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Reviews
Minder (1979)
Hmm
I tried to watch this on dvd which I was lent but I just couldn't get in to at all. I was watching one episode and it was about a man who came from the Lebanon Beirut and he needed protection so Arthur hires terry to be the man's bodyguard in Beirut the man has 3 armed guards but in London you have terry and his fists. When the man that terry is minding there is a plot to get to the man and have him killed by a other bunch of Lebanonise men and by a english man who I recognised as Mr. Bronson out of Grange Hill. So terry is looking after the man in a house in South Kensington in London when the lebanoise men come calling armed to the teeth with uzi machine guns and one man jumps threw a glass window not even injuring himself in the process but old terry disarms the man by pushing him back threw a open door. Yeah, okay then.
Get Some In! (1975)
Meh.
So this "comedy," is garbage. The man who plays corporal marsh is just there to treat the national servicemen as the lowest of the low. But in this programme he treats them even worser then that. The corporal lies in there fleshy made bed during inspections and says fag for the cofporzl, then light for the corporal. Then he treats them like garbage again until next time he wants a fag and a light. There is one scene in this programme when he takes his recruits to the wash room where it flooded but he gets the recruits to stand in ankle high water without any boots and gets them to shave and I was staring at the screen thinking if that huts washroom had really been flooded you wouldnt get folk standing in ankle high water in there pyjamas or just shorts and t-shirt without foot wear. I stopped watching after that because he probably gets worser and worser as a corporal who probably always stayed at a corporal and never got any other promotions. Because of his attitude towards recruits and anybody else he sees as underneath him.
Looking After Jo Jo (1998)
looking after glas-go-go..
So i watched this rubbish programme which is meant to be set in a Edinburgh council estate. But from the start until the very finish this programme has that many Glaswegians in it you think they had taken over the estate. Even the ones you see later on in the programme who don't live in the estate like the man who works in the pharmaceutical plant who steals some cocaine from there is Glaswegian. Even the landlord of the pub in the scheme is Glaswegian. Even when JoJo and his crew go out in to Edinburgh city centre for a drink, who do they come across?! Yep you guessed it more Glaswegians. Even the police are from Glasgow who look for jo-jo and his gang after they break into a john Lewis warehouse and steal boxes off cigarettes. Anyway if you want to watch a film set in Edinburgh but has no from Edinburgh in it. Then this is the film for you.
The Krays (1990)
Snooze fest.
I watched this movie years ago when I was very young. So I found it again recently and try to give it a watch but it was hardly worth it. The mum is very annoying and always going on about nobody touches ma boys. Then for a while you see the krays at primary school and life as young children. I liked the teacher at the primary school who asks any of the pupils at thr school if anybody in the class could tell him a word one child in a gas mask says mum so the teacher cloud's him around the ear and says shut up you idiot! Anybody tell me a word so he asks the krays and they both say crocodile and he says to them that will do then you see the krays in the playground trying to fight other pupils in the playground. Then you see them and the mother trying to stop the police looking for there father who is hiding from being enlisted in the army. Then later when adults they get sent letters to enlist into the army for national service and when on parade the sergeant is telling the parade you eat when we say eat, you jump when we say jump, and so on and so on then the krays decide he's shouting to loud! And decide to bash up the sergeant then they end up in military detention, this probably happened alot in real life between them and the army. Anyway I won't go on. I stopped watching when the 2 krays where beating each up I'm the boxing ring and guess goes to stop them fighting? Yep you guessed it it was ma again.
Judge Dredd (1995)
judge dire
I dont know why this film is called judge dredd as you only see sylveter stallione play him for about 10 minutes. Then he is accused of murder after a shooting and he found guilty and sent to aspen penal colony. Whilst on the plane a man who he is sat next to puts his hand up to Sylvester stalliones face and realises he is the judge who sentenced him to 5 years at aspen. Whilst he realises he is sat next to judge Dredd (not wearing a uniform or mask) another convicted criminal goes to attack him from behind. But its not to be - because at ground level you have the angel family waiting for the plane to go over head so that they can shoot it down. As the angel family are cannibals and wanting new flesh. After the plane is downed they release that they have caught the man himself judge Dredd they only realise this because of the tattoo he has on his shoulder. Anyway i wont spoil what happens next i guess you're just have to watch the movie and see what happens next.
Transformers (1984)
Always remember the tune
So when I was young I remembered putting the t.v on and Roland rat was on either before or after, I used to watch transformers as well and always remembered the tune and watching the autobot and deception icons then megatron who at the time transformed into a gun a colt? I think it was then he had his sidekick starscream who turned into a fighter jet then you had soundwave who transformed into a tape deck and the other ones who turned into tapes the list could go on, then you had optimus prime who turned into a truck, then you had his friends one turned into a vw beetle car then you had the dinobots I forget who they thought for if they where good or bad all I remembered it was a lot of fun at the time.
Zulu (1964)
this film is meh
So i was watching clips of this film on YouTube so i thought i get a copy of this movie to watch from the very start, boy oh boy what a load of garbage it really is! It is so slow and some of the events didn't even happen like the colour sergeant being about 40 in this movie in reality he was 24 c/Sgt frank Bourne but the man who plays c/Sgt Bourne plays his part well doesn't get ruffled or stressed out when in his charge are 2 Lutheran missionaries who are trying to stop the British army and the Zulus from fighting. Also you have 2 army officers who are 2nd lieutenants but because ones been in the army a few months more then the other (Stanley baker) lieutenant. John chard, He is instantly takes charge of the other officers company (Michael Caine) lieutenant. Gonville bromhead, Putting the other officers nose out of joint because earlier on in the movie you see the officer of engineers in the water trying to build a bridge and needs help moving parts when he is in the water and the other officer is not best please when he sees some of his own men in the water as well and asks the officer of engineers why he is using his men when he never asked?! Other then that some of the actors acting was very wooden and Michael caines "posh" accent was just cringe also the women Lutheran she just became annoying screaming at every single thing.
Guns at Batasi (1964)
Sgt major marching up and down the square.
So this film is a bit slow in parts you have Richard Attenborough who plays the part of r.s.m lauderdale who is In charge of the warrant officers (him being the only one) and sergeants mess the country where he and his sergeants are based has decided to become a Independent country and the british officers and men have been told to hand over all charge to the countries army but whilst the british officers hand over all charge to the african officers without a hitch this does go down well when a african officer tells rsm lauderdale to hand over the mess silver, which he does but when asked to hand over his weapons the sgt,major digs his heels in and tells the african officer that's not going to happen. Also in the sergeants mess they are looking after a injured african officer who has been wounded by his own soldiers and they also are looking after a annnoying Labour M. P and also a private soldier and a u.n rep a young Mia farrow.
'71 (2014)
Eh
So at the start of this film you see the soldiers going threw training and their p.t kit they are wearing is all different from the shorts that they wear and the t-shirts they wear when are boxing, then later on when Jack is on the coach he is wearing his number 2s and meets his son and then they play football outside and he is still wearing his number 2 uniform what I know about that uniform it has to go to a launderette to be dry cleaned but anyway, so then they go to northern Ireland and when they end up billeted they only have beds to sleep on no lockers or anywhere to put there kit then they go out on patrol they go out without helmets just berets as they are told to hand in there helmets and body armour okay then!!! Then they go out on patrol where everything is on fire from a coach to a house to what ever next. Then there's a riot and the royal ulster constabulary are doing the sweeny in some bodies house where all the Catholics can hear him shouting at the woman in her house the guy must have a death wish. Then a soldier is shot and his rifle is stolen and 1 lone soldier runs after the people who shot the soldier this when it gets stupid running threw a area on you're own in a british army uniform when it's heavily dominated by catholics that's when I stopped watching this trash.
Road Warriors (2010)
I watched this documentary
And I could only watch the first one as it was a bit meh, its just like it says on the dvd box "road warriors" its just about a bunch of royal logistics corps drivers and there vehicles there's a 18 year old women soldier, a territorial army soldier whom is on a four month tour, then there is other privates and higher ups which you learn about as the documentary goes on but you don't really fund out that much to be honest all you're find out is this private xyz and he has been on the army for this long and that's about it, later on there is a part where one of the trucks goes down the wrong road which has not been checked for mines and got stuck so a sergeant has to go and try to radio for a recce truck but his radio is out of range so he has to leave 4 young soldiers behind with the truck including the 18 year old women soldier where they get Into a fire fight with the taliban but you don't really get to hear much about it or see alot of it documented which was a bit disappointing to be honest, other that those if you like trucks and watching folk eat there army rations this is the documentary for you.
Chewin' the Fat (1999)
This show...
Was before still game, it has Karen Dunbar in it where she plays different characters, one is a old lady whose getting interviewed about what it was like during the second world war where she tells the lady who is interviewing her about dating a American serviceman and that "she was absolutely gangting for it", another sketch she is a ice cream van lady where 2 kids ask for this or that then they ask her to show them her f@nny, I won't spoil what happens next!! Then you have jack and Victor before still game, then you have the lighthouse keepers at rannoch moor one is reading a book and turns to the last page again I won't spoil what happens next, then you have the 2 chavs at the fairground and lastly you have 2 Gaelic speaking sock puppets there funny all played by the same 2 people who play jack and Victor in still game which came out later.
The Acid House (1998)
So
This film is in three parts at the start you have bob who lives with his mum and dad and works in a removal firm and plays amateur football with a team who are called the Granton star cause but Bob day is just about a take a turn for the worst, first off all he gets told that he is being dropped from his football team, then he gets sacked from his job and then his mum and dad tell him that they want him too leave there flat and go and live on his own two feet and his girlfriend also dumps him by phone when he phones her in a phone box So he decides to smash up the phone and gets arrested and ends up In a police cell where the police give him a beating when released from the cells he goes to a pub where he meets "god" who is drinking and smoking and then over conversation he tells bob he is going to turn him in to a fly - which happens the next day. I won't spoil what happens next. The next story is about a new neighbour who moves in above a man and a women who have a baby and the new neighbour has a affair with the man's wife then starts to take advantage off the man's good nature until he starts to fight back. Then the last story is called the acid house about a man who called coco fae Granton.
Fall (2022)
I didn't....
Understand this film. At the start there are three climbers one man two woman unfortunately the man falls too his death so then later on one of the woman who was in the relationship with the man that fell is sitting in a bar all on her own getting drunk then when she comes out of the bar her dad is standing there waiting for her so she tells him that she just wants to be on her own and walks away him so one drunk girl walking about on her own yeah okay then?! Anyway later on her friend who was on the mountain with her when her partner fell comes to pay her a visit and tells her that they are going to climb up too the top of a 2000ft tv tower with all the rust and bolts falling off when they are climbing to the top I think I would have stayed at the bottom. But they climb too the top and then when they want to get down that's when all the problems start. From getting there car stolen and taking there trainers off and throwing them too the ground too get a distraction too where they are. I don't know what happened if they got down or not as the film started to get boring at this point as they just kept arguing with each other at the top so it's a bit meh to be honest.
Skyfall (2012)
Garbage.
So James bond is on top of a train fighting a man then he is shot by one of his own agents and falls from the train into the water beneath him and it looks like he drowned by falling deeper into the water but then the ladu of the lake saves him by holding his hand and then later on you see him in a bar on a island miles and miles away drinking in a bar with a scorpion on his hand and looks like he has turned into a alcoholic. Then later on M. I.6 headquarters is attacked and James bond sees it on the t.v in the bar and decides to head back to London so that he can be 007 again but to do this he has to pass a medical which he fails but they let him continue on as 007 after that I just decided to stop the movie because it just became across as dumb.
Fingermouse (1985)
Fingermouse
Wow this programme was amazing the main character was a paper finger mouse whom was on someones finger. Wow such a brilliant idea can't believe no body else had ever thought of that and made a programme about finger mouse and his various adventures. Maybe he could of been on the big screen in the cinema or a box set that could have been published so that people could rush to the shops and buy the set so they could binge watch what finger mouse and his other finger friends get up to and people can cheer on the hero which is finger mouse or his other finger friends and then watch the next episode and get ready to cheer on finger mouse again all hail finger mouse and his other finger friends.
Grange Hill (1978)
Grange hill school...
I only remember watching this programme in the 1980s when zammo was at school and roly. If I remember they did a song about just say no to drugs as some one at the school and I think it was zammo that got addicted to herion but then again I might be wrong then there was the teachers I think the headmaster was in Auf weidershen pet later on and the other teachers acted like what teachers would be like in the 80s kids used to get the cane and just have to accept there fate until it's over and done with. Also it was just like any school from the time and it just makes me remenise about what school was like at the time.
Sanctum (2011)
Not a even worth a watch....
I tried to watch this film it was okay for the first 2 minutes or so seeing the big cave and seeing what the different teams where trying to accomplish what ever that was ill never know. Due to I stop watching the film as the chief cave divers son all he did was moan about his father being this or that the whole time. Then later on the chief cave diver and one of his divers find a part of the cave that they've never been before and when they have a incident where the other diver has trouble in the water which by the way is meant to be in a water under a massive cave they take each other's masks off each other. This when I stopped watching because they both would have died instantly but some how the chief cave diver brings the diver who died body back to the surface he must have lungs of steel to bring some bodies body back to the surface after both struggling under the water earlier on. That's when I thought what a heap of dung this film is!!!
Harry Brown (2009)
Hmm....
So a ex- service man called harry Brown has a wife who is ill and has a friend who he plays chess with at the pub one day he gets a phone call to tell him that his wife has died so he goes out to go and visit the hospital but the short cut threw to the underpass has been blocked by a bunch of teens and older men who hang around there all the time. When he gets to the hospital his wife's body is no longer in the bed which you would kind of expect if the person has passed away?! Then later on his friend gets murdered in the underpass by the teens and older men so this makes him become a vigilante and to go after them one by one but before that the police come to tell him about his friend being killed by one man and one women dectitives then later on the woman detective comes back to visit him on his own. Now I don't know about that happening because he could been anything but a nice old man who lost his friend I just don't think that would be safe for her and she didn't carry a radio or anything that would have kept in contact with other police so for me the film just became a bit dumb.
The Terminator (1984)
Okay film
So I don't know if this film was meant to be a comedy, a action film, or a sci-fi film?! Sarah Conner is a single women who works in a cafe and has a uneventful life as she has just been dumped by phone so she decides to go out on her own to a pub when she is there the news comes on and says that a sarah connor has been killed and another sarah Conner had been killed when she was watching the news with her work colleagues so when she comes out of the pub she thinks she is being followed so she goes into a club called tech noir where she rings the police about her "stalker" then a bit later the terminator turns up and finds her and when he about to terminate her, her "stalker" saves the day by rescuing her after that he explains who he is and why he has came back to the future and explains to her about the terminator and why he has also came back to the future any way I did notice some bloopers when the terminator is looking for Sarah o Connors address he turns up at a door with 225 on it but in the phone book the number was 309 and maybe there was another gun shop where the terminator could have got a plasma gun with a 40w range, =P.
Argo (2012)
Ben Affleck looks asleep the whole time
This film was intresting for the first 2 minutes...but then it went down hill after that there is a scene where the his kid is using a push button phone which I don't think they had in the 1970s it would have been a dial phone that they would have had I think. Also you would think that every Iranian is bad in this movie "there not" but this film would make out that they are!! Save yourself the hassle of watching this film and go to a libabry and borrow a book to read what really happen on the 4th November 1979. Instead of watching this movie which alot of the things that you see didn't happen on the 4th November 1979.
Star Wars (1977)
Meh wars
So I was lent a copy of this on DVD it had been digitally remastered and there are parts of the film that make go nope those scenes made the film quite dumb especially when han solo meets jabba the hut and when I watched this film on a video that part wasn't In the movie I only remembered seeing Jabba the hut in return of the Jedi and there's other parts when c-3p0 is in the desert and he's standing on a sand dune talking to r2d2 and in the background there's a big skeleton of who knows what? Basically I would just stick to the original as the remastered versions seem to have characters that weren't in the original movies - so can be confusing to know what there in the film for in the first place!!!
Predator (1987)
I ain't got no time to bleed....
It's okay movie Arnold schwarneger doesn't do very much but plays the tough guy then there's Billy who is the tracker for the squad but on a log he hears the predator takes of his shirt and cuts his own chest with a machete and tries to face off with the predator not a good idea as he gets killed then the others get picked off by the terminator in different ways until the last man standing Arnold himself and it's him vs the predator where the Arnold says to the predator you're one ugly mother.. then the predator says f@cker!!
Going Straight (1978)
Not as good as porridge...
But okay! I came across this programme buy chance it's about Fletcher being released from prison and hes going straight. So when he is he ends up on a train going back home and when he is on it mr.mckay is also on it but fletch does not know this or mr mckay either until he hears Mr McKay orders some drinks from the train bar and brings over fletchs sandwich that he ordered previously from the bar. Fletch is reading a paper and his face is hidden then he says hi to Mr McKay and they join each other for drinks.
Mr McKay to his disappointment after being in the army and in the prison service he has reached 55 and had to retire so they are both with out work one because he had been in prison and the other because of retirement I won't spoil the story on this one but the episodes after were not that as good as this one. If anything watch this one and forget the rest.
Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)
Don't know where this film
Was going one minute he's a samarui another he's a loner and his only friend is a ice cream man whom only speaks french then there's the gangsters I don't even know what there in this film for as they don't do very much but shoot a red Indian man on the roof of the man's apartment whose only crime is to fly his doves eh okay then.
Watership Down (1978)
Wow
If you think this film is going to be about fluffy bunnies hopping about in the hills eating carrots and living the dream in the land of unicorns and fairies you're be plum wrong!! There is rabbits in this movie but some are not cute fluffy bunnies there " orrible c#nt rabbits " who do orrible things to other rabbits, but I susspose that will be what it's like in the wild anyway.