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Slap Shot (1977)
The Holy Grail of Sports Comedies
The late, great Paul Newman said that Slap Shot is his best film, and, even though the man starred in too many classics to mention, I'm inclined to agree. It is the most authentic sports film that ever was and ever will be. Unapologetically sleazy, offensive, and hilarious, Slap Shot truly is Newman's opus.
X (2022)
As enjoyable a slow burn as peeing with gonorrhea
A pseudo-slasher with a confused style, dull kills, and one of the most pitiful concepts in horror history. Writer/director Ti West clearly knows the recipe for vomit, but X is all filth and no fun. What a dirty shame.
Grade: D-
Our Flag Means Death (2022)
A few red flags, but overall...
A comforting, occasionally funny romp fueled by charming characters that deserves a second season in which to explore its weightier themes and either reconsider or double down on its manic tone.
Mermaids (1990)
Winona's performance is perfection. Mermaids is the film she will be remembered for.
Winona Ryder gives not only the greatest performance of her career but one of the greatest performances in cinematic history. Mermaids is wonderful if you are looking for a lighthearted and funny slice of nostalgia and the entire cast is a joy to watch, but Winona's acting in the film is important.
The Hyperions (2022)
The Royal Mandelbaums
Deceptively sophisticated and genuinely cool, The Hyperions is a charming and memorable, albeit minor, piece of très bizarre filmmaking from writer-director Jon McDonald. Despite some glaring missed opportunities, seemingly due to budgetary restraints, this inventive geek chic indie ultimately works not as just another superhero flick, but a delightfully manic and heartfelt family dramedy in the vein of Wes Anderson.
Grade: B.
Cleaner (2007)
It's actually a 61/2 but if I have to lean one way...
Veteran filmmaker Renny Harlin knows how to direct and the heavyweight cast, namely Samuel L. Jackson and Ed Harris, knows how to act, so while the material is meh, the final product is engaging, albeit underwhelming. Just watch it, enjoy it, and forget it.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Not the one
I can mildly appreciate about 20% of this bloated, inept, inane, and glaringly pointless 200 million dollar cyberpunk kerplunk, which exists purely on the absurd notion that nostalgia is entertainment. More than a few of us have been waiting patiently for a worthy sequel to what is arguably the greatest sci-fi film of the past thirty years, but The Matrix Resurrections is not the one.
Escape Plan: The Extractors (2019)
What was the plan exactly?
Suddenly Escape Plan 2 and the Ebola virus don't seem so bad. I don't blame Sly for taking the money, but this film is nauseating. Completely devoid of redemption. Boring, brainless, soulless cash grab that has nothing to do with the wonderfully-crafted original film. F
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Slight of the Living Dead
The Dead Don't Die marks the first wide release for the impossibly cool Jim Jarmusch who has been doing his thing (Down by Law, Mystery Train, Broken Flowers, etc.) for over 30 years. That said, make no mistake, this is no mainstream zombie movie. Consider this review fair warning for all you psuedo-horror aficionados out there who saw Zombieland and assume so adorably that you know the lengths to which the genre can be taken. In actuality, you have no clue, and here's your cinematic wake up call. This is one brazenly bizarre, fourth wall busting, utterly gonzo experience that is as much a "thank you" to the masters (namely Romero) as it is a " screw you" to the masses (namely hipsters). I personally love The Dead Don't Die and highly recommend it knowing full well it is one long agonizing deadpan joke (pun intended) that will make many squirm in their seat, and not for the reason you'd expect. B+
Topic Time with Harrison Young (2010)
There's Always Time For Topic Time!
Harrison Young is the host with the most and Topic Time is a talk show worth talking about. It has such a genuine and nostalgic quality that is irresistible and dare I say brilliant in its simplicity. If you were a fan of Johnny Carson you will love Harrison Young. He's a funny, charismatic talent and his show is a breath of fresh air in a world congested with podcasts, blogs, and all the other crap that is ruining the art of entertainment.
Future World (2018)
James Franco: Fury Road
Should have been called James Franco: Fury Road. Future World kinda stars and was directed by James Franco who is also an uncredited writer. He made the film with his endless list of obscure hipster connections, somehow managing to slap together a B list cast and crew to make his passion project of week. First off, I get the sneaking suspicious that this "film" was shot over a weekend... at Burning Man. Everything in this barely 90 min dystopian dud is stolen from better sci-fi flicks ranging from new to old and indie to mainstream. The list includes: Road Warrior and Fury Road (obviously), the Bad Batch, Turbo Kid, and Automata. All of which are far better than Future World. Even the title was stolen from a 1976 sci-fi movie called Futureworld (no space), which is also about robots. I will say that Milla Jovovich is a guilty pleasure at times, even if she doesn't exactly turn in her best performance. Overall, this movie sucked and I can't wait to forget about it, which fortunately shouldn't be too hard. This is a D- tops because much like Franco, there is no reason for its existence.
Once Upon a Time in Venice (2017)
Willis Is Officially Worthless
Once Upon A Time In Venice is one of the worst, most annoying films of the year and in recent memory. With the exception of a quite funny Jason Momoa, no one involved in this debacle walks away with their dignity intact. So many bad lines, so many missed opportunities, so many embarrassing acting moments, and so few reasons to sit through 90 minutes of a lackluster Bruce Willis wondering around Venice Beach aimlessly for his dog. Sadly Willis and especially John Goodman seem more lost than the pet they are trying to find. As I mentioned before, the only actor who brings anything to the table is Momoa, which is surprising, especially given what little he had to work with. He scores all the laughs in the film, that's right, both of them, mainly because of his deadpan execution of an otherwise run of the mill antagonist. This movie has no reason to exist and no story to tell and speaking of stories, once upon a time there was an actor who tried, then the 90s ended, he went bald, and just stopped caring. That's the end of the story and Bruce Willis's career.
Cult of Chucky (2017)
Don't Drink The Kool-Aid! This Cult is Overrated.
Cult of Chucky, while not horrific (pun intended) for a 7th installment, is easily my least favorite Child's Play film to date. That said, I do not consider Seed of Chucky a film but rather a form of rape, so... Anyway, on a positive note, Cult of Chucky explores an ingenious direction in which to take the franchise because what is more terrifying than Chucky? Chucky multiplied by 3. That's right, this film expands on the universe by making it possible for Charles Lee Ray to posses more than one doll (among other things) at a time. Unfortunately, the execution left a lot to be desired. The pacing was an enjoyable slow burn for about the half-hour, after that, it started to border on tedious, and at a lean 90 minutes, the film should have flown by and left me wanting more, much like Curse of Chucky. Speaking of Curse of Chucky, that was a fantastic horror film and the best entry in the series since the original. Maybe that is why Cult of Chucky let me down ultimately because compared to Curse, it was a minor effort. Curse repaired the series and took it in a bold new direction but Cult just sort of road its predecessor's coattails in reserve and still radiated pretension in the process. Despite the bizarrely positive critical phrase for this film, I think Chucky Creator/writer/director Don Mancini should have quit while he was ahead because so many fans I talked to loved Curse of Chucky, and I don't think those same fans are going to be as enamored with this underdeveloped, overrated latest entry. Sadly, for many (self included) the Chuck stops here.
Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017)
low rent, pretentious, and pointless. The Creeper deserves better!
Jeepers Creepers 3 is less of a movie and more of a prolonged bowel movement. Production wasn't delayed, it was 14 years of cinematic constipation, but unfortunately, they finally crapped out a pitiful, useless end to the Jeepers Creepers saga. Ironically, the budget was probably less than a roll of toilet paper. Also, for the record, I am a die-hard fan of the first two films and I promise you I went into part 3 determined to like it, despite the garbage trailers and negative online buzz that was surrounding it. Bottom-line, the first film is scary, the second is fun, and the third is cancer. The creeper did not age well. Someone behind the camera has clearly lost their touch because this one just felt like a cheap, direct-to-video cash grab made without love or legitimate purpose. Avoid this one like the creeper himself and hope it goes away for 23 years... and then another 23 after that.
p.s. The ending is the biggest slap in the face to fan ever because the filmmakers know they won't be making another one... and I thank God for that.
Logan Lucky (2017)
Loses a star for Seth MacFarlane and Hilary Swank, but otherwise excellent!
LOGAN LUCKY is a welcomed return for filmmaker Steven Soderbergh who goes for smart and cool as oppose to dumb and goofy. This is no Ocean's 7-11, this is American cinema at its finest. Don't believe your friends who are most likely fans of lowbrow Hollywood schlock and coincidentally loved Soderbergh's OCEAN'S ELEVEN series, Logan Lucky is hardcore Americana fun. The cast is fantastic but without standouts because their performances were equally brilliant and thanks to flawless writing, it was integral to the film that they all play off each other. The actors seemed to be acting in unison, much like the team of unpolished bandits they were portraying in the film. While Logan Lucky scores some solid laughs, it is less a mainstream cookie-cutter comedy caper and more a slick heist picture throwback. Everything about this movie works with the exception of the obviously forced casting of Seth MacFarlane and Hilary Swank, which was clearly done to add a few more household names to the roster and get asses in the seats. Fortunately Soderbergh uses these two hacks sparingly and reduced their roles to more-or-less cameos. In summation, see Logan Lucky, it's just too damn good to pass up.
For a Good Time, Call... (2012)
For A Bad Time, Watch...
FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL... is so bad that Justin Long plays a flamboyant homosexual in the film and that isn't even the worst thing about it... enough said. That said, I must continue in the hope of warning others. This film is less a film and more a crime against humanity. The lead characters are a pair of unpleasant, unintelligent, and UNFUNNY bimbos played by two actors/women who fail at acting like women but succeed in channeling the most annoying female stereotypes anyone could imagine. Out of the gate, this trash has nothing going for it, and can ultimately be categorized as Judd Apatow derivative (thanks, guy, for ruining a generation) riddled with obnoxiously cheap cameos by everyone from Kevin Smith to Seth Rogen. Also, I am a straight male and even I was offended by how women and homosexuals were portrayed in this shlockfest. As for minorities, I can't recall seeing too many, and I was really paying attention because FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL... is so horrific that out of sheer morbid curiosity, it is impossible to look away.