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NB. If your IMDB ratings distribution spikes at the bottom and top ends, rather than somewhere around the middle, you're probably full of s**t.
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The DPP 33 Video Nasties
The Oscars Best Picture Usurpers
Pick of the Nasties
There are some that are worth watching. Here's a selection of them.
The dpp 39 video nasties"
Reviews
The Belko Experiment (2016)
Surprisingly good
I had avoided this for years, based only on not liking that poster art much. Big mistake! It was actaully really good.
Workers in an office block, situated in a bizarrely isolated location, arrive at work to find a new meaning to the term "office cull".
I don't like these kind of movies where people are locked in and made to turn on each other. They're full of depressing messages about our species.
Having said that, this one somehow makes it a good, witty watch with a very fast pace and excellent characters. It is quite bloody at times but never cruel and protracted.
I thing the last 20 mins or so could have been a bit less generic and predictable but otherwise did not spoil a really great watch.
Killer Crocodile (1989)
Better than Tentacles but not by a whole lot
A crocodile is killing people in the jungle somewhere and must be stopped!
It's a bit of a dull movie with a hokey plot, based on chemical dumping and eco-warriers out to expose the bad guys.
In the middle of all this is a really big and really static crocodile. If you think the Jaws shark looked fake, this one is a mic drop for the award.
The movie needed much more gore and grizzly set pieces to bring it to life. As it stands, there's not a whole of interesting content. It might have played reasonably well back on release but when compared with Italian splatter classics by Fulci and Bava etc, this one has little to offer today.
Nice, lush looking movie, as with other Italian rip offs of that era but that's about it.
V/H/S/Beyond (2024)
Worth watching for segment 3 alone
VHS Beyond is 50/50 but the 3rd chapter is a must see. One of the best in the franchise.
Overall, it's not a bad film. 4 of the 6 segments are decent and the remainder are forgettable.
They're losing their way a bit with the found footage being a bit too contrived and the wrap around somewhat detached from the other stories but these issues don't wholly detract.
The alien abduction/attack theme running throughout was better than I expected. Plenty of variation and independent ideas rather than just 6 stories of people ending up as lab rats.
If you like the other VHS movies, this one is worth checking out. Not the best but not the worst.
The Substance (2024)
Cinderella becomes Splatterella
The Substance allows an aging fitness icon to recapture her glory days - with a sinister caveat.
I don't like the subject matter very much. Actors and actresses are only under pressure to look good as they age because there are so many other, younger actors and actresses wanting the same thing that they have. It's not the industry that demands perfection, it's just young people also wanting a chance too. This happens in many professions. Athletes have it far worse than the beauty industry.
That being said, this film is otherwise really good, at least until the final act. I thought the whole premise of the way The Substance works was very original and executed brilliantly, both visually and story wise, like a Cronenberg take on the Cinderella story.
I think the decision to be a bit too comical in the last third didn't work for me but the rest of the FrightFest crowd loved it. It got a bit too silly and over the top for my liking, trying to be as gross-out as it could but for me was daft and started to drag on a bit.
I much preferred the 2014 movie Starry Eyes, which is less satirical and a lot darker, at least on the surface.
I've no doubt this film is going to be a huge hit. I love the fact that it will look like a mainstream movie to many and what they'll experience will be quite unexpected.
Azrael (2024)
This movie has (almost) no dialog
I would like to describe how frustrating it is to watch a film like this but ... there are no words.
It's some post appocalyptic scenario (maybe) and there are people in the woods who seem to (maybe) worship some force of evil, embodied by zombie-like demons that lurk in the woods.
People run around in the woods and there are some fights between the maybe good and maybe bad guys until eventually it draws to a somewhat unambiguous ending.
There are some awesome gore effects and the movie is expertly made but why they wanted to go the silent route is bizarre. It is tedious and you just don't care about any of the no-name characters and the things they don't say.
I'm sure some will rave about this movie but for me it did not work.
Drive Back (2024)
Not bad, even if a bit derivative
A couple are heading through the woods and need to get some directions from the stereotypical creepy hill billies. Good idea to follow their advice ... ?
No surprises much in the first act. Dialog keeps the movie entertaining but as the second act kicks in, the movie feels like it is probably going somewhere interesting.
It's main idea has been done before many times (I won't quote other movies as it'll give that away easily) but it's handled well and, for the most part, hangs together and is a good watch.
The third act is where the movie starts to come apart a bit and becomes a bit of a jumble of nonsense. Yes it went downhill but no, the movie wasn't wrecked as it wasn't already on some incredible high ground.
I think with a bit of spit and polish and some better ideas in the last act, this could have been very good. As it stands, it's a worthwhile watch if you're stuck for a movie one evening.
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
Lavish looking hollow movie
Dracula's boat voyage from Romania to Carfax Abbey is expanded in this movie but not with an awful lot of imagination. It is fairly paint by numbers stuff and portrays The Count as a pretty generic monster, rather than a legend of the genre.
Great looking sets and, for the most part, special effects are all this movie has to offer. It's just a generic slasher movie concept on a boat but without the trashy fun of it being a slasher movie.
Standard hollywood themes and current popular ideology are baked into the script but don't really damage or save the movie, they're just part and parcel of a fun couple of hours which is probably quite rewatchable but breaks no boundaries and takes no risks.
Not awful by any means but if it had a DVD release, I'd expect to see a lot of copies for a quid in the charity shops in the future.
Shelby Oaks (2024)
A traditional, well thought out horror
A YouTube content creator goes missing in the town of Shelby Oaks. Does her chilling last video clip contain the clues to the mystery of her disappearance?
It's not particularly unique but what it does, it does well.
I would have expected Shelby Oaks to be a blipvert, rapid fire absurdity for the TikTok generation but instead, it's a nicely paced, slow burn horror/thriller with some good touches and ideas.
The film looks very nice and performances are convincing. I saw the International Premier at FrightFest, London and it went down well.
It doesn't quite land the punches of genre movies, such as Sinister or Blair Witch Project but the viewing experience doesn't leave you feeling disappointed.
I don't think Stuckmann's name attached to this movie is going to affect its success one way or the other. The film stands on its own feet and will probably stick around for some years to come.
Never Have I Ever (2024)
Dialog-heavy indie movie that fortunately has decent script
Sam is a writer and seems to be a bit of loser. A girl called Mara offers to buy him a drink at a local bar and it seems unlikely it is just a random act of kindness ...
I saw the World Premier of this at London FrightFest. It's not a horror film but the movie has some dark moments.
The first half I found to be a bit tedious to sit through, as it lingers a bit too much in one particular scene but the script is engaging and the acting is solid, so you kind of get the feeling it's probably going to pick up later - and fortunately it did.
The second half of the movie is a huge step up from the initial set up and was worth the investment, as it led to a surprisingly satisfying conclusion, which is usually where so many movies fail these days. The ending was, for me, where the movie really pays off.
It's not my preferred genre (I was eager to see Mutilator 2 at the festival, for a bit of context) but it was better and more competent than a few other much bigger budget movies that I saw over the weekend.
If crime drama / thriller is your thing, I'd say you'd probably enjoy it more than I did but strong performances from the whole cast and a script with a lot of attention to detail made up for an obvious lack of budget, so overall feels like a thumbs up.
Mutilator 2 (2023)
Somehow, re-captures the inept vibe of the original
The original movie is almost a "so bad it's good" genre piece and insanely, this one is too.
I really enjoyed the original and had high hopes for part 2.
Instead of being a typical slasher sequel, or rehash of the first, they've tried to update it with new ideas and more current meta themes, yet is once again a potentially SBIG movie, which has to be pretty hard to achieve intentionally. You will laugh at the film, rather than with it.
It takes too long to get to the smorgasbord of brutal, gory kills but they deliver well eventually.
A movie to watch with friends, for a fun time. Just don't expect much Oscar material.
Test Screening (2024)
A juicier version of Super 8
The whole nostalgia for '82 as a classic movie year really comes out in this one. No mistakes there.
A small and remote town is eager to see a test screening of a new movie - without knowing what's in store.
It's fair to say this could have been a Stranger Things season. It does a great job with its shameless and intentional nods to 82 classics but with a Cronenberg edge.
It never gets grisly and icky like a Cronenberg movie does, which is where it ultimately falls a bit short. The horror facade is just a vehicle for its core relationship-based story. It's Dead Ringers Berg and not Scanners.
It's an enjoyable movie, which does have a great first half but the latter half is a bit flat and devoid of tension or scares. Plenty of weird visuals tease a potentially great horror but that's all.
Too much commentary and not enough genuine thrills leave it in a no mans land, somewhere between horror and drama.
It's well made though and has a likeable cast. Test Screening is never dull and does have its fanboy moments, especially for those who are on board with the whole 82 nostalgia "Thing".
Broken Bird (2024)
Captivating quirkyness not without its shocks
Sybil is an eccentric oddity, working in a job at a mortuary that seems to suit her persona. She has an encounter with a handsome young man, when visiting a museum, which could be the start of a new chapter in her lonely life.
The movie has a slow and disjointed start but as the pieces in the puzzle slowly start to bind together, the film intensifies and starts to dish out some pretty shocking content and solid plot twists.
It's a strong directorial debut for Joanne Mitchell, who I'd only ever seen as an actress before, in the gritty thriller "Bait", so hats of to her for a job well done.
Broken Bird is not flawless. It meanders a bit at the start but the film is carried very well by actress Rebecca Calder, who can't be faulted.
It's a witty, dark movie that is not quite a horror film but had enough unpleasantness in some scenes to really make me squirm.
Combat Shock (1984)
A 10min short movie - plus padding
Most of this movie is tedium. There's a story of sorts lurking but nothing of particular interest.
It gets points for some pretty wacky moments towards the end but I've rarely had to sit through something as testing as this movie.
For what it's worth, the story is basically about a Vietnam vet with no money or job who is being told to go and find a job by his wife. Their baby is a freak, supposedly due to chemicals in the father. Not much else transpires.
Acting is OK. Story is non existent. Scenes, like people queuing outside a building, are milked beyond belief.
Possibly the worst Troma production I've seen. Most Troma movies are not awful.
Talk to Me (2022)
Good ideas lost in the mix
Some kids do Ouija with a hand, rather than a board and things go awry.
A strong start descends into tedium as virtually nothing happens for the whole film.
The movie feels like a stretched short, which we've seen before with the likes of Lights Out. A short movie needs to be an excerpt from a feature, rather than the whole premise.
There will probably be many reviews on this point, how the concept is good but execution, not. Poorly developed characters who supposedly are friends. I can't even recall any names except Mia, I think. And I've only just finished watching it.
It's not trash, the film looks great but a very horrible script.
Firestarter (2022)
Makes the original seem really good
Remaking a fairly average movie, which struggled with the FX due to technology of the day, makes sense to me. Modern FX could have plugged the gaps nicely.
But no. What we get is nasty CG fire, a really, REALLY dull movie and bland, unlikeable and unintersting characters.
I'm amazed this failed but then again there seems to be a rot in the movie industry as a whole.
I switched the film off 10 minutes before the end because I had better things to do. It really was THAT lifeless.
Zac Efron has been pretty awesome in most of his roles but even he couldn't save this movie.
It does make you want to revisit the old one though. That film is very average for the 80s but just way better than this.
Barbarian (2022)
Ultimately disappointing
A woman turns up to her AirBnB, only to discover someone else is already there, due to a double-booking. She's naturally cautious when invited to share the accomodation but the other occupant turns out to be the least of her worries ...
It starts out really well and doesn't take long to get you invested in the characters. However, after the first third of the movie, things go sharply downhill as it veers off on a mansplaining mission, completely throwing all logic out of the window to give us another lecture for the me too era. It's disappointing because at one juncture it started to get seriously tense and could have gone on to be a horror classic. An awful lot of great ideas in the movie but all squandered in favour of nonsense to get its point across.
Not an awful film but disappointing due to how well it started. Overall, it is very well made and the actors do pretty well in their roles but drowns in silliness eventually.
Dead of Night (1945)
Classic and influential portmanteau
A group of people meet at a country farm, where one of them feels he has had a dream about the gathering. They pass the time telling creepy stories ...
Like most portmanteau horror movies, it gets going quickly and the stories told each have a distinct flavour. It's entertaining enough in its own right but in addition, it's fascinating to see how many ideas have been used in later movies.
For 1945, it's surprisingly creepy in places, so I can only imagine how it must have been a thrilling watch on original release.
For horror fans, it's a must-watch movie, as it is one of those pivotal movies like Psycho and Frankenstein.
The Night of the Hunter (1955)
Not aged well
I wanted to check this out as it has good reviews and a high rating. Unfortunately, in 2022, it's not coming across as well as it might have done in the past.
The story is clumsily told, by modern standards, with some very odd dialog and performances which at times are a bit comical. Given that this was only five years prior to Hitchcock's Psycho, it really feels like it could have been a lot earlier.
There are a few scenes that play out well and create some tension but all too often it drops the ball and any tension built up just vanishes.
It was worth a watch but I'm unlikely to want to see it again.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022)
Made for profit not for love
Amazon have put this together out of respect for algorithms and statistics, not story. It wouldn't surprise me if Jeff Bezos has intentionally pushed the use of AI to write the story. It simply has a cold, robotic feel to it and is frequently clumsy, as if written by a computer.
To avoid spoliers, I'll not go into any details. Having now seen the whole first series, I'll just summarise the experience.
Primarily it's very boring. The first and final episodes contain the majority of anything remotely interesting and the rest is spread out so thinly that you could literally just jump from the first to last episode and it would probably be a lot better.
The plot is riddled with stupidity and implausibility and hangs off a myriad of "mystery boxes" which is its sole mechanism to keep the viewer watching. There's no intelligence to any of it. I would think the maximum age that would be dazzled by this kind of thing is probably about 10 years old but I'm being generous there.
The visuals are poor too. Far too much reliance on CG which renders the experience very cartoon-like.
As for the characters, there are none with whom it's possible to emapathise with. No decent arcs or development and as a result you just don't care about any of them.
I think most have stuck with it out of morbid curiosity as to how far it can possibly fall below the original movies from Peter Jackson.
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Another step in the comedy direction
I loved the original Thor movie, in fact it's my favourite of all the Marvel releases. Kenneth Brannagh did a very good job.
I struggled with Dark World; it was considerably weaker. Then the switch to comedy came with Ragnarok, which seemed very popular but I found it hard to get through once again.
Love and Thunder goes back to basics with a decent, simple story but unfortunately just has too much super power tennis. Clashes are just bam, bam, bam, bam, win/lose. Then, the other to serve and I can't get into any of that kind action, which is prevalant in most MCU movies and just lacks effort in the writing.
The comedy and serious emotional moments don't mix too well either. The light vibe was just lost.
Jane Foster as Thor was fun but why she was called Thor I don't get. Why not just be called The Mighty Dr Foster or something? No harm to the plot but these kind of token hand-me-downs are distracting.
Overall, not much to write home about. It was OK watch but less good than Captain Marvel, which was already heading in the direction of generic super power movie.
I'm not a big MCU fan but I suspect even those that are will find this a bit forgettable.
The Once and Future Smash (2022)
Finally! The Definitive End Zone 2 Documentary.
The classic slasher End Zone 2, which is practically forgotten, finally gets its dues in this superb documentary.
Loaded with clips and great interviews from the cast and other heavyweights of horror, it's a great nostalgia trip back to one of the genre's most unsung but influential and terrifying characters ... Smashmouth.
The two actors that played him back in 1970 face off and the truth about who is the real Smash-Mouth is answered once and for all.
I was lucky to catch the FrightFest World Premiere screening, so got to see the double bill, which had the full UNCUT End Zone 2 movie after the documentary.
Not to be missed!
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Total thrill ride and a great sequel
Like many, I was skeptical this would be good but I came out of the screening absolutely buzzing. First time in ages.
The film's primary strength is its phenomenal aerial sequences, which are (incredibly) way better than the original. Whatever CG is in use in the film, it's sparse and extremely well hidden.
The main plot is a total rip off of another rather well-known fighter pilot movie but it works SO well as a homage rather than a rip off.
And unlike so many films these days, I did end up caring about the characters. It wasn't just a load of cartoonish nonsense and fake emotion.
No, it's not serious or intelligent. Yes, it's brilliant.
Countess Dracula (1971)
Draku-like but not exactly
An old countess mysteriously regains her youthful beauty, when a peasant woman's daugher vanishes ...
The Countess (Ingrid Pitt) isn't exactly a vampire for my money. She needs blood, yes but isn't the fearsome character that Christopher Lee is. Rather, her protectors are the ones perhaps to be feared.
She's a kept woman and an object of pity for the most part, with the surrounding males calling all the shots. And they are a stuffy bunch.
Veering on the side of exploitation, with more nudity than earlier Hammer, it's not as classy but its main problem for me is just the disappointment in the main character. I had expected a more Regina-style vampire, a-la Fright Night 2.
Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2015)
Give them what they want, not what they need
Star Wars lives! Or at least, continues ...
A desert scavenger on tatooine meets a deserter from the First Order and discovers she's pretty much a Jedi, so they head off world to join the rebels and save the galaxy.
Repeating the story of Episode IV is one thing, but bringing back half the characters from that movie as well is incredibly lazy script writing.
Episode VII starts pretty well and Finn is a real breath of fresh air, not to mention a great starting point. Even bringing back the Millenium Falcon isn't a bad touch.
It's when they randomly bump into Han and Chewie that this movie really starts to show it's weakness, lack of ideas and originality. It shoud have noted that from Lucas' 1-3, bringing back the old characters was not a great idea. Lucas couldn't really fail with the prequels, as he had such a great story to tell - yet he did. The droids, Boba Fett, Chewbacca are all utterly unnecessary in the prequels; those movies would have been much better without them. Same goes for the sequels.
The only character with a story to continue, from Return of the Jedi, was Luke (and to a lesser extent, Leia) as he was the last remaining Jedi. The introduction of Finn and Rey was fine but they should have taken their story into new territory and given them their own struggle, free from the baggage of the originals.
The movie gradually goes downhill, with some poor CG in some places, truly dull sequences where they try and ham a plot together with ancient scrolls and old lightsabers.
There are some decent action sequences towards the end but it really feels like we're watching A New Hope again.
Not awful, but a missed opportunity. It addresses and fixes the plastic, rigid feel of the prequels yet fails to give us anything coherent or original for a story, where they were superior.
The prequels are a great story, told in a pretty inept way but the sequels are a visually great and well acted glossy, vacuous mish mash of random, conflicting ideas.
Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
The true start of the franchise
Thanks to this movie, the horror genre exploded with slasher movies for decades to come.
It's an absolute exploitation classic, taking the distasteful nature of the first movie to new levels.
Although The Final Chapter ups the stakes in gore and perhaps characters, this one is just so much fun and for a concept so ridiculous, that's all we really need.
Jason gets his mask in this one but more importantly, gets his formula: they arrive, they fornicate, they do drugs, they deserve to get picked off. And off we go.
Yes it's crap, but I love it.