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Reviews
Lupin the IIIrd: Mine Fujiko no Uso (2019)
Another great film from Koike
If there's one thing I love about Koike's IIIRD movies, it's that they break up the monotony of the franchise. I'm a complete Lupin obsessive, but godamn I get sick of it sometimes. Same tone, same rinse and repeat formula year after year, I love these characters to death but even I'm gonna get tired of seeing them do the same thing over and over.
Koike's films (well, two and a half of them, we don't talk about the other half of Gravestone) put these characters in a fresh new setting; sleek, sexy and suave crime drama.
While (half of) Gravestone and Bloodspray are focused more on reinventing typical Lupin capers under a new light, Fujiko's Lie combines this with some juicy, juicy actual character exploration.
Is Fujiko so irredeemable that she'll ditch a innocent, dying kid for money in order to "teach him a lesson"? Spoilers: Yes, because that's the standard the show's set up for her over the last 50 years. It's stuff like this that makes this film so unique, even among Koike's other Lupin films. He takes the character of Fujiko and uses this new, more human and emotional lens to explore her.
Also Lupin and Jigen are just... so gay it's insane. I mean....
"Your whimsical too"
"Your one to talk"
You really can't make this stuff up. These two cool crime boyfriends have stolen my heart all over again.
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
Why is Mad Max meeting the Lost Boys?
The first half of this film just great. It's crazy, wacky original and creative. The urban setting works wonders as a contrast to the Road Warrior, and I was exited to see where this would take the franchise.
The answer to that question would be "they drop the interesting urban stuff halfway through and Max has to lug a bunch of really annoying child characters around while they do stupid annoying cartoon antics."
It's like all the Ewok bits of Return of the Jedi but somehow longer and boring-er. Picks up again at the end, although it does rehash the Road Warrior a bit.
But oh my god who thought giving Mad Max a bunch of children would go well.
It still has all the Mad Max flair, and is worth seeing if your binging them like me. But on it's own? Nah.
The Old Guard (2020)
Good action film, but tries to be so much more.
If someone gave me the concept of "kickass immortal amorale vigilantes" I would image something gleefully over the top, balls to the walls adrenaline fueled insanity with spectical to boot.
The Old Guard takes this in the opposite direction, giving us well build and interesting characters with some slick action mixed in. It's issue isn't that what it does is bad, it's that it tries to be what it isn't.
It's a spectacular action film that tries to be a high concept superhero film and suffers for it, becoming only a very good action film by inheriting the flaws of the genre its trying to intimidate.
A nice diverse cast, really, really good gay rep, some... interesting music choices, a villain that totally did not fit the film at all and just looked silly and out of place, great action choreography, pacing was a bit off at times but fine overall, and it wasn't all that visually striking excluding the action sequences.
Def watch it, even if it's only for the action and gay rep. I'll watch the sequels, but I'm not gonna fan over this one or anything.
The Big O (1999)
Timeless first season, but goes downhill in the second.
The first season of Big O is a timeless noir-mech genre blend with a great overarching mystery. The characters and dialogue are witty and funny, the animation is great, the overarching mystery is bizarre and intriguing, but always remains in the background to let the individual episodic narratives shine. The mech battles feel rather out of place, but are well done enough so to not decrease the shows quality.
The villains across both seasons are great, Schwarzwald especially.
But things go downhill with the finale. It's far more heavy on the overall mystery, there are revelations left and right, and the entire thing feels like it's ramping up to some climactic conclusion.
And then it just.... ends. Abruptly, no conclusion, no anything. Luckily Adult Swim was able to fund a second season, but, sadly, couldn't get the same crew on board. And this is when the real issues begin.
In season two, the episodic narratives from season one take a back seat to the overarching mystery. The noir atmosphere also seems to be far less present, which is a pity seeing as it was such a large part of the first season.
But, by far the biggest change is the tone and storytelling. The first episode of season two isn't a classic noir mystery or a stylish monster of the week caper, it's a mind bending psychological trip through time and space which explores an alternate version of Roger before the collapse 40 years ago.
It's not bad, but it doesn't feel like the Big O of the last season. Season two feels like they took the title of "Batman but also Evangelion" waay to literally.
Actually, no, this is tripper.
Now, you know what, that's fine. I came to accept it, and hey, the characters and dialogue where just as charming as last season. The mystery was entrancing, and as long as the solution was good I would be happy.
So... you know the dreaded dream twist? When the writer pulls a "IT WAS ALL A DREAM" with no foreshadowing, leaving the viewer feeling unsatisfied and to an extent, betrayed?
Well, technically it's a simulation. But I still feel pissed. I never got to learn what happened 40 years ago, or who the man Roger was seemingly based on was, or what was going or with Gordon, or where the Megadeus came from, or what Schwarzwald found (well, he was killed offscreen, which itself is a irredeemable sin), or why Roger can pilot Big O, or why Norman was waiting for Roger.
I love artsy stuff. I love artsy anime. But when you set up a compelling mystery, characters and a world I want to learn more about, and then pull the rug out from under my feet with a dream twist of all things, I am going to be pissed, no matter what.
But yeah, first season great, second season good, ending can go burn in hell. There's lots of stuff I didn't comment on, like the heavy themes of class divide and political corruption, but I really just wanted to vent about the ending.
Even though the endings bad, the first and some of the second is a timeless masterpiece, so the show is still great in my books.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
Bad, in the mind numbing boring way
Attack of the Clones is the worst of the prequel trilogy. Actually, scrap that.
Attack of the Clones is the worst film.
Normally a film should strive to do at least one of three things. To entertain, inform or question. Lets look at some examples.
Space Odyssey raises questions about AI, humanity's place in the universe, and evolution while all being executed in a streamlined and,while slow, entertaining fashion.
Lupin III and the Castle of Cagliostro is a gloriously over the top and cheesy heist movie about rescuing a princess from a evil count. It raises no philosophical questions, and serves only to entertain the viewer with it's ridiculous action and cooky characters.
...so, I think Attack of the Clones was going for a shakespearean-esc romantic tragedy...? I say that with reluctance, because the end product is someone taking two rocks and putting them in front of a camera. The characters that kids give their dolls are more three-dimensional then those in this film. I struggle to even think of one kooky personality gimmick.
The plot is explained to us in gigantic dumps of exposition that bore the viewer and never shown, I don't even know what evil thing the Sith are doing, and the dialogue sounds like it was written by the seventy three year old toaster lying in the back of my pantry at 3 AM.
It's just... bad. Not fun bad, not interesting bad, not even bland bad. It's bad bad, in the worst way possible. It's not thoughtful like it seems to think it is, not even the fight scenes are interesting, they're just artificial and choreographed. Don't watch this film. Especially not if your a Star Wars fan.
Escape the Night (2016)
Terrible acting, confusing, and incredibly cringeworthy.
What can I say about this apart from, "this is why youtubers should never be able to make a TV show. EVER." The costumes, furniture, landscape, and accents ruin the theme, not to mention that all the characters are based on stereotypes, and I find them all horribly annoying. (note that I've only watched one episode, but felt I needed to write this)