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Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
The franchise is running on empty.
This is not a good film.
It spends so much time trying to establish its bona fides with cinematic nods to the original film (1968) and establishing empathy with the apes that the film skimps on plot, script and story. The only thing it does excel at, is its copious use of CGI.
The film is overly dark, too many fight sequences that fail to move the plot and I assume included to show how clever the producers and CGI teams are. William H. Macy is both overused and underused, Freya Allen has poor lines, that in fairness are well delivered but fail to properly support the story. Key explanatory scenes feel rushed, resulting in some plot confusion.
I'm struggling to say anything positive beyond 'it looks good'. Unfortunately a good looking film on its own, does not make for a good film.
I Saw the TV Glow (2024)
For those who never had the real thing.
An extremely ersatz film. Promises a lot but delivers very little. The couple of real gems are hidden among a lot of filler. Not helped by one of the leads phoning it in.
I could not help feeling that the film was expecting far too much credit for some very simple offerings. It desperately wanted the viewer to congratulate it on being witty and clever when what it delivered was a fairly mediocre Twilight Zone episode.
If you are under 30, this film might be something, anyone over 30 has seen it all before. On TV. Not even a blockbuster movie.
Anyway, if you want weird, watch "Eraserhead". If you want safe, watch "I Saw the TV Glow".
The Perfect Couple (2024)
It's Murder She Wrote for Generation Z
But still not very good.
I can imagine the creators watching White Lotus and thinking, 'we need a slice of that...".
And they tried. I mean really tried. Not a cliche or trope left unturned.
How did they get the leads to sign up to this? To wear silly wigs, poor make up (is botox a look?) and say the most ridiculous lines.
And what's with the cheesy dancing opening credits? A vague hope it would 'go viral' on TokTok? (failed).
Anyway, if you like confusing time jumps, unpleasant characters so unpleasant they make Dallas look subtly nuanced and the worst script ever, then this is the show for you.
Enjoy.
Kaos (2024)
Subversive as...
If I was a religious leader I would be very worried by this show.
A darkly comic take on what it means to be a god and the fetid corrupt systems that enable godhead.
The story is entertaining but not new, it covers ground trod by American Gods and both TV, films and literature of the last sixty years.
What is powerful is the message. Explicit. In your face. Can't be ignored.
...and on to the concerns of mortal men.
Good acting, good dialogue and very good use of braking the fourth wall to advance the story and create tension.
Jeff is as Jeff is. He doesn't act, he just does Jeff Goldblum.
Janet McTeer is powerful, steel in a velvet glove, Stephen Dillane masterful as Prometheus and Nabhaan Rizwan sublime as Dionysus.
If you like an interesting tale well told, then this is it.
If you want to turn over the world order with a good soundtrack, this is also it.
Emperor of Ocean Park (2024)
There's a lot to like.
This show is not perfect.
The pacing of the story is a bit off, and as other reviewers have said the constant time jumps are annoying and could have been handled more creatively without losing the plot.
It is a slow burn, purposely so, not just to build tension but to have the viewer invest in the characters. This pays off eventually.
One big problem is the script. It's not the best. Pace is erratic and content variable. I get the feeling this was a very hard novel to bring to the screen but so feel it could have been done better.
The good things, and there are plenty.
Great acting, especially from the three siblings and 'Talcott' in particular. Forrest Whittaker is a class act (I'll forgive him Battlefield Earth).
Very good delivery of a variable script, dialogue is clear and has emotion.
Production values are evident in every scene.
I do think this series is better than the sum of its parts and encourage potential viewers top give it a chance. Having said that, I also think it's a binge watch rather than an episode every night.
Borderlands (2024)
Goodness! This is as bad as I heard.
I have no knowledge of the game and on reviewing the film.
Tiny Tina is seriously annoying. And not just the poor acting. Even worse is the rip-off robot sidekick.
This is a poor film on many levels, what was Cate thinking? The lass should have a serious word with her management.
The films plot is simple. Except for the language it's a film for children, with childish humour. Think Jumanji crossed with R-rated Mad Max.
Special effects, world building and all that, about on par with Scooby Doo.
But the acting. Terrible. The only actor up to standard was Kevin Hart. And he's terrible. Never seen him deliver a good turn in anything.
I read that the original was a true gore fest that scared the proverbial out of the studio. I think they should have stayed with that.
Anyway, you have been warned, watch at your own risk. No way will this ever become a cult classic.
Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
A quite dreadful film.
The film over explains itself.
The idea is to show, not tell, however this film is one long inconsistent teachable moment, all it does is have the characters explain this, explain that and explain why they're explaining.
I could mention the lazy script, lazy characters or many plot inconsistencies but why bother, the whole project is an exercise in merchandising on a Disney scale.
The CGI is functional but nothing you will not have seen done better elsewhere (Marvel, Star Wars etc.).
I paid for pizza while a friend paid for the film. I obviously got the better value for money.
The film over explains itself.
The idea is to show, not tell, however this film is one long inconsistent teachable moment, all it does is have the characters explain this, explain that and explain why they're explaining.
I could mention the lazy script, lazy characters or many plot inconsistencies but why bother, the whole project is an exercise in merchandising on a Disney scale.
The CGI is functional but nothing you will not have seen done better elsewhere (Marvel, Star Wars etc.).
I paid for pizza while a friend paid for the film. I obviously got the better value for money.
The Acolyte (2024)
Lacks identity.
Why does this series exist?
Except to maybe sell some merch?
The story is contrived, and could be part of any franchise. Yes it has Jedi, The Force and features planets and institutions we recognise from real Star Wars but it fails to be part of Star Wars. There is just something important missing.
Anyway, while the script is poor the acting is generally good. Production values are high and special effects good. Unfortunately this makes it feel like a lazy cookie cutter series, filler until a much better series starts (Andor or The Bad Batch anyone?).
The gerbil like tracker character? Besides being a sniffer hound, what purpose does the character serve when not sniffing? Is it the Disney Star Wars equivalent of a dancing candlestick or talking tea pot?
Anyway, save some time and give this series a miss. It's not very good.
Dancing for the Devil: The 7M TikTok Cult (2024)
No story, just a headline.
Complete waste of time.
The story is about greedy not-smart people doing not-smart things. Throw in a happy-clappy reverend with an eye for making a fast dollar and living the high life and we have this absolute bore-fest.
The other characters are lost 'tweens' who want to be internet famous or confused parents ,most fairly basic, all fairly beige.
If you think tik-tok is real life, then this is for you.
Overall, a post-modernist documentary that could easily pass as a 'mock-umentary' guaranteed to bore the schnitzel out of you.
Come back Joe Exotic, all is forgiven.
This series is so bad, I can't even muster enough bile to make the required word count for a review. Sad. So sad...
Files of the Unexplained (2024)
The lowest form of 'documentary'.
Absolutely terrible.
Take a few opinions, find some material from Facebook / Instagram that supports the 'fact' you want to frame as sensational, add an interview from an emotional victim and we have 'Files of the Unexplained'.
If this is the standard for Netflix documentaries I'm not sure I'll bother with any more.
Evident with every episode that no effort has been taken to fact check the material presented by partisan 'experts'. Some old police records are taken as fact, some or not but no real explanation as to why, except for a talking head saying 'I think this...' or 'I think that...'. For a 'documentary' there is an alarming lack of scrutiny.
This is probably the worst TV I have seen in 2024. Maybe this decade...
Damsel (2024)
A film made as a cash grab on the under-12s.
Simply, rubbish.
It's not often I watch. Film with no redeeming features but this is one of them.
It is a glitzy mish-mash of tired old tropes led by a 'damsel' who is equal parts olympic athlete, warrior, engineer and fire-proof.
We have so much CGI it should have been made as an animated feature. At least then the acting would have been better.
And speaking of acting. There is very little, probably the best by Robyn Wright but I think that might be from habit and not direction.
The lead is very poor, from fluctuating accent to performance, some of which i will put down to having to 'act' in front of a green screen while looking at a broom.
This is an unabashed cash grab from youngsters pestering parents for pay-to-view. Everyone involved should be ashamed for cashing the cheque and giving nothing in return.
Argylle (2024)
Very Hallmark...
Before you rip me a new one, remember this is my opinion only.
Cavill has killed his chances of ever being Bond with this film. And I doubt it has enhanced the career of anyone else associated with it.
The film has nothing new to offer. The plot is a re-tread, more than one big-name has phoned in their performance (Cena, I'm looking at you, but you're not alone). The script is poor, the dialogue not convincing and acting a tad wooden.
I'm struggling to find a redeeming feature. I couldn't even muster a laugh at Cavill's haircut even though it deserved one.
And speaking of Mr Cavill. This is one of his worst performances, although playing the same character is nearly everything he appears in must be a bit tiring.
Anyway, I think everyone gave it their best go so I won't ask for my money back.
Death and Other Details (2024)
Poor start, now in dumpster fire territory
I watched this because it has two actors I respect, Mandy Patinkin and Rahul Kohli.
Started out as a 'Glass Onion' rip-off, progressed into a tedious 'culprit of the week' rut ringing various cultural bells en-route. The truth about the boat is where we jump the shark.
And on episode 7 we go all Freaky Friday...
Character development is poor, what there is, is centered on our female anti-hero who frankly doesn't have that much of an interesting backstory.
The script is poorly paced but well delivered by an engaged and talented cast. The plot and central conceit are very poor, whole story could have been the Glass Onion crew's 'Murder on the Nile' moment but fails abysmally.
If you are going to tell a purposely convoluted story, at least do it well. So far, Episode 7 is just lazy.
Anyway, don't think I'll watch the last episode, not worth the the investment, and after seven episodes thats saying something.
The Truth About Jim (2024)
How not to make a documentary.
This documentary is very poor. I should have listened to the other reviewers and not wasted my time.
Essentially, a grand-daughter believes her step-grandfather (Jim) was a serial killer.
No evidence is presented, the whole premise is based on familial horror stories of a very unpleasant man.
The style is essentially a monologue from the step-grand-daughter interspersed with led interviews of other family members who present an example of bad behaviour. No male members of this large extended family are interviewed until Episode 3.
The narrator (grand-daughter), makes unsupported leaps of logic to make connections and is careful to place her emphasis on certain facts and not others. Likewise, the narrator speculates to fill in gaps, yet presents these speculations as facts themselves.
In episode 3 a 'Zodiac Expert' is introduced to force a connection between the narrators step-grandfather and the Zodiac Killer. No explanation is given to support this 'Expert' status although this random bloke does say he is not a policeman or connected to the police. No evidence is presented to say 'Jim' was ever considered by the police or FBI.
Episode 4 introduces a former FBI profiler. This is a paid for slot, and I would ask for my money back, the profile is so generic even I would fit the profile. Then we are introduced to a random private investigator who sets the scene for a DNA sample analysis from Jim's old belongings. When we get to the DNA analyst, he seems confused. He cannot remember what item the DNA came from, but we can definitely say it is Jims. Eh? The whole process is presented as something important, but in reality, Jim has so many children a useable male familial DNA match could be constructed from that. No need for the made up DNA process in the documentary.
Anyway, the evidence is compiled and it is taken to the Sonoma County sheriff's office. The interview was un-filmed, but we are told in a contrived car conversation that despite many others making similar claims to the Sheriff, they 'we're going to look at this..."
The documentary ends with a generic statement saying the police continue to consider all information etc. And a cold case investigator is looking into it. Doesn't come anymore generic than that.
Overall, a complete waste of time.
Not sure if the cameraperson using a tripod to steady the image would have helped.
Monsieur Spade (2024)
Well filmed tedious existentialism that fails the sum of its parts.
It is slow. Very slow.
This slowness does not build suspense it builds tedium.
Good pacing can save a poor story, here we have a mediocre story pummelled by poor storytelling at a glacial pace.
The cinematography, sets, lighting and camera work are excellent. Great use of colour to capture the sixties.
The acting is variable. Individually it can be very good, as part of a ensemble it can appear strained, especially any actor having to sit through a Monsieur Spade monotonous monologue where the dialogue frequently makes little sense. A kind of word salad delivered like a performance in its own right.
Use of flashbacks is poor, both visually and context. I was never clear on their purpose until long after, when the story had progressed past me caring.
And Clive Owen's accent is atrocious, both his French and American, very distracting.
3/10, must try harder.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
I expected better
Unbelievably derivative coupled with no imagination.
While it has scale, it lacks scope, very little is developed, just ideas thrown at a wall to see what sticks, then that is ignored for something new and sparkly on another wall. And that goes on for over two hours.
I was unsure as to what I was watching, was it a rip off of Star Wars or Games of Thrones? Harry Potter or Star Trek? Every scene has been done in another movie, dialogue is repetitive, even the scenes that add nothing to the story.
Acting is uneven, dialogue is strained, delivered in a portentous whisper or a weird abstract accent, just because...
The story lacks structure. It's a convoluted Seven Samurai / Magnificent Seven mish-mash where the originality stems from there being six, not seven protagonists.
Standard tropes are held out such as Asian woman being good at martial arts and having swords, black guy with dreadlocks, bad guys with blue skin and acne, boss bad guy dresses like a nazi. The usual stuff.
Anyway, not holding my breath for the next instalment and I think the 'Snyder Brand' has suffered a heavy hit. I can see why Disney turned it down.
Beacon 23 (2023)
A swing and a miss...
Two stars for the acting.
This programme is what you get with good actors who have a poor script and the very minimum of story.
I have never seen such a patronising and poorly written story put on screen. Every science fiction cliché is shoehorned in at some point (just made it to episode 6 but won't be going any further) but poorly managed and it appears added because it could be added.
The pace of storytelling is painfully slow, the conceit of the AI being the singular (and unreliable) narrator doesn't work because the 'character' lacks depth and seems at times incompetent. As the all-seeing operator it doesn't see much.
Anyway, pulling the pin on this one. A shame, as there is little intelligent science fiction on TV at the moment, but this just isn't working.
The Curse (2023)
Good idea poorly executed.
So far, I don't think it has what it takes.
Despite very good acting and delivery, great production values and excellent minor cast I don't think it delivers.
The concept is interesting but the delivery lacks pace. Either too much is happening or the build up is too long and the denouement too weak to justify the time and effort. Frustratingly so.
I realise the objective is to highlight the cringe factor of human situations but it comes across as contrived, a series of very variable sketches lacking form, and while it tells a story, it's a tedious story that telegraphs the ending.
Overall, pretty post-modern but fails to deliver what counts.
Trancers 6 (2002)
Rubbish, through and through.
I enjoyed Trancers 1 through 5. Classic 'B' Movies.
Tim Thomerson carries the previous films, he has screen presence and carries the movies through a variety of short-comings by sheer personality and humour.
Which brings us to the 6th instalment. Oh dear...
There is no Tim Thomerson. All the previous 5 instalments failures are repeated a plenty in this single film, with no real actor to provide support or guidance, a contrived plot, poor script, terrible dialogue and zero delivery.
Direction appears non-existent, perhaps with some professional guidance the film would be less of a toilet and the actors have aspired to a better performance. When the director sets the bar so low, poor actors will not aspire to better.
I wish I had not seen this film. I really don't.
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
Will only be loved by fanboi's
I know nothing of the game so reviewing it as the 'horror' film it claims to be.
It's no horror film. I've seen scarier adverts.
While the film has great visuals, these visuals are limited to the animatronics and half a derelict pizza place.
What acting there is, is good. Likewise the soundtrack.
But where it all falls apart is the paper thin plot, that is told rather than shown.
First third of the movie is merely an exemplar to explain the game. The rest an extremely linear story that fails to explain itself.
At no point is there any horror. Not even an atmospheric build-up.
While the animatronics are good that in itself does not make a good film.
I'm told the idea comes from a very popular game. No doubt these fanbois will think me a heretic who 'does not get it'. But I'm a movie-goer, not a gamer and this very poor film was at the movies.
Keep in mind I'm reviewing the film, not the game.
Foundation (2021)
If you enjoyed the books, you'll enjoy this divergent TV show.
If you have read the books and enjoyed them, this show will not diminish that.
The story is divergent enough to still be intriguing and engaging without trampling on your memories.
The production values, CGI and concept of visuals are stunning.
Minor new characters have fleshed out stories that both contribute and support the richness of the story.
While nearly all performances are very good, Lee Pace stands out through his powerful manically tinged performance and literally carries half the show single handedly. The other half of the show requires a lot of attention as Jared Harris acts a complex multi-facted (literally) character that fills the spaces between Lee Pace's Empire with backstory and detail.
To be honest, I was a bit wary when I heard the Jewel of the Science Fiction genre, Asimov's Foundation Trilogy was going to be attempted for TV. In practice, the show is a very good sidewise adaptation that results in a most entertaining tv show while not tarnishing the original material.
Put preconceptions aside and give it a go, I hope you will be as presently surprised as I.
Otherwise, watch it simply for the performance of Lee Pace.
Marlowe (2022)
More wooden than a wood thing.
Absolutely terrible film.
All the actors seem to think a 'detective noir' means no acting required.
Beside poor acting we have a weak story and poor dialogue that is poorly delivered.
The CGI is good, about the only redeeming aspect, until you get to the end of the film with CGI overload.
I cannot see a reason for this film to exist, unless the streaming service thought they might be able to con the viewer into thinking it was a real Chandler story and not fan fiction.
The big mystery is how they managed to get Lange involved? She is criminally underused but does do her best with terrible lines.
Neeson has been dining out on Schindlers List for 40 years, if this is the best he can do, happen he should hang up his boots.
Anyway, you have been warned...
Star Wars: Visions (2021)
Mostly boring, mostly niche.
The skill of the animators is high in nearly every episode and they act as a good showpiece for their work.
Unfortunately, not much else is positive.
The stories are niche, very much second to the art.
The stories are mostly boring, but nice to look at.
Dialogue, music and everything that is not visual seems second rate, including much of the voice over work.
The skill of the animators is high in nearly every episode and they act as a good showpiece for their work.
Unfortunately, not much else is positive.
The stories are niche, very much second to the art.
The stories are mostly boring, but nice to look at.
Dialogue, music and everything that is not visual seems second rate, including much of the voice over work.
Liu lang di qiu 2 (2023)
A solid science fiction film. Enjoy!
Very good story, has vision, has action and has heart. The story is told from multiple points of view, with characters that one can relate to, even the morally challenging characters are presented with potential to be redeemed.
The film itself is well acted, with very good effects and this carries the story. The film comes in at just under 3 hours but it didn't seem like it. It's a big story, it uses the running time well.
Dialogue is good, even the subtitles and well delivered, photography, score and editing are very professional; shows the China film industry can deliver as well as Hollywood and Bollywood. Bodes well for the future.
The uncharitable could say the film is a projection of soft power by China, I enjoyed it as science fiction story told on a grand scale and took it at face value. It's entertainment (and good entertainment).
I hope you enjoy the film as much as I did. I enjoyed Wandering Earth I, I enjoyed Wandering Earth II better.
Django (2022)
This could have been very good.
But it's not.
Assuming you have HDR on your TV and you can see what is happening...
The story is convoluted and the flashbacks not handled very well.
The acting is very variable, even by the recognised names.
While the photography is good, it does not make up for the bad acting. Characters performances vary between wooden to manic.
And the accents. Very poor, especially Ms Rapace, most distracting.
The Django character has appeared in several spaghetti westerns over the last fifty years. This series does follow in the established genre but has sacrificed clarity for pretentiousness.
If they make a remake, remember to turn the lights on.