Change Your Image
nickkulstadis
Reviews
Fainaru fantajî XIII (2009)
One of the worst Final Fantasy games and one of the worst RPG games ever made.
Terrible Final Fantasy game. Repetitive combat, flat characters, bland environments, mediocre music, incomprehensible plot with bad storytelling and too many enemies that can easily cause a game over. The enemy designs were lame and I didn't like the implementation of Eidolons at all with how they're like Transformers. Playing this trainwreck again makes me appreciate 15 far more and how it got the series away from the catastrophic direction the 13 trilogy was taking things. Thankfully, I'm almost done with it. I just want to get it off my bucket list. I never want to play it again after finishing at least the storyline.
Ben 10 (2016)
What a load of rubbish
This latest reboot was frankly garbage. Aside from the great animation style, it was pathetic compared to the first 3 iterations of Ben 10. I don't mean art style as that is not very good but the animation style is very fluid and good. The storylines feel very low stakes and there's too much emphasis on humor at the expense of drama and action. The episodes are also too short. They should be 22 minutes, NOT 11 minutes. Thankfully this waste of space is over and the next reboot will actually be good. We fans are definitely way overdue for a quality Ben 10 series.
Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty (2001)
Sons Of Insanity
2 words describe Sons Of Liberty: Overrated and Pretentious. This game was terrible. The story was nonsensical gibberish, the gameplay was clunky, the Big Shell was sleep inducing to run around, Raiden was a bad joke of a main protagonist(although he'd be cooler in GOTP and MG Rising) and it was just a retread of the first game for 80% of it's length. There were also too many dull cutscenes full of redundant dialogue and walking around and the codec calls were so drawn out and excessively long. To think Metal Gear Solid would be followed up by such a convoluted mess is baffling. Snake Eater certainly made up for this trainwreck.
No Time to Die (2021)
Time To Go Woke
This movie was garbage. Very weak and incomprehensible plot, forgettable action scenes, poor acting, bad dialogue, crap special effects and bad storytelling. It was also extremely long and the ending was a kick to the balls for a Bond fan. WTF?! This movie slinks into the levels of trash that Quantum Of Solace and Spectre sink to and does not really hit the highs of Casino Royale and Skyfall.
Fainaru fantajî X-2 (2003)
Awful Charlie's Angels clone
This is a disgrace to the Final Fantasy name. This game reeks of being a purely cynical cash grab. It basically reuses the already explored maps of 10 and any new dungeons are so lazy looking and badly designed. Rather than having the ability to explore the areas you weren't able to explore in 10 they decided to just reuse almost all the areas with any new ones being lazily designed. A shame as there was a good 40% of the map at least to explore and areas in existing ones that were ripe for exploration. The soundtrack is aggravating, the characters are annoying, the tone is extremely unsure and the plot is entirely contrived and pointless. All in all, a pointless cash grab sequel to 10. Just play 10 and then move on. 10-2 isn't worth your time. Play any of the other numbered titles and skip any with a -2 or any other continuation of a Final Fantasy numbered game. These games are supposed to stand alone and this game and the 13 sequels are the proof as to why this is.
Fainaru fantajî XIII-2 (2011)
Worse than 13. Don't listen to the hype
Where to begin. The music is so bad and inappropriate for the situations, Serah is a very bland protagonist, the combat system is actually a downgrade from 13's and the inclusion of time travel nonsense already makes it a lesser game. Why they couldn't just leave it at 13 I don't know. It had a reasonably good conclusion that required no follow up. I recommend giving 13 another try if you're not a fan of it. It's not as bad as you remember. It's not one of the best FF games but it's alright and has some really strong moments and characters and has graphics that hold up reasonably well. 13-2 is much worse than you remember and Lightning Returns is even worse than this game was.
The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Revolutions? More like Convolutions.
This movie was so bad and slow. The script was bogged down with pretentious and repetitive philosophical mumbo jumbo and it added to what was already sloppy storytelling. The action scenes, when there were any, weren't even that good or well filmed. I don't know how they started so well with The Matrix with it's tighter pacing, great action scenes and good characters that served a purpose to this movie which is plodding, the storyline is a mess and there are too many superfluous characters that could've been cut or combined to better serve the storyline. I recommend just reading the wikia about Revolutions in preparation for Resurrections. Revolutions isn't worth sitting through. Reloaded, even with its issues, is more entertaining and faster moving than this was. It's a fine action movie but don't expect it to be anywhere near as good as The Matrix. If they just combined Reloaded and Revolutions into one sequel, it would've been a vastly better and more focused movie. There was no need to have a trilogy when the 2 sequels feel disjointed as they do. Instead, you get Reloaded which was more entertaining but didn't entirely advance the plot then you get Revolutions which did advance the plot but was pretty dull in general.
Batman Forever (1995)
Horrendous "toy centric" piece of trash
Where to start with this trainwreck? It was so awful. Tim Burton made 2 enjoyable Batman movies that had the right balance of being serious and being pulpy. WB got greedy and didn't like the more dark style Burton infused his movies with despite it suiting the property well. It wasn't really too dark but it wasn't as easy to sell toys with either. So they decided to fire Burton because he refused to make a garish and overly campy piece of trash like this so they brought that hack Joel Schumacher in to make movies that had the top priority of selling toys over being anything resembling good Batman movies. This was an utter farce and is practically unwatchable anymore. Val Kilmer was robotic and stiff and wasn't good as Batman or Bruce Wayne. Michael Keaton was WAY BETTER. I don't blame him for quitting. I'd probably rather quit than star in an utter travesty like Forever. Jim Carrey was playing Jim Carrey in an utterly ridiculous spandex onesie with ? Marks emblazoned all over it in case you forgot he was the riddler and Tommy Lee Jones was bad as Two Face. He was imitating Jack Nicholson's Joker rather than playing Two Face and the rubber prosthetic was extremely embarrassing. Robin in this movie was grating and made an already terrible movie worse with his incessant whining and stuck up attitude. The pacing of this movie was glacial and the storyline was stupid and boring. This movie and Batman And Robin are among the worst superhero movies ever made and are an total insult to the Batman series. WB should've been ashamed for these 2 utter embarrassments.
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018)
Awful
Mamma Mia wasn't that good but it was boosted up by a good cast, good location work and the better ABBA songs. Here We Go Again is brought down by a needlessly convoluted plot that exists to sing the lesser known ABBA songs. Such songs like I Kissed The Teacher and I Am The Tiger are featured as they used the better ones in the first movie. Waterloo finally gets used as it was just an instrumental version in the first movie but they used it terribly. This is one to skip.
Mamma Mia! (2008)
Better than the sequel but still not that great
While not as awful as the sequel Mamma Mia Here We Go Again! , Mamma Mia is still not that great. The plot is utterly nonsensical and thin and is just an excuse to sing the better ABBA songs. This one is better than the sequel because they were able to use the better ABBA songs like Money, Money, Money and SOS before having to resort to the lesser known songs like I Am The Tiger and I Kissed The Teacher and the plot isn't needlessly convoluted. The cast is good but Pierce Brosnan can't sing try as he may. He was a good 007 but he isn't a singer. You're better off just listening to ABBAs songs or watching the Broadway play.
Terminator Genisys (2015)
Abysmal failure of epic proportions
What was even the point of this atrocious Terminator movie? The story kept starting and restarting over and over and the time travel nonsense hit its nadir here. They never got too far into the technical details of time travel before in this series and this movie illustrates why. It's incomprehensible and is irritating to the audience, especially when the story is already incomprehensible as it is. Just keep it to the necessary minimum, please. Everyone involved with this should be ashamed. Arnold again did it for the money. He mailed it in like he did in Rise Of The Machines. WTF happened to this series?
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
Trainwreck on all accounts
I hate this movie. It sent the Terminator series down the toilet. Everything about this movie sucks. The score, acting, direction, effects, humor, etc. This is a pointless cash grab like the other trainwrecks after this movie. Avoid! The series ended at 2 but Hollywood just couldn't resist destroying a once great series with a piece of trash movie like this.
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Bloated and overrated
I'll admit, I once loved this movie as a kid but as an adult it's absolutely a terrible movie, as practically every movie made between 1971 and 2002 are. After the 60s, the producers gave up on tighter storylines, better writing, good acting (for the time) and rather than cast someone credible like Sean Connery they settled for unconvincing wimps like Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan. Why they didn't cast Christopher Lee is seriously beyond me. The guy was way more James Bond than Roger Moore ever hoped to be. Anyway, the majority of the movies in these dark years of the series, they are overlong and poorly made junk, with loud spectacle and a "bigger means better!" mentality being the main goal. They start off fine but they quickly outstay their welcome. You just want these bloated turkeys to end. This approach led to crummy movies like this that fail to hold up. Out of all the films in this period, Goldeneye was the only good one. The rest were misfires. They're guilty pleasures at best, bad at worst. It wasn't until Casino Royale that they dropped the shoddy filmmaking of the 70s until 2002 and made proper movies again. I seriously suggest you take off your rose tinted glasses and quit defending the junky Bond period. They aren't as good as you recall.
Licence to Kill (1989)
One of the Bond series's nadirs
Timothy Dalton, you sir were not right for James Bond. You were great as Simon Skinner in Hot Fuzz but you generated as much excitement as someone gets when they have oatmeal with raisins for breakfast. Even George Lazenby was a better James Bond than you were.
The Living Daylights (1987)
Entertaining Bond movie but Dalton is nothing special as James Bond
This movie is a welcome palette cleanser after the woeful Octopussy and A View To A Kill but let's face it, Timothy Dalton was nothing special as James Bond. He was fine in this movie but never really went further than that. I just didn't buy him in the same capacity that I buy Sean Connery and Daniel Craig as the blunt instrument Ian Fleming wrote about, despite his best efforts. He was often showing his limits as an actor in this movie and especially in Licence To Kill. I respect him for what he was trying to accomplish but he wasn't the right guy for this take on the character. This is a recommended Bond movie but it's nothing to rush into if you haven't seen the Sean Connery and Daniel Craig Bond movies.
The Living Daylights (1987)
Entertaining Bond movie but Dalton is nothing special as James Bond
This movie is a welcome palette cleanser after the woeful Octopussy and A View To A Kill but let's face it, Timothy Dalton was nothing special as James Bond. He was fine in this movie but never really went further than that. I just didn't buy him in the same capacity that I buy Sean Connery and Daniel Craig as the blunt instrument Ian Fleming wrote about, despite his best efforts. He was often showing his limits as an actor in this movie and especially in Licence To Kill. I respect him for what he was trying to accomplish but he wasn't the right guy for this take on the character. This is a recommended Bond movie but it's nothing to rush into if you haven't seen the Sean Connery and Daniel Craig Bond movies.
Octopussy (1983)
Roger Moore's second worst Bond movie
While somewhat better than Moonraker, Octopussy still veers too far into the cheese factor. The plot of this movie is actually an interesting one , being centered on a rogue Soviet general who has teamed up with an ousted prince who are going to blow up a US embassy to start WW3 but sadly it's undermined by the ridiculous nonsense of this movie at almost every turn, like that horrendous Tarzan vine swinging scene, that horrid clown disguise and the tasteless Indian stereotypes. This movie is also extremely formulaic that it's ridiculous. It adds to how forgettable it is. The 007 formula is a good one but it needs to be done in interesting ways to make the movie more entertaining. This movie just does it in unimaginative ways.
Moonraker (1979)
Roger Moore's worst Bond movie
One of the worst Bond movies in the series. An egregious error of a Bond movie that not only is an obvious rehash of the vastly superior The Spy Who Loved Me but is also a blatant cash grab on Star Wars. This movie has no real driving force, just floating along merrily until they go to space in the last 25 minutes of this almost 2 hour 10 minute trainwreck. It's plot is merely an excuse to string together a bunch of silly scenes and the less said about Jaws becoming a bumbling cartoon character the better. This is a pathetic Bond movie. I can occasionally do Roger's cheesier Bond movies but this one, A View To A Kill and Octopussy are too much. This is down there with other weak installments like Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, Die Another Day, Licence To Kill, Spectre , A View To A Kill , Diamonds Are Forever and Octopussy. Thankfully For Your Eyes Only came after this movie. A vastly superior movie.
Live and Let Die (1973)
Properly starting off the camp Bond movies
After that massive dumpster fire that was Diamonds Are Forever, a truly woeful Bond movie about on par with other almost irredeemable Bond movies like every Pierce Brosnan Bond movie after Goldeneye, we get a massive improvement in the campy Bond movies. I'm personally not the biggest fan of these cheesfests as I prefer the more serious Bond movies that play things more straight rather than reach for laughs but if anyone was right to play silly Bond it was Roger Moore. If I'm going to watch a dumb but fun Bond movie, I'll take one of his. With a twinkle in his eye and some sly winks, he was a major improvement over Sean Connery at his absolute worst. The plot of this movie largely is similar to the one in the novel only not quite as serious. It does feature the racism, sexism and misogyny that novel is infamous for, even compared to the other Fleming novels. So keep that in mind. The decision to take things lightly reduces the negative aspects of the novel and makes it work on the big screen. This movie doesn't feature the same level of care and quality of the 60s Bond movies or the Daniel Craig Bond movies but it's an enjoyable and lighthearted affair.
Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Truly a pathetic Bond movie
What can I say about this atrocious Bond movie? The producers should've been ashamed of themselves to tarnish the name of this series with this miserable dreck of a Bond movie. This is a sub par Bond movie and is about as terrible as the Pierce Brosnan Bond movies after Goldeneye, Octopussy, A View To A Kill and the other routine garbage that unfortunately comprised much of the period between 1971 and 2002. If you're a fan of the Bond movies of the 60s or of the Daniel Craig movies, I strongly suggest skipping this trainwreck.
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Sub par Bond movie
This movie is bad but not in a good way. It's a rehash of The Spy Who Loved Me with everything that made that movie so good sadly absent. I recommend just watching Goldeneye when it comes to Pierce Brosnan as James Bond. It's truly the only good movie he starred in. The next 2 movies were even worse.
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
Abysmal sequel
Charlie's Angels Full Throttle is a bad movie with a boring plot, lame action scenes, a messy storyline and too much CGI and green screens in every action scene. This movie is a pathetic excuse of a movie. It's basically a bunch of campy scenes where the girls get into cheesy costumes stretched out to almost 2 hour. It adds to how messy the storyline already is to begin with. The first movie wasn't anything particularly good but it was fun. It was paced well and the storyline had a good flow. It was almost as long as this movie but it never felt longer than 1 hour. This movie feels like it's almost 2 and a half hours long. The pacing is glacial. This movie was so bad, it killed off the planned sequel because people hated this movie when it came out because it was such a let down after Charlie's Angels. The recent movie ended up mostly ignoring this movie. Too bad it was bad in a different way. Not even Bernie Mac was able to salvage this dreck. He's given such bad material to work with that it zaps any opportunity for him to put his comedic talents to work and he's given practically nothing to do except act as the comedic relief in an already overly ridiculous movie. John Cleese is also in this movie for some reason. He does practically nothing but show up and listen to a story by Matt Leblancs character with a flabbergasted look on his face. Maybe he was perplexed as to why he signed on to such an awful movie.
The World's End (2013)
Poor end of The Cornetto Trilogy
For some reason, I never saw this movie. I've seen Shaun Of The Dead and Hot Fuzz, both really humorous and entertaining. I've seen both several times. I can name several things off hand that I loved about those movies. I can't name anything about this one. Only things I liked were Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Pierce Brosnan and Rosamund Pike. That's it. Nobody else did anything much for me and the plot if you can call it one was not engaging and was stretched out too far. The movie was lacking in much of the humor that made it's 2 predecessors shine. I failed to find much that was funny in TWE. The shoestring plot of a grown man finally deciding to complete some trivial beer drinking game years later with his estranged friends seemed extremely forced, like Edgar Wright was treating this as more of a contractual obligation he wished to get over with so he could finally have a Cornetto Trilogy. It all reeks of a director who lost passion in the project he initially was enthusiastic to do. The second half with the robots was truly awful. It was so ridiculous and nonsensical and the effects looked B movie level poor. The ending was even worse. What a waste of the 4 good cast members they had managed to get from a dismal selection of forgettable actors and a terrible third entry. I recommend never watching this movie. It's extremely disappointing. Just stick to the first 2 movies and skip this one. It's essentially The Godfather 3 of the Cornetto Trilogy. I'm likely to never watch this again. It did nothing for me.
World War Z (2013)
Marc Forster ruined another potentially good movie
Marc Forster should never direct another movie again. His head up his ass pretentious direction is irksome and unintentionally hilarious at the same time because of how piss poor it is. Quantum Of Solace was unintentionally comedic at many points because of the implausible situations and lack of any real flow it had and those stupid film school gimmicks he so relies on to seem profound to people who are unaware of what truly good filmmaking is. Pretentious film gimmicks don't equal talented direction This movie follows in making similar mistakes that movie made. Only difference is, Daniel Craig was able to carry that turkey. Brad Pitt could not save this DOA trainwreck. What could've been a riveting adaptation of a gripping and suspenseful novel wound up being an absolute farce, full of silly plot developments, one dimensional characters, a flagrant disregard for the laws of physics and filmmaking, a lack of wit and imagination, every film school gimmick under the sun, etc. When i found out this was the last commercial film that twit Forster directed, i was ecstatic. Avoid this turkey. Hopefully, a talented film maker will properly adapt the novel of WWZ and amend this embarrassing farcical.
Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)
Another DOA by Paul Anderson with "Resident Evil " slapped onto the title
Man was this a bad movie! It did have probably the most entertaining action scenes of all the RE movies and some amusing lines and situations but it fails to give any reason for you to watch it with it's completely pointless and improbable plot. It has enough plot for 10-15 minutes but it runs for almost 1 hour and 40 minutes, meaning it grows tedious very quick. This may have been easier to overlook if they cast a better lead actor with enough screen presence, charm and charisma to play the role like Halle Berry, Asia Argento or Carrie Ann-Moss. But instead, again it's Milla Jovovich and her awful wooden acting and lack of screen presence and charisma. She should've been a side character but of course she had to be the main star because she's Paul Anderson's wife. She's definitely the worst part of the movies, as she grates on your patience fairly quick for aforementioned reasons. In any half decent director took on the project, she would've either been a side character or not cast at all.
Anyway, the other thing that lets this movie down, other than having zero to do with the games other than a couple elements and characters, is the plot. It boils down to"Alice is captured on the Arcadia from Apocalypse and is brought to Umbrella's underwater training facility under the former USSR submarine pens. She must escape with the help of Albert Wesker, Ada Wong and some other familiar game characters. They shoot their way through and along the way they discover clones used to run simulations of the T Virus ravaging certain cities to sell to the countries enemies to use it against the country who had a simulation ran. IE China would use it against Japan, The US against Russia, North Korea against South Korea and vice versa. After meandering around the different cities, the remaining group escapes and they are greeted by Jill who has been controlled with one of those scarab things from Resident Evil 5 by the Umbrella Corp. The group fight her and also evil Rain and the group wins although they lose Luther. They are then shown at the White House greeted by Albert Wesker who then returns Alice's powers back to her. As if that made any difference. They then view the war between humans and monsters on the top of the WH. End of movie)
The plot is awful and renders the whole experience pointless. It barely works as a guilty pleasure because Milla Jovovich is a charisma black hole who is a detriment to every scene she's in. Casting a better main lead would've helped alleviate this problem. There are some relatively plot light, action heavy flicks that are helped by casting either the right main lead(Daniel Craig, Sean Connery) or they hire a really solid cast for the secondary leads(Carrie Ann-Moss And Lawrence Fishburne) to compensate for a less skilled main actor. This film features neither. Even the best of the secondary main leads like the actor that plays Luther West or Oded Fehr can't save this movie. Everyone is almost as bad as Milla. Although it could also be the poor script to blame as that is usually the cause of bad acting or it's possibly the bad direction by Paul Anderson.
Just skip this movie and watch a better action movie like The Matrix or the Daniel Craig 007 movies or watch a better horror film like 28 Days Later or Dawn Of The Dead. These horror films have action and it's done far better and it works with the storyline rather than serving as filler for a weak script. For a more horror oriented approach, try The Grudge or The Shining. Far better than this movie or any of the other Anderson RE movies.