ISLAM AND EGO

By Brother Nauman Ali Khan

I am really honored and also kind of weirded out that you guys waited this long Alhamdulillah.
Jazakumullahu khairun. If I sound a little out of it , thats probably because I actually am its
eight hours of lectures straight but InshaAllah I will share some very brief thoughts with you
about an important matter, something that doesnt come under much discussion nowadays but
it needs our attention. It certainly needs our attention InshaAllah.
The thing I want to talk to you about is a culture among young Muslims who go on a certain
religious journey especially in Western society. A lot of times, Muslim youth live a life of..lets
just say partying..ok..and then they have an epiphany sometimes in life and they turn towards
religion. A lot of youth, brothers and sisters, have this change of heart sometime in their life
and they become more serious gradually about religion but then what happens is ; when they
become more serious about religion over time , they become very SERIOUS about religion,
very very serious and they find themselves, a teacher.
Sometimes that teacher is a person, sometimes that teacher is a series of Mp3 or lectures,
sometimes that teacher is a website, sometimes that teacher is a blog, sometimes that teacher
is an anonymous screen name but whatever it is, in the end they find for themselves a source
that they associate as THE authentic source for taking knowledge and when they do and they
become very passionate about it, slowly what starts happening is that they become very rigid,
become very tough and they notice that people around them arent the same way as they are. .
They dont acknowledge the same teacher that they acknowledge. They are not understanding
the deen the way they understand it themselves. So what starts happening is that first they
become frustrated with people around them especially their family. So the youth starts
changing and the first people they become frustrated with is their own family. Why dont you
understand? This is the right way to following the religion and there is more and more
friction.
This happens even within a Muslim family. Its even more so when you are Muslim and your
family is not a Muslim but certainly even within your family when your family is Muslim too but
now you are kind of rediscovering religion on your own right. So this friction develops. This is
not limited to the family either. What happens is that you have friends and you have always
been friends but your friends didnt take this religious journey that you did and if they did, they
didnt take the SAME journey that you did.. Their understanding is a little different or they are
not as rigid about certain things as you are. They are not as tough about it as you are and it
becomes harder and harder for you to tolerate that. You start questioning them a lot more and
you come in contact with people that dont see things the way you do, then you make it a point
to let them know that they are wrong; that you are right. That this is the way they should do
things and that there is no other way to do it etc etc. An attitude develops and especially
among youth.
There are many reasons for this attitude. The youth himself/herself thinks that what they are
doing is called Amr bil maruf wa nahi Anil munkar. They think they are commanding the good
and forbidding evil. After all they are telling their brother/ sister a Hadith or an ayat. They are
doing the good thing. This is what they should be doing This is what is going on in their head.
What they dont realize, however, is that there is something more going on, there is something
else going on. You know, before you become religious, you maybe the centre of attention
among your crew. You are a thug, you are a gang, you are whatever..You are the centre of
attention and when you turn to the religion, you no longer have that but you need something
still. There is an urge inside you to want to show your domination over others..There is an urge
inside you.. I want to show people that I am in some way, shape or form superior and in this
devious way without even realizing it most of the time, they are telling people their religious
opinion while expressing their superiority. They want to make sure that the other person feels
that they dont really know the religion.
I know the Religion, let me tell you how it is supposed to be. Let me teach you the ayah. Let
me teach you the hadith. Dont you know its this way, that way or the other way?
So religion itself becomes a mean by which you promote your own ego.
Its ironic because religion was revealed so we humble ourselves. The deen came so we humble
ourselves and now we are using that very deen to express our arrogance. This is not something
that happens only in our youth, by the way. It happens amongst our elders too. You know
Iblees? On what occasion did he refuse Allah (swt)? He refused to make sajdah right. What job
was Adam (as) going to get? What high salary was Adam (as) going to receive? What promotion
was Adam (as) getting that Iblees said No no no!I am more qualified for that job..What was the
job? Allah (swt) created the human beings for what purpose? Worship! right? and Adam (as)
was told
inni jailo fil ardhi khalifa.
He was going to be placed where? On the earth. And what was his responsibility? Service to
Allah (swt) . Its a religious title. In other words, I am putting it in simple terms; Adam (as) was
given a religious; honor not a Worldly honor. He wasnt given a high salary, a big house.. none
of that stuff. He was given a religious honor so if you think about it, its kind of weird. Iblees was
jealous of Adam (as) over a religious honor. His ego manifested because he thought he was
more qualified to serve Allahs deen than Adam (as);
I am more qualified in this religious capacity.
This arrogance manifests itself when somebody says I should be President of the masjid.
I am the right MSA president, why did they pick him?? Why did they pick her for this test?
Why didnt they pick me??
This is a religious task. You dont get money when you become MSA president. You dont get a
new car when you run the masjid but yet you see across this country, people fighting tooth and
nail over what? Religious titles! Who is incharge of the masjid?? Whose opinion should be
heard?? WHY??
This is a disease that started where? Its pretty old.. That virus started with Iblees. He also
wanted this religious authority. At the heart of it, this is a disease and one has to identify that
disease if it exists inside himself. You know when the attitude seeps inside you;
Thank god for me because if it wasnt for me, these people would be soo deviant. At least I am
here to set em straight!
If thats your attitude, you have got a serious problem. You REALLY have a serious problem
because now you think that deen depends on whom? Yourself.. Deen doesnt need us ; we are
in need of Allahs deen but Allahs deen is in no need of us.
Wallahu ghaniun hameed . Allah (swt) is free of need.
He doesnt need us and we have to humble ourselves. This ego, I am talking about in a religious
context but even in a family,
If I die, who will take care of the family? Who is going to pay the bills? If I dont do it who is
going to do it?
That thought comes in your mind right? But you know our time of death is written whether you
think you need to save this much money or that much money or you need to get that
promotion or you know, whatever you need to do. You think what you need to do but if Allah
(swt) decides I go tonight; if its written, its written! And you know what, after I am gone, my
kids, my wife, my husband, whoever ; Allah (swt) has already taken care of them. I should never
have thought I was taking care of them to begin with. I wasnt the one taking care of them,
Allah (swt ) was and has been all along. I was deluding myself into thinking that it depends upon
me, nothing depends upon me; NOTHING depends upon me! I am not the source of any good.
Allah (swt) is the source of all good.
When ego is the root problem, where does ego come from? Ego comes from the starting point
when someone doesnt truly appreciate who Allah (swt) is. When you dont appreciate who
Allah (swt) is, you replace it with an appreciation of yourself; thats where it starts. Thats really
what the root of the problem really is so the first point I wanted to make inshaAllah is that
people wear the faade of the religion. They look religious, they talk religious , they have
knowledge. May Allah (swt) protect us from this. This is a very serious problem. They look more
practicing than the other guy who doesnt have a beard. She looks more taqiaa than the other
sister who doesnt wear hijab. They look more religious from the outward but on the inside
there is an ego. On the inside there is an urge to show your supremacy. You are more righteous,
you are more qualified, you are in a better position than the other and in your heart if you look
down upon another muslim no matter what their condition..if you look down upon another
muslim, if you do that, then you have this thing inside your heart called kibr, arrogance.
We learn from the advice of Prophet Mohommad (pbuh) that the one who has, a mustard seed,
which is basically an atom, ok? A molecule, nothing.. that much of arrogance in their heart what
is not open to them ? Jannah is not open to them, Jannah is not open to them so what I am
trying to say is that you have a Muslim who does bad things like you know a guy who drinks ,
whatever, he does some really bad stuff . His evil actions are outwardly but your evil action is
what? Inwardly! On the outside you look good. You look like you are doing alright. His action is
punishable for sure, you dont think yours is?? And if you are to compare, even though nobody
is condoning his behavior which is a bigger problem that is harder to fix? Think about that!!
His arrogance is a bigger problem to fix and you know why it is a bigger problem?? Because you
cant even see it! At least his drinking problem you can see it. You can do something to address
it but this problem in here (heart ) is a hard thing to fix because it is deep down inside and the
only one who can sense it is who? Yourself. Nobody can tell you its in there. If its in there its
there. We cant judge each other. While I am giving this lecture you cant just say:
I can think of someone who is pretty arrogant right now who should be listening to this.
Dont think of anyone else. That in itself is a sign of arrogance .Who should you be thinking of?
Yourself.
The council of religion is not for anyone else first. Who is it for first? Yourself. We become so
desensitize that the council of Quran and the council of the great words of the Messenger
(pbuh), that council is for EVERBODY ELSE.
Wait till I tell them what I just heard.
Who is supposed to hear it first? Who is supposed to internalize it first? Yourself. You gotta
think about that. We become very selfish, self centered and self serving when it comes to
Allahs (swt) religion. You know the husband hears a hadith regarding the rights of a wife or the
rights of a husband ; what is the first thing he says,
Hey, you know what I heard today? Let me tell you.
The parent; what is the first ayat he tells his child??
Wa bil walidain ehsana. Be the best to your parents.
Isnt that self serving? Are we here to serve ourselves? Is the religion here to serve our needs?
Or are we here to serve Allahs deen. This is a change of attitude. It is a completely different
attitude so this is the first problem, EGO, that I wanted to bring to your attention. Something
that only you can gauge in yourself. Nobody else can gauge that for you but if thats there no
matter how much good is there on outside, does it amount to anything? No because the heart
is not sound and Allah (swt ) says on the Day of Judgement :
illa man Atallaha bi Qalbin Saleem . None except those who come to Allah (swt) with a
sound heart
so we have to fix this thing on the inside; this ego on the inside.
Before we go to the second point, let me give you some tips on how you know you have an ego
problem. Just some basic tips. If somebody corrects you and you get really offended, REALLY
offended like:
How could you say that to me bro? Why did you say that to me? Who do you think you are?
Who does he think he is for correcting me like that ?
If that is your first reaction, then you have an ego problem even if that guy is beingI dont
want to use bad language..ok , he isnt right. He shouldnt have said what he said to you. Your
first reaction should not be who is he to talk to me? You know what your first reaction should
be? Maybe, through this inappropriate comment, Allah (swt) is telling me something that I
should take heed of. Maybe there is some truth in it. It may not be hundred percent truth but is
it a little bit truth? Is it one percent truth or half a percent truth? Whatever of it is true, I should
take it on myself. I should save myself instead of worrying who is he to talk to me that way?
Dont develop that attitude in yourself. Take the good even out of a bad advice, a nasty advice.
Take the good and leave the rest. Its ok.
If you feel the need to interject in every conversation, if you feel the need to have your opinion
heard no matter what. If you get really offended that your opinion was not taken in the end.
You gave your opinion, someone gave another opinion but your opinion was not the final one
taken; someone elses was and you walk away offended. You GOT AN EGO PROBLEM especially
in matters of religion. The MSA, , the masjid. Some people get together, they take some shura:
what should we do?
And you give your opinion, someone else gives their opinion and in the end, this shura is for
the sake of Allah or no? When you are doing work for MSA, masjid or whatever so you gave
your opinion for whos sake? For Allahs sake. You didnt give it for your own sake or to serve
yourself.
Lets see if my opinion comes out on top .
Thats not why you gave it. If you did, then you have got a serious problem. You gave it for
Allahs sake and now if you gave it for Allahs (swt) sake, then has it already been counted in
your favor? If you did that for Allahs (swt )sake, sincere opinion, sincere council for the sake of
Allah(swt), its already counted in your favor. You got credit for it already whether the people
take it or not, you already earned your credit so the fact that its taken or not taken is no longer
meaningful to you because you already got what you wanted, you understand? But if your
intention wasnt for the sake of Allah (swt), guess what? You are going to get offended. You are
going to say:
No I gave my opinion so it will be the supreme opinion and that didnt come out so I am
offended.
This is an easy way to check yourself. If you felt bad, you can check yourself. You have to check
yourself. These are exercises that are difficult to engage in but we have to engage in them so
the first real problem is the Hidden ego. The outward is religious and the inward is, basically,
egotistical; this urge to show supremacy over others.
The second problem thats again the outward is religious, the outward is good, the outward is
knowledgeable, the outward has good speech, the outward has good clothing, everything looks
like this guy, man , such a good brother ,right? The outward is great but you know what
happens on the inside? The first thing was the heart became egotistical and the second
problem is that the heart became hard.
You are no longer moved by Allahs (swt) words, you are no longer moved when you hear
Quran. Its been a loooong time since you cried in salah, its been a looong time since your heart
felt something. You hear it all the time and the thing that crosses your mind is that I already
know this. That is what crosses your mind. I dont need to hear this, I already heard this stuff. I
already know what he is going to say. The only thing that is going on in your mind during salah
is:
that qalaqala could have been a little better, that madd wasnt long enough, that ghunnah, I
dont know about that one.
Thats all thats going on in your salah. You know what that is an indication of? You have good
tajweed but a tough heart. You got good tajweed right but you are not.. The words of Allah
(swt) are not enough to shake you. They dont move you like that. You just pass by them and
then the knowledge keeps increasing and in the public eye , you look very devoted to the
religion but in your private life, when nobody else sees you, this really evil person comes out. A
person who has certain behavior, who does certain things that you would never imagine that
this person would be doing those things. When you look at their peers, when you look at their
public face, you would never think that this person is like that in their private life but in their
private life they almost turn into someone else. When they are by themselves, they turn into
someone else. Someone you wouldnt even recognize so there is this monster inside who has
these serious issues but on the outside its a great person. No body can fix that for you because
nobody knows it exists. Its all inside you !
So the first problem is ego and the second problem is the heart that becomes hard. These are
both spiritual problems, problems of the heart arent they? And the only one who can gauge
this is who? Yourself . Now towards the end some tips on how to fix this stuff, that will be
towards the end. I want to wrap up the second point really quick Insha Allah taala, of the heart
becoming hard.
Allah (swt) says, thats the ayah that I recited in the beginning Surah Hadeed. Allah (swt) is
talking to the People of the Book and then He talks to us and says:
Alam yaneei lilladhina Aamanoo
Isnt it time for people who claim to believe yet?
An takhshaa quloobohum li dhikrillah
that their hearts should be filled with awe, they should be overpowered, they should become
numb. You know when your muscles becomes loose or weak, thats khushu actually . Your
muscles feel weakness in them. You feel like an overwhelming sense, an over powering feeling.
Allah (swt ) says, their heart should feel overpowered and weakened by the fear of Allah (swt )
, by the remembrance of Allah (swt) . Isnt it time that the believers should feel like that
because of remembering Allah? (swt)
Wa ma nazala min Al haqq
And isnt it time that their hearts should feel like that for what came down from the Truth on
them? What is that? What came down from the Truth. Its Quran. He is referring to the Quran.
Then Allah (swt) gives a warning in the same ayat .
Wa la yakoono kalladhina ootul kitaba min qabl
They better not become like those who were given the Book before them, much before them.
Fa tala alaihimul amad
A looong period passed over them . Meaning they were holding onto the Book for a loooong
period of time but as they were holding onto the Book, You know when you first turn to the
religion, you are very excited about it, that excitement went away and all that remained was
the outer shell so what happened to those people.
Fa qasat quloobuhum
Their hearts became hard. After a long time, religion just became routine, something they just
do. Something that is just there. .It is just there and you are just doing it because you are used
to doing it but its not something that moves their hearts anymore. Their hearts have become
hard and once your heart becomes hard, its easy for you to become corrupt.
Therefore the next part of the ayah
Wa katheerum minhum fasiqun
Much of them are corrupt, a good number of them are actually corrupt. The ayah ended with
the people of the Book but where did it start?
Alam yaneei lilladhina Aamanoo
The discussion is really about those who actually claim to Believe and how their hearts
becomes hard and if thats what you sense in yourself and no one can gauge that for you. Once
again I repeat no one can gauge that for you because the only one who can gauge that for you
is yourself, no one else. How humble you are before Allah (swt) , how humble you are before
others. You cant gauge that, you know, except that by yourself.
Allah (swt) says if you find yourself in a hopeless state where you feel your heart has become
hard and you have developed this sort of a problem where you know , sometimes, the religious
personality or the appearance of a religious personality is very intimidating. Its hard to talk to
them. Its hard to be.. you are scared to be around them because you know they are going to
talk down to you about something. You are afraid of them. A lot of time, sisters who wear hijab
and sisters who dont wear hijab, they cross the street and go the other way.
Oh, there she comes again! Hijab police!! Now she is going to tell me something, she is going
to say something, make me feel bad. Right?
Now on one hand thats paranoia but on the other hand sometimes, it is true. There are people
who are very condescending to others. They are arrogant towards others. Tell me this; werent
you a party animal not too long ago? And when people tried to tell you, how did you behave
towards them. You forget where you came from, how far Allah (swt) brought you? People
forget where they used to be and how far Allah (swt) brought them and when years later, they
see someone who is a party animal, they say , Astaghfirullah, how can it be like that.Where
were you? That guy should remind you of yourself. You were exactly like that so you should
remember Allahs favors upon you.
Wa kuntum ala shafa hufratum minan naar
You used to be at the very edge of the fire.
Fa ankadakum minha
He pulled you out of it.
And in that same ayah Allah (swt) says,
Fa Allafa baina Qulubikum
Right, same ayah, He put love in your heart
To have love in your heart you need to remember that you used to be at the fires edge
yourself and you got pulled out and it was not because of you. Is that because you are a smart
person and you deserve to be pulled back? Whose favor was it to you? It was Allahs favor to
you. How dare you look at someone else and think like that?
This arrogance is a horrible thing. It will wipe out all the goodness out of you. It will wipe all the
goodness out of you. Most of the time our youth, who end up into heated debates about
whatever, whether it is theology issue , its a fiqh issue, its a MSA presidency issue.. I dont care
what the issue is..doesnt really matter. You know what the root problem of the debate is? Its
ego .Really its a BIG ego, thats all it is.
People talking about scholars like they are talking about some athlete.
You know that guy, I dont like what he says.
Excuse me!! Do you know what journey he made for Allah (swt)? Even if you disagree with him,
the fact that he left his home, whoever that scholar is, and travelled half way across the World
to seek knowledge and spend nights and nights and nights praying and studying. You are just
going to pass a comment on him and say:
Ohh! I dont like what he says, I think he is deviant.
How dare you? What have you done? What puts you in that position to be able to say that? You
know if you disagree with a Muslim and you think they are wrong, what should be your first
attitude towards them?? You should you pass a verdict on them that they are headed to hell or
should you genuinely be concerned for them? And if you are genuinely concerned for them,
you wouldnt talk to anybody else about them. Who would you talk to? Themselves. You would
go and talk to themselves. If there was sincerity in you, you would address your concerns to
them; not to anybody else. But this shows lack of sincerity; this shows ego. This shows you have
got your team and you are rooting for your side and you are just going to make comments
about other. Thats just immature, arrogant, egotistical; thats what it is.
Now if thats the stage we have reached, we are coming a little bit to the remedies. First of all
the remedy is hope itself. Hope isnt lost. Allah (swt) in the next ayat, so beautiful !! Subhan
Allah!
He says :
Yalamoo (you had better know) Innallaha yuhyil Arda badaa mautiha
You better know that, no doubt, Allah (swt) gives life to the earth after it had died.
Allah (swt) was talking about hearts in the previous ayah, what is He talking about now? Giving
life to the earth. Allah (swt )is telling you that if Allah (swt) can give life out of the dead earth;
He can give life to your heart again. Your heart can become soft again. Its not beyond hope.
Qad bayyannal Ayat liqaumin Yaqiloon la allaqum taqiloon
We are clarifying the miraculous ayah so you can understand.
You get the point, there is hope for you. You can get your heart cleansed , it is possible. You
know Allah (swt) can bring the heart back to life so the remedies now. How do you fix yourself?
How do you fix the ego problem that you have?
The first big problem that helps you cleanse the heart is the remembrance of Allah (swt) , thats
the first thing you have to address. How often do you remember Allah (swt) and remembering
Allah (swt) is not just saying the clich things you know. Just the adhkar that you memorize,
SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar, La ila ha illallah Allah u Akbar and you do some
dhikr. These are incredible adhkar. They are from the sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) but if they
are thoughtless, if you didnt put any thought in them. If you just dont reflect upon them, then
it is not dhikr, thats just good review. Thats all that is.
Do you know what Alhamdulillah means? All credit goes to Allah; All Praise is for Allah (swt).
Allah (swt) should be thanked and He should be praised for everything. So you are having a
tough day, what do you say? Alhamdulillah! Not only do I thank Allah (swt) I also praise Him.
Whatever is happening must be good and so good that I thank Him for it and not that I just
thank Him, I also praise Him for it. What an awesome thing you did!. Despite your troubles, you
say Alhamdulillah but when you mean it, its something else. Now you are really remembering
Allah (swt)
This hamd of Allah (swt), giving credit to Allah (swt), what does that teach you about yourself?
You think you accomplished something good, what are you supposed to say? Alhamdulillah !
Who did you actually give credit to? Allah (swt) but you do that to..somebody comes upto you
and says:
brother, great khutbah!You say Alhamdulillah (patting your back). Yes, I know!.That
Alhamdulillah is really not Alhamdulillah. Thats more about yourself than anybody else right?
You have to learn to be uncomfortable with praise. You should be uncomfortable with praise.
You should be quick to give credit immediately to Allah (swt) and at the same time, put yourself
down.
You dont know brother, you dont know. I dont think you should say that. You dont know
what I am really like, Allah (swt) knows. Just make dua for me thats it. I dont need your praise,
I need your dua. I dont need you to thank me.
The other sister says, You are such a good sister. No, I dont need to hear that from you.
That doesnt help me, that really hurts me because when somebody tells me how good I am,
what does that boost ? My ego! right? And thats the biggest problem you can ever have so
nobody is doing anybody a favor by praising them.
One last thing to add about humility; when someone comes and talks real nasty to you right
and they are condescending to you, its a good way to put your ego down so they may have
even done you a favor. They may think they have run over you but that maybe a message from
Allah (swt), maybe thats a gift from Allah (swt), that maybe a gift of humility. Maybe thats
what it is. This is what Ibn e Taimiyyah (r.a) used to say,
When someone offends me, I think it is a gift from Allah (swt) that He is teaching me
humility. SubhanAllah ! It is a different attitude.
Then learn to serve people for the sake of Allah (swt). You know a lot of times people get
burned out and this is the last thing I am going to say about religious folks especially youth.
They do so much activity. They join an organization, they join a group, they join a masjid, they
join whatever program and they are fired up, burning themselves out running after the
programs left right left right and eventually what happens is that they get burned out. They get
completely burned out and when they get burned out, they are never able to recover from that
again. Keep a balance, take it easy. You dont have to do everything in one weekend. You dont
have to do everything in one summer. Its ok. Keep it gradual, keep up with it Insha Allah.
When you do things for the sake of Allah (swt) and you get frustrated that you are not seeing
results like you know, this talk..I was invited and I said ok ok I will come Sunday night, no
problem..Why dont I come Saturday night? No body is going to be here... So?I am not
coming here for you. Why am I coming here? THE BIGGER REASON! You are not paying me.
Who is paying me? (Finger pointed upwards)right? So if there is one person here, or a hundred
people here or no one here, did I already get my credit if I had the right intention? I did ! If I had
the right intention.
Why did you come here? If you came here because your friends are coming, because you got
nagged into coming, because your ride is not leaving so you are stuck here..(ha ha), then you
got nothing! But if you were here and your intention was that :
I am going to remember Allah (swt ) tonight, I am going to come closer to Allah (swt)
tonight.
Even the wait when there was nothing going on, even did that count in your favor. Change of
attitude, change of intention. It will help you sooo much in life because when you do things like
you pass out the flyers and you will invite people and nobody will show up and you are like
AAAGH! (anger) people dont listen!! You wont be frustrated. You know why? Why were you
passing out the flyers? Why were you sending the invitations? Where did you put the
expectations with? (finger pointed upwards). Your job is the effort, His job is the results. You
are not incharge of the results.
When you internalize that, life becomes so much easier. It becomes..and you become more
satisfied with yourself. You dont become frustrated, No there were only a few people, there
could have been more. Yes , there could have been more but thats in the hands of Allah (swt)
. Did i do my part? Did I make enough effort? Thats the only question to ask and were my
efforts seriously for the sake of Allah (swt) ? Thats the question to ask.
These things I bring up because intentions are not something you make once. There was one
time in your life when you made the intention you are going to serve Allahs religions, that you
are going to become a better muslim. You made that intention but that intention can get rusty
so you gotta keep going back.. You gotta keep fixing it and you know everyone else is thinking
that your intention is strong because they only see the outside..what dont they see? The
inside! And because they see only the outside, they tell you, You are pretty good man!!and
you start believing them too so you are only making the problem worse for yourself.
The first remedy was remembering Allah (swt). The second remedy; find better company. Find
company of people that are better than yourself. The third remedy, important remedy, Learn to
keep your mouth shut. Learn to keep your mouth shut. If you see something really bad, find a
humble way of giving advice to a Muslim. Think,
Are the words that I am going to say to them, are they going to make him even more averse
to the religion or should I find some loving, soft way of slowly pulling them back without
compromising on the principles but can I bring them closer to the deen.
Maybe change their company, maybe change of scenery, maybe if they heard a little bit of
advice..You dont want to change their behavior first, you want to change what first? Their
heart! Once the heart changes, behavior will change automatically. Most of the time we go
after peoples what? We go after their behavior. You cant change peoples behavior. You can
only remind them and hope that Allah (swt ) changes their heart. Your job is to remind right
. Fadhakkir..
The Messenger sees people doing shirk, people doing kufr and Allah (swt) is telling him year
after year after year,
Fadhakkir, innaka fa Atiz dhikra, Fadhakkir, innaka fa atiz dhikra
Remind them, Reminder will have benefit.
The man, Prophet Mohommad (pbuh) is doing dawah to the same bunch of really bad people
for ten years and Allah (swt) keeps telling him; remind, its gonna happen, Remindits gonna
have benefit. You remind someone, it doesnt have benefit, you know what you are going to
say,
I reminded him, he didnt listen huh! That guy is not gonna benefit from reminder.
Look at the seerah of the Messenger (pbuh), how often does he remind? And Allah (swt) keeps
telling him you may not see the benefit but is there still benefit? There is. And who is the first
person who benefits from sincere reminder. The one who gives the reminder.. Who is it
benefitting first? You, yourself because you are accepting that the words are coming from you
but the effect will come from where? From Allah (swt) and if your words didnt have any effect,
then maybe there was something wrong with who? You.
Your first reaction shouldnt be that there is something wrong with him. He didnt listen to me.
Thats not the first reaction. You know the Messenger (pbuh) ( and this is the last comment
from me) , when he gave advice to people and they didnt listen to him, one of the thoughts
that crept into the mind of Messenger (pbuh) was maybe I am not doing my job right. Maybe I
could have said it better and Allah (swt)reminds him,no no no! You are doing your job right. You
are doing what you are supposed to do. You just keep warning. You just keep reminding. Dont
worry about the results. Just keep doing what you are supposed to d . Do what you are
supposed to do.
Along these lines, the last ayah that came to my mind, I should share it with you because it is
important in this issue Insha Allah. Two ayahs, one from Surah Shura, surah number 42 and
another ayah in which the Messenger is given advice so two ayahs.
In Surah Shura:
Wa ma tafarraqoo illa mim badee ma jaaa uhum min ilm, baghwam baina hum
They didnt disagree with each other until after knowledge came.
So who is disagreeing now? Knowledgable people! Knowledgable in what? Knowledgable in
Science, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, what are they knowledgable in ? In religion! Knowledgable
in The Book, Knowledgable in Sunnah and what are they doing after that knowledge? Falling
into disagreement. Why? Allah (swt) gives reason too.
Baghyam bai na hum ( Out of an urge to dominate over each other).
They had this urge and they wanted to feel superior and what is this weapon by which they feel
superior. Knowdge of religion. ..They turn that into a means by which they inflate their ego.
Subhan Allah !What a horrible crime ! and its that ayah where Allah (swt) by the end, He says,
Wa lao la kalimatun sabaqat ila rabbika musamma la qudhiya baina hum
Had it not been that a time had been appointed for them from ahead of time,( meaning had it
not been that Allah (swt) had already decided when they will be punished), their matter would
have been dealt with immediately.
They would have been punished right away. This is a high crime. This is a high crime that they
are doing using deen as a weapon to disagree. Their knowledge is a weapon to disagree with
each other not for any other sincere reason except, ego!. May Allah (swt) protect us from this
crime especially our youth,man!
Youth culture in this country, you are playing ball; somebody blocks your shot , what happens?
In the next play, you better avenge and revive your dignity because the tribe will look down
upon you right? There is this culture; How dare you against me? Its not just a sport, its a test of
ego right.
Some body cuts you off on the road, what gets enraged? You !! with your Honda Civic pass me
by!! Me with the M5!! No No I will show you . I will express my supremacy very very spoon. I
am gonna floor you and show you how thats done.
What is that a show off? Ego ! Constantly in our culture we are being sent the message, inflate
your ego. It all about YOU . The song writer, the singer,
My chain, my hat , my shoes, my socks whatever..
All about me , me , me. You cant touch Me, you cant look at Me, you cant look at Me in the eye.
I am going to do this to you, then I am going to do that to you. Whats this about? Whats the
whole message? Ego!Worship of the self.. Thats all it is . Thats really what it boils down to.
And this deen is only a deen for those who humble themselves before Allah (swt) right so thats
very very important message of this ayah.
The last ayah, Al e Imran , and especially for those who are in a position of leadership. Those of
you that others look upto, those of you who know or think even, that you know more than
others. Allah (swt) tells His Messenger (pbuh):
Fa bi ma rahmatim min allahi lin talahum wa lao kunta faddun azizan qalb lan fadoo min
haolik
It is by the special favor and Mercy of Allah (swt) that you (pbuh) are lenient towards them
(meaning the sahabah). If you were tough ( harsh of the heart, if you were stiff with them or
arrogant towards them even if , you know like, rough around the edges when you talk to them,
you know atern with them ) , they would have dispersed away from you
They? Who is they? The sahabah.The sahabah would have ran away from you and who is you?
The Messsenger! Can you imagine the sahahba running away from the Prophet (pbuh)?Allah
(swt) didnt say if you didnt call to the truth, they would run away, If you stop teaching them
Quran they would run away, If you didnt present the wahi, they would run away. What would
the Messenger do that would make them run away? He is still teaching Quran, still giving the
Truth, everything is the same .Whats the only thing thats changed in the ayah that would make
them run away? He is tough with them. He is harsh with them.. that would be enough and they
would run away SubhanAllah. What a message Allah (swt) is teaching His Messenger (pbuh).
If thats the message to the most amazing leader, you dont think it applies most to us? It
applies enormously..if you were in any position of leadership and if I was to ask for a show of
hands , dont raise your hands; rhetorically, if I was to ask for a show of hands, how many
people are in a position of leadership? You know what? All of you should be raising your hands.
You are all in a position of leadership. You are all in a position where you should be able to give
council to someone and thats fine but how do you give that council? Especially if they are
Muslim? Instead of making them more averse to the religion, learn to be more tolerant. Dont
justify wrong behavior, thats not what I am saying. If you see some haram, call a spade a spade
Look, this is haram. I am worried about you.
There are ways of saying this right?
You know you are going to hell for doing that right?Thats one way of saying it.
Man you should be ashamed of yourself Thats one way of saying it.
Bro I am really worried about you seriously. You know thats bad and I love you man. Why do
you do it? Do you need help? I mean why, really, just stop. Lets talk about it. Sincere!!
(somebody sneezes in the audience, Brother Nauman says Yar hamu Kullah )
Sincerity, it shows you know. The way you talk to people, it shows whether you are sincere or
you are just trying to pass comments on them to, you know, just put them down. There is a
difference. There is a difference in how you talk to them
Azillatin alil Momineen
They are humble, powerless when they present themselves to Believers.
Thats the attitude in Quran but then finally how do you know for sure you are sincere? Its in
the ayah and we are done. That same ayah:
Fafoo anhum fas taghfir lahum wa shawirhum fil amr
After they mess up and you are lenient towards them, if they mess up, number one, forgive
them lovingly. Fa fu anhum.
Then ask Allah (swt) to forgive them You know asking Allah to forgive them is not.. you know
some brother does something and you say:
hey by the way may Allah (swt) forgive you
Thats not fastaghfir lahum. When should you ask Allah to forgive them? When you are asking
Allah to forgive yourself , in private because private dua is what? Sincere. Thats sincere. In
front of everyone..
By the way brother you are pretty messed up but may Allah (swt) forgive you. I will make dua
for you
Thats not what the ayah says. Thats actually a show of what? Arrrogance, ego. Make sincere
dua for them in private, fastaghfir la hum
And to make them feel like you think of them as a decent person, wa shawir hum fil amr.
Consult them, take their opinion. Ask their opinion. Treat them like a decent person. The
Messenger (pbuh) doesnt need anybodys shura. He makes decisions based on Revelation but
Allah (swt) commanded him to consult them in decision making. Why? So they would feel
what? Included, dignified. This is the characteristics of a leader right? He makes those who are
under him feel dignified
Wa shawirhum fil ardh fa iza azamta fa tawakkal al Allah
When you make a decision, place your trust in Allah (swt) because your decision is not the key
to success. It is Allah (swt) thats the key to success.
Inn Allaha yuhibbul mutawakkileen
Allahumma jaalna minal Mutawakkileen
May Allah (swt) make us those who place our trust in Allah (swt) and not allow our hearts to
become hard.
May Allah (swt) make us a people sincerely of dhikr to Allah (swt)
May Allah (swt) grant us the gift of better company than ourselves that keeps our ego in check.
May Allah (swt ) give us the ability to give advice to those around us, the people of La ilaha
illAllah, the people who share this wonderful kalimah with us are more beloved to us , closer to
us than even the bond of blood. La ila ha illallah brings us closer than the bond of blood .
May Allah (swt ) make us share that love and affection and humility with the other muslims
and show them that sincerity from the bottom of our heart.
May Allah (swt) penetrate good advice into the hearts of those who need it.
May Allah (swt)make us capable of taking advice and taking the best of it and not allowing the
advice to become a means by which our egos are inflated.
May Allah (swt) keep us humble before hHIm, forgive our shortcomings that have occurred in
the past.
May Allah (swt), from here on, make us of those whose hearts are perpetually being cleansed
and finally I ask Allah (swt) to accept all of our gatherings including this one and to accept, you
know ,all of our good deeds and the acts of worship that we do for Him with all their short
comings and all of our flaws, even our salah, our wudhu, our dua and all of the shortcomings
aside.
May Allah (swt) accept whatever patchwork we do. May Allah (swt) just overlook all of our
shortcomings and just accept from all of us.
Rabbana taqabbal minna innaka antas same ul aleem wa tub alaina ya maulana, innaka anta
Tawaabu raheem wa Sallalahu Taal Ala khairee khalqihi wa Alihee Wa ashabihee Ajmaeen
Assalam o Alaikum Wa rahmatullaheWa barakatuhu
Jazakumullahu khairun for listening