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jebisnot
Reviews
Culprits (2023)
Disappointing
Slickly produced, the first few episodes suck you in... only to deliver a plot so full of holes you can see right through it. No idea why it's billed as a comedy either... unless it's the laughable fact that the cast can instantaneously find each other across continents despite being off-grid and incognito. Don't get me started on the 'Brain' who is somehow impossible to find by the 'villain' despite not being incognito.
Regardless, standout acting from 'Muscle' & 'Psycho' who became the only reason I watched all the way through the series.
The finale is utterly preposterous and hammed up to the max by Eddie Izzard who seems to think he's in a pantomime.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Cheesiest movie I've ever seen
No point watching this: Wonder Woman has every superpower available in the Marvel and DC universe...it's ridiculous! DON'T WATCH THIS!
(^My 10 yr old son wrote this ^)
Final: The Rapture (2013)
'This cannot be happening...'
Having attempted to watch this based on the positive reviews, I had to abandon ship after 20 minutes. This is puerile movie-making at best, a shambolic ensemble of z-list actors who didn't seem to have grasped the basics at acting school. It's a shame, as a non-Christian I was hoping for some insight. Instead I just discovered that the 10/10 reviews left here were utterly dishonest. Shame on you, fake reviewers... you give Christians a bad name. I now have to fill 10 lines for this to qualify as a review, quite frankly I object to wasting anymore time on this dire excuse of a film. Tired, dull, clichéd drivel is what you'll find staring back at you if you bother to watch this.
The Blacklist (2013)
White Noise
Yes, a promising & intriguing start, let down by a succession of weak and increasingly preposterous plots... Spader's mash-up of vegetarian Hannibal meeting a vegan Dexter whilst in the CIA is fun. I'm on episode 8 and tend to leave the show running in the background whilst I do something more useful (like knitting scarves for Christmas) I'm hanging in for the denouement, I have my suspicions as to where it all leads (very clearly signposted early on in the series)in the hope that this white noise generator brings a monumental twist in the final episode. But my moneys on the completely underwhelming heroine being his xxxxxxxx, conceived during an affair with the slaughtered xxxxxx.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Mesmerising...
What gripped me? It certainly wasn't the plot/acting/camera-work. Perhaps it was John Travoltas faux-English accent? his swaying nostril strings? or perhaps the funky dreadlocks perched atop a glowing spam head? No, it has to be his swinging whale of a cod-piece. Mercifully the camera happens to avoid his nether-region in most shots, but beware, there is a monster lurking down there. Meanwhile, a 'movie' takes place around this cumbersome object. The plot was clearly written by said Cod-Piece, for there is no other excuse for this dribbling mess. Regardless, Battlefield: Earth is well worth a watch, if only to work out how the actors in this homage to L. Ron Hubbard delusional space opera ever managed to salvage a career in the aftermath. The cod-piece out-acted the whole sorry lot of them.