A Little Book of Listening Skills for the Workplace

52 essential practices for profoundly transforming production, profits and people

By Mark Brady, Ph.D.; Piadeia Press, 2006

Listening, being one of the can create strong companies by

knowing what transformational
About the Author/s:
most important things in
questions to ask themselves and
business, helps create to ask others. There are 52 Mark Brady is an
good relations with people. listening skills that may help in award winning author,
It is a creative act that becoming a better listener. teacher and trainer.
improves as it is practiced. read the summary He has taught
By effectively listening we graduate courses in
open opportunities to skillful listening for the
explore our wants, how we last dozen years. He
feel, and what we think. It has edited the listening
also gives understanding of a n t h o l o g y, T h e
who we've been, who we Wisdom of Listening,
are, and who we will be as and written numerous
individuals and even as articles for journals
organizations. a n d n a t i o n a l
magazines. He has
Being a skilled listener also won the Jack
opens our minds; this is why London Prize for
the business community fiction.
needs good listeners with
open hearts and clear minds. for author info
Good and accomplished listeners

Inside This Book Summary:

Ÿ The Big Idea
Ÿ 52 Listening Skills

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52 Listening Skills second, which is not always talked about, is the

feeling of disrespect that people get from
Stop talking so much! another. As long as there is a feeling of
To stop talking so much is one of the most basic disrespect, conflicts are rarely solved. The
things required to become an accomplished feeling of disrespect must be first addressed
listener. During conversations in the workplace, before the issue. It is because this feeling is the
observe who is doing most of the talking, is it you seeming cause of most conflicts.
or someone else? The first thing to do is to notice
yourself; this primary awareness is a good start.
The business world is already full of speakers, Listen for mutual purpose
being a listener will make you stand out. Lack or loss of mutual purpose is the second
most common causes of conflict. Few conflicts
After awareness comes a possible array of will be resolved unless there is a foundation that
options. First is simply to decide to stop talking will reinforce or re-establish this. Listening for
so much. This may be achieved by asking mutual purpose is important in the success of
questions such as: “What are your views?” both business and personal relationships.
“What is on your mind?” Another method of
passing conversation is by acknowledging with a
smile or a nod, this encourages others to talk. Be slow to disagree, argue or criticize
There is always criticism, argument and
disagreement in the workplace. But when you
Create a culture of trust engage in such behavior you cannot hear what
Effective and meaningful communication exists the other person is trying to say. With this
when there is trust. To become a skillful listener, behavior you continuously try to get your point
you have to build trust. There are different ways across and become less of a listener. Skillful
to establish trust and the most common is to listeners will allow others to speak and say what
become trustworthy. You achieve this by always they need to say.
putting trust and integrity above everything else.
Hearing things you don't like may be hard. It
takes discernment and practice to be open to
Listen for disrespect such things that are difficult to hear. Being slow
When a conflict arises, there are usually two to disagree, argue or criticize will eventually
things that come about. First is the issue, and prove best for everyone involved.

Pay special attention to the need for control

If two or more people are talking at the same
About the Book: time, there is often a subtle power struggle that
happens. When such conversations arise, it is
really an exercise in one-upmanship and
competition for control. But if you learn to
selectively attend to content and emotional
Author: Mark Brady tone this will allow you to hear the deeper needs
Publisher: Piadeia Press that are expressed by the speaker.
Date of Publication: 2006
ISBN: 0-9768898-8-9
Number of Pages: 103 pages Listen to be able to take unconflicted action
Unconfilcted action happens when decision

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making functions are deliberately placed in than any advice from someone else. Telling
charge of the “fifth brain.” The “fifth brain” is the people what they should do when they do not
part of the brain that consists of axons, solicit for advice will result to interference with
dendrites, synapses, and glial cells that internal wisdom, or worse you will seem to be
generate a magnetic field 5000 times stronger judgmental or disrespectful. A skillful listener will
than any of the other four parts of the brain continuously encourage others to look at
contained in our skull. themselves and to take initiative.

Most of the time, vacillation between head and

heart prevents people from achieving Encourage expression of innovation value
unconflicted action. By deliberately choosing to Innovation value is the process that lies at the root
move executive functions to the fifth brain, you of Blue Ocean Strategy, a book by W. Chan Kim
have better perspective in decision making by and Renee Mauborgne. Implementation of this
dissipating fear. This fearlessness is great for a strategy proved to be beneficial for numerous
business person in the long run. companies. There are six steps in implementing
this strategy in any business. These are:
1. Reconstruct market boundaries;
Get comfortable with silence 2. Focus on the big picture, not the numbers;
Silence is critical to becoming a skillful listener. 3. Reach beyond the existing demand;
It is in silence where ideas unfold because 4. Get the strategic sequence right;
people get to think. A listener allows others to 5. Overcome key organizational hurdles; and,
discover what they think, feel, want and how 6. Build execution into strategy.
one can be of service. In silence, you not only
listen to others but you also listen to yourself
and discover what it may take to perform more Establish support for speaking truth to power
fully. It is hard to talk to people who hold power over us.
Skillful listeners know this and are willing to hear
another's truth no matter how distressing the truth
Don't be an emotional terrorist may be. You must know that your power makes it
Emotional reactivity interferes with listening hard for others to speak the truth, which is why you
and even damages business relationships. should be the one to initiate it. Refrain from
People who frequently communicate in this ridiculing, blaming, shaming, or condemning. This
manner tend to justify their actions. Such way will help establish yourself as someone people
of dealing with reactivity only shows little can speak the truth to.
understanding of the negative effects of this
communication process.
Regularly practice kenosis
A good strategy is to redirect these impulses to Listening is more than just taking in words-- it
the brain's “executive function.” Listening to requires you to react in order to connect with one
people in a wider, less subjective perspective another. Kenosis meaning “to empty oneself” is a
will help you achieve this. state for high level listening. A related meaning of
kenosis is “revealer.” Listening allows the speaker
to discover possibilities and see from a larger
Avoid “shoulding” on people perspective. Another meaning of kenosis is
There are times when you simply give out “mediator.” Listeners often become mediators
advice. As well-meaning as you may be, advice because they can help people see the exact
doesn't work. Inside each person is a wisdom nature of the problem.
that is more reliable, insightful and trustworthy

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Listen for opportunities for “executive worse. By interrupting, you imply that what you
neglect” have to say is more important, even if this is not
Executive neglect is looking at what you do in a what you want to project.
workday with an ear and an intent to discontinue
things that are no longer critical. Listening opens
the opportunity to know and stop doing things of Check for meaning
low value, and instead increase doing things Meaning comes from inside you. Because of
with high value or essential. Listening for differences in knowledge, attitudes and
opportunities to practice executive neglect helps experiences, you often misinterpret others'
check your performance in the workplace. message. One way to counter this
misunderstanding is to repeat and paraphrase
what you think you hear. Be prepared to be
Listen beyond perfection wrong because this practice takes time before
Perfection has been a prime pursuit for both you can get it right.
experts and businesses. Usually the difference
between excellence and perfection is small but
there is a difference. By giving Listen for Six Sigma opportunities
acknowledgement and reward based on Six Sigma is a problem solving method for
performance and achievement, employees business and organizational performance. It
learn that they are valued for what they do and was developed by Bill Smith and Bob Galvin
not just for who they are. In unhealthy and several other Motorola engineers for
organizations the job done never seems to be as quality improvement initiative in the 1980's. The
good as what you might do if you tried a little 5 Six Sigma steps are to define, measure,
harder. Life in such an organization can be very analyze, improve and control. Always be aware
unrewarding. When you listen beyond of these opportunities as you listen.
perfection, you encourage people to strive for
excellence.

About the Author/s:

Listen as practice of presence
Presence is a result of listening to what lies at
the heart of your work. Practicing presence is to Mark Brady is an award winning author, teacher
live life in the here and now. It invites you to let go and trainer. He has taught graduate courses in
skillful listening for the last dozen years. He has
of your own convention and it allows you to
edited the listening anthology, The Wisdom of
maximize what it is to “be here now.” Good Listening, and written numerous articles for
practices for this would be to try to talk to journals and national magazines. He has also
someone you normally have difficulty listening won the Jack London Prize for fiction.
to.
He has taught graduate courses in deep listening
for the last dozen years. He is a senior faculty
mentor at the graduate Institute of Transpersonal
Avoid letting your story take over their story
Psychology, where he collaborated in the creation
When listening, you often have similar thoughts of a computer-mediated Global Distance Learning
and experiences that make you want to tell your Program. He was a co-developer the Children‚s
own stories. You must resist this impulse Grief Program at Kara, a center for grief
because it doesn't work. When you tell your own counseling in Palo Alto, California, where he also
story, you cut off the speaker and shift the focus established the Electronic Hospice Project, an on-
away from him. When this happens, you change line support community for hospice workers
worldwide.
the mood of the conversation to something

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Be genuinely curious
Curiosity is something that can be learned and Listen for attachment style
developed. Try remembering how it was as a The first three years of life creates attachment that
child when everything was new and affects how we deal with people, places and
fascinating. If you see people with the same things in the future. Outcomes of attachment can
amazement, you become more curious about be classified as secure or insecure people.
them and what they have to say. Curiosity Secure attachment results into people who are
creates sincere interest in the people you listen positive, friendly, creative, outspoken, etc; while
to. insecure attachment during childhood results into
three possible styles: anxious-ambivalent,
anxious-avoidant, and disorganized.
Listen for underlying needs
Skillful listeners try to look for underlying needs
directly or indirectly expressed by speakers. To Develop “second attention at the edge”
be able to identify such need, you can ask Growth and learning takes place at the edges
questions such as “why do you ask?” or “what where the old makes room for the new, just as
do need exactly?” plants and flowers do. With people and
organizations, we have to pay close or “second
Listening helps identify common interests. attention” to the old ways of being and acting as it
Almost all communication is intended to is replaced with new areas of expertise and
express different needs. A skillful listener responsibilities. Mostly, this transition will come
constantly tries to listen for those needs. with fear and anxiety. Listening will enable us to
connect and see such fearful concerns.

Identify defensiveness: practice non-

defensiveness Listen for skilled incompetence
When under attack, you often become Skilled incompetence is the thing people say and
defensive either by becoming silent or violent. do that have unhappy consequences. This is what
When we listen, we can more clearly recognize happens when managers or business leaders
the root of the attack from the speaker. And it adeptly avoid conflict just to get along. On the
becomes easier to understand the underlying other hand, competent leaders focus on issues,
truths of the attack if we practice non- generate alternatives and create goals all in the
defensiveness. service of managing conflicts and obtaining best
results. Listen to signs of skilled incompetence for
the betterment of the business.
Listen for differences
In general, people don't want to hear
differences in opinion or way of thinking. Listen between the words
Differences make people uncomfortable. Listen to what is not being said as well as to what
Skillful listeners however will try to look for is. Research shows that only 10 percent or even
these differences because these differences less of the information is conveyed by words. The
interest them as it presents the individuality of rest is taken from what is not said. Learning to
each and every person. From this process of listen to what is not being said is seen in the body
learning to listen for differences we begin to language, facial expression, tone, context, etc. If
honor the special uniqueness of each person. there is something not being said, ask colleagues
and acquaintances what they really want to say.

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Champion the timid asking: Who am I? What do I love? What do I

The timid voice does not bring out the wisdom in love most? The two very powerful questions that
each of us for many reasons. Some feel unsafe to you should keep repeating to yourself are:
speak while others may just not be clear with what What's true for me? What do I want? Asking
they want to say. Championing the timid voice is these will help reinvigorate and re-inspire efforts
creating a place where people can speak truth to that may have been temporarily halted.
power comfortably. People don't usually know
what they think unless asked for their opinion;
which often turns out to be surprising to both Cultivate patience
speakers and listeners. Skillful listeners are patient. They are willing to
temporarily suspend what they have to say to
give way to others who have something to say.
Listening for inconsistencies They can control self expression and let others
Inconsistencies are mismatches between what is continue to express their point. With practice
being said in words and the content of and the understanding of the benefits of
communication. Skillful listeners notice patience, a person can learn to cultivate
inconsistencies. To a d d r e s s t h e s e patience within.
inconsistencies, respond in a compassionate
way that does not increase defensiveness.
Become someone who can hear hard truths
Learning to listen to hard truths stretches our
Listen with a soft belly minds and hearts to topics that are sensitive to
When we listen to viewpoints that differ from ours us. They challenge us to control ourselves from
we often tense up and become irritated. Listening negatively reacting. To become someone to
with a soft belly is to take slow breaths all the way whom difficult truths can be readily told, we must
down into your belly enough to push out all the air. learn to express value and praise to such truth-
By relaxing during a disturbing conversation it tellers. In the end, we can develop the capacity
allows us to be open to new and creative to receive the gifts from such massages.
solutions.

Be mindful of age, race and gender bias

Ask smart questions More often than not, we subconsciously filter
Smart questioning is an approach to solving what people are saying with gender bias, race
business problems through holistic listening and and age. Skillful listeners are conscious of these
thinking. There are three foundation smart biases and they correct any deficits in their
questions: 1. How can we treat every problem listening accordingly. We listen better when we
uniquely?; 2. What purposeful information do we listen to the hearts and minds of people and not
need to create living solutions?; and, 3. How can their age, race or gender bias.
a system view ensure the solution we are creating
will work? There are also four phase questions to
the smart question approach: 1. People Break the “I” habit
involvement; 2. Purpose; 3. Future solution; and, The word “I” creates problems by always shifting
4. Living solutions. the topic to yourselves. Thus, creating a barrier
in learning anything new from conversations. It
hinders creative partnership, teamwork and
Develop methods for skillful self-listening finding new ways to fulfill other's needs. The
Skillful listeners are able to listen to themselves word “you “ will open up a new world in
well. Listening brings out the riches within you. A conversations that are limited by “I.”
simple and direct way to question yourself is by

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Ask specific, clarifying questions Learn to listen beyond your own filters
We often assume we understand what is being Because of the way we are shaped as children,
said to us, but more likely is that we do not we learn to pay attention to some things and
understand these things in the way the speaker filter out others. As a result there are gaps or
wanted to point out. First thoughts are like first spaces in our knowledge. As listeners we must
drafts in writing, they require a god editor to clarify recognize that these gaps and spaces exist in
the intent of the text or, in this case, the words. As us. Thus we become more open and
listeners, try asking questions to clarify these compassionate to others and to our own
vague ideas and find ways to get the speaker to shortcomings.
be specific.

Practice strategic questioning

Say what's useful; say what's true Strategic questions are asked to reveal
The approach of a skilled listener is to be factual, ambiguity and open up other options and
true and beneficial to others. Being a skilled solutions. Strategic questions invite growth
listener is also being able to understand what and new possibilities. These questions
others are able to or ready to hear, in addition to assume human equality and are respectful to
being truthful. people and their individual capacity to grow in
healthy ways. They intend to support human
personal and professional transformation.
Stop and stoop to listen
Good managers and leaders know that it is more
effective to listen to their subordinates at their own The ears can be ready when the heart's just
level. Listening sometimes works best when you not
stoop down to their level. The practice is not an Things that we can't face have great power
issue of superiority, equality, or inferiority but over us whether we are aware of it or not.
more of respect and practicality. These are the taboo topics that we often avoid
for whatever reason. What it has to do with
skillful listening is that we have to acknowledge
Use intention clarification its existence and acknowledge that it makes
When in break of a heated discussion, ask the you feel uncomfortable. When other people
person regarding the intention of their raise it up for discussion, they are most likely
communication? They may not be able to give an not trying to cause you pain.
answer immediately but after a few minutes they
will be able to tell you what. Inquiring about a
person's intention helps them get back on track; Don't blame the victim
they think about it then come up with a response. It is common in many cultures to put the
At the same time, the listener is able to gather responsibility or blame to the people who have
thoughts on how to further the discussion. suffered. Blaming the victim removes our own
feeling of being powerless. Practice not
blaming by listening to someone's difficult
Inspire and encourage robust dialogue story even if you have heard it before. Try to
Robust dialogue often occurs in a culture of keep an open mind and listen to new things
accountability. Robust mindedness that that may come up, all the while trusting that
originates from open mindedness and no ulterior listening is often all that's required.
motives sets the atmosphere where ideas can be
freely expressed.

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Recognize your own “exit strategies” that activate us to speak up in some way. These
Exit strategies are the things we usually do to turn impulses of ours must be controlled to become
away from situations that make us anxious. Any a skillful listener. When we interrupt a speaker,
attempt to reduce anxiety can be considered an we send out the message that what you have to
exit strategy. Skillful listeners learn about exit say is more important than what the speaker is
strategies and use it to overcome fear and anxiety saying. By learning how to control our tongue,
that troubles them. Another reason to pay we considerably improve our listening skills.
attention is to gather options on how to deal and
react to these anxieties.
Give up the need to be right
Many business conversations end up in head-
Continually minimize distractions to-head arguments on who is wrong and who is
Eliminating or reducing distractions in the right. Skillful listeners recognize the benefits of
workplace is a requirement to become a skillful not always having to prove themselves right.
listener. Distractions both internal and external The insatiable need of always having to be right
must be dealt with to become a skillful listener. creates a fear of being wrong. Skillful listeners
Examples of both internal and external initiate, invite and help manage it for
distractions are phone calls, personal concerns, themselves and others as skillfully as possible.
ambient noises, etc.

Educate and engage in a culture of practice

Practice taking crap People work in companies for the company of
When someone is sending or projecting negative others. We like doing things with people who
energy, do not face the negative energy head-on also like doing things with us. We organize
but instead stand up, move around, become a what is known as “cultures of practice”-- it is
moving target for the bad energy but never lose when people in the group reinforce positive
control. It is important not to face someone's behavior that adds to our skill. As we work with
negative energy with your own negative energy. others and practice becoming skillful listeners,
This will prove to be an extremely worthwhile and there becomes great understanding and
beneficial practice. appreciation to details of work.

Learn to say “no”

Saying no can be very difficult, but to say no is
better that to simply say “yes” just because you
are afraid to say “no.” When someone requests for
you to listen, it is just fair to ask for time and think it
over. It is only until such time when you can say
“no” that people will believe that your “yes” means
“yes” and your “no” means “no.”

Don't interrupt unnecessarily

When we listen to others, there are things they say

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