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Juror #2 (2024)
1 Conflicted Man
Say what you want about some of Clint Eastwood's recent output, the man delivers classic filmmaking and Juror #2 is no different. A cleanly shot and straight to the point courtroom drama about morals and justice, it feels like it could have been made anytime in the last seventy years.
Nicholas Hoult plays Justin Kemp, a four years sober alcoholic who is summoned for jury duty. He'd rather be at home with his heavily pregnant wife but is happy to do his duty until a slight wrinkle emerges; a man is on trial for the murder of his girlfriend but Justin may well of killed her in a hit and run a year ago. Knowing the accused is innocent, but not fancying spending the rest of his own life in jail, he tries to convince his fellow jurors to return a not guilty verdict while not implicating himself in the death. A task made harder on both ends by Toni Collette's hotshot prosecutor, determined to land the conviction that will secure her the District Attorney position, and fellow juror JK Simmons, a retired detective who starts to do some digging.
There are a couple of threads running through Juror #2. Has Collette's lawyer lost sight of justice in her quest for glory? Gabriel Basso's accused may be innocent of the murder but does he really deserve mercy? Really though, it's Justin's story and the movie is pinned on a fantastic central performance from Hoult who makes us really feel his dilemma. He is not a villain trying to get away with murder, rather an ordinary guy concealing the truth out of understandable self preservation. He genuinely spent the previous year thinking he hit a deer and his first inclination on learning the truth is to confess. He is talked out of this by his AA sponsor and lawyer Kiefer Sutherland who tells him circumstances (not least the fact he has a history of drink driving) mean he would be looking at a very long time in prison. Add in the fact his wife is stressed at being left alone due to her pregnancy being high risk and having previously lost twins and we can feel his tension emanating from the screen.
While the central conceit and character are delivered expertly there are other parts of the film that feel much more slap dash. Some of the dialogue is tin eared (pretty much all the interactions between Hoult and wife Zoey Deutch are sickeningly saccharine) and some of the other jurors are outrageously thin caricatures. We've got black guy who runs a youth centre and has "seen the damage gangs cause", young stoner guy, true crime obsessed women and sage older lady amongst others. None of these characters are massively important but something a little less cardboard cut out would have been nice and when the weak characters and dialogue combine the film can stumble and on occasion become outright annoying.
For the most part, the quality of the film making over rules the script's weaknesses and it's nice to see a glossy example of this increasingly rare genre on the big screen, even if the ending feels a little bit like the film is trying to have its cake and eat it. If this ends up being Clint's last film then it's a fitting conclusion to a career that has always been interested in justice and redemption. Then again, if he can release a film at 94 there's no reason he can't do it at 96.
7 neck tattoos out of 10.
Heretic (2024)
Hugh You Gonna Call?
Heretic opens with two young Mormon missionaries talking about penises on a park bench. The light hearted opening is in stark contrast to the tension to come and serves as a fun introduction to two endearing characters. Sister Paxton (Chloe East) has been born and raised in the church, eager and enthusiastic she is desperate to land her first conversion. Sophie Thatcher's Sister Barnes is more experienced and more comfortable in the world at large. We spend some time getting to know them as they make their rounds, hearing about their hopes for a handsome husband and sadness at the way they shunned and considered "weird" by their peers. We are thoroughly on board with them by the time they encounter Hugh Grant's seemingly gregarious Mr Reed. He appears interested in their beliefs and impresses the girls with his religious knowledge but the conversation becomes more testy and they realise they can't leave Reed's house without playing his game.
To say Hugh Grant is having fun lately would be an understatement. Whether playing a sleazy reporter in The Gentleman, a caddish Lord in Dungeons and Dragons or a cantankerous Oompa Loompa in Wonka, he's been yucking it up and stealing scenes for years now. Here, he marries the awkward charm of his rom-com era with the vicious whit of his more recent turns and injects it with a surprising amount of menace. The resulting performance is as great as you would expect and absolutely crucial to the film. You see, while it veers closer to traditional horror towards the end, for most of its runtime Heretic is film of theological discussion, awkwardness and mounting tension. Even as the Sisters become uncomfortable and realise they may be in danger they are desperate to extract themselves without being impolite or breaking the social etiquette of their English host. On the surface Mr Reed is the teacher that thinks he's down with the kids who everyone can't actually stand but go along with anyway because he is too genial to deserve having his feelings hurt. On another level he is an insufferable blow hard, his observations obvious and his analogies trite. Underneath it all though, there is a steely control that gives the impression the girls are right to be afraid. It is impossible to imagine anyone else in the role.
It's to their massive credit that East and Thatcher aren't completely overshadowed by Grant's performance. Instead they play off it wonderfully, both likeable and distinct as they each react to Mr Reed's increasingly hostile rhetoric in their own way. The heart they imbue their characters with is a big reason Heretic doesn't default to the obvious religion bashing a lazier film would have relied on. In many ways the film is actually a reversal of the rational thinker running afoul of religious zealots horror trope, instead we have two religious believers trying to remain calm in the face of a non-believers fanatical views.
Heretic is a very talky film so it won't be for everybody but the dialogue is sharp and the pace well mangled so it never sags. Is the final reveal a little underwhelming? Possibly, but it is in keeping with the rest of the film and it's hard to think of a better way it could have gone. After writing A Quiet Place and sci fi dinosaur movie 65, as well as directing a couple of decent horror movies themselves, writer/directors Scott Beck and Bryan Woods have hit a career high point here and Hugh Grant is worth the admission money alone.
8 latter days out of 10 saints.
The Front Room (2024)
Room With a Poo
The Front Room marks the directorial debut of twin brothers Max and Sam Eggers. Their big bro Robert's debut, The Witch, back in 2015 marked him as one of the most exciting talents of his generation and his reputation has only grown since then. This film does no such thing for the twins but it is a fairly interesting Psychological thriller.
Singer/actress Brandy plays Belinda, a pregnant anthropology professor who quits her job after she gets sick of her condescending (and possibly racist) treatment at work. This puts her and husband Norman (Andrew Burnap) in a financial bind but they are given a potential lifeline in the form of Norman's astranged stepmother Solange (Kathryn Hunter). Elderly and frail, Solange needs somewhere to live following the death of Norman's father and offers the couple access to her considerable finances in exchange for them taking her in. Norman is against the idea as Solange is a religious nut who made his childhood hell and thinks she has divine powers but Belinda reasons they need the money and time has probably mellowed his former tormentor. Turns out the couple may have bitten off more than they can chew however, and Belinda finds herself in a battle of wills, spirituality and weaponised incontinence.
The main reason to see The Front Room is the performances of central duo Brandy and Kathryn Hunter. Belinda suffers indignaties at every turn and is at various points in the film frustrated, afraid, hurt and overwhelmed but Brandy instils her with a steeliness that lets the audience know she's never out for the count. Restrained and composed (to a point) she keeps proceedings grounded. If Brandy is the film's anchor then Hunter is its soaring kite, giving a gloriously over the top and campy performance as Solange. Whether she's using her canes to stalk around the house like a velociraptor, warbling about her faith and "old fashioned" views or dishing out smug grins in Belinda's direction, her character fills every inch of the screen despite her tiny frame. For his part, Burns is fine as Norman but his character is bare bones, really only there as a witness to the battle of the two women and to indicate which way the tide is turning at any given moment.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of other undercooked elements cluttering up The Front Room. Belinda sleepwalks and has ominous dreams, Solange may be the leader of a cult, there's a Christianity versus theology angle, the issue of exactly how ill Solange is. None of this is really paid off and while its fine (and even good) for film makers to muddy the waters in aid of keeping the audience on their toes it adds to a sense the film doesn't know what it wants to be. It's too slight and the dialogue too inconsistent to be a genuine character piece, it's icky but not scary in a horror sense (we really should be passed the point where an old person's body frightens us) and while its certainly funny we veer a little close to the bone in terms of both racism and potential elder abuse to be considered a comedy.
The Front Room is inconsistent, unclear, and packs a low key ending that will frustrate some. On the other hand it packs in tense moments, laughs and two fantastic performances. Given the brief runtime (86 minutes) it's worth checking out. Unless bodily functions make you squeamish.
6 Confederate certificates out of 10 old pieces of paper.
Smile 2 (2024)
Smile for the Camera
The October horror train continues with Smile 2, follow up to 2022 breakout hit Smile. Director and writer Parker J. Finn returns with a much more textured character story that is let down by retreading the same beats and half frights as its predecessor.
After a brief segment involving Joel from the first movie we focus on pop star Sky Riley (Naomi Scott) as she attempts to mount a comeback a year on from a drug induced car crash that claimed the life of her boyfriend and left her needing extensive surgery. Unable to get strong painkillers due to her addiction problems she visits an old drug dealer friend to procure some Vicodin but when he smashes his own face in with a plate weight she inherits "The Smile" curse. She begins to experience bizarre goings on and people creepily grinning at her as she enters a race against time to discover what's going on and find a way to rid herself of the demon.
By far the strongest element of Smile 2 is the character of Sky and the performance of Naomi Scott. On the surface she is the standard pop diva, short with staff and going through the motions with fans but we see her vulnerabilities too and the pressure she is under. We witness the struggles against physical pain, guilt over the death of boyfriend (played in flashbacks by Ray Nicholson, son of Jack) and the way she is manipulated by her management and mother who are far more concerned with keeping the gravy train running than the fact Sky is losing her mind. She is a far more layered protagonist than we are used to seeing in a film like this and Scott gives a performance to match, running the gamut from small facial gestures to full force terror. The supporting cast all do a good job but the film is all about the central performance and it's frustrating that a cheap third act twist robs the character of a proper conclusion. It would have been great to see this performance wrapped in a better film.
The problem is, Smile 2 is a sequel to a film that didn't really merit one (story wise anyway, box office success meant it was always going to happen). The original Smile was derived from a short film and getting one whole movie out for the premise was tough enough, there just isn't enough juice in the tank for another go round. Taking its cues from early 2000's films like The Ring and The Grudge, smile was a race against the clock mystery with spooky stuff happening along the way. This time round there is no mystery for the audience and no real jeopardy until the end either. We know Sky won't actually be harmed by any of her visions and that no one around her is in any danger at all. It doesn't help that people staring at you with a stupid grin on their face just isn't that scary. That said, the film does use Sky's public profile to wring out some excruciatingly awkward moments as her (literal) demons cause her to lose it at the most inopportune moments.
After giving him his big break with the original film there is no way the studio were not going sign Finn up to make them a sequel and this is likely to be give them another hit. While Smile 2 may be a mixed bag it feels like the limitations of the premise are what holds it back and the director has far more in his locker. There are likely much more interesting things in his future. Ditto star Naomi Scott.
6 bottles of water chugged out of 10.
Terrifier 3 (2024)
Smears of a Clown
The story of the success Terrifier 3 is enjoying is at least as interesting as the film itself. Over the course of three movies, writer director Damien Leone has grown the franchise from a $35,000 labour of love into the number one film at the North American box office. Whatever you might think of the films themselves, this a pretty impressive achievement and proof that even in this age of mega franchises and hundred million plus advertising budgets there's still room for a plucky underdog to find its audience with some gorilla marketing.
As for the film itself, it's niche to say the least. An ultraviolet, gonzo gorefest about a killer clown called Art and the "chosen" girl who (provided she is in possession of her magic sword) is the only one that can put him down. If you don't find humour or amusement in people being dismembered in cartoonish but very gory ways, this film is not for you. If you are stressed out by on screen children in extreme peril, this film is not for you. If you simply don't like grimy, icky films that make you feel like you need a shower after you've watched them, then this film is not for you. This film is probably not for you. If this film IS for you, chances are you've already seen it and loved it.
In fairness, Terrifier 3 is a little more mainstream than part 2 (and that was a lot more mainstream than the original). A budget of $2 million may not sound like much but that's eight times as much as its predecessor and practically an Avengers level stack in the world of low cost horror. Wisely this money has been spent on improving the "filmy" aspects of production; everything is crisp and clearly shot with plenty of characters and extras making the world feel large and lived in. The gore effects are left more or less the same as part 2, which is the right move. Were the effects to get any more realistic it would only detract from the spirit of the movie and be downright unpalatable. Besides, who even knows, or would ever want to know, what a guy being split in half with a chainsaw (testicles and all) actually looks like?
It also has a little more narrative meat than before, although emphasis is on little. The film begins with Art (played with glee by David Howard Thornton) traveling to a mental asylum where horrifically scarred former victim Victoria has birthed him a new head since he was decapitated by protagonist Sienna (Laura La Vera) during the climax of the previous film. He and Victoria do some murder on the staff then retire to an abandoned house where they become dormant. Five years later Sienna is released from her own mental treatment to live with her Aunt, Uncle and younger cousin. Simultaneously, Art and Victoria are awoken by a couple of construction workers and the killer clown embarks on a rampage in a Santa costume (this instalment is set at Christmas rather than Halloween), culminating in another showdown with Sienna. That's pretty much it for story, with the film mostly cutting between Sienna hanging out with friends and family while stressing about Art's possible return and the black and white faced killing machine indulging in murder and mayhem before the pair duke it out for round two.
Really, people are paying their money because they want to see ridiculously over the top slasher kills and they enjoy the persona of Art The Clown. Both of those things are OK. The kills are extremely graphic but don't really up the ante in terms of inventiveness from what we've seen before, if anything they are a little dialled back from the previous film. As for Art, his simplistic look is striking and Thornton's gloriously over the top facial expressions give him a tonne of character but his actions are a bit too inconsistent for him to have a real personality. Adding Victoria to the mix allows the demon behind the clown to speak but its screeching voice is more grating than chilling and detracts from the killers menace rather than add to it.
Terrifier 3 is in a pretty unique place, feet still firmly planted firmly in the bargain bin nastiness of minimal budget horror but with toes starting to dangle in the waters of main stream cinema. In some respects the movie is an absolute triumph but it's hard to say it's a particularly good film. It will be fascinating to see what Leone does in the next instalment, with an even bigger purse and built in fanbase.
6 post slaughter cookies out of 10.
Never Let Go (2024)
If You Go Down To The Woods Today
At first glance, Never Let Go appears to be the story of Halle Berry (simply referred to as Mother) and her attempts to keep her two boys safe in a post apocalyptic world where evil stalks the woods outside their family home. It is really, however the story of the boys, their bond and the choices they must make.
Said boys are twins Samuel and Nolan (played by Anthony B. Jenkins and Percy Daggs IV respectively). They live in a wooden house that they are told by Mother they can never leave unless tied to a rope that anchors them to their home, the only thing keeping them safe from a great evil that has ravaged the rest of the world. Should they fail to heed her advice, the evil will enter them and gain access to the homestead where it will kill them all. The only one allowed to roam free of a tether is their faithful dog Coda (the evil has no interest in animals) and if there is any suspicion one of the boys' faith is wavering it's into a compartment in the floor with them, where they visualise the evil and pay thanks to the house. As accidents happen and a harsh winter makes their quest for food more and more desperate, Nolan begins to doubt their mother's stories while Samuel remains devoted.
That's more or less it for story, a handful of events testing the family bonds and the three protagonists are the only real characters. The minimalist set up paves the way for an intimate story of creeping dread and a family unit under pressure. Director Alexandre Aja is a horror veteran with an up and down CV but he creates a fantastically grim atmosphere here, whether it's evil or simply starvation, you can feel the vice tightening on the trio. It helps that it's easy to get on board with the family. The child actors are a revelation, carrying the emotional weight of the roles easily, and Berry gives her all as the stern and troubled but clearly loving matriarch. It is a little distracting that the children don't share their mother's strong accent (who else did they learn to talk from?) but that's a minor quibble when the performances are this good.
The script does struggle in a couple of places. It does it's best to add in some twists (and there is one shocking moment that comes out of the blue) but you will make your mind up fairly early on as to what is real and imagined and its unlikely you'll change your mind once you have. Stories like this are also tricky to satisfyingly wrap up and not everyone will be on board with the ending here.
Never Let Go is far from the first film to mix horror and mental illness and it certainly isn't the best but it's a well acted and focused piece that will have you invested in two brothers beating ever increasing odds.
7 tattoos from the before times out of 10.
Joker: Folie à Deux (2024)
The Great Pagliacci
That Joker : Folie A Deux exists at all is a bit of an oddity given 2019 smash hit Joker was always meant to be a stand alone film. That it exists in this form; a song filled courtroom romance that can pretty much be classified as an anti sequel, is nothing short of extraordinary. I'm sure that when star Joaquin Phoenix decided he wanted another go around as troubled loner Arthur Fleck the money men at Warner Bros. Were rubbing their hands but hats off to director Todd Phillips for getting reportedly close to $200 million out of them for this insane vision of a follow up.
Picking up four years after the events of Joker, the Arthur we first see has been beaten down by his years of incarceration. He barely communicates and Brendan Gleeson's guard laments the fact he no longer amuses him and his colleagues with jokes. A glimmer of life returns when an encounter with fellow inmate Lee Quinzel (Lady Gaga) leads to a blossoming romance. Starved of affection for his entire life, Arthur is instantly besotted while Lee seems far more interested in the antics and mystique of Arthur's Joker persona than the man himself. About a third of the way in, the film switches from prison romance to courtroom drama as Arthur's beleaguered attorney tries to help him avoid the death penalty by proving he has multiple personalities. Her task is made harder as the limelight of the trial and Quinzel's affections fire Arthur up and he becomes more interested in showboating than saving his skin.
Joker may have presented itself as unconventional but Folie A Deux makes that film look like a four quadrant summer tentpole blockbuster by comparison. The first film wore its Martin Scorsese influence plainly (and why not, if you're making an angry white guy movie you may as well crib from the best) but the influences here are far more diverse. Obviously there are One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next vibes (British institution classic Scum too) but there is also Francis Ford Coppola flop One From the Heart and old French classic The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. If its predecessor was a funhouse mirror reflection of a comic book movie, this film is the reflection of that original reflection, any DNA of a DC world unrecognisable.
And there are songs, lots of songs. Phillips has said he was reluctant to call the movie a musical because the idea of a musical is that you leave the cinema happy and you won't be smiling after this. He's not wrong (more on that later) but there's another reason that moniker doesn't quite fit, the songs don't advance the narrative. A tune's function here is a trip to fantasy land to explore a characters state of mind, not a line of communication between writer and audience. The visuals and performances during the songs are pretty great. Phoenix proved in 2005's Walk the Line that he can sing but what he does this time is completely different. Arthur is no songbird, raspy and off key he ambles his way through the songs but with such feeling it feels like hearing these classics for the first time. When Frank Sinatra sings about finally finding somebody you know he's never really had such difficulties, when Arthur sings it every word means everything to him. Lady Gaga might be even better. We know she can sing and she's perfectly melodic here, but not perfect. Just a little too slow, just a little off tune. Completely fitting for a character hiding the true extent of herself.
In terms of style, cinematography and emotion Folie A Deux is top notch. In terms of narrative through line it is lacking. The main story component is the courtroom drama but the film's unconventional nature means there is none of the cut and thrust that propels such scenes in other movies. We spend more time going over and recontextualising the events of the previous film than experiencing new ones. It's not a case of style over substance, it's just that the substance is in the observing rather the doing.
The other barrier to entry is that the film is pretty relentlessly grim. While Joker showed the world through Arthur's eyes, Folie A Deux shows the world's view of Arthur and it is not pleasant. Seen only as either a figure of hatred or ridicule, or a symbol of violent power, nobody gives a toss about the man behind the persona. He is, lest we forget, a multiple murderer so you can argue nobody should care but the system that ignored him first time round now takes great delight in punching him in the face. I'm sure this isn't the direction people who revelled in the previous films violent third act wanted Arthur's story to go but it feels like a natural progression for such a character. The film makers seem fully aware of the response their movie will get from certain sections of the fanbase and have made that a major part of the narrative.
Whether you love it or hate it (they are likely to be the only two reactions), the talent behind Joker: Folie A Deux cannot be denied and it stands as a triumph of creative ambition over bean counting. It will bemuse and infuriate plenty of the original movies fans and likely burn a hole in the pocket of Warner Brothers but will live in the memory and conversation long after a traditional sequel would have been forgotten.
8 cartoon shadows out of 10 clowns.
The Substance (2024)
Vanity Unfair
One thing The Substance is not, is subtle. It shouts it's themes loudly. It bathes the viewers eyeballs with beauty and then assaults them with grotesque body horror of the highest order. It infests the ears with horrible squelching, popping and cracking. It's quite an experience.
Demi Moore plays Oscar winning actress Elizabeth Sparkle, who now hosts a daytime yoga show produced by odious TV exec Dennis Quad. Deemed over the hill on her fiftieth birthday (despite looking like Demi Moore) and let go she turns to a shady procedure that involves injecting herself with "The Substance". This births the young and pristine Sue (Margaret Qualley) who picks up where Elizabeth thinks her life should be, becoming her own replacement on TV. The problem is, the two halves need to share, with each being awake for seven days at a time and like feeding your Mogwai after midnight, there are extreme consequences to not respecting the balance.
The Substance is a high saturation parable set in a showbiz world with the volume cranked up. The rules of science do not apply here, with the substance itself representing a deal with the devil more than anything else. It's a feminine story, but not really a feminist one. Quad is disgusting and every other male is lecherous, predatory or pathetic (often all three) but they only have power because Elizabeth/Sue is so desperate for their approval. The focus is on internalised misogyny, the resentments women can harbour to each other and the damage they inflict on themselves in the never ending battle for fleeting adulation. The phrase, "your own worst enemy", has never been more appropriate.
At its heart the film may have a simple message of enjoy the life you have but the way it shows you is anything but. The body horror on display is some of the most inventive in decades; wince inducing, thematically powerful and just slightly hilarious. The sound design is, if anything, even more uncomfortable. Every snap, tear and thud will have you gritting your teeth and it all sounds so horribly wet. You wouldn't think watching someone eat prawns could be an endurance test.
It's cliche to call performances like Moore puts in here "brave" but she certainly leaves it all on the line, both physically and emotionally (the hardest to watch scene doesn't involve body horror at all, just a women crippled by her own imagined inadequacies). The meta casting of her as a woman desperate to stay young and beautiful isn't lost on her but she gives a powerhouse turn, reminding everyone she is one of Hollywood's most underrated performers. Qualley is very much in the secondary role but she dazzles as walking Diet Coke commercial Sue. Hollywood producers will be pleased she already has a good body of work so over the next couple of years they can pretend they aren't casting her after seeing the film she is a sex object in.
The gnarly visuals and general ickiness will mean The Substance isn't for everyone and the deliriously over the top finale goes on a little too long but anyone with even an inkling to check this film out should do so. The effects work is a tour de force, there's a career best performance from Demi Moore and a declaration from director Coralie Fargeat that previous movie Revenge was merely a warm up.
9 full vials of stabiliser out of 10.
Speak No Evil (2024)
The Kids Aren't All Right
Viewers of 2022 Danish film Speak No Evil will be wondering how the hell this Hollywood remake would incorporate the originals bleakest of bleak endings. The answer is, it simply doesn't, completely changing the third act to something much more audience friendly. Does that make this version far less impactful? Yes. Does it make it bad? No.
Louise and Ben Dalton (Mackenzie Davis and Scoot McNairy) are on holiday with their daughter where they meet Paddy (James McAvoy) and Chiara (Aisling Francis) who are holidaying with their mute son Ant. Despite their different outlooks on life the couples become friends and upon returning to their strained life back in London the Daltons decide to take Paddy and Chiara up on the offer of a visit to the West Country. Louise quickly becomes uncomfortable but Ben is charmed by the rustic lifestyle and enthralled by the bullish Paddy, who's no nonsense lust for life and alpha male energy he longs to embody himself. As time goes on social awkwardness begins to turn into something more sinister and the visitors find they might have more to worry about than unpristine bedsheets.
For most of the runtime Speak No Evil is played almost like a comedy, with the characters being pretty extreme examples of their archetypes and there are various funny scenes as the visitors are completely unsure how to react to their host's eccentricities. Laughter is of the nervous variety though as there is an undercurrent of menace steadily building throughout. The balance between amusing and disconcerting is played expertly and gives the film a unique feel. It culminates in a very different final act than the source film but one that is entertaining in a very Hollywood way. The problem with changing the finale is that it fundamentally changes the theme of the film, rendering the title somewhat redundant and the new subtext of "don't mess with the middle class" is a little trite.
All the cast do a great job but the real reason to see this movie is James McAvoy. Like in 2016's Split (and follow up Glass), he brings a levelling up performance to what could have been a standard genre movie. The film working hinges on his ability to terrify, charm and rise a laugh, sometimes all at once. Embodying both earthy charisma and physical menace in equal amounts, you can well imagine why Ben is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt even when it's obvious all is not well.
With Eden Lake and Women in Black under his belt, director James Watkins is no stranger to making a well received horror/thriller and Speak No Evil is likely to join them. Fans of the original may lament the change in finale but it makes this version feel more like its own animal and will be far more palatable to a mainstream audience.
7 Kids in time with the music out of 10.
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)
It's Always Showtime
1988's Beetlejuice is unique blend of visual style, humour, lite horror, performance and trappings of the decade. How to recreate this is a question sequel Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice doesn't even try to answer. Instead it throws its weird and wonderful characters into as many chaotic scenarios as Tim Burton and team can think of and do so at such a manic pace that the viewer doesn't have time to think if they are enjoying it as much. Thanks to the amount of talent on display, this method ends up working a treat.
The story begins with Winona Ryder's Lydia Deetz, now the star of a TV show where she contacts the dead, receiving the news that her father has died. Consequently, she reunites with step mother Delia (Catherine O'Hara) for a memorial service come art project back at the old family home. Accompanying the returning cast members are Lydia's daughter Jenna Ortega and new partner Justin Theroux. Ghostly couple Gina Davis and Alec Baldwin are no longer in residence (a throwaway line is all the explanation we get) but Beetlejuice is still periodically skulking around their model village with designs on reuniting with his former bride to be.
From there things move at a break-neck pace with subplots galore; Rider and Theroux have an upcoming wedding, Ortega meets a mysterious love interest in the village while butting heads with her mother and mourning her deceased father, O'Hara is doing her weird art stuff, Beetlejuice's ex wife is after him and sucking souls in the process, we follow an afterlife cop who was given the job because he played one on TV when alive. It's a lot to cram into a movie that comes in around 100 mins but it manages to accommodate it all effortlessly by adopting a dream like story structure where things just happen when they need to, regardless of logic. The rules you established in the first film getting in your way? Ignore them. Inconvenient for Beetlejuice to be on screen? Have him go to the "little boys room". Need people to handily be in the same place as each other? Make it so. The result is a story that doesn't quite hold together but it doesn't really matter, in fact it just adds to the surreal vibe of proceedings.
And surreal it is. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice may be even weirder than its predecessor with animated sequences, black and white golden age of horror homages and musical interludes. The events are equally dark but the tone is lighter, offering a pretty flippant attitude towards life and death, and it airs more on the side of out and out comedy. The unique vibe it creates allows the film to get away the things that often derail nostalgia sequels. All the call backs and fan service lines are here but worn lightly enough that it feels like they are added in the spirit of fun rather than as a painfully wedged in studio mandate. Like in say, the last Ghostbusters film. Even adding in a Beetlejuice origin story doesn't poison the well things as it's done flippantly and pretty hilariously.
The returning cast slip effortlessly back into their roles and the new additions fit the world perfectly. Willem Dafoe's Hollywood cop is a blast and Justin Theroux has a great time as the slimily over-earnest new man is Lydia's life. Is Monica Bellucci here so that Burton can indulge his Frankenstein's Bride fetish by dressing up his latest partner as a hot zombie? Maybe, but it's never a bad to have Monica Bellucci in your film. We are even treated to a Danny DeVito appearance.
It's still Micheal Keaton's show of course and he doesn't miss a beat slipping back into the skin of the "bio exorcist". Wisely he doesn't get much more screen time than he did back in 1988, keeping his impact at maximum. The film makers also avoid the trap of turning him into a good guy, however much he aids the rest of the cast we are left in doubt that allowing him to stay in the world of the living would be a disaster. He plays the hits from the first movie while adding in some new tricks and it always feels the film picks up a notch when he is on screen, which is as it should be.
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice really has no right to exist. Fortunately, it feels like it was born out of a bunch of friends desire to hang out and make something fun rather than an executive's bean counting. It may be much messier than its predecessor but it is often funny and always creative. So much fun I wouldn't even mind if they decided to let the juice loose a third time.
8 Asps de-fanged out of 10.
The Crow (2024)
Stone the Crow
One thing you can say about The Crow is that is that it has delivered on expectations. They are remaking that crap 90's action film The Crow? Sounds like a bad idea. It's been in development hell for over a decade? It's definitely going to be bad. The Snow White and the Huntsman guy is directing it? His films are quite bad. The trailers out? It looks bad. Film is here? Yeh it's bad.
To call the film a remake is a actually a little unfair, it's really a new adaptation of the graphic novel source material (which sucks to begin with) and directer Rupert Sanders has tried to make the film something more than its 1994 counterpart, he just fails at a very fundamental level.
This is still the story of Eric, brought back from the dead to kill those who offed him and his girl but this time we lean more into the romance side of the tale, with his rampage motivated by the idea of saving his loves soul rather than just seeking vengeance. The problem is that there is a complete lack of any actual romance. We see Eric (Bill Skarsgard) first meet Shelly (FKA Twigs) in rehab and follow them over the few days they know each other before they are murdered. If you think that isn't long enough for true love to take root don't worry, she really loves him because he is "beautifully broken" and he really loves her because he once saw something bad happen to a horse. That's it for the great romance and they are soon killed because Shelly has an incriminating video of bad guy Danny Huston using occult whisperings to make people commit murder (apparently this causes the person soul to be sent to hell despite the fact they weren't in control of themself). Upon Erics death, some guy at a derelict train track decides that the whinny drug addict is the perfect guy to resurrect and send after Hutson.
Whatever you say about the 1994 film, it was dripping in gothic style and has a unique visual identity. This film dispenses with all that in favour of a grimy realism that is just boring to look at. The action is similarly uninspired with some of the blandest fight sequences of the year. Eric isn't supposed to be a master martial artist or anything but the fact he can't die is never used in any interesting way. It's a waste of Skarsgard, who showed in Boy Kills World earlier this year that he has proper action chops. He also has the perfect look for the role but is left floundering with a character that does nothing to endear them to the audience and the kind of dialogue an edgy thirteen year old would scribble in a notepad. It's odd that after so many years of trying to get a reboot off the ground the studio would settle on this nonentity as the version to press ahead with. Everything here is so uninspired it feels like they eventually ran out of patience and decided to just rip the band-aid off.
Aside from a couple of fun dismemberments there really is no entertainment value here unless you are the one in a hundred person the toxic teen romance angle actually connects with. The Crow isn't the most terribly made film you'll see, it's just a big empty vat of zero inspiration and that might be worse. Maybe next time, instead of a crow carrying the souls of the dead to the afterlife it should be a turkey.
4 parties in your apartment even though you know people are trying to kill you out of 10.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Space (and Body) Invaders
With Alien: Romulus, Fede Alvarez becomes the latest director to try and recreate the magic of Alien and/or Aliens. Unsurprisingly he doesn't get close to those two masterpieces but he does serve an atmospheric slice of sci fi horror that may well scratch an itch for those unimpressed with the heavy handed musings of Prometheus and Alien: Covenant.
Set in the time period between Alien and Aliens, the story of Romulus is a back to basics haunted house but in space tale about a group of young miners attempting to escape corporate servitude by breaking into a derelict space station and liberating enough fuel to keep them in stasis while they reach another developed planet. Turns out the station is more decimated then decommissioned and they soon find themselves on the bottom of the local food chain.
The break in may be a group effort but it's clear from the off that the main focus of the story is Cailee Spaeny's Rain and her "brother" Andy, a salvaged synthetic human played by David Jonsson. Spaeny is an excellent lead, likeable and believable as a modern Ripley who grows in stature to deal with her increasingly grim situation. Jonsson might be even better, following up last years Rye Lane with another star making turn as he plays two different versions of Andy across the runtime. You are pretty much on board with the whole team from the get go (except the one obligatory douchebag) as their circumstances are so dire it feels like this is there only realistic shot at having a life.
Romulus is a slow burn, taking plenty of time to get to the alien action. Building tension is admirable but without the mystery that carried the early parts of the original the set up feels a little laboured. That said, when things kick off, they kick off. Alvarez uses all the skills he learned making The Evil Dead and Don't Breathe to set up insanely tense moments and there are some gnarly kills. For the most part there is a real focus on practical effects and this may be the best a Xenomorph has ever looked. The design really invokes the sexual violation iconography of the original, if something isn't trying to get inside people it's opening up a like a mutant vagina. The impregnation theme culminates in a final showdown that is simultaneously terrifying and goofy and is likely to prove divisive amongst series fans.
The film works best when it is being a stripped down genre movie so the constant desire to scream "this is an Alien film" is actually it's biggest flaw. Call backs to the Nostromo and Colonial Marine pulse rifles are all well and good but when the plot starts to be influenced by the prequels it's a little less welcome. There is also an attempt to drop a classic line that will make most people cringe in their seat.
Where Ridley Scott's last two efforts in this universe were packed with ambition but muddled in execution, Romulus is all execution and very little ambition. It's essentially a remix of what's gone before coated in slick new paint and delivered by someone who knows their way around a horror film. That's good enough for an entertaining two hours.
7 decisions that are best for the company out of 10.
Note: Ian Holm plays a fairly major part in this movie. How can he do that if he died four years ago? By using AI to recreate his face and voice a la Peter Cushing in Rogue One a few years ago. I personally detest this and was tempted to score the film a 1 out of 10 as a result. In the end, it seems his family are happy about it and I'm not sure how egregious everyone else finds it so I decided not to factor it into the review.
Trap (2024)
Trap Me if You Can
At the very least, Trap cements M. Night Shyamalan's place as father of the year 2024. Earlier in the year he produced The Watchers, giving his daughter Ishana her directorial debut and now he sits back in the chair himself to bring us a movie dedicated in part to the musical (and to a lesser extent acting) talents of his other daughter Saleka.
The set up is typically high concept Shyamalan. Friendly neighbourhood fireman Cooper (Josh Hartnett) takes his daughter Riley (Ariel Donoghue) to see pop star Lady Raven (Saleka) in concert. Once there he notices a heavy security presence and discovers the whole thing is set up to catch notorious local serial killer "The Butcher". This a problem for Cooper as he is said serial killer and now he must try and escape the trap without spoiling his darling daughters big day.
The majority of the film takes place completely inside the concert and is pretty solid stuff. Hartnett is great as the psychopath who also happens to be a doting dad. You can see all the emotions at play; increasing panic, concern that his daughters night (and potentially life) may be ruined but also a little excitement and pride at how much attention he has been given. Sure, he's a murderer and you see him do some nasty stuff as he tries to maneuverer his way out of trouble but it's pretty hard not to be at least a little on his side. Fair warning, the way he goes about things is ridiculous and relies on coincidences and especially on people acting unrealistically, you don't get into restricted areas this easily and venue staff and cops aren't this dumb. It's all done in the name of fun though and you'll be entertained as long as you're suspension of disbelief can handle it. It helps the the concert element of the film really is well done and Saleka herself is clearly a musical talent. When it comes time for her to act things get a little bit dicier but she is far from the worst a proud parent has ever forced upon an audience.
Unfortunately, things don't end with the concert. Shyamalan can't help himself and stretches out a third act past at least three logical stoping points. After the characters leave the stadium there are escapes, reveals and a blatant opportunity for the directors daughter to wow us with her piano skills. None of this feels particularly necessary and will leave you wishing this performance hadn't bothered with an encore.
Trap is definitely not "Silence of the Lambs at a concert" as the director has bizarrely described it. Not simply because of the gulf in quality but because the two films have absolutely nothing in common either tonally or in terms of story and character. What Trap is, is a breezy thriller with a unique set up that is plenty of fun. Until it isn't any more.
6 over chatty merch sellers out of 10.
Borderlands (2024)
Bord-L-ands
Borderlands is a strange game to make a film adaptation of. Being a "looter-shooter" it is light on narrative and character with the joy of the game coming from unleashing ludicrous weapons upon hordes of enemies. In order to succeed the movie really needed to nail the wacky tone and look of the game's world while adding in sufficient story and character to make the audience care about what is going on. You could generously say director Eli Roth succeeds at half of one of these goals.
It may be harsh to pin the films shortcomings on Roth as it is unclear how much of this is the movie he signed up to make. Announced in 2015 and in active development since 2020 the script underwent multiple re writes and had Tim Miller come in for weeks of reshoots after Roth departed the project. The horror veteran certainly seems an odd fit for what ended up being a PG13 action comedy. There is defiantly a much better Borderlands movie that could have been made if he'd been allowed to unleash his full on blood and guts style. As it is, even Roths previous family move The House With a Clock in Its Walls had considerably more edge than this.
And boy could this movie have used a little edge. Things look great, the unique visual style of the games is represented about as well as live action can manage but everything else is just half baked. The action is derivative and feels small, the hit and miss juvenile humour of the games is less funny here and even the actors feel like they are at half throttle. Kate Blanchett is great to begin with as a cynical and over it bounty hunter but as her storyline becomes more and more cheese and forced emotion it becomes clear she is miss cast. Kevin Hart seems stuck between doing his usual comedy schtick and playing a leading action man. Jack Black's robot Claptrap is (for better or worse) one of the game's most memorable characters but this less self important version feels like a cheap Jack Black impression. Ariana Greenblatt comes off best, giving sass and kicking ass as deranged teen Tiny Tina but she is hampered by having to be as much plot mcguffin as character.
Said plot is nothing to write home about as a soldier, a bounty hunter, a psycho (big muscly guy who talks funny) and a motormouth robot on one wheel travel across a lawless planet with a kid to find a hidden vault that the kid is the key to opening while the evil corporation they stole the kid from pursues them. It's a perfectly serviceable means of getting the characters from A to B to C which would be fine for a film of this type if the character back and forth was enough to liven things up, sadly that's where Borderlands is really lacking. This cast should have been a hoot to hang out with but the dialogue is beyond lazy with awkward exposition and stilted banter. The characters want to be out there but with no straight man to play off none of them deliver.
Borderlands is a fairly sizeable miss, which is a shame because there it's clear that the project had ambition but it needed more. More spirit, more individuality and more time and effort put into the script.
5 decent bits of loot from 10 crates.
Cuckoo (2024)
Cuckoo Goes There?
With German/American co production Cuckoo, distributer Neon looks to emulate the success of last month's Longlegs with another atmospheric chiller. Writer/director Tilman Singer's English debut is less occult tinderbox and more a modern twist on the classic horror tropes of mad scientists and monsters in the dark but it is another unique frightener with its own distinct style.
Hunter Schafer plays Gretchen, an American teen who forced to move to Germany to live with her Father and his new family in a resort village in the mountains. It's immediately apparent that all is not well as creepy resort owner Herr Konig (Dan Stevens) is adamant she should not be outside on her own and her mute step sister starts to exhibit some strange behaviour. Add in parents seemingly completely in the thrall of Mr Konig and a detective trying to get Gretchen's attention and the stage is set for a messily plotted but enthralling 100 minutes.
There is a lot going on in Cuckoo as tension and terrifying moments are mixed with notes of grief, isolation, sexuality and family bonds. The fish out water, family displacement set up is something we are used to seeing in young teen friendly horror but there is nothing junior about some of the scares here and the film does an admirable job of treading the line between the two different tones. One of the reasons it can do this is the outstanding central performance from Hunter Schafer in her first lead role. A mix of awkwardness and breezy cool she conveys being frightened, lonely and distraught without ever becoming a hysterical victim and turns into a kick ass final girl. Dan Stevens is great as the enigmatic man in charge and solidifies his status as one of those actor that automatically make any film they are in ten percent better.
There are some frustrations (you'll want to punch the dad's face in) and the flow of events is a little disjointed. Giving everything an air of surreality is great but there are at least two occasions where blatantly obvious story points are head-scratchingly presented as big reveals and some characters are left a little too obtuse.
There isn't much else to be said as giving any of the particulars away would do a disservice to the unique, icky and kind of goofy central conceit of the film and the people who get the most out of Cuckoo will be those willing to let it into their nest no questions asked.
7 remarkable creatures out of 10 parasites .
A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)
Silent Bite
There are three main reasons somebody would go to see A Quiet Place : Day One. 1. They are a fan of the first two movies in the series. 2. They dug the apocalyptic alien invasion vibes of the trailer. 3. They enjoyed director Micheal Sarnoski's previous (and only other) film Pig. It is the third group who are most likely to be satisfied.
Lupita Nyong'o stars as Sam, a terminally ill cancer patient on a last visit into New York when a meteorite shower brings the "Death Angels" to Earth and all of a sudden making a noise equals meeting a grizzly end. Given her situation Sam reasons that the bliss of one final slice of pizza is worth more than a few hours/days/weeks living in pain and fear so sets off towards Harlem and her favourite pizzeria. On the way she encounters Eric (Joseph Quinn) who, in shock and thousands of miles from his family in the UK, needs a goal to focus on and resolves to help her achieve her dying wish whether she wants him to or not.
These events unfold much more like an intimate character piece than a grand alien invasion or scary monster movie. It's the story of a dying poet smelling library books, trying to invoke childhood memories and generally squeezing in a final few moments of joy as the last grains of sand drop through her hourglass. It's the story of a scared young man finding a way to carry on when the only plan he had for life comes to a sudden, bloody end. It's also the story of a bemused but chill cat wondering what the hell is going on. The fact most of their developing relationship plays out in near silence gives it emotional nuance and allows both actors to show their depth. With natural warmth and expressive eyes it's easy to see why Joseph Quinn has shot to the top of casting director lists post Stranger Things but this is mostly Lupita Nyong'o's show and she is great. Within five minutes of meeting Sam you are instantly on board with her resigned and dignified but justifiably bitter character and she anchors everything with a down to earth humanity you rarely ever see in a film of this type. You will really want her to get that pizza.
The monster invasion "Quiet Place" stuff the film was sold on actually comprise its least compelling parts. We've already seen the moment of contact in the previous film's flashback and moving it to the big city doesn't make it feel any grander since we are still following a single persons perspective. There's also a sense of fatigue about the set pieces that come in the same two flavours as the previous films. Either the aliens are prowling around making generic clicking noises while someone silently hides or they are barrelling around knocking things over as they make a meal out of catching prey a fraction of their speed. There is tension but it comes from the fact you really want the characters to succeed rather than from any well crafted horror beats and while scenes of a deserted and dust shrouded New York are atmospheric the creatures themselves have really lost their intimidation factor three movies in.
Day One is a much more textured film than it needs to be and hits emotional heights you wouldn't expect but there is a sense it two separate films overlayed on top of each other and one of them is much weaker than the other.
7 Water features to hide your voice out of 10 silent locations.
Twisters (2024)
Let's Twist Again Like We Did 28 Summers Ago
Another month, another legacy sequel although, in fairness, Twisters doesn't share any direct connection to its 1996 predecessor Twister. Well, they are both set in Oklahoma and heavily feature spinning wind but if you're waiting for a Laura Dern cameo then keep waiting. It is though, about as 90's as a modern film can be. There's ridiculously cheesy dialogue about people wanting to make a difference and tornados "coming for everything we love". It's as all American as can be with blaring country music and star spangled banners flying over rodeos. It's a little bit sexist, with the female lead, on more than one occasion, screaming as she shelters from the wind with a big tough man standing between her and the worst of it. It really does capture the spirit of the decade.
The story follows Daisy Edgar Jones as Kate Cooper, a meteorological whizz kid who is tempted back into the field by a friend and fellow survivor of a disastrous encounter with a tornado five years previously. Apparently the trauma of watching your friends die is nothing weighed against the need to gather data on weather phenomena and Kate's expertise is desperately needed on the ground as modern computers can't compete with her twister sense and ability to watch dandelions blow in the wind. Once out there she crosses paths with YouTube star Tyler "The Tornado Wrangler" Owens played by Glenn Powell, who is instantly impressed and immediately starts hitting on her with his southern charm. A brash and cocky thrill seeker, he is, of course, a good guy at heart and may be able to help Kate with her one time dream of stopping tornadoes.
It turns out Kate has returned in just the nick of time as the twisters batter Oklahoma with such regularity, force and seemingly intentional malice that this film feels as much like an alien invasion or giant monster movie as anything else. While attempts to make the stakes feel apocalyptic come across fairly ridiculous the tornadoes themselves are pretty spectacular and that's really what you are here for. The breezy charm of Jones and Powell carry the downtime between tornadoes and they have an entertaining enough bunch of one dimensional side characters to bounce off.
Twister was no Top Gun so Twisters doesn't match up to Top Gun: Maverick as far as spectacular revivals go (give them all the call signs you want, storm chasers just aren't as cool as fighter pilots) but it is equally successful at bringing the spirit of its predecessor into the 21st century. Good fun, unless you really hate Americana. Or wind.
7 tornadoes light up by by fireworks out of 10.
Longlegs (2024)
The Devil is in the Dolltails
First things first, the marketing team for Longlegs have played an absolute blinder. In a world of trailers that give away entire films they stuck to atmospheric teasers and, crucially, kept Nicholas Cage's titular serial killer more or less completely in reserve. A brave decision that allows the films choice of slowly revealing one of the most disturbing antagonist of recent times to have maximum bite.
The film follows timid FBI agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe) who, upon revealing herself to potentially be physic, is seconded to a long unsolved serial killer case that involves multiple families being butchered in apparent murder suicides. The only connections are the murder dates and cryptic letters left at the scenes by someone named "Longlegs". Once Harker gets involved the long cold case comes to the boil and she discovers she herself may be linked to the killer.
Anyone who has seen director Osgood Perkins previous work will know the son of Norman Bates has his own pace, a slow one. This film is no different, dolling out plot and reveals sparsely but that isn't to say time is wasted. The atmosphere is oppressive, with just enough jarring sound and jump scares to keep the audience on their toes without ever relieving the tension. More often than not that open door behind the protagonist is just an open door but you can never be sure something isn't about to walk past. Especially after the first few minutes of the movie let you know the rug can be pulled at any time. A veteran of quality horror titles like It Follows, Monroe knows exactly how to draw the viewer in with her performance, carrying the quieter moments and anchoring the more outrageous.
Speaking of which, Longlegs himself is a sight (and sound) to behold. Glimpsed and heard in snippets for the first half of the film he is Nic Cage in full "Nic Cage" mode but through a creepy, disgusting lens you won't have seen before and will probably be grateful to never see again. Cackling and warbling like a demented southern preacher under heavy prosthetics it's a no holds barred performance and the fact that it doesn't just work in such a physiological film as this but completely elevates it is testament to the skill of both the actor and the director.
Not everything here is up to the quality of the performances and tension building. The actual events struggle to live up to the atmosphere and once you've spent a decent bit of time with creepy Cage what happens after feels like an anticlimax. The story also relies on some clunky exposition to explain itself and even then it doesn't feel like events are completely crystal clear. As a result, the detective side of the story is fairly unsatisfying.
Longlegs is not quite an edge of your seat fright fest and certainly not a Silence of the Lambs calibre dark police thriller but it is a disquieting and macabre mood piece that has its own unique style and features a horror villain for the ages.
7 creepy doll prizes out of 10.
The Fall Guy (2024)
The Fall and Get Back up Guy
The Fall Guy is a is hard movie to slap a genre on. It's an action film. It's a rom-com. It's an old fashioned star vehicle. The result is a very entertaining but niche $130 million love letter to the stunt community that leans hard on two insanely charismatic leads.
In fairness, calling Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt co leads is a bit of a stretch as it is really the story of Gosling's stunt man Colt Seavers. He begins the film loved up with camera women Jody Moreno (Blunt) before an accident at work causes him to lose confidence in himself and ghost her. Eighteen months later he gets a call asking him to come out of stunt exile to help on Jody's directorial debut but things don't work out as he hoped when Jody doesn't actually want him there and he is roped into tracking down the productions missing leading man, an ab flaunting, obnoxious idiot played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson.
Gosling is in full movie star mode here, buffed up and charismatic even though Colt is something of an idiot and clearly in way over his head. He is great in the action scenes as the stuntman uses his trade skills on instinct to, just about, stay one step ahead of villains trying to off him and his chemistry with Blunt really carries the movie. It's a pity the writers couldn't find a way for them to have more scenes together, or fit Blunt in more full stop. She is great every time she is on screen, levelling gosling with deadpan humour and effortlessly avoiding the frat bro lite or one note sarcasm vibe these type of characters are often saddled with. There are also some fun side characters, including a dog called Jean Claude who, provided you can speak French, seems to have a human level understanding of everything that is said.
A moderately remembered TV show from the eighties may seem a strange subject for a movie of this scale but it's clear director David Leitch is out to pay some respect to Hollywood's stunt performers. Himself a former stuntman, the Deadpool 2 and Bullet Train helmer puts together some great set pieces which are even more impressive once you've watched the on set footage of how they were done that runs alongside the credits. There are shots fired at actors who claim to do all their own stunts with Taylor-Johnson's braggart "world's biggest action star" terrified of doing stunts despite his boasts and multiple references to Tom Cruise.
Impressive stunts, real laughs and star power mean The Fall Guy is a fun couple of hours but it isn't completely smooth sailing. The ending is a little drawn out and with Chekhov's Guns needing unloaded all over the place the self referential script can come across a little smug. Still, an original action movie this inventive and entertaining is always a welcome sight.
7 speedboats jumping over 10 explosions.
Tarot (2024)
Horror Scopes and Horror Tropes
Catching a film like Tarot in the cinema in 2024 is weird. It feels like one of those horror films that just sort of appear on a streaming service. One you find deep in bowels of Amazon Prime, take a chance on and are pleasantly surprised to find is more or less fine. Up on the big screen it's still fine but its shortcomings are made very apparent.
To its credit the film wastes no time in getting to the point. It begins with seven friends in a mansion they rented for one of their birthdays and within the first ten minutes main character Haley has read the group their fortunes from a cursed deck of tarot cards they find in the basement. Once they return home the friends begin to be picked off one by one courtesy of a ghost/monster taking the shape of whichever card was drawn in their reading. Exactly how they kill them is a bit muddled, at first it seems they are scaring their victims into "Final Destination" ing themselves but at other times they become more hands (or saws) on.
This lack of clarity runs throughout the film. Tarot cards are great for ominous sounding names and creepy pictures but beyond that the film makers seem far more interested in zodiac signs so invent a weird mythology where the combination of tarot and horoscope is some sort of super magic. This way they don't have to waste time with character build up and can just assign each character their star sign as personality. Thumbs up for efficiency but it doesn't exactly have you routing for the casts survival, especially with the inane filler dialogue they spout anytime they aren't filling the audience in on exactly what is happening. In fact it's downright disappointing anytime one of them doesn't die. The one exception being Paxton, purely because he is played by Jacob Balton (Ned in the MCU Spiderman films) and his inherent likability has you wanting him to stick around.
Looking forward to characters dying isn't necessarily an issue for a horror film but there aren't enough kills, and they aren't inventive enough to be enjoyable. Tarot is entry level horror so nothing too scary occurs and there isn't any gore, not a problem in itself but when you have a whole deck of cards to inspire the kills someone running in front of a train doesn't really cut it. The feeling of being underwhelmed is reinforced by an air of cheapness. Apart from a brief chat with a cop the seven characters are completely alone, wandering empty streets and corridors. This could be a stylistic choice but combined with the terminally dull lighting it feels like a budget squeeze.
The good things to say about Tarot are that it's competently made and at close to ninety minutes dead on it doesn't take up too much of your time. Compared to some other bargain bin horror out their that's close to a recommendation but it feels made for TV, not the big screen.
5 "this decks kinda strange"s out of 10.
Challengers (2024)
Grand Slam
After watching the trailer you'd be forgiven for thinking Challengers is a teen sex comedy about two guys trying to sleep with their tennis coach. To say that this is underselling this film would be like saying Roger Federer was kind of decent with a racquet.
The film begins with tennis champion Art Donaldson (Mike Faist) trying to prepare for the US Open after a career threatening injury. His wife and coach Tashi (Zendaya), herself a prodigy who's playing career was ended by injury, enters him in a small time challenger event to help grow his confidence. Plans for an easy win go out the window when he comes up against Patrick Zweig (Josh O'Conner), a journeyman player who is Art's former best friend and Tashi's former boyfriend. The narrative cuts between the match, the week leading up to the match and the proceeding decade, charting the relationship between the three characters while the match plays out and reflects who is on top at various stages of their history.
The character work on show here is outstanding. You'd be hard pressed to describe any of them as particularly good people, they're motivated by varying degrees of selfishness, resentment and arrogance but the three of them are so rounded and real that you can't dislike anyone for long. It helps that they all drip their own distinct brand of sex appeal. Art is the all American boy next door, sensitive and dedicated. Opposite him is Patrick, held back by arrogance but smothered in charm and machismo. In the middle is Tashi, displaying and only interested in perfection, cutting down anyone who isn't up to her standard (which is everyone) with a withering glare. All three are the product of sublime writing fusing with ace acting, when they aren't delivering debut screenwriter Justin Kuritzkes zingers their faces tell you everything you need to know.
The focus may be on messy relationships but Challengers also stands as a great sports movie. A tennis based dramedy may seem an odd choice for director Luca Guadagnino but it turns out his in your face style suits it perfectly. He has a ball filming the matches, using every possible angle and every camera shot imaginable to draw in the viewer, there is no need for even a passing interest in the sport to enjoy it here. The way the characters personalities are intrinsically linked to the their attitudes towards tennis means the human drama is linked to the sporting in a way other film rarely come close to.
A couple of things do make Challengers a little challenging. The time jumping is constant and not always accompanied by a notification, meaning it can occasionally take a minute or two to establish which timeline you are in. The pumping techno lite score matches the films energy but it's full on and threatens to overrun the on screen events. There's also an argument to be made that it runs a little long, 130 minutes is hardly a marathon by todays standards but the screenplay could be a smidge leaner.
It would be a horrendous unforced error for anyone to allow these minor niggles to stop them checking out what Challengers is serving up. Funny and clever it's one of Guadagnino's best films, a sparkling calling card from a new screenwriter and a fantastic showcase for the talents of it's three leads.
9 balls pressed to the neck of a racquet out of 10.
Boy Kills World (2023)
The Boy in the Blood Red Pyjamas
The premise of Boy Kills World is both entirely familiar and also somewhat unique. You've seen "man goes on a murderous rampage of revenge" about a dozen times at this point right? What about "deaf/mute man raised by a forest shaman goes on a murderous rampage of revenge in a near future dystopia with a video game aesthetic"? Maybe not so much.
Well thats what's on the table here. Bill Skarsgard saw his family killed by Hilda Van Der Koy and has been living with "The Shaman" in the years since. The Shaman isn't big on affection, solely focusing on raising the boy to be a killing machine and given he is played by Yayan Ruhain of The Raid fame you know he is teaching the kid to be badass. Meanwhile, Hilda (Famke Janssen) and her family have been busy running the unnamed city as a consumerist dystopia with the highlight of the year being an event called "The Culling", where twelve enemies of the state are killed in a violent TV programme with mascots and family themed commercial sponsorship. When Boy (Skarsgard's character is never given a name) witnesses people being rounded up for the big event he decides it's time to begin his bloody quest for vengeance.
We are guided through the story by Boy's inner monologue and conversations he has with a vision of his dead sister but given he doesn't know what his own voice would sound like the lines are delivered by the smooth tones of the announcer from his favourite childhood arcade game. Said voice belongs to Harry Jon Benjamin in a choice that fits the tone perfectly but may be a little distracting to Bob's Burgers fans. The arcade game influence carries over to the aesthetic with the Van Der Koy soldiers dressed like they stepped out of a first person shooter, bright colours and over the top violence that's as cartoonish as it is visceral. Sam Rami is a producer and this is the second year in a row he has overseen a movie with some gnarly cheese-grater action. Director Moritz Mohr is making his feature film debut and he handles the action with aplomb, serving up stylised fight scenes that are inventive and bone crunching, although the constantly swooping and circling camera can be taxing.
It's just as well the action sections are good since, while there is humour, plot twists and a little message about the futility of revenge, Boy Kills World is really just a procession of escalating fight scenes. The revenge action thriller is a pretty crowded genre these days and this effort doesn't quite have enough in the tank to stand with the absolute best in class but it does have enough style and individuality to stand on its own.
7 finish him's out of 10.
Abigail (2024)
Little Red Flying Blood
Abigail sees a bunch of career criminals locked in a mansion and forced to face off against a little girl ballerina who just happens to also be a centuries old vampire. It's ridiculously over the top and seasoned with lashings of gore but is never quite as much fun as you think it should be.
The film begins with the kidnapping of Abigail (Alisha Weir) by a motley crew of crims led by Dan Stevens and consisting of Melissa Barrera (the main protagonist), Angus Cloud (idiot of the group), Kathryn Newton (rich girl here for kicks), Kevin Durand (big guy) and Will Catlett (ex military guy). They take her to a secluded mansion where Giancarlo Esposito tells them to sit tight for 24 hours while he collects a bounty from the girls wealthy father. Turns out the little girl is actually a vampire and the diminutive bloodsucker soon turns their expected pay day into a fight for survival.
It's a pity Abigail was released at a time when trailers feel they have to spell out exactly what a film is about in order to get bums in seats. Obviously vampire ballerina sells more tickets than mysterious crime film about a kidnapping but the advertising has robbed the movie of one of its best tools. The first act focuses on the group slowly realising they have been set up when Abigail reveals her dad is a feared crime lord who there is zero chance of getting a pay out from and when people start dropping dead they first suspect they are being picked off by a legendary hitman in the employ of the girl's father. A paranoia filled 10-15 minutes about which of the crew is working against the rest could have been one of the most fun sections of the film and would have ended in a killer reveal but with everything laid out by the marketing it just feels like needless filler.
The cast of characters themselves are entertaining enough (especially Stevens and Newton) but a problem arrises when you realise they aren't there simply to get pulled apart but you're actually expected to root for at least one of the child snatchers. Note to film makers, simply saying a character is a parent (especially a dead beat one) doesn't instantly excuse their bad actions. In fact, when said bad actions are drugging and abducting someone else's child it actually makes them seem worse. The failed attempt at garnering empathy really comes home to roost in a muddled ending that needlessly attempts to tie up all the guts and silliness in a feel good message about parenting.
There is still plenty of enjoyment to be had with film. As mentioned above, the characters are pretty entertaining and there are some gory and fun set pieces, particularly an early botched attempt at slaying the diminutive bloodsucker. Speaking of which, Alisha Weir is a superstar. About as far removed from her all singing, all dancing (well all singing anyway) performance in Matilda The Musical as you can imagine she is convincing as the scared victim but absolutely revels in her murderous turn, tormenting her captors turned captives with terrifying glee.
So there is fun to be had but Abigail doesn't quite come together to be more than the sum of its parts and some questionable choices keep it from rising above the reasonably entertaining category.
6 levitating pirouettes out 10.
Civil War (2024)
Blood Spangled Banner
Civil War may be about a war in America but don't be fooled into thinking it's a satire of current US politics. That's not say it has no political opinions, just that they are universal rather than Washington specific. Much as this approach may disappoint people who need to be constantly reassured they are on the right side of the debate it keeps the water clear so we can focus on what the movie is really about, journalism.
The story takes place in the near future where a fascist president is attempting to fight off an uprising led by the combined states of Texas and California (see, no current politics here). With the rebel army getting ready to march on Washington a group of journalists attempt to make the journey down from New York to the capital. What fallows is essentially a road movie that espouses the virtue of impartial journalism and takes a look at the kind of people who happily throw themselves in harms way to secure the big story.
The travellers encompass various stages of a journalism career. There's upstart stowaway Jessie (Cailee Spaeny), nearing the end of the line Sammy (Stephen McKinlay), top of his game Joel (Wagner Moura) and Kirsten Dunst's legendary photographer Lee Smith who has become jaded and is starting to feel the weight of all the horrors she has seen. Civil War may be director Alex Garlands love letter to the stalwart journalists he grew up admiring but it's no fluff piece, the characters are seekers of truth but they come with some pretty major flaws. Gung ho attitudes endanger lives and the desire to witness the action crosses over into outright ghoulishness at some points. The group as a whole are likeable though and the interactions feel real, adding to the tension.
And boy is there tension. This is not a bombastic, all action, conflict movie but a terse and grounded look at the messiness and cruelty of domestic war. The setting makes proceedings feel close to home (even us non Americans are so used to seeing the US on the big screen it's eerily familiar) and Garland shows a deft hand in creating his world. Pockets of normality punctuate the the house to house fighting and militia hotspots, juxtaposing the mundane against the horrifying. The director isn't afraid to let moments of silence linger, particularly during a terrifying encounter with a Jessie Plemons (aka mister Kirsten Dunst) led group of self-styled patriots.
Compared to Garland's other work Civil War does occasionally feel a bit "filmy". The young photographer character feels like a bit of a cypher, although Spaeny does a good job of bringer her to life, and it is fairly obvious where the various character stories are going.
This is a small complaint though when you consider the the craft and urgency of the filmmaking on display. Here's hoping Garland doesn't follow through on his plan to make this his last movie.
8 renegade states out of 10.
The First Omen (2024)
Prayin' Like it's 1976
The First Omen could easily have arrived as a cynical cash grab (may well be that was the original intention) but, like last years Evil Dead Rise, it has clearly fallen into the hands of someone who loves and understands the original. That's not to say it isn't without issues.
This is a direct prequel to 1976 classic The Omen and focuses on how demonic hellspawn Damian came to be born. Obviously, there is only so much milage to be garnered from "person has baby" as a plot so a fair chunk of the story focuses on mystery. Margaret Diano (Nell Tiger Free) arrives in Rome to help at an orphanage as she prepares to take the veil. It quickly becomes apparent something spooky is afoot, especially since Father Brennan (Ralph Ineson) keeps accosting her in the street to warn her about a sinister church plot to bring forth the antichrist. The plot tries to get some milage out of exactly how they plan to do this but there isn't much to it and the "twist" is so obvious it's a strange decision to present it as one.
A good horror isn't about plot though, it's about atmosphere and The First Omen has it in spades. At $30 million it's fairly expensive for a film of this type but every penny is visible on screen and first time director (of films anyway) Arkasha Stevenson imbues the film with real style. The film is clearly made with a reverence for not just The Omen but all the horror classics of that era. Despite the methodical pace the movie doesn't skimp on frights either. There's scares of the creepy, unsettling kind, jumps and even some gruesome body horror and they're well paced, making sure there isn't time for the audience to ever get too comfortable.
The performances are also good. Free is a likeable lead, showing vulnerability but with enough steel that she never strays into wide-eyed faun territory. The other nuns are all well portrayed too, including authoritative Mother Superior (Sonia Braga), a suspicious true believer (Ishtar Currie-Wilson) and free spirited initiate (Maria Caballero). Bill Nighy is on hand as the priest in charge of the orphanage and there's even a small appearance by Charles Dance.
At two hours long it feels like there could have been a little fat trimmed off and clunky namedropping near then end is a bit cheesy but The First Omen is a classy horror movie that, takes its time yes, but delivers on atmosphere and spooks.
7 salacious jackals out of 10.