Little Miss Sunshine by Michael Arndt 10/9/03ECU - VIDEO PIXELS Five young women stand side by side, waiting to be judged -- breathless, hopeful. A name is announced. Four hearts break. * ‘The camera ZOOMS across the smiles of the losers to find a winner.* She bursts into tears, hugs the nearest runner up. . Begin CREDITS. MUSIC -- quiet and melancholy -- plays over all the opening scenes, leading to the Title card. The Contest Winner cries and hugs the Runners-up as she has the tiara pinned on her head. Then -- carrying her bouquet -- she strolls down the runway, waving and blowing kisses. INT. BASEMENT REC ROOM - DAY A six-year-old girl sits watching the show intently. This is OLIVE. She is big for her age and slightly plump. She has frizzy hair and wears black-rimmed glasses. She studies the show very earnestly. Then, using a remote, she FREEZES the image. Absently, she holds up one hand and mimics the waving style of Miss America. She REWINDS the tape and starts all over. Again, Miss America hears her name announced, and once again breaks down in tears -- overwhelmed and triumphant. RICHARD (V.O.) There's two kinds of people in this world -- Winners...and Losers. INT. CLASSROOM - DAY RICHARD (45) stands at the front of a generic community college classroom -~ cinderblock walls, industrial carpeting. He wears pleated khaki shorts, a golf shirt, sneakers. He moves with the stocky, stiff-legged gait of a former athlete. His peppy, upbeat demeanor just barely masks a seething sense of insecurity and frustration. MUSIC continues underneath, RICHARD If there’s one thing you take away from the nine weeks we've spent, it should be this: Winners and Losers. What’s the difference? Richard turns with a remote and clicks through a Power Point presentation, projected on the wall behind him.fhe Slides mimic Darwin's “Evolution of Man” chart, except that they show a lumpy, hunched-over, sad-sack “Loser" evolve into a smiling, triumphant, arms-over-his-head “Winner”. RICHARD (cont'd) Winners see their dreams come true, Winners see what they want, they go out and they get it. They don’t hesitate: ‘They don’t make excuses. And they don't give PP: , bosers don’t get what they want They hesitate. They make excuses. And they give up. On themselves and their dreams. fichard puts down his remote for the big finale. In the dim half-light, it’s a hushed, dramatic moment . RICHARD (cont‘d) inside each of you -- at the very Core of your being -- is a Winnes waiting to be awakened. ,.and unleashed upon the world. With my nine step “Unleash the Winner inside” program, you now have the tools, the know-how, the insights you need to put your losing habits behind you and make your dreams come true. No hesitating! No Exguses! =I want you to go out into the world...and be Winners! Big smile, CRUERSE ANGLE -- There are twenty STUDENTS in a classroom that could seat two hundred. They CLAP half-heartedly, Then there's an awkward moment when everyone gathers their Stuff. No one says anything, Chairs SCRAPE the floor. SHERYL (V.0.) -++¥Yeah, I’m on my way now. INT. CAR - pay ag jhe weaves through a strip-mali landscape. She wears office attire and a name tag that reads, “Sheryl”. SHERYL yi1T don’t know how long... 1 Gon’t know...1 Richard, he doesn’t have anywhere else to go! She takes a drag, listens with increasing irritation, then exhales. A beat.SHERYL (cont’d) ZIR Not smoking... T’m not! Look, I'm at the hospital... (beat) Yeah, I’1l pick up a bucket of chicken. Okay, bye, She beeps off her phone. EXT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - pay numbere’ 23x Necklace, going from one room to another, checking room numbers. She finds the room she’s looking for. As she tries to enter, a DocTOR emerges. They nearly collide, DOCTOR Ms. Harvey? (Sheryl nods) Your brother’s fine... Sheryl exhales, hugely relieved, INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - pay in a wheelchair, parked against a wall, is Sheryl’s brother, FRANK, also middle-aged. His wriste are wrapped in bandages, With empty eyes, he listens to the muted VOICE of the Doctor coming from the hallway. DOCTOR (0.s.) inikeeP him away from sharp objects: knives, scissors... If you have fedications -~ depressants -- in your house, keep them secured. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - pay Sheryl listens to the Doctor. DocTOR Td prefer to keep him, but... SHERYL T know, the insurance... She shakes her head and sighs. R You want to see him. ,INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - pay Sheryl and the Doctor enter, Frank barely reacts. SHERYL Hey, Frank, FRANK Sheryl. Fighting tears, she goes and hugs him. SHERYL I’m so glad you're still here, Well. ‘That's one of us, INT. BATHROOM - DAY ‘Two hands spill a brown powder onto a small mirror, A razor blade cuts the powder into lines. 4A rolled-up dollar bili lowers, The lines are snorted, The snorter lifts his head up, He is a short, chunky, balding old man -- a Roz Chasi kind of grandfather, ‘This is GRANDPA, 80 years ola, He sits down on the toilet Seat, rubs his nose, takes a breath and relaxes as the drugs flood his system, INT. DWAYNE’S BEDROOM — pay DWAYNE is a handsome, skinny fifteen year old with a mohawk, He lies on his back in hig bedroom, bench-pressing a barbell. noe bedroom is dominated by a huge portrait of Priedrich Nietzsche, painted on a bed Sheet, hanging on one wall. JUMP CUTS: Pwayne does vertical sit-ups on a wall-mounted brace, Dwayne does vertical Push-ups leaning against the wall. Dwayne breathes heavily, having finished his work-out, He walks to a home-made calender on the wall made from a long roll of computer paper. “Tie marked, “Enlistment,”Dwayne uncaps a magic marker and fills in one more square, INT. CAR - DAY Sheryl drives Frank home from the hospital. They say nothing. Sheryl sneaks glances at Freak Hesitantly: SHERYL You want to talk? Or no? Frank stares at the road in front of them. Finally: FRANK No. SHERYL Okay. She nods. They keep driving. FADE TO BLACK TITLE: “LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE” MUSIC ENDS, INT. KITCHEN - DAY An empty kitchen. A phone and answering machine sit in the FOREGROUND. The message light is BLINKING. gh the background, through a doorway, the front door opens. Sheryl and Frank enter carrying several bags and suitcases. SHERYL (calling out) Hello! Anyone...?! INT. HALLWAY - pay She leads Frank down a hallway. He follows passively, SHERYL Down here. We have you with Dwayne. fhe knocks and pushes open the door to Dwayne’s room. Dwayne is on the bed, reading THUS Sone ZARATHUSTRA. He sits up. SHERYL Dwayne? Hi, Uncle Frank's here. Prank hesitates. He gives Sheryl a look: “You're kidding. SHERYL (cont'd) He doesn’t mind, Frank. We talked.Frank makes a half-gesture towards the rest of the house. SHERYL (cont'd) We can’t have you sleeping alone. The doctors said... (he looks at her) I’m sorry. I have to insist. Dwayne gets up and exits the room, pushing past them and avoiding eye contact. Sheryl enters the bedroom. INT. DWAYNE’S BEDROOM - DAY Sheryl goes and brushes off a cot. Frank remains outside. SHERYL You'll get along fine. He's really quiet. Look, I set up a cot. (he hesitates) Please, Frank? Please? Very unhappily, Frank enters the room and just stands there. SHERYL (cont'd) Thank you. I gotta start dinner. Come out when you’re settled? And leave the door open. That's important. (beat). I'm glad you're here. She gives him a kiss on the cheek, then departs. Frank sits on the cot in his nephew’s bedroom. On it is a Muppet sleeping bag with the Cookie Monster eating a cookie. Frank glances at the sleeping bag, then averts his eyes. This is pretty mich the worst moment of his life. INT. DINING ROOM - DAY Dwayne is at the dinner table, reading. Sheryl walks by. SHERYL Dwayne, honey, there’s a bucket of chicken in the car. Can you get it and I'll make a salad? Dwayne silently gets up and departs, and the chaotic ballet of dinner preparations in the Harvey household begins. Sheryl opens the door to the downstairs rec room and shouts. SHERYL (cont‘d) Olive?OLIVE (0.8.) Yeah?! SHERYL Is Grandpa with you?! OLIVE (0.s.) Yeah! SHERYL What are you guys doing? OLIVE (0.s.) Rehearsing! SHERYL Okay! Dinner in ten minutes! OLIVE (0.8.) Okay! INT. KITCHEN - pay Sheryl enters, opens the refridgerator, and begins pulling out stuff to make a salad. Abruptly, from the kitchen side door, Richard enters. RICHARD Hi, SHERYL, Hi. Frank’s here, RICHARD Oh. Did Stan Grossman call? ‘SHERYL Check the machine, He walks over and hits the answering machine, MACHINE Hello. You have one message. tt rewinds. Dwayne enters holding a bucket of KFC, SHERYL, Just put it on the table, hon. and can you set the table? We'll do Paper plates tonight. 1/11 get cups and napkins. Brayne nods and departs. Sheryl exits in the other direction. The phone message begins.JEFF (0.C.) (filtered) Sheryl, hey, it's Jeff. Listen, great news. You know, when Olive was down here last month, she was xunner up in the regional Little Miss Sunshine. RICHARD (calling to Sheryl) It’s from Jeff. (to himself) Fuck! He stalks off. The MESSAGE plays to the empty kitchen. JEFF (0.C.) (filtered) ...Well, they just called me and said that the girl who won had to forfeit her crow. I don't know why -- something about diet pills -- but anyway, that means Olive won the regionals, so now she has a place in the State contest in Boca. ‘They want to make sure she can make it, so I said you'd call them... Sheryl re-enters. She tries to listen to Jeff's message. JEFF (cont'd) (0.C.) (filtered) ‘The woman's name is Lauren Henderson and her number... BEEEEP. ‘The machine cuts him off. Sheryl, not understanding, shakes her head and returns to making her salad. Richard re- enters, picks up the phone and dials. Over the following, Dwayne comes in and out, picking up stuff to set the table. RICHARD (into phone) Richard Harvey for Stan Grossman. Can you reach him...?! Yeah, tell him I want to know this thing is done -- I’m waiting for the numbers, No, I understand that. I understand. Look, he has my cell, if he could just call me anytime over the weekend and let me know we're on, I'd be very, very grateful. Okay. Thank you. Bye. He hangs up.RICHARD (cont'd) Bitch. SHERYL Richard...! So what happened with Stan Grossman? RICHARD He’s still in Atlanta. SHERYL So why hasn’t he called you? RICHARD Will you let me worry about this?! Sheryl exhales, goes back to her salad. Dwayne comes in. SHERYL Dwayne, can you check on Frank? Tell him it’s dinner time. Dwayne nods and heads off. Sheryl walks back to the door to the downstairs rec room and opens it again. SHERYL (cont’d) Olive?! Dinner time! OLIVE (0.8.) Okay! INT. DWAYNE‘S BEDROOM - DAY Frank sits on the cot, staring at a photo in his wallet (we can’t see it). FOOTSTEPS approach. Frank puts the photo away. Dwayne appears in the door, knocks, and mimes eating. FRANK Dinner? (Dwayne nods) What? You don’t talk anymore? (Dwayne shakes his head) Why not? Dwayne rolls his eyes and half-shrugs. FRANK (cont‘d) You can talk. You just choose not to? ‘Then he points to the bed-sheet painting of Dwayne nods. Frank turns and looks. Nietzsche hanging on his wall.ave FRANK (cont'd) Is that Nietzsche? You don't speak because of Friedrich Nietzsche? Dwayne nods, turns and leaves. Frank considers this. FRANK (cont'd) Far out. INT. DINING ROOM - DAY Dwayne sits in his chair, folds his arms, and -- scowling --waits for everyone else to arrive. Frank tentatively follows. Sheryl comes out and puts her salad on the table. SHERYL Frank, you can sit here, next to Dwayne. Here’s the salad. I’m gonna run get Sprite for everyone. She walks off, pausing to open the rec room door again. SHERYL (cont'd) Olive! Come on! Dinner time! OLIVE (0.8) Coming!!! Sheryl disappears, leaving Dwayne and Frank alone. Frank sits. Dwayne scowls at the table in front of him. Frank looks at his place setting -- a paper plate and a Big Gulp cup with the Incredible Hulk on it. He picks up the cup and examines it dispassionately. He puts it down. Dwayne doesn’t move. Frank glances at Dwayne, not knowing what to do, He seems to have met someone who is at least as unhappy as he is. This intrigues him. He ventures: FRANK Got a girlfriend? Dwayne looks at Frank, then shakes his head. FRANK (cont'd) Boyfriend? Dwayne gives Frank a look. FRANK (contd) Kidding. Kidding. 1 know. (beat) So who do you hang out with?11. Dwayne shakes his head. FRANK (cont’d) No one? There must be someone, .,! (Dwayne shakes his head) ou don’t hang out with anyone? oh come on You must have one friend! Pocket and pulls out a palm-sized Pad of paper. He flips it "I hate everyone.» FRANK (cont’d) What about your family? Dwayne scribbles again, Everyone? He shows it to Frank. “Zhate everyone!!!" "everyone" three times, FRANK (cont’d) It now reads: He's underlined Frank looks at him, You hate me? Dwayne considers this. He scribbles a new note. rt reads: "Not yet,* PRANK (cont’d) Fair enough, ‘They go back to sitting in silence. Richard comes out. RICHARD Frank. Good to see you. FRANK Richard... ‘They shake, Richard sits down, Silence. Richard stands up. RICHARD I’m gonna get Olive. He walks to the downstairs doorway and shouts. RICHARD (cont’d) Dad! Olive! come on! OLIVE (0.8.) (shrieking) We're coming! 11t2) Sheryl enters with a big bottle of Diet Sprite. SHERYL, You guys, go on and start. Frank, Some Sprite? T want everyone to have at least a little salad. FRANK Thanks, Sheryl. She pours him a cup, sits down, and starts opening containers of cole slaw and mashed potatoes. Richard returns to the table, sits, and grabs a piece of chicken from the bucket. Dwayne foliccs suit, as does Frank, The meal begins. ‘Three seconds of silence, FRANK (cont ’a) So, Sheryl... I couldn't help notice Dwayne has stopped speaking. SHERYL Oh! I'm sorry. Dwayne’s taken a vow of silence. FRANK You've taken a vow of silence?! Dwayne nods. SHERYL Hes gonna join the Naval Academy and become a fighter pilot. He's taken a vow of silence until he reaches that goal. FRANK (to Dwayne) You're kidding... 1 Dwayne stares at Frank. He's not kidding. Olive enters the dining room, with Grandpa following. OLIVE Hi, Uncle Frank! FRANK Olive. Boy, you're gettin’ big! (to Sheryl) Is she big for her age? Sheryl nods. Olive, noprompted, walks over and gives him a kiss on the cheek. ‘she sees the bandages on Frank's wrists.43. OLIVE What happened to your arms? SHERYL Olive... FRANK No, it’s okay. I had a little accident. I'm okay now. RICHARD How's the new routine coming? OLIVE It's good. RICHARD When‘re you gonna let us see it? OLIVE I dunno. It’s up to Grandpa. GRANDPA A couple of days. It needs a polish. Olive sits. Grandpa walks to the table. : GRANDPA (cont’d) What is this?! Chicken?! Every day it’s the chicken! Holy God almighty! Is it possible, just one time, we could have something for dinner except the goddamn fucking chicken?! Sheryl ignores him. Richard tries to cut him off. RICHARD Dad. Dad... Dad. Dad!!! GRANDPA I’m just saying. ..! RICHARD If you want to cook or buy your own food, you're more than welcome... GRANDPA Christ. Y‘know, at Sunset Village... RICHARD If you liked Sunset Village so much maybe you shouldn't have gotten yourself kicked out of there. .GRANDPA (waves dismissively) He takes out a piece of chicken and starts eating. A tense silence. Frank tries to get things going again. FRANK When did you start? with the vow? Dwayne shrugs. He doesn’t care to comment. RICHARD It's been nine months. He hasn’t said a word. I think it shows tremendous discipline. SHERYL Richard... RICHARD I'm serious! I think we could all learn something from what Dwayne’s doing! Dwayne has a goal. He has a dream. It may not be my dream, or your dream, but still... He’s pursuing that dream with focus and discipline, In fact, I was thinking about the Nine Step: GRANDPA. Oh, for crying out loud. RICHARD (evenly) ..-About the Nine Steps, and how Dwayne’s utilizing at least seven of them in his journey to personal fulfillment. SHERYL Richard. Please. RICHARD I’m just saying! I’ve come around! I think Dwayne deserves our support. Frank looks at Dwayne. Dwayne rolls his eyes. Olive addresses Frank, OLIVE How did it happen? FRANK How did what happen?15. OLIVE Your accident... SHERYL, Honey... She shakes her head: “Don’t go there. FRANK No, it's okay. Unless you object... SHERYL No, I’m pro-honesty here. I just think, you know... It’s up to you. PRANK Be my guest... SHERYL Olive, Uncle Frank didn’t really have an accident. what happened was: he tried to kill himself. OLIVE You did? why? RICHARD I don't think this is an appropriate conversation. (to Olive) Let‘s leave Uncle Frank alone. A beat. Olive has stopped eating. OLIVE Why did you want to kill yoursel£? RICHARD Frank. Don’t answer that question. Frank stares at Richard. He turns back to Olive. FRANK I tried to kill myself because 1 was very unhappy. RICHARD (overlapping) Don’t listen, honey, he’s sick and he doesn’t know what he’s... Richard... Richard... Richard...RICHARD What?! I don’t think it’s appropriate for a six year old! SHERYL She's gonna find out anyway. Go on, Prank. OLIVE Why were you unhappy? Frank glances at Richard -- deadpan victorious -~ and continues. FRANK Well, there were a lot of reasons. Mainly, though, I fell in love with someone who didn’t love me back... OLIVE Who? FRANK One of my grad students. I was very much in love with him. OLIVE Him? Tt was a boy? You fell in love with a boy? FRANK Yes. I did. Very much so. This is new to Olive. She thinks it over. OLIVE That’s silly. FRANK You're right. It was very, very silly. GRANDPA There’s another word for it... RICHARD Dad. OLIVE That's when you tried to kill yourself...?FRANK Well, no. What happened was: the boy I was in love with fell in love with another man, Larry Sugarman. SHERYL Who's Larry Sugarman? FRANK Larry Sugarman is perhaps the second most highly regarded Proust scholar in the U.S. RICHARD Who's number one? PRANK That would be me, Rich. OLIVE So... That’s when you tried...? FRANK Well, no. What happened was: I was a bit upset. I did some things I shouldn’t have done. Subsequently, I was fired, forced to leave my apartment and move into a motel. OLIVE Oh. So that’s when...? FRANK (hesitates) Well, no, Actually, all that was okay. What happened was: two days ago the MacArthur Foundation decided to award a “genius” grant to Larry Sugarman. (deep breath) And that’s when... GRANDPA .You tried to check out early. FRANK Yes. And I failed at that as well. RICHARD Olive, what’s important to understand is that Uncle Frank gave up on himself. He made a series of foolish choices, and then he gave up on himself, which is something that winners never do.a8. A beat. Frank looks like he could leap across the table and strangle Richard. Sheryl intervenes. SHERYL So that’s the story, okay? Let’s move on. Olive, how's your new routine coming? OLIVE Fine, I told you. Over the above, Frank turns and asks, regarding Richard: FRANK Is he always like this? (Dwayne nods) How can you stand it? Dwayne writes a note, shows it to Frank. It reads: “I can't.” Frank nods. Richard addresses Olive. RICHARD Honey, tell Frank why you're doing your dance routine. FRANK Olive. Why are you doing a dance routine? OLIVE For Little Miss Crab-Cakes. FRANK (arch) A-ha! Just as I suspected. SHERYL Honey, tell him what Little Miss Crab-Cakes is. OLIVE Little Miss Crab-Cakes is a beauty contest for everyone in Maryland. But you have to be six or seven years old and you have to be a girl. Frank looks skeptically at Sheryl. SHERYL Don’t look at me! This is Jeff and the new step-Mom. It’s big down in Florida.FRANK (to Olive) So what do you think your chances are? Olive takes the question like a pro. OLIVE I think I can win. ‘Cause a lot of the new girls -- they don’t have the experience. FRANK Well, good luck. RICHARD It’s not about luck. Luck is the name that losers give to their own failings. It’s about wanting to win, Willing yourself to win. You got to want it badder than anyone. OLIVE I do! RICHARD Do you? Really? (a beat; she nods) Then you’re gonna be a winner! She smiles. Dwayne shakes his head and keeps eating. SHERYL Richard... RICHARD What?! It’s true! OLIVE Twas runner up in Florida! FRANK When were you in Florida? SHERYL Spring break. Jeff had custody for two weeks. Olive made it to the top of the Regionals down there. OLIVE I was second place. RICHARD Sher, y/know, there’s a message from Jeff on the machine. as.SHERYL, Yeah. Did you hear what it was? RICHARD Actually, it was something about Little Miss Sunshine. OLIVE What? Little Miss Sunshine? what?! She runs off. Sheryl follows Olive into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Sheryl and Olive approach the answering machine. The “message” light is blinking. Sheryl hits it. JEFF (0.C.) (filtered) Sheryl, hey, it's Jeff...! INT. DINING ROOM - DAY Richard, Frank, and Dwayne try to listen, eating silently. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Olive and Sheryl listen. JEFF (0.C.) (filtered) Something about diet pills, but anyway that means that Olive won the regionals, so now she has a place in the State contest in Boca... BEEEP. Over the above, Olive reacts with involuntary spasms of shock, disbelief, and then pure, unadulterated euphoria. She waits -- trembling -- to hear the whole message. When it ends, she puts her hands to her temples: OLIVE Aaahhhhhhh!!! Aaahhhhhhhhhbhhh! ! | Little Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine!!! She goes running out into the dining room. OLIVE (0.8.) (contd) Little Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine! Little Miss Sunshine!!! Sheryl closes her eyes.21, SHERYL Fuck... ! Sheryl picks up the cordless phone, dials. INT. DINING ROOM - DAY Sheryl re-enters with the phone. Olive is rejoicing. OLIVE Twon! I won! I get to go to the Championship! Oh, God! Oh, my God! (beat) T gotta pack! I gotta go pack! She rushes off to the downstairs doorway and disappears, RICHARD Wait, Olive, finish your dinner! OLIVE (0.s.) I’m finished! GRANDPA. What happened? ‘SHERYL Apparently, the girl who won Regionals was disqualified. go Olive has her place in the Finals. RICHARD When are they? SHERYL i'm calling Jeff right... get! Yeah, we just got it... Yeah, she basically went crazy. No, I didn’t get that, the machine cut’ you off. She grabs Dwayne’s pen and pad. She scribbles. SHERYL (cont’a) Uh-huh. In Boca Raton. This Sunday?! Can you take her? You can’t put it off? No, it’s just We have to figure this out. “No, T'll give this lady a call and we'll figure it out. Right. Bye, She hangs up. RICHARD qt’s Sunday? Can Jeff and Cindy take her?22. SHERYL (shakes her head) They're going to Maui, They all look at each other, INT. REC ROOM - pay INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER Sheryl enters carrying the bucket of chicken, the half-filled containers of potato salad and slaw, and used paper plates. Richard follows sheryl. Grandpa follows Richard, SHERYL, q have to go. 1 promised Olive 1/4 take her if she made the finals, RICHARD You promised? GRANDPA I’m going. RICHARD Wait a minute, Dad... SHERYL We'll fly down, come back Monday. Sheryl throws the plates in the garbage. Throughout the Following, she wraps the leftover chicken in Saran Wrap and Puts the chicken and other leftovers sf the fridge. RICHARD How're you gonna get around down there? SHERYL We'll rent a car, RICHARD and stay in a hotel? SHERYL We can afford it...1 RICHARD This is seed money! Sheryl.23. SHERYL, Well, maybe if I had help bringing it in, y’know?! It all goes to your Nine Steps, which is not... RICHARD Honey... Honey... Honey... (patient) As soon as I hear from Stan, we'll get the advance, I will pay you back, we'll start generating revenue. But in the meantime... Sheryl exhales, grits her teeth, shakes her head. SHERYL Okay, we'll drive down. RICHARD In the Miata? How’re you gonna fit Grandpa? SHERYL Grandpa doesn’t have to come. GRANDPA What I coached her! I gave her the steps! I have to be there! RICHARD Why don’t you take the vw? SHERYL I can’t drive a shift, Richard! I've tried, and I can’t do it! Having put away the leftovers, Sheryl opens the freezer and pulls out a Jumbo Pak of popsicles. SHERYL (cont'd) We'll fly down, RICHARD We can’t afford it. SHERYL Well, that’s what we’re gonna do! Unless you have a better idea. She slams the freezer door and heads for the dining room. INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Sheryl enters. Richard and Grandpa follow. Frank and Dwayne are finishing up. Sheryl tosses the popsicles on the table.SHERYL Here. This is dessert. She sits, rips open a popsicle and takes a bite. Silence. Dwayne and Frank glance at each other, then tentatively take popsicles for themselves. Richard takes a deep breath. RICHARD Okay. I/11 drive the bus. GRANDPA, No! I'll take her on a plane! Everyone ignores Grandpa. Sheryl considers Richard's idea. SHERYL What about Dwayne and Frank? RICHARD They can stay here. Dwayne and Frank look at each other. SHERYL Richard. I was told explicitly I could not leave Frank by himself. No offense, Frank. FRANK None taken. RICHARD Well, I guess we can’t go then! I mean, unless we take Frank and Dwayne with us! A pause. All eyes turn to Frank and Dwayne. Dwayne begins vigorously shaking his head “No". INT. OLIVE’S BEDROOM - DAY Olive re-enters with dresses, shoes, and her swimsuit. She pulls a suitcase from under her bed, opens it, and begins stuffing her things in. INT. DINING ROOM - DAY Sheryl pleads with Dwayne. SHERYL Dwayne, please. For your sister? RICHARD Come on, Dwayne! It’1l be fun!Everyone stares at him, Dwayne takes his pad out and writes. Frank reads over his shoulder as it comes out. FRANK “This...is...unfair...All...I... ask...is...that...you...leave... me...alone.” Dwayne stops writing, folds his arms. In the background, we HEAR Olive packing. Sheryl turns to Dwayne. SHERYL Dwayne: Flight school. 1/11 give permission. Come on. It'll be fun. You can go to the beach. Dwayne looks at her. FOOTSTEPS start coming up the stairs. Finally, he offers his hand. Sheryl shakes. Everyone is relieved. Dwayne scribbles another note. Frank reads it. FRANK *But...I/m.,.not...going...to... have...any...funt!!" He puts his hand on Dwayne’s shoulder. FRANK (cont'd) We're all with you on that one, Dwayne. Olive re-enters, lugging her suitcase -- she is breathless, flushed with excitement. OLIVE Grandpa? Is Grandpa coming to Florida? SHERYL We're all coming. RICHARD Sheryl, wait. Olive, come here. Have a seat. Olive walks over and sits next to Richard. RICHARD (cont’d) Now there’s no sense in entering a contest if you don’t think you're gonna win, Now, do you think you can win Little Miss Sunshine? Sheryl starts to object, but Richard raises his hand, cutting her off. Olive doesn’t seem so sure.26 RICHARD (cont’d) Yes or no, Olive. Are you gonna win? Olive thinks it over. Then, with white-hot determination: OLIVE Ye: Richard smiles and slaps the table. RICHARD We're goin’ to Florida! INT. VW BUS - ON THE ROAD - DAY Richard is driving. Sheryl rides shotgun. Frank and Olive sit in the second row. Dwayne and Grandpa sit in back. Dwayne is wearing a T-shirt that says, “Jesus Was Wrong”. Olive wears a large set of headphones that completely cover her ears. She does little half-dancing moves to the music. No one says anything. They've been driving a while. Grandpa’s arms hang limply by his side. GRANDPA, Jesus, I’m tired. I am so fucking tired. (to Dwayne) You know how tired I am? If some girl came up to me...begged me to fuck her...I couldn't do it. That’s how tired I am. RICHARD Dad! Your language...! Please! GRANDPA She's listening to the msic.. (Loud) Hey, Olive! 1/11 give you a million dollars if you turn around! Olive is oblivious. RICHARD Okay, but still, the rest of us... GRANDPA Ahhh, the rest of you (to Dwayne) can I give you some advice? (Dwayne shakes his head) (MORE)GRANDPA (cont'd) I'll do it anyway. I don’t want you making the same mistakes I did when I was young. RICHARD Great. I can’t wait to hear this. GRANDPA Dwayne? This is the voice of experience talking. Are you listening? (Dwayne nods) Kid: Fuck a lot of women, Not just one woman. A lot of women. You're young... RICHARD Okay, Dad? I think that’s enough. GRANDPA, (ignores him) You gettin’ any right now? Tell me, really. Dwayne shakes his head. Frank, amused, can’t help but turn around to watch this conversation take place. GRANDPA (cont‘d) Jesus! You’re, what? Fifteen? You should be gettin’ that young stuff. There’s nothing in the world better than the young stuff! RICHARD Okay, Dad, enough. Stop it! GRANDPA Would you kindly not interrupt ne, Richard? (to Dwayne) Look: right now, you’re jailbait, they’re jailbait. So it’s fine. ‘The minute you turn eighteen -- Bam! You're lookin’ at three to five. RICHARD Dad, I’m gonna pull over... GRANDPA So pull over! You're not gonna shut me up! Fuck you! I lived 80 years! You're like those fuckers at Sunset Village...! FRANK What happened at Sunset Village?‘SHERYL Frank, don’t encourage him. GRANDPA I’1l tell you what happened! I pay my money, they let me in. I should be able to do what the fuck I want! SHERYL He started snorting heroin. FRANK You started snorting heroin?! GRANDPA, I'm eighty! FRANK You know, that stuff’1l kill you. GRANDPA, What am I, an idiot? (to Dwayne) And don’t you get ideas. When you're young, you're crazy to do that shit. FRANK What about you? GRANDPA, Me?! I’m old! You get to be my age -- you’re crazy not to do it. Frank looks at Sheryl -- You're letting this happen? Sheryl waves her hands, exasperated. SHERYL We've tried, believe me! He's worse than a two year old. The intervention was a fiasco. RICHARD can we please talk about something else now? FRANK $o I take it you didn’t like it at Sunset Village? GRANDPA Are you kidding? Pucking paradise there! ‘They cook for you. Clean for you. You got golf. A pool. Now I’m stuck with Mr. Happy here, sleeping on a sofa!29. FRANK Aren't there other places? SHERYL He keeps getting kicked out. sunset was number four. GRANDPA, Motherfuckers. (to Frank) Hey, listen: I know you’re a homo, but... You go to one of these places? There's four women for every guy. What does that say to you? FRANK You must’ve been pretty busy. GRANDPA, Oh, man. ‘They were knockin’ on my door day and night! It was almost too much! Tf I didn’t have those little fuckin’ blue pills... Forget about it: (live sees Frank grinning at Grandpa. She takes off her headphones and turns around, OLIVE What are you guys talking about? GRANDPA Politics. OLIVE Oh. A beat. She puts her headphones back on. GRANDPA, (to Dwayne) Puck a lot of women, kid. 1 got no reason to lie to you. Not just one woman. A lot of women. INT. DINER - pay Everyone sits in a round booth, looking at menus, OLIVE Mom, how much can we spend? SHERYL I'd say four dollars. anything under four,Olive nods. A WAITRESS arrives. WAITRESS Hi, you ready? RICHARD Yeah. Number five. And coffee. SHERYL Number seven, over easy. And grapefruit juice. FRANK Fruit plate. and you have chamomile? With honey. Thanks. GRANDPA, The Lumberjack. Coffee. Extra bacon. RICHARD Dad... SHERYL Richard, don't start... RICHARD He's gonna kill himself. SHERYL It's his life. GRANDPA ‘Thank you, Sheryl. She shrugs. Dwayne holds up his note pad. WAITRESS Garden salad? and you? OLIVE Um.., Sorry! I’m sorry! WATTRESS Take your time.. RICHARD Don’t apologize, Olive. It’s a sign of weakness. Frank rolls his eyes. Olive sees something. OLIVE Oh, oh! I want waffles. And... what does “A la mod-cee" mean?31. WAITRESS Tt means it comes with ice-cream. OLIVE Okay! A la mod-ee! SHERYL Olive. For breakfast? OLIVE You said, “Four dollars”! SHERYL Okay, fine. You're right. WAITRESS Okay! Be right back! She departs. FRANK Actually, Olive...? “A la mode” in French translates literally as “in the fashion”. A...la...mode. Mode is derived from the Latin “modus*, meaning due or proper measure. There’s kind of a funny story about... RICHARD {cutting in) Frank...? Shut up. SHERYL Richard...! Prank waves Sheryl off: don’t bother. Richard turns to Olive. RICHARD Olive, can I tell you something about ice-cream? (she nods) Ice cream is made from cream, which comes from cow's milk. And cream has a lot of fat in it... SHERYL Richard... RICHARD What? “She’s gonna find out anyway." Right? OLIVE Find out what?32. RICHARD Well, when you eat ice-cream, the fat in the ice-cream becomes fat on your body... SHERYL Richard, I swear to God.. OLIVE What? what’s wrong? SHERYL Nothing, honey. Nothing’s wrong. RICHARD So if you eat lots of ice-cream, you're gonna become big and fat. But if you don’t, you'll probably stay nice and skinny. Sheryl puts her head in her hands. GRANDPA, Olive, Richard's an idiot. I like @ woman with meat on her bones. Olive is confused. OLIVE I don't Mom! Why is everyone so upset? SHERYL I’m not upset, honey. I just want you to understand: It’s okay to be skinny, and it’s okay to be fat, if that’s how you want to be. Whatever you want ~~ it’s okay. Richard rolls his eyes. RICHARD Okay, but, Olive, let me ask you: the women in Miss America...? Are they skinny, or are they fat? OLIVE Well... ‘They’re skinny, I guess. RICHARD Okay! So they probably don’t eat a lot of ice-cream. Do they? Just then, the waitress arrives with a tray.WAITRESS Okay: Coffee, coffee, grapefruit, chamomile. And here’s your ice- cream. A la mod-ee, right? 1/11 have your waffles in a sec! She departs. Olive stares at the ice-cream. Finally: OLIVE Does anyone want my ice-cream? Sheryl just closes her eyes. Grandpa jumps in. GRANDPA, Yeah, I'll have a bite. You mind? Dwayne? Frank? Olive’s giving away her ice-cream here. Dwayne and Frank quickly snap to. FRANK You mind if I have a little? Olive shakes her head. Frank and Dwayne dig in. Even Sheryl gets in on the act. Richard is not amused. GRANDPA (loudly) Boy, this is good ice-cream! I feel sorry for the people at this table who aren’t enjoying delicious ice-cream early in the morning. Olive, you’re not givin’ away all your ice-cream? What about your waffles? You can’t eat waffles without the ice-cream! You'll have lonely waffles in your stomach! c'mon, have a bite. OLIVE Wait. Don’t take it all! Stop! Olive picks up her spoon, fights them off. She takes a bite. RICHARD Olive... SHERYL Richard. . She glares at him, ferocious. Richard shuts up.EXT, PARKING LOT - DAY Richard -- anxious -- listens to a greeting on his cell phone. A small BEEP. RICHARD (into phone) Stan! Richard! Look, I know you're busy, but we/re dying to hear what kind of numbers you came up with in Atlanta. Call when you can. He clicks off as Sheryl, Olive and the others exit the diner. ‘They trudge across the parking lot to the VW van. SHERYL You get him? RICHARD I can't get a signal out. OLIVE How long ‘til we get there? RICHARD A long time. OLIVE I know, but...how, long? RICHARD We're doing six hundred miles today, and two hundred tomorrow. It’s a lot of driving. SHERYL Honey, I'1l drive a while. RICHARD No, it’s okay... SHERYL No, you’re right. I gotta learn to do this. I mean, you're doing it. How hard can it be? INT. VW BUS - PARKED - DAY Sheryl is trying to back up the bus. $he’s grinding gea: RICHARD Push the stick down hard! SHERYL I'm pushing hard!33. RICHARD Put the clutch in all the way! SHERYL It's on the floor! JUMP CUT TO: Richard tries. He keeps grinding gears as well. It’s a horrible sound. INT. SERVICE STATION GARAGE - DAY Richard and Sheryl talk to a MECHANIC. Behind them, Olive and Grandpa are playing that game where you try to slap the other person’s wrists. When Grandpa gets hit, he reacts with cries of pain -- much to Olive’s delight. In the background, across the lot, Dwayne and Frank sit on a cinderblock wall, waiting for the situation to resolve itself. MECHANIC Well, you got a problem. Your clutch is shot. RICHARD can we get a new one? ‘MECHANIC Well, I tell you what: These old buses? We/d have to order it. RICHARD How long’d that take? MECHANIC Well, it’s the weekend, so... Maybe Thursday? Richard and Sheryl react. EXT. SERVICE STATION - DAY Frank and Dwayne sit silently. Dwayne watches bitterly -- this is just one more fiasco he’s been dragged into. Frank looks on wistfully as Sheryl -- thirty yards away -- glances worriedly between Richard and the Mechanic. Frank notices Dwayne’s stare. He speaks without looking at Dwayne. FRANK I don’t know if you know this, but growing up? (MORE)FRANK (cont'd) Your Mom was the cool one. She turned me on to Proust. She could’ve done anything. Dwayne looks at Frank -- he can’t quite believe this. takes out his pad, half-smirking, and writes: “What happened?" Frank looks at the pad, then at Dwayne. FRANK (cont’d) She had you, Dwayne. He He pats Dwayne on the leg, gets up, and walks back towards Richard and Sheryl. Dwayne is left alone, taking this in. INT. SERVICE STATION GARAGE - DAY Frank wanders in as Richard presses the Mechanic. Grandpa and Olive stop their game and join the conversation. RICHARD Okay, look: we’ve come two hundred miles... Is there a dealership around here? MECHANIC Well, you could call over to Clarksville, but they're probably closed. Y‘know, it’s the weekend. RICHARD Yes, we’re all aware of that. Silence. The Mechanic feels bad for them. Dwayne re-enters. MECHANIC Well, T tell you what: these old buses? You don’t need a clutch to shift from third to fourth. You just ease up on the gas. You only really need the clutch for first and second. Richard doesn’t understand what he’s getting at. MECHANIC (cont’d) What I’m sayin’ is: as long as you keep parkin’ on a hill, you get yourself goin’ fifteen, twenty miles an hour, and you just start up in third. ‘then you shift between third and fourth.RICHARD and you can drive like that? MECHANIC Oh, yeah. The problem’s just getting up that speed up. As long as you keep parkin’ it on a hill, you're fine. My brother and T once drove from here to Canada... RICHARD What if you're not on a hill? MECHANIC What? RICHARD I mean, it’s sitting here right now. There’s no hill. How do we...? ‘he Mechanic considers this. He squints his eyes and runs his tongue back and forth across his teeth. MECHANIC Well, I tell you what: You get enough people -- you just get behind there and push. Just push it up to ten, fifteen miles an hour, and you just go. Everybody jump’ inside, and you just go! They all stare at him. EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY Richard's at the wheel of the bus. Everyone else, including the Mechanic, is behind the bus. The sliding door is open. RICHARD Okay, ready?! Olive, Dad: I want you in the car first. OLIVE I know. We know, RICHARD Okay, is everyone ready? SHERYL Yes! Let’s go! Richard starts up the bus. Frank turns to the others.38. PRANK I just want everyone here to know i’m the pre-eminent Proust scholar in the United states, RICHARD Okay, go! Push! fey 211 push. ‘The van starts rolling, slow at first, then faster and faster. Finally, they're ai1 running behind it. RICHARD (cont’d) Olive, Dad, get in! Shery1! Olive, Grandpa, and Sheryl jump in the side door, The Mechanic fades. Frank and Dwayne keep pushing faster. RICHARD (cont’d) Okay, I’m puttin’ it into gear! Get ready! He guns the engine and shifts from neutral to third. ‘The bus 4s REVVING low but is powering itself nonetheless. SHERYL Okay, get in! Get int (to Richard) Slow down! You're losing them! RICHARD Tcan’t! I can’t slow down! Dwayne runs up to the door. He sees Frank is fading. He runs back to Frank, gets behind him, and pushes him up alongside the bus. Frank dives in, Dwayne dives after him. INT. VW BUS - ON THE ROAD - pay Everyone cheers. Frank is panting, Dwayne shuts the door, RICHARD Is that it? Are we in? PRANK (to Dwayne) *No one gets left behind! No one gets left behind!" Outstanding, soldier! Outstanding! Frank salutes him. Dwayne smiles, embarrassed. INT. /EXT. VW BUS, ON THE ROAD - pay - DRIVING MONTAGE ‘The VW drives down an on-ramp onto the Interstate.39. The VW cruises down I-95. Signs pass. Scenery goes by. Inside the bus, everyone just stares out the windows. Later, Grandpa is doing magic tricks for Olive. He produces a quarter from behind her ear and gives it to her. Later, everyone is playing rock, paper, scissors. still later, everyone is back to doing nothing. INT. VW BUS - ON THE ROAD ~ DAY Richard is pitching his business to Frank, who is bored, but not as bored as he would be doing nothing. He is slouched down, barely moving. Richard, however, is in full sell mode. RICHARD ..-So I start pitching “The Winner Inside” to Stan... Two minutes in, he stops me, says, “I can sell this.” FRANK Wow. RICHARD This is the guy who broke Tony Robbins! He knows how to do it -- start with the book; media tour; then corporate events, consulting, videos series, direct buys on TV... There’s a science in how you roll these things out. FRANK Interesting...1 RICHARD So now he’s at the Expo in Atlanta => he’s been hyping it up, building the buzz -- he's gonna send it out, do a ticking clock auction. FRANK How about that. RICHARD And I can detect that note of sarcasm, Frank... FRANK What sarcasm’RICHARD ..-But I just want you to know -- I feel sorry for you. FRANK You do? Good. RICHARD Because sarcasm is the refuge of losers. FRANK Tt is?! Really?! RICHARD Sarcasm is just the sour grapes of losers trying to pull winners down to their level. That’s one of the lessons of Step Four. FRANK Wow, Richard! You've really opened my eyes to what a loser I am! Say, how much do I owe you for those pearls of wisdom? RICHARD It’s on me, buddy. It’s on me. SHERYL Okay, you guys, enough. Frank, stop it. FRANK (pointing) “He started it!” Even Sheryl has to laugh a little at this. Pretty soon, everyone in the back is giggling. Even Dwayne smiles. SHERYL You are bad! You are so bad! FRANK I know! RICHARD Yeah, go on and laugh. You're whistling past the graveyard. Richard maintains a steely composure, Then Richard’s cell phone goes off: BEEEEP-BEEEEP. He checks the number.41, RICHARD (cont'd) There! That‘s the call I’ve been waiting for! Everybody, please! Everyone... .?! (clicks the phone) Stan! Hello...? Hello?! Hello?! EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE / PHONE BOOTH — Day Richard is in a phone booth at a gas station / mini-mart. Bveryone hangs out by the bus -- parked onc slight incline -- except Dwayne, who is doing push-ups on the grass nearby. INT. PHONE BOOTH - pay Richard waits tensely. Then -- abruptly -- he is “up”, RICHARD Stan! Richard! Yeah, yeah, no problem! So... What’d we get? He listens. Gradually, his face falls, BY THE VW -- Sheryl, Olive, Grandpa, and Frank watch Richard on the phone. Dwayne wanders back to the van SHERYL Honey, I’m-gonna use the ladies room. You need to go? 2 OLIVE No. I’m gonna practice my routine over here, ‘SHERYL, Okay. Don’t go too far, They both wander off. Frank turns to Dwayne and Grandpa. PRANK i’m gonna get a drink. You guys want anything? Dwayne shakes his head, but Grandpa pulls out his wallet. GRANDPA, Yeah. Get me some porn. something yeally nasty. None of that air- brushed shit, alright? Here, here's a twenty. Get a little freat for yourself too, if they got any fag-rags in there, Frank stares at Grandpa. Then, stoic, he takes the twenty and heads off. Dwayne and Grandpa turn back towards Richard.4a. INT. CONVENIENCE STORE ~ DAY Frank stands at the counter, pointing out behind-the-counter magazines to a middle-aged Indian-American PROPRIETOR. FRANK That one, ‘That one. And let's try that one. No, down... Yeah, that one. And a small grape Slushee. By the front window, a good-looking YOUNG MAN is perusing the newsstand, cradling a grocery bag. He stops and stares. YOUNG MAN Frank...? Frank turns. They are startled to see each other. YOUNG MAN (cont’d) Oh my God! What are you doing here?! Frank puts his arms behind his back, hiding his bandages. FRANK I’m...on a trip. What about.. thought you were YOUNG MAN ...With Larry? Yeah, Larry bought a beach house, right down the road about -- I don’t know -- about two miles. We're having this big blow- out tonight and he’s all freaked we're not gonna have enough booze. He nods to his grocery bag, filled with bottles of Merlot. FRANK Larry's here...?! YOUNG MAN He’s filling the tank. He's... Wow, I can’t believe this! How've you been? FRANK Fine. I'm fine. YOUNG MAN Good. Good. You know, I heard... Someone told me you got fired. FRANK Yeah. No, I quit. I quit. Enough’s enough, you know?as. YOUNG MAN Right. Well, good. Good for you. ‘Cause you always seemed so... tense, y'know? FRANK Yah. YOUNG MAN So what’re you up to now? FRANK I'm... Weighing my options. You know, Taking time off, YOUNG MAN Well, great. That’s great. The Proprietor puts three porn magazines and a grape Slushee on the counter and rings them up for Frank. PROPRIETOR $15.94, please, sir. ‘The Young Man glances at the magazines, then at Frank. Frank keeps his hands behind his back. An excruciating pause. YOUNG MAN 7 Well, great seeing you again. FRANK Yeah. You too. YOUNG MAN Take care of yourself. FRANK You too. The Young Man turns and exits. Frank hands over a $20 bill. He watches the Young Man walk off while the Proprietor puts the magazines in a brown wrapper and hands Frank his change. Frank takes a few steps and peers out the window. HIS POV -- The Young Man gets into a Jaguar convertible driven by a distinguished-looking BEARDED MAN. The Young Man says something and points back at the store. The Bearded Man turns and cranes his neck. Frank, in the store, ducks out of view. The Young Man and the Bearded Man exchange a few words, then shrug and laugh.44, Then they drive off. Frank watches, heartbroken. Behind him, the Proprietor picks up the Slushee and waves it. PROPRIETOR Ay! Don’t forget your Slushee! EXT. PHONE BOOTH - DAY Richard is grasping at straws. RICHARD Okay, Stan, wait, lemme interrupt you... No, Stan, listen -- are you in Atlanta? ‘Cause I’m coming xight by you. Maybe I can swing by and... No, Stan, listen...! EXT. VW BUS - PARKED - DAY Grandpa, standing by the bus, reads Richard’s body language. Richard, in the booth, talks with increasing desperation. GRANDPA. He's not getting it. Christ. He and Dwayne share a look. Grandpa turns away, troubled. Frank walks stiffly back to the bus with his Slushee and the wrapper. Without looking, he hands the wrapper to Grandpa. FRANK How's it going? GRANDPA, Not so good. Sheryl walks back to the VW as Richard hangs up the phone. Richard stays in the booth for a second. ‘Then he exits the booth and walks back to the VW, passing Sheryl. SHERYL So what happened? RICHARD Nothing. Let’s get out of here. He walks to the driver's seat. SHERYL Wait a minute. I thought you said this was a done deal. RICHARD He said it was a done deal.SHERYL You didn’t get anything? (beat) So where does that leave us? RICHARD It leaves us fucked. That's where it leaves us. Pause. SHERYL I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Did you try negotiating...? RICHARD Yes, I tried! I tried everything! What do you think...?! Let's just go, okay? Let’s get out of here! He starts the car. She stares at him. He won't look at her. Finally, he turns and yells: RICHARD (cont'd) Let's go!!! Furious, she goes and gets in the bus, slamming the door. Everyone else gets in. Richard releases the brake and they drift down the hill. As the van rolls away, Richard shifts and GUNS the engine. INT. VW BUS ~ ON THE ROAD - DAY Silence. Everyone avoids everyone else’s eyes. Finally, Frank glances around. FRANK Where’s Olive? EXT. PHONE BOOTH - DAY Olive stands next to the phone booth. In the distance, the VW bus appears. It drives up and swings around the road. Dwayne slides open the door. They barely slow down. Olive dives in. The van coasts downhill. Then Richard shifts into gear and GUNS the engine.46. INT. WW BUS - on THE ROAD ~ pay Richard drives, Everyone is tense s*Cept Olive, who listens to her headphones. Finally, Grandpa gers up and walks up to the front of the bus. He speaks quietly to Richard. GRANDPA, Richard... RICHARD Yeah... GRANDPA, RICHARD Okay, Dad. Thanks. He tries to be cool and dismissive, but Grandpa just stands there. Finally, Richard tums and makes eye contact, RICHARD (cont'd) Thanks, Dad. IND. MCDONALDS — Nrgup Everyone sits at a fable eating. No one Says anything, EXT. MOTEL - nrgHp With keys in their hands, they walk along the motor court, looking for their rooms, SHERYL, Here's eleven, Frank, you're twelve? and Grandpa's thirteen, OLIVE Mom? Can I sleep with Grandpa? SHERYL, That's up to him, OLIVE Grandpa,47. GRANDPA Okay. I got two beds. You could still use some rehearsing... OLIVE I know! That's why I said...! RICHARD Everyone, we’re getting up at seven. I’11 knock on your door. We want to be on the road by eight so we can be in Boca in time for registration. It’s two hundred miles, so we can’t dawdle. SHERYL Frank? You guys’1l be all right? FRANK We’ll be fine. Dwayne nods. Sheryl kisses Dwayne and Olive. SHERYL Okay. Goodnight. Sleep tight. Everyone waves goodnight to each other. INT, MOTEL ROOM ELEVEN - NIGHT Sheryl and Richard enter. Sheryl closes the door. RICHARD What a fucking nightmare...! SHERYL Richard... We have to talk, RICHARD Please, not now. Let’s just get through this and get home... SHERYL No, Richard. We need to talk now. INT. MOTEL ROOM TWELVE - NIGHT Dwayne lies on his bed staring at the ceiling. Through the walls we can HEAR Sheryl and Richard arguing very loudly. SHERYL (0.S.) You said it was a done dea. RICHARD (0.S.) Stan Grossman gave me his word!a8. SHERYL (0.S.) I'm not married to Stan Grossman! Jesus, Richard, what’re we gonna do? RICHARD (0.S.) We just keep going... SHERYL (0.S.) I can't, Richard, it’s too much! It’s too much, I'can’t take it! the bathroom, squirting Rogaine on Et cetera. Frank wanders out of He watches Dwayne. his head and rubbing his scalp. FRANK Hey. Don‘t listen to that. Come on, let’s watch the tube. He turns on the TV. Dwayne sits up and turns the TV off. He lies down, stares at the ceiling again. Frank looks at him. FRANK I’m gonna brush my teeth. He turns and goes back to the bathroom. INT. MOTEL BATHROOM - NIGHT Frank enters, turns on the faucet, prepares to brush teeth. He sees himself in the mirror and stops. A beat. He opens up his wallet, pulls out the photo he looked at earlier, stares at it. Again, we can’t see the photo. He looks at himself in the mirror again. INT. MOTEL ROOM TWELVE - NIGHT The fight continues. Dwayne listens, scowling. RICHARD (0.S.) I trusted him, okay?! Step Three is you have to trust people! SHERYL (0.S.) Fuck the Nine Steps, Richard! ‘They're not working! It's over! Forget it!!! I never want to hear the Nine Steps again!!! A stunned silence. Dwayne, hearing this, just barely smiles.49. INT. MOTEL ROOM THIRTEEN - NIGHT Grandpa tucks Olive -- in pajamas -- into bed. It's quiet -- we can’t hear Sheryl and Richard fighting. GRANDPA There you go. Snug as a bug in a rug. OLIVE Grandpa. GRANDPA Yeah? She hesitates. OLIVE I’m kind of scared about tomorrow. GRANDPA Olive, you're gonna blow ‘em out of the water. I guarantee it. They won't know what hit ‘em. She smiles. He’s about to leave her when... OLIVE Grandpa. . .? He turns back, She hesitates again. Something’s really bothering her. GRANDPA (cont'd) It's okay, What's the matter? OLIVE I don’t want to be a loser. GRANDPA You’re not a loser, Olive! why do you say that?! OLIVE Because...! Dad hates losers. That's what he said! GRANDPA But you’re not a loser! And your Dad would never hate you, ever! OLIVE But what if I lose tomorrow? She’s on the verge of tears. He takes her hand.GRANDPA Whoa, whoa, back up a second. You can’t lose. You know why? Because a real loser isn’t someone who doesn’t win, A real loser is someone who's so afraid of not winning they don’t even try. That’s not you! You‘re in the contest! You’re gonna dance! So even if you win, or you don’t win, you've already won! See? You see? You-see-you-see-you-see? He tickles her. She squeals. He stops, brushes her hair. GRANDPA I think we're gonna have fun tomorrow. You think? (she nods) Okay. I’m gonna get ready for bed. Goodnight. Sleep tight. OLIVE Don’t let the bedbugs bite! He gives her a kiss, turns off the lamp. INT. MOTEL ROOM TWELVE - NIGHT Frank re-enters from the bathroom wearing monogrammed silk pajamas, a sleeping mask on his head. Dwayne is in bed reading THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA. Frank climbs into bed. Dwayne sits up, looks at Frank, concerned. FRANK What? Dwayne shows his pad of paper to Frank. It reads: “Please don’t kill yourself tonight” Frank shakes his head. FRANK (cont’d) Not on your watch. I wouldn’t do that to you. Dwayne nods, relieved. Frank pulls his sleeping mask over his eyes, lies back. Dwayne leans over, turns out the light. INT. MOTEL BATHROOM - DAY Grandpa enters and locks the door.51. He opens his shaving kit and takes out a small mirror and a tiny ziploc baggie filled with light brown powder. INT. MOTEL ROOM ELEVEN - NIGHT Richard and Sheryl sit on opposite sides of the bed, not facing each other. It’s quiet, They’ve hit rock bottom. SHERYL Maybe we should try living apart. Just for a while. Richard closes his eyes. This kills him. Abruptly, Richard stands, gathers his keys, wallet, etc. SHERYL What're you doing? Richard...? RICHARD I’m gonna fix this. SHERYL Richard... RICHARD I'm gonna fix this. Don’t worry. He grabs his coat and exits, very determined. Sheryl, left behind, flops back on the bed. EXT, MOTEL PARKING LOT - NIGHT Richard strides to the VW bus, parked parallel on the street. A small crowd of TEENAGERS is hanging out, smoking and drinking. ‘Three Teen Boys are puttering around on mopeds. Richard -- on a mission -- climbs in the VW’s driver's seat and starts it up. He shifts into third and REVS the engine. The VW doesn’t move. He REVS it very high and loud, jostling in his seat to try to get the bus going. It stays still. Richard takes his foot of the gas, slumps back. The Teens stop chatting and stare at him. Richard, at the end of his rope, turns and looks at the Teens and their mopeds. JUMP TO: Richard walks up to the Teens on their mopeds. They are wary. Richard smiles, tries to be friendly.52. RICHARD Hey! How would one of you guys like to make twenty dollars? The Teens look at each other. ‘TEEN BOY Fuck off, fag. This amuses the other Teens. Richard -- undeterred -- pulls out his wallet, opens it up to see how much cash he has. RICHARD Okay, look... cur TO: EXT. HIGHWAY ENTRANCE - NIGHT - LONG SHOT An empty highway entrance, lit by streetlamps. Interstate traffic flies by at 70mph -- cars, SUVs, eighteen wheelers. Into the frame and down the entrance ramp rides Richard, balanced precariously on a borrowed moped, pushing 35mph. He edges into the break-down lane and drives parallel to the SWOOSHING traffic, a look of grim determination on his face. He passes a sign that reads, “Atlanta, 23 Miles.” FADE TO BLACK EXT. MOTEL PLAYGROUND - NIGHT It’s quiet. An empty children’s playground sits near the motel, lit by a single streetlamp. Sheryl lies on a platform swing, rocking back and forth, smoking a cigarette, staring up at the stars. She looks at her wedding ring, jiggles it with her thumb. FADE IN the WHINE of a moped. EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT - NIGHT Richard pulls into parking lot of a large chain hotel. A marquee out front reads, “Life/Styles Expo. Welcome!” INT. HOTEL HALLWAY - NIGHT Richard comes in a side exit and strides down a long, carpeted hallway. Empty conference rooms line the hall.bs. Outside each conference room is an easel with a foam board mock-up of a self-help book cover. Richard walks past face after face of aspiring self-help gurus. INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT Richard -- windblown, still in shorts and sneakers -- strides into a well-appointed lobby. A female CONCIERGE is on late- night duty. He walks to a courtesy phone, picks it up. RICHARD (cont‘d) (into phone) Stan Grossman, please. ‘Thank you. Through the receiver, we hear RINGING. Then VOICE-MAIL. VOICE MAIL (via phone) ‘The hotel guest you're calling is not available. Please leave a message at the tone. BEEP. RICHARD Stan, it’s Richard... (at a loss) I don’t know where the fuck you are. I’m at your hotel. Call me. He hangs up and looks around, exasperated. He takes out his cell phone and dials. He puts the phone to his ear. As the phone RINGS in his ear, we hear the synchronized BLEATING of a cell phone from the hotel bar nearby. It takes Richard a second to make the connection. He turns. In the bar/lounge, a boistrous group of CORPORATE TYPES -- prosperously attired men, meticulously groomed women -~ are seated around a booth, drinking and laughing together. Holding court is Stan Grossman, a swarthy mid-30s go-getter wearing khakis, loafers, and a cashmere V-neck. Richard watches as Stan pulls out his cell phone, checks the caller ID, shakes his head, puts the phone away. Richard -- phone in his ear -- walks over and stands behind Stan Grossman, staring down at him. ‘The Corporate Types stop laughing. Stan turns, looks up at Richard. Richard smiles. RICHARD (cont'd) Hi, Stan!Da. EXT. HOTEL PARKING LOT - NIGHT Richard and Stan argue next to a dumpster in the parking lot behind the hotel. Richard’s borrowed moped is parked nearby. RICHARD You said it would sell.. STAN GROSSMAN That's what I thought! At the time! RICHARD But it’s a great program! You said yourself! TI don’t understand...! STAN GROSSMAN It’s not the program, Richard, it’s you, okay? No one’s heard of you. Nobody cares. Richard exhales, shakes his head, gathers himself. RICHARD So what's the next step? STAN GROSSMAN ‘There is none. We had our shot. It didn’t fly. We move on. RICHARD You mean give up. STAN GROSSMAN Richard... RICHARD One set back, you're ready to quit. STAN GROSSMAN Richard, listen -- I pushed this thing hard, okay? I rammed it down their fucking throats, all right? No one bought it. Now, I know the market. It’s time to move on. You're not gonna win this one. Richard stares at Stan, absorbing this. Then he speaks with a strained nonchalance, nodding and smiling. RICHARD Okay...! Good! I’m glad. You know why? This is what the Nine Steps are all about...STAN GROSSMAN Richard! Jesus...! RICHARD You blew it, Stan. You're out. Richard turns and walks off. Stan can’t believe it. He watches Richard, shakes his head and re-enters the hotel. Richard strides to the moped, looks both ways, climbs on and pedals furiously. The moped sputters to life. EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT Richard, grim, rides his borrowed moped along the breakdown lane as cars and trucks ROAR past him. This is -- hands down -- the worst moment of his life. ‘Then there's a FLASH of lightning and a CLAP of thunder. Tt starts to rain. Richard keeps riding. INT. MOTEL - NIGHT A darkened motel room. We hear the WHINE of the moped as it pulls into the parking lot and up to the door. The door opens and Richard -- dazed, soaking wet -- steps in. He closes the door behind him, walks over, lies on the bed fully clothed -- and stares up at the ceiling. Sheryl, sleeping, wakes up and sees Richard. SHERYL Yl okay? He nods, Sheryl rubs his arm, rolls over, goes back to sleep. Richard stares up at the ceiling. FADE ‘TO BLACK OLIVE (V.0.) Dad. . INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAWN Richard opens his eyes. Olive is standing next to the bed. The blue light of dawn is coming through the windows. RICHARD What is it, hon.. OLIVE Grandpa won't wake up.po. Richard takes this in. EXT. AMBULANCE ROOF - DAY We are behind the lights of an ambulance as it speeds down a commercial strip. The LIGHTS FLASH and SIREN BLARES. INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM - DAY Everyone sits silently in a waiting room, waiting for news. Olive, bored, goes through a rack of medical flyers. She takes one She takes and approaches Dwayne. OLIVE You want to take an eye test? (Dwayne shakes his head) Uncle Frank? You want to take an eye test? SHERYL Olive, come here, Put that away. We're gonna have a family meeting. Dwayne? Family meeting. RICHARD What? Now? SHERYL Richard...! Let's just do it. a breath. She turns to the kids. SHERYL (cont'd) First of all, the doctors are doing everything they can to help Grandpa right now. He's had a long... (searches for words) ..-eventful life, and I know he loves both of you very much. But if God wants to take him, we have to be ready to accept that, okay? (they nod) Now, I think you guys know we’ve been having money problems lately, with Richard's venture and everything... ‘Things haven’t really gone the way we hoped. So it looks like when we get home we might have to make some changes in the way we live. We might have to move out of our house. We might have to declare bankruptcy. 1 don’t know. I have to talk to a lawyer about all that.She looks at Richard, the kids. Her voice becomes shaky. SHERYL (cont’d) But whatever happens -- we're a family. What's important is that we love each other. I love you guys so, so, so much... She turns away, starts to cry. Frank puts his hand on her shoulder. Sheryl grasps it. Olive and Dwayne watch Sheryl. Dwayne writes a note, shows it to Olive. It reads “Go hug Mom!” Olive goes and hugs Sheryl. Sheryl, crying, picks up Olive and holds her in her lap, hugging her. Dwayne gets up, goes across the waiting room and stares out the window. OUT THE WINDOW A second floor view. Tt’s a banal suburban landscape. Cars go busily back and forth on a distant road. Dwayne just stares out the window with a blank face, Behind him, a DOCTOR enters the waiting area. DOCTOR Are you the family of Edwin Harvey? INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY Everyone is gathered in a smaller room. The Doctor closes the door behind him. He turns to face them. DOCTOR I’m sorry. We did everything we could. He was... Tt was too much. He probably fell asleep and never woke up. 1/11 have someone come talk about handling the remains. RICHARD ‘Thank you. Appreciate it. The Doctor opens the door and calls down the hall. DOCTOR Linda. . He gestures, then departs. Silence. OLIVE Is Grandpa dead?58. SHERYL Yeah, honey. He’s passed away. Olive nods, says nothing. A hospital administrator, LINDA, comes in with a sheaf of papers. She is overburdened and all business. LINDA I’m your bereavement liaison, Linda. My consolations for your loss. RICHARD Thank you, Linda. Linda hands Richard her sheaf of paperwork. LINDA, (fast, indifferent) Okay. ‘These are the forms you need to fill out -- death certificate, report of death and the M.E. pink slip. Try and be as detailed as possible. This is a brochure for our Grief Recovery Support Group that meets Tuesdays. If you'd like, I can refer you at this time to a funeral home so you can begin making arrangements. Richard and Sheryl glance at each other. RICHARD Um, actually, pre-arrangements have been made with a home in Maryland. LINDA In Maryland. ..? RICHARD Yeah, we’re passing through. Y‘see, we're trying to get to Boca Raton... LINDA Okay -- if the body is crossing state lines? You're gonna need a Burial Transit Permit from the County Registrar... RICHARD Okay, fine, but here’s the thing -- we're trying to get to Boca Raton by three o’clock this afternoon...LINDA Three o'clock? Today? (checks her watch) That ain’t gonna happen. RICHARD It's for my daughter. This is really important. LINDA It may be important, but you still have to fill out this paperwork. RICHARD Okay, I know this is unusual... Is there a way we can go and come back? I mean, can we do paperwork later? LINDA You can’t abandon the body: RICHARD LINDA I'm not gonna abandon the ..-Otherwise the hospital body. I just want to go and becomes responsible... come back. We just need to there’s a way these things get to Boca and then we'll need to be done. Sir? come back! We'll come back! Sir...? Sir!!! LINDA (cont'd) Sir, this may surprise you, but you’re not the only one who’s had someone die here today, all right?! Now we have a way of doing things around here, and I‘m gonna ask you to respect our rules and procedures! Silence. Richard stares at the floor, seething. A pause. Richard speaks with great restraint. RICHARD Could you...? Is there a way we could view the remains? LINDA (nods, also restrained) 1/11 show you, yes. We haven’t had a chance to move him downstairs. She leads them out. INT, HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY Linda stops in front of an intensive care room. Sir, by.60. LINDA He’s in here. Now someone may come by in a few minutes to take him to the basement, but just tell them who you are. They’11 wait. RICHARD ‘Thank you. LINDA When you're done with the paperwork I'll be in the nurse’s station. RICHARD Okay. Great. Thank you, Linda. She departs. INT. INTENSIVE CARE ROOM - DAY They enter. It’s quiet. There’s a body under a sheet. Richard walks over and peers under it, then puts it down. He turns away and faces the wall. He starts hyperventilating -- choking down the emotion. He doesn’t want to lose control, and he’s not comfortable showing his feelings. RICHARD (under his breath) Goddam it, Dad. Goddamn it. (beat) Stupid, stupid, stupid...1!! He shakes his head and takes a few sharp breaths, getting himself under control -- still facing the wall. Sheryl hugs Olive, stroking her hair. Olive is dry-eyed - this is all new to her. Sheryl bends down and whispers: SHERYL We'll do Little Miss Sunshine next year. Okay, honey? Next year. Olive nods. No one says anything. Finally, Richard tums around. He is very determined. RICHARD No. We‘ve come seven hundred miles. 1/11 be damned if I’m not making that contest. SHERYL Honey... We can’t leave him!61. RICHARD We're not going to leave him. Richard dumps the paperwork in a wastebasket. He opens the door, glances into the hallway. He closes the door. RICHARD (cont'd) Fuck...! He looks desperately around the room. He sees the window. He goes to the window, opens it up. EXT, HOSPITAL - DAY Richard peers out the window. He's at the back side of the building, seven or eight feet above a near-empty parking lot. INT. INTENSIVE CARE ROOM - DAY Richard ducks back in. He tosses his car keys to Dwayne. RICHARD Dwayne. Go around outside. SHERYL Richard... hat are you thinking? RICHARD We'll take him with us. SHERYL No, Richard. No. That's not going to happen. RICHARD He's better off with us than with these people! (to Dwayne) Go under the window. Frank, you go with him. SHERYL Dwayne, don’t you dare! (to Richard) Look: you stay here. We’ll take Olive. Frank’11 drive! RICHARD We’ll be there in two hours! 1/11 have a funeral home meet us as soon as we arrive! (never say die:) Listen, everyone. (MORE)bz. RICHARD (cont'd) If there’s one thing Grandpa would’ve wanted, it’s to have Olive perform at the Little Miss Sunshine pageant. I believe we'd be doing a grave disservice to his memory if we gave up now. There's two kinds of people in the world: winners and losers. And what's the difference? Winners don’t give up. So what are we here? Are we winners? Or losers? cur TO: EXT, HOSPITAL - DAY Richard peeks out the window. RICHARD Okay, ready? Frank, Dwayne, Sheryl and Olive stand under the window, trying to look inconspicuous. Frank gestures -- Wait. Across the lot, two NURSES stroll toward the hospital. FRANK Not yet... Not yet The Nurses pass out of sight. FRANK (cont'd) Okay -- go, go, go! Richard disappears for a second, then reappears with a big bundle wrapped in a sheet. He hoists it into the window. RICHARD Careful... Careful... He edges the bundle off the window ledge. Frank and Dwayne gently lower the bundle to the ground. They glance around. FRANK Okay! Here we go! One, two... Frank, Dwayne, Sheryl and Olive lift the bundle together and scuttle across the parking lot to the VW bus fifty feet away. An ELDERLY COUPLE walking fifty yards away observes them. FRANK (cont’d) Be cool. Be cool. Almost there. ‘They arrive at the bus.os. Dwayne whips open the VW’s back door (a hatchback that hides your luggage) and they hoist the bundle in. Frank slams the door closed. Richard comes sprinting into the parking lot. RICHARD Okay, let’s roll! You ready? FRANK any time, Rich! Richard starts up the bus, gets out and helps them push. They get the bus rolling, ‘The lot is at a slight incline, which helps. Finally, Richard jumps behind the wheel. RICHARD Okay, I’m putting it into gear...! Sheryl and Olive jump in the side door. Frank and Dwayne run behind the bus, pushing like crazy. FRANK Did I mention I’m the pre-eminent Proust scholar in the US? Richard REVS the engine and puts it in third. The bus begins picking up speed. Dwayne and Frank sprint along side. This time, Dwayne is prepared to push Frank up along-side the bus. Frank lunges in, Dwayne jumps in after him. INT. VW BUS - DAY Dwayne slides the door shut. They're giddy and breathless from the escape. They quickly sober up. RICHARD Okay, what time is it? SHERYL (checks her watch) Tt’s 11:30. How much further. RICHARD I dunno. ‘wo hundred miles. FRANK And when does registration end? SHERYL ‘Three o'clock. They do the math.64. FRANK It's gonna be close. RICHARD No, we/ll make it. We just can’t stop. No one has to pee, right? Olive is thinking. OLIVE Dad? wWhat’s gonna happen to Grandpa? RICHARD Honey, as soon as we get to Florida, I’m gonna call a funeral home in’ Maryland and they’ll take care of everything. Your Grandpa was smart and planned ahead. Okay? Olive nods. That’s not really what she was asking about. Sheryl sees this. SHERYL Honey, Grandpa's soul is in Heaven now. He’s with God. Okay? Olive nods. She turns and looks out the window. OUT THE WINDOW . The passing landscape of the road leading back to the Interstate. It seems a long way from God. CLOSE ON OLIVE Thinking. FADE TO BLACK Begin MUSIC -- the same quiet tune that began the film. EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY ~ MONTAGE ‘The VW cruises past fields, billboards, farms, rest stops. INT. VW BUS - ON THE ROAD - DAY - MONTAGE ‘The dialogue below plays over the following shots. The family drives in silence, each looking out the window. Richard drives ~- stoic, determined. Sheryl is pensive. She sneaks glances at Richard.Frank, subdued, watches Sheryl. He rubs Olive on the head. Olive, headphones around her neck, stares out the window. Dwayne lies across the back seat, staring up. DWAYNE’S POV -- Passing power lines undulate against the sky. From the back, we see the highway passing as each person is lost in a reverie. Sheryl, in the front, looks at Richard, reaches over and rubs Richard's neck. Richard glances at her, keeps driving. OLIVE (0.S.) Uncle Frank? Does everyone get to go to Heaven? FRANK (0.S.) That’s an excellent question, Olive. Actually, the Hindus believe that you get as many lives as you want. Buddhists believe that you live many lives but at a certain point you reach Nirvana and cross the finish line. Christians believe you only get one life -. they don’t believe in do-overs. OLIVE (0.8.) What do you believe? FRANK (0.S.) I dunno. I haven’t made my mind up. What about you? OLIVE I think everyone goes to Heaven. FRANK Even me? OLIVE Yes! FRANK You promise? OLIVE FADE ‘TO BLACKINT. VW BUS - ON THE ROAD - DAY ‘They are cruising. Olive has her headphones back on, though she’s not bouncing anymore -- just nodding her head. Sheryl points to a passing sign, “Boca Raton -- 61 Miles.” SHERYL, Sixty one miles. What time is it? Frank checks his watch. FRANK Five of two.. Sheryl looks worriedly at Richard. Richard steps on the gas. RICHARD We'll make it! Don’t worry! SHERYL We're cutting it close... RICHARD It's not even close! We/1l be A car cuts in front of him. He brakes. : RICHARD (cont'd) Look out! Asshole! He HONKS the horn loudly at the guy. FRANK What happened? RICHARD He cut me off! ‘The horn keeps HONKING intermittently. SHERYL Okay. You can stop now. RICHARD It’s not me! This thing is stuck. He tries to pull the horn button up. Instead, he gets a long continuous HOOOONK. He lets go. It stops. SHERYL Okay, just leave it.. Silence, Then a HONK. Another silence. HONK, HONK.67. SHERYL (cont’d) Maybe if you pull it from... She tries to lift up another part. HOOOOONK. She stops. RICHARD Just leave it, okay? We'll fix it when we get to Boca! SHERYL Okay, fine! Silence. HONK! Silence. HONK! HONK! Silence. Dwayne puts his head in his hands. He can’t stand it. FRANK How many days ‘til you enlist? Dwayne pulls out his pad and writes. He shows it: “623” Frank contemplates this. FRANK (cont’d) Maybe I can adopt you. Dwayne stares out the window. HONK! Silence. HOOONK! EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY The van, its horn BLARING, cruises past a State Trooper hiding behind an evergreen. The TROOPER hits the lights. INT. VW BUS - ON THE ROAD - DAY Richard sees the lights in the rear-view mirror. RICHARD Oh, Jesus! I’m being pulled over! Everybody: act normal, okay?. Like everything is normal. Here we go... He pulls onto the breakdown lane and stops. The HORN continues HONKING intermittently. The Trooper, a 50-ish good ol’ boy, gets out and approaches. TROOPER How're you folks doin’ today? RICHARD Fine! Doin’ fine! (HONK) Sorry!68. ‘TROOPER Having trouble with your horn? RICHARD Yeah, a little trouble. (HONK) sorry! (HONK) Sorry!!! Prank leans forward gleefully: FRANK Don’t apologize, Rich! It’s a sign of weakness Richard ignores him. TROOPER Would you step out of your vehicle? EXT. HIGHWAY ~ DAY Reluctantly, Richard gets out. The Trooper gestures towards the back of the van. TROOPER Would you step this way? RICHARD No...! TROOPER what? RICHARD Don’t. TROOPER Don’t what? Richard shuts up. The Trooper sees him glance at the trunk. ‘TROOPER You have something in your trunk? RICHARD No! Nothing! There’s nothing. It’s just... Don’t open it. The Trooper is incredulous.oy. TROOPER Sir, you realize you've just given me probable cause to search your trunk? Put your hands on top of your vehicle. Now don’t move. He shakes his head and walks back towards the trunk. RICHARD Please! It’s not illegal, it’s... TROOPER Sir, I’d advise you to keep your mouth shut. Richard shuts up. The Trooper pulls his gun and hesitantly approaches the trunk. INT. VW BUS - DAY Everyone surreptitiously watches the Trooper. SHERYL (sotto) Oh no, what's he doing?! EXT, HIGHWAY - DAY Richard watches the Trooper walk around the back of the bus and reach for the trunk. He closes his eyes. © The Trooper opens the trunk. ‘TROOPER, Whoa! Goddamn!!! Richard opens his eyes, shakes his head -- this is the end. ‘TROOPER Sir, would you come here? Richard walks back. The Trooper bends down behind the bus. Rounding the corner, Richard sees the Trooper picking up Grandpa’s porn magazines, which have spilled onto the road. ‘The bundled sheet sits in plain sight. The Trooper, distracted, gathers the magazines and stands. He grins. TROOPER (cont'd) Don’t worry, I ain’t gonna bust you. He looks in the bus, smiles and waves at Sheryl and Olive.10. INT. VW BUS - DAY Everyone in the bus -- minds blown -- waves back. EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY The Trooper tidies the magazines and, grinning, shuffles through them with a connoisseur’s eye -- Swank, High Society, Black Tail. The next magazine: Honcho. A beefy, moustached stud gazes smolderingly from the cover. The Trooper stops grinning. He looks at Richard. Richard shrugs and laughs nervously. INT, VW BUS - DAY As the Trooper's cruiser pulls back onto the highway, Richard walks to the front, climbs in, slams the door. SHERYL What happened?! RICHARD (steely) I/11 tell you when I regain consciousness. (starts the car) Frank. Dwayne. Get out and push. INT. VW BUS - ON THE ROAD ~ DAY They are cruising. The horn HONKS in occasional spurts. Everyone ignores it. Olive plays with an eye chart she got at the hospital. She points at a diminishing set of “E"s. Dwayne is in the back seat, holding a hand over one eye and pointing his finger up, down, or sideways to correspond to the rotation of the “E", Dwayne makes it through the chart. OLIVE 20/20 vision! Mom, Dwayne has 20/20 vision! SHERYL I bet he does. OLIVE Okay, further back! Dwayne and Olive continue with the charts, with Dwayne sitting further back. Sheryl points to a passing sign. SHERYL Boca Raton! Forty six!nl. Frank checks his watch. FRANK It's 2:15PM...1 Sheryl looks at Richard, who steps on the gas. RICHARD We'll make it, okay?! Maybe a few minutes late. SHERYL No, Richard. They said three o'clock sharp! They were very explicit. You don’t want to fuck with these people. Trust me. FRANK You know where it is? SHERYL The Holiday Inn, She said it’s just off the highway. You can’t miss it. RICHARD She better be right. In the back, Olive pulls out a new flyer. OLIVE Okay, now I’m gonna test if you're colorblind. What letter is in the circle? She holds up a chart with a green circle. Inside the circle, in a mosaic pattern, is a bright red letter “A”. Dwayne makes a gesture, “There's nothing there.” OLIVE (cont'd) No, inside the circle! Right there! Dwayne shakes his head again. Olive glances at Frank. OLIVE (cont’d) It’s an “A"! Can’t you see it?! It's red! See? Right there! Dwayne takes the chart and stares at it. FRANK You can’t see the "A"? It’s bright red. Can you see the difference between the green and the red? Dwayne shakes his head helplessly. Frank turns away.72. FRANK (cont’d) Oh, man. Dwayne looks at him. He pulls out his pad and writes: “What?” Frank doesn’t say anything. Dwayne points violently at the pad. Frank looks at him. Quietly: FRANK (cont'd) Dwayne. I think you're colorblind. Dwayne doesn’t understand. He points at the pad again. FRANK (cont'd) You can’t fly jets in the Navy if you're colorblind. Then he seems to implode in on himself, Dwayne does nothing. Frank shouts towards the front. curling up in a ball. FRANK (cont’d) Rich, pull over! RICHARD What?! FRANK We have an emergency back here! RICHARD What is it? FRANK Just pull over! RICHARD What’s the emergency? FRANK Sheryl, will you make him pull over?! SHERYL Richard. ..! RICHARD We're gonna be late if... SHERYL Richard!!! RICHARD I’m pulling over, okay?! I'm pulling over!7B. He puts on the clicker. EXT. SIDE OF THE INTERSTATE - DAY The bus pulls into the break-down lane beside the highway. The door slides open and Dwayne gets out onto the grassy slope by the side of the road. He walks off with his head in his hands. This is the first time we’ve heard his voice. DWAYNE, mt (beat) Fuck!!! ‘The others get out of the car and watch him. SHERYL what happened? FRANK He's colorblind. He can’t fly. SHERYL Oh, Jesus. Oh, no. ‘Thirty yards away Dwayne falls to his knees, buries his hands and face in the grass, and SHRIEKS like a wild animal. There’s an out-of-control quality to his behavior that is scary and disturbing. Finally, Dwayne rolls to a sitting position, his hands covering his face. He sits there crying. The others don’t know what to do. Richard glances at Sheryl. He points at his watch and shrugs. SHERYL (cont‘d) Let's give him a second. In the background, the VW keeps HONKING like some demonic beast -~ mocking Dwayne’s helplessness. Finally, Sheryl approaches Dwayne. SHERYL (cont’d) Dwayne? Honey? I’m sorry. He says nothing. She sighs. SHERYL Dwayne... Come on, we gotta go. DWAYNE I’m not going.74. SHERYL Dwayne... DWAYNE I'm not! I don’t care! i'm not getting in that bus again! SHERYL Dwayne... For better or worse: we’re your family. Dwayne stands up and screams at them. DWAYNE You’re not my family! I don’t want to be your family! I hate you fucking people! I hate you! (he points at them) Divorce! Bankrupt! Suicide You're losers! You're fucking losers! Everyone is stunned by this outburst. Dwayne puts his hands over his eyes and sits down again. DWAYNE (cont'd) Just leave me, Mom. Please? Just leave me here. Sheryl gets up and walks back to the others. SHERYL I don’t know what to do. RICHARD We're gonna be late. Can we leave somebody here with him? FRANK T/ll stay. SHERYL No, we're not doing that. RICHARD Olive, you want to talk to him? SHERYL No, Richard. There’s nothing to say. We just have to wait. A beat. Then Olive walks over and sits down next to Dwayne. Dwayne’s face is red and snot is dribbling from his nose. He has a piece of straw and he’s poking some ants in the grass.78. She puts her arm on his shoulder and watches him poke. The ants climb busily over the grass. They sit quietly. ‘Then Dwayne stands up. DWAYNE Okay, let's go. He walks back to the others. His voice is automatic. DWAYNE (cont'd) I apologize for the things I said. I was upset. I didn’t really mean them, PRANK (mock-tender) Dwayne... We know you did. SHERYL Frank... (to Dwayne) It's okay. Let’s just go. ‘They all start pushing the bus. INT. VW BUS - ON THE ROAD ~ DAY Richard is weaving through traffic -- the engine’s RFVVING VERY HIGH. Richard, Sheryl, Olive, and Prank axe looking ahead intently. Dwayne is slouched in the back, staring at nothing. The horn has tapered off to an occasional HONK. Frank checks his watch. FRANK 2:50...! RICHARD We're gonna make it! Olive, don’t worry! We'll be on time! JUMP TO: The same. Frank checks his watch. FRANK 2:55! RICHARD Just look for the exit! It's coming up! JUMP TO:16. The same. Frank checks his watch again. FRANK 2:58! No one says anything, Then Richard points. RICHARD There! That’s it! Can anyone see a Holiday Inn? A beat. Olive points. OLIVE There! Little Miss Sunshine! As they ride up the exit ramp, the sign in front of the Holiday Inn reads, “Little Miss Sunshine.” Richard comes off the ramp onto a four lane commercial road. There's a maze of service roads and parking lots between him and the Holiday Inn. Richard is baffled. RICHARD How the fuck do you get over there? SHERYL Turn here! Turn here! Richard takes a right into a service road. SHERYL (cont‘d) Will you slow down? RICHARD I can’t! I'm in third gear! FRANK 2:59PM! RICHARD Does anyone see a turn-off? How the fuck do you get over there? ‘They drive past the Holiday Inn -- a few hundred yards away. OLIVE Dad! You drove past it! RICHARD ‘There's no place to turn in! SHERYL Turn around! You gotta turn around!7. RICHARD Okay, hold on, everybody. The VW screeches around in a wide arc across four lanes of (luckily empty) traffic. Richard guns the under-revving engine. They again drive past the distant Holiday Inn. RICHARD (cont'd) Can anyone see a way in? SHERYL Go over there, then cut across! RICHARD Okay, hold on! ‘The VW squeals around a left turn onto another service road. RICHARD (cont'd) There’s no way in! What the fuck?! OLIVE Dad! You're driving past il SHERYL There! Into the parking lot! She points. Richard tums into an enormous empty parking lot. He drives towards the Holiday Inn in the distance. There's’ still no clear path on how to get there. RICHARD It's a dead end! SHERYL No, go over there! RICHARD It's the same! There's no way..-! He turns the wheel and they begin tracing a wide loop -- bombing around the parking lot at 35mph in a holding pattern. FRANK ‘Three o/clock! OLIVE Dad...! SHERYL Go back out! RICHARD We tried that! ‘There’s no way in!78. SHERYL So we just keep going in circles? Richard says nothing. Finally: RICHARD, Okay: Hold on, everybody put your seat belt on. Olive, He comes out of a wide arc and heads straight for the median strips separating him from the Holiday Inn. SHERYL Oh, my God! RICHARD Hold on, everyone! He guns it. As soon as he hits the first median, the HORN goes off and doesn’t stop. They’re in a new parking lot. SHERYL Look out! Richard goes SCREECHING past several parked cars. They're one median strip away from the Holiday Inn parking lot. RICHARD One more! Here we go! Hold on! They hit the median hard. A big bump. ‘They’ve made it into the Holiday Inn parking lot. The whole van sags to the rear. Frank looks out the rear window. A tire is wheeling off across the parking lot by itself. FRANK We lost a tire, Rich! RICHARD We'll get it later! Here we go! They come gliding into a parking space, HORN BLARING. Prank yanks open the sliding door. It slides back, slams into the end of the track and derails. The whole door falls off the side of the van and into the parking lot. Frank doesn’t even look back. He sprints across the lot towards a distant banner marked “Little Miss Sunshine.” All the others -- except Dwayne -- sprint after him.79. INT. REGISTRATION HALL ~ DAY A big carpeted hotel lobby. The doors open and Frank comes in, breathless. He stops. ‘The place is crawling with tiny blond girls and their stressed mothers, The girls are dressed, coiffed and made-up to within an inch of their life. Nearby, a CONTEST OFFICIAL is packing up her things behind a table with a “Registration” banner. Frank sprints up to her. ‘The others catch up and stand, looking on -- desperate, disshevelled, breathing hard. FRANK Hi, we're here to register! OFFICIAL I’m sorry, we're closed. FRANK But we have an entrant. Right here. We just need to check in. OFFICIAL Registration ended at three. FRANK It’s three now! OFFICIAL No... She points to a clock on the wall. It's 3:04PM. RICHARD Oh, have a heart! We're four minutes late! We just drove all the way from Maryland...! OFFICIAL ‘Then you should have been here by three. She tries to leave. Richard stops her. RICHARD Wait, wait, wait! How can we make this work? OFFICIAL Everyone else was here before three. I'd be giving unfair advantage...80. RICHARD Were not asking for an advantage! We just want to compete! OFFICIAL Don’t yell at me, sir. I didn’t make you late. We’ve settled on the schedule of the show and we've tured off our computers. Now the show starts in twenty minutes, I have a hair check to do, I’m sorry you're late, but I can’t help you. She tries to leave but they block her way. Richard gets on his knees. RICHARD Please! You don’t know what we've been through... ! SOUND GUY (0.8.) Uh, Ms. Jenkins...? They all turn. There’s a SOUND GUY -- a very portly young man with a high voice -- who’s clearly just heard the story. SOUND GUY (cont'd) I can put ‘em in the system. OFFICIAL Oh, Kirby, you don’t have to! KIRBY No, it’s okay. It’s five minutes. OFFICIAL Well... It’s your time. ‘Scuse me, She pushes past them. Frank leaps up. FRANK Hello! Everyone?! We've just witnessed a great act of compassion and human kindness! Exhibit A: we've got Eva Braun here -~ making the trains run on time, and B: Kirby! My man! Currently the greatest human being on the planet! Applause, please! He leads the others in applause. Everyone else in the lobby ignores them. Kirby smiles, flips on the computer. ‘They crowd around.a1. SHERYL Thank you so mich! You don’t know what this means KIRBY Please. It's five minutes. He glances in the direction of the Official, who has departed, and shakes his head. Quietly: KIRBY (cont'd) I ain’t working for these people again. These people are crazy. (to Olive) So, what’s your name? OLIVE Olive. KIRBY Olive. That's a nice name. She smiles. He starts tapping away at the computer. Olive glances away and freezes, Across the room is Miss Florida, sitting behind a table, signing photos for kids. Olive is in awe, OLIVE (conta) Mom! It’s Miss Florida! Look! It’s really her! SHERYL You want to say hello? Olive shakes her head, intimidated —- it’s like meeting a god. SHERYL (cont’d) Come on, she looks nice. We'l1 just say hi. (to Richard) You got this? Richard nods -- 1/11 take care of it. Sheryl drags Olive to the back of the line -- a half a dozen girls and their mothers. the GIRt in front of them turns and stares at Olive -- sizing up the competition. Olive smiles. OLIVE Hi. The Girl quickly turns back around, not saying anything.82. Olive takes this in stride. Frank and Dwayne approach, carrying the family’s luggage and a Sunday NY Times. PRANK Hey. I’m getting a room. we’11 set up a base camp. SHERYL Okay, we'll come find you. Frank and Dwayne walk off. Olive watches them go, then turns and looks at the other girls. Again, they’re all miniature Barbies with expensive clothes and hair. all of them are several inches shorter than Olive, who is still dressed in her traveling clothes -- denim cut- offs and black Converse high-tops. She stands out. Two TWIN GIRLS are chasing each other around, giggling. Olive watches. Eventually, the Twins see Olive watching them. ‘They whisper to each other and giggle. Olive gives them a friendly half-smile. Finally, the Twin Girls approach Olive. ‘WIN GIRL ONE Are you on a diet? OLIVE what? TWIN GIRL ONE Are you on a diet? OLIVE No...! ‘TWIN GIRL TWO Didn't think so! They dissolve into giggles and run away. Olive is disturbed. Sheryl is steamed but doesn’t know what to do. ACROSS THE ROOM Kirby finishes up with Richard -- having him sign a release. KIRBY And sign... (Richard signs) ..-And you’re done! Here’s your receipt; tickets; sash; tiara. anything else?83. RICHARD Yeah. Is there a funeral home around here? INT. HOLIDAY INN ROOM - DAY A quiet, empty room. Frank and Dwayne enter, dropping the luggage on the floor. Dwayne immediately walks to a bed in the corner of the room and lies facing the wall. Frank surveys the room with a jaundiced eye. He walks over, peers out the window. Frank turns, looks at Dwayne lying on the bed. He walks over, settles into a chair, pulls out his NY Times. FRANK Hey, you know, facing the wall like that...?_ There’s no way you gonna stop me from killing myself. No way! I could be out the window before you even turn around. A beat. He opens up a Sunday New York Times. FRANK (cont’d) Sorry. He looks at Dwayne for a few beats, then shakes his head and opens up the Book Review section. IN THE BOOK REVIEW is a full-page ad for Understanding Proust by Larry Sugarman. A banner reads, “The Surprise Bestseller from America’s # 1 Proust Scholar!" There’s a photo of Larry Sugarman, in a beard and glasses, looking very serious. Frank stares at the ad. EXT, HOLIDAY INN BALCONY - DAY Frank opens a sliding door and steps on to the tiny balcony. He walks to the edge and looks over. It's eight floors down to the parking lot. Frank considers the drop. Then he pulls out his wallet and takes out the photograph.84. THE PHOTO shows Frank and the Young Man from the convenience store at some chic party, wearing tuxes, smiling, and drinking Champagne. Frank stares at the photo. He looks up and surveys his surroundings -- a rather grim landscape of Burger Kings and Jiffy Lubes. Quietly, he puts the photo away and turns back to the room. EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY Richard approaches the VW bus with two funeral home WORKERS in jumpsuits who affect a bored, seen-it-all demeanor. WORKER ONE, 40s, is an old pro. WORKER TWO, 20s, is a fresh- faced rookie. A FUNERAL HOME VAN is parked in the background. RICHARD We're driving five, six hours -- we thought he was napping. By the time we figured it out it was too late. WORKER ONE -+:Too late. So where’s the body? Richard turns, pops the trunk, averts his eyes, and opens it. The Workers look in the trunk. Then look at Richard. INT. LOBBY - DAY Olive finally makes it to the front of the line. MISS FLORIDA Hi! What’s your name? OLIVE Olive. MISS FLORIDA What's your talent, Olive? OLIVE T like dancing! MISS FLORIDA Dancing? Dancing was too hard for me! I’ma singer. You must be a good dancer! OLIVE Iam! I’m really good!as. MISS FLORIDA I bet you are! Well, thanks for stopping by, Olive. Best of luck! But Olive is not quite ready to move on. OLIVE (cont’d) Ummm... Miss Florida? MISS FLORIDA You can call me Bonnie! OLIVE Bonnie...? Do you eat ice cream? MISS FLORIDA (perplexed) Yes! I love ice cream! My favorite flavor is Chocolate Cherry Garcia. Although, technically, I think that’s a frozen yogurt. Okay? OLIVE Okay, thank you, Bonnie! Bye! MISS FLORIDA Bye! (to the next girl) Hi, what's your name? Sheryl and Olive head off. OLIVE She eats ice cream, Mom! SHERYL I heard! EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY Richard signs an invoice. Worker Two closes the rear doors of the van, climbs in the driver’s seat and starts the engine. Richard hands the clipboard to Worker One. He hands Richard a cardboard box containing a wallet, glasses, a keychain, etc. WORKER ONE (cont'd) ‘The personal effects... RICHARD Oh. Thank you. WORKER ONE You take care.86. RICHARD You too. Thanks. Worker One gets in the van and slams the door. The van pulls out, drives to the edge of the parking lot and puts on its turn signal. Richard watches. The van pulls into the street and drives off, disappearing into traffic. Richard is left alone, holding the box of Grandpa’s stuff. INT. HOLIDAY INN ROOM - DAY Sheryl and Olive enter. Dwayne is still on the bed facing the wall. Frank is slumped in a chair, staring at nothing. SHERYL How're you guys doing? Frank. Sheryl silently points at Dwayne. Frank shrugs. Sheryl goes and starts opening luggage. She pulls out a bathing suit. SHERYL Okay, Olive. Let's put on your swimsuit. Here. You want to change in the bathroom? Olive takes the swim-suit and goes into the bathroom. Sheryl begins gathering up Olive’s costumes. SHERYL (cont’d) Dwayne, T know you hate all of us and want to kill yourself. But since we're here anyway, why don’t you guys go to the beach? PRANK Hey, there’s an idea! The beach! Come on, we'll walk over, go surfing, maybe meet some chicks... Whaddaya say? INT. HOLIDAY INN BATHROOM - DAY Olive finishes putting on her swim-suit. There’s a full- length mirror on the back of the bathroom door. Olive turns around and reaches for the door knob. She stops. She steps back and looks at herself in the mirror. She turns sideways. She sucks her stomach in. This is the first time she’s ever done this.87. SHERYL (0.S.) Frank, here’s your tickets. That's you and Dwayne. She's going on last, now, because we were late... FRANK (0.S.) We'll be there. Don’t worry. Olive turns back frontal. She lets her stomach hang out. also the first time. She's not happy with what she sees - INT, HOLIDAY INN ROOM - DAY Sheryl finishes gathering up Olive’s costumes. SHERYL Olive, you ready? We gotta go! OLIVE (0.S.) Coming! INT. HOLIDAY INN BATHROOM - DAY Olive stares at herself in the mirror. She’s making up her mind about something. (Winner or Loser?) Then, very determined, she walks out of the bathroom. INT. HOLIDAY INN ROOM - DAY Olive comes out. Sheryl is there. SHERYL You ready? Let's go! (to Frank) Frank, do your best! They exit. A beat. Dwayne sits up. He’s depressed, but no longer catatonic. He looks at Frank. DWAYNE Let's get out of here. INT. LOBBY - DAY Richard -- holding the box of Grandpa’s stuff -- finds a bench and sits down. He seems shaken. Around him, the pre-pageant hubbub is at a fever pitch. He flips through Grandpa's stuff -- keys, glasses, gum.a8. He looks up and surveys the frenetic activity -- mothers combing their daughters’ hair, little girls practicing ballet moves, girls crying, girls laughing and chasing each other. Then, across the lobby, the elevator doors open and Sheryl and Olive step off carrying garment bags and travel cases. Richard gets up and intercepts them, Sheryl sees him coming. SHERYL Hey. D'you take care of.. RICHARD Yeah, I did. Wait a sec. Olive, come here. Time for a pep talk. SHERYL Richard, we’re late already...! RICHARD This is important! Olive, come here. She goes to him, He hunches down, takes her hand, searching for words as if the very meaning of his life were at stake. RICHARD (cont’ a) Olive... I know you and Grandpa worked on this together. I know how much it meant to him, We drove nine hundred miles to get here. Our car broke down. We've been through a lot. But I think it‘d all be worth it...if you won tonight. SHERYL Richard! Jesus! Olive, come on! She tries to pull Olive away but Richard holds on to her. RICHARD Okay, Olive? Okay? Olive stares. She really wants to please him. She nods. RICHARD (cont'd) Good girl! Go knock ‘em dead! Sheryl shakes her head and pulls Olive off towards the backstage area. Richard watches them go. INT, BACKSTAGE - DAY Sheryl and Olive wander past one little girl after another -- each being primped to perfection by her Mom or a Groomer.89. INT, DRESSING ROOM - DAY Sheryl finds a tiny empty dressing room in back and hangs a garment bag of Olive’s costumes on the door. SHERYL Okay, we have about one minute. You want to do hair or make-up? Olive thinks. It’s like the fate of the free world is at stake. Finally: OLIVE Make-up... ! Kirby pokes his head in the door. KIRBY Hey. I need your music! Olive goes to her bag, digs in, hands him a disc. OLIVE Here. KIRBY This? Did you choose this? OLIVE My Grandpa did. KIRBY Your Grandpa? what track? OLIVE Twelve. Oh, one thing... She glances at Sheryl, then goes and whispers in Kirby’s ear. Kirby smiles. KIRBY Okay, you got it. OLIVE Thank you, Kirby! KIRBY I'll be looking for you. He departs.90. INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY Richard finds his reserved seats -- four seats on the aisle. He sits in the fourth seat and lays his jacket across the other three, saving them for Sheryl, Dwayne, and Frank. ‘The guy next to him is a grizzled BIKER sitting impassively with his arms folded. Richard tries to be friendly. RICHARD Hey. ‘The Biker glances at him and nods. Richard persists. RICHARD (cont’d) You got a kid in the show? The Biker looks at him. He takes an earplug out of his ear. BIKER What? RICHARD You got a kid in the show? The Biker stares at him. BIKER First time? Richard nods -~ Yeah! The Biker nods -- Figures. He puts the earplug back in his ear and resumes his impassive stare. Richard is unnerved, The LIGHTS DIM. Onstage, an MC steps up to a microphone. A DRUMROLL. MC Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the 14th annual Little Miss Sunshine pageant! Let’s welcome the contestants! MUSIC. Big APPLAUSE. ‘Twenty-five little girls parade out on stage in swim-suits. ‘Twenty of them are blond -- some bleached. They’ve been arranged from shortest to tallest. Olive -- at least two inches taller than everyone else -- is at the end of the line. The girls parade around in a loop, waving and smiling. ‘They end up in a line running across the stage.91. MC (cont'd) We have twenty five contestants from all over the State of Florida. At the end of the evening, one of these girls will be crowned Little Miss Sunshine! Richard, in the audience, claps enthusiastically. The Biker claps without enthusiasm. EXT. BEACH - AFTERNOON A glorious, sunny day. The ocean stretches out to infinity. Dwayne and Frank, in swim trunks, are at a surfboard rental shop on the beach. The ocean’s dead calm. Frank is handing money to a DUDE at the shop. Dwayne looks out at the water. DWAYNE ‘There's no waves, Frank. FRANK We don’t need waves. We'll just paddle out. INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY The MC is up on the stage. Another DRUMROLL. MC .+.Let’s hear a big round of applause for the evening wear! MUSIC. Big APPLAUSE. ‘The same girls -- in precocious evening-wear -- come out in the same order and do the same little loop around the stage. Olive’s on the end again. Richard, in the crowd, applauds -- a little less heartily. EXT. ON THE WATER - DAY Frank and Dwayne paddle straight out into the ocean. It’s calm, but the shore is a long way away. Dwayne looks back. DWAYNE, How far are we? FRANK I dunno. Quarter mile? DWAYNE, You wanna stop? Frank shrugs. They stop. Frank looks down into the water.92, FRANK Hey. Think you can touch bottom? DWAYNE How far is it? FRANK Must be ten, twelve feet. Come on! Y'ready? On your mark, get set... They dive down into the water. EXT. UNDERWATER - DAY It's about fifteen feet to the white sand on the bottom. Dwayne swims all the way down to the bottom. Frank swims down more slowly. He finally makes it. He comically mimes that he’s drowning. Then he and Dwayne come back up. EXT. ON THE WATER - DAY They resurface. FRANK Victory! Yes! ‘They rest on their surfboards, breathing hard. Then, without waiting, Dwayne dives down in the water again. EXT. UNDERWATER - DAY - MONTAGE Shots of Frank and Dwayne swimming in the blue water with white sand and shafts of sunlight. It's beautiful. They do flips, twists, spins. Dwayne swims down to the bottom again. He stays, looking up at the surface, Frank’s legs, his empty board, the sunlight. Then he swims back up to the surface. INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY The MC is up on stage. Another DRUMROLL.93. MC And now! The moment you’ve been waiting for! ‘The talent competition! Ladies and gentleman, please welcome Amber Tiffany Harper, who'll be singing a tune from the Broadway show, “Annie.” amber...! A little girl walks out -- very stagy -- and begins to sing: AMBER “The sun’1l come out tomorrow. Richard sits in the audience. He’s growing uneasy. EXT. ON THE WATER - DAY They sit on their boards and look out to sea. FRANK Man, it’s beautiful out here. (beat) I don’t know if I believe in God, but the ocean -- it’s always here for you: infinitely bigger than you are, and completely indifferent. So My version of God. DWAYNE, Frank.. “ (Brank looks over) What‘d it feel like when you cut your wrists? Frank takes a breath. FRANK You know, I wish T could tell you 1 felt bad. But I didn’t. I was... Outside the world, y’know? It was very peaceful. (beat) But, I’m feeling that way now, too, so... He shrugs. Dwayne nods. He looks out to sea. DWAYNE, Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep until I was eighteen. Just skip all this crap -- high school and everything, Just skip it... He shakes his head.94. FRANK Y/ever hear of Marcel Proust? DWAYNE, He’s the guy you teach? FRANK Yeah. French writer. ‘otal loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent twenty years writing a book almost no one reads. But...he was also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he gets down to the end of his life, he looks back and he decides that all the years he suffered -- those were the best years of his life. Because they made him who he was. They forced him to think and grow, and to feel very deeply. And the years he was happy? Total waste. Didn’t earn anything. Dwayne grins. FRANK (cont'd) So, if you sleep til you're eighteen... (scoffs) :..Think of the suffering you’d miss! High school’s your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that! Unless you go into academia, but that’s a different story. They share a smile. Dwayne gazes out to sea. A beat. DWAYNE You know what...? (Frank looks over) Fuck beauty contests. It’s like life is one fucking beauty contest after another these days. School, then college, then work. Fuck it. Fuck the Naval Academy. Fuck the MacArthur Foundation. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love and fuck the rest. Frank stares at Dwayne, impressed. Dwayne glances at Frank, who tries to play it cool.95. FRANK I’m glad you're talking again, Dwayne. You're not nearly as stupid as you look. Dwayne smiles. Frank looks around. FRANK (cont’d) So now what do we do? DWAYNE, You got me, Frank. Maybe we can stay out here forever. A beat. ‘They look at each other. DWAYNE (cont'd) We should go. They begin paddling back to shore. INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY A tiny girl in a COWGIRL outfit -- smiling like crazy -- taps her way through a tap-dance routine. She’s fantastic. Richard’s smile is fading. He's really starting to worry. EXT. BOARDWALK - DAY Frank exits a T-shirt shop and throws a shirt to Dwayne. FRANK I can’t believe we found these. I hope they fit. As they stride up the boardwalk, he strips off his shirt and puts on his new T-shirt. In big block letters, it says: “LOSER” Dwayne puts on his. It’s the same. Frank looks at him. FRANK (cont'd) You're every mother’s dream, Dwayne. Come on. They head off. INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY Another TINY BLONDE GIRL sings while flouncing and prancing across the stage, blowing kisses and twirling a parasol. She skips around the MC, flirting and batting her eyes.96. The audience -- charmed -- starts clapping along. As she finishes, the audience rises as one in a standing ovation. Richard is the only one to remain seated. His face sinks as reality finally hits him -- there’s no way Olive will win. He gets up and departs. INT. LOBBY - DAY Frank and Dwayne enter and stride towards the doors of the auditorium. A pant-suited GRANDMA is sneaking a smoke. FRANK Is it over? GRANDMA Not yet. They open the door and walk into a BLAST of syrupy singing. The door shuts. ‘The door reopens. Frank and Dwayne stagger out. They look at each other. DWAYNE, I’m going backstage. PRANK Right. See ya. Dwayne heads off as Frank leans against a wall, recovering. INT. BACKSTAGE - DAY Dwayne strides through the backstage, looking for Sheryl and Olive. With his wet Mohawk and LOSER t-shirt, he stands out. A PAGEANT OFFICER tries to stop him. PAGEANT OFFICER Excuse me? You authorized to be backstage? DWAYNE No. He continues walking. Everywhere there are little blond girls crying, whining, or lolling about. All the mothers are over- dressed, over-coiffed, and over-stressed. It’s depressing. He stops, turns to a little PRINCESS slouched on a sofa. DWAYNE (cont’d) Hey. Where are the dressing rooms?97. PRINCESS Are you allowed to be here? DWAYNE dust tell me where the dressing rooms are. PRINCESS (yelling off-screen) Security! Security Help!!! Dwayne rolls his eyes, moves on. INT. BACKSTAGE, DRESSING ROOMS - DAY Richard wanders through the backstage. He spots Sheryl and Olive in a small dressing room in the back. He approaches. Olive is sitting in a make-up chair, wearing gold hot pants and a red top. It’s a slightly bizarre ensemble, given her girlish plumpness. Richard hesitates. Sheryl sees him. SHERYL Hey. what’re you doing? RICHARD I came to wish Olive good luck. (to Olive) How're you doin’? _ OLIVE (weak) Good. SHERYL (sotto voce) Nervous. RICHARD You're gonna do great! I know it! (to Sheryl) Can I talk to you a sec? She nods. They wander a few steps out of Olive’s hearing range. Richard is agitated, troubled. SHERYL What’s up? RICHARD (hesitates) I don’t want Olive to go on.98. SHERYL, (can't believe it) Are you kidding...?!!! RICHARD We're not in Maryland anymore, all right? She’s out of her league here. SHERYL So...? RICHARD Sheryl...! She’s not gonna win. There's no fucking way. SHERYL It doesn’t matter...! RICHARD Tt does matter! SHERYL It doesn’t matter! RICHARD It does!!! Suddenly, all Richard’s emotions rush to the surface. RICHARD I don’t want her to lose. I know what that feels like. It’s not good. We can’t let that happen. She stares at him. It’s the first time he’s admitted to any kind of vulnerability or weakness. She takes his hand. SHERYL Richard... They look at each other. ‘This is the first honest moment we've seen between them. Unfortunately, they are interrupted by Dwayne, who enters -- a determined look on his face. Sheryl sees him coming. SHERYL Hey. How're you feeling?! DWAYNE, Better. Where’s Olive? SHERYL In the dressing room. what's up?99, DWAYNE (hesitates, then sotto) 1 don’t want Olive doing thia, SHERYL Oh, my God...1 RICHARD See?! DWAYNE, Mom, look around! This place is fucked! T don’t want these People Judging Olive! Puck them! RICHARD Exactly! Fuck them! Dwayne glances at Richard, unnerved by his agreement, SHERYL, No, Dwayne. It’s too late... DWAYNE Fog not #00 late! You're the Mom! You're supposed to Protect her! Sheryl stares at him. a clipboard-wielding, head-set wearing ASSISTANT passes by and calls out’ ASSISTANT Olive Harvey! two minutes. He walks on. ‘They watch him 9°. Dwayne and Sheryl face off, DWAYNE She’s not a beauty queen, Mom... INT. DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT Olive stands near the doorway, jistening. Her face betrays nothing. Dwayne’s VOICE is faint but clear, DWAYNE (0,8, ) +She’s just not, INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT Sheryl and Dwayne stare at each other. SHERYL Listen to me. (teary-eyed) Olive is who she is. This ig what she’s chosen to do...100. INT. DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT Olive turns, walks mechanically back to her chair and sits. SHERYL (0.S.) ...She’s worked hard, she’s poured herself into it. INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT Sheryl puts a hand on Dwayne’s shoulder. SHERYL ...We can’t take it away from her. We just can’t. Dwayne closes his eyes, hangs his head. Sheryl hugs him. SHERYL (cont'd) I know you want to protect her, but... We gotta let Olive be Olive. For better or worse... ‘The clipboard-wielding ASSISTANT returns. ASSISTANT Olive Harvey? Are you the Harveys? ‘They nod and return ~~ en masse -- to the dressing room. Olive is seated in her chair, staring dumbly at~ the floor. SHERYL Olive? Time to go. Olive doesn’t move. Sheryl goes to her. SHERYL Olive...? Honey, are you okay? Olive won’t look at her. Sheryl glances at Richard. ASSISTANT . We need to go. SHERYL Hang on. (to Olive) Honey...? Olive, look at me. (Olive looks) You don’t have to do this if you don’t want. If you want to sit this one out, that’s fine. we’re proud of you anyway, okay? A beat. The Assistant checks his watch.101. ASSISTANT It's time, Silence. Olive stands up. She walks to the Assistant. ASSISTANT (cont’d) Okay. Let's go. He takes her hand. they stride off. Dwayne, Sheryl, and Richard stand together and watch -- mutually powerless -- as Olive is lead off. TRACKING BACKWARDS with Olive. She's got her game face on -- a mask of fear and determination. Sheryl calls after her. SHERYL Good luck, honey! Olive keeps walking, not looking back. INT. AUDITORIUM LOBBY - DAY Frank re-enters. Dwayne and Sheryl are coming the other way. FRANK Is she going on? DWAYNE, She's going on. They enter the auditorium together. INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT Yet another LITTLE BLOND GIRL is onstage, taking her bows to polite APPLAUSE. Richard leads Sheryl, Dwayne, and Frank to their seats. The MC comes on stage. MC very nice. Thank you. Okay, you've been a patient audience tonight... IN THE WINGS Olive stands next to the edge of the curtain watching the MC. Mc (cont’d) ...We have one more contestant and then we'll be crowning the winner. So please welcome, from the Fort Myers district, Olive Harvey!102. APPLAUSE. WE FOLLOW Olive out onto the stage. ‘The LIGHTS are blinding. The AUDIENCE is hidden in darkness. There’s a crowd MURMUR because of her hot-pants get-up. Dwayne, Frank, Sheryl, and Richard applaud nervously. Richard takes Sheryl’s hand, squeezes it. They share a look. Olive waves over the MC. He walks over to her and holds the mic down for her to speak. She takes a breath. OLIVE I'd like to dedicate this to my Grandpa, who helped me do this routine. MC ‘That's sweet! Is he here? Where's your Grandpa right now? OLIVE He's in the trunk of our car. ‘The MC doesn’t know how to react. uc Okay! Well! Take it away, Olive! He retreats. She is alone on stage. Some 12 YEAR OLD BOYS in the audience decide to be cruel. One of them “moos”. BOY ONE Moooo! GIGGLES and SHUSHES. Another boy chimes in. BOY TWO Arf! Arf! arf! More GIGGLES and SHUSHES. Miss Florida, at the judges table by the stage, looks around sternly. She feels bad for Olive. Olive is confused. She doesn’t understand these noises. Dwayne hangs his head, Frank looks around. FRANK Where are those fuckers?! I'll kill ‘em!103. Then Olive finds what she’s looking for: Kirby, in the sound booth. He nods at her. She nods at him. Then Olive turns around, her back to the audience. Kirby turns a VOLUME knob up to "6". He hits “play”. (The music clearly depends on the rights. For specificity, we'll use “Peach” by Prince. ] A BLAST of hard rock 12 bar blues comes out of the speakers. Everyone is surprised. ‘The music is hard-driving and nasty. It is completely different from the other pageant music we've heard so far. For the first four measures, with Prince saying, “Here she comes,” and “She got them gold hot-pants on again,” Olive barely moves, rocking her shoulders and hips to the beat. Dwayne, Frank, Sheryl, and Richard all glance at each other. This is not what they expected. No one knows what to make of Olive rocking, her back turned. However, when the first verse begins, Olive turns and strides up the stage -- hands on hips, shoulders swinging -- with an absolute and spectacular physical self-confidence. She rocks out, busting crazy moves this stage has never seen: shakes, shimmies, twirls, dips, undulations -- a melange of MIV rump-shakin’, Solid Gold Dancers re-runs, and out-of-left-field inventions of her own. Other moves are clearly drawn from Grandpa's sixty-year career of strip-bar patronage. She dances with a total command -- an exuberant, even witty mastery of her body, the music, the moves, everything. Most of all, she’s doing it for herself -- for her own sense of fun -- and the judges are instantly irrelevant. The audience is stunned. No one moves. Mouths hang open. Sheryl, Frank, and Dwayne gape. Richard is baffled. RICHARD what’s she doing? What the hell is she doing?!104. When the first verse ends, Olive punctuates the 12-bar vamp with a series of violent pelvic thrusts. Everyone is totally shocked. No one knows how to react. SHERYL, Oh, my God...! Abruptly, Frank starts laughing in disbelief. He stands and begins cheering Olive, pumping his fist and grooving to the music. Richard stares at Frank, Cautiously encouraged, he stands and cheers along with Frank -- tentative at first, then more and more unselfconsciously. Sheryl and Dwayne join in, relieved and amazed. Grandpa was right -- she’s blowing them out of the water. As the second verse ends and the guitar solo begins, Olive punctuates the vamp with another series of thrusts. This is too mich for the contest Official from the registration desk, who sits near the stage at the table of contest JUDGES, including Miss Florida. She looks around and spots Sheryl, Richard, Frank, et al, standing and cheering. The Official gets up, walks up the aisle and yells at Sheryl. OFFICIAL What is your daughter doing?! Sheryl -- taken aback -- shrugs. Richard leans in. RICHARD She's kicking ass, is what she’s doing! The others smile and nod. The Official is incensed. she turns and walks back to the sound booth. She yells at Kirby. OFFICIAL Turn it off! KIRBY What? OFFICIAL Turn the music off!!! KIRBY (fake deaf) What...?!105. He smiles and cranks the music up to "8", Mothers and children in the audience clap their hands over their ears. ‘The audience polarizes -- some (the Grizzled Biker; Miss Florida) stand and cheer while others sit dumbfound or frown disapprovingly, shaking their heads. Still others flee for the exit, heads down, hands over their ears. he Official, furious, leaves Kirby and stalks down the aisle to the stage. Sheryl watches with growing worry. SHERYL (cont'd) What's she doing? Look. She shakes Richard, points. The Official goes to the MC ~~ at the side of the stage -- waves to him. He bends down, listens. He nods. The MC walks onstage and tries to stop Olive from dancing, grabbing her arms. Olive doesn’t know what he’s doing, but she won’t let him break her routine. She wiggles away and keeps dancing. Richard -- outraged -- races to the front of the auditorium, leaps on the stage, jumps on the MC's back and rides him —~ piggy-back -- into the wings. They crash to the ground. Olive stops dancing, turns and looks at Richard. Richard, grappling with the MC, waves her on. RICHARD Keep dancing, Honey! Just dance! Olive turns and stares at the audience. Dwayne, Prank and Sheryl are gesturing -- “Keep going!” Olive -- hearing the music, seeing Sheryl, Frank, and Dwayne cheering her -- starts to dance again, fluid and relaxed. Richard disentangles himself from the pissed-off MC as STAGEHANDS step in and pull them apart. Richard shrugs off their restraining hands, then turns to watch Olive dance. ‘The Contest Official steps forward and angrily confronts him. OFFICIAL Get your daughter off stage now! Richard -- taken aback -- hesitates. She presses him.106. OFFICIAL (cont'd) If you don’t stop her, she'll be disqualified! Richard stares at her. Then he nods. RICHARD Okay. He turns and walks out on stage. Olive, seeing him, is confused. He steps up behind her. Then Richard starts dancing. Olive in front, Richard backing her up. ‘They dance togethe: Richard looks at the Official with a defiant, fuck-you smile. Sheryl, Frank and Dwayne, watching, can’t believe it. DWAYNE Holy shit...! FRANK (to Sheryl) You married that guy? Sheryl shakes her head -- she can’t believe it either. Frank runs down the aisle, jumps on stage, and dances next to Richard -- a surprisingly competent set of butt-wagging, party-music moves. Dwayne follows Frank up on stage. Sheryl pauses a moment and watches her family. Richard waves to Sheryl to join them. A beat. ‘Then Sheryl walks, then runs, and jumps up on stage. Richard helps her up, and they dance together. Kirby cranks it to "10". MUSIC is overpowering everything. As the songs winds up, Sheryl lines up next to Olive for a unified series of thrusts. As the final cymbal crashes, Olive pulls up her shirt to reveal “Peach” is written on her tummy with magic marker. Audience MEMBERS respond with a standing ovation. Frank and Dwayne strut around with their arms in the air, like victorious professional wrestlers.107. Richard picks up Olive, swings her in the air. Sheryl walks over and hugs Richard and Olive. FADE TO BLACK AND SILENCE INT. OFFICE - NIGHT Richard, Sheryl, Olive, Frank, and Dwayne sit -- dazed -- in a drab office. They're all handcuffed together, except Olive. Nothing’s happening. Flourescent lights HUM. Frank and Dwayne are still wearing their “LOSER” T-shirts. Boxes of pageant materials -- trophies, sashes, tiaras -- are stacked around them. Sheryl quietly eyes Richard, slouched next to her, and smiles to herself. Her eyes drift to a nearby carton of tiaras. A door OPENS. They all look over. A COP appears, starts taking off their handcuffs. cop Okay. You're out. RICHARD We're free? cop They’re dropping charges. On the condition that you don’t enter your child in a beauty contest in the State of Florida ever again. FRANK (hesitates) I think we can live with that. INT. HOLIDAY INN LOBBY - NIGHT Richard, Sheryl, Olive, Frank, and Dwayne step into the lobby . It's deserted. Decorations and banners litter the floor. They wander out, dazed, rubbing their wrists. Sheryl approaches Richard, takes a tiara from behind her back, places it on his head. Richard accepts it wryly. RICHARD Great, Thank you very much.108. She smiles. Richard turns to Olive with the tiara. RICHARD Here. I think this is for you. OLIVE Dad. . She struggles to articulate something. Finally, she shrugs. OLIVE (cont'd) I just like dancing. . RICHARD Well, you were great. FRANK You were beyond great. DWAYNE You were incredible. OLIVE (shy) Thank you. They all smile at her. Then Richard looks around. RICHARD Let's get the fuck out.of here. CUT TO BLACK SOUNDS of cars on a distant highway. RICHARD (V.0.) -..80 it's two in the morning... EXT. REST STOP - DAY Everyone is seated at a picnic table at a road-side rest stop. Cars WHIZZ by on a highway in the far background, They've finished eating -- an empty bucket of KFC and bottles of Diet Sprite litter the table. Richard is telling a story. Everyone is relaxed -- smiling and listening. RICHARD .++He's down on his knees in this dumpster behind the racetrack... And it starts to rain, (aughter) It’s wet... It’s hot... (MORE)aus. RICHARD (cont'd) He's crawling around in this garbage, cursing like a pirate -~ looking for this ticket that I threw away -- and all of a sudden he goes, “Richard, don’t drop the light!" And I go, “Don’t what?” (mimes holding light) And he goes, “Drop the fucking light!!!" So I go... (mimes dropping light) Right in the water! He’s like... (mimes electric shock) Ahhhaahhhaahhhaahhhhhh! ! ! (appalled laughter) I run back, unplug the light, run to the dumpster -- he’s lying there, rain is pouring down... And he’s got the ticket! This twelve hundred dollar trifecta ticket! And I’m like, “Dad! Dad, are you okay?” And he looks at me and all he says is: “Richard... Don’t ever have children.” Everyone bursts out laughing. RICHARD (cont'd) To me, he says that! To me! ‘The mirth tapers off. They glance at each other. Frank holds up his bottle of Diet Sprite. FRANK Here’s to Grandpa. EVERYONE Here’s to Grandpa. They clink and drink. Richard nods to a snack shack nearby. RICHARD So who wants some ice-cream? CUT TO BLACK THE END