Reviews
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (2013)
My second, revised review
I reviewed the show during the first season, when it was just off to a rocky start, and I said it had potential. But that potential has been satisfyingly reached, and continues to increase with every consecutive season. Without giving any spoilers I'd like to know that there are a lot of twists later on in the first and second season, that really make it a lot more worthwhile to hang in for, and when you go and re-watch the first season with those twists in mind, you realize that it wasn't just something they threw in to make it more interesting, it was something they planned from the beginning and dropped little hints towards that no one noticed. Ward was my least favorite character, until his true nature was revealed, and then when you go back and look at it with the experience of later events, you can see that there's much more underneath the surface. They were playing the long con, fooling people and thinking they were an average episodic show, when they had much more in mind for it. I have never been excited for any episode of agents of shield as I am the season three premiere, and I can't wait for the secret warriors story arc. The 10 I'm rating this is a bit preemptive, because I expect that season three maybe one of the best things to happen to the Marvel universe since Iron man 1, but it's also a bit of an apologetic rating for misjudging it early on in the first season. I now prefer agents of shield to arrow which used to be my favorite superhero show, but is now trailing in a close second.
The visual effects get a 10 out of 10, on par with supernatural or fringe The acting gets an 8 out of 10, added points for Agent may, Skyes impressive character development, and a lot of the humorous moments between Colson and Nick fury, or the infinite likable agent tripp, points docked for Fitz and Simmons "trying to sound smart" speak in season one, although a lot of their more annoying badly written character quirks are ironed out by season two The writing gets a nine out of 10, mostly because hard to write something I don't see coming a mile away, though it might be a bit generous considering a few of the missteps in the early episodes of season one
The fight choreography gets a nine out of 10 for how well it blends with the visual effects, though it might've been a 10 out of 10 if daredevil hadn't come out with that awesome fight scene in the hallway the same year
I now have nothing but high expectations and hopes for the show and I hope it only improves further. A few areas of improvement include Bobbi Morse who is not likable at all, and maybe some kind of seriously superpowered villain, or possibly the skrull invasion, or something on par with that? So far the major antagonists are a bit interchangeable, Whitehall being the major exception, who is probably the best written villain yet. But I feel this show does best with the villain that is both superpowered and covert, mixing subterfuge, espionage and superpowers in action. But the good news is they set up the foundations to make something like that happen spectacularly
Another Period (2013)
"Keeping up with the Kardashians" meets Downton Abbey on crack
I really love the cast for this, most of them are returning from the less well known web series "burning love" which was a spoof of the bachelorette type shows, also very good if you like shows like this. This one so far is not quite as spot on with its critique of reality TV but promises even more surreal wackiness, more in the vein of NTSF:SD:SUV or Children's Hospital, much of which the cast are also involved in. So its no surprise that this is already batshit crazy and full of eccentricities, i basically just watch everything they make recently because its bound to be hilarious. I wish June Diane Raphael played the part of the bitchy older girl, and the crazy blond one is a crackup but other than that the supporting cast are definitely a show stealer. David Wain is once again killing it as a foppish not-so closet homosexual.
My favorite line so far is "your new name is chair". The persistent and creative abuse of their servants makes for delightful comedy. Indubitably.
Also, cocaine wine. Nuff said.
Burning Love (2012)
Just Awesome
"this is so unfair to me" hahahaha
From the people who made children's hospital and NTSF:SD:SUV, comes a spoof on the bachelor / bachelorette reality format that i can only imagine takes place in the same fake TV universe. They nail the ridiculousness of the entire process to a T, with scores of terrible women competing for one terrible man in the first season, and then in the second season scores of terrible men competing for one terrible woman. They make fun of not just the dating process and the entire fakeness of reality television, but they manage to add a whole cast of over the top eccentric characters from big name actors who i'm surprised to see in something so under the radar. I only heard about this show because it was mentioned offhand in an interview about children's hospital but i'm glad i checked it out. Its one of those things that they didn't bother to advertise properly but its such a well done show that if they did, burning love would have a lot of loyal fans.
I think the funniest part is despite being a parody, most of its satire comes in pointing out how ridiculous the shows it parodies are already. And it uses each of its cast to perfection, from Jennifer aniston who refuses to leave her panda costume, to Natasha leggero as the slutty wild child who refuses to wear pants or underwear because she's just so "empowered". And then there's just a randomly placed old woman named Esther who somehow always makes it into the next round despite having pretty serious dementia, or Rob Huebel who is competing as an actual real life prince. Or Abagail Spencers character Annie who's ridiculous hotness is always played up as a way to steal June Diane Raphaels self absorbed temper tantrum throwing thunder. Hell, they even managed to make Ben Stiller funny, and i haven't liked much of his stuff since zoolander.
I think the one part about this show that was unpleasant for me was all the cringe worthy "blaze" moments, because i've actually known WAYYYYY too many women who only chased the one man who didn't actually want them. I can't tell you how many women i've dated who thought they were too good for me until i was repulsed by them in which they became obsessive whiny emotional horny freaks. Which is even more repulsive. So that hits a bit close to home. But its also pretty accurate.
Dance Moms (2011)
How is this even a thing?
Why on earth would anyone fund such a horrible concept, much less think it would sell? I know there has been a trend with dropping the bar lower and lower with these cheap terrible reality shows, but this is an all time low. Who in their right mind (or wrong, completely psychotic insane minds, for that matter) would want to watch a bunch of middle aged nobodies fail at dancing in some half-assed attempt at a mid life crisis is beyond me. Show me the one person who actually enjoys watching this show, and i will shoot them in the head, because the world is better off without people like that. As a matter of fact, somebody give me the addresses of all the producers and cast involved in this show, and lets all just go hunt them down with rifles for sport. Video tape that, and you may just have the greatest reality show ever to grace television.
"just a bit of excrement in human form. like a dance mum, on the tele show dance mums." Piper Ferguson, NTSF:SD:SUV (an apt description)
Childrens Hospital (2008)
Funniest show on television
This show is super strange a bit of an acquired taste, the first time my friend showed me this i was like, what the f*@# am i watching, but it grows on you so fast and soon becomes your favorite thing ever. No other show can be this smart and this dumb at the same time. All of the jokes are so meta, they hit on so many levels. Its a TV show about a TV show about a children's hospital, that likes to remind you that its a TV show. Sometimes i have to pause it because i am laughing so hard that i can't breathe and i start choking.
And its not even the fact that this show is so funny, its surreal, like some sort of salvador dali greys anatomy acid trip... And it makes a kind of social commentary at times, that is just... Well how do i describe it? One episode they are spoofing the whole Cyrano thing, with the friend around the corner whispering you advice trope, only they keep outsourcing their advice so it becomes one giant game of telephone, only to reveal later that the girl he has been trying to woo has been doing the same exact thing. My favorite episode was the season 5 finale where the whole thing is shot with this hilarious but also super well shot and dramatic sequence, which captures both the emotional essence of something truly moving, as well as the comedic infusion of something created to parody that genre. Not to mention Kat accidentally saying "i love you, bye" while calling in a bomb threat. Her delivery, priceless. Or the episode where its supposed to be a parody of a live 3 camera show only it ends in a complete disaster.
Just watch it.
Hustle (2004)
A fun, lighthearted show with lots of twists and devious trickery
I don't like that people always compare it to leverage, both shows are awesome in their own right! Lets not forget that Leverage was a more multifarious group of robin hood type characters out to help people, and hustle was more about a selective group of grifters who only target thieves. They're still conning people, but it changes the tone a bit. Cause grifters are all about the social arts, and there was only ever one grifter in leverage, but this is a whole TEAM of grifters, so they're a lot more about playing on peoples egos through sheer force of charisma. It also means a lot of the grifts they practice are more practical than say, hacking into an airplane, beating the crap out of armed guards or jumping off tall buildings with a rope. They have to talk and think themselves out of every situation, and sometimes they totally get in too deep. And they all choose to congregate at the same bar and mess with the barman's head, because he's so gullible that they just love to prank on him. They also blow through their cash super fast so there is a lot of stealing of hotel rooms, and short cons to pay for the long cons to pay for more champagne and high living. Oh, and albert stroller! that lovable old man that you love to see get away with thousands of dollars and a smile. There is an episode where some guy hurts him for cheating at cards, so they steal all his money and trick him into reciting this ridiculous apology and secretly videotape it. Priceless.
I don't really know what to say about this show other than its awesome and people should be watching it. This is the show that got me into British television. They're definitely not heros, but they're not bad guys either, they simply feed on peoples greed instead of their innocence.
the one thing i will say is they never shoulda put danny in charge of a team after mickey left. he was wayy too cocky
Alias (2001)
Awful, Awful TV Show. Another level of terrible
What is the most pedestrian spy show on the planet? Alias. What has the most unanimously terrible acting, with the most unanimously terrible cast, and the most unanimously terrible writing? Alias. And its not like its even the sharknado kind of bad, making fun of this show puts a bad taste in my mouth because its not even comical bad, its just pathetically bad. Like the fact that this even had a budget makes me lose faith in humanity. Jennifer garner is just a terrible person, inside and out. Thats the impression i got. No one could possibly be that bad of an actor unless they didn't actually even understand human emotion. The entire show alternates between the whiny "WAHHHH, SPY FEELINGS ARE SO HARD." and "damn that Sloane, he's such a monster, oh, whoops, i accidentally trusted him again for the 80 billionth time, how could i have done that?" OH I Don't KNOW, MAYBE BECAUSE EVERY GODDAMN PERSON IN THIS SHOW IS A GODDAMN MORON. Fool you once, shame on Sloane, fool you twice, shame on you, fool you 80 billion times and i think your IQ must be in the negative. I don't even know if its possible to have a negative IQ, but they pulled it off. Trusting Sloane again only serves as a reusable plot device with no motivation, no reasoning, no explanation whatsoever as to how or why or on what planet its even possible for him to trick them AGAIN, but he still does it. And he's an unbelievable moron as well. Everyone in this show is a moron.
I haven't even gotten started about the pedestrian comprehension of spy craft, the ridiculousness of how they actually believe it works. Its like that completely awful scene from CSI where there's two hackers typing on one keyboard because somehow having more hands on more keyboards makes you a better hacker only its ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. 5 whole seasons of that. And nothing else. You think, maybe, just maybe, ONE interesting character will come along. ONE episode that doesn't feel like its raping my eyeballs and mind. But no. Not a single one. They even made Bradley cooper look bad. Marshall was the only mediocre character on the show, out of all of them he sucked the least, and they had moments where EVERYONE ELSE was like, Marshall, shut up, because they thought he was talking too much. I had to scream at my television, NO, YOU SHUT UP. YOU SHUT UP AND YOU DIE. ALL OF YOU. DIE. THAT YOU EVEN MADE IT THIS FAR WITHOUT A BULLET IN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR HEADS IS A FLUKE, A MIRACLE OF NATURE, AND MARSHALL IS THE ONLY ONE OF YOU PEOPLE WHO HAS ANYTHING INTERESTING TO SAY AND **HES** SOMEHOW THE AWKWARD ONE.
Might i add the fact that i don't believe for a second that Jennifer garner could seduce ANYONE, EVER. the fact that shes even the main character and people are always complimenting her on her beauty, her brains, her ability, none of which she even has, and the fact that they change the intro after season one to a bunch of moany sex noises and shots of her looking like a transsexual in different skimpy outfits, like they somehow think THAT is their selling point, shows just how out of touch they are. And i have to add, i'm usually a J.J. Abrams fan. Lost was pretty cool for a while, but they made some mistakes. Fringe was a masterpiece. Alias isn't worth a single glance. It is without a doubt, the worst thing i've seen, and that includes the room, bad lifetime movies, two girls one cup. OK, fine, i haven't seen two girls one cup but i still bet its better than this.
The only way i got through it was by watching it along sides of NTSF:SD:SUV, most of the jokes in which are clearly referencing alias, and how bad it was. There is one scene where they spoof the whole flashback to college being approached by the thing piper is wearing that awful red wig Sydney had and she gets her eyebrows shaved off and Sam is like, wow, i really don't find you attractive anymore. My sentiments exactly.
Even with all of the good stuff JJ Abrams has directed since then he has a LONG way to go to make up for how terrible this show was. If he knows whats good for him, he will pay someone to create a super virus to wipe alias from the internet entirely, and raid peoples homes burning their ancient DVD collections. That would be the best episode of alias ever.