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Reviews
V/H/S (2012)
Too much
What we have in V/H/S are a bunch of prolonged horror moments that in
usual cases would be the climax to any average horror movie. The movie
manages to throw 5 of these 'money shots' at the viewer without the
need to tell any real story, build any of the characters or introduce
their personality's to the audience. Whether this is a stroke of genius
originality or just laziness is the question.
You'd be forgiven for thinking that V/H/S is the result a brain
storming session where five writers pitched five stories, with one
'Eureka' moment of making a movie of the ending of all five. What they
seemingly failed to spend any real time on though was the glue to bind
the five stories together. It is completely irrelevant, in fact I would
go as far as to say the movie would be better without it, a "Here are
five tapes that were found, now watch them" instead.
I have to say I am a fan of 'found footage movies'. To me they achieve
the desired effect and can, at times, create some truly chilling
moments. This movie does have it's moments but after a while it all
gets too much, the 'found footage' angle is somehow lost with the
constant change of story. You are never really allowed to reach the
same level of suspense as with other films in this genre.
6/10. It passed the time but I eventually found myself wanting it to
end and asking myself "How many stories to go?"
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Entertaining but left me still unsure.
A hard movie to review without giving away to much. I came into this film expecting a typical, run of the mill teen slasher which I am not a big fan of. It most certainly wasn't that, and for that reason I was pleasantly(?} surprised.
The movie finished and I really couldn't decide if I had liked what I saw or not. I didn't feel like my time had been wasted though, and I suppose I actually was quite entertained... but did I like it? I'm still not sure.
The movie doesn't take itself seriously and is a lot of fun. It takes the chance to laugh at itself. Now, a film that tries to laugh itself will either leave you with that little smile and inner 'nod' to let yourself acknowledge that you 'saw what they did there' or it will fail miserably and the movies failure to tell the joke, becomes the joke. The Cabin In The Woods just about pulls it off.
Keep an open mind, even within the realms of a horror or supernatural, you must keep an open mind. TCITW will take you on a journey from what you think the film should be to a place far, far 'out there'. This is a positive, I think the originality of the writing is what kept me entertained and one thing is for sure, TCITW is 100% original! I'm giving The Cabin In Woods a 7/10. I probably enjoyed it more than I didn't hence a 6/10 taking it just over a neutral score, plus an extra 1 mark for originality.
This movie will split people, you'll either love it or hate it (or be undecided like me), but you need to see it to chose your side. There are worse things to waste an hour and a half on...
The Cold Light of Day (2012)
Cashing in on Bourne
Even without a viewing of the trailer, I came into this movie with mildly high expectations as the the outline and cast list sold it to me. I wasn't expecting ground breaking, I wasn't expecting Willis/Weaver to have the roles of their careers, I was however expecting a middle of the road Bourne style action/mystery/spy thriller that had me entertained and interested... I was WRONG.
Although I wasn't expecting anything new, I thought maybe a new take? No. This movie was the movie you've seen a million times, but worse. It was clichéd to the extreme, the acting was laughable and wooden and everything about it seemed hard work. Even the one scene Willis and Weaver shared together seemed laboured, like neither really wanted to be there at all.
There is nothing memorable about any part of this film whatsoever other than the blatant and at times literally 'in your face' product placement. I've never seen anything quite like it. The whole movie looked like it was written in 5 minutes with the sole purpose of cashing in on Bourne, selling a few Audi's and cans of Cola, and providing Mr Willis and Ms Weaver one more paycheck before inevitable retirement (seems Weaver will do anything for a peanut these days).
2/10. Poor, poor waste of time. Avoid.