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Reviews
13 Minutes (2021)
Watch ALL of this DRAMA before judging!
How IMDB allows reviews from people who turned off movies halfway through is beyond me. This is why this film rates so low on here as the people expecting Marvel style exciting spectacles from the start have turned it off halfway through and left terrible reviews.
This is a DRAMA that happens to have a tornado in it. You'll see all the complaints are from those expecting 90 minutes of tornado. This film is not that.
It's a piece on humans and their everyday lives. How they interact with each other, what their lives mean, etc. Go in expecting a Steel Magnolias style of human based TV movie script for an afternoon with a cup of coffee & slice of cake, and it'll be fine.
Hell, I've watched this twice! :D.
Superman Returns (2006)
Mixed bag
There are great elements to this film plus some not so great, and where these fall will depend on the watchers view point, hence the mixed reviews. I saw this at the cinema when it came out, and have just rewatched it (2024).
For me, the acting by Routh, Cyclops, & the kid are excellent. Everyone else appears to be amusingly hamming it up for the role. Except for Bosworth who fails to show any emotion or even move her face in every scene. A cardboard cutout would have been a suitable replacement - did Singer owe someone a favour? There's zero chemistry between Lois & Clark and this stuck out like a sore thumb for me and ruined what would be an otherwise okay Superman film, mainly because the heart of this story is meant to be the love between the leads.
The Lex Luthor plot is juvenile & has already been done to some degree, but watchable.
The plot holes are obvious, but passable.
The poor CGI is distracting, but forgivable.
The run time however is where I feel this film lost all but the biggest Superman fans. It really could have been a lot shorter and therefore packed more of a punch.
Tomorrow Ever After (2016)
A Slog
At the 1 hour point it felt like I'd been watching this for 2 hours. And I was no further along in finding out if it was actually heading somewhere. There is SO MUCH DULL TALKING from the protagonist, & people staring, looking weirded out. Not one of the strangers the protagonist encounters would react in real life like they do in this movie. It's like watching a play on a TV. A dull play you just sit there squirming, praying for the intermission so you can jump ship.
After the first hour I couldn't watch any more, even though there was only 30 minutes left to go.
The only way I would recommend this movie is if you need something quiet and dull on in the background to fall asleep to.
Poltergeist (2015)
Light as a feather, stiff as a board
Well, to be honest the characterisation was light as a feather and the acting was stiff as a board. What made the original so endearing is completely absent here which is why it falls flat on its stupid, cliched face. It's as if the director had a checklist of things to include, with references to the original and horror movie tropes, and just let the camera roll with zero consideration how it actually came across.
There is no emotional connection between the characters or audience, which is what made the original so brilliant: back then we bought into the hokey effects because we identified with, and loved the original characters. Why should we care if a bratty teenager with zero redeeming features is in danger, or that the father, who looks bored with an expressionless face in almost 99% of his scenes, has lost his child? The acting across the board is appalling, especially from the guy in that hat playing the Zelda role. I actually cringed every time he spoke.
The real horror is that someone actually got this bargain bin movie financed and made.
And Just Like That...: The Last Supper Part One: Appetizer (2023)
Loaded with SaTC Goodness
This is a return to form and very much like a mini film! There's so much they unpack in this episode and it's done really well. Our main characters grow and discover more about themselves. Charlotte's hilarious outburst is rightly so. The annoying Che is lurking around a bit too much in this episode, hence me knocking off 1 star, but everything else is top notch. Even Stanford gets discussed a lovely scene that's very touching. All that's missing is one of our original star players, who I feel is coming up very soon, what with many loose ends starting to wind themselves carefully around the season's storyline. Would be very happy to rewatch this again.
The X Files: Fire (1993)
X-Files Fan Hates This Episode Shocker
Man I love the X-Files but this episode stinks. Not "episode 1 of season 10 stinks", but it's circling close by. I haven't seen such terrible stereotypes of British people since Three Men and a Little Lady. As everyone else has pointed out, and no doubt been marked as unhelpful by clueless Americans, the British characters are completely distracting in their inaccuracies. What makes it worse is Gillian Anderson was brought up in England, can accurately carry off the accent but was obviously not consulted whatsoever, it being her first season, so the screenwriters arrogance in "knowing best" makes itself very clear. As boring as blonde = good and brunette = bad, they play into the stereotypes of British people being evil, but Americans are good and wholesome. This episode goes against everything the X-Files stands for. The truth ain't in this episode. Skip it.
Beauty Shop (2005)
Gossip Shop
I finally got to watch this recently after slowly working my way through all Queen Latifah films. I find her comforting to watch, a very sensible & warm person, but she does tend to play exactly the same self assured characters and her character in Beauty Shop is no different.
All the actors did their best best with what they had to work with, and this film is a perfectly okay way to fill a Sunday afternoon as long as you don't pay too much attention.
Unfortunately this film suffers from 2 major flaws which are dragging down the rating. The first is the odd, choppy pacing. Some scenes that do not move the plot along are unnecessary and go on much longer than needed, whereas others that showed promise just suddenly end. The person in charge of editing needs to take up a different career.
The second flaw, which is the one that grinds most people (including myself) is the script/screenplay. It appears all the black characters have been created by an ignorant white person, and all the white characters were created by an ignorant black person. Every single trope for both is here and just becomes cringe inducing in far too many scenes. The actors deserved so much better and I cannot believe Queen Latifah was part of the creation process.
And Just Like That...: February 14th (2023)
Getting it back
There's a lot of plot shifting in this episode as the ladies return to their old selves. Charlotte, who has been an irritating irate mother figure of late, realises she needs to focus on herself again which is a relief, because her kids were taking up a lot of screen time and the audience for this show is largely not interested in bog standard family dynamics of whinging kids.
Given how much audiences hated this character from the get go, reducing the screen time of Che is a welcome relief, so we can all rejoice from here on in.
Wussy Carrie (why can she not speak up for herself in the restaurant? Is she a New Yorker at all???) finally reunites with Aidan in what I can only describe as a pathetic, poorly 'written for tension' reason of will they won't they, which sees Aidan initially turn down Carrie because of the memories her flat gives him. Come on! No man in the history of time and space would turn down an offer of sex because of such a terrible, feminine reason, and really highlighted how the show is written by people who don't understand how straight men think. Still, the show is an enjoyable piece of fluff, an escape from reality. Especially with Antony and his bakery business, a character who definitely needs more screen time over the pointless and uninteresting new side characters.
In all, this is a return to form for the show, obviously wrapping things up for the ever nearing season conclusion.
House M.D.: Heavy (2005)
Fat Shaming-Tastic
This is the episode that stayed with me because of how truly awful Chase is towards a 10 year old and her obesity, and also highlighting the prejudice held within the medical community towards imperfectly weighted patients to this day. It's infuriating to watch as the character of Chase is otherwise medically focused without spouting such venomous bile at other patients or colleagues during the entire rest of the show, so this was purely to provide a voice for the biased writers of this episode. And no, I'm not fat, just irritated by this out-of-character episode.
The irritating dictator of the Vogel character was clearly inserted to provide high stakes and make the series more compelling during season 1, but having watched the entire show twice, it's obvious he's more of an antagonist for House to bounce off of and seem less of a foe to his colleagues.
Infuriating episode and one I usually skip as it provides nothing useful to the series.
Angel: Habeas Corpses (2003)
Bicker bicker bicker
The teenage style bickering shows the writers really got lazy with the script on this episode, relying (yet again) on the action scenes to move the plot along. Gun's sniping at Wes is really irritating and childish. Angel's sniping at Cordy is unnecessary and childish. The 'big bad' is yet another unkillable dude in makeup. This era of Conner-Angel is really depressing as the characters are 99% miserable and one I usually skip. Especially if, like me, you remember all of Buffy. If Angel has an eidetic memory, why can he not recall the time Buffy used an Army weapon to blow up her unkillable big bad, rather than continuing to use his sword collection that hasn't worked on the last 2 tries, but hey, let's give it another go? In Buffy the team would have used the watchers knowledge, acquired better weapons, & got the job done with at least a few funny lines. Angel has the Wish version of the scooby gang, & their ineptitude and childish nature is grating. Skip to the next season.
Angel: Double or Nothing (2002)
Hypocrisy Inbound
With what should be a pivotal episode, we have the clearly overwritten and hashed together episode that is this monstrosity.
Gunn only knew of vamps when we met him, but now he's had dealings with many various demons in his past?
The script breaks for the over choreographed fight scenes are now becoming boring filler and achieve nothing.
Everyone turning on Wes despite them knowing the truth is uncharacteristic and clearly a U-turn in the writers room to propel the main story along.
The obviously white-written script & production often ramps up the cringe factor when we have Gunn-on-the-streets scenes or the dialogue between him and his old gang, and the inclusion of Gangstas Paradise as we watch Gunn back in the day was so cliche I couldn't watch.
The series does get better, but this episode is the nose dive that starts its unpleasant descent until the last season gets us back up to scratch.
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: I Have a Date Tonight (2019)
Starts Strong, Fizzles Out
I'm not sure why there's so much indecision for Rebecca. In this episode Josh continues knocking on her bedroom door impatiently after Rebecca tells him THREE times "just a minute" and he barges in anyway like a toddler with zero respect for her needs. Josh is clearly a child in a man's body. Greg's indecision & overthinking over every tiny little thing reveals him to be a teenager in a man's body, definitely not ready for a proper relationship and an annoying Debbie Downer. The only grown up with a future is Nathaniel, who is far too good for someone as self involved as Rebecca- she's basically Zooey Deschanel's character in New Girl with more singing. I'm not sure why so much is made of this "difficult choice" theme of the entire show, and the constant flip flopping has become very hard to invest in this far along. Started strong, finished weak. The stage show grand finale is a different thing entirely and showcases everyone's wonderful talent.
The Conners: Panic Attacks, Hardware Store and Big Mouth Billy Bass (2021)
Bad Dan
What is going on with the Dan character? He's becoming increasingly angry and irritable with everyone, shouting at people who don't deserve it. It's making me uncomfortable watching him and how everyone else seems to shrug it off and accept it. This is not how good people behave and not how the character was developed over many decades.
The characters constant incorrect use of masks during the pandemic (you don't take it off inside a house you're visiting dumba$$) is also a very negative aspect.
The constant claims of them not having money for anything, sometimes not even for proper food for the kids, yet always having an endless supply of beer is another irritation and shows what terrible people they've become.
I hope this turns around soon, but I'm not hopeful.
Mindcage (2022)
I Wanted To Like It, Alas...
Imagine a low budget TV movie of Silence of the Lambs, but with 2 detectives who couldn't fathom their way out of a paper bag.
Martin Lawrence inexplicably slurs most of his lines, the lead actress will no doubt be snapped up for Days of Our Lives, and John Malkovich clearly owed someone a favour because he manages to act his cheesy lines with great intention.
At first I thought this was one of those hilariously bad but entertaining films but my enjoyment quickly U-turned. Unfortunately the exposition is embarrassing, the red herrings are obvious, and the ending is like a 15 year old wrote it. I'd rather spend my time stuck in a lift with a flatulent tramp than watch this again.
Ready Player One (2018)
CGI Soup
I'm writing this during my 2nd viewing. Good grief, I'm bored. If you take away the crutches of the CGI & the relentless, endless, oh god make it stop 80's references then you're left with a dull story full of plot holes, terrible dialogue & very poor acting.
I grew up in the 80's. I love it. However having every single pop culture reference of that decade on screen every 2 minutes in this movie, that's an hour too long, is quite frankly making me irritated & disappointed in Spielburg. It's like when a child in a candy store got too excited trying to make a cake, and put EVERY SINGLE THING he could see in it. It feels like watching the battle scene in Avengers Endgame, but for 2 hours and 20 minutes. If you're (physically or mentally) 15 & under, you'll love it.
Elvis (2022)
David Pumpkins & The Kid
I won't write the plot, you know it. However at the end of this film, with all its Baz flourishes, I felt like Elvis had not actually done anything other than sing some hit songs, and be a weak minded person persuaded by all around him to make very bad choices leading to his death. Which I know isn't true. Watching this film was akin to watching one of those fish that hang around a sharks mouth, whilst mostly ignoring the shark.
If you've ever seen the David Pumpkins SNL sketch with Tom Hanks, then you'll understand how stupid his role is in this film because your brain will keep waiting for Col Tom Parker to produce some pumpkins. Tom's accent & character is so off putting and misses the mark by a long shot.
Much like Blonde, this directors "interpretation" of an iconic person does a huge disservice to the memory of that person, and I felt so let down and deflated that I won't be giving this a 2nd viewing.
Shotgun Wedding (2022)
Mindless fun
You have to be in the mood to watch films like 50 First Dates, or Snatched to enjoy this one. I know Jlo can act her butt off, so why she keeps saying yes to these predictable romcoms with terrible, cheesy scripts is annoying. Any one of the romcom queens could have easily slotted into the main, cookie cutter role here, i.e. Kate Hudson.
With Jlo & Ryan Reynolds producing I expected better, maybe at least some sort of growth and something new from their years working in film. But alas, it's all been done before. The expositional dialogue at the start is embarrassing and lazy. There is zero chemistry between all of the actors and their supposed partners. The bad guys are so tame that they belong in a film rated U, not this 15. I grew up in the 80's, and this definitely would have been a U or at most a PG back then.
It's an easy, Sunday afternoon 'doesn't matter if you nod off for 45 minutes in the middle, you'll not miss anything' kind of film.
2 Broke Girls: And the Dumpster Sex (2014)
Can the can
I own all the episodes from back in the day when you had to buy stuff on DVD or wait for a network to reshow a series. 2 Broke Girls is comfort tv for me. But man alive, this episode stinks. The addition of the irritating, one dimensional Deke character is where 2 Broke Girls starts losing me. Someone on the 2BG staff must have owed someone a favour for him to have been involved. The canned laughter at simple statements that aren't even slightly funny is Friends-esque and extremely noticeable during this Deke period of the show. I tend to skip these episodes, as they irritate me that much. Canned laughter can be overlooked if the characters are great, but on this occasion it's a no from me.
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
I DO actually get it
Bit bored of the people rating this 10 and moaning the low ratings are from people who 'don't get it'. Not everyone is stupid, we just aren't as easily entertained by the 50% of this show that's infuriating to watch. I KNOW it's supposed to be... but IT'S SO IRRITATING I had to switch off. If it were just Annie Murphy in the 'real world' bits I'd happily watch. She's a stand out actress. But I need to feel intrigued and captured by something I choose to watch, not infuriated and waiting for Annie's part. Hard pass.
Father of the Bride (1991)
Beige Magic
I don't know what witchcraft they used to make this film, but it's completely watchable from start to finish. Like a big comforting cup of tea. AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!
It's SO beige. The story, the people, their clothes, the house, the furnishings... all beige. Privileged people with no actual problems from start to finish... yet it's still watchable! Every actor in this is excellent, the scenery is soothing, there's no real conflict, great Sunday afternoon film you can nod off to and not miss anything.
Friends: The One with All the Rugby (1998)
The usual
Great episode aside from the cringing voice of Helen Baxendale. As a Brit I find her weird deep then light voice embarrassing. Did the producers owe someone in the UK a favour? We have so many better suited actresses for this role. No wonder she was written out.
Downsizing (2017)
Mis-sold movie of 3 parts
Most, if not all, of the negative reviews are from people who saw this based purely on the trailer & wanted a brain free hollywood bit of comedy. I don't disagree that the trailer misfired on all points. But! It IS an entertaining think piece, and many of the scenes have stayed with me long after seeing it. I enjoyed it more the second time around, knowing not to expect the usual SNL type comedy it was sold as, which confirmed it was the trailer, and not the movie, that made me feel put out after the first viewing. Go in expecting a curious film exploring the human side of a bizarre situation and you may be pleasantly surprised.
An Affair to Remember (1957)
"Classic" Often Means Rose Tinted Spectacles
I love old movies & collect them. This one had always passed me by, but a rainy afternoon in 2021 allowed me to give it whirl. The first half of this film reminded me very much of the ship scenes in Gentleman Prefer Blondes. Very watchable, lovely comedy from the leads, and entertaining. Sadly, the moment our leads part ways in the second half the pacing grinds to a painful halt. There's boring dialogue between well to do characters you don't care about, unnecessary scenes with irritating children that could have easily been cut out to speed things up, and Kerr's infuriating fiancé who just won't stop grabbing her! Then the illogical conclusion happens in the last 5 minutes and it just ends. It seems disabled is just a dirty word no-one dare utter, and explanations, or any sort of communication, is frowned upon. A frustrating watch indeed. Oh well, at least I can check it off my list of classic movies.
Roseanne: White Sheep of the Family (1996)
What's going on?
This season the entire family are just plain mean to each other, and the canned laughter is obvious. DJ is becoming a smarmy, horrible embarrassment to watch. Roseanne gave birth to the baby they'd been preparing for since last season a few episodes ago, then midway through this season it vanishes... I believe this was the turning point where they lost viewers in their droves.
Nomadland (2020)
Serene and scenic
If you find peace in mindfulness, beautiful scenery, and gentle, nuanced meanings I believe this is a film for you. So many are reviewing this film badly, I have to ask myself did they not read the synopsis or watch a trailer beforehand? The usual films Hollywood produces en mass for a public so clumsy and incurious, entertained by big colourful characters and noise will find this film flies straight over their heads, so they get angry because it didn't entertain them in the way they're used to being spoon fed. This film is a snapshot of someone dealing with life in a quiet, reserved manner, and I enjoyed taking 109 minutes out of my life to slow down and watch their very personal journey.