Personality

Books by the Author

The Psychoanalysis of Symptoms
Dictionary of Psychopathology
Group Psychotherapy and Personality: Intersecting Structures
Sleep Disorders: Insomnia and Narcolepsy
The 4 Steps to Peace of Mind: The Simple Effective Way to Cure Our Emotional
Symptoms (Romanian edition, 2008; Japanese edition, 2011)
Love Is Not Enough: What It Takes to Make It Work
Haggadah: A Passover Seder for the Rest of Us
Greedy, Cowardly, and Weak: Hollywood’s Jewish Stereotypes
Hollywood Movies on the Couch: A Psychoanalyst
Examines 15 Famous Films
The Discovery of God: A Psycho/Evolutionary Perspective
The Making of Ghosts: A Novel
A Consilience of Natural and Social Sciences:
A Memoir of Original Contributions

Books Coauthored (with Anthony Burry, Ph. D.)

Psychopathology and Differential Diagnosis: A Primer
Volume 1. History of Psychopathology
Volume 2. Diagnostic Primer

Handbook of Psychodiagnostic Testing: Analysis of Personality in the

Psychological Report (four English editions; Japanese edition, 2011)

Books Edited
Group Cohesion: Theoretical and Clinical Perspectives
The Nightmare: Psychological and Biological Foundations

Books Coedited (with Robert Plutchik, Ph. D.)

Emotion: Theory, Research, and Experience (volumes 1-5):
Volume 1: Theories of Emotion; Volume 2: Emotions in Early Development;
Volume 3: Biological Foundations of Emotion; Volume 4: The Measurement
of Emotion; Volume 5: Emotion, Psychopathology, and Psychotherapy
 P er s o n a l i t y

How It Forms

Henry Kellerman, Ph.D.

2012
 American Mental Health Foundation Inc
Post Office Box 3
Riverdale, NY 10471-0003

Copyright © 2012 by Henry Kellerman

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form
or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the written permission
of The American Mental Health Foundation Inc and
American Mental Health Foundation Books

Printed in the United States of America

americanmentalhealthfoundation.org

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Kellerman, Henry.
Personality : how it forms / Henry Kellerman.
      p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-59056-353-3 (pbk. : alk. paper) —
ISBN 978-1-59056-354-0 (ebook)
1. Personality. I. Title.
BF698. K365 2012
155.2—dc23
                                                           2011049260

All identifying information in the case histories discussed

has been omitted to the extent that this has been possible.
 In memory of
 Alex Kupperblatt 

My buddy, Al.
The charismatic Navy man, who captained:
Velli; Kaye’s Navy; and, Vanilla.

Here’s to:
Movie lines; Stanbrook; Sammy’s Romanian;
Caribbean jaunts; Montauk; Caravana Club Pachangas;
and, 40 years of laughing.
 Contents

Publisher’s Foreword  11
Introduction  13

I. The Wiring of the Personality  25

Introduction to Parts 1 and 2 of this Book  27

1 Remembering  39
What is it we need to remember?
The issue of compliance

2 Wishes and Symptoms  48

How do wishes get us in trouble?
The personality of anger
The personality profile of anger
Knowing
The wiring of personality
8 | Contents

3 Acting-out  61
Tension
Tension and the nature of anxiety
Personality of the psyche

4 Impulse versus Control  70

The impulses
The controls
Maturation: An index of impulse versus control

5 Defense Mechanisms  80
Individual defenses
Defenses forming character/personality trait-patterns

II. The Basic Personality Styles   89

Emotion-controlled Styles 90

6 The Obsessive-compulsive Style  91

Case examples
The more normally inclined obsessive-compulsive style

7 The Paranoid Style  96

Case examples
The more normally inclined paranoid style

8 The Schizoid Style  103

Case examples
The more normally inclined schizoid style
 Contents  | 9

Emotion-dyscontrolled Styles 109

9 The Histrionic Style (Hysterical)  110

Case examples
The more normally inclined histrionic style

10 The Narcissistic Style  118

Case examples
The more normally inclined narcissistic style

11 The Psychopathic Style (Antisocial)  126

Case examples
The more normally inclined psychopathic style

Emotion-attached Styles 133

12 The Dependent Style  134

Case examples
The more normally inclined dependent style

13 The Passive-aggressive Style  142

Case examples
The more normally inclined passive-aggressive style

14 The Inadequate Style  148

Case examples
The more normally inclined inadequate style

Emotion-detached Styles  155

10 | Contents

15 The Borderline Style  156

Case examples
A more normally inclined borderline style

16 The Depressed Style  165

Case examples
The more normally inclined depressed style

17 The Avoidant Style  173

Case examples
The more normally inclined avoidant style

Conclusion  181
Glossary: More on the State of the Personality  187
 Publisher’s Foreword

As the present book is issued, The American Mental Health

Foundation celebrates nearly ninety years of work. Organized in
1924, AMHF is dedicated to the welfare of people suffering from
emotional problems, with a particular concern for the emotional
issues of individuals with special needs and elders. For many years,
AMHF generally devoted its efforts to bettering quality of treat-
ment and developing more effective methods, available also to
lower-income wage earners.
The major therapeutic advances and improved training meth-
ods are described in the existing publications: the three-part series
The Search for the Future. Two of these books are available on our
Web site under the titles The Challenge for Group Psychotherapy
(volume 1) and The Challenge for Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy:
Solutions for the Future (volume 2). Portions of these books are
also reprinted on the AMHF Web site in French and German, for
those segments of the international community. Volume 3, origi-
nally published in 2000 by Prometheus, is now available from
AMHF Books: Crucial Choices – Crucial Changes: The Resurrec-
tion of Psychotherapy.
Under the supervision and direction of Dr. William Van
Ornum, AMHF Books is an exciting new venture. Begun in
2009, this publishing program now numbers seven important
works on violence and stress by Dr. Raymond B. Flannery Jr., one
12 | Publisher’s Foreword

of the foremost experts on posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

It also includes four titles by Erich Fromm: reprints of two clas-
sics, The Revolution of Hope and The Heart of Man, as well as two
posthumous books, Beyond Freud and The Pathology of Normalcy.
The present volume, by psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr.
Henry Kellerman, is an essential addition to the AMHF Books
program. Personality: How It Forms is jargon-free, and as such is
intended for general readers as well as professionals. Dr. Keller-
man probes the deep and eternal questions facing any practitio-
ner: What is personality? What motivates the individual? How
does anyone become, and come to understand, the person he or
she is?

The costs of promoting research, preparing translations, organizing

workshops, and disseminating the findings of AMHF and AMHF
Books are high. For this reason, all sales of AMHF Books as well
as donations of any amount on the Web site via PayPal, constitute
a meaningful contribution to the public good. We thank you for
helping us improve the lives of our citizens and building a more
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americanmentalhealthfoundation.org
 Introduction

Are you born that way (genetically), or did your personality just
merely happen on its own—perhaps bit by bit as you got older and
maybe in a kind of random fashion? Or, do you think your person-
ality is written in the stars based upon your birth date? Or, are you
reincarnated, and thus your personality comes from another time?
Finally, do you believe your personality only formed throughout
your childhood because of your experiences as you matured?
If your personality formed solely because of the experiences
you had growing up, then perhaps genetics would have played a
very little or no part at all in its formation. On the other hand, is
it possible that everything about your personality is genetic and
none of it is based on your experiences with parents and siblings,
teachers, and friends?
Well, the answer is most likely that both genetics and experi-
ence in early childhood, in early family life, played an important
role, now, in who you are. All of it together comprises the basic
seeds that eventually accounted for the growth and appearance of
one’s full personality.

Is It Biology Over Culture or Culture Over Biology?

The answer to the question of how your personality became what
it is—how it formed—actually concerns a commonsense under-
standing. Therefore, what most likely occurred is that we are all
14 | Introduction

born with certain genetic dispositions or inclinations to be, or

behave in, a certain way, and also, that for sure, as we continued
to develop and mature, our experiences figured into the forma-
tion of our personality in a highly significant way. So that both
are true: we are genetically (but probably in a general sense) dis-
posed to be a certain way, and along with this our experiences
during childhood and thereafter played at least an equal, if not
even more important, part in the formation of the personality
with which we wound up.
The question about which is the greater influence on personal-
ity—culture (our experiences), or biology (our genes), may really
be a question of whether it’s even possible for one to triumph
over the other. That is to say, in the formation or development
of personality, is biology (genetics) triumphant (Does it win?), or
is it possible that culture can triumph over biology (Is it that our
experiences are dominant)? Is it that environmental, social, and
cultural influences can mold biological givens, or are we robots
that only play out the instructions of our genes so that almost
most of the time, or even all of the time, we are not really think-
ing and feeling people who can make choices not originally pro-
grammed in our genes?
The answer in this book is that Yes, we are born with a genetic
program, and that Yes, our brains are wired a certain way, and Yes we
do have instincts. However, in addition (and it is a big addition), we
are all also very much sculpted by our experiences, by contact with
significant people in our lives, and that we are especially influenced
through the demands that society places on us through interaction
with family, peers, school, work, and play, and in terms of the overall
effect of our successes and failures—and of course, and very specifi-
cally, on how we were cared for, growing up.
Because of this significant cultural, environmental (non-bio-
logical) influence, it becomes quite possible to trace or map these
specific influences that can, and frequently do, make us or break
us. And it is such experiences that can have the greatest impact
 Introduction | 15

in the formation of personality—perhaps, but only “perhaps,” a

victory for culture.

“The Flesh on the Bones”

With respect to genetics, we know that each person’s overall
mood—whether energetic or not, whether up or down, whether
inhibited or not, and so forth—is frequently spotted by fam-
ily members early on in one’s life. We hear people say, “He was
always very active—never really wanted to take naps;” or, “She
never smiled much, and was always shy;” or, “Even from the
beginning, he never would look you straight in the eye.” And
generally speaking, we ourselves know that parts of our own
behavior as well as a fair variety of our preferences have not really
changed that much throughout our lives. Certainly, our tastes,
sensibilities, talents, and intellect emerged more gradually, but
all of it was for all intents and purposes, “the flesh on the bones,”
the kind of socialization we developed that surrounded our core
genetic dispositional mood, or basic genetic form with which we
all nakedly arrived in this world.
A good example might be the person who always—even from
the beginning—showed a kind of withdrawn moodiness, and who
then developed personality traits to accommodate this core, basic
and central psycho/genetic orientation. An illustration of person-
ality development including emotions and personality traits that
surround and support such a central in-born orientation of with-
drawn moodiness may include an assemblage of inclinations such
as shyness, cynicism, pessimism, and possibly even argumenta-
tiveness, sullenness, and hostility. In other words someone who is
born with a kind of withdrawn tendency will have a higher than
average probability to also likely develop such a cluster of person-
ality traits and emotions connected to the withdrawn tendency
that includes the correlated inclinations of shyness, cynicism, pes-
simism, argumentativeness, sullenness, and even perhaps hostility.
16 | Introduction

In contrast, a person who is born with a smiling and friendly

tendency toward others will most likely develop characteris-
tic emotions and personality traits that include: inclinations to
express friendliness, sociability, optimism, cooperativeness, and
an overall agreeableness.
Now, here comes the influence of culture; that is, even when
someone is born with an inclination toward the inhibition of
expressiveness, or even a noticeable shyness, a very understanding
and emotionally giving environment can definitely make a dif-
ference in minimizing the genetic tendency toward such inhibi-
tion and avoidance of spontaneity, and in contrast, maximize an
accumulation of better sociability and greater emotional expres-
siveness.
We do have anecdotal evidence that the power of culture gen-
erally, and more specifically the nature of family influence—how
you’re brought up—will most likely carry the day, or at least
make a big difference to how you eventually will turn out. This
means that environmental influences are tremendously impor-
tant in how one’s personality will eventually look. And such
influences include that of family, peers, teachers, and also fre-
quently includes others you may idolize as you’re in the process
of finding figures with whom to identify so that you too, can be
like them.
This sort of cultural influence on genetic endowment is referred
to in the scientific literature as epigenesis. It means that environ-
mental influences can either trigger or inhibit genetic givens or
potentials.
The main point is that personality traits are hugely influenced and
developed through experience, but the experience that resonates, or
rings a bell for any person will be that which better corresponds
to the person’s, shall we say, greatest in-born emotional propensity,
or mood. On the other hand, when one’s environment values a set
of behaviors and sensibilities that are in contrast with the so-called
 Introduction | 17

in-born mood (positive or negative), and then such environmental

influence succeeds in minimizing the respective mood by reinforc-
ing and fortifying an opposite tendency, then such a scenario is an
even more almost perfect example of the rather important phenom-
enon of the selective triumph of culture over biology.
Thus, even at an early point in life, environment can at the very
least somewhat change, alter, modify, or slightly massage one’s
basic emotional tendencies, and at the very most, even drastically
change basic emotional tendencies or mood dispositions to the
extent that such a change would definitely qualify as a bona fide
emotional transformation of basic personality type or style.
In this sense, the genetic program that we all show at birth can
be defined as our basic personality dispositional silhouette or skel-
eton, and the environmental experiences that then consistently
and relentlessly influence us comprise the make-up, the complex-
ion of personality traits we acquire throughout our growing-up
years. It is such a make-up of our developing personality that con-
stitutes the so-called meat, or flesh on the bones.
The issue here is the flexibility of the system of personality;
that is, even though the genetics of a person determines initial
mood, nevertheless the influence of a person’s experience can take
that overall mood and shape it into a more specific enhancement
of traits of the personality, or on the down side, a more specific
derogation of the personality. The in-born mood therefore, can
actually get better or worse—respectively, either can be elevated
or degraded by healthy or by unhealthy early experiences.

Is There Such a Thing As an “Evil Gene”?

One of the conclusions here is that the idea or belief that someone
can be born specifically evil (and not just with an overall general
negative mood), doesn’t make the grade. Specific evil in behavior
is a function of experience.
18 | Introduction

You are not born with an evil gene!

You have to learn to be bad, or even, left to one’s own devices,
in the absence of decent parenting (or even partial or begrudg-
ing parenting), a child will usually recede to the lowest common
denominator and be subject to all sorts of nefarious influences.
And then ultimately, in such a non-nurturing, non-learning, and
even pernicious environment, a person can develop emotions and
personality traits with a high probability-prediction that such a
person will consistently engage in acting-out behaviors covering
the range from consistently getting into minor scrapes, to lying
and stealing and breaking the law, to violating others, to overall
serious delinquent behavior, and in extreme cases, even to the
point of committing capital crimes.
Thus, growing up in a non-nurturing and non-learning envi-
ronment leaves one to the fate of instinct and impulse, and then
bad things can and do happen. And this was not a function of
genes. There is no program in the genes to do evil. Rather, it’s
in the nature of early in-life particular negative experiences that
make the difference for any person. Therefore in considering the
issue of a possible gene that carries evil—forget it!
Every analysis tells us that culture or environmental influ-
ences have tremendous power in the development of personality,
perhaps, and very likely, even more so than genetic givens. Yet,
despite the optimism of such a finding, the idea of such power-
ful environmental influences also has a downside. And this leads
us to a discussion of the influence of peer relationships and its
power of persuasion on the developing personality. The question
becomes: Which is more persuasive with respect to the developing
personality, peer pressure or the influence of the family? And the
answer really follows a simple formula—to wit:

1. If the family strives to counteract popular culture, then

family influence will prevail over peer pressure;
 Introduction | 19

2. If the family does not strive to counteract popular cul-

ture, but instead supports popular culture (even embrac-
ing it), then peer pressure will far outweigh family
influence.

The Importance of Inner Controls

In the sense of healthy development then, the best head-start pro-
gram is the family. It’s in the family that we learn the importance
of controlling impulses, where we then “internalize,” actually infuse
(take in) and develop controls, so that eventually we don’t need any-
one to tell us how to behave in a civilized manner, and where we
then show that we can and do control our impulses, and that we can
eventually do it ourselves without permanent adult supervision. We
can become autonomous—be civil on our own so that no one will
have to tell us what is right or wrong. We will know it on our own.
Therefore, the argument over whether an evil gene exists dis-
solves in the face of the profound importance of environmental
influences on emotions and personality. In addition, to use an
analogy, we also can see that our genes provide us with the tools
to build the house, but again, it is the experiences we have with
our environment that will eventually determine the kind of house
we build with those tools, how we’ll use those tools to build the
house, and, eventually how the house looks, and finally how satis-
fied we are to live in that house.
In a sense, it all boils down to whether that house is constructed
in a way that enables one to absorb tensions and anxieties, and
difficult times generally, without the walls falling in and the house
crumbling. In other words, if environmental influences and expe-
riences with life and early family living were good and healthy,
then one develops personality that has great resilience. And with
respect to such resilience—the ability to withstand pressures of all
sorts and not fall apart—a person is then able to correctly balance
20 | Introduction

how to manage impulses within the personality with the neces-

sary controls one would have normally internalized which then
can triumph over impulses.
And to have sufficient controls to be able to control impulse
is crucial for successful living. Therefore, with the ability to cali-
brate impulses in a healthy manner, one is tuned into life in a way
that makes functioning easier. Because of such good tuning in,
one can better integrate the demands that continuously and even
relentlessly come to us from the environment. And the success-
ful ability to handle such adaptable integration of environmental
demands is proof-positive of the value of decent early experiences
that enables the personality to gestate good shock-absorbers—
defined usually as resilience.
And here’s the even better news. The importance of the inter-
nalizing of controls based upon early nurturing regarding how to
wait (to have patience), and how to not always insist on moment
to moment gratification, and most importantly to have valuable
activity in your life that arrests and absorbs your attention and
then of course gives you a sense of achievement, is the most valu-
able thing of all. It will enable you to have an important primary
relationship, raise a family, earn a living, and achieve any number
of important things—important goals.
But here’s the rub! What if one has not successfully internalized
controls? In such a case, the absence of a good balance of forces in
the personality (better controls over impulses) places the person in
a position to be inclined to generate acting-out behavior; that is,
behavior that will get the person into trouble based upon an unbri-
dled and decisively dyscontrolled pattern of impulsive behavior.
And this idea of the importance of “the balance of forces” in the
personality leads us to understand the aim of this book.

The Aim of this Book

In this book, we will try to understand how impulses and controls
work, how personality traits develop with respect to the issue of
 Introduction | 21

impulses and controls, how the emotions are connected to per-

sonality traits, and then specifically, how personality forms. We
will see what it is that forms the muscle, the substance (personality
attributes) on the basic structure (the skeleton or genetic endow-
ment) of the personality. It is this frame of personality onto which
everything about our personality adheres. It’s about how culture
“clothes” wear on genetic givens.
The question is: What are the elements of personality that
adhere or stick to this frame? The answer is that the mechanisms
that help keep that frame or skeleton of personality hard, resis-
tant to change, and consistent, so that everyone agrees that who
you are is really who you are, consists of a variety of elements
that are connected to the overall personality. These agglom-
eration of elements comprise the identifiable “you”—the emo-
tional/psychological skin and muscle that adheres to, or covers
the personality—that covers its blueprint, frame or skeleton.
This identifiable “you” includes typical emotional expressive-
ness, mood, style of thinking, profile of personality traits, the
balance of impulses and controls of the personality, the mecha-
nisms of defense that aid in the management of anxiety, the
system of emotion, and the multitude of factors that comprise
all the aspects of the personality.
And this is precisely what we are about to do in this book.
We will map the ins and outs of personality so that you will see
how your personality formed. And we will present this material
element by element so that the formation and specific picture
of your personality and how it began to build and gain traction
as something absolutely identifiable about you can be seen in a
straightforward manner. And all of these phenomena—this magi-
cal kaleidoscope of the mind (the psyche)—will be put together
displaying how these facets of personality came to connect and to
ultimately crystallize the personality.
The promise of this book about how your personality forms
will be made clear when all of these elements of personality, like a
puzzle, are joined. Then a clear picture will be developed so that
22 | Introduction

in turn you may be able to see a faithful reflection of how your

own personality formed.

The Format of this Book, Part 1

In part 1 of this presentation, we will examine how the personality is
wired—that is to say, what are the elements surrounding the support-
ive structure or skeleton of the personality—of what is it composed,
and what do we call it? Part 1 is entitled The Wiring of the Personality
and will contain an analysis of the various facets of the personality.
These facets or aspects of the personality include: the nature of one’s
wishes; the appearance of psychological/emotional symptoms; how
memory plays a part in personality development; an analysis of the
anatomy of acting -out and its significance with respect to various
issues of personality development; an analysis of the crucial issue of
the relation of impulses to controls; as well as an analysis and defini-
tion of what is meant by defense mechanisms of the personality. In
addition, how anxiety figures in all of it will be discussed in terms of
the operation of anxiety and its basic function in the personality, as
well as the variety of effects anxiety has on the personality. And of
course in the process of development, identification with significant
others becomes essential.
How it all works will include a rendition of how to understand
it all—of everything that motivates the personality including why
we all behave the way we do. This means that we will ask the ques-
tion as to what it is that we all needed to deal with in our lives
that ultimately got the personality a jump start—even from the
beginning of life.
We will look at the issue of memory, and conclude with the
one dynamic interplay in the personality that if followed—like
following a trail—will lead us to understand the entire interaction
of the wiring of the personality with relation to how it all works.
The one thing to remember is that Yes, personality is consistent,
and predictable, and that each of us has a personality signature
 Introduction | 23

that is composed of a basic spine or so-to-speak, a chassis (mean-

ing a basic configuration or skeleton) that in turn is adorned by
emotions, personality traits, impulses and controls, the operation
of anxiety, a wish-system, a system of defenses, and the mechan-
ics in the psyche (the mind) that enables psychological/emotional
symptoms to exist—and yet, happily, at the same time this per-
sonality system has the ability (and the capacity) to adapt in order
to enable an ironing out of wrinkles and a working out of prob-
lems of the personality.
Therefore, in part 1 all of these issues will be considered so that
the reader will be able to appreciate how the personality begins
to cohere around specific themes that in turn reveal the knitting
together of these various facets of the personality.

The Format of this Book, Part 2

Part 2 of this book, The Basic Personality Styles, contains twelve
chapters preceded by Previews. These Previews will simply list and
briefly define 12 basic personality types or styles.
The twelve basic styles are divided into four categories. These
four categories are all defined by how the person manages the
pressure and challenge of emotions and therefore how we manage
this challenge of emotions will give us a bird’s eye view into how
good we are in balancing the controls we have over the impulses
we have.
For example, the first category is labeled Emotion-controlled
Styles. This category contains personality styles that are governed
essentially by the person’s need to control emotion. A second
category is labeled, Emotion-dyscontrolled Styles, and reflects the
person’s need to avoid the control of emotion; that is, this style
of personality needs to express emotion, to yield to its release. A
third category is identified as containing Emotion-attached Styles,
in which the particular personality style is basically a dependent/
attached one so that the person’s main objective is to be able to
24 | Introduction

have someone on whom to depend. The final category is labeled,

Emotion-detached Styles, and lists those types that are particularly
allergic to the intensity of emotion, and who also avoid attach-
ment—they feel that being with people creates a need to respond
emotionally which is what they really don’t want to do.
Each of the twelve basic personality styles or types reflects a
person’s personality signature—a signature that also can be seen as
the consistency of that personality—its settled hard core around
which is contained all the other facets of the personality.
In addition, analyses and descriptions of each of the twelve per-
sonality styles will also contain an end part in which will be pre-
sented the benign form of that particular style (described as “The
More Normally Inclined Style”) so that the reader may have an
additional opportunity to identify and see the difference between
each classic personality style as well as the less intense and more
normally inclined view of that style. Therefore, by following the
chapters carefully, one will be better able to understand one’s own
personality formation and see where you might recognize those
parts of such personality styles that seem familiar.
The final chapter of the book will list a number of diagnoses or
other mixed personality styles that have played a role in forming
the history of how people have been diagnosed and described,
as well as clarifying what is really meant by the popular phrase:
nervous breakdown.
 par t o n e

The Wiring of the Personality

 Introduction to Parts 1 and 2 of this Book

The Frame or Skeleton of Personality

and the Form of Basic Personality Styles
The wiring of personality is much the same as the wiring of the
brain. The phrase we all hear from others, and also use ourselves,
is: “The brain is wired that way!” This means that there are certain
things we do because as a result of the way our species is—the way
we are—we just do them automatically, as though these behaviors
or attitudes were not ever the result of learning. So it’s true, that
even with respect to personality, when anyone’s personality gets
“fixed,” it is almost as if the contours, texture, and basic nature of
such a personality type is cast, as it were, in a permanent way, and
therefore the configurations of personality are not subject to very
much change. It is pretty much what we are.
Yet, we also know that we can be different in personality (how
we respond whenever we find ourselves in varieties of situations
and conditions, and also depending on who are our companions
at the time). So that yes, personality is quite consistent although
we can utilize what we know to adapt our behavior to just about,
or almost whatever the situation calls for. It does not mean that
we are all split personalities. What it does mean is that personal-
ity is flexible so that, whoever we are, we can temporarily shape
how we respond (our personality) in ways that make us feel more
comfortable. How we choose to do that is based upon whether
we view the environmental condition in which we find ourselves
to be friendly, familiar, and accepting, or unfriendly, strange or in
some way threatening.
28 | Personality

Nevertheless, over time, people who know us will understand

who we are in the sense that our responses to things can be pre-
dicted. In addition, such prediction is based upon how people
get to see our personality traits—these traits and their emotional
underpinnings that are really consistent over time—even though
we are able to calibrate how we behave (calibrate such traits) based
upon all sorts of conditions that impinge upon us.
Of course, because of modern-day therapies even fixed traits
can be massaged or changed. Such change starts from the fixed
position of who we are—in a position that is identifiable to any-
one who knows us—as being us. And it is only from such a con-
sistent position of who we are that the changes that take place
emerge or occur in relation to who we were. And based upon who
we were enables us (anyone) to see the difference in who we have
become. In any event, any change that takes place in the personal-
ity certainly requires a shift in how we are affected by our anxieties
and emotions and how we manage these anxieties and emotions.
At last, and during our post-adolescent years—when the per-
sonality, having matured and assimilated significant changes in
style as well as substance, and when therefore the personality is
more or less complete—a small number of basic personality styles
or types can be identified and then actually can be classified. But
even with respect to such basic elemental categories, most people
reflect parts and various intensities of personality traits drawn
from several of these basic categories.
As cited in the introduction, these categories are few in num-
ber, and can be enumerated as follows.

Basic Personality Styles

Category 1
Emotion-controlled Styles
These are personality styles that display the person’s value and atti-
tude in controlling emotion. In this sense, the person values strict
 Introduction to Parts 1 and 2 of this Book | 29

control over emotion so that this control of emotion is the real

motive—the essence—around which the personality traits of each
particular emotion-controlled style has cohered. These are the
emotion-controlled styles or personality types of the obsessive-
compulsive, the paranoid, and the so-called schizoid styles.

The Obsessive-compulsive Style—Basically defined as a person

who is concerned with orderliness, and with rules and regulations.
In a more vivid description, such a person is perfectionistic, overly
conscientious, usually rigid and stubborn, and likes to control
everything. It is what counts as emotional control. Such persons are
frequently repetitively fixed on thinking about something, and this
is what is referred to as “obsessive” and ruminative. The reference
to “compulsive” refers to the impelling need to do the something
that was obsessed about. Thus, the obsessiveness is the thinking,
and the compulsiveness, the doing.

The Paranoid Style—Distrust and suspiciousness characterize

this type of person. Yet, the basic characteristic that essentially
is the core quality that informs this type is the tendency toward
being critical. This is the kind of person who criticizes everything
unfamiliar, and will find it extremely difficult to permit anything
“in”; that is, such a person will not be easily able to do new things,
or make new relationships, or even to change one’s routine. Thus,
the prime effect and motive of this person’s criticality is to guard or
control emotion. Therefore, guardedness, guardedness, guardedness is
the psychological mantra here—essentially meaning that the per-
son is especially and inappropriately concerned with “letting-in”
anything new.

The Schizoid Style – The way such a person realizes the need to
control emotion, is by way of restricting emotional expression.
Thus, such a person shows a flat emotional response and is usually
involved in activities that do not require very much social interac-
30 | Personality

tion. Even though this person is also emotionally detached, never-

theless, the aim of controlling emotion by flattening it makes such
an individual quite representative of the emotion-controlled type.
A quality of social remoteness is central here. The personality char-
acteristic of “reserved” is the least-onerous quality of such a remote
personality style, whereas “withdrawn,” or “detached,” or “aloof ”
reflect a more socially morbid cast to the personality.

Category 2
Emotion-dyscontrolled Styles
These are personality styles that display the person’s value and atti-
tude in keeping emotion from being controlled. It is a style that
is quite opposite from the emotion-controlled style. This kind of
person’s aim is to keep emotion in a dyscontrolled state—in a state
wherein emotion triumphs over control, and therefore persons with
such styles are also characterized by a rather continuous tendency
to be attracted by, and to create situations in the environment that
generate endless stimulation and excitement. In this way boredom
and stillness, which would create anxiety for such a person, are
avoided. These are the emotionally dyscontrolled styles (or person-
ality types) of the “histrionic,” “narcissistic,” and “psychopathic”
styles.

The Histrionic Style – In this behavioral disposition a need for

attention dominates the person’s life. This kind of person needs
to be central, usually dramatic, and also seeks circumstances in
which the motive to be seductive can be displayed. At the core
of the personality however, is a very high suggestibility. This is the
kind of personality type that can be easily hypnotized, and who
also can predictably easily fall in love. Because of such “suggestibil-
ity” traits, this histrionic (or hysterical) personality needs to deny
any information that contradicts the person’s yearnings, insofar as
this denial mechanism in the personality contains a typical strategy
that invites-in or selects-in what the person wants; and simultane-
 Introduction to Parts 1 and 2 of this Book | 31

ously screens out any information that would contradict or show

that what the person wants or yearns for is not good.

The Narcissistic Style – The narcissist demands attention and ado-

ration. It is a personality style that assumes entitlement, and can show
a failure of judgment in the sense of overreacting when entitlements
are withheld. Because of such an over-entitled state of mind, this
failure of judgment can be quite troubling and can create endless
difficulty for such a person—due to the probability of the creation
of untoward events that will likely occur due to such poor judgment.
Along with this, such a person will usually become exploitative when
circumstances seem right for having an advantage. This person also
can be arrogant, and frequently shows an absence of sufficient empa-
thy especially when the person’s primary goal of having the freedom
to express emotion can be assured. This narcissistic person focuses
all interest on the self. Nothing seems more important to this sort of
narcissistic need than gaining adoration and advantage.

The Psychopathic Style – This kind of person is also referred to

as an Antisocial Personality. The behavioral style seen here reflects a
clear absence of respect for boundaries. This lack of concern about the
boundary between self and others results in delinquent behavior as
indicated by the wide variety of acts of disregard for others as well
as overall acting-out behavior. Such a person is profoundly irre-
sponsible, lies, cheats, and otherwise is preoccupied with manipu-
lative acts that also assure the unrelenting release of emotion. In
addition, such a person needs to create endless stimulation as a
way of not being still. Presumably, being still is terribly worrisome
for such a person because it is theoretically assumed that the per-
son’s inner life is bereft of any extensive richness of thought. The
only cognition (thought) occupying such a person concerns how
to have advantage and gain the ascendancy in any self-aggrandized
way that can offer gratification with respect to taking short-cuts
and getting what is wished.
32 | Personality

Category 3
Emotion Attached Styles (Dependent)
These are individuals who continue to be highly influenced by par-
ents or others in authority positions. In this way, tension regard-
ing emotions is managed by the sense of attachment and therefore,
such individuals gain a sense of security through affiliation with
the figures on whom they depend. In this sense, disagreements and
anger are limited, and decision-making that could possibly count
as independent thinking is similarly avoided. These are the emo-
tionally attached styles or personality types of the “dependent,”
“passive-aggressive,” and “inadequate” styles.

The Dependent Style – In this style of relating, remaining attached

to the caregiver is the desired way of managing the challenges of
life. With the assurance of such attachment, the dependent person
is not overly worried about being overwhelmed by emotion. And
this is important for such a person because to be overwhelmed by
emotion is equivalent to a condition in which there is an absence
of someone on whom to rely. In terms of reliance on another,
rather than implementing activity toward goals, such a person usu-
ally depends on magical wishes to feel gratified. And in this way,
such a person equates wishing with doing, and the gratification of
achievement is then frequently experienced through the wishing.
All of this suggests a need to be cared for that generates a rather
high-level sensitivity to anything resembling separation from the
caregiver. It is the kind of personality style that shows submissive
behavior, as is usually the case in people who have difficulty in dis-
agreeing with others as a way of basically ensuring the best possible
relationship with another person on whom to depend.

The Passive-aggressive Style – This person retains the need for

attachment to the parental figure or other authority, but is usually
engaged in a power struggle implying a protest, and even anger, over
such dependency, or need for attachment. The manner of manag-
 Introduction to Parts 1 and 2 of this Book | 33

ing emotion (specifically the emotion of anger) occurs in one of

three ways: as in a passive stance; as in an aggressive stance; or, as in
a strictly dependent stance. In the passive stance, anger is expressed
through delay; that is, the person expresses hostility through a
delay of response. In the aggressive stance, anger is expressed with
a subtle preemption—that is, with a touch of arrogance. In the
dependent stance, anger is expressed through an excessive cloying
or annoying dependency. The basic strategy of the passive-aggres-
sive person is the automatic unconscious design of behavior that
enables the person to express hostility and importantly, to have the
other person feel it, and yet, because of the seeming innocence of
the passive-aggressive person, attachment to others can be usually
sustained on the basis that such passive-aggressive responses were
ostensibly not deliberate nor meant to be hurtful.

The Inadequate Style − This person is entirely wishful for full sup-
port from the authority figure—usually the parent. It is the kind
of person who manages emotion by just about fully under-respond-
ing. Such under-response is even to simple everyday challenges that
people face—typically represented in all arenas of the person’s life.
Therefore, such a person requires consistent support from the care-
giver or helper. The under-response is a way to limit expression of
any decisive emotional reaction, and in the absence of more decisive
emotional expression, the person experiences greater safety. The idea
of safety is central in this person’s life. Performance of jobs that such
a person may undertake, or requirements given to such a person ren-
der the performance almost always below average, or the fulfillment
of requirements invariably predicate an anticipated failure.

Category 4
Emotion Detached Styles (Sensitive/Vulnerable/Withdrawn)
These are persons who manage emotion by keeping away from
entanglements with others, or who exhibit erratic behavior when
feeling too close to others. In order to avoid anxiety, such individu-
34 | Personality

als seem overly sensitive in social situations in which insecurities

can feel as though they could possibly or actually fragment the
personality. Ultimate social isolation is the effect of such styles.
The fear of emotional closeness is minimized because of the isola-
tion, so that the person is able to feel more secure. These are the
emotionally detached styles or personality types of “borderline,”
“depressed,” and “avoidant” styles.

The Borderline Style − This person manages tension and emotion

by limiting relationships. Any sense of closeness is contaminated
by erratic and/or explosive reactions. The instability of relationships
is characterized by impulsivity, recklessness, and irritability. The
irritability is connected to a particularly strong sensitivity to rela-
tionship events; that is, the borderline-personality individual finds
it almost impossible to tolerate any sustained relationship without
having angry and sudden outbursts of temper. It is what is known
as a thin stimulus barrier; that is, reacting with an over-sensitivity
to anything that is even slightly unsettling.

The Depressed Style − This is a person who has had a long-standing

but not psychotic depressive mood. A deflated sense of self-esteem is
typical here, and the person can be very insecure, self-absorbed, and
self-protective. Such a person may over-identify with objects of pity
as in the example of feeling heartbreak over a wounded animal, but
in any personal relationship an absence of demonstrative affection
toward the partner is evident, and even though such a person may
perceive the self as generous and considerate of others, the net effect
of the depressive-personality dynamic is that such a person is almost
entirely absorbed with personal tensions and not in any authentic
way really concerned about the needs of others. When pointed out,
however, and in particular situations, surprisingly, such a person
can adjust and be quite caring of the other. This sudden change of
attitude is usually a function of sensitivity to possible rejection.
 Introduction to Parts 1 and 2 of this Book | 35

The Avoidant Style − This person manages emotion by becoming

socially inhibited. Such avoidant behavior is usually due to exces-
sive feelings of inadequacy—in popular culture referred to as an
inferiority complex. An intense fear of potential criticism from oth-
ers is also a frequent concern of such a person. As a result of this
sort of social tension, the person is especially risk-averse, and is
preoccupied in the endless search for self-assurance. Because of
such habitual avoidance behavior, this person begins to lack suf-
ficient and significant exposure to normal everyday social expe-
riences so that when actually presented with the opportunity to
participate in a social circumstance, the event will seem awkward
and the person will generally feel frightened or irritable, and either
will want to avoid such a situation, or immediately depart if actu-
ally co-opted into such a circumstance.

Summary
These personality styles largely represent a complement of basic
types that develop specific ways to manage the operation and
expression of emotion. The styles are developed either to control
emotion, or to be sure not to control it (to have emotion be dyscon-
trolled), or to remain emotionally attached (as in being dependent),
or to remain emotionally detached (as in being separate—sensitive,
vulnerable, withdrawn).
The styles click into place rather early in development and con-
stitute what can be considered to be a hard-wiring of the person-
ality. Once the style crystallizes, it becomes etched, so that the
style, or type, is singularly identifiable, resistant to change, and
becomes the so-called basic frame, or structure, (or skeleton) of
the personality—its characteristic way around which will form all
other facets of the personality.
These twelve basic styles will be spelled out in greater detail in
part 2, chapters 6 to 17, so that the essential color of each per-
36 | Personality

sonality can be better observed. The basic styles will be presented

in terms of how each one manages the challenge of emotion, as
in emotion-controlled styles, emotion-dyscontrolled styles, emotion-
attached styles, and emotion-detached styles.
It also needs to be noted that these are personality styles defined
as psychiatric states meaning that the focus is on understanding
how tension and anxiety is managed. And when seen through
such a psychiatric lens, it becomes apparent that what is revealed
concerns the issues that are so-called wrong with the person.
Because of this psychiatric bias regarding personality formation
and its developmental effects, in part 2 explanations of each per-
sonality style will be presented that describe how such a person
can be identified with a psychiatric diagnosis yet reflect behavior
that is more normally inclined despite the particular psychiatric
underpinning of such a personality identification; that is, essen-
tially showing a more normally inclined person even though the
diagnosis remains a psychiatric one.
But at this stage, we will begin with the Wiring of the Personal-
ity that includes the importance in personality development of
issues of: memory as in remembering, the influence of a person’s
wishes and how these are related to the appearance of symptoms,
the reason for the appearance of acting-out behavior, the existence
in the personality of impulses and the importance of the relation
of impulses to mechanisms of controls, and finally, to an examina-
tion of the operation and function of defense mechanisms in the
personality.
Therefore, we will examine what surrounds and accounts for
the particular form, or wiring of the personality, by looking at,
and examining the issues of:

1. Remembering—in contrast to repression of memory

wherein the individual suppresses the memory of signifi-
cant events and/or experiences;
 Introduction to Parts 1 and 2 of this Book | 37

2. Wishes—the effect on the personality of wishes that are

achieved versus those that are thwarted;
3. Symptoms—the appearance of emotional/psychologi-
cal symptoms in the personality and how and why they
occur;
4. Acting-out—why a person “does” something (as in
acting-out), rather than “know” something (as in not
acting-out) is a telling factor in the operation of the per-
sonality;
5. Impulses—what they are and what they do;
6. Controls—the importance of controls and their relation
to impulses;
7. The Maturation Ratio between controls and impulses;
8. Defense mechanisms—their design for the management
of emotion;
9. Defense mechanisms—their design in the management
of personality traits.

All of these particular benchmarks of personality development,

when dissected and analyzed, reveal in great detail how the per-
sonality is put together displaying the entire wiring of the person-
ality—the type of personality we have and its particular behavioral
signature, it’s style.
Then, in part 2, I present these basic personality types and
styles along with actual clinical examples of each (and as men-
tioned above) also with reference to how each actual type may
appear when expressing a more normally inclined personality
style of that type.
 chap t er o n e

Remembering

W e can begin to enter our journey into the process of per-

sonality formation by examining the essence of what the
psychoanalyst-as-therapist is looking for. If we boil it down to its
essence, and try to use one word that characterizes this psycho-
analytic undertaking of seeing how the personality is formed, that
word would be, remembering.
Psychoanalysts want patients to remember. Obviously, this
remembering refers to something related to one’s past, to one’s
history, to one’s childhood. When we remember what it is that we
need to remember, we will then step onto the first level of the scaf-
fold—the platform from which we will begin to understand what
underpins all of personality formation. Access to this scaffolding
will be the vantage point from which we will be able to see the
entire superstructure on which personality rests—level by level.
The psychoanalyst starts you off by asking you to practice
remembering. For example, at some point toward the beginning of
the treatment, the analyst will probably ask you to report a dream.
But when the patient indicates that he or she cannot remember
dreams so well, so that to remember one he or she will need to
write it down, in all likelihood the analyst will instruct the patient
not to write it down. Rather, the analyst will encourage the patient
to try to remember the dream in the absence of writing it, and in
addition will instruct the patient to not report the dream to any-
40 | Personality

one else, because to repeat it will dilute the dream for the purpose
of working on it and understanding it in the therapy session.
While waiting for the next psychotherapy session, the objective
is for the patient to rehearse, recall, and recite the dream to him
or herself for as many times as necessary to keep from forgetting
it, and only then to describe the dream—and again, solely to the
analyst. In addition, not reporting the dream to anyone else helps
the patient “own” the dream and, finally, to work on it.
The purpose of this little instruction to the patient regarding
the remembering of the dream is to encourage the patient to begin
to struggle with remembering rather than to depend on a written
log of the dream that basically excuses the patient from an active
struggle to recall. In addition, this sort of struggle to keep trying
to remember contributes to the patient’s growth with respect to
not being dependent on written material or other techniques of
remembering that do not require such active struggle.
The point is that we all need to struggle—to pressure ourselves
to think—and then to discuss what it is that comes to mind when
trying to remember.

What Is It We Need to Remember?

Isn’t it that each of us remembers different things, different experi-
ences? Surely it can’t be that we all do, in fact, remember the same
thing. Or, another way of putting it is to consider that when we
do finally remember, is it possible that it is the same thing that we
all remember?
Is that what we’re getting at when we are asked to remember
our past—that we’re all the same?
The fantastic answer is—Yes. We all will remember the same thing!

Again, What Is that Thing We Need to Remember?

What is it then that we need to remember? Another way to put
it is to say that we need to be conscious of something. We need
 Remembering | 41

to be conscious of this something because as Sigmund Freud

once said, “consciousness is curative.” He meant that when
something is out of your awareness, is repressed and out of your
consciousness, this kind of forgetting is really a concealment—
an unconscious concealment—of some important issue. And it’s
a concealment therefore that even you don’t know about, despite
the fact that it is you who is concealing it. And further, that
the concealment creates problems and emotional and psycho-
logical symptoms; the good news is that to surface and uncover
the secret, or what is hidden (even from the self ), is possibly
to cure the symptom. Therefore, Freud reasoned that surfac-
ing the unconscious material that was pushed out of awareness,
or repressed, would mean to remember it, and remembering it
begins the process of cure.
So, presumably the important issue concerns what is con-
cealed, unconscious, hidden, repressed, and therefore forgotten.
To answer this question concerning what it is that is repressed
and therefore forgotten (the things that we need to remember),
first we ought to understand what it is that we are all required
to do at the beginning of life when we start to talk and to hear
from our elders what is permissible to do, and what the word
No means. It is during this period of our development that the
concealment and repression of what we need to now remember
starts.

The Issue of Compliance

In reasonably normal family life wherein at least one parent is
focused on the guidance of the child, the parent (or parents)
are always (emphasis on “always”) concerned about teaching and
helping the child learn the do’s and don’ts of civilized living. Of
course, it’s the don’ts that really count. “No, don’t do that.” And,
“No, don’t touch that.” And, “No, you can’t put that in your
mouth.” And, “No, you can’t have that.”And, “No, don’t touch
the stove, it’s hot.”
42 | Personality

We all learn through the No’s we hear. However, for infants

and young children, hearing the No is always accompanied by an
implicit “or else!” Even when the No’s are uttered in pearly tones,
all infants and children implicitly hear the “or else.”And in fact,
in many families, the “or else” is actually stated (and even perhaps
threatened).
It is this implicit “or else,” and how the child feels about it
that gives us our first clue/glimpse as to what the child conceals
even from him or herself. And it is the “or else,” (whether actually
implicit or not) that constitutes a threat. It is this implied threat
that animates, encourages, and energizes the child’s compliance.
In addition, a child certainly also implicitly understands that the
“or else” exists within the context of parental love and concern.
Therefore, the child’s compliance to parental instructions, values,
and style, is the true engine that begins creating a sense of the real-
ity of right and wrong, and actually a strong sense of “how to be.”
This “how to be” is, along with “the psychology of identification
with significant others,” the core to understanding personality
development; in addition, another kind of compliance refers to
the child’s identification and internalization of the parents’ atti-
tudes and beliefs that become infused or blended into the entire
formation of the child’s personality. Furthermore, at the same
time, however, something else gets created.

What Else Gets Created When the Child Needs to Comply?

We need to understand that all children, whether feeling loved or
not, are always, and in some form, considering the possible idea of
being abandoned. This is so because especially during early child-
hood, the thing that makes the child feel completely helpless is
even the remotest thought of being without parental protection.
This sense of helplessness (or disempowerment) is two-pronged.
First is the sense of physical protection, and second is the sense of
an even greater danger: emotional vulnerability that is really better
 Remembering | 43

understood as feeling an emotional terror. It is this apprehension,

anticipation of possible abandonment along with accompanied
assumed terror (of abandonment and vulnerability) that supports
and wins the child’s day in its incentive and willingness to listen, to
obey, to comply.
Even though all of these factors (compliance, fear of abandon-
ment, need for protection), are what influences the child, never-
theless, it doesn’t matter how young one is, or how in need one
is for protection; the fact is that for every person compliance is
experienced as a form-of-force, or submissive acquiescence, or
control, and will always because of this even vague sense of being
controlled, generate anger, or even rage (conscious or not)—for
the most part experienced implicitly, unconsciously. This is espe-
cially true for the young child who is at the mercy of the forces,
and is not very well able to determine what is exactly happen-
ing—of being conceptually un-crystallized and therefore depen-
dent for the most part on how things feel
Therefore, it seems that for this child such anger will also and
always be generated to the condition of compliance. The main
point is that every child will either always, or at some point, expe-
rience compliance as that of a forced compliance; and will reflex-
ively be angry about it but usually not know about the anger in
its fullest measure.
The question becomes, Why is this so?
The answer concerns what it feels like to have one’s impulses,
needs, or wishes, blocked—especially in a young child (or even,
infant), who doesn’t know much else except impulse, need, and
wish. Basically, in a loving family it appears that the infant or
young child gets, more or less, whatever it wants based upon
parental attention and concern with the child’s every whim and
wish. But to this new being in the world, it surely does not feel as
though each and every wish is met to the fullest measure exactly
how it is needed and precisely when it is needed/wanted. Because
of this condition of inevitable blocked wishes, the child experi-
44 | Personality

ences a profound pervasive sense of disempowerment or some-

thing that feels like that, seeming ubiquitous, permeating the
child’s sensations and emotions.

What Happens with this Anger?

Here the main point is that the child usually cannot show such
anger (or even rage), because in the very young child the fantasy
of abandonment—though imprecise, amorphous, or ambiguously
felt/experienced as a general mood—then forces that anger to
be concealed; that is, forces that dissatisfaction (the anger) to be
repressed, and therefore hidden in the unconscious. In this way,
since the anger is not expressed, or not expressed directly, nor not
even conscious to the child, then in turn, the probability and also
possibility of punishment, in the form of the parent abandoning
the child, is just about zero. In other words the child automatically
(and in a nanosecond) is able to conceal any anger; and so with
no anger expressed or consciously experienced, there is no reason
to be punished or more significantly, no reason to be abandoned.
Of course children do in fact show anger. But there is so much
in the child’s development and experience that urges or even
demands compliance, that in the child’s ongoing resistance to
such demands, nevertheless, compliance-building does gradually
take place and, correspondingly, anger does accompany it. But
much of it is concealed by a process of repression, and hidden in
the child’s psyche—in his or her unconscious.
So what happens when the anger is so repressed? Primarily
when the anger is repressed, the child really does not know of
its existence. Rather, the child feels only that there is something
vaguely wrong. In many cases, this feeling that there is something
wrong usually transforms itself into the specific emotion of guilt.
And to this emotion of guilt (about which the child knows no rea-
son for such guilt even to exist), the child then wants to do good
things so that the bad feeling of “the something-is-wrong” mood
 Remembering | 45

(the guilt) should be eliminated or erased. That is to say that when

you do good things, then the guilt or feeling of “wrongness” is
nullified, or should be nullified. When the guilt is erased, the
child will feel good. And this feeling of feeling good means that
ultimate and underlying endemic abandonment fears are brought
to the zero position—also into repression.
Thus, we can see that even with a sort of incorrect sensation
(the child’s fear of abandonment) a decent outcome can be gener-
ated. Sometimes from a rather bad cause, paradoxically, a good
result can occur. The child starts doing things the right way, and
becomes a good citizen, largely out of a basic illusion, or even per-
haps delusional fear—the fear of, and belief in, the possibility of
abandonment, and therefore, a concurrent desire to be agreeable.

Again, What Is It that Needs to Be Remembered?

We can now see, that what needs to be remembered concerns in
a plain and simple way, and perhaps in an unexpected way, an
early sense of anger toward the parent that could not be directly
expressed, or even was not itself accessible to the child’s conscious-
ness. Of course, many people cannot get to it—cannot put their
finger on it; that is to say, can’t remember it.
The question is: Can’t remember what? What is the “it” that
cannot be remembered? The answer is: The child cannot remember
the sense of “the fear of abandonment” along with the subsequent
compliance to rules and regulations, along with the repression of
the anger about not getting the chance to satisfy whatever wish
was involved to get whatever impulse needed to be expressed (or
get whatever needs to be gratified) gratified. The good news is that
it doesn’t much matter if the person remembers it exactly because
the same pattern begins to occur throughout childhood, and then,
believe it or not, throughout life. This means what needs to be
remembered or seen more clearly—consciously—is that people
feel dissatisfied with others, or feel angry toward them, but for
46 | Personality

one reason or another are not able to express the anger directly,
or even be conscious of the anger. This is what is meant about the
same pattern occurring throughout life.
What needs to be remembered—where consciousness, as
Freud says, can become curative—or what needs to be brought
to consciousness, is a greater awareness of the fact that all of us
are angry a lot of the time but do not really know it. We call it
being upset, or being bored, or feeling moody, or depressed, or dis-
satisfied, or any number of other code words for feeling angry.
And make no mistake about it, the anger is almost always about
another person who prevented you from having something you
wanted. And what the other person did to you is an essential
thing to know about.
And this essential thing to know about is always about the same
thing.
Isn’t that strange? It is always, for all of us, about the same thing.
And what is this thing that always will make us angry regarding
what that other person did and on top of it, making it dangerous
for us to express the anger directly?
That thing is the thwarting or blocking of our wishes! And this
blocking of our wishes constitutes the moment of birth in the
development of a psychological/emotional symptom. In fact, sev-
eral principles are developed to indicate just how important such
a process of blocked wishes and the reflexive response of anger is,
to the development of a symptom—which also not only relates to
the wiring of the personality but also demonstrates the effect of
such wiring. These principles are:

Principle 1. Where there is a blocked wish, and if the anger

to that blocked wish is repressed, not only will there be
a symptom generated from such repression of the anger,
but there must be a symptom developed from such anger-
repression.
 Remembering | 47

Principle 2. Where there is a symptom, not only will anger

be repressed, but anger must be repressed.

Principle 3. Where there is no anger repressed, not only

will there be no symptom, there cannot be a symptom.

Principle 4. Where there is no symptom, not only will there

be no anger repressed, there cannot be anger repressed.

Yes, the blocking of a wish is the moment of the birth of a

symptom. It is the conception of a symptom—like the moment
of conception and is one example of the wiring of the personality
and its effects. In this respect, in the following chapter the nature
of wishes and symptoms is considered.
 chap t er t w o

Wishes and Symptoms

W e are all wish-soaked creatures.

What this means is that we are all governed by what is
known as the pleasure principle. We all want what we want when
we want it. And the wishes are the chief representative of the plea-
sure principle. This means that when we get our wishes met, we
feel good and we feel empowered. However, when we don’t get
our wishes met, then we don’t feel good, and correspondingly, we
then feel disempowered.
The problem in all of this is that the world is constructed in
such a way that there are too many variables—too many factors
that affect everything we do—so that because of all these factors
we rarely can control the situations in which we find ourselves. As
a matter of fact, because of so many variables that impact us and
our situations, we actually can never ever control it all. And there-
fore, because we cannot control everything in the way we would
like, then most frequently, we don’t get what we want. Even should
we, indeed, get what we want, it usually is not exactly when we
wanted it. And even if it should be exactly when we wanted it,
frequently enough, it is not getting what we wanted to the full-
est measure. And this is what we meant when describing how a
young child (even an infant) might feel.
Because of this very incomplete gratification that we all experi-
ence, all of the time, we are therefore frequently either a little, or a
 Wishes and Symptoms | 49

lot frustrated. The point is that when wishes are not met, or even
quite incompletely met, we will usually feel disappointed, dis-
satisfied, disgruntled, disgusted, or a combination of these disses.
When the feeling or dissatis-pointed-ness sets in, it’s a sure-fire bet
that such dissatisfaction along with disappointment will generate
feelings of annoyance, anger (even intense anger such as rage)—
and in some, so-to-speak thin-egoed people, even fury.
Generally, or even usually, such disempowerment leading to
angry feelings will be directed to another person because when
wishes are not met or not gratified, it will most frequently be
because someone is preventing the individual from getting what
he or she wants—a job, a raise in salary, sex, approval, recogni-
tion, adoration, food, success, and so forth. It is what is referred
to as thwarted wishes.
When this happens (the fact that someone is blocking you from
getting what you want), your anger will most often not be able to
be expressed toward the particular person frustrating you. This is
so because it is likely that such a person either is a parent, boss,
partner, teacher, client, customer, important friend, and so forth;
at times, your anger toward such a person may be socially almost
impossible to express. The conscious idea itself of this anger at
that person can be automatically anticipated as a great threat to
your security. In this sense of its seeming impossibility of expres-
sion, rather than knowing it (that you’re angry), you will instantly,
perhaps in a nanosecond—especially before you even know that
the angry feeling exists toward this person—hide, conceal, repress
this anger, and then bury it in your unconscious mind so that
even you yourself will be practically, or in most likelihood abso-
lutely, oblivious to its existence.
This happens a great deal of the time—to all of us. The ques-
tion then becomes: So what? What really does it mean that we
repress, or push down the anger?
When we push down the anger (repress it), it means that
again, just like we did in childhood, we can’t let the person know
50 | Personality

that we’re angry. And the reason for this is that we automatically
believe—we assume—that should the person know about our
anger toward him or her, then he or she will do what? We then
believe that they will reject us, fire us, hate us, leave us—abandon
us. That’s what it all boils down to. We repress anger because
instead of confronting the issue—calling it abandonment—we
now have more sophisticated code words for it: rejected, fired,
hated, left. So just as we did when we where children, we are fre-
quently afraid to be directly angry with those that hold our secu-
rity in their hands, and this is reinforced by civilized standards of
behavior—interestingly enough—by which we all live.
In this sense, in the formation of personality, the personality
disruptions we develop (the emotional/psychological symptoms)
are fundamentally based upon considerations of a deep structure
in the operation of the person’s psyche. The proposition about
this state of affairs can be stated thus:

In the formation of personality the deep structure in one’s psyche related

to the appearance of psychological/emotional symptoms is composed of
the relation of repressed anger regarding one’s thwarted wishes toward
an identifiable person.

But such is what is underneath. That is usually the buried layer

of personality. On top, however, is the emotion of caution (and
even fear) about what could happen if those persons—the culprits
who thwarted our wishes—knew we felt anger toward them. So,
consciously, if someone tells us we are angry at so and so, we usu-
ally deny it simply because we may not know that we even harbor
such feelings. On the other hand if we’re told that we are fearful
of that same person, we’re usually more aware of the fear and can
fairly quickly admit to and identify our apprehension or our fear.
The code phrase for such apprehension or fear, is usually referred
to as respect for the other person.
 Wishes and Symptoms | 51

To Reiterate
Basically, what’s underneath is concealed anger. What’s on top is
the rigmarole we do to create little scenarios based upon the strate-
gies and tactics we concoct to help us get away from the fear of
rejection or abandonment that we think could occur if the other
person sees the anger that is beneath the social veneer. These little
strategies and tactics turn out to be those consistent behavioral
patterns of ours that help us massage situations in a way that oth-
ers are sure not to see either the fear that is on top, nor the anger
below—especially the anger that is below. As stated, most fre-
quently we ourselves are not even aware of this anger below—we
also do not see it.
It is these behavioral-personality patterns based upon needs
to conceal underlying emotions (angers and dissatisfactions),
that get displayed in ways that determine our social persona
and that become etched in us, becoming recognizable as our
signature-selves. When someone asks, “What’s his personality
profile?” they are really asking to see the configuration of these
etched behavioral patterns so-to-speak—our personality signa-
ture: for example, whether we can be assertive to challenges
confronting us, or whether we are passive or timid with respect
to such challenges.
These personality or character (behavioral) patterns can be
understood as the basic structure around which forms everything
concerning the full nature of our personhood. No matter how
we dress, how we feel, what we do, or even with respect to the
symptoms we have, these all surround this basic frame or skeleton
of personality that further is resistant as well to change, and that
surprisingly (or perhaps not so surprisingly) some might even call
a substance harder than steel. Yes, as a subject the character or
personality structure may be among the hardest (impermeable as
steel) and also a most intangible subject.
52 | Personality

Intangible yet Hardest

We develop this pretty much hardened personality structure very
early on so that even with age, or even advanced age, the so-to-
speak chassis of personality (these behavioral patterns) are sus-
tained, and can be plainly seen to exist. Even though such patterns
are engraved, the personality is also in the adaptable sense plastic,
so that we can become different in our personality expressions and
demeanor based upon our needs, which get determined by par-
ticular social circumstances. This condition of the plasticity of per-
sonality, however, does not in any way nullify the basic structure of
the permanent silhouette (skeleton) of individual personality. Plas-
ticity of personality is consigned to the psyche. It is the psyche’s
way of utilizing defense mechanisms and social understanding to
create the best adaptations to varieties of situations. Yet, the skel-
eton of the personality is composed of genetic givens plus all sorts
of epigenetic factors (environmental circumstances and demands)
that shape these genetic givens throughout the child’s develop-
mental stages.
When seeing the personality underpinnings this way, we are
really looking at the wiring of the internal structure of the per-
sonality—ultimately guided and guarded by what’s known as
the psyche, loosely synonymous with “mind,” analogous to how
the pleasure principle (we’re interested in everything pleasur-
able) is synonymous with wishes (wanting what we want, when
we want it, and how we want it). We might even be able to say
that the pleasure principle is to the wishes, as the psyche is to
the mind, meaning as the wishes are the major representative
of the pleasure principle, the mind is the most conspicuous
representative of the psyche, and in fact, the mind represents
the psyche.
The interesting and predictable thing is that wishes can get us
in trouble.
 Wishes and Symptoms | 53

How Do Wishes Get Us in Trouble?

It’s really quite simple. Wishes can and do get us in trouble. The
fact that we are all wish-soaked creatures, in itself, may not be a
problem. The problem is that when the wish is blocked by some-
one, we get mad. Now, there’s the problem.
Most people never make any distinction between major and
minor wishes. Such people—all of us—treat each wish as though
it were major. For example, not being able to find your wristwatch
when you need it and when you know it is somewhere in the bed-
room, becomes as frustrating and annoying, and can make you
almost as upset, as when you know that you have actually lost it
somewhere outside of the home.
Thus, again, people usually do not calibrate the difference
between major and minor wishes, but treat them all as major. Fur-
ther, people usually do not make any distinction between trouble
and aggravation. Everything is treated as though it is trouble.
And this is another form of not distinguishing between major
and minor wishes.
In this sense, people are wound up most of the time, thinking
about all the so-called and presumed major wishes that they’ve
not gotten realized, as well as all “the trouble” they always have.

What Does this Have to Do with How Personality Forms?

What all of this means with respect to the formation of personal-
ity concerns the issue of a person feeling angry at not getting what
he or she wants, how it is wanted, when it is wanted, and then, to
the fullest measure. When you don’t get what you want, when you
want it, and how you want it, and to the fullest measure, then the
wish is blocked, thwarted, and frustrated, and you also feel it just
that way—you feel blocked, thwarted, and frustrated. Then as a
reaction when the wish is so blocked, you will feel the absence of
being empowered. In contrast, empowerment is always experienced
54 | Personality

when the wish is gratified. Rather, it is the feeling of helplessness or

disempowerment that occurs when wishes are denied.

Pushing the Anger Down and Developing a Symptom

The psychology of the feeling of helplessness or disempowerment
will usually lead to a person feeling angry and then frequently also
to a repression or pushing of the anger down. Imagine how much
anger is pushed down with respect to always, and automatically,
defining any wish as a major one (rather than distinguishing major
from minor wishes), and any inconvenience as trouble (instead of
mere aggravation), and then feeling that you cannot get what you
want—ever.
This means that for most of our lives, we are constantly trying
to manage being angry, and that in so many cases, rather than
know we are angry, we say we were upset, or that we are stressed
(another code word for being angry), and then moreover, we
repress or push the anger down. We push the anger down (sup-
press or repress it), because the people who thwart our wishes and
thereby disempower us are usually those who for any number of
reasons we dare not be angry with.
Then, what we get when we repress the anger is a symptom—an
emotional/psychological symptom—and sometimes this perhaps
can take the form of a physical symptom as well. For example, is
it possible that hypertension or high-blood pressure could result
from the impact of a continual repression of anger? The answer
is maybe Yes, and maybe, No. If however the repression of anger
is really a continuous pushing down of intense anger, like rage,
and if this kind of condition continues over a long period of time,
then yes, it is highly probable that hypertension along with any
number of other physical symptoms could develop.
So the answer to the age-old question regarding the effect of
emotion on physical conditions is a resounding Yes. Emotions
can affect physical conditions, as well as produce symptoms of a
 Wishes and Symptoms | 55

psychological nature. And this includes conditions such as pho-

bias, anxiety conditions, digestive disturbances, migraines, and so
forth.
In the structure of personality, when the wish is blocked, when
one cannot have what is wanted, one feels disempowered and
anger is generated to this sense of helplessness or disempower-
ment. Apparently, what happens then is that in the unconscious
mind (where repressed material resides), the wish is then trans-
formed into a psychological/emotional symptom like a phobia,
or anxiety reaction, or panic attack, or an intrusive thought (a
thought you didn’t necessarily want but becomes intrusive and
you can’t shake it), or an obsession (like repetitively thinking that
you have not turned off the stove), or a compulsion (like needing
to go to see if you have turned off the stove).
Once the symptom appears, no matter how much you can rea-
son with it, the symptom always wins. Reason or reasonableness
never cures a symptom. No matter how much logic is directed
at the symptom, logic can never cure it. The symptom will not
listen. In order to cure the symptom, we have to unravel it by
beginning to know that we are angry at a particular person, and
rather than having directed the anger to that person, instead we
swallowed it, and therefore the anger directed itself at us.
This is the problem: that the anger is directed at the self.

The Personality of Anger

What if the anger is directed at the self? Well, the problem is that
anger is a primary emotion, and all primary emotions like anger
or fear, joy or sorrow, have basic personality inclinations. We can
call these tropisms. For example, a general scientific illustration
of this point can be explained by examining the phenomenon
of phototropism as well as a hydrotropism. Phototropism will
cause a plant to grow toward light, while a hydrotropistic plant
will grow toward water. That is all it “knows.” When something
56 | Personality

is tropistic, it only “knows” or has the impulse to do what defines

the tropism.
The same is true of primary emotions such as anger or fear.
For example, fear only knows to flee. Fear wants to flee. Disgust
knows only to reject, or eject (vomit). Joy knows only to pulsate
with happiness. And anger only knows to attack. Anger wants to
attack. Thus, when anger is swallowed and directed at the self, it
will attack the self since that is what it is supposed to do—that is
what it’s all about. It only knows to attack. Fear is all about fleeing,
and anger is all about attacking.
Thus, primary emotions are governed only by their unidimen-
sional nature and not at all in themselves, innately, influenced by
civilization. Yet, of course, environmental influences do indeed
have an impact on primary emotions but only insofar as such
influence can redirect the aim of the emotion. But, the intrinsic
nature of each primary emotion is that it is unidimensional (only
has one instruction). Therefore, with respect to the emotion of
anger, its personality only has one instruction: Attack! This uni-
dimensional instruction in the very nature of anger figures hugely
in the formation of an emotional/psychological symptom. For
example, in the translation of the wish into the symptom, it is the
anger that stokes the unconscious furnace in which this transfor-
mation of wish into symptom takes place. It is a metamorphosis
like a caterpillar to cocoon to butterfly. Only in this case it is
the wish alloyed into the symptom by the action of the repressed
anger existing in the unconscious mind.
Said again: It is the anger attacking the self.
Therefore, the composition of the personality of anger acts
upon the wish so that the wish is expressed as fully gratified, but in
the form of a psychological/emotional symptom. It is a symptom
understood as the metamorphosis of the thwarted wish combined
with the repressed anger to yield this emotional/psychological
symptom, and can be expressed as an equation: Thwarted wish +
Repressed anger = Symptom.
 Wishes and Symptoms | 57

The Personality Profile of Anger

If we analyze the personality of anger we will see that its attack
proclivity can be spelled-out with respect to various facets of its
attack nature.

•  Anger has an aggressive drive. Like all primary emotions,

it’s inborn.
•  Anger is expansive. It wants to get bigger.
•  Anger has explosive potential. It wants to burst out.
•  Anger has a confrontational inclination. It wants to get
tough.
•  Anger has an attack inclination. It wants to attack.
•  Anger has an entitled frame of mind. It feels it has the right
to get tough.
•  Anger is an empowerment. It eliminates feelings of helpless-
ness.

Knowing
Anger or any primary emotion knows what it’s supposed to do—
what it itself is all about. So that knowing seems to be a very spe-
cial issue in the whole structure of personality. We know what we
want, especially when we wish it.
Knowing is implicated in symptom development, in the
expression of wishes, and very importantly in the unraveling of
the symptom. For example, when we know that we need to try
and focus on the possibility that we have repressed some anger,
and further, realize that this anger was originally intended to be
directed at a specific person, and even further, that we need to
join the two (bring the anger to consciousness and identify the
who toward whom the anger is intended), then this kind of know-
ing can actually and truly begin to defeat the symptom; that is,
the symptom will no longer have a purpose as a symbol since the
58 | Personality

real problem (anger connected to the intended who—the person)

is now made visible to the self (to us), and is now concrete and
not some abstract oblique and opaque symbol (the symptom).
When knowing something is for whatever threatening reason
not possible to us, we then do what is called acting-out. And this
acting-out is just another form of a symptom. The acting-out
can take innumerable forms. It can be seen in the form of steal-
ing, being promiscuous, doing self-defeating things like being
passive-aggressive (making others angry while not being obvious
about the strategy you use that makes them angry, and not even
knowing that you want to make them angry), and so forth.
If we follow the map of the acting-out, we can further unfold
the personality, and so-to-speak, see it all laid out.

What We Have So Far in the Formation of Personality

We have the supportive framework or skeleton of the personality
that is based upon:

1. The idea of early in-life compliance (common to all of

us), that in turn
2. generates underlying anger (because of the necessity to
restrain our impulses), which in turn
3. galvanizes a process resulting in a profile of personality
traits that protect us—so that we can adjust and adapt.
4. This becomes our personality signature—the skeleton
of the personality that everything else about personal-
ity, such as emotions, thinking style, needs, controls,
impulses, attitudes, sexuality, and so forth adheres to,
intersects, and interacts.
5. This personality profile of traits is generally called char-
acter traits – but not in the sense of ethics or morality.
Rather, these are called character traits as in traits that are
characteristic of the personality.
 Wishes and Symptoms | 59

Furthermore, because of the pleasure principle that perme-

ates everything about us, we turn out to be wish-soaked, and the
proposition that hardly any wishes get realized at the moment
we want them (or at all), in turn generates a process leading to
the appearance of symptoms—meaning, psychological/emotional
symptoms.
This process includes the reflexive reactions we have and their
distortions:

6. that all wishes are major (even inconsequential ones);

and
7. that all inconvenience (even the slightest), is trouble and
not mere aggravation; and
8. in this sense, the blockage of major wishes (all wishes),
and trouble (even though it is mostly, really only aggra-
vation), leads to
9. anger (that is frequently repressed); and
10. this repression of anger will always produce -
11. emotional/psychological symptoms of the personality.
Further, in order to unravel the symptom and, in addi-
tion see the facets of the personality laid out bare, it is
valuable to examine
12. the nature of acting-out as it relates to the issue of “know-
ing” (having insight).

The repression of anger and the issue of acting-out lead us now

to a further examination of the overall wiring of the personality
and its effects.

The Wiring of the Personality

In this first section of the book regarding the wiring of the per-
sonality we have already examined the issue of what and why the
personality forms: that is, on what basis does it become necessary
60 | Personality

to form the wiring of the personality—remembering, compliance,

control of impulses, the anger about this control, the repression of
the anger, and the importance of the reign of wishes that represent
the pleasure principle and the effect of the thwarting of the wish in
the development of symptoms and in acting-out.
In the following chapter, I examine the nature of acting-out
and how this analysis can be the basis for understanding the
entire wiring of the personality. Acting-out relates to how the
personality permits impulse to reign supreme, as well as strongly
implicating the operation of defense mechanisms. Furthermore,
we will see that even though in reality a wish may be thwarted,
nevertheless in the psyche (in one’s mind) no wish will ever be
denied; that is, the psyche insists that the wish be gratified in
the form of a neurotic or perverse transmogrified product—as a
symptom—an emotional/psychological symptom. Interestingly,
in psychotherapy the only phenomenon (or thing) that can get
cured is a psychological/emotional symptom—perhaps a phobia
or an obsession, or an intrusive thought. All else in psychotherapy
is an attempt to assist the patient in the ability to struggle better
with life—with greater effectiveness and success. Life does not get
cured. Only symptoms can be cured, nothing else.
Struggling better is the goal.
 chap t er t hree

Acting-out

A cting-out is doing rather than knowing—nothing more,

nothing less. What this means is that when a person con-
tinuously does something that is undermining to the self as well as
to others (such as lying, stealing, showing a pattern of sexual pro-
miscuity, and so forth), this sort of behavior reflects the triumph of
impulses over the person’s ability to use controls, as well as meaning
that “the doing-act” is taking the place of “the knowing of some-
thing”—that is, that the doing is occurring rather than the person
having insight about something regarding that selfsame person’s
feelings toward others—or, more specifically, toward another spe-
cific person. The point is that this definition of acting-out is one
in which we can see and understand the beginnings of how the
psyche uses defenses to prevent painful notions from being made
conscious. In place of such knowing and insight, the psyche cre-
ates endless “doing” things that keep the subject in a steady state of
external stimulation, essentially acting to prevent a knowing state
of insight about the self.
The question of insight is highly important. Although insight
cannot usually cure anything, nevertheless with insight one can
then have direction to know how to get out of the woods. Of
course the insight tells you which way is out and then you must
start walking out in order to get out. You must do in order to have
62 | Personality

the insight to be effective. Therefore, “not knowing” keeps one in

the woods without any direction for getting out. With respect to
acting-out, “the not knowing” something is essential for it to take
place. In a way, acting-out is like walking in circles with no direc-
tion whatsoever—with no insight.
As such, acting-out qualifies as a symptom. In fact the acting-
out is the externalization of a wish. What this means is that in the
formation of a symptom, the wish that you have gets transformed
even transmogrified or transmuted into a symptom since for sure,
you feel anger toward a particular person. That person will be the
one who is preventing you from getting your wish gratified: it will
be the one who thwarted the wish.
Whenever the case presents itself in a way that, for whatever
reason, you cannot be direct with your anger, you may reflexively
conceal that anger through repression. Then into the unconscious
will go the anger that in turn acts to transform the wish that
was thwarted into a disguised form. In disguised form, the wish
appears in the form of a symptom like a compulsion or a phobia,
or some acting-out symptom such as lying, or stealing, or any
unlawful or delinquent behavior.
Thus in this case of the symptom of acting-out, whatever the
delinquent act is, it always will be a disguised form of the wish. To
understand the symptom is first to understand the wish as well as
the anticipated tension surrounding it.

Tension
All of the acting-out variations, all of the wish-needs a person
has, all of the repression that operates in the personality, all of the
defense mechanisms of the personality (those defenses that man-
age transitory momentary emotional reactions as well as those that
assure the development of attitudes) directly relate to the nature
of tension.
 Acting-out | 63

With respect to the issue of tension and its effects, the pleasure
principle of the personality (seeking complete pleasure as exem-
plified in the search for the gratification of any wish) seeks the
elimination of tension—down to zero. This is what is meant by
the Freudian idea that the pleasure principle is related to “the life-
instinct,” whereas the complete absence of tension can be related
to a new understanding of “the death-instinct”—tension down to
zero.
In the psyche, because of the pleasure principle, no wish will
be denied, while in actual real events, wishes are denied quite
frequently thereby subsequently corresponding to an increase in
tension. Wish-gratified equals absence of tension in accordance
with the pleasure principle as well as a corresponding sense of
empowerment. Wish-denied, equals an increase of tension and a
corresponding sense of disempowerment.
Therefore, in the psyche the aim is always to calibrate tension
down, and this downward calibration of tension is always deter-
mined by the implicit directive of the pleasure principle. There-
fore, in the expression of acting-out behavior (as is the case with
many symptoms), tension recedes. For example, a symptom may
also be defined as a result of an acting-in. It is the thwarted wish
along with the anger-becoming-repressed (therefore directed at
the self ) that then is extruded or projected out, expostulated as it
were, in an acting-out form. Therefore, in this acting-out form it
could be said that the entire purpose of the acting-out behavior
is to avoid tension; that is, because of the acting-out, the per-
son doesn’t know something that would increase tension (were
it to be known), so that the acting-out (deleterious though it is),
becomes a phenomenon causing immediate tension to recede. A
good example of such an equation can be seen in the analysis
of the symptom of self-mutilation behavior (as in cutting). The
acting-out person (the cutter) always, without exception, reports
a relief of tension resulting from the cutting. This behavior rep-
64 | Personality

resents a sudden obsessional thought about relieving tension by

cutting and then a compulsive action of the cutting itself. The
cutter never understands (does not know) what it’s all about. No
insight! With insight, with discussing the meaning of it all and
then with the struggle to overcome the acting-out based upon
such insight, shortcuts of the psyche (cutting representing some
fulfilled wish albeit in perverse form) can be replaced with more
mature behavior.
Thus, it could be said that the psyche has its own unidimen-
sional personality which is always to try to reduce immediate and
ongoing tensions of the personality—without regard to whether
such a command of the psyche is actually good for the person or
not. The psyche responds to a unidimensional proposition, and
that is that to reduce immediate tension within the personality is
to support the ego and thereby the person’s sense of security and
pleasure. The psyche (taking its orders from the pleasure prin-
ciple) wants the wish (the pleasure principle’s chief representative)
to be gratified. With respect to the ego, a consistent wish concerns
the aim of feeling comfortable—without tension.

Tension and the Nature of Anxiety

When referring to tension within personality functioning, we are
essentially considering the nature of anxiety since anxiety is impli-
cated in almost all of personality dynamics. Even though tension
and anxiety are used interchangeably in everyday language, nev-
ertheless as used clinically, tension usually refers to conflict in the
sense that a feeling of opposing forces is straining or “stretching”
the person (as in decision-making with respect to two differing
values to follow). Anxiety, on the other hand is rather preferred as
a clinical term because it contains implicit reference to misgivings
regarding acts or impending acts as well as specifically connect-
ing to psychological phenomena and to psychiatric diagnosis. For
 Acting-out | 65

example, anxiety rather than simple tension is more closely related

to panic and the presence of such anxiety also can be a cue that it is
a transformational signal from below, from anger that is repressed
and unconscious. In this respect the anxiety is seen to radiate up—
out of repressed anger.
Anxiety affects and even determines a host of emotional, behav-
ioral, as well as physical disturbances, and can interfere in the free
and smooth functioning of a person’s inner resources. Further,
the presence of anxiety also frequently signals deeper problems
such as a variety of pathologies (disorders) that may be plaguing
the person.
The term anxiety is derived from the Greek word agon. And out
of agon is derived “anguish” and “agony.” Anxiety is also related
to the German word angst, meaning something akin to existential
“fear” or “terror.” As a template for understanding psychological
disorders, the use of the term anxiety was also historically consid-
ered to reflect any condition considered to be neurotic; that is, if
the person experienced anxiety within the context in which no
psychosis existed (no craziness), then this experienced presence
of anxiety was a defining measure of perhaps an existing neurosis.
In order to be diagnosed with a neurosis it was assumed that the
person affected would display or admit to experiencing undue
anxiety.
In the formation of personality, the presence of distressing
anxiety has immediate effects. For one, such anxiety will affect a
person’s attention span, memory, and ability to tolerate frustra-
tion. In such cases, the person’s capacity for patience becomes at
least somewhat interfered with and, at most, downright impaired.
Of course, the net effect of such impairment in the person’s func-
tioning is frequently seen in depressive and withdrawal reactions,
school problems, job loss, loss of control over angry reactions, and
difficulty in conducting relationships generally.
66 | Personality

All the vicissitudes of anxiety will be crucial when considering

acting-out behavior. Thus, deleterious effects of anxiety include
considerations of whether the anxiety is acted out (doing impul-
sive or delinquent things), or acted in as in somatizing the anxiety
(developing physical expressions such as physical symptoms). In
both cases this sort of anxiety is probably not consciously experi-
enced by the person but is rather converted to action represented
by externalizing the anxiety (acting-out) or by internalizing it
(acting-in). In either case, the psychological choice to manage the
anxiety this way, rather than creating a more curative process, will
ultimately support pathology.
The acting-out or acting-in is essentially a flight into action
with what can be considered a counterphobic approach to the
challenge of existing anxiety. This means that the anxiety is so
threatening to the person that some kind of reflexive “flight”
behavior takes place which in this case refers to countering the
possibility that a lifting of repression may be threatening to occur
so that the content of unconscious material might then surface
into consciousness. In the sense of a person’s discomfort or tension
regarding this sort of possibility (the possibility of unconscious
material becoming conscious), acting-out then undermines any
sense that such tension would turn into a bona fide anxiety state.
The person avoids such an anxiety state by impulsively fleeing into
the acting-out behavior in order not to feel the anxiety. When
the acting-out is successful, then the tension about it all is erased.
The “tension about it all” refers to a rather undefined feeling that
something might happen but does not have to happen; that is,
that surfacing the unconscious material can be prevented by the
acting-out or acting-in.
In contrast, a smoother formation of the personality in the
absence of anxiety would enable the person to think through
whatever problem is causing the tension. And this is the nub of
the problem: When the person is able to think about the prob-
lem (thereby tolerating the presumed tension about it) because
 Acting-out | 67

of reasonably good ego-strength, then any acting-out, or acting-

in becomes far less possible, and so in the person’s personality
the various components of the personality can then form more
normally. In such a case, the tension would not in all likelihood
develop into bona fide anxiety that necessitates, for certain indi-
viduals, acting-out behavior.
Unfortunately, acting-out or acting-in does in fact have the
effect, for all intents and purposes, of erasing anxiety. However,
this is essentially fool’s gold since the acting-out or acting-in
behavior simply makes it more difficult for the personality to
form more smoothly. Rather, such disordered behavior makes
everything worse and creates in the psyche a need for the devel-
opment of a symptom-process to accommodate the inability
of the person to face whatever is the specific meaning of the
anxiety.
With the person’s reflexive response of suppressing or repress-
ing the anxiety and thereby acting it out, the anxiety itself will
not be experienced. As such, rather than a neurosis developing in
which the experience of anxiety can lend itself to an analysis and
perhaps a working-through toward smoother functioning, the
person develops what is known as character problems (patterns of
behavior minus anxiety), and at times also develops symptoms—
all occurring so as not to experience anxiety.

Personality of the Psyche

Even though in reality the end result of the symptom of acting-
out could, of course, create great problems for the individual act-
ing-out, nevertheless, the experience of the acting-out behavior
itself—during the act—is a courting of pleasure, and a utilitarian
psychological attempt to avoid tension through the psyche’s engi-
neering of “a psychological trick” (the acting-out itself ) that then
recedes or lessens the person’s apprehension or tension. Therefore,
it can be said that the psyche is a psychologically based evolution-
68 | Personality

ary construction engineered to service the pleasure principle but

not necessarily containing the checks and balances of ethical and
moral benchmarks. This phenomenon of the psyche is so arranged
because the psyche only understands it is to protect the subject’s
ego even though at times such strategy may actually not be in the
person’s best realistic interest.
This is also the case in the psyche’s use of defense mechanisms
of the personality. These defense mechanisms, such as rationaliza-
tion (giving oneself reasons/ excuses for motivation and behavior),
projection (blaming on others what one doesn’t want to see in
oneself ), and displacement (using surrogates in the repositioning
of one’s feelings onto these surrogates), are designed to manage
emotions in the attempt to control tension and to short circuit
the possibly growing formation of anxiety.
This idea of control over tension (and potential anxiety) brings
us to the point where we need to examine the vital importance
of this issue of control over tension (and potential anxiety) as
a function of the psyche’s work to calibrate the controls of the
personality over impulses. This ratio of control versus impulse
is crucial with respect to how such a ratio can affect personality
organization.
The central issue in becoming a social being concerns how one
is able to manage the yearning in the psyche to express impulses
(on the spur of the moment) as one feels them (and as they want
to be expressed), versus the extent to which individuals have inter-
nalized the ability to manage such impulses as well as manag-
ing the stress/tension that could be generated by keeping such
impulses in check. The urge one has to express impulse in the
face of the need to control it does indeed generate stress—and
occasionally great stress. Therefore, within the personality man-
agement of impulse (vital to personality organization) occurs
through the specific action of internalized controls.
It needs to be remembered that impulses and emotions “under-
stand” only their own internal command. They are not subject
 Acting-out | 69

to the social constraints of civilized living. For example, as men-

tioned earlier, fear only knows that it “wants” to flee, and anger
only “knows” that it “wants” to attack. Therefore, the issue of con-
trols as they develop and function becomes crucial to the under-
standing of personality formation.
In the following chapter, this issue of impulse and its relation
within the personality to such internalized controls is examined.
 chap t er f o u r

Impulse versus Control

W e are concerned here with the idea that there is a cru-

cial interplay between impulses in the personality that con-
tinuously strive for expression, compared to the resources available
concerning the ability to use controls and regulation to manage
such impulses. We need to remember that such impulses are akin
to instincts and emotions, and are energized products of the psyche
that contain arousal inclinations. These are the impulses of aggres-
sion, hostility (underpinned by anger), and sexuality. They are
also accompanied by inclinations of impatience, impetuousness,
urgent gratification needs, and general needs for release of tension.
When impulses are intense and begin to accumulate they then
point the person in the direction of behavioral action-orientation
(impulsive doing), which in turn vastly raises the probability that
acting-out can occur. In addition, when impulse dominates, then
it is a foregone conclusion that judgmental lapses and poor frus-
tration tolerance will be characteristic of the person’s motivation,
decision-making, and behavior.
However detrimental to the person the acting-out impulse may
be, nevertheless, such acting-out of behavior will reduce the per-
son’s anxiety (which is the aim of the psyche’s engineering strategy
in the first place). The problem is that even though a person can
 Impulse versus Control | 71

reduce overall tension through acting-out, it is just about always

the case that the acting-out is a disordered product of the per-
sonality (often distinctly pathological), reflecting a disorder of
the personality. This implies that although a reduction of general
tension as well as an erasure of specific anxiety feels better, nev-
ertheless, to sustain tension or anxiety is frequently necessary for
problems to be faced and worked out.
Thus, in the formation of anyone’s personality, the issue of which
dominates, impulse or control, becomes central to the particular
diagnostic style of the personality—as for example, whether the
person will turn out to have a measure of an emotion-controlled
style of personality or some measure of an emotion-dyscontrolled
style, and whether the person can hold impulse in and utilize this
holding for productive purposes.
It is true, that individuals who are relatively adaptable (and nor-
mally so), have a comfortable fluctuation in the interplay between
impulse and control. It is important to have this variation or fluc-
tuation because the impulse will always strive for expression while
the person’s controls are designed to manage and even oppose
such expression. This kind of struggle between impulse and con-
trol yields the nature of the person’s level and kind of general ten-
sion as well as the level and kind of specific anxiety.
The idea of normal functioning between impulse and control
is for the person to develop an equilibrium (asymmetrical though
it may be: more control, less impulse), despite occasional shifts
where according to changing external situations, impulse some-
times dominates, or instead, controls dominate. In uncontrollable
shifts, impulse will almost always dominate and acting-out prob-
ability will increase as positive functioning decreases.

The Impulses
It needs to be remembered that impulses have an urgent nature and
therefore, when such impulses are acted upon (usually also urgently)
72 | Personality

it is likely that one’s perception, thinking, and judgment will be neg-

atively affected. Thus, the intrusion of impulse can affect the person’s
intellectual or cognitive operations to the point wherein such distur-
bance becomes knitted into the personality as proclivities and habits
and then contribute to a dyscontrolled personality style. Of course,
when controls dominate impulse then the person develops habits
that become knitted into the personality accordingly, and contribute
to a more controlled style of personality.

the anger impulse

Impulses of aggression, hostility, impatience, impetuousness, and
the need to release impulse because of immediate needs for gratifi-
cation are usually subsumed under the heading of anger impulses.
And these also include fantasy rumination; that is, a continuing
replaying of angry feelings in fantasy and their associated potential
feelings and behaviors such as revenge, jealousy, hatred, competi-
tive striving, domination, sarcasm, quarrelsomeness, and, even in
compensatory behavior, in compulsively excessive achievement
pursuits. The nature and level of a person’s anxiety also can be
viewed as a result of how the anger impulse is expressed: as a feel-
ing, as a fantasy, or as in acting-out.
As such, and with respect to the formation of one’s personal-
ity, it becomes important to know whether the anger is translated
into fantasy and feelings of hostility (which will contain mental
images), or instead, whether such anger is transformed into direct
aggressive behavior and acting-out.

the sexual impulse

The sexual impulse is a libidinous one that is also striving for gratifi-
cation. It contains pleasure fantasies, power themes, as well as literal
sexual fantasies. Such fantasies and power themes are designed in the
person’s psyche to mediate or manage anxiety regarding direct sexu-
 Impulse versus Control | 73

ality. The acting-out of sexual impulses includes excessive or com-

pulsive masturbation, perversions, and promiscuity. Such acting-out
of sexual impulses can also negatively affect judgment, planning
ability, concentration, and memory. In a general sense, the inability
or incapacity to manage sexual impulses in a reasonable or normal
way also can dramatically interfere with one’s ability to be introspec-
tive and to think through important issues of life.

The Controls
There is a maturity index that can be fashioned, which implies
how the balance between impulse and control can be assessed. For
example, it is clear that an impulse-dominated personality is, to
whatever extent, immature, whereas a control-dominated person-
ality is probably one that is better off. However, if the control-
dominated personality is severely controlling, then that too can
be considered immature. Therefore, a decent balance is needed to
ensure that the personality will be one that can withstand pres-
sures, that can delay gratifications instead of yielding to impulsive
moments, and that in total, the ratio of impulse to control can be a
viable and balanced one in order for the personality to be resilient
and able to withstand the daily pressures of life.
Such a ratio between impulse and control will naturally mean
that controls need to be better positioned and stronger in the
personality than are impulses, and in addition, there needs to be
a variety of controls so that the management of impulse can be
gained from several points of advantage.
In the following, this array of controls derived from various
facets of the personality will be defined.

Cognitive Controls: Cognitive controls (facets of thinking and

intellectual elements) include the ability to concentrate and to be
consistent in one’s strivings, and in one’s pursuit of goals. In this
sense the person’s aim to achieve is in line with the person’s ability
74 | Personality

to implement activities that are aimed toward those goals. Cogni-

tive controls are usually considered in terms of specific intellectual
functions and capacities such as decent language development and
a good ability to make distinctions—to discriminate what is con-
sidered poor judgment from good judgment.

Ego Controls: Mostly, the controls calibrated by the ego keep the
person’s equilibrium steady (control over impulse) and enable the
person to continue to implement activity toward goals in a rather
straightforward manner, and in the absence of any significant detours
toward such goals. This also means that the ego function of control
permits the person to experience frustration but in the face of it,
to be able to tolerate such frustration and then correspondingly to
delay necessary gratification for whatever period of time necessary.

Defense Mechanisms as Controls: Defense mechanisms are specifi-

cally designed in the psyche to manage, regulate, and control spe-
cific transitory (or quickly passing) emotions, including anxiety;
and this function of the defense mechanism enables the person to
deal with the emotion in a way that keeps it in reasonable expres-
sive form rather than permitting the emotion to go haywire.

Character or Personality Traits as Controls: These are enduring pat-

terns of control in the form of patterns of behavior, and they may
be separated into configurations of active traits and passive traits.
In compulsive-personality styles, active traits are seen whereas in
passive styles, retreating traits are seen. Both types are designed to
control anxiety. Successful control consists of patterns that bind the
anxiety rather than allowing it to float freely. These patterns con-
tain the following cluster of traits, some of which are relegated to
the domain of controls whereas others are relegated to the domain
of impulse. In each case, the design is for anxiety to be controlled:
Traits that convert impulse into work − These are so-called sub-
limating traits of conscientiousness, responsibility, and indus-
triousness.
 Impulse versus Control | 75

Impulse traits – Including aggression and need for immediate

gratification.
Pleasure-dominated traits – Including hedonism (pleasure seek-
ing), magical thinking, sociability, and optimism.
Anger-dominated traits – Including aggressive and passive
behavior, hostility, oppositionalism, defiance, stubbornness,
quarrelsomeness, sullenness, and belligerence.
Fear-dominated traits – Including phobic reactions, caution,
shame, timidity, self-consciousness, pessimism, and obedience.
Dependency-dominated traits – Including deference, depen-
dency, and need for affection.

Fantasy as Controls: Mediates between feelings and behavior and

involves thinking instead of behaving. Control occurs through
grandiose feelings generated by fantasy. Success in such fantasy
neutralizes anxiety.

Fear as Control: Includes appearance of phobia to control panic.

As can be seen, the source of controls for any person is derived

from a number of places and, within the personality, far outstrip
the biologically given numbers of impulses. Yet, the striving of
the impulse for expression is so much a part of our genetic and
biological make-up that it takes all of these sources of controls
to establish the possibility of a greater balance between impulse
and control as well as a more mature control of such impulses.
Therefore, in the process of the formation of one’s personal-
ity, it can be seen that how controls manage impulses and anxi-
ety, and how within the personality acting-out is moderated, will
help determine whether any given person is more or less likely
to develop either a personality style that is more emotion-con-
trolled, or more emotion-dyscontrolled. Of course, the emotion-
controlled types will have a ratio in favor of control over impulse,
whereas the emotion-dyscontrolled types will display a ratio in
favor of impulse over control.
76 | Personality

In the following section, the issue of taming the impulses is

understood as a particularly significant factor in the organization
of personality. In effect, a decent ratio of controls over impulses
affords the ongoing development of personality a tremendous
assist. This is known as assessing one’s maturation level to see whether
as the formation of personality unfolds the various facets of hold-
ing it together—of keeping the developing personality together—is
developing normally. More or less, this measure of whether such
development is indeed forming normally is called a maturation
index.

Maturation: An Index of Impulse versus Control

An abundance of impulses in the personality usually creates a rea-
sonably valid sense that the developing personality of any individ-
ual is retaining strong immaturities rather than relinquishing these
feelings and behaviors for more-mature development. In contrast,
if the level of maturation increases in the sense of normal expecta-
tions, then the balance between impulse and control will calibrate
in the favor of controls.
In addition, the opposite is also true insofar as when there is
an overabundance of controls that more or less completely squash
impulse, then this too reflects the development of, and greater
stasis of, more immaturity—the effect of which is to keep healthy
development in a less-than-normal cadence of development.

Immature: Impulse Dominated

Impulse elements of the personality cause the individual to be
somewhat scattered, disorganized, and to have strong proclivi-
ties for action. In addition, such characteristics are highly cor-
related to less-than-a-good ability for tolerating frustration and
therefore are also accompanied by stronger-than-usual needs
for motoric expression (for moving around and not being so
 Impulse versus Control | 77

able to be still and calm as would be desired in age-appropriate

ways).
With respect to the very important consideration of the abil-
ity one has to delay immediate needs for gratification, the imma-
ture and impulse-dominated individual will display a variety of
evidence to suggest an inadequate ability for delaying gratifica-
tions for the purpose of supporting more longer-range goals that
even in an objective sense would be in that person’s better inter-
est. Instead, satisfying desires and needs without delay become
a typical expression of such an impulse-dominated person, of
course testifying to a developmental index greater in immaturity
values.
With respect to the highly important feature of one’s per-
sonality, enabling a person to accomplish goals concerns the
person’s ability not to rely solely on magical wishing, think-
ing, and fantasy regarding such goals, but rather to be able to
implement with effort and longer-range doing-activity—what-
ever is required over time actually to accomplish these goals.
Of course with individuals who are characterized as immature
and impulse-dominated, magical wishing becomes a typical
way of managing anxiety, and the anticipation of work-effort
as well as the ability to confront tensions and still manage to
stave off frustrations in order to gradually accomplish these
goals becomes an underdeveloped possibility. Scattered trial-
and-error attempts are also typical of this sort of immature
and impulse-dominated individual, and such scattered probes
almost always cancel out what would be more-mature attempts
at work-effort, which are usually accomplished through learn-
ing and via persistent effort.
The personal sense of power, therefore, that a mature individual
would achieve through effort and persistence is nullified in the
immature-impulsive personality, and in the place of such more-
mature qualities one finds a plethora of magical thinking, wish-
ing, as well as a high level of squandering time.
78 | Personality

Immature: Control Dominated

When the person is almost entirely focused on over-control, then
the immaturity that results is also a signal that the developing per-
sonality is being interfered with by needs that are pressing the indi-
vidual to clamp down on what is perceived to be an unnecessary
volume of underlying impulse—impulse that is perceived to be
ultimately dangerous.
This sort of excessive control within the developing personality
necessarily creates a need for the person to become more behavior-
ally inhibited. Inertia and passivity can be a result of such inhibi-
tion. Feelings of caution and apprehension also lobby the person
to sustain all attempts at control. Such a person’s expressive-
behavior repertoire will be correspondingly affected negatively so
that spontaneity and general adventurousness will be significantly
diminished. In addition, usually compulsive and obsessive fea-
tures as well as a rigid profile and restriction of social ease will
also prevail when elements of controls are over-represented in the
person’s personality organization.
This sort of person does not have the capacity to channel
impulses into behavior in a way that leads to gratification of
goals. Rather, this kind of rigid and constricted control-aggregate
is targeted solely to reduce any sense of danger associated with
the possibility of the appearance and effect of impulse. Therefore,
over-control actually represents an underdevelopment of more-
mature constructive controls.

Mature Balance of Impulse and Controls

Clearly, the balance between impulse and controls needs to be
such that it can be maximally adaptive. Such a balance would sig-
nal that the individual can in fact utilize inner resources of percep-
tion, thinking, feeling, and behavior in an integrative effective and
mature manner. With this mature and balanced index of impulse
and controls, the further development of the personality in its
 Impulse versus Control | 79

stages of forming gives itself the best possible chance to satisfy each
level and stage of development in a way that does not at all retard
forward progress.
Such a balance reflects greater resilience and flexibility along
with a probable decent measure of the organization of defenses in
the personality. The development of the entire defense system of
the personality is usually seen as the centerpiece in the capacity
and functioning of the person’s ego—meaning the person’s ability
to manage tensions, to work effectively, to test reality accurately,
and to be able to integrate in a grand orchestration: the varied
features of the entire personality.
In the following chapter, an analysis of the defense system and
its correlates and functions is presented. As mentioned, these
defenses are inextricably important in the development and func-
tioning of the personality.
 chap t er f i v e

Defense Mechanisms

I t is probably a good bet to assume that defense mechanisms

were developed in evolution to address emotions and, therefore,
specific defense mechanisms can be related to specific emotions.
Yet, because the system of how the defenses are organized is so
adaptive, then no matter how each mechanism of defense exists to
govern each specific primary emotion, such defenses are also avail-
able to amalgamate into clusters of signature categories that can
address any number of personality styles.
Therefore, the defense system in the personality can add to the
ratio of control over impulse in two distinct ways. First, there are
the individual as well as the cluster defenses that manage indi-
vidual emotions; and second, there are the defenses involved in
the development of character and personality traits and not solely
relegated to manage specific emotion.

Individual Defenses
Compartmentalization – This defense reduces anxiety by keeping
aspects of personality apart so that contradictions do not register.
Dissociative Identity Disorder is targeted by this defense mecha-
nism as is the histrionic personality style.

Denial – This defense wards off the possibility of perceiving any-

thing negative about another person. It aids in the person’s effort
 Defense Mechanisms | 81

to receive only positive information. Denial is also frequently seen

abetting the histrionic personality style.

Displacement – This is the mechanism chiefly utilized in the ser-

vice of attenuating the emotion of anger. The person will direct
blame, anger, and aggression to less-threatening substitute figures
so that these emotions are not focused on the more threatening
target that for any number of possible reasons is too threatening
to confront.

Intellectualization – Emotion is avoided by means of a focus on

intellectual concerns, and/or through the use of reason and prob-
lem solving. This defense is usually associated with obsessional or
compulsive personality styles, and may also be part of a defense
cluster including the defenses of isolation, rationalization, subli-
mation, and undoing. This defense cluster operates to manage the
emotion of expectation or anticipation by controlling the environ-
ment and thereby minimizing any elements of surprise that could
generate undue anxiety.

Isolation – Here ideas are kept separate from feelings and this
defense is frequently seen in obsessive and compulsive personality
styles.

Projection – Faults, feelings, and impulses that cannot be faced or

tolerated in oneself are attributed to others. It is a defense chiefly
observed in paranoid states but is ubiquitous throughout the per-
sonality constellations.

Rationalization – With rationalization as a defense, the person

is able to engage in a justification process in which unacceptable
motivations or behaviors are made acceptable and even toler-
able through explanations that have the appearance of logic. This
defense is observed often in individuals who can be characterized
as obsessive and/or compulsive in their styles of relating.
82 | Personality

Reaction-formation—The emotion of pleasure or attraction that

may be intolerable is transformed into its opposite, which can then
be accepted. Thus, in reaction-formation, emotion is turned into
its opposite only if the original emotion contains a component of
pleasure, which is considered threatening. This defense is especially
targeted to manage the experience of sexuality, which is perceived
as dangerous or in some other way as incorrect or as in a situation
that should be prohibited. In such instances (in the appearance of
reaction-formation) to address whatever is the interpersonal situ-
ation, the attraction (pleasure or sexuality) would be transformed
into its opposite feeling—that of disgust or revulsion or agitation,
or dissatisfaction. Along with the defense mechanisms of compen-
sation and sublimation, this cluster of defenses is frequently uti-
lized by a person who begins to experience manic episodes—largely
as a defense against depression. It is the compensatory defense that
defends against depressive urges, while the sublimation defense
transforms the manic energy into work energy (explaining why
the manic person can be involved in many projects), and finally,
the reaction-formation enables the person to calibrate his or her
pleasure response better so that such a response can be gratified as
well through work and not through prohibitory sexual attractions
that may threaten to become realized in sexual activity.

Regression – The use of this mechanism implies an immature level

of functioning. In antisocial, psychopathic, or any other numbers
of impulse disorders, the regression defense is chiefly responsible
for the maintenance of motoric behavior (the person’s need not to
be still). If not for this defense in their experience, such a person
would feel rendered without a sense of movement; rather, in the
absence of regression, such a person would possibly feel a sense
of emotional paralysis, immobility, and inhibition. This person’s
behavior (the behavior of the psychopath, for example), depending
as it does on the regression defense, reflects success in the person’s
need to move around and create endless stimulation. It is akin to
 Defense Mechanisms | 83

the child’s need for the same kind of behavior, and the similarity to
the child’s need for stimulation and movement therefore accounts
for the observation of immaturity in the characteristic personality
style of such a person.

Repression – This is the common underlying element in all defense

mechanisms since it involves the expelling and withholding of
intolerable ideas and feelings from consciousness. Repression is
particularly utilized to manage conscious-threatening feelings
of fear and even terror. Yet, its less-visible and perhaps more-
profound function is to erase from consciousness angry feel-
ings toward some person who is responsible for thwarting one’s
wishes. The more pervasive this mechanism is in the personality,
the greater the likelihood of passive, schizoid, or histrionic fea-
tures in the personality style.

Sublimation – This defense mechanism is utilized by the psyche

to moderate impulses involving aggressive and sexual urges by
channeling such impulses into productive and goal-oriented
activity. Such goal-oriented activity is considered to be socially
valuable. The successful utilization of sublimation is a mature
indication in the personality since it implies that the person will
be able to tolerate frustration and delay gratification in the ser-
vice of longer-term goals.

Undoing – This mechanism is designed to maintain the person’s

habitual state of being, and is typical of obsessional, paranoid,
and compulsive states. Thus, new commitments that are made
are always correspondingly “undone” or counterbalanced by
their opposite. Examples are: the buyer’s regret whereby a person
needs to return anything purchased; hand-washing to erase the
presence of undesirable urges; and, any kind of ritualistic behav-
ior that occurs in response to feeling angry or rejecting toward
another person.
84 | Personality

In summary, these individual defense mechanisms of compart-

mentalization, compensation, denial, displacement, intellectual-
ization, isolation, projection, rationalization, reaction-formation,
regression, repression, sublimation, and undoing, are presum-
ably each designed to address individual emotions and styles of
relating, all of which in turn serve the purpose of managing the
person’s tension level and general anxiety. Essentially then, these
defense mechanisms are emotion-coping devices and also serve
the purpose of aiding in the control of impulses.
Another cluster of defenses serves a somewhat different pur-
pose in the personality. These defenses become chiefly responsi-
ble in the formation of enduring personality-trait patterns and,
consequently, such defenses are focused on the more stable and
enduring aspects of the personality. They are presented in the fol-
lowing section.

Defenses Forming Character/Personality Trait-patterns

Identification – This mechanism, as it exists as an accompanying
element in all the defenses contributing to the formation of endur-
ing personality styles, is similar to how repression represents a
common thread in supporting the psychological aims in the opera-
tion of all the individual defense mechanisms. Therefore, identifi-
cation appears as this common component in all of the defenses
that form personality trait-patterns, or what is clinically called the
formation of character patterns. Through identification, the person
will try to imitate the behavior as well as the attitudes of another
idealized person (usually a parent), in order to establish a self-same
identity that then mirrors the identity of the other idealized per-
son. This enables one to self-regulate emotion and anxiety rather
than depend on external constraints. This kind of mirroring occurs
usually by example and not by instruction. In addition, such iden-
tification cannot be prevented. It occurs naturally and is implicit
in the adage: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
 Defense Mechanisms | 85

Internalization – The use of this mechanism is built on the foun-

dation of the identification mechanism and adds the imprinting of
values to the identification process. These values are then adopted
with respect to standards of behavior along with the accrual of
attributes of the mentoring figure. Regardless of one’s intentions,
one comes to feel controlled by the values of the mentor even
though one’s intellect and reasoning may “see it differently” or
even see negative implications or conclusions to the presence of
the mentor’s values. Therefore even as an adult, when the inappro-
priate internalized standards from childhood are questioned, nev-
ertheless, the emotional attachment to such values will still have a
strong, although perhaps not permanent influence in the ongoing
accumulation of trait-pattern development.

Projective Identification – With this defense, the person can attri-

bute to others complex (negative) parts of the self that are repudi-
ated by this self-same person. However, even in the face of such
repudiation, the person will identify with such parts. If you spot it
you got it could be an aphorism of this concept of projective iden-
tification. You may criticize someone for what you consider to be
nefarious behavior. But if it haunts you, if it continues to boil your
blood, it is suspect that some variant of projective identification
may be operating. Although you may repudiate such behavior, it
is possible that you may still identify with it. In the formation of
trait patterns, projective identification enables the person to ignore
difficult characteristics that are being built into the personality.

Splitting – Splitting is accomplished with the aid of compartmen-

talizations: One person can be considered all good while another
is considered all bad. Such compartmentalizations are assisted by
the elements of denial and displacement. This is frequently seen
in the borderline-personality style where both positive and nega-
tive attributes are given to another, while because of such splitting,
such a person ignores the contradiction. Therefore, conceptions of
86 | Personality

good and bad can be reversed without any sense of conflict or ten-
sion. For the borderline-personality type, splitting tends to erase
potential problems of ambiguity and conflict and this becomes
“a borderline signature” in this person’s trait-pattern development.

Symbolization – Internal ideas and fantasies can become disguised

through specific external representations or symbols. In this way,
in the formation of trait patterns, distress can be avoided since
everything becomes disguised in the process of internalizing what
is desired.

Turning against the Self – Hostility is made more tolerable by

turning it against the self. The person utilizing such a defense
can develop traits of blaming, denigrating, and attacking the self
instead of directing such feelings to the originally intended target.
This originally intended target is usually someone who is impor-
tant, but hostility toward that person is therefore hidden by the
turning of the hostility against the self. Such a defense is frequently
seen in masochistic individuals, or in those who self-mutilate.

In summary, I have tried to display the organization of defense

as it exists in personality styles and types insofar as such defenses
play a role in managing individual emotions as well as ensuring
the development of personality or character trait-patterns. The
central defense of repression in the management of emotion was
seen as analogous to the central defense of identification in the
formation of these personality trait-patterns.
In terms of how a personality forms, therefore, it is essential
to consider these core issues of the psyche that begin to shape
the ultimate configuration of one’s personality in terms of one’s
diagnosis, and personality type and style. These core issues con-
sist of the mechanics of controls within the personality and how
such controls manage the considerable urges of impulses, along
with how mechanisms of defense operate both to manage and
 Defense Mechanisms | 87

calibrate transitory emotion (emotions that quickly come and

go), as well as anxiety, and at the same time utilize another type
of defense to manage the development of enduring trait-patterns
in the personality—those personality characteristics by which
people identify us.
In the following chapters of part 2, each of these basic types
is organized with respect to how emotion is managed. Is emo-
tion managed through control of the emotion, through release
of the emotion, through fortifying an emotion-attached need, or
through fortifying an emotion-detached need?
Each of the basic types along with their behavioral styles will
also be provided with actual clinical examples. Within these clini-
cal illustrations we will also be able to see clusters of personality
traits as they are correlated to emotion and impulse. In addition
and importantly, these basic personality styles will be placed on a
continuum so that we will be able to see such styles easily, more
or less in their normal form, as well as seeing these exact styles in
a form that might be considered distressed or even emotionally
and mentally disturbed.
 P ar t Tw o

The Basic Personality Styles

Basic personality styles are designed to calibrate tension in

distinctly defined ways. Four categories of such personality
styles are considered whereby the management of tension is
achieved by a corresponding management of emotion; typi-
cally by controlling emotion as in Emotion-controlled Styles,
or typically by assuring that emotion is not controlled as in
Emotion-dyscontrolled Styles, or by keeping emotion in com-
pliance with the caregiver, as in Emotion-attached Styles, or
by limiting emotion as in Emotion-detached Styles.
90 | Personality

Category 1
Emotion-controlled Styles
Emotion-controlled Styles of the personality are designed to pre-
vent the feeling of being overwhelmed by the unexpected. Such
persons sense that emotions can create a feeling of disorganization
in the personality, and then involuntarily these emotions can go
out of control. Therefore the control of emotion is perceived as an
opportunity to feel safe and secure.
Because of the need for such control, those personality types
that fit this sort of configuration (or style) rely on defense mech-
anisms that utilize logic, rationalization, and any other such
method of defense that tend to create insularity or protection in
social or interpersonal situations. The insulation of the personal-
ity then aids in controlling emotion.
Control of emotion, control of emotion, control of emotion is the
mantra for such emotion-controlled types of the:

1. Obsessive-compulsive Personality
2. Paranoid Personality
3. Schizoid Personality
 chap t er s i x

The Obsessive-compulsive Style

T he obsessive-compulsive style is designed primarily to

control tension and emotion. As such, this person uses all
sorts of intellectual defense mechanisms in order to circumvent
and especially prevent the unexpected. The defense mechanism
of intellectualization (reasoning) is used to support every position
and attitude. Other such defenses include rationalization (creating
a good reason for any act) and sublimation (expending an exces-
sive amount of energy on tasks, thus leaving less energy for the
possibility of sharing in relationships). In this sense, the greatest
pleasure is derived from work, and in the working on projects and
tasks (including making lists of things to do), thereby subtracting
energy for any subsequent possible pleasures from relationships.
Thus, the focus on work leaves little or much-less time for the
pursuit of friendships. Such a person needs to arrange his or her
environment so that everything can be controlled. In this sense, the
person inordinately begins to value orderliness, focuses on detail,
and demands perfectionism in self and in others. This perfection-
istic orientation can be so insistent that in a counterintuitive way
it can begin to interfere in the person’s ability to complete tasks:
this, in the face of a strong need for closure. That is, such a person
craves the perfect completion of the task. In extreme cases and on
the one hand, such a person’s perfectionism may interfere with
completion of tasks; and, on the other hand, and at the same time,
this person’s need for closure (to complete tasks) continues to be
92 | Personality

challenged to the paradoxical extent that, frequently, tasks remain

incomplete. A result of such conflict can be seen in the example
of such a person’s attempt to study for an exam. The textbook
will be neatly underlined in various colors of felt-tipped pens, but
the content of the material will not be learned. It is “form” that
begins its insidious triumph over “content” simply because it is the
orderliness that controls anxiety as well as controlling the overall
pressure of emotion, rather than, or in place of, the expenditure of
energy in the learning of the material.
Correspondingly, this person’s standards can be so high that
an over-conscientiousness develops, which begins to amount to
a sort of moralism. It is a moralistic stance that becomes mostly
concerned with the right and wrong of things to the extent that
the person becomes inflexible. Thus, it is the rules and regulations
that begin to count instead of the interaction and relationship
with others. In this sense also, such a person can become rigid and
even quite stubborn—qualities that become undermining when
expressed in a relationship so that warmth and spontaneity are
usually compromised.
With this picture in mind, it is rather clear that such a person
will demand adherence—finding it difficult to delegate authority
to others unless those others comply exactly with this person’s
idea of what it is that needs to be done—and how it should be
done. This kind of demand leaves little room for discussion or
alternatives and essentially is a miserly approach to sharing. As
a matter of fact, such a person usually becomes miserly and can
hoard anything of value; for example, in money.
The obsessive quality of this emotion-controlled style is the
tendency to thought-repetition as in continuing to think about
the same thing. The compulsive quality is the ritualistic “doing”
of whatever “drivenness” or impulse “to ‘do’” resulted from the
repetitive thought.
Such thinking, leading to “doing” becomes a clinical odd-
ity when the thinking turns into repetitive obsessional thought,
 The Obsessive-compulsive Style | 93

which then leads to an irresistible need to actually go ahead and

do something that addresses and satisfies the thought (a compul-
sive act).

Case Examples
Case 1: An obsessive-compulsive personality − A Symptom Sketch
A physician who held an important hospital post began feeling
hostility to his chief of service. This hostility gradually became a
preoccupation, and its repetitive occurrence also gradually became
quite obsessional. The obsessional thought was that this physician
noticed he was having an urge to gaze upon corpses. At some point,
his obsessional thought to gaze at the corpses became exceedingly
urgent. Whenever such thoughts gripped him, and in order to
avoid the obsession, this physician would try to think different
thoughts but he was not successful in doing so.
Eventually, he was in such an obsessional grip of the thought to
gaze at corpses that one day the impulse to do so broke through
the wall of thinking and into the action of doing. He then took
himself to the pathology department of the hospital and began his
gazing at these corpses that were in various stages of dissection.
Through a series of psychotherapy sessions, the physician dis-
covered that his thinking and his behavior (his obsessive-compul-
sive act) to want to gaze at the corpses, and then actually to do
it, was his unconscious wish that each corpse would be his chief
of service. Therefore, he kept on thinking (obsessing) and going
to discover (compulsively “doing”) so that symbolically his entire
wish for his chief of service actually to be dead was, over and over
again, being satisfied simply by his gazing at the corpses.
The analysis of this physician’s entire relationship with his chief
of service revealed the presence of a great deal of stored-up anger,
much of it quite suppressed or even repressed. With the analysis
having the ring of truth, the physician steeled himself to talk to
this chief of service, and in short order they resolved the conflict.
94 | Personality

As a result, the obsessional thinking about the chief and especially

his acting-out of visits to the pathology department ceased entirely.
This of course only demonstrates the symptom of an obsession
and a compulsion. In contrast, the following illustration offers a
glimpse of the true makeup of an obsessive-compulsive personality.

Case 2: An Obsessive-compulsive Personality

The typical example offered of the obsessive-compulsive personal-
ity is of the person who continues to check the locks on the door
before bedtime, and then even after getting into bed, begins to
ruminate about whether in the checking of the lock to see if it was
actually locked, perhaps in error, rather than finally attempting to
lock the lock, it was really unlocked…. Then, of course, the obses-
sion turns into a compulsive feeling of again needing go and check
the lock. This repetitive checking of the lock will occur a number
of times so that it even becomes ritualistic; that is, that before the
person can feel comfortable, it becomes necessary to go through
the gauntlet of doubt and then gradually to resolve such doubt
through a lot of tedious “doing.”
In terms of personality characteristics, or personality traits,
such an individual is generally perfectionistic, seeks orderliness,
is interested in following rules and regulations, and is over-con-
scientious, thereby needing to stick to high standards of activity
in a rather rigid adherence to habit. Such a person is interested in
controlling all impulse and emotions including those of anticipa-
tions. Concern with parsimony and all of its variations, as well
as concern with self-doubt occupy much of such a person’s time.

The More Normally Inclined Obsessive-compulsive Style

In the more severe emotion-controlled nature of the obsessive-
compulsive, the need for closure (needing to finish something that
is unfinished and that needs completion) becomes a compulsive
imperative. This kind of craving for completion (closure) begins
 The Obsessive-compulsive Style | 95

to prevail forcefully and triumph over any other consideration of

the person’s life. In addition, various tasks and demands revolve
around the need for everything to be quite perfect.
In contrast, more normally inclined obsessive-compulsive types
direct their critical and perfectionistic energies toward very good
planning as well as strategic and tactical ways of apportioning
work so that the obsessive fantasy life and the compulsive impulses
accompanying such thinking does not overwhelm the personality.
Rather, the very good planning and strategy used by such a person
keeps such fantasies and impulses in a secondary position while
realistic evaluations about one’s life and the apportionment of
time is therefore usually not compromised. In this sense, such an
emotion-controlled type can be quite a good relationship partner
even though the person’s basic nature is to control emotion as a
way of limiting anxiety. It is in this sense, that the pathology that
can accompany the obsessive-compulsive style is relatively absent.
Rather, characteristics of such a type can be used to be quite effi-
cient and productive. It is the kind of person who, with proper
concentration, can study and learn material efficiently rather than
spending time valuing the neat underlining of everything while
not learning anything. In such cases even though a concern with
self-doubt does in fact exist, its voltage is less than in more severe
cases, so that the self-doubt would probably not utilize an undue
amount of psychic energy.
 chap t er s e v e n

The Paranoid Style

T he paranoid style is one in which distrust of the world,

and how this distrust is played out, is the way such a person
manages to achieve control over emotion. This kind of a person is
suspicious and highly critical toward anyone and anything (other
than the self ). Underneath it all, the person is kind of saying to
the self:

What is wrong is always out there in the world,

but never here, in me.

This is essentially the universal paranoidal theme. In this

respect, the paranoid person (non-psychotic type), blames every-
thing on the outside in order never to see what is actually and
unconsciously viewed as wrong with the inside—the self. Ironi-
cally, what is unconscious for such a person is the feeling that
everything is wrong with the self. To not want to see this explains
the paranoid’s need to be critical toward everything but the self.
Therefore, what the paranoid person is really unconsciously say-
ing to the self is:

Everything is wrong with me, in here, rather than

everything being wrong out there in the world.
 The Paranoid Style | 97

Thus, the paranoid person is highly critical toward everything

and this criticism is always projected outward. In this way, a sharp
distinction is made between self and others; that is to say, there
is always something wrong with the other person, but as stated,
never with the self. It is this distinction between self and others
that enables such a person to be in complete control of emotion.
This control is always in the service of never being able to see one’s
own feelings of inadequacy. The main objective in such a person’s
strategy is to keep all feeling of inferiority repressed and out of
consciousness.
Such a person distrusts the loyalty of others and is thus consis-
tently suspicious. Of course, because of such a colossally sensitive
ego, this sort of person can be emotionally wounded quite easily.
And then, because of such hypersensitivity to any even negatively
implied comment related to the self, the paranoid person will
harbor grudges for any perceived slight, and then harbor these
grudges forever. In addition, the anxiety that will result from
experiencing a negative comment about the self will also usually
provoke a counterattack.
Needless to say, such a person finds it extremely difficult to
make friends, and is quite cautious in any even potential friend-
ship. Rather, the paranoid person will demonstrate traits such as
stubbornness, jealousy, hostility, sarcasm, cynicism, argumenta-
tiveness, along with an absence of warmth and humor, and in
addition, usually will show an obvious rigidity in the personality.
The function of this rigidity serves primarily to prevent the person
from being controlled by others.
In the quest not to be controlled by others, such a person will
also always be in a blaming mood, and will be preoccupied with
scanning and scrutinizing the environment in order to identify
and verify negative impressions of the world. This attitude is
referred to as guarded and reflects the paranoid person’s store of
hostility toward others, which is turned around so that it feels
98 | Personality

to this person as though such hostility is incoming—from the

world. The entire projection dynamic of such a paranoid person
was what created the adage of paranoid projection in the first
place—“If you spot it, you got it.” This means that because such
a paranoid person is so acutely aware of what are considered the
nefarious threats in the world, it then correspondingly means
that such diabolical and odiously evil intentions are really housed
within the personality of that same paranoid person.
In addition, this perceived threat from the world is, of course,
an exaggerated sense of vulnerability about the self, which in turn
is denied by the self. Rather than feel and therefore act vulnerable,
such a person uses an offense as the best defense, and proceeds to
continue to criticize, condemn, and blame.
The main defense used by such a person is what is known
as projection; that is, to attribute to others what is true of you.
In this case, what this means is that the paranoid person finds
imperfections all over the place—in the world—in order, as
stated, not to see such imperfections in the self. However, the
basic truth is that, in a very deep way, such a person sees the
self as profoundly imperfect, and therefore subject to maximum
criticism. However, this sense of the imperfect self is entirely
unconscious so that this kind of person can continue to criticize
and therefore continue to feel gratified by success of the criticism
toward others; that is, the satisfaction of the criticism is in its
very expression. In this way, the inferior sense of self correspond-
ingly continues to be concealed—especially from the self, while
all the faults and imperfections are attributed to the outside—to
the world.
This is a personality that, in the absence of consciously know-
ing it, nevertheless harbors in the unconscious mind a real justi-
fication for the self to be blamed for all sorts of inadequacies and
inferiorities. It is this basic critical sense of the self that is at the
core of the paranoid person’s need to be sure to control all emo-
tion except in the use of blame and criticism toward others. The
 The Paranoid Style | 99

implication is that if emotion triumphs over control, then one

cannot be sure that what is in the unconscious will stay in the
unconscious. Thus, without control over emotion the fear is that
whatever is in the unconscious will almost certainly escape into
consciousness, and that would be the worst possible scenario for
such a person.

Case Examples
Case 1: A Paranoid Personality − A Symptom Sketch
A thirty-nine-year-old man was reasonably normal in most of his
life except that he was frequently troubled by the thought that
people might be looking at him and even following him with
the intention of robbing him. This man was never married, was
socially somewhat of a loner, and reported being lonely. It was evi-
dent that his social isolation was not something he craved. Rather,
because of his somewhat difficult personality—he was frequently
critical of those with whom he worked—apparently, people were
not drawn to him.
The analysis of his fear of being followed and robbed revealed
what is known as an encapsulated paranoid feature of his personal-
ity. This essentially means that altogether he was not psychotic or
even significantly abnormal in his everyday life, but that whatever
disturbance he did have, was housed in “a bubble” by his so-called
fear of perhaps being followed and robbed.
In addition, the analysis revealed a most surprising although
not unusual interpretation. Underneath it all, in his unconscious
mind, his wish was actually the opposite of being followed and
robbed; that is, he wanted to follow, and yes, wanted also (in
a way), to rob others. And this so-called surprising interpreta-
tion was based on the obvious—he needed contact, and wanted
something they had (regarding the issue of riches; that is to say,
companionship riches). Basically, he needed companionship. So,
it was this issue of the riches of companionship that related to
100 | Personality

what was missing in his life. Underneath it all, he didn’t want to

be alone and yet was never conscious of this need.
In this encapsulated-paranoid symptom, this man who under-
neath it all only wanted not to be alone, could not help doing
things that accomplished just the opposite: exhibiting rejecting
behavior toward others that ultimately and consistently assured
his loneliness.

Case 2: A Paranoid Personality

In discussing the paranoid personality, we are not referring to para-
noid schizophrenia in which such a person would be having either
delusions of persecution (“people are poisoning me”), or delusions
of grandeur (“I am God”), or both, and where, in addition, such
a person also may even have hallucinations. In such cases of psy-
chosis, the person’s sense of reality is profoundly compromised so
that what counts is what they believe, and not what is objectively
happening around them.
In contrast, the paranoid personality considered here is some-
one who is critical, oppositional, envious, jealous, and suspicious.
It is a person who listens more to internal needs and is only inter-
ested in personal comforts.
Such a person was a woman of seventy. She was someone who
could not abide any sort of advice or suggestion that was dif-
ferent from what she thought was right. In other words, every-
thing about what she thought, had, or did, was considered by
her to be okay, and what other people thought really didn’t mat-
ter to her. Her daughter would constantly tell this woman that
her stockings were tattered or had runs, and that she had stains
on her blouse, or that she was rude to someone. The daughter
indicated that her mother would criticize everyone but never
could accept suggestions about improving herself. This woman’s
answer would be that her blouse was clean, so that the stain
that was showing was a permanent one and since the blouse
was laundered then the stain didn’t matter despite her daugh-
 The Paranoid Style | 101

ter’s comment about how a stained blouse is usually not socially

acceptable. She would add that even though her nylons had a
visible run in them, nevertheless they were functionally per-
fectly wearable.
In this case, the woman was entirely unable to accept a kind
of comment that in any way pointed to an imperfection that she
might be displaying. Yet, she was constantly focusing on what
she considered to be everyone else’s imperfections. In addition
she was usually interested in information about other women she
knew, and would feel annoyed and even jealous if she felt they had
something that she considered to be valuable or of a nature that
bestowed a certain prestige to the other person.
All in all, this woman was this way for most of her life. She was
married for less than a year before the marriage was annulled. In
that time, she became pregnant and her daughter reported that
this woman was constantly competitive with the mothers of her
daughter’s friends, insisting always that these other mothers were
lacking in intelligence or commonsense especially concerning
the issue of raising children. Essentially, this person needed to
be right all the time and could not tolerate feeling she was wrong
about anything.
In this example of, more or less, a lifelong paranoid personal-
ity, the aim of the personality constellation was to keep all of her
emotion contained and controlled, and to engage in all sorts of
thinking and behavioral maneuvers that acted to see the entire
world as deficient and therefore imperfect, whereas she herself
remained pristine in every way—the stains on her blouse, not-
withstanding.

The More Normally Inclined Paranoid Style

A receded paranoid style, or a person who is not pathologically
paranoid but still in all reflects a paranoid caution, can be con-
sidered quite able to be a partner in an interpersonal relationship.
102 | Personality

Despite such a person’s need to control emotion as an adaptive

way to live life, nevertheless this type does not need to operate
with the serious cluster of paranoid characteristics such as persecu-
tion expectations or experience of world-salvation grandiosity, or
of expressing an unrelenting criticality toward the world. In addi-
tion, such a person will not be particularly envious and similarly
will not necessarily be reflexively jealous, or oppositional, or par-
ticularly suspicious.
In contrast, there can exist a so-called more normal paranoid
inclination enabling such a person possibly to partake of and even
enjoy companionship, as well as having the ability to make and
sustain friendships. More than average caution, and a refined
sense of distinctions, are readily made that permit this person to
see the unpleasant conditions of the world, and these character-
istics of a refined proclivity to make distinctions could definitely
identify this paranoid inclination, but such a person would not
be squandering significant time by constantly pointing fingers in
order to feel gratified in the assessment that everything is wrong.
Thus, in this type of emotion-controlled type, essential and
profound paranoid thinking is eschewed in favor of more nor-
mal functioning although a definite inclination toward caution
as well as the impulse to assess everything retains its latent exis-
tence. The need to evaluate every little thing distinguishes this
more-normally inclined person from the more-serious paranoid
personality. In both cases, however, the caution about accepting
anything “new” does in all likelihood exist. However, in the more
normally inclined paranoid individual, resistance to “the new” is
far less potent. It is actually a matter of degree.
 chap t er e i g h t

The Schizoid Style

T he schizoid personality is defined as one in which an

aloofness, remoteness, and withdrawal characterizes the over-
all demeanor of the person. It is this rather distant and unemo-
tional attitude that enables the person to control emotion and
tension. Emotion frequently emerges as somewhat cold, and flat
(a monotone). This personality style however, is not of the schizo-
phrenic type. In this Schizoid Style, the person is free of any hard-
core diagnostic psychotic syndrome or psychotic pattern.
Such a person however, is usually without close relationships
so that a noticeable social detachment corresponds to the per-
son’s emotional restriction. The result is a profile of a person who
is quite self-contained, and who thus avoids close relationships.
The usual qualities of warmth and reciprocity that make up the
components of social bonding are absent here. Rather, this person
usually chooses solitary activities, has few if any friends, and is
typically without sexual contact.
The net effect of the detached, distant, and solitary social struc-
ture inherent in this schizoid style is that because such a person
only develops limited numbers of relationships, at best, such a
person may have three or four such attachments in a lifetime—
one or two of which are parents. And if, perchance, another person
pressures a friendship, the schizoid person will then experience
104 | Personality

greater tension and may very well seek to avoid the relationship
or potential relationship entirely.
The fantasy life of such a person is heavily represented with
hostile themes as well as with compensatory fantasies. What this
means is that such a person will make up, in fantasy, what is lack-
ing or missing in reality. For example, it is said that such a person
can be rather immune to compliments and/or criticism. Yet, an
analysis of such a person’s fantasy life reveals an actual and strong
sensitivity to criticism, insofar as in the fantasy life images of
“getting even” is an excellent illustration of such concern about,
and sensitivity to, criticism. In addition, because of the amount
of time spent in fantasy, it becomes obvious that a person who
exhibits this sort of schizoid style, gains a great deal of personal
gratification from such an active life of fantasy—especially in the
sense of such fantasies containing the theme of anger around
which is constructed the story context of the fantasy. As a mat-
ter of fact, with respect to gaining gratification this sort of per-
son derives the greatest amount of personal gratification from
such fantasies characterized by compensatory themes as well as
by themes of revenge.
This person’s defensive structure consists mostly of intellectual-
ized defenses such as rationalization and compartmentalization.
Compartmentalization means that the person sections off parts of
his life so that there are rather thick barriers between life’s differ-
ent arenas. This sort of compartmentalized defense permits emo-
tion to be controlled insofar as the particular defensive structure
limits the kind of events that could surprise the person; that is to
say, that in this person’s attempt to control emotion, the element
of feeling surprised by events or by the unexpected, needs, if pos-
sible, to be kept to a minimum.
Furthermore, because this person attempts to control the envi-
ronment by being remote and aloof, then fantasy can take over. In
such a circumstance, in which fantasy becomes dominant, from
time to time such a person may lose the gift of good judgment.
 The Schizoid Style | 105

This less-than-adequate judgment results from the inordinate

time spent in withdrawal and fantasy—thinking and imagining.
Yet, for the most part, a person who is characterized by the Schiz-
oid Personality Style is usually logical as well as analytical.
In addition, the chief mechanism of defense utilized by such a
person is called isolation of affect. Isolation of affect simply means
that the person is able to parse any emotion—to isolate it—so
that the emotion does not have the typical effect that an emotion
usually has. That is to say, the emotion when isolated like that
cannot make the person feel whatever it is that such a particular
emotion generally gets a person to feel. To support this isolation
of affect, such a person also utilizes the defensive mechanism of
“suppression of affect.” This means that in the use of suppression
of affect, the isolation of emotion is better guaranteed because in
such suppression a good deal of emotional intensity is subtracted
(diluted) from conscious experience.

Case Examples
Case 1: A Schizoid Personality − A Symptom Sketch
A chemical engineer had an intact marriage for fifteen years. He
had two daughters, was almost entirely functional in life (had a
good job, was a reasonably good husband and was a concerned
father). Nevertheless, he was noticeably remote with others and
therefore socially detached from them.
This sort of emotional restriction and social remoteness cor-
responded to his need to control emotion because he felt that
spontaneous social engagement (out-and-out fun) increased
the possibility that he could say or do things that would seem
to others to be immature or out of place. In this sense, this
man was never sure about how he would be seen with respect
to what he said or did. Over many years, his solution was to
develop ways of avoiding social contact outside of his family.
To his so-called friends he definitely seemed like an emotionally
106 | Personality

unavailable person even though he was able to develop his career

(hold down a job and have a family). He was able to be married
because a childhood classmate of his pursued him. To him, she
didn’t seem overly strange and he apparently was able to create
a life with her. Therefore, he would need to be considered as an
encapsulated schizoid personality so that he could live reason-
ably normally but in a bubble only with his family.

Case 2: A Schizoid Personality

A forty-five-year-old male postal employee was recommended for
psychotherapy treatment by his supervisor because of a case of
social under-responsiveness. This was a man who, with respect to
his duties, was perfectly able to function on the job, but was not at
all able to have easy and typical social interaction with his fellow
employees. Yet, he was apparently responsible and conscientious.
Accordingly, he obeyed rules and regulations and was obedi-
ent and compliant to authority. He was also obviously quite
intelligent. His way of gaining social gratification was in his
activities with his family, his aged parents. In addition, he was
quite an active reader of stories in books and magazines, and
also had an active fantasy life in which he played the hero as well
as the avenger. His favorite role was as avenger. The fact that in
his fantasy life he was preoccupied with those people who did
him wrong, meant that he needed to avenge the wrongs and
this pointed to a degree of hostility that was being kept sup-
pressed and controlled by the psychological organization of the
his schizoid personality.
This man’s social distancing behavior was his overall and general
way to control and contain his emotional life and, more specifi-
cally, it was his way to contain his anxiety. His absence of warmth
toward others, especially in his work environment did not at all
mean that he was a malicious person. It just meant that he was
an insulated and self-sufficient person whose isolation of emotion
kept him feeling stable and safe.
 The Schizoid Style | 107

The More Normally Inclined Schizoid Style

Rather than the pathology of the true schizoid type that includes
a cluster of traits largely represented by social detachment (and
more specifically including a self-containment along with the
avoidance of close relationships), this syndrome will also be
characterized by the person’s total gratification through fantasy,
usually composed of hostile themes. In addition, such a person
resists surprises (because taken by surprise indicates absence of
control), and shows considerable isolation of emotion. Another
glaring and defining condition of such a type is an overly sensi-
tive reaction to criticism.
In contrast, this schizoid inclination can also be seen in a person
whose emotion-controlled style is only expressed minimally, and
such a person can actually achieve important vocational and pro-
fessional positions. In such cases, although these social contacts
may be minimal (even superficial), nevertheless they do operate
to provide all sorts of interactions, and such social contacts carry
the assumption that this moderated schizoid person will indeed
interact socially. Because of this interactional element in such a
person’s life, the preference to be entirely aloof and remote does
not reach threshold so that withdrawal is less, and the person’s
emotional tone not as flat as might be expected in a classic schiz-
oid condition.
In addition, because of such increased social interaction, such
a person’s fantasy life is far less infused with hostile themes.
Therefore, whereby the more serious condition of the schizoid
type cannot really be companionable in any conventionally easy
manner, this more normal type with schizoid inclinations indeed
can be more companionable even though that to nurture close
relationships might still be difficult. In addition, such a person
is not so concerned about resisting surprises simply because,
in this benign schizoid state, extreme vigilance is absent, and
this absence of extreme vigilance is correlated to the difference
108 | Personality

between a severely schizoid individual versus one that is less

severe. In the less-severe type, an acting-out probability of hos-
tility is just about nonexistent. In the more severe type, tense
situations in which there is a demand to socialize or to answer
to critical authority can significantly increase the probability of
hostile acting-out: of aggression.

• • •
 The Schizoid Style | 109

Category 2
Emotion-dyscontrolled Style
Emotion-dyscontrolled Styles are those in which the person is
chiefly concerned with making sure that emotion does not get
controlled. In this way, such individuals are usually involved in
activities that tend to invite and instigate continuously stimulat-
ing events in the environment in order for emotion to be able to
be released and not controlled. With events and activities swirling
around them, such persons actually feel safe and secure because
in the moments of activity, emotion tends to remain free from
control.
No control over emotion, no control over emotion, no control
over emotion, could be considered the mantra for such emotion-
dyscontrolled styles of the:

1. Histrionic (Hysterical) Personality

2. Narcissistic Personality
3. Psychopathic (Antisocial) Personality
 chap t er n i n e

The Histrionic Style

(Hysterical)

T his kind of person exhibits an excessive emotionality.

Such excessive emotionality is frequently expressed in terms
of exaggerated and dramatic displays of behavior. For example,
such a person will recount a story or life event with great flourish
and color. Yet, the emotionality is frequently shallow (only serving
momentary needs), and in addition is usually highly changeable.
An example of this shifting or changing of emotion can be seen
when the person can become happy and then in a split second, also
feel petulant if something desired is denied. In addition, such indi-
viduals will exaggerate what they describe as their intimate friend-
ships and so-called closeness with others. This kind of exaggerated
claim of social bonding is considered by even the most tolerant
listener to reflect an immaturity.
As with all types of the Emotion-dyscontrolled Styles, hysteri-
cal or histrionic individuals actually need to be excitable and so
they are usually involved in creating endless externally stimulating
situations. This means that they provoke, invoke, evoke, and invite
all sorts of activity, situations, conditions, and circumstances for
the sake of creating excitement and stirring-up everything around
 The Histrionic Style (Hysterical) | 111

them. All of this kind of activity permits the person to be over-

active, emotional, and most of all, it rules out the possibility of
being alone and solitary.
Aloneness and remoteness are conditions that the histrionic
person will do anything to avoid. That is to say, with such alone-
ness the inner life of the person begins to feel somewhat threat-
ened. Since such individuals always will find it difficult to delay
gratification, then the pressure to create stimulating conditions
also serves the purpose of gratifying needs most immediately, and
thereby the boredom-demon is avoided and the person feels free
of threat.
In addition, people who react with this emotionally charged
histrionic personality style are also found to be dependent on oth-
ers who they hope (and even expect) will do the hard work. That
is, they are extremely wishful, and therefore want others to solve
problems and otherwise to join in the magical wish for satisfactory
solutions to problems. For example, if the person wishes to lose
weight, a distinct inability to do so becomes evident and there-
fore such a person also becomes essentially unable to undertake
or implement any sort of diet and/or exercise regimen. Instead,
this person would want someone else to implement the diet and
exercise regimen and actually (again, wishfully) lose the weight
for them. Thus, the histrionic person is also one who has strong
wishes, and puts great stock in thinking that such wishes need
to be realized—it is hoped in a magical way. Such wishing also
expresses obvious passivity.
This wishful orientation reveals the strongest general charac-
teristic of the fantasy life of such individuals. This very strong
general characteristic of the fantasy life contains a profoundly
intense wish-system that harbors the need for solutions to occur,
of course, magically. This means that in addition to the passivity,
such a person is actually extremely dependent, seems helpless, and
in addition, in order to sustain such a magical wish for successful
solutions, the defense of denial is brought to bear on whatever
112 | Personality

the situation might be. In the use of this defense of denial, such
a person screens in only what might gratify the wish, and screens
out whatever might seem to be disappointing regarding the wish.
In this sense of relying on one’s wishes instead of assessing the
reality of things, such a person’s judgment frequently turns out to
be less than adequate. Because of such shaky judgment, or judg-
ment lapses, frequent difficulties arise for this person—typically
in the form of a series of decisions that basically are undermining
rather than helpful.
Such undermining acts (due to questionable judgment) invite
many failure experiences so that this person will need constant
reassurance, and as a result will surely overvalue praise. This kind
of reassurance to such a person elevates the ego and serves a com-
pensatory function (builds the person up), and thereby circum-
vents or prevents any depression from gaining traction. With
depression avoided, such a person can then devote more time to
gratifying fantasies. Sometimes, in the face of needs that are not
automatically met, such individuals complain of physical weak-
ness, and as a result will even crave or require bed rest. It is an
old-time neurasthenia characterized by feelings of fatigue and
lethargy.
The time spent in fantasy in this histrionic type is more spe-
cifically occupied mostly with romantic fantasies. These romantic
fantasies are also frequently tinged with sexually explicit scenar-
ios. Correspondingly in real life, such individuals are also sexually
seductive, involved in physical displays for attention, and are usu-
ally exclusively attention-seeking. Such individuals are also usu-
ally coy, and typically behave in an extremely entitled manner. A
flamboyant physical appearance is also characteristic.
The cardinal feature of such a histrionic personality style is the
tendency toward high suggestibility. This high index of suggest-
ibility makes such a person much more susceptible to being hyp-
notized (due to the uncritical stance and the high potential level of
suggestibility). This is in contrast to the emotion-controlled style
 The Histrionic Style (Hysterical) | 113

of the obsessive, or paranoid, or schizoid, who would be difficult

to hypnotize because of a highly critical, controlled stance and the
absence of a pointedly susceptible level of suggestibility.
With respect to this histrionic person’s overall or general
approach to the world therefore, it is an impressionistic style
designed to release emotion rather than one that focuses on detail
by implementing control over emotion. Thus, how this person
feels emotionally (Emotion-dyscontrolled Style) is most impor-
tant and is given value when emotion is released; whereas in con-
trast or in comparison, hard reality (as in the appropriate control
over emotion) is relegated to secondary status only because such
cold, hard reality may not correspond to what such a person
wishes, wants, needs, or feels.

Case Examples
Case 1. The Histrionic (Hysterical) Case − A Symptom Sketch
A sixty-year-old married woman was constantly seeking romantic
moments with men. In her experience of it all, a romantic moment
was defined as any interaction with a man that could be considered
a response to her flirtatiousness, or her perception of a man’s flirta-
tiousness to her, or some actual verbal sexually suggestive interfac-
ing, or generally anything that could be defined as personal interest
that gets conveyed one person to the other.
This woman needed to engineer this sort of encounter at any
and all given opportunities and when the circumstance didn’t
lend itself to such a possibility, she would feel either bored or
irritable and then she would create some sort of difficulty with
her husband. This kind of friction with her husband seemed to
satisfy her need to blame him for what she felt was the absence of
interest in life resulting from the corresponding absence of cir-
cumstance in which she could express her attractiveness to men
and then expect that they, in turn, would respond to her the
same way.
114 | Personality

This particular symptom of hers was the outstanding element

of her hysterical personality that needed constant stimulation
from the outside world which, in this case called for a dra-
matic exhibitionistic display of flirtatious searches. It was such
searches and perhaps their ostensible successful achievement
that seemed to offer this woman a sense of security. Perhaps
even more important was that this sense of security acted as
reassurance that she was still attractive, but more specifically, it
was essential evidence for her that she was an acceptable person
to the world.
To her, evidence of acceptability in the world means the abil-
ity to have her emotional life on the ready at all times so that she
could feel the necessary dyscontrol of emotion as an ingredient
in her quest for romantic conquest and in her desire to feel well.

Case 2: The Histrionic (Hysterical) Personality

A forty-three-year-old woman was always, and in just about any
social situation, trying to manipulate the conversation so that she
could receive praise and approval. Her need for attention, there-
fore, was paramount. She needed to be central and wished for her
desires to be always quickly (instantly) gratified.
Along with such typical hysteric features, she had an exceed-
ingly strong need to rely on her appearance to attract people, and
would utilize dramatic displays in her conversation with others as
well as try to depend on any kind of sexual and seductive sugges-
tion (toward men) that might successfully achieve her goal. Her
goal was to be paid attention to, and of course loved.
With respect to the issue of suggestion, this woman was highly
suggestible. Her bold social dramatic presentation was a cover for
a more truly underlying dependent attitude. In her dependent
truer personality, she felt undereducated and not very well aware
of events in the world around her, and she used her husband as
her main repository source for information. Because of her per-
sonal concerns, she found it difficult to focus on the objective
 The Histrionic Style (Hysterical) | 115

material one learns in school, and in fact, barely made it out of

high school.
When asked about her school experience, she remembered
that in class, she was always preoccupied with personal concerns
about how she looked, which of the boys liked her, and generally
whether her friends would be true to her or rather were just fair-
weather friends. Thus, she was always insecure and her tension
about such insecurity made it necessary for her to try to latch
onto any suggestion that people made about what was going on,
or about things to do. Because of her insecurity, over the years
she habitually became highly suggestible as well as agreeable to
the demands of others, and this kind of behavior also revealed a
pervasive dependent orientation.
She needed to conquer, and this accounted for her highly seduc-
tive behavior. Such conquest needs are usually attributed to oedi-
pal strivings with respect to competition with the same-gender
parent. In this woman’s case, such an understanding seemed to
correspond with her history insofar as throughout her childhood
she was apparently in competition with her sister and mother as
to who was the prettiest—and in a blatant oedipal display, the real
concern was who daddy felt was the prettiest.
She would try to display her physical appearance to what she
considered to be its best advantage—and this was a sexually
seductive type of presentation. When this seemed to be working
for her she could be tilted toward love and romance by the slight-
est positive feedback. Her critical judgment would be suspended
as a result of the praise and attention she got—in essence, because
of the delight she took in being in the spotlight. She would replay
how happy it made her to be “washed over” with pleasure.
It was this sort of romantic theme that also characterized most
of her fantasy life in which her wishes were just about always
being gratified. In contrast, because of her great need for atten-
tion, when such focus on her was not forthcoming she would
become irritable, impatient, and even angry. This impatience was
116 | Personality

the key to understanding that she had a low level of frustration

tolerance, which is considered a measure of immature develop-
ment. In addition, her fantasy life of social and sexual conquest
contained a grandiosity to it, the purpose of which was to ensure
that at least in fantasy, she would be consistently successful in her
aims: that is, she would be adequate.
Therefore, it could be seen that for this woman the issue of
disappointment was crucial and to be avoided at any cost since
disappointment meant that emotion was controlled and static;
and therefore this stasis would necessarily mean that she was
inadequate and not attractive. In contrast, the need to avoid
disappointment meant that her emotional life was free and this
certainty that emotion was definitely not controlled contributed
mightily to her need for conquest and to her sense of assurance
that such conquest was possible; that she could be flamboyant,
eye-catching, and dazzling.

The More Normally Inclined Histrionic Style

In the more moderate form of a hysterical disposition, the release
of emotion as a way to minimize anxiety takes the form of behav-
ior characterized by a socially flamboyant style (although not one
that is garishly over-the-top), as well as a sense of mastery in social
or interpersonal situations. Therefore, this more moderate histri-
onic style is seen as one wherein the person expresses entitlements
but not the over-entitlement of the classic histrionic personality.
Therefore, even though emotion is needed to be released in
this sort of person in order for such a person to feel balanced
and free of discomfort, nevertheless when the histrionic type is
in fact a more moderate one, then judgment can be consistently
rather good, magical wishes and strong dependency feelings need
not be in the absolute ascendancy, and the need for immediate
gratification (although a rather pressing need) is not necessar-
ily governing all behavior all of the time. It is true that even in
 The Histrionic Style (Hysterical) | 117

the moderate histrionic personality the individual is still strongly

affected emotionally by momentary conditions, yet these existen-
tial and fleeting intrusions do not necessarily become destabiliz-
ing. Since wishes are not particularly and intensely inundating
such a person, then it is easy to see that passivity (as a function of
the absence of a romantic encounter) as a usual behavioral stance
of the histrionic type does not in the more moderate type domi-
nate the person’s wish system or behavior as nearly as it does for
the more severely affected histrionic type.
Because of better functioning and a more mature approach to
life, these moderate histrionic types can in fact be quite interest-
ing in intimate relationships because they do not only see and
do solely what they want to see and do. In this sense the use of
the defense mechanism of denial is implemented much less fre-
quently. In contrast, in the conventionally demonstrated or highly
activated histrionic type, a great deal of selective perception is
seen (you see only what you want or need to see) and a great deal
of perceptual defense is utilized (you screen out everything you
don’t want to see). In the more moderate histrionic type, these
denial-and-compensatory mechanisms might actually, in fact be
seen but only with lower voltage.
The only remaining similarity, in the high-versus-low-activated
histrionic types, would be issues of the need for a good deal of
external stimulation, a rather dramatic expression of feelings, a
greater repertoire of romantic fantasy, and a preference not to be
isolated or alone. In the more severe type, the romantic need cre-
ates an endless string of serial relationships and potential relation-
ships. The more moderate type invites more stable, and certainly
fewer, relationships.
 chap t er t e n

The Narcissistic Style

T his person behaves with a sense of entitlement that belies

an underlying feeling of inadequacy and uncertainty. The
sense of entitlement fuels a fantasy life that is entirely compensa-
tory (ego-enhancing because of a dread of obscurity), and charac-
terized by the person’s imagined heroic deeds, as well as the needed
adulation from a host of similarly imagined acolytes. As such, this
person’s drive for aggrandizement is intense, and is accompanied
by a relentless need of grandiose wishes—fantasies of fame, wealth,
notoriety, and even nobility.
In life, this person is most happy when in response to admi-
ration from others such admiration is actually achieved. Cor-
respondingly, in fantasy, achievement deeds are overvalued and
daydreams contain themes of power, success, and conquest. Fur-
ther, in actual functioning in life this person will exaggerate all
successes as if even any minor successful achievement qualifies as
the greatest of achievements. In other words, all positive achieve-
ments and attributes are for purposes of display, maximized.
Consistent with a need to be singularly wonderful, such a per-
son also focuses on brilliance and beauty, both with respect to
personal aesthetic sensibility as well to the certainty that such
qualities assumedly apply to the self and would be valued by oth-
ers. In addition, and as might be predicted, such a person believes
the self to be unique and will do anything to be envied. Cor-
 The Narcissistic Style | 119

respondingly such a person will try to associate with others who

have already gained notoriety and are considered to be luminaries
in whatever field. It is a formula that equates another’s greatness
as though it automatically translates to one’s own greatness. Cor-
related to this need to be seen as important and unique, is this
person’s inclination to be exhibitionistic.
Personality characteristics of haughtiness and even arrogance
accompany this person’s desire to maintain a stance of superior-
ity. To support this sort of need for superiority, such a person is
also almost completely opportunistic. In this opportunistic quest
for conquest and triumph, such a person neglects to sufficiently
develop the altruistic quality of empathy—feeling for others.
Whenever any empathetic or philanthropic impulse does indeed
get expressed, it is usually with great homage and deference, and
as such contains the characteristic of nobility—and then to oth-
ers does indeed seem noble. Yet, in its underlying motive, this
kind of generous impulse will be impelled by a basic sense of
superiority granted by its grand gesture. The main point here is
that such acts of generosity, humility, modesty, or homage, are
basically informed, and in the service of the narcissistic need of
adoration from others. In addition, such characteristics are based
upon the person’s swoon regarding a strong confirming need of
self-esteem, and in the service of the comfort and gratification of
self-love.
With respect to the deleterious effects of such a search for narcis-
sistic gratification, such a person is characteristically super-sensi-
tive to criticism, and consequently will be similarly super-sensitive
even to minor slights. Self-doubt and a sense of feeling underval-
ued accompany these sensitivities. As such, a person who is iden-
tified to be one displaying a Narcissistic Personality Style will be
easily subject to feeling shamed, and the response to this feeling
of shame will be, consequently, to feel angry.
Along with this vulnerability to the random indifference of
the world that any individual experiences, the narcissistic type
120 | Personality

will be constantly comparing the self to others, and then trying

to manage feelings of envy in an endless attempt to quell feel-
ings of inferiority. Thus, the sense of security that is gained from
an elevated sense of self is largely hoped for, and can be actu-
ally accrued by compliments and favorable responses from oth-
ers. This is especially gratifying when such a person is treated by
others as unique and quite special—either as highly intelligent,
creative, or, of course, attractive. When real adoration is absent
however, this kind of person will then attempt to manipulate oth-
ers in an urgent quest for recognition. In the absence of this kind
of adoring feedback, the narcissistic person will then rely largely
on fantasy wishes containing grandiose fantasy scenarios in which
naturally, the self is adored.
Of course, in order to achieve the narcissistic (self-love) gratifi-
cation in fantasy (no less in reality) this person will usually exag-
gerate the extent of personal talents and abilities so that they
appear to be quite extraordinary. In reality, these personal qualities
are usually not exceptional largely because such a person was typi-
cally always too occupied with aggrandizement to be focused (in
the sense of real functioning) on solid achievement. Thus, because
of this misguided and misdirected amount of psychic energy that
was invested in fantasy and manipulation, such a person usually
ends up as underachieved, and in most cases, profoundly under-
achieved.
Finally, because of this misguided and misdirected energy that
was invested in fantasy and manipulation, this person needs to
keep emotion from being controlled so that an abundance of
activity keeps the personal inner life from being examined. By
avoiding an analysis of one’s inner life, the narcissistic person then
avoids experiencing any inferiority feelings. For this kind of per-
sonality, the linchpin to avoiding anxiety, is for sure, to keep emo-
tion from being controlled. Therefore, keeping emotion free is the
consistent aim here.
 The Narcissistic Style | 121

Case Examples
Case 1:The Narcissistic Personality − A Symptom Sketch
This woman who was sixty-four-years old, had never married, and
had developed behavior that would frequently antagonize oth-
ers. She was constantly trying to be the center of attention and
because of it could easily lose sight of proper social comportment.
For example, when she joined some of her friends on vacation, she
would insist on choosing the hotel, then she would insist on choos-
ing the bed near the window, and often, she would even insist on
sitting at the dinner table in the center of things.
She was a former teacher in the public-school system of a large
city where she demonstrated similar traits of entitlement. In this,
her worklife, she was occasionally accused of fabricating stories
that made someone else look bad while giving to herself the ratio-
nale of maturity and correctness. In this sense, this woman would
do almost anything for the gaining of an appreciable ascendancy
in relationships, as well as behaving in a way that contained an
even impatient wish for attention.
Because she was also a diligent and conscientious teacher, she
spent inordinate amounts of time preparing materials for her stu-
dents, beautifying the classroom with an assortment of decora-
tions and student work, and along with this she gradually became
justifiably recognized for her efforts. For this, she was finally rec-
ognized with a Teacher-of-the-Year acknowledgment—an award
she confessed harboring in her wishes for a decade. According to
others around her, it was actually an award well deserved.
On another positive note, she was quite a productive person,
and in her spare time sang in a choir. Thus, this woman had many
stellar qualities. The problem was her narcissism—a narcissism
that on the negative side made it difficult for people on a personal
basis to like her, and on the positive side, enabled her to work at
an inordinately high capacity despite the fact that it was moti-
vated by her desire for recognition.
122 | Personality

What she did with the Teacher-of-the-Year Award was quite

interesting in view of her diagnosis, which contained this glaring
narcissistic component. She duplicated the certificate and framed
it so that one copy hung conspicuously in her classroom, another
copy was hung in her apartment, and a third copy was neatly
folded and always carried in her handbag. It is one thing to carry
something one loves in a handbag, knowing it is there, but it is
another thing to carry such a prize in one’s handbag, and here and
there, show it to those you meet.

Case 2:The Narcissistic Personality

A forty-five-year old unmarried man was seemingly misdiagnosed
as a manic-depressive personality largely because he would have
definite mood swings. He was a university professor who would
sometimes be moody and at other times somewhat euphoric, and
this kind of variability in his personality led psychiatrists to feel
that he was both a manic and a depressive personality—currently
described essentially, as bipolar.
The truer diagnosis of this person was that of narcissistic per-
sonality in which it was both easy for him to become self-ideal-
ized, wherein he would revel in what he considered to be great
personal achievement or recognition, or when feeling criticized
or for a time remaining unrecognized, he could also easily begin
to devalue himself. In the state of devaluation, he would appear
to be depressed although, really, he was in the thrall of disap-
pointment.
Hence, his so-called manic diagnosis was actually a self-pro-
claimed greatness that gave him reason to feel euphoric and val-
ued, while his depressive diagnosis (within the manic/depressed
diagnostic sense) was actually his morbid sense of feeling deval-
ued (his disappointment). It is this sense of an over-idealized
self as well as a devalued sense of self that comprises this variable
shift in mood. It may resemble a manic and depressive shift, but
it is rather a classic dynamic of a narcissistic personality. That
is, that when the person’s exaggerated sense of entitlement is
 The Narcissistic Style | 123

not met, and even rather thwarted, this will consistently lead to
feelings of despondency (appearing to be depression), and the
despondency will consist of components of anger, shame, and
even humiliation.
In this man’s quest for continued self-idealization, he was
always focused on what he could derive from any situation so
that his relationships were shallow and based upon his primary
concern solely with himself along with a true absence of con-
cern for anyone else. In addition, he was quite fragile with respect
to feeling the slightest criticism, and this sort of response from
another person could send him into a humiliating tailspin. With
respect to his students there was always his tension with regard to
how they would evaluate him. And even if one or two evaluations
weren’t good, or good enough, he would be hurt.
Thus, here was a person who sought the power of superiority
and so rather than considering his work to be valued for itself,
he always thought about his work in terms of the prestige such
achievement could or would bestow. In this sense, he was also
always expecting good things to happen to him because of “who
he was.” The question of who he was would be answered in a
way that only he was privy to. Yet he actually believed, expected,
and felt that others should realize his self-endowed special entitle-
ments. Of course when such recognition was not forthcoming
(based solely on his thinking that the world should already know
how great he was), he would become disappointed.
This man’s narcissism reflected classic features summarized by
a somewhat exhibitionistic aggrandizing need for constant atten-
tion and verbalized admiration from others. The greatest hope of
his shared time was his worst fear of self-devaluation, which in the
extreme would make him feel empty and worthless.

The More Normally Inclined Narcissistic Style

In a narcissistically inclined person—one who is not classically
narcissistic—the wish for entitlement exists but a demanding
124 | Personality

insistence on entitlement is absent. In addition, when entitlement

wishes are thwarted the more normally inclined narcissist will of
course be very disappointed but not undone by the disappoint-
ment. In such a person, a stronger ego not only prevents dispir-
itedness based upon any blow to self-esteem but rather, although
not loving it, accepts “the demotion” with a greater sense of bal-
ance. Nevertheless, the search for approval and success is quite
prominent in such a person, and to be admired is certainly highly
valued. This is to say that the wish for adoration commonly seen in
the classic narcissistic personality is replaced in the more normally
inclined narcissist with wished-for hopes for simply received admi-
ration or even simple appreciation.
Usually such a person will in all likelihood establish ways and
means to achieve something important and thereby will experi-
ence the recognition so very much valued. In fact, a usual strategy
developed in the more normally inclined narcissist can include
devoting time on projects that can be done in a rather anony-
mous fashion so that potential criticism is avoided but ultimate
kudos can be achieved for whatever is the accomplishment of the
project. It is almost as if by engaging in something that is rather
anonymous, this type of person becomes the one who, in the pro-
cess, adores the self.
Thus, the more normally inclined narcissist is eager for the vis-
ibility of talent and intelligence, and the feedback thereof, but
is secure enough to resist any obvious exaggeration of such tal-
ent and/or intelligent displays of self. Yes, daydreams of power
and recognition do exist in such a person, but these are not of a
magnitude, intensity, or depth of purpose that would completely
swallow the person’s attention, time, and energy.
The most evident characteristic of the narcissistic picture that
frequently does emerge in such a person concerns a quality of
impatience. It is an impatience that has a petulant and even arro-
gant cast to it. Yet, such a person is also frequently empathetic
(even noble), and is able to restrain anger based upon experienced
 The Narcissistic Style | 125

slights. Extreme opportunistic impulses and a potential picture

of insistent visible superiority also seem absent in such a more
normally inclined narcissist as compared to the classic narcissist.
Finally, such a more-normally inclined narcissistic person can
struggle with underlying narcissistic needs but will also require
(hope for) loving reciprocity and consistent fairness with a rela-
tionship partner.
 chap t er e l e v e n

The Psychopathic Style (Antisocial)

T he characteristic style of this psychopathic or antiso-

cial type is a decided lack of concern about the boundaries
of other people. As such, frequent boundary violations occur. This
means that the psychopathic person does not consider the feelings
of others, is only concerned with the need to gain advantage, and
is frequently involved in delinquent and unlawful behavior.
This issue of the boundaries of others and their violation
deserves a concatenation of synonyms because such links can
truly express the core issue in the behavior of such people. These
synonyms of boundary violation include breaching, infringing,
transgressing, invading, encroaching, molesting, intruding, assault-
ing, trampling-on.
In addition, deceitfulness, lying, cheating, stealing, and pro-
miscuity are usual examples of the kind of delinquency seen in
behavior of the psychopathic personality.
Other types of psychopathic behavior involve severe spousal
abuse, physical fighting, other such violent activities, and even pre-
meditative murder. Accompanying personality features include an
exploitative orientation toward others, impulsivity (doing impul-
sive things without thinking about the consequences), irritability,
aggressiveness, poor judgment, and poor planning.
In view of these virulent boundary violations, this sort of per-
son does not really care about the safety of others, is entirely
 The Psychopathic Style (Antisocial) | 127

irresponsible, and of course, such instability makes it so that the

psychopathic type can almost never really be responsible—as in
the consistent holding of a job. This rather pitiful picture of insta-
bility is also one of superficiality, immaturity, manipulativeness,
and most importantly, it shows an absence of conscience.
Whenever there is an insufficiency of conscience in a person,
it is always accompanied by a conspicuous absence of guilt or
remorse, and in addition reflects an absence in such a person of a
normal development of empathy. As such, the psychopathic per-
son who exhibits this Antisocial Style just about never feels such
empathy, and therefore also experiences no guilt or remorse with
respect to any manipulations, expediencies, or boundary viola-
tions toward others. In this respect, it is probably safe to say that
such a person has never internalized (taken in, absorbed) a sense
of control, or understood the importance of controls or of identi-
fication with a kind/decent mentor or parent.
All delinquent behavior is rationalized, and this person
remains indifferent to the negative or seriously damaging effects
of these delinquent acts on others. The consequences of these
antisocial acts also never influence the person in a positive
manner, insofar as no learning takes place from negative conse-
quences. This kind of person simply never learns from experi-
ence in the sense of doing better. Unfortunately, since it never
gets better (which leaves such a person to the fates), it makes
others who come into contact with this person quite vulnerable
to this individual’s antisocial impulses. Such impulses, as men-
tioned, can be dangerous.
The central need inherent in the Psychopathic Style is to con-
tinue to generate endless external stimulation in order for emotion
not to be controlled. In theory, if emotion would be controlled,
this sort of person could possibly begin to feel a psychological
paralysis almost completely due to a terror of the interior life that
is presumably quite impoverished. That is to say such a person
feels the internal life to be silent and actually, more or less empty,
128 | Personality

and therefore tries to continue to stimulate the environment in

order to provide something alive. This is what is meant by the
need to create endless externally exciting conditions.
In addition to a terror of the silent inner life, the other motiva-
tion to create such continuous external stimulation is the anti-
social person’s overall impatience and short attention-span. It is
the reflex of acting-out that prevents a feeling of psychological
paralysis, and therefore anxiety is managed because emotion is
calibrated in such a person to be in a dyscontrolled state—loose.
The person, therefore, can be naturally or reflexively impulsive.
It is clear that the psychopathic style is one of pleasure seek-
ing, and as such, dissatisfactions and frustrations are avoided at
all costs. In this sense, this kind of person is always on the move
because boredom is equivalent to silence and stillness. This is
called a proclivity toward motoric behavior – the motor is always
going. But in order for the motor to be always going, such a
person operates with defense mechanisms that facilitate such a
pattern. These defenses include a heavy reliance on the repres-
sive mechanism—preventing this person from looking within
and contemplating possible problems. In addition, the defense
of regression or the inability to control impulse (also seen in chil-
dren), simultaneously permits immature motoric behavior to be
sustained.
Along with this motoric behavior and immaturity, such a per-
son is also reckless, blames others for everything that goes wrong,
and as might be expected disregards rules and regulations. Because
of an obvious impatience, such a person is also always in a posi-
tion of underachievement. In other words, such a person can’t sit
still long enough to accrue expertise in anything.
The need to continue to generate stimulation, as a result of this
psychopathic style really reveals the central need to keep emo-
tion from being controlled. As mentioned, in this way emotion is
loose and can keep this kind of person from experiencing what is
most defended against—a sense of a deadened inner life.
 The Psychopathic Style (Antisocial) | 129

Case Examples
Case 1:The Psychopathic Personality − a Symptom Sketch
An attractive forty-year-old man was functioning with a severe
inferiority complex but had it concealed with a persona filled with
charm and smooth talking. He always dressed well and was moti-
vated to behave in a way that encouraged people to see him as
a substantial person, someone of value and worth. In truth, he
felt entirely devious and opportunistic with others, and in psy-
chotherapy consultation could admit never to feeling authentically
interested in others.
To his therapist he would boast about whom he fooled and
how he gained an advantage in this or that situation. He correctly
believed that his therapist would need to keep the information
confidential so that he wasn’t worried about his reputation being
soiled by these revelations to the therapist. It was his greatest plea-
sure to enjoy recounting these successful exploitative events. The
therapist could vividly see the appreciable extent of this man’s
need to experience a sense of triumph.
Since he had never pursued a career path, then whatever
achievements he would obtain were gained in the absence of any
real persistent efforts. Therefore, if the dignity one derives is from
the pursuit of valuable goals through one’s consistent efforts—
and usually difficult travails—then this man was without such
dignity, and never had the opportunity to experience the building
up of normal ego that also develops through the effort that goes
into gaining solid achievement.
Thus, his prime psychopathic symptom concerned his typical
motive to gain best advantage in any possible situation. In this
sense he was always watching and observing any and all situa-
tions that would lend themselves to his interventions in order to
gain such advantage. Therefore, this kind of sustained scouting
qualifies as a form of stalking behavior. In the end it could be said
that this man’s chief psychopathic symptom was that of stalking
130 | Personality

in order to take advantage of someone, more or less, actually, of

anyone.

Case 2: The Psychopathic Personality

A fifty-three-year-old man had been incarcerated as a juvenile
when he was sixteen (for breaking and entering), served time in
prison, but managed never again to be caught for any of his ongo-
ing nefarious activities. His typical callousness was in evidence
every time he borrowed money and then never paid it back. He
was not concerned about it one way or the other despite ardent
pleas from people who needed to be repaid. Over the years he
would repeat the same irresponsible and deliberate scam on any
number of unsuspecting people who apparently were fooled by his
charm and loquaciousness.
Since because of his impulsive behavior it was impossible for
him to sustain or even gain employment, instead, from time to
time he would start up a small retail business, which after a while
would unfailingly fail. Nevertheless, he managed to leave each of
these enterprises with more money than he had when he entered.
But the money didn’t last because he demonstrated typical psy-
chopathic lassitude. He invested limited energy into any of his
businesses and only relied on the swiftest way to renege on his
debts.
He was always on the move and this represented his need to
keep the stimulation going and in order to keep his emotions
and impulses free from constraints. In this sense, he was a classic
emotionally dyscontrolled personality who had a tendency always
to blame others for things that weren’t going right. His blaming
tendency was also his way of keeping his conscience clear and at
the same time creating objects toward whom he could be excit-
edly angry. He was a classic underachiever, quite self-centered,
with very little, or any, remorse or guilt or conscience. He was also
a lifelong gambler and was promiscuous. He could be described
as a typical hedonist. Of course as was the case and as could be
 The Psychopathic Style (Antisocial) | 131

predicted, he was never involved in any long-term relationship. In

addition, he had a complete disregard for the truth.
All in all, this man lived a life of acting-out manipulative activ-
ity with what could be considered the condition of an impover-
ished inner life. His solution was to create mindless acts in order
to animate or keep himself in a continuous state of responsiveness
and excitement.

The More Normally Inclined Psychopathic Style

Of course it seems as though it is a euphemism or oxymoron
to consider what could be defined as a more-normally inclined
psychopathic style. Yet, when a person does in fact develop with
a propensity toward psychopathic advantage-taking this doesn’t
necessarily mean that a full-fledged flowering psychopathic per-
sonality has developed. In such a case with only low-level act-
ing-out, a person who engages so usually operates with a strong
ability to compartmentalize behavior as well as compartmentaliz-
ing the emotional reactions to such behavior. For example, such
a person can “borrow” a book or a magazine from the waiting
room of a doctor’s office, and of course do it furtively, and do it
well. Even if caught, this person will not have to pay any penalty
and the deed will be permanently closed without consequences.
It is these sorts of acts in which such a person engages that con-
stitute delinquent behaviors, but apparently they are carried out
in such a way that penalties are not applied, or not even legally
warranted. Cheating on tests in school (and doing it expertly)
is another example of seeking advantage without the necessary
struggle involved in solid achievement. Even getting caught at it
might invite some variant of censure but not a jail term.
This is the kind of person who does understand boundaries
and by and large will not violate them except and until a circum-
stance arises where the boundary can be crossed without anyone
noticing. Thus, a normally inclined psychopathic type of person
132 | Personality

may be tempted to act out any number of low-level inappropriate

behaviors but also can utilize caution as well as experience some
conflict with respect to possible consequences.
Therefore, such a person sometimes lives on the edge of law-
lessness but in a way that also contains fail-safe measures. It is a
life of inauthenticity but at the same time such a person can have
enough of a life that includes friendships, family, achievements,
and so forth. This sort of person also feels guilt and remorse, but
over time as the guilt and remorse fade, acting-out of small-time
thieveries (as an example) again can reappear.
It is also clear that such a person will never engage in activity
considered to be a felony. No violence or major infringements will
occur, but sneaky little misdemeanors will certainly intermittently
occur. These acting-out events will serve the purpose of keep-
ing emotion reasonably dyscontrolled, the additional purpose of
which is for the individual to feel periodic relief of tension. In this
sense, such a person takes chances but does not engage in whole-
sale recklessness, is usually in an intermittent search for external
stimulation, but can also be quiet, and in this sense there is an
absence of a blanket silence of the inner life. Learning from nega-
tive experiences does occur but because over time such learning is
likely to fade, an immature and incomplete moral development
becomes evident. As a postscript, it is noted that such a person will
also live life without easily trusting or really confiding in anyone.
Nevertheless, this so-called more normally inclined psycho-
pathic type can, with finesse (and luck), seem to be leading a
rather conventional life although without any wholesome inti-
macy. Furthermore, even in such a low-flying so-called psycho-
pathically inclined (although more normal type) existence, the
level of inauthenticity comes across as a distinct although not
debilitating immaturity.
 The Psychopathic Style (Antisocial) | 133

Category 3
Emotion-attached Styles
Emotion-attached Styles are chiefly those in which the person
seeks promises of safety and shelter in the caring attachment of
caregivers and/or authority figures. In this sense these emotion-
attached styles seek agreement, and correspondingly usually try to
avoid disagreements with those on whom they depend. Such per-
sons are therefore at ease when the affiliation with the caregiver is
free of conflict.
The emotion-attached type of personality manages anxiety and
emotion by guarding against independent behavior and thinking,
in order to assure an achievement of dependent attachment. This
sort of pattern or style of personality can be seen in

1. The Dependent Personality

2. The Passive-Aggressive Personality
3. The Inadequate Personality
 chap t er t we l v e

The Dependent Style

W ith respect to motive, the main characteristic style

of the dependent person is to maintain a central and all-
abiding affiliation with either a protective parent, or some other
authority figure who similarly offers safety and security. In this
sense, this kind of dependent person always, and without fail,
seeks agreement with this care-giving figure. Because of such def-
erence, the dependent personality style is one that craves support,
and almost by definition, therefore, is basically submissive. Under-
standably then, in their relationship, the caregiver is automatically
dominant.
In order to ensure successful achievement of attachment with a
caregiver, behaviors associated with the Dependent Personality Style
are such that independent thinking and decision-making recede in
favor of seeking and inviting advice. Along with this eschewing of
independent thinking and behavior, the dependent person tends to
avoid responsibility, relies on the support person for such decision
making, and will do almost anything for approval.
Such a person will always be super-sensitive to criticism, and
because of prevailing self-doubt, as well as the need for proof of
support from the caregiver, will, in all likelihood, require constant
reassurance. This need for constant reassurance creates the picture
of such a person as an immature individual whose emotionality
and momentum toward autonomy became arrested at an early
stage of development.
 The Dependent Style | 135

When considering this emotion-attached profile of a depen-

dent style of relating, it becomes apparent that anxiety is always,
for this person, in the process of being assuaged; that is, that anxi-
ety gets cured by the assertion of this particular style of depen-
dency—this emotion-attached style. Correspondingly, the event
that would be most terrifying for such a person would involve
separation from the caregiver, so that in order to prevent even the
hint of separation (and to prevent the dreaded fear of separation
anxiety), personality tendencies or traits of cooperation, passivity,
and of course, compliance, constitute and comprise the core of
the dependent person’s motivations.
The psychoanalytic understanding of chronic (long-standing),
and intense reliance on dependent inclinations, thinking, and
behavior, will always—without fail—generate a great deal of under-
lying anger. Of course, the dependent person who functions with
a singular focus on cooperation and agreement with the dominant
partner will almost never feel or experience the anger—even though
by definition it is theoretically accepted that the anger does, in fact,
unconsciously exist beneath the surface and completely out of the
dependent person’s awareness. As a matter of fact, the typical Sturm
und Drang of adolescence is not solely a function of the sudden
onset of puberty with its newly experienced flush and rush of hor-
mones. This typical adolescent stage in which is seen a surge of ten-
sion, resistance to authority figures, acting-out behavior, and any
and all such chaotic experience, is also a derivative of the anger that
has been smoldering and accumulating in the unconscious—nicely
repressed throughout childhood; a childhood represented chiefly
and naturally by a dependency condition that is a typical side effect
of childhood experience. The fact is that children throughout these
years depend on their caregivers for just about everything: for sus-
tenance, shelter, knowledge, judgment, decisions, education, and so
forth. By the time children reach adolescence, all the anger that had
accumulated throughout childhood joins with the turmoil gener-
ated by the hormonal action of puberty to create what we all know
as the rebellious adolescent—one who is iconoclastic (wants to turn
136 | Personality

over all convention which in essence means gaining the ascendancy

over the parent[s], and giving vent to the anger while feeling satisfied
with its expression). It is a way of saying: “I am no longer dependent;
I am no longer a child, and I now feel empowered.”
However, with the dependent person who is already an adult,
the situation is somewhat different. The adult who has successfully
kept all anger repressed because of needs for continued dependent
relationships will correspondingly continue to display personal-
ity features of passivity, compliance, and general immaturity. In
this sense, underlying accumulated or smoldering anger remains
forever repressed in the unconscious, especially because such a
person will need to sustain the dependency condition.
Along with this repressed state, such a person, who does not
express a normal sense of entitlement, will instead display an entire
repertoire of so-called magical wishes. That is to say, without inde-
pendent activity, what remains is activity in fantasy. Thus, any ini-
tiating behavior and any overall spontaneity becomes restricted,
and with respect to the issue of compliance, the dependent person
will also do anything to avoid being alone, and especially would
become terrified of any possible issue of abandonment.
Thus, to circumvent the possibility of separation from the care-
giver, the dependent person avoids feeling terrified or anxious or
depressed by utilizing a host of defense mechanisms, the most
useful of which is to be constantly compensating for a strong
sense of inadequacy, and by consistently reinforcing and fortify-
ing the emotion-attached style.

Case Examples
Case 1:The Dependent Personality − A Symptom Sketch
An eighteen-year-old male left his first semester of college after
only several initial weeks of the semester. He reported that every-
thing felt “unfriendly” and “cold.” Immediately before he left the
campus, it was recommended that he report to the counseling
office for a guidance session. He was accompanied to the guidance
 The Dependent Style | 137

session by both of his parents whom he had called so that they

could come and get him.
It was further reported that this experience of alienation or ten-
sion regarding the new situation (being away from home), was
reminiscent of this young man’s first day of kindergarten at the age
of five. At that point of his first day of kindergarten, his mother
described the situation as one in which, as she was about to leave
him there, he began to whimper. When she actually started to
walk out of the kindergarten classroom, his whimpering turned
to sobbing, and then as she stepped out of the door, he became
almost hysterical.
Apparently, this young man had a consistent history of such
experiences of anxiety related to separation experiences from his
parents. It also occurred once when at the age of thirteen he had
gotten a part-time job delivering newspapers. At the last moment,
he decided not to do it, and for the same reason—overly concerned
with being on his own and needing to discharge a defined respon-
sibility. In all three of these situations, this young man felt strong
separation fears accompanied by feelings of dread and loneliness.
Since he was an excellent student in high school, and since it
was a certainty that he would attend college, this separation anxi-
ety symptom of his with respect to his college attendance only
abated when the problem was solved—he would attend college
close to home, located in his hometown, and live at home.

Case 2:The Dependent Personality

A twenty-four-year-old woman from an affluent family was all of
her life quite over-protected. Apparently, she was never encour-
aged to be independent and therefore, by default, she always
sought safe and secure situations. In her case it wasn’t that she
could not absolutely leave home. In fact, for the first time, at the
age of twenty-four, she decided to take a vacation, all with the
intention of finding a husband, one who was already successful
enough to care for her. Her objective was to be protected from
what she considered to be a predatory and uncaring world.
138 | Personality

As luck would have it, on this very first vacation gamble she
met a man who was in the diplomatic branch of the government
and who was well known. He was almost twenty years her senior,
and had already become successful because of a difficult interna-
tional situation that he helped resolve. Within a short period of
time they married and this young woman became the picture of
the helpful wife who with great elan conducted the household.
She directed servants, a chef, a chauffeur, and several housekeep-
ers in organizing their various duties and in keeping the schedule
of events of the house.
It was in this kind of endeavor that this woman shone. It was
perfect for her. Her husband apparently adored her, and it was a
wonderful opportunity for her to feel safe, secure, and cared for.
It appeared that actually she had mastery over her environment.
In addition, in the role she played as the wife of this elegant and
respected man, she also seemed suited to him because again, it
appeared that she was an independent person. It also helped that
she was quite beautiful.
Underneath it all however, the truth was that she was com-
pletely dependent and, for example, actually frightened about
even contradicting someone. She was able to be successful because
in order not to antagonize anyone, she was self-effacing, and in
her interaction with others, assumed what appeared to be a con-
spicuously modest attitude but which in reality was a natural
inclination to be as democratic as possible in order not to invite
controversy. Therefore, this so-called egalitarian stance was really
a disguise for what was her reflexive response in assuming an infe-
rior position in any relationship. In her case she had the ability
and circumstance to conceal her true feelings.
Thus, the lady-of-the-manor role was the perfect scenario for
her because she could then avoid any involvements that would
give her the feeling of rejection or disapproval from others, or even
worse, reveal to others what she felt was her immaturity regarding
her rather ubiquitous fear of the world. In her particular wifely
 The Dependent Style | 139

role and station in life, it was unlikely that anyone would try to
argue with her, or contradict her, or ever be rude to her.
With dependent personalities, a reliance on magical solutions
to problems is sought and in this case her entire situation enabled
such solutions to be realized. In addition, such personalities gener-
ally reveal poor implementation ability as well as a poor ability to
initiate acts. Again in her case however, she was surrounded with
help-personnel and given this particular circumstance, the truth
was that everything would have kept running efficiently whether
she was there or not. And knowing this full well enabled this
woman to conduct the household with ease while also enabling
her to consistently feel safe, especially because she felt that her
true feelings and identity were kept from view—but of course
she had no way of knowing that others could indeed see her sense
of inadequacy and hidden concerns. These sorts of personal con-
cerns are almost impossible to conceal. Behavior reveals much.
In finding this husband and this circumstance, this woman hit
upon a once-in-a- lifetime winning lottery that completely sat-
isfied her need for security, safety, and attachment—the perfect
complement for someone who was an emotion-attached depen-
dent personality.

The More Normally Inclined Dependent Style

In the more normally inclined dependent personality, the person
may be a dependent one but can also be quite accomplished. For
example, a dependent man who was a physician was married to
a very dominant woman. He was able to function well in struc-
tured situations as in his school experiences that clearly and easily
tracked him into college, medical school, internship, and residency
programs. In all of these pursuits, he was never at loose ends and
just followed the prescriptive template that was offered. One thing
led to the next and then again to the next. He did his homework,
memorized whatever was required and simply swam with the cur-
140 | Personality

rent. He never took vacations or went places that would have taken
him far from home. In a nutshell, this man organized his life in
such a way as to avoid any situation that was loosely structured.
In view of his need for security and safety, his deferent attitude,
and his cooperative and largely compensatory stance in life, he
endeared people to him. It was as though his dependency need
was not visible, he was not ever angry or in a protest mood, and
issues of abandonment fears or of separation anxiety were simi-
larly not apparent to others. Of course he harbored these tensions,
but learned how to keep them in check so that they could not be
easily detected.
He married a woman who needed to lead and this was a perfect
addendum to his lifelong quest for direction and structure. This
woman provided plenty of structure insofar as she needed every-
thing to go her way and he wasn’t at all bothered by it. She pro-
vided the environment in which his needs for security and safety
were assured and he never felt threatened by the slightest hint that
she might abandon him.
Luckily she appreciated the opportunity to live in luxury and
to have it her way all the time. For him, all of it meant that he
would not need to surface what was surely in his unconscious and
about which he certainly had no notion: his anger harbored by his
repression. In this sense of his at-least ostensible store of repressed
anger, he also had a discernible symptom of always needing to
nap. This compelling need to nap was seen as his acting-out of
a decent amount of hidden anger at his personal sense of a pro-
found limitation with respect to his self-imposed reduced degrees
of freedom—meaning his limitation with respect to psychological
and emotional independence.
This man had always needed reassurance and he was able to
accomplish the satisfaction of this need so that in this case cir-
cumstance as well as strategy enabled him to be classified as some-
one who is a more normally inclined dependent type—especially
since he was actually able to accomplish his goals, whereas classi-
 The Dependent Style | 141

cally considered dependent types are usually and correspondingly,

classic underachievers. In the satisfaction of his emotion-attached
style, he was able to manage his anxieties especially well because
of his successes in virtually both main areas of his life—in his
quite successful pursuit of a career (his professional life), as well as
in his personal life (by choosing a dominant partner).
 chap t er t h i r t ee n

The Passive-aggressive Style

T he Passive-aggressive Style of relating contains a basic

complement of three distinct variations: these are the Pas-
sive-Aggressive, Passive Style; the Passive-aggressive, Aggressive
Style; and, the Passive-aggressive, Dependent Style. This passive-
aggressive personality is one in which an emotion-attached man-
ner in such a person does in fact display an acting-out of repressed
anger in these three distinct ways. As a matter of fact, the entire
passive-aggressive style is designed both to acknowledge the person
on whom the dependency rests, and at the same time to express
dissatisfaction and anger toward this person. Thus, it could be said
that the motive of the passive-aggressive person is to engage in a
covert power struggle with the authority figure while maintaining
both the need for dependency as well as simultaneously adopting
the pose of independence.
This pose of independence is basically only a pose because such
a person who is emotionally attached is also fundamentally depen-
dent on the authority figure and needs the presence of that figure
for feeling a reduction of tension. Yet, this emotionally attached,
passive-aggressive person is one who harbors resentment about
this very emotionally attached dependency.
In the acting-out of this resentment, the central motivation of
such a personality style is designed to frustrate authority while
avoiding punishment. It is a clever design and is organized this
 The Passive-aggressive Style | 143

way in order to salvage some sense of autonomy (independence)

by simultaneously sustaining a sense of defiance. This is done with
a kind of perverse pleasure in maintaining affiliation with the other
person while at the same time frustrating the other person. It is
a defiance ingeniously masked by cooperation. Examples of such
perverse joining of objectives include: tardiness, procrastination,
forgetting, and not completing tasks. Thus in an inventive, yet
immature manner, a person that expresses the emotion-attached
style of the passive-aggressive personality can be sullen, argu-
mentative, and show protest behavior, while managing to salvage
the dependency position with the authority figure (although of
course, with risk).

Case Examples
The variations of this passive-aggressive style include:

Passive-aggressive Personality: Passive Style—Here the person

expresses anger through passivity. There is both an implicit and
explicit promise to cooperate, but anger is stimulated in the domi-
nant partner by the passive person’s behavior of procrastination,
incompleteness, withholding, and forgetting.

Case 1:Passive-aggressive Personality −Passive Style

A Symptom Sketch
A forty-eight-year-old homemaker was married to an engineer.
They had two daughters who were in their teen years. Theirs was
an adequate marriage except that the husband complained bitterly
that his wife would always forget to do something when she set the
table for dinner. He provided examples of this, which she acknowl-
edged was true. She admitted to never feeling she remembered
everything about setting the table, so for example, a napkin or
some utensil or salt or pepper or a side dish was invariably for-
gotten. Apparently, every evening this man heard the same sud-
144 | Personality

den surprise from her: “Oh my God, I forgot the asparagus!” Or,
he would sit down for dinner and everyone would have a napkin
except him. His typical feeling was that she was expressing hostility
to him in a very passive, so-called innocent way, and for all intents
and purposes, he was obviously right. Of course, her hostility may
not have been strictly about him as much as it might have been
about needing to stay home all day and do chores about which she
felt bored and angry. Whatever the reason, such behavior on her
part seemed typically passive-aggressive: passive type.

Passive-aggressive Personality: Aggressive Style—Here, the person

expresses anger more directly. Examples of such behavior include
overtalkativeness, quarrelsomeness, interruptiveness, argumenta-
tiveness, and even physical fighting. Yet, despite this bold and bel-
licose attitude, the wish for dependency on the authority figure is
still a prominent feature in the needs of the personality.

Case 2: Passive-aggressive Personality − Aggressive Style

A Symptom Sketch
A fourteen-year-old boy had a history throughout his childhood of
hogging the spotlight from other family members as well as from
classmates in school, and generally talking a blue streak. Despite
his strong attachment to his father, who was employed as a hospi-
tal administrator, this boy needed to act as strong as his father and
display obvious bellicose behavior, and yet, was quite normally,
and in an overall way attached to his parents (and his father spe-
cifically). After engaging in such annoying behavior, he would also
typically calm down and then become cooperative. It was an exam-
ple of a classic passive-aggressive style, aggressive type.

Passive-aggressive Personality: Dependent Style—Here the person

expresses anger through behavior that can be considered cloying
(or sickening the other person with sweetness). Such a passive-
 The Passive-aggressive Style | 145

aggresssive-dependent person will volunteer to be ever at the beck

and call of the authority figure, but to a suffocating extent.

Case 3: Passive-aggressive Personality −Dependent Style

A Symptom Sketch
A thirty-year-old man was extremely cloying with those he pro-
fessed to be helping. With his wife he almost jumped into her
computer, behaving in a way that was exceedingly sacrificial. He
would type all of her graduate-school papers, run to the library to
pick up the books she needed, and do various and sundry things
that she had not even asked for. In his day job, he worked as an
assistant to a college professor (for a minimum wage), and did
the same kind of cloying sacrificial behavior there as well. This
was all in the service of his dependency needs on both of these
people while at the same time he was expressing his hostility
unconsciously by driving them crazy with his so-called help. In
this respect, this man’s behavior is considered classically passive-
aggressive with a dependent style.

Case 4: The Passive-aggressive Personality

All in all, in each of these passive-aggressive variations, the aim of
the person of this style, to whatever extent successful, is to frustrate
the authority figure while trying to avoid punishment—and this
in the attempt to remain emotionally attached and dependent. It
is in this sort of attachment (less a cohesion with the authority
figure and more an adhesion), that in the passive-aggressive style
is found a central motive to reduce anxiety by ultimately remain-
ing emotionally attached. Yet, at the same time there is a visible
and persistent pattern of actually also needing a hostile separation
from the authority figure, basically in the absence of punishment
or retaliation from the authority figure. Nevertheless, even though
the anger and aggression challenge the attached relationship, these
challenges do not usually undo such relationships and ultimately,
the gratification of the passivity, the aggression, or hostility, along
146 | Personality

with the dependency and along with the attachment-need is, at

least, partially satisfied.
A classic example of such overall behavior in a typical passive-
aggressive mode occurs frequently in restaurants when the waiter
takes the order and walks away to fill the order but the patron had
forgotten to add something, and then for the longest time tries to
attract the waiter’s attention, but the waiter does everything not
to look in the patron’s direction, walks all over the restaurant and
serves others, but pays no attention to the frustrated patron.
In such a case the waiter, who was extremely charming at first,
is now confronted with the patron complaining about being
neglected. It is only then that the waiter will charmingly and seem-
ingly innocently begin to apologize profusely. Thus, the waiter
who is passive-aggressive can express his underlying anger by suc-
ceeding in making the other person angry, and then apologize so
that in all likelihood he will be forgiven. However, in such cases
the apology will be underscored with additional passive-aggressive
acts. For example the waiter might apologize with sufficient defer-
ence and supplication, and at the same time offer his hand in a
handshake to indicate that all is okay. The patron will most likely
begin to be mollified by such deference and supplication, agree to
the handshake only to experience the waiter’s wet hand.
This passive-aggressive person thus aims to act out such under-
lying anger and aggression, and at the same time hopes to retain
the attachment—but beware!

The More Normally Inclined Passive-aggressive Style

In the more normally inclined Passive-aggressive Style, power
struggles are kept at a lower voltage by only intermittently frus-
trating the other (and not doing it so consistently or expertly), by
eliminating cloying behavior (that would surely sicken the other),
and by not appearing to be so dependent (although latent depen-
dency needs still strongly exist). Similarly sacrificial behavior is far
 The Passive-aggressive Style | 147

less (although still characteristic), and the frustration of the other

is not intense enough to worry the passive-aggressive person about
ostracism, actual punishment, or even abandonment.
Such a more normally inclined passive-aggressive person can
enjoy social interaction and can be a reasonably decent partner
in a relationship. Of course, forgetfulness usually will be quite
apparent, but the passive-aggressive person will most likely hope
that the partner will attribute such forgetfulness to an idiosyn-
cratic personality and therefore will be able to rationalize any
anger resulting from it.
Even though because of the nature of passive-aggressive
impulses the underlying motive of such a person is to frustrate
or anger the partner, nevertheless, in this more benign passive-
aggressive person, such impulses are quite unconsciously limited
or moderated, and may even be somewhat better consciously con-
trolled. Of course, the passive-aggressive trait cluster of behaviors
will still be noticeable.
In addition, the more normally inclined passive-aggressive per-
son usually assumes a position of righteousness and fairness in
dealing with the partner (whether actually fair or not) and will
characteristically behave righteously or indignantly should any
accusation be leveled that implies passive-aggressive motives.
It usually works.
 chap t er f o u r t ee n

The Inadequate Style

T he Inadequate Personality Style is labeled in this man-

ner because the central problem here is in an under-response
virtually in every arena of the person’s life. In the contemporary
psychiatric-classification systems, as a category, this inadequate
type has been deleted. Nevertheless, clinicians see such people
more than just occasionally. Such individuals under-respond to
the complement of intellectual, emotional, and social demands of
life. Lassitude, ineptness, lack of stamina, and also less-than-uni-
formly good judgment, become evident in this person’s function-
ing, although in some cases this sort of problem is not necessarily
nor immediately reflected in results of some IQ tests.
Thus, such a person can be quite able to navigate through life
in a way that continues to produce a typical under-response.
Although it is frequently seen that results on IQ tests are some-
times not significantly affected by such under-response, there are
other tests that do identify the problem indeed with lowered IQ
scores. When personality functioning does affect IQ, it is in the
area of motor behavior—that is, when required to perform or to
use one’s hands to manipulate objects the person’s typical lassitude
affects performance. In such cases, there will be a discrepancy
between those IQ tasks on tests that simply require verbal answers
in contrast to much lower scores on test items that require one “to
motorically” manipulate items. The sense of inertly sitting and
 The Inadequate Style | 149

answering questions suits such a person better than when this

person is required, so to speak, to get up and go.
It becomes obvious that such a person manages tension and
anxiety through the style of remaining emotionally attached to a
primary caregiver as well as by behaving in a manner that requires
support from this primary caregiver. In addition, this person’s
under-response occurs in the arenas of relationships generally,
in sex specifically, in school, and in jobs. It is the case however,
that such individuals, usually at some point in their employ-
ment history, lose jobs, and then inevitably, become essentially
unemployable.
By and large, such an inadequate personality style is one in which
the person functions with an obvious inferiority feeling, in which
performance is constricted, and even any trace of self-assurance
is, of course, almost entirely erased. In order to salvage some self-
esteem, such a person will exaggerate the importance of any given
interactional or interpersonal situation—so that a melodramatic
sentimentality is frequently seen in the person’s response to vari-
ous situations. This exaggerated so-called response-of-importance
invites such a person to feel as though involved in significant mat-
ters, but then also proves to contribute to less than good judgment
with respect to varieties of experiences.
In this sense of exhibiting poor judgment, it is the primary care-
giver who is called upon to rescue this person from all sorts of self-
defeating circumstances. These self-defeating circumstances leave
such a person with an ever-increasing sense of risk-aversion—so
much so that an increase in the tendency toward dependency,
passivity, and withdrawal begin (together, as a cluster of traits), to
act as major-personality signature that becomes characteristic of
the person’s emotional profile. In short, such a person is then seen
primarily as one who gains a sense of safety by fortifying and fur-
ther reinforcing an emotion-attached personality style in which
needs for dependency and attachment are basic orientations that
the person uses to navigate life.
150 | Personality

Similar to a classically dependent-personality style, this inad-

equate personality has the emotion of anger under complete con-
trol. Thus, in the absence of any show of anger, this person comes
across with a smooth exterior—especially when behavior is not
an issue; that is, in talking to such a person, it may be difficult to
predict the inadequacy of functioning. This is so because verbal
ability will usually be adequate—even good.
As evidence of the inadequacy of functioning of this kind of
person, it is pretty clear that a prediction of underachievement
usually would be accurate. For example, the inadequate personal-
ity style is one that needs step-by-step instruction for any func-
tion to be undertaken successfully, and then would benefit from
ongoing supervision in order to sustain whatever achievement has
already been accomplished.
The particular defenses that comprise an emotional-security
platform for this kind of person include a regressive immature
tendency that assures an emotionally attached style (in order
to invite care), and also serves this particular style by assur-
ing shallow, immature, and fumbling behavior. In addition, the
defensive mechanism of compensating for inferiority feelings
enables this person to treat situations with an air of importance
(melodramatic sentimentality) which is, of course, essentially
inappropriate. Further, such a person utilizes excessive rational-
ization to try to massage and distract oneself from such inap-
propriateness.
All in all, it is the across-the-board under-response that charac-
terizes such a person, making it absolutely necessary for this kind
of person to be emotionally attached to a primary caregiver or
authority figure, thereby successfully nullifying any anxiety about
functioning in life. This is essentially how such a person manages
tension and anxiety.
 The Inadequate Style | 151

Case Examples
Case 1: Inadequate Personality − A Symptom Sketch
A twenty-eight-year-old man was unemployed because on
his job and at the end of the workday he continued to leave
work unfinished. He was sorting mail in a large company, and
although bright, he couldn’t quite ever finish the quota of work
required of him. And this inability to reach his goals became
typical for him.
Finally, he was fired from his job. Since over the past several
years this was the fifth or sixth job failure, he and his wife decided
that she would be the breadwinner while he kept house. This was
a perfect solution for him because then he could take his time
throughout the day so that the tasks required to keep the house
in order could, in fact, possibly be completed. Yet, here too, he
couldn’t quite organize his time or his energies to do whatever it
took to do the job in a way that would offer him a decent closure
experience.
His typical grade at former jobs would probably at best be a
C minus. At home in his new task to keep the house in order,
he did better, but still not a grade “A.” His relationship with his
wife did not suffer, however. Since they were kids, she had always
been attracted to him, and in addition, she herself didn’t really
care very much about how the house was kept. Since they had no
children nor planned for children, then she was quite happy to
have landed him and was even happy about his attachment and
dependency on her.
This was a clear case of repetitive job-loss as a symptom of an
inadequate personality style in a person who was essentially a per-
fect example of an emotionally attached type.

Case 2: The Inadequate Personality

A sixty-year-old man who was twice divorced had two sons and
found himself estranged from both. In addition, he had a history
152 | Personality

of underachievement and under-response to the various jobs that

he held, but at the age of fifty finally found a menial job in a
hanger factory where clothing hangers were both manufactured
and exported. His job was mostly to count. He counted pack-
ages and noted their contents, and he counted packages going
to specific clients. The main point was that the president of the
company had known his family so that luckily his performance
didn’t depend on any particular quota of packages to be counted or
sorted. In addition, the president of the company apparently liked
him, so that his job was secure and he had now kept it for a decade.
If not for these fortuitous circumstances, this man could never
have maintained this job. It was his experience in life that almost
nothing ever worked out for him. In school he continuously got
grades with addenda attached on his report cards indicating that he
was bright but below par in his work, or that a check mark would
be placed next to the choice: “Could do better,” or, “Unsatisfactory
work.”Other choices on his report card listed: Is doing well; Is doing
very well; Excellent work. He was never blessed with any of these.
Each of his sons, at different times, felt exasperated with what
they experienced as his neglect but which in reality was his inabil-
ity to get it together to remember birthdays, or have the energy
to organize himself to purchase gifts, or to respond appropriately
with respect to the issue of “doing” in any number of other ways.
Gradually, their relationship to him became iffy, and at some
point their contact with him was only occasional.
Therefore, this man’s only pleasure was in his job. He was
entirely engrossed in the satisfaction he got from the security of
being liked by the president of the company and took solace in
the fact that he could handle the job the way he wanted to. Thus,
his inadequate personality style met its corresponding environ-
mental situation that didn’t undo him, and this enabled him to
sustain a vital emotional attachment. It was his only decent rela-
tionship. Otherwise, he lived a rather secluded life.
 The Inadequate Style | 153

The More Normally Inclined Inadequate Style

It is clear that there are better or higher-functioning people
who nevertheless can be categorized as inadequate types. In
many such cases, the person has better-than-average IQ scores,
and may even have savant-like abilities. For example, a man
of thirty-five was unable to keep a job but was lucky to have
found a woman who had a career. He did the housework while
each day she went to her job as an accountant. He was a very
intelligent person and was particularly good at crossword puz-
zles. His vocabulary and general fund of knowledge was also
very well developed. This was especially interesting because in
school he could learn all of his required material but had great
difficulty in taking and doing well on exams. On his own with
no demands from others he could function quite well. However
when a demand from another person was clear, he would falter
and was the reason he could not really hold a job or even take
an exam.
On his own, therefore, there was no lassitude or ineptness in
sight and he would not be generally under-responsive. His prob-
lem was always in working with others. With his wife he had what
he needed; that is, she wanted him there and so he had his attach-
ment need gratified as well as feeling her support.
In such situations, an inadequate personality type can feel more
normal and can actually function better. The consistent loss of
jobs, inferiority feelings, and poor judgment do not quite reach
the threshold when such a person feels accepted and is not placed
in circumstances where many requirements stare him or her in the
face. Again, in such circumstances where attachment needs are
satisfied, this emotion-attached person will in all likelihood have
all of his anger in control.
The melodramatic displays that generate compensatory and
even grandiose feelings in such a person, the purpose of which
154 | Personality

is to obscure inferiority feelings, are absent when attachment to

another is secure, and especially when the job situation is not a
problem. Under such conditions that favor this inadequate type,
a more normally inclined functioning may be seen although
this kind of equilibrium will obtain when others are reasonably
patient.

• • •
 The Inadequate Style | 155

Category 4
Emotion-detached Styles
Emotion-detached Styles are those in which the person, in an
attempt to manage tension and anxiety, keeps the self from being
too influenced by any other person. Thus the mantra with such
personality types is: no entanglements. As such, a primary need
of such individuals with this emotion-detached style is to remain
relatively socially isolated. In this way, emotional security is gained
from the social isolation. Such types of personality differ from the
schizoid personality of the emotion-controlled group insofar as
emotion-detached types are also highly sensitive (wired), feel vul-
nerable (fragile), and are usually and to some extent, withdrawn
(highly self-absorbed).
The emotion-detached personality types include:

1. The Borderline Personality

2. The Depressed Personality
3. The Avoidant Personality
 chap t er f i f t ee n

The Borderline Style

D ue to a serious emotional instability, this particular per-

sonality style is designed to minimize personality disor-
ganization and the distress of emotion generally by remaining
reasonably detached from any even remote possibility of a con-
sistently ongoing and engaging relationship. It is not as if such a
person completely ignores relationships as much as it is that such
a person finds that in any relationship, the ups and downs are too
much to handle, the fine line between feeling very angry or simply
tolerating simple frustrations is too fine a line, and the incessant
idol worship (idealization) of the same person who is usually also
serially disrespected (devaluation), becomes too confusing to think
about or to reconcile. Therefore, “it’s probably better to keep away
for a while” is the inherent philosophical and psychological orien-
tation of such a person. As such, the need for consistency in the
cementing and conducting of any serious or important relation-
ship becomes the core problem for such a person, and it is this
profound inability to be consistent, and in a stable way related,
that is restive at the bottom of it all.
Thus, relationships are limited for such a person, and this
reduced repertoire of relationships, in turn, and to some extent,
reduces or controls such a person’s worst fear. This terrible fear (as
well as inescapable anticipation that such borderline individuals
typically experience) concerns the issue of a worry about aban-
 The Borderline Style | 157

donment coexisting with a personal identity-cluster of unstable

elements. This unstable sense of self also carries with it a number
of potentially deleterious effects of impulses that are, in fact, usu-
ally acted-out by most borderline individuals but certainly not
by all and with certain of these acts, but again not by all. These
are self-damaging impulses including sexually promiscuous and
dangerous behavior, use of drugs, overall recklessness, suicidal
thoughts and gestures, as well as acts of self-mutilation (localized
cutting—usually arms and/or legs). In addition, the borderline
style of experience is mostly characterized by the swing of moods
in which impulsive behavior is also characteristic along with the
main borderline-personality signature of reflexive anger, flare-ups
of anger, and paper-thin ability (an inability) to tolerate frustra-
tion. Such a person can interrupt any sort of social gathering (even
including events that require decorum and special respectfulness).
In the middle of such an event, this person can erupt with vocal
irritability and predictably toward some important person at the
event. Most often when such an eruption occurs, it will invariably
cast a pall on the event.
As might be expected, the interior life of the borderline becomes
pervaded with bouts of anger or anxiety and/or depressive mood,
and these can be followed by a sense of “nothingness,” and in the
aftermath of some sudden inappropriate social outburst, can also
be followed by a sense of terrible regret.
Along with such oscillating moods, temper tantrums can be
seen, as well as dissociative reactions such as long periods of time
spent in fantasy, and even periods of loss of a sense of personal
identity. Occasional paranoid-criticality and suspiciousness is also
present, in which the borderline person finds everything to criti-
cize and in turn becomes fully suspicious of the motives of others.
This kind of instability is not intended to denote that the bor-
derline personality is one that straddles neurosis and psychosis.
Rather, such instability relates to an absence of sufficient consis-
tency virtually in all areas of the person’s life. These include fam-
158 | Personality

ily relationships, general interpersonal relationships, academic

functioning, vocational success, and the accruing of consistent
personal pleasures that would be considered by most people to be
normal and typical pleasures. These normal pleasures can include
reading, dinners with friends, attendance at religious ceremo-
nies, TV watching, hobbies, and so forth—all indicating that an
average or relatively well-adjusted person can probably engage
in these normal pleasures in an habitual or reasonably consistent
manner.
A so-called Triad of Conditions expresses the central disorga-
nization in the borderline personality. This Triad of Conditions
means that there are three broad areas of disturbance in the
borderline type: pan-anxiety; pan-sexuality; and, pan-defen-
siveness. The reference to the term pan, simply means that the
problem with anxiety, sexuality, and defensiveness completely
affects or permeates all aspects of this kind of person’s life. In
other words, with respect to this Triad, there is no conflict-
free sphere in this person’s life regarding anxiety, sexuality, and
defensiveness.
Thus, with respect to anxiety, such anxiety is just about ever-
present. With respect to the defense system of the personality,
this person’s defensive structure is ever-shifting. Because of this
ever-shiftingness, such a person utilizes a host of defenses usually
relevant to, and typically seen in other personality types such as
obsessional, hysteric, depressive, and paranoid styles. The sexual
factor in the borderline personality can be expressed as essentially
immature and experienced as confusing and otherwise polymor-
phous perverse (sexuality that can be indiscriminate and that
obeys no particular or usual expectations).
Therefore in general, because of such instability in all aspects
of life, the borderline individual is considered to be an emotion-
detached type; that is, the challenge of keeping the emotions
cohered, consistent, and controlled cannot at all be easily met.
The best bet, then, is that in order to minimize emotional disor-
ganization, such a person attempts to keep oneself emotionally
 The Borderline Style | 159

detached—and yet surprisingly fails in this attempt because of the

continual secret wish to be involved in everyday life.

Case Examples
Case 1: Borderline Personality − A Symptom Sketch
A twenty-two-year-old woman was a student in an acting school.
After only two sessions the instructor asked her to leave the class
because she was either blurting out comments, or in a childlike
manner expressing displeasure by seeming sullen or, even in her
facial expression, displaying an exaggerated and impetuous dissatis-
faction. She cried when someone disagreed with something she said.
The instructor advised her to see a psychotherapist, which she did.
In therapy sessions her behavior was precisely as had been
described in the acting class. She was impulsive along with shift-
ing moods, and she was primarily a tinder-box of anger, and it
was these sudden flare-ups of anger that characterized her main
borderline condition.
In this young woman’s life, one of the problems was that she
frequently could not suppress or control her feelings—especially
angry feelings. It was almost as if the ability to utilize conscious
suppression or reflexive repression was entirely absent. Whatever
was on her mind was, in a millisecond, on her tongue. Therefore,
she had almost no will or ability to attenuate any angry feeling,
and in this sense the urgent and impatient blurting out of things
was, of course, highly socially undesirable.
To be emotionally detached, therefore, enabled this young
woman’s instability to be somewhat less visible and because gen-
eral social interaction was reduced, the probability of display-
ing any instability was correspondingly also reduced. Therefore,
for this woman such was a clear example of how an emotionally
detached person can be self-protective by simply remaining more
socially isolated—all in the service of achieving greater emotional
security. Yet, in her case the emotional detatchment was only
moderately achieved.
160 | Personality

Case 2: The Borderline Personality

A severe case of a borderline personality that included a woman’s
Triad of Conditions (pan-anxiety, pan-sexuality, pan-defensive-
ness), was instantly revealed to the staff of a state mental hospital
when she was admitted as a patient who could not stop crying.
This was a thirty-five-year-old single woman who only had
had sexual experience with one man: Her father had molested
her sexually starting at the age of eight and continuing intermit-
tently until she was fifteen, at which time she told him if he didn’t
stop doing what he was doing she was going to tell her mother.
Apparently at that point her father actually ceased molesting her.
Three years later this woman left home without announcing it to
anyone. The definition of pan-sexuality was satisfied here because
of the duration of her molestation despite the fact that it was
foisted upon her.
She was a very well mannered woman who had lived alone
from the time she departed from her family home at eighteen—
exactly when she graduated from high school. It was then that she
described finally being able to gather herself together in order to
escape what she had come to believe was her sordid life. And she
had kept her “secret” to a fault from everyone including her two
brothers, her mother, and all of her school friends. When she left
home, she never told anyone where she went and it was only seven
years later, when she turned twenty-five, that she contacted one of
her brothers and eventually told him what had been happening to
her all of those years ago.
She had been reared in a Midwest state, and when she fled,
she took a bus to New York City. It was in Manhattan that she
immediately found a day job as a dishwasher in a luncheonette,
and in the evenings also worked as a maid in a hotel. She spent
the seven years till she was twenty-five working at both jobs, and
living at the Y. During this time she hardly made any friends and,
more or less, kept to herself. Miraculously, she was consistently
able to go to work each day and to conceal her considerable anxi-
 The Borderline Style | 161

ety and crying episodes. Her considerable tension also qualified as

an example of a pan-anxiety. Because she was able to conceal her
super-sensitivity which led to her crying, and similarly, was also
able to almost completely conceal her flash-angers, and in addi-
tion, was able to be consistently employed, her diagnosis, although
of the borderline variety nevertheless seems most characteristic of
what is clinically considered to be of high-functioning borderline-
personality organization.
In addition, she was so sexually traumatized by her father
that she became celibate and even though she was also consis-
tently approached by men, each time that such an approach
would occur it would send her into an emotional tailspin in
which her crying could last for hours. She was also “a cutter,”
and she would cut herself with a razor blade on the inside of her
thighs so that no one could see the damage she was doing. She
claimed that whenever she cut herself, it relieved her of unbear-
able tension. This cutting behavior, as previously cited, is also
diagnostically characteristic of a classic borderline personality
symptom.
Again, in addition, this woman had an entire plethora of
defenses—a pan-defensiveness that ranged from moments of
extreme control over herself, as in when, in order to control ten-
sion, she would ruminate numbers and perform counting rituals
obsessively; or at other times, when she would shift into crying
jags that revealed a deep depressive condition. She also experi-
enced moments where she became rather hysterical and the hys-
teria frequently contained paranoid ideas. Because of this array
of symptoms, she was careful to isolate herself from others as
much as possible so that when she felt isolated, she also felt safe.
She admitted herself to a hospital because one night she literally
could not stop crying and began to have violent fantasies about
her father. When this had previously occurred she would cut
herself, but at this particular evening the cutting did not seem
to relieve her of the tension she was feeling, and that gave her a
162 | Personality

sense that something was different. She cut several times more
than usual, became frightened, and called the hospital. Hospital
personnel asked her to come in and talk, and that’s how the pro-
cess of her hospitalization began.
In this case, this woman’s string of symptoms and defenses,
as well as her pervasive anxiety ultimately led to her hospitaliza-
tion. Her sense of herself was very fragile and yet she was strong
enough to leave home, remain on her own for a number of years,
and hold two jobs. This was unusual for this type of borderline
person since typically with such a condition jobs would be diffi-
cult to sustain. In her case, the fact that she was probably a high-
functioning borderline type, and the fact that she held onto both
jobs, enabled her to remain rather isolated from others in the
sense that apparently the kind of jobs they were gave her the free-
dom to keep any personal relationship on a rather shallow level.
She claimed that even on the maid’s job (at a low-end hotel) she
went to work and went home without ever truly interfacing with
coworkers in any significant or personal way. She also described
her relief when dining alone and sought to avoid any potential
invitations from coworkers to join them for lunch or supper.
Her traumatic condition made her seek isolation and with
this isolation and emotional detachment she was somehow able
to realize some peace of mind and emotional relief of tension—
notwithstanding her cutting and crying episodes. Her main emo-
tional objective was to reduce emotional stimulation. In this way,
she had a specific insight into her behavior and knew that she
would become too emotionally disorganized with an abundance
of external stimulation. Parenthetical social interaction with co-
workers sufficed as tacit social interaction.

A More Normally Inclined Borderline Style

It is in the sense of considering what is known as a high-function-
ing borderline personality that this kind of style can be assessed as
 The Borderline Style | 163

“more normally inclined.” As a matter of interest, it is quite pos-

sible to find such individuals in rather high or important profes-
sional positions. They are able to accomplish such a feat because
they can feign interest in others while never really fulfilling the
assumption of friendship, despite an ability to appear to socialize
and to seem to have intimate interactions.
As such, this type of high-functioning borderline person can
withstand pressures in the workplace but still, in all, must by all
means remain internally aloof and reasonably detached while
seeming to be socially available. With such conditions satisfied,
this sort of person might only be involved in occasional self-
mutilation (cutting behavior), and will only infrequently display
strong impulses about devaluing others (which is a trademark of
the true borderline personality). In addition, this sort of person
will consciously experience the need to be loved in the face of the
contrasting need for detachment.
In a word, the more normally inclined borderline type will
appear more stable, and although a fundamental unstable sense
of self will in most cases exist, nevertheless such a feeling is not as
pronounced as it is in the more severe or classic borderline con-
dition. In addition, such individuals are not usually involved in
heavy drug use (but will seek psychotropic medication), are not
usually reckless (as is typically the case in the borderline profile),
and may not engage in tempting suicidal rumination (a character-
istic of the classic borderline).
Mood swings may exist but are concealed in a much more
effective manner. Although angry impulses needing to burst forth
do exist, they can sometimes be quickly diluted by feelings even of
anticipated regret. Furthermore, if in fact there is a loss of anger,
it is not of the usual catastrophic kind.
Finally, the more normally inclined borderline person although
showing similar tendencies to the classic borderline profile, nev-
ertheless is also not behaving with the paper-thin ego seen in
such classic borderlines, and criticality is also less. Whereas the
164 | Personality

classic borderline person feels like “nothing,” the more normally

inclined borderline person can coexist with feeling terribly deval-
ued along with feeling successful in one way or another, and, as
a higher-functioning borderline type, can accomplish interesting
personal goals.
 chap t er s i x t ee n

The Depressed Style

A s a detached personality type, the depressive character is

one who is different from typical bipolar or manic-depressive
types. These latter types show cyclical depression—now you see
it (it is manic or depressed for a time), now you don’t (it is either
manic now while before it was depressed, or the other way around).
The Depressive Style described is one in which such a person has
had lasting effects of either a scolding and blame-seeking parent,
or a parent who leaves a mark of permanent depression because of
a tendency to convey, in a sometimes direct and hostile way, (even
though sometimes indirect way), the threat of abandonment. Yet,
in most of such cases, the primary caretaker may have, in fact,
actually provided nurturing in the form of assuring physical safety
for the child, as well as providing nourishment and shelter—and
such a parent could have even shown affection.
However, the parent’s severe attitude with respect to the expec-
tation of obedience, compliance, and permission-seeking invari-
ably can lead the child to feel unsure of what might happen if a
display of disobedience were to be seen. In a derivative sense, the
issue for the child turns into one of a fear of collision, and there-
fore such a person will be terrified of physical violence, or the
threat of such violence, and generally will be fearful of any kind
of possible interpersonal confrontation.
166 | Personality

Because of the implicit threat of abandonment in the caretak-

er’s severe demeanor, as well as other poor parenting effects on
this depressed type, such a typically depressed person becomes
increasingly self-absorbed (thinking primarily of one’s needs), self-
interested (in the survival sense), and thus, generally, self-preoccu-
pied. Interestingly, the self-preoccupation contains a narcissistic
component—but one that has the purpose of survival rather than
aggrandizement. “Love me, but don’t leave me,” would be this per-
son’s mantra. The “but” in “but don’t leave me,” implies that there
is an underlying threat that accompanies the promise of loving.
The threat, of course, is that loving can go along with leaving. For
example, and as a matter of fact, a person who exhibits this sort
of depressed style becomes rather a minimalist: tends to minimize
successes, and refuses to compete with others for fear of rejection,
fear of being ignored, fear of being envied, and of course, because
of the ultimate fears of collision, contention, confrontation, and
abandonment. This is usually a lifelong dilemma: wanting to be
detached but worrying about possibly being abandoned.
Therefore in this type self-esteem is always in a state of being
recessed; that is, in practical terms, such a person must retain a
full-proof stance of modesty. And in this sense of needing always
to be modest, this sort of depressed type is usually self-effacing
(never using self-aggrandizing phrases), deferential (bowing to the
wishes and whims of others), and remaining opaquely on the edge
of the shadow (on the penumbra), rather than being central or on
center stage.
Insofar as relationships are concerned, persons who exhibit this
sort of depressed style usually feel dissatisfied in relationships,
and their partners similarly experience this dissatisfaction. A fre-
quent complaint expressed by the partner is that the depressed
person “finds it hard to give.” Generally, this is so because such a
depressed person is quite sensitive to rejection and therefore “giv-
ing” (as in affection) becomes the prelude to being more deeply
involved. This means that the relationship will be more meaning-
 The Depressed Style | 167

ful. In the face of fears of rejection and abandonment, this pos-

sibility of developing a deeper and more meaningful relationship
is experienced by the depressed person as being potentially prob-
lematic. This means that if you get close, there is now a possibility
that the partner can also leave, and even more, that if you indeed
get close, you will by the very nature of your conflict need to
comply completely with the other’s wishes, thereby losing any bit
of autonomy you may have achieved. It means feeling swallowed
or engulfed by the relationship.
Yet, this depressed person also wishes for special treatment,
and this wish becomes a lifelong yearning not to feel worried
about such abandonment and rejection. Among the emotion-
detached styles, it is this depressed personality that, despite the
fears and anticipations of rejection, may still be able to manage
a relationship, as for example, a marriage. However, the special
need for such a person is for the other, the partner, to be under-
standing and able to withstand the absence of sufficient loving
from the depressive one. The absence of sufficient loving would
be a result of this depressed person’s almost complete absorption
with personal concerns—especially with the concerns of safety
and security.
Paradoxically, despite the concern with safety and security, as
well as the tension regarding rejection and abandonment, such a
depressed style carries with it a tendency to criticize. It is essen-
tially identification with the parent who was probably ambivalent
about being a parent, and thus, even though such a parent pro-
vided basic needs, a critical foreboding attitude nevertheless may
have been present in the initial parent-child relationship, and, as
is usually the case, the child would identify with such a critical
attitude and then later would imitate it.
The paradox is composed of being afraid of abandonment, and
at the same time, courting rejection and abandonment by being
consistently critical of the other. Because of this critical attitude,
such a person also may appear to others to be an independent
168 | Personality

sort, who it would seem is immune to feeling either sympathy or

empathy. Actually the opposite is true. Such persons usually over-
identify with objects of pity such as wounded animals, or anyone
who is rendered helpless.
Thus, this style of depressed personality is essentially emotion-
ally detached because of the need to manage the challenge of a
belief system that expects rejection and abandonment. The solu-
tion such a person creates with respect to the organization of per-
sonality, therefore, is not to be deeply involved, or if involved,
not to display the involvement with any sort of special interest.
This constitutes a rather subtle strategy that minimizes any serious
probability of potential abandonment.

Case Examples
Case 1: Depressed Personality − A Symptom Sketch
A woman of thirty-seven was married to a man who adored her.
He was smitten with her beauty, and no matter how deprived
he was as a result of her under-response to him, his love for her
enabled him to withstand her withholding personality. She was
always somewhat down, and no matter how he tried to encourage
her she could not relinquish her need to be withdrawn, also in the
sense of feeling depressed.
This woman was prescribed antidepressant medication that
helped her feel more animated, but which did not change her
characteristic behavior of caution in interpersonal relationships
exemplified by her typical under-response to the husband she
claimed she loved. Her husband believed that she loved him,
but insisted that because he knew her well, he could tell that she
would be this way with anyone to whom she was married.
Her depressive stance was also evident in her low level of inter-
est in sexual activity, and as a result, their marriage had gradually
become more of a platonic affair even though he continued to be
affectionate with her. She would never rebuff his affections but
 The Depressed Style | 169

the problem was that she would never initiate similar affectionate
displays toward him. Her husband correctly sensed that funda-
mentally his wife was an angry person underneath it all but her
anger and dissatisfaction with life were cleverly concealed. This, of
course was clinically quite astute because a hardcore psychologi-
cal principle holds that where there is significant repressed anger
there is no libido. That is to say that anger can anesthetize libidi-
nous sexual feelings.
This woman’s particular depressive symptom was traced to her
early experience in her nuclear family in which her father was no
match for his critical and controlling wife (her mother). Rather
than showing depressive trends as a child, she instead became
very compliant and modest in her responses. It was this modesty
and compliance that gradually morphed into a depressive stance
whereby she could achieve a certain amount of emotional security
by keeping her distance in all relationships.
This woman was also an accomplished violinist, and her virtu-
osity invited many compliments from others, which she utilized
in the service of appearing to be quite socially appropriate. She
felt that her talent was useful in covering a host of sins. Yet, it was
her lifelong strategy (though quite automatically derived) not to
get too close for fear of inviting her partner to control her, and in
this way she felt that in kind, she could avoid being involved with
a controlling person.

Case 2: The Depressed Personality

A forty-two-year-old woman was usually moody, and had all
sorts of complaints about things that bothered her in her mar-
riage. She was not willing to be talkative upon awakening in the
mornings and usually was even sullen. The cardinal symptom of
her depressive personality was an oppositionalism that character-
ized almost everything she said or did. If her husband was happy
about his raise at work, rather than share his joy, she might say
that all he was interested in was money. It was this kind of varia-
170 | Personality

tion in her oppositionalism that insinuated itself into just about

every response she had.
Her husband would frequently complain about her inability
to enjoy herself, but she would put up a strong defense to explain
why she didn’t like this or that. This was a person who could not
be wrong about anything. Even when it was crystal clear that she
was indeed wrong about something, she would try to argue it
instead of simply admitting to having made an error. This sort of
defensiveness drove a wedge into the sexual and affectional aspect
to the marriage so that their marriage reached a point of a com-
plete absence of physical contact.
This woman was so entirely self-absorbed with her personal
concerns that the popular expression, “it’s all about you,” would
have applied perfectly in describing her withdrawal, as well as her
depressive moods. In addition, her sensitivity to possible rejection
by others prompted her into a steady-state of anticipating criti-
cism. This was a bit paranoid and her way of managing it was to
defend against what she believed would be someone’s criticism
toward her by deciding to take the offense, and attack first. And
this sort of response pattern was usually played out in her mar-
riage and specifically against her husband—who, surprisingly, she
insisted she loved. Otherwise her behavior was usually modest
toward him and toward others as well.
This woman was quite introspective and intelligent but she
felt she needed to protect herself by being hostile toward certain
others, especially her husband, although not solely toward her
husband. This hostility was occasionally expressed toward her
husband especially in the morning hours when he wanted to talk
and when she angrily insisted that she did not like to talk in the
mornings.
Her history was such that she grew up with a mother who had
great ambivalence about wanting to be a mother, and it seemed
that this person’s concerns and anxieties were linked to this ambiv-
alent mother who because of her ambivalence was possibly also
 The Depressed Style | 171

depressed, leading to a sense of feeling constrained about her role

as a parent. This mother was inconsistent in her relationship to
her daughter, and overall was also seen by many people as imma-
ture. The daughter’s somewhat withdrawn quality was, in turn,
seen as her way of never permitting anyone (husband included)
to have the power to control her.
This woman gained reassurance through a kind of quasi-isola-
tion (an emotionally detached style); that is, within her marriage
and because of her chronic depressive disposition, the necessary
distance she needed from her husband in order to maintain her
emotional balance (and therefore sustain some peace of mind) was
reflexively calibrated ultimately to position herself as a depressive
personality.

The More Normally Inclined Depressed Style

The question is: Can a chronically depressive style be modified and
become more normally inclined? The answer is a tentative Yes. If
such a person has a certain skill that is utilized and that invites pos-
itive feedback with respect to this skill and about the productivity
resulting from such a skill, then the person’s sense of devaluation,
anticipation of abandonment, defensive self-absorption, and even
fears of collision can likely be moderated. This amounts to a shift
in the culture of such a person’s personality insofar as the traditions
within that person’s culture of personality can expand to include
a newer tradition—that of receiving good news and not rejecting
it. With time, this newer, nondepressive tradition can begin to com-
pete rather effectively with the older depressive one.
The depressive person usually needs to be rescued and presents
the picture of someone in distress or as being lost. It would seem
that being successfully rescued would then open such a person to
be more loving and giving. Yet, nothing could be further from
the truth. This kind of person’s self-effacing and minimalist psy-
chological nature is usually quite strong, so that in any intimate
172 | Personality

relationship this person’s rigidity will prevail. Logic of rescue will

have no influence whatsoever. We are here dealing with strong
needs not to be attached, not to give, never to be seen as central,
given to oppositional impulses, all in a person with a rather fragile
ego who because of this fragility will generally fight if accused of
being wrong.
In the more normally inclined depressive style, however, the
person may be able to express the above-mentioned skill (not
automatically rejecting “the good news”), thereby having some
pride in resisting the urge to be oppositional. This kind of devel-
opment will usually loosen the strictures of the need for emotional
detachment so that this type of person can begin to experiment
with more smiling, more laughing, and even more risk-taking.
Because of original parental criticality, such a person necessarily
has an inordinate identification with helplessness. With a partner
who is understanding, loving, and loyal, and in addition is consis-
tently present, the chronically depressive person has a chance to
be more normal in a relationship, provided of course that such a
person is also able to achieve responses that favor her or his pro-
ductive skills and work—and importantly, is married to a partner
with an inordinate capacity to suffer and wait it out.
 chap t er s e v e n t ee n

The Avoidant Style

T he person who is diagnosed as an avoidant personality

usually is quite self-protective insofar as guarding self-esteem
becomes of chief concern. With respect to social engagement of any
kind, fears of potential rejection and failure dominate this person’s
conscious expectations. Thus, the need for affection and acceptance
is overshadowed by tension regarding this individual’s certainty that
social interaction will result in being scorned by others.
The obvious conflict such a person has concerns an under-
standing of potential relationships in which an implicit failure
mechanism actually precludes any engagement of the relation-
ship. Thus, such a person will believe that to perceive acceptance
from another person becomes the prerequisite to entering the
relationship. The problem is that because the avoidant person has
an unshakable belief that rejection is what always will be forth-
coming from another, then a possibility of acceptance will prob-
ably be accompanied by an “uh-oh.” This uh-oh means that any
potential interaction that could lead to a possible relationship is,
from the outset, and for sure, considered doomed.
This kind of person can be emotionally easily hurt and because
of this avoids such interaction. The result of this pattern of social
avoidance is that such a person, therefore, ends up with few or no
friends. In addition, because of this gloomy or pessimistic view of
174 | Personality

relationships, such a person avoids activities that mandate inter-

personal contact. The avoidant personality also will shun social
interaction in which there is even a remote chance of feeling fool-
ish or anxious or humiliated. Thus, it becomes evident that the
cardinal characteristic of this type of personality concerns the
uniformly present fear of rejection from others. And this kind
of fear insinuates itself in all spheres of the person’s life including
in the person’s fantasy life as well as in the operation of emotions
within the personality, and finally generally in all of the individ-
ual’s behavior.
In addition, another interesting facet of this person’s conflict
concerns the dilemma that such individuals frequently have in
which social affiliations and acceptance from others can be desired,
but that the quest for such unconditional acceptance from others
in the face of a pessimism and certain expectation of rejection cre-
ates the mandate for social isolation. In this sense, the upshot of
the effects of this personality style is that social withdrawal assures
a distancing in relationships and even causes an extremely cau-
tious approach to vocational choices and functioning.
Because of the avoidant impulse as well as the social pessimism
that such an avoidant type necessarily lives with, a devaluation
of the self becomes natural to experience. In other words every-
thing positive is attributed to the other person while expectation
that the other will be justifiably rejecting means that everything
negative is attributed to the self. In this sense, a social inhibition
begins to dominate the person’s life and this inhibiting orienta-
tion leads to distancing behaviors that actually begin to generate
feelings of emotional security simply because being socially iso-
lated precludes being rejected.
Along with this isolative tendency, a system of rationalizations
(excuses and reasons) is developed to justify such avoidant behav-
ior along with subsequent social isolation. These rationalizations
then justify such a person’s strategy of always being cautious in
 The Avoidant Style | 175

potential interpersonal relationships, so that to err on the cau-

tious side becomes the habitual gamble. Such caution gradually
becomes pervasive so that the person usually will develop an entire
variety of risk-averse attitudes. Of course in extended periods of
isolation, and despite the comfort it gives such a person, neverthe-
less depressive feelings and frustration along with anger become
generated and ultimately begin to affect such an individual with
feelings of inertia and passivity in a way that then dominates the
person’s life.

Case Examples
Case 1: Avoidant Personality− A Symptom Sketch
A twenty-two-year-old young man was referred for psychotherapy
consultation because his father could no longer abide his reclusive
and odd behavior. He lived in an apartment that his parents had
helped subsidize. His mother was a passive woman who worked as
a seamstress so that it was his father as well as both of his sisters
who had the greatest say in raising him. His father had been on
disability income for a decade because of a factory accident that
left him partially blind in one eye and practically without hearing.
Despite this condition of reduced sensory input, he was appar-
ently able to handle the household chores and ostensibly supervise
his son and both of his daughters. Both of these daughters (who
were quite older than the twenty-two-year old) had left home by
the time he was thirteen, and as was reported they said, “for good
reasons.”
In the psychotherapy consultation, this young man described
his father as paranoid. He said his father’s disturbance consisted
of suspicions that the neighbors were harboring, as the father
said, “wicked ideas” about him. His father would also peek
through the peephole in their apartment door in order to check
the common public hallway, and when the coast was clear, he
176 | Personality

would roam these hallways and with his ear up against a neigh-
bor’s door would try to listen to any conversation that was occur-
ring inside the neighbor’s apartment—an act this patient said
that was bizarre because his father was actually quite hard of
hearing. The father also engaged in other paranoidlike behaviors,
and the patient stated that it was such bizarre behavior that drove
his sisters to leave and that enabled him to leave as well. When
he turned eighteen, his sisters encouraged him to get a job, and
with their help and his parents’ subsidy, he was able to afford a
studio apartment.
As a result of his father’s incessant snooping and suspiciousness,
this man confessed to being quite ashamed and awkward during
his formative years especially with respect to meeting anyone in
their apartment building. He even would avoid taking the eleva-
tor to their third-floor apartment and rather climbed the stairs in
order to avoid contact with anyone. This kind of behavior gen-
eralized itself, and he reported that he was also quite hermitlike
throughout grammar school as well as high school. He said that
most people knew about his father’s strange behavior and it was
that kind of public knowledge that actually gave this patient an
unrelenting sense that he wanted always to hide.
It was this particular symptom of a hightened focus of “hiding”
that constituted the major personality characteristic this young
man displayed especially since he was relieved when alone in his
apartment. His conflict expressed in the therapy work was that he
craved the company of friends; but because he felt terribly awk-
ward in social situations, he was always worried about rejection.
In this kind of isolation, this young man’s fantasy life began
to be similar to his father’s about how others were not friendly
to him. It was beginning to be a case of une folie a deux (double
insanity—figuratively speaking): that two people can share the
same pathology.
Again, however, the main issue in the diagnosis regarding this
avoidant personality style was that the reclusive behavior of this
 The Avoidant Style | 177

young man afforded him relief of tension and at least in the short
run, offered him solitude and refuge.

Case 2:The Avoidant Personality

A fifty-year-old woman was a librarian for a philanthropic foun-
dation. She had been at that job for almost twenty-five years. She
was a single woman who lived on the ground floor of an apartment
building. It was her habit never to speak to anyone entering or
leaving the building, and her neighbors generally felt she was “a
bit off.”
Her job was ideal since she could work in an environment
wherein hardly anyone was around, and it was her job to care
for the archives and handle the correspondences of the organi-
zation. In this respect, she was an isolate where she lived, and
somewhat isolated even in her work life. She noted that she was
a shy person all of her life, and never had boyfriends. She also
had never experienced sexual intimacy and denied even mas-
turbating. Everything about this woman was surrounded with
issues regarding clear-cut avoidance behavior, social isolation,
and solitary living.
Her problem occurred when the foundation for which she
worked acquired a new president, and this person was a demand-
ing task-master who from time to time was critical in his comments
and unfriendly in his tone. Of course this woman responded to
such an approach with disdain but with a kind of certainty that
the president was right about her and that he had uncovered her
true incompetence. Her own self-devaluation fed directly into
this president’s rather icy and inhospitable approach, and because
of this woman’s basic underlying avoidant-personality organiza-
tion, she made it two against one; she had his rejecting vote as far
as her work was concerned, and because of her own self-devaluing
stance, agreed with him. That was the two against one. To have
another person as the enemy is one thing; but for you to be your
own enemy is quite another!
178 | Personality

Her solution was to decide to resign from her job. But she
didn’t. Fortunately the president lasted a short time and was
replaced by a friendlier person who actually appreciated this
woman’s work, and his acceptance of her became also a lifeline to
her. For example, whereas in the past she would be terribly afraid
of saying an incorrect thing or something inappropriate, she was
now less tense about talking. In addition, her usual pessimism and
social avoidance was also attenuated so that she looked forward
to going to work even though she maintained a kind of neutrality
with this new president.

The More Normally Inclined Avoidant Style

A more normally inclined avoidant style occurs when the avoid-
ant type is part of a social context in which other members of
the context are friendly and accepting. This was the case with
the woman in the above case illustration, particularly when the
new friendly president was appointed. In that situation, fears
of certain rejection, a classic guardedness of self-esteem, and an
overall thin skin, were attenuated so that the woman’s sense of
self-devaluation correspondingly was also attenuated. Therefore,
as an avoidant personality, after the new president entered the
picture, she became somewhat more normally inclined and her
relief from tension and anxiety no longer required her to seek
the isolation and solitary life of existing solely in her apartment.
She could actually consider the possibility of having friends. Her
newly found acceptance from this new director of the founda-
tion essentially short-circuited more intense feelings of depres-
sion, frustration, anger, inertia, and passivity—characteristics
that would ordinarily comprise a cluster of difficult emotions.
In a totally accepting environment, such feelings and consequent
behavior were significantly challenged.
In this respect, although this person remained quite fixed as an
avoidant personality, nevertheless circumstance played an impor-
 The Avoidant Style | 179

tant part in forcing her to face the fact that she was accepted by
one and all. Facing this fact and acting accordingly was the pri-
mary issue in inclining this woman to be a more normal avoidant
type and therefore to feel as though she had friends. It made for a
measure of greater ease and some happiness.
 Conclusion

I n this book an attempt is made to identify and consoli-

date salient considerations in the understanding of personality
development and personality type and style. We have considered
that personality is psycho-mechanically wired in the same way for
all people and is therefore species-specific. That is, our personality
mechanisms are all the same. Our differences reside in personality
styles and depend upon how such mechanisms work to configure
varieties of personalities and varieties of personality-trait patterns
of behavior. Our contribution here is that because of our categori-
zation the vast amount of personality data is organized into more
manageable and parsimonious arrangements of personality types
so that their correspondence one to the other is likewise more
understandable, and very importantly seems to give us access to
the patterns within the psyche: within the psychological and emo-
tional components of the psyche (mind).
The enormous variety of diagnostic types creates confusion in
trying to see how one diagnostic personality configuration relates
to another or if, in fact, they do relate one to the other. Distilled
in order to induce a coherence of all of these factors is the power-
ful organizing principle concerning how emotion is managed in
the personality. As it turns out, this organizing principle permits a
basic complement of personality types to be arranged so that one
182 | Conclusion

can then see how they relate one to the other. In a word, a person
can identify himself or herself and then understand the underpin-
nings that conspired and ultimately amalgamated to form their
particular brand or personality style.
These components of the personality that formed around the
basic idea of how emotion is managed in the personality includes
the issues of: the importance of memory in the face of repres-
sive forces; the person’s wish-system and its drive toward gratifica-
tion; the appearance of symptoms based upon thwarted wishes;
the importance of understanding the urge of impulses; the more
important issue of how controls can tame the impulses (and the
implications that derive should such control fail); and the system
of defense mechanisms that are designed to fortify one’s personal-
ity configuration with respect to type and style.
Ultimately, the importance of understanding the make-up of
the personality is to facilitate the person’s ability to recognize
where the struggle is located in order to better overcome conflicts
and to seek more adaptive functioning—the kind of function-
ing that permits one to aspire and to implement activity that is
directed and targeted to goals that would be more in the person’s
best interest. In this sense, we have presented material to show
how each of the diagnostic styles perhaps may exist in a more
normally inclined portrayal.
Implicit in all is the notion that to struggle with important
goals—even within the larger struggle of working-through self-
defeating personality habits or styles—can be one of the only dig-
nities and can elevate one’s sense of mastery in life.
In this book is thus displayed how the wiring of personality
traits are etched and therefore seemingly engraved in permanent
position. But we also know that personality can be altered and
that people can work on problems in a way that has the potential
to elevate the person by promoting patterns of personality that,
again, are more in the person’s interest, simultaneously assisting
 Conclusion | 183

in the receding of those personality traits that are rather not in the
person’s interests. The question is: How do we do that? How do
we change personality?

How Does Personality Change? How Can It Re-form?

Despite the fact that the human personality may be a most-resis-
tant force, nevertheless theoretically it is thought to be possible to
change personality. There has been a way of thinking about it all
that confirms that this particular modality of implementing the
approach to changing personality has actually proved even stron-
ger than the strength of the so-called permanence of personality-
trait configurations themselves.
Furthermore, aspects of personality can definitely change just
as traditions in culture change. This means that sometimes there
are certain traditions in any culture that no longer are best for that
culture, and the society introduces newer behavior patterns and
traditions that become assimilated into the general society. This
newer form in the culture gives it a somewhat different cast to the
configuration of the collective cultural personality. The same is
true for the traditions of the culture of any individual’s personal-
ity. Such traditions of the personality are really response inclina-
tions, or reflexive responses, and/or patterns of responses. When
such patterns are no longer positive or in the best interest of the
person, newer patterns can be introduced so that a newer tradi-
tion in the culture of that person’s personality begins to effectively
compete with the older, less-valuable tradition.
This way of thinking about personality change is a general
underpinning to the working out of a person’s symptoms and
conflicts. It is such symptoms and conflicts that identify the per-
son in a certain familiar fashion to others, and this identifying
familiarity of someone’s personality becomes that person’s style or
signature. Changing such persona (despite its strength), is what
184 | Conclusion

re-forming or enhancing personality is all about, so that conflicts

and symptoms can be successfully challenged.
However, one problem that exists in the formation of symp-
toms and conflicts concerns the fact that a symptom can become
something akin to a personality trait so that as a trait, the symp-
tom becomes even more resistant to change.

Why Does the Symptom Become a Symptom-trait?

Here is the issue of anger again. The problem is that one’s psyche
(that property of the mind that keeps personality working) can be
understood as having a certain measure of strength, of density, of
resilience, and so forth. As such, the psyche can absorb all sorts
of emotional experience and can be able to contain and organize
this emotional experience. In some cases, however, the psyche will
experience certain emotional input as onerous enough so that a
strong possibility exists that the psyche will extrude it—throw it
out, exile it.
In the case of anger and its intrinsic relation to symptoms, fol-
lowing are the criteria by which the psyche determines what stays
and what goes:

Magnitude—This means that if the magnitude of the anger covers

the entire psyche it can threaten to take over and, because of its
volume, undo all of the personality organization that the psyche
has provided. In such a case the psyche will want it out.
Intensity—This means that if the intensity or severity of the anger
is too great, the psyche will experience it as threatening to its integ-
rity and again feel it must extirpate it—cut it out.
Depth—This means that if the anger threatens to penetrate to the
core of the psyche, it will be categorically expostulated from the
psyche because of its possible devastating effects to the personality.
Duration—This means that if the anger has existed for a long time
it can have the effect of eroding the resilience of the psyche, and
for this reason it will also be considered a candidate for exclusion.
 Conclusion | 185

Thus, when a psychological/emotional symptom contains all

the features of such anger implosion, the symptom will not be
permitted to exist in the domain of the psyche where psycho-
logical/emotional symptoms usually reside. Rather, when these
onerous criteria for the exclusion of symptoms exist the psyche
will experience the threat and, as a result, then dispatch such a
symptom to the domain relegated to personality-traits and out of
the domain of the psyche reserved for typical symptoms. In such
a case, the symptom becomes a symptom-trait. A symptom-trait
simply means an attitude with a behavioral capacity.
With respect to treating and trying to cure the symptom-as-
trait, the person will need to dilute his or her anger in order for
this symptom-trait to be treated more as a typical symptom. Thus,
the magnitude, intensity, and depth of the anger will need to be at
least modulated. In such a case, the issue of duration of the anger
becomes ever so gradually less of an issue.

To Understand What Anger Does and How It Works

The simple matter is that no symptom can exist unless anger
toward a specific person has been repressed. In typical symptoms,
just about all of the anger has been repressed so that the therapist’s
task is to help the patient get in touch with the anger and then try
to identify the who toward whom the anger had been intended.
When both of these conditions are satisfied, that is, getting in
touch with the anger and successfully rounding up the usual sus-
pects of the patient’s life in order to identify the who who was
the person in the first place responsible for thwarting the subject’s
wish, at that point, the symptom is very likely to lift and the sub-
ject can be free of it. It is in this sense that consciousness becomes
curative: what becomes conscious is the deepest repressed anger
toward a particular person.
The consideration of treating a symptom-trait reveals that the
person who is so troubled with such a symptom-trait may in fact
be experiencing a measure of the anger. The trick here is in the
186 | Conclusion

realization that there is something basically hidden almost in plain

sight: That is, that despite the fact that some anger may be overtly
displayed, all of it tends to obscure the point that in addition to
this surfaced, conscious display of anger, there exists another layer
of anger that is buried in the unconscious, repressed as it were,
so that the subject (the person with the symptom) does not even
know it is there. This is the nexus of the problem because such
underlying anger is like a furnace that needs constant stoking. The
way it is stoked becomes the crux of the problem. An anger fur-
nace is always hungry for more fuel. When this occurs, the person
will seek additional reasons to be angry at the who—the person
toward whom the anger was initially directed.
When the unconscious anger-furnace is extinguished, and
this deepest anger toward the who becomes conscious, then the
symptom that was plaguing the person is very likely to disappear
instantly, especially if the person does something related to the
original wish. The operative term is does. The doing of something
related to the person’s original wish, which was initially thwarted
by the who, is what needs to be done.
With these considerations in mind concerning the change-pos-
sibility in one’s personality—especially with respect to habitual
personality-trait responses as well as in the operation of symp-
toms—the question can be asked: How can personality patterns,
those world-class hardest substances, re-form?
The answer is by way of knowing Personality: How It Forms
(and how it can re-form).
 Glossary

More on the State of the Personality

Summary Statement Regarding Chapters 6 to17

In these twelve chapters, basic styles of the personality were delin-
eated. It needs to be remembered that these are hypothetically pure
styles, but that any person’s particular style is usually not pure in
the sense of being an absolute replica of any one of these twelve
definitive personality configurations. Therefore, it is most likely
the case that trying to find one’s own personality among the twelve
described here will be more fruitful when it is realized that in life
most people adapt in ways that make it possible to have a mixed
picture rather than any absolute one.
For example, it is very likely that someone can be obsessive and
have compulsive features that also contain passive-aggressive fac-
tors of the personality as well as dependent characteristics. In this
sense, it is perfectly clear that anyone trying to locate who they are
by referring to the descriptions of the basic personalities described
in chapters 6 to 17, will need to locate various features of their
own personality which can probably be identified by searching
188 | Glossary

each of the twelve chapters, and then probing particular traits that
seem to resemble those that are familiar, and that the searcher can
claim as resembling a self-trait.
A key of course to finding who you are is to understand that
we all orient ourselves according to how we manage our emo-
tions as well as our interpersonal relationships. And in this
respect, each person needs to ask: Am I more or less an emo-
tion-controlled person, or an emotion-dyscontrolled person? Am
I an emotion-attached person, or an emotion-detached person?
Am I emotion-controlled and as well, emotion-attached, or am
I emotion-controlled and as well, emotion-detached? Am I emo-
tion-dyscontrolled and as well, emotion-attached, or emotion-
dyscontrolled and as well, emotion-detached?
If one is able to identify their predilections with respect to how
they manage their emotions (as well as their interpersonal rela-
tionships) by searching through chapters 6 to 17, it will be rela-
tively easy to notice those traits that seem familiar and then to
form a constellation of personality traits that one has identified
within these chapters, which in toto will comprise that person’s
personality style and overall personality configuration. It will con-
stitute one’s personality profile.

A special note regarding how one finds the particular personality style
that fits. The question becomes: Is there anything else I should know
about forming this personality profile?

The answer to this question is: Yes, there are other things to
know. What are these other things? What needs to be added here
are other diagnostic descriptions that we have not covered in the
twelve basic dispositional styles. However, it is proposed that
the twelve styles that we have covered comprise a fairly approxi-
mate amalgam of basic types onto which can be layered addi-
tional features, such as transitory symptoms, mood disorders,
and even more-serious diagnoses such as schizophrenia, bipolar
 Glossary | 189

disorder, even disorders associated with brain trauma or genetic

anomalies.

What “the Nervous Breakdown” Really Means

What we have done here by listing the twelve basic styles is to focus
on habitual patterns of behavior that are not usually considered
psychotic (either schizophrenic or severely disturbed affectively
[emotionally]). Yet, we also know that many people are psychotic
(afflicted with terrible disturbances of thinking [that is, schizophre-
nia], or severe disturbances of mood [that is, manic-depressive]).
This is what is actually meant by the popular phrase nervous break-
down. It refers to the two classifications of psychosis (the state of
one’s being whereby the person’s testing of reality and consequent
judgment is rendered as cognitively and/or emotionally unhinged,
preposterous, or nonsensical). Such disturbance is usually classified
either as a thinking disorder, as in schizophrenia, or as an affective
disorder, as in manic-depressive or bipolar/psychotic.
In this respect of the appearance in individual expression of
these more severe phenomena seen in a person’s disturbance, the
following listing comprises a sample of such additional categories
of personality variation; some more severe, some less, but which do
affect personality organization and that may be attached to basic
personality-style configurations presented in chapters 6 to 17.
These fill out the glossary of important terms in the under-
standing of personality styles and types.

Other Diagnoses of the Glossary Samples of More

Severe Disorders Regarding Affect (Emotion)

depression
The depressive style that we have considered here is one that has
a chronic tinge to it and characterizes the entire personality with
190 | Glossary

a quality that essentially contains a cluster of traits such as pes-

simism, modesty, shyness, “down mood” such as in gloominess,
“dispiritatiousness,” and, generally speaking, with a kind of dis-
mal outlook. It is the style of a person who is somewhat devital-
ized and enervated. This more severe depression contains extreme
symptoms such as sleep and eating disturbance, distractability in
thinking and concentration, terrible energy deficiency, certainty
of worthlessness, and in the even more disturbed aspects of such
a depressive disorder of mood, hallucinations as well as delusions
may be seen. Such a person can also be suicidal.

manic
This particular form of mania contains severe dyscontrol of emo-
tion and behavior that reveals enormous expenditure of energy in
which such a person can be involved in a spate of projects and
despite this, such a person may only need a minimal amount of
sleep. This person therefore will be endlessly expansive and even
irritable, and there will also be tremendous pressure to talk. A flight
of ideas is also typical and such a person can become compulsively
and inappropriately engaged in “buying” (spending) ventures, can
disregard pain, and will utilize an overabundance of compensatory
behaviors that justify a grandiose fantasy life. Theoretically, all of
it is designed in the personality to ward off underlying depression
by being grandiose and self-aggrandizing, and all of it presumably
acts as a defense against a most serious potential depression.

bipolar
This is analogous to manic-depressive disorder in which manic
and depressive moods alternate. Pressured speech, overall increased
activity, restlessness, flight of ideas (ideas running from one to the
other and suddenly so), grandiosity, and distractability are some
of the issues afflicting such a person. In addition, in severe cases,
 Glossary | 191

violence becomes the most derivative action of this person’s need

to express the impulse that is at the core of impatience, dissatisfac-
tion, and the extreme inability to tolerate frustration.

cyclothymia
Here, the person expresses depressed mood alternating with emo-
tional excitement. When the person is depressed, motoric activity
is slowed and when the person is excited, a hypomanic quality
(somewhat less than fully manic) will appear in the form of gran-
diosity, optimism, euphoria, and overall expansiveness.

dysthymia
This is less severe than a full-blown depression, and no excitement
occurs. It is related to a host of other diagnostic categories previ-
ously utilized by clinicians in an attempt to categorize such a state
accurately. Some of these former designations include depressive
neurosis, depressive reaction, exogenous depression, and reactive
depression. These are all disturbances in “pleasure” in which the
person cannot seem to find happiness or relief from tension within
“the down mood.” However, sometimes the dysthymia with respect
to depressive mood was labeled reactive depression since the depres-
sion apparently was designed in the personality to allay anxiety.
For example, a depression that was caused by the death of a loved
one would be considered “reactive” because it enabled the sufferer
not to feel the pain of the anxiety. Such a person with dysthymia is
also pervasively pessimistic and generally feels terribly inadequate.
Avoidance of social interaction is also typical with such a mood.

agitated depression
Here, the person encounters situations that generate sudden and ter-
rible agitation, irritability, impatience, dissatisfaction, anxiety, impul-
192 | Glossary

sivity, restlessness, insomnia, and a host of other phenomena that

create discomforts. Covert hostility is also seen because the agitation
is characterized by terribly angry feelings, and the person will be in a
state in which a perpetual sense of feeling a so-called wrongness exists.

Samples of Severe Disorders Regarding “Thinking Disturbance”

Within the psychotic or extremely disturbed variants of schizo-
phrenia (the thinking disorders), there has been an evolution in
the psychiatric science of categorization. For many years, the fol-
lowing tetrad of disorders were the standard understanding of how
such categories, with respect to symptomatology, were arranged.
As far as schizophrenia, these were:

the simple type

Flattened affect, an insidious process of withdrawal from the world
(ending in profound isolation that usually leads the person into a
so-called autistic state), and a minimal response to enjoyment or
warmth in relationships characterize such behavior.

the hebephrenic type

Silliness, inappropriate giggling, childish embarrassment, and
inappropriate affect generally characterize such behavior.

the catatonic type

The extreme polarity here concerns the person fluctuating
between extreme withdrawal and extreme excitement. In the
withdrawn state, the person will become fixed in one position
and may not move at all for a long period of time. The skin will
acquire what is known as “a waxy flexibility.” Stupor or mutism
accompanies this behavior. When in the excited stage, a so-called
 Glossary | 193

catatonic excitement can produce a destructive person who can

be violent.

the paranoid type

Delusions of either grandiosity or persecution characterize this
person’s state. Hallucinations also may be seen. Jealousy and criti-
cality are also typical.

Additional Categories of “Thinking Disorders”

(Schizophrenia)

the disorganized type

This diagnostic syndrome contains some incoherence in language
expression—emotional disturbance with respect to inconsistent
expression of emotion—although with an absence of the postur-
ing that would be seen in the catatonic person.

the pseudoneurotic type

This is a former type that was clinically useful but did not last
in the psychiatric-categorization system (nosology). Yet, clinicians
still refer to it because it is seen clinically with patients. Here the
patient displays a host of nonpsychotic behaviors and thinking,
although it is believed that because of the classic evidence of a per-
vasive pan-anxiety (covering all of the arenas of the person’s life),
that therefore an underlying psychotic personality organization is
what is causing the permeating anxiety.

the schizoaffective type

Here, a mixture of schizophrenic thinking and affective psychotic
symptoms join. The person will show cognitive disturbance as well
as affect disturbance with delusions and hallucinations.
194 | Glossary

Additional Categories of Anxiety

and Neurotic States (Non-psychotic)

the panic state

Characterized by periods of intense dread and may include diz-
ziness, fainting, heart palpitations, sweating, and nausea. This is
much more severe than an average anxiety condition.

the generalized anxiety state

Contains an experience of “free-floating anxiety” including symp-
toms of fearful anticipations, sleep difficulty, facial strain, muscle
aching, and perhaps hyperventilation that can cause a sense of pos-
sibly losing consciousness.

the posttraumatic stress state

Involves acute and especially delayed types of terror reactions to
traumatic and catastrophic previous experiences. Anxiety is gener-
ated to this experience that contains flashbacks and nightmares.
Such difficulty results in a host of symptoms including reduced
ability to concentrate and memory dysfunction.

the body dysmorphic state

The person will focus on a body part as being imperfect. This can
reach the level of delusion and it is thought that such a person’s
presumed physical imperfection is a displacement of a sense of per-
sonal inadequacy. This presumed inadequacy feeling can be related
to experiences in childhood of not being confident in expressing
assertive feelings and generally seeing the self as not good enough;
and/or the disorder itself can be a self-devaluation based upon
anger toward another person that is rather self-directed.
 Glossary | 195

the conversion state

A physical change can take place in the form of symptoms that cre-
ate tunnel vision, glove anesthesia, or even paralysis of limbs. This
is akin to what was formerly called the hysteric reaction.

the hypochondriacal state

Here the person is over-concerned with bodily functions and exag-
gerates possible harm that can result from not continuously check-
ing with the doctor. Phantom symptoms may even appear and
the person is constantly scanning the self, and inevitably finding
that something somewhere on the body is problematic. The person
will always feel re-empowered when the medical findings deem the
patient to be fine and not at all sick.

the somatization state

Actual physical impairments occur but they are definitely psycho-
logically based. These can include swallowing problems, fainting,
muscle weakness, and a general inability to experience pleasure.

the somatoform pain state

The person complains of pain in the body located in a variety of
places. No organic basis is found for such complaints although
there is little doubt that the person actually experiences such pain.

dissociative identity disorder

Formerly called multiple personality and split personality, this per-
son will show a minimum of three distinct personalities: one is the
host (the everyday person), a second is the aggressive person, and
a third is the sexual one. As it works, the alternate personalities
196 | Glossary

(aggressive and sexual) know of the presence of one another and of

the host, whereas the host ostensibly is not aware of the other two.

the psychogenic fugue state

The person’s main personality goes into a kind of hibernation (is
suppressed or dissociated) and therefore becomes inaccessible to
consciousness. Thus, conscious identity is temporarily lost. New
identity features are acquired by such a person in this state, and
these new features are very different than the person’s true features
of identity.

the psychogenic amnesic state

A loss of memory is typical here and can usually be related to a
stressor in the person’s life. It can appear suddenly and disappear
just as quickly. In this state, the memory block eliminates the anxi-
ety and tension associated with the stressor.

the depersonalization state

Here there is a disorientation and profound alteration in the sense
of self, as if the person is in a dreamlike state. Self-identity is tem-
porarily blurred. It causes anyone with such an experience to feel
crazy and frightened. It is usually not permanent.
 Glossary

Part 1 (The Wiring of the Personality) and

Part 2 (The Basic Personality Styles)

Acting-out – Doing something rather than knowing or realizing
something. The doing is usually something that is delinquent
and/or self-defeating. Designed in the psyche to avoid tension.
Acting-in – Internalizing the anxiety so that the symptom attacks
the self (as for example in the pain of migraine headaches).
Action-orientation − Tendency of the person to want to be in
modes of “doing” such as in initiating behavior or moving
about.
Anxiety—Signals more serious stress than simple general tension.
Seen also to be a function of radiating anger located in the
unconscious. The presence of anxiety has traditionally been a
prerequisite for an existing diagnosis of neurosis.
Character trait − Equivalent to personality trait, implying consis-
tent behavioral patterns
Cognitive operations—Use of intellect, judgment, thinking,
attention to detail, memory, concentration, and planning abil-
ity are examples of facets of cognitive operations.
198 | Glossary

Compliance-building – Learning limits; learning to obey rules.

Consciousness – Being aware.
Controls − Utilizing cognitive, ego functions, defense mecha-
nisms, character traits, fantasy, and fear, for the control of anxi-
ety and impulses, and to enable a delay of gratification.
Counterphobic − A clinical term meaning that a fear is responded to
by running toward the object of the fear rather than away from it.
Death instinct − An alternative Freudian definition of needing to
reduce tension to zero.
Defenses – Mechanisms of the personality designed to manage
emotion and help in the formation of personality traits.
Defenses to manage character-trait patterns – These include:
identification, internalization, projective-identification, split-
ting, symbolization, and turning against the self.
Defenses to manage transitory emotion – compartmental-
ization, denial, displacement, intellectualization, isolation,
projection, rationalization, reaction-formation, regression,
repression, sublimation, and undoing.
Delusion – A false belief to the extent of it being outlandish.
Disempowerment – Helplessness; without power.
Displacement – A defense mechanism that searches for substi-
tute people toward whom to direct hostility rather than direct-
ing the hostility to an originally targeted person.
Emotion-attached – Those personality types or styles where the
person feels best if attached to someone as though to be an
assistant.
Emotion-controlled − Those personality types or styles in which
the person feels better when able to control emotion.
Emotion-detached – Those personality types or styles where the
person feels best if not attached to anyone, as though com-
pletely free or able to be separate.
Emotion-dyscontrolled – Those personality types or styles in
which the person feels better when emotion can be free and
not controlled or restricted.
 Glossary | 199

Identification − Internal dispositions as well as behavior are

essentially imitated by the child who, by virtue of observation
of, and experience with the parents, affects the child’s overall
developing personality.
Impulses − Strong inclinations of the personality such as the
potential for emotional arousal as well as energized products of
the psyche such as sexuality and aggression.
Internalization − A mechanism of the psyche based on the foun-
dation of “identification” whereby the child is subject to an
imprinting of parental values.
Personality profile − Essentially a listing of an individual’s per-
sonality characteristics.
Personality-trait patterns − A series of typical responses a person
has that combine to form predictable behavior of that person
insofar as such a pattern becomes part of the person’s personal-
ity signature.
Plasticity of personality − The mind’s (psyche’s) way of creating
and operating mechanisms in the personality in order to man-
age tensions better.
Pleasure principle − The concept that reveals the person’s desire
to always seek pleasure. The person’s wish is the pleasure prin-
ciple’s chief representative.
Projection − A defense-mechanism to point criticism toward
another for some quality that the person doing the pointing
does not want to see in the self.
Psyche − That part of the mind that mediates emotion and
defenses and controls the balance between impulses and con-
trols of the personality. The psyche has the ability to calibrate
the degree to which feelings and ideas are consigned to the
unconscious. The psyche is also “the furnace” (container) in
which symptoms are formed.
Rationalization − A defense mechanism whereby one gives one-
self reasons or excuses for one’s behavior or motivation.
200 | Glossary

Repressed − Pushed into the unconscious mind and out of aware-

ness.
Somatized anxiety − Anxiety transferred into some physical
bodily symptom.
Submissive acquiescence − Agreeing to be secondary in a rela-
tionship.
Symptom − Reaction of the personality that emotionally grips the
person so that the individual cannot really stop the reaction. A
symptom is formed when anger toward a particular (specific)
person is repressed (pushed down into the unconscious mind)
so that the symptom then represents the person’s wish that was
initially blocked by that other person. Now the individual has
the wish gratified, but only in the mind and then played-out
in the form of a symptom (for example, a fear of heights, or a
thought you cannot shake, or a repetitive checking of the locks
on your door at night).
Tension − Feeling of opposing forces stressing the person.
Thin-ego − A person who has a thin-ego is supersensitive to any-
thing that feels bothersome. Such a person can fall apart or feel
explosive at the slightest distress.
Thwarted wish − A wish that is blocked by a specific person.
Transitory emotions − Emotions that quickly come and go.
Examples include anger, fear, joy, sorrow, acceptance, disgust,
anticipation, surprise.

Emotion-controlled Styles
(To control anxiety by controlling emotion)
Obsessive-compulsive Style − Such an individual is perfection-
istic, busy working, and uses intellectualized defenses. The
person rationalizes decisions and always needs to be right.
Rumination in thinking is prevalent and the person frequently
needs to act out the rumination (for example, checking the
lock on the door).
 Glossary | 201

Paranoid Style − Such a person is highly critical toward others as

a way of keeping any criticism away from the self. Thus, all is
wrong in the world—out there—but not within. Such a person
is frequently jealous of others, is stubborn, usually blames oth-
ers, doesn’t accept things easily, and is rather suspicious. He or
she uses projection as a main defense mechanism.
Schizoid Style − This is a nonschizophrenic person who never-
theless is socially detached, aloof, and therefore who avoids
close relationships. Such a person leads a solitary social life but
whose fantasy life is frequently animated with revenge themes.
Here, emotion is suppressed.

Emotion-dyscontrolled Styles
(To control anxiety by keeping emotion uncontrolled)
Histrionic Style − Shows excessive emotionality. Is dramatic in
the display of behavior. Makes exaggerated claims of social
bonding with others. Immature. This person has difficulty
being alone and finds it difficult to delay gratification. Needs
to be constantly romantic. Is a dependent person who is soaked
with personal wishes. This is a person who uses the defense
of denial so that only wishes are accepted and other material
rejected. A strong fantasy life is typical with sexual and seduc-
tive themes dominating the psyche. This is a highly suggestible
person who can be easily hypnotized.
Narcissistic Style − Feels overly entitled but very insecure
underneath. Entirely compensatory and therefore engaged in
aggrandized fantasies of power and success. Achievements are
also exaggerated because the person seeks adoration. Such a
person is exhibitionistic but also envious and supersensitive
to criticism.
Psychopathic Style − An antisocial person with an absence of
concern about the boundaries of others. Always needs to gain
advantage. Delinquent behavior is usual and includes fighting,
202 | Glossary

stealing, lying, and promiscuity. Poor judgment is seen. There

is insufficiency of conscience, and an absence of guilt and
remorse. This person’s inner life is presumably quite impov-
erished and therefore it is a person who needs endless exter-
nal stimulation to make up for the nature of such a limited
inner life.

Emotion-attached Styles
(To control anxiety by keeping emotion mild
and arranging for attached/compliant behavior)

Dependent Style − The person craves support and becomes sub-

missive. Avoids responsibility. Sensitive to criticism. Needs
constant reassurance. Anger needs to be controlled.
Inadequate Style − The person under-responds in all aspects of
life although the IQ may remain adequate or even high. This
person is dependent and needs to be emotionally attached to
the caregiver. Inferiority feelings prevail and self-esteem is typi-
cally low. This individual is usually socially timid and is fre-
quently risk-averse. Poor judgment is seen.
Passive-aggressive Style − This is a person who pays homage to the
caretaker or dominant person, simultaneously expressing anger
and dissatisfaction. The dissatisfaction or hostility is conveyed
in an ostensibly innocent manner, and an apology always fol-
lows. Sometimes the passive-aggressive behavior takes a passive
form, sometimes an aggressive form, and sometimes a depen-
dent form. The person’s anger is generated because of the inces-
sant nature of underlying dependency that breeds resentment
and constitutes the motive for frustrating the authority figure.
For example, such frustration of the authority figure frequently
occurs through behavior of procrastination and forgetting to do
things.
 Glossary | 203

Separation Anxiety − Dread of separating from the caregiver so

that traits of cooperation, passivity, and compliance become
typical. Synonymous with abandonment fears.

Emotion-detached Styles
(Designed to reduce tension by keeping the person
emotionally detached and free of social entanglements)
Avoidant Style —This is a person who needs to protect a sense
of self-esteem and does so by becoming avoidant. It is a person
always worried about rejection from others and as a result becomes
socially withdrawn. The person anticipates failure of relationships,
which invokes a fear of humiliation. Pessimism is a chief trait here
to the extent that positive qualities are attributed to others whereas
negative qualities are directed to the self. Such a person eventually
becomes chronically risk-averse.
Borderline Style —Such a person is characteristically emotion-
ally unstable. This person consistently and serially idealizes (wor-
ships) others, but then also devalues these others. Consistency
is therefore problematic. The underlying problem is one of fear
of abandonment and an unstable sense of self. Drug usage, self-
mutilation, and suicidal gestures are typically seen. Low frustra-
tion tolerance and temper tantrums are also typical, and vocational
success becomes difficult to achieve.
Depressed Style —In contrast to manic-depressive or bipolar dif-
ficulty, this type of person is afflicted with a more long-standing or
chronic depressive mood. Such a person becomes inconsistent and
experiences a fear of collisions. This means that such a person is
afraid of interpersonal contact and anticipates rejection. A sense or
pattern of self-absorption becomes typical and the presumed under-
lying cause of this pattern refers to a history with a severe and criti-
cal parent who demanded compliance “or else.” The or else implies
204 | Glossary

that abandonment is the ultimate punishment for defiance. Such a

person also refuses to compete for fear of upsetting the other and
causing an interpersonal confrontation. Modesty is the default con-
dition since it usually precludes the possibility of rejection by the
other person. Self-effacing behavior and deference also become typi-
cal. Here, close relationships imply danger of engulfment, and yet
the individual can be critical as an identification with the critical
parent, so that even in a personal relationship such a person has
trouble giving (being lovingly demonstrative). This person identifies
with wounded animals.
Triad of Conditions —Seen in the borderline personality. It is
composed of a typical trait-pattern of pan-anxiety, pan-sexuality,
and pan-defensiveness. It means that anxiety, sexuality, and defen-
siveness pervade (cover) the personality.