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nigel_cummings
Reviews
Haunting of the Queen Mary (2023)
Marmite to some, cyanide to others
This is an extremely well crafted edge of seat horror, it is off beat and abstract in parts, but that goes into making it a disturbing drama. There are definitely under notes of Kubrick's 'the Shining', and. Steve Beck's Ghost ship. This is a film that will grow on you, the location shots afforded by the remains of the actual Queen Mary are a joy to see, the cutting is superb also. A truly chilling film, not quite a masterpiece like the Shining, but its certainly in my personal top 20 of horror films. The side show of the berserk war veteran nixing with Hollywood rotyalty like Fred Astaire on board an oft referred to 1938 voyage, and akso murdering his family and others, adds texture and extra chills - deliciously horrid!
The Outer Limits: Specimen: Unknown (1964)
Its old, its trash its wonderfully bad
Somewhat more plausible than the dreadful tardigrade spore drive thingummy, depicted recent incarnations of Star Trek. At least all these actors (all sadly deceased) play out an awful script and lamentable special effects for all its worth. Jeez, these guys were sci-fi pioneers in their day - how time moves on! Just remember that TV screens were small glowing orbs in the corner if the living room when this type of horror was shot for tv broadcasting. Watchers then were probably scared to death watching it :) Watch it for what it is, a Dan Dare esque Hokum where the villains are marauding daffodils that spit - its crazy, its brilliant, enjoy it, crap special effects and lousy dialogue galore - 1 hour of pure delight!
Fear the Invisible Man (2023)
1 hour 40 minutes of sheer and utter boredom, bad acting and despair!
Let's start the review - some of this film is exceptional, the period feel, the locations, the cutting, the costumes, the set dressings, but the acting is awful. A shambolic borefest populated largely by rank amateur actors who should seriously look at their 'true' job prospects before inflicting themselves onscreen. The lead woman,I won't name her as she deserves no recognition whatsoever, who plays the heroine, the widow who prefers red to black in her mourning costumes, and a change of costume in every scene (costly) in this mess, if I can call her lead woman, s a shrieky voiced ham who misses every cue and acts (if you can call it that) as if no other actors are present in every scene she appears in (get back to the day job Mrs, acting ain't for you) , which indeed, is to a certain extent true, as her companion in this rubbish is invisible through most of the film. Mike Beckingham plays the invisible man invisibly, his attempts to deliver the strangulated dialogue in the scenes where he is supposed to be there, but not there (he's invisible) are mournful. A career as a road sweeper beckons. As for the actor who plays the 'colonel', Wayne Gordon, well... did anyone tell him what movie he was actually in??? His delivery is like someone trying and failing for an audition in 'Spooks' - dreadful! Hopelessly miscast and hopelessly lost in his own self esteem as an actor, (a graduate from the McDonald's school of acting - a flat white and a cheeseburger please Wayne) are the two descriptions that spring to mind. Moving on to the veteran actor David Hayman's brief appearance in this mess - why David, why? Why did you get top billing, your fee, your name, were you an 'angel' financing this farrago of a film? Do tell! Are you that desperate for work? Shame on you! Choose your parts better next time luv ok? I won't mention the rest of the cast, I hope the pay check they got for this was worth the humiliation of actually appearing in it, Nuff said. Another dud from 'director' Paul Dudbridge! Bin it, don't buy it!
Dalíland (2022)
A true depiction.
Events depicted in this film are real, this is not a sugar coated 'mummsy' sentimental bio pic. Kingsley is Dali, Dali is Kingsley - a masterwork in observation of the legendary,tortured / mad / genius artist (delete as applicable) . Watch this and watch Dali at work and at play,, the great hedonist, the sad masturbator, the prodigious artist, a master of the photorealistic depiction of the seemingly mad, mad world that surrounded and stimulated his mind through his lifetime. A leader in surreal art a thoroughly likeable /unlikeable individual - like Marmite, you love him or hate him, but you can't fail not to notice Dali. And Ben Kingsley is superb in his depiction of him, , Sukowa too, as his muse Gala - both characters depicted, are so real, you almost want to be part of their bizarre swinging 60s/70s/80's coterie, they are vile and wonderful all at the same time.they depict the true meaning of what it takes to be an acolyte of Salvador Dali / Avida Dollars (Look it up) Its good to see Kingsley actually acting well for a change, I was in despair at viewing - the last ten or so of his films, have for me, been lamentable experiences - thank you Mr Kingsley for bringing Dali back to life and I hope reviving your career on an 'end note' as a great actor.
Assassin Club (2023)
Disappointing Bondian failure
Dreadful. Badly cut. AWFUL SCRIPTING! A waste of talent. Could have been 10 out of 10 for Golding, Rapace and Neill, but this film lost its way hafl way through. Its clear Golding's career is failing fast, he looks wrecked. Not unlike Chris Pine' in his recent efforts. Neill is good, he was ill when he made this trash, but shines - bet he was glad to get his cheque and leave this utter dross hehind him . I hope Holding's career picks up, a few more stinkers and he's finished - get down to the gym mate, you've let yourself go big time, not good for 36! Disappointing, oh well! Better luck next time!
The Ghosts of Monday (2022)
Another 'stinker' featuring Julian Sands
To call this film rubbish, would be insultive to the term rubbish. This film is 1 hour and 17 minutes of pure bilge. Directed with a plot that seems to be made up, take by take, shot by shot. This 'stinker' features some supremely wooden performances by a group of rank amateurs who run the whole emotional and acting gamut from A to B. They should not give up their day jobs! The plot seems to have stolen its scenes (and executed them very badly) from the Shining, from Ghost Ship and from a myriad of hack and slash Z-list productions. The plot stinks, the actors stink, the production stinks. Confine this bilge to the 'crapper' and don't waste a minute of your time trying to endure it!
Dolittle (2020)
A macedoine salad of computerised animals drawn from discs drives used in other movies like Narnia, Planet of the Apes amd Pirates of the Caribbean
Throw a load of hard drives with computerised animals into a huge bag, add a big Hollywood name or two, create some excruciating accents and forgettable scenarios, pepper with special effects, mattes and nonsensical locations, add a touch of Michael Sheen doing his best and failing miserably... Shake it all up and edit it out into a 100 minutes plus of mildly entertaining drivel that cost 175 million dollars to create!
Yes you've got it... Dolittle 2020 style, all 3, 5 and 8 second cuts - frantic! Better than the truly terrible E. Murphy films, but so confused and weak, and why, oh why, did they give the lead character a Weird, Wavering, Welsh accent?
Now the Rex Harrison Dolittle was nothing to write home about in 1967, it was a flop then, but... It did become a cult classic in later years, and yes it was a warm and fantastical romp for the children of the day, but... I really don't know what market this version is aimed at, its disappointing on all levels, for any age group!
Don't expect it to follow any storyline you're expecting, see it for what it is, a technically excellent, competently performed Eton Mess of a film, one which, if over indulged in, will surely make you sick!
The Quiller Memorandum (1966)
Segal miscast
Very simple. Segal stinks, plot full of holes, cast full of a-holes Pinters work wasted - nice cars though! M. Caine would have been a better lead, but contractually the Harry Palmer films made Caine uncastable! Pity 😪. Hence low marks across the board overall for this film! Could do with a remake!
Supervized (2019)
A terrible waste of talent!
With a cast like this, Supervized could have been a blockbusting success of a film. Unfortunately, lame scripts, poor direction, cheap effects and utterly ineffectual character development, means its nothing more than a mildly amusing, cheap, slightly comedic super hero spoof,. It palls after the first 4 minutes, livens up slightly in the middle and then goes for an atrociously bad ending. What a sad day it is, to think the great talent featured in this terrible film, may well count this as their last acting performances on their way to their graves!
Robert Reborn (2019)
Garbage!!!
One and a hal hour hours of my life I can never reclaim back! Played for laughs on a virtually non existent budget by terrible actors who's acting abilities stretch the whole range from a to b. Looks like it was filmed in somebodies' box room. So cheap it hurts, sound is awful, acting is awful, accents are an insult to the country this rubbish is supposed to be set in and the comedy and horror are non existent, this file of refuse 'steams' Like a bucket of compost. If it was available in aromavision, the smell would make you puke! Dysentery would be preferable to watching this!
Legend of the Hidden City (1997)
So bad, it's actually good!
Stilted acting, shoddy props, (some of the weapons used in the lost city itself, look as if they were fastened out of sardine tin metal, for example) terrible script, but good cutting, colour and content so long as you can ignore the acting, the cheap props and awful dialogue. This is a ripping yarn of a film, nearly two hours long and obviously cobbled together from a few episodes of the short lived Legend of the Lost City series, which came out of South Africa in 1996. Once you get into the flow of the film, it's a joy to watch, the 'camp' queen of the lost city really steals the show too, she is wondrously bad, I guess when she was not acting in this, she was probably a pecan pie baking mummy dreaming of a big break in pictures one day, unfortunately for her, this was'nt it! Watch it, it is so bad, it is actually good!
Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018)
Preposterous, tries to hard to hold you, thrill you, please you!
The 'Hell Midget' returns in yet another preposterous load of tosh, all co stars are swamped by its ego. Henry Cavill, or cavell or whatever his name is, so easily forgotten - is utterly useless, unless you view him as a plank, planks can be made into shelves, used to light fires etc.
The film goes on far too long, yawn, yawn, yawn... so much so, you just long for all the characters to be killed off definitively, and as gruesomely as possible, so you can get the hell out of the cinema!
The action in this film goes beyond suspension of disbelief, it is ridiculous in the extreme, any other geriatric dwarf would have died emulating the action scenes - god help the stunts men! This is the worst yet - Please, please, please, no more!
Full English Breakfast (2014)
This film stinks!
Forget the 9/10 star reviews you will see about this farrago of a film, they are almost certainly fake. This film redefines the verb "stinks". 90 minutes of utter tripe, whoever has penned the script needs to go back to primary school and start learning how to write in English from scratch. If you are a fan of awful dubbing, wooden acting, hackneyed predictable story lines, lousy dialogue, poor editing, crummy camera work and utterly unbelievable scenarios, this could be the film for you - if on the other hand you have a functioning brain, you would be best advised to avoid this rubbish like the plague! Amazed to see this bilge is now available on DVD!