The Science Behind Heartbreak

6/24/2015
TheScienceBehindHeartbreak
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ByAshleyCox|November14th200809:52AM|320comments|
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1. EWG'sLittleSiteOfHorrors
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Heartbreakismorethanjustanemotionaldefeattosomethepainis
veryreal.Atonepointoranother,everyonemustexperiencethismind
numbingfeeling(unlessyouconfineyourselftoahouseandneverinteract
withevenapet)butthat'snotthenormandyou'reprobablynotreading
AshleyCox
SearchThisBlog
thisarticleifyou'vehadthatkindofshelteredlife.
Heartbreakcanbecausedbymanydifferentcircumstancesandthat's
whatmakesthisemotioneasilyrecognizedbynearlyeverypersononthe
planet.Itcanresultfromthelossofalovedone,apartner,afriendand
evenaclosepet.Oritcanbecausedfromdisappointment,betrayalorachangefromknown
surroundings.Itmightnotevenbealossatallbutasenseofloss,ortherealizationthatthe
loveofthepersonyoucaremostforisdriftingfarfromwhereithadalwaysbeen.
Menthinktheyaremathexperts,therefore
theyare
SagebrushmeansjobsinHartSheldon
regionofOregonandNevada
Viagradoessomethingimportantcausing
melanomaisnotit
Adolescentsaren'tascertainaboutrisksof
marijuanaasadvocatesare
Howtofindoutifacocktailofchemicals
triggercancer
more
Love,inthesameperspectiveasheartbreak,neitherhasacorrectivedefinitionnorspecific
amplitudeimpliedbythephysicalworditself.There'saneverendinglimittothedefinitionof
lovebecausetherearesomanythingsweloveandinmanydifferentways.There'sfriendship
Links
HotTopics
love,loveforanimalsandpossessions,loveformusicorhey,evenfood.Thenthere'sthatkind
oflovethatissooverwhelmingperfect,passionateandmeaningful,alovethatyouhavenever
Science2.0Links
beforebeenabletoachieve.Thisisthelovewe'regoingtobetalkingaboutthroughoutthis
article,butbeforewecancontinueon,wemustfirstunderstandwhyweashumansare
constantlysearchingtofulfillthisemotion.
TakealookatthebestofScience2.0
pagesandwebapplicationsfromaround
theInternet!
BOOKSBYWRITERSHERE
MedicalPot:LittleBenefit
Greens'LittleSiteofHorrors
YourDailyRadioactiveBath
PredatoryWormInvadesFlorida
MysteryoftheHangingGarden
more
SWAG
Forum
PhotobyMe!Isn'titcool?
http://www.science20.com/variety_tap/science_behind_heartbreak33900
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Apartofthedesirecomesfromwhatwefindmostjoyfulinlife.Ifyousearchforthisanswer,
andlookuponpreviousactionsobjectively,it'ssimpletosaythatwearesatisfiedbymaking
othershappy.Wereceivecompletesatisfactionfromdoingthingsforothers,andthisfeeling
increaseswiththeintensityoflovewefeeltowardsthatspecificpersonorthing.Whenyou
losesomeoneyoulove,youhavelostthesenseofpurposeacquiredbytherelationship
betweenthemandyourself.Youlosethepurposeyoufeltwhendoingsimplethingstomake
themsmile,andmakingyourselfjoyfulinreturn.Thecycleshouldcontinueendlessly,butas
weknowthatcouldonlyoccurinaperfectworld,whichthisisnot.Heartbreakhappens,andit
changeswhoweareforthebetter(inmostcases)andsowillitbefortherestofourlivesand
next.
"Weofcourseequatethepainoflosstotheintensityofthelove,butthatisnotwhatisbehind
thepain.Themoreyouloveandfeelloved,thegreatertheincreaseofyoursenseofpurpose
becausewhenyoudosomethingforjustanyoneandtheydonotappreciateityoursenseof
purposeisnotcompletelysatisfied.Itrequiresseeingwhoyouarehelping,andtheir
appreciationtomakeitcomplete."sayspersonaldeveloper,DavidSamuel.
Continuoussearchingcomesfromourneednotonlytoselfimplyapurposeofbeing,butalsoto
findthe"one"thatwillmakeusfeelneeded,appreciated,andmostimportantly,well,loved.
Weactinsomesillywaysjusttobeabletohaveasomeonethatwecancallourown.Weact
crazy,wedostupidthings,andwemakeregrettablemistakes,buthey,that'sjustfallingin
love.Westartpicturingtherestofdaystogether,shareeveryounceofpointlessinformation
wecanrecall,andcreateabondgreaterthaneverperceived,allbeforeathoughtofthose
threelittlewordscomestomind.
Photoalsobyme,withhelpfromJenincreatingtheheart...
ThePhysicalPain
Anyonewho'severgonethroughtheemotionalpainofaheartbreakmoreoftenthannotcan
expresstheexperiencethroughtheformofsometypeofphysicalpain.Emotionsaffect
physicalhealthinmorewaysthanmanyrealize,buthowdoesthebodyphysicallyfeelthe
emotionallossinotherwords,whatisitthatbringspaintotheheartbreak?
"Painisthewaythemindrespondstotroubleinsidethebody,"saysAlexZautra,aprofessorof
psychologyatArizonaStateUniversity."Emotionisthesameway.Whetheryoufeelloveor
sadnessisalsoaresponsetosomethingyoufeeloutsidethebody.Withpainitisacloserin
response,tosomethinginsidethebody,butitisaresponseinanattempttolearnaboutand
motivaterecovery."
Thedepressioncausedbyheartbreakcreatesabarrierthatcanpreventusfromfeelingand
experiencinglifetothefullest,inallaspects.Symptomsvarybyindividualandrangefrom
withdrawalfromsocietyto
physicalsicknessandpain.Youloseapartofyourselfwhenconnectionsarelost,anditsnot
farfetchedtosaythatyoufeelcompletelyemptyinside.There'sanache,adeepachethat
eruptsfromtheinsideofourbodieslongingforthepast.Thepainisrealandthere'snoother
waytodescribehowbaditreallyhurtsthantonameitheartbreak.Itsalongingforthepast
andthepainoffeelingcompletelyemptyandabandoned.Itmakesithardtogetupinthe
morningandtogetthroughtheday,butallwoundsareinevitablyhealedthroughtime,andthus
youhopeforthefuturetoapproachquicker.
Whenapersonfeelssecludedorfeelsloss,changesinthebrain'sbloodflowoccur.The
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anteriorcingulatecortex(responsibleforregulatingphysicalpaindistress)becomesmore
activeduringthesetimes.Thisisseeninvictimsofdepressionwhoalsoregisterphysicalpain
duetothedetectionofnociception,whichtriggersavarietyofresponses,onewhichresultsin
theexperienceofpain.Peoplewhoaredepressedorwhoareunderextremestressaremoreat
risktodevelopheartdiseaseandothercardiovasculardiseasesbasedonresearchthatfound
depressiontohelpinthickeningarterywalls.
Althoughmostpainofheartbreakisnotthatsevere,itstillhasaprofoundeffectondailyliving.
Symptomsofbreakupmightincludelossofappetite,insomnia,headaches,stomachaches,
nausea,atonoftears,occasionalnightmares,alcohol/substanceabuse,depression,eating
disorders,panicattacks,lossofinterest,fatigue,lonelinessandhopelessness.
TheStagesofHeartbreak:
Someonewhoisdealingwithheartbreakfollowspatternssimilartothoseofthestagesofdeath
1.ShockandDenialyoumaydenytherealityofthesituationthisprovidesemotional
protectionfromfeelingoverwhelmedbythesituation.Theshockoflossallowsastateof
emptinesstomovein,cloudingmostjudgment.
2.PainandGuiltaftertheshockwearsoffitbecomesreplacedwithsufferingandunbearable
pain.Regretforthingsyoudidwrong,orthingsthatyouwerentabletodowiththisperson
addstofurthertears.Lifefeelschaoticduringthistime,anditsbesttoopenlydiscussfeelings
andstrayfrombottlingupyouremotions
3.AngerandBargaininglashingoutisacommonformofattemptingtoreleaseallunspoken
emotions.Thisisthestagewherethewhywhywhy?!questioningcomesin.Thepleasfor
returnedloverunrapid,tryingtobargainwithfateorwiththepersonwhowasjustlost.
4.Depression,Reflection,andLonelinesslikeeveryoneelseinthissituation,aperiodof
sadnesscloudsand
absorbyourentiresenseofbeing,leavingfeelingsofemptiness.Thisfeelingoccurswhenyou
finallyrealizeandacceptthemagnitudeofyourloss.Isolationfrompeopleisexceedingly
normal,andoffersatimetoreflectonthepast.
5.AcceptanceandanUpwardTurnThefeelingsofdepressionliftslightlyandlifebecomes
possibletosurvivewithoutthatpersonsodeeplyintertwinedwitheachactivity.Thedaysarea
littleeasiertoshufflethrough,andyouseethepossibilityofcontinuation.Therealityofthe
situationisfullyacceptedand,althoughhappinessmaynotreturnforsometime,theabilityto
moveforwardhasoccurred.
CanHeartbreakOccurLiterally?
Accordingtostudiesonheartbreakandhowitaffectspeople,mostofwhomwomen,a
connectioncanbefoundbetweenemotionalpainandaliteralformofheartbreakheartattack.
Depressionisdocumentedtoaffectitshostphysicallyandsoisthecasewithheartbreak.The
emotionalstressisharmfulandissaidtopossiblybecauseforwhat'sknownasBrokenHeart
Syndrome,cleverlylaidoutinthepicturebelow.
TakotsuboCardiomyopathyisasuddentemporaryweakeningofthemyocardium,producing
somethingsimilartoaheartattack.Whenthebodybecomesoverwhelmed,primarilydueto
stress,hormonessuchasmetanephrineandnormetanephrinearereleasedinexcesswith
additiontoproteinssuchasneuropeptideY,brainnatriureticpeptide,andserotonin.
"Ourhypothesisisthatmassiveamountsofthesestresshormonescangorighttotheheart
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andproduceastunningoftheheartmusclethatcausesthistemporarydysfunctionresemblinga
heartattack,"sayscardiologistIlanWittstein,M.D.,anassistantprofessoratTheJohnsHopkins
UniversitySchoolofMedicineanditsHeartInstitute."Itdoesn'tkilltheheartmusclelikea
typicalheartattack,butitrendersithelpless."
HowtoMendABrokenHeart
Thebestthingforabrokenheartistobepatientandallowtimetosettleallunresolved
feelings.Talkingaboutyourfeelingswithfriendsorfamilyhelptosmooththepassageofthe
loss,aswillallowingyourselftimetoreflectonallfeelingsandanswerquestionsyoumayhave
foryourself.Keepingbusywithhobbiesyou'repassionateaboutandtryingnewthingsalso
keepsyourmindbusyduringhardtimes.Getagroupoffriendstogetherandwatchamovie,or
ifyou'remoretoyourself,tryaquietwalkthroughaforestorevenaroundtheneighborhood.
Giveyourselftime,anddothingsthatmakeyouhappy.Youareyourownbestfriendandit's
importantthatyouacceptwhoyouareandlikewhoyouareasapersonbeforeyouexpect
anyoneelseto.
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ABOUT
I'manundergradinchemistryonmywaytogettingaPh.D.
Ihavemanydifferentinterestsincludinggenetics,firefighting,rock
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COMMENTS
Icanimagineteenagerscomingtoschoolwithsignednotesfromtheirdoctorssayingtheymissedclassbecause
theyweresufferingfrom"BrokenHeartSyndrome"...
JenPalmaresMeadows|11/18/08|15:10PM
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You'reabitofapatronisingdopereally.
Anonymous(notverified)|08/27/09|14:15PM
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Surethatcomesfromaanidioticnerdlikeyou....
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Anonymous(notverified)|09/12/11|02:23AM
Surethatcomesfromaanidioticnerdlikeyou....
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Youfuckingprick.Patronising?????YourproblemMATE,isyouareheartless.Howfuckingsad......
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Iactuallydid.IbelieveIamsufferingfromthis.I'vecheckedwiththedoctorbuthehasn'tbeentakingmeserious.
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Rohoman(notverified)|06/20/10|03:40AM
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IactuallyspentaweekandahalfinthehospitalanddoctorsweresurewhentheyadmittedmeIwashavingaheart
attack.aftersurgerytoputinstintstheyfoundnoblockagebuteverytimemyexhusbandwouldcomeorcallthe
symtpomsbeganagain.Heartbreakisveryrealandthestressasscoiatedwithitcankill.
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Withoutwishingtosoundheartless.....IstumbledonthistryingtofindapagetohelpmedealwiththedeathofmyDad
andcannotbelievethisisaboutbreakingupwithpeople.....ComeonguyswehaveallbeentherebutIhavea2weekrule
.....AfterthatImoveonaslifeisreallytooshortandmyDad'sdeathhasconfirmedthat.Thesepeopleyouaretalking
aboutarestillaliveandbreathingbethankfulforthat.IwouldgiveeverythingtobeabletosayallthethingsIhave
thoughtofsayingsincemyDadpassedawaytomakemefeelbetterasthereisalwaysguiltafterwards.Ihavehadmany
breakupsthatwerepainfulandmyworldendedbutat37Imetmysoulmate.5yearsonIamstillwithhimsopleasehave
thathopeandbelievethatallthesethingshappenforareasonandthatsomethingbetterisaroundthecorner.Ibelieve
myDadisinabetterplaceeventhoughitmakesmecryasItypeitandIwanthimwithme,Iknowheisbetteroffwhere
heisandheisoutofpain.IamtryingtothinkdifferentlyaboutthesituationsIfindmyselfinratherthanchallenge
them...........Ihopethishelpsxx
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Wecannotdescribethepainofbreakupsomeoneweneedwelovewecarefor,butthebesttreatmentiskeepin
patience,themostimportantthingisacceptingthesituation.Yeathereissomethinggoodbehindofit.myheartwas
brokenfewtimes.Iknowineverdidanythingwrongwiththem.whatididisigavemyhearttothemitreatedkindly
lovinglywiththembutinsteadofbeinghonestwithmetheydidbreakupforsomereason.Ihavenothingelsetodo
thanacceptingthecondition.Ineverdishonestwithanyone.Sometimesifeelthistestistoomuchforme.Iusedbeg
afterthemtobehonestwithme.webettertonottodoanythingthatwecanregretlater.becalmbesilentgo
throughwithtime.don'tcallthemdon'tbegafterthembekindwithyourselflearntoliveforyounotforthem.
Leila(notverified)|02/13/11|04:33AM
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Itistrue...Ijustcantexplaintheeffectofpain,buttruetimehealseverything.....
salma(notverified)|08/16/12|04:04AM
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There'smoretoheartbreakthenjustbreakingupwithsomeone.Ijustleftmyhusbandbchewasbecoming
progressivelyabusivetomeandourtwospecialneedschildren.Myheartisbrokenovermyfailedmarriage,overhis
treatmentofus,andovermychildren'scondition.
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Knowthatyoudidthebravething.Protectingyourselfandyourbabiesisthebestthingyoucoulddo.Having
specialneedschildrenisnotforthefaintofheart.Ihaveasonwithautismandknowaboutthedailychallenges.
Histreatmentofyouandyourchildrenshowswhatkindofmanheisandwhatheismadeof.Youandyour
childrendeservebetterthanthat.Don'tfeelguilt.(Iknowthatissomethingwealwaysdoasparentsofspecial
needskids).Myprayerforyouishealingofyourheartthathasbeenthroughalot.
Lori(notverified)|07/05/11|03:27AM
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whatyousaidwasbeautiful,andittouchedmedeeply.Thankyouforbeinghonestandsharingwiththereadersyour
perspectiveonthings.
Perspective,thisiswhatweneedtobelookingfor/at.
Iamsosorryforthelossofyourfather,ilostalovedoneaswell,anditwasreally'heartbreaking'.Butlikeyourwords
calmedmedownaftermy'emotional'breakupwiththemanIbelievedIloved,letmeassureyouthatthepainof
losingyourfatherwilleventuallybereplacedwithasmile,andsometimesevenatear,butyouwillbecomfortedby
allthegreatmemoriesheleftbehind.Trustmeitdoesgeteasierbytime,whichtakesnothingawayfromthe
difficultyyouaredealingwith,butLifehasawayofmovingforwardthatjustkeepssurprisingyou.
IhopeIammakingsense.Butthankyouforyourkindwords,andIreallyprayherestsinpeace.
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Wellluckyoldyougettingasoulmate...MydaddiedinafirewhenIwastwentyandiamstillgreivingat40.My
"soulmate"livesovertheroadwithhisnewgirlfriendwhichreallytaughtmeaboutabrokenheart.Iwashisfriendfor
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10yearsandthenpartnerfor5.I'vegotanewfellabutthepainstillhitsmeinthefaceeverytimeIseethisman...
explainthatplease...I'vehadtherapy,workedatanewjob,livedwellasicanandyetstillithurts.I'dliketothinkthis
wasnotmy"soulmate"butthepainisenduring.ThepersonIamwithisathroughlylovelypersonsowhydoifeellike
this.Itmakesnosense.Ihopeyoufindlastinghappinessbecausethisisawful.Iamconstantlytryingtoforget,
forgive(myselfmostly)andtrustagain.Itmakesmefeelmentallyunwellthaticanthandlethissituation,nomatter
howlongI'vetrieditisonlyslightlybetter,namelyIdontgetnauseousleavingthehousesomuchthesedays.
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Hi,Iamverysorrytohearaboutyourpast....Butwithmyexperience,asyousaidabovethatyoursoulmatewas
yourfriend...maybethisisthethingwhichisstillinyourmindishurtingyou...seeeverydayeachandevery
cellsinourbodywillchangeandahumanbeingasawholeismadeupofthesecells...andhowcanweexpect
thehumanbeingtobethesame....peoplewillchangetodayortomorrow..loveandliveforyourself..helpothers
throughyourjourneyandneverexpect...thinklikethisandgiveatry...behappywiththepersonwhohas
acceptedyoulikehowyouare:)hopethisworks:)
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Isoooooknowhowyoufeel.It'sbeen4yrsandIstillcan'tgetoverher.She'sgoneonanmarriedkidandall.I've
datedandbeeningreatrelationshipsbutmyheartstillachesforherandIhateit.
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Lookim14iminmiddleschoolihavegreatgradesani.q.of180thatsgenuslevel.Onthesurfaceilooknormal
selfconfidantteenyetistilllookinthemirrorandsay"youranidiotwhatdidyouexpect!Godyouruglyandyou
expecthimtoseegoodinyou"isaythatbecauseimtheonewhobelievesheschangedthatmabeyjustmabey
hewilllookatmeandseesomethingworthloving.Hewon't.Heneverdoes.Yetwhenhesmilesatmeiseemy
bestfriend,thepersonwhocanscrewwithmyheart,thepersonwhocomfortsmewhenicrysolongashedidn't
causeit.Soiunderstandwhatyoumean.Yetidontbelievethattimewillhealthesewoundsialsohavethe
feelingthatheismysoulmateyetatthesametimeifinditacursethismorningibelievedthatallwouldbewell
iwashappynowicanhonestlysaythatthisisthesaddestihaveeverbeenmoresothanwhenmymotherand
biologicalfatherwereincarsarateiwastwomorethanwhenilostmygrandmotherwheniwasnearlytenthat
sameyearmybiologicaldadwaslockedupagaintwoyearslatermygrandfatherpassednowoneyearagomy
motherandstepfatherdevorcednowimlivingwithmystepdadihaventseenmybiologicaldadinyearsmy
motherisanutcaseandihaventseenherinsixmonthsyetdealingwithmynotsoperfectsoulmateisworse
thanallofthosecombined.Sotellmehowistimesupposedtohelp.
anonoymous(notverified)|04/17/12|21:13PM
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You'reyoungandthere'smanythingsthatwillhappeninyourlife,goodandbad.Believeit
ornot,thisisn'ttheonlypersonthatwilleverhaveanimpactonyou,northatwillconnect
withyouemotionally.
You'restillfindingyourself.Iknowthatsoundscliche,butat14,youstillhaven't
experiencedeventhemostrudimentaryelementsofbeingaliveasanadult.Untilthathappens,youdon't
evenknowallthechangesthatyou'regoingtodealwith,andyoucertainlywon'tbethesamepersoninten
yearsthatyouarenow.Thatmayseemlikeaneternity,butbelieveme,itwillpassfasterthanyourealize
andyouwilllookbackonthisasaneventinyourpast,butIwillGUARANTEEthatitwon'tholdthesame
significanceforyouthenasitdoesnow.
Partoftheproblemisthatwedon'treallywantthattohappen[lettinggoandgettingoverthings].We
wantthingstohappenwhenwewantthem[andwewantthemtoonlybepositiveexperiences],sothere'sa
reluctancetoletgoandthattendstoprolongourmisery.Thereasontime"heals",isbecauseittakestoo
muchenergytostaymiserable.Eventuallyyourbodyandmindjustsimplygiveupandyoueventuallymove
on.It'sultimatelyhowweestablishaperspectiveontheeventsinourlives.
Mundusvultdecipi
GerhardAdam|04/17/12|21:23PM
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I'mgoingtodowhatIshould'vedonebefore.Iamtiredofputtingupwithcrapfrom
smartass14yearoldkids,sothisthreadisgone.Ifitreturns,Iwilldeleteitagain.I
amsodonewithsuchpeople.
Mundusvultdecipi
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DearGerhard,
I'mverysorryifIoffendedyou.IwashurtandIlashedoutatyouI'mverysorry.
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anonoymous(notverified)|06/30/12|08:56AM
YougivewisecounselGerhardandIadmirethatyouareabletodeflecttheunwarrantedcriticism
flungyourway.Loveisachoice.It'smadnesstoexpectloveinreturnwhenwecan'tletgoofapast
relationship.Howcanourlovebeauthenticotherwise.Certainlywecanfeelnostalgiaaboutwhathas
gonebeforebutlettinggoisagifttoourselvesandthefamilieswecreate.Ifweallunderstandthat
loveisachoicewecanalllovewell.Ialsohaveanadvanceddegreeinpsychandthat'swhereI
learnedaboutourownaccountabilityinallthatsurroundsus.Therearenoaccidentsastowhyweare
whereweareatanygivenmoment.Towastealifeonalovegonesouristragic.Towasteone'sability
toloveagainwhenourlostlovehasdiedisalsotragic.Wealldeservetolovefullyandpassionately.
Infactitisourrightandneed.
JanefromCanada(notverified)|10/10/12|20:31PM
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Thankyouverymuch.Iappreciatethekindwords.
Mundusvultdecipi
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IQof180?Yourgrammarsaysotherwise.
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Evenageniuscanstrugglewiththingsiamnotsayingimperfectandweallmakeerrors.
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anonoymous(notverified)|04/27/12|21:03PM
Einsteinhadanestimated180IQ.Yourgrammarmakesmecry.
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firstofall,whateverrelationshipyoucouldbehavingat14willnotlast.loveandrelationshipschangeover
time,everythingsdefinitionchangesasyougetolderandgrowup.
Asforyoubeinga"genius"you'respellingwasterrible.sowasyou'regrammar.Don'tbragabout
somethingwhenyoucan'tbackitup.withproof.
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genuis(notverified)|05/31/12|11:19AM
Really?Mygenusishomo,asinhomosapien!Ishouldexpectthatyouronetoo,right?
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Homosapien(notverified)|06/30/12|08:36AM
ifyouhaveanIQof180,whycanyounotspell"maybe","you're"oreven"genius"...?
Andallofyou,getovertheideaof"soulmates"thereareplentymorefishinthesea.Andifyou're14,
thereisliterallytherestofyourhopefullylonglifeaheadofyou.Beakidforawhileheartbreakhurts,and
wegetoveritandgetonwithit.
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Ithinkwesimplylearntolivewiththeheartachethatpersists,afterallwhat'sthealternative.Theenduring
emptynessremainsdespitetryingtofillitwithsomeoneelse,orsomethingelse,believemeI'vetriedaswell,
andIcompletelygeteverythingyou'vesaid!
Andpeopleunlessyou'vereallyandtrulygivenyourlife,heartandsoultosomeonethinkingit'sforever,you'll
neverunderstand!
Iwonderhasanythinghelped?Pleasetell....
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ThishashelpedmealotitstillhurtstoseehimandIdoubtthatwilleverpassbecauseIcaredforhimso
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much.IrealizenowthatjustbecausehewasthereIwasn'treallybeingmeIwastryingtobehisandIlost
sightofmyself.Thankyouallforyouradvice.
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anonoymous(notverified)|06/30/12|08:48AM
CompletelyagreewithyouIhavehadaverysimilarexperienceheartbrokenbymymother'suntimelydeathin
1991stillwaitingforthe"timeheals"tokickin,andeverdistraughtbythedemiseoftherelationshipihadwith
theloveofmylife....I'vehadtherapy,antidepressants..Istillfunctionnormally,buticarrythisphysicalpain
withme,anditdoesn'tgoaway.IfIheartalkaboutmyexandhisnewfamily,Ifeelphysicallysick.Ihavea16
yroldchildfromthatrelationship,andihavenevereverdisclosedtoherhowIfeel.Allmyfriendshavelong
forgottenthatwewereeventogether,sothepressureto"grow"and"moveon"isenormous,butisitbasedon
reality?Youfeelguiltyfornotbeingableto"getoverit".ispoketooneGPwhosummeditupperfectly,andsaid
youcan'tgetoverit,youjusthavetofindawaytolivewithit,andthatcanbeimpossibleforsome.There'stoo
muchemphasisonhippyhealingandembracingandforgiving,butmaybesomethingsjusteludeus,andwehave
toacceptthattheyarerealandtrueemotions.Youcan'tnecessarilystoplovingsomeoneifyounolongerhave
theminyourlife.
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flooshoo(notverified)|10/10/12|08:55AM
Thankyouforthis,Ihaveadyingmotherandmyboyfriendjustdumpedme.Insteadoflettinghimaffectme,Ihave
beenfocusingonmymothertomakesureIhaveasfewregretsaspossibleaftertheinevitablehappens.Iamonly
21,Iwillfindanotherboyfriend,butIcan'tfindanothermother.
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collegegirl(notverified)|04/30/12|16:15PM
Iempathisewiththelossofyourdad,,icamehometofindmydadhadtookhislifeinahorrificway,iwasforcedto
moveoutofmyhome,hadtoregisterhisdeathandme/mysisterhadtopoolwhatlittlemoneywehadtoplanand
payforfuneral,duringthistimeiwasmaderedundant,,lifejustkeptgoingfromtheredownhillandevenafter3
yearsmyheartstillachesforhimtobearound,,idontgetasupsetasiusetobuttheacheisalwaysthere
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Iamsorryforyourloss.However,noteveryonecanprogramthemselvesto"twoweeks."Thereisnoshameinfeeling
humanemotion,anditshouldnotberestrictedinmyopinion.Thisisallpartofthehealingprocess,andit's
necessary.Heartbreakcomesinallforms.Maybeyoushouldallowyourselftogrievelonger.Goodluck!
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Ireadyourpost,thencameacrossanotherpostonanothersiteandthoughtIwouldshareitwithyousoyoucan
understandhowbadlythepainisthatotherpeoplefeelfromlovelost.Ihavelostfamily,butwhenthey'regone,you
ushouldunderstandthatdeathisapartoflife.WeALLloseparentsandfamilyalongtheway.:
IhaveexperiencedHeartbreakanditisalmostlikedeath.Incaseswhereyouhavetrueloveandyougetrejected,
afterawhile(sayanyearortwoormaybemore)itfeelsthatyoucouldhavebeenmoreOKhadyouexperiencedthe
deathofthepersonratherthanrejection.Ihadfoundmyselfthinkingwhytherewassomuchpain.Whatmustpeople
bedoingiftheirlovedonedies?andwhenIthoughtthatway,Ifoundoutthatthiswaspainingmorethanifthe
personhaddied.
Seewhenapersondies,butthatpersonusedtoloveyou,youcouldlivewithmemoryandunderstandingthatperson
lovedyou.Butwhenloveitselfdies,youfeelreallyemptyandhollowandfailtounderstandlife.Deathis
understandableandyouknowinyourheartthatitisnotsomethingthatwasdonetoyouonpurpose.Youknowthe
personcouldnothelpit,andifthereissomeplaceafterdeath,youknowthatpersonstilllovesyou.Youwouldfeel
anger,resentment,tosomebodyyesgodmaybe,whysomethingthatyoulovedwastakenfromyoubutyoufouldnot
feelholloworempty.
Butincaseofrejection,itsverytoughtounderstandwhatwasreallywrong.Icannotexpressitinwords,butitsvery
true.andespeciallyifyoustillhavetobeincontactwiththatperson,butnowinatotallydifferentway,manittakes
yearstobecuredofit.Ihavepersonallyexperienced,thisandthankgod,thatIhavebeenabletogetoveritbutit
was**PAINFUL**.foralongtime....Years...
Cris(notverified)|08/02/12|12:59PM
Link
isitsodatderisa"heratbreaksyndrome"???anuplzanswer!
Link
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HeyJen...Ilikedyournote...youmaybeontosomething.
NancyDavis(notverified)|04/12/12|10:24AM
Link
Theymightnotsayheartbreakbutmostdefinitelydepression.Thisisreal.Manystudentshavebeenabletowithdrawfrom
classesduetodepression.Sothisisnothingtolaughaboutormakefunof.It'srealstuff.Itreallyhurtsanditreally
messesuphowyoufunctioninyourdailylife.
Link
Idontwanttoliveanymore,Ihaveaheartbreakthatwontevergetbetter.Itsbeenalmostfouryearsandthingsarereally
justgettingworse.Itdoesnthelpthatshedied8monthsaftershebrokemyheart.Iwatchedasshestartedarelationship
withanotherman,sheknewthatIcouldseebutistilldidntsayanything.Itendedwithhimcompletelyhumiliatingme,he
followedmygirlfriendintothekitchenandgrabbedherandkissedherlikeiwasnteventhere.Thisisthegirlthatwas
madlyinlovewithme,welivedtogether,andnowimruined.imaginelivingwiththememoryofseeingsomecreep
confidentlykissingyourgirlfriendwhileyousatwatchinginthemirrorintheotherroom.icryalldaylongnomatterwhere
iamorwhatimdoing.Iwouldcallthemcryingfitsorsaddnessorwhatever,everythingidoandeverywhereigoreminds
meofthispain,thiscowardlyallowingofmygirlfriendtopursueanotherrelationship.imruinedidontwanttolive
Link
Itfeelslikethedayitstillallhappened.Itisnow3yearssinceIwasseparatedfromtheloveofmylifeandatthetime6
montholdchild.Wewern'tseparatedbyourownfortune.Oneoftheselifechangingexperiencesseparatedus.Forilivein
NewZealandandmyexandmychildliveinEngland.Istillfeelanenormousamountoflossconstantlywantingtoknow
howtheyare,constantlywantingtobewiththem.Thetroubleisisthatwestilltalk,shestilllovesmebutwecantbe
together.Idontknowwheretostart,itsbeen3yearsandwecantkeepgoingonlikethis,itisntfaironeitherofus.
It'salossthatmaynevergoaway,whenyouaresotunedintotheotherpersonyouknowwhattheyaregoingtosayordo
next.Yougiveeverythingawayforthem,materialsdontmatter,itsthelife,prosperityoftherelationshipthatmatters.It
justdoesntwanttogoaway,IknowIcantforceittogoaway,IfeelwhatIfeelbutitistruelypainful,entirely
encompassingandaheckofaforce.wheretogofromhereidontknow.Ihavetriedlovingsomeoneelsewithnomerit,
notevenatouchonwhatIknowlovetobe.Timeiguess,time.
Link
I'mgladyoudon'thavetodothatatUniversities,IcanjustleavewhenI'mfeelingsadorwhatnot.Otherwise,I
woulddefinitelybeshowingupwithonerightaboutnowhaha.
AshleyCox|11/18/08|16:17PM
Link
Ihavegonethroughphysicalheartbreak(liketheoneyoumentioned)almosteverydayforfourmonthsfromOctober2008
toJanuary2009attheageof20.Iwas(andam)completelyhealthyIwasarunner.Wheneverithappened,Iwouldthink
tomyself,"Mygod,heartbreakisreallyliteral."AndnowIknowwhatwasgoingon.I'mstillnotoverhim,eventhoughthe
physicalpainsubsided.
Link
AscrazyasitsoundsIfellinlovewithamanwhowas12yearsolderthanmewhenIwasjustateenager.Whenhe
endeditverypainfully(becauseIwastooyoung)IthoughtIwouldfeelthatwayagain,lifewouldgoonandIwould
findsomeoneelse.Therearereallynowordsthatcanexpresshowmuchthislossdevastatedmylife.Itisnow26
yearslater.Iammarriedtosomeoneelsewith2youngkids.Theoldermanhasbeeninandoutofmylifeoverthe
yearsandthefeelingforhimhasnevergoneaway.ThispersonhadanearfatalheartattackinFebof2011.Inever
knewsomethingcouldhurtsobadforsomanyyears.IhavecriedeverywakinghoursinceFeb.overwhelmedbyregret
fromeverythingIhavemissedoutonwithhim.Andcompleteutterpainoverthefactthathedoesnothavealotof
timeleft.Heisstillalivebut,itfeelslikeIamalreadygrievingforallthethingsthatneverwere.Regrethastobethe
mosthorribleemotion.
Link
That'sincrediblyselfishandselfindulgent.Yourcrying"everywakinghour",whilethere'saman
andtwoyoungchildreninyourlifethatyouarebasicallylyingto.Youneedtogetyourhead
screwedonstraight.
Mundusvultdecipi
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Link
Ohno,no,no.Youaremistaken.Ihavebeenveryhonestwithmyhusbandallalong.HeevenknewhowI
feltaboutthispersonbeforeweweremarried.Itwasadecisionmadewiththebestinterestofourkids
thatwestayedtogether.Myheadisverytogether.Ihaveamasterspsychdegree,haveverysmart,well
adjustedkidsandacomfortablelife.Itstilldoesnotkeepyoufrombeinginlovewithsomeoneelseandall
thehurtandregretoverthingsthatshouldhavebeendonedifferently.Lovethatfeelslikethatonlycomes
alongonceinabluemoon.Itsthestuffsongsarewrittenabout.Sometimesthetimingisjustwrong.
Thanksforunderstanding.
Link
Sorry,butthereisnothing"together"aboutadysfunctionalcodependentrelationship
basedonobsessingoveranindividualfor26years.Youcangoonabout"love"or
"songs",butthat'sjustrubbishtorationalizeanaberrantobsessionwithanindividual
thatdoesn'twanttobewithyou.It'swhatmakespeoplebecomestalkers,sowhileyou
arecertainlyfreetoindulgeyourselftowhateverdegreeyoulike,withamastersin
psyche,youshouldknowbetterthantoexcuseit.
Eventhepointabout"thingsthatshouldhavebeendonedifferently"isaridiculousassertion,since
theyeasilycouldhavebeen,butitisobviousthatneitheroneofyouhadthepatiencetowaitafew
yearsandbetogether,whichindicatesthatthisisn'tnearlyasidyllicascenarioasyou'reportrayingit.
Idon'tknowwhatyourpersonalsituationis,andIcertainlydon'tknowwhyyourhusbandagreedto
suchanarrangement,butitiscertainthatyourchildrenwerenevergiventheopportunitytomake
suchachoice.Sowhileyoumaythinkthateverythingisquitenormalandtheyarewelladjusted,Ican
assureyouthatifyou'recryingeveryday,thatwon'tlastverylong.
Imaintainmyoriginalposition.Yourchoiceisobsessive,abnormalandselfindulgent.
Mundusvultdecipi
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youareaf******idiotgerhard.
Kumars(notverified)|12/08/11|07:44AM
Link
Obviously,ifIdon'tbuyintotheideathateveryonethatwantstoindulge
themselvesinobsessivebehaviorisactingperfectlynormalandthatnoone
shouldeverhavetodealwithdisappointment.Yes,byallmeans,letsindulge
peoplesothatafterdecadestheystillcan'tdealwiththeirfeelingsand
cometotermswithreality.Thatwillreallyhelp.So,despiteyourobviously
limitedvocabulary,perhapsyou'dbesokindastoindicatewhatthedesiredresponseshould
be.Perhapsinyourinfinitewisdomyoucanarticulatewhyitisappropriatetodesire
someonethathasnointerestinyou(especiallyafterseveraldecades).Perhapsyoucan
articulatewhyitsappropriatetoforceotherpeopletotolerateyourindulgencesandhaveto
dealwiththeirownfeelingsofinadequacybecauseyou'vesubjectedthemtoyour
selfishnessratherthangrantingthempriorityinyourlife.I'minterestedinhowallthis
wisdomshouldbemanifest.Please....dotell.
Mundusvultdecipi
GerhardAdam|12/08/11|11:57AM
Link
Ihavetriedtoholdmytongue,sinceyouareobviouslysogreatandsuperiorto
everyoneelse.TheoldermanbeingdiscussedhereisverymuchasinloveasIam.It
hasbeenmattersofinheritanceandlongtermillnessthathaskeptusfromever
gettingmarried.Ithurtslikehellthatsometimesyourunoutoftimetofigureouthow
togetittogetherandmakeitworkwitheachother.Itisntselfishindulgenceon
anybodyspart.Itislifeandhowfastitfliesby.PerhapsHank,youmightwanttothink
twicebeforeyoucriticizeanyonewhoisalreadyhurtinginside.Maymakeyoufeel
smarmyandsuperiorbutitmakestheworldasawhole,lesseasytolivein.
Link
Don'tknowwhyyou'reblamingHankforanyofthis,but....
Idon'tknowifyou'rethesameindividualthatpostedpreviously,
soI'mnotsurehowtorespond.Ifyouarethesameindividual,
thenlet'sstopwiththe"we'vebeeninlovethewholetime"crap.
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You'remarriedtosomeoneelsewithtwochildrenofyourown.
Itisn'tamatteroffeelingsuperior,it'samatterofdoingwhat'sright.So,ifyou
arethesameindividualthatpostedearlier,justconsiderthatyourhusbandand
childrenhavehadtoputupwithyourselfindulgentbullshit,becauseyouhaven't
deemedthemimportantenoughtofocusyourattentionon,sinceyou'retoobusy
indulgingafantasy.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
Yes,mytheoryisconfirmed.Youaretrulyanidiot.Believewhatyouwill.The
situationisverycomplicated,obviouslywaytoocomplicatedforyou.Any
idiotthattakesapicturewithacowboyhatonhastobearedneck,right
wing,arrogantd@#khead.Iwillhavenothingfurthertosaytoyou.
Link
Ofcourse...selfindulgenceisalwayspreferableto
beingabletoarticulateaposition.Afterall,"it's
complicated"isalwaysagoodstandbyexcusewhenyou
havenoother.
Stopplayingthehaplessvictimandtakesomeresponsibilityforyour
choices.There'snothingmoreannoyingthansomeonethatmakesa
choiceandthenwhinesaboutitfortherestoftheirlives.
Idofinditinterestingthatthosewithnoargumentinvariablyfindit
hilarioustopositallmannerofideasregardingacowboyhat.How
patheticcanyouget?However,itdoestendtolendmemorecredibility
whenitcomestorecognizinghorseshitwhenIseeit.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
WowGerhard,whydoyouinsistonwritinglongpostafterwrong
postarguingwithhertellingherhowwrongsheiswhen:
A.Herlovedonesallknowaboutitandacceptthatit'sjusthow
thingsare
B.She,andherlovedonesknowthesituationfarbetterthanyou
do
C.SheCAN'Tcontrolhowshefeels,ifshe'scryingeverydaythan
obviouslyshe'sfeelingverysadwhichI'msureshewouldloveto
"getover"ifitwasthateasy!
You'recallingsomeoneelsepathetic...howironic.Whydon'tyou
justdropit,andacceptthatyouropinionwasn'tacceptedbythe
personwhoisactuallyinthesituation?Whydoyoucare?Whydo
youfeeltheneedtogetthefinalword?I'llbetanyamountof
money,ifyoureadthis,you'llmakeanotherpost,becauseyou're
oneofthoseguysthatNEEDStohavethefinalwordandwillnever
justdropit.Talkaboutpathetic...leavethewomanalone.Youhad
yoursay,nowgoaway...goaheadandrespondtomeifyoumust
protectyourego,butIwon'tbereadingitasI'monhereforaone
timereadonly.
Bill(notverified)|01/28/12|15:57PM
Link
Myresponsehasnothingtodowithegoand
everythingtodowithlettingstupidcomments
gounanswered.
Herlovedonesallknowaboutitandaccept
thatit'sjusthowthingsare
I'msuretheironyhasescapedyouinhowherlovedones
"acceptthatit'sjusthowthingsare",whileyou'reexcusing
herbehaviorfortheexactoppositereason.Talkabout
convolutedlogic.
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Perhapsyou'dcaretoanswerwhatherresponseshouldbeif
herlovedonesdidn'tacceptit?Wouldthatbeenoughto
convinceyou?Perhapsjusthavingtherespectforother
peoplethattheydon'tdeservetobetreatedasiftheysimply
haveto"acceptthatit'sjusthowthingsare"?
It'sbullshitanditremainsbullshit.It'sthetypicalattitudeof
wherenooneelseshoulddrawattentiontohowself
centeredsuchbehaviorisandeveryoneshouldjust
accommodateitbecause"theycan'tcontrolit".Well,then
theyshouldn'tdragothersintoit.Thatwouldbethe
responsibleandrespectfulthingtodo.
...becauseyou'reoneofthoseguysthat
NEEDStohavethefinalwordandwillnever
justdropit.
...andthat'sjustafeebleattemptatapreemptivestriketo
avoidgettingcalledonyourirrationalposition.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
Gerhard,despiteallthepeopleattackingyouforyour
logicalpositionsandintelligentresponses,Ifindyou
SPOToninaworldfullofexcusesforselfishbehaviour.
Ivehadmyheartbroken,itsbrokennow.Ittakesyears
togetoversometimesyes,butdon'tsubjectanother
relationshiptoyourheartbreakoverthepast.Hopefully
youwillgrowsomethingnewwiththenewperson,
insteadofbringingcarcassesofoldloveandthesmell
ofdeathandrotintoabrandnewrelationship.Itsjust
invitingbacteriaandrotintoyournewone.Everyone
elsehastoacceptthewaylife"is"duetotheactionsof
theselfishperson,excepttheselfishperson.ha!
Childish.
Link
ivebeenbrokenheartedforoverayearANDSTILLihaveto
agreewithgerhardadam.hecouldhaveputitmore
delicatelybutitstrue.
iwillsaythistho..yes,theloveforyourkidsmaybeofa
differenttype(notless)thantheloveforaspouse.buttryto
fillyourvoidwithyourchildren.youshouldfeelblessedthat
apartofyouislivingon.fillthevoidwithyourkidsand
maybesomeoneelseyoutrulylovemightcomealong.youre
carryingaheartbreakfromyourpast.thatswhatspreventing
youfromfeelinglove
Link
SaintGerhardNEVERputsthingsdelicately.Buthe's
oftenthevoiceofcommonsense.Hearhim:)
Andasforyourexperience,don'tgobythecalendar!
Contrarytothekneejerkassumptionsofsomehere,I
amnothardheartedandhavehadtodealwiththedeep
gutwrenchingdespairoflosingsomeoneIloved.
No,I'mnotsayingit'sbiggerorworse.Ifullyappreciate
thatsomeonewalkingoutonyoucreatesadimensionof
betrayalandangerwhichcanbemorepainfulthanmere
bereavement,buthavingsomeonetoblamecanalsobe
cathartic.Letthosewhovaluesuchthingsplaytheir
gamesof"mypainisbiggerthanyourpain",Iwantnone
ofit.
There'sonlyonewaytogoonandthatistotakeone
dayatatime.Ifitsucksitsucks,it'sjustanotherstep
on.Butayearisnotimeatall.Moviestellusweshould
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beoverabreakupinfiveweeks,medicsandcouncellors
haveastricttimetableforbereavementstagesofgrief
theycallit.Bullshit.Wearealldifferent.Istillget
wavestenyearsonandtrustme,I'mnotwallowingin
anything.Ifyoupickyourselfupinaweekorifittakes
manyyears,sobeit,playthehandyouweredealt.But
playtowin.
Justonething.Pleasedon'teventhinkintermsof
"fillingthevoid"!Thatcreditsitwithapowerthatit
simplyhasn'tgot.Loveyourkidstobitsohyesbut
lovethemfortheirownsakeasanyfathershould.
Okay.Touchyfeelyepisodeisnowover!:)
Link
derek_potter(notverified)|03/20/12|11:44AM
Oh,mygosh,Iwasfeelingcomfortedbyreadingalltheposts.UntilIgottotheonethatsaid"oncein
abluemoon".Weweremarriedon12/31/09,abluemoon!Isn'titsurprisinghowfewseemto
understandwhatthisfeelslikeandwhyit'ssohardtoletgo.Mostjustsay,"oh,he'sanAhole"and
theyarethinking"shortmarriage,moveon!".OMG,everyonecommentedonourloveandhislovefor
meinparticular.HeIShorriblenow,asifaswitchwasthrown.
Regretdoesn'tcomeclosetohowIfeelaboutmycoursesofactionthelastcoupleofmonthsandthe
lastcoupleofdaysinparticular.Icertainlydidnotthinkatthetimethatitwouldleadtotheendofmy
marriageandrelationship.Istill,andlikelyalwayswill,nomatterhowmanytimesthepsychologistI
amseeingtriestotellme,thatthewayheisactingnowisnothistrueself.
But,doesn'tchangethefactthatthisishorrible.Ican'timagineanyworsepain,otherthanlosinga
child.ThismayhavebeenthefirsttimeItrulylovedsomeone(1stmarriageat51)andbelievedthat
"atlast,mylovehadarrived".After8months,Istillgobacktothefirststageof"shock".
Sure,I'vehadbreakupsthattookabittogetover,butwaydifferentwhenit'samarriage...
.Iwenttothehospitalthissummerwithheartattachsymptoms,whichtheruledout,butwantedme
tostayformoretests(Ididn't).Idon'tthinkanyoneatthehospitalknewaboutthechemicaleffects
ontheheartwith"heartache"...althoughtheyknewmysituation.Mybloodpressurealsoskyrocketed,
buthavebeentreatingwithnutricuticals(sp?)andhaveittonormal!(Readbook,NoMoreHeart
Disease,byLouisIgnarroandfollowedhisadviceonstimulatingnitricoxideproduction)
8monthswhendoesthisend?wow.
Link
I'vereadallthesepostsandweretouchedbyfindingpeoplewhoarealsoexpeireincing
emotionalpainonaphysicallevel.
Ittheseventhyearaftermyengagementbreakup27daysbeforetheactualwedding.Myheart
stillachesattimessoseverelythatIcanhardlybelieveit.I'vestartedtowonderwhetherI'llever
bepainfreeagain.
Link
Elmine(notverified)|05/16/12|03:36AM
Thepostwasratherdramatic,butyourcommentwas"incredibly"judgmentalandRUDE,Ger"hard."
Link
Actually,Gerhardwasspoton.Pleasedonotshootthemessengerjustbecauseyoudon'tlikethecold,
hardtruth.
@Anonymous(notverified)|11/23/11|14:39PM:Gettingmarriedtosomeone(andhavingchildren
withhim!)whilepiningforsomeoneelseiscruel,manipulativeandimmature.Can'tpossiblyfathom
whyanyonewouldgoalongwiththisandsettleforatotallyshammarriage:afraidtobealone?gay?
forappearances?money?It'stotallyirresponsibletowardsthechildren,becausesoonerorlaterthey
willrealisethatmomdoesnotreallylovedadandthiswillshaketheirbasicsenseofsecuritytothe
core.Howaboutyoupullyourheadoutofyourrectumandstarttakingresponsibilityforyouractions.
Ninny(notverified)|03/20/12|04:06AM
Link
Totheseveralpeoplewhohavebeensocriticalofmypostingthismessage.Afewthingsperhaps
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youmightnote.IhavelovedtheoldermaninmylifesinceIwasateenager.ITDIDNOTAFFECT
MYLIFELIKETHISUNTILHEALMOSTDIEDLASTYEAR.MymarriagewasneverashamandIcan
assureyouthatIamnotgaynorafraidtobealone.SinceIhaveknowntheoldergentleman,
therewereseveraltimeswetriedtomakeitworkBEFOREIGOTMARRIED.Firsttime,Iwentoff
tocollegeinEurope.Secondtimewefoundouthewasntabletohavekids,thirdtimetherewere
severehealthproblems.Ithadnothingtodowithitbeingaonesidedrelationship.Myhusband
alwaysknewIcaredalotforthisman.Ihavealwaysbeenhonestaboutthis.Itdidnotaffectme
untilHEALMOSTDIED,thensuddenlythereisthishorriblesinkingfeelingthattherearenomore
chancesleft.Iamverygladthatyouhaveneverhadasituationwherethereismorethanone
importantpersoninyourlife.Nooneisperfectandwealltrytodothebestwecan.BTW,you
justhappentosendyourvitriolonthedaythatmyonlyparenthasbeengivenhourstoliveandis
fightingforhisliferightnow.Thankyouforyourkindnessandunderstanding.Itrulyneeded
criticismfromsomeonewhohasalltheanswers.
Link
youjusthappentosendyourvitriolonthedaythatmyonly
parenthasbeengivenhourstoliveandisfightingforhislife
rightnow.Thankyouforyourkindnessandunderstanding.
Whatexactlyisyourproblem?Doyouexpectpeopletobemindreaders?Ifyouhavean
emotionalissue,thendon'tpostcommentsifyoudon'twantresponses.Noonehassetout
tohurtyou,buttheyhaverespondedaccordingtotheinformationYOUhaveprovidedand
theresponsesYOUhavemade.
Sosparemethischeapshotattryingtomakepeoplefeelguiltyfortheeventsinyourlife.
Noonehereisresponsibleforyoucurrentsituation,andwearecertainlynotresponsible
norrevelingintheknowledgethatsomeoneclosetoyouisdying.Getoveryourself.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
YouaretrulythebiggetshitheadIvenevermet.Youcondescendingprick!Imsosorry
todisappointyoubynotpostinganupdateonmyfathershealthbeforeyouhada
chancetoreply.DoIexpectyoutobeamindreader.FuckYou.Youareajudgemental
prick.Therearesomeplacesyoudontgoyouasshole.Ihopeyoudealwithhurtinyour
lifeaswellasyouthinkeveryoneshouldwhenyourheartbreaksorwhensomeoneyou
lovediesinfrontofyou.Youareanutterasshole.Iknowitmayseemlikeanovelidea
butperhapsyoushouldntjudgesohastilywhenitisyouwhodoesntunderstandthe
wholesituation.WhydidIoranyoneelseforthatmatterposttheirstoryhere.
Sympathyno,advicefrompeoplewhohavebeenthereyes.Youarenotthat,youare
anidiot.Itrulyhopeyourworldisturnedupsidedownandthereisnoonethereforyou
exceptsomecondescendingasstoinsultyou.Karmaisabitchyoujerk!
Link
You'retheonethatkeepsinsistingonpostingyourcommentsand
expectingeveryonetosecondguesswhateveremotionsyoumay
befeeling.You'retheonethatisattemptingtomakepeoplefeel
guiltatyoursituation[simplybecauseyou'reexpectingthemto
somehowtempertheirdiscussionbasedonyouremotionalstate].
Callmewhatevernamesmakeyoufeelbetter.However,yourcommentsand
attitudespeakfarmoretothetypeofpersonyouactuallyare,thantheperson
youthinkyou'reportraying.Itwouldappearthatmyinitialassessmentiscorrect.
You'reselfindulgentandcan'ttolerateanyonethatdoesn'tjoinyourpityparty.
Sympathyno,advicefrompeoplewhohavebeenthereyes.You
arenotthat,youareanidiot
Ahyes...andnowwho'sbeingjudgmental?Youknowfarlessaboutmeandyet
feelquitecomfortablemakingyourjudgments.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
"Getoveryourself."
Gee,itsureisgettingcontradictingaroundhere.
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Wolf(notverified)|04/25/12|21:18PM
Link
Perhaps,butlet'srememberthisisScience2.0,notDearAbby.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
myhearthurtssobad.
morephysicalthenanything.
I'mCONSTANTLYcrying.
mybodywillgothroughabout5minuteintervalswhereiamhappyandseemjustfine,butthenBOOMthepaincomesbackjust
likethat.
Iunderstandtimehealseverything,butthispainI'mexperiencingisunbearableinsomeways.
thisarticlereallyhelpedthough.
thanksforwritingit.
Link
Icantotallyrelatetoyourfeeling.Ibelieveittakesabout6weekstofeelsomewhatnormalagain,oratleastseealight
attheendofthisdarktunnel.WhatIfoundthathelpedmethemostiswriting.Yes,justplainwriting.Ijustopenedupa
freshtextpageandbeganwritingallmyfeelings..themoreIwrote,themoreIwantedtowrite...Iwasabletocomeback
tothepageoftextandreadwhatIwroteandithelpedmeoutthemost.Iamjustfinishingweekone,ofmyhearbreak...
causebythesamewoman..yes..afterIhealedthelasttime..ayearago...shewantedtotryitagain,andIsaidyes...so
....herewegoagain..asnowshehasleftmeagain..goodluck,keepyourchinup..IGUARANTEEitwillpass.
Link
MichaelSoto(notverified)|12/14/08|11:50AM
Iknowwhatyoumean.Ihavehadthisformorethantwoyears.Itispuretorture.Noonebelievesmeandpsychotherapy
helpsalittle,Butitisalongslowprocess.
Itisterribletobeinpainandthepeoplearoundyouandclosetoyouhavenoidea.I'mstillhangingintherewaitingforit
toend.
Ihopeyouhaverecoveredbynow.
Link
Ifeelyourpain...literally.Ibarelymakeitthrougheachdaywithoutcrying,oftengettomycarafterworkandbreakdown
beforeIcandrivehome.I'manormallybubblypersontosmilesandlaughswithease,howeverwhenabrieftmomentof
happycomesalongitcrashesintoamillionpiecesofgriefandthecyclestartsagain.Ihadhopedwitheachdayitwould
geteasier,butsofareachdayonlymakesthepainintenseastherealityoflifewithoutthemanIlovesbecomesmore
clear.
Link
Idon'twishthiskindofpainnoteventomyworstenemy.IhaveendedupinahospitalwhileinChinabecauseofabroken
heart.Justthisconstant,constantchestpainthatnevergoesaway.EvenforthathourorhourandahalfofsleepthatIget
duringthenight,whenIcrymyselftosleep,eventhenthepaindoesn'tgoaway.
Link
MaxSl(notverified)|11/20/08|06:35AM
yaimthatteenagerthatwouldbringinthenote,butimexpierencingchestpain,earache,stomachache,migrain,imcoldall
thetime,andicantstopcrying,ever.......iwillcryfor4andhalfhours,andbehappyfor3minutes,andthecyclerepeats.soifu
haveanyscientificopnionsthatpleaseemailmeatKiro_Kaguya@yahoo.com....anddidimention?.....istillloveher.....nice
articlebtw
Link
Ifitthedescription(notverified)|11/21/08|23:47PM
iam20yearsoldandgoingthroughthisforthefirsttime.ithurtssooobad.idontknowhowanyonecoulddealwiththispain.i
evenrealizethatiamgoingthroughallofthestagesmentionedinthearticle.Iamattendingauniversityandwhenit
happenedonasundayihadareallybigpresentationdueonthemonday..soaftercryingmyselftosleepiwokeupandcriedthe
entiredrivetothecampus.aftergettingtoschool(wearingpjsandacap)ididmypresentationhorribly.ijustcantgetthrough
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onedaywithoutcrying.Ihavealwaysbeensomeonetothinkheartbreakisjustasillygirlthingandifyouaresmartyoucould
avoidthispain.wellitisnottrue.itreallydoeshappneandwhenithappensithurts.ithurtsreallybad.
Link
yeahithurtsalot...imgointhroughsamephaserightnow.....ithinkuralreadyrecoveredbynow:)iwanttobhappyagain
andbewithsomeoneagainandliveagainnotjuststayinroomandkeponthinkinaboutaguywhodoesntevenrealizes
mypain...Iwanttolivehappyagain...Iwanttostudywellandnotthinkingoftakingasemesteroffjustbecauseofsome
person...IneedsomeonewhomIcanbereallycloseto...Someonewhocantakemeoutofthispain...Iamsomuchhurt
!!!!!!!!!
Link
ijuststumbledonthispage...meandmybfofover3yearsbrokeupinthebeginningofthismonthoutofnowhereandivebeen
amess...latelyivebeenalittlebetter,butonlywhenihavesomethingtodo...otherwiseimhomealone,usuallylookingatsites
likethisonelol....butihavetokeepmyselfbusyorithinkaboutallthesethingsandigetupset...withalltheholidayscoming
upandthenmygraduationandmybdayitjustmakeseverythingworse...ikeephopinghecomesback...butihaven'tevenheard
fromhimsinceaweekafter...whichiandotherpeoplethinkisridiculous...imgivingmyselftomybday/valentinesdayandthen
ithinkimgoingtostartgettingmyselfoutonthemarketagain,bcicantwaitforever...everyonekeepstellingmehowcouples
breakuparoundthisage(im23now)oraroundthistimeinarelationshipandtheygetbacktogetherafterafewmonths..buti
don'tknow,andthererjustsomanyopportunitiesforhimtocomebackbyvalentinesdaysowewillsee...ihopethere'shope
foreveryoneoutthere..imsotiredoffeelinglikecrapandhavingmythoughtsracingandfakingasmileallthetime...imsure
everyoneknowswhatimean...thispainwillneverfullygoaway..
Link
Ithinkweallhaveagoodunderstandingonwhatyou'refeeling,andit'shardformetofollowmyownadviceat
timeslikethese,butit'sreallybestifyoumoveon.TrustmeI'vebeendoingthesamething,waitingandhoping
theywillshowupandsweepyouoffyourfeetlikeinthemovies,butsometimesyouhavetofacereality.You're
atatimeinyourlifewheresomuchchangeisgoingtohappen,andifyoucontinuetosurroundyourselfwith
peopleofgoodquality,itwillbeeasiertomoveon.
Link
mygfandiweremadlyinlove,herexisthefatherofher4yr.olddaughter.hewasaterribleindividual,buthedeveloped
cancerthatisrapidlytakinghislife.shesacrificedourlovetoattempttosavehislifebymarryinghimandgivehima
reasontofightforlife.hehasmadeherlifehellandsheadmitsshemadeamistakebutfeelslikeherbedsbeenmadeand
shemustlayinit.weloveeachotherbutimnotsurewecaneverbetogetheragainandthatkillsme!
Link
Iagreethatitisimportanttogrieveandtakethetimetohealfromwhateverishurtingyou.However,Ialso
thinkitsimportanttobeclearaboutwhatyou'rereallyfeeling.
"imgivingmyselftomybday/valentinesdayandthenithinkimgoingtostartgettingmyselfout
onthemarketagain,bcicantwaitforever"
Statementslikethisconcernmebecauseitdoesn'tsoundasmuchlikegriefasitdoeshavingplansorexpectationstwarted.
WhileIdon'tknowwhatyou'rereallyexperiencingnorthecircumstancessurroundingit,Iwouldbecautiousaboutputting
pressureonyourselftoachieveresultsinsteadoftakingthetimetoabsorbwhatishappeningtoyou.
Whenyou'reyoungit'softenhardtoseethatitmaynotbetherelationshipwemissasmuchasitisthecomfortableroutines
andpredictabilitywehadestablished.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
DearGerhard,Yourblack/white,right/wrong,aggressivecommentshavezeroplaceonablogaboutmattersoftheheart.
Also,nooneseemstovalueyourbizarre,overtlyhostileandjudgmentalinterjection.Sinceyouappearprimedfor
bloodsport,youmightfarebetterofferingadvicetoaspiringserialkillersorthosefavoringeuthanasiaforstraypuppies.
Whynotwanderoverthere?
Veronica(notverified)|03/11/12|00:50AM
Link
Veronica,please.Isitreallythishardforpeopleonthissitetorespecttheopinionsandviewsofothers?Doyoureally
havetoresorttonamecallingandsuch?Really?
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Personally,IthinkGerardhasseveralveryvalidpointsandsoundarguments.Youmightfindthemifyouactuallyread
whathewroteinsteadofthrowingatantrum.
Ninny(notverified)|03/20/12|04:13AM
Link
Iloveyouforwirtingthisarticle,evenintheworsttimes,insomestrangewayitfeelsgoodreadingitandrecognisemyown
stateofmind&feelingsinthistext..andhavethemexplainedabit.thankyou!
Link
Ifeelthesameshittywayrightnow.Andwhenithinkaboutitmychestjuststartstothrobandifeeltheintensityallover
again.LikesomeonepreviouslysaidIwouldntwishthistypeofpainonanyonenotevenmyworstenemybecausewhenyou'rein
ititfeelslikeITWILLNEVERBEOVER.itjustdragsonandonandonandoninyourownworldofmiseryandsorrowthatno1
canreallyevertrulygraspandyou'reinitalone.fuckk
Link
Ireallyenjoyedreadingthisblog!IwaswonderingifIcouldaskyouafewquestionsformyinterviewsourcefor
apaper..
NicoleSmith|01/07/09|14:13PM
Link
Thanksguysforthegreatcoomentsandfeedback!Theonlywaytomoveonfromanytypeofhardshipistoacceptthatlife
movesonhaha.Lifeissupposedtobefun!Dontletanyonechangewhoyouareandwhatyouplanondoinginlife,thatsmylast
pieceofadvice.
Nicole,feelfreetoemailmeatashleyatscientificblogging.com
Thanks!
Link
WellI'minmymid50sandthishasjusthappenedtomeaftera3yrrelationshipwithalovelygirlacoupleofyrsyoungerthan
me.It'snotjustforyoungsters!
Thepainisnearlyunbearable.
IfeelsoletdownIreallytrustedher.Andit'saffectingmyjob.Gonnatakeawhiletogetoverthis,it'snoteasy.
Link
ifeelyoumate.ifeelthesamewayrightnow.ileftmyselfcompletelyemotionallyvulnerable.ididherwrongbutiknow
whatidid.iwanttoapologisebutshewontevenspeaktome.inevercheatedonheroranythingbutididnttreatheras
wellasishouldhaveandnowshesgone.imisshersobad.i'vemissedunifor4dayscauseidontfeellikegoingout
Link
Ihaverecentlysplitwithmygirlfriendof18months.Alsoduetomenottreatingherverygood,Iwouldmake
commentsaboutwhatshewore,andreallytookherforgranted.Shefinishedwithme8daysagoandI'vebarely
eatenanything,I'vehadnosleep,andI'vehadtheworstsicknessandheartbreakfeelingever.It'sstrangebecauseI
thoughtweunderstoodeachother,andIreallycouldn'tseethiscoming.EverytimeIgotosleepIhavedreamsabout
herlayingnexttome,orthateverythingisfine.Iloveandmissherandwoulddoanythingtogetherback,butIknow
Ican't,
hanginthereeveryone,ithurtssobad.It'sawful,butitwillbeokayeventhoughIwantittobeokaywithher!
Link
Louie(notverified)|06/06/10|09:57AM
It'sbeenalmostayearforyouhowareyoufeelingtoday?iwasjustbrutallydumpednoforewarningbymybfof14
yearsweareinour50'salso.ThisismyfirsttrulybrokenheartandIthinkI'mnevergettingoverthisone.Istherereally
anyhope?
Link
Kik(notverified)|01/31/11|22:54PM
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Iamgoingthroughthefirsttimetoo.Ihaveneverfeltthismuchpaininmyentirelifeitisabsolutelydraining.Inolongerfind
interestinlifeanymore,orwanttocontinueliving.I'vealreadybeenavictimofabuse,andhewastheonlyreasonIhadfaithin
humanityanymoreuntilheendedour18monthrelationshipoutofnowhere.TheonlyreasonIhaven'tkilledmyselfisbecause
partofmewantstocontinueliving,foolishly.Iprobablywillendupendingmylifeanyway.
HewaseverythingIeverwanted,andheendeditoutofnowhere.Everydayisastruggle.Ican'tsleepeverysingledreamI
haveisabouthim.Ifeelcheatedthatnooneevertoldmethatheartbreakwasthishorrible,thisunbearable.WhywouldIever
wanttocontinueonwiththeknowledgethatIhavetoexperiencethisagain?Thatnomatterwhat,whenIfallinloveagain,I
willendupfeelingthishurt?
Idon'thatehim,Ijusthatemyself.I'vealreadytriedeverythingworkingout,writing,goingoutwithfriends,hookingupwith
otherguys.Theemptinesscontinuesonandon,andeatsawayatmyinsideslikeapoison.Ihonestlycan'ttakeitanymoreI
justwantthepaintostop.
Anonymous|03/24/09|02:49AM
Link
Itrulyundstandwhaturgoingthru.IamjustfromthereanditreallyHURTS.Butpleasedon'tkillyourself.Attimesthings
arejustnevermeanttobe.Keepurselfsafe4yourself.Theyhappen.Thinkaboutme.Idatedthisgirlforthreeyearsand
wehadstartedeventalkingaboutmarriage.Ilovedherwithallmyheart.Idideverythingforherandevernpaidforher
collegefeesforherparentshadliterallygivenhertobemywife.Isuspectedherwiththisguybutshealwaysdeniedit
profuselyuntilIliterallyfoundthemnakedonbed.Imaginethisimage.Itsratheronedecidedtoleaveyou.Whatof
findingheronbed,andthisiswhereshetellsyoushedidnotloveyoufrombefore,shewastakingyouforarideallthis
time,thinkofwastedyears.thisisit.Itfeelshell.Butallinall,IthankGodforHeknowsbest.
Link
Toeveryoneonthissubject,
alltowellIknowthisexperience!Ihavegonethroughitsoo,soomanytimes.Iwasmarriedat21my18atthetimeanda
newborn.shewasverygoodlookingandsmartandagoodmother.Well9yearsandonemorechildlater......Sheleftme.
Weweretogetherabout2yearsbeforewegotmarried.sheleftmewiththekidsandthehouseandemptybankacount.
YesIwasheartbroken.AtthattimeIwashavingpanicattacksfromfeallingabandond.firstIwasinbigtimedenile.I
learnedthatacceptancewasthefirststeptohealing.Ireadalotandworkedoutjustasmuch.Ifeltbetteraboutmyself
doingthesethings.YesandIgotbacktodating.AtthetimeitseemedthatIwaitedforeverbutitwasonlyfromJunetill
September.afterafewIgotintoanotherrelationship.Itwasayoungandattractiveevenmorethanmyexwife.1year
laterIthappenedagain!Thebreakupandtheheartbreak.!ThistimeitwascauseIwastheonethatcalleditoff.Ifelt
thattheloyaltywasnotthere.IguessitwasasixthsensecauseIwasright.Iwentintodepresionandwasnotabletobe
intemateinthebedroom.EventuallyIgotoveritintime.IwasgoingthroughruffedtimesthisroundcauseIlostmyhouse
andwassleepinginansuvwithmytwokids.Thispassedandsodidtheheartbreak.4yearslaterinthepresentI'mdealing
withtheheartbreakagain!Thisiswithsomeonenew.Shelivedwithmeandmykidsandeventuallyherkidslivedheretoo.
IkickedherthoughbecauseshewentM.I.Aonnewyearseve.Wecannotbeexpectedtoputupwithsomeonethat
doesn'tvalueouremotions.Iadvisetonotputupwithpeoplesbullshit!IamhurtthatIhadtogotosuchextremesbut
bettertosufferalilbitnowthansufferalotforalongperiod.Iwouldhavelikethingstoworkoutandtoldhertocome
backbutsherefusedandIacceptthatit'sdone.Ifeallingabandondtheachesandsleeplessnights.Ithinkaboutwhoshe
iswithandwhatsheisdoingandIhaveranintoherafewtimesbutit'sjustbettertoletgo.Iguessyougottaletahoebe
ahoeyoucan'tmakeahoeahousewife.ThelasttimeIsawhershetoldmeshewasmarriedtoamarinewhileshewas
livingwithmeandthathewasinnorthCarolina.Iguesswhenhegetsbackshehassomeexplainingtodocauseshegot
mynametattoodrealbigonherleftfrontshoulder.StillI'msadcauseitmakesnosense.Timehealsallwounds.
Link
Megakron(notverified)|02/11/10|23:02PM
I'minthissituationnow.Veryverycomplicatedsituation.Iendedsomethingandthere'snogoingback.I'vehadheartbreak
before,maybebecauseI'moverthepreviousexperiencesIcantrememberiftheywereworsethanthisone.NeedlesstosayI'm
havingtorememberthepastandhowIgotoverthemasreferenceforthehereandnow.
Iwasinvolvedwithawonderfulguy,butalsowiththathehadADHDanditwasallconsuming.Assoonaswemetitwaslikea
hurricaneofexcitementandnewpossibilties.IopenedmyselfupmorethanIhavewithanyoneelseinthepastandgavemy
wholeheart.
Wehadtomovecountriesanditwentdownhill.Arguinganduncertainty.Confusionandrejection.Imadethecallafternot
thinkingitout,howeverI'dfeltdisatisfiedforawhile.Wasithimmakingmefeelthiswayorme?Nonethelessthefeelingwas
thereandreal.Ifeltmisunderstoodandnotmyselfanymore.Icamebackhomeforabriefperiodandcalledanendtoit.In
doingsoIfeltrelief,thenacoupleofdayslaterdeepregretandrealisedtherewasnoturningback.
It'snowahideousfeelingeverywakingmoment,buteverynowandthenIhaveaminibreakthroughandthinkIdontwanna
feellikeavictimtothisfeelingIgottamakesomeplans.Itsstillhardtopeelmyselfoffthesofathinkingaboutthatpersonso
muchandfeelingmyheartleapingandmystomachchurning.
TheonlythingIcandoisthinkwhathaveIputonholdandwhatwasholdingmebackifIfeltthismisunderstoodthenwouldI
endupstiflingmydreamstofitinwiththeotherperson'slife.Mostprobably.IdontexpecteveryonetounderstandmewhoI
meetbutIdontwantmyambitioncrushed.SometimesyouhavetostopthinkingWEandwhatyou'remissingandselfishlythink
ME.Mehastocomefirstmoreoftenthanmost.Ifyougavethingsagoodshotthendontblameyourselfforeverythingthathas
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happened.Ifyouwereatotallosertotheotherpersonthenfeeltherejection,itstimetoreflectonyourselfandunearththose
problemareasandworkonemdontdrowninbadthoughts.
ItssohardtowritethisstuffasI'mstillveryrawandsufferingbuthell,itslife,itsnevereasy.Butitsneverworthgivingup.
Goforlongwalks,eventhoughtyoucantleaveyourheadandheartathome,itsworthgivingyourselfsomeair.Lookatthings
aroundyouanddistractyourselfevenfor2mins.Those2minsofnotthinkingabouttheotherpersonwillgiveyousomehope.
Those2minswillexpandovertimeandyouwillseeitasagreatreliefthatyoucanfocusonotherthings.Rememeberwe
walkedintothisworldonourownandwegatherpeoplealongtheway,butwe'reallsurvivors.
regret(notverified)|04/17/09|01:56AM
Link
heartbreak..asinglewordwithsomuchofdepth.themoreitrytostandup,themoreidrown.i'vebeeninthisrelationwhich
hasseeneverything.itlastedfor7yreas.itotitwudculminateintomarriagr.butjustthatwenwersupposedtogetmarried
aroundthisoctober,thisheartbreakwassupposedtooccur.idntwanttoplayblamegameshere.itmighthavebeenbothour
mistake.ijustwishedhehadunderstoodmemore.iknowasmuchasihurttoday,hetooishurting.lifeistomoveon,wer
movingon,butstilltherearehisfootstepsoneverypathitread.everybreathitakeicansensehim.anditisnotoutofmusic.i
amtryinghard.losingmylover,bestfriend,fiance.hejustmissed3things.husband,father,grandfather.iwishtherewassme
waytomakeithappen.butthetruthiswertoodifferentevenifweloveeachotherwewudfightagain.
myheartbreakistryingtobreakme,andiamtryingnottobreak.dntknowtillwhen.butiknowiwudalwayslovetheonlymani
haveknowntolovemeevenifwedntbelongtogether.
Link
iamsorryifthisoffendspeople,butdoyoufindreadingthearticleandcommentsheretherapeutic.ifeelthatway.idontknow
ifishouldfeelashamedaboutthefactthatiseeksolaceinotherpeople'smisery.iguessknowingthereareothersoutthere
whoaregoingthroughthesameemotionshelpscreateasenseofbonding.
ihadagffor6yearsstartingfromcollege.justwhenwebothgotjobsandcametothesamecityandwheniknewthatwe
wouldgetmarriedduringtheyear,shetoldmeshewasinlovewithsomeoneelseandtheonlythingshefeltformewasa
senseofcommitment.lovefromherendwasover.atvarioustimesithoughtofendingitallbykillingmyself,butiwastoo
scaredofthedoingit.ithenstartedcountingallthegoodthingsinmylifeandwhyishouldntthinkofkillingmyself.nicefamily,
hordesofrelatives,lotsoffriends.ithentoldmyselfthatifikilledmyself,iwillbebringingaboutthesamekindofdepression
andmiseryonmyparentsandbrothersandimustnotdoit.factisiwasjustlookingforexcusessinceiwasshitscaredtokill
myslef.anywaysipassedthroughthatphasebutlifecontinuedtobemiserableformonthsonend.isoughtsolaceinafriend
andpouredmyheartouttoher.everytimeifeltdepressedandfelticouldnotgoonanylonger,iwouldwriteherlongmails
describingmyagony.shewouldrespondandtrytohelpoutthebestshecouldwithhermails.thosemailswouldbrightenupmy
daysomewhatandiwouldfeelgoodforatleastawhile,butallalongiknewthatthenextboutofdepressionwasjustroundthe
corner.andsoitcontinuedforawhile.graduallywithtime,thepaindecreased,andfinallymyofficesentmeoverseastrip.this
wasmyforeigntripandtheexcitementhelpedmerecoverfully.iewhenirealisediwasexcitedaboutthetrip,irealisedthati
hadindeedturnedacornerandwaslookingforwardtothingsinlife.itsnowbeen5yearssincewebrokeup.irecentlycameto
knowshegotmarriedanditdinthurtme.iknowthatiamtotallytotallyoverit.infactithinkiwasoveritonceicameoutof
thedepression.
eversincethen,iamscaredthatimightsomedayfacedepressionagain,andfijustkeephopingthatitdoesnthappenagain.
recentlyimetagirl,wehititoffgreatanditdidnottakemelongtorealisethatiwasfallingheadoverheelsforher.
ialsoknewthatthatwasntthecasewithherprobablybecausesheherselfwasjustcomingoutofaheartbreak.iknewiwas
gettingintoanemotionallymessysituationbuticouldnotstopmyslef.forthatmaterevenshewasequallyresponsive.sothree
monthsdownthelineipoppedthequestionbutshesayssheisundecided.itsbeen3weekssincethenandihaverealisedthat
itwasherpolitewayofsayingno.thereasonipoppedthequestionsoealrywasiknewihadfallen,andiknewificontinued
thiswayiwouldhavefallensobadthatrecoverywouldhavebeenaspainfulasitwasthelasttime.howeverihaverealised
thatonceyouhavefallenforsomeone,itdoesntmatterhowlong/shorttherelationshipwas,itjustpainsasbad.imeanijust
amnotabletogetheroutofmymind.andwehavebeentalkingonlyfor3monthsandmetjustonce.yestitsbeenalong
distanceone.andatnopointoftimedidsheeverindicatethatshewasthinkingofthisdevelopingintosomethingserious.ieit
wasjustonewayallalongandyetistandheartbroken.itispainful.butwritingeverythingoutdoesmakemefeelbeter.for
howlongidontknow.
vish(notverified)|04/27/09|10:24AM
Link
idontknowifishouldfeelashamedaboutthefactthatiseeksolaceinotherpeople'smisery.i
guessknowingthereareothersouttherewhoaregoingthroughthesameemotionshelps
createasenseofbonding.
Don'tfeelashamedit'shardenoughtogothroughsomethinglikethis,butifyoufeellikeyou'retheonlyoneit'seven
worse.Knowingothersaregoingthroughithelps,asdoesknowingthatothershavegottenthroughitthereisalightat
theendofthetunnel,nomatterhowdim.It'shardtobelieveitwhenyou'remiredinpain,butyouwillgetthroughit.
Link
BeckyJungbauer|04/29/09|10:53AM
IagreewithBecky.IwentthroughaseconddivorcelastOctober,andbelievemewhenIsaymyheartisbroken.I
havefeelingsofbetrayaloftrust,abandonment,attimesevenhatredandrageandseveredepressiveepisodes.
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Ittakestimetorecoverfromsuchadevastatingemotionaltrauma.Butthereisnoshameinfeelingwhatisnecessary
andavoidable.Thisisapartofwhoandwhatweareashumanbeings.
EricFD(notverified)|06/19/10|13:19PM
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Yourpostactuallyhelpedme.Itoojustmetagirlonlineanditweweretogetherforabout3months(didthewhole
webcamthingandeverything).Iwaspreparingmylifeforafullblownmovetowhereshelivedsowecouldfinallybe
together(likeworkingovertimeandjustcreatingahugepocketofcashforthetransition).Duringthelastmonthofour
relationshipshestarteddistancingherselffromme,liketalkingtomelessandtalkingtosomeotherguyfriendsmoreand
more.ItgottothepointwhereIhadtoaskherwhatwasgoingon.Andsheprettymuchdumpedmewithoutanyreal
reason(I'msuretherewasone).I'm23andthisisthefirsttimeI'vefeltheartbreak.Evennowit'sbeenoveramonthsince
thishashappenedandIstillcantgetheroutofmyhead,stillcryforherwhenI'malone,stilldreamingaboutheroften.
Whataterribleexperience.Iknowthisarticlesaysthatwe'llchangeforthebetterbutIcanthelpbutfeelbitterness,
hopelessness,andabsoluteloneliness,myoutwardviewonlifeiscompletelydifferentnow.Idon'tfeelhappyorcheeryat
allandthatmakesitalmostimpossibletoapproachotherwomen,Iharboradeepdistasteforeverythinginthisworldand
whypeoplehavetososelfishlynotconsiderothersfeelings.Allrantingaside...Ijustwantedtosaythatitreallyhelpedto
seethatloveisstillloveovertheinternet,andthatheartbreakfeelsjustasbadonline.
RC909(notverified)|07/21/10|21:07PM
Link
Fortheguywho'fellinloveovertheinternet'...doasearchoninternetscams...thereislotsofinformationon
peoplewhoknowwhattheyaredoingandtrappeopleinto'relationships'inordertoextractmoneyfromthem,...eg
foratriptovisitthem,andtheygetthevictimtosendthemthemoney,thencomeupwithsomeexcusewhythey
cantvisit...soifshe(itmightnotevenbeafemaleattheotherside)everaskedyouformoneythenyouknowitwas
ascam..andthismighthelpreleavethepainsomewhat...itsdefworthdoingasearchonthisnotoftenmentioned
internetscammingmethod..
DK
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Youdon'tneedtodoanyresearch.Ifsomeoneyou'venevermetisaskingformoney,then
somethingiswrong.Nothingmoresophisticatedthanthat.Evenifonewantedtorationalize
howsucharequestmightbelegitimate,you'dneedtoseriouslyquestionthemotivationofthe
otherindividualregardingarelationship.Aretheydrivenbyemotionoreconomics?
Asfortheinternet....emotionalrelationshipswilldefinitelyform,butwhatmakesitmoreproblematic,isthatit
becomeseasiertoindulgeina"fantasy"formoftherelationshipratherthanseriouslyevaluatingitonitsown
merits.Asaresult,itbecomeseasiertofallinlovewiththeideaoffallinginlovewithanidealizedperson
whichcanmakemanagingsucharelationshipmuchmoredifficult.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
Ilearnedthisfirsthand.FellinlovewithsomeoneImetonline(hewastheinitiator),hefeltliketheoneI'd
beenlookingforallmylife.Hesaidsameaboutme.Wetalkedonphoneeverydayformonths.Wewerein
touchdigitallythroughouttheday.Ihaveneverfeltmorelovedinmylife.Thenwemet,spentseveral
wonderfulweekstogetherandallappearedtogowell,ouronlychallengewashowtofindawaytolive
together,andinwhatcityetc.,butwewouldfigurethatouteventually..Hesaidhewantedtomakealife
withme.Iwantedtomakealifewithhim.Betweenvisitswemaintainedfrequentcontact.Wewereso
close,sharedeverything,supportedeachotherthroughourvariouschallenges.FirstpersonIgreetedonline
inthemorning,lastpersonItalkedtoatnight.Thecruxwasthatwewereoverathousandmilesapart.The
nextvisitacoupleofmonthslaterendeddisastrously.Ithinkthathewasmoreinlovewiththeideaof
beinginlovebutbeingtheindependentandsomewhatoldersoulthatheis,didn'thavetheemotional
flexibilitytoactuallytoleratesomeoneupcloseandpersonalintheirlifeonadaytodaybasis,andhe
finallylostthatbattleduringmylastvisit.It'slikeheturnedonadimetowantingtherelationshiptobe
over,oversomethingverysmall.ItwasanightmareIwouldnotwishonanyone.Stuckinacityfarfrom
home,dreamsshattered,heartbrokenhisrefusingtoseemeevenoncebeforeIleft.Thishappenedonlya
fewweeksagoandthedepthofmygriefis,well,bottomless,orsoitseemsatthispoint.Veryraw.The
lossfeelshuge,Imisshimsomuch.Wehavesincecommunicatedandit'sbecomeclearthatthisisanissue
hewasmoreawareofthanheleton,theinabilitytoletpeopletoocloseintohislife.HadIknownin
advanceofcoursethingswouldprobablyhavebeenquitedifferent.ButIguesshethoughthecould
transcenditformeanddidnotraiseitasapotentialproblem.
AllIcansayaboutlongdistanceandonlinerelationshipsisnottorulethemout,butdoproceedwith
extremecaution.Onlywhenyou'reupcloseandpersonalandineachother'sspacedealingwiththedayto
dayvicissitudesdoyougetafullpictureofwhethertherelationshipcanberealandhealthy.
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Ophelia(notverified)|01/20/12|15:36PM
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Ithinkthepaincanbethesamenomatterhowlongtherelationship(atleastforme).Iwasina2yearlongrelationship
wherehesuddenlydumpedmebecausehehadcheated(thankGodIdidn'tknowthatwasthereasonatthetime).Inever
thoughtI'dgetoverit,butIdid.JustthisSundayIwasdumpedbymyboyfriendof4months(becausehetoocheated,just
notphysicallyhedoesn'tseeascheating)andthepainisjustasbad.Therewasnowarning.Everythingseemedtobe
fine.Myheartisbroken.IopenedupmoretohimthanIhadinanypreviousrelationship.IfeellikeIcan'ttrustanyman
again,relationshipwise.IknowIwillgetoverit,justlikeIdidlasttime.I'mjustprayingIdon'trunintohimanywhere.It
seemssounfairthathegetstohappilymoveonwhileIsit&suffer.ItrytoremindmyselfofeverythingIhavetobe
gratefulfor,andsometimesithelps.OthertimesIjusthavetocry&letitallout.Iwishthebestforeveryonehere,no
matterwhatthecircumstance.It'sahorriblefeeling.
Link
Thankyousomuchforwritingthisarticle.Ijustbrokeupwithmyfirstlove,andamexperiancingrealheartbreakforthefirst
time,andthisarticlemadeitmucheasiertodealwith.IknoweventuallyIwillseethelightattheendofthetunnell...Ijust
hopethatitcomesfast!
thanksagain...
Link
Thisarticleisgreat...
Idumpedmyboyfriendafterfindingouthewaspostinghalfnakedphotosofhimselfonlineonadultwebsites.Thepainisso
real...Icouldhaveneverimaginedthepainwouldbethisdeepandreal.IreceivedanemailfromhimyesterdaystatingthatI
shouldbeoverthiswholeheartbreakthingsinceIhadmymindmadeupaboutendingtherelationship,butitwasneveraneasy
choice.Ifeelasifsomeoneclosetomedied...AtfirstIwouldburstoutintotearsoutofnowhereandIcouldn'texplainitto
myselforanyone...ItwouldhappenwhileIwasdrivingorwhileIwasstudyinglateatnightandBOOM!inaninstantIwasfine.
NowIdon'tevenhavetheenergytogetoutofmyhouseortalktoanyoneandenjoylife.IknowthatonedayIwillbeokayand
allthiswillmakemeabetterperson,butuntilthenallIcandoistrytoholdmyheaduphighandlearntoloveagain.
Link
Thisarticlehasbeeninsightful.However,Ifindtheresponsessimplyamazing.Italwaysinvokesasenseoffreshaweinme
whenIamporingovermyownproblems,cryingaboutmyownlittleworldandtheIseesomethinglikethis.Iseethattheworld
isteemingwithloveandheartbreaks.Thesewordsseemtogohandinhand,andIamjustexperiencingmyfirstreal
heartbreak..andIrealizeIamwaveringbetweenphasesandhavealongwaytogobeforeIcanstandtallwithnobodybeside
me.OnethingthatIwouldsuggesttoeveryonetoeaseanykindofpainismeditation.Justputonsomebeautifulcalming
music,sitinanycomfortableposition,quieteneverythoughtandthenthinkthis'Iamfindinghappiness,Idonotneedxinmy
lifetobehappy,Iamblessedwithfamilyandfriendswhoreallylovemeandbringmejoy.'oranythoughtonahappynote.It
maynotworkatfirstbutitsuredoesinashortwhile.itreallyhelpedme.Readingthesepostsjustnowdidhelpmeinnotdoing
somethingrash!thankyoueveryoneforsharingyourexperiences,itsomehowmakesmefeellessaloneinmypain.
riya(notverified)|06/01/09|15:05PM
Link
31yearsofmarriageandduringstressfulfinancialtimes(midlifecrisis)hedecidesheisinlovewithhisfirstcousin,leaves,
andceasescommunicating.Devastationdoesn'tbegintocoverit.But,Ihavedecideditismorelikeapersonwhocommitted
suicidethanadeath.Death,thoughhard,isnotpersonal.Suicideismorecomplexandweallquestionourroleinit,even
thoughitisultimatelyaboutthem,notus.
Ithasbeen8monthsanditiscertainlybetterthandayone,butthephysicalandemotionalpainisbringingmetomyknees.I
moveforwardphysicallyandinlife,butIamstillseverelydepressedandinpain.Suicidehascrossedmymindbutalways
discardedbecauseIrefusetohurtmychildrenanymorethantheyhavealreadybeenhurt.
Everyonehastheirsolutionforme,andpeoplearesickandtiredofmysadness.ThisarticlewashelpfulandinterestingandI
amsorrythereisnotmorethereinthewayofmindmanipulationthatcouldhelpfastforwardthisslittlebit.
CZ
Link
ClareZ(notverified)|06/09/09|14:05PM
Iwouldliketosaythatitwasabigargumentthatledustobreakupbutthesadtruthofthematteristhatonedayshejust
decidedthatshedidnotlovemeanymore.ShesaidshehasbeenunhappyforsometimewithmeandofcourseIhadnoa
singleclue.Therewasneveranopportunityonmysidetoimproveortotryandchangebecauseshenevertoldmeofthis.
Soundslikeaclichbutitwasanoutoftheblueoccurrence.
NowIamleftheretryingtopickupthepiecesandbecauseofherdecisionIhavetosufferforGodknowshowlong.Itfeels
unfairandIflitbetweengettingangryandthenincrediblysad.
Iamtryingtotakeitadayatatimebutsometimeswhenthehurtisexceptionallybad,itisacaseofanhoureachtime.Aswe
sharethesamecircleoffriends,IamalsotakingabackseatandIcanfeelmyselfwithdrawingfromtheworld.
FriendstellmeIambeingtoohardwithmyselfandIshouldlettimetakeitscoursebutIamfrustrated.Ithasonlybeenthree
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weeksbutfeelslikealifetimeinpurgatory.IwonderhowlongitwilltakeuntilIamwholeagain.
Iknowthisiscommonandsomanypeoplehavebeenthroughthis,yetIcannothelpbutfeelmybrandofsufferingisdifferent
whichmakesmefeelsoalone.
RC(notverified)|06/19/09|04:33AM
Link
Minehappenedexactlylikeyours.Iwasdumpedimmediatelyafterifoundoutshewasdatingsomeoneelsebehindmy
back.Whenifinallygothertosaywhyshedidthis,shesaidshewasunhappyforawhileandihadnochancetomake
thingsbetter.butnotonlydoinotgettoatleastsettleandthinkthingsthrough,I'vebeenkickedoutandhaveafew
weekstomove.Icouldn'tbelievethatafter8yearsitallendedlikethis.Iseenoendtothisandthispainisterriblyreal
andconstant.Andevenwithallthethingsshe'sputmethroughI'ddoanythingtohaveherback.Idon'tknowifit'sloveor
somewarpedcaseofcodependence,butImisshersodamnmuchandjustwantherback.
chad(notverified)|05/15/11|02:51AM
Link
Samehere.MyliveinBFoftwoyearsseemedlikethemostaffectionate,loyalandlovingpartner.Wehadsomuch
funandagreatsexlife.Oneday,iwenttopickhimupafterwork,andoneofhiscolleaguescamebythecarandsaid,
whydoyoupickhimupeachday,don'tyourealizehehasanotherGFintheoffice?Iwasshocked.Ijustdrovehome
andcrawledunderablanket.Whenhecamehome,IjustsaidIwasill.Hecrawledintobedandputhisarmsaround
meandheldme.
Istillhaddoubtsbutwantedtoknowforsure.So,sincehealwaysusedmycomputer,Iinstalledakeyloggeronthe
computerandwatchedhisactivityforafewweeks.Sureenough,hewasemailinghisGFallsortsofmessages,but
veryclearthattheywereconductingafullblownaffairbehindmyback.AndwhileIwasoutworkingtopaythebills!
Heevenstolebitsofmyclothingandlingerieandtookpicturesofherinitandpostedthemonline!Totalweirdo.And
livingundermyroofpretendingtobeMr.NiceGuy.
So,oneday,Ikissedhimgoodbyeatthedoorinthemorning.Assoonasheleft,Icalledalocksmithandhadallthe
lockschanged.ThenIcalledhimatworkandaskedhimifhewasfoolingaround.Hedeniedit,thenItoldhimIhad
readhismessages.Hegotveryangry,andsaidthatIwasdishonesttotrackhisonlinestuff!SoIsaid,toobad,you'd
bettergohomewithherthen!Heendedupmovingintoheronebedroomtinyapartment,andIhadallhisshiznat
deliveredthere.Oh,exceptforthegoodclothesthatIboughtforhimtheywenttocharity.Letherdresshimup
becauseheneverhadanymoneytohelpMEwiththerent.
Now,thestrangethingis,I'mtheoneleftheartbrokenandalone.Revengeseemstohavebroughtverylittlecomfort.
IdofeelthatIstoodbymyprinciples,ie.nocheating,buthowdarehewaste2yearsofmylife!Imayspendthenext
fewmonthsoryearsalone,butbettertobewithoutthatscumbaggivingmegodknowswhatSTD'sandeatingmy
food.Ihopeshekickshimout.
JN(notverified)|07/22/11|14:09PM
Link
Idon'tmeantominimizeyourfeelingsinthis,but(aswithotherpostersaswell),areyoueven
lookingatwhatisbeingwritten?
...healwaysusedmycomputer...
...Iwasoutworkingtopaythebills!
...stolebitsofmyclothingandlingerie
...livingundermyroof
...thegoodclothesthatIboughtforhim
...heneverhadanymoneytohelpME
...eatingmyfood
Inadditionwehave:
Heendedupmovingintoheronebedroomtinyapartment
Letherdresshimup
Ihopeshekickshimout.
OK...Igiveup.Whatisitthatmakesthisguyanythingbutaparasite?Itsimplyseemslikehe'sswitched
"hosts".Nowtellmeagain,whatevermadehim"Mr.NiceGuy"?
Itsimplyseemsthatmanyofthesepostsrepresentpeoplethatareinlovewithanidealizedimageratherthan
the"real"individual.Asaresult,whenaconflictoccurswiththe"real"person,theyarestillemotionally
attachedtotheidealizedimageandcan'tletgo.
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Mundusvultdecipi
Link
usaidit..weareinlivewithanidealizedindividual.wehaveanimageofthepersonthattheyareNOT...it's
tryingtogetyourheadtomakeyourheartunderstand...that'sthehardpart...
Nancy(notverified)|07/23/11|19:51PM
Link
yaknow...weallthinkourstoryistheworse,saddest.thenireadsomethinglikeyoursandrealize,mineis
nothing.howdevastatingtoinvestsomuchinsharingyourhometogether.howcanpeoplebesoheartlessand
crueltopeopletheyclaimtolove??I'llneverunderstand....myheartgoesouttoyou.uwillfindbetter.don'tfall
intothepitsofdepressionandselfloathinglikeIhave.justhanginthereandyourlovewillcome.onethat
deservesyou....andappreciatesyou.thatyoulovemorethanyouthoughtyoucouldlove.hanginthere.
Link
Mywifewalkedout(droveoff)whileIwasonanerrandtoHomeDepot.After45yearsofmarriage.I'm67.Feel
terrible.
Link
thxforthearticles...ithelpsme...
maybeidontfeelthesameheartbreakasallofthesepeople...
ihopeicanmanagemyheartandbethesamepersonasiwasmonthsbeforeiknewthisguy...
aguythatireallyfallinlovewith...buthe'snotforme...andneverwill...
whatididis...ipraytoGodtohealmefromthiswoundedheart...andihopeHehelpmefastenough...
ifeverybodycanmendit...thanicantoo...
hewillbeonlyinmymemory....onlyinmypast....andiforgivehimandlovehiminadifferentwaythanbefore....
mylifegoeson...andiwillmoveon....thereallovewillcometobytime....hopefully....
Link
Ihavebeensadanddepresseddoorthelast10yearsofmylifeonandoff.itissadtosayonandoffbecauseIhaveleta
persondeterminehowIfeel.Iam23yrsoldandlifewithacruelmanwhoappreciatesnothingIdo.Ihave0selflove.idonot
knowhowigottothisplace.icantlookaftermysonasiwouldliketosometimesbecauseallidoiscry.ihavesomuchanger
andresentmentinside.Iknowiamstupidandijustcantsayiamdone.ihavetriedbutireallydofeellkeiamdying.hejust
doestcareformeandtakesadvantageofmystupidity.ihavestartedtogettwitchingontheleftsideofmyface.itallgoesto
onesideiloosemovementtomyleftside.igetseizurespassout.iamstuckonstupidhowcanicontinuetoallowthisto
happentome?howdoimoveonpleaseineedhelp!itsmenothimineedhelp.IhavenorespectformyselfatthispointIhave
allowedeverykindofwrongtoflyovermyhead.Ihavelashedoutinangerandmadestupidmistakesbutthisisnotlove.How
doIstopit?
Link
Ihopeyoureadthis,andIhopeyou'vemovedonbynow,butifnot,youshouldreallyseekouthelpanddistanceyourself
fromthisperson.Getintouchwithsomerelativesorsomeoneyoucantrustandletthemknowhowyoufeel.Youobviously
aren'tstupidifyoucanrecognizeyourfeelingsandwheretheystemfrom.Thisprovidesyouwiththeabilitytochangeyour
situationsoyoucanbehappyforyourselfaswellasyourson.Youreallyneedtoletsomeoneknowaboutyoursituationif
itisstillcontinuingandleavethepersonwhoiscausingyoumisery.Youcandoit,youjusthavetodigdeepandusethe
repulsionyoufeelfromyournegativefeelingstofindabetterlife.Bebrave,andIreallyhopethingsarebetterforyou
now.
Everyonedeserveshappiness
Cam
Link
Cameron(notverified)|02/02/11|02:42AM
IamverygladIfoundthisarticle.IneverthoughtthatIwouldexperiencethepainIamexperiencingnowafterhavinggone
throughthisoncebefore.IgenuinelyfeltthatbecauseIsurvivedwhatIthoughtwastheworstrelationship/breakupafewyears
ago,thatitwouldbeimpossibleformetoloveandloseagain.Iwaswithsomeoneforfouryearsoffandon,andendureda
horriblebreakupwhichIlaterlearnedchangedmylifecompletelyforthebetter.WhatIhadlearnedfromthatrelationship,and
it'send,taughtmesomuch,andgavemesuchhopeforanamazingfuture.AbouttwoyearslaterIhavedecidedtotrya
relationshipwithsomeonenew.Ittookmethistwoyearstoevenconsiderdating,andIhavedismissedseveralwonderful
opportunitiessimplybecauseIwasn'tready.Havingfeltready,anddeeplyconnectedtothisperson,Igaveitmyall.Givenafew
issues,therelationshipjustseemedtofallapartafteronly4months.IamcrushedinalmostthesamewayIwasafterthe4
yearrelationship.Ifeelsillyandpitifulforhavingthesamefeelingsaftersuchadrasticallyshorterperiod.Iknowtheysaylove
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doesn'thaveatimeframe,butIdon'tknow.Ifeelstupid,andhavestartedtosecondguessmyself.Itmadeitworsewhenhe
saidthesamething,asifIamcrazyforbeingsohurtafteraveryshortrelationship.OnepositiveIhavenoticedisthatIhave
beenabletoseparatemyfeelingsatcertaintimesandevaluatethesituationasifI'moutsideofit.ThisissomethingIwas
unabletodountilayearhadpassedbefore.IhavealsonoticedthatIamabletotellmyself"GetupanddoSOMETHINGtotake
yourmindoffofthis."Again,thatwasmuchhardertodobefore.Neverthelessitstillhurtstremendously.Thisarticlehashelped
inremindingmeI'mnotalone,andI'mnotcrazy.Forthoseofyouwhoaredealingwithheartbreakrightnow,justremember
thatyouareworthyofgreatthings.IhavefeltasifI'mnotworthybecausethepaincanbesostrongthatitfeelsasthoughI
MUSThavedeservedthisinsomeway.Thatisnottrue.Godhashisreasonsforeverything,andIhavefaiththatwewillallmake
itoutokayifwejustkeepthefaiththebestwecan.It'smucheasiertotalkaboutthisinadvicetoothers,thanitistotakethe
advicemyself,butihavefoundthistherapeutic,andhopethatmystorywillencouragesomeoneelse.Goodluckguys,stay
strong!
Link
I'mgoingon7monthswithoutaword.Nophonecalls,emails,sweetvoiceinthemorningnothing.
Itstartedthefallsemesterofmyfirstyearofmedicalschool,inseptember.Shehaddaddyissues(hebeatherandwasverbally
abusive)andhadseveretrustissues.ShealwaystoldmeIwastoogoodforherandthatshewasscaredoffallingforme.We
talkedthroughitandaftertryingharderatmakingherhappier/comfortablethanIhadeverworkedatanythingelse(Iwasa
heavyequipmentmechanic/welderthroughcollegeandwe'rebothmedicalstudentsnowsoIknowathingortwoabouthard
work)andshestartedtopullthroughandwestartedtoreallyenjoyourselves.
Thenaroundmybdaylastjanuaryeverythingwasatanalltimehigh.Iwassickandmissedclass,shecamestraightafterclass
everydayandlookedafterme.Wetalkedforhourseverynight.Shetoldmeshelovedme(veryveryverytoughthingforherto
finallysay)andwantedtobuymethecarIwasbuying(yehabitnutty,iguess),Icouldn'taccept.Thenshebroughtupmarriage
andcaughtmeoffguard.Isaidifit'ssomethingyou'reseriousaboutthenweneedtotalkaboutit.Ididn'tsayno,Ijusthada
surprisedtonetomyvoice.Itwashardtogethertoverbalizeherfeelingsformeandtogofromthattotellingmesheloved
me,followedsuddenlybytheMword...Iwasjustsurprised.
Anyway,Iguessshegotspooked.MaybeIshouldhaveheededherwarningsthatshewouldbreakmyheartbutweallnowthat
youcan'theedadamnthingwhenyou're"inlove".
Shenevertalkedtomeagain.Afewnightsafterwetalked,shetextedme(wedidn'tdotext/emailtalkingunlessitwasto
coordinate...onlyfacetofaceforseriousstuff)"Don'ttalktome.Idon'twanttoeverhearfromyouagain.andIoweyouno
explanation."Thatwasit.Bam.Nothing.Weekswentbyshewouldn'treturnmycalls,talktome,lookatme,nothing.Icried,
vomitted(12timesthenightithappened),criedmore.Lost25lbsinthemonthsthatfollowed.Startedtoloseblood.Itwasbad.
Lostmysenseofhumor,appetite,desiretobesocial.Basicallycrawledintoaholeanddied.Istudiedenoughtogetbybutmy
stellargradeshaddroppedmarkedly.Icouldthinkofnothingbutherandthesweetthingssheusedtotellanddoforme.Afew
friendsworried...butit'seasyenoughtofoolpeoplewhenyou'reasbusyasweare.Plusit'samazinghowlittleanyonebeyond
yourinnermostcircleoffriendsgivearat'sass.Parentsontheotherhandwereabittoughertofoolbutthatwasn'thardeither.
Niceguysfinishlast.Idon'thaveameanboneinmybody...probablyliterallyoneofthenicestguysyouwillevermeet(thefirst
timeI'veeveradmittedthatandonlybecausenoneofyouknowwhoIam).Ican'tcounthowmanyrandompeopleI'vefixed
carsforthatwereinashittysituationonthesideoftheroad,thousandsofhoursofdocumentedcommunityserviceandtons
moreundocumented.Nevertakenacent,neverthoughtanyofthethousandsofpeoplewhoI'vedonestuffforowedme
anything,it'sjustthewayIam.Tiptoedaroundherinsecuritiesbutgavehermyall.ItiswithherthatIlearnedjusthowhardI
couldworkatsomething.I'veneverbeensonicetoanyoneasthisgirl.Imadeherfeelamazing,happy,beautiful,loved.
IamaverypositiveandlovingpersonbutInolongerbelieveinlove.It'sacrockofshit.TheonlypeopleIseewhoseemto
succeedinrelationships(reallysucceed)arepeoplefromthethirdworldwhogetarrangedmarriagesandhavenochoicebutto
behappy.theycan'triskdaddy'stextilemill,cow,familyname,etc.sotheytoughitout...throughthickandthin.Everywhereelse
peopleplaymindgames,cheat,lie,yell,threaten,etc.towinandmaintainanotherslove.Itjustblowsmymind.Whymust
someoneteetertotteronbeinganabsoluteasshole/toughguyandbeingsensitiveandniceformostwomentorespond?What
issotoughabouttalkingdowntoawoman?Icanrebuildanengine,wireanengine,doanythingconstructionrelated,weld,run
alathe,havepatentsandpublications,savelives,canstayaliveinthewoods...I'veneverthoughtaboutitthatwaybutIthink
that'salot"tougher"thanbeingashithead.
Maybemythinkingisflawedbutit'sjustanobservationovertheyears.Iwouldn'ttradethememoryofherforanythingbut
monthsofsufferingisjustnotfair.I'vetriedeverythingtalkingtopeople,workingout,gotapuppyandshowereditwithlove
(whichhelps),doingmyhobbies,workingevenharderatschoolbutIstillmissherandhavesomanyquestionsthatare
unanswered.Notgettingclosureisarealbitch.IseehereverydayinclassandIwantnothingmorethanthephysicalpainand
blurrinessthathermemorynowbringsmetostop.
sadsappysucker(notverified)|08/09/09|21:56PM
Link
Heyy,
Icantotallyrelatetoyourstory.Ifeelthesameway.Marctotallythrewmeoutandexpectedmetojustpickupandgo.I
gotnoclosureoranythingitwashorrible.ivebeenstrugglingalotbutthatlovedoesfadeunfortunately.ithinkabouthim
alotandmostnightsicrymyselftosleepbuthonestlythisisallbullshit.wehaveamazinghugeheartsandpeopletake
advantageofit.buttrustme,iKNOWthsforafacttheywillalwaysregretit.always.butwilltheydoanything?nah,they
havenoballs.piecesofshit.werealotstrongerthentheyareandtrustme,theyhavealwaysadmiredthat.alwayswill.
whereaswemustmoveon.doanythingtokeepourselvesgoingandnotbeapartofthisdyingdepressedpopulationthat
sitsaroundandmopesaboutpatheticmindlessidiotswhodontappreciateit.thereareashitloadofpeoplelikeusbabe,
holyivemetsomanyamazingpeoplethathavebenscrewedandtheirbyfarthemostintelligent,strongminded,confident
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beautifulsoulsiveeverencounteredandarealloffdoingbetterthings.EverythingDOEShappenforareason.ihavedeep
faithinthat.idontbelieveinloveanymorebutthisshitalwyashappensthenfades..hahayoudontknowhowstrongyou
are,untiluhavenochoicebuttobe.
Riley(notverified)|03/25/10|02:41AM
Link
Ijustwanttosaythatofallthepostsonthissite,thisonemeantthemosttome.Thankyouforremindingmethat
mybigheartisamazinganditisthebest,mostcourageouspartaboutme.Icannotlosefaithinmyheartandthat
someoneonedaywilllovemeforitanditwon'tbebrokenagain.IhopethatIcankeepthebitternessout,but
sometimesitseepsinandtheideaofbeingvulnerableagainandlovingandtrustinganyoneisunthinkable.But
somedayI'llfindmyselfdoingitagain,becauseItrustthatonedaythepayoffisgoingtobesogreat.Keepyourchin
up,andtryandtryandtryeverythinguntilyoufindthesolutionthatfitsyourworld.
Myexdumpedmecompletelyoutoftheblue,too.Hoursbeforehewastalkingaboutourfuture,andthenhecalled
andtoldmethatthereweretoomanydifferencesandtodeleteallofouremailsandphotosandtonevercontacthim
again.IwasinshockbutnowthattheshockhaswornoffIcan'tseemtostopcrying.I'mnauseous,Ican'tfocus,can't
sleep,Ihaveaheadachefromcryingandlackofsleep,andIcanbarelykeepittogetherinpublicoratwork.Andthe
acheinmychestisunbearable.Iknowthatthiswillallpass.I'vegonethroughheartbreaksbefore.Butwhenyoulove
someoneandwhenyouhavetrustedsomeonewithyourheart,andtheydecidethattheydon'twantit,andthey
deleteyoufromtheirlife,it'sneveranylesspainful.I'msadtoletgoofhim.I'msadtoletgoofmyhopesandplans
forthefuture.IfeellikeafailurefornothavingthethingsthatIwantatthispointinmylifeandknowingthatmy
goalsarestillfarfrombeingmet.I'mworriedthatIwon'tevermeetanyonethatwillreciprocatemyfeelingsina
relationship.It'sbeen5yearssincemylastseriousrelationship,andIthoughtthatIhadfoundsomeonethistimeto
spendmylifewith.Hetalkedaboutmarriageandourfuturetogether.Ifeellikeheledmeon.Idofinditharderand
hardertotrusteachtime.Ijustwantsomeonetotellmehowit'sgonnaworkoutforme.IwouldratherknowthatI'm
notgoingtofindromanticlovesothatIcanletgoofthatdreamandfocusonotherthingsinmylife.Butit'sthe
biggestandlongesthelddreamthatIhaveanditwouldbesohardtoletgoof.Ireallydowanttofindaromantic
loveandrelationshipformyself.Ireallywanttosharemylifewithsomeone,andI'mdoingmybesttoacceptthatit's
notgoingtobemyex.
There'salotofbaddaysandnightsthatareahead.Lotsmorepainandemptiness,angeranddespair,questions,
loneliness.EvenafterI'moverhim,therewillstillbeloneliness.ButI'llgetthroughitsomehow.IknowIwill.Youwill
too.
Teresa(notverified)|06/19/11|14:46PM
Link
succeedinrelationships(reallysucceed)arepeoplefromthethirdworldwhogetarrangedmarriagesandhavenochoice
buttobehappy.ummHaveyoutriedbuyingaweddingring,someflowers.anddoingsomethingextremelyromanticand
outoftheordinary???uneverknowthatmightwork...(girlslovethingslikethis(ugottashhoowherthatyoutrulyloveher,
andsayitwithmeaning),whichiskindaobvioustome,butidno,forsomereasonimbeginningtothinkthatmostguys
dontrealizethis...)worstcasescenario...weddingringsarerefundableright?
Link
succeedinrelationships(reallysucceed)arepeoplefromthethirdworldwhogetarrangedmarriagesandhavenochoice
buttobehappy.ummHaveyoutriedbuyingaweddingring,someflowers.anddoingsomethingextremelyromanticand
outoftheordinary???uneverknowthatmightwork...(girlslovethingslikethis(ugottashhoowherthatyoutrulyloveher,
andsayitwithmeaning),whichiskindaobvioustome,butidno,forsomereasonimbeginningtothinkthatmostguys
dontrealizethis...)worstcasescenario...weddingringsarerefundableright?
Link
Hi,
Dontgiveuponlove.Ihavebeendatingthesameguyforthepast8years.Hebrokeupwithmethispastweekendinan
email.Iaskedhimtotalktomeaboutitbuthewasinsuchahurrytogohangoutwithfriendsthathebarelygavemefive
minutesafterallofthoseyearstogether.Basicallywhathehadtosaywas,youknewitwascomingandimnotinlove
anymore.Thenjustlikethat,myworldisover.IfeellikeIliterallywanttodiemostdays.Im28yearsoldandliveinsucha
smalltownIfeelasifIwillneverfindanyone.EveryonetellsmeIambeautiful,smart,andoutgoinganditishisloss.I
dontbelievethatthough.WhenIlookatmyselfIseeasap,awasheduphasbeengirlfriendwhohasnothinglefttolive
for.Ididnothingwronginourrelationship.Isatathomewaitingonhimmostofthetimetofindtimetocomeseeme.I
puthimfirstandmadehimmypriorityandlookwhereithasgottenme.Sodontfeelbad,therearegirlsouttherethatfeel
thesamewayyoudoandwhowouldneverdoyoulikeyourgirlhasdoneyoubecausetheyarelikemeandknowwhatit
feelsliketogetyourheartstompedonbyashithead.ImsosorryyoufeelhowIfeelorfelt....hopefullyyouareokbynow
becauseyourpostwasoverayearago.Ifyouwanttotalk...Imhere.Icouldusesomeonetotalktotoo.
Link
Heather(notverified)|05/12/11|14:48PM
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it'sbeenamonthnowandicanseenohope.thepainisasrealasdayone.irelatesomuchtoyoursituationcuzit's
wahthappenedtome.iwasthereforhimandhisdaughterwheneverthayneedme,igavehimthebestofmeand
stilliwasblindsidedwhenheendedit.ineversawitcoming,thingswerereallygoodwithus.nowineverhearfrom
him.howcouldpeoplebesocold...hedoesn'tcare!howcouldihavebeensostupid.thishurtslikehellandnothingi
doismakingitbetter.ididnothingwrongintherelationshipandhejustendeditandsaidwecouldtrybeingfriends.
howcouldimovefromlovinghimonedaytojusbeafriendtohim.ifeelsolossandcheated.ididn'tdeservethisbut
yetiendeduphurtingsomuch.ican'teat,can'tsleep,can'tfunctionandheiscarryingonwithhislifelikeinever
existed.iwonderifheeverthinksofmeormissme.ikeephopinghe'llcomebackbutiknowihavetoacceptthatit
won'thappenbutijustdon'tknowhowtomoveon.everyonesaysitwillgetbetterbutican'tseethathappening..we
weresorightforeachother...willthispaineverend!!
Link
Itwastherapeutictoreadthisarticle,asIhavebeencryingonandoffforthepastthreedays.Iaminasituationwheremy
husbandofonlyfouryears(althoughwehavebeentogetheratotalof15years)pursuedawomanthatheknewfromhis
teenageyearsandleftmeforher.Irereadthevalentine'sIreceivedfromhim,andtheChristmascardfromlastyear,telling
mehowspecialIwastohimandhowthememorieswehadbuilttogetherweresoimportanttohim.AndthenIfindoutthathe
hadbeenpursuinghisformerchildhoodfriendrightafterIreceivedthevalentine.Ifeelsoused,Ifeelsobetrayed,andIdon't
knowwhyithurtssomuch,becauseIfelthimleavingmementallyforthepasttwoyears.Istupidlybelievedthatwecould"fix"
theproblem.Iamangry,Ihavebeenthroughallofthestepslistedinthearticleabove,buthowlongisthissupposedtolast?I
guessthepainwon'tgoawayuntilIgetridofalltheremindershereinmyhouse.Therearetoomanymemoriesattached.
Link
hurtingstill(notverified)|08/12/09|22:03PM
Firstofall,Iallwaysthoughtiwouldn'getanheartbreak,onlyothers,inmyinocence.
Assaidbefore,thisarticlereallyhelps,andicanrelatewitheveryonehereregardlessofhowmuchtimetheirrelationships
endured.
Ihada1yearrelationship,myfirsttothisdate,andshealwaystoldmethatshewantedgetoldwithme,havekids,thealldeal.
Allofthesudden,toldmethatshedidn'tseeafuturewithme.Iwasshocked,notonlyforsayingthat,butalsofornotgiving
metheoportunitytochange,forthebetter.
Afterreallylovingsomeone,sharingyourthoughts,yourdesires,allofyoursecretesandtobedevotedtosomeone,having
routinesassomeonesaidhere,andit'sallover,youfelllikeyouhavenomorepurposeinlife.
Ididsomerealeffortstogetbacktoher,toshowherthaticouldchange,butinsteadshehookedupwithsomeguy.
Ifsomeonestilllovesyou,theydon'tstarthookingupwithstrangersaweekafter.
Iwasseriouslycommitedtoher,waswithallmyhopesandfocusedto"win",butaftershetoldmethatshehookedup...iwas
andstillaminacompletewreck.
Everyday,andwhileI'mwrittigthis,Ifellaphysicalpaininmyheart.,barelycangetsomesleep,wakeupinthemiddleofthe
night.Ijustwantittostop.
I'minanemotionalandphysicalwreck,feelingcheated,betrayed,disappointed,angryandsadallatthesametime.
Butinall,iguessitwasforthebetter,ifIwastedabunchofyearsbyherside,andshedidthisstunt.,thefeelingoflosswould
probablybealotworst.
Whenyourlikethis,youthinkyourproblemsaretheonesthatmatter,thattheworldwillstopabitforyou.
Therearefarmoreworstthingsthanthis.
Theworstthingyoucando,istoblameyourself.Don'tdoit.There'salotmorepeopleinthisworldthatarewillingtoreallylove
andletbeingloved.Dothingsyouusedtolikedoing,avoiddoingthingsthatremindofheorshe,giveyourselfsometimeand
trytolearnwiththeseexperiences.
.Youwillovercomethisandwillbestrongerthanever.Everyhardshiphastheabilityofmakingyoutougher,
Andthanks,it'sgoodtofeelthatI'mnottheonlyonefeelingthisway.
Link
iamfeelingthesameexactwayasmostpeoplewhowroteonthispage.theterriblechestpain.....thecrying.....thebetrayal.
everything.butsomethingweirdishappening.thosefivestages.iseemtobeexperiencingallofthematthesametime.ithink
itmighthavesomethingtodowithBipolarDisorder.imnotsurethatihaveit,butihavebeendoingsomeresearchandithinki
might.ifyouhaveanyopinions,letmeknow.thenistumbledontothisarticle.ittouchedmyheartdeeplyandimgladifound
allyouguyswhoarefeelingthiswayaswell.Ifeelbetterjustseeingyou.thankyou
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Shane(notverified)|08/30/09|00:46AM
IamfeelingreallybadforwayIbrokeupwithsomeone3yearsago.Thingswerenotworkingouttoowell.Wehadgoodand
badtimes,butslowlyeverysmallthingbecameanissue...AnywaynowIfeelitwaskiddish.Allthosethingsthatbotheredme
weresonotimportantafterall.Last3yearsIhadforgottenabouthimandeverythingthathappened.SuddenlylastweekIgota
callfromhiswife,whichwasshockingsurprise.Shewantedtoknowwhywedidn'tgetmarriedandtoldmehowdepressedhe
wasafterwebrokeup.ThoughIdidn'tsaymuchtothatandthoughtitwasweirdcall,Butithasbeenbotheringme.Inow
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realizeIdidn'thandleitwell.Icouldhavedoneitdifferently.HadsomecommunicationbeforeIenededtherelationship.Itwas
anabruptbreakup.
WhenIwaswithhim,IneverunderstoodhisloveandneverappreciatedhisfeelingsandnowIfeelterribleabouthurtinghim.I
neverevenimagined,IwouldfeeltheheartachenowforwhatIdid.
OfcourseIhavemovedonwithmylife,butIhopeInevertreatsomeoneelselikethatagain,especiallysomeonewholovesand
cares.
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everysingledayforthepast2years.isthereamorescientificnameforitthan'heartbreak'?ibelieveit'smorethanthat.
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toanonymous9/9/09:Sad?Youfeelsad?Doespostingupheresomehowcompensate?Wow.Doyouhaveanyidea(rhetorical?)
whathappenstoapersonwholet'sdowntheirguardandlearnstoloveandtrustsomeoneonlytohavetheirheartrippedout.
Here'sahintprincess...it'salotworsethanfeelingalittle"sad".
I'llstopnowbeforeiviolatesomeunwritten"huggyfeely"rule.haveaniceday.
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Hi,Iwouldlikepermissiontoputthisarticleintomyblog^^Iloveit!!!
JunNee(notverified)|10/08/09|15:17PM
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Theauthorsgetpaidfortheirworkjustlikeworkingpeopleallovertheworldsoyoucan'ttakeitanduseit
asyourown.Linkstoarticlesherearealwaysnice,ofcourse,andgoodkarma.
HankCampbell|10/08/09|15:20PM
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Ijustsufferedabreakupfrommygirlfriendof2years.Ihaveexperienedahorriblepainanditstheworstthingever.Shesays
shestilllovesme.IamconcernedshewillwanttogetbacktogethersometimeinthefuturealthoughIdon'teverwantto
experiencethisagain.I'mafraidifshewantstocomebackthatIwon'tbeabletosaynoanditwillhappenagain.Istillthink
sheisthewomanofmydreamsandlovehersomuch.WhatdoidoifIencounterthatsituation?
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Wow,itssosupportivetohaveanarticlelikethis,andalltherepetition,whileonotherforumswoulddomyheadin,herejust
helpsforsomeunknownreason.
Ihavebeendumpedrecentlybythemostamazingguy.Ijustfeelthetypicalsenseoflosssickness,hopelessness,defeat,
idiocy,hurtandpaincoupledwiththisenormous'Doh'feelingforlettingmyselfgetinvolvedwithsomeoneIwillneverbeable
toreplaceinanyway!Youknowwhenyouarent'hooked'onthemandyoucanseeitallcomingyouthinktheyaretoo
goodlookingtowanttobewithyou,ortoosmart,ortoowholesomeortoounflawedbutyournothookedyetsoyouthinkyou
canwalkawayatanytime..uptilthepointwheretheywalkawayfirstandyoufindthattheyreallyhavehookedyouandthose
hooksaredraggingyourheartfromyourbodydownthestreetthroughthemud,rainpuddlesanddirt...thatskindofhowIfeel
now.
Iwishtoturntheclockbackeveryday,IwakeupandrelishthefifteensecondsofeverydaywhereIhaventyetrememberedthe
nightmarethatlifehasbecome,Imafraidtogotothegym,asIhavetohavemymindoccupiedconstantlyandrunningonthe
trweadmilljustendsupinfantasiesofmehavinglostallmyrelationshipweightandbeingreallyglaminaplacewherehewalks
inandsees..thenIhavetokickmyselfcosIknowevenifhedidhewouldprobjustwalkstraightpastme..
Geez,,whendidIbecomesopathetic..ImsogladtoknowIamnotalone.We'llgetthroughthispeople!becausewehaveno
choice.lifegoeson.
Anyway,Ihearditsjustanaddictiontodrugslikedopamineandoxytocinthatarereleasedwhenyourinloveandthensuddenly
stopwhenyougetdumpedorwhatever...
IwishIdnevermethim..
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IhaveabestfriendthatisaguyandIamagirl..andwestartedoutbeingfriendsthreeyearsagoandwegotreallycloseover
thoseyearsandIstarteddevelopingfeelingsforhim,andthereweretimeswhereIthoughthefeltthesamewayandhedid
somewhatbutwebothbelievedinstayingbestfriendsandnotlettingarelationshipruineverythingbuthealwayshadme
believingthateventhoughwewerejustfriendsnowthatwewouldeventuallyenduptogetherupuntilrecentlyhemetthis
girl..thatremindshimofmewhenheandIfirstmetandhetellsmethathedidlikemewhenhefirstmetmebutIalreadyliked
anotherguyatthattimeandwehadstarteddatingsoonafterihadmetmybestfriend.itreallyhurtsbecausehemadeitclear
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thatheandiwillonlybefriendshedoesn'thavethesamefeelingsasIdoforhim.Justknowingthatbestfriendsisallwewill
everbejustkillsmeandIhavebeencryingalldaytryingtogetoverthishurt..andIjustdon'tknowhowIamevergoingto
reallygetthroughitbecauseIknowitwillprobablyhurtwhenwehangoutagainandthatgirlisaround.Ican'tstophanging
outwithhimbecauseitmakesmefeelevenworse..it'slikeIneedtobewithhimevenjustasfriends...atleast.soIstillhave
himheisstillthereformebutwhydoIkeepcryingandfeelingsuchasenseofloss?
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Icantotallyrelatetoyou.Mysituationisverysimilartoyours.Ihavethisguyfriendwholikedmeandwantedtodate,but
Ididn'tlikehimlikethat.Notatfirstthatis.OvertimesomethingjustclickedandIknewthatIdidhavefeelingsforhim.
Wewouldtalkliterallyallnight.ThethingisthatIbasicallyliedtomyselfandtoldhimthatIlikedhimonlyasafriend
whendeepdownIknewIdidn't.Iwasafraidthatourfriendshipwouldchangeandofjusttakingthatnextstep.WhatI
saidIwanted....tobefriends...iswhatIgotbecausehegotagirlfriendbythetimeIwasreadytotellhimhowItrulyfelt.
Itwastoolate.IregreteveythingthatIdid,forgoingagainstandfightingmyfeelings.ThisisthefirsttimeIhavefelt
heartbroken.It'ssoenbearablebutIjustpraytoGodandknowthatIamabetterpersonnowbecauseIhavelearnedso
manythingsthehardway,butthegoodthingisthatIwon'tmakethesamemistakestwice.
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I'msogladtobeabletofindastorythatisverysimilartomine.I'veknownthisguy(mycoworker)foralittleless
than2years.Aboutayearintoknowinghim,IrealizedIslowlydevelopedsmall,innocentfeelingsforhim,butIwas
convincedhedidnotfeelthesameaboutme.However,onedayoutofnowhere,hewantedtotalktome,andturned
outheconfessedallthefeelingshehashadforme&toldmehehasnotfeltlikethisaboutanyoneinaverylong
time.Iwasshocked,surprised,andtotallydidnotseeitcoming.Atthattime,Iliedtohim,toldhimIdidnotfeelthe
sameway,butmainlybecauseIwasstupid,foolish,andtoochickentoadmitmyowntruefeelingsforhim.Three
monthswentbyandwecontinuedtomaintainaverygoodfriendship(withsomesmallflirtations)andIwascontent
withbeingjustfriends,eventhoughdeepdownIwasyearningforsomethingbeyond"justfriends"butonceagainI
wastooscaredtoadmitmyfeelings.ANDthenallofasuddenonedayatworkhedidnottalktome,didnotlookat
me,andmadeitobvioushedidnotwantmeanywherenearhim.Iwasdevastatedandconfused.Iaskedhimwhat
waswrongbuthejustignoredme.Thiswentonforthenext3monthsuntilourcompanycloseddown.Intheend,we
neversaidgoodbye,Ineverknewwhathappenedbetweenus,andlateronIfoundouthemovedoverseas.That's
whenIknewIwouldnevereverbeabletoseehimagain....
ThereasonwhyithurtsooomuchformeisbecausethisisthefirsttimeinmylifewhereIfound&metsomeonethat
Ireallyreallylike,butnowEVERYTHINGistoolate.Icontinuallycriedmyselftosleepatnight.Iwillneverbeableto
forgivemyselffornottellinghimhowIreallyfelt.ThisregrethaspainedmesomuchthatIsometimesjusteither
blamemyselfforitorhatehimforunexpectedlyendingourfriendshipthisway.Ijustwishhimthebestwhereverhe
isrightnow&maybeonedayinthissmallworldourpathswillcrossagain....
h.k(notverified)|12/04/11|22:20PM
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It'sbeenayearandahalf,sinceIwasdumpedonmybirthday.Theworstoftheheartbreaklastedatleastfourmonths.The
achingcomesandgoestothisday.Thegirlwhodumpedmewassorryaboutputtingmethroughallthatlateron,especiallyon
mybirthday.Butforsomereason,sorryisn'tenough.Ican'tbringmyselftoforgiveher.Whenwehangouttogetherasfriends,
sometimesIfeellikeIloveheragain,andsometimesIfeelnothingbuthatredforher.Bothfeelingsscaremeindifferentways.
Whenwe'reapart,it'sfarmoreeasytojusthateher.Thewholeacceptanceandmovingonstageofheartbreakstillhasn't
happenedtomeyet,afterayearandahalf.Whatitcamedowntowasjustnotbeingabletoforgiveher,stillfeelingwronged
andvictimized,nomatterhowmuchsheapologizedandwantedtobefriendsagain.Ifeelguiltyfornotbeingabletoforgive
her.She'sdoneeverythingshecantomakeupforit.Butit'snotenough.Ifeelasifonlyseeinghersufferasmuchasshemade
mesufferwouldmakeitenoughformetoforgiveher.Andthenagain,maybeitstillwouldn'tbeenough.Idon'tknow.
She'sleftmewithscars.AgirlfriendisoneofthethingsIwantmostinthewholeworld,andyetatthesametime,Iamtoo
terrifiedtogooutandfindonebecauseIdon'twanttobehurtagain.
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Dontfeelguiltyfornotforgivingher.afterwhatshedidtoyousheshouldntevenbetryingtohangoutwithyouandbe
friendsagain.anextremeapologywouldsuffice.thefactsthatshesnotsmartorunselfishenoughtonottrytobefriends
withyouandtokeepherdistancefromyouforyoursakejustspellsoutthatshesnotworthyenoughofyourforgiveness.
mypointiskindaattheendbut...mylovebrokeupwithme"outofnowhere"andhascalledme5timessince(itsbeen
twomonths).thelasttime,hewantedtohangoutwithme.Needlesstosay,icouldtellhewasabitdrunk,anditwas
about5indmorning.butbesidesallthat.iwasunsureofwhyhewantedtocomeover...sumnegativethoughtswentthru
myhead..iregretnotaskinghim..why?..butatthesametimeitmightbeforthebest....irepliedbysaying,whydontyou
comeovertomorrownight?neventuallyhewaslikealright,illcallyoutomorro(whichneverhappend,asisuspected)no
matterhowmuchiwanthim,howmuchilovehim,howhappyiwouldbetohavehimcomeback.idontseethepointinit
unlesshereallygoesoutofhisway....theroses,theapologies,andsomethingelse,somethinggreaterand....just
somthingthatreallyshowsthathemeansitwithhisheart,andthatheswillingtogotheextramileforme.otherwise...i
dontseeanythinggoodcomingoutofit.imean...ifhereallywantedmeback(eventhoughhescalld5times)howcome
hesnothererightnow,and...howcomehehasntdoneanythinggreater,thanalousydrunkenphonecallat5indamornin.
iwantamanthatwilldomoreformethanthat(eventhoughhedtoldmebefore"illdoanythingforyou"hmmph,yeahh
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right,fuckinliarsryhadanaggressivemomentther)(letmecorrecctmyself,iwantHIM,withallofmyheartbodysoul,
butiwantandwishmorethananything,forhimtodosomethingcrazy,romantic,andgotheextramileforme)iwanthis
love,iwanttofeellovedbyhim..whichissomethingthatilackedduringtherelationshipaswell...eventhohetoldmehe
lovedmeandineverreallydidtohim,butimprettysureheknewidid...anyways,thepointbeyondallthisis...imsmart
enoughtonotdosometingstupidlikethatwhenivebrokensomeonesheart.howcometheseretardswannacallor"be
friends"withoutgoingallthewayout.imean,theresnopointinfurthercommunication,unlessitstogivetheperson
exactlywhattheywant,ifnotmore.SAVETHEAPOLOGIESFORTHEAFTERHEARTBREAK,ANDTHENWAITAFEWMONTHS
MORE.funnythingis,theguywhobrokemyheartbeforehim(ididntlovehim,ificanevencallitlove,nearenoughasi
didmylast)apologizedtomethesamedayaftermylovebrokeupwithme,anditfeltgoodtohearhisapology,butit
didnthurtor(basicallyiwasalreadyoverhim,andrealizeditevenmorethen)hadheapologizedsooner,imnotsurewhat
theoutcomewouldhavebeen...
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Rightnowi'mseperatedfrommymanandIdonothingbutcryandIjustpusheveryoneawayandIdon'tmeantoitjust
happens.BeingawayfromhimripsmetopiecesandIcan'tstandit.Myheartliterallyfeelslikeithasawholeinit.Notkidding
itfeelslikerightinthecenterofmyheartsomeonetookashovelandholloweditout.Myheadisnumb,everythingIeatmakes
mesickbutIcan'tstopeating,Ican'tsleepbuti'msoexhausted.Ifeellikei'vebeenshovedintoadarkholeandwhenIhitthe
bottomoftheholeeveryboneinmybodywasshattered.IthinkmyheartbreakisveryseverebutIdon'twanttogotothe
doctororanything,thisarticlehelpedmeunderstandalittleaboutwhat'sgoingonwithme.Thankyou.
EmilyWright(notverified)|11/11/09|20:20PM
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Ihadmyheartbrokenbackin2001&itneverhealed.Forthemostpart,thepainisstillasbadasitwasbackthen,evenworse
actually,mylife&spirithavebeendestroyed,Idonotspeakwithmostoffamilyanymore,myfriendshaveadifferentviewof
me&Ihaveneverreallybeenabletomakeadecenthomeformyself.Iamamaninmylate20s,somesideeffectsofmy
depressionincludebaldness(nooneoneithersideofmyfamilyeverwentbald),laziness,slightweightgain&occasionalchest
(heart)pain.Ijustwanttoleavemymessagetoletpeopleknowtimedoesnotalwaysheal.
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Iagree,timedoesnotalwaysheal,I'vespentthelast4monthscryingoverthemanIlove.Ican'teat,sleep,Ihaven'teven
beentowork.TheonlyreasonIevengetoutofbedinthemorningsisbecauseIhaveachild.I'mbroken,destroyedandI
havenoideahowtogetrightagain.Andthesaddestpartis,Iamgettinghelpwhichisn'tdoinganygood.
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geewhatawaytogivesomeonehope...nobutseriously,timemaynotheal,asyousay,andihopeforthefuckinmostits
nottrue,otherwisewhatsthepointingoingon.butwhatiwonderis...willtimemaybemakeanewpossibilityatrekindling
love.thisissomethingikindahope,sometimesmorethanothers.wearebothyoung,maybewhenwereolder,aremore
mature,haveenoughmoneytodosomthingwithit.....idno...ineverthoughtidsaythis,butimnotsureifieverevenwant
tobeinloveagain,wsomeoneelse,.ivelostmost,ifnotall,myfaithinlove.itsnotthatidontbelieveinit,imeaniam
deeplyinloverightnow,duh!,butitsjustthatidontbelieveinitevermakingit.intheloveeverbeingmutualenoughto
lastthrutime.intherebeinga50/50,bothtreatingeachotherwithutmostrespect,honesty,kindness,fairness,etc.ive
treatedallmyboyfriendsasgoodasicould,wellnotthebest(butthiswasinresponsetothem)whiletheyalltreatedme
prettybad,inonewayoranother,atonetimeoranother.itreatedthemallbetterthantheytreatedme....andwell....i
justdontbelieveinitbeingpossibleanymore....andmorethanthat,imreallyscaredattakingasecondchance.thisisthe
firsttimeiveeverreallygivenupimjustgonnaquitramblingontho....p.s.isthereanymarriagesouttherethathave
lastedthrutime,andtheycanbothsaytheyrestillbothmadlyinlovewitheachother?iwannaheartheessestories!
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Greatpost...
IlikehowAshleydoesn'thesitatetogointothephsysiolgyof"heartbreak".
Culturallyithasbeenseenastaboototalkaboutsuchprofoundtopicsinvolvinglovefromaphysicalor"logical"perspective.
Lookingatitfromanemotional,physicalandlogicalpointofviewhelpsyouunderstandwhatishappeningtoyou.
Allofusthathavegonethroughprofoundheartbreakknowhowconflicting,erraticanddarkourinnerworldcanbecome...
Itcanbealmostscarytoseeyourselfinsuchastate...Especiallybecausethereisalwaysthatfeelingthatitmayalwaysbethat
way.
Hereisapostaboutsometechniquesyoucanusedealwiththephysicaleffectsofheartbreak,
http://getoverhernow.com/blog/ascientificallyprovenwaytocureheartb...
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DanDennick(notverified)|01/14/10|16:58PM
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hey..imfirsttimereadinganarticleoverheartbreakpsychology.ihadaheartbreakindecember2006..itsbeenaround3
years..therelationshipwiddisguywasjustfr4daysbutwehadbeenfriendsbeforedatfr4months.hesuddenlybrokeoffwid
nogoodreasonsnexplanation.iws18thattime.idintaskforanyreasons..ithotiwilljstforgetdissmallincidentnkeptmy
lifegoingasbeforethisincidentiwasattractive,enthusiasticnabrightperson.butnothingasithothappened.slowlyistarted
losinginterestsinmystudies,igotskepticaboutguys,ibeganlosingmyfriends..andinthreeyearssituationgotonlyworse.he
isinmycollegeandinmyclass..andtillthisdateifeeluncomfortablewhileheisaroundme..idesperatelywanttofeel
confidentinfrontofhim,iwanttomakehimregretoverhisdecision,.butifinditverybadthinkingmyselflikedis.ifindmyslf
overcomingthetrauma..butmnotfullyoverhim.hispresencestilllingers.
idatedaguyforlastoneyear..helovesmealot,butheisnotattractiveasmyex,aftrspendingayearifoundmyselfstill
occupiedwiththefellingsofmypreviousbf..soibrokeupwithhimnnowmsingleagain.thatheartbreakstilldisturbs..ifind
mlifemovingon.igottamakemycareer,ineedtomakeamarkinthisworld,thoughoccupiedwithhisfeelingmmovingonina
hopeiwilllearnonedaytothrivethelivenlearntolivebig.:)
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HiAll,
mypreviouspostwasason04/27/09(vish).
ijustwantedtoprovideanupdateonmystatus.mybriefflirtationwithlovedidnotendinapril(mylastpost.)itwentupto
august.briefperiodswhenshewouldflirtwithmeovermessages,andthenjustkeepaway,andthenstartcommunicatingagain
anddrivemeinsane.andallalongshesawmejustasafriend.sofinallytowardsaugustendisentaheramessagesayingshe
wasjustusingmefortimepass,andshesimplysaidIwasoverreacting.maybeiwas.becausenotoncehadshesaidthatshe
feltanythingspecialforme.butallalongshejustkeptflirting.imeanyoucansenseitwhenyouareinteractingwithsomeone
astowhethertheyaresizingyouupasapotentialpartner.ormaybeiwasjustcrazilyhopingthatshefeltthesamewayabout
me.(andidontthinkiamthekindofpersonwhowilldothat:i.eifiknewsomeonewasinlovewithme,andidintfeelthe
samewayabouther,theniwouldn'tkeepcommunicatingandgiveherthefalsehopethatsomethingmightblossom).soido
holdthegrudgeagainstherforhavingplayedwithme.
anywaysinlateaugust,wejuststoppedcommunicating(afterthatmessgwhereiaccusedherofmanipulating),andstrangelyi
dintfeeldepressed.andiknewthenthatihadsnappedoutofherspell.yaoccassionallyidocheckoutherprofileonfacebook
toseewhatsupinherlife(andtocheckherrelationshipstatus),butifeeliammostlyoverit.
4monthsittookmetosnapoutofit.butihavesurvivedanotherheartbreak.infactwhenirereadmyaprilposticantbelieve
thatifellsuchdespairovera3monthrelationshipwherenocommitmentwasevermade!!!iamamadromantic.
otherupdates/progressinmylifethathasprobablyhelpedmegetoveritisthatiappliedformyMBAatafewplacesandthis
yearIfinallymadeit...ifthingsworkout(finance,visa),thenishouldhopefullyenrolthisaugust.(tocuhwood!!,fingerscrossed
!!!).
sorightnowlifeseemsgoodonceagain(tillthenextheartbreak).
thepointofthispostistocheerupmyfellowmateswhosharedinmymiseryandgrief.ijustwantedtosayplease
hanginthere,andthingswillbrightenupagain.
warmregards,
vish
Link
vish(notverified)|02/08/10|09:22AM
Ithankualltremendously...mygfof7months...thefirstgirliveeverlovedrecentlydumpedme...andhookedupwithsumone
elsetheexactdayiwasgoingtobegtohertotakemeback(valentinesday)...isawmyselfgoingthrougheverystageand
knowingwhyissurelyanenhearteningthingforme...afterreadingthisarticleandallofthesecomments...ifeellighter...
happy...forthefirsttimein2months...thankuashleycoxandthankuall...ifanyonewouldliketospeakoftheirproblems...
maybewecanshareexperiences...ormaybejustsumhumancomforting...ucanemailmeatthedogshit1@live.comorjust
commentonthisbelow...p.s.thisismynewhomepage:)
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eligh(notverified)|02/16/10|23:16PM
I'mwritingthistogetsomeadviceofmyneverendingstoryofmylife.Ok,Imetthisguyayearago,everythingseemedsogood
thefirst7monthsuntilIfeltthatsomethingwasnotright.Hebecameverydistanttothepointhewouldn'tevenanswerhis
phone...Andhisexcusewas"ohIwaswithmybrotherandIleftmyphoneinhiscar."Somethingjustdidnotfeelright.One
nightwhenIwascryingmyeyesout(Iwasconfusedonwhattothink)IcalledafriendofmineandtoldhimwhatIwasgoing
thru,aftertellinghimheaskedwhatmybfs'namewasandtoldhim...BeforethatIhadmentionedtohimwhereheworked..He
immediatelyputtwontwotogether,hetoldmeheknewwhomybfwasbutwasn'ttohappy.Afewdayslaterhetoldmehehad
somethingimportanttotellmeaboutmybf.Hetoldmethathisgoodfriendhadbeeninarelationshipwithmybfforthepast
couplemonths.Iimmediatelyshutdown,Iwassomadanddisappointed.Ididnotevenwanttothinkaboutit,Ithoughtmy
friendwasjustmakingitup,Ithoughttomyselfitcan'tbethatmuchofasmallworldsoIleftitatthat.Weeksgoby,Ikeepon
gettingacoldsideofmybf.OnedaywhileatworkIreceivedthisrestrictedcallonmycellphone...Itwasaguyaskingmewho
Iwas,naturallyItoldhimhewastheonecallingmesohehastotellmewhoheis...Heanswered,gavemehisnameandtold
mehehadgotnmynumberfromhis"boyfriends"cellphonewhilehewasasleep.Hethentoldmethattheyhadbeenina
relationshipforthepastyearandhewentonandon.HeeventoldmethattheyhadreservationsataVegashotelforhis(my
bf)birthday.Iwasinshock.Iconfrontedmybfaboutitandhedenieditall...Sayingit'sallalie.Laterthateveninghetoldme
hehadcalledhissuppsely"exbf"andthathehastoldhimhenevercalledmeatall.Mybftoldmethathisexbfevencriedto
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himtellinghimthathenevercalledmeandsoonandon.Ididn'tknowwhattothinkaboutit,Iwastooinlovewithmybfto
believeeverythingthatwassaid.Nowhisbirthdaywas5daysaway.Iwasatworkfeelingsadandhadtocallhimtosayhi...We
spokeforapprox1hour(thruourconversationIkepthearingzippersclosinginthebackroundalmostasifitcamefromhim
closingluggage)andattheendhetoldmehewouldcallmebacklaterbutnevercalled.Thenextday,beingallthoughtfulI
wentshoppingforhisbirthdaygift,IwasunsureonwhattogethimsoIcalledhim,heansweredandaskedhimhisgift
prefferance...Herushedtheconversationandtoldmejusttogethimanythingandwehungup.LaterthateveningIcalledhim
againtosayhibutnoanswer,Itriedtextinghimandcallinghimthroughtheeveningbutnoresponseatall..AtthatpointIwas
scaredthathehadgonetoVegaslikehisexbfhadtoldme...Ibegancryingnfeltsobetrayed..Iinsistedoncallingntexting
himbutnoresponse.ThatwholenightIcouldnotgetanysleepbecauseofeverythingIwasthinking.ThenextdayIattempted
tocallhimagainbutthistimeallcallswerebeingforwardedtohisvoicemail.AtthatpointIevengotmoreemotional.Anyhow,
Ididnothearbackfromhimuntil3dayslater,hecalledmefromhisworkandtoldmethathehadtogetawayforafewdaysto
hismomshouse(wholives1hraway)andthathecouldn'treceiveanycallsbecausehisphonewasbrokennthat'swhyhewas
callingmefromhisworksphone.InsideIfeltsosadalmostwantingtocrybutcouldn'tbecauseIwasatwork.Hisbdaycameby,
Itookhimtodinner,Icouldsencethathewasn'tallthere...Wethenwenttomycarandhekissedmeandtoldmehowmuchhe
lovedme.Ifeltsosadwithwhathewasdoingtome.Ifinallyconfrontedhim,toldhimthatIknewhehadgonetovegaswith
hisexbf....Icriedashedinieditall.Herepeatedlystatedhowmuchhelovedme...IwassoinlovewithhimthatIoverlooked
atthesituation.Thenextdayhecalledmeandinvitedmetogooutwithhimtoabar.Wewent,thewholetimetherehekept
onlookingateveryone,almostasifwaslookingforsomeoneinparticular...Igotalittleintoxicatedandconfrontedhimby
askinghimwhohewaslookingfor..Herushedoutofthebarleavingmebehind.Ifollowedhimindirectiontomycar.Once
insidethecarIbgancrying((Iwasinsomuchpain)hethenaskedmetostartheadingoutandtodrophimoffhome.I
immediatelyrespondedtohimNO,I'mwaytoointoxicatedtostartdriving...Ithenlostitandconfrontedhimagainabouthis
vegastrip...Hefinallyadmittedtomethathedidgo...Butjustwentbecauseheneededtogetoutforafewdays...Ifeltlikethe
worstthingever.HethenstatedtomethatIwastheonehelovedandhehadgonetovegaswithhisexbfjustasfriends...I
knewhewaslyingtomesoIaskedhimtogetoutofmycar..Repeatedlytoldhimandhewouldnot..HekeptshoutingthatI
waswrongbecauseIwasgoingtoleavehimoutonthestreetsat2amfarawayfromhome(approx1n30minsfromhishouse).
ItfeltsogoodbutatthesametimeIfeltsadaboutmysituation.HenevergotoutofthecarsoIwalkedoutofthecar...andsat
onthecurbcrying..Ididn'tbelievewhatwashappeningtome.Whileoutonthecurbhekeptburningupmyphone.Ifinally
sobereddownandwentbackinthecar...Ibegandrivinghome...heinsistedtometopleaseforgivehim...Ilovedtheguyway
toomuchsoIdecidedtoforgivehim..MonthshavepastbutIstilldon'ttrusthimatall.I'mstillinlovewiththisguybutIfeel
likehe'skillinmesofly.Irecentlybegannoticingchangeinhim,he'sactngverydistantbuthisexcuseisthathiswrkingtoo
much.Hestatestomethathelovesmenitdrivesmecrazybecauseidontknowifhesbeinghonestornot.!Idon'tknowwhatto
do,IfeellikeIcan'tgivehimupnit'stakingatollonmylifeseverely.IacceptthefactthatIambeingblindedbyhiswordsbut
Iamtooattachedtohim.Pleaseanyadvise?
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Thankyouforwritingthispost.Itistrulyhonestandbeautiful.Igoogledheartbreakdepressionandlandedonthispage
ofScientificBlogging.Whenallemotionsrunrampant,Itrytoanswerthemwithlogic.Thishelpsinknowingthatthemind
isequallyasstrongasmyheart.IfindbalanceinthinkingthatI'mbetterlivinghappy.Abigpartofthehappinesswas
fromthewonderfulexperienceIhadwithmyrelationship.Itwastrue.ItmademefeelgoodthatIcouldmakeadifference
insomeone'slife.Now,thetimehaspassedandheishappierwithoutthecommitmentofmarriage.Wewouldhavemade
agreatpairifhewaswillingtoequallysacrificeforthebettermentofourlivestogether.Istillconsiderhimtobea
blessing.Ablessingthatisinevitablysad,howeverIknowthatourgoalsdidnotalignandgoalsareimportantinastable
relationship.
Mostimportantly,nomatterhowgreatloveis,itisfar,farbetterwhenitisreturnedatthesametimeitisgiven,inequal
measure.Giveyourselfanopportunityriseaboveitandset"Good"goalsforyourself.ie.,Iwillnotcallfor1week,follow
throughbybuyingyourselfsomethingnice.Thensetanothergoal.Thepointbeingthatyourattentionshouldbeplaced
uponyourself...whereitisneededthemostnow.
Don'tletthemconsumewhoyouareanddon'tforcetheotherpartyintowhoyouwantthemtobe.Thatisnotwhyyoufell
inloveinthefirstplace.Loveiskind,youshouldalwaysforgivebutthatdoesnotmeanyouhavetoforget.Learnfromthis.
Trainyourselfandtheotherpersontoavoidthesamepitfall.Iforgive,IlovebutIcan'tletmyselfrepeatthispainover
andoverandoveragain.Don'tforgettoforgiveyourselfwhenyoustopcalling!
Mirrorhisemotionsandshowhimwhatthequalityofhisloveisdoingtoyou.Bestrong,bepatient,andaboveall,begood
toyourself.
Link
Iwouldliketoaddmyperspectivetothispainfultopicwhicheveryoneexperiencesatonetimeintheirlifeoranother.
Thereisnopainworsethanheartbreak.Itislikethesoulsomethingnonphysicalisbeingcontinuallytornapartfromwithin.
It'struethattimehealsmanythings,butsometimesinlifewedon'tgetoverthingstheyaretoopainful,thebestwecanhope
foristolearntolivewithit.Youwillknowifyourlossissomethingyoucangetoverorlivewith.
Painisaresponsetoloss.Everyoneexperiencesloss.Thatisthenatureoflifeeverythingistemporary,transitory,
impermanentdespitewhatwe'dliketothink.Buddhistswouldsaypaincomesfromattachmentandtocultivateasenseofnon
attachment.Thiscanbehardtodo,butasbabies,oursurvivaldependsonattachmenttoourmother.
Ibelievethemeaningofpainandheartbreakistohelpusdevelopempathyanunderstandingofothers'painandloss.There
areMANYMANYpeopleinthisworldexperiencingunbelievablepainlookatwarravagedpeopleforexample.Theirpainto
manyothersisunbearable.Foryourpain,thereisalwayssomeonewhohaslessormorepainyourpainisneverthemostpain
anyonehassuffered.ThisiswhysupportgroupscanhelppeoplewhounderstandyourTYPEofpain.
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TheotherpurposeofpainandheartbreakistoMAKEYOURSELFABETTERPERSONsothatyouNEVERinflictthetypeofpainor
heartbreakyou'refeelingonanother.Whichleadsmetomynextpoint.Incrediblethoughitmaysound,thereisapainworse
thanheartbreaktheknowingthatyouhavecausedanotherpainandheartbreak.Tryandimaginethat.Iknowsomeonewho
killedachildbyaccidentontheroadwhoraninfrontofhercarfromoutofnowhere.Imaginewhatsortofpainthatperson
feelsknowingshetookthelifeofsomeoneanothermother'schild?
Painisaresourceourdeepestuntappedwell,forgrowthandlearning.Wecangrowfromandthroughourpain.
Link
themeaningofheartbreak(notverified)|03/11/10|01:25AM
Ifeeleveryone'spain.Heartbreakisafeelingnoonehas.Icouldn'teat,sleep,orthinkabouthowmylifeisgoingtobe.Ijust
recentlygotmyheartbrokenlastweek.MygirlfriendandIhavebeeninarelationshipfor7years.Twoweeksagoshewentona
littlevacationtogoseeherparentsinalaska.Inormallylethergoaloneonthesefamilytripsbecauseihavetoworkandno
onewillbeabletowatchoverourtwolittledogs.Wellwhathappendwas,shewastalkingtothisguywhowasalongtime
friendfromhighschool.Iknewtheguybecausewewenttothesamehighschool.HewasinmygirlfriendsJapaneseclass.I
thoughtnothingofitbecauseiknewwhothisguywasandthoughtofitjustasfriendsInstantmessaging/textmessaging.She
tellsmethateverytimeshegoesbacktoalaskaherparentsarestrictandalwayswantshertobehomeandspendtimeat
home.Iunderstoodthat,becauseitssomewhattrue.Shetoldmethatshewantedtoenjoythetripthistime,soshesgoingto
stayatafriendshouseforanightortwoandhavefun.Wellitturnsoutshewasgoingtostayatherfriendshouse(theguyshe
wastalkingto).Againididn'tthinkmuchofit,ihadabadfeelingbecauseitsanotherguy,butitrustedherforalltheseyears.
Alsobecauseiknewwhothisguywas,andineverthoughttheywouldhavesomethingforeachother.Whileshesonvacation,i
getaquestionfromanonlinefriendofmineabouthisrelationshipproblems.Hisissuewas,whatshouldhedobecausehis
girlfriendisspeakingtootherguysontheinternet.Itoldhimthathisgirlfriendisaneasypreyfortheseguysspeakingtoherif
shehasproblemswithyouandneedssomeonetohearthem.Welllittledidiknow,thiswasmysameproblem.Mygirfriend
confessestomeaftershecamebackthatshefeltlovedthatanotherguywaslisteningtoher,complementingheronhowshe
lookedanditfeltgreattohearthesekindsofthings.Sosheinthemomenthadkissedtheotherguy.Iwasemotionlessatfirst,
ididn'tknowwhattosay,whattodo,whattothink.Iwasblackedoutforaminute.Icouldn'teventakeinwhatshewassaying
after,becauseijustfroze.7years,afterallthesacrificesimadeeverythingthatihavedoneforher.Wejustboughtahouse
togetherbecauseweplannedonlivingtogetherforever,Whenshewasgoingtoschooligotafulltimejobtosupportus.Put
foodonthetable,haveaplacetolive.Everythingididwastomakeherhappy.Itfeltlikeitwasallawaste.Ijustwantedto
crawlintoablackholeandnevercomeout.Ihaveneverdoneherwrong.Ineverlookedatotherwomen,watchporno,cheat,do
anythesekindsofthingsjustforher.Sheismyfirstlove,firstkiss,firsteverythingieversharedwithanotherperson.It'sjust
hardtodealwiththeseemotionsbecauseifeelasifimsuckeddryandshesgoingtoleavemewithexcusesaboutmissingher
family.Itjustreallyhurtsbecauseittookmeoverayeartogetonekissfromher(whichihadtomakethemove).Anditonly
tookanotherguy1daytodowhichshemadeamoveon.That'swhathurtsmethemostoutofthisheartbreakishowsomeone
coulddosomethingicouldn'tdointhatamountoftime.Bothofourmothershavebeencheatedon,andithoughtshewouldbe
thelastpersonwhoeverdosomethinglikethis.Imabletoforgiveher,anditsjustthestart.Butitsveryhardtoevertrusther
again.Icryatnightbecauseofmyheartbreak.Ithoughtiwasatoughguy,butthisisapainimnotabletoendure.i'mjustglad
imnottheonlyonewhofeelslikethis.
Link
JJ(notverified)|03/21/10|10:11AM
Thissiteisamazing.Iam24yrsoldjustfinishingcollege,andhavebeenthroughanunbelievableamountofhearbreakoverthe
pastfewyears.Myfirstboyfriendmyfirsteverythingat17,fr7years,didntwanttochange.ikeptleavinghimicouldnttakehis
shit.andthenhedecidedtocheatandbewithagirlwhoacceptedhispatheticassfornotworkingorhavinganypurposeinlife.
Ithoughtiwasgoingtodie.Thistimearound,ayearago,ifeelforaguywhoadoredme.absolutelyadoredmelikenoother.
Hehadaroughpast,diddrugs,clubs,sleptaroundallthisnonsensebuthepromisedmehewouldbedifferent.Andhewas.he
wasamazing.Igacehimaveryhardtimebecauseiwantedtoknowhisheartwasreallywithme.Comesummertime,hedida
360.alwaysleftmeathishousealonewhilehewentoutandpartied,noideawherehewas,treatedmebadoffandon.Hewas
EXTREMELYmoodyandiguessyoucouldsaybipolar.Ididntunderstandwhatwasgoingon.wereoffandon.hewouldalways
chasemewhenIwouldbreakupwithhim.Thefirsttimehecriedinhismomsarms.thefewtimsafterthat,hechasedmeabit
andIdtakehimback.Onouroneyear,hebrokeupwithmeinthemrning.absolutelykilledme.Ifoundneedlesinhisroom.
apparentlyhehadbeendoingdrugshalfwaythroughourrelationshipandneededhelp.anddidntwantmetobearoundforitto
seehimgothroughthis.Keptadmittinghisfaults.thenagainthegamesbeganandhechasedme.Irecentlyshuthimoutand
hewentbizerk.igaveinyesterdayandnoresponse.Heignoredmelikeusual.Ihavealwaysbeenthereforhimandhesonly
thereformewhenitsuitshim.Ilovehimbutitisfading.Ivneverfeltthiswayaboutanyone.Ivelostweight,Idonteatenough,
Idontsleepatall.Butiamkeepingmyselfbusy.Workingoutalot,eatingmoreandhealthier,jutgoingoutandrunning,
keepingintouchwithfriends.thekeyistoKEEPYOURSELFBUSYNOMATTERWHAT.Iknowweallfeelaloneandithurtsbut
rememberspaceoccurssochangecanhappen!!ijustlookuppositiveinspirationalquotesanditkeepsmegoing..
Itshardandimsorryweallhavetogothroughthisbuteverythinghappensforareasonrememberthat.andkarmaisabitchi
promiseyouall.Imgoingtoprintoutpositivequotestomorrowandpastethemonmywallsoiwakeupandseethemeveryday
tokeepmemotivated.ihadtodothisexactlyayearago.sameshit.heartbrokenandhadtomotivatemyself.well,herewego
again.Wewillallmakeitthrough.wecannotbevictimslikesomany,wemustbestrong.wemustkeepinthesunlightandbring
ourownsunshinewhereverwegoaspainfulasthisis,wewillsurvive.
thinkaboutthedamagestresscausesus.whogivesashitabouttheseidiotsthathurtusimeantheirnotgnnahaveheart
problems,butwewill.whybother?lifeisshortanditsbeautiful.wemustenjoyit!<3
Link
Riley(notverified)|03/25/10|02:30AM
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Myboyfriendofthreeyearsbrokeupwithmeyesterday.WewerebrokenupbeforebutgotbacktogetherinJanuary.Hetoldme
yesterdayhedidn'tlovemeanymore,justinafriendway.Ibroke.Ijustbustedoutcryingbecausethepainhurtsomuch.It
feelslikemyhearthasbeenrippedoutofmychestandIhavenoreasontolive.EverythingIdoremindsmeofhim.Ithink
abouthowhappyhemademefeelandIstartcryingagain.I'vebeencryingsincelastnightandhaven'tstoppedsince.Ican't
watchromanticmoviesbecausetheydothesamethingshedidforme.Irememberhearing"Iloveyou"andfeelinglikeIwason
topoftheworld.IjustmisshimsomuchandIlovehim...Ithurts.Iputonfakesmilesbutitdoesn'treachmyheart.I'mthinking
Iwon'tfindthesameloveagain.Hewasmysoulmate..
Shannon(notverified)|03/27/10|19:55PM
Link
Iknowhowyoufeel.....iwhatwithmyextwoyearsthoughtthatitwouldbeforever.Hedumpedmeandifeltlikemylife
washovericriedandneverdidanythingcauseitallremindedmeofhim..
.itsbeensixmonthsihavenocontactatallwithhimitstillhurtsbuttimewillhealdontthinkthisistheendbecausein
manywaysitsabeginning.
Link
Hithereeveryone,itsquitesurrealreadingeveryonesstoriesandbeingabletorelatebecauseofheartbreak,itsencouragingto
hearpeoplegetoveriteventhoughitmaytakeawhile,ihopeyourallfeelingalittlebettertoday.
Ima30yearoldmanandrecentlymetaladyolderof37,ionlynewherfor4monthsbutfellheadoverheels.Itwasobvious
shehadhadherheartbrokebyapreviousrelationshipbecauseofnumerousthingsshetoldmeashadi7yearspreviousbuti
keptittomyself.Shesaidshewantedtotakethingsslowlywhichiwascoolabout,iwouldhavedoneanythingforherbut
realisenowthatmykindnesswasbeingtakenasaweakness.Haveyoueverfeltsomethingtobesorightbutsowrongatthe
sametime,myheadwassayinggetthehelloutofthissomethingswrongbutmyheartwasalreadyamileaheadofme.
Thelastweekispoketohershecalledmeherboyfriendoneday,thenextthatallherfriendscouldn'twaittomeetmetothe
nextdaywhenilastsawhersayingcouldwejustbefriendsandturnedrealcoldonmeaswel?Icouldn'tbelievewhatiwas
hearing,Iwalkedawaysocrushedandconfused.Itplayedonmymindsomuchthinkingwhatthehellhappenediphonedher4
weekslatertoaskandstupidlyseeiftherewasachanceofmeetingupagain.Shetoldmethatiwasaniceguyandi'dmake
someonereallyhappyoneday,slightlypatronizing,andthatshe"thinksitsjusttheagething".Itwassuchalamereason
becauseupuntililastsawhertherewasneveranyuneasinessthatiatleastwasawareof,oftheagegap.Peoplesayitsher
loss,butitsurefeelslikeivelostout.Ihadsomanylaughsandgoodtimeswithheriwonderwhyididn'tmakeherhappy.
Thepainthatcomeswiththisheartbreakbusinessishorrible,therejectionandknowingsomeoneifellinlovewithdoesn'twant
toknowmemakesitsohardtomoveon.Onepositivethingikeeptellingmyselfisthatididgetoverthelastheartbreaksowill
getoverthisone,youhaveto,life'stoshortandprecioustoliveinthepastandrobthepresent.
Link
Thearticleisinterestingbutthatstagesofdeathhasbeendebunkedpeoplewhoaredyingdon'tgothroughaprogressionof
emotions,theycanhappenallatonce,inadifferentorderorgetstuckinloopsandapplyingthesetogreivingisevenless
credibleyoucanbeadecadepastthedeathandasmallthingcanoccurandmakeitfeellikeyesterday
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=fivefallaciesofgrief
and
http://www.grief.net/Articles/Myth%20of%20Stages.pdf
Link
nina(notverified)|05/03/10|11:18AM
I'mprettysuretherearepeerreviewedstudiesouttherethatsaywatchingoldSteveMartinmoviesandeatingfoodsthat
containcopiousamountsofbutterand/orsugarspeedsuptheheartbreakprocessbyupto45%.
Anddrinkingbetween4and7pintsofdarkbeeradaycanhelponegetoveritanastonishing84%faster(onaverage).
Link
Adam(notverified)|05/03/10|13:01PM
Heartbreakyahittotallysucks,oksoimgoingthroughthisandim22yearoldmalethatwasina16monthrelationship.I
thoughttheworldofher,seriouslyithoughtshewastheonebutifoudnoutthatshewasnt,shealwaystextedherexboyfriend
andsaidtheywerefriendsbuticouldntseeanyonebeeingfriendswiththeirex'ssowegotintoacouplefightslikethatbut
everythingwasgoingsmoothly,shecalledme4daysagoonthephoneandsaid"heymattweneedtotalk"shebrokemyheart
soiputsingleonmyreltionshipstatusonfacebookandmyspaceandithoughtthatwouldbethat,ithenfoundoutthatwe
neverreallyhadaclosingthedayaftershebrokeupwithmesowewenttodinneranditseemedlikeitwasbacktosameold
thingsuntilshedidntcallmebackafterthenextday,ithensawthatshewastalkingtoalltheseguysonherfacebookand
myspace(ithurt)thenicalledherandaskifshewouldwanttochillshesaid"yes"andwechilledalldayyesterdayandithought
everythingwasgoingtobegreatanditturnedoutawesome,laterlastnightiwaslayinginbedwithherandshesaid"heywe
needtotakeitstepbystep,takeitslowok?"isaidsure,theniaskedheraboutallthesepartiesandifherexboyfriendwas
there,shesaid"wowreallymattyoudontbelieveme"andisaidokok,shethenwentandtookashowerwhileiwassittingin
bedandlookedthroughherphonebecausehowsecretiveyouladiescanbeattimesseriously,,,,andisawthatshewastexting
herexboyfriendandtheywereflirtingbutitwasnotuntiligottoherbestfriendstextswhereisawthatshesaid"ohhhhyay
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girlylastnightimadesoandsodrivemeandmyexbacktomyhousebecuaseweweresooodrunk"ialsosaw"yaysomyexand
ijustsnuggledanddidnothingelse"and"goshiwishmyexwassinglerightnow",iwentcrazybutlikeeveryonesaysgotout
classyitsthebestthingtodo,isliddbackintobedanddidntsayanythingbecauseiwasatherhouseandifididsayanything
theniwouldnotgetaridehomebecauseshedrovemetoherhouse,hahasoooigetinhercarandhalfwayhomewherei
thoughtifihadtowalkicouldmakeit,isaid"heyicantbelievethatyousaidnothingisgoingonwithandyourex,iloveyou
andiwillalwaysmissyouandihopeandwishthebestofbestlucktoyouandyourexboyfriend,,takecaregirl"andiwalked
out,wellbeingthatthisisasmalltownihearedthatsheissupermadrightnow,ibelievethisisbecauseilookedthroughher
phone,mabyeicantseethattheirjustfriends(idoubtit,whatexboyfriendorexgirlfriendwouldsaytherejustfriendsby
snugglingFOLKTHAT),andthirdlyshesmadbecauseshemadeamistake,ilovehowiturneditaroundthatibrokeupwithher
ratherthanherbreakingupwithme,sheisonly19andyoungergirlsarejustnotthatmatureyet,sooallinalldonttalktoyour
ex's,dontlie,dontsnugglewithyourex'sanddonttrytogivethepersonyoubrokeupwithathoughtthatyoumightbecoming
back,,,,Iamreallyheartbrokenrightnowbutimjustliftingweightslikesicknow,iwillalwaysloveyouEM,,,iwillalwaysmiss
youtoo,,,,
Matt(notverified)|05/29/10|00:23AM
Link
iwasdumped1year10monthsago.time?healing?idontevenknow
depression100%.idontevenknow.dontcare.just..dontcare.
veryhopless.andihavetried.ihave.justhearbroken?funny,
Link
Ivehearditsaidthatwearespiritualbeingsexperiencingthehumancondition.Thehumanemotionalconditionisaspectrum,
rangingfromgrief/heartbreakononeendtojoyontheother,andittakestheexperienceofoneendtofullyapprciatetheother.
WhenIhavehadintensefeelingsofpainthereisalittletrickthathashelpedme.Itrytoimaginemyselfsteppingbackand
observingmyselfasIfeelthepain.InthiswayIremindmyselfthatthereisanessentialpartofmethatobserverthatcannot
betouchedbytheexperienceorthepain.
Link
CynthiaR.(notverified)|06/20/10|06:15AM
Greatarticlethankyou.YesI'malsogoingthroughthisandamabsolutelybitteranddesolate.OnethingIamexperiencingis
thatwhenyoulovesomeonesodeeply,andyourloveisnotreturnedpartofthepainiscausedbyafeelingofworthlessness.
AmIreallynotgoodenough?Especiallywhenshesaystoyouthatyouarethebestmanshehaseverknown,andeverythingis
"right".Butshejustdoesnotthinkshewillfallinlove,andtheresnochemistry.Thatistheworstandmostpainfulrejection.
Dan(notverified)|06/20/10|09:28AM
Link
I'vebeengoingthroughtheworstheartacheanddealingwithemotionsineverthoughtIwould,I'm25yrsoldandgavemyall
tosomeonewhomademefeellikeiwasthemostbeautifulperson.Hesaidanythingandeverythingthatwouldmakeanyone
fallinlove.For2andahalfyearsIgavemyall...wentoutofmywaytodoanythingforthispersonandIneverneededanything
inreturncuzhewasmyeverything.Thenoutofnowherehehadnoideawhathewantedoutofhislifeandineverevensawit
coming..WestillhavetotalkanditsgonnahappenthisweekbutIjusthavenoideawhattosayordointhissituation,I'mso
afraidthathavinggonethroughthisexperienceanddealingwiththisheartbreakisgonnaleavemeinsomuchpainandhaveso
muchfeartoopenmyselfuptoanotherpersonagain.Icryeveryday...ifeelphysicalpainandivelostsomuchweightinashort
periodoftime.Apartofmewantstolethimgosoicanbegintohealandbereadyformyfallsemesteratschoolcuzicant
dealwithdistractionslikethiswhenistart.Butidowanttothankeveryoneforpostingtheirstories...itsverycomfortingyour
notaloneandmakesmefeelalittlelesscrazy....sothanku
Link
i'mdyinginsideespeciallyreadingthatallofyouhavegonethroughoraregoingthroughthesamethingbecauseourlovewas
supposedtobe"different",itwassupposedtobeelevatedcomparedtothecommonpersonloveandhereiamwiththesame
symptomsaseveryoneelse.myproblemisthatikeeplettinghimrepeatthepain,justwhenithinkhe'sgoneandthere's
nothingmore,hecomesback,tellsmeheneedsmeandidoitalloveragain.ithinkineedhelp.
Link
Thisarticlehashelpedme.Itdoesnotdiminishtheanguishofmyheart,butvalidatesmyinternalfeelings.Outoftheblue,and
aweekafterheinvitedmetomoveinwithhimandsaidhe'd'takemetothegrave',hebreaksupwithmeviaastonecoldemail.
Pullstheplug,buildsawallandrefusesanycommunication.ItfeltlikeacompleteassaultfromtheoneIlovedthemost.A
weeklaterwereconciled,Iwasjubilant.Yetthefollowingdayhesentanotherstoicemail.Ihavebarelyeatenin8days.My
sleepissporadicandactualrestseemsimpossible.ButIamstartingtopullthrough.Iamangryathim,notforthebreakup,for
thewaysinwhichhedidit.IamnowtryingtocaressmyownheartanddothingsIenjoy.It'sgoingtobealongroadtofull
recoverybutIamoptimisticthatthereisatruelifelessonhere(astherealwaysis)andformeitistoalwayslovemyselffirst.
Goodlucktoallofyouotherheartbrokensouls.Iwishyouthebest.
Link
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Thisreallyhelpedme.Iminthelaststageithinkofheartbreakiwasjustcheckingtomakesuretherewerentanymorestages
andthiswasallover.Iknowiwentthroughthefirststageforabout2days.Iwasjustsosurpriseditactuallyhappenedandi
neverthoughtaboutittoolong.Irememberthinking'arentisupposetobehurtorupset?'butineverfeltathing.Thenthenext
twostagescameallinoneday.Itwastheworstnightofmylife.Itreallydidpysicallyhurt.Inevercriedsomuch.Thenthe
depressionstagecameforacoupleweeks.Iactuallywenttothedoctortomakesureitwasntrealdepression.Ineverthought
aboutanythingandmopedaroundthehouse.Nowithinkofmemoriesandinsteadofcryingithinkofthefutureandhowican
dothosethingsagainwithsomeonenew.Itreallyhelps.andstayingbusyisVERYeffective.Ivegonefulldayswithoutfeeling
upsetoveritatall.Itsbeenoveramonthsincethebreakup,andithasbeenhard.Ihopeicanforgetaboutitalltogethersoon.
Link
Myheartisstillbreakingafterfindingoutmyhusbandofmany,manyyearshasbeencheatingonmeallalong,...onenight
stands,shortaffairs,a5yearaffairandthena6monthaffair...duringourcourtship,whileengagedandwhenmarried.Iguess
whenhegotcaught,hestoppedafteraskingforgivenessanddeclaredthathelovedmeandwantedourmarriagetowork.
Alcoholanddrugsgavehimthecouragetocheatbuthecouldhavestopped.It'sbeenthreeyearssinceIfoundout.He
continuestodeclarehislove,showsmethathedoesanddoesn'tgooutwithoutme.Doestimehealheartbreak.Notforthis
ladyIstillcry.Inolongerknowwhatwasrealandwhatwasfakeinalltheyearsweweretogether.Yes,hehaschangedbutmy
heartcontinuestobreakfromthehumiliation,deceitandliesthatcamefromamanwhomIlovedwithmywholeheartand
trustedhimwitheverythingdeartome.People,thinktwicebeforeyouhaveaflingbecauseitislikealifesentenceforthe
victimwhostilldoesn'tknow"WHY".Womenwhohaveaffairswithmarriedmen...theymostlyuseyou.Thewhorethathadthe5
yearaffairwasverybadlyhurtbyhim...allshewastohimwasrelieffromhislies,booze,drugsandsexbutshethoughtthat,in
theend,hewouldleavemeorIwouldleavehim.Iwasintheprocessofdivorcinghim...whyItookhimbackafterfindingout
abouthisdeceit,Istilldonotknow.Perhapsitwastosavehimfromalifeofdrugsandalcohol.Maybeforthesakeofour
children....wearestilltogetherandregardlessofhisdeclarationoflove,myheartstillisbreaking.IwishIcouldtellyouallhow
youcanforgetandgetonwithyourlifeandnothavethebreakuphauntyou,butIcan't.Ifsomeoneoutthereknowshowto
forgetandfindhappiness,letmeknow.Goodlucktoyouall.
Link
Hi,
Iwanttoknowwotsgoinintothemindofapersonwentheyarebetrayingsomeonetheyonceproclaimdtheylove....orhowcan
someonebreakup&moveonevenaftertheyhavelovedtheotherperson(psychologically).
Link
Forthe1sttimeinmylifeiexperinceheartbreaksighitsbeentoughimnotgonnaliesometimesijztcantholdbackthetears
sometimesiscreamatthemirrorothertimesijztgostraighttobedandcovermyselfupinsheetssothatnobodysee'smecry
andforsomereasoniknowthishadtohappentomethiswasapartofmydestiny...letmetellyoumystorywellsortoflong
storyshorttherewasthisgirlsheshowedmemixsignalsandthenoutofnowhereifoundshehasaboyfriendfor3daysitold
myselfnottoattempttostealherbutiendedupattemptingitatthetimeithoughtitwasgoingtoworkformebutagainoutof
nowhereshetellsmenopesoiwentthroughthemotionsforthe1sttimeanddamnitwassohardsomedaysireallydidfeel
likeendingitallwithonecutofthebladeorlayingontraintracksetceitherwaywheniwasthinkingofwhatididwrongi
rememberedprayingtogodwhichformehappenstobejesuschristtohelpmegrowasapersonandloseweightandheart
breakdidjztthatforme...iusetobesomewhatofaplayeriwouldonwhatpeoplecallslutsorskanksandactlikeireally
caredaboutthemandthatididnotthinkoftheminthatlightsoireallynevergavethemachancebecauseialwaysknewwhat
iwantedwhichwastopleasemyselfsoyeahnowirealisethatiwaswrongtodoingthatandthattherealsopeopleandevenif
ontheoutsidetheyseemasifthereokayontheinsidewhoknowshowtheyfeelmaybetheyhavebeenlookingforloveand
thatthereonlywaytoexpressitsoithelpmewiththatandiusetomakefunofmyfriendswhentheywouldcryforagirli
wouldthinktomyselfthisidiotiscryingforagirleventhoughtherearehundresandbilllionsofthemouttherebutheartbreak
helpmedealwiththatandiknowihavegrownaspersonbecauseirealizewhatididwaswrongandaskforforgivenessieven
wentasfarastoaskthegirlsboyfriendforforgivenesswhichwasareallyhumblingexperinceandineedthatandasfarasthe
weightlossineversaidtomyselfloseweighttotrytogetherbackwhenyoulookbetterbuteverytimeithoughtofherofr
thoughtofcryingorkillingmyselfiwouldgetupandjztgorunandimademyselfbeliefthatiwasrunningawayfromthe
feelingsihaveforheranditactuallyworkedilostalotofweightandyeahiguessmyprayershavebeensortsothankyougod
wellsortoff
jose(notverified)|09/07/10|14:49PM
Link
Heartbreakistheworst!I'vegonethroughbegginghimtotakemeback,beingangryandvengefulandthendepressed.It's
reallyhardtogetoversomeoneyoubuiltyourwholeworldaround,someoneyouthoughtwouldfightforyouandwouldaccept
andloveyouforwhoyouare.Ithasbeenayearand3mos.sinceihavecutcommunicationwithmyex.Weweretogether
almost4yrs.Ifeltitwasforthebestbecausewehavebeenexchanginginsultingmessagesthroughtextandfacebook.Can
someonepleasetellmehowyoucaneverforgetsomeoneyougaveyourentireselfto?Ireallywanttomoveonandgetover
him.I'vetriedgoingtoapsychiatrist,gettingintowalkingandboxingtoreleasestressandanger,goingintoadiettolose
weight,goingoutwithfriends.TheymakemeforgettemporarilybuttherearestilltimeswhenI'mbymyselfandthenIbeginto
justreminisceandcry.Idon'twanttofeellikethisanymore.Help!
Link
HeartbrokenForTooLong(notverified)|10/12/10|17:48PM
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yesheartbreaksdohurtandhurtBigtime.butprobablytheyhealaswell.Itprobablydoesn'tgoawayaltogetherbutjustfades
awayslowlyveryverygradually.IstillcrysometimeswhenIamlowandthinkabouthim.Itshardtoletgo.Ourswasa10year
oldrelation.Iwasjust17yearswheniFirstmethim.Myworldpracticallyrevolvedaroundhim.Istillmeanhimwellandreally
hopethathemovesoninlifeasIamstrugglingtodosoaswell.JusthappensthatIworryforhimmorethanaboutmyself.We
brokeoffalmostayearagobutwereintouchandeventriedtopatchupinbetween.Butitdidn'tworkout.Justhopelifehas
betterdaysaheadforbothofusinourowndifferentwaysnow......
Link
whenyourememberthatloveweallaspiretothatisthemomentwhenyouhaveatricklingoftheoneyouaremadeafterGod,
Hispatternisthemasterkeytoourexistenceandwesimplycannothelpit....
((Corinthians13))
Link
stumbledacrossthispage..justlookingaround...feltihadtoleaveacommentispiltfrommyboyfriendover2yearsagofirst
6monthswaslikealivinghell...endlesscrying,,blamingmyself,couldntdoanythinggoanywhere..mypoorfriendskepthearing
thesameoldstoryendlesstimes..itwasawful...timeasgoneontwoyearsnowalthoughimnotcryingsomuch..andfeela
littlebetter.butstillthinkabouteverythingeverysingleday..imstartingtooworrywillthisfeelingoflosteverleave..isit
normaltogrievesolongafterabreakup..noticemostpeoplearesayingittookthemonlymonthstogetoverthereheartbreak
..
Link
I'm45yrsold....46injustafewdays.Thisisnotmyfirstheartbreak...butit'scertainlytheworst.It'sbeen4months..anditstill
feelslikeyesterday.Today,deathseemslikethemostgloriousthingintheworld,thantoeverhavetofaceanotherdaywithout
him.IhatethatI'veallowedmyselftofeelthiswayaboutsomeone...allowedhimtohavesomuchofmyenergyinsuchabad
way.Itdoesn'tseemtohavegottenanybetter,infact,astimepassesandIbegintorealizeheisprobablymovingonand
seeingotherpeople,it'sworse.Whatdoesapersondo?Howdoesapersoncope,goon?Itseemslikesuchanawfuloutcomeof
somethingthatwasoncesoawesome....
Link
Justwonderinghowyouaredoing......Iam50andinthe4thmonthoftheworstpainofmylife.IthoughtIhadsuffered
throughbrokenheartsbeforeevenaftertheendingofmy15yearmarriagebutnothingcomparestothis.Heisover60so
IthoughtforsurethatIhadtrulyfoundsomeonewhowasreadyandcapableofalifelastingloveandcompanionship.I
amsodevastated.Idobelievetheheartbreaksareworseasyougetolderbecauseyoulosethedesiretokeepsearching.
Julie(notverified)|02/27/11|13:14PM
Link
Julie,
Myheartandsoulbleedforyou,becauseIknowhowbadyoufeel.It'sbeen9mothsnow,andIamlearningtolaugh
againandrejointheworldalittle,notadaygoesbythatIdon'tcryandwonderwhy.Now,Ifoundoutthat2wks
afterwebrokeup,hestaredseeingsomeonenewandtheyarestilltogether,whichbreaksmyheartagainandagain.
Whywasn'tIgoodenough??Hestillwon'tspeaktomeorrespondtomeanytimeIreachouttohim,soI'vefinally
stoppedtorturingmyselfandDONOTreachoutanymore.I'mafraidtogoanywhereforfearofhavingtoseehimwith
someoneelse.It'sjustmiseralbe.EveryonethinksI'manidiottostillevenbesadoverhim,butit'ssohardwhenyou
hadoncethoughtatouragewe'dfinallymetanadult...andwelovedeachotherandthesesillchildishbreakups
wouldn'thappenanymore.IwishIcouldtellyouitgeteasierwithtime.It'sdoesn't'.Somehowdaytocomeandyou
allofasuddenaregettingthroughtthemalittlebetter....yourheardoesn'tacheeveryminuteofeveryhouranymore,
butitstillaches....soit'sgetsbetter,butnoteasier.Idon'twanttobecomehardheartedandcynicalaboutloveand
relationships...butIcanfeethewallbuildingaroundmyheartandtheycynasicsmisnearlyimpossibletosuppress.
Evenaftermydivorce,stilllovedlikeandthewonderofwhattomorrowhatinstoreandjustknowsomedayI'dlove
again...butthisrelationshiphaschangedeverything.Idon'tknowifI'lleverletanyoneinagain...whywouldIwantto.
Idon'tthinkI'lleverfeelnormalagain....andonebyone,I'mlosingeverfriendieverhad.Please,gethelpandtryto
healbeforeyougetwhereIam....butIknowhowyoufeelandevenwantingtoorhavingthestregthtogethelpis
difficult,nottomention...alotofthehelpdidmenogood.Ireallybelievenowthatsometimesahurtorheartbreakis
sobad,youcan'tbehelped.Likeaterminalillness.Onlywhenyou'rephysically"unfixalbe"theygiveyouhospice.For
hurtandheartbreak,you'reconsiderweakandnotworthspendingbutsomuchenergyonthembeforegivingup.my
[email protected],pleasewrite...orifyoujustneedasoundingboardortovent....I'm
sosorryforwhatyou'vegonethrough...Atourages,ithurtsworse,lastslonger,anddamagesbadly..Bigwarmhugsis
whatI'msendingyou,somethingthatiswhatIneedmorethananything...buthavenevergottenone...Hangin
there...andhollerifyouneedafriend.Nancy
Link
Julie,
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Ijustrereadmyresponsetoyouandsawallofthetypos...soIhopeyouwereabletounderstandmostofwhatIwas
tryingtosay.RereadingyourpostmademethinkofacoupleofmorethingsIwantedtosay.Youareabsolutelyright
aboutitbeingharder,becauseweloseourdesiretosearh.ortheenergy.Atourage,IknowthatLASTplaceyou'll
findmeisatabar,thewholeinternetdatingthingscaresmetodeath....andmostofourfriendaremarriedorina
commitedrelationshipwithoutalotofsinglepeopleintheirslivestofixusupwith.Atourage,relationshipsdon't
comeknockingatourdoorsoraskustohelptheychoosetherighcutofmeatinthegrocertystore.Soevenour
chancesofmeetingsomeoneatourage,lessensandbecomslesslikely.Ifyoudothetheburstofeneryordesireto
"search"....wheredowedo?Dowestartgoingtofuneralsoftotalstrangersandcheckoutthenewwidow???Andit's
notthesameformen.Idon'tcarewhatanyonesays.Men(mostanyway)seenliketheyalwayshavetohaveawoman
intheirlife.Theybreakup..withinweeks,theyareofendatingagain....theydivorce,withinmonthstheyaremarried
again.....Atourage,whenwelosethemanwereallybelievewastheone,wefeelveryhopeless.andagain,likea
terminallyillpt...wejustwantthepaintostop,evenifthatmeansdyingpeacefullyduringthenight.WhileIthinkI've
workedthroughmostofmysuicdefantasies.....itdoesn'tmakethehurtanyless.Iknowmycommentsprobablydidn't
helporgiveyouanyhope,butitdoeshelptoknowthatthereissomeonethathasbeenthroughittooandundersand
howbadyouhurt.IreallywishIcouldjusthugyouandwecryuntilwecouldn'tcryanymore...knowingwebothknew
whatthetearswereallabout...knowI'mthinkingofyouandwoulddropanythingandeverythingifyouweretowrite
andneededsomeonetotalkto.Hanginthere....ThereisasongthatIhearddrivinghomefromRichmondlastweek.I
literallyhadtostopatBarnesandNoblesbeforeIgothomeandgettheCD...andlistentothesongoverandover
again...allthewayhome.Whileicrieduntilmychesthurt....thewordsalsogavemethefirstrayofhopeI'dfeltsince
allthishappened.Listentoit...maybeitwillhelpyoutoo!!
Hugs,
Nancy
Link
Duh...Iguessthenameofthesongwouldhelp....It'sbyLeonaLewis....it'scalled"BetterwithTime"...I'malso
postingthelyrics.It'sthemostbeautifulsongI'veheardinalongtime.Ilikecountry,blues,bluegrassand
oldies...thisisdefinitlynomykindofmusic...butthewordsreallyhitme...
LeonaLewis
"BetterWithTime
It'sbeenthelongestwinterwithoutyou
Ididn'tknowwheretoturnto
SeesomehowIcan'tforgetyou
Afterallthatwe'vebeenthrough
Goingcoming
ThoughtIheardaknock
Who'stherenoone
ThinkingthatIdeservedit
NowIrealizethatIreallydidn'tknow
Ifyoudidn'tnoticeyoumeanteverything
QuicklyI'mlearningtoloveagain
AllthatIknowisI'mgonnabeok
ThoughtIcouldn'tlivewithoutyou
IknowIt'sgonnahurtwhenithealstoo
It'llallgetbetterintime
EventhoughIreallyloveyou
I'mgonnasmilecauseIdeserveto
Icouldn'tturnontheTV
Withoutsomethingtheretoremindme
Wasitallthateasy
Tojustputasideyourfeeling
IfI'mdreamingdon'twannalaugh
Ithurtsmyfeelingsbutthat'sthepath
Ibelievein
AndIknowtimewillhealitall
Ifyoudidn'tnoticeboyyoumeanteverything
QuicklyI'mlearningtoloveagain
AllIknowisI'mgonnabeok
It'sgonnahurtwhenithealstoo
I'mgonnasmilecauseIdeserveto
Sincethere'snomoreyouandme(Thislaytpartwasthepartthatmeantthemosttome!!!)
It'stimeIletyougo
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SoIcanbefree
Andlivemylifehowitshouldbe
NomatterhowharditisI'llbefinewithoutyou
YesIwill
It'sgonnahurtwhenithealstoo
I'mgonnasmilecauseIdeserveto(yesIdo)
Hopethisgivesyouthelittlejumpofhomeitdidme
Link
Averydifferentkindofsonghelpedmelaughandgetsomeangeroutwhenmygirlfrienddumpedme.Try
checkingoutSamKinison'svideocoverof"WildThing."Thelyricsareallaboutanevilbitchwhoscrewed
himover.Sotherapeauticandfunny.RIPSAM,youwereagenius.
Link
Nancyican'ttellyouwhatyourwordsmeanttome.Ihavebeenprayingforsomepeaceinmyheartandfinally,
oneofmyprayershavebeenanswered.Idon'thavetheenergytosaywhatIwouldliketosaytoyouthis
eveningbutIwillbesendingyousomethingverysoon.Thankyou,Thankyou,ThankyouJulie
Link
Ihopethisemailfindsyouwell.Onceagain,thatyousomuchforwritingtome.Funny,I'vebeensearchingfor
someone,ANYONE,whounderstandswhatI'mgoingthroughandnowI'mjustatalossforwords.Istilldon't
havetheenergytoreallyputintowordsexactlywhatI'mfeelingandmydepressioncertainlyhasastronghold
onme.Idon'twanttolivelikethisbutdon'tknowawayoutofit.SometimesIfeellikeI'mgoingcrazyandmy
mindplayssuchtricksonme.LastsummerwasthebestofmylifesoalthoughIsolookforwardtospring,Iam
worriedwhattheniceweatherandallthosememorieswilldotome.Imisshimsomuchandprayeverydayfora
reconnciliationsoeverydaythatpasseshurtsmemoreandmore.Iknowsofewsinglepeoplearoundmyage
andfrankly,whywouldanymanwantmeiftheoneIthoughtreallylovedmedidn't.....IknowyouknowwhatI
mean.Ididn'tsignupforthisandamstartingtogetangrythatIcan'thavethelifeIwant.Itseemseveryone
elsedoessoitishardtonottakeitpersonally.Ohtohavemyyoungheartbackagainsoresiliantandalways
thoughtsomethingelsewasrightaroundthecorner.Isuredon'tfeelthatanymore!Iwillstopfornowbut
thankssomuchforlisteningtome.Ireallyhaven'ttoldanyonehowmuchIamreallyhurtingandguessIneedto
startgettingitout.SometimesIwouldjustlovetolethimknowwhathehasdonetomebutwhy?hewouldgive
itathoughtandthenjustgoabouthislife....ThanksagaindearHugsbacktoyou,Julie
Link
Julie...I'vebeenwaitinganxiouslytohearthatyourok..sogladtofinallygetaresponse.Iknowwhatyou
meanabouttheweatherandfearofnewmemories..itwillhappen.Istillkeepthinking"thistimelast
year"....andIcrawlbackinsidemydepressionandcryforhours.Everydaybringamemory..andithurts...
hurtslikehell,andit'snotfair.Ijusthavetobelieve....foryouandforme....therehastobesomething
more.Surelywewouldnotbeputthroughallofthispaintocomeoutintheendwithnothing...Funnyhow
it'smucheasiertosayit,thantofeelit...orputmywordsintoaction.Iamgoingbacktocounseling
Monday.IhopeIcanbehonestwiththisone..Ijustwanttofeelateaseinsideagain..I'mnotaskingfor
thatbeautifulfeelingthatlovegivesus..justpeace.IthinkyouprobablyknowwhatImean.Hangin
there...pleaseemailifyouneedme.Wehavetokeepgoing...orwe'llneverknowwhatwemissed....Hugs.
Nancy
Link
I'meighteenyearsoldandhavebeendealingwithheartbreakforsometimenow...WhenIwassevenwemovedfromOregonto
Minnesota.IwasangrywemovedIloveditthereandtothisdayImissmylifethere.Istillhavefriendstherebutwedon'ttalk
much.ThepainisunbearablewhenIreflectonthepast.HowunhappyIamherecomparedtothereIcouldcurlupanddiefrom
thepain.Ijustmissmylifesomuch.Ihaven'tbeenabletomoveonandIliveinthepast.Toexperiencethisonadailybasisis
tearingmeapart...HereIalsohavehadrelationshipsbutIcan'tseemtocommitmyselftoanyoneoranythingforfearoflosing
it.Butihavetakenachancewithoneperson.HewasmybestfriendandhemademehappyandIstartedtolooktowardsthe
future.ThenwhenthingswerefinallylookingupformethingswentbadsoquicklyandIlostmybestfriendnowthingsare
worsethanever.I'mnotsureifIcangothroughlivingmelifelikethiswhenmyheartisconstantlyinpain.WhenIllooktowards
thefutureIcanhonestlysayitdoesn'tlooktohopefulforme.
Link
38/76
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readthisarticle...
http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchiveendofarelati...
iwishi'dfounditmonthsago...
Link
readthisarticle...
http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchiveendofarelati...
iwishi'dfounditmonthsago...
Link
Honestly,exercisealittlerestraint.Thereisnosuchthingastheperfectlove,sodon'ttryandmakeitlikethat.Berealistic,and
thenyoucanbehappy.
Link
Hello,Iamoneyearoutofan19yearmarriage.Mywifehadcheatedseveraltimesbefore.Thistimeshefoundsomeonethat
movedherin.Sheleftmeandmytwoteenboys.Ihavehadmeandthemincounsilingforayearnow.Ithasntworkedforme.
Thepainisnotasbadbut,Istillloveandmissherverymuch.YouknowtheoldsayingdomewrongonceshameonyouDome
wrongtwiceshameonme?WellAsmanytimesasshecreatedIjustcouldntletgo.SheisBipolarandsheusedthisasher
crutchforyears.Wellnowthekidswonttalktoherandshedoesntwanttotalktome.IdofeelbetterbutjustliketonightIfelt
sodown.IknowIcouldntkillmyselfcauseIstillhavemyboystoraisebutthepaindoesgetbadformesometimes.Wonder
whyIcantjustlethergooutofmymind?ItslikeI'maddictedtoherorsomething.Shewasalwaysprettytomebutatherage
of43shehaslostalotofherbeauty.ThatswhyIfeellikeItruelylovedher.IfeellikeIgaveherthebestyearsofmylife.Ifeel
likenowIwilllivetherestofmylifesinglebecauseIcannevertrustanyoneagain.
Link
DavidGreene(notverified)|03/13/11|22:23PM
David...Iunderstandyourfeelingswell.Ican'tseemtoletgoeither.EventhoughIknowit'sthebestthingtodoalltheway
around.Checkoutasitecalledexaholics.com
Itmightbehelpfulforyou..
Nancy
Nancy(notverified)|03/14/11|08:20AM
Link
Itsnicetoknowimnotalone.Imgoingthroughheartbreakrightnowandiveneverfeltanythinglikeit.Hetoldmehelovedme
andibeleivedhim.Ibeleivedallthethingshesaidandallthethingswetalkedaboutdoingandnowitsalldownthedrain.It
wasallfornothing.Iliterallygavemyselftohim,inseveralways.Andhejustdumpedmefourdayslater!Howcananyofit
havemeantanythingtohim??Ifhecanjustthrowmeoutlikelastweek'strashandhaveanewgirlfriendthenextday?Its
killingmeIcanttakethispainIwouldntwishthisonanyone.I'veneverbeenactuallydepressedbeforenowbutijustsawwhat
thesymptomsofdepressionareandivegoteveryoneexceptalcoholabuse.Iveneverbeeninlovebeforeandiwassaving
myselffortheoneandithoughthewas.Heknewhowimportantthosethingsweretomeandhesaidhecaredbutheclearly
didnotreallygiveashit.Ithurtssobad.Ifounditinterestingthatthebraincanttellthedifferencebetweenheartbreakand
physicalpain.BecausethereisnodoubtingthatthisrighthereisasbadasanyphysicalpainIvehad.Hedumpedmeforsome
chickhebarelyknows,whohasafrickenkidbytheway.Iswear,IvenecerhatedanyonethatIdontevenknowsomuch.She
betterhopeweneverrunintoeachotherandsheisntpreggoorshedoesnthaveherkidwithher.BecauseIwontbeableto
controlmyselfIwillkickherass.Idontcarehowmucholdersheisthanme,shesprettysmall.
Hewillprobablyneverknowwhathe'sdonetome.Andhe'ssoconfusinghestillwantstobe"closefriends"eventhoughhe
neverdoesthatwithanyofhisex'ssoIdontknowwhyhecaresandthenalsohegavemetheseringswhenweweretogether
andwhenhethoughtIgotridofthemhegotpissedandIdontknowwhyhewouldevencareanymore.
Ijustcantstopthinkingaboutallthegoodtimesandeverythingwedidandallthosethingshesaid.Ialwaystoldmyselfiwould
neverletmyselfgetsoclosetosomeonesothatIwouldneverhavetoknowhowthisfeels.ButIwasstupidandIdiditanyway.
AndwhatsworseisIhadgottenclosetohisfamilytootowheretheywerelikeasecondfamilytomeandhejusttookthatfrom
metoo.Everybodyissayingitwillgetbetterandyouwillgetoveritandmaybethatstruebutitsalsotruethatwhenthepainis
theworst,itfeelslikeitisgoingtolastforever.Allthepromisseshebrokeallthelieshetold...manImsostupid.
WellIdidntreallyexpecttowritesomuchbutmaybeitwaskindofgoodformetovent.Improbablyjustbeingalittleselfish
butireallycanthelpitIhaveneverbeensohurt.='[
Link
Kaitlyn(notverified)|04/03/11|09:26AM
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I'msogladIcameonthissite/forum.JustbyreadingyourpostIrealizedhowourstoriesaresosimilar.Imeantothe
exact.I'vebeenwithmyexbfforabout21/2yrsit'sveryheartbreakingwhensomeoneyouoncetrustedwithyourlife,your
bestfriend,andsoulmatecouldeverbetrayyou.Thismanneverboughtanythingtothetable.He'sneverworkedandstill
livesathome,nordoeshecontributetoanythingathisownhome.Iontheotherhandamverycontent,careerdriven,
nurturingandverycarefree.HeandIwerecompletelyoppositelikenightandday.Whilehe'sasocialbutterfly,binge
drinksandpartieswaytoomuchforhisage32.Iwasalwaysworkinglonghours,payingbills,cooking,cleaningetc....I
knewIwascompletelydifferentfromallthegirlshedated.I'mnotamodel,pornstarorbargirl(thesearethetypeof
girlshedates)I'mjusta29yearhomebodied,conservativegirlwithmorals.NeedlesstosayI'mnotjudginganyoneandI
apologizeinadvanceifIoffendedanyone.AnywaythismanhasputmethroughsomuchandIcanhonestlysayit'ssohard
accept.I'vedevotedmyself,sanity,moneyandeverythingelsetothisperson.Yethehadtheaudacitytocheatonme.Not
justonceortwicebut3xs.Ican'tbaretheagonyofitanylonger.ThislastbetrayalisbyfartheworstIcouldever
experience.Iknowwhatyou'rethinking....foolmeonceshameonyou,foolmetwiceshameonme.....yesshameonme.I
followedmyheartthinkingandhopinghe'llchange.Hepromisedmeandledmetobelievethatitwouldneverhappen
again.BoyIwaswrong.....heusesmycartogoanddohisdirtydeedandontopofthatheexpectsmetoputmoneyinhis
pocketbecausehe'sentitledtoitbeingthatIlovehim.Itookitreallyhardthistimearoundbecausehe'sbeencheating
withthisbargirlforabout1yearnow.Nottosoundshalloworanythingbutshehadan11yroldchildandshe'sjusta35yr
oldbarladythatdresseslikeoneofthemjersyliciousdivas.Hillarious!!!Shenewaboutmyexistencefromthebeginning
yetshepursuedmybf.HowIcaughtthemwasprettyhurtfulandI'mgladIdid.ItansweredallthequestionsIhadandit
piecedeverythingtogether.Awholeentireyear.....Itrustedthismanandgavehimthebenefitofthedoubt.Iallowedhim
backintomylifetimeaftertime.....itwashis32bdayandhehadmentionedthathewasgoingrentahotelwithhis
"buddies"soIsaidok.ForsomereasonIwantedtogobarhoppingthatsamenightandIdid.Somethingtoldmetovisita
particularbar....myintuitionwasverystrongatthemoment.IalreadyhadafeelingaboutthisOWformonths,heardabout
herbecausehementionedhername,wheresheworksandwhoshewastohim.(justafriend)soanywayIsawhiscar
parkedonthesideoftheroadandIalreadyknew.Iwantedtoseeitinperson,justtovalidatemysuspicions.Sureenough
asIapproachedandenteredtheestablishmentIsawhimsittinginthecorner.AsthebartendertookmydrinkordersI
askedhertosendashottomybf'sway.SoonenoughthatsamebartenderapproachedandaskmewhoIwastothatguyI
justboughtadrinkfor?Areyouhisgirlfriend?Isaidyeswe'vebeendatingfor21/2yearswelivetogether.Herface
droppedandthenshesaidwellI'vebeenseeinghimfor9monthsalreadyandgotpregnant3xs.Helaterwalkedoverto
meandaskwhatIwasdoinghere.HedemandedIleaveandsaidIwasverygutsyforpullingastuntlikethis.Icouldtell
hewaslostforwords.....it'slikeadeerinaheadlight.Iwassohurtandsaidtohim"sothisisyourhotelgetaway".....he
choseherinfrontofmeandtoldmeheneverlovedmeandwantstobewithher.Iwasdevastated.Hesaidthemeanest
thinghecouldeversaytome.Itwaslikehebecameatotallydifferentperson.Soonafteronmywayhome,itfinally
registeredtomewhathadhappened......Iprocessedeverythingthatjusthappenedandthoughtaboutallthosetimeshe
wentoutwithhisfriends,latenightrendezvous,he'llsneakoutat3/4inhemorning.Imeanjusteverythingallthelies.It
allmadesensetome.IbrokedownandcriedsohardtothepointwhereIfeltlikewassomeaninglessatthemoment.My
worldwasgoneandcrumbledasifIhadnosoul.ThelastpersonIthoughtwouldbetheretoprotectmehaschosen
anotherpath.Iwantedtojustdieatthemoment.Ijumpedoutofthecarwhilemygfwasdrivingmehomeandliterally
attemptedtojumpoffthecliff.Buthearinghervoicehowscaredshewasandtraumatizingit'llbeforher,Icouldn'tput
herthroughthat.Ididn'twanthertolivewiththatguiltsoIcalmeddownandcamebacktothecarwithher.Wecame
backtohishouseandstartedtopack.Ididn'tknowwhereIwasgoingbutIknewIhadtoleave.Hedidn'thaveanything
elsetosaytomeexcept"youdidthistoyourself"thentomakemefeelworsehecallsherwhilei'mpackingtotellherthat
i'mleaving.Howhe'ssosorrytoheretc.Wowreallyareyoufuckingserious.Heexplainedhimselftoherandwantedto
workitout.AtthatmomentIbecameweak.IcrumbledandasIwasdonepackingIcouldn'tfindmyselftoleave.SoI
stayed.....laterinthemorningweheardthedoorbellrang.Hisnieceansweredthedoorandcametoourroomandtoldme
thatthere'sapoliceofficer.SoIattendedtohimwonderingwtfisgoingonatthisearlyinthemorning.Iaskedcalmly
whatandwhy?ThenhesayssomeonehademailsomethingonFBstatingthatsomeoneinyourhouseholdwerebeing
abusedbyherbf?AreyouMiss_____?I'mlikeyesIamandnoI'mnotbeingabused.Iwillneverinamillionyearsemailor
postanythinglikethatforeveryonetoknowmybusiness.I'mwaytodistraughttoeventakemytimetoemailorpost
anythingforthatmatter.Sothentheofficeraskedforthebf,hewantedtoquestionusseperately.SoIhadtowakehim
up.Duringquestioning,theyhadtorunhisnameintheirdatabasetoseeifhehadanyoutstandingwarrants.Turnsouthe
didsotheyhadtotakehim.Idon'tknow,howandwhythishappenedorwhatthemotiveswerebutheblamesmeforhis
arrest.WehadtopostbailanhourlatersoIhadtofigureouthowIwasgonnagetthemoney.Ionlyhadafewhundred
andhadtogooutofmywaytoborrowfromsomeoneelse.WhileIwasdoingthatI'mthinkingwtfamIdoing?WhyamI
doingthisforhimwhenitshouldbetheotherwoman?ButIdiditanywaybecauseIstilllovehimdeeply.Afterallthat
chaoswecamehomeandtalked......ImeanwetalkedforhoursandthenItoldhim
Ineededtoleave.Ibookedforthefirstflightouttoleave.Icouldn'tbarethepainofbeingonthesameareawithhim.He
thenrealizedwowthisisreallyhappening,suchadramaticchange.TheIloveyousandI'msorriescameout.Hebeganto
havesecondthoughts.AsmuchasIwantedtochangemymindandcancelmyflightIcouldn't.Ileftthefollowingmorning.
Itwasthehardestgoodbyeever.OnmywaytotheairportandduringmyconnectingflightIcriedsohard.IfiguredI
neededtogetawaytoclearmymindbecauseitwassocloudyIcouldn'tthinkstraight.Wetalkedalmosteverynightwhile
Iwasaway.Hetellsmehelovesmeandmissesmeandhowhecan'twaittoseeme.Thentherewouldbedaysthathe
won'tcalltextoranswemycalls,Ialreadyknewthathehadgonetoseeher.Thatdrovemecrazy.Thenwhenhedoescall
Ifeelbetterlikenothingelsematters.UpuntilthepointIcouldn'ttakeitanymore.IbecamehomesickbecauseIfeltlikeI
leftwithoutclosure.Iranawayfromeverythingandeveryone.Withnomoney,Iusedmylastfewhundredstobailhimout
ofjail.Ihadtocomebackhome.Hedidn'twantmeto......yetIdid10dayslater.Whenhepickedmeupheseemeddistant
andcold.Wetalkedandsaidokwecanworkthisout.Let'sdothissowedid.AfeeweekswentbyandIfeltlikethiswas
toogoodtobetrue.Icouldreadhimsowell.....upuntilwe'rewithhisfriendrunningerrandsandhisfriendhadaskedto
usehisphone.AshewasdoneIsawanopportunitytogothroughhisphone.....yesIdidthenono.Iwentthroughhistext
messagesandtookdowntheOWsnumber.Isawnudephotosofthemetc.....Ibecamebrokenalloveragain.SoIcalled
herandtoldhereverything,shethoughtIwasaway.ItoldherIcamebackbecauseweareworkingitout.Ieven
forwardedhistextmessagestomeetc.....IconfrontedhimandtoldhimthatIwentthroughhisphone.Boyohboywashe
upset.OhwellwhattheheckIdon'tcareatthispoint.AshecalmeddownhesaidsorryIhadtoseeitandaskedifIhad
spokentoher.Ideniedit.Laterthatday,shehadcalledhim,talked,questionedthenendedtheirrelationship.Acoupleof
weekswentbyagain,IknewsomethingwasupsoIcalledher.Sheadmittedthatit'shardtojustwalkawayfromsomeone
you'vedevelopedfeelingsfor.Iwasspeechless,butshetoldmeeverything.Hewasstillseeingherbehindmyback.....I
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confrontedhimandhesaysheneedstimetobreakawayfromher.Itrustedhimandsaidok....nowamonthwentbyand
somethingtellsmethatthisiswaytoogoodtobetrue.SoItextedheragainandnowshetellsmeidkwhatistrueand
whatisrealanymoreifyouwantthetruthyoushouldreadhisfb.SoIdid,Ihadtoaskafriendtousetheirfbbecausehe
hadblockedme.Hehaspostedsongsanddedicatedtohersayingthathelovesherandshe'shis#1.Iwasfuriousand
madehimtakeitdown.Sohedid,andtoldmethatwe'regonnaworkthroughthisandmakeitworkbetweenus.....another
monthpassedyetIfeltthathewasn'tbeing100%becauseallthosetextmessagescamepouringin.He'salwayonhis
phoneandalwaysuseshisfriendsasanexcusetogoout.Ididn'tsayanythingbecauseIneededtomakesurethatifI
attackedhimwithmysuspicionsIneededmoreammo.OnenightasIcamehomefromhangingoutwithmyfriends,Isat
downandhisphonewentoffwithtextmessagesfromhertheOW.I'mlikewtfwhyisshestillcontactingyou?Ithought
yousaidshewasdonewithyou?Excusescamepouringoutandmindyounotthiswas2:30inthemorning.Thefinallyit
cameouthesaystome"Ican'tdothisanymore,Ican'ttakeit,it'sdoneI'moverit""ifyouwanttoleavethenleave,I've
beenfeeligthiswayforsolongandIdon'tfeelthesamewayaboutyouanymore"Icouldtellhemeantthatandithurtsso
badbecauseIwentinthiswhole,Iworemyheartonmysleevesandonceagainhecrushedme.Headmittedto
seeingherthiswholeentiretime.Hestillblamesmeforallthis.....he'sbeenstringingmealongplayingyoyowithmeandI
can'ttakethatpainanylongerhetellsmelovesmeandpromisedthatifweworkeditoutthistimehewillneverdome
wrongagain.I'vebeengoingthroughhisphonenotoncebuttwicenowrecentlyandallthatheexpressedtomewasjust
togetmetostay.He'sbeenexpressinghislovetotheOWandhowbewantstostartafamily.Imeannothingtohimand
thatIamintheprocessofmovingoutanyway.Hepromisesherthathewantstogethislifetogethersotheycanstart
theirfuture.DevastatingIsay?Indeed,myemotionshavebeenarollercoasterandIcan'teat,sleepordoanything.My
heartwantshimsobadbutmymindistellingmethathe'sbeenovermeforsolong.Sleepingnexttohimatnightisthe
hardest.Wehavenophysicalcontactwhatsoever.AsI'mreadingeveryone'spostIatleastgainedsomepieceofmind.I'm
thinkingoutsidetheboxandrealizedevenifIstayedwithhimthiscouldbeongoingforever.Ican'tlivelifeofalways
beingworried.EachtimehewalksoutthatdoorIknowhe'sgoingtoseeher.Hemakesalotofeffortandgoesoutofhis
waytolietomejustfortheOW.He'sneverdoneanythinglikethatforme.IthurtsbecauseI'veinvestedmylove,timeand
patiencewithhim.Hisfamilymeanseverythingtome.It'sbeenatoughyear,Iwaslaidoffearlyonthisyear,mycargot
repo,mymotherdisownsmeandneverwantstotalktomeandnowIlostmybftotheOW.I'matrockbottom,thelowest
ofalllowsinmylife.WithallthisIwasstillabletosupporthimwithmycheckandpayforthingsandprovideallIcouldto
keephimhappy.NowIcanhonestlysaythatI'mreadytolethimgo.IthurtssobadbutIrealizedthatnomatterwhatIdo
orsayhe'sgonnacontinuetohurtme.Andthesayingdoesgo"whenyoulovesomeonesomuchyouletthemgo,because
iftheyweremeanttobetheywillreturn"Ireallydon'tthinkIcaneverbewithhimagainbecauseit'sbeenwaytopainful.
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You'renotalone......ithurtslikehell.You'rerighthe'llprobablyneverknoworunderstandwhathe'sdonetoyou.Ifhe's
narcisstichedoesn'tevencare....ThepainwillgetbetterKaitlyn,intime.Yourheartwillprobablyneverbethesame,butyou'll
beok.
Hugs.
Link
It'sinterestingformetoreadthis.I'vealwaysbeenquiteananalyticalperson,verygrounded.I'dneverseenwhatthefusswas
aboutuntilmaybeaboutayearago,whenaguyutterlybloodyflooredme.Seriously.WhenIrealisedIlovedhim,itwaslike
beinghitbyatrain.NotthatI'dknow.Hasanyoneherebeenhitbyatrain?Wecouldcomparenotes.
Well,longandboringstoryshort,Iwasdumped.Inperhapsthenicestwayanyoneeverhasbeendumped,butdumped
nonetheless.I'malsosobusythatIhavetoscheduleappointmentstofeedmydamncat,Theonethingis,evenwhenI'mnot
thinkingaboutit,thereisadeepphysicalachejustabovemydiagram.EvenwhenI'mtakingaction,tryingtobepositive,and
therestofyourDr.Phil/dimestoreselfhelpbookmalarkey,it'sstillthere.Kindofatuggingache,likeaseveremusclepainthe
dayafterareallylongworkout.Ihavetosleepwithahotwaterbottleclutchedtomychest,otherwise,Idon'tsleep.It'sbeen
aboutfourweeks.ShouldIbeworried?I'vealsolost7lbsintwoweeks,whileconsumingsomuchchocolatethatI'mprettysure
I'vedepriveaSouthAmericancountryoftheircocoabeanharvestfortheyear.
Ihopeit'sfairtrade.
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Joni(notverified)|04/21/11|14:33PM
Link
Tellmeaboutit.Imyselfamaveryanalyticalpersonandalsobeendumpedinprobablynotsoniceway.Igothroughthe
sameemotionslikeyou.Iamnotdepressedoranythingbuttheacheisthere.Somewhere.Itkeepscomingupwithout
permission:D.Sleepproblemshavebeenlessinmycasebutitwasjustoncewhenigotanemailfrommyexthaticouldnt
sleepthenight.Afterthatnoproblemsactually.Itsbeen3weeksnowinmycasebutstilltheacheisthere.Itseemslike
somethingiskeepingmefromdoingmynormalchores.Thatsomethingcouldbemebutneverthelessitstherewhichgets
meworriedtoo.Ihopeyouaredoingwellnow...Iguesstimewillonlyhealeverything.Wheneveroldmemoriespopup,ido
nottryandsuppressthem.Ijustacknowledgethemandtryandgetaclosuresayingyesthatwasgood,butthereisthis
reasonwhyitdidntworkout.Inthebeginningitwasveryoften.Nowsomeofthosememoriesdontcomeback.Thenthere
arethesenegativeaspectsofmyexsidewhichcomeandeventhoughihatedwellingonthose,theyhelpmemoveon,
thinkingthewomanwhowassoselfishintheend,couldnothavebeentherightpersonbecausethisisnotwhatithinkof
myrightpartner.Basicallyifeellikeihavebeenused.Istuckthroughherdifficulttimesandwhenhergoinggotbetter,
shedumpedme.Notforanotherperson,butforwantofanewcareerdirectioninadifferentcity.Solifeisunfair.Ithurts,
butthatshowitis.Thebestwayistoconfrontthefeelingsandnotsuppressthemiguess...
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thankstothepersonundermylastpost:)andyeahifigurediwouldbeoveritevennow(especiallybynow)becauseialways
am,butthenilljustbemindingmyownbusinessdoinganythingandsomethingremindsmeofhimandifindmyselffighting
tearsagain.ughitsnotevenfair.ohandhahaiwishithadbeenagoodbreakup,buthediditovertext,andthenliedtome
aboutthereasons.ihadtofindoutfromamutualfriendafewdayslaterthatitwasactuallybecausehemetanotherchick.
suregladtoknowiwasntgoodenoughtogetthetruthevenattheendofitall.andistillcantlistentooursong,whichsucks
becauseitreallyisagoodsong.butitjusthurtstoomuch.wellsorrytocontinuecomplainingonceagain,butiguessitdoes
somegoodtogetitout,especiallybecauseicantusuallybecausemyfriendsaresotiredofhearingitandtheyjusthatehim
anddontgetwhyicantjustforgetabouthimbecauseofwhathedidtome.iguesstheyjustdontgetthatitstoohardtojust
forgetthefirstpersonyoueveractuallylovedandwhomyougaveyourselfto.ohimrantingagain:Panywaythanksagainand
imgonnagonow
Kaitlyn(notverified)|04/22/11|12:52PM
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Nextweekwewillhaveanewarticleonthephysiologyof'heartbreak'andrecenteffortstotreatit.Itshouldbe
goodstuff.
HankCampbell|04/22/11|13:08PM
Link
Hello,
Iam32andmyboyfriendof31/2yearsjustbrokeupwithmelastnight,onEaster.Wespentthedaytogetherattheparkwith
thedogandthen,BAM,hehad"badnews"heismovingout.Iwasimmediatelyinshock,thenbrieflyangry,butnowIaminso
muchpainIcan'tevendescribe.Itispurehell.WhenIwokeupthismorningandIrememberedthatitwasn'talladream,Ihad
apanicattack.TodayIhadanotherone,myhandsweretinglyandIcouldn'tmovemyfingers.Ibeggedhimtoreconsiderbuthe
saidhisdecisionhasbeenmade.Imovedtoadifferentcity3yearsagotobewithhim,andIdon'treallyhaveanyfriendshere,
andmyfamilyisfaraway.ThepainIfeelissocrushing!TodayItriedtotakeawalktomakemyselffeelbetterbutendedup
fantasizingaboutrunninginfrontoftraffic.Iamfindingithardtobreathe.Ihavebeenheartbrokenbeforeanditwasalsohell,
butifIcouldgetthroughthat,IhopeIcanalsogetthroughthis.However,lasttimeIdidcutmyself,whichtemporarilygaveme
relief.Iwonderifloveisreallyworthitafterall.Ifthisiswhatcanhappen,Idon'tthinkso.Iwoulddoanythingrightnowto
makethispaingoaway,andIkeepwonderinghowlongitwilllast.Months?Thethoughtoffeelinglikethisformonthsisnot
goingtowork.Help!Icoulduseafriendreallyreallybad!!!!!
Margaret(notverified)|04/25/11|21:51PM
Link
Margaret,
Thissoundssoterrible.Howareyoudoingnow?Ihopethatyou'vefoundthataftersometimehaspasseditiseasierto
breathe.Iremembermyworstbreakuplayingonmybed,notmovingforhours,cryingoffandon,notbeingabletosleep,
andhavingthisintensepaininmychestthatmadeitsohardtobreathe.Imadeitthrough,andyou'vedoneitbefore
yourself.Takeitdaybyday,hourbyhourifyouhaveto.Don'tfeelbadifyouhavetostopwhatyou'redoingandcryorsit.
Letyourselfgrieveforyourrelationship,foryouhopesanddreamsthatyoucreatedwithyourboyfriend.
Pleasepostanupdate!
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Thankyoualotforthis"healing"article.Itiskindofhelpingmerightnow,afterreadingallthestories,IhaverealizedthatIam
nottheonlyonesuffering.IhopetomorrowmorningIwillsay"itwasjustabaddream",eventhoughitwasn'tsobad.The
biggestproblemisthatIdonnotknowexactlyforwhomamIgrieving,formybforforthatlovelyboyImetrecently.The
biggestproblemisthatwealllivein3differentcities,somaybemeetingsomeonejustremindedmeofhowmuchIloveand
missmybf,ornot.Itsohardformerightnow,andIamtotallyconfused.
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Iamreallytornuprightnow.ToprovemypointIkeepgettingdistractedbysitesthattalkabouthowtodealwithheartbreak.
Meandheraren'ttogetheranymoreanditseatingmeawayrightnow.IfeelhopelesseventhoughIknowIshouldn't,lifestill
goesonandIcanseewhereweweren'tcompatiblebutthatdoesn'tmeanIdidn'twantittobe.ImeanwhattheFUCK.Ican
sayhowmanytimesIwishedthatitwashermedicinechanginghermoodorsomethinglikethat.ShehasherproblemsandI
wasalwaystheretohelpherwiththem.Iwanttobeneededbysomeone.Ithinkthatiswhatskillingmethemost.Thefactthat
Ihadsomebodytosharemyfeelingswithandalsohavethemsharetheirfeelingswithme.I'msolitaryinthatregard.Ijust
don'tliketosaywhatmyheartisfeelingunlessitstosomeonereallyclosetome.I'mgladIfinallystartmyjobheresoon
becausethislonelinessiskillingmerightnow.I'mnothungry,I'mtired.Iwantnormalcy.Iwantherbackbuttoafraidtotry,
becauseIknowitwouldfallapartbecauseofthesamereasonbefore.Sheblameditonherself,herproblems.Shesaidthatshe
wouldprobablydiealone,andIbelieveherifshebelievesthatshecan'tformlastingbonds.Ifeellikeitsaeasyasconvincing
herthatshejusthastoacceptwhatis,ratherthanwhatisn't.ThethingisIknowshesnotevengoingtogooutandgoonthe
prowlforotherpeople,whichIfeelthatshouldbecomfortingtomebutIcareabouthersoallsIwantisforhertobehappy.
Damnthiscaringshit,itswhatgotmehereinthefirstplace.
Nick(notverified)|06/03/11|10:03AM
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Thankyouforthearticleandthecomments.Theguywhowroteaboutbeingheartbrokensince2001scaredmebecauseIt's
been3yearssincemyrelationshipwentdownthetubesandIamworriedaboutthetimeit'stakingmetoheal.
Iwasbestfriendswithaguyforyears.HewasinterestedinmeandsaidalltherightthingsuntilIgaveinandbegunalong
distancerelationshipwithhim.IhadahardtimetrustinghimbecausehealwaystalkedthetalkbutnevercamethroughsoI
beguntoholdbackayearintotherelationship.Hewantedmarriagebecausehesaidhisparentswantedhimtosettledownand
thatitdidn'tmatterwhowithbecausehewouldgrowtolovewhoeverhechose.Ididn'tthinkitwasagoodenoughreasonto
marry.Ayearlaterhemarriedanoldgirlfriendbutupuntilhegotmarriedhehadbeentalkingaboutplanningafuturewithme.
IwassohurtbythewaythingsplayedoutandthewayIfoundout.IwasdepressedformonthsonendbutIwasresolutethatI
wouldgetbetterandmoveon,whichIdid.Everythingwasgoingwellformewhenalmostayearlaterhedidsomethingreally
hurtfulwhichhadabiggerimpactthantheoriginaldrama.ItisthenthatIcrumbled.
Somehow,IamnotangryathimbutratheratmyselfandIamquestioningthepurposeofmyexistance.Thishasdarkenedmy
outlookandIfeellikealostshipoutatsea.IfeelasthoughsomethinginmeisbrokenandwillNEVERbefixedagain.Ihave
beenseeingatherapist,talkingtochurchcounsellors,familyfriendsandIstillfeeldesolate.Iamsuicidalandtheonlything
holdingmebackistheimpactsuchanactionwouldhaveonmyfamily.SometimesI'llbedrivingalongandIcanalmosthearmy
voicetellingmetoputthepedaltothemetalandenditall.IhaveproblemssleepingsoI'vetakentogoingforlongwalkslate
intothenightonmyownit'salmostasifi'mbeggingsomeonetoendthismiserablelifeofmine.Theonlythingkeepingmein
thehere&nowapartfrommyfamilyisthefaithIhaveinGod,buteventhatishardatimes.Ihavestoppedtalkingtopeople
abouttheincidentandeveryonethinksimok,buttruthbetoldi'mreachingtheendofmytether.
HowdoIgetMEback???Doesthismeani'mgoingtobeoneofthoseunluckyoneswhoendupbeingdepressedfortherestof
theirlives.Ifthat'sthecase,whycontinuefightingtostayalivedayinanddayout???Ihavegivenmyselduntiltheendofthe
yearandIsimplyrefusetogoonifthisisthewayitsgoingtobe.
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'Ihavebeenseeingatherapist,talkingtochurchcounsellors,familyfriendsandIstillfeeldesolate.Iam
suicidalandtheonlythingholdingmebackistheimpactsuchanactionwouldhaveonmyfamily.
SometimesI'llbedrivingalongandIcanalmosthearmyvoicetellingmetoputthepedaltothemetaland
enditall.IhaveproblemssleepingsoI'vetakentogoingforlongwalkslateintothenightonmyownit's
almostasifi'mbeggingsomeonetoendthismiserablelifeofmine.Theonlythingkeepingmeinthehere
&nowapartfrommyfamilyisthefaithIhaveinGod,buteventhatishardatimes.Ihavestoppedtalkingtopeopleabout
theincidentandeveryonethinksimok,buttruthbetoldi'mreachingtheendofmytether'.
HiAnonymous,I'msorrytohearthatyouarefeelingsuicidalandreachingtheendofyourtetherandthateveryonethinks
thatyouareOK,whenyouarenot.Hopefullyyouareawarethatmanycountrieshaveanonymouscrisistelephonehotlines
whicharephonenumbersthatpeoplecancalltogetimmediate,usuallyfree,overthephoneemergencycounseling,by
trainedvolunteers?Maybeitwouldhelptotalkanonymouslytooneofthesesuicidecounselors?Thesehotlineswere
Initiallysetuptohelpthosecontemplatingsuicide,butmanyhaveexpandedtheirmandatetodealmoregenerallywith
emotionalcrises.ThereisalistofworldwidecrisistelephonenumbersonWikipediaat
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crisis_hotline#List_of_crisis_hotlineshopethishelpsandthatyoufeelbettersoonand
definitelybeforetheendoftheyear.
My5minfilm'HiddenDangersforALS'entryintheAAN#2015NeurofilmFestivalislistedno.23of65entriesat
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYNSC2T2aPD7GH6pVWI7I6DjzwbbBKCWK
Link
HelenBarratt|06/19/11|22:49PM
Iknowhowyoufeel.It'scominguponayearsinceTandIbrokeup....andIhavebeenthroughallbuttheangerandacceptance
stagesofgrief.Imisshimmoreeverydayandstilllovehim,evenafterhe'streatingmesocruel,sincewebrokeup.Youdolearn
tolaughagain...andyoustarttoliveagain,butforme,nothingisthesame.Nothing.EverythingIdomakesmethinkofhimand
wishhewerethere.Anewrelationshipforme,rightnowisimpossible,andsinceI'monlygettingolder,probablywillnever
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happenagain.Nottomention,Idon'teverwanttogothroughthisagain,soIdoubtI'deverallowanyonetogetclosetome
again.Ireadthatscientistsareworkingonapilloraprocedurethatcanerasepainfulmemories.Like"EternalSunshineofthe
SpotlessMind".....Iwanttobetheirguineapig.....willingtotryanything.Livemoveson,sowehaveto.Youmusterasmileand
gothroughtheday.Noonehastoknowyou'remiserableinside.
Nancy(notverified)|06/06/11|10:34AM
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myheartbrokein2008.itsjustthefuctthatsomepeoplemayfellreallyinloveonlyonce.thatsjustwhathappenedtome.i
dontknowwhattodo.whenhetoldmeheneverlovedmeandhewasjustpretendingifeltlikesomeoneputedhishandinmy
chestandtookoutmyheart.iwasjustalivingdeadfor2yearsandtheonlythinkthatmademefeelgoodwasjustseeinghim.
buthehadarelationshipandwhentheyweretogetherandiwasthereasafriendiwascryinginsideandwantedtodie.ihad
tostopthisandsoidid.ihaventseenhimfor2yearsnowbutifeelempty.idontfindnothinginteresting.evenwheniam
happyiamnotreallyhappy.iampretending.iamsometimesthinkingofswisidebutiamthinkingalsothepeopleiwillleave
behind.thepeoplethattrullyloveme,myfamily.thelastyeariwasok.iwastryingtofindaboyfriendbutidontfindinterestto
anyone.butthelastmonthssomethingishappeningtome.idontwanttogoforsleepcauseiamhavingnightmaresofhim.i
amdesperate.idontknowwhattodo.pleasehelpme....
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ThanksNancyforrespondingtomeAnon06/06.Iguessinawayi'mluckybecauseIdonotlovehimanymoreandifhewereto
reappearinmylifeIwouldnotgivehimthetimeofday.Irecognisewhathappenedhadnothingtodowithloveandeverything
todowithsomeonewhowassoscaredofbeingalonehelatchedontoanyavailablewoman.Iboughtintohissicknessandnow
i'mdealingwithit.Mymainproblemisthatthishaschangedmyoutlookandattitudetowardslifeandpeople.Ialwayshada
hardtimetrustingpeoplebutnowit'sevenworse.Iseesomanypeopledoingsomanyhorriblethings,somanythingsgoing
wronginlifeandithinkwhybother.IguessI'mtiredofitallbutfornowi'lltakeyouradviceandkeepsmiling.
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ThanksNancyforrespondingtomeAnon06/06.Iguessinawayi'mluckybecauseIdonotlovehimanymoreandifhewereto
reappearinmylifeIwouldnotgivehimthetimeofday.Irecognisewhathappenedhadnothingtodowithloveandeverything
todowithsomeonewhowassoscaredofbeingalonehelatchedontoanyavailablewoman.Iboughtintohissicknessandnow
i'mdealingwithit.Mymainproblemisthatthishaschangedmyoutlookandattitudetowardslifeandpeople.Ialwayshada
hardtimetrustingpeoplebutnowit'sevenworse.Iseesomanypeopledoingsomanyhorriblethings,somanythingsgoing
wronginlifeandithinkwhybother.IguessI'mtiredofitallbutfornowi'lltakeyouradviceandkeepsmiling.
Link
Thankyouforwritingthisirealizethattheresmoretolifethandepression..
ihadbeendatingmyexfor4monthsabout2weekstillour5thmonthandshedtoldmeshehadlovedme,overthe4monthsi
foundoutshehadliedtomeaboutbreakingupwithmetoflirtwithotherguys.Irelentlesslytookherbackblindedbylove,
Thenigotparanoidandsheendedupgettingpissedatmeaboutit,ifixeditandthenshethoughtithoughtshewascheating
onmeandshedidnttellmeherfriendtoldmeshewantedtobreakup!andiwaslikewhat?!andijustwasfeelingheartbreak
rightwhenshesentmethatinaTEXT!notevencaredenoughtocallme?!andshemovedonrightwhenshebrokeupwith
me..NowsheshappyandimAlonedepressedinmydarkroomwithonlymythoughtsaboutandthinkingofsuicide...MyfirstLove
andshebrokemyheartandidneverexpectit...Ivebeenupseteversince...Imadeapromisetoherthatiwouldntjointhat
Marines...Wellimjoiningcauseshebrokeherpromise...Nevertoleaveme..Eventhoughitookherbackeverytimesheleftme..
Ididntthinkwithmyheadandshetookadvantageofme..iwasjustappauleddistraughtandnowimstilldepressed..Icontain
myemotions..IputasmileonforeveryoneandijustwanttotakeagunandwriteheranoteandShootmyselfinthehead...
Sayingthisisallyourfault...
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Thankyouforwritingthisirealizethattheresmoretolifethandepression..
ihadbeendatingmyexfor4monthsabout2weekstillour5thmonthandshedtoldmeshehadlovedme,overthe4monthsi
foundoutshehadliedtomeaboutbreakingupwithmetoflirtwithotherguys.Irelentlesslytookherbackblindedbylove,
Thenigotparanoidandsheendedupgettingpissedatmeaboutit,ifixeditandthenshethoughtithoughtshewascheating
onmeandshedidnttellmeherfriendtoldmeshewantedtobreakup!andiwaslikewhat?!andijustwasfeelingheartbreak
rightwhenshesentmethatinaTEXT!notevencaredenoughtocallme?!andshemovedonrightwhenshebrokeupwith
me..NowsheshappyandimAlonedepressedinmydarkroomwithonlymythoughtsaboutandthinkingofsuicide...MyfirstLove
andshebrokemyheartandidneverexpectit...Ivebeenupseteversince...Imadeapromisetoherthatiwouldntjointhat
Marines...Wellimjoiningcauseshebrokeherpromise...Nevertoleaveme..Eventhoughitookherbackeverytimesheleftme..
Ididntthinkwithmyheadandshetookadvantageofme..iwasjustappauleddistraughtandnowimstilldepressed..Icontain
myemotions..IputasmileonforeveryoneandijustwanttotakeagunandwriteheranoteandShootmyselfinthehead...
Sayingthisisallyourfault...
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IputasmileonforeveryoneandijustwanttotakeagunandwriteheranoteandShootmyself
inthehead...Sayingthisisallyourfault...
OK,enoughisenough.That'sNOTlove.That'sselfindulgentbullshitandit'sselfishtoevenTHINKthat
yourdoingsomethinglikesuicideisanyone'sfaultbutyourown.Youneedtogetoutofthathabitrightnow!Youcannot
faceeveryhardshipandprobleminlifebythreateningtohurtothersbecauseyoufeeldepressed.Let'sfaceit,that'sall
you'retryingtodo...youthinkshe'llsufferemotionallyifyouweretokillyourself.Considerthis...whatifshedidn't?
You'llnotonlyhavewastedyourlife,butyouwon'tevenhavegottenthesatisfactionyouthoughtyouwanted.
That'sadeadendpathandyouneedtostopthatkindofthinking.
Takenote...asaformerMarinemyself...you'dbettergetyourheadscrewedonstraightbeforeyoushowupatBootcamp.
Mundusvultdecipi
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Ihavebeenthroughmanyheartbreaksbutthisonewasabitmorestrangerthan"USUAL".Havebeenthroughlossoffamily
membersatarelativelyyoungage,heartbreaksandcameoutofitabitbruisedproperlybutalwayswiser.Thisgfofmine
brokeupwithoutevenhavingtalkedtomeifthingsweregoingbadbetweenus(whichactuallywerent).Shehadthishuge
emotionalbaggagewhenwestartedgoingoutandiwouldhelphershowthebrightsideoflifeandtryingtomakeherhappy.I
supportedhergettingbacktoherfeet,emotionallyalot,helpingherpushinghertryingtogetherlongduegraduationbackon
track,discussingwithherthroughthetimes.Shewasthekindofpersonwhowouldgiveupeasilyandiamcompletelytheother
kind.Iwouldalwaystalkherthroughthat,tellhertotakeitonestepatatime.Thefirstthingshedoeswhenshegetsa
prospectofajobisdumpme.Shegavemenoreason,justoutofthebluedumping,whichmakesmethinkthatshenevermeant
itinthefirstplace.Wassheplanningitthewholetime,maybe.Butonethingirealizediinvestedmytimeinherwhichdoes
hurtalot,butthesilverliningisitsavedmealifefilledwithcompromisesanddisappointmentsformyselfandfinallystart
thinkingoftheotherthingswhichialwayswantedtoachieveformyselfandhadbeenignoringjusttomaketherelationship
work.Nowthatithinkaboutit,itsoundsabitstupidididallthatbutwhenyouareinit,yousomehowlivewithit.Irealized
thattherearepeoplewhoarejustNOTWORTHIT.Thesearepeoplewhoaresoscrewedupinlifeandstrangelydonotwantto
comeoutofitbecausetheyaresousedtoit,thatitbecomestheirwayoflife.Istillbelievethatapersonwhoisthe"rightone"
wouldnothurtyouinsuchamanner.Thesearejustsomeselfishhumanbeingswhodonotknowanyotherwayoflife.Theyare
justnotworthcryingfor.Thehumaninmefeelsverysorryforsuchpeopleandmakesmeangrythatsomethinglikethat
happenedtome.Buttherationalistsideinmetellsmeitsjustablip,isapartoflife.28yearsofmylifeihadlivedveryhappily
withoutthisperson.Ihadagreatlifeandhavedreamsformyself.Icannotgiveitupjustbecauseofawomanwhobehavesso
selfishly?Sheisjustnotthegirlanditwasnotmeanttobe.Wehaveunfortunatelynootherwayotherthanthispainfulwayto
reeallymeetoursoulmate.Weareallapartofit.Soletsplayourpart.Accepttheoccasionalblipsandmoveon.
Link
IwakeupinthemorningandrealizethepainI'mfeeling.Thefeelingofloosingsomeonesoclose.It'slikenoother.Ican'teat,
can'tsleep,he'sallIthinkabout.Imadeamistakeinthepastbutheleftmeforanotherreason.Hedidn'twanttoargue
anymoreandIunderstood.I'vealwayshatedarguing.Ineversawthepointofit.Butwhybreakupwithmeifitcouldhavebeen
fixed?IknowI'monly18butIsharedsomuchwithhim.We'vebeentogetherfor3yearsand4months.Iblamemyselfforitall.
IwishIcouldtakeitback.Iwouldfixmymistake.Iknowhestillcaresformebuthedoesn'twanttoanymore.Hesaidhewas
tiredofitandwewereoverforgood.Ijustcantacceptit.Ilovehim.AndsomesayI'mtooyoungtotrulylovebutI'ma
passionateperson.Icareforhimsomuch.I'vebeengivensomuchadvisetolethimgobutmyheartcan't.It'ssohardtodeal
withthepain.I'msoconfused.Ifeelmyworldcrashingdown.:(
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CrystalGrijalva(notverified)|08/24/11|13:46PM
Theadviceonhowtomendthebrokenheart:
Great,it'sveryuseful.Keepsmymindoffthesituation.
Forthatperiodoftime.
Assoonasmymindisnotbusywithanyofthatanymore,it'sjustgoingtogorightbacktothepain.
Thatadvicewon'tmendmybrokenheart.Itmightkeepitbusy,butitwon'tmendit.
Anyotheradvice?
Link
Theadviceonhowtomendthebrokenheart:
Great,it'sveryuseful.Keepsmymindoffthesituation.
Forthatperiodoftime.
Assoonasmymindisnotbusywithanyofthatanymore,it'sjustgoingtogorightbacktothepain.
Thatadvicewon'tmendmybrokenheart.Itmightkeepitbusy,butitwon'tmendit.
Anyotheradvice?
Link
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Wowreadingthishasprovidedsomemuchneededrelief!Itisnicetoseethattherearepeopleouttherethataresurvivingwith
thesameachingheartIhaverightnow.Thankyouallforsharingyourexperiences!
MywifeandIhadbeentogetherforfouryears,marriedforthree.IamintheNavyandstationedinJapan.WhenImovedout
hereayearandahalfagoshedidnotcomewithmeduetothefactthatshegotpregnantwithoursonjustbeforewewere
supposedtomoveouthere.Ihavecomehomeonleavemultipletimesandeverythinghasseemedtomeatleasttobegoing
good.WhileIwasdeployedthislasttimeaboardthecarrier,heremailsstartedtobecomeshorterandlessfrequent.Thiswent
onforabouttwoweeksuntilIfinallyaskedherwhatwaswrongandshetoldmethatbasicallyshefeltshehadlostherselfand
thatshecouldnolongerbemarriedtomeandbehappythewayshewanted.
NeedlesstosayIwasabsolutelydevastated.Ihaveneverfeltsoaloneinmy27yearsonthisearth.Ilovethiswomanwithall
myheartandhavebeenfaithfulandagreatfathertooursons.Oneofwhichwashersfromherpreviousmarriage.Heis5and
wehavea1yearold.Ifeeleverythingdescribedintherestoftheseposts.Anger,loneliness,guilt,emptiness...Ilost30pounds
overthenext3weeksaftershetoldmethis.
Ihopethebestfortherestofyou,IamaprettypositivepersonandonceIcanstoprandomlycryingandgetthisfeelingoutof
thepitofmystomachIfeelthatwithtimeIwillbeabletocopewiththissituation.Goodlucktoeveryoneandthankyoutothe
posterofthisblog.
NavySailor(notverified)|08/31/11|19:23PM
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NotonlyhaveIbeenheartbroken,Ihavebeenscrewed.MyfirstloveandthefirstpersonIhadeversleptwithbrokemyheart.
HewasthefirstpersonIgavemyselftooandIwas20yearsold.Ilovedhimsomuchandwemadesomanyplanstogether.He
calledmeafatcuntonenightandIendedupbreakingupwithhimtoonlyrealizethathedidntcareatall.Henevertalkedto
meagain.AmonthlaterIfoundoutthatIhadHPV.IemailedhimtotellhimwhatIhadjustfoundoutandhestillneverspoke
awordtome.Howcansomeoneyouspenteverydaywith,andsharedapartofyourlifewithdosomethinglikethattoyou?Not
evenanapology?Notaword???IhaventsleptwithanyonesincewebrokeupandIhavebeenheartbrokeneversince.Imoved
awaytostartmycareerandIthoughtthatthiswouldhelpmeheal,butithasnt.Ihatehimsomuchforwhathedidtome.I
dontwanthimbackandIwillneverspeaktohimagainButISTILLcantseemtostopcryingandstopfeelingsohurt.6months
afterthebreakupIgotmyfirstoutbreakofgenitalwarts.IstillhaventsleptwithanyoneelseandIfeellikemyentirelifeis
ruinedbecauseofthisguy.IwassuchagoodgirlandwaitedsolongtogivemyselftoanyonebecauseIdidntwantthisto
happentome,andithappenedANYWAYS.HowcanIevertellmynextpartneraboutthis?HowcanIbewithanyone?HowcanI
trustanyone!?????ImsoembarrassedandIfeelsostupid.IregretevermeetinghimandImsotiredofcrying.Iamgoingto
havetolivetherestofmylifescarredontheinsideandtheoutside.Ididntdeservethis:(
SadGirl(notverified)|09/01/11|01:29AM
Link
Imgoingthroughalotofwhatsbeenwrittenonthisarticle,iwaswithagirlfornearly4yearssinceshemovedtoourschoolshe
wasmybestfriendthepersonicoldtalkaboutanythingto.Ayearagoshemovedawayandweonlygottosaweachotherevery
otherholidays,ipromisediwouldnotleaveher,whensheeventuallydidcomebackwichwasaseveralmnthsagoeverything
justchangedshewouldspendmoretimetalkingtoherfriendsandgoingoutwiththemthatshewouodme,ithurtcoziwas
thereforherwhentheywernt..Wewouldargueandshewudgooffwiththemandtheybwouldfillherheadupwithhsoomuch
shitjustcosthey'vehatedmesinceday1,,mainlybcozimntthesamecolourasthem..Menmygfhavehadsoomany
arguemnetdinourreltaionshipbutalwaysgotoverthem,weresoinsecureaboutoneanotherandoftenlythatwhattriggersour
arguements..
Beforeitwouldjustmeandherandnoothergirlsorboysthatswhatiebeenusedtobutsinvehercomingbakfrombeingaway
sheactssoodifferentwhenweargue..Whenshesaystheresnomoreusitfeelssoomuchmorerealthanitseversonebefore
andnowimsooscaredthativelosthereforeever..Wewiuldalwaysplanseverythingbtigeterandtalkaboutbeeingtgetger
freva..
Ihvetoadmitivbeeennoangelrecentlywegtintoargumntacupleofweeksagoandididthewirstthingaguycoulddotohis
partnerilaidmyhandsariundherneckbutbeforethingsgotevenmoreseriousijusgotupandleft..Eversincethenthings
haventbeenthesameandnowtbhidontthinkilevergtherbkherfriendsaretwistingthingsandmakingherbeleievethtshe
dntneedme..Ikantlivewithoutthisgirlallthethingsonthisarticlearehapeingtomenijusdntnowhattadu..
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Ifeelyouonthis.Mygirlfriendwassomeonespecialtomeandiwasher"everything".Thatwasuntilshewenttosacstate
andstartedmeetingnewpeople.Iwasherhighschoolsweetheartanddideverythingforher.Isupportedheratschool
andasacouplebutherfriendsputthingsinherheadandeversincethenshehasnobeenthesameperson.Ihavelosther
notjusttoherfriendsbuttoanotherperson.Inmyworldshestheonlyone.Inherworldtherearemanyfishinthesea.I
knowimightsoundinsecurebutwhensomeonebreaksyourheartitreallydoeshurt.Icantgetherbackbecauseshefeels
toogoodforme.Thesadthingisimadeherwhatsheisandgotherwheresheis.Butgoingtocollegeandmeetingnew
peopleturnedherintoyouraveragesacramentocaliforniagirl.Sad.
Link
Myadvice:Buildabridgeandgetoverit.Ifyourheartisbroken&&sheiscarryingonperfectlyfineisn'tthatasign
forutocarryonthesame??Youwillneverknowifsheiscomingbackforsure...butyouneedtostartlivingasifshe
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died.LolwheneverIgothroughabadbreakupIpretendtheydied..Itellmyselfthereisnowaytocontactthem,
thereisno"themcomingback",andtheyaregoneforever.&&Iliterallyliveliketheydied.&&uknowwhatthey
alwayscomebackwhenIdothislol..butistoppedlivingforthemcompletely....justmakesureuDONOTtakeher
backifsheeverFacebookmessagesyouorcontactsyouinanotherwaythat'sagreatwaytohavetorelivethepain
uvealreadybeenthrough.CreateamemorialofyouroldmemorieslightcandlesandputRIP.NOTONLYWILLIT
HELPYOUMOVEON,BUYULLGETAKICKOUTOFITEVERYTIMEYOUSEEIT.:)
mlove(notverified)|10/30/11|09:57AM
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Ihaveagreatdealofrespectandadmirationforthoseherearetrulybattlingtostayalive.Manyofthesestoriesringsoterribly
true.IechothesentimentthatIwouldn'twishthisonmyworstenemy,andsoIamsosorryforallofyouwhoaresuffering.It
isexcruciating.NotadayperhapsevenanhourgoesbythatIdon'tthinkofher.Westillcontacteachotheroccasionally,
andIalmostthoughtweweregoingtogetbacktogetheraboutamonthagowhenshepulledawayagain.Norealexplanation.I
feellikeSisyphusandthistrulyisHell.Afterall,"WhatpowerwouldHellhaveifthosehereimprisonedwerenotableto
dreamofHeaven?"Ijustdon'tknowwhattodo,anditisliterallydestroyingme.Ihavelostalotofweightanddevelopedother
healthproblems.Ifindmyselfcollapsingintofitsofcryingorscreaming.Oneyearofconstantagony.Shakespearewaswrong.
Itisnotbettertohavelovedandlost.Ignorancetrulyisbliss.Onceyoufindthatsympatheticresonancewithsomeone,yourlife
ischangedforever.Theydon'tjustleave.Theyhavealteredyourveryemotional,andthusphysical,makeup.Theyaretornfrom
you,withhugepiecesofyoubeingrippedawayintheprocess.Igetsosickofthehappyending,"I'mgladIgotdumpedbecause
thenImetmysoulmate!"speech.Gofuckyourselves.ThatisnotsomeGoldenRule.Foreveryoneofyou,therearecountless
otherswhodiealone.Igetsotiredofthehackneyedtimehealsallwoundsspeech.That'sthebestpeoplecando?Justwait
untilyouforgethowhappyyouwerehowhappyyoucanbeandthenyoucanfinallyconvinceyourselfthatyourreturnto
mediocrityissomehowgratifying.Myhowterriblyinspirational.
ThatiswhyIcontinuetofight.IwillburnforwhatIbelieveinlikeThichQuangDuc.Iwillsitandsmoldersilentlyinthebelief
thatwecanbetogetheragain.Idonothavetogiveup.Idonothavetomoveonorsettle.Yes,thereisonlysomuchIcando,
butrememberthat"thosealsoservewhoonlystandandwait."YesitisapainfulpaththatIamchoosing.Butthoseofyouon
thisboardwhotrulyfoundthepersonyoulovemorethananyotherinthisworldwillunderstandthat"choosing"becomes
semantic.Wearecompelled.ItistothosepeoplethatIsayIsupportandrespectyou.Maybeyoutoohavefoundthateven
wellmeaningfriendsandfamilyhavelongsincebecomeexasperatedwithyou.Maybeyoutoolivewithconstantthoughtsof
suicide.Maybeyoutoofindthatacertainerrantmemorycancrippleyouassureasbullettotheback.Maybeyoutoosometimes
haveanimageofherwithsomeoneelseanditevisceratesyou.Andyetyoufight.Youfighteveryfuckingday,mostofthetime
notevenknowingwhy.Idon'thavetheanswernow,either.Iamsurethatmuchisobvious.IjustknowwantyoutoknowthatI
respectyou,andIhopeweallgetexactlywhatwewant.Nothingless.
LutherBlissett(notverified)|09/07/11|07:21AM
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HiLuther,Ifyou'restillreadingthisItrulydon'tmeandisrespectforyourfeelingsbutIhadtosmilewhenIread..
"...That'sthebestpeoplecando?Justwaituntilyouforgethowhappyyouwerehowhappyyoucanbeandthenyou
canfinallyconvinceyourselfthatyourreturntomediocrityissomehowgratifying.Myhowterriblyinspirational...."
Obviouslyitwasasmileofgreatirony,becausethatisthebottomlineofhowIfeelrightnow.Itellmyfriends"I'mnot
afraidofthepainfading,butammoreafraidofforgettingthewonderfulfeelingoflovewithhim".
IcansayforafactI'vebeenthroughatleast3badbreakupslost7kgofroneofthem,lostmydirectionandmeaningof
lifebutIdidindeedsurvivethemwiththehelpofTIME.NowthatI'molder,andsupposedlywiser,thepainisno
less...sigh*
DidIthinkaboutsuicidenotreally.ButIDOunderstandhowonecouldarriveatapointwherehe/shesays"Ican'tbare
thepain/stress,Iwantittoallgoaway".ButquicklyIhavethismentalpictureofthepersonwhomI'mpiningforandon
theotherside,allthosewhowillbesosadifIweretotakemyownlife.Rightnow,rightthisinstant,ofcourseIfeelmyex
isworthso,somuch.ButIforcemyselftorememberhowmuchI'mworthinallthoseotherdearfriendsandfamily'sheart
andhowmuchmorepainIwillcausethem.
SoItellmyselfandallofushere,onebabystepinfrontoftheother.I'mreligious,andIhaveexperiencedmanyatime
whenGodclosesadoor,heopenedawindowforme.ItsjustthatsometimesIwassobusymoppingIdidn'tnoticethe
sunshinecomingthroughthewindoworhearthebirdschirping.Butpleasebelievethedaywillcome.Oneveryvitalthing
toknowishappinessdoesn'tjustcomefrombeingwithsomeoneorbeinginarelationship,itcouldbeaverydifferent
form.
AsIwritethistoallofyoureadingthisIamalsosayingittomyselfasmywoundisstillfreshandIamexperiencinga
changeofemotionseveryfewhoursPain,sadness,doubt,blamingmyself,blaminghim,anger,itswitchesgear.My
greatestfearisthinkingthatIwaitedtillI'mtiredenoughtogotobedbutthenIsuddenlyjoltawakeintheweemorning
hours,heartbeatingwiththeanxietyorsadness.Thatlonelinessisunbearable.
Butfrommymemoryofpastbreakups,alljustasintense,itwillfade.Wejusthavetobewillingtoletitgo.Itshangingto
thelostlovethatmakesitpainful.Hugstoall...
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IagreewithyouLutherweare'not'allcookiecutterpeople.Differentstrokesfordifferentfolks(speakingofwhich,I
coulduseonerightnowaterminalone,i.e.blackhumorisatoobriefrespite/temporaryremedyforsomepeople.)On
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theotherhand,ifthisblogrepresentstheinjuredinspirit,whatofthosewho'do'thedamagetous?Tolistentothemtry
andexplain/rationalizetheirinhumanitytoman/womanwouldlikelybeasNietzschereferenced"acasualstrollthrough
thelunaticasylum(oflove,myaddendum)showsthatfaithdoesnotproveanything".
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Asyousay,someofus(myselfincluded)willnotjust'rollover',suckitup,moveon,castanewline(orseveralmore)since
therearemanyotherfishiesinthehumancesspoolsorry,meantocean,etc.etc.Anyonereadingeveryone'scommentary
hereinshouldrealizethatthoughasharedpainisevidentall,isthesensealsosomepeoplebeforwhateverreason(s)'not
nice.'Alotofpeople.Howmany?Itonlytakesonetohurtyouandmostpeoplehereinseemtohavefoundthem(ormaybe
there'saserialdumperorafewrunningaroundouthere.)
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Beingbranded'rejected'isbadenoughinandofitselfbuttheaddeddoseofcrueltythattheabusersemploy(like
breakingupbyphoneoremailortext),ordoingsoonsomeone'sbirthday,orAnniversaryoraHolidayany,atleast
suggeststhattheadvicetonotgiveuponlovebecause'youjusthaven'tfoundtherightone'(yet?)isfraughtwithaticking
soundorafuse.Bettertohavelovedandlostthannever?Wehavebutoneothercheektoturnthosewhotakethe
'relationshipsarealearningexperience'crockofeffluviumtoheartmighthavemorefaithplayingRussianRoulette,butmy
takeisit'snotsomuchamatter'if'youwillbehurtagainas'when'.Upshot:proceedwithcaution.
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Anonymous#999,999(notverified)|11/30/11|10:51AM
Luther,ILOVEyou!!ExactlywhatIthink!Atleasthavethoughtthatmostlyduringthepast8monthssincemyhusband
left,althoughit'sstartingtoshiftaftertalkingto"him"theotherday.
Theonlyexceptionis,inmycase,Ihavepeoplesaying"getoverhim,hewasn'tgoodlooking,hewasn'tfromagoodfamily,
hedidn'thavemoneyoragoodjob"(Mom)to,"he'sasociopath,narcissist,heisnotcomingback,hejustdecidedoneday
hedidn'tlikeyou,that'sall,yougotbamboozled".
AND,allthatappearstobetrue!And,heisNOTthepersonnowthatIthoughthewasandclearlydoesn'tloveme,inspite
ofhisf'inginsistencethathedoes...thethingshehassaidtomerecentlyaredevastating.HowcouldIhavebeenhappy
whileitseemshedidn'tevenlikeme!Wehadadifficultrelationship,butItrulythoughtweweremeanttobetogether
(andhesaidsomanytimestooandtoldthedamnworldhowmuchhelovedme)andwewouldworkoutourissuesand
grow.IthoughtIwaslovedandwasthehappiestIhadeverbeeninmylife.
Iamswitchingtoangerrightnow(that'sagoodsign,right?)atthethoughtofsharingmysmallhousewithhim,his
daughteronweekends,everythingItriedtodoforthem,tobesocoldlyandflatlyrejected.Hecouldn'thavefiguredthis
outBEFOREwegotmarried?Nottomention,beforeIspent30Konawedding!Damn.Oneyearand4monthsofliving
w/meaftertheweddingwasallhecouldtake,statinghe"wasunhappyforalongtime"andwentwithamarried(now
divorcing)womanwhohascancer!hetellsmehe"doesn'twantarelationshipwithanyonerightnow",but"doesn'twanta
divorce".Whatamindfuck.
Thatangerfeltgoodjustthen...maybeIshouldplotrevengeinstead...Icouldprobablymusterupenoughofittodevotemy
lifetovengeance!ButIwon't....
Ihatecominghomeattheendoftheday.Ihategoingtowork.Ihateopeningupthepantryandseeingsomethinghe
bought.Ihatefixingdinnerandthinkingofhimfixingitformeorustalkinginthekitchen.Ihatetheemptyspaceonthe
bednexttomethatwassupposedtobehisforever.Ihatenotbeingabletolookforwardtoanythingtogether.Ihatethat
Ifeltlikethefuturewasarealmofpossibilities,andnowIknowit'sjustthesame,depressing,lonelyexistenceIwasallto
familiarwith.IhatethatIdon'thavefamilythatcanbelovingandsupportivetome(theywereforaboutamonth,now
theyareextremelydysfunctional,meanandnastytome).So,toheckwiththosethatsay"you'vegotyourfamilyand
friends".
Wow,Isoundlikealoser.AndIfeellikeone.Iworkedmywholedamnlifeveryhardbothwithworkandonmyself
onlytoendupinthispileofcrap!!?
Doesanyonetakeanythingnonprescriptionthathelpswiththecryingfits,heartacheanddepression?Iwasdoingmuch
betterafewweeksago,butChristmas,followedbyouranniversarynewyear'seve(HEwantedtogetmarriedNYEve"so
thathe'dneverspendanotherNewYear'salone".Bethewasn'talone,butIsurewas!),followedbycompleteinsanityfrom
myfamily...
IsworeIwouldneverevergetdivorced(asubjectheinquiredaboutthoroughlybeforewemarried).Andneverunderstood
whypeoplewouldbecomesobitterandvindictiveandruintheirlives,butdamnit,Iseenow.Ithinkit'satwistedwayof
hangingon.AllofthisiscomingtomeasIamwritingonhere!Pleasedon'tjudgeme.Ineedtowritemore(justformeto
see).
WTF,thegapingholeofsilence.Ittrulyislikepartofyourbodyhasbeenrippedapart...onlyitjustkeepsripping...andit's
danglingthere,nastyandbloody.Andthenyousay,no,it'sOk,nothingisbroken...andthenallIhearisthesilence.Ifeel
soalone.EvenwhenItalktoatherapist,Ifeelaloneandnotunderstood!
Goodluckall.Thisishell.Ijusthadabeautifulweddingdresson...andthemostbeautifulceremonyanyonehadever
attended.WhodidImarry?Myself?Washenotthere?
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Idon'tknowaboutthesciencebehind"heartbreak",butIknowandfeeltherealityofit.
Itisnowapproaching3yearssinceIfoundthewomanthatIlove,dead,atherhome,sadly,tragicallyon14thNovember2008,
thedatethatthiswebpagewasoriginallycreated.
Sincethattimethatsheleftus,toshineherloveandcourage,elsewhere,Ihavebeenthroughmanyemotionsofgrief,loss,
sadness,emptiness,lonelinessand...still,thepersistent"heartache",heartbreak...hearthurt...ofmissinghersovery
much...everyday.
"Howlong,tosingthissong.Howlongtosingthissong"?
Love,truthandjusticewillprevail.TheLight"shines"on.
Thankyoulove.
13thOctober2011.
Link
Iam29andhewasmyfirstineverything.Sowebrokeup.Ipraythisisthefinalone.Wehavebeentogatherforalmostayear
ofbreakingupandmakingup.Aviciouscircle.Andithurtssoooomuch.Iusedtothinkiwastoughandthoughtthatanywoman
whostoopssolowtobegaguyisafool.Wellihavebeenafool.Wehadahugebreakuprecently.Andthetoughgirlactually
stoopedsolowthatiwenttohisapartmentwaitedforhimsothatwecouldendthisfacetofaceinamatureandhopefully
pleasantmanner.Hiscarwasnottheresoicalledhimandhesaidhewassleeping,butwheniaskedhimtoopenthedoorhe
hunguponme.Andhedidthis3times.Iknewhewasnotathome.Imadeafoolofmyself.Isenthimonenastytxtmsgand
onenastyvoicemsg.Thenforthefirsttimeicouldnotcry.Iusedtocrymyselftosleepbutthistimemytearsdidntcome.I
wenthome,couldnotsleepandat3amiwokeupandprayedtoGodtogivemestrengthtowalkoutofthishell.Ilostmy
dignitylastnightwheniwenttohisplacelastnighthopingtogeteverythingresolved.Irealisemysituationisonefullofmisery
anditsnothealthy.Iwantout.Soyesheartbreakreallyhurts.Iamgoingtogivemyselftimetoheal.Iwillnotfallagain.Iknow
hewillwaitaweekwhenhethinksihavecooleddownandhewillcontactme.Butthistimeiwillnotstoopdownagainnor
makeafoolofmyself.
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Immy(notverified)|10/28/11|13:38PM
ItishelpfultoreadthesecommentsandknowthatIamnottheonlyonegoingthroughheartbreak.Myboyfriendof3years
brokeupwithme2daysago.Ihadjustmovedtouniandhehadhadtimetothinkaboutwhathewantsandhesaidhewantsto
beonhisown.Istillcantgetmyheadarounditbecauseeverythinghasbeenfine.Wehaveticketstoseeconcerts,making
plansforholidays,Ievenlivewith3ofhisbestfriends.Ifeellikeyoualldo,thatsinkingfeeling,theheaviness,theache,the
feelingthatIcantgoon.WhenIgotosleepatnightidontwanttowakeup.Everydayisastruggleanditsonlybeen1whole
daysinceithappened.Imisshimsomuchandwanthimback,ithoughthewastheone!Ijustdontunderstand!Howthingscan
changesoquickly,howthingscangofromamazingto'Iwanttobeonmyown'inamatterofweeks.
Everyonesaystokeepbusyandtojustacceptitbutitsnotthateasy.Iamonly22butIdontknowanyothergirlsmyageor
olderwhoarentinrelationships.Idontwanttomeetanyoneagainandgothroughitallagain.Iwanthimback....somuch!
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Ellie(notverified)|11/05/11|09:01AM
PerhapsIcanoffersomewordsofadvice,havingrecentlysufferedthedeathofanangel.Itwasbrutaland
happenedabout6weeksagonow.Myadvice?
Family(mostimpt)
Friends(inreallifeandalsoonline)
Writing(ifyouareposting,thenyouliketowrite)
Music(CD'sinthecarratherthantalkradio)
Walking(tobalancethesitting)
Sunshine(butprophylaxagainstskincancer),andfinally
Moonshine(thoughnotnecessarilyWhiteLightning)
That'sseven,tomatchtheSevenSistersofPleiades(comingfullcircle).
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BobbyKnight|11/05/11|09:29AM
Andonemorething:
AttachagoodsetofheadphonesorspeakerstoyourPCandbootupthis.
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BobbyKnight|11/05/11|09:54AM
Ilostmydogafewweeksago,I'monly15andI'dhadhimsinceIwasabout2.Heheldmylifetogetherhonestly,hewaswith
methrougheverytoughtimeIeverhad,myparentsgotdivorcedwhenIwas10,itwasanabusiverelationshipandmydogwas
theonlythingthatstayedthesame.MydadandIdecidedhewasintoomuchpainandwecouldntaffordtofixitforhim..We
hadtotakehiminandputhimtosleep,heknewwhatwasgoingonbecauseI'dbeencryinghoursbeforeandheknowsthevets
office,helickedawaymytearsandletmehughimallIwanted,Helayeddownwithhisheadonmyarmsandhediedinmy
arms...I'mcryingwhiletypingthisbecauseitwasonly2weeksago...thelastthingheheardmesaywas"You'remygoodboy,I
loveyou."AndIcollapsedandhuggedhim.Iknowhewasonlyadogtosomepeoplebuttomethatwaslikelosingoneofmy
parents...itwasreallyhardforme.Itellhisstorybecausehesveryimportanttomebutitstillmakesmecryeverytime..my
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heartacheswhenIcryandIgetthelostemptyfeeling.IneededtoknowIwasntalone.Thankyouforwritingthis..itmakes
everythingmakemoresensetome.
Link
KoryEllyn(notverified)|11/06/11|21:31PM
Heartbreakisanexcruciatingpainandiexperienceditseveraltime,wecan'treallysaymysituationisharderthantheothers
andsoon.Becausethepainexperiencedbyeachandeveryoneofusisuniquetoourselves.Well,aboutme,iknewthisguysfor
3yearswhousedtobemybestfriendwhothenendupusingmeinsteadassomeoneineverknew.Istillcannotforgethimand
lovehimthesameway(morethanfriendswhichheknows).Hewon'teventellmewhyheleft.Whenthepainhitsmealmost
oneyearago,itwasunbearable.Everybreathitookforlivingwasstabbingmyinsideshard..regret,disappointmentwasthe
hardesttodealwith.Ibecomereallyweak.Ilostmystrength,andbecauseofallofthisilostmyjob..Istilldon'twanttogofor
ajob.Aftertryingsomuchilearnedtoshutdownsomeofmyfeelingsandmoveon.Hecamebackfewtimesandpainsme
again.IknowheneverbewhatIwanthimtobe.Heneverexplainanyofthethingshedid.Keepinghimwaspainingmenow
morethananything.Howheinjurethingsagainaftercomingback...nowiwillagainkeepalltheloveihaveforhiminside,and
controlitandliveafreelifeagain.itfeelslikeareliefthough..ican'tgivehimwhatheneedsandhecan'tgivemewhatineed.
sowewerenevermeanttobeandbestwayistostayawaylikeweneverkneweachother.Andiknowi'llbeok.Butthefeelings
ihadforhimisamazing.it'sthefirstandthelasttimeihaveloved...iwillneverforgetthesefeelingsandneverforgethim.he
probablyneverlovedme,butiexperiencemyheartandhowbeautifulitfeelstolovesomeonetruly..howstrongitis...Idon't
feelanyattractiontoanyonenow.Maybeit'spitythaticanneverbemarried.Buticanbehappybecauseilovedhimtrulywhole
heartilyandinthedeepestwayonecouldeverloveandiwilltakeourmemoriesandmylovetomygrave...
vs(notverified)|11/09/11|05:31AM
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Ifeellike,somethingmustbewrongwithme,likei'mnotnormal.it'sbeenalmost3yrssincemybftoldhemetsomeoneelsethey
havea2monthsoldbabynow,i'vetriedtostoptalkingtohim(thoughwedon'ttalkoften,sometimes2,3,1,6monthsin
between)beforewebrokeup,wewheresoinlovewitheachother,wecouldn'timaginelifewithouteachother,iknewheloved
me,WEWERETHELOVEOFEACHOTHER'SLIFE,heaskedmetomarryhim,myheartandsoulsaidYesbuticouldn'tatthetime
becauseofthecircumstancesurroundingourrelationship(whichheknewabout,understood,butfoundithardtodealwith)and
becauseiknewiwasholdinghimback(aswedatedfor3yrs)frombeingwithsomeonethatdoesn'thavealotofbaggagelikei
did,itoldhimsometimestobewithsomeoneelse(becausewecouldn'tbetogetheratthetime)eventhoughiknewitwill
CRUSHMYHEARTastheslightthoughtofhimbeingwithsomeoneelseterrifiedme,healwayssaidi'mtheonlyonehewants
andhecouldn'timaginebeingwithsomeoneelsebutme.(mewaitingtosurprisehimbyaskinghimtoaskmetomarryhim
againandtheanswerYESwillbecomingoutofmymouth)wehadafightthatwasbroughtonbyfrustrationofnotbeingableto
betogetherorseeeachotherbecauseimovedtoanothercountryforschool,webothmissedeachothersomuch.thatnighti
wassoangrywithhimfornotwantingtocomeandvisitmefortheweekend(thoughhehadacasegoingoninthecourtandhe
hadtobethereuntiltheendofthecasewhichcouldgoonformonths,iknewaboutthecase)butthatwasnotwhyiwasreally
angry,iwasangrybecauseheisnotthetypethatcanjustflytoanothercountrywithoutmuchconvincing"onceittookme
monthstoconvincehimweshouldgotoLondonforsomedays,sothistime,ifeltishouldn'thavetotryhardconvincinghimto
comevisitmewhereiwas,sincewedidn'tseeeachotherformonths,sothatnight,aftermuchargument,itoldhimitwas
over(didn'tmeanit,iwassoangry)hesentmesmsthroughthenightandididn'tanswerandafterthatwespokebut,itjust
wasn'tthesame,weavoidedtalkingaboutthefightevenwhenwebothknewwewerestillhurtingfromthethingswesaidto
eachotherbutwejustcouldn'tgetpastitandthelongdistancebetweenusdidn'thelpmatters,sowewentforonemonthorso
barelytalkinguntilidecidedtocallhimandtellhimthatiamcomingtomeethimsowecantalkfacetofaceandworkthings
outbuthedidn'tanswer,iknewatoncesomethingwasnotrightbecausefor3yrshewouldcallmerightbackifhegotamissed
callfrommewhichwasn'tsomanytimesbecausehewouldalwaysanswer(andithesame)throughoutthenightiwaitedfor
himtocallmebackwithmyheartaching,couldn'tsleep,iwasreallyscaredofloosinghim,hecalledmeinthemorningandtold
mehewentonadatethathemetsomeoneandhefeelsthathehastomoveontogetovermebecausehedoesn'tthinkwewill
evergettobetogether,theremywholelifecamecrashingdown,ifeltlikemyhearthasbeenrippedoutofmychest,ihangedup
thephoneandcriedmyselfoutforweeks,noteating,notbeingabletosleep,getoutofthehouseordoanything,andiwondered
ifishouldtellhimthatwecanbetogetherafterthatphonecallbutdecidednottobecauseiknewsomethingwasbroken
betweenusandifitellhimwecanbetogether,hewouldprobablybewithmeandwonderwhatitwouldhavebeenlikeifhe
continuedwiththegirlhemetandididn'twanttobethatgirlthatisnotsecured,soiquestionedeverything,iquestionedhis
loveforme.itoldhimaftersomemonthswhyicalledhimthatnightandheadmittedhestillhasfeelingsformebutit'slatefor
us.it'salmost3yrsnow,thoughhelivesinanothercountry,ican'tstopthinkingabouthim,can'teraseallthegoodmemorieswe
shared,iache/longforhim,heisstilltheloveofmylifeandican'ttellhim.wheredoigofromhere?i'vebeentryingtoletgoof
thisfeelingbytryingtodatesomeoneelseanddoingthingsthattakesupmytime,triednottalkingtohim,nothingseemsto
worktheharderitrytoforgethimthemoredifficultitistoforget,itjustdoesn'tgo,atthesametime,i'mafraidtoletit
go,becausei'veneverlovedsomeonelikethisinmywholelife,whatifinevergettoexperiencethisfeelingagainwithsomeone
else.ijustwanttoforgetabouthimsoicanhaveanormalhappylife.ikeeptellingmyselfthatsomethingiswrongwithme.
Link
Hieveryone,
Ivebookmarkedthispageandkeepcomingbacktoitandreadingpeoplesposts.Iaminpureandutterturmoil,it'sbeenjust
over4weeksnowsincethemanIwasdeeplyinlovewithendedthings.Iamdevastatedandsoconfusedstillathisreasons
why.IdontknowifIwilleverstopsearchingforanswers.Iwillneverstophopingthathewillcomebacktome.Ihaveturned
intoapathetic,weakmess.EverynightIdreadgoingtobedbecauseIknowIwillcry,myheartwillacheevenmoreoverintense
thoughtsandmemoriesofhim.AndIwon'tsleepandIwillhavevividdreamsofhimandIwillwakeupeveryhourorsoina
panicrememberingthatIhavelosthim.ThenIwillwakeat5am,mybodyphysicallyunabletogetupbutmymindgoingcrazy
withthoughts.BeforeIevenopenmyeyesinthemorningIcry,Ifeeldreadforthedayahead,Ifeelnumbwithpain.Ifight
everyday,nottocry,fightwithmyselfhoping,wishing........Ifightnottoaskmutualfriendsabouthim,Ifighttotryandforget
him,Ifightwithmyselftomoveonwithmylife.IhaveahugefearthatIwillfeellikethisforever.Ihavehadbadbreakups
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before,reallybadbutthisfeelsdifferent,Imsocutup.IavoidlookinginthemirrorbecauseIcannotbeartolookatmyself,
therejectedgirlwholovessomeonewhodoesntloveherback,whodoesntevendeserveheranddidnttreatherrightinthefirst
place.WhenidocatchaglimpseofmyselfinthemirrorIdonotrecognisemyself.Ifeelsodetachedfromtheworld,likeiam
ontheoutsidelookingin,withthishurtinmyhearttryingtohideit.Apartofmeislostthroughoutthismess,Icannotbelieve
thewaythishasaffectedmyverybeing.IamlostandIamempty.Iamalone,notaloneinthesenseidonothaveaboyfriend,
butaloneinmythoughtsandfeelingsandIdonotknowhoworwheniwilleverpickmyselfuporwhenIwilleverfeelbetter
aboutmyselfandmylife.Itludicrousthatoneemotionallyretarded,selfishmancandothistome.ItrynottoletitbutIcant
controlhowIfeel.
Iamtryingeverything,keepingbusy,seeingfriendsandfamily,exercising,meditationandvisualisation,sleepingpillsandI
startCBTnextweek.AllofthesehelpalittleandihopetheCBTwilltoo.Ihaveahistoryofselfharmingandihavedoneit
twicesince,asacopingthingandbecauseifeelnoselfworth........ihatethepersonIam.
AlthoughIwouldneverwanttoenditall,Ijustwishtherewassomething,anythingtostopthisfeelinganderaseallthathas
happened.Iama'noregrets'typeofpersonbutIreallywishIhadnevergotinvolvedwithhim.Iopenedmyheartandsouland
hedestroyedit.NowIhavealongjourneyaheadoftryingtoselfheal.
LogicallyandonarationallevelIknowimtoogoodforhim,e.t.c.butIjustcannothelpthisawful,horrendousfeeling
inside.......Imisshimtotheverycore,Ihavenevermissedanyonelikethisinmylifeandit'sutterhell.Iamwastingmylifewith
thisandthereseemstobenothingIcandoexceptallowtime.
IamgoingtoworkbutIcannotconcentrateandgivemyusual100%self,whichmakesmefeelevenworseaboutmyself.
IagreewithwhatLuthersaidaboveandIwillsitandwaithopingwewillbetogetheragain.YesitsapainfulpathIamchoosing
butIamgoingtotryandbalanceitsothatwhilstiamtryingtomoveonwithmylife,Iwillalways,alwayswishforandhope
thatwewillreuniteandhewillcomeback.It'ssadandstupidbutit'smydream.Acrazydream,butminenonetheless.Ibelieve
wearemeanttobetoghether.Eventhoughhehashurtmedeeply........
Callmeafool,yesIambutIamafoolsoinlovewithsomeone.
ThisheartachestuffissoawfulandIamstrangelygladIamnottheonlyonewhofeelsthisway.Myheartgoesouttoeachand
everyoneofyouinthisposition,forittruelyisgutwrenching.Ialsofeelthereissomethingwrongwithmetofeelthisway,it's
notrightorhealthytofeellikethissurely?
Thenmythoughtsturntorevenge,reallyawfulrevengeonhowicanhurthim.........theniaskwhywouldiwanttohurtsomeone
ilove.......andhowmuchexactlywoulditmakemefeelanybetter?
Iwanthelp,helptopullmeoutofthisdeep,darkhole.IwanttobehappyandIwanttobefreeagain.Iwantmeback.But
morethanthatIwanthimbackinmylife.
xxxx
Link
Overtwoyearslaterandallofyourstorieshavegreatlyencouragedme.Iamlyingherewithafulldayaheadofmeatthebreak
ofdawnandIamhurting.IfeelsoupsetbecauseIhadknownthispersonforonly3monthsanditisalmost10timesmore
painfulthanthebreakupwithmyboyfriendof3years.Maybebecauseitwasarelativelybadbreakupandthispersonendedup
humiliatingmeandcuttingmeoff.IammostlyangryatmyselfbecauseIhadnobusinessbeinginthisrelationshipandIwas
blindedbythelongingforsomeonetoholdandtoenjoyeachother'scompany.Itwasalsotheexcitementofdatingsomeone
completelydifferentfrommyselfineverysenseoftheword.Differentrace,14yearsolder,atamuchmoreadvancedstagein
life.IhaveamonthtotheendofthesemesterandIfeellikeIcan'tkeepittogether.AllIwanttodosometimesisjustcurlup
inbedandreadstoriesofotherpeopletohelptakemymindoffmysituation.Thereisalsoanenormoussenseofguiltbecause
Iinitiatedthebreakupoutofangerandextremesadness(hejustdidn'treallycareaboutmeandwasn'tascrazyaboutmeasI
wasabouthim.Iwasneverapriorityandhe'dchooseconvenienceovermeALLTHETIME.)butthenIamcompletelytaken
abackbythewayhereactedeventhoughIbeggedhimlikeacompletenobodyanddroppedallmyprideathisfeet.Hecutme
offimmediatelyandblockedmefromevercontactinghim.Thathasbeenthehardestpart.Ifeelsolowbecausethisopensa
wholecanofwormsaboutmypossibleselfesteemissues.Ijustcan'tfindtheangerinmeeventhoughhehumiliatedmeso
much.I'mjustabigmesssomedaysandIhavelostinterestinschoolandmovingforwardwithmycareeratatimewhenallmy
matesaredoingjustthat.ThatpresentsevenmoreguiltlikehowcanIallowa3monthrelationshiptotearmeapartthewayit
isattemptingto?Thenightmares,sleeplessnights,lossofappetite,shortattentionspan,extremefatigue!Myworldseemsso
grayrightnow.IhavelovingfriendsandfamilyandafatherthatadorestheverygroundthatIwalkonYETIfeelthisway.I
knowthattimewillhealthiswoundandthatIwillbehappyagainwitharedefinedmeaninganpurposeformyexistence.It's
justreallyhardsomedays.Itiscomfortingtoknowthatothersareexperiencingsimilarfeelingstomine.FromyouallIhave
foundsomeencouragement.Thanks.
Link
Threemonthsorthreeyears...Idon'tthinkitmatters.I'mdyingfromtheendofathreemonthrelationshiptoo.Itsucks
becauseIwentthroughthis2yearsago.Metsomeonewhowasinmycityforacoupleweeksforwork,butwasfromthe
oppositecoast.Wereallyhititoffbutneitherofusknewhowwefeltabtlongdistancesowejustdecidedtokeepin
touch.Hecamebackafewweekslater,changinghisplanstogovisithisbrotheronthanksgivingtovisitingme.We
decidedtobeacouple.Talkedabtmarriageandhimmovinghere...Heevengotofferedajobhere,butthenhedeclinedit.
Ithinkmaybethat'swhereitstartedtogobad.Ilovedhimsomuchbuthewouldgothroughtheseperiodsofdoubtabt
ourrelationshipandIwouldhavetogivehimconvincingspeeches.Itwasreallytaxing..itshouldbetwopeopleworkingfor
therelationship,especiallyadifficultlongdistanceone,butinsteadIfeltitwasmefightingagainsttheobstaclesAND
him.NewyearshediditagainandIcriedsomuch..sothatwhenhecameformybdayacoupleweekslater,Ihadwallsup
fromallthathe'dputmethrough..andIendedupendingit..butnotbecauseIdidn'tlovehim.HewantedtotryagainbutI
wasn'tsure.Hewentbackhomeandweagreedtobetalkinglikebeforeweweretogether..foraboutaweekandthenthe
daythatIwasgoingtotellhimIwantedtotryagain..hesaidhethoughtweshouldjustbefriends.Iwentthroughhell
anddideverythingIcouldtoshowhimIlovedhimandthathehadnothingtobeafraidof..becausehesaidIhurthim.It
wouldgetreallycloseagainandthenhewouldpullawayandIhadtostartallover.Ievenflewtoseehim,justtotalk,just
foronenight.Onstpatricksday.Itwasmylastdesperateattempt..anditworked...whileIwasthere.Butassoonashe
leftmeattheairport,italreadystartedtorevert.April15hetoldmehehadbeenbackwithhisexforawhile.AndthenI
wasdevasted.AndIstoppedcontactwithhim,becauseI'mnotonetointerferewiththat.Ijustwishedhehadtoldme
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sooner..Iwouldn'thavewastedsomuchtimeandmoney..hewaswithheralreadywhenIflewthere,andIhadalsosent
giftsforhisbdayandvday,andsenthimballoonswhenhegotapromotion.AttheendofMay,hecontactedmeandsaidI
wasrightabteverythingandthatheneverreallygavemeachanceandtheyhadbrokenup.Ihadbeenwantingthisforso
long,Iwasouttobreakfastwithfriendsandjustburstintotearsatthetable.ButthenitturnedouttobenotwhatI
expectedwhenIimaginedhimcomingback..hewasthesamedoubtingandallthatanddidn'twanttocommit..Igotfed
upandstoppedrespondingtohimsomuch..thennotatall..IwouldbefinallydoingbetterandtheneverytimeIwasout
havingfun,hewouldcall,andeventhoughIwouldn'tanswer,itsetmebacksomuch.Thenonenight,againI.wasout,he
called,andthistimeleftavm,whichheneverdid,soIcouldn'thelpitandlistenedtoitanditturnedoutitwashisex
sayingtoquitcontactinghim(eventhoifshepaidattentionitwouldbehimcallingmeinthelog)orshewasgoingto
comeacrossthecountryandkickmyass.Iwishshewouldhavewastedhermoneytocomehere!Butithurtlikehellthat
hewaswithHERagain.IwasdoingbetterandcouldhavedealtwithhimbeingwithsomeoneNew,butitjustsuckedthat
hewasgivingherANOTHERchanceandnotme(whenIaskedtotryagain,hewouldsaywehadourchance.Wealready
tried)..soIcalledhimnextdayandchewedhimoutforlettinghergothroughhisphone,whichhealwayssaidhewasa
veryprivatepersonandthiswasn'tthefirsttimesheddonethistome,ithappenedwhenhecontactedmeinMaytoo.And
Iwouldneverdothat.AndforlettingherharassmewhenIWASN'TEVENDOINGANYTHING.ThiswasprobablyOctorNov.
Westoptalking.March,theybreakupagain,hecontactsmeagain.Wearefriendsthistime..I'mokay.Wedecidetogoto
Texastogether,inMay,andI'mterrifiedthatitsallgoingtocomebackandhurtagain..firstfewdaysitwasfine,butthen
alltheoldhabitsandfeelings..weprettymuchlookedlikeacouplewhenweleft.ButthenIgethomeandhejustsaysit
wasnicewhilethere.WTF?!Iwassopissed..toldhimhowcouldhedothattomeagain..hesaidhethoughtIwasoverit
andIsaidIwasbutittookmeaverylongtimeandIwasverydepressed,whyevenriskdoingthat...AndthenIwasfinally
donewithhim..byamonthlater.Noteventobefriendsbecausehedoesn'tdeservemyfriendship.AndlastIknowof,he's
backwithher...eventhoughafterthelasttimehesaidhewouldneverbewithheragaincuzshetriedtokillherselfthelast
time.whatever,Ihonestlydontcareanymore.
SoamonthafterIhadfinallytrulylethimgoanddidn'tcareanymore,someonethatIhadmetbrieflybefore,cameback
intomylife..hehadlikedmebeforebutIwasn'tinterestedatthetime(ageandalsoitwasduringallthebackandforth
withtheex)..wealsomovedveryfastandIwasconcernedabtthisbecausetherewerealotofsimilaritiesandIexpressed
themalltohimandtoldhimIwasscared,butheassuredmehewasn'tmyexanditwouldn'thappen..andIwantedtogo
slowbuthestartedwithalltheforevertalksandsaidIloveyoufirstandjustreallymademebelievehim.Anditwasso
muchbetterthanthepreviousonebecause,wellone,hedidn'tdoallthisbackandforthdoubting,two,weweren'tlong
distance,wesaweachotheraLOT,three..hewasjustsomuchbetterasmyex.Hewasthatperfectpersonyouenvision
foryourselfbutthinkcan'tpossiblyexist...ButhereIhadfoundhim..howdoIjustletthatgo?AndIthoughttherewasno
waythatIwouldhavetogothroughthepain,depression,andheartachesosoonafterfinallyhealing.Butonour3month
anniv...Hebrokeupwithme.Saidhewasn'treadyforarelationship.Itwasveryoutoftheblue..wehadagreatthree
months..rarelyfought,funallthetime,happyallthetime.Iwaitedthreeweeksorsodidn'ttalktohimatallandthen
calledafewtimesandaskedtomeet..askedifwecouldtryagainbutgoslowthistime,reallydeveloparelationship..he
saidhestillwasn'treadyIsaidokay,thenhowabtwegoonafewdatesseewhereitgoes..notbetogether,butmorethan
friends.Heseemedexcitedabtthis..soIwashappy..butitsjustbeenupanddownsincethen,thiswasendofNov..and
thenmybirthdaywaslastweekandwehadplansthedaybeforeandthenhecancelled..Iwasreallybummed..andonmy
bdayheonlytexthappybday,couldn'tevencallandwouldn'tcallmeback..thensat,Ihadplanstogotoaconcert,andI
foundouthewasgoingtoandIwasamess..Ididn'twanthimthere,itssmallandIknewI'drunintohimandaboveallI
didn'twanttoseehimwithsomeone..whichisexactlywhathappened.Hewasgrindingonherrightnexttome..Ifeltso
disrespectedthathedidn'thavethedecencyformyfeelingstonotdothatwhereIcouldsee.Iaskedhisbestfriendif
they'retogetherandhesaidno,thathe'dtellmethetruth..sonowitfeelslikeNovalloveragainwhenwefirstbrokeup.I
haven'theardfromhim,Iprobablywont..healwayssaidhe'dneverhurtmeandalwaystellmethetruth,andhehurtme
themostonmybday(satconcertwasformybdayalso)...I'mtryingtohatehimfordoingthatbutIcan't.Ican'tgetover
thathewastheclosesttoperfectI'deverhad..ittookmeayearandahalftogetoverthelast3monthrelationship..and
thisonemeantsomuchmoretome...Iwanttobewithhimsobadly...(Andfortherecord,Ihavehadlongterm
relationships,longestwas5.5yrs)..andIhavetrieddatingotherpeopleasadistractionwhileIwaitforhim,orevento
makemerealizehe'snotsogreat...butthey'reallJUSTNOTHIM..whydoIhavetogothroughthisagain:(IfeellikeI'm
dying..orthatIwantto.Haven'teateninover2days,can'tsleeporsuddenlygetsosleepyandsleepfor30minoran
hour..beeninbed2days..allday,andlotsoftears.Ijusthopehellrealizewhathegaveup...
Link
bunny(notverified)|01/23/12|22:00PM
Hi,Icheckthissitealmosteverydaytoseeifanyonerepliesafterme.Idon'treallyknowwhy,maybetoconsolemyselfthatI
amnotgoingthroughthisalone,righthereandrightnow.ButofcourseIwouldn'twantanyonetofeelthispain(apartfrommy
ex,buthe'ssoemotionallystuntedhewouldn'tandcouldn't).IwasspeakingtoafriendlastnightaboutwhyIamtakingthisso
hardwhenitwasonlya8monthrelationship.It'stheworstever.Maybebecauseinthatstageyou'resocaughtupinthethroes
offallinginloveandhaveallthesehopesbuildingup,thenit'ssnatchedawayfromyouwithoutexpectingit.
IstuggletofindtheangerinmetooandIamsuppressingitlikeIalwaysdo,butIknowitwillcomeandwhenitdoesitwillbe
easiertodealwith.
IwentformyfirstCBTsessionyesterdayandIdidfeelbetterafterit.Iwillbehavingabout7moresessions,andIreally,really
hopetheyhelpbutatthesametimeIamnotplacingallmyhopeonthemincaseIamletdown.ButIwouldreccomendit.It's
emotionallyexhaustingbutinagoodwayandbeingabletoconfideinacompletestrangerwithnofearofwhattheywillthinkis
reallygood.TheCBTcousellorwillopenupyourmindtoplacesyoumightn'thaveexplored.Hemademeaskalotofquestions
andsaystuffoutloud,asuncomfortableasitmyhavebeenatthetimeitwasagoodrelease.AnywayIcanonlyhopethenext
sessionsarehelpful.
Istillcriedlastnightinbedalone,andthat'sok,ImfedupbeatingmyselfupforfeelingpatheticbecauseIcry.Ihavetoaccept
allthisinsomewayandlearntoactuallylivewithitatthesametimetryingtomoveon.It'sconsumedmylife,everywaking
hour,infacteverynonwakinghourbecauseallIdoishaveseveralvividdreamsofhimeverynight.ThenIwakeandcry.Vicious
fu*kingcircle.
It'shasgotthatbadthatIamseriouslyconsideringmovingoutandawayfrommydearhousemateandclosefriendwhoislikea
brotherineverhad.Heismyexesgoodfriendandalthoughmyexisavoidingthehouse,hewilleventuallycomeroundandi
dontwanttobeseenasthesadexgfwhoisn't'overit'.Icannotbearthethoughtofeverbeingaroundhimorhearinghimor
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seeingagainbecauseIcannotbewithhim.Itwillsetmebackanditterrifiesme.AlsoIfeeluneasywhenIknowmy
housematehasbeeninhiscompany,andwhenIamawaytomyparentsfortheweekendandIcomebackIjustknowhehas
beenthere,undertheroofIlivein,whatsmeanttobemyhome,mysancturyandsafeplace.Itfeelslikethismanwhohas
almostdestroyedmeisstilllingeringaboutclosetomylifeandIwilldoanythingtocutthosetieswhereIcan.Ithinkmy
housematewouldbereallyguttedif/whenIleave,butIdontfeelihaveachoiceandattheendofthedayitismewhois
findingthesituationdifficultthereforeitismewhoneedstoremovemyselffromit..AlsoIusedtolovemybedroomandenjoy
speningtimeinthereandsleepingthere,nowitishell,itiswhereIselfharmed,itiswhereIhavecriedmyheartandsoulout
alone,itistherewhereIstareatthewallsandceilingthinkingandthinkingandthinkingallofthesh*t,thememories,
unrealisticfantasies.......it'sisnowaplaceiavoidgoingto,aplaceinolongercanproperlyrelaxin.
AndyetthroughoutallofthisIhope......Ihopeforhimtocomeback,tofixmyheart,tomendme,tobringmebacktolife.It's
so,soharddealingwiththis.
Heemailedmeyesterdaymorning,sayinghehopediwasok,hopeiwasallsetforchristmasandbutcouldhepleasehavehis
bootsbackbecausehewasreallystrugglingwithoutthemandtoleavethemwithmyhousemateandhe'llarrangetopickthem
up,leavingbackanitemofminethathehas.Thetwatdoesn'tgiveash*thowimdoingoraboutmychristmas,justwantshis
bootsback.WhichhappentobeatmyMums.SoanywayIdeletedtheemailstraightaway.Tookalotofstrength.
MaybeIwillleavehispreciousbootsintothecharityshoporfillthemfullofcowsh*tfrommyunclesfarmandleavethemon
hisfrontdoorsomenightinthep*ssingrain.Idon'tcareanymoreaboutloosingmydignity,he'salreadytookeverythingelse
frommesowhynot.
IhopeIneverfeellikethisagainorgothroughthisagain.Ihopeitgetsbetter.Ireallywanttostoplovinghimsomuch.
IthankGodforamazingfriendsandfamilywhohavesupportedmethroughoutallofthis,theyhavebeeninvaluable.HoweverI
stillfeelaloneinthishorrificjourneyandit'sonlyherethatIseekempatheticsolace.
IprayforusallandIpraythatnomatterwhattheoutcomethatitwillallbeokandourheartswillheal.
x
Link
Havereadeachpostandamembracedbybothasenseofkinship&compassion,largelyduetothesharedsimilaritiesmost
everyonestaleofwoe.Maleorfemalemakesnodifferencesorrowknowseachgender.
~
Iamoneofthe'dismissed'asitwere:24yearsoffaithfulserviceletgoandwithnogoldwatch.Ifthatin&ofitselfwasn't
badenough,thekissoffwaswasdonebyphone...bothclassy&compassionate,huh.Thereasonthatmyserviceswereno
longerrequiredbyher?Whocansay...Idon'tbelieveanythingcomesoutofhermouthanymore,detailstofollow.Lasttimewe
weretogether,everyword&actionhersaffirmedherloveforme(pertheusualevenusedthe'pet'nameshe'dgivenme,justas
Ihadoneforher.)NoneofwhichpreparedmeforthetruthIwasabouttolearnfromherownsister:shetoldmemy(now)ex
hadn'tbeeninlovewithmeforyears,feltsorryforme,andonlysawmewhenshedidfor'physicalneeds'(insteadoffeeling
studish,Ifeelused...someguysaresensitive/havefeelingsabovethebelt.)Continuing,shewaslookingforawaytogetme
outofherlife,wasworriedImightmovebacktothesametownsoon(thatwasourplanwelivedtogether12years&then
spentthelast8inalongdistancerelationshipduetofamily/careercircumstances.)
~
Ihadbeenbetrayed,deceived,liedtodirectlymyface,ledon&atminimumusedbyacowardlysnakeposingasapartner.That
sheandhersisterbothtriedtousetherationaleitwasbecauseshedidn'twanttohurtme&shefeltguilty,myonlyresponse
is:howdoyouthinkIfeelnowyoutwo,handlingthingsasyoudid?Hersisterapparentlyhadbeentellingherforyears'you
havetotellhim'(me),butmyexneverdiduntilearlierthisyear.
~
OnlyvaguegenericinfoIgotfrommyexwastheusualliessorry,meant'lines':'I'vemovedon','it'snotyouit'sme'&ofcourse
'don'tblameyourself'.Alsogotthisonlyslightlymorespecificcliche,'Weweren'tonthesamepage'andanewsongoffreedom
hers:'I'mhappynow,peoplesayI'mglowing'(maybeshe'sradioactive?)Idunno.
____________________________________________________________
Hereiswheretheplotthickens
~
Ieventuallygotmyextoadmitshewasn't'inlove'withmeanymoreshelovedmelikeamemberofthefamilycantfigure
thatoneoutexactly,giggolothatIam,apparently.She'dalsotoldhersister'I'vegottoget(me)outofmylife.'When(with
hersister'spermission)Irelayedthislaststatementhersbacktomyex,herresponsewas'Ifeellikesuchanass.'(YeahI
thoughttomyself,metooattheotherextreme.)
~
Triedtogetmoredetails,butwasmetwith'Idon'twanttoseeyouagain&don'toweyouanything/explanation'.Oh,&to'leave
mealone.'Igetdumped,abrokenheart&sheisbitteratme?What'swrongwiththispicture?Herattitudeaboutbreakingupis:
justmoveon&dontlookback.ToldherImsorrybutImnotthathardandIlove/committabitmoredeeplythanthat.Alsotold
heIfeltlikeoneofherdogsthatshehadthrownoutinthetrashratherthanburyitorarrangeforamoredecentremoval.
~
Sonow4monthslater,haventseenher,herdemand.Oh,andthis:shetellsmeshedconsideritalackofrespectifItried
seeingher.Guessherlackofrespectvialyingtomyfaceforyearsdoesntmatter...nope,onlyherfeelings.DidIusetheword
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selfishyet?Ormanipulative?Thispartinghasleftmeponderingwhethergoingtosleepandnotwakingupwouldbepreferable
toenduringonemoremomentofgrief,watchingadreambecomeanightmare,andthelossofillusion:believingthatsomeone
wassincereanddiscoveringitwasbutanidealizedvision,onceuponatimememorybecomefraud,corruptedsomehow.Trust
andlovecanberestored,Ibelieve:whethertheeffortshouldbemade,debatable.Discoveringhowmuchapersonhaschanged
(ormaybealwayswasinsincere?onlyIwastooblindtosee/pickuponcues?)fromtheonewhofirstattractedyou,is
devastating:fromsweetgirltobitterpill.
~
WhatImissmostaboutourrelationshipisthemeaningitgavetomylife,orsoIbelieved.Idontmisstherealizationthatwhat
Ibelievedwascommittedlovewasinfactconvenience.Iregreteverhavingmetheratall:almostaquartercenturyfornaught
hellofapricetopayforalearningexperience(I'llnevergraduateatthisrate.)AllofthewonderfulexperiencedevaluedI
nowquestioneach&everymemoryintherearviewmirrorcalledhindsight.
~
AmInowbitter?Yathink?Youbet.Forthosewhoembracewasalearningexperience,itwasmoresoaffirmationthatsome
people(basedupontheevidencecommentaryhereintheirowntreatmentthehandsofothers)aremorecommittedthanothers
toarelationshipratherthanwemoresoforthemit'samatterofme,myselfandIrunamuck.NowIgettowallowin
emotionaldespair,scarredbutwiththatadded'learningexperience'.BS.
~
Themostimportantthingothersneedtoknowabouthealingabrokenheartisalltheheartfeltthingsotherfolkshavealready
alludedtoherein.Iwouldadd:whatyougainlearningexperienceyoulosesenseofinnocence,nomatteryourage:abeliefin
love,trust&thelike,leastforsomeofus,leastforawhile,ifnotforever.
~
Caveatemptor:isitbettertohaveloved&lostthantoneverhaveloved/beenlovedatall?Toeachtheirown.
Anonymous#999,999(notverified)|11/29/11|22:07PM
Link
Discoveringhowmuchapersonhaschanged(ormaybealwayswasinsincere?onlyIwastooblindtosee/pickuponcues?)
fromtheonewhofirstattractedyou,isdevastating:fromsweetgirltobitterpill.That'swhatithink...it'sbeenalready1
yearsincethebrokeup,butthepainandsadnessisstillhere..I'mgonnahavetofaceasadnewyearsevewithouthim...We
werebothfirstgf/bfofeachotherbutireallythoughtitwasaseriousrelationship,despistehewasyoungerthanme,i
thoughthewasverymaturedforhisage.Andaveryintrospectiveguy...Hishousewasmysecondhome,hewastreating
melikeaprincess,cryingsayingneverwantingtolooseme.Eventalkingaboutchildren.andallofasuddenhedumpsme
forothergirl.Inthebeginninghewasconfused,andconfessedhedidn'tfeelmuchempathyforher,anddidn'tloveher
morethanme...butididntfoughtforhim,ijustlethimgo!!buticouldn'tcopewhenhesaidtomehewouldbewithher
wheneverfeelliketo,thatiwouldsufffermoreifhebrokeuplater...thathurtmeso..ididnttalktohiminhopehewould
regretandcomebacktomeandtoshowhimhowupsetiwas..buthedidnothin...ashestartedtobecomeusedtobewith
thisgirlaroundiwasforgetalongtheway..shemanagedtowinhisheart...itfeelslikeiwasstabbed.Andtheworstishis
egocentricattitude,thewayhetreatsme,now,wheni'mtryinganapproachhesaysevenifhe'sdumpinghertomorrow
we'renotgoingtobetogetheragain.Hedon'ttalktomeinanyway:i'malwaystheonetoapproachhim..notevena
friendshipcausehedon'twanttofeelguiltyandlistentomyregretsagain.Hedoesntbelievethatiamabletohavejusta
friendshipwithhim,ienduptalkingaboutthesamethingoveragain.Butlasttimeweweretogetheriactlikeasimple
friend,naturally,nobitter..buthisfacewasserious,disturbed...itwasanobligationtobewithme.Themeetingwehada
coupleofweeksbeforewasbetterhewassurprisinglywarmandkindtome,feltsadnessandtender,loveinhiseyes...
butitdidn'trepeat....Aguywhowantedtobealwayswithme...ican'tunderstandhowhechangedso...Ilovehimso,iknow
he'stheloveofmylife,iknowiwanttotalktohim,icantresist...butit'sjusttosufferwithhiswordsnow.Whattodo?i'm
stillhopingsomethingtochange.hopinhe'scomingback.Ijustcan'tforget.help?
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IvereadeverysingleentryinthisblogandIamtrulygratefultoseeIamnottheonlyonesuffering.HereismystorysinceIve
readithelpstowrite,tohelpdealandcopewiththemiseryandpain.Myrelationshipwithmyexgflastedonly8months,but
forsomereasonIaminsuchpain,miseryanddepression,anditfeelslikeIhadbeenwithherforyearsandyears.Shewasa
coworkerofmineandIhadneverthoughtmuchaboutherbecausewhenshestartedatmyjobIknewshewasmarriedandI
didntwanttomakeherfeeluncomfortable,neverthelessIthoughtshewasgorgeusandagreatperson.Ihadagfatthetime
andeventhoughthingswherenotgreat,shewasstillagoodgirl.NeedlesstosayIcometofindoutmycoworkerwasactually
goingthruadivorce,andsincethedayIfoundthatoutIstartedtotalktohermoreandmore.Wegotcloserandcloser,andI
endedupbreakingupwithmygfatthetimetobewiththisgirl.ShewaslikenoothergirlIhadeverbeenwith,smart,funny,
cuteandjustapleasuretobearound.Nowshehadmovedtomytownwithherexhusbandandafterthedivorcesheknewno
oneexceptuscoworkers.Wequicklygrewcloseanditwasntlongbeforewewheredating.ThiswaslikeIhavetoldherthebest
5monthsofmylife.Welivedtogetherandlifewasamazing,wakingupnexttohermademydayeverysingleday.Wewould
talkaboutmarriageandkidsandusuallyinthepastIwouldgetdefensivebecauseIwasneverreallysureIwaswiththeright
person,butwithheritallfeltsonaturalandiwassohappyandthethoughtofspendingtherestofmylifewithherbroughtme
suchjoy.Unfortunatelythatwasnottobethecase.Onedayshecalledmehystericalthatherfatherwassickandshemaybe
movingbackhome,asshefeltobligatedtobebyhim.Icouldnotblameherforwantingtodothat,andsheassuredmewe
wouldtalkmoreaboutit.NeedlesstosayIpanickedandwegotinabigargument,becauseIwantedtoknowifshewasreally
movingornot.LookingbacknowIfeelthatargumentpushedheroverthetopandtodecidetoleave.Shehadcontemplated
stayingbecauseofus,butonedayatworkshesentthedreadfulemailrequestingatransferbackhome.Ibegedandpleaded
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forhertostay.Movingbackhomeforherwasonly2hoursawayandImadeeveryattempttomakeherstay,iofferedtodrive
upeveryweekend,anythingtokeepher.Shewasstubbornandhadmadeuphermind.Theresultingmonthandahalfwehad
lefttogetherwasthemostamazingtimeIhadeverexperiencedwithsomeone,Iknewwhatitwastohavetruelove.Wespend
everysinglewakingminutetogether,takingweekendvacations,justlivinglifelikeIhadalwayspicturedIwouldwithmysoul
mate.Repeatedlywespokeaboutusbeingsoulmatesandhowwewhereperfectforeachother.Asthetimegrewnearerfor
herdeparturewegrewcloserandcloser,untilthedaycame.Ibegedandpleadedandicriedforhertostay.Nowformetocry
wassomethingIwasnotcapableofbutarushofemotioncameoverme.Shewantedtostay,andsheeventoldmeshewas
makingthebiggestmistakeofherlifeandthatsheshouldstaybutshedroveaway.Dayspassedandwekepttalkinglikeifwe
wherelivingtogetherstill.ThedistancewashardbutIwantedthingstoworkout.Weagreedtodothelongdistancething(big
mistakebytheway,neveragainwillIputmyselfinthathorriblesituation).Amonthortwopassed,andeverythingseemed
great,Iwouldgoseeher,wewouldtalkallthetimeandIreallythoughttomyselfthiswasgoingtoworkout.Hereiswherethe
heartacheandmiserybegan.IfeltsostronglyaboutbeingwithherandIknewshewastheoneIwaswillingtosacrificemy
wholelifetobewiththatIofferedtomoveuptobewithher.NevermindmybrandnewhouseIhadjustboughtbeforeImet
her,andallthemoneyandtimeIspenttorenovateit,noneofitmeantanythingtome,iwasblindedandthereforewasnot
beingrationale.Immediatelyshebegantodistanceherself.Shesaidshecouldnotallowmetomoveupthereandthrowaway
myhouse,Iwouldpleadwithhertoconsiderit,thatIwouldrentmyhouseout.Butthenshehitmewithit.Shewasvery
religious,goingtochurchtwotothreetimesaweek.Ineverwenttochurch.Iamnotabadperson,Iamverygenerous,caring
anddoanythingtohelpanyoneinneed,butthefactthatIdidntgotochurchwasthedownfallofus.Itriedeverythingto
convinceherbutshewasblinded.ShetoldmeallthistimehowIwastheone,howIwashersoulmate,howshesawusgrowing
oldtogetherandraisingourkids,andthentojustletitallgoforthis?Wewentonforacouplemoreweeks,trying,andIeven
begantogotochurch,butitwasneverenough.Ikeptgoingandprayingtogodthatthiswouldworkandforhishelptomakeit
workbutitnevercame.Ifeltbetrayed,butIknowthatsbeingselffish,sincesomanyothersareinalotworsesituationsthatme
andIhavealottobegratefulfor.Shebrokethingsoff,andnowIamdevasted.Icanteatawholemeal,ivelost10poundsina
weekandahalf.Mydaysfeellikeaneternity,andtheyjustdragon.Icannotforonesecondstopthinkingabouther,nomatter
whatIdo,somethingremindsmeofher.Cantlistentotheradio,causeeverysongseemstoremindmeofherandusandwhat
wehad.Ireadeveryoneelse'postsandIfindcomfortinginthem,thatIamnottheonlyonegoingthruthis,butitstillhurts.My
motherrecommendedItakeStJohnWorts(Ithinkthatswhatitscalled)tohelp,andIhavebeguntotakeit,atthispointI
wouldtakeanythingtotryandhelpwiththepainanddepression.Imfeelingallthesameemotionsatthesametime,stomach
ache,uselessness,feelinglikeIamworthless,sadness,thenanger,thenquestioningmyselfandwonderingwhatIdidwrong,
andblamingmyself.Iamamess.Iamusuallythemosthappygoluckperson,andthatswhatsheusedtoloveaboutme,thatI
neverhadstressandwasalwayshappy,andnowIhavebeenreducedtothis,aselfpityinghumanbeingthatcanbarely
function.Itsbeenoneweek,anditfeelslikegroundhogday,everymorningIwakeupanditsthesamething.Iwakeup
realizingsheisnotinmylifeanymore,andthesadnessbegins.Iknowittakestime,butitssodammpainful.Ilikeothershave
saidwouldnotwishthisonmyworstenemy.Andthepartthathurtsthemostisthatsheseemstohavejustmovedonwithno
problem.Howcansomeonewhoclaimedtheylovedyoujustchangesoquicklyandcrushu.Sorryforranting.AsIwritethisIsit
inbedwaitingforhertocall.Ibrokedowntodayandemailedherandwespokebriefly,andshetoldmeshewouldcallme,butI
knowthatcallisnevercoming.Lifeissocruelandsickandtwisted.Goodlucktoallofyoursuffering,Ihopeitallpassesforyou
quickly.
Link
asdf
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ImgladIfoundthisblog.Ireadeveryentryanditmakesmefeelatinybitbetterknowingothersaregoingthroughand
experiencingthementalanguishandpainIamgoingthru.MYrelationshiponlylasted8months,buttheywherethebest8
monthsofmyentire33yearsoflife.Myexwas24soshewasobviouslyyoungerthanmeandIthinkthatiswhatdidusin.We
wouldtalkaboutmarriageandkidsandspendingtheresfofourlivestogether,andIbeleiveditall.Ihadneverexperienced
suchjoyandsatisfactionbybeingwithsomeone.ThenonedayshetoldmethatIwasnotreligiousenoughandthatitwastoo
soonforhertobeinaseriousrelationship(8monthsintoit?).ShehadbeenrecentlydivorcedandIguessitwastoomuchfor
hertohandle.Shewasdivorcedinjanuary,eventhoughshehadbeenseparatedforlike5monthsbeforethat,andwestarted
datinginapril.Iwasnothingbutperfecttoher,neverdidanythingwrongandsheherselfwouldtellmeIwasthemostamazing
guyshehadevermet,thatiwasthereforherforeverything,andthatiwastheone,yetintheendthelackofmegoingto
churchmademenotfittobewithher.Thatswhyidontbelieveinreligion,andthisiswhy.Wewhereperfectforeachother,but
yetherreligiousbeliefstoldherthatIwasnogoodbecauseIdidnotgotochurch.Webrokeupaweekago,andnowIama
mess.Canteat,lost10poundsinaboutaweek,thedaysdragonforaneternity,nightsarepointless,Ifallasleeponlytowake
toarealizationsheisnolongerinmylifeandthencantgobacktobed.Myfriendsaretiredofhearingmetalkaboutherand
questioningmyself.Imdepressedandfeelsolonelyanduselessatthesametime.IfindmyselftryingtofigureoutifIcouldof
doneanythingdifferent,yetsheseemstohavemovedonwithnoproblem.IblamemyselfsometimesandIknowthatswrong
becauseIdidabsolutelynothingwrongtodeservethis,shestheonewhobrokeitoff.Shesaidtomethatsheknowsshewould
regretthisandthisisthebiggestmistakeofherlife,butshestillwentthroughwithit.???ThatswhatIdontget,ifshefeels
thatwaywhywontshestay.Nopointintryingtoexplainsomethingthatmakesnosenseiguess.Whyislifesocruel.WellI
hopeallyouothersaremovingalongandgettingoverthepain.Iknowitwilltaketime,asIlayherewaitingforacallfromher
whichwillnevercome.
Link
Becomesclear(tomeatleast)thatthedumpeessenseweweredone'wrong'ourparticularcase(s)isimmaterialtothe
dumperotherwisetheywouldn'tactassomedid/do.Itdoesn'tmattertothelatter,orelsetheyjustseethingsdifferently(yes,
therecanbetwosidestoastory).Someofthemethodsemployedbydumpersaresimplycruel,anywayyoucutit...allthe
rationalizationintheworldcan'tturntheircompartmentalizedguiltintojustification.
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~
Appearsthereisnovaluegiven'right'orwrong'bythemorelseconductandhowtogivesomeonetheirwalkingpapersis
subjectiveinpolitecompanyselfservingpointoffact.So,tryingtouse'commondecency'or'fairness'asameanstomakea
dumperfeelguiltycan(usuallydoes?)fallondeafears,oratleasttheywon'tletyouinonanysenseofguilttheymightbe
feeling.SelfpreservationtheirsIlikenthistoashipsinkingandtherenotbeingenoughpreserversit'severyman/woman
(out)forthemselves.
~
Thisispreachingtothechoirofcourse,butwhileitmightbeeasy'knowing'youarebetteroffwithoutsuchpeople/their
methodsinyourlife,theactual'accepting'partthatformula(overcomingthesenseofdisappointment/betrayalyours)isthe
hardpart.Whenyou'veinvestedyourselfinsomeoneinallwaysandinsomecasesfordecades(mycase),i.e.,seenthemasyou
wantedto(idealized)&thenastheyactuallyare/moprhedintoovertime(theiractionsspeakinglouderthantheirwords)well,
thereisyourrecipefordepressionandalltherest.Some/evenmostofuswillsurvive,butnoteveryonewillrecoversimilarly:
bitter,jadedbecome,thethingswedofor/pricewepayforlove.
~
Alright,enoughofthissoberingreality...chocolate/comfortfoodanyone?Temporaryrespite(likethecomedianonstage,the
damagedmoroseoff),takeanymeasureofreliefyoucanfind.Sincerelyhopethateveryoneaggrievedfindstheirsliceofpeace
soonerthanlater.
Anonymous#999,999(notverified)|11/30/11|15:16PM
Link
Lifeformehasbecomeunbearable.Severedepressionisridingmelikeimaracehorse.Ivelostmydadinacaraccidentright
beforeIturned16.CalledtotellhimIlovedhimforthefirsttimeinmylifeonlytofindouthewaskilledinacaraccidentthat
Sundaymorning.Istillgetdepressed.Ivebeenthruadivorce,mychildrenwhoIvelovedandtakencareofneglecttocallmeor
visitme.Afterlosingmyjobwithbankofamerica.&goingthruahardtime.Myfamilybegantreatingmeasifiwasaburdento
them.Ihaveaboyfriendnowbutheisveryemotionallyandmentallyabusive.Becauseofhisstatusnopoliceofficerwilltouch
him.Eventheyhavebeenmeantomeandhe'stheabuser.Evenpunchedmeinthemouthandbustedopenmylip.Ihaveno
job,nocarandlivewithhim.Ican'tfindajobtosavemylife.Isufferfromablooddiseasethathasalsotakenalotoutofme.
Noonecallmeorcomestovisitmeorcheckonme.Ivebecomeseverlydepressedandfindmyselfcryingallthetime.Waymore
thanwhatsnormal.Ihavestartedhavingprettybadchestpainseverydaynow.Thisworldseemssoevilandpeopleareso
mean.ImnotsureIevencareifIdiefromabrokenheart....orwhatever.
Link
Wellit'salmost7weeksnowsincemyworldcrashedaroundme.IwishIcouldsayit'sgoteasier.Ithasn'treally.Istillcrymost
daysandfeelthishorrendousempltyheavynessinmyheart.Everydayisastruggle,Ihatehowthisistakingovermylife.Every
wakingmomentisconsumedbythemanwholeftmealonecryingonthefloorafterswoopingin,tellingmeit'soverand
swoopingbackout.IwishIcouldrunaway,farawayandnothavetodealwiththefactthathispresencestillhauntsme
throughmutualfriends.
Iwantthispaintostopsobad.Iwanttofeelnormalandhappyagain.Iamwaitingandwaitingforthis.AndyetIwaitforhim
tocall,tosayit'sabigmistakeandthathedoesinfactloveme.
Nodoubtheismovingonjustfine,flirtingandpossiblyseeingothergirls,laughing,lovinglife,e.t.c.andI'mlefttopickmyself
upandcopewithhealingmyheart.It'ssounfair.It'ssopathetictofeellikethis.
Iamgratefulforamazingfriendsandfamily,theirsupporthasbeeninvaluable.
LastSaturdayIwassoupsetdrivinginmycarIendedupcrashingintoaditch.ThankfullyIescapedwithoutascratchand
copingwiththeaftermathandtraumaofthatisjustasmallthingontopofbeingheartbroken.
Iknowhowpeoplefeelwhentheysaytheyfeelliketheyhavenoreasontolive.Ioftenfeellikealliwanttodoisgotosleep
andnotwakeup.IammusteringuphopeforthefutureandIknowrationallyIamyoung,notbadlooking,smart,kind,have
wonderfulfriendsandfamilyandsomuchgoingforme.Ijustcan'tcomprehendwhyIcarrythisintensesadnessaroundme.
Idonotwanttolivelikethisforever,pleasesomeonetellmeitwontalwaysbelikethis.Iwanttimetoheal,Iwanttomoveon.
ButIguesshowcanIwhenIwontgiveuphopingthatwemightsomeday,getbacktogether.It'sridiculoushowIwouldeven
wanttogetbackwithhim,hedidnteventreatmerightthroughoutthewholerelationship,Inevergotanythingbackfromhim.
Hetookmyheartandsoulandhestillhasit.Iamleftwithnothing.
ifanyonewantstoemailmepersonallymyemailisfuntimes1984@hotmail.co.uk
Hopeandloveandlighttoeachandeveryoneofus.
xx
Link
IamsorryyouaregoingthroughthisIknowitispainful.IwasontheotherendalthoughIdidnotcheatonherIwanted
toleaveherandkeptusfromthefinaltie.Itwas2or3monthsthatwentbybeforemyworldcrashedaroundmeona
date.ItriedeverythingIcouldtogetherbackandstillalone,sadandhopingonedayshewillchangehermind.Everyone
isdifferentyouneverknowifhewillornotcomebacktoyou.Iwouldsuggesttodosomethingyoulike.Iwouldgobike
riding,hikingandjoinedasocialgroupthathaveallkindsofactivities.ButeverydayIstillbreakdownoverherloss.The
hardestpartisthatIhadthemostwonderfullwomenintheworldwhichIdonothaveanymoreallbecauseofmeandI
havetolivewiththat.Keepbusybehappymaybehewillwantyouback???
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Joe
Link
JoeAdkins(notverified)|12/14/11|16:08PM
im12yearsold.guysareallolderthanme.ihadfeelingsofgirlsfromabout10.butiamnow12.thereisagirlin
neighbourhood.ilovedherthemomentisawher.ibeganfallinforher.iwritesongs.imetheramonthago.iwrotesome
lovesongsandgaveher.sheusedtosaytheywerenice.thenicametoapointwhereiwantedtogivemywholeheart.day
andnightiusedtodreamofher.thenisawthatshewasalsointrestedinme.ijustwantedtogofurtherinrelationshipnow.i
begantotellhermanypersonalthings.ireallyloveher.thenabout3daysago.shestoppedtalkingtome.icalledher.i
messagedher.thenextmessagefromherondaybeforeyesterdaywasdonttrytowoome.bye
aheartbrokenboy(notverified)|12/05/11|10:38AM
Link
Whateveritisplzhelpmehowtogetrelief,[email protected]'llbthankful
toyou.:'(
Cheema(notverified)|12/05/11|11:18AM
Link
idontwantanyonetohaveaheartbreakingsituation.Iloveyouallwhohaveletyourheartbebroken.
SKumar(notverified)|12/08/11|07:50AM
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Thisblogisalifesaver.Ithashelpedmetremendouslythismorning.Justreadingeveryone'sstoriesandadvicehassootheda
lotofmypainalready.GoingthroughmyTHIRDheartbreak,canyoubelieveit?Ithankallofyouwhopostedandsharedyour
personalstories.Ifanyonewouldliketotalkemailmeatbjagger83@hotmail.com
Link
Iamdivorcedfroma12yearmarriagewhereshecheatedonmeafewtimes.IleftherinJanuary2005andmettheloveofmy
lifeOctober26,2011.WehititoffimmediatelyandIhadthegreatestrelationshipofmylifeorIcouldevenimaginewithher.
Thingshappenedandwestartedfallingapart.IleftDecember2010anddidnotlookbackwhileshecalledandwaswantingme
togoout.WellithitmeinMarchwhenIwentonadatewithawomenthatIwouldhaveconsideredthegirlofmydreamsona
physicalandmentalaspect.Iwassittingatdinnerwithherwhenithitmelikeatonofbricks.IcouldnotstopthinkingofmyEx
Kathyandwenthomecrying.Ibasicallycancelledthenext2dateswiththisgirl30minutedbeforeweweresupposetomeet.
MyExKathywouldseemethentellmetomoveon.Andthiswouldhappenconsistentlyovera5monthperiod.Atthistimewe
dontgooutandIseemtomakethingsworseeverytimeIspeakordosomething.Idatebutjustcantmoveonandendup
hurtingagirlsfeelingssoIdecidednottodate.BeenayearnowandIcantseemtogetoverher.Ifeellikeafamilymember
diedlikewhenmyfatherdidatage18.Idontwanttohurtanyonebydating,yetIcantstopmissingherandthinkingofher.Her
voice,laughter,smell,touch,etc.....IknowsheistheloveofmylifeandknowImademillionsofmistakesthatIcannotmend
withher.IgoovereverythingIdidandmakesureIdonteverdothosethingsagaininmynextrelationshipifiteverhappens.
Joe
Link
Iknowwhatwentwrong.Iwasangryandhurtoverthefailureofmymarriageandthefamilyunit.Ididnotwantmyex
wifebackbutIhadissuesoverthebrokenmarriangeandfamily.Iremembermanytimesspecificallyworriedthatmyboys
wouldbeheartbrokenifthey"thought"Ilovedsomeoneelseasmuchormorethenthem.Althoughwegotalongreally
greatIneverletitgettothemarriageormyselftohercompletely.NowwhatIwasworriedabouthurtingmeormykids
hurtusandIfindmyselfwishingIcouldhaveherback.Ialsorememebrinthelast6monthsafterIproposedandwewere
engangedscaredandwonderingifIshoulddothismakingupallkindsofexcusestomyselfofwhynotandstayingintouch
withpeoplefromthepastthatwereanissuetotherelationshipalmostlikeIdiditsoshewouldgetupsetandbreakitoff
withme.InevercheatedonherphysicallybutmentallyIdid.
Link
IjustbrokeupwithawomanwhoIhadbeeninwhatIthoughtwasaverywonderfulandlovingrelationshipforthepasttwo
years.Overthosetwoyearsweweretogethershedideverythingshecoulddototryandconvincemethatshelovedmeohso
muchandwouldtellmethatIwasthesexiest,mostwonderfulmanshehadevermetShewouldevenaskmefromtimetotime
ifIthoughtshewasgoodenoughformeandifIreallylovedher.IdideverythingIcoulddotoshowherthatshewaseverything
tomeandthatIdidloveherverymuch.Everythingfromdoingyardworkandrepairsonherhousethatshecouldn'tdoherselfor
affordtohavedone.ShereallytreatedmelikeakingandItreatedherlikeaQueen.Ourrelationshipseemedsowonderfuland
everythingseemedtobegoinggreat.Sheneveronceinthosetwoyearsgavemeanyreasontobelieveotherwise.Shehadeven
wantedsobadlyforustolivetogetherandmeeteachothersfamilieswhichIthoughtwasgreat.andwasplanningondoing.
Then,outoftheblueabouttwoweeksagosheinformedmethatthefatherofher27yearolddaughter,whomthedaughterhad
nevermetandsheherselfhasn'tseensinceheranoutonherwhentheirdaughterwasborncontactedherandtoldherthathe
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haslovedherallalongandwouldwaitforherforaslongasitwouldtakeforhertotakehimback.Shethenwentontotellme
thatshehasalwayslovedhimandprobablyalwayswillandwantedtogivehimanotherchancewithher.WellneedlesstosayI
wasquitedevistatedbythisturnofeventsandhavebeenleftfeelingshocked,extremelysaddenedandlikeeveryoneelseon
here,brokenhearted.Ihaven'tbeenabletoeat,sleeporhardlyhaveahappythoughtsinceshebrokethisnewstome.I'm
depressed,angryandeverythingelsethatwasdecribedabove.I'vebeenthroughmyshareofheartbreaksovertheyearsbut
thisonehasbeentheworsebyfar.IunderstandhermaybewantingherdaughtertomeetherfatherbutforthelifeofmeIwill
neverunderstandwhyshewouldevenconsidergivinghimthetimeofdayletalonebecomeromanticallyinvolvedwithhimafter
whathedidtoherallthoseyearsago.IfanyofyouwomencangivemesomeinsightonwhyshewoulddothisIwouldbequite
gratefultohearwhatyouhavetosay.
Link
Tothelastposter,thatreallyreallysucks.Iknowhowyoufeel,Itreatedmyexlikeaqueenanddideverythingforher,andshe
wouldalwaystellmeIwasthemostamazingperfectguyandthatnoonehadevertreatedherasgood.Andintheendshe
walkedaway.Ireallyhopethisgirlcomesbacktoyou,shewillrealizewhenthedeadbeatwalksoutonheragain.Hediditonce,
hewilldoitagain.
Asforeveryoneelseonhere,imdoingalotbetternow,andonethingthatIthinkhelpedwasaproductcalledStJohnsWort.My
motherrecommendedittome,andeventhoughIwasskeptical,Itrieditandithelpedalot.
Ihopethatcanhelpsomeofyouwhoarecopingandstrugglingonadailybasis.Pleasetryittoseeifithelpsasitdidwithme.
Istillthinkaboutmyexdaily,butmymoodismuchbetter.Toallofthosewhohavebeenhurt,rememberthosewhohurtusare
theoneswhowillregretitinthelongrun.Weareallgreatpeopleandwedeservebetterthanthosewhohavetreatedusbad.
Takecare.
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Ican'tbelievehowmuchbetterIfeelnowthatIreadthisarticle.IguessitistruethatalthoughrightnowIfeelallaloneinthe
worldalmosteveryonehasfeltthiswayatonepointoranother.It'salsotruethateveryonegetsoveritsoonerorlaterandhow
soonthatwillbedependsonme.Nopointondwellingonittothepointofaphysicalbrokenheart.
Thankyouforbrighteningmyday!
Link
Hello...readalloftheseblogsandIhavetosayithasmademetakecomfortinmyownsituation.Iguessitsreallytruethat
miserydoeslovecompany!!Thehonest,rawemotionsthatI'vereadreallyhavemademefeelnotsoaloneorcrazy.Hopefully
mystorycantakeyourmindawayforjustamomentfromyourownheartache,asallofyoursdidforme.Thankyoutoeveryone
whoshared.Itrulyhopeithasmadeyoufeelbetter.
Iam39yojustabouttoturn40.Myexis37.Imamjustoutofa3yearrelationshipwiththisman.ForthepastyearIcantcount
thetimeswehavebrokenupandgottenbacktogether.Ithurtssomuchbecausehavingthingsincommonisreallyan
understatement.Iwouldliketogointowhatthosearebutitwouldtaketoolong...hastodealwithcommonhealthissues.I
investedsomuchtime,openedmyheartuptotallyandunconditionallytoamanwhosaidhelovedmeforever.Puthisissues
beforeminemakingsurehenevermissedadoctorappointment,labs,pharmacypickups,ordoseofmedicine,whilejugglemy
owndoctorappointmentsandabusyworkschedule.Ialwaysputhisfirst.Willingly,Itotallyfinanciallysupportedhimfortwo
yearswhilehetriedtogethisimmigrationstatustakencareof,whichwasnotcheap,sohecouldgetagreencard(orwhatever
itis)andgetajob.Inevermadehimfeelaburden.ThosetwoyearswhileIwasworkingmybuttoffmanagingahotel,putting
inextrahourstoputfoodonthetableandkeeparoofoverourheads,paybills,hiscellphone,medicines,hiscigarettes,and
Braziliancablechannels,hewasathomesittingonhisbutt,notworking,notkeepingthehouse,watchinganythingbasketball,
totalslob,butMOSTLYontheinternetclearinghistrackseveryday.AndmayIaddthateventhoughhebroughtnothingtohelp
thehouseholdwhatIbroughtinwasneverenough.neversatisifed....never,never,never.Alwayswantedmore,more,more.
Anyway,IsuspectedhewashookingupoffthecomputerandIeventuallyfoundtextsandnumbersthatconfirmedIwascorrect.
Ithrewhimout,Hecameback,,,hediditagain.Ithrewhimout...Hecameback...diditagainect..Untileventuallyhemovedin
withhisbrotherinMiamiandImovedtoadifferentplaceinFt.Lauderdale.Nowwehavebeendoingthesamethingbut
breakingupandgettingbackbutfromadistance.Hiscitizenshipwentdownthetoiletandheisofficiallyillegalnowandwillbe.
IDONTKNOWHOWTOMAKEITSTOP!NomatterwhatIsaytohimoracthestillwillswingbyasifwearetogether,thenleave
likeIwasjustatrick.Hardlynotextsorcalls...daysgoby.Ireceivenogoodnightorgoodmorningtexts,missyoutexts,nothing.
IfIsendonehewillreply,alwaysdoes,someevensweet.Butalwaysverycutanddry.Nevertakestheinitiative.Dayscango
by!Whydoesnthejustleavemealoneifhedoesntloveme???Ivetalkedtohimandcriedtohimtellinghimwhatheisdoingto
meeverytimehecomesandgoes.Begginghimtostayawayifhesnotinlovewithme.HesaystojustrelaxandIamcrazyand
helovesmeandIcantjustletthingshappen.Itsbeenthreefreakingyears.Hesayshelovesmebutplaysgames.Hekeepsit
opensohecandowhathewantswithoutacommitment.Danglingfuturecommitmentlikeacarrotabovemyheadmakingme
thinkitwillhappen,neverdoes,nomatterhowniceIam.Heonlycallsmeanhourorsobeforehewantsmetopickhimup...yes
pickhimup...thisgemdoesn'thaveacareither.EvenifhedidhaveacarthestateofFloridawontgivehimadriverslicenseto
driveit,ortakethewheeltomycarwhenimtiredofdrivingusbotheverywhere.WhycantIstopthis???WhycantIlethimgo?
Itsbeenyears!!!IamsostupidandIknowit.HowcanIfalleninlovewithsomeonewhotreatsmelikethis.WhycantIwalk
away??Itriedmoving,changedmynumberfewtimes,saidveryhorriblethingstohim.Notcalling.Andhealwaysboomerangs
rightbacktobreakmyheartalloveragain.AndIletithappen.IthinkrevengefulthoughtsliketurninghimintoHomeland
Security.ButIdontthinkthatwouldevenwork.Illegalshavetodoacrimetobedeported.Unfortunately,slicingmyheartto
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piecesoverandoveragainitstilllegal.
Allthishasaffectedmephysicallyandmentally.Inadditiontomyselfesteembeingcrushed...Anditshouldntbecrushed.Iam
tall,beentoldgoodlooking,workedoutmostmylifeandlikemybodyalot.Lostsomehairbutthatdoesntbotherme.IknowI
lookgood,smart,peopleareattractedtome.ButIalwayshidebehindmysmileanddonthavethefocusorcouragetohavea
conversationwithsomeone,letalonegettoknowthem.Feelsliketoomuchworkandmyheadisntscrewedonrightenoughto
converse.Itslikewhatsomeoneelsesaidhere"IfeellikeIamoutsidelookingin".Imnothereanymore.Imsolost,always.
Beingrejectedbyhimhasmademefeellikethemoststupid,pathetic,desparate,ugly,fool.
IstayhomemostlynowandprobablysmokemorepotthanIshould.Ithelpsmakethetimegoby.Andhelpswiththeappetite.
EventhoughitmakesmefeelbetterIcanthelpbutthinkitsnothelpingthedepression.IdoknowsmokingwhenIgethome
fromworkkeepsmefromdrivingdowntoMiamiandlancingintohisnogoodass.Itkeepsmecalm.Stillverysad,butcalmer.So
fornowthebenefitsareoutweighingtheconsonthatmatter.IdontdrinkalcoholbutsometimeswishIdid...seemslikethose
peoplewhodoarehavingmorefun.AndIknowmyexisoutinbarsdrinkingandhavinggoodtime.Idontgotobars...never
reallydid.Anditkillsmetovisualizehiminabarorwithsomeoneelseintimately.Feelslikeaswordthroughmyhearteach
timetheycomeintomyhead,whichistoooften,everyday,allday.AndIknowthemindcantakeyoutoplacesyouthatare
bogus,butstillhurtsjustthesameasifitwasreal.IwishIcouldmoveon.WhycantImoveon?Ihadagoodlifebeforethis.
Beforehim.Whatistheholdhehasonme?Isitallsexual?Imsoconfused,hurtandlost.Lostinterestineverything.Andits
exhaustingfakingdayafterdayafterday.Brightsideithasntaffectedmyjobasofyet.LuckytogettimeawaywhenIneedit.I
couldn'thandlehavingpeopleontopofmeallday.Imreallybecomingaloaner.Thisisnotme.
ItsNOTtruethattogetoversomeoneelseistogetunderanother.Itsacutesayingbutcrap.Trieditanditdoesntwork.And
don'tgetmestartedonthewhole"bettertohavelovedthannotatall"IfIcouldforgetthisbumIwould.Wishwewouldnever
met.
Icanteatright,thinkstraight,tiredallthetime.Iveisolatedmyselffrommyfriendsandoccasionallymusterupenoughenergy
tocallmylovingmotherwhoIlovemorethananythinginthisworld.Sheiswhythethoughtofsuicidedoesntstaytoolongin
myhead.Ithasbeenarecurringthoughtevenfrompast.Evensudotrieditfewtimes.Justcantdoit.Ihaveonegoodfriend
leftthatisontheedge(friendshipwise)withmehefeelslikeIamonlygivinghimthetimeofdaywhenitsconvenientforme.
Theressomeironythere...sighWhichIguessistruebecauseidontfeellikehangingoutanymoreorgoingplaces.Canttalkto
himaboutmyissueswithmyexcauseiknowhestiredofit.Idontwanttoloosemylastfriend.I'mobsessedonstaringintomy
blackberryconsistentlywaitingforatextorcallthatsnotgoingtocome.EventuallyitwillcomebutIwillbedisappointedinhis
enthusiasm.Hislasttextread"Howisu?'Thisisafter3daysofnotseeingme.Hecanwriteperfectenglish.No:Imissyou,
beenthinkingofyou...ect.Hisnexttextwas"SowhendoIgettoseeyou?"WhichIreplied"LOLseriously".Fewmoreexchanges
ofhimblamingmeforbeingupsetagain.Imadeitclearlasttimeweweretogetherthatheskillingmeandheneedstotakeus
serious.Heagreed.Thenblowsmeoffforthreedays,thenaccusingmeofbeingthejerkforbeingupsethewasgone.Welived
togetherfortwoyearsandsaweachothereveryday.Howcanthinkcallingmeback3daysoffcanbeacceptablewhenwejust
talkedaboutit.Butthisishowitsbeenforlongtime.Howcansomeonebesocruelforsolong?Howcanheseemysuffering
andsayhelovesmethenbreaksmedowneverytimehe'sboredandwantstoseeme?
Ithoughtbynowiwouldbematureenoughtonothavetogothroughthisagain.ItfeelslikemyfirstlovewhenIwasamuch
younger,naivemanabout20yearsago.IthoughtthatwasjustaonetimethingbutIwaswrong.Imafraidtoletthishappen
again.HowdoIgetoutofthis??
OnethingIamsurethatnomatterwhatage,gender,race,preference,whatever,Icanseeitallhurtsusthesame.Same
intensity,insanityandpainaheartbreakbrings.IwishIhadanswerstosharewithallofyou...Findpeace,findyourselfand
happiness.
Link
Myhusbandwashavinganaffairwithsomeonefromhisworkplace.Iwassoupset,Ididn'tknowwheretoturn.untillafriend
introducemetoSUNRISESPELLwhichgavemethestrengthtoconfronthim,andIwonhimback!Thegirlgotfired,andnowwe
arehappierthanwehaveeverbeen....ifyourequireanyassistancecontactsunrisespell@gmail.com
sandy(notverified)|01/04/12|12:52PM
Link
Whatissunrisespell?Canyoutellusmore?
AndIjusthavetotellSOMEONEhowannoyingitisthateverytimeIgetonthiswebsiteornavigateonit,apopupad
comesupwithacoupletalkingabouttheirromanticvacationinSt.Lucia,whichisoneoftheislandswewentto
onourhoneymoon!!!!Geez!It'shorrible!
Link
Wow!Youareagreatwriter.Nicephotostoo.keepgoing
Physicseducation.
Link
muhammadAbdullah|01/06/12|16:16PM
Iwentthroughthisthefirsttimeayearago..ittookithinkeightmonthstogeteverythinginperspective.Itwastough.butidid
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getoverthepainthoughnotoverhim.Idon'tthinkicouldevergetoverhim,hopefullyifI'mluckywhatwehadwillcomeagain.
anyway,afterelevenmonths(lastmonth)hesaidhewantedatry.aftersomuchhesitation(amreallyproudlol!)i
agreed.today.,justnowhejustendedthings.thatthingscannotbethesameagain..hahaha,ican'thelplaughingoutloud.while
tearsstreamdownmyfaceatthesametime.allIcanthinkis,howdidIallowmyselftogetintothissituationTWICE?hahaha.
anyway,myheartgoesouttoallofthoseinsuchsituations.thingsgetbetterandthenworse.andthenbettertilloneday,you
willbehome,soulmateetall.lifeisacycle.
Link
it'strueforme.Iexperiencedfor2+years(BrokenHeart)andiwastheonewhocalleditoff.Thepainisnotjustwiththe
brokee,butalsowiththebroker!
Link
Iwhentthrutwoheartbreaksinarow,Iwasmarriedfor9yearswhileIwasintheprocessofdivorce,Iwasinturmoilstillin
lovewithmyexhusbandanddealingwiththeheartache,mydaugthertoldmeshewasabusedbyhimafterhehadjusttoldme
hewasplanningoncomingbackhometous.Icanliteralysaymykneesgaveoutonme,andmychestfeltlikemyheartwas
goingtostop.Ineverfeltsomuchpain.Theheartacheofsomeonehurtingmychildwasdefinatlythehardestthingivedhadto
endure,andtoknowitwassomeonewetrustedandloved..mydaugtherwasgoingthruthesameprocessaswellsoIhadtobe
strongputmyfeelingsaside.InevercriedinfrontofherbutIcriedalmosteverynigth.Heisrunningfromthelawnow.After
almost2yearsIcanhonestlysayIfeelasthouwealreadypassedthruthedifficultstuff.Igetsadonocassiononceinablue
moon,mydaugtherneedstotalktomeanditbringsoutthosefeelingsbutIknowsheneedstoletthemoutandperhapsin
doingsowecanbeonthepathtocompleterecovery.Thesadfeelingsarntasstrongastheusedtobe.Imveryhappybut,my
heartseemstohaveanocassionalpalpitationthatIcanphysicalyfeel.Itliteralyfeelslikemyheartisirregularforafew
seconds.Ivedneverhadproblemswithmyheartbeforethiswholeincident,Therewhereocassionsinthebeginingwherethe
paininmychestwassoseverethatIwouldhavetroublebreathing.Ireallybelivetheresaphysicallinkbetweenyourheartand
theemotionalheartbreakyoumayexperience.
Link
Thisisonlywithregardtoabreakup(formeafter8years)
Ripstheflippinggutsoutofyou.
ButIsupposeyouhavetorememberthatnobodyisdead.Youwerealwaysyoubutforaspellweredefinedastwopeople,and,
inmycaseanyway,tendedtousetherelationshipasacrutch.
Istoppedmakingmusic,whichhasbeenalifelongpassionforthesakeofthatrelationship.
Nottakinganythingawayfromit,Isupposeitwasacoolexperiencelookingback.Brokemewhenitended.Butnothinglasts
forever.Stillstings,butthat'snoneedtogiveup.Sometimesyouneedabitofsolovibetofindyouagain.
Chinupsoldier:)
Link
Jay(notverified)|01/18/12|00:28AM
Remember,eventhegreatestdancersintheworldareboundtoleavethedancefloor
Link
Jay(notverified)|01/18/12|00:31AM
I'msoashamedofwhathappentomebutIneededtotalkandhavefeedback.Iamamarried50yearslady,myhusband
cheatedevenifheisbackintryingtopatchthemarriagebutIhadbeenunhappyformanyyears,IwastookforgrantedandI
allowedit(stupidme).I'mstayinginmaymarriageonlyformydaughter.Inanyevent,Imetthismuchyoungerguyinaclient
workingrelationship(heisalsomarried)andwetalkandlaugh,innocentflirting,whichIthoughtwasmutual.ThenIrealized
thatIhadatremendouschemistryforhimandagainIthoughtitwasmutual.Ifeltaliveagainbutashamedofthereasonsof
whatmademefeelalive:animpossibleandirrationalsituation.Imusthave,changedmybehavior,probablyIflirtedmoreand
alsotrytodetachatthesametime.ProbablyIconfusedthehelloutofhim.Hebecamefirstcolderandnowisslowing
becomingniceragain.Asaresponsei'mjustbehavingasnormalasIcanbe,nomoreflirting,Ipretendtobeinagoodmood.
Whatbotherme,ishowinthewordawomanofmyageiscapabletofeelsoheartbrokenforwhathappened(nothinghappen
betweenus).Icry,Idon'teatandI'mverydepressed.AmIdelusional?WhatcanIdotostopthisillusiontotakeoverme?Why
canmyreasoningwinningovermyfeelings?AndwhyIcannotstopfeelingthatthischemistrywasreal?Ireallyfeltit.Ineed
help.Anycomments,positiveornegativewillhelptoexplaintomyselfthathopefullyI'mnottotallycrazyasmypainsuggest.
PleaseanswermeIreallyneedhelp!
Thanks
Link
illy(notverified)|01/20/12|07:46AM
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illyyouhavenothingtobeashamedof.Yourexperiencewithyourworkassociaterevealedtoyouthatyouhavethe
capacityfordeeperemotionandpassionwithinyouthanyourcurrentrelationshipisallowingyoutoexpress.Yourdistress
isnatural.Yourheartbreakislesslikelyoverthispersonandmorelikelyoverthefactthatyouhavenowayofexpressing
thissideofyouatthistime.Aboutwhatisunfulfilledinyourliferightnow,emotionallyandspirituallywithyourcurrent
relationship.Isuggestyoutakestockofyourlifeandstartmakingdecisionsaboutpriorities,whatyouvalueandwantina
relationship,areyougettingitnow,isyourmarriagesalvageable,andifnot,thenwhatareyougoingtodoaboutit.
Ophelia(notverified)|01/21/12|14:29PM
Link
it'sbeenalready1yearand2monthssincemybfdumpedme.It'sthemostpainfulwaytoendarelationship:toreplaceyoufor
anothergirl.Andthetreatmentigetafterwhathappened.Heleftmebutsaidtomethathedidntlovehermorethanmehe
seemedtobeconfusedandconfessednotfeelingmuchempathyforher.Hewasshowingsadnessandrespect.Buthechanged
soon:hebecamecold,andsimplywasgonefrommylife,addingitwasaburdentobenearme,lackinganysensibilityor
respect.Theimpressioncausedonmeisofstrongbetrayalasifourrelationshipwhichwasclose,warmandtendermeant
nothingtohim.Likeifhadbeenabriefaffair?Ilovedhim,andstilldo,likenoothergirlwilleverlovehim.Ialwayshadthe
sensibilitynottoputhimexperiencingthefeelingofjealousy.Irespectedhisspace..Idontwishthattonoone.Ifulove
someoneujustwantthatpersontofeelhappy,andsecureaboutyourloveanditstotalchildish,dontmakesensetoeventhink
ofsuchthing.Causeuhavenoeyesforanyoneelse.Ifeelsosadandangrybecausehecausesmetofeellikeagarbage.Ikeep
myselfesteem,iknowofmyvalueandiwanttobelievethatiwillbeabletoachievemuchmoreformyfuture.I'mnobetter
thananyoneelsebutnolesseither.Hisnowindifferenceandtotalabsence/missingjustshowsnorespectatallformeandhe
thinksi'malooser,aweakanddumbgirl.Oneofthereasonsthetheclaimedforleavingmeisthatheseesnofutureatmyside
andhewantsafuture.Hes25yearsoldanddoesntknowwhattodowithhislife.Hesbeenin3differentcoursesat
university,nowhestartedanewone.Heputsallhishopesonagirl.Somekindofdeterminedwomanfullofenergyand
ambitiontorunhislifeandoffershimmoneyandstatus.Funnycausemensometimesfeeluncomfortableaboutawoman's
beingmoresucessfulthanthem,butheisthetotalopposite.Hewantstobepassiveandwantshertodominateandprovide
excitementtohislife.Butitsinhishandstorunhislife,toachievethingsforhimselfandnotputtingallexpectationsona
woman.Ithinkheseeshimselfagreatguytoogoodforme.Sofarijustsawaguywhobarelyneverworked,dependingonhis
parents.I'mtryingtofindstrenghtbyreadingalotofthinkersandphilosophersquotesonloveandlife.Hedon'tgiveanyvalue
foralltheloveidevotedhim.Hehasdistortedideasaboutme.Hemanipulatesemotionsheactsasifavictim,offended.I
makehimfeelbad,hedon'twanttofeeltheguilt,themonstersideheshowedme.Irealizeheiseggocentric,thinkingmerely
inhimselfandhisinterests.Ineverexpectedhewouldbehavesuchwaywithmenotevenallowingustobefriends.Hedont
worryaboutmyfeelingshowifeeltoday.Ifeelatruelove,becauseigavehimfreedomtofallinlovewiththisgirl,although
withmuchsuffering,feelingpleasedtohavehisfriendship.Ithinkitwouldbeaformofcomfort...buthedon'tallowthat...This
istruelove.Ihavemixedfeelingsfeelinghope,loveandangsthedontdeserveme...Inowthinkiwasfooled,used,apetin
hishands,iwawithsomeoneididn'tknew.Ireadsomethinglikethis:"thecruelestthingtodoistomakesomeonefallinlove
withu,ifudon'tintendtofall..."Inthebeginningofourrelationshiphedoubtedhisfeelingstowardsme,butsoonfellinlove,
butinthesamedetermined,confidentwayhebrokeupwithmeheshould
Link
heshouldhavedonethatinthebeginning,inordernottocausemeillusionandpain.Iwouldlovetohaveanexplanationtoall
thatwhyibeensounlucky,thisislikeastrangephenomenon,howcansomeonechangessomuch,thepoweragirl,friends?
family?have,toinfluencesomuchanddestroyingeverything...Hewassotendertome,soloving...Wasitoonaive,blind?He
blockedmycalls,onmsntoo..Nocontactatall.Ifeelsotraumatized!It'sawholeconceptoflove,beliefinbuildingafamilylike
mostofusdesirethatwascompletelydestroyed..Hemanagedtomessupwithmyselfesteem,todominateme.Iwishicould
beselfishjustlikehewas,justregardinghisowninterestsandfeelings,notmine..A2sidefaced...I'monpills,makingan
efforttocherishmyself,togoout,butthiswoundcutsdeep!Icanneverforget,never!Saturdaynightsarebad,sensitivedays
likenewyearseve,birthdays!Justthinkinghowmuchfunhe'shaving!whilei'mlonely,lookinfforsolaceonmyfriend'sand
parentscompany!Thisismyemailnz21@hotmail.com..Ijustdontknowwhattodo.Itsagreatdealjusttosimplygoingon
withmylifeknowingofhisexistenceoutthere,freelyhappy,notshowinganyfeelings.Loveandpeoplearesodisposable
nowadays,it'ssoshocking!
Link
Whenarepeoplegoingtorealizethatobsessionisnotlove?
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
Doyouknow...whatheartbreakmeans?
Link
Depends.There'sthe"heartbreak"oftrulyhavingone'semotionsupsetbecauseofaclose
attachment.Thenthere'sthe"heartbreak"ofsimplybeinginlovewithone'sfantasiesandbeing
obsessive[bysimplywantingthingstogoyourownway].Thelatterdoesn'tcountformuchinmy
book.
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Afterall,howmuch"love"canbepresentwhenanindividualrefusestorecognizeanotherindividual'schoicesas
beingaslegitimateastheirown?
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
Ok.Ijustaskedbecausethewordobsessionisused...andbymanypeople...inanegative(pejorative)way...I
wishahadarubbertodeletewhathappened,tobeabletoforget,butit'sjustimpossible.Itmakesaprint,like
avirus!Ilivewithmyself24/24right?Thatsmyownskin,unfortunatelywecantbesomeoneelse!Besides,i
thinkmyfeelingsmattertoo!Becausesomeonetouchedinevitablymyself...Nevermind,Ivealwaysbeenvery
consciousandcontainedinmyrelationship.Iwasconsciousunfortunatelyallthetime,knowinghowyounghe
was,howmostofmen...are!that'swhyisometimeswishiwouldhavebornaman....Butwhatsurprisesmeisa
changesodeepineverthoughthewouldbehavethatwaywithme.Well,idon'ttalktohimforalongtime
already,irespectwhathewantsmetostayaway.Butiwouldlovethatsomebodywouldpleaseinvestigatewhy
aguyturnsfromasweet...toaasshole?
Link
Butiwouldlovethatsomebodywouldpleaseinvestigatewhyaguyturnsfroma
sweet...toaasshole?
See,....that'swhereIhaveaproblem.Whatmakesyouthinkthatthisistheonlywaythese
thingshappen?Italreadysuggestsamyopicviewofthings.Doyouthinkwomenneverturncold?People
arepeopleandtoimply[orsuggest]thattheymayneverchangetheirfeelingsorbehaviorsissimplistic.
Intruth,peopleareoften"forced"tobecome"colder"becausetheotherpersoninvariablydoesn'tgetthe
messageiftheydon't.Thisisoneoftheprimarydifficultiesinsuchsituations.
Mostofthesepostsseemtouniformlyfailatunderstandingwhatwouldhappeniftheydidactuallygetback
togetherwiththepersoninquestion.Onthesurface,I'msuretheinitialattitudeisthatitwouldbegreat,
butonreflection,Ican'tseehowmanyofthesepostersbelievethatmostoftheserelationshipswouldever
workout.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
Mostofthesepostsseemtouniformlyfailatunderstandingwhatwould
happeniftheydidactuallygetbacktogetherwiththepersoninquestion.
Onthesurface,I'msuretheinitialattitudeisthatitwouldbegreat,buton
reflection,Ican'tseehowmanyofthesepostersbelievethatmostofthese
relationshipswouldeverworkout.
Idon'tthinkthatisnecessarilytrueGerhard,mostofthesepostsseemtobewrittenbyheartbroken
peoplewhojustcan'tunderstandhowtheyweresowrongaboutsomeoneelse,whotheyhadgood
reasontobelievewereworthyoftheirloveandreciprocatedtheirlove.
ThisheartbreakingexperiencehasoftendestroyedtheirconfidenceintheirownjudgementandI
personallybelievethatthereisadirectcorrelationbetweenhowdeeplyonehaslovedsomeoneand
howdeeplyonefeelsheartbrokenwhenthatloveisbetrayedorlostinsomecompletelyunexpected
way.
Peoplewhodonotloveintenselyprobablycan'tunderstandthesubsequentequallyintensepain,
anguishanddepressionthatheartbrokenpeoplefeel.Byanalysingtheirexperiencesandsharingtheir
storieswithotherlikemindedpeople,asishappeninghere,manyheartbrokenpeopleseemtobe
moreabletostartrecoveringandhopefullystartlearningtoloveandtrustagain.Counsellingcanbe
usefulifthereisasympatheticcounsellorandnotonethatjusttellsthemtopullthemselvestogether
andgetoverit.Timecanalsobeagreathealer,ascanfallinginloveagainofcourse.
My5minfilm'HiddenDangersforALS'entryintheAAN#2015NeurofilmFestivalislistedno.23of65
entriesathttps://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYNSC2T2aPD7GH6pVWI7I6DjzwbbBKCWK
HelenBarratt|01/23/12|04:40AM
Link
ThankyouHelen.Youexpressedperfectlyhowifeel,howwe,heartbroken,feel..Iwastryingto
saytoGerhardthatinfactisaquitecomplexthing,notlinear.Likeyousaidwonderfully"mostof
thesepostsseemtobewrittenbyheartbrokenpeoplewhojustcan'tunderstandhowtheywere
sowrongaboutsomeoneelse,whotheyhadgoodreasontobelievewereworthyoftheirloveand
reciprocatedtheirlove".Thosearekeywords.Itsasenseofconfidence,love,friendship
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betrayed.Theexpression,bitethehandthatfeedsmakessomesense.Andyeah,peoplecant
understand...Becauseilovedsointensely,thatiwouldcrysometimeswithsuchemotion.Inever
thoughtiwouldlovesomeonesosomuch.Iknewwhattrueloveis.Therelationshipifback
togetherwouldnotbeahystericalwonderfulthingiwouldbemuchmoredemanding,thatguy
neededpracticallytoprovehedeservestobeatmyside,andtogiveallthevaluethatapparently
lackedbefore....
Link
Therelationshipifbacktogetherwouldnotbeahysterical
wonderfulthingiwouldbemuchmoredemanding,thatguy
neededpracticallytoprovehedeservestobeatmyside,andto
giveallthevaluethatapparentlylackedbefore....
Exactlymypoint.Whichisthepathto"gettingoverit".Iffeelingsstillpersistdespite
recognitionthattherelationshipwouldn'twork,thenitbecomesdysfunctionalandthe"love"
iswithafantasyandnotthereality.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
IfyouhatehisextryreadingIHATEHISEXbyAlexCooper.IhadloadsofproblemswithmyfiancesexandIhavenowresolved
themthankstotheadviceinthisbook!YoucangetitonAmazon!Definitelywortharead!:)
Link
IamsothankfulthatSUNRISESPELLisGOODtome.IamoldenoughnowtolookbackovermylifeandseewhereHehas
broughtmefrom.IseeHishandonmylifethewholeway.HowIloveHim!IamthankfulforhisSPELLCASTING.Iamthankful
forHisabidingpresence.IamthankfulforHispatiencewithmeasIamgrowing.Iamthankful,ohsothankful,thathebrought
mylovelygirlbacktomewhichismypreciouslove.IamthankfulforthejoythatHe'sbroughtintomylife:mywife,my
beautifulchildren,myhome.Heispreciousandgoodandaltogetherlovely.OhblessHisname!sunrisespell@gmail.com"Alissa
cares....
Link
Alissacares....(notverified)|01/27/12|16:52PM
JosieWoodbury,USA
Dr.gboco([email protected])hasamazedmeasIhaveseenresultsfromeverythinghe
hasdoneforme,oftenquitefast.WhileIhavebeentootherspellcasterswhoIbelieve
triedtheirbestDr.gbocosimplyisthebest,beingtrulygiftedandhaving.Heisa
trulykindandgenerouspersonwhotooktimeoutonaweekendrecentlytohelpwitha
difficultongoingcaseformewhichbroughthimnopersonalgain.Hisworkresultedinan
alloutmiraclewithamanIhavebeeninlovewithfortwoyears.Dr.gboco!
Link
josie(notverified)|02/02/12|14:30PM
Ihadalreadytried4differentonlinespellcaster'sservices,butallthecastersImetwerejerksandscams.ThenmyWaltertold
meaboutOldReligoinTemple.Iwasn'tsureanythingwouldcomeoutofit,butIthought,whynottakeachance?IcastaLove
Spell,andtheverynextweekagorgeousguycameuptomeataclubandaskedmetodance.Heiscaring,kind,romantic
everythingIalwayswanted.We'vebeentogetherforsixmonths,andwe'retalkingaboutgettingmarried.I'mabeliever!"Ifyou
requiresanyassistance,[email protected]
Link
Arsha(notverified)|02/09/12|01:27AM
Areyouwhacked?Evenifitweretrue,whatmakesyouthinkthat"castingspells"wouldbeanethicalwaytoget
someonetobewithyou?Areyoutrulysodesperatethatyou'dwillinglymanipulatesomeoneintoarelationship?
Ifso,youdeserveeverythingthathappenstoyou.
Mundusvultdecipi
Link
GerhardAdam|02/09/12|02:05AM
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nothingexplainsthepainanymorethanthissong
Link
http://youtu.be/EdBym7kv2IM
Link
IAMSOSORRYTOREADSOMUCHPAINANDDESPAIR.
Mymanreplacedme,butnotwithanotherwoman,butadrug.Ilostmylovetoantidepressantstwoweeksago.Iwaswithhim
fortwoyears.Hewasthemostfeeling,passionate,andsensitivekindofman.After6weeksonthedrugPaxil,heisnowmean
andhasnoemotion.Hisempathyandsensitivitywaslikeadrugtome,itwasthethingIlovedmostabouthim.Itisrealhard
dealingwiththepainofhavingtosaygoodbye.Ihadtoendit,Icouldn'ttakethecoldnessanymore,itwashurtingtomuch.I
amlongingforhim,butIknowhesemotionallydead.MYHEARTFEELSBROKE.THISSUCKS.
Angel(notverified)|02/15/12|14:22PM
Link
P.S.Doesanyoneknowifapersononantidepressantsareoblivioustoemotionsshutdown.
Angel(notverified)|02/15/12|14:26PM
Link
Ijustbrokeupwithmyboyfriend.Hewastheloveofmylifeandwasmyfirstforeverything.It'sonlybeentwodaysandallI
wanttodoissleepandcry.Imisshimsomuchandit'ssohardtoremembereverythingwe'vebeenthroughtogetherandnowI
don'thavehimanymore.MyhearthurtsandIhateeating.Idon'tknowwhattodowithmyself.I'mofteninmyroomlayingwith
mydogdwellingonpastmemories.It'sveryhardformetonottalktohimandIcan'texplaininwordshowmuchithurtsme.I
knowIdeservebetterthanhimbutIcan'tseemtoconvincemyselfthatIwantbetter.Whathedidtomeandhowhetreated
mehurtsbutwhathurtsthemostisknowinghowsweetandniceheUSEDtobe.Idon'tknowwhattodowithmyself.Ifeelso
lostandconfused.Iknowwewon'tgetbacktogetherandthatIprobablywon'teverseehimagain.fml.Idon'tknowwhattodo
:(IhaveemotionalsupportfrommyoldersisterbutIfeellikeIburdenherwithmyproblemswhenIknowshehasproblemsof
herown.Ijustfeellikeazombie.I'mnotmotivatedtodoanythinganymoreandit'ssoclosetothetimewhereIlostmymother
twelveyearsago.IfeellikeI'mdyingontheinside.IfeellikeacompletefailureandI'msomiserablewithouthimeventhoughI
wasmiserablewithhim.
Link
howsthingsgoin?
Ialsofeltlikeatotalzombie.Theshockcomesfrom:allthelovewedevoutedwas....invain!justlikethat!someonewitha
2sidedface,itsjustcrap!notworthyourtimeandattention.Thatguydumpedme,neverregretit,likeifitwasatoy
relationship,butifeelimstrongnow,muchstronger.Thiskindofsituationsaregoodcauseithelpsugrow.Ihavenowa
differentviewoflife,imdifferentnow...imkindofbold,ihavenofear!imfeelingsostrong!andifeelthatthatdumb
boyjustneverdeservedme.Ofcourseistillfeelkindofsadifiseethegirlheisnowf...dating,talkinfineoverfacebook,
likeeverythingsok...itsamixtureofsomesadnessandangst...butimovercoming!upeoplejusthavetothinkyouare
MUCHBETTERthanthoseimmaturelittletrivialguys..timekindofheals...ithought"thatsimpossible"butheals,butmuch
oftheworkisbygettingintouchwithotherpeople,newpeople,newguys,butnowmoreawareand...selective.ujustget
morestronger,believeme.cutallthosesuicidethoughts!Why?becauseofsomeASSHOLE?noway!!beloudandproud
please!braveandconfident!
Link
[email protected]....
Ihopetopublishmymessage!Iwanttotestifytheworldhowlegitthiscasteris.Icansayfromhis1stmessagethatIfelt
muchmoreconfidentwithhimthanwithanyothercaster.Itsobviousthatheisnothereonlyformoneybuttrulytohelp
people.IthankGodIchosehimtocastaspellforme.WhenIreadallthebadreportsaboutsomanycastersIwasfreakingout
tosendhimsomuchmoneybutnowIdontregretitasecond!chanhilgavemeaphonecallonly4daysafterIfinishedthe
castingofthespell.Honestly,Iwasntthinkingitwouldhavebeensofast.Ididntevenrecognizehisvoice,itwassuchalong
timeItalkedtohimforthelasttime!Only1weekaftertheendofthespellwemetupandwemadeloveallnightathisplace.
Itwasfantasticandemotionallyitwasevenbetterthanourveryfirstdate!EverythinghappenedasbuntpromisedandIthank
himforsincerity.Muchlove.Sibleymelakieb
Link
Sibleymelakieb(notverified)|02/29/12|20:06PM
Hi.....
IreallylikedAdam'sopinionsandviews...andineedureadvice..asuseemtobeaverysoundperson...iwascryinwenidida
searchtoknowhowtogetoverheartbreak...mycaseis..fewmonthsback..in2011..imetaguy...weinstantlyhititoff...two
monthswedated...itwasthefirsttimeihadfalleninloveifelt...stillfeel..ithothelovedmetoo..healsosaidthat...butdue
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tosomeunavoidablecircumstances..hegotmarriedtosomeoneelse..(itwasduetofamilypressure..anarrangedmarriage...
itsIndia..thingsstillhappenlikethis)..btwekindofbrokeoffallofasuddenbeforehismarriage...iwenttoastateof
depressioncozofthat...tooktosubstanceabusealcoholandsmokingboth.....hegotmarriedinnovemberlastyr..then..ibecme
badtoworse..butslowlybegantoacceptmyfate...btallofasuddeninJan..thisguytextsme..sayinhewantstoget
back..atleastasfrenz..wemetafterthat..iknewitwaswrong..buticudntstopmyself,..secondtymwemet..wegotlil
intimate..iknewthatwecanneverbejuzfrensnemore..andhadneverimaginedthatiwuddosuchathinginmylifeofgettin
involvedwithamarriedguy..idontwanttodothis..btimisshimhorribly....idontwanttocontacthim..btendupdoingthat..
howdoikeepmyselfsane..cozalldisisdrivinmecrazydayandnyt...wotshudido..pleasepleasehelpme..please..
Riya(notverified)|03/05/12|04:32AM
Link
lastmonth..ieventriedtocommitsuicide...ihaveneverbeeninsomchpaininmylife..thruoutmylifeihavebeenfocussingin
mycareer..studiesndenjob...neverthotiwudbesopatheticinmylife..dontknowwottodo..howtostopmyself..fromthis
disaster...idontwanttocontacthimormeethim..btstayinawayissooverydifficult..itkills...momentarylapsesmakeme
contacthim...idontknowwottodo..sometimeithinkasifdyingwudhavebeenbetterthanbearingallthis...
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AlthoughIknowthepainissoveryrealandthatit'shardtostayaway,youmustrealizethatthereismoretolifeand
happinessthanbeinginlove.Thinkofhowyouwerehappybeforeyouevenmethim.Thereisalifewithouthim,andyou
surviveditjustfine.ItsoundslikeyouareahardworkerandIthinkyoushouldfocusagainonyourcareer,andI'msureyou
willbeverysuccessful.Themoreyoufindotherthingstofocuson,thelessyouwillrememberhim,asunlikelyasitseems.
You'reheartwillhealandyouwillfindlovewithapersonwhomitisrighttobewith.Andbeingwithsomeonewhowill
freely,unabashedlyloveyoubackwillbemorerewardingthanyoucanimagine.Alsothinkofallthepeopleinyourlifewho
wouldmissyouterribly.Youarestrongerthanheartbreak.
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hmmm....thanksatonforyourkinds..whoeveruare..Godblessu.....itwasstupidofmetoendlife..andyesishould
getbacktomycareerandotherinterestsratherthanbroodingoverhimallthetime..willgiveitashot...deysaytime
isthegreatesthealer...ifnotinmonthsdeninyearsiwillsurelygetoverthis..hehheh...itsfunnyasisay
dis...sometimesthememoriesbringbacksmilemakemelaughtoo..btthennextmomentthereisapang..neways..i
wonttalkabtdepressingstuff...pplsayitreinforcesthesentiments..betterfocusonsomethingelse...btkeepupthe
goodjob..listeningtowotstrangershavetosay..abttheirpainandheartaches..isanobledeedindeed...
bestwishes
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imeantthanksforyourkindwords!!!!phewtypo:P
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Ok,readingallofthesepostIthinkbringsemotiontotheheartforeveryonewhohasexperencedsomekindofheartbreak.I
amgoingtotellmystoryofmyfirstlove.Ihopethatitmighthelpsomepeopleifnot,hellit'llmakemefeelbetter.WhenIwas
16Ifellforaboyalittleyoungerthenme.Itwasteenagelovebutlovenevertheless.Wedateforawhileandthingswere
amazing.Iwashapppyandcontant.Itwasmethatruineditthough,beingyoungandnieve.Iwenttoseeafriendonenightand
hadafewdrinks,myexturnedupand....wellyougettheidea.
ThepainIfeltthatnightwaslikenothingIhaveeverfeltinmylife.(Isitherenowwritingthiscrying.I'mnow22,livingwithmy
currentboyfriendwhoIwouldsayismysoulmatethoughandthoughbutthisstillhurts.)Anyway,ItoldmyhimthatIhad
cheatedthatnight,IamsuchatruefulpersonIcouldn'thiditwithhim.Ishouldhaveendeditthereandthenknowingthatall
trustwasgonebutIwas16,soyoungandnieve.wecarriedondating.
Afterafewmonthitwascametoheadandheleftme.Ican'trememberalotaboutthistimemymindhasblockit.Iwasinbig
pitwithnowayout.Iusedtodrinkfor4daysstriaghtfrom7inthemorningwhenIwouldgetonthebustogotocollage.
FeelingalltheguiltofwhatIhaddone.
Nextcametheanger,IamnotanthatkindofpersonIdonothurtpeoplebutsomethingtookoverinsideofme.Istalkhim,on
msm,Ihackhisaccounts,Ipretentedtobesomeoneelse.WorstoffIsaidIwaspregnantwithhisbaby.Afterawhilethisall
stoped.MylifedidntgobacktonormalbutIlivedalittle.Ifeltalonethough,veryalone.Iusedtomeetupwithmenjustfor
therecompanionship.Reallytheywerejustusingme.
TwoyearlaterImetmycurrentboyfriend,becauseofthethingsIhadlearntIknowhowtocopewiththings.Imusthavedone
somethingrightasIamstillwithhimnow.Wewerehonestfromthebegining.Ourrelationshipisverymuchbasedontrueand
weareveryhappy.Buttillthisday6yearslater.WheneverIseemyex,Istillfeelthisloveforhimandtheguiltofallthepain
thatIbroughthim.ThisIthinkwasoneofmybiggistlifeslessons.IwillneverforgetwhatIdidandhowmuchithurt.However
chinupeveryonethingshappenforareasonandyoumaynotbeabletoseeitatthetimebutitwillgetbetter.
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IhopemystoryhelpsandIa'msorryforallthespellingerrors,Iammildlydyslexic.
Emily(notverified)|03/08/12|07:25AM
Link
I'm28..I'vebeenthroughacoupleheartbreaks,butthisoneisthemostintense.Longstoryshort:Girlfriend,31/2years,9yr
oldson.Aftermuchdiscussion,wedecidedtotakea3month"break"toreassessourlives/ourselves.AndI'veexhaustedall
possibleoutcomesinmymind,butemotionallyIampreparingmyselfforthe"up"followingtheword"break".
We'vebeenonbreak1week,andinsidemeit'sbeenanemotionalrollercoaster,butIdon'tcrybecausethatdoesn'tsolve
anything.Cryingjustmakesmyeyesswollenandmynosered.Iwouldtearup,butexcusemyselftothebathroomandregainmy
composure.Atnightit'sharder..tearshavefallenthen,butnotforlong.Aminuteatthemost...
It'sgoingtohurt.Suchadrasticchangeinone'slifeisoverwhelming.Thingswillseemoutofcontrol.Somethingsmaybe,but
notallofit.Justmaintaincontrolofwhatyoucan,andletgoofwhatyoucannot.Humanswerebuilttoanalyzeandadapt.
That'sprettymuchwhatourmindsandbodiesaredoingduringtumultoustimes.Whateveryou'reexperiencing,youjusthaveto
rememberyouarehumanandyou'rebuilttosurvive.
Jen(notverified)|03/08/12|16:46PM
Link
itsverynicetoreadallofyourstoriesguys!!!
wereallyallexperiencepainbecauseofheartbreaks..idotoo!imetaguy.hesnotfrhere.hesfromUS.sincethatimsinglefor2
yrs,mycoworkersmadeablinddateforme.thatshowemet..hesgood.gentleman.imreallyshycozitsreallymyfirsttimeto
experiencesomethinglikethat..after2daysheinvitedmetotheirhouseformetomeethisfamily..iminashortsandasimple
butniceblouse..nicegetupforme.buthisfamilyhadabadimpressionjustbecauseofthewayidress.that'ssounfaircozits
notenoughthatyoujudgeapersonbythewayhe/shedressright?thatwastoopainful.i'mnotgoingtodetailsofwhattheytold
aboutme..whatcanisayisthattheyputmedownthewaytheyjudgeme..buttheguytoldmethathedoesntcarewhattheir
thoughtaboutmeallabout..hesaidimniceanddefinitelylikeme..ilikehimtoo.itsthefeelingthatyouknowthatthereis
somethingdifferentthatyoufeelforsomeonethoughyoujustmetforawhile..imjustcomfortablewithhim,.thenafterfewdays
healreadywenthomecozheleftmuchworksbackinhishome..igotskypecozhewishmetohavethoughatfirstireallydnt
knowhowtouseit.ignoranceattack!butididiforhim..yeswechat,wetalkalmosteveryday..butafter1month..hewas
lost..ummmm..idontknowwhatishedoingalready..idontwhattofeel.ijustmisshimsoomuchthoughhonestlywedonthave
committment..ithinkiwasfellinlovewithhimthatuntilnowimalwaystryingtogetonlinejusthopingthativegotamessage
fromhimandhopingthathesonlinetothatimightgetatalkfromhim..isthislove?whydofallinlovesoeasy..?howiwishica
tellittoyoufacetoface..ILOVEYOUANDIMISSYOUSOMUCH
:(
Link
Whatthe....?AmIstillonthescience20siteorismybrowserbroken?
Whiningteenagersandnow...witchcraft!!!
Ugh.Ineedabath.
Link
Wow!whataheartofglass!If,imeanIFareteenagersaroundherewhining,letthemWHINEthewaytheyknow/want!.
Teenagershavetheirrighttoexpresstheirfeelingstoo,oramiwrong?.Ormaybeuareallwrongandtheressomeadults
herealsowhining!andwhatsthebigdeal?
Alliwanttoreinforceisthatloveishard,butreallyHARDthesedays.Insteadofwatchingthissocietydevelopingijust
contemplatetheoppositepeopleareselfish,justthinkmostlyoftheirownsatisfaction,lackofvalues,moralsandthats
it.Ireallyadmirelongbutreallylongmarriages,butunfortunatlyseemsliketheytheyarejustinextinctionthese
days...Relationshipsarejustsimplydisposable,peoplearedisposable,sexism,andthatsit!Andimnotbeing
exaggerated,andimnotbitterinmyrelationshipsanddailyinteractionwithothers.Itsjustapeaceful,calmawareness.
RemindsmeofDiogenes,outonthestreetsduringthedaywithalanternlookingforanhonestman!lol
Link
lovespellsthatwork
Iheardaboutaspellcasterwhoseisgreatandpowerfulsourcetoknowaboutlovespells.Afriendgavemehiscontactemail
addressbelowicontactedhimonandtoldhimaboutmyissuewithmyex,andandhecastalovespellformeandmyloverwho
leftmeforsevenmonthscamebacktomejustafter5daysandiamveryhappy.youcanalsomeetwithhimonthesame
[email protected]
Thanksandmynameismiller
Link
miller(notverified)|03/18/12|03:03AM
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Milleryouareafool.
SoyoubelieveyouhavetheRIGHTtoreduceyourlovertoaradiocontrolledtoy?
Withawarlockmeddler,whomyoudon'tknowfromsatanhimself,atthecontrols!
Howpathetic.
You'remorescarythanVoldemort.AtleastTomRiddleknewhewasevil.
Link
Ihaveafriendwho'sanartistandhassometimestakenaviewwhichIdon'tagreewithverywell.He'llholdupa
flowerandsay"lookhowbeautifulitis,"andI'llagree.Thenhesays"Iasanartistcanseehowbeautifulthisisbut
youasascientisttakethisallapartanditbecomesadullthing,"andIthinkthathe'skindofnutty.Firstofall,the
beautythatheseesisavailabletootherpeopleandtometoo,Ibelieve.AlthoughImaynotbequiteasrefined
aestheticallyasheis...Icanappreciatethebeautyofaflower.Atthesametime,Iseemuchmoreabouttheflower
thanhesees.Icouldimaginethecellsinthere,thecomplicatedactionsinside,whichalsohaveabeauty.Imeanit's
notjustbeautyatthisdimension,atonecentimeterthere'salsobeautyatsmallerdimensions,theinnerstructure,
alsotheprocesses.Thefactthatthecolorsintheflowerevolvedinordertoattractinsectstopollinateitis
interestingitmeansthatinsectscanseethecolor.Itaddsaquestion:doesthisaestheticsensealsoexistinthe
lowerforms?Whyisitaesthetic?Allkindsofinterestingquestionswhichthescienceknowledgeonlyaddstothe
excitement,themysteryandtheaweofaflower.Itonlyadds.Idon'tunderstandhowitsubtracts.
RichardP.Feynman
Link
KentParson(notverified)|04/18/12|12:31PM
Sandy
Myloverofsevenyearsleftmeinthemiddleofthenight,hegavenowarningorindicationthathewasleaving.Iworkatnight
andwhenIarrivedhomethemorningafterhelefteverythingheownedwasgone.IammonthlaterIfoundoutthathewas
seeingayoungerguythatheworkedwith,theguypracticesaformofSanteria.Thisindividualdestroyedmylifewithoutas
muchasaforethought!priortocomingtoDr.Leeforhelp,Iaskedotherspellcastersforhelpandreceivednone!Dr.Leeisthe
onlyonewhohelpedme!IamgladtoreportthatmyloverandIarenowbacktogether.ThankyouDr.Leeforeverythingthat
youdidforus.Andforthosewhoneedhelpshouldcontactthismanforhelponhisemailaddressvia:
[email protected]
Sandy(notverified)|03/29/12|12:25PM
Link
Howpatheticisthat?
Mundusvultdecipi
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DudddethisisexactlyhowIfeel..ikeeplosingpeopleiaminlovewith..itmakesmedepressed.Extremlydepressed..towherei
listentosadmusicallday,iwishicouldmoveon..icanonlymoveonwhenifindsomeonenew..butwhenifindsomeoneknew
somthinghappenstotheandimbacktopointoneagain..ineeeddhelpp
Link
Dustih(notverified)|04/17/12|23:17PM
Theauthordiscussesthechangethatcomesaboutafteraloss,stating,"andsowillitbefortherestofourlivesandnext."Now
whatisthereferenceto"next"?It'sobviousthattheauthorisreferringtosomelifeafterdeath.Thisisasciencepublication,or
soIunderstand.Anafterlifeisnotascientificconcept.Attheveryleastthistypeofsciencejournalismisreligious
compatibilism,andattheworstthreatensthecredibilityofscience.
Link
Kent(notverified)|04/18/12|12:27PM
Heyall,Iamcurrentlygoingthroughmyfirstproperheartbreakatage30.Ihavehadaseriousrelationshipbefore,butthis
manwhohasbrokenmyheart,IfeelIwillnevergetover.Stupidly,Istarteddatingthismanfiveyearsagoawarethathewas
married.Hewas,however,inasituationwherehewasinitforthekids,andheandhiswifesleptinseparatebedrooms.Heand
Isplitalmostthreeyearsago.IwassodevastatedImovedstates,butstillkeptintouchwithhimeverydaysincethesplit.Ifelt
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hewasmybestfriendandwasn'tconcernedthathewouldhookupwithanyoneelse,aswesplitbecausehewasmarried&
didn'twanttoleavehiskids,andthoughthewouldn'tdoitagain.Ourrelationshipwasincrediblybeautiful,Iremember
knowingwithinthefirstcoupleofweeksthathewasmysoulmate.Healsoindicatedthesefeelingsonaregularbasis.
Sincewesplitupyearsago,hehastoldmethatifheeverwastodivorcehewouldseewhereI'mat,andthatifhewasever
goingtobeinterestedinarelationshipitwouldbewithme.Ifoundoutfromhimweeksagothatheisgettingdivorced.Ialso
discoveredhehasbeenflirtingwithmanywomen,visitingtheirhousesetc,andhassaidheisnowlivingasa'singleman'since
findingoutaboutthedivorce.Ihonestlybelievedthathehadintentionsofpursuingmeoncedivorcing,andhaveputmylifeon
holdforyearsbelievingthis.NowIamconstantlyobsessingaboutthewomenheiswith,wonderingwhatheisdoingwiththem
andwhotheyare.Also,Ihadaskedhimmanytimesthisyearifhewasfoolingaroundtowhichheconstantlysaid"No."Now
whenIaskaboutthewomenhesimplystatesitisnoneofmybusinesswhenweeksago,wesharedeverything.
Ihavelovedthismansomuch,andhavebeensodepressedoverthelatestrevelationsthatIhavenotbeenabletogetoutof
bed,havebeencryingconstantly,feelphysicalpain,andhavestartedantidepressants.MostdaysIfeellikeendingitall,and
myfamilyandfriends,donotwanttoknowaboutitasthismanhasbeeninmylifeforyearsandtheybelieveIshouldhavecut
himalongtimeago.MyheartisbrokenandIhavenoonetoturnto.Ihaven'tbeenabletowork,sleep,eatorfunctionindayto
daylife.Hehasmovedonandisenjoyinglife,andisawellknownmusicianwhohashundredsofteenagegirlsafterhimwhich
heisnowindulgingin(despitethefactheis46).Ijustcan'tdothisanymore,Ifeelsick.IfthereisanyonewhoIcantalk
to......anyone.......
Nat(notverified)|05/01/12|01:57AM
Link
Wow,allofthiswasverydepressingformetoevenreadandthisisallanunfortunateincidenthere.Youshouldknowthat
thisisnotyourfaultthatalloftheseunexpectedeventsoccurredasthiscouldhavehadhappenedtoanyone.Itseems
thattherewasnoindicationthathemighthavebeenlyingtoyouaboutwhathewasdoing.Apparently,fromwhatIam
readinginyourcomment,hehadachangeofhearttheminutethathebecame"singleman"afterhisdivorceanditwould
bedifficulttotrytogetintohismindonwhyhewoulddothistoyou.
FromwhatIreadaboutyour"familyandfriends",theyarereallynothelpfulpeople,basedonhowtheyjustabandonedyou
andignoredyourproblem,andifIwereyou,wouldnotevenhavesuch"friends".
Iwishtherewasawaytohelp,but,I'mnotsureiftheadvicethatwasonthelastparagraph"HowtoMendABrokenHeart"
wouldhelpyou.Ineverhadrelationshipandcanonlyspeakfromamaleperspectiveonthisone,butIbeenthrougha
similarnegativeexperiencebeforeandhadanideaonhowtoescapefromit.Ibelieve,thatstartingsomenewroutineor
hobbycanhelpmendthestressthatyou'vebeengoingthrough.It'snotthecureofwhatyou'refeeling,butthisisjusta
transitionalstage,whichyouhavetotryhardtopassover.Useaclearmind,andtrytodosomethingdifferent,theminute
youstarttohavethesenegativethoughs.Someexcercise,meditation,lifestylechangetofeelbetteraboutyouself(mind,
body,spirit),music,maybe,traveltoascenicplace,thatisdifferentfromyourownenvironmentwillatleast,relieve,what
you'refeeling.
"Ihaven'tbeenabletowork,sleep,eatorfunctionindaytodaylife.Hehasmovedonandisenjoyinglife".
Ifthatisthecase,thenyouneedtotransitionyourselftosomethinggreater.Youneedtoempoweryouselfandenjoylife
alsoandthisissomethingthatisalifelongtransition.There,isanothertomorrowanddevelopgoalsthatmatteronlyto
you,willhelpinstillpurposeinyourselfandinyourlife.Thismaytakeeffort,butwilltruelychangeyourmindset.Reading
onsimilarsituationsasyourswillhelp,understandingsomebasicpsychology,soyoucanunderstandtheemotionsthatare
afflictingyou,willalsohelp(readaboutsimilarsituationshelpsmealot,internet,infoonpsychologytoanalysemy
feelings).Itookoutthisparticularsentence,because,thisiswhatcatchesmyeyeonwhatyourproblemisandwhatmay
bethesolution.Remember,takeadeepbreathe,lookatthesky,andsaythat"thiswillbeanewdayforme",adaythat
willhelptransitionmetoanewlife,whereIamfreefromthisunnecesaryemotionalslavery!".:"Iwillbringmyfutureand
controlmydestiny".
I'mnotsureifthishelpsyougetovertheunfortunatesituation,orwhatyouwereexpectingtohere,butIhopethishelps.
Ifyouneedtorespond,feelfreetodoso.
Iwishyouonlygoodluck,goodhealth,andabettertomorrow:)
Link
annonymous(notverified)|05/01/12|21:11PM
Ifeltverysadreadingwhathappenedtoyou.Iunderstandyou,becauseibeenthroughasimilarsituation...Iwasfooledby
aboywhojustdisapearedfrommylife.Imstilltakingantidepressantsforacoupleofmonthsago,andireallythinkits
areallygoodhelp!!Ithinkifyoucouldalsotalktoapsychologist,italsorelieves...itsgood...Andyes,meetingandtalking
tonewpeopleitsimportant!Iunderstandyou,becausewededicatedsomuchlovetosomeone,itreallyhurts.Yes,ifelt
likeazombiewhenithappened,looseweight,wasreallylookingbad!Nowimphysicallymuchbetter,butthepainisstill
hereinmyheart!!itstraumatic,iwishididntknew...Butyouhavetobestrongmydear...Ifyouneed,imheretotalkto
you!
Link
HiNat,
Iamtrulysorryforyou.Youdeserveamuchbetterguythantheoneyoufellinlovewith.Youreallyneedtogetoverhim.
Tobehonest,menhasdifferentwiringthanwomen.IamnotsureyouhearthisbeforeAwomanwantsonemanto
satisfyhereverylittleneeds.Amanwantseverywomentosatisfyhisonelittleneed.Mostmenworkslikethis.
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Ihavegoingthroughahardbreakupmyself.ButIgetcreativeeachdaytomendmybrokenheart.Igotoexercise,meet
friends,startsomenewactivitieslikegoingtowaterfallsandhiking.INfact,aweekafterthebreakup,IwasoverseaandI
feltsosadbutIstillhadtowork.Ithoughtaftermy3dayswork,Iwouldslumpedonmybed,coveredmyselfwithblanket
andcriedandwallowinmysadness.Instead,Iwentoutforzipliningwithmycoworkers.Ididnotwanttogo,butIdid
andIfeltsomuchbetterthanbeingaloneandnotdoanything.
Myadvice:
1.Getintophysicalactivities.Gorun,exercise.Anything.Ithelps.
2.Acceptyoursituation.Therearetimesyouwillstillwonderwhyyoucannotbetogether.Assoonasitcomes,justmake
yourselfstopwonderingandacceptthesituationasitis.
3.PrayforGodtoaskhelptogetoverhim.
Ihopestrengthandhappinessforyou.
Regards,
Susan
SusanLim(notverified)|09/10/12|09:36AM
Link
Likeeveryoneabove,it'sbeenaterriblyroughroad,missingmyboyfriendandfriendof5years.Itmakesmewishwehadnever
crossedthelinefromfriendstosomethingmore.HoweverthenIthinkofallthegreattimesandhardtimeswesharedasa
couple.Ihavebeentryingtospeaktofriendsandfamilywithoutbeingtoooverindulgent.I'vehadseveralwordsofgood
advice.Themainpointbeing,theynotonlyhavetobetherightperson,buttherightpersonattherighttime.Youcanlove
someone,andtheymayloveyou,howeverifthetimingisn'tright,it'snotgoinglast.Ithinkit'ssoamazingtofallinloveand
havethosefeelingsreturned,thoughsometimesweforgettoaskthequestions.Weneedtoensurewe'reonthesamepath.We
haveactionplansandstrategiesforourcareer,ourfinancialgoals,yetallthatgoesoutthewindowwhenyoufallinlovewith
someone.I'vejuststartedtryingtofigureoutwhothehellIreallyam.Sometimeswelooseourselvesinsomeoneelse'slife.I
knowIhave.Twostepsforward,onestepback.Istillcry,butIsmileaswell.
Link
i,amcurrentlygoingthroughthismyself...
iwaskindoflostandlookingforhelp..i,amawayfrommyfriendsandeveryonebcozitsvacationtime...
Havingnoonetotalktomakesitmuchworseactually...ItriedtoGooglewhaticoulddotofeelbetter..
Readingaboutotherpeoplewhohavebeenthroughthesamesituationasyouhaveisactuallyalittlehelpfull..
Itallgoestoshowthat..itwillgetbetter..itmayseemallbadandgloomynowbutthereisasilverliningorwhat
youcancallasarayofhope....i,amcommentingherejusttotellsomeonewhatsgoingthroughmyhead..
Thankyouforreading:)
Link
Irecentlylostthegreatestthingthathaseverhappendtome.Ilovedherwithallmyheartandsoul.Itreatedhertothebestof
myability.Wegrewintoawonderfulcouple.Iwantedtomarryher.Ihopedandprayedshewouldneverleaveme.Butjustlike
allmyhopesanddreams,itwastoogoodtobetrue.Shewenttocampforaweek,andcamebackwithtotallydifferentfeelings
forme.SheisapartofwhoIam.IlongforthatcomfortandsecuritythatIoncehadwithher.Idon'tknowwhoIamanymore
orwhatmypurposeis.TheloveIhaveisstillthere,thepainIfeelisstillthere.IbegGodtogivemethehappinessinwhichI
usedtofeel.ButInolongerfeeltheannointinginmyhandsandfeet,norinmyheartandsoul.eachtearthatfalls,Icanfeel
myheartshattermoreandmore.MaybeIlovedhertoomuch,andmaybeIjustfailedtogiveherthespaceinwhichsheneeded.
NothingcanchangetheloveIhaveforher.Nothingcanchangemymind.Idon'twantareplacement.AllIwantisher.Ilove
her.
Link
ChristopherHowell(notverified)|07/18/12|00:52AM
Irecentlyjustbrokeupwithmyboyfriendit'snotthefirsttimewebrakeup.Thelasttimewebrokeupwasaboutayearago
andwelasted6monthswithouttalkinginnosuchway.Hethanafterthose6monthswrotetomeagain.Feelingexcitedand
anxiouswestartedtalkingagainwedatedforalreadyayearagainbutjustthingsweren'tthesameanymore.ThistimeIfeltI
wasgivingmoreintherelationshipthanhewas.Wehavenoneeachotherfor6yearsalready.ButidkwhyIjustcan'tnever
moveonformthebrakeup.Ican'tstopthinkingaboutallthathappenedandregretbreakingupwithhimbutIfeelIneedto
movefromthisandlivemylife.IjustfeellikeI'vestoppedmywholelifeforhimbutIjustcan'tfindthewaytogetbackup.I
thinkeverysecOndofthedayifthisisreallywhatIwant.IneedhelptogetthroughthisheartacheIcan'tfindanythingto
makeitbetterandjustfeelplainlonelyandjustlikemywholelifehasstopped.Iseehimandheislikenothinghappenedand
justalreadystartinganewlifethishurtssoooomuchandIjustwanttoleavethisinthepastandhaveafreshstart.Pleasehelp
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Helllo,Iamfifteenyearsoldandperfectlyawarethatwhat.Iamfeelingisnothingcompared.Towhatother.Peoplearefeelng
atthis.Momentintime.However,Ithoughtitwasworthashot,sinceatthisstageIwilltakeadivceorhelpfromanywhere.I
havefeelingsformybestfriendthatIknowarestrong,althoughI'mnotsurewhetherthe'reromanticornnot.Eveniftheyare,
I'llhavetogetoverthem.Saidbestfriendiscurrentlyhapywith.Hisirlfriendherecentlymoveddowntolivewithher.[Heis
eighteen,andlivesina.Differentcountry.Longstory.]Anyway,beforehemoved,Iusedtotalktobothhimandhis
girlfriendonline,forseveralhoursaday,mostdays.Wewereclose,knoweverythingabouteachother.Butsincethemove...IfI'm
lucky,he'llbeonformaybefiveminutesaday.Thiswasonlylastweek,andI'mawarethesituationmightsettledown,given
time,,but...Thinkingabouthim,it.Hurts.This.Girl,she'severything,makeshimhapy,they'reperfectforeachother.I.Justwant
tobehappyforthem,butwhenIfinallyletmyselfthinkaboutit,usuallyatnight,IfindtearscomingtomyeyesasIrealizehe
doesn'tneedmeanymore.Whatgoodisabestfriend,whenyouhavealoverandafriend,allrolledintone?ButIdon'twantto
thinklikethat.Idon'twatthisdull,achingthrobinmychestwhenI'mtryingto.Sleep,thesedreamsofbeingforgottenabout
completel.Hedoesn'tmeantohurtme,doesn'tevenknowheisImakesureofthat.Besides,LoveisblindHehaseyesforherand
her.Only.I'mnotaskingforpityorsympathyhere,I'mjustasingisitnormaltogetthisacheinyourchestovercircumstanceslike
this,andifanyoneknowsofanywaytolessenthepain...Or,howto.ExplainthatIdon'tlikegoingonwebcamwith.Them,sitting
theirlikeathirdwheelonyown.Yes,Ithinkthatsumsitup.Ifeellikeathirdwheelallthetime.Apologiesforany
grammatical/spellingerrors,mycurrentkeyboardisslightlydefecive.
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ImetmyfirstlovewhenIwas13.AndhimandIgotmarriedwhenIwassixteen.Haveabeautifuldaughterfromthemarriege.
Meandhimbrokeupafewtimes.Butwekepttrying.Lastyearafternotseeingfor2years,comesintomylife.Andevery
feelingcameback,forggetinghowlongittooktogetoverthepast.ButsoIgaveatryonceagain,andlittledidIknowwe
wouldbreakupagainandthisonewastheworstthusfar.It'sbe6,monthsnow.Ihavelost40jobsfromheartbreak.Ican
barelyeatwhenItrytoeat.AmhappyduringthedaybutonceIputmychildtosleepmeandIhavetimetothink.Itfeelsasif
amlitterlyabouttodie.JustrecentlyIfoundouthisdatinganewpersonandpossibleymarryher.Butwhatkillsmethemostis
thefacthelet'smeknowheforceshimselftoloveherthewayhewasinlovewithme.Butyethesaysinlightofallofthathe
wantstotoughenitoutwithher.Whichmademyheartbreakevenmore.Didyoueverevenloveme.Thefactyouwanttoforce
yourselftoloveher.Andam,moreemberestaboutisIpouredmy,heartouttonight.Andtoldhimwhycan'tyoutoughenitout
withme.Andthefactwealreadyhavesomething.Iwonderwasthewholethingalie.Thewayhejustgaveuponusandis
willingtobewithher.Ihavepaininmyentirebodythatisnotphysicalbutaninnerpain.Asoultournamentedtolovehim.I
doubtillevergetoverhim.Ijustwishthepainwouldstop.Itkillsmetoevenpicturehimholdingher.
Iregeretchoosinghimovermydad.Whokepttelling
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Wastellingmeandwarningme.I'llbemiserable.IlovehimsomuchthatIhatemyselfforlovingsomeonewhodoesn'tlovethe
wayIdo.Ifeelhate,love,anger,resentment.GodforgivemetothepointwhereIhadwisheddeathonthegirl.Andforhimto
livetherestofhislifeinregeret,andmisery.ButIdon'twanttowishthoestypesofthingsonhimforIlovetoomuch.AndI
hatemyselfforwishingdeathonsomeonewhohasdonenothingtome.Maygodforgivemeandhelpmelearntobemeagain.
To,liveagain.Tobreathagain.Butyetdispiteallthetourment,Ilongforanusagain.Mysoulisconnectedtohim.
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Refreshthememoryofthisarrogantpieceofworkrightnow!Remindhimthatunlessyouhavesignedaprenup
agreementhalfofeverythingheownsisyoursrightdowntohisretirementandsomeinvestmentshemayhave.Don'tsit
andbesad,getmad!IwasmarriedbeforewhenyoungerandIwasstupid.Ilovedhimwithallmyheart,buthewasaborn
cheater.IttookalongtimeformetorealizeIcouldn'tchangehim,butIfinallygotmyheadoutfromundertherockand
sawclearlyhewasplainnogood.TheonemistakeImade(wehadnochildrenandnohome,butinvestments)wasIwas
toosoftheartedtogoforthegold.Hewasn'trich,butwe'dbothworkedhardandinBritishColumbia,Canada,thedivorce
isonesessionandthenit'salotofredtapetogetbackintocourttogethalfyourassets.Ididn'tbotherbecausehehad
alreadycausedmeenoughgriefandIjustwantedtogetridofhim.EvenwhenIleftandgotmyownapartmentIwas
lonelyforhim????Itwasn'tthatatall.Thegoodmemories(atthebeginningofourrelationship)camefloodingback,Iwas
hurtandconfusedandstartedtoblamemyself.Icouldhavebeenabetterwife,prettier,didmoreofwhathewantedand
onandonmypeabrainwent.ThetruthofthematterwasIcouldhavebeenperfectandthisguywouldhavecontinuedto
cheat.Ifinallygotmad,dustedmyselfoff,gotanewjob,metnewfriendsandstartedtogetintothedatingcircuitagain.I
wasintroducedtomysecondhusbandbyamalefriendofmineandwe'vebeenhappilymarriedfor34years.Thereishope
hon,sokickthiswasteofskintothecurb,fightforyourrightsandgetonwithyourlife!
Goodluck
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Ifoundthisarticletobeveryaccurateandhelpful.Likeanythingtherearedifferentdepthsofpainanddifferentpeoplehandle
painbetterthanothers.Someofusareofthe"Gifted""oversensitive"type.Imaginemeetingyourabsolutesoulmateat48
yearsold.Theoneyouhavebeenlookingforallyoulife(Beingahopefulromantic).Uponfallinginthedeepestloveimaginable
therearecomplications.Sheisdiagnosedwithcancerwhileyouareworkingabrandnewjobinadifferentareofthecountry.
Thesicknessgoesonfor18months,planstomarryhavealreadybeenmadeandonedaybeforesheistoarriveatyourdoorand
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twobeforeyouaretobemarriedshedies.
MyPointis....thereisHeartbreakandthenthereisHEARTBREAK.
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wow...ishelpfultoreadexperiencesofotherssoheregoesmine...Iam39yearsold,justturnedlastweekactually.Ihavebeen
divorced/separatedfrommyfirsthusbandof15yearsandfatherofmy2childrenforalmost3years.Ilefthim,becausehe
brokemyheartslowlyforyears.Ifellinlovewithhimsoeasily,lookingbackithinkhemayhavenotfellsoeasilybutiwasso
readytobeinloveandgetmarriedthatididntseethatmaybehewasnt.Icanbeprettystubbornso...wellHisfamilydidnthave
muchmoneyandhewasfromanotherCountrywheremarryingaGirlfromtheUSAorCanadawith$isprettymuchadream
cometrue.Isometimesthinkhedidntknowhowtoloveme.Irememberbeinghappywhenthekidswerelittlebutialso
rememberthatifoundouthecheatedonmeonlyafewmonthsafterweweremarried,andiremembersomanycluesthatit
wasntthefirstorlasttime.Iforgavehim,iwantedtobemarriedandhappy.Igotpregnantandhefreakedout,couldnttouch
meorrecognizethepregnancyformonths.Howcanyoubeafraidofcomitmentwhenyouaremarriedfor7years??Well
childrenareadistraction,theymakeusstopthinkingsomuchaboutourselvesandlikelythatiswhywewerehappiestthose23
years.
Thenhebegantoalwaysbeunhappy,angry,hewouldhumiliateme,callmenames,yellatme,throwthings.atfirstonlybehind
closeddoors,thenlaterinpublic,Iwouldcryandcryandcryandbeghimtotellmewhatwaswrongwithus,withmewithhim,
totalk,tocommunicate,itriedtobelogical,tohelphimunderstandhimselfandwhyhewassounhappywhenwehad
everything.Ilookbackandseethattherewerestagesinmyheartbreakandthedeathofmyloveforhim,duetowhatwas
essentiallyverbalabuse
Firstiwouldbesohurtwiththethingshesaidanddid,iwouldcryandcryandtrytobedifferent,questionmyself,myactions,
thenlateriwasabletoholdbackthetears,getangryornotshowmypain......latercryalone,intheshowerwherenoonewould
hearorseemeandthenemergewithasmileasifallwaswell
finallyitdidnthurt....iwouldshutcompletelydown,orevenlaugh....
thatiswhenitwasover...
Iacceptedthatiwouldliveformychildren,mybusinessandididntneedlove,andthatnoonewouldwantmeanyway.Myheart
wasclosedforbusiness,lockedupbehindirondoors,andthenmyeyesopened,ifoundthatiwasworthyofbeingwanted,or
evenloved.andImetafriendthathelpedmeseethatididntneedtostayinthathorriblesituation.Thatitwouldbehard,and
painful,andscarybutthatishouldleavemyhusband.Idid,andineverlookedbackorregrettedmydecision,eventhough3
yearslatertheuglyhorribleworldthatisdivorcehasstillnotcompletelyconcludedandhasservedtoreinforcemydecisionas
heshowedevenugliersidesofhimself.
Wellibegandatingmyfriend,hewassodifferentfrommyexhusband,itseemedhehadbeenthroughsimilarsituation,with
hiswife,hetreatedmelikeaqueen,mademefeelbeautiful,hetalks,andtalksandtalks,andiloveit,hemakesmefeel
intelligent,andagainstmybetterjudgementandallmyintentionsifellinlovewithhim...butnow3yearslater,ifeelmyheart
breakeverytimewefight,andevertimewefight,whichisntveryoften,heleaves...andthepainissofamiliar,iamstartingtodo
whatididbefore..istopsayingwhatifeel,itrynottocauseanyconflictssohewontgo,putupwithstuffthatishouldnt
probablyputupwithjusttostaywithhim.Ifeltsafewithallthecrapiwasgoingthroughandoptimisticwhenhewasaround,
hewassopositiveandhappyandencouragingallthetime...except...whenhewasnt.Andicouldntstandtheideaofnothaving
himwithme.Ipanic,andIdontwanttofeelthepainagain,thefearofthepainisstrongerthananythingelse....ifeellikeiam
losingwhatwehad,mybestfriend,mysoulmatebecauseicantbehonestandilethimtreatmeinwaysthathurtmejustto
havehimnearandenjoylovinghim.Hetaughtmetoloveandrespectandapreciatemyself!whycantiexercisethatsame
strenthwithhim.Idontwanttosabotagesomethngthatmayberight,butatthesametimeidontwanttostayandmake
another15yearmistake....Ilovehim...butineedtoremindmyselftolovemyself.Ifitismeanttobeitwillbeandifnot...it
wont.right?Everytime,sofar,whenhehasleft,hecomesback.Butstrangelyeverytimeithurts,andscaresmethathewont
comeback.Andwhileheisgonemyheartbreaks,andiloseallmystrength..again.
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Ilearntthis.Ifyoureallywantsomethinginyourlife,youneedtodetach.Thefearoflosingtheoneyoulovearemaking
youtoloseyourself.Ifyouloseyourselfanddon'tevenloveyourself,howcanyouexpectanyonetoloveyou?Itisavicious
cycle.
Trytofocusonimprovingyourself.Surroundsyourselfwithfriends.Chaseyourdreams.Givelove(notexpectinreturn).
IgotthisfromtheInternetandIkeepitclosetomyheart:
Forallthingsandnonthingsthatyoumayeverwant,,understandthatsometimesthefastestwaytogetthemistoforget
them,andtofocusinsteadonjustbeingthemostamazinghumanbeingyoucanbe.Atwhichpointallofyourhearts
desires,spokenorunspoken,willbedrawntoyoumorepowerfullythanamagnetisdrawntosteel.
Forget,detach.Moveforward(onyourown).
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SusanLim(notverified)|09/10/12|10:10AM
Itsbeenayearsincemyfistloveleftme,andI'mstillinstagefour.Believeme,thePain,confusion,andemptinessisallvery
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real.Igavehimeverythingandwould'veswornwewouldendupmarriedwithkidsandgrandkids.
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definitelytrue..there'sabigchangesinmenow..andthat'sbecauseofhavingthisbrokenheart,..it'snotreallyeasytomove
on..it'snoteasytogoforyourownlife.alone..imeanwithoutthepersonyouusedtobewith..butnow,icansaythatihad
movedon..irecoveredfromdepressionalready..ijustenjoyeverymomentofmylifebeingsinglewithmyfriends..theymakeme
happy..andyes,theyarethehealersofmywound..iamsothankfultohavethem..
thefeelingisnotthesameasbefore...
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