Change Your Image
anthonyfeather
Reviews
Da Vinci's War (1993)
I'm a Vanity fan, which was my sole motivation for watching.
If you aren't a diehard Vanity or Michael Nouri fan, I'd have to tell you not to bother with this movie. For those of you who are fans of Michael Nouri and Vanity, my review is for you: Vanity plays a woman with a past who has revised her life through a new faith. This storyline is similar to her real life, which was fascinating to see her portray. Vanity is a sideline character, supporting the hero (Joey Travolta) in this film. Her clothes are sober and in character, so you won't see the sexy flash and glamour of her other roles. She does have a musical performance in this movie, which is weak and should have been trimmed for time. That's hard for me to say, because I am her biggest fan. You deserve the truth, though. Michael Nouri is always fun to watch as the villain (no matter how bad the movie), because he's great looking and stylish. The hero (Joey Travolta) in this vendetta justice type story has a band of buddies, Vietnam Vets, who assist him in his search to find his sister's killer. Sad to say, this band of buddies are the most embarrassing part of the movie, I had to fast forward past their scenes. Painfully weak performances.
Action Jackson (1988)
Vanity Fans Take Note: Her Best Performance
Review dedicated to the "Vanity" fans out there, who now know her as Evangelist Denise Matthews. She plays a heroin addict, songstress named Sydney Ash. Once again, she plays a role that is similar to her situation in real life. Carl Weathers, a rogue cop who doesn't play by the rules, seeks her out as part of his research on a killer. Vanity glows in this role, and turns in a better performance than she gave in "The Last Dragon". It's not just her incredible beauty, which has been her calling card. There are moments in her performance where you see real depth and growth in her acting, and a promise of better performances to come. She held closely to her persona sex kitten formula after The Last Dragon, and we see it here to. We'll never know if she could have improved her craft, since she has become a born again Christian, vowing never to work in Hollywood again. She has a musical number, and you will not be disappointed. I recommend this movie as being fun, reckless and entertaining. I'm not an action movie fan, but I liked this movie. There were silly moments, but nothing too painful or embarrassing to watch. If nothing else, see this movie for Sharon Stone before she was "SHARON STONE". There is steamy female nudity for the obvious lead ladies, and blood and violence. If all that appeals to you, see this movie!
Deadly Illusion (1987)
It's deadly, because you'll die of boredom.
Those of you who remember Morgan Fairchild in "Paper Dolls" as "Racine" will note how similar she is in this role. She's a beautiful model agency owner. Imagine that? What a stretch. She looks lovely behind the desk contemplating sexy bad girl deeds while tapping her glamour length nails on the fancy desk. It's been done before, many times. Vanity plays, lets face it, herself. She walks about in dazzling hot outfits, she looks beautiful, she's sassy in her double-entendre way. Unfortunately, those things aren't enough to invest a movie's worth of time to watch this stinker. I saw this movie at the Mann Chinese theatre in Hollywood. Even so, the theatre's historic aura wasn't enough to keep me happy to be there. I wanted to leave, but I stayed, hoping for something original to happen. I waited, and waited... There is no Vanity song performance in this movie, sadly. There is an illusion referred to in this movie, thus the title. I wasn't deceived, and I wasn't surprised. I remember the luster of Morgan Fairchild's image during the 80's. If you are a die hard Vanity or Morgan Fairchild fan, rent the movie to say you have. If not, don't bother with DUD-ly Illusion.
Never Too Young to Die (1986)
Titillating nipple biting with a twist.
This movie is bad. But it's the laughable, entertaining kind of bad you find in movies like Grease II. You see great and crummy actors and actresses cast together that you would have never imagined, EVER. Gene Simmons of KISS fame plays the villainess gal with 'something extra'. You camp it up, Gene! You gotta love Gene Simmons, who has been playing in drag longer than Dame Edna. John Stamos plays himself basicly, no change in hair or motivation. He's handsome enough I suppose, but there is no acting range for this man. George Lazenby (one time James Bond) even makes an appearance!! Vanity made her career on those flawless cheekbones/exotic beauty, matched with dazzling clothes and sexy prancing, works her formula to the hilt. But she's convincing, because she seems like the type who really could beat the stuffing out of someone. She's a tough gal, secret agent with a heart of gold. The flirtation scene between John Stamos, Vanity and the garden hose will make heterosexual men lose sleep over her. (And make transvestites pine for Vanity's jungle bikini) The breast and nipple biting in this movie will truly surprise and titillate you! See it to laugh, to mock, and to marvel at the feminine charms of Gene Simmons. Nothing beats a great pair of legs!
52 Pick-Up (1986)
Vanity/Ann Margret/John Glover fans: SEE THIS MOVIE!
Roy Scheider is a cheating husband who complicates life for his political hopeful wife, Ann Margret. She gives a many faceted performance, and you'll cheer when she gets in touch with her feelings about cheating husbands. John Glover plays a villain, and he will leave a bad taste in your mouth. He does an excellent job being the bad guy, you'll never forget him in this role. Roy Scheider is cast into a world of sleazy women, cliche' stereotype gay men and conscience free killers. Clarence Williams III (he played Prince's father in Purple Rain) is ironicly cast as Vanity's boyfriend in this movie. (Vanity was originally cast for the female lead in Purple Rain, but left Prince during production. 'The Beautiful ones always smash the picture'.) Clarence has an interesting scene with Vanity and a teddy bear. This is Vanity's best work as an actress, she was the perfect casting choice in this role. She plays a nudie model in a sleazy pay by the hour polaroid porn house. She debuts talent here, as well as her first breast enhancement surgury. She's at her finest for those who love her for her sexy image, but she has some fine acting moments. She does not turn in any musical performances, for those of you who care. It doesn't take much to shock me, but Kelly Preston's (now Mrs. John Travolta) moments onscreen were hardcore... Let's just say graphic is the best way to describe it. That's all I'm saying about that... You'll see recognizable porn actors & actresses in their element, and you'll feel for Ann Margret's character. See this movie.
The Last Dragon (1985)
Vanity should have done Purple Rain, instead.
I'm not a kung fu movie fan. Ernie Reyes, Jr. as the mouthy, sassy kid makes an excellent argument for abortion, or at least corporal punishment. Taimak was likable in the film, and the female and gay audience may enjoy his glistening muscles. Vanity was originally cast to do the female lead in Purple Rain. Instead she did this. I know she was kicking herself afterwards. As video "VJ" Laura Charles, she's never looked more perfect and lovely. She's graceful, likeable, sexy. I highly recommend that the Vanity fan out there buy this movie for your collection, it's a must have. Faith Prince provides the laugh out loud comedy spark in this film. She spoofs the double entendre, sex over substance novelty singing group Vanity is famous for. (80's group 'Vanity 6'- one hit wonder "Nasty Girl") This Kung Fu action movie is geared for kids, specifically boys age 9 through 12. The Sho'Nuff character provides a couple heh-heh's, but I wouldn't give a full Ha ha! It's pure cheese.