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Titanic II (2010)
Needed some Sharks. To eat the entire cast.
Some films are bad, like Sharknado, but not in a bad way.
Some films, like The Room. Are bad, but not in a good way.
Other films, like this piece of crap are, quite simply, just bad all around.
Titanic II has absolutely no redeeming features. Not a single one.
The acting is atrocious.
The Sets are pathetic.
Penguin Farts on repeat would be more engaging than the Soundtrack.
The 'Special Effects' aren't, well. Special.
The casting is a joke.
The direction is directionless.
The script about Grade 2 standard. In Crayons.
I kept waiting for the big wave or at least an iceberg to smash the hell out of the ship. But it was more like another penguin fart surfacing to start sounding 'don't rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby. Don't rock the boat, don't tip the boat over'.
Well, yes. Rock that boat. And yes, tip that boat right over and drown everyone.
Then have the drowned bodies float to the surface to be eaten by a flock of seagulls.
Maybe they are saving that scenario for Titanic III.
From Russia with Lev (2024)
Stunning journalism. Trump's corruption exposed as never before.
Finally a clear, concise, factual expose of the appalling corruption that infests the trump empire at every level.
This documentary is destined to be 21st. Century touchstone of investigative journalism and a worthy successor to Woodward and Bernstein's All the President's Men of last century.
Trump's appalling playbook of winning at any and all costs is laid bare in this outstanding film. So too are sycophants like Fox News and the Republicans who lied and lied and lied to keep him in power.
This documentary digs deep and names names of a wide spectrum of truly evil characters in the Trumpsphere and by doing so demonstrates a high level of bravery.
Highly recommended.
The Crown (2016)
Breathtaking television.
The Crown is arguably the most stunning television series to date. Everything about this Luscious production has been expertly constructed to achieve an end result that is flawless. The cinematography, from its glorious opening titles to the haunting end of of each episode, to the marvellous cavalcade of actors who individually put their own unique spin on the characters they represent, to the scriptwriters who draw each story arc in riveting and clever ways, to all those technical and behind the scenes crew who help build this series to its crescendo...I can only say thank you for such an engaging, intelligent, poignant, moving journey. Not only is it binge-worthy it is worth revisiting again and again.
A unique viewing experience.
My Old School (2022)
Weirdly, madly entertaining.
I do feel sorry for the individual that this film is based upon. It's almost a nothing story really and only in the UK and Scotland would the events of his rather tortured life be a scandal.
People live their lives and dreams in a myriad of ways. This documentary is the story of one such person. A young man with a dream who re-invented himself to achieve a goal that was only possible by doing so. With the help of his mother they conspired a fake identity - for no malicious reason and not due to any dark history- to help him achieve his life dream.
This is a unique film that includes a bizarre range of styles, including animation. More than the actual story...which normally wouldn't justify a film, it is the techniques of the production that real you in and keep you real. It's a strange but entrancing ride. Highly recommended- I doubt you've seen anything like it.
I hope the central character found eventual happiness. There is a sadness in the telling of his story.
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
An intelligent and multi- layered addition to the series.
What is so enticing about the Planet of the Apes films is they are all very different. 'Kingdom' is arguably the most different one of all. It's not a 'cheap thrills' film...it has thrills galore but you have to pay a price to get there.
I loved this movie. A totally different spin and direction to the franchise that might be a challenge for dumb cinema goers but very rewarding for those who can handle a bit of depth and intelligence in a script that moves a story in leaps and bounds in new directions.
It's a relatively long story arc and requires a degree of commitment from its audience and the payoff is well worth your second bucket of popcorn or bottle of wine if you're watching on TV.
Great direction, acting, script, cinematography, editing, soundtrack and CGI which is perfectly natural looking.
One of the best Ape movies yet. I look forward to the sequels.
Highly recommended!
Carrie (2013)
A stunning horror film by any standard.
Finally! A worthy adaptation of a Stephen King novel. There have been some truly awful film versions of Stephen King's works but at last , with this film, we have a successful one. Darker, deeper and far more frightening than Brian de Palma's legendary version, this Carrie is more a reinvention than simply a remake.
I can't believe I knew nothing about this until I just saw it on a streaming service. I am so glad I watched it and simply can't understand some of the poor reviews here. Kimberly Pierce's direction is quite brilliant and much more nuanced than the original. And the lead performance by Chloe Grace Montez is simply breathtaking.
Some of the supporting actors miss the mark but Julianne Moore and Chloe pretty much carry the whole thing.
They are both perfect for their roles.
The climax of this version goes much further than De Palma film and is quite a trip! The special effects are excellent apart from a couple of minor CGI effects that don't quite work but they are minor moments.
If you are looking for an outstanding horror movie with moments of real terror this one should satisfy you.
Highly recommended!
The Exorcism of God (2021)
The only Exorcist film worthy to stand alongside Freidkin's original.
This film is scary as hell. It has more punch than any of the other truly lousy attempts to cash in on the original Exorcist. I wasn't even aware of it until I saw it available on download. Some of the reviews here put me right off but from the opening scene it pulled me in.
There are so many jump scares along the way it quickly proved itself a worthy horror film. There is little to criticise...the acting is excellent, the special effects arguably as good as Friedkin's Exorcist, and a soundtrack that is brilliantly terrifying.
There are several homages to The Exorcist which are a great touch. The almost identical arrival of the priest carrying his case, under the street lamp, though this time in the Mexican jungle, was a particularly cheeky and spooky set up. The possession scenes are worthy of Reagan's best twists and turns. The devil's voices and various apparitions are incredibly frightening. As a reward, we get treated to a projectile vomit scene too! But none of these things are cheap derivatives. They are done so well you can't help but remain engaged.
There are a few similar dialogues to the original which work well here.
If you are looking for an exceptional possession film you shouldn't be disappointed by this movie.
I loved it! But be warned...it is very scary.
All of Us Strangers (2023)
An usual film that is well worth experiencing.
A remarkable film that explores previously little explored themes in a unique way.
After what seems like an interminably long beginning that had me reaching for the remote off button, this quite moving film pays off beautifully. I am so glad I stuck with it.
Avoid reading any reviews that mention the storyline as watching this with no expectations will reap the greatest rewards.
The soundtrack is stunning, the acting spot on, the settings appropriate to the somewhat emotional story.
The clever script has much to ponder around themes of life and death, family and love, with a double bunger of an ending that is unexpected. The clever closing fade-out is very clever, and brings a hint of a smile.
This movie might push some heavy emotional buttons on some and might stay with you for some time after.
What more could you ask in a film?
The Exorcist: Believer (2023)
A ridiculous mess.
This sad attempt at cashing in on Friedkin's genre bending film has absolutely nothing in common with the original, despite a two second appearance by Linda Blair and a five minute one by Ellen Burstyn.
What is so disappointing is that it could have quite good given its clever use of a version, of sorts, of Mike Oldfield's 'Tubular Bells' if only in a trance version and the odd interesting line or two. But this is no horror film. It's as lame as a cold pork pie.
The build up (to nothing) takes up the first hour. From there it's all downhill. The final scene is unintentionally hilarious.
Gone is the sense of atmosphere and terror of the original movie...this is strictly a paint by numbers number.
Cheap sets, lousy script and ordinary photography. The acting is so over the top it's almost unbearable to sit through.
This isn't even a 'B' grade film. It's more a lousy Lifetime Channel anfternoon offering with a bucket of raspberry cordial tossed around the set to indicate blood. What is really lacking is the Pea Soup.
If anyone wants to attempt an homage to 'The Exorcist' simply do a better, updated version of the original. Same story, modernised script, vastly improved special effects
Now that I'd pay to see!
Oppenheimer (2023)
A complete Borefest
How this film received the kudos it did is beyond my comprehension.
It's an overacted, poorly constructed and un-involving mess,
To say it's boring is a compliment, It is an excruciating exercise to sit through the dull and tedious is an understatement. The soundtrack of screeching strings adds to the cocopony.
What should have been a shocking tale of the creation of the Nuclear Bomb is merely a word salad with no sense of audience involvement.
I expected a truly engaging movie about a frightening subject. What I got instead was a snoozefest.
I felt absolutely no engagement with any of the characters or the storyline,
Good luck sitting through this garbage.
.
Feud (2017)
Tedious, torturous and tart
Ryan Murphy is a genius, of that there is proof beyond question. But even a genius needs to check themselves occasionally. This series of Feud is a borefest. Naturally, the production values are top shelf, as with all his productions but they are so terribly heavy-handed and overdone under the direction of Gus Van Sant (another genius) that they drown the entire effort.
The acting is, like Capote himself, so over the top -from all involved- that getting through this dirge is, I imagine, what walking through wet cement would feel like.
This is not an entertaining tale. It's a dark, twisted portrayal of a truly twisted queen, as bitter as they come.
Capote is the true swan here...the ugly one, swanning around with a poison pen thinking he is so very clever. Much like this series. It's just nasty. Why Murphy is so obsessed with the most awful characters in Gay History is perplexing. Perhaps he's lancing boils so their stories are finally out there in all their horror so hopefully they're is no need to return to them,
But he's doing the Gay community no favours by perpetuating the hate bigots so thrive by. He needs to move beyond the land of stereotypes and perhaps consider if he has some self loathing, internalised homophobia going on. Because it's certainly thriving in his screen work.
Saltburn (2023)
On one hand it's a brilliant, neo-Gothic tale. On the other, it's not. You choose.
BRIDESHEAD revisited, regurgitated, re-framed, re-written and revenged.
So, what say about this ? The acting is superb. The sets are sumptuous. The ending somewhat redemptive after taking forever to get there. The story...well, preposterous for the most part until you realise you're being had. Not necessarily in a bad way though.
I found the slow pace of this movie quite a struggle for the first half. You know something is going to happen. The signs are all there. But it's a frustrating wait for it to actually happen. That is both its mastery and its flaw.
Are we watching high Art here or just a silly depiction of the vacuousness of the British class system? Or a combo of both? Is this a David Lynchian style Downtown Abby on acid?
No...this Director is unique and clearly enjoying toying with his audience.
Like a carpet snake wrapping itself slowly around its prey's neck, you don't know that you've been tricked until it's too late.
I won't spoil the denouement, suffice to say it's somewhat shocking, if absurd. I couldn't decide if it was worth the time I'd put into it or not. The final scenes, however, are so powerfully presented and darkly, beautifully haunting - somewhat reminiscent of Derek Jarman's works - it pretty much convinces you you've just watched a masterpiece. Kudos to the lead actor who bravely closes the film completely naked in an extended (literally!), intriguing scene. It's a very special touch of brilliant direction of which there are many throughout 'Saltburn'.
I was left somewhat numb by the experience- not necessarily in a bad way though...curious, both disappointed and satisfied in equal parts.
The bottom line is I will now watch this again knowing what I know, having now seen it. I suppose that's a credit to the Writer/Director that I'd put myself through the slow choke again.
Christmas Revisited (2023)
If Hallmark & Lifetime Networks had a baby...
Oh Dear. How did this bore fest ever get made?
Take an impossibly good looking cast, dress them in sumptuous winter outfits and snazzy Christmas pyjamas for the night scenes. Cure the orchestra and yell 'Cut'.
Cut the script. In half. Cut the endless talking. Cut the gooey ivory smiles plastered on their faces. Cut any plot. Cut any sense of these actors playing real people. Cut any meaningful back-story. Change the title to 'The Bigger Chill'.
The corny music is so intrusive it consumes the entire thing.
A bunch of people who apparently went to college together as youths decide it would be fun to have a reunion at a dead friend's winter getaway cottage. It's not much fun for them. It's not much fun for the dead friend, although at least he didn't have to put up with his boring friends. It's not much fun for us. That's it. That's all you get. I was hoping for some serial-killer to arrive to turn up the heat. But instead we get a lot of snow.
The actors are all very nice. The outfits are all very nice. The cabin is very nice. But nothing happens. Literally nothing. Just snow. Snow happens. Or maybe a snow making machine happens.
These folks have to be the most boring people on earth. They just sit around- usually in twos- and talk. They have nothing must to talk about. Maybe they should have had a seance and channelled their dead friend. That might have brightened the immensely dull procedings.
I have absolutely no idea what audience this stale film was meant for.
It's utter rubbish.
A Savage Christmas (2023)
Funniest Christmas movie I've ever seen!
Omg this is a trip well worth taking! . It is soooooooo funny but definitely not one for the kiddies! Or for religious bigots. It is quintessentially Australian and if you know anything about Australians you know they are not afraid to drop a few swear words and are expert at making movies like no-one else does. "A Savage Christmas" is in a class of its own in terms of pushing the envelope! Reminiscent of the dysfunctional family in an older film which was also brilliant, "Home from the holidays", the Savage family are utterly chaotic in the way they relate to each other. It's also so refreshing to see Trans characters included in a family film, as they should be, because they all have families and they are the pivotal characters around which this completely crazed bunch learn how to really be a family.
It's not preachy in any way but right wing conservatives will have their chicken feathers flapping at full speed if they venture into a cinema to watch this marvellous film. They'd be better off packing their bags for the Rapture!
If you want a movie that will make you laugh from beginning to end, "A Savage Christmas" should be right up your alley. It's hilariously uplifting! Highly recommended!
Rocketman (2019)
Pretty lame really.
This biographical movie simply is not in the league of Baz Lurhman's mind-blowing "Elvis" or Bryan Singer's stunning "Bohemian Rhapsody", which is a total surprise given Elton John's deep involvement in its production.
It should have been amazing and deeply moving but it ends up like sitting on the back verandah sipping on a luke warm cup of tea hoping the scones and cream are on the way. Sadly, the kitchen closes soon after the opening titles and the audience remains scone-less. Even the costumes are sad. Good lord, any Drag Queen could do better grabbing the closest item in their wardrobe.
Elton is indeed the Pinball Wizard and is a wonderful humanitarian but this movie delivers very little in telling that story and nothing in the way of "wow". There are no wow moments. Much of it, in my opinion, was miscast and the editing is truly crap. It's all over the place. Such a disappointment. It reeks of being a studio film. There are no surprises here sadly.
Nothing can compare to seeing Elton John live. Especially this lame production. Such a pity. He deserved better.
Legion (2010)
A Top Notch horror film!
This film is a heap of thrills with enough humour to contrast with the scares, of which there are many.
It's quite a bloodbath and generally well cast with good lead actors taking the reins. Or more accurately, wings.
The thrust of it is a twist on Christian theology but don't let that put you off...it's just a necessary plot device to frame a plot of good versus evil.
The special effects are fantastic and there are enough scare jumps to keep the excitement going.
Without spoiling anything it's basically a potential end of days story but you won't know how it's going to end...until...the end!
The two angels are both very handsome and it's a pity they didn't get it on together as the ultimate twist!
That would have been quite an ending! Enjoy.
Tore (2023)
Utterly ridiculous crap.
Where to start?
What an appalling mess. A non-existent storyline. What exactly is this? An hysterical mumbo jumbo of lines and characters that makes no sense whatsoever.
It's in equal parts stupid, nuts, absurd, depressing, non-sensical rubbish that goes nowhere.
The upside is the pain only lasts three ours. The best line is the end of one episodes that finishes with the line 'cup of tea?' By that stage I needed something stronger. Like morphine.
How this ever got the green light from NETFLIX is beyond me. Surely if they want to keep the LGBTQ+ audience
feeling wanted they can do better than this rot.
TORE is beyond bad. It's cringeworthy. The dubbing into English is about the only thing it succeeds in.
Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)
Mission Stupid
This crap is just one fight scene after another. Any storyline there might have been in the beginning gets lost by the ridiculous number of corny shootouts. The only upside is the female roles get to stand up to the dudes in equal amounts. They should all implode and settle for a sixty minute movie.
Ghost Protocol is unbelievably boring with a lame script and predictable acting. And of course the Russians are again the villains. Sure they deserve to be but when will Hollywood find another enemy not based on nationality? Kinda racist, no? Last time it was the Arabs.
The special effects shoot each other out until a viewer finds the whole exercise implodes upon itself.
The ending is so sappy it's funny. It's way past time to end this Francise. It's no longer entertaining. It's just a mess of pathetic not so "special effects".
Tom Cruise really needs to find another income source. Sad.
The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson (2017)
A perfect Documentary
This film is an excellent example of the Documentary genre. Expertly researched and edited to allow viewers not familiar with the material to engage with a true story easily and compassionately. It has moments of mystery and a sense of a thriller and ultimately is a simple tale of a legendary activist who fought for truth and justice in a time where the LGBTQ community were only just showing their collective voice.
The death of Marsha P. Johnson was a turning point in holding police and their political string-pullers to account and the rare film clips of Marsha and her friends give the film an extra layer of engagement.
It's not hysterical. It's not over-done. It's not a film that can be dismissed. In its gently unfolding way it tells the story of this incredible personality of the Stonewall Riots.
Highly recommended for all audiences.
Red, White & Royal Blue (2023)
Finally! A 10 star Gay romantic movie that ticks all the boxes!
Beautifully told, this romantic story is superior in every respect. Superb acting, expertly written and directed it delivers arguably the best Gay film to date.
Avoiding stereotypes and framing it in a seemingly impossible story arc, this wonderful movie rises far above expectations and delivers a special film that leaves you with a full heart and a skip in your step.
The lead actors are totally believable and handsome to boot!
The synopsis suggests a story that would be difficult to imagine and one laden with syrup but what you get is quite the opposite...a believable story with wedding cake but no syrup! ( you'll get the joke if you watch it).
Highly recommended for audiences of all persuasion. Fabulous!
Dopesick (2021)
Soap Opera with a dull ending
What could have been a powerful series is ruined by uneven casting wrapped in an over-dramatic script and a very weak ending. The two lead actors are so over the top in their roles it's a struggle to stick with it.
It's very quickly turns into a third rate soap opera, littered with unbelievable characters. The depiction of drug addiction rests on the shoulders of a few actors that overdo it, which pretty much puts up a barrier from the story and the viewer.
It has its powerful moments - mainly towards the end - but it ultimately falls in a heap.
This story - based on fact- needed an "All the President's Men" treatment. Instead it goes for the "Dynasty" style but without Crystal Carrington. NETFLIX's 'Painkiller' is the superior version of this story and much more realistic but both are a hard swallow. Though the latter goes down more credibly.
Black Adam (2022)
Fabulous fun.
A 6 seatbelt roller-coaster ride of fun. Extraordinary cinematography and CGI, perfect casting, great soundtrack, mind-blowing special effects and an entertaining, if a tad predictable, storyline. I loved every minute and the fun short clip in the middle of the end credits was a laugh inducing hook for a possible sequel.
I loved the humour that was a pleasant framing for the script. Ignore the usual negative trolls throwing shade at it...it's two hours plus of excitement and fun. Dwayne Johnson and Pierce Brosnan head a near perfect cast.
The special effects are truly stunning.
I do hope there is a sequel that does justice to this effort. Highly recommended!
Master Spy: The Robert Hanssen Story (2002)
Why bother trying to better 'Breach' which was a stunning thriller on the same topic?
So many big names here and such a load of garbage. If you wish to watch an extraordinary thriller about Robert Hannsen's story then check out the film "Breach". This version is so bad in so many ways. It has about as much tension as a TV commercial. I can't believe the so called talent involved in this sad endeavour could deliver such a wet pancake of a movie.
Acting is mailed in, script without any tension whatsoever, story ruined by the opening scenes..."Master Spy..." is about as bad as a Hollywood film can get. It's truly sad to witness writers, directors and actors in their decline.
Whatever they got paid for this borefest was way too much.
Deserves Zero stars.
Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)
Utter Garbage.
If anyone ever needed a reason why the Hollywood Writer's strike should continue, like forever and ever and ever, and ever, it's this deplorable script. May they never work again! Anything to prevent studio writers from vomiting out this rubbish. The scriptwriters involved in this garbage should never be employed again.
This film is utter crap, on every level. Dreadful everything...script, acting, special effects, direction.
Thank God for Indie films...without them Cinema would be a vast universe of vacuity.
No wonder the general public are deserting cinemas in droves when this sort of bilge is the sort of vacuous idiocy the major studios are coming out with. Thank goodness for Netflix, Stan, Pecadillo and Prime that aim for higher standards.
The Forgiven (2021)
A deeply, deeply homophobic movie.
There's not much in cinema more repulsive than Straight actors attempting to portray Gay characters and this film is proof of that.
It's a truly repulsive film, full of stereotypes, with outrageously poor acting, apart from the Arabic characters, that uses the two Gay characters as a ploy to tell the story. Played with ridiculous flamboyance and shallowness, it is truly a stomach churning watch. If rich English people are realistically depicted in this nonsense than God save the King.
It could have been a poignant, moving story but instead ended up like a script from The Great Gatsby found in a garbage bin. Utterly offensive .