124

Iohn Updike

waste. The lost dime seems a tiny hole through which everyit ng 'i" existence is draining. As he -moves 3way, his wet knee-s jarring, trying to hide forever from, pvbry sailor and fat woman ind high-schooler who witnessed his disgrace, the six nickels make a knobbed weight bumping his thigh through his pocket. The spangles, the splinters of straw and strings of lighi, the sawtooth peaks of houses showing behind the scatte-red white heads scented sweetly with mud, are hung like the needles of a Christmas tree with the transparent, tinted globes

Tbe Astronorruer
within myself was at its height. Earlier that summer, I had discovered Kierkegaard, and each week I brought back to the apartment one more of the Princeton University Press's

confusing his eYelashes. coquette,,sPurns our attempQThus the world, like a bitter "' to Ei?ETurTffiFt6-ffii r,rn"^onY;

I neenen

Hrs

vrsrr.

was twenty-four, and the religious revival

ful books, sometimes very thick, sometimes very thin, always typographically exhilarating, with their welter of title pages, subheads, epigraphs, ernphatic italics, italicized catchwords taken from German philosophy and too subtle for translation, translator's prefaces and footnotes, and Kierkegaard's own endless footnotes, blanketing pages at a time as, cripple<i, agonized by distinctions, he scribbled on and on, heaping irony on irony, eurse on curse, gnashing, sneering, praising .Iehovah in the privacy of his empty home in Copenhagen. The demons with which he wrestled-Hegel and his avatars --were unknown to me, so Kierkegaard at his desk seemed to me to be writhing in the clutch of phantoms, slapping at
print before, and it brought me much comfort during those August and September evenings, while the traffic on the West Side Highway swished tirelessly and my wife tinkled the
supper dishes in our tiny kitchenette. We lived at the time on the sixth floor of a building on R"iverside Drive, and overlooked the Hudson. The river would become black before the sky, and the little Jersey towns on the far bank would be pinched between two massive tongs of darkness until only a row of sparks remained. These embers were reflected in the black water, and when a boat went dragging its wake up the river the reilections would tremble, double, fragment, and not until long after the shadow of the
boat passed reconstruct themselves.
silent mosquitoes, twisting furiously to confront presences that were not there. It was a spectacle unlike any I had ever seen in

elegant and expensive editions of his works. They were beauti-

t25

lohn Updike The astronomer was a remnant of our college days' Two yrars'ffipxSgtr ijince we had seen him. ,When Harriet and i were both undergraduates, another couple, ra married couple, had introduced him to us. The wife of this couple had gone to school with Harriet, and the husband was a teaching associate of the astronomer; so Bela and I were the opposite ends of a chain. He was a Hungarian. His parents had fled the terror of Kun's reglin-d:*Thiy"'riere well-to-do. From
Vienna they had come to-London;-from there Bela Ehd gone to Oxford, and from there come to this country, years ago' was fortv. a short. thickset man with a wealth of stiff black He _ _x.i,,,_
-.6r^_ Slav hgif*coffiEa- itraight back wilhout a parting' like a He white. tl'Cvitist. Only a few individuals hairs had turned gave an impression of abnormal density; his anatomical parts seemed set one on top of the other without any loose space between for leeway ot accommodation of his innards. A mo' tion in his foot instantly jerked his head. The Magyar cheekbones gave his face a blunt, aggressive breadth; he wore St66i-iifrhed giasses that seemed several sizes too small' He

126

The

Astronomer

127

truths from a small boy. "My Lord, Walter,"-*Bela-Said' "why are you reading this? Is this the one where he proves two and two equals four?" And thus quickly, at a mere wink from this atheist, Platonism and all its attendant cathedrals came tum-

bling down. We ate dinner by the window, from which the Hudson appeared a massive rent opened in a tenuous web of light. Thougblre.talkd trivial-ly, about friends and events, I felt the structure.-l had paigsta!ingly built up within myself wasting away: mv faith (existentialism padded out with Chesterton), -v ijravafi;y churqhgoing (to a Methodist edifice where the spiritual vciif,bf ttte liintf tity reigned above the fragile hats of a dozen old ladies and the minister shook my hand at the door with a look of surprise on his face), all dwindled to the thinnest filaments of illusion, and in one flash, I knew, they woulcl burn to nothing. I felt behind his eyes immensities of

was now t-eqching at Columbia. Brilliant, he rarely deigned.to publish pupir., so that his brilliance was carried around with Li- at undiminished potency. -He liked my wife. Like Kierke'

dndlfi'-ieemiO to see with him through my own evanescent body into gigantic systems of dead but furious matter, suns like match heads, planets like cinders' galaxies that were whirls of ash, and beyond them, more galaxies, and more, fleeing with sickening speed beyond the rim that our
space

gaard, he was a bachelor, and*ifrTE6 old diys his flirtatious iompliments, rolled out with a rich, slow British accent and a broad-mouthed, thoughtful smile across a cafeteria table me feel or after dinner in our friends' living room, made foolish and incapabte; sne *u. ,oi my wife tllen. "Ah, Ha-fri-tit, Tlirri-.ti' ni'would call, giving the last syllable of her name a full, French, roguish weight, "come and sit by me on this Hide-a-bed." And then he would pat the cushion beside him, which his own weight had caused to lift invitingly. Somewhat more than a joke, it was nevertheless not rude to me; I
eygs.ro"recerxn-rudeness' He had an air of sieing beyond me, of seeing into the interstellar structure of things, of having transcended, except perhaps in the niggling matter of lust, the clouds of human "baaae*nough"p*sdgnss.in'his,

most powerful telescopes could reach. I had once heard him explain, in a cafeteria, how the white dwarf star called the companion of Sirius is so dense that light radiating from it is tugged back by gravitation toward the red end of the spectrum. My wife took our dessert dishes away; before she brought coffee, I emptied the last of the red wine into our glasses' Bela lit a cigar and, managing its fresh length and the wineglass with his electric certainty of touch, talked. Knowing that, since the principal business of my employment was to invent the plots of television commercials, I was to some extent a hu-

did not

morist, he told me of a parody he had seen of the B.B.C. Third Programme. It involved Bertrand Russell reading the

subjectivity-vaporous hopes supported

by immaterial rationalizations. It was his vigolorrs, clear vision thAt l,.f.g-4!qd. when he caffiErtro"cnrFifiiit-i Siiiment, airecting warmth into all its corners with brisk handshakes and abrupt pivotings of his whole frame, he spotted the paperback Meno that I had been reading, back and forth on the subway, two pages per stop. It is the dialogue in which Socrates, to demonstrate the exiitence of indwelling knowledge, elicits some geometrical

flrst five hundred decimal places of l, followed by twenty minutes of silent meditation led by Mr. T. S. Eliot' and then Bertrand Russell reading the next five hundred places of l.

If rny laughter burst out excessively, it was because his acknowledgment, though minimal and oblique, that Bertrand
Russell might
me<Iitation and the author of

by some conception be laughable and that

momentarily relieved. me of the strain of maintaining against the pressure ot' trls taient opinions my own.superstitious, faintheaited identity. This small remission of his field of force

128

lohn Updike

The

Astonomer

129

admitted worlds of white light, and my wife, returning to the room holding with bare arms at the level of ,our eyes a tray on which an old tin pot and three china demitasse cups stated their rectangular silhouettes, seemed a creature of intense
beauty.

"married

been disc-omfitingly quick to answer his sct the ''tf{iy on the table and took her chair and served us. Mixing wine and coffee in our mouths, we listened to Bela tell df when he first came to this country. He was an instructor in
general science at a university in Michigan. The thermometer stayed at zero for months, the students carved elaborate snow sculptures on the campus, everyone wore ear muffs and unbuckled galoshes. At first, he couldn't believe in the ear muffs; they looked like something you would flnd among the most secluded peasantry of Central Europe. It had taken him months to muster the courage to go into a shop and ask for

"Ah, Harri-et, Harri-et," Bela said, lowering his cigar, life has not dimmed thy lustre." My wife blushed, rather too readily-her.S*\1t lud always_ 'praise-ahd

not thought of him as a sightseer. But it turned out that in those first years hp*.[ad inspected the country t]oroughly.,He had bought an old Dodge one summer and driven all around the West by himself. With incongruous piety, he had visited the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, a Sioux reservation. He described a long stretch of highway in New Mexico. "There are these black hills. Utterly without vegetation. Great, heavy, almost purplish folds, unimaginably ugly, mile after mile after mile. Not a gas station, not a sign of green. Nothing." And his face, turning rapidly from one to the other of us, underwent an expression I had never before seen him wear. His black eyebrows shot up in two arches stretching his eyelids retracted
smooth, and his upper lip tightened over his lower, which was in a way that indicated it was being delicately pinched between his teeth. This expression, bestowed in silence and swiftly erased, confessed what he could not pronounce:

It

surprised us that he ha{ ever seen an ice show. We had

He had been frishtened.

- On the table, 6"d1ffi'tEr faces, the cups and glasses broken

such childish things. But at last he had, and had been very happy in them. They were very sensible. He continued to wear them, though in the East they did not seem to be the fashion. "I know," Harriet said. "In the winter here, you see all these poor Madison Avenue 1ps1-" "Such as Walter," Bela smoothly interceded, shaping his cigar ash on the edge of his saucer, "Well, yes, except it doesn't look so bad with him because he never cuts his hair. But all these other men with their tight little hats on the top of their haircuts right in the dead of this damp, windy winter-their ears are bright red in the
subway."

into shards by shadows, the brown dregs of coffee and wine, the ashtrays and the ashes were hastily swept together into a little heap of warm dark tones distinct from the universal
debris.

That il. all,J.re.ag-dr}h,9t. The mingle on the table was only part of the greater confusion as ia the heat of rapport our
unrelated spirits and pasts scrambled together, bringing everything in the room with them, including the rubble of footnotes bound into Kierkegaard. In memory, perhaps because we lived on the sixth floor, this scene-this invisible scene-seems to take place at a great height, as if we were the residents of a star suspended against the darkness of the city and the river. WhAt is the past, after all, but a vast sheet of darkness in ffi'erii! diif"a .aiip,aren0i,,ri iandorh, shine?

"And the girls," Bela said, "the girls in the Midwest wear immense puffs, as big around 3s-" [{s cupped his hands, fingers spread, over his ears and, hunching his head down on his thick brief neck, darted glances at us in a startled way. He had retained, between two fingers, the cigar, so his head seemed to have sprouted, rather low, one smoking horn. His hands darted away, his chest expanded and became rigid as he tried to gmbrace, for us, the sense of these remote pompoms,

'Wliite, woolly," he said sharply, giving each adjective a

distinctly

it

seemed the radiator had hissed.