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robbieadams1969
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Shadow Man (2006)
Should be called: Fat Man
Here we go again. Another Seagal movie that has fim flubbing around like a beach whale whispering like he has an entire Vegas Style All-u-Can-Eat Buffet stuck in his mouth.
Terrible Story.
Terrible Plot.
Terrible Action Scenes.
Terrible Fight Scenes.
Seagal has lost the ability to fight many years ago. The only 'fighting' he is capable of now? Fighting to be first in line at Madarin's Friday Night All-u-Can-Eat Buffet.
Straight to video Russian produced trash... Again...
Now there's redeemable qualities to this 'movie'.
1) It's a comedy not meant to be. Take that as you will.
2) It eventually ends.
3) That's it
If you're looking for a time waster action film to pass your time?
Crush coackroaches with a broom handle and film it with your Cellphone in 4k. You'll have a better experience.
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Total Craptasticness of Trash
What can you say about this abortion?
The WORST Marvel movie made EVER... That's saying something when you have movies like:
The Fantastic Four, Elektra, the other Fantastic Four, Howard the Duck... You get the picture.
Thor Love and Thunder beats all of those for craptasticness.
Humor is terrible.
Laughable CGI... Looks like something made on a ZX Spectrum Home Computer...
Story and plot just as bad.... If not worse...
Think of contracting Herpes inside your rectum, then your eyelids followed by your inner Colon and then eyeballs....
Christian Bale is the only reedeming quality in this movie...
Taika Waititi was on shrooms when he directed this abortion... If he wasn't? Good grief..... At least he directed one of the worst movies this past decade... That's saying something I assume.
Stay away from this TRASHTASSTIC movie.
It will give you Herpes.
Death Wish 3 (1985)
Pure CHEESE but good cheese...
This movie gets 5 stars because Charles Bronson is in it.
Everything else is pure cheese.
Horrific acting.
Horrific casting.
Laughable bad guy.
Laughable story.
It's so bad it's good.
Watch this movie while high or drunk and it's trully enjoyable.
Disturbing the Peace (2020)
Low Budget affair without the boobs and ass showing
I give this a 2 star rating just for the few hot women in this movie. That's it.
This is pure cheese. Not as brutal as a Steven Segal movie but almost close.
The fact that the armoured truck is a U-Haul van dressed to look like one pretty much tells you how cheese this movie will be.
Its pure cheese.
Grand Auto Theft: L.A. (2014)
How can anyone give this movie even 1 star. It's that crap
Low grade B movies at least have some sort of appeal. This one? Lol.... Not even that. Looks like it was filmed using an iPhone from 2008.
Not a single women in this 'movie' is actually good looking. The fake blood is comical though.
Only watch this movie if you are certified blind and deaf.
Home Sweet Home Alone (2021)
If you like TRASH. This movie is for you
Pure trash. Why can't we give a negative rating?
If we could? This would get -10/10.
Truly one of the worst movies made in the last 15 years. Worse than most Steven Seagal movies.
F9 (2021)
I give this 2 stars only for the budget.... That's it
This movie is ridiculously ridiculous.
Going to outer space?
Street racers becoming secret agents with expertise in counter insurgency and counter terrorism?
Weapon experts in various disciplines that would make Mossad, SAS, JTF, Special Forces, Navy Seals and just about any other special forces specialists around the globe look like noobs is quite the comical joke.
Then you have street racers that have the backgrounds of actual rocket Scientists.... Or smart like then... They would make Reed Richards cry LOL
This movie is a joke and how it is getting the ratings that it's getting is beyond me.
Yes.... Yes I know this is not an Oscar type movie.... However for all that is holy... At least make a movie somewhat believable... Or just make it Wreck it Ralph.
The movie is terrible and only survives because of the massive budget.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Left4Dead meets We're Alive Marries the Italian Job
Decent entertainment.... It's a cross between a video game.... A Podcast and a heist movie.
Story is all over the place but otherwise it's decent.
Avanpost (2019)
Solid movie.... Script and storyline could be less confusing
Not too shabby.... I was impressed.
Story and script needs work... Otherwise it's a solid movie.
Swelter (2014)
This could have been better.... Story is all over the place
This could have been a better movie, however it's brought down by a confusing script.
The story is all over the place and the pacing is PAINFULLY slow.
Only watch this if you are bored.
Final Score (2018)
It's basically the British version Die Hard...
It's entertaining... It's Die Hard with a twist.... That is all.
Angel Town (1990)
Worst movie in 25 years with the WORST fight choreography
Just ran across this movie. It's in my too 20 worst movies of all time with the WORST fight choreography ever to grace a film.
Then you have the acting. It's beyond craptasstic.
It's so bad that you will laugh and then cringe.
Watch this movie while your high on Acid, meth,Coke and weed. Then MAYBE you can enjoy it.
P. S
How did anyone here give this movie above 2? Unless of course it's individuals that worked on this 'movie' LOL.
Greenland (2020)
Yes... It's a movie and realism is not on the list... BUT REALLY?
Ok... Typical disaster film with a family affair with clinches...
Good tension... And that's it.
I will cut to it.
There is no way the planet survives and life on it after a 10km comet hits the earth... Period.
Birds flying around after? LOL
The atmosphere would be dust ridden and the sky a lake of fire for years and no sun for years if not a decade or more. All life, planets, animals would be dead. 9 months and the sky clears? LOL LOL
Too fake to take seriously
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
What a waste of $30 to rent it
Once again the studios drop the ball with yet another DC movie.
Don't waste your money on this movie.
It's just not that good.
Almost pure cheese
Death Kiss (2018)
This is so terrible that it turns out ok as a comedy
I saw the trailer. This actor looks like Charles Bronson to the point it's uncanny. That's the only reason why I watched this.
The acting? Think of Trolls 2 but actually worse. (That's the comedy part) You will laugh your arse off at the level of poor acting in this movie.
Blood CGI is also comical. It splatters all over the place like a drunk Meth addict trying to pour Heinz Ketchup on a corn dog.
The scenes were actors are running? This makes the running from Steven Segal look like Usan Bolt.
It's like a clown shown without the clowns...
Camera work... What camera work. One would say they used iPhones on gimble to film all the scenes.
Plot... What plot? There is no story here... However this is not the reason to watch this movie.
Cheese? Highest level of cheese for a movie you will ever watch next to Trolls 2...
I recommend this movie for the comedy.
It's so bad that it almost becomes good.
Last: How the hell is anyone giving this movie a 6+ rating LOL
Black Dawn (2005)
LMFAO LOL ROTFLMFAO Some brutal visible Stunt doubles
Ok... Just when you thought low budget 'action' flicks had some of the worst visible Stunt doubles because of poor editing in hiding it?
Welcome to this movie.
If you thought all his previous movies were bad at this.
This movie takes the crown :p
You will love this movie if you're high on some good weed and watch it for pure comedy purposes.
Fattie does it again with one of his worst movies in his sorid straight to Russian prodi yion made movies to video
Today You Die (2005)
Today You Eat 5 Cheeseburgers should be the title
Seagal... Steven... Fattie... Retire...
Putin needs a lap dog... That's your true calling because movies are not it.
Another Seagal trash flick for comedy
Out for a Kill (2003)
Out for a All U Can Eat Buffet should be the title
Can the man get any fatter?
He's the master of FatFu....
Another Seagal comedy....
Out of Reach (2004)
Out of Reach for being good...
Another day... Another Fattie Seagal made movie budgeting with $27 and a record changer.
I expected exactly what I got from this movie: Trash.
30 minutes in and I was done. That seems to be the full length of his movies I can stomach without hurling in laughter
Gutshot Straight (2014)
I actually way he'd this past the 40 minute mark. That's a first for a Segal movie
Thank goodness for Prime Amazon Video for showing these movies.
Better comedy than Monty Python Flying Circus.
The acting is so awesome.... Awesome crap that you will spit up your beverage watching this trash.
Highly recommended if you like comedy of the absurd.
Welcome to another Seagal trash feast
Sniper Special Ops (2016)
Look how Seagal holds every gun.... Fake as ever
All these "special ops" guys are well in their 50's and 60's assigned these special dangerous missions LOL LOL... Soooooo realistic.
Next up?
Grumpy Old Men rescue Hostages in Iran....
Oh... Then you have their commander pushing on 70+ GTFO with that brutal BS casting.
They all would be retired at those ages.
Terrible movie from start to finish....
Oh wait... I turned this trash off after 30 mins.
The Asian Connection (2016)
Connection to Crapsville Asia...
Yet another Russian production made movie that's pure trash.
The acting is so bad it makes troll 2 look like a masterpiece.
Keep em' coming fattie... These movies are pure comedy
The Perfect Weapon (2016)
Oh Lookie.... Another trash trash trash straight to video movie made in mother Russia
Simple: Trash... Fat Trash... The studio making this trash should have just rolled Seagal in flour and roll him out
China Salesman (2017)
With Every Seagal movie I thing it's the worst. Nope... This one is. Pure trash
Where do I start?
I have said it many times before after watching a Seagal movie:
"This is the WORST movie he has ever made"
And here we are again. THIS ONE is the worst movie the Fatman has ever made. PERIOD.
They even digitally put Tyson in some scenes.
Seagal is barely in the movie and when he is? It's just quick editing and slapping of hands by Seagal and his lard lumbering around. He's not even trying anymore. Too much fried Tofu and Pizza's.
Pause the fight scene in the bar and you clearly see Seagal's stunt man doing most of the fight scenes that require actual movement.
Lastly: They just added in Mike Tyson to the mix to try and make sales. It's didn't work.
One of the worst movies I have seen in the last 15 years and the WORST Seagal movie of ALL TIME. (And that's saying something)
Watch this movie if you want to laugh at an old fat man trying to relive his 'glory' days
Into the Sun (2005)
So much sitting for Fattie Seagal
Almost no action in this C rated action movie.
Seagal sits more in this movie than he stands and the fight scenes? (The three) Resembles two children slapping each other's hands.
He's too fat and old to actually fight to the point you see his stunt doubles in half the scenes.
The man needs to lose at least 150lbs
Another Stinker... Why so many higher reviews is beyond me. Are Seagal fans so desperate now to swallow anything he makes?
The 80's and early 90's are over. Seagal is done... Done like the fried chicken and Fried Tofu he eats