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Total Recall (2012)
99 lightbeams, but a believable story aint one
This director (Len Wiseman) clearly has the same problem (and obsession) as what J. J. Abrams has with fake lightbeams / screenflares. It's hugely distracting and these fake screenflares are used well over 100 times in the movie. Apart from that madness, the story is simply not believable and has many plotholes. I counted atleast 5 plotholes so big that you could jump an elephant through them. So the direction is bad, the story is bad, the plot is non-believable... the only thing in the movie that is good, is the visuals of the city and the futuristic landscape, which I'm certain they spend many, many millions on. Overall, it's just a bad movie and not anywhere close to being as good as the original from 1990 is.
LOL: Last One Laughing Australia (2020)
so terribly unfunny, that it didn't make it past 1season
I really put the majority of the failure of this Australian edition of the show, on the editing. The editing is AWFUL. Absolutely awful. The added beeping of the clock, as the seconds go past? Why even do that? They probably added HUNDREDS of beeps to the show, just for the freaking clock. It's highly irritating hearing that fake beep each time that the camera is aimed at the clock. And that's not even close to being the only unnecessary sound effects that they added in post... it's just a smorgasbord of terribly tacky and fake sound effects spread throughout the show. How is anyone supposed to concentrate on the 'comedy' when their ears are being bombarded with fake sound effects out of a cartoon every 5seconds? And why on earth can't you keep a camera still? Why is it necessary to pan the camera constantly, during the interview sections? KEEP THE CAMERA STILL. Honestly, the comedy on display is probably a 4/10 but the editing choices of the production team just completely destroy ANY enjoyment that could possibly have been gained from the show. Im glad it died after just one season, because it was completely unwatchable, and it's not the comedians' fault.
The Beekeeper (2024)
just another C-grade action movie
Think of EVERY action movie trope you can think of, and you'll find it in this movie. It's like the plot for this movie was written by a machine-learning algorithm after it was fed every bad action film from the past two decades... and then this movie was spat out. The plot has so many holes, it's basically a sieve. Jason Statham does a great job playing the action hero, but even the best actor on the planet couldn't make this hogwash story believable or real. It's so unrealistic and so badly written in many scenes that you can't help but chortle at the spectacle of it all. This movie didn't need to be made, but hollywood just couldn't help making another needless action movie.
The Zone of Interest (2023)
a 140min film, that could have been done in 14
When you reach the end of the film, you're not crying... you're not gasping... not shuddering... not left speechless... not anything...
you're just sitting there, saying to yourself: "all that time, and they wanted to show me THAT?"... i honestly was just sitting there the whole movie through, thinking "well the good part has to come soon", but it never came. This movie has no 'good part'. This movie is a drawn-out statement which shows that there's two sides to a coin... and it takes 140minutes to show you the side of the coin that isn't traditionally shown in movies... that's it... 140minutes to show something so simple, that could have been shown in 14minutes flat.
Late Night with the Devil (2023)
Interesting premise but it goes nowhere
The entire movie is based on it being 'found footage' and yet it breaks from this concept multiple times. This breaks the immersion of the viewer because they realise that they're being lied to, since they're being show footage that isn't 'found' a few times in the movie. I'd say that the movie wasn't too bad actually, up until the last 15% of it, where it just became completely loose at the seams and shot off in a direction that doesn't hold any water with the rest of the movie. The movie doesn't have a proper ending either, in that it's not shown or explained what happened. It's almost like the movie ran up to a certain point and then ran out of money, so they had to just slap a cobbled-together ending onto the end of the film and then called it a day. It's one of those rare cases where I actually regret watching the movie, because it feels like my time was completely wasted.
The Completely Made-Up Adventures of Dick Turpin (2024)
very average
This is one of the classic examples of "why did they even make this?". It's not funny, i think i laughed once in the first 60minutes of watching the show. It's not exciting. It's not anything, really... it's just another mediocre tv show that oozed out of the orifice that is apple's gaping money-hole. There are many scenes that are non-sensical and just plain science fiction, which really has no place in a period-piece that is set in ye'olde times like this because it just breaks the viewer's immersion and thus, the believability of the entire universe that the show is set in. The show makes fun of homosexuality, which stopped being acceptable 15years ago. If the billionaire execs at apple want to spunk their money out on something, then why don't they do it on something like 'The IT Crowd', instead of trying to make this really mediocre tv series... i'm sure that the entire cast of 'The IT Crowd' including Noel would be more than happy to pick up where they left off... because this Completely Made-Up series, is Completely DOA.
The Grand Tour (2016)
Once again, too many fake setups and not enough authenticity
I counted 5 different setups in this episode... and the worst thing is, is that the setups (which involve predetermined 'mishaps' that befall the trio) aren't even funny. If the setups were funny, then at least they could argue that it added something good to the episode and but these setups are so blatantly obvious that it removes any and all humor that could possibly have come from the event, because you KNOW that it's all staged and fake. Like the van/river thing, it's just so blatantly setup that the trio aren't able to even fake their 'surprise'... I mean, let's be real here, the trio aren't good actors.... the trio aren't Daniel Day Lewis or anything like that, and when they get told by the director to 'fake surprise' at these fake setups and staged situations, then they simply can't fake it good enough for the viewer to believe that the situation is real. They should just go back to what they did in 'Survival of the Fattest' and have a far more authentic and organic expedition, or even the one they did with the boats.... both of those episodes are 10/10 and 9/10 respectively and blow this episode (and the other terrible ones like Lochdown, Carnage A Trio and Eurocrash right out of the water. It's a sad state of affairs when only 4 of the expeditions that they've done out of 11, have been good, and the rest have been varying degree of terrible. I hope the final expedition that the trio will embark on will be better and I hope they return to a far more organic 'tour' style, because this is just dreadful, and seeing as how it will be the last one that they ever do, I truly hope that they end with a good one, because the last 5 expeditions have been dreadful.
Ricky Gervais: Armageddon (2023)
unfunny
Not exactly a 'comedy show' and more a long line of political ideals and one-liners. I honestly didn't laugh once... not even once. Ricky's older shows from the early 2000s like Animals, Politics, etc. Were good, but literally all of his stuff after 2010 is just unfunny... and if you realize that Ricky hasn't done or starred in anything funny for the past 13years, then that's just sad. Some comedians have an 'anti-comedy' style, but Ricky has adopted an 'anti-funny' style in the past decade it seems. He should have stuck with the funny stuff ie. Karl Pilkington & cumming out of windows. RIP Ricky.
Monarch: Legacy of Monsters (2023)
sub-par CGI. too much talking. too little MUTO
This is a drama series, NOT a monster series. You go into this series and expect it to be like any of the MUTO movies made in the past 30 years, but then you very quickly realise that it's just a drama series with MAYBE 20seconds of on-screen monster time through the entire episode, and the rest of the 46minutes40seconds is filled with dialogue and stupid cat-and-mouse games from Monarch's men-in-black chasing a bunch of kids around. It's extremely boring and the CGI is sub-par. In a series like this, which is going to have many monster scenes in it, you just CAN'T skimp on the CGI quality, but that's exactly what they did. I honestly would just rewatch all of the MUTO movies starting with Gozilla (1998), and that way you'll at least get better CGI with more monsters and more action. This series is hot garbage.
Planet Earth III (2023)
Planet Foley III... the worst season so far
This 3rd season of Planet Earth is absolutely infected with foley and CGI. The amount of foley especially is absolutely stupid... it's like the editors just CAN'T allow a single second of silence in the footage, so they end up adding what's probably THOUSANDS of foley sound effects throughout this 3rd season. And ontop of the distracting foley sound effects, this season also has the most CGI that I've seen yet, by far... so instead of just using the footage that they've actually shot, they mix in huge amounts of fake CGI. There's sometimes ENTIRE scenes that are 100% CGI, like for instance in episode 7 where the snake chases the frog, which is entirely CGI.
There's also the giant issue of false facts and lies... I've found 3 instances so far where David Attenborough says something like 'and in the end, it's too late for them', and then literally a few seconds later, it turns out to be false and then you realize that you were just lied to, for the sake of building suspense. This is supposed to be a nature documentary, not a fxckin 'Days of your lives' episode. The fact that they lie to the viewer and insert fake facts is completely unacceptable.
This is by far the worst season of this show yet. If the show keeps on getting worse like it, then season 4 is probably going to be a 3/10 show.
Planet Earth III: Deserts And Grasslands (2023)
the lies are not necessary. just preset the facts
The lies are not necessary. Just preset the facts. In this episode, david attenborough in one scene, says that the den of an animal is empty, which misleads the viewer and immediately makes the viewer feel sad, because it was populated by pups in a previous scene... and then just 10seconds or so later, you see the pups come out and then you realize "oh, you just lied to me to build suspense". You shouldn't lie to the viewer. It's already bad enough with the GIANT amount of foley sounds that this entire series contains, which are literally fake sound effects, but to go EVEN FURTHER and straight up lie and make up facts just to evoke sadness from the viewer, is a real scum move, even for the BBC.
Meg 2: The Trench (2023)
FAR worse than Meg 1
This is a classic example of a movie that didn't need to be made, but they did it anyway because they are greedy and money hungry. Films that are made for the sole purpose of making money and not for telling a story or for art (like the fast & furious movies for example) are always going to suck, because they have no soul and even the actors who act in these cash-grab films don't act with their heart because they KNOW the movie sucks and they're just there for the paycheck. This movie is the perfect example of all of that. The movie has at least 7 plot holes from what I counted. It really is a terrible movie. It's not even a good action movie like the first one was.... this is just terrible, and should not be watched by anyone who values 2hours of their life.
The Flash (2023)
So much terrible CGI, it's insane
If you're going to do CGI, then you CAN'T half-ass it because the viewer immediately notices it, and this movie has a crazy amount of really really bad CGI... i'm talking like 30+ scenes where you can very clearly see the bad CGI... with a budget of 200million I quite honestly don't know what they spent it all on, because it's clearly not the CGI. Maybe they had really really expensive catering on set or something? Yeah, maybe they spent 150million on catering and only had 50million left for the movie, because that's what it looks like. People made fun of the Batman vs. Superman movie because you could see how badly they edited out Henry Cavill's moustache, but this movie has 100 times worse CGI throughout the movie than one silly moustache mistake... apart from the atrocious CGI, the movie has several glaring plot holes and bad writing which just makes the entire chain of events completely unbelievable and unrealistic. This movie is far, far worse than Justice League or B.vs. S ever could have hoped to be.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)
Guardians of the Galaxy Volume Pee
The movie/script/writing is so unrealitic that it literally makes your brain hurt. In the beginning of the movie, a 'bad guy' comes in and absolutely wipes the floor with the entire GotG team.... literally wipes the floor with them and doesn't even break a sweat, like a gorilla fighting a new born kitten.... and then, later in the movie, this 'bad guy' gets destroyed and almost killed by a regular explosion... like not even a 'plasma explosion' or anything funny like that, it's literally just an explosion of dynamite or whatever, and this 'bad guy' is basically on the brink of death, just like that.... how the hell does that make any sense? He literally teabagged the entire GotG team and then he gets annihilated by a regular explosion? THAT is pretty much the writing that you can expect through the entire movie.... extremely thread-bare plot with zero realism or substance. It also proves (in the story atleast) that a hyper-intelligent racoon can be smart enough to master the genetic fabric of all evolution, and yet doesn't know when it's being mercilessly tortured and abused. It's honestly one of the worst marvel films there is, and once again proves that Marvel will continue to spunk these movies into our eyeballs, just as long as they keep making money, and LONG after they've stopped being good or even watchable.
Renfield (2023)
Characters making massively illogical choices
The writing of the story is so terrible, and all the characters make such stupid and illogical choices throughout the entire movie that the entire plot is just massively unrealistic. Instead of just making a good dracula-centered action movie, they made it massively unrealistic (plot-wise) to the point where the viewer is completely disassociated from the plot because the viewer is fully aware that it's all fake and just a movie. Even the 'plot-twists' in the movie were obviously that they were going to happen, due to the terrible writing of the movie. If you're looking for a good dracula-centered movie, then this is 100% not the one... in fact, just completely avoid watching this movie, because it's rather terrible and I regret wasting 1hr25min of my life on this 'film'.
Nature: Wildheart (2023)
53minutes of footage of a single tree
It's not even an episode about a specific treat species, or a genus of trees... IT'S ABOUT A SINGLE TREE. Who thought that it would be a good idea to do an entire 53minute episode about a single freakin tree? It's the most boring thing ever, and then ontop of that, they decided to add re-enactments from various ages gone by just to fill up the time, because they realized that it would be way too boring to show just 53minutes straight of a single tree, so they fluffed the time up by showing re-enactments or stupid stuff like a girl sitting next to a river for 15seconds. I just don't get it. It's the worst episode of Nature that I've ever seen.
The Consultant (2023)
Goes nowhere fast
The premise of the show is an interesting one: A complete stranger comes into a company and through ruthless & robotic actions, starts fine-tuning the company to become more profitable.
The show's execution of this is badly done though. Just a few episodes in, it shows this 'ruthless' man in a bar drinking alcohol with one of the employees, and it also shows him eating fast-food takeout MULTIPLE times throughout the series. I don't know much about sociopaths, but I'm 100% certain that sociopaths don't eat takeout food from Benihana or go out for a 'social get-together' with employees. And that's a huge premise of the show, already down the drain... if you don't believe that Christoph Waltz's character is a ruthless sociopath anymore, then what's the point of watching anymore even?
It's obviously not an issue with Waltz's acting, it's just a fundamental mistake with the writing of the script. I mean, in one scene his character is helped up the stairs by a young woman while his character is struggling and straining like an MS sufferer... THAT is not the image you want for this 'ruthless robotic sociopath'. 4/10 because the entire premise of the show gets thrown out the window by the 3rd episode.
Ricky Gervais: SuperNature (2022)
Laughed twice
An episode of Spongebob Squarepants makes me laugh more than this special did. A single episode of the old podcast would make me laugh more than this. I liked some of Ricky's previous stand-up specials (would give most of them 7/10) and even his movies like Ghost Town or The Invention of Lying was funny, but this one was just not that funny. I feel that even Ricky knows that these specials aren't as funny as his first ones, but he's just getting paid so fxcking much by Netflix that he doesn't care... money over quality I guess... I mean, can you blame him? It would take a true purist comedian to turn down millions of dollars just on the fact that their new work isn't going to be as funny as their old work... Anyway, like I said, watch Ricky's first couple specials and avoid anything past 2010... wish he'd do the podcast again, at least that was funny.
Road to Perdition (2002)
Good movie but lots of plot holes
3 very large, very unnecisary plot holes in the movie. Spoilers:
Plot hole #1. Sullivan is offered $25k (which in 2022 is $500k). Sullivan shoots the irishman and doesn't take the money. This is a plot hole as any logical person would take the money and use it to better their situation (either by fleeing the country or by hiring an entire crew of 50 men to take out those that wronged him).
#2. In the gunfight between Sullivan and Harlen Maguire (the assassin), Sullivan gets the drop on Maguire and doesn't finish Maguire off, eventhough Sullivan literally just needs to shoot Maguire who is laying on the ground.
#3. Due to Sullivan not killing Maguire earlier (which any logical person would have done), Maguire shoots Sullivan in the arm later, which nearly results in Sullivan's death, and then at the end of the movie, actually DOES result in Sullivan's death.
The movie is good, but it could have been excellent. The plot holes spoil the movie for anyone who expects rational, logical characters in the films they watch. If these plot holes were changed to not be illogical, then the movie would have been better off for it.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
absolutely terrible and an insult to the trilogy
THIS is what you get when the studio & the director are motivated by money, and NOT motivated by the story or the love of storytelling. This movie goes to show that 'two's a company, and one's a train wreck'... the Wachowski's have always worked together, until this movie.... and it turned out to be a laughable C-movie... I guess we now know who has all of the talent between the two Wachowskis, don't we? Seriously... don't make another movie solo every again, because you just suck at it... and the fact that this movie cost $190million is absolutely hilarious. Warner Bros took a massive L on this one, and rightfully so... it serves them right for greenlighting this terrible script. Laurence Fishburne & Hugo Weaving are the ONLY winners in this whole dumpster fire, because at least their resumes won't be tarnished by having this $190million disaster on it.
Westworld: Années Folles (2022)
extremely poorly written episode
This is your typical "I have the opportunity to kill the bad guy, but I'm not going to (for the sake of fake drama), so that the bad guy can come back literally 2minutes later and find me".
This is extremely unrealistic, as no logical, normal character would leave their archenemy alive... it's literally like you have the opportunity to kill Hitler, but you don't and you just run away... nobody would do that, and yet, in this episode, that is exactly what the writers wrote. It just completely breaks the immersion of the story, and makes you realize that you're just watching some scenario with some actors, and that's it.
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
Very unrealistic plot and even worse script
The plot/story is INCREDIBLY unrealistic.... I'm talking about the CLASSIC trope where literally every episode, the 'good guys' just barely manage to get away from the 'bad guys', and it's not even by some amazing stroke of good luck that they escape, it's literally just the classic "missed them by that much" trope... it's really ridiculous and incredibly unrealistic. At the end of the 3rd episode there's the BIGGEST example of this by far: 'big baddie' literally has the 'good guy' on the ground AND surrounded, but then amazingly an explosion happens which puts a wall of flame between 'big baddie' and 'good guy', so 'good guy' literally just runs away.... it's the stupidest and most unrealistic tripe you've ever seen.... HE'S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE! YOU'VE GOT STORMTROOPER ARMOR ON, JUST WALK THROUGH THE FLAMES!.... but no, they don't.... this is absolutely horrible script writing. Whoever chose this director and script writer for this show should have their head examined. 3/10, don't even bother with this tripe.
Death on the Nile (2022)
It tries to be "Knives Out" but fails miserably
This movie literally follows the same plot as "Knives Out" but it does a terrible job at making the characters believable... and if the characters aren't believable, then the story won't be. The acting from Emma Mackey, Armie Hammer and Gal Gadot is particularly terrible. I'd also say that the acting from Russell Brand is equally terrible, but his character got so few speaking lines (which is a good thing) that there's very little to even poke holes at when it comes to his acting in this film. But I honestly don't know why he was even chosen to have a role in this movie... he is the embodiment of the 'whacky englishman' trope and yet in this movie he played a very serious doctor, which makes little sense. I don't know why Russell is in this movie, due to the fact that not a single character in the movie is a match for him, and I also don't know why Armie is in the movie, due to the the associations that DV perpetrator like him brings to a movie. Overall the casting for this movie is very bad, but I don't think that even WITH better acting choices, that this movie would ever have been able to even reach 7/10 or above. The plot is fine, but the script and acting is where it falls flat on its face. I can't come even close to recommending this movie, and suggest that if you're looking for a movie like this, but a much much much better one, that Knives Out is the only logical option.
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)
It's very pretty, but the story/plot is mediocre and filled with holes
As far as visuals go, this movie is amazing... like just about as impressive as Dune, it's filled to the brim with eye-candy.
The plot/story however is mediocre and filled with plot holes... the characters' actions are often unrealistic and they will often just 'stare in awe' at their friends being killed, instead of doing the realistic thing, and immediately defending their friends... it's something that happens like 5 times and honestly spoils the movie for me.... if characters in a movie don't act or react realistically and stare at something like a braindead zombie (like their friends getting killed right in front of them, whilst they are holding a gun in their freeking hands), then it's just really terrible script/plot writing.
Overall, the movie isn't as bad as Ant-Man 2 but it's not far behind. Also, Awkwafina's acting style was already old by the 2nd movie she did... ALL of her characters in movies are the same person, and like I said, it got boring after the 2nd movie. I roll my eyes at everything Awkwafina's character does in the movie.
It's a 5/10 movie, not really worth a watch unless you're a real die-hard Marvel fan.
The Grand Tour: The Grand Tour Presents: Carnage A Trois (2021)
The worst special they've ever done (including those from the Top Gear days)
I laughed once... that's it. An hour, and they got a single laugh from me. It's literally the worst special ever, not just from the Grand Tour, but also from Top Gear... In fact, it's not even a special.... it's just them reviewing about 15 french cars.... that's it. 15 french cars reviewed, and lots of poking fun at the french, which is fine, for 'conversation street' or something like that, but NOT for a special. 2/10.