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Reviews
House of Wax (2005)
The Deeper Questions
Considered to be Paris Hilton's finest film, House of Wax is an absurd romp in the horror/slasher genre that poses the deeper questions.
Is Paris really attractive? Will she take off her shirt? Do I even want her to?
Watch this movie and you will ponder these questions and many more.
Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
For normal people
Are you a man who wears eyeliner and fishnet shirts? Do you like listening to Nightwish? Have you ever described yourself as polyamorous? Say no more. This is your movie.
To the rest of us we will just have to sit back and not understand the deeper meanings and seamless continuity of this higher form of art. As a movie it cannot stand on its own and if you heard the music by itself a grimace and a quick change of the radio station would follow.
When blended together the audience is met with a unreasonably painful experience. One that will leave the viewer uncomfortable and embarrassed for weeks.
To those viewers who chose this movie while partaking of a Paris Hiltonathon: The going is tough, but you have worse ahead of you still.
Andròn: The Black Labyrinth (2015)
Hunger Games meets Maze Runner meets Alec Baldwin
As the civilians in this film die for making a poor random decision so too the viewer dies a little inside...
Ancient Warriors (2003)
Disturbing lack of ancient warriors
You cannot judge a book by its cover. I was sold a package of goods when I sat down to watch this film. I wanted to watch ancient warriors fight bad Italian actors. Sadly the ancient warriors projected themselves briefly and only at the end of the movie.
If you sit down to watch a Baldwin infused mystical adventure I say you skip this one.