Custom Cards Against Humanity `s pack (Part 2 )

Created by the awesome site http://customcardsagainsthumanity.com

Musical theatre.

Vigorous jazz hands.

Cystic Fibrosis

New Spaghettisburg.

Ricky

Grandma's Crotchless
Panties

Using Midgets as stilts

Taping a laser to your

dick and shining it in
people's eyes

The intense and

ceaseless fear of
sitting on a loaded
mousetrap

Nipples so long they

become useful

The raw ass that

follows a huge dump

Trying to spin a web

but accidentally
shitting instead

Slicing a moving train

in half with a scimitar

Passive-aggressive
house pets

A thorough prostate
exam from someone
in a doctor costume

A mouthful of what I
hope is cottage
cheese

The intense fear of

erect penises

A seat that doubles as

a toilet

Picking pieces of
dolphin out of canned
tuna

Setting out marijuana

cookies for Santa
Clause

Calling the family cat

in a reluctant and
timid fashion

The intention of
reaching a larger
target demographic

Training ferrets for

covert operations

An infertile sperm
whale

Apologizing to the
wrong girl for explicit
sexual acts the night
before

Ordering extra-rare
Rocky Mountain
oysters

Requesting more
molecules on a food
order

Slapping the dick right

out of someone's
mouth

Reading erotic braille

with your penis

A seagull sporting the

latest fashion - plastic
six-pack rings

Balls flapping in a
wind tunnel

The ignorance of
putrid farts because of
a sinus infection

Waking up from
plastic surgery with a
deflated ass cheek

Fat that goes straight

to my asshole

The inescapable
realization that you
must plunge your
asshole

Your life flashing

before your eyes
while constipated

A thorough washing of
the eyes

Buzzards circling your

sorry carcass

Discovering that your

only superpower is
competitive eating

Winning the ugliest

dog contest as a
passerby

When your four-leaf

clover bursts into
flames

A fortune cookie
containing a wasp

Secretly feeding meat

to vegetarians

Agreeing with
someone that their life
sucks

Holding up a
miniature stop sign
during boring sex

Crows smart enough

to plot for revenge

Realizing, months
later, that the toilets
do not flush
automatically

Being confused for a

walrus

A cricket trained to
chirp during awkward
silences

Scratching a mosquito
bite and achieving
orgasm

The burnt remains of

the first man who tried
to cook

A fart that matches

the resonance
frequency of the room

Giving a 1 to 10
judgment on the
accidental farts of
others

A pet parrot with the

sole intention of
humiliating you

Butt dialing someone

and leaving a
voicemail consisting
of farts

Being one cat short of

a life alone forever

A barrage of crap
jokes while having
diarrhea

Forged college
rejection letters

Waking up covered in
bugs.

Embarrassing dad
jokes.

Flipping through the

radio and catching a
song you love at the
very beginning.

Barbecue Schnapps.

My penis

Sheldon Cooper

A panty whisper.

A snot rocket.

Taylor Swift's love life.

Having your nipple

bitten off by a beaver

In Bed

Mr. Softee

Naked Dating

The Accommodator

Clone-A-Willy

Backdoor Buddy

Over 1 Billion served!

The Penetrator

The Double
Penetrator

Cock Ring

BUTTERFLY
EFFECT

Helicopter, Helicopter,
Helicopter!

Chlamydia

Crabs

Bacterial Vaginosis

Don't Panic

Camel Toe

Febreze.

Unicorn

Gloves

Shut up Meg!

up, up, down, down,

left, right, left, right, B,
A.

Masturbating in close
proximity to others.

Sarcastic Tebowing.

A sexual act called

'The Norwegian
Burrito'.

Being so zooted you

just don't give a fuck

Pooping over the

edge of the Grand
Canyon.

Addressing the House

of Commons wearing
nothing but a bra and
panties.

Walking the corridors

of power wearing a
three-piece suit and
flip-flops.

Asbestos found in the

old Polyvalente W.-A.Losier buildings.

Elderly lady
smuggling.

A shark tooth lined

vagina

The wild women, wild

women, the ripping
and the tearing.

Mud butt

Rolf Harris

Accidentally shooting
your girlfriend through
a bathroom door.

Arse like a clowns

pocket

Lebron is going to
Minnesota

Doge

blah blah

True Norwegian black

metal

Ryan Kopf's
underground pizza
train

Sarcastic Tebowing.

The satisfaction the

comes from pizza that
eats its way out of my
body.

A world where
musicians must
normalize Weird Al
songs in order to
make a living.

A woman named
Lasagnielle.

Berry-flavored chins.

Barely flavored knees.

The Joker humming

"Come Josephine In
My Flying Machine"
while swinging a bat.

An ingrown taint hair.

my oversized
personality and
annoying voice.

drinking camel's milk.

ordering $8 Starbucks
concoctions not on
the menu.

Grey Poupon

streaming porn from

your smartphone.

Receiving Farmville
requests on
Facebook.

The Ron Swanson

Pyramid Of
Greatness.

Cause YOLO #livinlife

*high five*

Two-deep leadership

Derp!

A wolf named Moon

Moon.

breeding children.

My sparkling vagina

Posting to Facebook
while dropping my
morning deuce.

putting out gets you

love

Masterbating because
you can't fall asleep
and there is nothing
better to do.

masterbating at work
because, well, I can.

An extra hour in the

ball pit.

A drunk Irishman

Microsoft

Painting a house with

only a potato gun and
bucket full of gerbils.

Using a condom again

CAPS LOCK

Chuck Norris's beard.

A severed hand

Something that
Italians quickly.

Tupacabre.

Dead Babies.

Catastrophic
structural failure.

Not using your blinker,

you fucking asshole.

Inevitable betrayal.

Being uncomfortably
aroused.

A two-way mirror.

A murderous
rampage.

Rebecca Harman

The countless times

the Toy Story toys
were forced to watch
Andy masturbate.

an extra hour in the

ball pit

hugging your
grandma while you
have an erection

Scandinavian Death
Metal sung by Dolly
Parton

A word so bad it was

banned from Cards
Against Humanity

A safeword so safe
that you've both
forgotten it

Brianne Defrang

Fury poops.

Three Asian strippers,

two porn stars, and a
suitcase full of blow.

Flying Malaysian
Airlines

Selfie

A Native American
who solves crimes by
going into the spirit
world

Rory Williams.

Bigoted assholes.

tissues stuck to your

bedroom floor

Turn Nugget

FUCK YOU!!!!

Hitler's house of
Barbecue

A pinata full of
scorpions

Anime boy nipples

CREEEEED

Alcide the werewolf in

the middle of shifting

Miss. Miles's Foopa

Casual Fisting

Using Kickstarter to
fund a prostitute.

Trevor Van de Velde

Lindsay Page Martin

Jason Grant

Beating M. Night
Shamalan to death
with a VHS of The
Sixth Sense.

A RapeX condom

A mutulated bloody
thumb

Parakeet porn AKA

"Keets N' Teets".

The maid at a hotel

that takes a shit in the
toilet and leaves it.

An extra hour in the

ball pit.

Luigi's Death Stare

from Mario Kart 8

Unicorn semen

A Sexually Active
Care Bear

Leslie Krom

Margaret

Your mom

Pieces of bread in the

public urinals

Organ trafficking

TIMMAH!

Liam Neeson's Cock

Charlton Heston's
Cold Dead Hands

Dick in a box

Seth Young

Mr Graves

Shit on a bum

The bum shits on me

a dog with gas so bad

it clears the room

Test

Hawaiian sovereignty
activists

Mistaking a Dyson
hand drier for a urinal
in public bathrooms

Lindsay Freed

Rachel McDonough

Beth Anne DeKeizer

Accidentally shooting
Marvin in the face

Lean Mean Pre-Teen

Vajine

Lean Mean Pre-Teen

Vajine

Blue Waffle

Sachin

lubing your junk with

honey and punching a
bee hive.

letting out a booty

burp in the middle of a
pap smear.

Hazing.

Sharting on the alter

Margaret Atwood

finding out they're a

shemale

George Zimmerman

Sarah Palin riding a

grizzly bear and firing
a shotgun in the air

Trayvon Martin

Beating Rodney King

Trolling the SPCA

dumpster for a new
fur coat.

The Hindenburg
Disaster - "Oh the
Humanity!"

Throwing a party in
Tiananmen Square

Copenhagen

50 Shades Of Gray

Kim Kardashians
Twat

Edible Children's
Underwear

Going Blackface on
Martin Luther King's
Birthday

Michael Williams

Chewing Tobacco

An average, white
dick.

The Final Solution

Michael J. Fox
attempting to play the
Operation board
game.

MAVIS BEACON
Teaches Typing

Happy

An All-White Jury

Ass-butt

Chewing Tobacco

Just the tip.

Stephen's
dingleberries

Pulling a NuvaRing
out with your dick.

The mere concept of

Bappy.

Being outbid at the

last second on eBay.

Filling the pockets of

my rental tux with
BBQ sauce so I could
dip my nuggets while I
walked.

the needful was not

done kindly

Camden's dildo
collection

Mathletes

Phallic Baldwin

Ackin' cray-cray

Agent Orange

Gremlins

Ozzy Osbourn biting

the head off of a live
chicken

The Stay-Puft
Marshmallow Man

Ackin' cray-cray

5-hour Energy

Miss Cleo

Jason Voorhees

Human Growth
Hormone

Jazzercise

Shake-weight

Sippin' on gin and

juice

The Harlem Shake

Pedonecrophilia

Vagazzelling

A shorn scrotum

Teddy Ruxpin

A Blumpkin.

Felching.

Tailhugs

Elderly Sex Trade

Grandma's Double
Headed Dildo

After sex Tebowing

Nude heels for college

Masturbating to poorly
written fanfiction

Bloody head cheese

Three Asian strippers,

an ounce of blow and
a suitcase full of cash.

Growing up with Fetal

Alcohol Syndrome.

Kitchen items turned

into sex objects.

A spicy cumshot from

dark Charizard.

Dean Winchester's
Angel-filled ManPussy

Rita's 7th handjob of

the night.

Grandma Grouper's
bloated corpse.

Dr. Lecter

The Mini Van (2 In

The Front & 5 In The
Back)

The wet spot on the

sheets after sex.

Tripping on a bear
trap and then having
another one clap shut
on your face.

Chuck Norris's Dick.

A dildo shaped like

Shrek's ear

Mike Ferrera

Ethan

Drowning at a foam
party

I never asked for this.

Finding a pubic hair in

your burger

fingering a vagina with

a salted zucchini

Walking into a closet

of gyrating super
dildos

Trying not to say 'like'

but saying it too much
anyways

That one orphan

whose ribcage is
more transparent than
a clean window

A game where the

main character's
ultimate goal is to
perform autofellatio

The Holocaust

Sexualising Waluigi.

Shipping yourself with

food.

danisnotonfire

A cringe attack.

Liking and reblogging

my selfie to let me
know you fancy me.

Saying 'swag'
unironically.

Blessing yourself
when you sneeze
because everyone
hates you.

Elsa's boobs

Draco's father hearing

about this.

Not going to a friend's

house because they
have no wi-fi.

A Marvel
headcannon.

Using your friend as a

seat.

Not texting back

immediately to not be
clingy but then
forgetting to text
altogether.

Order 66.

Seb's hair.

Watching porn while

your wife is on the
next room

Explosive diarrhea.

Getting pissed on by
R Kelly

Being locked in a
closet with a strobe
light and an epileptic.

Pats Toe Nail

Nipple Pasties

Quarreling Lesbians

a bucket full of orphan

teeth

locking your kids in a

closet while you're out
of town.

A menopausal lapdog.

a bucket full of orphan

teeth

grandma's swastika
collection

my small but perky

breasts.

Being 'tumblr famous'.

Nicolas Cage

dating douchebags for

free dinners

giving grandma a full

body hug without
pants on

tickling your earlobe

with his eyelashes

vicious nipple
tweaking

the lost hopes and

dreams of the elderly

Kony 2012.

Selling your kidney on

the black market.

Beliebers.

Ellen Degeneres.

A cult based on the

"Twilight" series.

Good morning texts

from your bae Kim
Jung Un.

One extra hour in the

ball pit!

Coming out to have a

good time and feeling
so attacked right now.

Sex with Patrick Star

A kid in two
dumpsters.

A grizzly bear in a
party hat.

Wobbly sausage.

Grumpy Cat

Lindsey Goss

JonBenet Ramsey

$240 dollars worth of

pudding.

Snow yodeling.

A bag full of assholes.

Laughing about
cancer, then dying of
cancer

James Snyder

Vagina Juice

That one nigga

named Castro

Fupa Game Strong

Punching a baby in
the face

Comparing a Harley
with a Gold Wing.

La la shama

Part of the ship, part

of the crew