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Reviews
The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Surprisingly Good
Most of this review is written on the idea that this was a parody of slasher films. And if it is, then this exceeded all expectations. If it's not a parody- still five or six stars- a solid watch.
A quick note- another reviewer on here said it's not filled with nudity. There's literally a scene with high school girls showering after gym. There's that cliched scene from every high school/college movie where the boys look through the window and watch girls change. There's plenty of silly, gratuitous nudity.
That being said, it works within the scope of a parody. There are plenty of slashers that make you wonder why on EARTH that woman took her shirt off. This one plays up that ridiculous trope to the max.
But I didn't rate this seven stars for anything to do with overdone sex tropes. It's actually sneaky smart and sneaky subversive. The girls in the movie are relatively independent. There is a woman working as a telephone repair person. The introduction to the characters is playing basketball. (It's 1982, so they aren't Cheryl Miller, but they're not talking about boys.) The coach is smart and cares about her athletes. At the Slumber Party, the girls have a discussion that you would not expect, especially from an early 80s body count film.
When the killer strikes, the girls aren't running helplessly. They come up with a plan and arm themselves. They fight back as best they can. For 75 minutes, the movie has a lot of story, and some poignant social commentary.
I probably won't watch it again, but I will definitely be watching the sequels. And I would recommend it to any fan of slasher flicks.
The Underground Railroad (2021)
I really wanted to enjoy this more.
Let's start with the good: the show is beautifully shot, and wonderfully acted. It is loyal to the book, and the changes it makes are worthwhile.
The bad: Cora is the same character from book to the screen, which makes it incredibly hard. She is an unrelatable character. Other than getting on the Underground Railroad, almost everything that happens, happens TO her. She simply lacks any kind of agency. The show lacks almost any kind of uplift. Most episodes are like climbing a mountain. Sure its beautiful, but you're going to get blisters, and your joints are going to hurt.
There are times when I think Cora is a stand in for Black America- she is undoubtedly, and understandably traumatized by her life on the plantation. Her decision to gain freedom is reasonable and logical. But, once she is on the run, Cora lives a life of fear, even when she is surrounded by vibrant communities of free Black people. She is untrusting, scared and hesitant. The joy that accompanies Black communities, despite 400 years of attempted oppression does not come to Cora, ever. And that is a strange decision for both Jenkins, the director, and Whitehead, the author.
There is much to think about in this show. There are successful Black families, white people who dream of a world that respects Black people and scenes of selfless love. Regrettably, even when Cora is the focus of those scenes, she does not change as a character. She is almost a lens by which we see the development of Black history, from the brutality of the agricultural south, to the hope of independent communities in the more industrial north.
If you were moved by the book, or can handle well made television that won't make you smile, this is a worthwhile watch.
Tales of Halloween (2015)
Classic Halloween Camp
This was a thoroughly enjoyable collection of 10 Halloween stories, told by 10 different directors. The stories are linked, though they don't refer to each other. Maybe something like they had a few weeks to shoot; some of the children are dressed in the exact same costumes in different short films, though they don't play characters with any cohesion.
Only one of these stories is a failure, though I didn't catch it's title; maybe story five or six? Most of them play on traditional Halloween tropes: babysitters gone wrong; spooky tales that come true or revenge finally being served.
The stories are all between 5 and 15 minutes, so you could start this three or four days before Halloween and watch a few shorts before bed, until a day after Halloween. There is a heavy camp factor to all of these- the blood and guts are plentiful, and scantily clad 20 year olds are a feature of most segments.
It would be too much to say this is an immediate classic, or that you will watch this on a random weekend instead of the NFL. But as far as a solid horror watch, this is good campy schlock. If you are hoping to introduce your (older-14, 15, 16?) child to horror, something this ridiculous and fun could be a reasonable start.
Suck (2009)
It's a Hard Story to Adapt
Christopher Moore doesn't tend to write stories that are conducive to easy translation to cinema. After reading four or five of his stories, which range from good (Secondhand Souls) to Excellent (Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff). All of his stories require a certain level of fantasy that require a leap of faith that can only happen in your brain, rather than on a screen.
Suck is a reasonable attempt. Jessica Pare is an amiable bassist, playing in a Canadian band, who is trying to do anything more than pay the same dive bars it always has. When she is turned into a vampire (first ten minutes, and basically the crux of the story), th band starts experiencing a small level of success, while everyone is entranced with the new bassist, who quickly takes over the band.
As a novice reviewer, the budget on this had to be similar to Blonde and Blonder, and the movie was far superior, though still not great. Some great cameos, though.
Blonde and Blonder (2008)
I can't get those 90 minutes back.
As a 43 year old man, I grew up in a time where Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards were about as hot as it gets. I know how that sounds. But if anyone came to this movie for any other reason, they're probably lying. I'd be amazed if a woman watched this movie independently.
This movie is nearly unwatchable. It does feature plenty of spandex and low cut shirts, and even that renders it largely unwatchable. The jokes aren't funny or creative, they are literally just jokes about how dumb these two blond women are. There are two attractive brunettes running around in spandex, and they don't really add much to the story.
Amazingly, for 90 minutes, this movie tries to do too much. There are five different people all involved in some form of miscommunication. I suppose there would be potential for this movie, if they cut down on the different pairs and focused more on the writing. I'm not sure why Pamela Anderson thought this was a good idea. Did she have to fulfill a contract with a studio? Did she owe a studio a movie?