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petra_ste
10 - Masterpiece
9 - Great
8 - Very good
7 - Good
6 - Watchable if you like the genre
5 - Mediocre, don't bother
4 - Bad
3 - Terrible
2 - Garbage
1 - Genuinely offensive
Note: my reviews often contain some mild spoilers, as I believe it's hard to discuss a movie meaningfully without ANY mention of plot details, character arcs or even how a scene could have worked better differently - otherwise, it becomes a string of "I liked / I didn't like". I will NOT, however, give away the ending or major twists without further warnings during the review.
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My 2019 with movies
The best movies never made
(images are taken from other movies to give an idea of how the film could have looked)
The Mission Impossible series
The best Lovecraftian movies
If Disney made Lord of the Rings sequels...
Reviews
Alien: Romulus (2024)
The best Alien movie since Aliens
Yeah, I know, not such a great compliment if you have been keeping track of the franchise, considering all other entries since the first two iconic masterpieces range from mediocre to crap.
Still, Romulus is a solid, effective horror-sci-fi flick, well-acted, well-directed. Ironically, some of its weakest elements are the (vastly unnecessary) references to previous movies.
For example, why have the xenomorph who kickstarts the whole plot be the one defeated by Ripley in the first movie? I would have no trouble believing Weyland-Yutani had found another specimen, somewhere around the galaxy. These constant references to previous films make narrative universes of modern Hollywood feel so empty and small: it's like nothing ever happens off-screen.
Another example: I love Ian Holm's Ash - great actor, great character, great performance - but there really was no need to have another android character played by an ugly CGI version of the late Holm. Get a new good actor to give a new interesting performance as an android, as you did with David Jonsson, who knocks it out of the park as Andy.
Cailee Spaeny, Isabela Merced and the rest of the young cast are also fine. A good movie which could have been great with a few tweaks (fewer references, less stock horror movie stupidity).
7,5/10.
Arcadian (2024)
Decent horror/drama
Monster movies are my comfort genre. I have watched more than I care to admit, covering the whole gamut from great to garbage. Arcadian falls somewhere in the middle of this, along the "passable" range.
This minimalist horror/family drama has solid performances, a few unsettling moments, an interesting score which goes against genre conventions with some haunting piano tracks.
A small family struggles to survive in a post-apocalyptic countryside where monsters roam by night and besiege their farm, Minecraft/Terraria-style.
There's the soulful father (Nicolas Cage); the nerdy introverted son (Jaeden Martell), who is a thinker and a planner; and the impulsive, emotional son (Maxwell Jenkins), who has a crush on a girl living in a nearby community of survivors and keeps visiting her in spite of the danger.
Arcadian has some genuinely spooky moments. There is a creepy scene where a monster extends a clawed arm to an impossible length to try and grab a sleeping victim. The film needed more of that and less shaky-cam in pitch black, of which there is quite a lot.
Speaking of the monsters, as a fan of creatures with original designs I thought these critters were not bad. They look like demonic, oversized versions of Sid from the Ice Age and have this weird, gangly way of moving which turns into sudden bursts of speed. It's quite unsettling.
Unfortunately, in the last act this goes too far and the monsters pursue the heroes performing some kind of circus number, which looks absolutely laughable. I won't describe it, because if you have watched Arcadian you know what I am talking about, and if you haven't you would think I am crazy.
But yeah, they perform some kind of circus number. It's supposed to look creepy and alien but I was howling with laughter, which is not what you want in the climax of your monster movie. It reminded me of the Simpsons episode where circus performers try to escape a storm by forming a giant human kite.
6/10.
Organ Trail (2023)
Low-key Western thriller goes weird
For most of its running time Organ Trail is a relatively grounded Western/thriller with some interesting moments and solid cinematography. There is a certain grittiness to the events - when faced with dangers, characters don't perform heroics but often panic and die abruptly or at least take a physical toll from their big or small mistakes.
Then, in the last act, Organ Trail turns into the pulpy horror movie which was suggested by its title, with a ridiculous invincibile cartoon villain shrugging off an absurd amount of damage.
Now, I have nothing against ridiculous invincible cartoon villains - in the appropriate venue. After the low-key first and middle act, this is just tonally off. It's like watching All Quiet on the Western Front and then suddenly one character starts performing Commando-like shenanigans.
6/10.
Skull and Bones (2024)
More World of Warships than Black Flag
For the record, I like World of Warships... but it's not the kind of experience I expect from a pirate sandbox game. This was explicitly born as a follow-up to Ubisoft's own slam-dunk success Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag, so comparisons to that game are fair.
During its decade-long development, Skull and Bones jettisoned many features Black Flag had.
First, melee combat: here you only fight as your ship and never as your pirate, while in Black Flag there was plenty of combat on land and while boarding enemy ships. Jumping on an enemy vessel you had just hit with cannons to finish off its crew was pretty much the coolest thing ever; Skull and Bones replaces this with a cutscene.
Second, land exploration: here you can only visit established ports, while in Black Flag you could jump off your ship and go explore any island which caught your attention and maybe had an ancient temple hidden in a jaguar-infested jungle.
This is so misguided, it feels like some kind of "Springtime for Hitler" scenario where they deliberately wanted it to fail. It has to be. No human being with the intelligence to go to work and turn on his PC without accidentally killing himself would fail to realize that a pirate sandbox game where you don't swing your sword even once is a comically bad idea.
Literally all they needed to do was take the gameplay of Black Flag, a game THEY HAD ALREADY MADE A DECADE AGO, get rid of the obnoxious Abstergo / Animus stuff (good riddance, it was already a pain and a bore in an otherwise fantastic game), add new maps and a lot of customization for the player character and his ship, maybe co-op multiplayer with friends, and boom, it would have been the perfect sandbox pirate RPG.
So, is this game terrible, considered in a vacuum? No, it's a passable arcade-y pirate ship simulation, therefore I'm not giving it a very low score; Age of Sail purists will probably hate the way the ship "feels" though, it's unrealistic and lacks weight. But the context here is infuriating. They had the foundations of a great game and decided to blow them up and rebuild everything... poorly. The people who greenlit this must have no idea of what players loved about Black Flag.
Here's a thought experiment: let's say Rockstar makes a new Western IP different from Red Dead Redemption where the player is the guide of a wagon trail and has to lead it through the wilderness to its final destination - scouting, fighting, gathering resources, upgrading the wagons, and so on. Sounds good, right? Except, the player now can never get off his horse, only when camping at night to talk to characters: all combat and exploration is on horseback only. I guarantee people would be furious and ask "Why can't I get off my horse like in Red Dead Redemption???"... and they would be right.
Wake up, Ubisoft.
The Creator (2023)
Neat-looking sci-fi
For the first 90 minutes or so of Gareth Edwards' The Creator I was baffled by the movie's poor reception at the box office: "Look at this gorgeous, well-acted, compelling science-fiction adventure - how could it get anything than great word of mouth?"
Then, in the last thirty minutes or so I was like: "Oh, I *get* it now". For the record I enjoyed the film overall, but the climax is so protracted and overblown in actions and emotions, so filled of dramatic moments, ticking countdowns, whooshing missiles, astonished crowds, moving reunions, tearful realizations and heroic gestures, that I ended up exhausted.
I had flashbacks of Neill Blomkamp's Elysium, another sci-fi movie which started out fine and relatively grounded but collapsed in the high-strung climax.
Say what you want of Edwards but his visual eye is phenomenal. For a relatively (for a major Hollywood production!) modest budget of 80 million dollars, The Creator looks amazing and blows most high-budget blockbusters out of the water in terms of visuals.
The world of the movie feels alive and tactile, from tropical towns under a night sky flashing with an approaching storm to a cyberpunk futuristic city; the technology looks sleek but believably lived-in.
Overall, I would recommend this to sci-fi fans for the visuals and the excellent first and middle acts. Please give Edwards another Tony Gilroy script for Star Wars, as his Rogue One remains by far the best thing done by Disney in the franchise and The Creator is another proof that Edwards has the perfect eye for this kind of movies.
Hilda: Chapter 6: The Forgotten Lake (2023)
Hilda's scariest episode, and it's great
Surpassing even The Nightmare Spirit and The Tide Mice, this may very well be the most unsettling (in a good way!) episode of this lovely, kid-friendly show.
Just to be clear the episode is excellent, this was only a bit of warning for families with smaller children.
Hilda misses her irresponsible but adventurous father Anders (whose fate will be the focus of the rest of the season), so Johanna brings her camping in the wilderness to show mom can be fun too.
Unfortunately, the two disturb a monster living in a mysterious lake and the creature begins stalking them through the forest.
The monster is a giant spider/toad/slug, it looks and sounds quite creepy and feels like something out of a Miyazaki animated movie - which is a big compliment, of course.
For most of the episode the threat posed by the creature is played straight as a legitimately scary/tense situation, and it works great. Another memorable episode.
9/10.
Napoleon (2023)
An interesting failure
Ridley Scott directed one of the best movies ever made set during the Napoleonic Wars: unfortunately, that movie is not Napoleon but his cinematic debut, The Duellists, forty years ago.
Unsurprisingly, The Duellists had a strong source material (it was based on a novel by Joseph Conrad which it often followed almost verbatim), while Napoleon has an uneven screenplay by David Scarpa.
Even past the age of eighty Sir Ridley can still shoot pretty and energetic pictures but his hits and misses depend on the scripts he picks, and he hasn't always shown the best discernment.
The elephant in the room is the large amount of historical inaccuracies. Even as a history buff I can forgive many of those: cutting or simplifying events for the sake of narrative, or even some overdramatization like the meeting between Napoleon and Wellington (it never happened) or Napoleon being present at Marie Antoinette's execution (he wasn't); however, stuff like Napoleon charging with his troops at Waterloo is absolute cringe, a kid's (or a lout's) idea of history.
Still, the big problems here are characterization and pacing.
The movie is a demythologization (some would say emasculation) of Napoleon. If you want to take this route then fair enough, but the character here fails to be consistent. I can buy a Napoleon who is an egomaniac and an overrated tactician (like in Tolstoy's War and Peace). I do not buy one who is an anxious, insecure, uncharismatic cold fish but also a stern tactical genius and an effective leader of men, one who flees from Egypt because Josephine is unfaithful but is also an unflappable military mastermind.
Phoenix is a great actor and does what he can but the two sides of the character just don't gel with each other. You can't have parodic moments like Napoleon rolling down the stairs during his coup against the Directory, despondently pouting as he waits for the rain to stop at Waterloo or awkwardly climbing on a box to stand face to face with a pharaoh's mummy (with his diminutive stature becoming a not-too-subtle metaphor of his overall mediocrity)... AND THEN have him magnetically charm the French soldiers into obedience after the Elba. This gawky Napoleon would have been shot to pieces there.
The other problem is pacing. A single movie about the whole life of Napoleon is in itself absurd, like making "a movie about World War 2". There is material in Napoleon's life for a VERY dense miniseries (which Steven Spielberg is reportedly planning).
Napoleon's first wife Josephine (Vanessa Kirby) plays a huge role here but I would argue the movie has either too little or way too much of her. This needed to be either focused mostly on Napoleon's personal life or to drastically reduce the (fairly repetitive after a while) moments where Napoleon is obsessed with his wife.
As it is now, it tries to tell - but rushes through - twenty very eventful years of European history and yet devotes more time to Napoleon visiting Josephine after their divorce than to his Russian campaign.
It's like making a D-Day movie which keeps cutting back and forth from the Normandy landings to Hitler spending time with Eva Braun. You can have either The Longest Day or Der Untergang, not both.
Still, it's not worthless. There are some interesting moments and set-pieces and, while Phoenix is saddled with a contradictory character, Kirby at least is excellent.
6/10.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
Atmospheric horror which deserved better
This is a competent horror movie which didn't deserve to flop at the box office. I blame the stunningly poor distribution: as an anecdotal note, I live in a big city and it's the first time in my life I could not find in theaters a movie I wanted to see. Boo-hoo, first world problems, I know; still, it's like they wanted this to fail.
Based on one of the best chapters of Bram Stoker's iconic novel, the film expands on the ordeal of the Demeter, the ship which unknowingly carries Dracula to London as the vampire picks off the crew members one by one during the journey.
The movie is well-crafted, competently acted. There is a certain repetitiveness in the set-pieces, which was probably to be expected considering the premise.
Also, logic fizzles out when it becomes clear a sun-sensitive monster is hiding in the cargo and the people aboard don't just... drop the crates into the sea? Carry them on deck and open them? Sail immediately to the closest port? "The closest port is London!", they try to claim at one point, but nope, it's not, this is not the middle of the ocean, look at a map of Europe. Without obsessing over plot holes, this needed to be ironed out better.
Still, I liked the mood and the characters, and I enjoyed this creepy incarnation of the Count, who doesn't even bother to put on a human appearance for the crew and is a feral, terrifying thing all teeth and bat wings.
7,5/10.
Midnight Mass (2021)
King-esque gem
This horror mini-series feels like a love letter to the works of Stephen King, starting with the "evil comes to a small town" premise.
A poor island community, once a thriving fishing center, starts to change with the arrival of a new charismatic priest, Father Paul. While the Father is initially a force for good in the dispirited community, another mysterious guest has arrived, and it is both malevolent and very hungry.
Atmosphere is phenomenal and the rich cast of characters well-developed, from a failed yuppie riddled with guilt to his crusty father, from the town's self-destructive drunkard to the perceptive sheriff. The cast is fine: the stand-out is Hamish Linklater as the priest. The Father gets a strangely sympathetic portrayal, and it works. It would have been so easy to make him a boring, one-dimensional bigot, and he comes across as multi-layered instead: you *want* to believe he is a good man who will save the island, even when it becomes obvious he has a dark secret, and that's the mark of a great character.
Unfortunately, we also do get the boring, one-dimensional bigot in the person of the town's sanctimonious old maid, an unwelcome echo of Marcia Gay Harden's obnoxious character in The Mist - the only part of that movie I found annoying rather than compelling.
Other flaws? While overall the writing is strong - the script takes its time to build characters and relationships - a few monologues are overwritten. On the other hand, the very ending is too abrupt. The final *episode* is fine, but the last minute feels like they were suddenly running out of time, and it just kind of stops. It's jarring compared to the deliberate pacing of what came before.
Still, this is a creepy, effective horror series tackling some interesting themes.
8,5/10.
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)
Solid entry
This is a fun action movie and another worthy entry in a consistently excellent series.
The cast is game, with Cruise as protagonist Ethan Hunt, Pegg and Rhames as his tech buddies. The gorgeous, soulful Rebecca Ferguson is present but sadly underused - and yes, I do have a crush for her: blame the opera scene in Rogue Nation and that yellow dress. Newcomers include Atwell, Klementieff and Morales; Czerny returns to the series after nearly 30 years (he was the guy who got a fish tank blown up in his face in the first film) as smug-but-not-completely-evil bureaucrat Kittridge.
The set-pieces are fun and spectacular as usual, especially an inventive train crash in the climax.
Villains are somewhat lacking. The Big Bad is a personality-less, nearly omnipotent AI who is only occasionally scary and memorable; I liked a creepy scene in Venice where it affects the communications between Ethan and friends and starts imitating Benji's voice misleading Ethan: the movie needed more of that. Then we have mysterious baddie Gabriel, whose previous connection to Ethan is implied but never properly explained and made interesting / not cliched. The best is by far Pom Klementieff as a feral assassin with a unique personal style.
Although, to its credit, Dead Reckoning never really drags, there are too many scenes with characters earnestly trading somber chunks of exposition - this would have been better with the breezier pacing of, say, Ghost Protocol.
Still, another perfectly competent entry. To quote the name of one of Hans Zimmer's best tracks in MI2: mission accomplished.
7,5/10.
Jagged Alliance 3 (2023)
Worthy sequel
The Jagged Alliance series was known for its addictive turn-based combat and punchy sense of humor, as the mercenaries hired by the player, each with different skills and personality, interacted and clashed with each other.
Jagged Alliance 3 is a suprisingly fine sequel; combat encounters are interesting, with hand-crafted maps and a good use of verticality.
The characters trade snappy banter like in the good old days as they fight their way through a fictional state threatened by a powerful enemy organization, the "Legion".
You get to assemble your squad and pick the characters you prefer, both in terms of in-game personality and of skills/specializations (sniper, doctor, explosive expert...), with many choices and combinations.
There are a few issues. The most wrong-headed choice is how enemies get to reposition themselves after your first attack, as it nerfs ambushes in an unwelcome way - basically, you fire the first shot then everyone gets a free turn to scuttle under cover. I get why the devs did it - they did not want five-six enemies dead before combat even started if the player made the right moves - but this feels deeply unsatisfying.
I also despise the way shops work in the game: there is no menu, you just click on different piles of ware to buy stuff. It's ugly, clunky and I cannot see in this day and age any reason not to have a proper store interface.
Finally, the mercenaries' contracts expire way too soon (a maximum of 14 days): once you have a medium-sized group you'll be clicking "renew contract" buttons nearly every in-game day. It's about as fun as real-life middle-management. Let me renew for six months paying a small fortune (if I want it and I can afford it) instead of enduring this boring routine.
Overall, though, a pleasant suprise. The combat in particular scratches my turn-based itch.
8/10.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
No Country For Old Men
In The Monkey's Paw (spoilers for a 100 years old horror classic, I guess), the protagonists, after the death of a loved one, use a cursed artifact to bring him back, only to find a shambling undead monstrosity knocking at their door.
Being a movie nerd in these days is a similar experience: the franchises you loved as a kid keep coming back, and for a while, maybe after a decent trailer, you are happy and optimistic... but then you see them and regret their return.
In fact, Hollywood just can't let a beloved series end at the right moment. Alien should have ended with Aliens, and it got a diarrhea of terrible sequels, prequels and spin-offs; Terminator with T2, and I've lost count of the reboots; Star Wars with Return of the Jedi, and it got the awful sequels (I'm giving the prequels a pass because they at least tried to tell an interesting story)...
... and, of course, Indiana Jones should have ended with The Last Crusade. It would have been an amazing trilogy (I have my issues with Temple of Doom but oh boys, is it looking better in retrospect), and now it has not one but two pointless sequels.
So, is this one better or worse than Skull? I'd say more or less on par: not terrible and unwatchable but clunky and mediocre.
Ford was my favorite actor as a kid ("Imagine being both Indy and Han Solo!"), and he gives it all here, but the sad truth is, he was already too old in Skull, and that was 15 years ago.
Mangold is a solid director but Indy movies live and die on the strength of their set-pieces, and he isn't prime Steven Spielberg. Then again, who is? Not even Spielberg himself nowadays, since the set-pieces in Skull already sucked.
Mangold keeps the camera too close so we do not get the geography of the action; his set-pieces are all momentum and no triumphant release. See the scene with the underwater relic and the eels, a cool premise which peters out into nothing. Also, the protagonists (especially Indy) rarely if ever do anything COOL to resolve the action - a crack of the whip, a last-second dive: they are just there, ping-ponging between different obstacles.
Story construction is bloated, with pointless characters (the governative agents, the Moroccan mobster), setups without payoffs ("continental drift") and endless tedious exposition: a scene with Waller-Bridge (moderately less annoying than I was expecting, but it was a low bar) smugly decrypting a tablet with a clue feels like the longest ten hours I've ever spent in a movie theater.
Here's a hint, scriptwriters: characters dealing with treasure hunt clues is only interesting if we, the audience, can also SEE the clue and GUESS the possible answer. Otherwise, it's like watching someone on the bus mumble as he does his Sudoku, and you can't even peek over his shoulder.
Dial of Destiny takes a weird turn in the last act and I sort of wish they had embraced the sheer cheesiness of it. I enjoyed a couple of scenes (the prologue is decent enough), but, if you absolutely need a good Indy sequel, play the old adventure game The Fate of Atlantis.
5/10.
Star Wars: Visions: Screecher's Reach (2023)
Bullseye
This was EXACTLY what I wanted when I first heard about Visions.
So what did I want? An original take on Star Wars with new stories, widely different in visuals and content, which are not connected to the main saga and feel fresh and unique without being lore-breaking or "generic sci-fi" : in some other episodes I got the impression the creators knew nothing of Star Wars other than "there are lightsabers".
The deceptively simple art style is moody and effective; the dark final twist left me speechless. I was expecting something cozy and safe, the speed-run version of the Hero's Journey, and I got a Star Wars horror short with an unsettling ending. Neat.
Well played Cartoon Saloon, this took some guts... I'm kind of surprised it was greenlit to be honest.
65 (2023)
Driver versus Dinosaurs
When a spaceship crashes on an unknown planet, the only survivors are pilot/explorer Mills (Adam Driver) and a young passenger (Ariana Greenblatt) who doesn't speak his language. The planet is a prehistoric jungle populated by hostile creatures... dinosaurs!
I like the simple premise and the actors, and the mid-point twist was neat (if a little predictable), but this sci-fi adventure feels a little generic. And this is from someone who loves dinosaurs and schlocky science fiction and also really enjoyed A Quiet Place, the writers-directors' previous script.
You know what's the best things about monster movies? Set-pieces where characters get killed in scary, imaginative ways. Problem: if your only characters are the protagonist and the child he is protecting, it's pretty much guaranteed they will both survive until, at the very least, the final act (where the protagonist's heroic sacrifice becomes an option).
I understand they wanted to focus mostly on the relationship between Mills, who has lost his daughter, and the young girl, but it was a bad call: it's kind of cute but just not interesting enough to carry the film. We have seen this kind of "stoic lone wolf with dramatic backstory protects kid and they bond" story a LOT of times, especially lately (just ask Pedro Pascal).
A few more survivors who end up on the dinosaurs' buffet (or not) could have made things a lot more lively. I mean, Pitch Black had a sort of similar premise 20 years ago and there was a nice little group to follow.
6/10.
Fall (2022)
Solid set-pieces
A worthy entry in the "idiots in danger who should have staid at home" movie genre (Open Water, The Shallows, Frozen... no, not the Disney one), the movie follows two young women, Becky (Grace Caroline Currey) and Hunter (Virginia Gardner) who climb an absurdly high abandoned radio tower in the desert and end up stuck at the top.
Becky is the depressed one who lost her husband, Hunter is the devil-may-care Youtuber who pushes her friend to the stupid challenge to get over her loss; the ladder collapses, cell phones have no signal, nobody knows they are there, vultures get hungry, and yada yada yada.
The human drama is pretty thin and there is a rather preposterous twist but the two main actresses do a decent job at being terrified, and they sure look good in tank tops and shorts, something which the movie definitely does not try to hide.
What Fall handles very well is the direction, with some really tense and suspenseful moments - I am not afraid of heights (although to be fair I've never climbed anything taller than a bunk bed) but many scenes had me squirming and even covering my eyes, which in this kind of films is a good sign.
Worth watching if you enjoy the genre.
6,5/10.
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
Guardians of the Galaxy with D&D sauce
This feels similar to James Gunn's Guardians, an action-adventure-fantasy-comedy about a bunch of likable misfits who end up as reluctant heroes trying to save the day between a quip and a fight scene.
It's an entertaining movie, smartly cast with a group of interesting actors selling their roles, with solid effects and fun set-pieces; a couple of those are fairly clever and novel, like a heist involving a magic portal and a druid morphing into different animals while trying to escape her pursuers.
As an old D&D nerd I felt knowledge of the source material provided fun Easter eggs (every creature and spell is recognizable, and they look great) but was absolutely not necessary to enjoy the film.
Like most blockbusters today, this could have been leaner - although to be fair it is not as obscenely bloated as many others. The second act in particular devotes a lot of time to retrieving a magical item which, without major spoilers, does not turn out to be that useful.
The highlight is an Edgar Wright-esque "talk to the corpses" sequence where the heroes cast a spell to gain informations from a group of warriors killed in battle: it's by far the funniest thing in the movie.
Still, I did chuckle fairly often and enjoyed the characters and tone, so that's something. It's a likable flick.
8/10.
Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord (2020)
Lots of fun, still room for improvement
Bannerlord is an action/adventure sandbox RPG where the player creates his/her own character in the medieval-like setting of Calradia.
The game has plenty to offer: battles and sieges, joining one of the several factions (each inspired by real-life historical cultures es. Vikings, Arabs and so on), finding a suitable spouse to have heirs, trading goods, managing your fiefs, and so on. The fight system is a lot of fun (first or third person view, as you prefer), specializing in mounted or unmounted combat, melee or ranged weapons...
There is also a very interesting option, which I recommend, where the main character (and his friends and family too) can die in battle or eventually of old age and the player takes control of the heir (if there is one) and can continue playing with the next generation.
Bannerlord is entertaining in the early-middle phases of the game, where the player is growing in skills and reputation, acquiring companions with different abilities, crafting weapons (smithing is overpowered to be honest, but I still love it) and climbing the ranks of a faction: you can even become king... which unfortunately is less fun than it sounds like.
Yeah, about that...
Unfortunately, the late game becomes a slog of endless warfare, as you cannot play for more than five minutes without other factions declaring war on yours; if you win, give it other five minutes and another conflict will start. Basically, the game I love disappears in a tedious grind where you have to micromanage wars, often on multiple fronts (some started by your own idiot allies), while having little-to-no control on your side's armies except one (your own), even if you have become king. Also, the algorithm to decide "who is winning" (and thus will have to pay tributes at the end) is dubious to say the least - you can win all the battles, have the enemy king and all his retinue in captivity, but if the enemy raided more settlements than you did (we are talking peasant villages, not capital cities), you are the one who "is losing". Wait, what? Oh, look, my vassals are voting to open the third war front at the same time.
It's like herding cats, if cats where medieval bannermen with an incessant war lust; if the in-battle tactics are fine, the war strategy needs a serious overhaul - your vassals will wander around with their men and keep losing the settlements you conquered, only to clamor for more wars a minute later. How I longed for a "Hold this castle with your troops or I'll cut your head off!" button. As a king you can overrule your vassals if you find a way to "farm" influence points, but you still have the wars started by the enemy factions to bore you.
In fact, in my last playthrough I had more fun as a soldier of fortune with his own mercenary company (which you can do, as a testament to the game's vast possibilities) and no fixed faction than I had as a king earlier. At least you are not forced to fight someone every couple of minutes unless you choose to.
There is potential here for a phenomenal game but, although it was finally released after much waiting, some issues still need to be ironed out. Also, the lack of co-op multiplayer campaign mode is a shame - there is a multiplayer but it's just battles (and why no commander battles against a friend like in Warband?). I still recommend Bannerlord, though.
Jurassic World Dominion (2022)
Too long, some neat set-pieces
I will say this for Colin Trevorrow: unlike other Hollywood writers/directors, who seem to be actively spiteful towards the classic sagas they are writing sequels to, when Trevorrow says he is a fan of Jurassic Park, I believe him.
That's why Jurassic World Dominion feels, for good and for ill, like the world's most expensive fan film, cramming in nearly every dinosaur known to man and every character, meme and in-joke from the previous five movies (button up your shirt, Malcom! Get your hat, Grant! Oh look, Nedry's old Barbasol can!).
I'm betting that if the great Pete Postlethwaite had not passed away we would have gotten Roland Tembo rappelling from a helicopter to shoot an Oviraptor in the face.
The movie is at least twenty minutes too long - Hollywood seems incapable to make a non-bloated blockbuster today, even Bond movies have the running time of The Thin Red Line - and it doesn't have a shred of the wit and intelligence of my beloved first Jurassic Park, but I did like a few set-pieces (the Therizinosaurus, the frozen lake...) and it's always nice to see the awesome Sam Neill back, so I guess the fan bait worked to an extent.
6/10.
Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga (2022)
A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one
Two little nits to pick. One, this has the usual, fantastic split-screen coop mode of Lego games, but no online multiplayer (as usual, but still).
Two, it has LOTS of Star Wars characters to choose from (we are talking hundreds), but no character customization to create your Jedi/Sith/scoundrel and roam around the galaxy (kind of lousy, since other Star Wars Lego games had it).
Having gotten those complaints out of the way, the game is charming and well-done, a humorous re-telling of the nine movies (playable out of order if you like) with the really fun free-roam mode, which allows the player to visit all the locations unlocked in the game to explore planets, complete non-story missions and search for collectibles.
It's weird that the one Star Wars game including some kind of open world sandbox with over 20 planets to visit, space battles when you travel from a place to another and different character classes with unique gameplay... is a Lego game.
Really says something about how sadly underused the license has been in the last years. I mean, I liked Fallen Order, Squadrons and the Battlefront games, but where's the Star Wars equivalent of Skyrim?
Still, this scratches that itch to a little, brick-y extent. A nice game, crafted with passion and care.
Moon Knight (2022)
Isaac carries the pilot
After Ex Machina and Inside Llewyn Davis. I've realized Oscar is one of the best actors of his generation. Effortlessly charismatic and charming, he is great in this.
As someone with no knowledge of the source material, I guess what we have here is a superhero with both a split personality disorder and a connection to the Egyptian lore, including gods and monsters.
This seems fun so far. I hope we'll do without the usual "saving the world from the apocalypse" thing though - something which, ironically, has been the highlight in very few MCU projects (Infinity War I guess).
The MCU usually shines when it comes to likable characters and their interactions: the pilot of Moon Knight keeps it nice and simple, following meek Brit Steven Grant (Isaac), a milquetoast museum employee whose life is ruined by sleepwalking and memory blackouts, as he becomes involved in a mysterious plot.
7/10.
Death on the Nile (2022)
One of the following statements is false
1) This is a pretty solid adaptation, well-shot and acted, although most changes from the source material are for the worse, and I am no purist.
2) We get an origin story for Poirot's moustache during World War One (!).
3) I still prefer Ustinov's and Suchet's versions of Poirot over Branagh's.
4) The modern tendency to "humanize" archetypal characters (see also James Bond), with a tragic backstory, a lost love and so on, ends up weakening them compared to their simpler, more effective versions. Poirot does not need to weep, lament his immortal beloved or point a gun at the suspect with trembling hands. By giving the Belgian detective a sassy love interest who makes him stutter you are not giving him more depth, you are making him more generic.
5) Gal Gadot is hot, Emma Mackey is hotter and the sadly underused Rose Leslie is fire.
6) I love Agatha's books but man do her killers have some crappy plans relying on a string of good luck, coincidences and involuntary collaboration of bystanders.
7) Water is not wet.
6,5/10.
The Last Duel (2021)
Hard to watch but one of Ridley's best in years
This Rashomon-inspired narrative about a medieval rape charge culminating in a trial-by-combat is well-shot (Scott is 84 but still a master of the craft), compelling, featuring fine performances.
The stand-out is Jodie Comer: after stealing the show in Killing Eve as a quirky killer, she continues her journey to super-stardom and deserves an Academy Award Nomination for this.
A couple of scenes require the viewer's stomach to be lined with lead, but it's worth watching if you appreciate grim historical dramas and a clever, subtle approach to multiple / unreliable points of view structure.
7/10.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Killer replica
This is a solid soft reboot of the series, which after the 2016 disappointment feels like a breath of fresh air.
I enjoyed the characters and the performances; I particularly liked how they addressed the elephant in the room, specifically the fact that, sadly, a full Ghostbusters reunion was no longer possible after the passing of Harold Ramis... so Egon's death and legacy become a crucial plot point. The way this is handled is clever and quite touching.
They *really* should have gone with a new big bad though... Gozer and his terror dogs gave me serious First Order / Starkiller Base vibes, like The Force Awakens fanatically mimicking A New Hope. Say what you want of Ghostbusters 2, but at least it tried to do something different and expand the lore with a new villain.
It's okay though, a nice passing of the torch. Stay through the end credits.
7/10.
The Green Knight (2021)
Interesting Arthurian adaptation
When I first heard of this and saw the trailers I was doubtful, as I feared a weird, garish mess.
How wrong I was. This dark fantasy tale is a re-telling of the Arthurian myth of Gawain and the Green Knight - it's *weird*, but in a good way.
A simple yet powerful story of a man finding the courage to face his doom, the film boasts great visuals, a haunting score and excellent acting: Harris and Ineson are unsurprisingly fine as the King and the Green Knight, and Dev Patel carries the movie with a strong lead performance.
And the open ending is brilliant and memorable.
This will become a cult classic... hopefully.
7,5/10.
No Time to Die (2021)
No Mister Bond, I expect you to end
No Time To Die is visceral, well-crafted... but also overlong and self-indulgent. Craig is solid as usual (and gets more witty lines this time around) but the real star is director Fukunaga: this is one of the best-looking Bond movies ever in terms of atmosphere, shot composition, color palette, and so on.
Gorgeous, adorable Ana de Armas continues her journey to super-stardom, here in the (sadly) tiny role of Bond girl Paloma, whose scenes have a sense of fun most of the film is lacking.
In fact, I wish Bond had dumped weepy drama queen Madeleine for Paloma. No disrespect to Seydoux, who is fine, but her character exemplifies my pet peeve about Craig's Bond era: every element needs to be overly emotional, with a tragic backstory and a crucial impact on Bond. It seems Craig's Bond can't go to the bathroom without meeting the love of his life or making a life-changing decision. Just give me Connery shooting a bad guy with a pen gun and a cheesy one-liner.
And YES, I've read the Fleming novels and I know the first, quip-delivering movie Bond was not an accurate representation either, but this is too far on the other end of the spectrum. It seems Craig's Bond can't have an "ordinary" mission and a casual relationship, everything has to come with three spoonfuls of drama. I'm almost thankful this era is over, so that I never have to see Bond soulfully ruminating over Vesper Lynd ever again. James, dude, we all have a crush on Eva Green, but enough is enough.
My biggest problem with No Time To Die? It's bloated. My heart sank when, two hours into the movie, I realized we were still in the second act (which has to be the longest and slowest of any Bond film) and there were still 45 minutes to go. No Bond movie should have a running length nearly equal to The Thin Red Line.
6/10.