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The Deep Web: Murdershow (2023)
Dude, this is dark web!
This movie is a very weird one to review. Its quality throughout its duration ranges from awful to stupid fun. It is shot and lit relatively well, however, it seems that for as much effort they put into the camera and lighting work, a fraction of it was put into the script, plot, and finding competent actors.
The main character is Tubi's attempt to have a relatable millennial protagonist, but my friends and I all ended up hating his, true crime podcaster persona. Also, the movie tries to make him queer-coded with his family shunning him for a reason we are not privy to, however, it is very clear that the writers are insinuating that he is gay. But in the end, they pulled their punches having him and the final girl become a couple. This might've been Tubi stepping in saying they didn't want a queer main character.
Tubi clearly spent more money on this original than they do on most other ones (see "Shark side of the moon") however their understanding of the dark web is just laughably bad. You could watch 5 SomeOrdinayGamers videos and have a better understanding of it than the writers do.
By the way, the girl killer is on a dark website called "readit" in one scene which I thought was stupidly funny.
This is another one of those "internet bad" movies where movie studios will use the boogeyman of the deep web in order to get unsuspecting people to view the movie.
While not as blatantly exploitative as movies like Unfriended: Dark Web and Megan is Missing, a lot of this movie's "horror" relies on people not having a basic understanding of how the deep web works.
Overall, a fun, stupid movie that you shouldn't show to your cinema studies friends, but a decent one to show to your bad movie friends.
The Daylight Zone (1986)
Entertaining For the Wrong Reasons.
This movie is your typical run-of-the-mill self-serving, holier than thou, Christian propaganda, shovel ware.
It is very clear that almost nobody, save for MAYBE the main character, was paid to make this, and was instead promised indulgences or a guarantee to heaven or some other scam so that the director/out-of-touch youth pastor can shill out this movie to unsuspecting Sunday school services.
I found myself relating to the main character quite a lot, not because I am a "sinful unsaved member of the masses" but because I found that the actor did an unironically amazing job at playing someone who was completely fed up with Christians preaching at him every chance they get.
The director very clearly has no idea how movie-making works, and it will provide you and your "unsaved" friends 22 minutes of hilarity as you try to find every writing, lighting, directing, or acting error in this short. My personal favorites are,
1. The man whose entire job is selling fish sandwiches out of a not-up-to-code cooler out of the back of his truck in the middle of nowhere in summer in Hill Country Texas
2. The portrayal of Christians as MINORITIES in TEXAS.
3. The Roman soldiers who are on their way to kill Jesus stop the main character and are somehow, not only not alarmed by this giant piece of metal that is making a roaring noise he is sitting in, but also know how it works and know that they can take the key out of it to stop it.
There are plenty more errors but I think it's more fun if you watch for yourself and find them.
The only thing I will say that the movie does well is the score, The Composer (who is also the director, and writer) actually did a pretty good job on the score, and I could absolutely see it used in a great 80's B movie. The chase scene where the three stooges of the Roman Empire are chasing the main character actually has a decent feel of suspense thanks to the score. The director should've explored composing rather than directing, considering he's actually pretty good at one of them.
Scary Tales: Dead Zone (2023)
There are better ways to spend 20 grand.
This movie was undoubtedly one of the biggest wastes of time I have ever seen. And the worst part is, it doesn't even reach ninety minutes but by god, does it feel like forever. From terrible acting, dumb stories, and laughably bad effects and props, this movie would be a really fun watch for those who want to watch a Neil Breen movie with absolutely none of the charm. My friends and I found this movie on Tubi and were expecting to find a "so bad it's funny" modern horror movie, I mean just look at the poster, but instead what we got was a Chat GPT generated script and terrible camera and lighting work. Fun drinking game, take a shot every time one of the characters is just blue because of the lighting or you hear an echo, or you see a character's harsh shadow because they messed up the lighting. To the people who made this movie, I was genuinely surprised that this cost 20 thousand dollars because as far as I can tell, that money went nowhere. If you had asked me what I thought they had spent on this movie, I would probably say around 3 thousand dollars, and that's pushing it. Just because you have the financial ability to make a movie, doesn't mean you should. Write a book instead.