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Venom (2005)
Insanely, amazingly, unforgivably generic!
We've all seen them, films that you know instinctively what is about to happen. Someone hides in a room as the bad guy is there then hears their footsteps fade away and so they go out and "Oh"..they are dead... How about a film that is so generic that before 5 minutes have passed you know who will live, who will die and who the bad guy is? Sound interesting? Then you will love Venom. Venom is one of those films that if you have seen any other film of this genre (The horror Slasher) you can know before hand exactly what to expect. It is genericism on a whole new level. It starts nicely enough with the snakes and for one moment you think this could be a good supernatural horror then you realise it is in fact just Friday the 13 th all over again! Seriously, the bad guy is literally Jason Vorhees minus the mask! So all in all.....avoid like the black death unless you like your films as shallow as a paddling pool!
Catwoman (2004)
Not as bad as expected but certainly not one for my "to buy" list...
After all the bad wrap I have read about this film, I thought I should bite the bullet and go and see it (after all, people badmouthed Gigli and Battlefield Earth, both of which were 'ok').
What I got for my trouble was a nicely made film, with pleasant effects, good action sequences, great acting but sadly a terrible script and story!
**MINOR SPOILERS** The main foe or nemesis in this film (Sharon Stone) is a very bad choice for an enemy to a 'superhero' as she has no discernible talents beyond her eeeeeevilness!!! Sharon Stone, bless her cotton socks, does a great job portraying the character but sadly there just wasn't enough meat to it to work with and the final battle at the end if diabolically bad!
As for the main star Halle Berry, once again her acting is impeccable and she looks to really enjoy the role she has but it seems too far caught up in being 'catty' and throw in humorous anecdotes about cats to be a respected character. This is not too say the portrayal is poor, she does a great job in slinking around like a feline but sometimes it looks so smutty you expect a XXX movie to kick in!
So to wrap up.....
A good visual film and showing great acting promise for the new role for the two main ladies but severely let down by the terrible story and script. Fingers crossed part 2 will be better. Deserves an average 5 out of 10.
Van Helsing (2004)
Almost what I expected
I am not going to beef on about what happens int he film or what certain parts meant to me.
All I shall say is that I went to the cinema expecting a real "Brain at the door" mindless action romp with a tiny bit of pointless humour and some nice stunts.....that is exactly what I got.
The humour factor, basically being the friar, is pathetically camp - think The Mummy. The action is quick and fast and pretty exciting.
But the one thing I MUST mention is the ending. **Spoiler**..... The moment when Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) is placed on the pyre and burned, and her 'soul' floats into the air and meets her family? I was on the brink of walking out of the cinema. I cringed and i hid my face in shame for fear of being seen watching such a truly, painfully awful scene. Whomever decided to put that in, I soooo hope they lose their job 8o) **End Spoiler**
All in all though, a fun mindless film on the same vein as The Mummy which is worth seeing in the cinema purely as the small screen will not capture the good parts as well.
Ritânâ (2002)
Ignore the bad reviews
Ignore negative reviews written by people who slate this movie (yet give Torque a 10 and call people who disagree idiots - you know who I mean yojimbo999) as I personally think it is a great movie.
I have lent it out to a number of work-mates and they have all subsequently gone out and procured a copy for themselves.
I am not saying this film is for everyone - huge fans of Terminator and Matrix films will call it a rip-off but it is as much of a ripoff as Matrix is of any good-vs-evil story (The Bible anyone? We all see the connotations there!). In it's own right it is a fun, exciting and interesting movie with a nice pseudo-twist at the end.
**BIG Spoiler**
An awful lot of people have moaned ceaselessly about the lovey section involving the baby alien.......but how can they say that about this film then give huge marks to films such as Armageddon that just drip soppy love like a fat bees a*se!
So my final word? If the idea of the film appeals to you, ignore me and everyone else, just see the darned film. If it doesn't appeal, don't see it" Simple as that. I would give it a 9 though as it did appeal on paper and delivered just what I hoped......8o)
Hwasango (2001)
Taking my life in my own hands....
...I watched this film, regardless of all the bad reviews I have read (even on HKFlix who are usually very, very reliable!) and I don't get it?
I don't mean I don't get the film...I don't get the bad reviews!
The film ended 20 minutes ago and it will always stand as one of my all time favourites. As soon as it had finished I wanted to go through it all over again!
It is the closest I have seen to a live action anime in the style of Tenchi Muyo or some other comical action series. Many people loved City Hunter with Jackie Chan but not this....when they both are as slapstick and absurd as each other at times...the anime humour and silly site gags.
As for the cast....brilliant acting throughout and the Vice Principles habit of calling the Head a "silly old bugger" all the time kept me chuckling from the onset.
The effects were very nice and the fight beat the snot out of that joke that is Matrix (which is a complete rip off of so many other things I don't even know where to begin!).
So if you love anime and are willing to put up with the great action and slapstickness (it'll be hard to do so, I know!!) then go see it now.
If your in the UK....buy the Hong Kong Legends 2 disk collectors & remastered edition with all those lurvely extras (yummy Yummy) as I have just done now 8o)
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
Not amazing but very good (small spoilers)
I say the trailer for this film about 2 months ago after it suddenly appeared pretty much out of no where! The trailer left a lot to be desired...frankly it looked very poor indeed! Then a month ago I saw another trailer and it suddenly started to look a lot better!
Last night I watched this in the local cinema and I would love to say it was absolutely amazing....but sadly I cannot!
By no means was it a bad film...it was very sweet to see the two horror Goliath's facing off but while Freddy was in all his mean, stripy, one-lined glory, Jason was a weak, snivelling little thing!
I know way too many people complain about this but I have to have my monies worth as a Jason fan....Kane IS Jason. This guy was good, I'm not about to slate him for the fact that he isn't Hodder. he did a good job...played the part well and was genuinely menacing at times (the rave showed this!) but Kane always has and always will be the true Jason! **SPOILER**
When Jasons (supposed) mother appeared at the start, I half-expected him to cock his head and when the 2 guys in the corn-field at the rave saw him I was expecting to see his shoulders heave as he breathed. All this, added tot he character by Kane, made him all the more...intriguing..but enough of that gripe!
The film was good fun...Freddy had very few one-liners which was a shame but he was more evil than usual...and the dream scene where Gibb was killed (and Freddy just missed out) was very good too see!
Jason killed few people....only one or two of the stalk killings were actually seen tho....mainly he swings the machete and blood sprays a wall....toning down for the new millennium maybe?
So the gripes I had were:
1) No Kane 2) Not enough 1 liners. 3) Not enough Graphic violence. 4) Cheesy ending (not gonna say it here)
Good points:
1) Good acting all round. 2) Great rave scene (burny hacky burny!) 3) Good stunts. 4) great idea....and about time too!
So if you like NOES and F13th, see it! If you just like slasher films....rent it on dvd when it's out! If you just like general horror....let someone else rent it and watch through the livingroom window!
Finally the ranking: 7.5 / 10
loses 1 for lack of graphic violence loses 1 for lack of freddies general humour. loses .5 for what were actually very few kills!
Gigli (2003)
This film should burn in hell for all eternity!
Ignore FreeBaseDog, he has terrible taste (read his other reviews....ROFL!!) and avoid this film like a bad case of herpes. It has absolutely no redeeming features atall.....it really should never have left the pen and made it to paper, let alone to the silver screen (which is suddenly looking rather brown and ikky!)
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
Weeeeell....
Not sure what I was expecting? maybe a dull action flick with the Terminators thrown in for good measure?
If this is the case, that's exactly what I got!
It felt very much, particularly at the end of the film, that I had missed something!
The action was few and far between, particularly between the Terminators.
The T-X was totally wasted and there was no fear to be gained from the role atall, unlike the feeling of continual threat in the previous ones!
Many major fans of the 'series' will swear by it purely due to seeing Arnold in his best (??Conan maybe??) role and flame me badly but this is purely my opinion, and so to sum up......
Very average, not a true Terminator film, worth a rental but not a Cinema visit in my opinion!
The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
Brings a tear to the eye!
I was a huge fan of Transformers as a kid, along with Star Wars and I hate myself for selling all my toys at car-boot sales (yard sales to those who think it means selling car parts) because it severed a conn between the me now and the me then.
This film though makes me feel like an 8 year old again and it does bring a tear to my eye!
I have now got the original 1st series on DVD special edition also and it all is still damned fine!
Hulk (2003)
Why are people amazed it aint an action film???
I have yet to see it yet but I am already amazed by the amount of people saying there is not enough action or the action scenes are few & far between!
Did you see the original series? Did you read the comics?
The Hulk is not a violent character by definition, he is cursed and trying to control his new found 'disability'! If you wanna see action, see Matrix or Daredevil (if you dare!) but Hulk is a guy cursed with a weakness of character (or in retrospect a strength of will) who is trying vainly to control his rage and not become that which he hates, a controless animal!
It is not a story of anger and hatred but bravery and hope...!
So lets not hate a film for portraying a character as a man who hopes to control his anger and be a normal guy but embrace it as an insite into our own hopes of control!
The Golden Girls (1985)
Childhood memories flood back!
Having not seen this series since I was a kiddy (about 20+ years ago to be slightly more precise) I cannot remember much about what happened in individual episodes!
All I can remember is thinking it was all so sweet and nice but at the same time very dark-humoured! The girls were basically my grandparents for most of my youth & I will fondly remember the series for all my life!
Roll on the repeats I say!
Dip huet seung hung (1989)
This film made me want to learn Cantonese!!
I saw this film many years ago when at University in Boston and it was in a video store. I was hard-pressed for a movie to watch and having only seen one other subtitled film that I thoroughly enjoyed (Das Boot) I was somewhat reticent to hire it.... .....thank god I did!
Not only was this the first John Woo film I saw but it was the first Chow Yun Fat and it is an incredible work of cinematic art!
Everything about it is breathtaking.....the camera work...the views of the wonderful country.....the acting and of course the action!
Not only is it a great action movie but it is a touching tale of a man's desire to change for the better and right a wrong he unwittingly committed. A truly touching tale expertly handled by John Woo's excellent directing and the actors/actresses impressive acting abilities that never fail to amaze!
The film is available in dubbed but not only is all the emotion lost with this but so is most of the excellent script (for which John Woo should have got an award!).
The film really has prompted me to learn the Cantonese language so I can watch the film in it's original format with no subtitles!
All who love a film that has action, beautiful scenery and the best acting the human race has to offer....watch Die xue shuang xiong....you wont regret it!
Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
Not a bad film but leave the damned animals alone!!!
I watched this film for 2 reasons..... 1) I love Gore.. 2)Like lots of other people, I am tempted by the fact that it was banned!
I have to say that as far as the basics of the film go....the rape and murder....the cannibalism and the torture...it's all pretty much mundane and you can actually find far worse in a lot of films.
The only thing that really got to me was what was done to the animals!
There are scenes of real brutality towards a lot of animals in this film and frankly it appalled me!
I love films with buckets of blood and gore and rape. murder, death etc etc etc but animals should NEVER be killed for enjoyment!
If you like gory films....it aint bad but if you have a sense of decency and like animals to be given a chance to live without being needlessly killed, avoid like the plague!
Digimon: The Movie (2000)
I love Pokemon!!!
I am a huge fan of Pokemon & have loadsa videos, toys, posters, the N64 & Gb games etc etc.....and I'm 26 years old!
I first saw a Digimon episode on daytime TV & hated it...thinking it to be a really bad Pokemon "Clone"....so it was with grinding teeth that I rented the movie....and now I love Digimon too!
I have bought a load of vids on ebay & am seeking out allt he toys and have bought the (substandard) PS game...
It is aimed at kiddies, but it's fun for an hour or so of watching!
Try it, you might just like it!
'A' gai wak (1983)
His best? Probably!
Many people state that this film is dated by todays standards! I disagree.... The stunts are incredible and the fight scenes are breath-taking!
Anyone who loves films for sets & scenery will have a field day here!
Just one thing....Get the Hong Kong Legends UK 2 DVD pack with AAALLLLLLL those gorgeous extras, interviews, documentaries and everything else! Well worth the extra 5 squid! (sorry US residents....it isn't available over there!)
The St. Francisville Experiment (2000)
ROFL......What a pile of Cheese! **SPOILERS**
Ok......let's get one thing straight.....THIS IS NOT REAL!!!
If it was real, why is there a thin peice of wire going to the back of the chair which flies across the room.... How come we see the bug crawl into the food when no-one holding the cams do? How come when they have all fled the house, there are still a number of different angles being shot within the house? When the 2 are shackled in the bsement, and the others walk in from the far side of the room , they are ALL in shot when the cameras are on the other side?
Come on guys n gals - this film is starring people who are playing roles....not themselves so how can they be real 'victims'?
Deadfall (2000)
Oh my GOD!
~WARNING~ SPOILERS MAY BE CONTAINED! (Although you shouldn't watch this film so it doesn't matter :D
Well... what can I say? I rented this expecting the worst which is just as well, as that's what I got. Two couples go to stay in a family cabin in the woods (giving it a very Evil Dead premise) and find a scaaaaary box in the basement which of course in the fine tradition of all horror movies, they have to open. They manage to unleash eeeeevil which goes on to possess their friend.
What follows is basically a rip off of Evil Dead - their friends get possessed, they try to kill them (but of course he comes back every time just like in all good "scary" films). It employs pretty cheap scare tactics of BOO! I just jumped around a corner calibre, and clown dolls springing out of boxes...
In all, i'd have to say, don't bother with this film unless you are as bored as I was, it's good for a giggle, but don't expect to be scared ;)