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The Tank (2023)
It's about a tank...you'll see a lot of it
The news teased the viewers with an upcoming old school practical fx creature feature. Well, technically it is, but what we, monster movie fans, love about the genre is when you actually see the creature a lot. The Tank is terribly slow paced and only after one hour of dull conversations and flashbacks some limited action starts.
The monster: awfully generic and it's given a bit more screen time than in the trailers.
The writing: the plot is driven by dumb, absolutely illogical decisions of the characters.
True monster flicks fans will be disappointed.
If you're curious anyway, fast forward the first 60 min and don't expect much.
Werewolf by Night (2022)
You've been diagnosed with Marvel
These days if one sees a Marvel logo nine times out of ten it's a warning, rather than a quality sign. Sometimes they manage to lure you into their realm using another gimmick.
Werewolf flicks is my favorite genre so I fell for this one.
I wonder if there was a script or any director on set as the actors seem to be improvising as there's not much to act anyway. A bunch of people are walking or fighting and occasionally uttering some generic lines....and yes, it's "fancy black and white" plus one CGI monster.
And the highlight: a gorilla-suit wolf-man design! When you see the result of such laughable behind-the-scene transformation, well, you don't care anymore.
PS. Don't understand the rave reviews to be honest.
After Midnight (2019)
Hipster horror
...or meta horror? Or post horror...label this dull pretentious indie-drama whichever way you want, it changes nothing.
If you are intrigued by someone wandering around the back/front yard, staring at something and shooting at it, meaningless dramatic conversations to the ambient soundtrack (the only decent thing in the movie), well, then this "indie gem" is up your alley.
If you are into something more dynamic and inventive, there are way better flicks made on a shoestring budget.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Goonies meet Zuul
As 90% of nostalgia driven flicks this one could be a totally unrelated kids vs ghosts movie, but 80's fan service sells well these days.
Phoebe (Mckenna Grace) seems to be the only well written character while everybody else is just a bunch of generic forgettable dummies.
Watchable, well directed, but painfully unoriginal which may work for the younger audiences for which the bland references will look fresh if they haven't seen the original movies.
The Kindred (1987)
A creature feature gem
When loads of 80's mutant monster movies would drag on for almost an hour before actually showing you a claw or a tentacle, The Kindred is a fast paced flick with superb practical effects.
None of the characters irritates you and the acting is actually pretty good.
A must see for the genre fans!
Midnight Mass (2021)
Could have been an ok 2 hour flick
Midnight mass is yet another proof of the tendency of present day character development in film done through endless conversations rather than action. It seems people got so addicted to binge watching they're ready to enjoy seeing people move from point A to point B for hours. After a few episodes showing "nature desktop wallpapers" and dull character dialogues you can't help fast forwarding.
So, if you're (like me) a person "who doesn't understand the depth and is blind to the artistic vision", you'll stop fast forwarding at the end of episode 5.
Animal (2014)
1hr people talking, monster at the end
60 out of 81min - nothing is happening at all!
20 min TV episodes have more action than this.
If you want to check out Tunicliffe's monster suit, just fast forward it to the final 10 min.
PS. The monster growl taken from a generic sound bank is ridiculous.
Creepshow: Bad Wolf Down/The Finger (2019)
Werewolf movie fans have been fingered!
Don't get me wrong, I've been a true horror fan all my life, especially the werewolf movies. The problem is my inflated expectations.
Bad wolf down looks like a Halloween fancy dress party with great Jeffrey Combs stopping by. The suits? The make up? Have you seen "Wolf cop"? The make up and directing are similar here.
Directed by Nicotero himself, The Finger is way more inventive, intriguing and even dramatic. The plot is unusual and DJ Qualls is a perfect choice for the lead in this one.
It's evident the authors' intent is to make some episodes cheesy and nostalgic, but in the wrong hands (Bad wolf down) it will look more like the late 90's-00's amateurish direct-to-dvd stuff, than the good old anthologies we love.