Reviews
Invader ZIM (2001)
Reigning Doom Down Upon the Filthy Heads of the Doomed Viewers
Sometimes I think it was for the better that this show got canceled. While it was one of the GREATEST(!) creations of all time by mastermind Jhonen Vasquez (also the mastermind behind the brilliant Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics) it was also something that probably never should've surfaced on Nickelodean. Invader Zim follows the common thought that one day an alien race will come to our world to whip us clean off the galactic space map: enter Zim with only one problem. He's too stupid for the job and his superiors known as The Tallest, don't want to have anything to do with him and find Earth to be a useless planet in their conquest to take over the universe. The big problem with this show is that there really wasn't any good station for it to go on. Sure Comedy Central or Sci-Fi could've take it under their wings but the ratings probably wouldn't have gone up at all. Nick claims that Invader Zim was canceled due to low ratings. Strange that it was taken off the air directly after 9/11 hit. I've also heard rumors that Nick found out about Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (<-HIGHLY recommended by the way) and became afraid that parents might discover it at a Hot Topic. Whatever the reason maybe it doesn't matter. Vasquez already said that even if he was given the chance he wouldn't raise it from the dead, perhaps he ran out of pig jokes to tell. If you're a fan of satire and extremely bizarre humor (i.e. Aqua Teen Hunger Force) then I highly recommend this series to you. We'll probably never see another series like this.
Lodoss to Senki: Eiyuu kishi den (1998)
This is what a sequel should be... minus the small loose ends.
Having just finished Cronicles of the Heroic Knight mere minutes ago I find myself extremely please but questions still loom over me. While it would appear that the first 7 episodes or so are actually a retelling of the events of the first Record of Lodoss War the truth is that they really aren't. It would appear that the creator of CotHK had a different vision as to how the original ended (and that may be the reason that the first 7 episodes occur) but I do not find that to be the case. CotHK does say it starts 5 years after the War of Heros which Parn was a part of. I think the director made the first 5 episodes seem so much like a recap of the original just to give the viewer a small reminder and an introduction to characters and their deeds done because they appear much less after the series kicks into Spark's story. Now, once the series does kick into Spark's portion we find ourselves kicked up another 10 years (15 years now since the War of Heros). Spark and his crew do, in some cases, resemble Parn and his crew once the journey kicks into gear, especially the love story that brews between Spark and Neese. I also thought several times throughout CotHK that I threw in the original series and if it wasn't for Spark's long blue hair I know I would've pressed stop more than once to make sure the right disc was in. By no means do I consider these major set backs however, the writers did a fine job in crafting believable characters and a remarkable storyline. The only thing that makes me hurt is that Ashram and Wagnard return. Ummmm... how??? Don't get me wrong both are great villains even though Ashram's only villainous trait is that he supports the Marmo. Perhaps I missed something during the coarse of the series that explained that part. As far as sequels go though, I highly recommend CotHK. I place both CotHK and, even more so, the original Record of Lodoss War far above the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Both of these are more epic than anything I've ever seen or read. I highly recommend this.
Makai senki Deisugaia (2003)
Hours upon hours of gaming goodness.
How one could actually get sick of this game is far beyond me. Why someone actually gave it up at a Game Stop for me to buy I'll never know. I do thank that person however. The countless hours I continue to pour into this are cherished and loved. Everything about Disgaea is absolutely great and down right cool. The cast of characters are unique and easy to love which is a breath of fresh air in this time of the regular "save the world/universe" hero and heroin. Rather in this case you get to take over the Netherworld and anything stupid enough to step in your way. If you can still manage to find a copy of this (for under $100) I highly recommend you check it out. The battle system and everything is great even though the game does have it's very hard points.
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
A reality check, if there ever was one.
Requiem for a Dream is probably the most realistic fiction story I've ever bared witness to (and if this is based on a true story I didn't hear about it, I apologize and stand corrected). We see ourselves standing over the lives of four people who plan to finally achieve their dreams, for three of them it's money, for one it is to finally have the spot light reflecting off of her decaying skin as she gets a phone call stating that she is going to be on television. The movie is beautifully shot in a bizarre but unique manner. The characters are very human in their reactions and remain unpredictable and, in some cases, repulsive. I don't think the director could've done a better job shooting this. Bravo! First Pi and now this masterpiece. It's a shame nothing else has come from him yet.
Day of the Dead (1985)
Too Human.
If it's one thing George Romero has down its character creation and reaction. Thus far in the zombie movies all we've seen are people who flee in terror of the zombies; in this installment however, we find most of the people to have pent claustrophobic aggression from hiding out. We find the group mourning the death of their recently deceased leader and now oppressed by an extremely aggressive new one who takes no prisoners and no b.s. The conflict of interests is so real you'll swear this wasn't happening. Acting is more than top notch, those who starred in this did an extremely good job at creating tension between parties. I don't think I can say this is better than Dawn of the Dead but it's a toe to toe match and a complete step forward. The zombie carnage is also gritty and disgusting but completely satisfying. If you've seen and enjoyed Night and Dawn then Day should be more than a satisfying entry for your tastes.
Refused Are Fucking Dead (2006)
The Revolution
If one had to give Refused a comparison it would be The Beatles. What The Beatles did for the 60s is what Refused has done for the underground today. Refused Are F_cking Dead follows their short lived history from 1991 to 1998 with video clips put together by guitarist Kristofer Steen. The documentary is both shocking and dramatic as it traces the decay of this revolutionary band. If you're a fan you'll be more than happy to find out that there's an entire concert performance of The Shape of Punk to Come (arguably their most important album) and videos for "Rather Be Dead" and "New Noise." The downside? The length of the documentary alone doesn't even round an hour (althougth the entire DVD encompasses 80 min). In addition to that, 85% of the documentary (give or take) is in Swedish, so have your finger on the subtitles button before you start viewing it. If you listen to underground music then this is worth your $10 because chances are any underground (or even above, Lost Prophets cited Refused as a major influence) you listen to has been touched by Refused.
Red vs. Blue (2003)
Refreshing and well written.
Red vs. Blue deserves the attention it's been getting lately. The ever growing internet series now on DVD is zany, vulgar, and gut-busting funny. From Caboose's random spits of non-sense to the illogical decisions of Sarge, who seems very similar to Dilbert's pointy-haired boss, Red vs. Blue is a kick in the gut. Most Halo fans should be pleased (especially with Season 3's "coarpse hump" scene); although I have crossed one who didn't like this but then I was reminded that he didn't have a sense of humor (maybe because he sucks?). I can't help but be reminded of the great Monty Python every time I watch this because it's easy to see a group like that write something like this. If you like laughing don't miss this, if you don't like laughing then crawl back in your hole and wait for sweet death.
Collateral (2004)
Good but not great.
I hate Tom Cruise. I can't stand him for the life of me, nearly everything he's done has done more than just annoy the sh*t out of me, however, after receiving several "this movie is great" from friends, I decided to give it a spin. This is one of the first Tom Cruise movies that hasn't made me shut it off early. That doesn't mean that the movie itself is a stellar achievement. If I recall correctly there's a little Michael Mann movie called Heat (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) that was at least 10 times better than this. Collateral takes us through an evening with Jamie Foxx (Max) and Tom Cruise (Vincent) as Cruise makes five hits. Unfortunately, I was able to guess the plot twists which were good but easy to see coming. The action is very intense which put a smile on my face, especially when Cruise executed the guy who stole his brief case. However, when the action isn't on all we see is arguments, threats, and some character development. The way Foxx develops in the movie was to be expected which wasn't bad because I was getting sick of his character. Collateral is worth watching, but if you're thinking about buying wait until it hits the $7 mark.
The Brown Bunny (2003)
Maybe I just don't get it.
Perhaps there's an underlying message in this shameful excuse for a "movie." Maybe I just don't get it. Brown Bunny seems to be a hit and miss movie, some love it others hate it. Thankfully I only spent $4.50 renting this waste of life. While the concept of the movie seemed to be really interesting, the attempt to bring of one of the most realistic portrayals of a male angst and sexuality to the silver screen, the overall effect of it is not. What do they do in the movie? Drive, and when that gets old they drive some more. As the movie progresses you'll find yourself asking: "Where is this going besides to California?" and here's the answer: it's going at a turtle's pace to a "climatic" finish that seems to be there mostly to be controversial. My boredom level reached an all time high during the coarse of a mere 89 mins. I found myself reading my video game strategy guide for Star Ocean: Till the End of Time, plotting the next coarse of action. Do what you will with this movie, I plan on staying far away from it.
Dark City (1998)
Akira meets the first Matrix.
Dark City holds the ideas of a great innovative sci-fi that could've been a masterpiece for its time. Unfortunately the movie falls short in a few areas making it a mostly decent sci-fi. The first 10min of the movie give us the monologue of a traitor and the awakening of the main character, John Murdoch. John has no idea who he is or where he is, all he knows is that there's a dead call girl in his room and it's time for him to split. Don't let this mislead you into thinking the entire movie is fast paced, truth is, it's just as "stop-go" as a Penzoil commercial. The Strangers however, the group hunting John, are a harrowing race of people that you'd think would appear in a Marylin Manson video. The Strangers have the ability to "tune" which allows them to alter reality around them. Unfortunately they don't use their powers too often to try and stop John. Watching this only kept reminding me of the mysteries of the first Matrix movie and the anime masterpiece Akria in which the character Tetsuo tapped into his psychic powers. If you've seen both Akria and the Matrix you'll likely enjoy Dark City, if you haven't I suggest checking out those before you see this.
Curse of the Swamp Creature (1968)
It kinda hurts.
Don't let the title deceive you, there is no "curse" and there is practically no "swamp creature." I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to B-Horror/Sci-Fi movies but this one falls faster into the void of "total crap" than Jodie Foster's film career. Curse of the Swamp Creature wants to have a lot of things (i.e. plot, harrowing experiments, betrayal), instead it manages to drag 80 mins of your life through a bed of rusted nails that's better used to inflict serious retinal and cerebral damage unto your worst of mortal (and/or immortal) enemies. The only thing in this movie that made me smile was when one of the characters kindly asked in a mono tone voice, to be pulled out of the quick sand. If you can skip to that part, do so; the acting is so bad you'll wish the quick sand was real. On the bright side I was able to read my Disagea: Hour of Darkness strat. guide. Watch this only if you're extremely forgiving or you've got some reading material to finish up.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Pretty not good.
Don't let the title of this movie mislead to into believing that this is some sort of B-horror, it isn't. It's a children's movie... a very bad children's movie. I've sat through movies that have put me in more pain than this (mostly sequels) but there really isn't anything good about this. First off the title of the movie is enough to pull in nearly any B-horror fan before they realize that Santa isn't up in the sky blasting away at the Martians. Rather he is kidnapped and ends up going pretty quietly. The problem with Mars is that there is no joy to be had for the children on Mars. Drawing this from the sad looks on his children's faces, the Martian leader decides it'd be a great idea to kidnap Santa and force him to spread Christmas joy on their planet. Again, Santa has no problem with this and goes quietly. However, the evil Voldar sees weakness in joy and decides that Santa must be destroyed before all of Mars becomes a happy place. So does Santa actually conquer anything? No. Is there anything in this movie that's worth seeing? Unless your extremely forgiving when it comes down to children's movies, no. Another thing that should be noted is that I do believe the soundtrack for this movie was recorded in the 7th layer of Hell. It's that bad. Not even worth the $5.50 bin at Wal-Mart. If you want a Christmas movie I suggest revisiting Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.
Wedding Crashers (2005)
Good, funny, predictable.
Take the first American Pie and put it in a wedding setting right away - no high school. Your result would probably be The Wedding Crashers, only with more character dilemma in the beginning. While The Wedding Crashers is a decent movie, the truth is once you get so far you don't really need to see anymore. It's actually a rather long movie for a comedy. Owen Wilson plays.... Owen Wilson (the same role I've seen him in in every movie he stars in). Vincent Vaugh does a good job, I'm happy to see him rise as an actor even though he does seem to play the same part on occasion. The story is one you've seen before, Wilson meets a girl, wants her, finds out she's taken, and then fights for her heart. I've seen this formula before, so there really weren't any surprises after that. If you like this kind of formula in a movie then you'll find yourself completely entertained but if you're like me and you'd like to see some new twists then just remember you won't find them here. Although it's still entertaining.
Dracula: Dead and Loving It (1995)
The perfect Dracula spoof.
Perhaps it's a little obvious that Mel Brooks' humor in this movie is more slapstick than it is dialouge (i.e. The Producers). None-the-less there isn't anything horribly wrong with this movie. The crappy ratings for this movie are almost jaw dropping, I'm curious - what's wrong with it? It follows the Dracula story in a very noble fashion and even uses Dracula dialouge from the previous movies. The acting isn't bad in anyway. The humor is over the top bloody funny. Reinfield is absolutely hilarious once he's put under Dracula's spell to be his slave. Sure the movie is a little cheesy at points but that's no reason to give it such a kick in the side. Everyone I know who's watched this movie has loved it and I often times find them repeating some of the lines. If you haven't see it at least give it a chance, don't let the bad reviews that people have given it give you the wrong impression. Dracula Dead and Loving It is drop dead hilarious.
The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Pretty eh.
As usual, the original Matrix was the best. Reloaded was a solid follow up but didn't leave as much in question, or as much in replay value, as the original did. Revolutions however... I dunno. I got sick of the real world pretty fast in here, if you didn't like the real world in Reloaded prepare for some hell because about 75% of this movie takes place in the real world. Also, much like Reloaded, there isn't as much to learn about the Matrix as there was in the first one. It seems almost assumed that there is little left to learn about the Matrix which is more than just a little disappointing. Actors did just as good of jobs in this one as they did in the previous Matrixs. This one however I was most disappointed with. Mostly the ending is what made me frown but the final battle was another thing I yawned at. Sorry but leave a battle like this for the animes, it looks better. The Smith fight in Reloaded was 10 times better than this one. If you've seen the other two seeing this one probably won't do a whole lot for you. You'll probably end up frowning at the ending (much like I did). Movies with this much potential shouldn't feel so empty in the end.
Dawn of the Dead (1978)
A worthy follow-up
I can't help but ask myself: what if something like this really happened, what would I do? Sometimes I wish I could experience it, until then all I can do is watch George A. Romero's classic Dawn of the Dead. Picking up where Night of the Living Dead left off we see that the humans are not winning against the zombies. While they look like they're slaying the beasts, the truth is they're not doing it fast enough. People have been ordered to head to safe houses. A group of 4 decide to take a helicopter and try to find safety, but they run into a problem with fuel. Soon they decide to camp out in a mall for awhile after their helicopter almost reaches "E" again, and thus their problems only begin to manifest. George Romero's biggest talent is probably character conflict. His movies seem so much more real because not everyone in the movie gets a long. There's constant bickering and disagreements among the group, especially between the couple. The story is also well written, especially with the added character conflicts. The special effects are also very lovely, every kill is a portrait of brutality - lots of blood, just the way it's supposed to be. See this if you haven't. Classic!
Casino (1995)
One of the most under-rated movies ever.
Most people I know haven't seen the true-story brutality that is Casino. Taking place in the early 1980s, two mob friends, Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci, are put in charge of a Las Vegas casino. Their job? To make certain everything runs smooth and to make sure that the bosses get their black bag of money. What happens? To put it into a short context: things start to fall apart. The dysfunction represented in this movie is amazing, every little thing leads to something worse. The beginning shows the rise of the Mafia's empire in Las Vegas: from the towering casinos to the floors of the casino, you get a little taste of everything in here. What's really interesting is that if you played by the rules, they treated you like gold, but if you double crossed them things could get pretty ugly (see the hammer scene). Casino, put simply, is a great movie. The only problem I experienced was that there were parts that seemed to drag out. The movie weighs in at a hefty 2hrs and 59min so don't expect to go anywhere soon. If you haven't see this yet then give it a chance, it really is a great movie.
Edward Scissorhands (1990)
Burton's untouchable.
Some movies will never have an equal, some just shine above the rest untouched by everything else. Tim Burton's Edward Scissorhands is one of those. The cast is great with Johnny Depp as Edward Scissorhands and Vincent Price as his creator (and also in his last role ever). Edward is an artificial human who was perfect in almost every way, left unfinished by the untimely death of his creator, only known as The Inventor, with scissors for hands. After living by himself for awhile, Edward is discovered and taken home to experience a world outside of The Inventor's lab and thus begins his adventures. Edward's fable is told like a children's story, starting off with a child lying in bed and the grandma telling her about where the snow comes from. Tim Burton shows his imagination at its best here. While The Nightmare Before Christmas was really good, Edward Scissorhands still stands as his strongest film. If any of Burton's movies are to go down as classics this will be the one. Brilliant.
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
Wild, fun, and heart warming.
This is the only John Hughes movie I've seen thus far that doesn't include any members of his infamous "brat pack," so it came as a surprise to me that he directed the movie. I had seen it once before when I was 5-ish and I recently found it on the $7.50 rack and I have to say it's a good deal for $7.50. Everything bad that could happen to an individual during travel happens to Steve Martin and John Candy. Not only are they mismatched buds in this quest through hell, but they're also the perfect team for the movie. Martin does a great job of portraying the grumpy Neal who's luck is a little more than low. From stolen money to missing cars Neal's Thanksgiving just isn't going like he dreamed it would. Neal's biggest problem however lies in the annoying but lovable Del (Candy) who just always happens to be by Neal's side even when Neal asks him to leave. The overall effect of the movie is warm, by the time it's over you'll go awwwwwww...! In the event that you've somehow missed this movie then make a point to go see it. Hilarious.
House of Wax (2005)
Like a bad joke.
House of Wax is exactly as my summary describes: it's like a bad joke that seems riddled at first but once you uncover the answer it only makes you roll your eyes in disbelief (mathmatically equivalent to a pun). Now I'm trying to figure out why this movie was redone with such a god-awful cast, but then stop and think about it for a second: Vincent Price was in the original and we all know what that means right? It means it's an untouchable; Price is a a god among actors (the Johnny Depp of his day), and there isn't an actor in this movie that can actually act. Paris Hilton is probably the lowest point in this movie; just because she thinks she can make porn doesn't mean she can act. I've seen really bad B horror actors act better than her. The House of Wax story is a predictable one, you'll see yourself going "der I saw that one coming." The twists are as eye rolling as the acting. I must applaud the House of Wax itself however, it looked beautiful and acted better than everyone in the movie. The overall setting is unrealistic, especially the ending. There is no scary or creepiness factor here unless you're afraid of bad actors. If you're in the mood for a predictable joke movie this ones worth the $5.50 or less bin.
Waiting... (2005)
Waiting for something better.
First off just to clear this off: I work at an Applebees. I know that often times customers aren't any better than the dirt underneath your finger nails; so when I heard about this movie I was, in short, excited. Finally a movie that exposes the rotten customer, but after seeing it I felt empty. Half of this movie was one big long dick joke. I spent 96-ish minuets watching a movie that focused more on how guys flash each other when what I wanted to see was 96-ish minuets of real-to-life customer and server interaction. While yes, the customer interactions in here were very real, the truth is there wasn't enough. The acting was decent, but the loud screaming chick annoyed me to no end. The story danced around a decision. I snickered at a few parts but I never found myself laughing out loud. The sexual humor felt very American Pie-esquire in some cases when I was expecting more of an Office Space/Dilbert style. If you serve, cook, host, or bartend at a restaurant you'll find some of this movie to be funny, but not enough to save it's soul.
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Hmmmm....
I have to say overall I wasn't as impressed with Brokeback Mountain as I expected to be. Sure it was a great movie but I just didn't grasp the story like I expected to. The acting was superb everything felt real, the forbidden romance... but I've seen this already in other movies, mainly Romeo and Juliet. Only this time it's Romeo and Jecht, which I don't find there to be any problem with but I guess I was going in expecting too much. There really wasn't an epic story, more it was a story of secrets. Both character's lives fell apart because of each other but something about this movie felt so empty. I am but a humble reviewer, out of all of the people that I know that have seen this only one was completely in love with it. It'll be something I throw in every now and then, but I think I'll just stick to my R&J. See this if you haven't, it really is a good movie, it just didn't feel that... "fresh" to me.
Fainaru fantajî sebun adobento chirudoren (2005)
Best action movie - ever.
If I were to make a list of my top 5 favorite video games ever Final Fantasy 7 would make the top 3. I first heard of Advent Children during 2004 and just the previews were eye candy and now finally it rests firmly in my collection and I'm as happy as can be, and even more happy to tell you that: it friggin rocks. Advent Children hosts the best action sequences ever making movies like The Matrix trilogy and newer Star Wars look like mere children's movies. Cloud still holds true to his name, he's a gloomy hero and actually bears a resemblance to X/1999's Kamui. All the original characters are back, even Aries (who died in Disc 1 of FF7 on PSONE). Character development is good, and plot outline is great. The story is more enjoyable if you've played FF7. If you haven't though, you need not fret, there's a filler on Disc 1 of the movie to get you up to date with all the important stuff that happened two years prior. And even if you don't actually enjoy the story itself, again, the action sequences will will open your eyes; especially in the last half of the movie which is consumed by nearly all action. If you have played the game then you're bound to enjoy this, if you haven't there will be some plot holes but it's nothing that'll destroy the experience of the movie for you.
Flightplan (2005)
Where's my baby, where's my daughter?
I enjoyed this movie about as much as I enjoy being kicked in the groin. I never had any intentions to see it, rather a co-worker decided it'd be a great idea to go out and get it. After painfully seeing him pay $19.95 for it and hearing his disappointment I had to, I guess to be fair because I was friggin right, watch this sorry excuse for a movie. If you read my tag line then you know the plot outline which grows tiresome after you hear Jodi Foster run around for about 45 straight minuets going "Where's my baby, where's my daughter?" The plot twist made my eyes roll, the acting didn't improve anything. Sure Jodi Foster was convincing but it didn't really take much acting to repeat the same two lines over and over again. Shy away from this.
Tokyo Babylon 1999 (1993)
Pretty eh...
It's really very hard to believe this is the Subaru from X/1999 the movie. I love the X manga, movie, and series but this just wasn't what I was expecting. I don't wanna hit the animations too hard because it was obviously made awhile ago so I'm just gonna steer away from that. The reason I got this was because I thought it would lead up to the big battle between Subaru and Seshiro that happens very shortly into the X movie. Well I was wrong, in fact, Subaru really doesn't seem like Subaru. He's a soft spoken supernatural investigator that lives with Seshiro (who is the actually the leader of the clan that rivals Subaru's) and his overly annoying twin sister. Although Seshiro does hint at being a bad guy in this but it never fully comes forward. The overall story is divided into two 45min episodes. I wasn't that entertained with them, Subaru was so not himself it was like watching an anime that had no connection to X/1999. If you've seen/read X/1999 you won't really gain or lose anything by watching this, but if you've got $10 and 95min to blow it's better than watching Demon City: Shinjuku or Wicked City again. The one thing I learned was why Seshiro killed Hokuto... it was because she's too friggin annoying.