld it between souls that cleave together by
the charity poured forth in our hearts by the Holy Spirit
$onf H/6C
,f you love your brother ?or sister@ who! you see, by that very fact you will also see
#od, because you will see charity itself and #od dwells in the interior.
,n ep &o 6=/D
Secondly, Augustine understands that friendship springs fro! the love of #od
e-pressed to us in $hrist and, therefore can only be !ade secure in $hrist/
2ou did not loo) down on being the friend of the hu!ble and returning the love that
was shown to you. *or what else is friendship but this5 ,t gets its na!e fro! love alone,
is faithful only in $hrist, and in hi! alone can it be eternal and happy.
$on Pel 6/6
,n the $onfessions he writes/
,f souls please you, then love the! in #od because they are !utable in the!selves
but in hi! fir!ly established4 without hi! they would pass and perish.
$onf B/6D
Thirdly, Augustine understands that $hristian friendship is transfigured by grace. +hile
the pagan ideal de!anded that friends should wish for each other the highest !oral
good and natural virtue, $hristian friends not only wish but also pray for supernatural
virtue, spiritual healing and eternal life/
"ove your friends in hi!, and draw as ,!any souls with you to hi! as you can, saying
to the!/ 8Hi! let us love9
$onf B/6D
Knowing the li!its of hu!an power and resource in the face of hu!an pain, Augustine
says/
>y words cannot help the!4 but by praying for the! perhaps , will do the! so!e
good.
En in Ps HB/D
*ourthly, Augustine understands that friendship will only attain its perfection in heaven,
there he says/
+e shall offer praise, we shall all be one in $hrist, directed toward the one #od.
En in Ps 6B=/;D
Augustine also give a greater e!phasis to so!e points which are included in $iceros
thought. Augustine e!phasises that affection for a friend is always acco!panied by
solicitude. ,n the $ity of #od he writes/
The !ore nu!erous are our friends and the !ore scattered the places they live, the
!ore our fears grow and !ultiply at the thought that they !ay have to undergo so!e of
the evils that are so !uch part of this life.
$iv %ei 6</D
Ti!e and again thoughout his long correspondences one sees the evidence of this
solicitude which Augustine had for his friends. This solicitude !ust be acco!panied by
an appreciation of the ways in which to help friends/
"ove is in labour with so!e, beco!es wea) with others4 strives to edify so!e, dreads
to be a cause of offence to others4 stoops to so!e, before others stands with head
erect4 is gentle with so!e and ste! to others4 an ene!y to none, a !other to all.
,n cat rudibus 6H/;7
Augustine saw friendship as a great grace. Not only did it bring the pleasures of hu!an
war!th and love, things which Augustine so needed, it also brought a union with and in
#od. Augustine was acutely aware, after his conversion, when he realised that #od was
within hi! and he outside hi!self, that in the !eeting of friends was either the invitation
to !eet with the indwelling #od or the opportunity to bring another to find the indwelling
#od/
He loves his friend truly who loves #od in hi!, either because #od is already in hi!
or in order that he !ay be in hi!.
Ser!on 7F6/6
+hat Augustine realised was that in every friendship there is a third person, na!ely
#od. 1ne writer says of this understanding of Augustine/
#od is the invisible partner in every relationship, provided he is loved in Hi!self and
in the friend, and in the relationship of love itself/ for our relationships with our hu!an
brothers ?and sisters@ are !eant to be transparent to the divine i!age of #ods life, and
only sin and egois!, those fatal ene!ies of love and friendship, can !a)e opa0ue what
in itself and to the eyes of wisdo! should be translucent.
>cEvoy (echerces de theoloie ancienne et !edievale ",,, ?6<DF@
The recognition of this trinity of love ensures a purity of love, in %e Trinitate Augustine
writes/
Not that the creature ought not to be loved, but if that love is referred to the $reator
then it will not be desire but love. *or it is desire when the creature is loved for itself.
And then it does not help a !an through !a)ing use of it but corrupts hi! in the
en'oying of it.. *or as you ought to en'oy yourself not in yourself but in Hi! who !ade
you, so also hi! who! you love as yourself. "et us en'oy there, both ourselves and our
brethren in the "ord.
%e Trinitate </vii/6;
,f together with !e you hold fir!ly to these two co!!and!ents ?love of #od and
love of neighbour@, our friendship will be true and everlasting, and it will unite us not only
to one another, but to the "ord hi!self
"etter ;HD
+ith the gift of friendship there are responsibilities. "i)e $icero, Augustine believed that
friendships should be entered into with caution and reserve. ,f this is not done the
relationship !ay have a false foundation and !ay, later, have to be dissolved. 1nce of
friendship is established it should not be put to the test but !ust be !aintained in trust
and confidence. Augustine says/
2ou discern your friends countenance with your body, and you discern your own faith
by !eans of your !ind. But your friends faith is not appreciated by you if there is in
you no reciprocating faith by which you !ay believe that there is in hi! what you do not
see.
%e *ide reru! 6/;
%iscern!ent in friendship is i!portant because we entrust our inner!ost selves to a
friend and the confidence to be able to do that is a !ar) of true friendship4
+e can consider that person to have been accepted by us as a friend with who! we
have the courage of sharing our in!ost thoughts.
%e div 0uaes D7/=6
Because of the indwelling of #od, Augustine states that when one entrusts so!ething to
a friend it is, !ore i!portantly, entrusted to #od/
+henever , feel a person burning with $hristian charity and love for !e has beco!e
!y friend, when , entrust any of !y plans and thoughts to hi!, , a! entrusting the! not
to a !an, but to Hi! in who! he abides, so as to be li)e Hi!, Lfor #od is love, and the
one who lives in love lives in #od.9
"etter =7
Augustine !any ti!es spo)e of the need for truth and fran)ness in friendships, without
these no friendship could be real. *riendship is not si!ply a hu!an pleasure, it is a way
in which friends 'ourney together towards the perfection of #od. Therefore it is essential
for a true friend not only to want and pray for the !oral and spiritual welfare of the other
but also to ta)e active steps to help the friend to grow in virtue. "oving correction is,
therefore, essential in true friendship/
No one can be truly a friend to another if he is not first of all a friend of the truth.
+hen , spea) up for your own good, , will be all the !ore fran) with you the !ore , a!
your friend, because , will be all the !ore a friend the !ore , a! faithful to you.
"etter 6HH
>ore than that, the hu!ble acceptance of correction is also a !ar) of true friendship/
, shall !ost gratefully receive a rebu)e offered in such a friendly way.. ,f , receive your
correction cal!ly as a !edicine, , shall not be pained by it.. . And even though because
of a natural or personal wea)ness , cannot help feeling saddened. . . it is better to put
up with the pain while the abscess on the heads is being healed, rather than not be
cured so as to avoid the pain.
"etter =7
Augustine understood that if there was not this truth and honesty in a friendship then the
basis of the friendship is flawed and no real friendship e-ists/
, ta)e no pleasure in being thought by !y dearest friends to be such as , a! not
1bviously they do not love !e, but another in !y na!e, if they love, not what , a!, but
what , a! not.
"etter 6B7
Augustine, therefore, conde!ned flattery. To flatter is to betray. He goes as far as
saying that ene!ies are preferable to flatterers/
So!eone hates his ene!y and pretends friendship for hi!4 he sees hi! do
so!ething evil and praises hi!4 he wants hi! to rush into the dangerous ways of his
passions fro! which he will perhaps not return . . . Another sees his friend do so!ething
si!ilar and calls hi! bac)4 if his friend does not hear hi! he will chastise and rebu)e
hi!. So!eti!es it co!es to this, that we !ust 0uarrel with a friend.
,n Ep &o 6C/=

Not everyone who spares is a friend, nor is everyone who stri)es an ene!y. 8Better are
the wounds of a friend than the proffered )isses of an ene!y. ?Pr ;=/F@ "ove !ingled
with severity is better than deceit with indulgence.
"etter <7
,n friendship prayer and intercession on behalf of the loved ones is a necessity/
"et us strive, then, with the greatest possible effort to bring to Hi! those who! we
love as ourselves
"etter 6HH
*re0uently in his letters Augustine as)s the prayers of his friends/
Surely, you will also re!e!ber to pray attentively for !e, for , do not wish you, out of
regard for the position , occupy, to !y own peril, to deprive !e of the help , recognise
as necessary.
"etter 67C
The love which should e-ist in friendship !ust be based on/
love which is pure and unselfish.
"etter 6HH
The characteristic of such love is the willingness to bear one anothers burdens. The
ability to do this co!es as a grace and fro! the e-a!ple of the "ord/
Nothing could !a)e us willingly ta)e up such a !ighty tas) as carrying the burdens of
others, e-cept it be the consideration of how !uch the "ord has suffered for us.
%e div 0uaes D7
1ne of the aspects of friendship in which Augustine differs fro! the classical concept is
in the range of friendships. $icero would ta)e the view that friendship was confined to a
s!all group and certainly, in his younger days, Augustine would have ta)en a si!ilar
line. His conversion and his later responsibilities in the co!!unity at Hippo and as
bishop gradually changed his view. ,t is probable that he considered a s!all group of
friends as his inti!ates but he began to develop a !uch broader concept. Though his
instinct was for close, inti!ate friends, he ca!e to understand that fa!ilial charity had a
greater dai! than the 'oy and blessings of his earlier friendships.
*riendship !ust not be circu!scribed by narrow li!its. ,t e!braces all those to who!
affection and love are due, even though it goes out !ore readily to so!e and turns
!ore hesitantly towards others. *riendship even e-tends to our ene!ies, for who! we
are also obliged to pray. Therefore, there is no one in the hu!an race to who! love is
not owed, if not by reason of !utual affection, at least because we share a co!!on
hu!an nature. 1n the other hand, it is only right that those especially delight us, by
who! we are !utually loved in a holy and chaste way.
"etter 67C
This gift of love offered to all is in order that they !ay be drawn to #od/
1btain fro! #od the gift to love one another. "ove all !en, even your ene!ies, not
because they are your brothers, but that they !ay be your brothers4 that you !ay at all
ti!es be on fire with brotherly love, either toward hi! who has beco!e your brother, or
toward your ene!y, that, by being loved, he !ay be your brother. +henever you love a
brother you love a friend. Now he is with you, now he is )nit with you in unity. . ,f a !an
is not yet your brother, love hi! to this end, that he !ay be your brother. ,n this way, all
your love is brotherly love, toward $hristians, towards all His !e!bers.
,n Ep &o 6C/=
,n reaching out to !a)e friends by drawing others to $hrist, we di!inish evil and build
up co!!unity/
*or if your ene!y died, you lost an ene!y but you did not find a friend. ,f however his
wic)edness died, then you lost an ene!y and gained a friend.
Ser!on F6
Here we see that longing which so !ar)ed the life of Augustine, his longing for unity and
har!ony. He believed this so deeply that he wondered if the refusal of the unity which
$hrist ca!e to establish was the sin against the Holy Spirit/
And perhaps this is the sin against the Holy Spirit/ through !alice and hatred to
attac) fraternal charity after having received the grace of the Holy Spirit, which sin the
"ord says will be forgiven neither here nor hereafter.
Ser!on ;7
Preparing these two papers has been a challenge but also a 'oy. , have )nown of
Augustine since , was child and over the years been drawn to hi!. ,t is only latterly,
however, that , feel that , have !oved fro! )nowing of hi! to the beginnings of what ,
hope is )nowing hi!. +hat have , found5 , have certainly found the aweso!e intellect
and the powerful energy depicted in the statue in St Peters. ,n this brief survey of the
co!ple-ity of Augustines thought on friendship , have found a !an who over the
centuries still spea)s with power in our own day when friendships and relationships are
all too transitoiy and superficial. , find a !an who spea)s to the church of our need to
build genuine co!!unity based on fa!ilial love and friendship where all are valued and
respected. , find a bishop who is aware of the presence of #od in his people and
respects that #od within the!.
>ost i!portantly for !e, however, , have found a !an with a passion, a genius for love,
a touching vulnerability. , have found so!eone who is a spiritual father, a loved brother
and, please #od, a good friend.
,n all the words and ideas perhaps it can be su!!ed up in that wonderful line fro! the
(ule, a great synthesis of what Augustine believes/
>y dear brothers and sisters, let us be of one !ind and one heart on the way to #od.
(ule 6/;
N,#E" BAG,%#E