AFTER EXAMS

LIFE

Man, I really thought holidays were cool. I was, you know, sort of WRONG. Holidays after the first big exam of your life are everything but cool-something I discovered when I had that. Yeah, holiday. Its almost like when Archimedes jumped into a pool, but didnt have that EUREKA moment even after he had displaced the volume of water which equaled his own body volume. I mean, before the exams my friends & I spent hours (read-minutes) just trying to decide whatever we would do once this horrible nightmare (read- exams) were over. THEN WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE EXAMS GOT OVER? Well, I really dunno! Its more easy to discuss reasons of a possible (I know I know, NASA says its probability is very low, but who listens to nerds anyway?) alien attack, than delve into the rather mysterious (and of course, groggy) world of human mind, which decides to take a rest whenever I need it to work full-time!!! Dad says the solution of our big problem of doing-nothing-even-when-we- have-great-plans is time management. I think not, but I have learnt that its high time to keep your mouth shut over discussing a universal problem, until; OF COURSE, youre ready to OFFER a solution, or something near to it (at least)! SO now I am here, a lot more days older than just 15 and nearing death every moment, & have given my first BIG exam of my life, discussing my truly boring life. AND THIS IS WHERE CAREER STEPS IN! It takes away all the boredom (not really) and takes you on a whirlwind rollercoaster ride, which is as unpredictable as life itself. But I really think that a rollercoaster ride is less unpredictable than life is......as you still stay in your seat when the rollercoaster turns upside down, thanks to the earths centripetal force......but in life, theres maybe no staying in your seat safely, clutching Mummys saree (or whatever your Mum wears) for the sake of your life, when your world has just turned upside down!! Pretty philosophical, isnt it? I know, mate, but I really cant help. You stay stuck in your house for weeks after your exams are over...without your friends dropping by...having read and re-read all the books you had, and with a set of parents who are trying to fix up tuitions, and therefore has no time to invite your friends for a sleepover......I promise you, your life will turn as miserable as mine has turned into & youll start going philosophical. But dont tell anyone!!! Elders, who say theyve seen a LOT of life and therefore have the right to proclaim that

they know better than us over any subject in Earth (although I dont trust them at all), have their own ways to interpret our problems!!! They think its a part of adolescence and its just the sweet sixteen thing! But can you guys call any of the things I mentioned above SWEET????? Nope! This whole sweet sixteen thing is a crap, right. Theres nothing chooo cweet about being a sixteen year old, I tell you, moreover at this age, you run into more dangers concerning your life, and Im not just talking about dangers of choosing the wrong career..I just want to get hold of the person (?) who invented this sweet sixteen term and give him (or her) the usual one-two, or maybe is it just Archies?? Theres one thing that perplexed me during these holidays. My mum. Shes working like mad these days, mostly to get me an appropriate tuition. Yeah, in India, tuitions are important. They turn your life around. They are the manufacturers of nerds, made in India! (SO, guys, whatever Amartya Sen says, just go get yourself tuition if you want to exist in India. If you want suggestions, call my Mum just give her a ring- shell help you out. Knows more about private tutors than any other Consultancy Services, she does). Anyway, these days, whenever I pass off Mum, I mutter to myself overkill, mate. Phoning people around the city, discussing suitable dates, times and of course, tuitions, shes been doing all these, plus her daily chores around the household. PHEW! I really dont know how she manages these!!!! Everyday we get some more Class XI teachers names and contact nos., and Mum starts calling them at once. Thats her daily routine nowadays-interviewing people for this teaching job. (You know I seriously think this teaching profession is really good, I mean just look at the huge payments, career prospectus & the tax layoffs HU LA LA!!!) At the meantime I get amazed to see that how many wimps (read : human beings) God created in the first place. Thats a good thing, as I had almost started to think that my family, my neighborhood people and I were the only ones created by God. This is due to the fact that I havent really met a lot of people since last December and now have started to raise questions on their existence. But not meeting people has helped me, actually, Ive started to know MYSELF..whats the point of talking rubbish with others when you could just remain absorbed in yourself dude? In the meantime, when Mum really got SOME free time, we went to meet someone to discuss class XI. Well, the starting was well.....but soon the man started to discourage me. This is the problem with relatives, you see. They think they can get away with saying anything,

and sadly, they REALLY DO get away! But then he was no direct relative of ours......but we Bengalis dont care if someones our real relative or not, as long as we have a faint connection. This person, Jethu, as I called him, went on about Chem, perfect pronunciation of English words, and Math problems. I was dead bored, and pissed off. His speech went on & on & on for what it felt like days to me, and he drifted gracefully from Chem to English to Bengali to Maths (thank goodness he doesnt know about the other subjects). I listened to him, trying to fall in place, but not everybody has a brain which can follow a reaction between a pound of bleaching powder and a neutral vowel sound! A neutral vowel sound is- is how Jethu started about the horrible thing, but the really pathetic thing is, I really cant remember the rest of his sentence. For the first time in life, I bunked a teachers speech! WOW! Bunkings really nice. Then he went on about how to produce a neutral vowel sound. It is simple. You kick a persons abdomen and the first word which comes out from the poor victims mouth is a neutral vowel sound of the English letter a-w-k.. You want to know how the sound is? Ok Mr. (or Miss or Mrs. or Master-whatever kind of wimp you are) Featherbrain, just stand in front of me, & Ill kick you, & youll know! Worth trying, isnt it?? And this is all for the science behind phonetics!! Hats off to Jethu, from now on, if I kick someone, I wont have to suffer the pangs of conscience, as itll be for the sake of science that Ill be doing this. I really dunno how neutral vowel sound would be helping my in future, unless I become a diplomat in Britain, or take a job in the BBC, both things which I WOULD NOT be doing, but I guess it gives me LICENSE TO KICK. WHOA!! Well, at the end when we came back home, we were so full of negativity (not relativity) that I almost strangled Dad at night. Scary, huh? Mum still fumes at that man, for pissing her off (maybe), & Dad just grins, & I? Leave me out of this, yaar! PHEW! Its not that my life doesnt a few positive sides- just like last Saturday I went to my best friends place to celebrate her turning into 16!! (WELCOME TO THE SWEET GROUP). AND THEN I WENT TO COLLEGE STREET & OXFORD BOOKSTORE (the best places in the world, next to my home sweet home). Its a lovely place......and Dad bought me a lot of books!!!! But it all comes down to the same thing when I summarize the holidays Im having. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Its nobodys fault, I know, & Ill really not be a fool to impart blame on the persons who work so hard to help me get a decent career. Hope these miserable days get over & I start having a normal life, ASAP. This is really where I should put a full stop, you know, the rather small dot (.), which has no dimension, but is of great use to us in life. So see ya all next time!!! P.S.A little joke that I wanted to sharein our biology (in case youre wondering, its a Class XI book) book theres a definition about life, which acc. to the profs is, a manifestation of different processes going on inside our body. Well, thats the joke. Missing something, are you?? Mr. (or Miss or Mrs. or Master-whatever kind of wimp you are) Dunce, the profs who have written this definition may have the PhD (in real life), but they have CERTAINLY got PHD (PERMANENT HEAD DAMAGE), as they think something like LIFE can be defined so easily!!!! GOTCHA??