Student: Korayma Arriaga Professor: Lynda Haas Course Name: Connect Composition 3.

0 Section Name: WR 37 33057 Thursday, Feb 6, 8:59 AM

Korayma Arriaga Professor Lynda Haas Writing 37 2 February 2014

Perfection! Nope, not even the best of the best like the character of Mr. Sherlock Holmes can pass as perfect being. Arthur Conan Doyle created this eccentric character in his novels and stories who for the most part is perceived as a perfect crime solver, but there have been some cases in which this is not completely true. Holmes in Conan Doyle's works is a human being never the less and humans do make mistakes, some are just more noticeable than others. In "Silver Blaze" Sherlock Holmes admits to his mistake, "Because I made a blunder, my dear Watson- which is, I am afraid, a more common occurrence than anyone would think who only knew me through your memoirs. " (Conan Doyle adventure 1) this admittance to his mistakes shapes and develops his character by showing that perfection doesn't exist and that all must make mistakes to ultimately reach a concise conclusion. As the readers discover more about the development of Sherlock Holmes character in Conan Doyle's novels and short stories, it is visible to the eye that his character does make mistakes, and this is developed throughout the multiple stories of his life which leads to one of his biggest mistakes that was made notable when his mistakes led him to fake his death in the "The Final Problem". Experts like Sherlock Holmes are faulty as well, everyone makes mistakes and that is a process detectives go through to eventually find the correct track once again. Making mistakes is a normal behavior for everyone even the character that has shaped the way crimes are solved now a days. By showing Holmes' errors, Conan Doyle expresses a more humanized side of Sherlock Holmes, proving that he is not a robot and builds his relatable character in which one can feel more adaptable to. Meaning that having someone who always gets everything perfectly right and has no flaws at all makes the story less believable, leaning towards the fantasy land. This added detail of Holmes' imperfections like his lack of emotion in most occasions, lets the reader know that having an intuition like his is possible, unlike a super hero power that is less likely to be real and adaptable.

While reading "Silver Blaze" a notable mistake is made by Sherlock Holmes, he misreads the footprints and goes onto the wrong trail, not thinking about the many other possibilities, he closes his mind off from other options. In the Sign of the Four, Sherlock Holmes states that to be an ideal detective all you need is observation, deduction, and knowledge. He as well impulses the fact that Dr. Watson, his sidekick, as well as the other police detectives observed only the obvious and lead themselves towards the wrong direction, for example in "The Adventure of Blue Carbuncle" Holmes tells Watson the following, "I can see nothing,' said I, handing it back to my friend. On the contrary, Watson, you can see everything. You fail, however, to reason from what you see. You are too timid in drawing your inferences."'(Doyle 5348) Sherlock advices Watson not to fall into observing only the observable, but to look deeply into the non-visible and to keep his options open, but he himself fails to do this in multiple occasions. Holmes in the "Silver Blaze" limits his imagination and doesn't think that it is possible to disguise the horse so it won't remain hidden. That was his mistake, which led him into the wrong path, just like another mistake in which he thought he was doing the right thing when he let Irene Adler go, instead of taking action and grabbing the picture while he was in front of her. In Conan Doyle novels and short stories, flaws in the main character who's supposed to be this genius detective who eventually defines perfection, actually makes mistakes also. Sherlock Holmes has a greater eye for observation and greater knowledge than the common people, but never the less he is a human being and tends to make mistakes once in a while. This characteristic of Sherlock Holmes allows the readers to connect to him in the way that we can relate to the aspect of making mistakes, but that from those mistakes we are able to find our way to the right path, just like he always does and solves the mystery. In modern-day mystery texts and shows the detectives also make mistakes, sometimes they commit huge mistakes while at other times they are barely noticeable. Next time while watching shows like Psych, House, and especially Sherlock (BBC), don't overlook at their perfection to solve crimes, but also take note that they also make mistakes which eventually they accept they made and go back in the right direction or usually their "conductor of light" leads them back onto the right track, simply a mistake is not the end of the world, move on and solve the problems of life.

Works Cited Conan Doyle, Arthur. "Silver Blaze." In The Complete Sherlock Holmes. New York: Gramercy Books, 2002 02 Feb. 2014 Conan Doyle, Arthur. The Sign of Four. 1890. Books. 02 Feb. 2014

Conan Doyle, Arthur. "The Adventure of Blue Carbuncle." In The Complete Sherlock Holmes. Ney York: Gramercy Books, 2002 02 Feb. 2014

"Lessons from Sherlock Holmes: Preconceptions and the Blunting of Imagination." Scientific American Global RSS. N.p., n.d. Web. 02 Feb. 2014.

Comments
Question 8: Do you have any general comments on this draft? Select some text in the draft to add them. Nguyen, Kimmy:

"n his novels and stories who for the most part is perceived as a perfect crime solver,"
The wording is confusing Nguyen, Kimmy: Repetitive

"human being never the less and humans do make mistakes"

"advices"
advises

Nguyen, Kimmy:

"flaws in the main character who's supposed to be this genius detective who eventually defines perfection"
Sounds informal and grammatically incorrect Question 1: Introduction--Rhetorical Situation: Does the writer provide a short but detailed summary of the text and also include several important and relevant details about the text's rhetorical situation? Suggest additions or revisions that would make this part stronger. Nguyen, Kimmy:

"In "Silver Blaze" Sherlock Holmes admits to his mistake, "Because I made a blunder, my dear Watson- which is, I am afraid, a more common occurrence than anyone would think who only knew me through your memoirs. ""
You should write the summaries of all the stories you are going to use in the intro paragraph. Ho, Vincent:

"as perfect being"

as a perfect being*

Ho, Vincent:

"memoirs. " (Conan Doyle adventure 1) this "

intro needs a short, detailed summary of the text(s) you are using as well as the rhetorical situation (ex: author, publication)

"In "Silver Blaze" Sherlock Holmes admits to his mistake, "Because I made a blunder, my dear Watson- which is, I am afraid, a more common occurrence than anyone would think who only knew me through your memoirs. " (Conan Doyle adventure 1) this admittance to his mistakes shapes and develops his character by showing that perfection doesn't exist and that all must make mistakes to ultimately reach a concise conclusion"

Question 5: Sources: Does the writer use at least 2 credible, authoritative sources for a scholarly audience? Highlight one place where the writer uses a source and make a comment about whether you think this is a credible source, and also whether you think the writer has quoted, paraphrased, or summarized an important and relevant idea from the source. Nguyen, Kimmy:

"In "Silver Blaze" Sherlock Holmes admits to his mistake, "Because I made a blunder, my dear Watson- which is, I am afraid, a more common occurrence than anyone would think who only knew me through your memoirs. ""
Good source to support that Holmes does make mistakes! Question 6: Title: Highlight the title of the essay. Does the title reflect the thesis, only in a shorter format? Suggest revisions to the title--even if it's already pretty good, how can it be better? Nguyen, Kimmy:

"Perfection!"
Ho, Vincent:

You already know this, but you're missing a title.

No title for this essay. Make a title that relates to your thesis or show some importance to your thesis Question 2: Thesis: Highlight the sentence(s) in the essay that you believe is the thesis statement--the controlling idea. Does it offer an idea about how this text operates within its genre or context? Does it say something interesting that is beyond the obvious? Is it well-written and readable? Provide revision advice for how to make it better.

"P"

Nguyen, Kimmy:

Clarify your topic more; it is a bit confusing to figure out what you are writing about. The mentioning of "The Final Problem" is unnecessary in the thesis sentence. Ho, Vincent:

"As the readers discover more about the development of Sherlock Holmes character in Conan Doyle's novels and short stories, it is visible to the eye that his character does make mistakes, and this is developed throughout the multiple stories of his life which leads to one of his biggest mistakes that was made notable when his mistakes led him to fake his death in the "The Final Problem"."

"As the readers discover more about the development of Sherlock Holmes character in Conan Doyle's novels and short stories, it is visible to the eye that his character does make mistakes, and this is developed throughout the multiple stories of his life which leads to one of his biggest mistakes that was made notable when his mistakes led him to fake his death in the "The Final Problem"."
I think your thesis needs to be more direct and clear. There are many ideas jumping around in this thesis statement. I like how you connected Holmes' imperfection to his downfall in "The Final Problem"; this is beyond the obvious Question 4: Expertise. Does the writer convince you that he/she is an expert on the genre and text being analyzed? Highlight one excerpt from the essay that you think illustrates good expertise and explain why. Then highlight another excerpt from the essay that you think could use some work to make it sound more expert and offer revision advice. Nguyen, Kimmy:

This except sounds a bit too general; try to be more in-depth when you write about your topic. Nguyen, Kimmy:

"everyone makes mistakes and that is a process detectives go through to eventually find the correct track once again. Making mistakes is a normal behavior for everyone even the character that has shaped the way crimes are solved now a days."

"That was his mistake, which led him into the wrong path, just like another mistake in which he thought he was doing the right thing when he let Irene Adler go, instead of taking action and grabbing the picture while he was in front of her."
Good supporting sentence to your thesis! Ho, Vincent:

"Holmes in the "Silver Blaze" limits his imagination and doesn't think that it is possible to disguise the horse so it won't remain hidden. That was his mistake, which led him into the wrong path, just like another mistake in which he thought he was doing the right thing when he le"
I think you need to re-read this short story and fix your statement.

Ho, Vincent:

"Sherlock Holmes has a greater eye for observation and greater knowledge than the common people, but never the less he is a human being and tends to make mistakes once in a while."
This excerpt shows your understanding of your genre convention, but you need to connect the convention to the mystery genre and describe its relationship Question 3: Analysis vs Summary. The writer should only use summary as a way to introduce an excerpt of the text he/she will then analyze; the essay should not be dominated by summary. Choose one area of the essay where you think there is too much summary and suggest revisions to cut down on the summary. Nguyen, Kimmy:

"While reading "Silver Blaze" a notable mistake is made by Sherlock Holmes, he misreads the footprints and goes onto the wrong trail, not thinking about the many other possibilities, he closes his mind off from other options. In the Sign of the Four, Sherlock Holmes states that to be an ideal detective all you need is observation, deduction, and knowledge. He as well impulses the fact that Dr. Watson, his sidekick, as well as the other police detectives observed only the obvious and lead themselves towards the wrong direction, for example in "The Adventure of Blue Carbuncle" Holmes tells Watson the following, "I can see nothing,' said I, handing it back to my friend. On the contrary, Watson, you can see everything. You fail, however, to reason from what you see. You are too timid in drawing your inferences."'"
Try to use only one source to support your thesis. It gets confusing when you switch between different stories. Ho, Vincent: I believe you should focus on one passage from one text (at most two). You didn't provide any summary about the texts you used. You simply stated what happened in that particular story. Don't use too many texts! Question 7: Effective Paragraphs: Each body paragraph of the essay should have a logical structure (a topic sentence and then sentences that develop the idea in that sentence) and focus on one main point. Choose one body paragraph and provide some advice on how the writer can make it more effective. Nguyen, Kimmy:

"."

"By showing Holmes' errors, Conan Doyle expresses a more humanized side of Sherlock Holmes, proving that he is not a robot and builds his relatable character in which one can feel more adaptable to. Meaning that having someone who always gets everything perfectly right and has no flaws at all makes the story less believable, leaning towards the fantasy land. This added detail of Holmes' imperfections like his lack of emotion in most occasions, lets the reader know that having an intuition like his is possible, unlike a super hero power that is less likely to be real and adaptable."
You should add a quote/paraphrase to support your claims in this paragraph.

Ho, Vincent:

"By showing Holmes' errors, Conan Doyle expresses a more humanized side of Sherlock Holmes, proving that he is not a robot and builds his relatable character in which one can feel more adaptable to."
Rewrite this to be your topic sentence and analyze this topic deeper and use text to support it