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Rocky and His Friends: The Ruby Yacht: Parts 5-6 (1963)
Trees can be pretty useful.
During SPARE THAT TREE, one character attempts to protect a shade tree. I've spent a lot of time in a house lacking central air conditioning. Fortunately, there's a line of walnut trees facing the East side of this residence, sparing it the warmest sun rays during the morning and early afternoon hours, mitigating the need to have a box fan whirling in every window on the East side of this home. High school biology class teaches students that such leafy towering plants also transform rampant carbon dioxide into oxygen, which presents those of us with an asthmatic family member another big benefit. It's no wonder that loggers should SPARE THAT TREE.
Peabody's Improbable History (1959)
It's really not talking out of turn to state the fact that . . .
. . . the focal point of PEABODY'S IMPROBABLE HISTORY: DON JUAN centers around a common garden vegetable; namely, the lowly onion. These ground appetizers were first discovered by a Greek named Aristotle Plato in 4,926 BC. Legend has it that Arie, as he was known to his fellow farmers, stumbled across a wild onion while cultivating a field for his asparagus crop around 8 AM on a Friday morning Be that as it may, there are seven major species of commercial onions, breaking into 391 distinct varieties when all is said and done. Mr. Peabody does not make it clear to which type of white tuber Mr. Juan becomes addicted. Chances are that it is the Rebel Vidalia product.
Fractured Fairy Tales (1959)
Some of this program's episodes . . .
. . . raise more questions than the number of answers which they provide. Take SWEET LITTLE BEAT, for instance. First off, isn't the ground vegetable spelled "beet?" Secondly, are beets REALLY that little? I may not have grown up on a farm, but it's my understanding that beets fall in between cranberries and watermelons, size-wise. Some beets are bigger than some potatoes or rutabagas. Then you have the question of sugar beets and red beets. Which variety is larger? Don't ask me; I'm not a vegetable planter. And do Sweet Little Beat's older sisters have REAL names? Maybe there's someone somewhere on the planet actually named "Prune Ella." But "Grin Messed Up"?! Give me a break!
Peabody's Improbable History: Lucrezia Borgia (1959)
If the lady in this picture . . .
. . . REALLY was a crazed purveyor of poison, surely she would not have shelled out big bucks for arsenic and strychnine, when almost every known husband snuffer relies on that old standby: antifreeze. However, it is true that this dame was Italian. Experienced cooks know that the Italian diet bloats many people to a breaking point. That is why few adults in Italy attain the "ripe old age" of 50. With Jimmy Carter turning 100 in a few weeks, it is clear that All-American food, such as peanuts, crackerjacks, hot dogs and hamburgers are far more likely to lead to a long life than fatal doses of pasta and spaghetti. Therefore, in this case, Peabody's Improbable History is partially true.
Rocky and His Friends: Moosylvania: Parts 3-4 (1963)
There are problems with the heading . . .
. . . of this television program's "Fractured Fairy Tale" from the git go. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST smacks of lookism of the worst sort, and what follows here will be sure to turn the stomach of any right-thinking Citizen of Today. BEAST makes frequent use of the "U" word. As if that's not bad enough, BEAST also is sprinkled throughout with the three-letter "H" word, meaning the pejorative noun which rhymes with "sag." A virtual harbor of misogyny, BEAST is recommending that the Youth of America begin judging all book by their covers. This film turns the "bully pulpit" opportunity to spread good cheer into an evil opening to bully 98% of the globe's girls over possible insecurity issues concerning their self-images.
Peabody's Improbable History: The Wright Brothers (1960)
This seriea often is gratuitously demeaning . . .
. . . regarding its title characters. For instance, take THE WRIGHT BROTHERS. Mr. P. and his boy Sherman discover that Orville and Wilbur cannot count up from one to three. It is totally impossible for viewers to believe that two dudes with such a leasrning deficit in the field of basic arithmetic could understand aerodynamics well enough to invent airplanes. Perhaps this is the point. Cranks residing in the British Isles have long contended that the Earl of Oxford was the first to fly a heavier-than-air self-powered sky craft, while a deluded ilk of dolts residing near Paris ascribe such an accomplishment to Madame Curie's husband. These clueless pretenders are trying to reign upon America's parade. Mr. Peabody should not be jumping upon their lopsided band wagons.
Rocky and His Friends: Mucho Loma: Parts 5-6 (1962)
Though many reviewers have labeled it as a '"goof" . . .
. . . when the narrator states that Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties won the 1904 Olympic Decathlon, to which he appends the afterthought "which was not held that year," technically the voiceover dude is being 100% accurate. The first Olympics ever held in America premiered in St. Louis. Being housed in a renegade "gray" state, which would be classified as red Today, this Missouri nether world boasted of a "human zoo," in which people of many hues were displayed in cages. Getting back to Dudley, the official Olympic records still list the "Men's All-Around" gold medalist, but his event was NOT called a "decathlon," though it featured 10 events. Some of these were weird and bizarre, such as the 56-pound weight throw. Since an Irishman won that first and only All-Around top prize, he was exhibited in a small enclosure for the remainder of the St. Louis Games.
Rocky and His Friends: Bumbling Brothers Circus: Parts 1-2 (1962)
There's a story included here that pays homage . . .
. . . to musical shoes. Most anyone who consumes the popular culture of Yesteryear is familiar with "tap dancing," which involves participants wearing modified footwear learning to move their feet at a frenetic pace to provide a percussive accompaniment to some sort of background music. Unfortunately, this is not an equal opportunity skill, as it requires pedal dexterity, a keen sense of rhythm, limber pegs and general good health to excel. Now that most Americans have adopted sketchy shoes which are often lace free, few are willing to put in the long hours of intensive practice needed to make a living tap dancing. Fortunately, THE ELVES AND THE SHOEMAKER shows how ANYONE can possess musical shoes to startle, amaze and amuse their friends and relatives.
The Dudley Do-Right Show: The Inspector's Nephew/Matinee Idol/Snidely Arrested (1959)
Sometimes it is very difficult to post a rating.
This is particularly true when the subject matter of a film is unpleasant, exploitative or downright disagreeable. Take MATINEE IDOL, for instance. This picture addresses the demeaning way in which stunt people are treated by directors and producers in the film industry. While some viewers may regard IDOL as an attempt at a humorous spoof, evaluators cannot forget that many if not most Truths are spoken in jest. Otherwise, who in their rational mind could regard the prospect of America's favorite moose being blown up--not once, but twice!--as a laughing matter?! When all is said and done, IDOL is more of a sobering critique than an idle joke.
Rocky and His Friends: Banana Formula: Parts 5-6 (1962)
The controversial second segment of this . . .
. . . TV show, THE KING AND THE WITCH, is very touchy subject matter. For instance, there's a W-word in the title. Will this site's evil censorship bots delete one's Right to Free Speech if you spell out the actual title? Possibly. Such things are widely reported to be happening as the world wide web erodes our former Freedoms away. This picture also includes spoofs of a sport commonly referred to in the American language as a four-letter word beginning with the letter "G" and concluding with the letter "F." A derivative of this formal name widely used in common parlance is spelled out on screen as "goof." Can one get away with spelling out "goof"? You decide.
Rocky and His Friends: Banana Formula: Parts 1-2 (1962)
Back in the 1900's . . .
. . . most anyone who dabbled in writing tried to take credit for this program's middle minute, aka HOW TO BE HAPPY. Some scribe averse to notoriety submitted this for publication in their local Sunday bulletin, and the church secretary kept the secretive author's name hidden till their final breath. Boris Bad jumps on this plagiarism bandwagon, changing the brief poem's key refrain from "Do something for someone, quick!" to "Do something to someone, quick!" Whether it's making the cultured moose fall flat on his face, get mousetrap injuries, receive a super soaking, plunge down through a trap door or get blown up by dynamite, Boris is very mean to Bullwinkle.
Rocky and His Friends: Banana Formula: Parts 3-4 (1962)
"And he called her his bargain Sweetie . . . "
" . . . Because she was 50% off," narrator Ed Horton concludes his fractured fairy tale titled THE MAGIC LYCHEE NUTS. This is one of the more unforgettable one-liners during all five seasons of The Bullwinkle Show. If this program had been in the hands of the apprentice people, all kinds of mayhem could have come to pass. The framework of the plot may have lent itself to a brazen manner of stereotypical Asian bashing. Ethnic names probably would face manipulation for cheap jokes, plus viewers would be awash in a wave of misogyny. As it is, MAGIC evidences great respect of another culture, while retaining oodles of humor.
Rocky and His Friends: The Treasure of Monte Zoom: Parts 7-8 (1962)
Janitorial technicians historically have not . . .
. . . been given their due respect, especially by so-called "Royalty," such as kings, queens and jacks. Even novelists such as Aggie Christie seldom credit sweepers such as the heroine of the "Fractured Fairy Tale" SWEEPING BEAUTY with the smarts necessary to pull off such mundane crimes as the theft of a silver platter or a pendant heist. It always seems to be a case of "The butler did it" or "the parlor maid needed some quick cash to deal with the consequences of a randy prince's afternoon delights. The closest a cleaner-upper ever comes to committing even a mere misdemeanor is when they sweep a pile of dirt under a rug. No one aspires to be a feather duster. Such individuals never become worth their weight in gold. No one calls the dude mopping up spills "A real gem." Tidy types are seldom tabbed as "real treasures."
Rocky and His Friends: Goof Gas Attack: Parts 1-2 (1962)
The title printed on-screen at the beginning of . . .
. . . this TV show's Bullwinkle's Corner is WEED WILLIE WIN-KEY. None of the other commentators have mentioned this discrepancy between the title viewers with sharp eyes can read for themselves and what they hear as Bullwinkle J. Moose simultaneously declaims the heading for the poem which he is reciting. One immediately wonders if this incongruity represents a shout out to the pot head community on the part of the Bullwinkle staff. Anyone who has viewed the first three and half seasons of this show has plenty of evidence that the cast and crew of this alleged kids' program were smoking something. Clearly, it was NOT their granddad's Chesterfields.
Rocky and His Friends: Goof Gas Attack: Parts 3-4 (1962)
It is very unlikely that anyone born after 1980 . . .
. . . will have any inkling as to what the term "HI Fie" refers. Back in the long-ago Twentieth Century, these rhyming syllables denoted an arcane musical term: Namely, "High Fidelity." Back in the days of antique vinyl records, owners and players strove to keep these fragile discs pristine and scratch-free. The basics of being a deejay or music producer had yet to be discovered, and no one sampled other people's tunes or messed around with a turntable. Everything was boring, by-the-book and banal: The more vanilla, the better. Dead pale-faces such as Lawrence Whelk, Perry Como, Frank Sinatra, Pat Boone, Bling Crosby. Buddy Holly, Tiny Tim and Tony Bennett ruled to roast, and there was seldom meat loaf left over for anyone else. Mr. Know-It-All explains what you need to know about these backwards times here.
Rocky and His Friends: Lazy Jay Ranch: Parts 5-6 (1961)
Viewers with a less than pleasant experience . . .
. . . at their muffler shop chain's local franchise will likely find the Fractured Tale titled SON OF KING MIDAS not to be entirely to their liking. Though this animated short features fish and pencils, mufflers appear to be few and far between. In fact, I cannot remember seeing a clear depiction of a single exhaust pipe, let alone a catalytic converter. Since the latter are deemed to be "Fool's Gold" in most any major American urban center, they would seem to be particularly suited to be included in any picture named SON OF KING MIDAS. However, car people are relegated to a steady visual diet of fins and pencils here.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 25-26 (1962)
This Bullwinkle Show episode makes out like . . .
. . . journalism should be a joking matter, but nothing could be further from the truth. Obviously, Peabody's Improbable History about Paul Reuter would need some serious rewriting if written Today, in light of yesterday's High Kangaroo Court ruling by the seat occupiers appointed by the U. S. Communist Party. According to these misguided buffoons, all President Noxious had to do to remain in office in 1974 was to take official action against Hoffman and Redford, ordering them to be rubbed out like Garfield and Flynn, and dumped from choppers inside quicklime-filled vaults into deep ocean trenches. Liz, Hilary, Nancy and Rachel are sure to get similar treatments in a few months. Therefore, Paul Reuter would be crying in his beer if Mr. Peabody invited him to America.
The Dudley Do-Right Show: Niagara Falls/Snidely's Vic Whiplash Gym/Marigolds (1959)
VIC WHIPLASH GYM deals with the tragedy sure to ensue . . .
. . . when a dame uses the word "puny" in conversation with a male friend, particularly when this pejorative adjective is being applied to the dude himself or one of his key masculine attributes. Compounding this impending implosion of Dudley Do-Right's fragile male ego, the thoughtless Nell Fenwick treads further down her Road to Perdition by challenging Canada's leading Mounted Cop to an arm-wresting contest and winning easily! Since this sort of belittling is enough to drive most men to drink, Nell forces the tea-totaling Dudley into Snide Lee's gyp joint, leaving the once-robust crime fighter far worse for the wear. Nell needs to learn when a proper young lady must bite her tongue.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 21-22 (1962)
As many political analysts have been pointing out . . .
. . . across the globe during the momentous past week, the "Fractured Fairy Tale" segment of this Bullwinkle Show program speaks volumes about America's current leadership crisis and our impending planetary extinction events. It's never good for a nation to be headed by an apparent ABSENT-MINDED KING. When the mind is absent, leadership is lacking. You can take the case of England's Mad King George III. He misplaced America, and the British Empire never found it again. Then there's the matter of Prussian President Paul Hindenburg. He lost the first presidential debate of.1934 to a slick-talking convicted felon, causing the collapse of his feeble noggin Paul's regime, leading to World War Two and 100 million deaths. ABSENT-MINDED KING warns viewers that History repeats itself.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 9-10 (1961)
This Bullwinkle Show episode includes a busted . . .
. . . ferry tale about what happens when young ladies neglect their personal pruning responsibilities. Such sorry creatures feel shorn of any social inhibitions and make Life miserable for all around them. The title character of LITTLE FRED RIDING HOOD suffers the mischance of stumbling across two such civic menaces. Soon they transform the unfortunate Fred into their own private version of Frankenstein's monster, capable of collapsing bridges at a single stomp. These malingering miscreants are forced to cough up exorbitant punitive damages when Fred finally is able to unmask their malign masquerade.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 7-8 (1961)
Some regions are populated by color-blind people . . .
. . . and others are overrun with residents causing earth tremors as they plod along bearing excess mass. Occasionally, lands bearing said distinctions overlap, such as that part of southern and central America commonly denoted as "Red States." However, North of the U. S. border lies a land in which the inhabitants are so blurry-eyed that they cannot distinguish between the common canine and the run-of-the-mill pachyderm. DUDLEY DO-RIGHT OF THE MOUNTIES: SKAGWAY DOGSLED-RACING CONTEST bears witness to the dire consequences of such mass hallucination. Any semblance of Civilization is constantly teetering on the verge of collapse in such benighted areas.
Rocky and His Friends (1959)
People are always asking me . . .
. . . "What's your favorite "Fractured Fairy Tale" from The Bullwinkle Show? Is it one of the Snow Whites, Cinderella's, Red Riding Hoods or Gold-Dee-Locks?" I always reply that while some of the aforementioned episodes have their merits, my all-time fave may be more of a standalone project. It is called something like PRINCE PRIMROSE AND THE DEAR LITTLE PRINCESS. This involves the story of a royal couple who are anticipating fertility problems. However, after a fairy and a warlock intervene, they get married and have a son, Prince P. Unfortunately, some sort of a curse turns the new dad into a frog, and saddles the heir apparent with a giant red nose of which the castle court makes a mockery. In retaliation, the Queen Mother orders all of her retinue to wear clown snouts at least as large as her son's trunk, and dons one herself. Intriguing complications ensue.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 1-2 (1961)
One of the hallmarks of all the cartoons featuring . . .
. . . Wile E. Coyote was the inclusion of savory recipes for Roadrunner dishes, whether appetizers, entrees, side plates or desserts. Therefore, the Aesop & Son title THE COYOTE AND THE JACKRABBITS seems to promise a mouth-watering smorgasbord of hare-raising treats including Welsh rabbit, bunny burgers and, of course, rabbit stew. Afterall, Little Hiawatha and Elmer Fudge frequently set out the fixings for such repasts on Mr. Coyote's brother animations. However, THE COYOTE AND THE JACKRABBITS proves to be sadly lacking when it comes to providing the latest information on cooking up your lupus delights.
Rocky and His Friends: A Whale of a Tale or Thar She Blows Up/Fast and Moose or Charley's Antlers (1961)
What happens to Steve B's character in the . . .
. . . feature film FARGO, or Mel Gibson's Scotsman in BRAVEHEART, pretty much befell Ferdinand Magellan in Real Life during his round-the-world cruise back in the 16th Century. However, by the time of his 1521 demise, Mr. Peabody and his sidekick Sherman were long gone. The same thing happened with Ponce de Leon down in Florida, and countless other historical figures suffering visitations from the talking dog and his pet within the context of their "improbable history." Which raises the question, "Which came first, the kiss of death or Mr. Peabody's visit?" Mr. P. seems to be a variation on Chuck Dickens' Ghost of Christmas Past, changing the course of Future Events for the worst. This demonstrates the Power of Television.
The Color Purple (2023)
I've always been fascinated by filmmakers . . .
. . . who tackle the task of making a picture about a color. Unfortunately, I have not been able to view very many of these myself, since many such flicks date back to the 1800's or 1900's, and are not available on my streaming service. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE sounds like a real treat, because I love nearly anything orange flavored, whether it's a pop, a shake, a cone or a smoothie. YELLOW SUBMARINE also makes me curious. I've heard the song a few times, and it makes the movie version sound intriguing. I started to watch REDS, but I dozed off because there was too much talking and not enough action. However, I stayed wide awake for all of THE COLOR PURPLE, as there was always a rousing dance around the next corner. It's enough to make Herald give up crayons.