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Vlad & Niki (2021)
Absolutely abysmal
Complete garbage, even by children's programming standards. No value whatsoever, you will lose intelligence for watching this. How this went from YouTube to HBO Max is baffling. There is no point, no message, no nothing really. From the music, to the sound effects, to what can barely be considered dialog- this 'show' will test your sanity. If you're reading this review, it's probably because you came across it on MAX and we're floored that they gave it a platform. Mind boggling. I guess kudos to them for making money from it... but you are better off watching literally anything else on the platform.
Spinning Man (2018)
Such squandered potential
This film has a lot going for it. The cast is really great, it's stylishly directed, has a fitting film score. I watched this in two sittings, and was really intrigued and impressed with the first half of the film. I sincerely was unsure if the main character was guilty and they had me hooked and on the edge of my seat. I was impressed with the fine-line they walked between Pierce and Guy. When we finally reach the conclusion, it was very much a 'wait, that was it?' finale. Felt like an exercise in nothing. If you're a fan of any of the actors, it's worth checking out. Otherwise I would probably skip it.
Cymbeline (2014)
A tedious slog
Going into this I had no idea it was going to be Shakespeare, let alone acted out in his prose. It's unfortunate, because the film is well directed, with a great cast. I must lack intelligence, as I really struggled to follow the dialog, and eventually pulled up Cymbeline cliff notes to make sure what I thought was occurring was. The dialog was too much, and as a result I'm rating this a 3. Had it been adapted with modern dialog it would have been a 6. Can't recommend it unless you are a staunch Shakespeare fan or want to challenge yourself by watching something unique that ultimately doesn't work.
I Am Michael (2015)
Mish-mash of elements had potential
Despite a solid cast and decent direction, the film feels more like a collection/collage of scenes than a complete film with an arc. Franco is Franco. With a somewhat short runtime, it lacks the engagement and emotion that you would expect from the storyline. The main character makes quite a journey with several radical changes, but you never really feel or experience it. Some shots of him walking/hiking/looking in the mirror apparently represent the changes he goes through. If you enjoy the 3 main leads you might want to check it out, otherwise it is a rental at best. It could have been better.
The Education of Fredrick Fitzell (2020)
A dull mess
What a stinker. I feel like this film thought it was more than it was, or tried to be more than it was. The acting was fine in general, especially the lead actor, but overall it was incredibly dull, very tedious., and more vague than it needed to be. An endlessly long hour and a half. Darkly lit, drab color palette, lots of aggressive flashing/strobes/noise. Competently shot, but without a memorable score, this film is instantly forgettable. I can generally find some aspect of a film to appreciate or enjoy, but this was quite a slog for me sit through and finish. Can't recommend this one at all.
Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017)
Diminishing Returns
Wow what a steep drop off from the original two films. The script is terrible. The acting is super hammy- everyone is just constantly yelling. The Creepers outfit is lame. The effects are incredibly cheap- squibs, explosions, Creepers wings, car crashes, etc. Comical. Everything is really cheap, and all the characters are dull and one dimensional. I hate to say it, but the only decent thing is the direction, with some solid shots and compositions. This doesn't feel like a film that should have taken place largely in sunny daylight. The finale, if you can call it that, is abysmal. Just pretend this one doesn't exist.
Cosmic Sin (2021)
Painfully Abysmal
Yikes! This one is really bad. Not in a 'so bad it's good' way, just bad. I've been working my way through several of the recent Bruce Willis flicks and this one is rougher than the others. Probably because cheap sci-fi of any scale is harder to do than a drama or police film on the streets. Sets, effects, script, acting, direction, wardrobe- all are pretty bad here. Everything about this film screams cheap and takes away from the experience. There are a few scenes I had to rewind because they just plain didn't make any sense. Easily skip this one. Bruce doesn't have much to do and Frank is barely in it. Merciful 88 minutes.
Catch the Bullet (2021)
Tough Watch, Dull Western
Not much to admire here as a western. The acting isn't great, main villain seems like a teenager despite a beard and being the weakest member of his crew. The Marshall was well played and very solid. Script is weak and sometimes nonsensical. Amazingly bloodless gunfights lack excitement. Wardrobe didn't bother to distress the clothes- everything looks brand new. Two of the most prominent characters on the cover art are basically cameos. Music isn't bad, but not memorable either. A couple of the deaths should have resonated much more than they do. Some nice scenic drone shots though. I'm sure they did the best with what they had, but it's a long hour and a half with a lacking finale. Skip, not worth your time.
Dinosaur Hotel (2021)
Don't Get Too Excited
This one is pretty rough, but thankfully short. Don't let the cover art fool you -not much in terms of dinos- 1 raptor and 1 rex that make a few sketchy appearances mostly in the dark. Super low budget, questionable acting. Not even 'so bad its good' Skip.
Megalodon (2018)
Really Drags Out
Movie feels much longer than it is. Very low budget, not much shark, and a very bored Madsen performance. The cast tries their best with what they have. There's a brief sequence that is a humorous Michael Bay homage though. Not even a fun/bad shark movie. Skip!
Nightmare Shark (2018)
Not Worth Your Time
A lot of shark movies can be 'so bad it's good' fun. This is not one of those, just bad and boring all around. With a 'Nightmare on Elm Street' premise, it had potential, but ultimately isn't worth your time.
The Disappointments Room (2016)
It had potential...
I thought the setting, direction, and cast were good enough. It just never really comes together or fully fleshes out what it needed to be effective in a short runtime. It felt like a PG-13 pushing the edge a few times and then I realized it was actually R. SKIP.
Necropolis: Legion (2019)
Dreadfully Awful
At 1 hour and 2 minutes, this film is somehow painfully slow. In addition to long credits, there is a lot of walking around, standing around, and laying around. Incredibly uninteresting and super low budget, don't waste your time.
Jackals (2017)
Not worth the short runtime
Decent cast, well shot, but oddly mean-spirited with a dismal ending. Some great tension, but some really questionable character decisions. Almost feels like an incomplete film. Skip.
Hypothermia (2010)
Brought down by the Creature
This had potential. Could have been decent. Unfortunately the awful creature design/outfit singlehandedly ruins the film. Decently directed, and Rooker is fun. Not even a 'so bad it's good' type. SKIP.
An Invisible Sign (2010)
A Very Odd Film.....Sorta Bizarre...and Awkward
No matter what you expect, this movie will probably throw you for a loop. Great actors and competent direction, but the script and narrative fail to deliver a cohesive whole. With 20 mins left, it kind of goes off the rails. I'll give it credit for being unique and different- it has heart- but can't recommend it. The classroom stuff and the story-lines with her father and former teacher are interesting, but there's a super cringe romantic subplot that didn't fit for me. Skip!
Amusement (2008)
Completely Wasted Potential
I thought the film had a great look and stylish direction. The cast was solid, as were the effects. But even for a horror film, the plot is absolute and complete nonsensical garbage. The only genuine sequence in the whole film is the scene with the clown on the cover. Had they committed to that as a character, this could have been decent. SKIP this one!
Frenzy (2018)
SyFy mashes The Shallows and 47 Meters Down
Bad script, bad acting, bad effects, bad direction, but I still oddly enjoyed this cheesy mashup of The Shallows and 47 Meters down. Super low budget. Sometimes the shark effects are decent, other times inflatable rafts may as well be made of bricks. As far as cheesy shark movies go, you can do worse.
Hunger (2009)
Not worth the watch
I'm about halfway through the Fangoria Titles and this is the new low of lows.The other films have at least one redeeming quality, but I couldn't find anything to appreciate in this one. Low budget doesn't have to mean bad, but the acting, set, and acting are subpar. Very little happens in this movie, don't let the reviews that praise it for being 'psychological' fool you. The first ten minutes are told primarily in the dark. This sequence could have been effective, but merely sets the stage for further mediocrity. Some of the editing is so poor you have to piece together what is transpiring by guesswork. These are not characters that devolve to survive in desperation, just poorly drawn characters that you won't care about. Not much logic to be had here.
Do not waste your time, no redeeming value.