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Reviews
In the Dark (2013)
Not the greatest
This movie is a little too hard to believe to be good, it can easily get irritating as you watch it.
It starts out with an artist, Ali, getting in a bad accident and her husband and child are both killed. For someone who was just in such a horrible accident she is left in tip-top physical condition, no scars or injuries whatsoever except now she becomes mysteriously blind with no explanation given.
Next, instead of hiring a qualified licensed aid to help her get around in her house and adjust to her new lifestyle, her doctor just tells her "here is the guy that will help you" and Jeff becomes her aid. Nobody really knows anything about him, no background checks were done, and once again he has no qualifications other than his mother was blind, and yet Ali has no problem immediately letting this man into her house, giving him a key, and giving him access to all of her money. Ali is also pretty much unaffected by the loss of her family. She cries here and there when they are brought up, but otherwise she seems quite chipper despite her situation.
She also has no interest in getting a security system installed in her apartment even though there are concerns about her safety. There are security systems that will beep every time the door is opened so nobody can sneak into the house, key or no key. Luckily for Jeff she never got one, so he can just creep in and out and spy on her. Perhaps her hearing was also affected in the accident, or maybe just her common sense?
As things progress Jeff becomes creepier and creepier, he cuts her husband out of her photos, starts taking secret videos of her, and becomes increasingly possessive, but Ali is hardly bothered. Her new neighbor friend Linda however does become a bit suspicious, but once she knows too much and starts to pry into her life too much, Jeff decides to get rid of her.
After Jeff offs her in her apartment and leaves the body there for days, Ali decides to go investigate as she usually sees her friend daily but lately she's been missing. Having heightened senses from being blind, you'd think she would smell the decaying corpse as soon as she entered the apartment, probably anyone would, but she doesn't realize her friend is dead until she falls on the puddle of blood, which is curiously still soaking wet.
If you can't already tell what the problems with this movie are I'll make it more clear- it's just lame. It isn't engaging enough for a suspense story and it's pretty hard to believe, almost silly at times because of the lack of believability. Jeff's backstory, which isn't revealed until the movie ends, is poorly thought out at best. The way he is defeated is also unlikely. And the acting is certainly nothing special (Jeff is especially cheesy at times).
TV movies usually aren't the greatest, but there are much better lifetime movies out there. I'd recommend finding something else.
Deranged (2012)
Not very good
I watch a lot of horror movies, including many horrible and low budget ones. While this one wasn't the worst, it really doesn't have anything to offer.
The plot is unoriginal and uninteresting, but that in itself isn't a big deal. What makes this movies bad is the characters aren't very engaging, everything is spelled out from the beginning so there are no surprises, and the horror aspect is seriously lacking.
Everybody gets killed so quickly without putting up a fight, like it would really be that easy for one petite girl to kill like 5 people with just a knife, even after they're all on guard and they know someone is after them. And for people who are into gore there wasn't much of it, towards the end there was some blood on the people and that's it. You'd think in this type of movie the very least it would have is a lot of blood.
And I know that having a good build up of suspense can be more difficult for a movie like this so I wasn't expecting much, but when they tell you right at the beginning of the movie who the killer is, who she's going to kill, and why, it's like they weren't even trying. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense either, I guess the only explanation they could give was the title.
No suspense, no characters you care about, and no gore just lead to a very dull horror.
The Conjuring (2013)
What happened to atmosphere in horror?
This movie was okay for one of it's genre. Most horror movies, while fun, are really bad. This one wasn't really bad, it was better than a lot of what I've seen lately, but it was silly, and not very scary. And I am ignoring the plot holes, because they're almost unavoidable in horror movies and they weren't awful or distracting like some.
What makes a horror movie scary is if it could happen to you or you at least think it could. Jump scares, as are typical nowadays, are fun and I like them, but they do not make the movie. They should be added in to please those who want them and make things more exciting, but loud music/sound effects surprising you does not cause fear. And neither does making the ghosts over the top.
Okay, I guess I'll say what the film did well first.
They didn't show too much, which is good for building that creepy atmosphere, even though the atmosphere was lacking in other ways. The ghosts or demons were not shown very frequently, and when they were it still wasn't too clear, so it could still seem spooky. That's the one thing I think they did right, that a lot of movies (ie Mama) don't. And, unlike most religious horror movies, they did not make the religious people seem like nuts, so they did not ruin the story. Often religious characters are so unlikeable and illogical that they take away from the rest of it, but the characters in this were pretty decent, and you do hope that they conquer their haunted house and everyone makes it out okay. Which also leads to the actors, the main adult characters were all well acted. The kids and side/beginning characters not so much, but whatever.
That said, it still wasn't very strong. It didn't feel genuinely creepy because it went too far. You don't get the sense of foreboding, instead the ghostly activity is happening all the time, and they are not realistic enough to cause real scares. There is no build up for the scares, they are constant, and that makes them leave a lot less of an impact. Even the sort of silly scares can work if its built up to them enough and isn't overdone (like in the first Paranormal Activity).
I know horror movies aren't known for the realism, but it needs to feel like it could happen to be scary, at least in my opinion, and I'm not sure why so many people are giving this movie such good reviews because of it. Never in my life have I feared having chairs thrown at me from across the room by demons, or myself being thrown across the room. Nor have I feared demonic earthquakes that destroy everything, or someone in my family being possessed and floating around and sitting on the ceiling. Nor being burnt and killed if I walked out of my house. Witches are hardly scary on their own. This one even had floating guns that shoot at you and try to kill you. Guns are scary, but because of the people that use them, not because ghosts are going to steal them and kill you. If it could never happen and is over the top, it makes it ridiculous and silly rather that scary. It's little things that could be coincidental or could be your imagination that are really creepy, leading up to the big moments at the end.
It also had typical inconsistencies to fit the plot that are a bit annoying. For example the girls wake up when they hear a thudding (the sister sleep walking) but a large amount of glass breaking making an unusually loud crashing sound right outside of the bedrooms doesn't wake up anyone. The camera angles and the soundtrack were sometimes unfitting.
If you're a horror fan as I am, you'll probably enjoy watching this, but it isn't likely to leave a lasting impression.
Now You See Me (2013)
I liked it, but still disappointing
So the idea of this movie had a lot of potential, and in some ways it exceeded my expectations. There were a lot of things that could easily be done poorly with this idea, and they did a good job in those areas, and that was surprising. However the general story was not done very well, and I'm not sure why. I still give the film a pretty decent rating because it was entertaining and did well with the magic, atmosphere, and payoff, but focus and the characters were off.
Don't read if you don't want spoilers.
To sum it up- what was done well was really good. The magic shows were pretty awesome. They were suspenseful, they seemed almost believable, they left you thinking about their tricks, and when they were explained, it was well thought out and interesting. The general ideas of the characters were pretty good, it's hard to really dislike any of them. The side characters and antagonists are especially likable. And the end reveal was cool. It's unexpected, it makes sense when you think about it, and complicated plans are sometimes good just because you have to think a little more. And none of the motivations were too expected or cliché, which I like in a story.
But that said, it has too many flaws to be considered anything better than good. It is not a great movie, it is only slightly better than mediocre. Here's, in my opinion, why: First, the focus was not a great idea. The focus should have been on the horsemen (it wasn't at all)rather than the agents trying to catch them. They are following someone they don't know at all, they haven't even met him, for reasons they are not sure of. They do not even know if their end goal exists, and at any time they could ruin their whole lives because of the scheme. Yet they continue to follow the plan. This would be interesting to follow, what is going through their minds through everything, how much do they trust it, how are they setting everything up. But that is pretty much ignored, instead a stereotypical romance between the agents is the main subplot other than them trying to stop the horsemen. And it was okay, but it was nothing special.
The reveal, while I thought was a good surprise, the way it was executed wasn't great. The first half of the movie didn't really hint to it at all, you don't even know most of the story behind it. The whole thing (which was complicated) was explained in about 30 seconds. God forbid you had to go to the bathroom, you would be lost if you missed it. There was not enough set up for it. And the end was lame. We find out Rhodes is the leader and his motive, which was fine. But then his entire romance and relationship with the other agent was still pursued. Everything he said to her was a lie, as was his entire personality he made up, but in the end they're still in love without a second thought and he's going to make serious sacrifices for that? NO, just no. Which is also why the focus didn't hold up, because it was mostly pointless once you find this out. And plus, the ones who seemed like they should have been the main characters, the horsemen, are just dumped. Yeah, they get into the organization Rhodes leads, but then what? Nothing about what they do next is explained. Does this organization do anything or did they ruin their life for revenge that is irrelevant to them? Are there other members and if not will there be? This is all made unimportant, and the end just follows the shallow romance. Which is done in just about every movie, so not only is it dumb, but it's incredibly bland and typical. They didn't even try to set up for a sequel, they just ignored the magicians.
Oh, and this is probably just nitpicking, but there was a lot of unnecessary and distracting use of cgi. It just wasn't needed, and it didn't look very good. People could have easily done the majority of those effects for real rather than using computers.
I did like this movie. However it could have been so much better that in the end it feels hollow. The premise was good, the story throughout and plans were good, the characters were good, and they didn't use it to its potential at all. All movies have flaws, but these ones were too big to be able to love the film. It's fun to watch, I guess it's worth it, but I wish it had been better.
In the Mix (2005)
It really wasn't that bad
I caught this movie on TV recently, and I am a little surprised at all of the awful reviews it has. Was it a great movie? No, of course not. But really it isn't as horrible as it is being made out to be.
It is a pretty typical romance story about two people who fall for each other even though they come from very different families and daddy doesn't approve. The girl's (Dolly) father is an Italian mob boss and our main character (Darrell) is a young DJ who, it seems, escaped a ghetto-like lifestyle along with his father because of the mob boss (Frank). Frank asks Darrell to protect his daughter from an unknown hit man that is after him and his family. He agrees, and you have your story.
Now, I will admit, the acting is not very good, the plot is old news, the characters are a bit dull, it is predictable and cliché, and over all it is not a very high quality movie. But does that mean it is one of the worst movies ever and deserves a rating around 2/10? Not in my opinion. I have seen a lot lot worse out there, some movies I don't even want to finish, and some of them get pretty good ratings on here (even with bad critic ratings).
This movie at least managed to keep me watching until the end. Actually I really didn't think much of it, I didn't like it or dislike it. It is a movie you can watch without having to think, it will follow the path you think it does- it is an easy watch. Sometimes those kinds of movies are good when you're bored and maybe want to do something else simultaneously while watching. To me it seems like any other mediocre/low-quality movie, nothing horrible, but nothing great either. So I give it a 5.
Identity Thief (2013)
Another totally unbelievable movie
Now first I'll say that this movie did have some funny moments. But the sparse comedy cannot make up for the entire plot being poorly written. I was so preoccupied with how ridiculous the scenarios and characters' actions were I could hardly enjoy the few funny moments there were.
If you're going to make a movie totally unrealistic, then why try to make it seem believable at all? They might as well have made a scene involving a unicorn farm, that probably would have made more sense.
We start the movie with a man named Sandy, who happens to work in accounting, giving away all of his important personal information over the phone to a person he doesn't know working for a company he doesn't know. Lady calls and says she will protect his info for free, he says okay and gives it all to her. Okay, that's logical, because I do that all the time (sarcasm). Most people would at least think it was a telemarketer, if not a scammer, and hang up, especially someone who deals with large amounts of money on a regular basis. But not in this movie.
Next this person manages to get arrested in his name and rack up thousands of dollars on his credit cards without him being aware at all. In this day and age, if I even make one purchase from a somewhat suspicious website, my credit company puts a hold on my card until they verify that I was the one who made the purchase. A couple of months ago my credit card was stopped because I made about $100 order from a website in another country and I had to call them to tell them it was fine. The same happens with large purchases made in different areas usually, so again, not sure how this happened in the film.
Then after the police are pretty unhelpful, Sandy decides he is going to catch fake Sandy all by himself and bring her in to the police where he lives... okay I guess. But when she punches him in the throat and arguably attempts to murder him by repeatedly smashing into him with his stolen car, he still does not call 911 right where he is. Instead he continues to try to do it by himself and bring this person across the country. While it may indeed take a long time to prosecute someone for identity theft; carjacking, attempted murder, or aggravated assault and battery seem like logical reasons to put someone in jail on the spot and the matter should have been resolved pretty quickly.
These tirades continue throughout the film as they try to get home, outrun a bounty hunter, etc, all leading up to the thief (we now call Diana) being some sympathetic woman who just wants to make herself feel better with money because of her sad life. So she is forgiven in the end and trusted, and even teaches her new buddy Sandy how to also steal identities, and he thinks it's great and justifiable after all he went through. And then she turns herself in to the police. That's the story of the everyday criminal isn't it?
I am getting tired of these movies that think being unrealistic and committing felonies without consequences is funny. It isn't. I guess they've run out of real ideas so they are just writing whatever they can think of. The main characters are usually unlikeable as well.
I give it a 4 for the laughs. Compared to other comedies being released, this movie is typical. People used to mediocre stories like the majority of films today might not have a problem with this one.
Love Wrecked (2005)
Pretty lame, but harmless
If you're a fan of Amanda Bynes you might enjoy this just because she's in it playing her usual role, but otherwise, this movie is pretty awful.
The main character Jenny is supposed to be a smart, soon-to-be pre-med student who is looking for love while working a summer job on a tropical resort. Notice I say "supposed to be" as although they talk about her being brilliant throughout the movie, she is actually made out to be quite an idiot. She is obsessed with a famous rock star and is constantly drooling over him, and seriously considers being with him in a long term relationship even though she has never met him. Sure Amanda Bynes is cute and can be funny, but she comes across as a bit pathetic in this one.
The movie is also filled with cliché characters, which makes it a bore, and it's very predictable from the moment it starts. There are no surprises here. You have the cute best friend with a crush on Jenny, the typical mean girl enemy (who happens to be everywhere she is), the rock star's stuck up agent with a British accent and weird hair, the black friend who's a player, an unsympathetic boss, the whole works.
Now other than the characters seeming more desperate than funny, there isn't anything else horribly wrong with the movie, but it definitely falls flat and isn't all that enjoyable. But there is nothing offensive about it, it is cutesy and clean, so if you're really bored and are into teen girl rom-coms or you like Bynes, it may be worth a one time watch. If you like more substance to a movie as far as plot, characters, or humor, you will probably want to skip this one.
The Helpers (2012)
Awful movie
This movie starts off with a pretty typical horror plot, a group of young friends is traveling (by car in the middle of nowhere, of course) to Las Vegas for a weekend trip. They need to take a detour because a road is closed, and suddenly, two of their brand new tires mysteriously blow. Do they get suspicious and go check to see if someone put something in the road to purposely cause it? Nope. Do they even have an idle curiosity as to what may have been the cause, even if it was an accident? Of course not. And as usual they also have no cell phone signals anywhere, nor do they try to get a signal very hard, even though just a minute ago they had one. Right from the beginning all of the characters are so unbelievably stupid it makes you want to quit watching there.
As the movie progresses it just gets worse. The villains, after they reveal themselves, are so ridiculously over the top it is laughable. I'm not sure if it is the actors' fault or just the directing and writing in general, but it seriously is stupid. Nobody has even the slightest bit of a realistic personality, and in the end the motives don't really make much sense either.
Isn't one of the main points of a horror movie to make you scared? But when a movie seems totally fake, lame, just generally unbelievable and you know nothing like this could ever happen in a million years, what is scary about it? And as others have already mentioned, it brings nothing new to the table, it has all been done before.
Maybe some people will enjoy it just for the fun if they're into the torture stuff, but anyone else will most likely find it too stupid to bear, it's almost embarrassing. I guess if you're really bored, a one time watch won't kill you, otherwise steer clear.
Hide and Seek (2005)
I enjoyed it
I'm not going to go defending this film and say its a great movie or anything like that, because it definitely has many faults, but I found it entertaining enough to like it. Sure the "twist" wasn't executed very well, the end wasn't very good, nor was it an original idea, but the first half of the movie was done well, the acting was better than most, and the atmosphere/score managed to be somewhat creepy. No film is perfect, so despite its flaws, it kept me interested and watching until the end. It is about psychologist and his daughter moving into the country to start a new life after the suicide of his wife, however it seems his daughter creates a disturbing new imaginary friend to cope with her loss. Though it turns out her new friend Charlie may actually be real. It's good to watch when you're in the mood for a thriller type movie. Nothing groundbreaking here, and doesn't require a lot of thought, but a fun watch none the less.
Marvin Marvin (2012)
Possibly the worst show ever
It is not often that I say something is the absolute worst, because usually it would be seriously exaggerating, but with this show, I honestly think it could be the worst or at least equal with the worst show I have ever seen in my entire life. It is just as bad as Fred, except unlike that which started as a dumb internet show, this somehow managed to get approved for TV right off the bat. I can't imagine who would have thought it was a good idea. The idea isn't original, there is nothing funny about it, and the acting is below average as well. You can tell where it tries to be funny but fails horribly, the "jokes" actually made me cringe while watching it. The whole thing basically consists of Marvin displaying gross bodily functions and acting like an idiot, which is supposed to be explained bu him being an alien, but it gets old fast, within the first few minutes of the first episode it already makes you want to never watch it again. This show will make you fear for the future of humanity. Avoid it if at all possible.
The Perfect Teacher (2010)
Not bad, but a little bit too ridiculous
So the premise of the movie, although unoriginal, was entertaining enough. An unstable girl in high school becomes obsessed with her hot new math teacher/volley ball coach and will do anything to try to get him. I didn't bored while watching it and the acting wasn't bad for a TV movie, I have seen much worse.
However I think this movie's main weakness is it's unbelievability. The teacher is made out to be an innocent victim of this girl's obsession, while in reality he was encouraging the behavior and probably breaking many school policies and maybe laws. Most schools, regardless of the state's laws, do not let teachers socialize with students individually outside of school, but this man found it acceptable for her to pick up his daughter and the three of them go out together, come to his house, go to his ex-wife's funeral, etc. He would have coffee with her, flirt with her, talk about personal relationships, and allow her to call his cell phone on a regular basis, but when she starts to outright say she want them to be together, he seems appalled and thinks she is the one who is totally out of line. He should have been reported (or reported her) in the beginning, or if not had his teaching license revoked and been terminated. I just seems most of the characters were completely incapable of making rational or realistic decisions.
But even though most people have seen this story before and it does have some issues, I would say it's still worth watching once.
Ted (2012)
Why did people like this?
I have no problem with movies that are considered vulgar or crude and I have always been a fan of Seth MacFarlane and Family Guy, but this movie really just wasn't good. At times I had trouble paying attention because it was so boring and predictable.
Other than one of the main characters being a teddy bear rather than a person there was nothing original, it wasn't very funny, and the ending was awful. Now I know the plot usually isn't the strong point of most comedies, but the movie started and ended in exactly the same place, the main conflict was never resolved, so really everything in the middle of the movie turned out to be pointless.
This movie wanted to be a live action family guy type, but part of the reason family guy works so well is because it is a cartoon. In a regular movie the jokes don't hold up very well and the plot isn't strong enough to get into it.
I'm not saying this movie isn't worth seeing, there were a couple funny parts, but it's nothing I would call hilarious or rate as almost an 8. Generally it wasn't very interesting.