http://danbouchelle.blogspot.ro/2012/05/advise-from-christian-pedophile.

html Advice from a Christian Pedophile Last week, when I wrote about the Christian response to Obama and the gay marriage issue (click here to read), I was stunned to get a comment from a self-described non-practicing pedophile calling himself The Pandoran Nox. Even more surprising was how little reaction it drew. Perhaps that is because it was way down a list of nearly 90 comments and only a few readers saw it. Then again, perhaps it was so dumbfounding that no one knew how to respond. Perhaps some doubted it was legit. After-all, who is to say some misguided homophobe didnt create this false identity to argue a point? But, since I believe this person is real and is demonstrating a massive amount of courage to write this comment online, even under a pseudonym, I wanted to give it more attention. This is a voice we dont hear at all. Homosexuals may have come out of the closet but pedophiles have not, NAMBLA notwithstanding. What this man has to say about his desires and how he has had to live with them should factor into our discussion of homosexuality. Im not equating homosexuality with pedophilia, nor am I arguing a slippery slope view as if cultural acceptance of one will inevitably lead to the other (though I worry about that, frankly), but I do believe that both homosexuality and pedophilia are disordered desires which are not consciously chosen and must be faced by many people who wish they would go away. What The Pandoran Nox has to say is significant and challenges us to ask how Jesus would deal with people who seek to follow him but have compulsive desires for things they know are wrong. It also challenges us to move beyond our disgust with sexual taboos in order to love people who wrestle honorably with their brokenness in ways many of us cannot understand. The church should have a place for people who wrestle with every sin, but that does not mean we set aside all wisdom or treat all struggles the same. Some create unique challenges. Still, no one is beyond the love or grace of God, including people who find they cannot stop desiring sex with children. There but for the grace of God So here are the words of a confessed celibate pedophile: I know what it's like to be hated simply because of who you are and what you struggle with. The thing is, I'm not gay. I'm a pedophile. Before anyone panics, let me assure you that I've never hurt a child, and never will. My pedophilia may seem unrelated to the discussion at hand, but in many ways my struggles have a lot in common with that of gays. As some have mentioned in these comments, my sexual desires are very much a part of who I am. I definitely feel that I was "born this way," as the saying goes. I'm in my 30's now, and I first identified definitely that I was attracted to children when I was in my mid teens. I fought the idea that I was a pedophile 1

for years; in the end, I had to accept that my desires were simply something that wouldn't change. Where I differ from most of those who hold this view is in the accountability. Obviously, whether I was born a certain way is in no way a free pass for me to act on those desires. What's odd is that the opposite is true when dealing with homosexuality. Members of the gay community act as if we're committing some grave and horrible crime by asking them to divorce themselves from their desires. I have little patience and no sympathy for that argument; I've fought an attraction to pre-adolescent girls pretty much every day for decades. In his comments above, DeJon talks about how gay people have been asked to live double lives in the past when their lifestyle was less accepted. There is an assumption in the comment that such double lives are inherently negative. Considering that I live such a double life (most people I interact with have no clue regarding my sexual struggles), I can attest that it is tiring and frustrating. It is not, however, so odious an arrangement as to warrant a breaking of bonds. There are far worse fates than suppressing who you feel you really are. To directly address Dan's points, though, I want to briefly give some of my experiences. There are those among my family and friends who know what I struggle with. They know I'm flawed and that I struggle. I know that they both love me and that they would call the police if they caught me doing anything illegal. Yes, you CAN love the sinner and hate the sin; I see it in my life all the time. This love is far more effective at helping me stay grounded than any amount of hateful rhetoric. Whenever there is a kidnapping in the news, I see comments from people who spew hateful rhetoric against all people struggling with pedophilia. This kind of attack just angers me. These people don't know how hard I have fought, or just how small and terrified I feel sometimes. Their vicious words have no influence with me. Anger and hatred are poor motivators. Love is a great one. To the Christians who think that we can just keep shouting at gays from a distance and get results: You're wrong. From someone who struggles with sexual identity and sin, I guarantee you that you're only making it worse. Until you can learn to love and respect a person you cannot touch the sin inside them. I think that most of Jesus' ministry was an illustration of this one crucial point. I dont know who this man is or who the fellow believers are who support him and keep him accountable, but God bless them all. Anyone who can prevent the abuse of children is a hero. I cant imagine the struggle he endures. Here are some additional comments from a direct e-mail he gave me permission to share. Thank you very much for your support and kind words. I have struggled with pedophilia for years, but I've only recently decided to actually share my experiences. Admitting my struggles on such an open forum is terrifying, but I 2

don't know that I can continue to keep silent. My main problem has been figuring out how to use my knowledge to help people. My struggles give me a sort of sympathy for Christians struggling with homosexuality. I know what it's like to feel a societal outcast, to feel like you're constantly fighting a part of yourself. On the other hand, I can experience those things while still knowing that acting on those desires is wrong. I feel like many gays have been deceived to believe that there is no hope for them and that they can never be complete without acting on their sexual orientation. While that bothers me, my ultimate concern is my Christian siblings who struggle with pedophilia. I would guess that most churches have given zero thought to the pedophiles in their church. Even if they have, what conclusions can they reach? Offering specific classes or seminars for pedophiles is unlikely to attract any takers; who wants to openly admit that they struggle with this? Even I can see this; I don't know any other struggling pedophiles. I don't even know how I would find them or help them. It doesn't help that people would prefer to ignore the problem. I was somewhat surprised that my comment on your blog warranted only two responses. I'll be honest: I'm not really sure what I'm asking you. Mostly, I was just wondering if you had ever considered the issue of pedophile Christians. I really want to help those who are struggling. I want to let them know that there IS hope, and that God IS good. I spent a decade in despair and self-hatred but came out the other side. I worry that if the only voice these people hear is that of the gay lobby then they'll believe that they really can't change and that they have to act on their desires. Posted 17th May 2012 by Dan Bouchelle http://danbouchelle.blogspot.ro/2012/05/plea-to-christians-about-ourresponse.html https://www.facebook.com/notes/pandoran-nox/am-i-themonster/101414163302855 Am I the Monster? 10 October 2011 at 01:45 If you've just found this page, then I hope that you find this note. Chances are you're angry, disbelieving, or just plain confused. Maybe you're feeling a bit of all three. I'll try to answer some of the questions that I imagine will be asked. Who are you? Why are you doing this? At the moment I'll keep my name secret. The thing that you need to know to understand this page is that I am a pedophile. I like to think of myself as a fighting pdeophile; what it means is that I've never harmed a child, and I have 3

no intention of doing so. Unlike some groups that would seek to normalize my desires, I don't want to make you like my sexual desires...I want you to like me. I want people to understand that there are pedophiles out there who want your support, but they're so scared to tell anyone that they're fighting this battle alone. Is this a joke? No. I realized that I found younger girls attractive by the time I started high school. By the time I graduated I understood that I was an exclusive pedophile. It's now been more than a decade since those early revelations, and I'm still fighting. Resistance is much easier than it used to be, but I still identify as a pedophile because that is my primary attraction. So you're single? Actually, no. I've been married for a while to a wonderful (adult) woman. Yes, my wife knows and she's extremely supportive. Even though my primary sexual attraction is to younger girls, I love my wife dearly and can't imagine life without her. Do you have any children? No. My wife and I have discussed children and would like to have a family in the future, but it is currently just the two of us. What do you hope to accomplish? I want to change some people's perceptions of pedophiles. I won't win over everyone; that's clear to me. My hope is that at least some of you stumbling onto this page will take the time to consider my situation and realize that when it comes to protecting children, I'm on your side. Being a pedophile doesn't make you a horrible person. If I had a sexual attraction to women, people wouldn't automatically assume I'm a rapist; why is this assumption made simply because I'm a pedophile? Why should I care? Because I'm a human being, too. Believe me, I didn't ask to be a pedophile. I've spent years hating myself. I only recently realized that hating someone who is actively fighting evil is a ridiculous plan. Until now, pedophiles have had only three real choices: remain all alone, take a risk by telling friends, or seek comfort from groups that want to legalize sex with children. None of those are particularly inviting. Being alone is horribly depressing and means that you have no one to turn to when times get rough. Telling family and friends is absolutely terrifying; there's a chance that anyone will reject you and then out you to everyone else. That leaves falling into the arms of the more questionable elements of the internet. I think we can agree that's a bad plan.

What can I do? Point people to this page. Let them at least see how I present my views. At least discuss it. When you hear calls for tolerance, ask yourself whether I should be able to live free of universal hatred. And remember that I'm hated for fighting against evil. Please, just spread the word. https://www.facebook.com/notes/pandoran-nox/am-i-themonster/101414163302855 Pandoran Nox 9 October 2011 I'm a pedophile, but I'm fighting my desires and want to protect children. I didn't ask to be this way, and it seems unfair that I'm hated for something that I can't control. Why does no one care about me? Where are GLAAD (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) and other organizations when it comes to speaking up for pedophiles who are persecuted for a sexual orientation they didn't choose? http://www.homeword.com/real_life_answers_info.php?articles_id=415 I am married but have very strong pedophilic tendencies. Question: Between the ages of approximately 5-16 I was engaged in sexual activity with another closely-aged male cousin. When I was 18, I reciprocated this behavior to his 11 year old brother. I am now married and 26 with very strong pedophilic tendencies that I'm unsure how to constructively resolve. I maintain an extremely solid rapport with my youth group, but I fear one day I will eventually use my position to access these youth inappropriately. I have sought professional counsel for a period of 6 months, but we did not agree morally so I ceased attendance. What options are left for me to try? Answer: Thanks for your candid question. In response, I need to be equally as candid. I believe that you have huge issues which need to be resolved. In my opinion: 1) You need to seek professional counsel. I would be surprised to find that there are no good Christian counselors in your region. If not, I would suggest calling New Life Clinics 1-800-NEW-LIFE to see if a clinic is near you. 2) You stated that when you were 18 you were involved sexually with an 11 year old boy. As an adult, this behavior was illegal. Has this issue been resolved? If not, it needs to be - even if it was 8 years ago. 3) You are married. Is your wife aware of your past and your "pedophilic 5

tendencies" (your own words)? If not, there are issues which need to be resolved in your marriage. 4) I do not believe that you should be involved in youth ministry at this time. Again, you've said it yourself, that you have "tendencies." You've admitted your own fear of abusing your position for potentially inappropriate reasons. I'm afraid that your close proximity to temptation is similar to someone with an alcohol problem spending their free time in a bar. You do not need the temptation. The young people in your youth group deserve to be protected. Having said all of this, I want you to know that I'm equally convinced that God cares about you and your situation deeply! He loves you more than anyone ever has or ever will. I believe that He wants you to find healing in your life. And, I believe that beyond the healing stages, that there is a future for you. The good news is that God uses people who have experienced pain and brokenness in their lives to minister to others who struggle. But first, you need to work towards resolution of these issues facing your life. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20131203154224AAMZm3Q I think i'm a pedophile? DancingWithTrolls asked 3 months ago OK, so i'm 15 and i think i'm a pedo. I'm attracted to kids from the age of 612, but i'm not only attracted to kids. Sometimes i could feel utterly disgusted at it but sometimes i could feel aroused thinking about them. I was touched sexually when i was a child and forced to do things to both male and females, and i was around the age of 6-10 when these events took place. I'm not only attracted to kids though i am also attracted to females ranging from the age of 15-75 too. When ever i watch porn i tend to watch the mature section and the granny section too. So i'm not sure if pedophiles are only attracted to kids. Thinking about this has made me depressed for about 2+ years and i'm suicidal. I can't go to my family about this because i'm pretty sure i'd be exiled and become the outcast of my family. I plan to seek therapy when i'm around 17 and am living on my own simply to keep this a secret from my family. I know i'm the scum and vomit of society and sometimes i think that me committing suicide is the only option to rid the earth of people like me. I'm also an anime fan and i hate the fact that i'm a stigma to the anime community because whenever someone thinks of anime they think of freaks, and weirdos like me and thinking of that tends to throw me into further depression. Also i'm a male and i did just make this account to post this, but i'm not a troll. I simply didn't want my other account to have a question like this under it. Additional Details Sorry i forgot to add this. I'm moderating this question from my other account. 6

When i was around 6 or 7 i was forced by my uncle's step-daughter to do things with my cousin(She is my uncles step-daughter and was probably in middle school or high school around the time but is now in college) I remember me doing these things and someone walked in and she said something along the lines of "Hey, look at what i can make them do." and had us kiss. I added this because i want people to know that i have done something along the lines touching someone else when i was 6. I don't really remember if she had me do anything else to family members or friends, but i have had sex with this person when i was younger on multiple occasions. During 4-5th grade i was naive enough into doing homosexual activities like oral and anal around this grade and the person was in high school around this time. Proceeding from there i was forced to doing other things and now that i'm older 3 months ago Also because of this i tend to cringe at just the word "Pedophile" and whenever i see that word i tend to have a completely different shift in my way of thinking. 3 months ago @Simon I don't want to have to do that though. I would like to not have these emotions and i'm wondering if it's possible for me to cure it instead of living with it. I'm on the verge of insanity knowing that i have to live like this and i never used to think this way, but as i got older it just started, i never even used to think about the past events that happened either until i hit a certain age and started to feel guilty. I'm attracted to girls by the way. @cavassi I can't do that because i wouldn't even be able to bring this up to my family without everyone knowing. I tried talking to my mom but she replied "Talk to me about it." I can't do that this is something i'll have to deal with until i'm a certain age in which i can seek proper help by myself. 3 months ago http://www.christianforums.com/t7642993/ templar42 22nd March 2012 I'm a pedophile I am 17 and have known for quite some time that I am a pedophile. Let me start off by saying that I have never insulted a child and never will and I do not view any form of child porn. I am a Christian and through Christ I have learned to live with this. It's not an easy life to live but Through Christ all things are 7

possible. I am open to any questions or advice you have, but my question to you is how do you think my parents will react? I have not told them yet but plan to soon, also anyone else that may find out. templar42 Thanks for your input, I have looked into therapy and treatments, but not a lot of people are willing to help pedophiles so really no treatments exist, the one I was able to find involves shock therapy so, no. I have considered seeing a psychiatrist but right now know one else in my family knows and it would be difficult for me to get there without anyone noticing, but I may try it in the future. I'm not sure that this would really help though. Seems to me the only cure is control. This is not just a phase, It started when I hit puberty, and have felt the same way for 3 years. templar42 Thanks for all the prayers and advice everyone. Jaws13, now that I think about it it is a lot better to say struggling with pedophilia, and is a better way to look at it. anyone who is struggling with the same thing wants to talk<edit> I know exactly what its like to go through this and can share my personal experience. templar42 Pedophilia is a disease and is not and illegal. I hate how so many people jump to the conclusion that I'm on the verge of ruining a child's life. What could a professional really say to make it better, or my parents for that matter. The only reason I want to tell them is because they will find out sooner or later anyway. I am not going to a psychiatrist because I don't believe they can help me anymore. No porn, No dirty thoughts, I stay a mile away from any kid that temps me, what more do I really need? Aspireman 13th May 2012 I too struggle in this area. I'm a Christian, and have asked God many times to take away these feelings. Maybe it's my lack of faith, or maybe God's telling me that "His Grace is sufficient enough". I have always (since grade school) have been attracted to girls at least 2 grades behind me, and this was in forth grade. Since then it has always been a battle. Throughout my late teens and twenties, I didn't care. I would look at teen girls all the time, with hardly any guilt. I re dedicated my life to the Lord at about 5 yrs ago. I now feel ashamed, guilty and convicted, but still have those urges to look at under aged girls. The more I think about the issue, I think that somewhere along the line my brain screwed up the thought of someone being "cute" as a sexual thing. I read that a lot of people say that it's because they are "innocent" and "helpless" that I 8

find attractive. It's not fun living like this. I'd like to be able to not to only not lust after women, but not under aged girls as well. There are times I hate summer (guys know what I mean). When ever I go out i got to be constantly bouncing my eyes. I wish I didn't have to live with this sin. I told the Pastor at my Church and now I feel like his kids (he has daughters) are making sure I'm not looking them up. I always feel dirty. Aspireman Does the stigma ever go away for any of you? I'm not aloud to be with the kids in our VBS. I'm just praying for the kids, which maybe I should do at home. It's like if someone asks "where you've been", what do you say? You just feel like everyone's watching you, it's not a fun feeling. I don't like having this problem, and I didn't ask for it. How do you guys handle this? WWJD552, 34 I found these posts very interesting because I am struggling with the same feelings for younger boys that ha haunted me since my early teens. I too have never acted out nor do I tend to act out on a child . This feelings can be overwhelming to the point where you do not know where to go next . As for seeing a regular therapist I would be careful and research them first . I ended up going to one for this problem and her first response was " I would like the names of these boys you have been around". Basically she wanted to make sure they were ok before moving onto me. That can cause pain and heartache . It's a struggle. look to God . WWJD552 Until I came here reading these posts I had no idea that it was and is a disorder. So many people struggle with it . I am one of those as you can tell from a previous post. I have never acted out on a child. To do that would be so immoral, illegal and stupid. Once you act on your fantasies, the crime has been committed but with help from the Lord we can stop before we get to that point. WWJD552 Just know that this has been a struggle for me as well . I have posted previously. Such powerful words, GeraldWiley for so many of us who need them right about now . This is such a sensetive issue in that it is hard to talk too anyone about it. God is our true source of comfort and he will lead us through like he has done through other trials in our lives. Looking too him in prayer is one of the best options a person could choose ! God bless all. http://restoringwholeness.org/understanding-the-pedophile-by-anonymous/

UNDERSTANDING THE PEDOPHILE Anonymous The first time I can remember being sexually molested was at the age of eight. A man who lived on our street lured me into the bush by offering me a present. My second encounter with sex was at the age of ten when a man offered me a lift. He then parked his car and enticed me to do sexual things with him. These experiences awaken my sexual desires and I became obsessed with sex at this early age. I can remember trying to have sex with my friends sister when I was 13 years old. At the age of 14 I molested my three-year-old niece.At age 16, I quit school to start work; by this time I stopped all contact with children. At age 25 I moved to Cape Town and became a hippie. Approximately a year later I met a prostitute that had a six-year-old daughter I befriended the daughter and found myself molesting her. I worked in a place called the Hippie Market with other hippies who had become Christians. There was one person that never gave up on telling me about Jesus. For weeks he spoke to me about the Lord. I was not at all interested in God until one day I said to my friend, If God wants me to become a Christian, let Him show me a miracle! That night the Lord appeared to me in my room. I began to speak to Him. The next morning I went to the Hippie Market as usual, not feeling anything special at all. I did not even remember what was said the night before. When I got to the market, my friend slapped me on the back and said to me, Come on, and just accept the Lord. I then opened my mouth and said to him that I had accepted the Lord the night before! I really did not intend to say that! Then I began to tingle from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I began to cry uncontrollably and my friend comforted me. That was the miracle I had challenged God for! He showed me that He could totally change my emotions and that He could even surprise me by the words that came out of my own mouth. I was excited and turned on to God. But I never faced the reality of my childhood hurts nor did I repent of my abuse towards children. At the age of 30 I had not molested anyone for four years. I met and married a woman who attended the church I went to. She had 2 daughters, ages six and eight. I didnt see it as a problem. Since I was a Christian, I thought God had taken care of all my problems. How wrong I was! I did have a responsibility but I did not act on it. Within a few short months, I was molesting both of them. This continued for about four years, during which time my wife gave birth to our son. However, what I was doing was finally exposed and brought to the light. We sought help through the church we attended. They asked me to stop what I was doing but offered no practical help. It was just too difficult for me. I sought the help from a psychologist, but that didnt help. The girls were taken away by the Social Welfare Department and put into a home of safety. I felt trapped in my sins after several unsuccessful attempts to stop my behaviour. Removing myself from the situation seemed to 10

be the only solution, so my wife and I divorced in 1983. I was also asked to leave the church at which point I went back into the world. After 12 years I began to hear the voice of God again. I responded to Him and joined a local church and God began dealing with my sexual addictions. He drew my attention to a book called, Becoming A Vessel of Honour by Dr. Rebecca Brown. I remember thinking, That is what I want to be. I started reading the book and when Dr. Brown spoke of doorways that Satan uses to get into our lives and how to close those doorways, the Lord compelled me to read on. Id read other books on the subject before, but this was the first one that offered a practical way to deliverance. The Holy Spirit impressed upon me to return to my childhood and to the first time I was molested, by doing this the was able to enter this area of my life and started a healing process that still continues today. The best thing that has changed in me is how I feel towards my son and my two daughters. A great healthy love has been birthed in me for them and, I have received complete forgiveness from my daughters. I realise that paedophilia is not at all an easy issue to overcome. The secular world says there is little to no hope but we serve an almighty and powerful God that can heal not only the physical but also the emotional man. As I look back at my life I realise just how much I have to thank God for. My prayer is for this story to bring hope, where there is often no hope, and freedom to those who suffer as paedophiles or any other life controlling issueAMEN. Copyright 2003, Restoring Wholeness. All rights reserved. http://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/dan-savage-love-the-pedophileedition/Content?oid=5781497 I'm a gay man in my late 20s who has been trying to deal with an attraction to young boys since I hit puberty. I know that what I feel is wrong and wish to Christ that I could have a normally wired brain. I have never abused a child; I do not look at child pornography. But I need to speak to a therapist because I can't get through this on my own. Bottom line is I'm afraid. Seriously afraid. I don't know what my legal rights are and I don't know how to go about getting more information without incriminating myself. I'm sure there are more people than just me who need to talk about this. My problem is that I'm not financially stable enough to afford seeing someone for more than a few sessions. I just can't keep saying I'm fine, and I can't let healthy relationships fall apart because I'm unable to talk to anyone about my problem. Can't Wish It Away http://www.freejesus.net/home/viewtopic.php?p=67613 Hi I've decided to start a new forum: 'A Christian Pedophile'. I describe myself as a Christian pedophile because I am a Christian and I'm struggling with pedophilia. Pedophilia is abhorent, ungodly and sin. By Christian I mean: Jesus died on the cross to pay the price of my sin. My 11

responsibility is to stop being a pedophile. By pedophile I mean: I have I sexual attraction to young females. I am willing to hear your wisdom, thoughts, pain and anger. I'll respond as honestly as possible. Regards, Dale Dale, what is it you are looking for? I see your posts of the same thing everywhere. Why don't you just start posting ok? Look forward to seeing your posts. Hi Geshtinnanna, A good question. This posts stuff is new to me and I'm really trying to find the best approach to 'where I'm at' and work out have I can encourage etc. others. I've been advised that my repetive postings are against the rules. I'm going to sit back now and only responde if its seems positive for me to do so. As for my forum I'll see what, if anything comes from it - no more advertising! Regards, Dale. oregon__guy Do Mortals Consider Prohibiting Child Molesting To Be The More Important Than The 10 Commandments? I believe the Lord holds all Ten Commandments to be equally important in the senses that if any one of them is violated then the violator has demonstrated that he does not truly acknowledge the Lord has his Savior. But do mortals, including Pastors, consider violating some commandments to be worse than violating others? Before answering this question for yourself, rank the following in terms of who you would least want to hire, be friends with, or leave alone with your children: 1. Someone who has confessed to dishonoring his parents in the past. 2. Someone who has confessed to murder in the past. 3. Someone who has confessed to having committed adultery in the past. 4. Someone who has confessed to having stolen in the past. 5. Someone who has confessed to having born false witness in the past. 6. Someone who has confessed to having desired his neighbors wife in the past. 7. Someone who has confessed to having homosexual relationships in the past. 8. Someone who has confessed to molesting children in the past. I suspect most Pastors can find it in themselves to follow 1st Timothy in regard to items 1-6, and perhaps item 7, above. But I suspect they will have second thoughts about hiring, being friends with, or leaving a confessed child molester (CCM) alone with their children. If this is true then how can a CCM be expected to come forward and confess to a Pastors congregation, or just the elders, or even just to the Pastor? The CCM is left with the impression that mortals in the Church can accept all sinners (not the sin but the person truly trying to repent) except child molesters; regardless of whether the CCM has not physically molested a child in many years. 12

Even if a CCM finds a Church, or at least its elders and Pastor, who accepts his repentance, the CCM faces consequences other types of sinners do not. Once word gets out the CCM stands a good chance he will lose his job and his family will be humiliated. Public safety officials and Pastors must consider identifying the CCM to the police if he says he is currently contemplating, or even fantasizing about, molesting a child. Once so identified, he is then on the persons of interest list anytime a child has been molested in his town. Please note that I am not saying that protecting children from molesters is not extremely important to both society and the Lord. I am writing this the day after the second little girl in Florida has been found molested and murdered. The first girls murderer is a CCM and it is suspected that a CCM will be found to have also murdered the second girl. I agree with 1st Timothy that laws must be enforced to help preclude such terrible crimes. 1st Timothy also points out that the Lord shows mercy to all repentant sinners. Although I can find no direct reference in the Bible to child molesters I believe ALL means ALL. So, this leads me to ask how Pastors can lead CCM to the Lord given the real world consequences of identifying CCMs and the fear and hatred of CCMs by the general population? Heres a suggestion: Allow Pastors to facilitate one-on-one meetings between a CCM who has come to the Lord and a CCM who has not. Do not bring these meetings to the attention of the congregation. I made this suggestion as a CCM who has come to the Lord. Prior to coming to Him I had gone through 10 years, 5 court-mandated and an additional 5 on my own, of child molestation therapy with a licensed Ph.D. psychologist. This therapy gave me awareness, empathy, and aversion skills; but it did not take away my fantasies and it did not keep me from using the Internet to feed those fantasies. Only coming to the Lord has kept me from the Internet. Fantasies, and recollections of my own real past actions, still occasionally come to mind. With the Lords help I have been able to avoid re-enforcing these thoughts through masturbation. But its an ongoing battle. Besides my own salvation, the only good I can see coming from this is perhaps by witnessing to others I will help preclude them from continuing to molest children. tuppence Dale, your intellectual assent regarding Christ does not make you a Christian. A Christian is a FOLLOWER of Christ, and someone born again in the Spirit. When you are born again, you have a new nature, for the old sin nature is dead. Read the book of Romans in the Bible, especially chapters 4-8, and you will find Paul explains it beautifully. When you have repented and gone in total helplessness to Christ and asked Him to take over your life, you will find yourself a different person. A true 13

Christian is indwelt by the Holy Spirit, and it is rather hard to desire such things as you desire when you are inhabited and led by the Holy Spirit. Again, intellectual assent is not enough. Olive Mr Dale, I commend you on your honesty. But, having been on the recieving end of MEN with your battle, I know something that should help but only if you want to heal. There is a book called, "Every Man's Battle". I know it is about lust in general, but the steps for healing are the same. Please keep communicating. Please find a person to keep you accountable. Not just for you, but surely for the young girl(s). Jesus says for us not to hinder children coming to him. The type of deep emotional pain & suffering that is left with the young girl does indeed keep her from coming to God. It takes an enormous amount of healing for her to even think that she is worthy of coming to Christ after something like that. Never stop fighting it! Never stop praying & but that book. Olive 1611kjvboy I think it is best to talk to you pastor. superproxy Why is it that a Born Again (Saved) still sin? Aineo Preacher Because born-agains are still human. Have you read 1 John 1? 1 John 1:7-10 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. KJV superproxy 14

Sunday School Teacher Thanks :D I know that already I read John already 1: 8 already I was just testing? Aineo Preacher Is this a question or are you trying to wiggle out of a post that denies God's truth? superproxy Sunday School Teacher MR.Aineo said Is this a question or are you trying to wiggle out of a post that denies God's truth? Sir Aineo I am not denying the truth of God, and I love it so much that other people even called me a lunatic. I just accidentaly pressed the question mark. Just an error that always happens to me when typing. Aineo Preacher If you love God's word then why post that question concerning born agains sinning instead of posting encouragement for a man who had the guts to confess he is dealing with an issue that can be overcome with the support and encouragement of the Body of Christ? James 5:13-18 13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praises. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; 15 and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. 17 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain; and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. 18 And he prayed again, and the sky poured rain, and the earth produced its fruit. NAS

15

Far to many Christians are quick to judge and condemn those who follow the advise in God's word. superproxy Sunday School Teacher Mr.Aineo Said: If you love God's word then why post that question concerning born agains sinning instead of posting encouragement for a man who had the guts to confess he is dealing with an issue that can be overcome with the support and encouragement of the Body of Christ? James 5:13-18 13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praises. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; 15 and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. 17 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain; and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. 18 And he prayed again, and the sky poured rain, and the earth produced its fruit. NAS Far to many Christians are quick to judge and condemn those who follow the advise in God's word. You are right sir. I will accept your rebuke with gladness. Thank you. :) Is it Ok if I ask you some questions on things that I am not sure about? If you don't mind.[/quote] Aineo Preacher superproxy wrote: Is it Ok if I ask you some questions on things that I am not sure about? If you don't mind. Sure. superproxy Sunday School Teacher 16

The Angels and Demons research why can't I get in. Is that topic serious that I can't get in. Can I ask for your permition to get in? I just want to see what it is about. http://henrymakow.com/my_sons_were_abused_by_pedophi.html My Pedophile Husband Abused Our Five Sons February 13, 2012 My Pedophile Husband (and fellow Freemasons) Abused Our Five Sons --I confronted him again, this time he admitted his behavior, saying, "I've got them all, even the baby, and from the time they were babies." by Molly Price My five boys still have a hard time having it known. They are all amazingly successful men today. After telling me their truth thirty-five years ago, they said: "Don't talk about it, Mommy. We just want to forget." They are forty-one, forty, thirty-nine, thirty-eight, and thirty-six years old today--or thereabouts. I was thirty when I found out what had happened to them at their father's hand. I was a very young, but clueless, worldly, angry, lustful, undisciplined, and recently-saved Christian at age 23; and came from an atheist, secular humanist, generational Freemason background. My parents were not Masonic, but all four grandparents were into the occult or Freemasonry to one degree or another. My father considered himself a Taoist and believed in phrenology after his Andover and Yale education. When I was only seven years old, he told me that there wasn't any God and I would have to make it on my own. All the lights in the world went out for me then, because Jesus is the light of the world, and I chose to follow my daddy, my hero, into the darkness of his atheistic, secular humanist world. Although I had attended some Sunday school and vacation Bible school as a child, my father was my best friend, protector and idol in life. The occult oppression in our home was so pervasive that my mother had a nervous breakdown and tried to end her life on many occasions--thirteen if anyone was counting. 17

My only sister, though a possessor of a master's degree, has been in mental hospitals most of her life. We were considered one of the elite families in our area. Little do others know the hell and unhappiness that went on behind closed doors. Money doth not constitute a happy home! Nor does the occult. We were each and all sitting ducks for the dark side. Money and even good health and good fortune are no substitute for a Christian life! They all fall very short of it! MARRIAGE In 1968, I met a guy, a student in psychology at the local university, and said to myself, "All this and heaven, too." He was, of course, the handsomest thing. Satan knew just how to package this stunning disaster. Little did I know! [Young women should not be sent clueless into this ugly, evil, world, but my father thought it best to let our minds remain vacant of any doctrine, wanting us "free to choose our own beliefs" when we became adults. As an atheist, I had been taught to believe that everyone was good and had good motives. Little did I know!] Suffice it to say, I was quite messed up myself! And extremely unaware of many things. This man who became my husband nineteen days after our meeting--I was looking for a wrap for my sin--and being married entitled one to sex. He was actually honest to a point. He did say he had a record for childmolesting. In my ignorance, and knowing the lustful condition of my own heart, I reasoned that he must have just met up with a hot teenager. Little did I know! FREEMASONS The marriage lasted six and a third years before our separation, during which time I gave birth to four sons and was pregnant with my fifth. While pregnant with the fifth, my oldest two children, in their father's absence from our home, began to tell me that he had molested them. The second-oldest had tried to tell me this perhaps six months earlier, and I had confronted their father with his accusation, but he managed to dissuade me that it was true. I confronted him again, this time, and he admitted his behavior, saying, "I've got them all, even the baby, and from the time they were babies." This was at 8:20 in the a.m. on January 1, 1975, a fact I will probably never forget. In the desperate months that followed, the boys continued to tell me what their father, his mother, his friends and others had done to them. 18

If I had heard one more thing, I would have lost my mind. My lawyer told me to write down everything they said. I did. The children told of being sexually tortured, of being sold in the "dirty bookstores of Kansas City"--["Daddy got money for letting men hurt us in the little rooms at the back of the store."]; they told of being forced to watch while other children were murdered--["They held our heads and made us watch."]; and they gave clues that matched newspaper articles about a missing and later found decapitated twelve-yearold local girl. [I mourned that child for eighteen years, not realizing that she had been dancing on the streets of heaven ever since the moment of her death.] There were other details. These stand out, thirty-five years later. For years I could not look at or read what I had written down. It was too ghastly, too traumatic. SOCIAL SUPPORTS Suffice it to say, the authorities were not on my side. I tried to get help for my boys, knowing they needed help, but the local mental health godfather pointed to his PHd on the wall and assured me that he was much smarter than I, and that no father would do such things to his own children. I explained that he had already confessed and had a record...but my lawyer told me to get out of town by that Friday or I would be put in a mental ward on drugs [I was five months pregnant with my fifth son] and my children would be taken away from me. So, we were forced to go back to the house where most of the abuse had taken place, in a Kansas City suburb. My oldest child was not allowed to testify to the abuse in court because one had to be six and he was only five and a half at that time. I had never caught him in the act, so we were not allowed to bring charges. I actually had a man who identified himself as a judge phone me and tell me I was not to speak a word of any of this to anyone. My response was to tell, him, "Sure, OK, anything you say," and then to tell everyone I ever knew anywhere what had happened. They left me alone after that! My third son had never spoken up to this point. He was two and a half years old. His first words were "Daddy frew da wittle girl in da wake." Daddy threw the little girl into the lake. I guess this was to attempt to dispose of a body. Fast forward. We relocated several hours away. A social worker told me just to give the boys a "good reality," that children are very resilient. So, that was the goal. I remained a zombie for almost six years--had great guilt for my sin and rebellion having brought this on my beautiful babies--and then made the conscious decision that I would like to live again. The children went to public school; we actually all received more love there 19

than in the Christian school I had so wanted them to attend in Kansas City. We eventually moved to North Carolina--an answer to prayer as I had prayed that if it ever became public about their father, I wanted my boys far removed from having to grow up under that stigma--they were totally innocent victims. ARREST Six months after we moved, my ex-husband was discovered having been entered into the Big Brother Program--he was actually PROMOTED into it by a sponsor on the Board--where he was found to have molested a thirteen-yearold boy. He was given a 22-year sentence and may have served six years of that sentence. In the meantime, I found out from a police detective in Topeka that he and his second wife had become adoptive parents of three more children through a state foster parent program. Their lives were quite sad, too. One tried to burn down his school. Another was put in foster care and attempted to molest children there....I forget at this time the story of the third. I believe their names were Eddie, Teddie, and Tracey. As teenagers, the boys had access to the beach and to the mountains and to work opportunities after school here in North Carolina. It was a welcome move for us all. One is a doctor; one is a dedicated pastor, one has his own business and just landed a lucrative contract with the state, one is a nurse and the last one is kind of freewheeling it in Hawaii these days. Jesus heals and He answers prayer. One of the reasons He came was "to destroy the works of the devil." We are living proof. I could not be prouder of my children. All are good fathers and men who love their truly beautiful wives. I have twelve wonderful, healthy, smart, fun, beautiful grandchildren. We consider ourselves Christian people. http://www.findingahealingplace.com/2014/02/27/married-to-a-pedophile-amessage-to-survivors-of-abuse/ Married to a Pedophile: A Message to Survivors of Abuse Posted on February 27, 2014 Todays post is going to veer off the path of my usual because I feel the urgency to send out a special message to all those whose lives have been touched in some way by abuse. Every day I receive many emails from victims of abuse and the same message is relayed to me over and over again. I feel so dirty. It must have been my fault. He told me he did it because I made him. I feel worthless. I cant stand to look at myself in the mirror. I 20

feel used. Victims believe the message of their abuser. Why? Because abusers are smart! They know how to play with the minds of children! They know how to manipulate. They use lies to gratify their sick appetites! This post in response to a letter I received from John my ex-husband who is now serving a minimum sentence of 30 years in prison for violating young children. His letter to me began with these words, Im sorry Ive ruined your life. As soon as I read those words I could feel my entire body stiffen, and my breathing became labored. Call it inner rage. Call it a knee-jerk response to words that were far, far from the truth. Call it my way of dealing with the reality of my life. Call it what you want, but I sat on the floor and screamed, John Hinton I have news for you! You did NOT ruin my life! You tried to, but you didnt succeed! I wont ever let you have that satisfaction! I will not give you that kind of power over me! And, then I fell to the floor in a rag doll heap and cried for hours and hours until I could cry no more. No, I wasnt crying for myself, but I was crying for the many ways this one mans actions touched the lives of so many innocent children causing them to feel dirty and ugly and unworthy of ever being loved. Rarely does a day go by without shedding tears for the ones who innocently fell at the hands of this molester. Twenty-three victims came forth and told their story, but that isnt the whole picture of how many children were inflicted with pain from this one man. The circle is wide and spreads far and we will never know the true extent of how many children were harmed. But, this I do know. John Hinton does not hold the power of any of these children any more to ruin their lives. Nobody holds that power over anyone and this is a message that needs to be shouted to the far corners of the earth. You are worthy! You are worthy to be loved completely, genuinely, and in a godly way. You are a child of God, and you are worthy! YOU ARE WORTHY! There isnt a sure-fire cure so-to-speak for victims of abuse. *note: I hate the word victim because it indicates helplessness and those who have been molested are HEROES in my book not victims. Every day children must face their abusers. Every day there are John Hintons roaming around groping, grabbing, touching, pulling, tugging, smirking, fondling, and yes raping children taking away their innocence. And, these children will struggle forever and always with issues of self-worth UNTIL they can experience two things. First and foremost, I believe with all of my heart that only God can take away this kind of pain and create a new spirit within. Secondly, I believe that when 21

we become instruments of Gods love and constantly give the message, You are worthy healing from the brokenness and shame of abuse will take place. Its easy to become judgmental of children who become involved in promiscuous behavior at a young age. We tend to look down on children who numb themselves with drugs. We often fail to recognize the link between abuse and self-inflicting painful behavior. Shame, fear, pain, and trauma (all linked to child sexual molestation) can drive a child to behaviors that they dont understand, but that all have one common theme these behaviors temporarily make them feel loved and accepted. And, they temporarily numb the extremely horrifying pain and isolation of abuse. Im not at all condoning that behavior, but I am trying to understand what it must feel like to have your innocence stripped away time and time again and to live in the constant fear of trying to hide this shame and being made to feel like you are the one responsible. I cannot imagine what this must be like. And, so I weep. And, then I get angry. And, then I scream, YOU ARE WORTHY!!!! You are a beautiful life. A worthy life. A life that is to be treasured. And, YOU ARE WORTHY! Statistics tell us that one in every four girls is molested by the time she reaches her teens and one in every seven boys experiences this horrid pain. Try to wrap your brain around those statistics. And, then take away the word statistic and replace it with the word child. This is the world in which we live. This is the world that has been created by child sex molesters. They have roamed free for too long. One day is far too long! They have not been challenged. Theyve been too smart. But, not any more!!!!! You and I will continue to get educated and learn how to better protect our children from this harm. You and I will become a loud, strong voice for the children! And, together we will be on a mission to spread Gods message of love to the wounded. YOU ARE WORTHY! You are loved and you are worthy! Chances are you have friends who have been molested as a child. Chances are you sit in church next to someone who was molested as a child. Chances are you go to school with someone who has been molested as a child. Chances are you work out at the gym with someone who was molested as a child. Chances are you work with someone who was molested as a child. Chances are you have a family member who was molested as a child. Chances are you know a child who is being molested right now. Maybe you are reading this and you were molested as a child. Please hear my message today. The John Hintons of this world cannot take away the one thing from you that matters most and that is your worth!!!!! They can try. But, they cannot and will not take that away. 22

You are loved!!!! And, YOU ARE WORTHY! Please share this message. Please help heal a broken heart. Please give hope to those who need to hear the message that everyone has worth! Love, Clara PS Ive added a resource for you to print off and use. Please visit the resources section of this site and print off your guide to recognizing child abuse in children. Use this guide. Share it. Read it often. And, please remember that some kids have gone through hell as a child due to the actions of their abusers. Lets do all we can to help them find true healing. Lets begin by sharing the message, You are worthy! http://www.intothelight.org/married-to-pedophile-response.asp Married To A Pedophile - A Response This letter is only one of the many that we have received on the subject of pedophilia and being the spouse of a pedophile and child molester. We praise God for this woman as she chose to deal with the truth of her situation and stop living a life of denial concerning her "good, upstanding" husband. This reply is posted in the hope that it will give others in the same situation the strength to deal with their own nightmare. We have found over the thirty years that we have been dealing with this subject that the number of men and women who have been raped, beaten and molested physically or emotionally drained, abused and violated by voyeurism or child rape and sex in their own family is far higher than we would have ever wanted to believe. Sadly, we have also NEVER found a case where any pedophile or serial killer that we have had the misfortune of meeting or dealing with has had a genuine desire to change or be set totally free by Jesus' blood. If you are in or know someone who is in a similar situation, we encourage you to get in contact with us. The staff of Into the Light Ministries I just wanted to thank you for the letter/article on "Married to a Pedophile". I too was married to a pedophile. After 15 years I finally found the answer to a lot of questions of incidents that just didn't seem right. But each time I kept thinking no, it couldn't be him. He's a godly man. Completely devoted to helping children. He was a youth pastor, coach, Sunday school teacher and he was always helping teens "find" Jesus. Teen's were always calling him and 23

loved being around him. So I figured it had to be my imagination and when I confronted him about a few incidents he was offended and confirmed my conclusion that yes it was my imagination and after a few years of that he kept telling me that I needed to get help. That I was suffering from Manic depression and the problems that I had growing up since I wasn't very close to my dad. That I was taking it all out on him and how unfair I was being. I think God knew I could only handle a little bit at a time. I often wonder if God was slowly preparing me for my world to fall apart. When my youngest was born my now ex-husband came to me and told me he had an addiction to pornography and that he wanted out and wanted my help. So of course I was there for him going through counseling, being his accountability partner, and support person through it all. But unfortunately there was no one for me to talk too. You see I was so naive that I thought he only had "eyes" for me because he was godly man, right? Never again will I be so trusting. After 6 months of this we were seemingly getting better and back on track. We were going away for a weekend with the kids and staying at a relative's house. It was supposed to be a vacation. He decided to take along one of the kids he befriended on his HS soccer team he was coaching. Well to make a long story short in the middle of the night I woke up by myself seeing a flashlight shining in the living room where the teenage (16yrs old) was sleeping. I had a pit in my stomach I was afraid of what I'd see. As I peaked around the corner I saw my ex standing over this boy who was laying in his underwear shining his flashlight just looking at his underwear. If I hadn't have seen it myself I think I'd still be in denial. Well that was the beginning of my nightmare. After several months of promises to get help and the denial that he had a problem; my brother finally convinced me that what I saw was real and was wrong. My ex had me convinced that I couldn't trust my own thinking. That what he was doing was okay because the boys were really asleep so they didn't' know it was happening to them. And I believed him! Isn't that sick! My ex was very good at hiding this. Picking the right kids and spent a lot of time and money grooming them so as to this day only a handful of them have come forward, but none that have enough evidence to put him away. Only assault charges. The few that I got my ex to admit too only remember him standing over them. The police were involved, but at this point the case is still opened. My ex is now dating a woman who has two small children. One is 12 and the other is 2 yrs. I'm really concerned and scared for these children but how can I tell her? She wont' believe me. All I can do is pray that someone will tell her. I did learn from one book I read to tell people, a lot of people. That, that was the only way to protect other children. My ex seems to know his limits and where to stop so he won't get caught, but someday he'll slip, right? He's gone to counseling for aprox. 2 years once a week for being a sex addict. I visited too, with the counselor and told him everything and of course the counselor told me not to worry that he was okay now and that my children weren't in any danger of being molested. But that goes against everything I had read about pedophiles. 24

It's been 6 years now since our divorce. I went back to school and got my 2 yr degree, a new job, a house, a new car. I was trying so hard to focus on other things so I could get away from the pain. My oldest daughter, she's 19 still hates me for divorcing her dad. She doesn't believe any of it and even if it did happen her dad is really sorry he cried a lot about it and asked for forgiveness. I feel like I forgave him for betraying me, but now that I think of it that is the easy part of forgiving him. What I can't forgive him for is molesting the other children. At one time when he was confronted by a pastor about it he started speaking these weird words like he was possessed or speaking in tongues. Was that an act? I wish I could know. I would like to be able to help other women who are going through this. My life is finally turned around. But I'm still waiting for him to screw up and have someone else turn him in. The thought of him hurting another child is unbearable. Well thank you for letting me share my story. There does not seem to be much help out there for the spouse of a molester. At that time when I was looking I only found 1 book. She wasn't a Christian. I'd really like to help other woman and children get through this pain. I remember not being able to get out of bed in the morning because the pain was so awful. I feel like I should use this for helping others. Thanks again for having this article here for me to find. His Servant; (Name omitted) http://spiritualsoundingboard.com/2013/05/15/being-married-to-a-pedophilea-wife-speaks-out-and-offers-hope-to-other-wives-of-pedophiles/ Being Married to a Pedophile: A Wife Speaks Out and Offers Hope to Other Wives of Pedophiles * * *

Letter from the wife of a pedophile explaining why she stayed and how she finally got out. Encouragement for other wives of child molesters. * * *

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2 * * *

Some of you may have read the following comment from last night, but it just will not leave my mind. A courageous woman, Anon 3, who was married to a pedophile reached out to address the wives of pedophiles involved in the Sovereign Grace Ministries lawsuit. Her words were beautiful and gave hope. In a later comment, she said that this was the very first time she had disclosed it publicly and felt that maybe God was prompting her to do so. I, 25

too, feel compelled to make Anon 3s comment into a post in order to reach a wider audience via internet searches and so it will not be merely buried in the comments area. To those who have stopped by via an internet search on this topic, welcome. You may be in a very difficult place. No one knows the path each individual takes. Some agonize for months and even years on whether to stay or whether to go. On this blog, we talk a lot about spiritual abuse, but havent delved into the topic of what it is like to be married to a pedophile. I happen to know a wife who is married to a pedophile and has remained married to him. Although she would say things are fine, when I look at their marriage, I do not see that. I see pain and emotional distance. There is no intimacy, but two people living two separate lives. She never got the courage to leave and it has taken its toll on the entire family, including extended family. But she believes that she has made the right decision. No one can make that decision for anyone else. It comes with a cost. That might be why Anon 3s comment struck me profoundly. This brave woman chose a difficult path of leaving the familiar behind and venturing out on her own with her children. Her words speak for themselves. If you are the wife of a pedophile, know that as I type these words, my prayers are with you - that you will be able to make the best decision for you and your family and that you will also continue to surround yourself with safe and loving support from friends/family who care. You should not have to be alone in this process whether you decide to stay or leave. ~Julie Anne * * *

A Letter from the Wife of a Child Molester MAY 14, 2013 @ 9:55 PM I actually do feel compassion for the perpetrators families. And I have a message for the wives: I want you to know how sorry I am about your situation both for you and your children. You are not the only Christian woman who married a pedophile. I did too. I left him more than a decade ago because I knew that someday I would end up on headline news, just as you have. I am so sorry for the embarrassment and humiliation youve suffered. Each of us makes our own decision. I stayed a long time with my husband too. Im probably about your age. I hoped that my love would fill that empty place in his heart. It didnt. I had fasted and prayed during my entire marriage. We tried years of counseling and even an in-patient treatment center. My husband got a masters in marriage and family therapy from a Christian university. It didnt help. 26

One day, I found out about a new incident, and I realized I had to get out for the sake of my children and everyone around us. I felt the Lord saying, You are like a bird in a cage. But see? I have opened the door. You may fly out or stay in. But that door wont open again. I flew out. And I am so happy I did. I asked my husband to leave exhibiting a strength and toughness I never knew I had. I got him out of my home, out of my church, out of my neighborhood, and out of my town. I did not hate him; but I knew he was a walking disaster area. Yes, the first couple of years were hard financially, but God was faithful. My children suffered at first, but they have turned out as lovely whole people. They are winners in every sense: personally, academically, and spiritually. They dont have the level of damage in their lives that their father does. They love him but see his limits. I told them the truth when they turned 21. (They hadnt been victims themselves and hadnt known.) I want to give you hope that if you want to fly out the open door, that life is wonderful out here. Yes, you will hurt a lot for a year, maybe two. But the joy of living without the burden of a pedophile in your life is incredible. I thought God could never use me again. But he has. I thought I would never be in ministry again. But I am even more than before. I thought people at church would condemn me. But they didnt. They surrounded me with love. I thought I would never be financially solid again. But I am. In fact I have 10 times the assets I did when I was married, and my retirement is nearly fully funded. I thought I was disqualified for Gods best. But I know now I am a daughter of the Lord, and am blessed. I thought my children would be damaged and hopelessly dysfunctional. They arent. They tell me that they feel the same as everyone else. In fact, they look at their friends mothers and see a lot more dysfunction there. I thought I would never have any honor. Ive been put on many corporate and non-profit boards and served in far more leadership positions in church than I did when I was married. My children are proud of me for what I did. I hope this has given you hope. Whatever you decide, the choice is truly yours. I am thrilled I was set free. My life is incredibly happy. There are much worse things in this world than divorce. * * *

Update 7/27/13: Even though this blog post is not current, the comments are being followed by others whose lives have been affected by pedophilia. Feel free to reach out in the comment section (using a pseudonym is perfectly fine). 27

I keep all e-mail addresses strictly confidential. If you are struggling with the fact that your spouse/family member or close acquaintance is a pedophile and need help, please let me know. I will try to find help/resources for you. I have been in touch with others behind the scenes gathering resources on this subject. You must know that you are not alone. There are many wives/families who have walked your journey and would love to reach out to you. ~Julie Anne http://spiritualsoundingboard.com/2013/05/15/being-married-to-a-pedophilea-wife-speaks-out-and-offers-hope-to-other-wives-of-pedophiles/ A Letter from the Wife of a Child Molester MAY 14, 2013 @ 9:55 PM I actually do feel compassion for the perpetrators families. And I have a message for the wives: I want you to know how sorry I am about your situation both for you and your children. You are not the only Christian woman who married a pedophile. I did too. I left him more than a decade ago because I knew that someday I would end up on headline news, just as you have. I am so sorry for the embarrassment and humiliation youve suffered. Each of us makes our own decision. I stayed a long time with my husband too. Im probably about your age. I hoped that my love would fill that empty place in his heart. It didnt. I had fasted and prayed during my entire marriage. We tried years of counseling and even an in-patient treatment center. My husband got a masters in marriage and family therapy from a Christian university. It didnt help. One day, I found out about a new incident, and I realized I had to get out for the sake of my children and everyone around us. I felt the Lord saying, You are like a bird in a cage. But see? I have opened the door. You may fly out or stay in. But that door wont open again. I flew out. And I am so happy I did. I asked my husband to leave exhibiting a strength and toughness I never knew I had. I got him out of my home, out of my church, out of my neighborhood, and out of my town. I did not hate him; but I knew he was a walking disaster area. Yes, the first couple of years were hard financially, but God was faithful. My children suffered at first, but they have turned out as lovely whole people. They are winners in every sense: personally, academically, and spiritually. They 28

dont have the level of damage in their lives that their father does. They love him but see his limits. I told them the truth when they turned 21. (They hadnt been victims themselves and hadnt known.) I want to give you hope that if you want to fly out the open door, that life is wonderful out here. Yes, you will hurt a lot for a year, maybe two. But the joy of living without the burden of a pedophile in your life is incredible. I thought God could never use me again. But he has. I thought I would never be in ministry again. But I am even more than before. I thought people at church would condemn me. But they didnt. They surrounded me with love. I thought I would never be financially solid again. But I am. In fact I have 10 times the assets I did when I was married, and my retirement is nearly fully funded. I thought I was disqualified for Gods best. But I know now I am a daughter of the Lord, and am blessed. I thought my children would be damaged and hopelessly dysfunctional. They arent. They tell me that they feel the same as everyone else. In fact, they look at their friends mothers and see a lot more dysfunction there. I thought I would never have any honor. Ive been put on many corporate and non-profit boards and served in far more leadership positions in church than I did when I was married. My children are proud of me for what I did. I hope this has given you hope. Whatever you decide, the choice is truly yours. I am thrilled I was set free. My life is incredibly happy. There are much worse things in this world than divorce. http://gawker.com/5941037/born-this-way-sympathy-and-science-for-thosewho--want-to-have-sex-with-children http://www.gotquestions.org/pedophilia.html What does the Bible say about pedophilia? Question: "What does the Bible say about pedophilia/paedophilia?" Answer: There is no direct mention in the Bible about pedophilia, but that does not mean that this is something that we cannot address with timeless principles that come out of Scripture. One concept that we could look to is the sin of "fornication," and this word has the same idea in both the Hebrew and the Greek. The Greek word is porneia, and we get the English word "porno" from this word. One can recognize that it is the basis for the word "pornography." The word in Scripture refers to any illicit sexual activity, and this would include the abhorrent acts of a pedophile, including the gathering and trading of graphic sexual pictures of young children. People who involve themselves in this type of activity usually graduate from looking to actual actions that bring harm to children. Fornication is something that is present on 29

the lists of the "lusts of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16-21) and also on the list of the evil things that come out of the heart of man apart from God (Mark 7:2123). Pedophiles are people who fall under the characteristic of being "without natural affection" (Romans 1:31; 2 Timothy 3:2). The phrase "without natural affection" is translated from one Greek word, and it means inhuman, unloving and unsociable. One without natural affection acts in ways that are against the social norm. This would certainly describe a pedophile. In addition, there is a principle that can be taken from Jesus' words about children. Jesus used a child to teach His disciples that childlike faith is what is necessary for entrance into the kingdom of heaven and that the Father has concern for all of His "little ones" (Matthew 18:1-14). Although the faith as of a child is the context, it is not a stretch to use verse 10 as a basis for a principle about the treatment of children: "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matthew 18:10, King James Version). The word "offend" in the Greek means to cause one to stumble, to put a stumbling block or impediment in the way, upon which another may trip and fall, to entice to sin, to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey, to cause to fall away, to cause one displeasure at a thing, or to make indignant. These definitions of the word "offend" can easily be applied to the actions of a practicing pedophile. The fact that an offence against a child is seen as something that is so serious also lends weight to this application. Of course, this principle can be applied to a wide range of child-abusive actions, and it seems to really make the case against anyone who would bring harm to a child. Recommended Resources: Overcoming Sin and Temptation by John Owen and Logos Bible Software. While he is not the author of every article on GotQuestions.org, for citation purposes, you may reference our CEO, S. Michael Houdmann. Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/pedophilia.html#ixzz2jUukZB10 Born This Way: Sympathy and Science for Those Who Want to Have Sex with Children It's not easy to listen to Terry talk about the time he had sex with a sevenyear-old girl. But after his psychotherapist put us in touch, he agreed to lay it all out for me during a phone call and email, and I was enthralled the way one might stare at a man falling from a bridge. Terry is 38, a small-business owner, and deeply religioushe ends all our correspondence by saying, "Blessings to you, Cord"but back then when it happened Terry was 20 and a meth head. He was living with his then-wife, his marriage to whom had made him the co-guardian of her two nieces and a nephew. The one niece was a 30

baby, but the other was seven, and it wasn't long before Terry, addicted and in a marriage he calls "abusive," fell for his niece and began a sexual relationship with her. It started with him walking around the house naked with an erection, making sure to amble past the little girl and inspire her curiosity. After doing that a couple times, Terry began to masturbate with the door open. When his niece would come to watch, Terry would tell her that what they were doing was a secret that she couldn't tell anyone. "In my mind, I had the thought that I would never hurt her and that she would grow up trusting me," Terry said. He says he wanted her to look up to him. The third time Terry masturbated in front of his niece, he did it while she was in the room, and he played a pornographic movie on the TV. "Do you want to try what they're doing?" he asked her, motioning to the woman riding the man onscreen. His niece said yes, and she took off her shorts before straddling him. To avoid getting too graphic, Terry said he knew almost immediately that he was going to injure the girl if he went any further"she was so small," is how he puts it. "That's when the reality clicked in and I grabbed her and lifted her off of me and sat her next to me on the couch," he says. "I got up and walked out of the room saying, Lord, what am I doing! Lord, forgive me for what I have done!'" http://www.helping-people.info/articles/oxymoron.htm Christian Pedophiles Form Online Support Groups By Heather Elizabeth Peterson, Greenbelt Interfaith News, Philia, December 1998 One of the few pastoral options available to Christian pedophiles are the sexual recovery programs offered by ex-gay organizations. Although such programs are primarily oriented toward eliminating homosexual desires, ex-gay organizations are sometimes willing to help pedophiles who wish to change their desires. Robert Van Domelen, who served three years in prison for child molestation, is now director of the ex-gay organization Broken Yoke Ministries, which offers help to sex offenders and those who minister to them. He says that he knows of only one denominational program for adults who are attracted to minors. This being the case, he believes that Christians who feel such attractions need to seek assistance through other channels: telling others that they trust, joining a Christian men's group, receiving private counselling through a Christian therapist. Support groups remain rare, he says. "A major issue is privacy for the individual, and one is not likely to see support groups listed in the yellow pages. God willing, there will be a day when that might be the case and this issue can be approached with the same realistic hope as those who struggle 31

with alcohol and/or chemical addictions/compulsions." Mr. Van Domelen says that he sees "amazing healing parallels" between adults who are attracted to children and "same sex strugglers," and says that, too often, people in the medical world "latch onto the standard 'Can't be fixed' way of thinking." He adds, "For one such as myself, it is the belief that change can happen through God and the vessels He chooses that continually motivates." [...] STRONG AS A TREE During the same period that Julius was making his first acquaintance with the boylove boards, Simon was becoming more and more frightened by his sexual feelings. "The fact that I am sexually attracted to little girls has been known to me nearly all my life," says Simon, a German in his early twenties. "Shortly after my puberty I noticed that the girls I was attracted by were still as young as I was a few years before. The fact that I found people who shared my feelings caused me to live with these feelings in a legal way (in those times the children-nudist magazines were freely accessible)." After discovering the Internet, though, Simon says that he became hooked on collecting pictures. "The more I tried to satisfy those needs the stronger they got and the more they were perverted," he says. "To get the satisfaction I needed the pictures had to become more and more explicit and extreme. But suddenly there was a moment when I noticed that there was no photo any more that could give me satisfaction. This was the moment when I noticed that there was only one more way to get the next 'kick' (a kick I needed like a drug addict). . . . This was the moment when I got afraid of myself and my [sexual] preference. By chance I typed 'pedophile' (in German) in Yahoo and got as the third link the link to Baumstark, the salvation of my life!" Baumstark-online was at that time the only Christian Web site for pedophiles. The site's introduction explains that baumstark is a coined word meaning "strong-as-a-tree"; it derives from the text in Jeremiah 17:7-8: "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit." "It is not the intention of these pages to promote Christian ideology," says the introduction. "We only want to try to help through our Christian way of seeing things. We try to offer support if there are questions, problems, crises, and we try to . . . give help in finding a way to live with pedophile preferences in a responsible way." 32

Baumstark was founded in July 1997 by the Rev. Andreas Mulack, a German Protestant minister who started his ministry to pedophiles in an unusual manner. "When he got access to the Internet for the first time, he browsed through the newsgroups and saw child pornography, and got terribly angry and hateful," Simon explains. "He started to chase the people who did such things to children. Later he tried to talk to the people who read and write to the groups in order to get to know how human beings come to do this. For quite a while he did not get a response. But suddenly his e-mail box was full of mail all replies to his postings. The contents were mainly expressions of pain. [The people] told him that they were not asked if they liked to feel that way, and that most of them do suffer because of this preference. There was one mail in which a pedophile told him his whole life story: the feelings he suddenly noticed, the inability to understand or accept his own feelings, the misunderstanding that society shows, the hiding of his love (!), and the hate he saw. "This mail showed so much desperation that it really hurt, and Andreas started to feel pity for the people he had just started to hate. So he saw that most of the people needed and desperately sought help. And he thought of Jesus, who never was in the company of the religious people but was in the company of the sinful publicans. So he saw that this was the meaning of being a Christian: Be with those who need you." Simon says that baumstark has turned his life around. He now helps to administrate the PedoForum discussion board, where both Christian and nonChristian pedophiles post. The forum also welcomes non-pedophiles who "are interested in the affected people and the possibility of understanding them." Several pages of the site are devoted to Christian resources; in September, baumstark started a Forum Christen und Pdophilie (Christian Pedophile Forum), but most pedophiles have preferred to continue posting at the main discussion board. "Without this site I would have gone mad, gone to jail, or would have killed myself!" says Simon. "Only by trying to come to an understanding of this topic and by ceasing to be isolated was I able to prevent the worst. Now I have learned to handle this preference without losing control over myself and my sexuality. . . . [By working at the site] I am very happy to be able to give back a bit of the good I received. I am trying to help those who are in a similar situation as I was. And baumstark remains one of the major sources of my strength to live." http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/december/5.16.html Modern-Day Lepers

33

Churches try to balance grace and accountability toward sex offenders. Bobby Ross Jr. [ posted 12/3/2009 10:23AM ] Convicted of indecent liberties with a teenage girl when he was 20 and attempted second-degree rape years later, James Nichols served his prison timeand then found himself back in police custody. His offense: going to church. Authorities said the 31-year-old Nichols violated a new North Carolina law that bars sex offenders from coming within 300 feet of any place intended primarily for use, care, or supervision of minors. Nichols was arrested after worship at Moncure Baptist Church because the church has child-care facilities for families attending services. He is challenging the constitutionality of the law, claiming it violates his religious freedom. Laws in 36 states establish where sex offenders canand cannotlive or visit, an Associated Press survey found. Some states provide exemptions for churches, but many do not. "One of the most vexing problems facing our society, and more particularly the church, is how to deal with sex offenders," said Pat Nolan, vice president of Prison Fellowship. "As one pastor expressed to me, 'Jesus taught us to be forgiving. However, he also has made me shepherd of my flock, and it is my responsibility to protect them from the wolves.'" At the South Whidbey Assembly of God in Langley, Washington, church leaders try to balance grace and compassion with due diligence, said senior pastor Matt Chambers. "We have always tried to act from the position of the damage that would be done if someone offended/reoffended and we had known about it and did nothing or told no one," said Chambers, whose rural congregation averages Sunday attendance between 250 and 300. In the case of one woman convicted of sex crimes against boys and girls, the church laid out specific guidelines, he said: She'd arrive for the assembly, go directly to the sanctuary, and exit immediately when the service was over. If she needed to use the restroom, specific members were assigned to accompany her. "She complied for a period of time," Chambers said, "but then began to bend/break our requirements, so we told her that she was no longer welcome and notified the church that she then tried to attend."

34

A major problem, in Nolan's view, is that many sex offender statutes are written so broadly that they "lump many people convicted of relatively minor offenses in with the hardcore sex offenders." For example, teenagers who "moon" someone as a prank or a 17-year-old who has consensual sex with his girlfriend can be deemed sex offenders for the rest of their lives, he said. Such "overly broad definitions" divert attention from pedophiles who truly pose a threat, Nolan said. "I have heard it said that sex offenders are modern-day lepers," he said. "That is probably pretty accurate. And we know that Jesus didn't shun lepers. He loved them and healed them. He expects us to do the same." But in some cases, Christians take their strong belief in redemption too far and fail to monitor offenders properly, said Deborah A. Ausburn, a Georgia attorney who defends day cares, camps, and churches against sex abuse claims. "It's at the core of our spiritual identity, Most of us grew up on stories of sinners who accomplished great things for God, and very few of us have encountered true depravity in person," said Ausburn, who attends Church of Our Redeemer in Marietta, Georgia. "So, the power of redemption is more real to us than the power of sin," she added. "So, we are apt to let our guard down more than we should." Increasingly, however, liability insurance carriers demand that church leaders address the issue of registered sex offenders in their congregations, said Kim Estes, education and outreach director for peace of Mind, a Bellevue, Washington-based nonprofit. http://beniciaherald.me/2013/02/14/on-eagles-wings-sexual-sins-partone%E2%80%88pedophiles-are-people-too/ On Eagles Wings: Sexual sins, part one: Pedophiles are people, too By Robert Michaels TWO DECADES AGO I ATTENDED A 50th wedding anniversary party. The couple being celebrated was my friends parents. I had known this family for several years and attended many parties and gatherings. I felt like kin. In the presence of the couples children, grandchildren, relations and friends, the husband and wife, father and mother, renewed their vows after five decades of marriage. They were a religious couple, attending mass regularly. They were respected in their community. Most of their children had children and were settled in life as well. It was a joyous occasion. Memories were shared. There was a lot of laughter, 35

and teary eyes were massaged in tissue. The gathering was well coordinated. The guests ate, danced and socialized until the summer sky darkened and the midnight bells rung. But there was a family secret that hovered over me like a dark cloud the entire evening. I had recently discovered that one of the daughters, my friend, had been a victim of ongoing sexual and psychological abuse for several years. As a little girl, she concealed her shame, fears, and the horrific memories of rape and molestation. Somehow she managed to cope. She wore a smile. She did well academically. She participated in hosting many family functions. She grew into a beautiful woman. I dont know how she was able to pull it off that night, not to mention all those years during and since her abuse. She had learned the art of masquerade. She had to. The same man who was responsible to lovingly lead, protect and provide for her, threatened to abuse her siblings if she ever told anyone. She had to protect her sisters from her father. She kept silent, though the nightmares continued. Though the family members are displaced throughout the globe and Im no longer in contact with them, the thought of that night haunts me. But this could be anyones story. Like most off-balanced behavior, pedophilia has been labeled a disorder by the psychiatric community. But a disorder leaves pedophiles as victims of their condition, and perhaps with an excuse, at least in their own eyes, for their behavior. Why these men are sexually attracted to children is a question that may never have a satisfactory answer. To most parents, its not a question of why pedophiles are the way they are, only a matter of how to protect their children from them. Pedophilia has been around since the dawn of man. But thanks once again to modern technology, networking between pedophiles has exploded to overwhelming proportions, making it difficult to apprehend and prosecute these criminals. Statistics from law enforcement and mental health departments suggest that in their lifetime active predators may abuse 250 or more children. Their victims may include their own children, or those within extended family, in local neighborhoods, within religious affiliations, clubs and associations, Little Leagues, schools and day cares, and so on. Pedophiles even have resources to help them engage is child sex tourism. They 36

can travel within the U.S. and abroad and find brothels or pimps who offer outlets to satisfy their cravings. These are children who often have been abducted or lured by criminal entrepreneurs, or sold to traffickers by desperate parents trying to put food on the table. Pedophiles are masters of manipulation and deception. They know children like candy and puppies. They cultivate the trust of parents and their children. They know how to blend. They might take jobs or volunteer in environments that place them in proximity to little ones. The one common denominator between all pedophiles is the possession of child pornography. The production, distribution, purchasing, sharing and receiving of child porn is a crime, and in most cases a felony, thus making all pedophiles even those who never act on their urges criminals. Some pedophiles may be content (for a time) with fantasy, while others true predators commit acts of molestation or rape. But whether seemingly passive or physically aggressive, within every pedophile lies a heart with evil intent and a mind that is extensively perverse. Its all too easy to call pedophiles monsters or devils, and rightly so. But they are not animals. They are husbands and fathers, grandfathers, sons and uncles. The fact is: Pedophiles are people, too. The Bible says that all men and women are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26, 27), and as such are accountable to their Creator for every thought, word and deed (Hebrews 4:12, 13). When pedophiles sin against children, they sin against Gods holy law, and It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God (Hebrews 10:31). But because pedophiles are people not monsters they are also free to come to the Lord Jesus for forgiveness and salvation. There are no exceptions in Scripture that prohibit them from receiving this gift. Jesus said, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:28,29). Jesus can deliver pedophiles and make them new creations. But make no mistake. God is not mocked. And since the nature of this crime is so serious, it calls for drastic measures. One of the evidences that individual pedophiles have given their lives to Christ is that they will make attempts to reconcile and restore the families they have destroyed. This ultimately includes a willingness to turn themselves over to the authorities for prosecution, as well as assisting law enforcement in apprehending others engaged in the raping of children. God demands justice, especially on behalf of children. But the cross of Christ means spiritual redemption for all who call out to Jesus (remember the thief crucified next to Jesus Luke 23). He will not turn away anyone who seeks mercy. He will not reject any who call upon him for 37

deliverance. Jesus came for sinners. My friend became a Christian later in life and was eventually able to forgive her father rather than live a life of bitterness. Thus began, for her, the process of healing. Robert Michaels is a long-time Benicia resident. He can be reached at [email protected]. http://www.catholicculture.org/commentary/otc.cfm?id=907 Pedophilia: An Obscure Message of Hope By Dr. Jeff Mirus It may seem strange to comment on pedophilia in the period leading up to Christmas, when we would all prefer to focus on children, and indeed on the Child, without worrying about the dangers to which they are exposed. But this might actually be a good time to send out a message of hope to those who experience pedophilia, and to those who must confront the problem among their own friends, and in their own families. First, it may be useful to note that the mainstream media still treats pedophilia as a disorder or a disease. For example, the feature story on this subject in The Week (December 2, 2011), entitled Obsessed with children, had as one of its bold subtitles the question: Can pedophilia be cured? This way of thinking about pedophiliathat it is an aberration, an affliction, a disorder or a diseaseis extremely important and highly salutary. Compare this with homosexuality, which was thought of in the same terms until a generation ago. Now, of course, it is considered a terrible affront to think about homosexuality in this wayalmost a criminal offense in itselfand it is worth noting that a significant number of the same people who worked so hard to have homosexuality redefined as alternatively normal have also, in a somewhat more clandestine manner, labored to have child consent laws lowered or eliminated, to declare pedophilia normal and desirable, to insist that children are sexually motivated from birth (Kinsey, et al), and to advocate for the right of children to pursue their sexual desires with (ahem) consenting adultswhich is a telling reversal indeed. See, as just one example, our recent news story, American intellectuals have mixed record on sexual exploitation of children, which represents just the tip of an iceberg. The difference between viewing homosexuality as healthy and pedophilia as disordered is not a matter of science, as many would have us believe, but a matter of conditioning by an increasingly depraved culture, which is spiraling rather rapidly away from its former recognition of the natural law. So it is possible, as our culture continues to decline and degrade, that pedophilia will be declared normal, and the right to act on it upheld. But that this is not the case at present is nonetheless a matter for rejoicing, and an important ground of hope. Pedophilia is still considered something to be either cured or resisted. 38

Without that conviction, the chances of personal reform are obviously muchreduced. We must grant that, at least at present, there does not appear to be a cure for pedophilia, but Dr. Fred Berlin, founder of the Johns Hopkins Sexual Disorders Clinic, says that with the right combination of drugs and therapy, pedophiles can learn to resist their urges: Were not going to be able to put out the fire, but we can do a nice job of containing it. In this respect, pedophilia, like homosexuality, may be likened to alcoholism. It takes a lifelong commitment, often including assistance of various kinds, to stay clean. But whenever we are speaking about commitment, we are speaking about selfmastery, and whenever we are speaking about self-mastery, we are or ought to be speaking about grace and spiritual growth. It would be foolish indeed for even the holiest of persons to concentrate exclusively on spiritual remedies when natural assistance of various kinds is available, but spiritual growth remains important and even pivotal. It is also true that God can cure us of anything through His grace. Most often He works by strengthening our wills, for that is the normal way to growth and union with Himself; but sometimes He will heal a disorder or a disease altogether, giving us a deeper appreciation of His mercy and power, and freeing us for other purposesand perhaps other crosses. I have too frequently heard it said, even by good Catholics, that pedophiles always repeat their offenses. But this is simply not true. We distinguish, of course (as we ought to do with homosexuality), between the disordered inclination (which is a temptation, not a sin) and acting upon the inclination (which is where the sin occurs). The compulsion to act on a permanently disordered inclination at the deep level of our affectivity is certainly very strong; it is not to be taken lightly under any circumstances. But available statistics suggest that not 100% but 50% of convicted pedophiles offend again. Even allowing for those who are not caught, we are right to hold that some pedophiles, once they realize the full extent of their weakness and seek help from both man and God, do not in fact offend again. It may not be, in every such case, that they offend only once. But at some point, they bring even this weakness under control. There is, as I have indicated, hope in some natural remedies. But the real message of hope is the message of Christmas, the message of Christ. A good Christian may not exclude pedophiles from Gods mercy, whether in terms of forgiveness or of healing. This too is a temptation. To the contrary, all of us have every reason to hope and trust in God, and those afflicted with pedophilia are no exception. We may recoil in horror from those who commit this sin, but perhaps we can put even this reaction in perspective somewhat by reminding ourselves that we should also recoil in horror from many other serious sins that we have learned to accept without a murmur. In any case, the greater our sense of horror, the greater should our reliance be on the mercy of God. There is no sin Gods love cannot forgive if we turn to Him, and no disorder His mercy cannot heal. Even if He does not eliminate the 39

disordered inclination, He will surely say to us as He said to St. Paul, who complained bitterly about the thorn in his own flesh: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12:9). Do we think the Babe in the manger cannot heal this wound, or that He will notHe who suffered enormous abuse and died with a prayer of forgiveness on His lips? Even victims of child sexual abuse must learn to forgive their victimizers in order to heal and grow. And are we so shallow as to imagine that Our Lord does not see every one of us in some way as both victimizer and victim? If any of this is troubling, if we believe we have finally found the one hopeless disorder and the sole unforgiveable sin, then the way forward is clear: We must conform ourselves anew to Christ, and think again. http://www.trinitylewiston.episcopalmaine.org/Rector%27s%20Letters/christia n-sex-offenders.html "Pious Pedophiles" "Pious Pedophile or Christian Sex Offender" seems an oxymoron because a person who is committed to following Jesus, imitating him, would never become a sex offender, a child molester, a soul murderer of children. And yet, from the witness of countless children whose lives were and are damaged and whose trust betrayed, the very people most privileged and responsible to protect them, abuse and misuse them. This is not an academic subject to me. My father was guilty of child sexual abuse. The damage he did to the trust of a child still burns in the lives of my extended family. There is no excuse for his conduct. He betrayed the trust of a child, his family, his own moral integrity and his God. When he was confronted with his sexual abuse and exploitation of a child, he made a public confession and spent years working to make amends. I believe he died with a sense of forgiveness from God, but not from those whose trust he destroyed. The consequences of his actions can not be undone. Until now, I have not written about my father's sin against a child. I do so because I want to add my voice to those who know the damage done by sex offenders and the necessity to protect children from every person who has a presumption of trust with children. As repugnant as child sexual abuse is when committed by anyone, this sin by ordained clergy, enabled by priests, bishops, and I believe, even the Pope is surely the most egregious offense against the teaching and example of Jesus; it disqualifies them from any moral or religious authority- period. No one is sinless and there is forgiveness but there are consequences for behaviors that must follow to protect children and others unable to protect themselves from pious pedophiles. If I were able to write an article on this subject it would be a version of this piece published in the Huffington Post, May 3, 2010 called Molestation, Matthew 18, and Magnolia by Matthew S. Rindge (Ph.D., Emory University). 40

Professor Rindge explores this issue from the very texts that I consider the heart of Jesus' charge to the leaders of his Way concerning the protection of children. While this is directed toward the leadership of the Church, it certainly applies to every follower of Jesus. My personal experience compels me to add that anyone who has unfettered access to children or who has a presumption of trust with children, even their own children, may sexually abuse that child or be accused of sexual abuse of a child. The Episcopal Church program, Safe Church, requires that anyone who has regular contact with children in the Church must receive training in protecting children from sexual abuse. If you have young children or grandchildren, or if you have regular contact with children I urge you to receive this training. The Diocese of Maine's website has information on Safe Church training as well as the Diocesan policies on sexual misconduct. http://episcopalmaine.org/resources/safe_church_training.html Steve Crowson, rector Molestation, Matthew 18, and Magnolia by Matthew S. Rindge Reports this past month of alleged sexual abuse by Roman Catholic priests read like a sequel. Settings from the 2002 original have changed (Ireland, Germany, Austria, Spain, Switzerland, the Netherlands, Belgium, Brazil, Mexico, a deaf school in Wisconsin), but the script remains eerily similar: priest abuses child, and if there is a complaint, it is either ignored or addressed by transferring the priest to a new location. In either case, the result for the priest (and his victims) is the same: molestation, sodomy, rape. Church officials, it appears, repeatedly provided sexual vultures with a steady supply of young flesh. Jesus of course spoke about children, and in Matthew 18 they are a primary focus in his discourse to the disciples: "If you do not become like children, you'll never enter the kingdom of heaven ... Whoever humbles oneself like a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven ... Whoever welcomes a child in my name welcomes me ... " (Matt 18:3-5). Jesus' following saying seems especially pertinent to the current Vatican sex abuse scandal. Referring to children as "little ones," he warns, "If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea" (Matt 18:6). To those who might hurt a child, Jesus offers suicide as an alternative and perhaps surprising course of action. The intent of his instruction here is not retributive. The goal is not punishment of the abuser but protection of potential victims. Taking one's life is preferable, he claims, to harming a child. 41

So, too, it seems, is self-mutilation. Jesus considers harming children so vile that he claims hell awaits those who "put a stumbling block" before them. One can, however, avoid this "eternal fire" by cutting off one's body parts that might damage a child (Matt 18:7-9). Allowing Matthew 18 to speak meaningfully today does not require a literalistic insistence that (potential) abusers take their own lives or mutilate themselves. But the text insists upon exploring every possible option before harming a child. Thousands of children's lives could have been saved if abusers had explored alternatives. They explored instead the lives, bodies, and souls of vulnerable little ones. Why the focus on children? In Jesus' day, children occupied the lowest rung on the socioeconomic ladder. (In descending order, this ladder looked something like this: wealthy men, men, slaves, women, children.) Children were the least powerful; they had no public voice, and they could not advocate for themselves. They were consequently the most vulnerable to violence and abuse. So Jesus charges his disciples to provide for children what they themselves cannot: protection from abuse. Jesus envisions Church as the one place where children should be safe, as a refuge where leaders defend the defenseless. The Vatican has inverted this vision; male leaders protect themselves at all costs, even when the casualties are the destroyed and dismissed lives of little ones. Envisioned as a sanctuary for the vulnerable, the Church has instead become a den of molesters where children are left to fend off predators. Matthew 18 is also germane to the current crisis because of the audience (Jesus' disciples) to whom it is addressed. By the time Matthew's gospel is written (ca. 50-60 years after Jesus' death), Jesus' disciples are recognized as the first leaders of the Early Church. The charge Jesus gives these first and future leaders of the Church is to protect the most vulnerable members of society: children. It is not a charge to guard doctrine, police morality, or selectively delegate salvation. It is rather to protect the most vulnerable. Sexual abuse of children is therefore more than a legal crime and a violation of basic human trust. It is a betrayal of the specific charge Jesus gives future Church leaders. The failure of the Vatican leadership is thus not only moral and ethical; it is, at its core, religious. Child abuse, as a flagrant disregard of Jesus' command, is sacrilegious. It is an incarnation of the profane. http://thewartburgwatch.com/2013/03/06/psa-penitent-pedophiles-andcrossway-community-church-sgm-graphic/ PSA: Penitent Pedophiles and CrossWay Community Church (SGM)Graphic Wed Mar 06, 2013

42

We are not to simply bandage the wounds of victims beneath the wheels of injustice, we are to drive a spoke into the wheel itself. -Dietrich Bonhoeffer Here is a hypothetical situation. You are about to board an airplane which has recently been repaired after a serious engine malfunction. As you board the plane, the pilot announces that all is well. The mechanics have assured him that there is now only a 40% chance of an engine failure while in flight. Would you board the plane? Yet, some of today's churches take that risk all the time when it comes to a child predator because the predator is viewed as being no longer a problem. Here are a few reasons that are sometimes given. He got married. He became a Christian. His probation officer told me there is no problem. She has repented. (Yes, women can be pedophiles) If a church that you attend makes these claims, it is time to ask questions. Disclaimer: I am not addressing a situation such as 18 year old guy who has sex with his 15 year old girlfriend and lands of the sex offender registry. Proposed Scenario: Let's say that there is a man who has been convicted for molesting a 5 year old child and he is now attending your church. Why should you be concerned? Statistics on pedophilia According to this paper from Harvard called Pessimism About Pedophilia: One challenge in the scientific literature is that most of the studies on pedophilia have involved men convicted of crimes against children, and experts estimate that only one in 20 cases of child sexual abuse is reported. It remains unclear how prevalent pedophilia is in the general population. Research on convicts may not apply to people with pedophilic tendencies who live without detection in the community or suffer silently while controlling their impulses. What is pedophilia? According to a TWW post, the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual link pedophilia is defined as recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges or behaviors involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child. Can it be cured?

43

From the same post: Web MD states, "Sadly, there is no cure for pedophilia." This is true. There is no cure, but there is treatment. I want to make an important point. Marriage does not cure pedophilia. The pedophile has a compulsive behavior and is attracted to children. Some pedophiles have been known to marry in order to have access to children within the intimate home environment link. Unfortunately, when investigating the issues surrounding child molestation, we find statistics all over the map since so few molesters are ever caught. However, it is important to understand that pedophilia just doesn't evaporate when a person "becomes a Christian." Here are some reported stats. Pedophiles have a high risk of reoffending. From the above post at TWW: According to a study by Abel in 1987, reported in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 2(1), 3-25, offenders against female children had an average of 19 victims, while those against male children had an average of 50. From a post intended to downplay the reoffense rate link The accurate statement would be that the offenders committed an average of 128 offenses (This means there are higher and lower offense rate-ed. note) From a later study by Abel link A 1994 National Institute of Health survey of 453 pedophiles, conducted by Dr. Gene Abel, showed these criminals were collectively responsible for the molestation of over 67,000 children. Thats an average of 148 children per individual pedophile. Here is a take away point. The average pedophile, by the time he is arrested, is highly likely to have molested others but was not caught. Are all of these arrested offenders easy to spot? "There are 400,000 registered sex offenders in the United States, and an estimated 80 to 100,000 of them are missing. They're supposed to be registered, but we don't know where they are and we don't know where they're living. -Ernie Allen, President of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Childrento co-anchor Hannah Storm on The Early Show link. But, wouldn't good Biblical teaching prevent the pedophile from reoffending? (From previous link)

44

The behavior is highly repetitive, to the point of compulsion, rather than resulting from a lack of judgment. Dr. Ann Burgess, Dr. Nicholas Groth, et al. in a study of imprisoned offenders. Don't background checks prevent this sort of thing? (From previous link) Inmates who victimized children were less likely than other inmates to have a prior criminal record-nearly 1/3 of child victimizers had never been arrested prior to the current offense, compared to less than 20% of those who victimized adults.- BJS Survey of State Prison Inmates, 1991. They are Christians, now. They won't do it again, right? Wrong-would you get on a plane with the following statistical probability of engine failure? From a Harvard paper link One review found recidivism rates of 10% to 50% among pedophiles previously convicted of sexual abuse, although this could include anything from an arrest for any offense to reconviction on a crime against a child. One longterm study of previously convicted pedophiles (with an average follow-up of 25 years) found that one-fourth of heterosexual pedophiles and one-half of homosexual or bisexual pedophiles went on to commit another sexual offense against children. Aren't pedophiles strangers hiding in the bushes? From the previously quoted Harvard study: Parents should be aware that in most sexual abuse cases involving children, the perpetrator is someone the child knows. Is it the church's fault if pedophiles show up churches? Of course not! Pedophiles will target any institution that has trusting parents and kids. This goes for churches, Boy Scouts and youth sports. The shame belongs to those who want to hide the problem. What should we do with a "repentant" pedophile/molester who want to come to church? Churches often hide the fact that a convicted pedophile is at the church. This may be out of the misguided belief that conversion, Bible study and mentoring can "cure" the problem. This is dangerous. Pedophiles are highly manipulative and can appear to be repentant when they are grooming their next victim. Or, they may want to do the right thing but are struggling with terrible urges. Remember: this is a compulsive behavior not rooted in good judgment.

45

What is a sign that a pedophile is not repentant? This past summer, TWW reported a situation in which a convicted pedophile, Don Cameron, moved back into the neighborhood where his reported victims lived.The neighbors were horrified. At the same time, he was asked not return to his church campus because he did something. The church is not saying what "the something" is. You can read about it here link. By God's grace, we were able to apply some mild pressure and he moved out within days link. This is NOT, I repeat, Not a repentant pedophile. How do we know if a pedophile is repentant? A pedophile/molester shows repentance by going the extra mile to be blatantly open about his past. Everyone in a church must be informed about his presence. This is the only solution, in my opinion. Wade Burleson of Emmanuel Baptist Church spoke with Janet Mefford and gave us some insight into how he handles this We work with sex offenders in Celebrate Recovery, a program in our church, and we have those who worship, but when someone who's been convicted of a sexual crime is being ministered to in our church, we write a letter saying they are welcome to come, then we post their picture, we post their crime, and we distribute it to every person who is an employee or a servant in the church who's working with other people and say this is the person that's coming, this is what he did, you need to know his face, you need to know his name, you need to identify him, you need to love him, but he is never to be alone in any room with any person. And you know people have been upset with that. Why would you do that? And we tell the sex offender, that's the consequence of the choice you made when you abused a child. And so that's what we do." From Wade's comment we see some helpful suggestion that a church should consider to help a pedophile/molester be truly "repentant." Announce his conviction and presence to the church. Put his picture up around the church. Make sure the pedophile/molester is escorted at all times. Make programs such as Celebrate Recovery available to those who struggle. Make sure people in your church understand the issues surrounding child sex abuse. (Tune in this week to E Church to hear such a sermon.) Most importantly, TWW believes that church should make a concerted effort to remember the victims and to reach out to them when appropriate. It is not always that difficult as seen by our previously mentioned intervention in the Don Cameron situation. A Public Service Announcement to (SGM) CrossWay Community Church in Charlotte, NC. 46

On 3/1/13 Marge Sweigart (she has bravely decided to use her name due to her concern for the safety of children at this church) posted the following comment at TWW. SGM would be wise to heed Wade Burlesons advice. I was horrified to learn yesterday that there is a registered sex offender who molested a 5 year-old who is currently an usher at my former church (CrossWay Charlotte). He was there when we were there and he is still there. I asked someone who is still at CrossWay if they recognized his face. He did. I asked if he had heard anything about him being a sex offender. He had not. NO ONE KNEW except the pastors and a few of their chosen ones. They did not inform us as care group leaders or as parents. I was involved in childrens ministry and oversaw the bathroom monitors (security for kids during church) and I was not informed. My husband was a team leader on the churchs security team and he says he doesnt recall ever being informed. I called Marge and asked her for some details. Her response prompted me to call CrossWay on March 1st. I was able talk with the church's executive administrator, David Moore. I identified myself and said I was an editor for TWW. I then read the above comment to him. I asked if he would confirm, deny or not comment on the statement. He told me that he did not have the "authority" to do so. He said he would talk with those who do and if they wished to respond, they would contact me. There has been no further communication. In keeping with our belief that churches must be open and honest with their members about the presence of convicted pedophiles/molesters/sex offenders in their midst, we want to alert CrossWay that it is alleged that a man, convicted of taking indecent liberties with a 5 year old, has been attending your church since 2009. At one point it is alleged he served as an usher ( a position of respect within this community.) We believe that, if this man is penitent, he will be accepting of this post. PS -Please forgive the overuse of the word "alleged." Kevin Scott Davis, JR. (Convicted sex offender) Alleged Time Line October 2009: According to an alleged statement by Davis' wife, the two of them have been at the church since 10/09 but did not marry until 2011 October 3, 2009: Date of the offense October/November 2009: Coverage by WBTV.com link Huntersville Police arrested Kevin Scott Davis, Jr., on Saturday and charged him with one count of indecent liberties with a child.

47

According to the search warrant, Davis showed the victim a movie on his computer. Based on the child's description, the movie appeared to be pornographic in nature. Davis is also accused of inappropriately touching the child. During the second incident which happened a month earlier, Davis is accused of tickling and inappropriately touching the victim. September 9, 2010: From the North Carolina sex offender registry: link

Davis was sentenced to 3 years probation of taking indecent liberties with a 5 year old minor. He will be on the sex offender registry for a minimum of 10 years (9/2020). You can see his photos on this page. September/ 2009 or 2010: At some point it is alleged that the pastors of CrossWay became aware of this conviction and that the care group for Davis was notified. March 2011: Davis' wife allegedly states they are a newly married couple. Therefore, she married a convicted sex offender. Was this with the pastors' blessing? We don't know. August 2011: Kevin Davis and his wife were listed as members in the CrossWay online directory in 8/2011. August 2011: Marge Sweigart, who says she was involved with children ministry and her husband, who says he was the team leader for the security team, leave the church after learning about the Detwiler documents. At this time, they allege that neither of them had ever had been informed of the presence of the sex offender. November 2011: A friend of the Sweigarts allegedly finds out about the presence of Davis via the sex offender registry and allegedly expresses concern, via email, to the pastor because she/he alleges that Davis was an usher. It is alleged that the security team is informed at this time. Davis is reportedly not allowed downstairs in childrens' ministry area. Allegedly, the pastor who received the email said that Davis had become a Christian after the conviction. Why is this relevant to the safety concerns? March 2012: Another friend leaves the church. He used to be the head of one usher team (there were allegedly two). He allegedly recognized Davis after looking at the sex registry photo. He allegedly stated that Davis was not on his usher team but did not know if he was on the other team. He allegedly states that, while he was at the church, he was not told that Davis was a sex offender. August 2012: Kevin Davis and his wife were allegedly listed in the CrossWay membership directory for 8/12. 48

March 1, 2013: A close friend of the Sweigarts, who is allegedly a current teacher in the CrossWay children's ministry, claims that she hadn't been informed of the presence of Davis in the church. March 2, 2013: A married couple, with small children, who are allegedly friends with the Sweigarts, who are allegedly current members of CrossWay were contacted via email by Marge on this date. They allegedly claim that they did not know of the presence of the sex offender.They allegedly expressed gratitude for the information. March 2013 A close friend, who is a member of the current security team, alleges that he has been informed that Davis is a sex offender. March 2013: An alleged employee/staff member allegedly did not know that a sex offender is present in the church. Does this church ever inform the membership of those who are under church discipline? From Marge: It's interesting to me to think about how the pastors would always inform the church when people were under church discipline for things like adultery, alcoholism, and becoming a Mormon. This would sometimes be announced at a members meeting, but more often, they would either email all the church members or they would email an announcement to the care group leaders and have them read the announcement at their respective care group meetings. And those meetings had members, visitors, and teenagers at them. I remember one instance where the church was informed that a care group leader had to step down from leadership because his teenage daughter became pregnant out of wedlock. And yet when a registered sex offender joins the church, it's kept secret from all but a few people. I asked Marge what she believes is the thinking is behind allegedly alerting the entire church about a pregnant teenager but allegedly not alerting them about a sex offender: They do background checks on children's ministry workers and they probably do for ushers, too. It's possible that the pastors didn't know about his conviction until he decided he wanted to be an usher. I think their thinking is that the man confessed what he had done so there is no need to tell people about it. They probably want to extend grace to him and give him a chance to prove himself, but I think they are also very naive about sex offenders. One final concern from Marge: I also had the thought today that people should be informed when there's a sex offender because activities go on all the time in the building that involve children dance classes, homeschool co-ops, drama, kids going with their 49

parents for various things like rehearsals and stuff like that. The building is usually open at those times and anyone can wander around. If adults don't know that someone is a sex offender, they might see him there and not think anything of it. The pastors and his care group can't trail him 24 hours a day. End of public service announcement We want to commend the bravery of Marge Sweigart for speaking out about this situation. Her concern for the welfare of the children in SGM is to be commended. Jesus loves children. He warned that those who would harm them deserved a swim in sea with cement boots. Marge is a hero. Kris at SGM Survivors is a hero. Jim, formerly of SGM Refuge, is a hero. The people who were abused and brought the suit against SGM are heroes. (ed.note 3/7/13 9:23 PM- I am referring to those victims whose pedophiles were caught and were convicted. The other alleged victims are also heroes)! Please join with me in praying for these wonderful people who put themselves on the line in order to speak out and serve the most vulnerable amongst us. May God bless all of you! Lydia's Corner: Joshua 15:1-63 Luke 18:18-43 Psalm 86:1-17 Proverbs 13:910 http://www.way2hope.org/family-forums/index.php?showtopic=1582 Life and Family Help Forums Saving Pedophiles through Jesus Christ Purpose I pray this article will lead pedophiles to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord Savior and thus forever more reject their sexual addiction to children. I believe saving pedophiles will prevent future children from being molested. The Bottom Line The following is offered to those of you who want to skip reading the rest of this article and just get the essence of what I am saying. The following is excerpted from Matthew Henry Complete Commentary on the Whole Bible regarding Exodus, Chapter 8, and verses 20-32 Reigning lusts break through the strongest bonds, and make men presume and go from their word. Many seem in earnest, but there is some reserve, some beloved, secret sin. They are unwilling to look upon themselves as in danger of everlasting misery. They will refrain from other sins; they do much, give much, and even punish themselves much. They will leave it off sometimes, and, as it were, let their sin depart a little way; but will not make up their minds to part with all and follow Christ, bearing the cross. Rather than that, they venture all. They are sorrowful, but depart from Christ, determined to keep the world at 50

present, and they hope for some future season, when salvation may be had without such costly sacrifices; but, at length, the poor sinner is driven away in his wickedness, and left without hope to lament his folly. Relative to pedophiles I interpret Mr. Henrys comments as follows: The lusts are sexual attractions to children. These lusts are normally reinforced through masturbation, a highly addictive behavior. Drinking alcohol and taking drugs in excess are also addictive behaviors. One of Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps to recovery is belief in a higher power. I believe the only sure way out of any harmful addiction is through Jesus Christ. Because pedophiles break one of societies strongest bonds, namely the trust children have in adults, even other types of criminals loath child molesters. I met many pedophiles during my ten years of treatment. They all seemed to earnestly want to rid themselves of their secret desires. Almost all were sorrowful; some were just sorry for themselves whereas others were sorry for both themselves and their victims. I suspect those who were just sorry for themselves would have ventured all by molesting additional children if they were sure they could get away with it. I also suspect that some of those who empathized with their victims are nevertheless still masturbating to pictures, events, and fantasies involving children. In a spiritual sense I believe anyone who refuses to entirely and forever part with all aspects of their sexual addiction for children is keeping the world at present and left without hope of salvation. Anyone includes those who feel sorry for what they have done and never reoffend in a criminal sense, but continue to entertain sexual fantasies involving children. The only way to salvation is to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. My Background: I was sentenced to 5 years of probation for sexually molesting a child. One of the conditions of probation was satisfactory completion of a 5year pedophile treatment program. Upon satisfaction of all the conditions of my probation (including not living with my family and not being in areas frequented by children) the Court released me and did not require me to register as a sex offender. The good news; I believe therapy gave me the awareness, empathy, and coping skills which were helping me to not act out my fantasies. The bad news; a child had been molested and I was still inwardly sexually attracted to children. I voluntarily chose to continue therapy for an additional five years because I felt I had more to learn and gain from treatment. My treatment consisted of one-on-one sessions and weekly group meetings of pedophiles conducted by a psychologist. After ten years I left treatment 51

because I felt there was nothing more to gain by continuing it. At that time I was not acting out my fantasies but I was still mentally addicted (looking at porn). During the ten-year treatment period and for many years after I left therapy I lived what appeared to be a outwardly normal married life. For example, I attended my sons college graduation ceremonies and held down a full time job with a government agency. I felt I was in control of my outward behavior towards others but inwardly I was still sexually attracted to children. Finally, I truly accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Immediately the Lord cleansed my sole and mind. Praise the Lord! Because my ten years of treatment were of value (they taught me ways to not act out my urges) a portion of this article will address some of the lessons I learned during treatment. However, those treatments did not eliminate my urges; those were only eliminated when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. So, the main emphasis of this article will be on how the Lord can remove sexual addiction. Assume Anyone Can Be A Pedophile I am concerned some children are being molested because neither they nor their parents realize pedophiles can be anyone, not just dirty old men hiding in bushes. Consider the case of John D. R. Atchison, federal prosecutor Gulf Breeze, Fla. ---John D. R. Atchison - federal prosecutor, married father of three - was a respected figure who coached girls' softball and basketball in a park a few blocks from his home in this well-to-do beach community. But all that came crashing down when he was arrested last weekend in Detroit in an Internet sex sting on charges he went to Michigan to molest a 8-year-old girl. Officials say he later tried to hang himself in jail. Atchison, 53, had been communicating with an from Macomb County, Mich., who was posing mother and arranged for him to have sex with arrested carrying presents for her; including a materials, officials said. undercover sheriff's detective online as the fictitious girl's the child, police said. He was doll and earrings, and sexual

In the community that once applauded Atchison for his dedication to youth sports, people now worry that the assistant U.S. attorney might hold other secrets. But authorities have so far found no cases of child molestation in Florida involving Atchison. "There were no red flags. He was normal. He went to work at the courthouse Monday through Friday. It's not like he carried dolls to the ballpark," said police Lt. Rick Hawthorne, who knew Atchison for more than 10 years and coached softball. 52

Mayor Lane Gilchrist said: "My first thought was just how stupid it was, particularly someone of his stature. You couldnt think up something like that." Note that Mr. Atchison does not fit the pedophiles stereotypical image of appearing outwardly creepy during everyday life. Nor do the priests or women school teachers that have recently appeared in the news. So, dont use appearances to determine whether someone is a threat to a child. Mr. Atchison does conform to the commonly held misconception that pedophiles usually molest strangers. In fact, most pedophiles know their victims. Of all the pedophiles I have met, most of them victimized fellow family members. Others met their victims through institutions such as schools, scouting, or church. I have only met one person who had molested a stranger. Most of the pedophiles I have met wanted to use their positions of trust to groom their victims in order to establish a long-term relationship. Mr. Atkinsons case is an exception to the general rule that children know their perpetrators. It is better to assume ANYONE could be a pedophile. Children must be protected at all times. Be especially suspicions of people wanting to spend time alone with children. Do not take anyone for granted! Lessons Learned from Therapy Most pedophiles experience recurring cycles of giving advance permission, acting out, reinforcement, guilt, and denial; then back to giving advance permission, etc. I will now address each component of the cycle and how to break the chain of sexual addiction to children. Giving oneself permission to contemplate or commit unacceptable behavior is a form of justification. Common rationales are this is a way of us showing love for each other and its better for me to teach them than someone who does not love them. It is wrong thinking and selfish. It does not recognize the harmful consequences on either the child or the molester. It is an excuse to indulge in addiction. Acting out can range from just looking to rape. Those who claim they will never do anything worse than just fantasize and never touch think are in control. But their addiction is in control. Pedophiles often delude themselves and minimize their actions. Reinforcement results from masturbation before and/or during and/or after the act. It yields an extreme high that is highly addictive. Guilt usually occurs for selfish reasons; feeling shame, sorrow for oneself, fear of being caught, etc. It may occur because of a limited amount of empathy for the victim. This is the time of conscience. The guilt phase is the weak link in the cycle. If left unbroken, the cycle continues to have terrible consequences for pedophiles and their victims. The guilt period is the opportunity to 53

acknowledge the problem and deal with it by seeking help from others (the other I prefer is Jesus Christ). Sadly, addiction trumps guilt with denial. Denial is the pedophiles antidote for guilt. It shifts the focus from the negative aspects of pedophilia to aspects the molester finds to be pleasurable. Denial prepares the mental ground for sowing the seeds of destruction. After denial the cycle begins anew and repeats until the pedophiles acts are stopped, usually by law enforcement. Courts and therapists protect children by altering and deterring pedophiles worldly behavior. But I believe only Jesus Christ can remove all lustful thoughts; only He can save pedophiles souls. I pray the final section of this article leads you to the same conclusion. The only way to salvation is through Jesus Christ. Almost all of the pedophiles I met after completing the initial phases of therapy were able to control their outward acts by following two rules. Rule 1 Avoid: Avoid contact with children in the first place. Rule 2 Escape: When unavoidable situations arise placing the pedophile in proximity with children the pedophile is to escape the scene as soon as possible. Following these rules helps minimize the chances of harming more children, but they do nothing to heal the harm done to pedophiles and their victims. It addresses (cleans) the pedophiles outward behavior but does not address their lusts. Therapy is mans way of addressing mental addiction, but therapists cant save souls. The Lord will clean the pedophiles mind and save his soul, if he confesses, repents, and accepts Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior Outward motives may keep the outside clean, while the inside is filthy; but if the heart and spirit be made new, there will be newness of life; here we must begin with ourselves. And it is just with God to give those up to men their true characters. .Matthew Henrys Concise Commentary on Matthew 23:13 Man has free will. He can choose to obstinately persist in gratifying their hearts lusts to their, and their victims, peril or he can choose to break his cycle of addictive behavior. As discussed earlier, the best point to break the cycle is when he feels guilt and before he goes into denial. Confession trumps denial If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1John 1:8 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1John 1:9. Confession should be directed to the Lord, victims, and loved ones because 54

confession can help both the pedophile and others. Confession must be coupled with true repentance resulting in being forgiven by Jesus Christ: "Repent ye." The word here used, implies a total alteration in the mind, a change in the judgment, disposition, and affections, another and a better bias of the soul. Consider your ways, change your minds: you have thought amiss; think again, and think aright. True penitents have other thoughts of God and Christ, sin and holiness, of this world and the other, than they had. The change of the mind produces a change of the way. That is gospel repentance, which flows from a sight of Christ, from a sense of his love, and from hopes of pardon and forgiveness through him. It is a great encouragement to us to repent; repent, for your sins shall be pardoned upon your repentance. Return to God in a way of duty, and he will, through Christ, return unto you in the way of mercy. It is still as necessary to repent and humble ourselves, to prepare the way of the Lord, as it then was. There is a great deal to be done, to make way for Christ into a soul, and nothing is more needful than the discovery of sin, and a conviction that we cannot be saved by our own righteousness. Matthew Henrys Concise Commentary regarding Matthew 3:1 repentance is bound up with the forgiveness of sins. In Acts 5:31 we read that Jesus is exalted to give repentance and forgiveness of sins. These two blessings come from that sacred hand which once was nailed to the tree, but is now raised to glory. Repentance and forgiveness are riveted together by the eternal purpose of God. What God hath joined together let no man put asunder. Repentance must go with remission, and you will see that it is so if you think a little upon the matter. It cannot be that pardon of sin should be given to an impenitent sinner; this were to confirm him in his evil ways, and to teach him to think little of evil. If the Lord were to say, You love sin, and live in it, and you are going on from bad to worse, but, all the same, I forgive you, this were to proclaim a horrible license for iniquity. The foundations of social order would be removed, and moral anarchy would follow. I cannot tell what innumerable mischiefs would certainly occur if you could divide repentance and forgiveness, and pass by the sin while the sinner remained as fond of it as ever. In the very nature of things, if we believe in the holiness of God, it must be so, that if we continue in our sin, and will not repent of it, we cannot be forgiven, but must reap the consequence of our obstinacy. According to the infinite goodness of God, we are promised that if we will forsake our sins, confessing them, and will, by faith, accept the grace which is provided in Christ Jesus, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. But, so long as God lives, there can be no promise of mercy to those who continue in their evil ways, and refuse to acknowledge their wrongdoing All of Grace An Earnest Word with Those Who Are Seeking Salvation by the Lord Jesus Christ by Charles Spurgeon CONCLUSION So it all comes down to a control issue. In order to be saved the pedophile 55

must allow the Lord, not sexual addiction, to be in control. This is accomplished by (1) confessing, repenting of, and forsaking the addiction and (2) accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. What the Lord Jesus did for us when He came more than nineteen hundred years ago is the gospel, the good news. He died for us, and He rose again. God doesn't save us by His love, and He doesn't save us by His mercy. Ephesians tells us: "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God" (Eph. 2:8)... Mercy is the compassion of God that prompted Him to send a Savior to mankind. If one man could be saved by the mercy of God, all mankind would be saved. It wouldn't have been necessary for Christ to die; the Cross would have been circumvented. God loves men, but He didn't save us by His love. Love is the divine motive, but God is not only love, He is righteous and holy and just. The holy demands of God, His just claims, and His righteous standard had to be met. The love of God may long to save us, but the immutable law of justice makes love powerless to do so. Therefore, Christ, by dying for our sins, met the holy demands of God's justice, and He can now save us by grace. How wonderful it is to be saved by the grace of God!J. Vernon McGee's Thru The Bible commentary on Titus 2:11 http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/september/21.49.html Sex Offenders in the Pew How churches are ministering to society's most despised. Marian V. Liautaud [ posted 9/17/2010 The first time Craig read the Bible was two decades ago, when he was in a county jail. "I'm a voracious reader, and after I had read all the paperbacks in the unit, I finally picked up the Bible and devoured it in four days." When the prison chaplain asked Craig if he was willing to accept Christ as his Savior, he answered with a question: "Would Christ accept me?" Craig (who asked that his real name not be used) was serving a sentence for multiple sexual assault and abusecrimes he committed against his young daughter and another girl. Anglican theologian N. T. Wright states in Simply Christian that every society has one unforgiveable sin. Many would argue that the unforgiveable sin today is the sexual abuse of children. Craig accepted God's pardon for his unforgiveable sin through Christ. He has been living under grace since then, but he still struggles with the consequences of what he did. "No one ever grows up thinking they're going to become a sex offender," he says. "One of God's greatest gifts is a child's innocence. I live with the knowledge that I destroyed this in these girls' lives." The U.S. Department of Justice's Sex Offender Registry includes the names and locations of 549,000 persons convicted of or charged with sex crimes. The odds are that if you are reading this article, you have come into contact with a 56

sex offender or a victim, whether you know it or not. This in itself may account for the emotionally charged responses to sex offenders. "Lust, like any addiction, is inherently selfish," Craig says. "It puts walls between you and everyone else because you learn to objectify people. It robs you of the thing that makes you human." Prison gave Craig time to examine his sin. "In group therapy, I was able to discuss every aspect of my crimeshow I had digressed to committing them and what my cycle of offending was. No more victimsthis was my mantra in prison, and it continues today." Post-prison, Craig has found in the local church support for recovery from what he calls "addiction to lust." For several years, he served as a small group volunteer for a sex addictions ministry at a large church. Today, he and his wife are in the process of changing churches. Before doing so, Craig made an appointment to meet with his new pastor to inform him of his past. "I never want to blindside church leaders and have them hear from someone else, 'Hey, did you know he is on the sex offender registry?'" Craig said. "I know that not everyone is able to accept me and my past as a sex offender, and I respect their feelings. Rejection is one of the consequences of my sin." Craig awaits the pastor's verdict. Nationwide, church leaders are facing the same dilemma as Craig's pastor: how to help restore and incorporate into church life persons who have served time for heinous crimes, while keeping the church safe. Pastor and author Dick Witherow aptly refers to the sex offender as "the modern-day leper" in his 2009 book by the same title. When Florida became one of the first states to pass laws restricting where released sex offenders can live, Witherow expanded his prison ministry to help the shunned population with the re-entry process. He first opened a ranch for sex offenders, but a change in zoning laws forced him to close the facility. Undaunted, Witherow found a set of duplexes surrounded by sugar cane fields in rural Palm Beach County. He renamed it Miracle Village. Today, a colony of 69 sex offenders and old-time sugar company workers and their families live side by side well "outside the camp" in one of the nation's wealthiest counties. On Sundays they attend the church where Witherow is senior pastor, as well as classes three days a week on anger management, relationships, and life skills. "Sex offenders can change just as an alcoholic or drug addict can change," contends Witherow. He quotes 2 Corinthians 5:17 to support his belief: "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" He is on a mission to educate people and undo the hysteria that has built up around sex offenders. While the government's focus is on creating laws to restrict those who have been prosecuted, Witherow says, "When you look at 57

recidivism rates for criminals, sex offenders are the least likely to reoffend." That is true if offenders are part of a thoroughgoing accountability system (more about that below). Beyond Risk Management A new national survey reveals that most pastors, church staff, and lay leaders endorse Witherow's goals, but not necessarily all of his methods. In April 2010, Christianity Today International (CTI) conducted a national survey of 2,864 people, including ordained church leaders (15 percent), church staff (20 percent), lay members (43 percent), and other active Christians (22 percent). Respondents were drawn from the readers of CTI publications and websites. The purpose of the "Sex Offenders in the Church" survey was to explore attitudes and beliefs on whether to allow sex offenders to participate in faith communities. The survey explored what practices churches use to keep their congregations safe when sex offenders are welcomed. Pastors, lay leaders, and churchgoers overwhelmingly agree that sex offenders who have legally paid for their crime should be welcomed into churches. In fact, 8 in 10 respondents indicated that registered offenders should be allowed to attend church under continuous supervision and subject to appropriate limitations. Ian Thomsen, church administrator for Arvada Covenant Church in Arvada, Colorado, says, "If we can reach out to sex offenders, and through our efforts change their lives for the better and take a significant risk away from society, we see this as a tremendous challengebut what a wonderful challenge. We want to take it on." "Jesus said there's no unforgiveable sin except blasphemy of the Holy Spirit," says Mark Tusken, rector of St. Mark's Church in Geneva, Illinois. "Now that doesn't mean we want to condone sexual crimes. We're not out to hang a shingle that says Sex Offenders Not Welcome any more than we want to hang a shingle that says Come, Y'All. But my prayer has always been that St. Mark's would be a safe placea place where people can come because they sense the refuge of Christ here. "That means parents can come without even giving a thought about something happening to their kids, but also that somebody with a sex offense in their past ought to be able to come and fit in and not be judged." In the 16 years that Tusken has overseen his congregation, he has known of only one convicted sex offender attending. According to the survey results, 2 in 10 respondents said they are aware of a church attendee or member who had been convicted of a sex offense. More than half of the time (55 percent), church leaders learned of the offender when he or she directly informed the pastor. Thirty-four percent of respondents said someone from the congregation, often another leader, tipped them off. This was the case for Tusken. 58

"When I accepted the call to lead St. Mark's, I asked the outgoing rector if there were any skeletons in the church's closetany pedophiles, embezzlers, anyone I ought to know about. He revealed that there was one man in the congregation who they had learned from a visitor had been convicted for a sex offense." Equipped with this information, Tusken decided to befriend this person and to establish better accountability. "For the past 16 years, I've had breakfast with this man once a month. Within a year of meeting, he told me what had happened. I took that as a great sign of health on his part, that within a year of us meeting he came to me and told me the problem." The individual also honors the church's policy of never being alone with a child. Tusken feels good about this person being a part of his church, because of his repentant attitude, the number of offenses he had been convicted of (one), and the years since the offense had occurred (13 years prior to Tusken's tenure at the church). The vast majority of survey respondents (83 percent) say that signs of a repentant attitude is the number one determining factor in whether an exoffender should be welcomed into the church. Trust, But Verify While church leaders are looking for clues that reveal a broken and contrite heart, sex offenders are notoriously good liars. Anna Salter, a clinical psychologist who consults on sex offenders and victims, offers a word of caution in her 2003 book Predators: Pedophiles, Rapists, and Other Sex Offenders: "Decades of research have demonstrated that people cannot reliably tell who is lying. Many offenders report that religious people are even easier to fool than most people." One molester, who was himself a minister, told Salter, "I considered church people easy to fool. They have a trust that comes from being Christians. I think they want to believe in people." "What makes fooling us so easy is not the worst in us," says Salter. "It is often the best." For too long, church leaders have erred on the side of trust instead of insisting on good boundaries and best practices to expose harmful behavior. 'Sex offenders can change just as an alcoholic or drug addict can change.' Dick Witherow, pastor and author "One of the great things that Jesus said is, 'I am the light of the world.' I want to live into that," says Tusken. "I want his light to shine in the dark places of the abuser's heart and in the hearts of the abused."

59

St. Mark's lets its light shinein every corner of its building. A recent remodeling project added interior windows to every room. A sign by the front door states the church's safety policies, and more than 300 adults in the church have gone through its child protection training program. In southeast Michigan, Laura Kubenez, child protection program director at Woodside Bible Church, looks at the facts, plus the offender's words and actions, when making decisions about allowing him or her to attend one of the megachurch's six satellite locations. "We sit down and create a covenant agreement with the offender," says Kubenez. "The terms of this agreement are based on two things: what their offense was, and how we feel they are doing in their journey toward recovery." Under the Freedom of Information Act, Kubenez is able to examine court documents to learn the facts of an individual's case. "We tell offenders that it's not our place to be the judge and the jury; we base our decisions on what the courts say." She then enlists the help of lay professionals in the church trained in criminal justice. "We have a defense attorney, a prosecuting attorney, a child court advocate, some child psychologists and psychiatrists, and retired police officers," Kubenez says. "Cooperation is absolutely mandatory," she adds, "or you won't be allowed to attend our church." For example, Woodside needs to agree on what conditional attendance will look like. According to Arvada's Ian Thomsen, this was his church's biggest sticking point. "One of our church's ministries had 'adopted' a low-income apartment building and was spending a lot of time tutoring the kids and engaging in all sorts of activities with the residents. We invited these folks to church, and we even provided transportation. Then I found out that a couple of the people who were coming were registered sex offenders." Although a lot of issues factored into how to handle their attendance, Arvada's council agreed on one thing: "We all wanted to minister to them. We feel that they are probably among the neediest in terms of finding Christ and being coached and mentored by Christians." Arvada Covenant got bogged down on whether offenders should be chaperoned in church at all times. "Do we have escorts for these people? That was probably the most contentious question," Thomsen says. Half of the church council felt that escorts would be too intrusive. The other half (Thomsen included) insisted on them to protect children and youth. "We have children and youth all over the place, and a person would have unlimited, unsupervised access to kids. I just couldn't bear the thought of that happening," Thomsen says. In the end, it took about six months for Arvada Covenant to agree on and adopt a sex offender conditional attendance policy. 60

Redemption Road Is it worth the effort to include registered sex offenders in local churches? Wouldn't it be easier to exclude them, even though 95 percent of sex offenders are eventually released from prison? A majority of the CTI survey respondents believe exclusion may be justified, but not for the sake of convenience. Sixty-six percent would consider excluding registered offenders if their victims attend the same church. Sixty-one percent, before permitting an offender to attend church, said they would review the offender's probation terms and criminal record. In addition, 62 percent of survey respondents say they are either not sure or do not believe a sex offender can be rehabilitated to the point where they no longer pose a threat to others. The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers, the largest professional organization on treating sex offenders, states on its website that "although many, if not most, sexual abusers are treatable, there is no known 'cure.' Management of sexually abusive behavior is a lifelong task for some sexual abusers." The organization says repeat sexual crimes can be reduced significantly through prevention, assessment, treatment, supervision, and collaboration involving all parties. Based on the survey, church leaders said churches want to be one of the parties in the re-entry and prevention process. But why do nearly a quarter (24 percent) of surveyed leaders report that they are doing nothing to provide a church-based recovery ministry to people with sexual addictions? Further, nearly half (49 percent) provide referrals to other ministries. Miracle Village's Witherow says, "Most churches are not equipped to handle the negative environment that has been created in how we perceive sex offenders." Don Bryant, former pastor of a small congregation outside Boston, has his theories too. "In my 30-plus years as a minister, I have never asked someone to leave the church because their redemptive process was too messy. But what I learned in trying to work with a sex offender at our church is that you need more of a critical mass of people invested in recovery as a ministry." With only about 75 members in his congregation, Bryant said there were just not enough people to sustain the level of care and attention the sex offender's presence required. When the church dwindled to 35 people, Bryant went to his church board and suggested they close their doors. Although those who left the church never admitted it, Bryant sensed a diminished energy among them for having to deal with the offender.

61

"The sex offender is the broken and bruised man," says ex-offender Craig. "He is isolated by the nature of his crimes. To come alongside and reflect Christ through accountability and assistance, to offer mentorshipthese would be the most helpful things a church could do. But most churches don't even want to talk about sex, much less sex offenses. And yet to have someone to talk to honestly and openly about their strugglesthat's what being a Christian is all about." Another reason many churches don't have recovery programs may be that they simply do not have a working model. But one group may have cracked the code. A New Model In 1994, the Mennonite Central Committee in Canada created a program that models a simple and effective gateway into society for ex-offenders. Circles of Support and Accountability (COSA) began as a pilot project in Ontario. Its mission: to reduce the risk of re-offense and ease offenders back into society. A 2007 study of COSA groups across Canada showed that offenders who participated in the program had a significant reduction in recidivism in contrast with a matched comparison group. Today, COSA is being established in all of Canada's provinces, and several U.S. states have also begun implementing the program. In February 2007, Clare Ann Ruth-Heffelbower, a Mennonite pastor, won a $290,000 grant from the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation to develop COSA through Fresno Pacific University's Center for Peacemaking and Conflict Studies. Approximately 100,000 sex offenders are registered in California. In Fresno County alone, 250 prisoners are paroled each month. Up to 30 of them may be sex offenders. Like the Canadian original, the Fresno COSA is faith-based and built around volunteers, which, Ruth-Heffelbower says, is the genius of the program. "When the community takes responsibility for its own safety and for assisting offenders to live productive lives, healing for all involved can occur in powerful ways," she says. Each COSA circle works with one off ender and begins with weekly meetings, generally at a church. A COSA circle includes one "core member," a title she says is used to help the offender build a new identity based on something other than his or her criminal past. Three to four volunteers from the community serve as "circle members." "It doesn't take a particular expertise," Ruth-Heffelbower says. "One circle includes a housewife, a student, and a retired person. But community circle members must be stable, mature, emotionally healthy, and available. They should be willing to meet regularly and walk with a core member through 62

the ups and downs of life, be ready to confront if necessary, and help him celebrate when good things happen." Each circle works with one offender and begins with weekly meetings, generally at a church. Circle volunteers provide practical, physical, emotional, and spiritual support for at least one year. Some circles continue for years. Ten are now operating in Fresno, and more are being formed. The key to COSA's success is simplicity. It follows two guiding principles: no more victims, and no one is disposable. But simple doesn't mean easy. "We get referrals primarily from state parole. We want the offenders who are considered high-risk with physical, emotional, spiritual, or other needs who do not have support from family, friends, or other sources," says RuthHeffelbower"the ones people are scared of." Initially, a circle group evaluates a core member's parole. "Sex offenders' parole agreements are more extensive than others," she says. "If you don't know what they are, you can't help them stay accountable, or you might inadvertently help them break parole." COSA is designed to serve as one piece of an offender's successful re-entry into society. The model is based on relationships with individual offenders who want to change their lives. It does not necessarily substitute for a church. "My bias is that ultimately it's better for our core members to be part of a church, but the challenges of this are pretty great," says Ruth-Heffelbower. "Groups like Celebrate Recovery feature worship time and sharing. In many ways, the recovery groups become church for these people." Competing Interests What motivates church and ministry leaders to invest in the recovery of sex offenders? In so many words, leaders told CTI that it could be a deeply enriching experience to work with sex offenders committed to church-based recovery. "God put them on my doorstep when I wasn't looking for them," says RuthHeffelbower. "The experience of sitting in a room with a sex offender and hearing him say how much he appreciates being part of a circle of people who will be his friends is moving. It gives me energy." Witherow says he is called to minister to everyone, but that he's been given "a special unction for sex offenders, because not many will serve them." Churches face significant competing interests when dealing with sex offenders in their midst. While Craig understands these challenges, he holds out hope for himself and all sex offenders who want to be part of a faith communityof finding more people with Witherow's special unction. 63

"I never will reach the point where I don't identify myself as a sex offender," Craig says. "If I'm not to have any more victims, then I have to remember my past as a lesson for my future, especially from the standpoint of receiving God's grace." Craig notes that most sex offenders commit crimes against a family member. The vast majority of sexual abuse is committed within homes, not by strangers lurking in bushes. About 5 percent of sex offenders suffer from significant mental illness. Cognitive behavioral techniques can teach the offender to control his thoughts and behaviors to prevent future crimes. Based on Craig's interaction with other sex offenders in prison, he says their crimes are less frequently part of a larger pattern of committing crimes. "We don't want to do it again. We're looking for redemptionhopethat we will be able to successfully interact in society." Craig experienced Christian redemption and salvation within the walls of a prison. To find it in the real world? That's the grace the church is powerfully able to offer. Online Resources Exclusive report with full results from "Sex Offenders in the Church" survey YourChurchResources.com Circles of Support and Accountability peace.fresno.edu/cosa/ Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers atsa.com Child Protection Training Curriculum for Churches ReducingTheRisk.com Celebrate Recovery CelebrateRecovery.com Marian V. Liautaud is resources editor for CTI's Church Management Team. She edited Reducing the Risk, 3rd Edition, and the training resource "Sex Offenders in the Church." Both are available at YourChurchResources.com. Copyright 2010 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information. Related Elsewhere: The report with full results from "Sex Offenders in the Church" survey is available. Previous articles on sex offenders in the church include: 64

N.C. Court Upholds Sex Offenders' Right to Worship | When extending grace and protecting 'little ones' clash. (January 6, 2010) Modern-Day Lepers | Churches try to balance grace and accountability toward sex offenders. (December 3, 2009) Drawing the Line on Danger | What to do when someone scary enters your church. (YourChurch, March 2, 2009) http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/archive//ldn/2010/apr/10041916 The Definitive Paper Showing Homosexuality at Root of the Sex Abuse Crisis by LifeSiteNews.com Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:15 EST By John-Henry Westen April 19, 2010 (LifeSiteNews.com) - A must-read paper produced by Human Life International Research Director Brian Clowes has closed the book on the question of whether homosexuality in the priesthood is a root cause of the clerical sexual abuse crisis. Citing numerous research studies, Clowes demonstrates that homosexuality is strongly linked to sexual abuse of minors, and that celibacy is definitely not a cause of pedophilia. Clowes cites studies, including: - Homosexual Alfred Kinsey, the USAs preeminent sexual researcher, found in 1948 that 37 percent of all male homosexuals admitted to having sex with children under 17 years old. - A recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that "The best epidemiological evidence indicates that only 2.4% of men attracted to adults prefer men. In contrast, around 25-40% of men attracted to children prefer boys. Thus, the rate of homosexual attraction is 6-20 times higher among pedophiles." - A study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that, "Pedophilia appears to have a greater than chance association with two other statistically infrequent phenomena. The first of these is homosexuality ... Recent surveys estimate the prevalence of homosexuality, among men attracted to adults, in the neighborhood of 2%. In contrast, the prevalence of homosexuality among pedophiles may be as high as 30-40%." - A study in the Journal of Sex Research noted that "... the proportion of sex offenders against male children among homosexual men is substantially larger than the proportion of sex offenders against female children among heterosexual men ... the development of pedophilia is more closely linked with homosexuality than with heterosexuality." 65

- A study of 229 convicted child molesters published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that eighty-six percent of [sexual] offenders against males described themselves as homosexual or bisexual. For the references for these findings please see Clowes full paper here. http://christiancounseling.com/content/the-glory-of-christ-%E2%80%9Courbottom-line%E2%80%9D-as-counselors The Glory of Christ: Our Bottom Line As Counselors Posted on 7/16/2012 by Jeremy Lelek Have you ever sat with someone struggling with extreme issues; problems that would likely garner such diagnoses as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, or Pedophilia from a psychiatrist or psychologist? If you have had the opportunity to work with individuals struggling at such a severe level, then you likely know the process of counseling can be challenging, even confusing. For individuals wrestling with such chronic issues, the hope of change can often feel profoundly out of reach. Take for example, a man struggling with what is known in our society as Pedophilia. I have worked with many such individuals, and the intensity of the battle in which they are daily besieged is something difficult for me to accurately understand. Gaining perspective on the labyrinth of lies, deceit, insecurities, evil ambitions, and sexual lusts that drive such a darkened heart is a task (for me at least) that is only possible through the discernment of the Holy Spirit as understood through His Word. While I want to comprehend their conceptualization of the issue as a means of wisely entering their world of ideas, I am also set forth with the task to love them and to assist them in making sense of their problem from the vantage point of Scripture. Yet, what I seek to do most of all (and this is indicative of the two tasks I mention in the previous sentence), is to expose such people to the unending, all-powerful, heart transforming, lifealtering, sin-destroying, incomprehensibly loving, eternally committed person of Jesus Christ! As I embark upon what I hope will be a redemptive journey with counselees such as this, I want them to understand that our bottomline, our crucial deciding factor in the process, is ultimately Christ alone! In building this framework, I will often take counselees to Titus 2:11-14, where it is written, For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. If he or she has any hope of change, it is found in this passage! Gods Grace Is Present 66

First, the good news for such people is that Gods grace is present and visible (assuming the one struggling is a believer in Jesus Christ)! Obviously, discussing their faith in Jesus, what it means, and how it is relevant in their daily lives will be significant. We cannot fall prey to foolish assumptions about a persons salvation. We must guard against forgone conclusions that simply because the person says he or she is a Christian that this is actually the case AND we must protect them from our own prideful judgments that simply because they wrestle with chronic sin that they must not possess genuine faith. Being patient, and prayerfully talking through this issue thoroughly is of utmost importance. Now, assuming genuine faith is present, the good news of Gods grace in the battle must be proclaimed. For example, people with intense habitual sin patterns (especially those of a sexual nature) often fail to appreciate Gods grace in the process because all of their previous efforts towards victory have failed. They have resigned themselves to the despairing lie that change is not possible. Such desolation of hope is a prime opportunity to remind them of the Gospel. Maybe the person has forgotten or has never realized, but as a believer, he or she has already experienced the greatest transformational miracle evidenced in the Bible! The apostle Paul had to remind the saints of Ephesus, And you were dead in your trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience (Ephesians 2:1-2). He continues later, But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christby grace you have been saved (Ephesians 2:4-5). This is Gods grace appearing and it was an event over which the person had absolutely NO control! Having people recall this truth brings them face to face with the reality that God has already radically changed them (with no need of their assistance), and He continues to sovereignly reign over their hearts as they are divinely conformed to His image. Radical Truth #1: God has already brought me from death to life. I was powerless, yet he raised me from the dead! If, in His love, He so radically transformed my heart, how much more is He able to change me in and through my current struggle! He was faithful in my salvation, he will be faithful in my sanctification! Gods Grace Is Training Hearts Gods grace is not merely a present reality it is a working reality. Paul, referring to Gods grace, reminded Titus (for the sake of the elect), training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age (Titus 2:12). The grace of God is agenda driven. It is being poured out upon the saints for a purpose: to continue in the work of transformation. And Paul doesnt give us a sweet by and by type of hope regarding this change. He points to the present age. He points to NOW! For the person overwhelmed by the darkness of chronic 67

sin, this truth serves as the bottom line! No matter how vivid and intense the presenting sin or temptation may be, Gods grace is committed to eradicating and destroying its influence so that His people will exhibit godly lives for His own glory! Regardless of the overwhelming sense (experientially) of temptation, Gods grace infinitely exceeds it in scope and power! Radical Truth #2: My heart still lusts. My soul continues to fear. I long to manipulate and control. Yet, as a redeemed one of Christ, I have been graciously thrust into a process wherein all such evils are now in the process of being undone. This is true in spite of me. My Savior will have it no other way! Lord, teach me by Your Word, and humble me by Your Spirit! Jesus: Our Blessed Hope All of the battles with sin are much more significant than the battles themselves! Counseling can often become so hyper-focused on the problem, that the most glorious reality is ignored! I will often ask counselees, Why do you want to overcome this issue? Ill receive answers like, I want better friendships (in the case of someone who comes who identifies with the psychiatric diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder), I dont want to be so angry with my children (in the case of the man citing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), or I dont want to go back to jail or shame my family (in the case of the man labeled as a Pedophile). While each of these answers warrants my attention, they will ultimately fall short of the bottom line. A person seeking to engage the process of transformation with such myopia will likely end up feeling as the author who laments, I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind (Ecclesiastes 1:14). When Paul was discussing holiness, transformation, and godly living, he did so with a grand and anticipatory heart. The present reality of change (or the battle towards such change) rested in a greater reality: the coming of Jesus Christ! The moment when the Groom will be united with His Bride, and all that is wrong will be made perfectly right! Radical Truth #3: My change must be more than self-improvement. My hope to be different must rest in something far more eternal than convenience or comfort! Any efforts I make towards fighting the sins of my heart MUST be rooted in my love for Jesus, and the call He has placed upon me to love others. Change is centered in my becoming a creature who not only abides in the love of God, but whose very purpose is to extend such love to others around me. Make it be so Father, that I may bring glory to You! Jesus: The Bottom Line The critical deciding factor (the bottom line) for the person steeped in dark patterns of sin is Jesus Christ! Paul makes the proclamation that Jesus gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works (Titus 2:14). This reality must undergird every word of counsel and every recommended method. Jesus Christ has already redeemed the one who has placed faith in Him AND He is faithfully committed to unleashing His grace in that persons life 68

so that he or she is not merely clinging to hold on in obedience, but whose very passions are completely reoriented for entirely new things! Radical Truth #4: I belong to One who gave His life not only to save me from sin, but to utterly rearrange my personality! While my commitment to His good and glory may falter, His commitment to these things will never be shaken. I can confidently stand with Paul and say, What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us (Romans 8:31)? When I sit with those whose lives exhibit chaos, confusion, and what appear to be unchangeable issues and patterns, I must often remind myself of the bottom line. My counselees destiny is not dependent on my skills or wisdom, nor does it ultimately reside in the ones I serve. Rather, the hope of change ultimately rests in a faithful God whose passion to transform hearts far exceeds my own. I can take comfort in the words He spoke when He walked among the brokenness of this world: All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day (John 6:37-40). May we believe in His faithfulness, and foster such belief in those we serve! http://thewartburgwatch.com/2012/07/02/towards-a-christian-response-topedophilia-in-the-church/ Towards a Christian Response to Pedophilia in the Church Mon Jul 02, 2012 The gospel of a broken heart demands the ministry of bleeding heartsWe can never heal the needs we do not feel. Tearless hearts can never be heralds of the passion. We must pity if we would redeem. We must bleed if we would be ministers of the saving blood. Dr. John Henry J. H. Jowett Today I had the distinct pleasure of meeting one of our readers, Eagle, as he was traveling through North Carolina. We had an awesome time, sharing about faith, pain, grace and redemption. When I hear of Christian leaders downplaying the possibility of Christian fellowship via the web, I realize how provincial they are. There is a big world out there, filled with wonderful people and today I met one of them. Once again, we are pleading with the church of Jesus Christ to change business as usual and deal with sexual abuse in an open, honest, (and to draw in the Calvinistas) gospel fashion. The following template is born out of several years of both personal experience and learning of the experiences of families affected 69

by this horrific sin. We ask our readers, many of whom have experienced abuse, to add their thoughts in this matter. 1. Criminal background checks should be mandatory for all church employees and volunteers. This should be expected of all churches. In fact, I would not attend a church who did not do this as a matter of routine. However, all churches should understand that these checks only catch those who have been convicted. 2. The police must be notified whenever the possibility of pedophilia exists. Parents should first report the incident to the police. Rapid input is required to prevent further molestation within the church. Church leaders and members are not trained to determine whether or not an incident constitutes abuse. Most police departments have trained personnel who can assess the situation. I know of one incident in which a teen reported bizarre behavior on the part of a church volunteer. The church chose to ignore it, calling it "locker room behavior". That pedophile went on to horribly abuse a number of teens for another year until he was caught by police. Many boys deeply suffered at the hands of this pedophile who is now in jail. The church has never apologized to the young man who made the initial report. 3. Leave any church which does not encourage a parent or worker to notify the police. If a church wants to handle this via "Matthew 18", people are dealing with a church which wishes to cover up the incident. This is blatant misuse of Scripture. Matthew 18 has become the go to verse by many churches who wish to avoid dealing with serious issues. We are to obey our government. Our government says that pedophile behavior is illegal and must be punished. Any pastor or leader who says otherwise is disobeying Scripture and should be ignored. 4. Never, ever blame the victim for the abuse. On Wednesday we will discuss how a 14 year old child was made to repent for allowing a doctor on a mission field to molest her. The young man that I mentioned above was "interrogated" by a terribly deceived ( I am using this word for a purpose) elder who asked him "Didn't you know this was wrong? Why didn't you tell anyone?" We even had someone call a 10 year old victim, in the Tom White situation,a "Jezebel." This is despicable and shows a warped view of molestation. It is ALWAYS the fault of the adult, the one in power, for the rape. When one blames the victim, one is revictimizing the hurt child. This is despicable and

70

sinful. Jesus warned us of the severity of punishment that awaits those who would cause a child to stumble. 5. Keep the main thing, the main thing. Care for the victim is the main thing. Several years ago, I consulted SNAP, the Survivor's Network of those Abused by Priests, link to assist me in understanding how to handle a pedophile situation in a church. Barbara Dorris, one of the directors, gave me the best piece of advice which I have used in many situations. She said, "Always keep the victim (s) face(s) in front of you. You are doing this to help them. Do not get bogged down in other issues." That is why we have a a Prime Directive here at TWW. You can find this under The Basics page. It says: "This is the most important term on our blog. Violators of this directive will be looked upon as ideologues, pumping up their particular idol- be it theological or human. This directive states the following: All commenters must acknowledge the pain some people have experienced at the hand of pastors and churches which overemphasize a particular doctrine or which apply harsh and capricious discipline. TWW exists, in part, to provide understanding in this area. We are dead serious about this (even though it is based on a concept from Star Trek). " 6. The leaders must focus on the victim and leave the "reputation" of the church up to God. We must do the right thing even if it means that the church gets sued or the reputation of the church in the community is tarnished. We claim to believe in the omnipotence of God but we seem to want to "help Him out." Our job is to do the right thing. God's job is to care for the church. 7. Do not expect the victim or the victim's family to forgive immediately. True forgiveness takes time. This is a horrific crime which deeply impacts the family and the child. May I make the observation that anyone who "forgives" immediately is most likely doing so under duress, usually at the hands of misinformed church leaders. Forgiveness in such situations could take years. And while they are recuperating, do not call them bitter. Who would not be upset if their child was raped? Ask yourself this question. If you were molested and raped, would you be angry? Sometimes I wonder if our wish for quick forgiveness is because, deep down insid,e we are uncomfortable with anger and pain and want it over with as soon as possible. As one shallow person said to me about the molested boys, "I don't feel called to help them." That's baloney. She just didn't want to deal with it. It was too "uncomfortable." Are we willing to be uncomfortable for one another. 8. Be very cautious about overly focusing on support for the pedophile. 71

We have seen a number of churches which appear to focus on "helping" the pedophile to the detriment of supporting the victim. Several leaders have said to me that "there will be many pedophiles in heaven." This focus can appear to make the pedophile, who has terribly harmed a victim, a victim himself.Never forget that this pedophile has committed a heinous act. Actually he probably committed many, many heinous acts. The true victims are often marginalized while the pedophile receives visits from the pastors and leaders. 9. Do not isolate the victim and the victim' s family. Do not blame them for the pedophile's arrest. I am shocked at the number of people who have been avoided by members of the congregation. Others have felt they were blamed for making the pedophile, often a well liked church member an issue. Many victims have even been accused of making up the story! 10. Appoint some members of the church to love and support the victim and family. Churches do a good job of supporting those families who have new babies or a serious illness. Meals are prepared, houses are cleaned, babysitting help, lawn mowing, etc. are often provided. Why is this not available to those who have been through pedophilia? Make sure it does. 11. The pastors should talk to the church members about showing love and concern for those victimized. Many people feel awkward in dealing with the family. Perhaps a counselor could assist the pastor in making such a presentation to the church. 12. Do not become angry if the victim and family ask to be left alone. Keep checking on them. This is a normal response which often lasts just a short period of time. The pastor should make regular contact with the family in order to ascertain when, and if, the family would like support. 13. The congregation should be warned as soon as possible about the abuse. Parents have the right to know that a pedophile has been in their midst. They should be alerted immediately so they can interview their own children. 14. Do not believe pedophile who "repents" immediately. It is important to understand that many pedophiles only show remorse when they are caught. Many claim to be sorry but the recidivism rate is very high. True repentance is shown over time. I saw a well-known local pedophile in a local church. He was wandering around the building I spoke to the pastor about it. He said he was told that the pedophile had repented and was no 72

longer a risk. This man had molested his own children and others for 30 years and spent about 18 months in the clinker. He was told he could not live near children. he found an apartment which was barely two feet over the legal line from a local school. Yet the pastor believe that such a man was now walking the straight and narrow. That pastor, and his leaders, are deceived and naive. 15. Leave any church which refuses to listen to women because "they are easily deceived." This doctrine is one of the most deceptive teachings found in fundagelical churches today. One only needs to see that men (since women are not allowed in leadership) have mishandled the number of pedophile incidents that we have reported at TWW. Our blog has proven that these men in these church are gullible and easily deceived. We sincerely believe that this doctrine exists to marginalize more than 50% of the body of Christ who have the ability to spot and report pedophile behavior. Any church which espouses this doctrine is a very dangerous environment. We question the motivation behind such a belief and wonder if the churches which teach it do so because the leaders are attempting to "cover up" sin the leadership. On Wednesday, we will report on an explosive and grossly mishandled pedophile situation by a mission agency. On Thursday, we plan to focus on the "women are gullible and easily deceived" doctrine and show how this dangerous belief creates unsafe churches. May God have mercy on the church for allowing the pain and suffering of our children to continue. Lydia's Corner: Obadiah 1:1-21 Revelation 4:1-11Psalm 132:1-18 Proverbs 29:24-25 http://thereforenow.com/2013/08/what-can-be-done-about-pedophilia/ What can be done about pedophilia? by Jim McNeely The Atlantic recently published an inevitable and yet rather eye-popping article titled What Can Be Done About Pedophilia?. I felt that this issue brings our current societys moral axioms to the edge of their unintended consequences, and to our desperate need for a much deeper understanding of the power of the law and of the gospel in our ability to give a meaningful Christian response. Our root human drive is to love. We are controlled by what we love, and we seem unable to control the attachment of our desire. We live divided lives: in our very conscience, we know what is right, yet we seem driven to long for the forbidden. This is unbelievably clear in the heart of the pedophile. They are attracted to what they know will bring the fire of an evil conscience and terrible 73

and just consequences swiftly upon themselves. The genetic justification for this human attraction to the forbidden (I was born this way) has led us to extreme ends, where it becomes difficult to substantially distinguish clear lines of right and wrong: In studies, pedophiles show signs that their sexual interests are related to brain structure and that at least some differences existed in their brains before birth. For example, pedophiles show greatly elevated rates of non-righthandedness and minor physical anomalies. Thus, although pedophilia should never be confused with homosexuality, pedophilia can be meaningfully described as a sexual orientation. Scientists have more specifically called it an age orientation. Caution has to be used, however, so as not to confuse the scientific use of the phrase sexual orientation with its use in law. Because the phrase sexual orientation has been used as shorthand (or as a euphemism) for homosexuality, there exist laws and policies barring discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. These were not likely intended to refer to pedophilia. The fact is, when you justify sexual attraction of any nature by assuming a genetic or physiological root, you have by principle opened the door to justifying all sexual attraction with this argument. When looking at pedophilia, this suddenly becomes very uncomfortable. The fact is, as a society, we have not actually made the shift we think we have made to truly accept that our attractions are purely genetic or physiological without any moral underpinnings. We can see this because anyone who even confesses to a sexual attraction to children can in many cases be reported without having even acted on the desire: Many jurisdictions have passed mandatory reporting regulations for psychologists and other health care providers. Consequently, when someone who thinks he might be a pedophile comes in for counseling or therapy, the psychologist may be compelled by law to report the person to the authorities. That, of course, can lead to loss of the persons job, family, and everything else. So, these people have simply stopped coming in at all, and instead of getting help to them, we now have pedophiles circulating in society receiving no support at all. So, as a society, we draw the line somewhere in our acceptance of genetically inherited attractions, which in the end invalidates the whole idea. We are moral, not simply genetic, creatures, and we seem unable in ourselves to escape this. Just because a forbidden attraction may have a genetic root, it does not justify it. In fact, biblically all sin is genetically inherited, even the desire for the forbidden which is entertained yet not acted upon. Jesus says that if you even look at a woman you have committed adultery, because it is purity of heart alone which is acceptable. This is utterly clear with the issue of pedophilia. I absolutely do not want a person in my house who is lecherously attracted to my children and yet holds themselves back from acting out. I dont trust that! I require wholeness of heart in this regard. I think almost everyone feels this way. 74

However, the gospel offers a much better solution. You cannot accept everyone by continually redrawing the lines of what is acceptable; the lines of acceptability will be pushed to the point of absurdity because people do not want what is acceptable, they want what is forbidden. We do not need our forbidden desires to be declared acceptable, we need our hearts cleansed so that we are satisfied with the holy. The genetic justification for immoral attractions is still legalism, because it seeks to justify by adjusting the moral code so that what is immoral can be declared acceptable. I believe that our conscience in our inner mind and world remains unswayed by these lies. Jesus Christ has died for the pedophile. He has declared the pedophile to be of inestimable worth, a pearl worth selling all for, lovely beyond all the joys of heaven and earth. Through His death He has also declared all of their sin, not just their pedophilia, worthy of the death sentence. He has declared their genetic attraction to be truly evil and unjust. So in one act He has made this division between their sin and their identity, and has worked to preserve their identity and to love them while declaring their terrible obsession thoroughly and genuinely evil. This is a far better and far more therapeutically powerful message than the tepid legalism of the genetic justification for destructive attractions. So I have no problem saying that I believe that pedophilia is sin. I also have no problem saying that homosexuality is sin, or adultery, or pornography, or greed, or gossip, or complaining, gluttony, or laziness. We are never justified by changing the idea of right and wrong. We are wrong, all the way. Justification begins by simply admitting the truth: we love poorly. We love selfishly. We love destructively. We are helpless to change any of it. Of course pedophiles cant change their attractions, no one can do that. Love isnt in our ability to change. Love is in Christ, who loves us though we slay Him, and raises from the dead to love us all the more. He is greater than our hearts, and He alone can rescue us from this tyranny of attraction to the freedom and gift of justification.

75