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Lee (2023)
Kate goes up in smoke...
Always liked her as an actress but I will be absolutely shocked if Kate Winslet wins a mooted Oscar for this performance - she's really not all that, and neither is the film.
Set mostly during WW2 (in flashback), this by-the-numbers biopic about feisty, long forgotten American model turned war photographer Lee Miller fails to engage and deliver on so many levels.
The story is bland, predictable and lacking in depth, emotion or intensity throughout and it also has to be said, the insane amount of smoking (a pet peeve) is overwhelmingly annoying. WHY do so many movies still go down this revolting road in 2024!
The whole tale just meanders along as a rather rough looking Kate puts her pre-war hedonism on the backburner and follows the Allied push towards Berlin snapping away amongst the carnage for Vogue magazine in London. It actually plays like a TV movie, which isn't suprising seeing as female director Ellen Kuras is primarily a Televison director/DOP.
In all a very disappointing outting from Miss Kate which I really can't recommend as 'must see' viewing. I would suggest going back to old faves of a similar ilk like Salvador, The Year of Living Dangerously, The Killing Fields and the underrated Greatest Beer Run Ever instead. This forgettable flick simply sinks like the Ti... well, you know... ;-P.
Woman of the Hour (2023)
Kendrick finds a kller date...
Joining a growing list of illustrious actresses who also direct (Angelina Jolie, Drew Barrymoore, Natalie Portman, Halle Berry, Regina King) the always likeable Anna Hendrick both stars and directs in this Netflix based-on-a-true-story tale about oddball 70s California serial killer/r*pist Rodney Alcala.
The story focuses mainly on Alcala's bizarre real life appearance on a top-rated US TV dating show of the time where Kendrick is the feisty bachelorette looking for a date... and soon wishing she hadn't.
While the look, dialogue and performances are all very good (shout out to Daniel Zovatto's suitably creepy Alcala) the piece has its flaws. I found the 'dating game' scenes far too long and drawn out, while there is a lack of neccessary intensity and suspense throughout. Also, while the non-linear murder scenes are reasonably well executed, there isn't enough depth or shock value to them to make the viewer truly revile Alcala's many heinous deeds (up to 130 incidents are alleged).
All in all though its a pretty decent directorial debut for Kendrick and an acceptable one-watch, true-life crime flick that will keep the serial killer masses out of trouble for an hour and a half... Lights, camera, reaction...
The Substance (2024)
Demi wants more... and gets it.
Oh boy - what have I just seen! :-p
What an insane, rollercoaster ride this dark comedy-drama/body horror quease-fest was. Eat your heart out Cronenberg and Lynch, there's a new kid in town and her name is (French director) Coralie Fargeat! This talented 48 year old somewhat newbie filmmaker clearly sets out to revile and shock... she certainly succeeds, and then some!
90's superstar Demi Moore takes the lead role here and she's excellent, as are her 'better self' Margaret Qualley and veteran hellraiser Dennis Quaid, hamming it to the max as a sleazy Hollywood tv exec.
The premise is simple enough - aging LA female tv fitness guru loses her gig (and self-esteem), and after a lucky escape car crash is given a mysterious package by a hospital worker which leads to Ms Moore injecting a life-altering 'substance' into her body. Though we never find out who, why and how much for this miraculous 'elixir of new life', the ensuing storyline just gets weirder, grosser and more extreme as things escalate to a truly violent and bizarre blood-soaked finale.
To its credit the film grabs you from the first frames and never lets go. The cinematography, editing, garrish LA colour schemes and gross out narcissistic performances from the 3 leads are top-notch... but alas there's a big drawback. The overblown Carrie-esque finale is simply way to OTT! It all becomes too much and should of ended at its more natural conclusion (no spoilers) about 20 minutes earlier. However it doesn't and just gets more grossed out, absurd and somewhat laughable by journeys end.
However, all in all, despite the ridiculous ending this is a movie set for cult status and will certainly propel Fargeat!s stock and resurrect Demi Moores career (oh the irony). She's brilliant.
In summation, if you enjoyed the likes of 'Death Becomes Her', 'Carrie', 'Videodrome' and especially the lesser known 1989 cult classic 'Society' then you'll certainly enjoy this wild, debauched social commentary on America's obsession with youthful good looks, body image and the desperate methods embraced to obtain them... just stay away from infomercials and promises of fountains of youth afterwards OK!
Blink Twice (2024)
Fantasy Island... gone wrong...
Ah yes, nepotism is still alive and well in todays entertainment industry, which is primarily why Lenny's and Lisa Bonet's daughter Zoe Kravitz is another mediocre 'talent' who gets the green light to make high profile cr@p movies like this... with a wealth of showbiz pals signing on to work with her of course...
Channing Tatum heads up a cast full of familar faces now on the downside of their careers (Christian Slater, Geena Davies, Kyle MacLachlan, Haley Joel Osment) and he's actually the only character who stands out, delivering a solid performance among the many cliched cartoon characters on show.
The premise is simple enough. Bunch of vile, vain, narcissistic losers get invited to billionaire Tatum's remote 'Fantasy Island' where many debauched drink and drug fuelled shenanigans take place... with a sinister twist in its 'tail' that eventually becomes apparent, whereafter all hell breaks loose during the blood soaked finale.
The biggest problem here by far is that the film is insanely slowwww and boring. NOTHING of worth happens for over an hour! It's just one chatty, uneventful poolside/dinner table episode after another - rinse and repeat!
On the plus side the movie is well shot, is visually stunning and has some cool music, headed up by James Brown. Other than that though it really underwhelms. The characters are all shallow and unlikeable, the screenplay drags, the continuity is lacking, the dialogue is trite and talky while every scene goes on and on, only to be literally repeated time and again until the last fifteen minutes through to its lacklustre conclusion.
This is a film that could've been tightened up and better served by a top 'cult' director such as Fincher, Aronofsky or David Lynch. Kravitz just fails to bring her own vision to life.
I would suggest watching better movies of a similar vein such as Death Becomes Her, Stepford Wives or The Island of Dr. Moreau. You'll be happy to blink once and miss this disappointing tosh... thank me later.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Beam me up SCOTTY!
Oh boy! It really is time to put the downward spiralling Alien franchise into permanent hyper-sleep now. After 7 outings It's turning into a worn-out parody of itself, as this latest pointless dirge proves.
Not only is the story in 'Romulus' an old hat mish-mash, the whole thing is like a 'spot the old lines' and plots homage to its more illustrious predecessors. What really sends this one into the deep space abyss though is its lacklustre cast - there are no big names (other than a bizarrely resurrected CGI/AI incarnation of Ian Holm) to carry it, while the main android character (and yes, he's black) is really bland, annoying and wholly uninspiring. Indeed there is little character depth, intensity or emotion on show for the viewer to engage with.
Meanwhile, there are way too many face-huggers and Alien creatures running around while the story itself takes forever to get going... unlike the creatures, who literally take minutes to ingest into a host and fully grow into the enduring HR Giger xenomorphs we love to hate!
The only saving graces here are some nicely rendered sets, a decent atmospheric soundtrack and some suitably gory take-outs - everything else is as fresh and exciting as old Logans Run tv re-runs.
Admittedly, following on from the downward trajectory of the series I wasn't expecting much, but i was expecting more than 'Romulus' has to offer... it sucks.
Ah well, back to the first three classics in the box set it is then. "Game over, man. Game over!"
Rebel Ridge (2024)
Black Rambo...
Well, this new Netflix offering was actually a pleasant surprise. It's really not bad at all!
The premise is reminiscent of Stallone's classic first Rambo 'First Blood' flick :- loner ex-marine minding his own business gets harassed by nasty, corrupt cops outside a redneck town and things then escalate big time...
Veteran Don Johnson is in good form as the towns corrupt Sherriff, but it's little-known black lead (now there's a surprise) Aaron Pierre who takes top billing, and he's actually very good, which is a relief seeing as he's literally in every scene!
While the storyline is familiar (think Reacher, In the Heat of the Night, Rambo etc) there are some decent plot twists and a reasonably good supporting cast to keep you interested. However I found the female lead Anna Sophia Robb's involvement a bit suspect - like WHY get so over-involved with someone she didn't know when you work in the local court!
Well shot and edited with an atmospheric score and some good soundtrack music, the film does however suffer from a few head-scratchers in believability and continuity. It also gets bogged down in its own over-complicated screenplay and drags on way too long. A tighter, more focused edit and screenplay would've really raised the game here.
Interestingly enough there are also very few 'killings', as the lead character purposely tries to stay out of even deeper trouble, but there is still enough carnage for action fans, especially during the finale. Have to say the actual ending was a bit flat and disappointing though, but overall 'Rebel Ridge' is certainly worth a watch. I enjoyed it - you should too.
Longlegs (2024)
Silence of the HAMS...
Well, here we go again folks - yet another massively hyped up (hit) movie that FAILS to deliver on both its premise and promise!
Of course, everyone loves a serial killer flick, and one starring Nic Cage as the protaganist must be worthy of a watch - right? Umm NOPE, it's really not very good!
While a barely recognisable Cage typically chews up the screen (albeit in far less screen time than anticipated) he's far from being the 'super scary' serial killer fiend the media would have you believe. Indeed Lecter, Bateman, Pennywise and Norman Bates remain way better characterizations than 'Longlegs'.
Although the 'satanic' occult storyline itself has some decent twists at the end, it's super slow, boring and uninspiring getting there - it just never gets going. There are no thrills or frights, little emotional pull and very little originality to be seen in this latest offering in the ever-popular genre.
Meanwhile, despite such a huge role, lead actress Maika Monroe's 'psychic' FBI rookie fails to engage in the same way Jodie Foster's seminal Agent Starling did while the supporting cast is bland, hammy and wholly unbelievable.
I did like the muted colour tones of the film, the various film formats used and the sinister score, but apart from that 'Longlegs' is a major disappointment that fails to deliver.
After this years overall movie dross-fest (so far), I am truly convinced that Hollywood has run out of fresh ideas and the talent to write it. Bad times for lifelong movie fans like me... i've all but given up. Time to dust of the old classics, again!
The Union (2024)
Mission Implausible...
You can only assume that Netflix pay very good money to get A-listers signed up for their movies, because 9 out of 10 are dreadful... and this blatant low rent 'Mission Impossible' rip-off is true to form. It's absolute pants.
While Mark Wahlberg (as usual) just plays himself, it's incredible to see a legit Oscar-winner like Halle Berry involved in such tosh (In fact when DID Halle last make a really good movie - at least a decade ago), but then again they are old mates (as you see in the closing credits) and Marky Mark produced the film... so there it is!
Another Oscar-winner, JK Simmons also pops up in a somewhat redundant cameo role, but as ever a poor script and terrible screenplay cannot save any actor from disasters like this. Or indeed make going through the motions for the $$ acceptable.
The paper thin 'plot' is about a stolen computer programme containing personal information of all of the West's government employees and follows Berry and her laughably recruited long lost highschool sweetheart (Wahlberg) working for a shady underground espionage outfit called 'The Union'. Their 'mission' is to globetrot in order to intercept and stop this top secret info from falling into the wrong hands (yawn).
Taking in New Jersey, Italy, London and Croatia along the way - on Netflix's dime - the generic action, cartoonish characters and so-called comedy (more like a couple of one-liner chuckles) meanders along to an overlong car chase finale and ultimately lacklustre end game.
Yep - it's an absolute cringe-fest, which i'm surprised Tom Cruise isn't suing over for the blatant plagerism of his enduring 'M-I' franchise. This dross is more like 'Mission Implausible' though, and to add insult to injury, the pointless tagged on ending actually sets itself up for a sequel!
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to pass over this travesty and abandon Netflix until they stop making movies - they are literally KILLING HOLLYWOOD, one film at a time.
Twisters (2024)
Gone with the Wind...
Oh boy - taking a leaf out of the blockbuster 2022 'Top Gun' reboot that took 26 years to appear, here's a big budget follow up to the 1996 smash-hit 'Twister'. Alas, unlike the excellent Tom Cruise 'Maverick' movie, this one fails to deliver on many levels.
First up there's sadly no Bill Paxton (RIP) or stellar supporting cast, and although Glen Powell exudes star power he's the only one in the whole cast of 'Twisters' who does - the rest are minor leaguers who you really won't engage with or care about. Brit actress Daisy Edgar-Jones is the mainstay lead, but she simply cannot carry the lofty weight of her starrring role, coming across as a low-rent Anne Hathaway, who would've been a much better A-list choice to star.
The storyline is predictable and as throwaway as all the SUVs (and people) which get sucked into the vortex, but what really surprises most is the wholly disappointing CGI effects which obviously take centre-stage. Indeed the amazing ILM Oscar-nominated FX from '96 still stand up better than these some 27 years later.
The dialogue is cheesy, the cliched cartoon characters fail to take off and the blasting redneck 'Amurican muzak' soundtrack will only appeal to Jellyroll and Kid Rock MAGAT types only.
All in all then a major disappointment that fails to live up to the hype or fond memories of the first flick. Do yourself a favour and go watch the original (again) instead, you'll have way more fun - this lacklustre reboot is more like a Storm in a Teacup than Gone with the Wind!
The Instigators (2024)
Boston blow out...
I imagine just like everyone else I saw a stellar cast, a decent director and a crime caper set in Boston, so what could possibly go wrong... well everything actually, it's truly terrible!
For an ensemble cast of this calibre the performances are pretty awful while the screenplay and script are shockingly bad - it's not funny, exciting or entertaining in any way. Damon and Casey Affleck are just going through the motions with little buddy-buddy chemistry, which is bizarre seeing as Affleck co-wrote it! In fact this bore-fest was so bad i switched it off around half way through.
It's a mystery how some of these bad movies actually get greenlit and made. This scenario has been done a million times better before, so just don't bother wasting your time on it. Watching the grass grow at Fenway Park will entertain you more. Total Baw-stan BUST!
MaXXXine (2024)
A Star is Porn...
I wasn't expecting much from the third instalment in director Ti West's 'X' trilogy starring his favourite muse Mia Goth, so was pleasantly surprised by this one - it's actually pretty damn good!
Accurately and somewhat lovingly set in the 80s with lots of neon (and blood) soaked Hollyweird sleaze, a great hairband rock soundtrack and oddball characters galore (shoutout to Kevin Bacon's dirtbag PI), it follows Goth as a streetwise porn star turned mainstream actress, with side plots involving a Hollywood-based serial killer and our anti-heroine's own sinister past coming back to haunt her.
I found myself enjoyably immersed in the taut screenplay from the off, with the characterizations, cinematography, editing and nods to Giallo/slasher flicks all adding to the fun and debauchery. My only minor gripes are a slightly draggy storyline and the oddly tagged on ending, which really wasn't neccesary after the big, blood-soaked 'Hollywood Sign' finale.
Bottomline, if you enjoyed such relatable recent outtings as 'The Love Witch', 'Mandy' and Tarantino's 'Once Upon a Time in Hollywood' or indeed originals from the 80s like 'Dressed to Kill', 'Body Double' or 'Blue Velvet' you'll most definitely enjoy this dark little comic-horror-thriller. It's a bloody blast!
Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1 (2024)
Cowboy Costner shoots low in bloated Western mini-series snoozefest...
Don't be fooled folks, this is NOT another 'Dances with Wolves', not even close. In fact this latest (3 hour!) Kevin Costner western opus plays more like an epic tv mini-series from the 80s rather than the full-blown movie it's being portrayed as.
It basically meanders between many different cliched western vignettes - most of them really dull and boring. The numerous inter-cut stories plod along with some admittedly nice 'old west scenery' on show, but little in the way of character development, genuine surprise or excitement. The continuity and editing is also a total mess.
The action scenes are ok but fleeting, the dialogue is dull and it really has a small-screen vibe to it throughout. Most of the supporting cast is bang average (despite some decent turns from the likes of Sam Worthington, James Russo, Michael Rooker and gorgeous Sienna Miller) while even laconic star/director Costner fails to light up the screen -- when he's actually on it.
Yep - in summation Horizon is a total disappointment that fails to deliver on its promise, and quiet why there are another three longgg parts to come yet beggars belief. I'd be surprised to see it last that long tbh... we shall see... ah well, back to Yellowstone then...
The Bikeriders (2023)
Queasy Rider...
As a big fan of 'biker movies' I was looking forward to this one, but unfortunately was left feeling slightly underwhelmed and disappointed with it.
The whole 60s docu-drama look and feel of the movie is decent enough, with British leads Tom Hardy and Jodie Comer both excelling while nailing their thick mid-west accents with aplomb. However Austin Butler's laconic, laid back pretty boy character doesn't quite cut it, with Michael Shannon's superb supporting turn being criminally under-used by the director.
The storyline is pretty bog standard biker-genre stuff as it splutters along with little in the way of genuine excitement, humour or emotion. In truth, while it just about holds your attention it's all rather flat and uninspiring. Also of note is the insane amount of smoking. I mean literally every character in every scene is a chain smoker - it's totally OTT and unnecessary.
On the plus side the oldschool bikes are awesome, the score/soundtrack is decent and the plot twist at the end is good, though pretty predictable. However it's nowhere near the level of such seminal biker classics as The Wild One, Easy Rider, Electra Glide in Blue or Willem Defoe's iconic indie debut The Loveless.
Too bad, as the concept is a good one but the final delivery is sadly lacking a killer punch. A bit like the whole of Hollywood these days to be fair... ah well, get your motors runnin' for the next one...
Trigger Warning (2024)
Alba and out...
It's always ominous when a film is Netflix 'straight to streaming' and lead actress (the still gorgeous) Jessica Alba hasn't made a decent movie in years, so no surprise here then, it's pants.
Things actually start out ok with a well choreographed action sequence, but soon descend into formulaic tv movie territory once Alba returns home to the New Mexico desert after receiving news of the mysterious death of her ex-marine father.
The paper thin plot involves a bunch of dodgy local illegal arms dealers and corrupt local politics with Alba going into full-on female Chuck Norris mode once she finds out what's going on amongst the cliches and sagebrush.
Of course the storyline has been done a million times (better) before, the no-name supporting cast are bland and throwaway while the screenplay meanders along to its generic ending almost two hours later!
In summation, this forgettable rubbish would've been better served as a mini-series on Hulu or Peacock rather than a Netflix feature film! Oh well, time to break out the X-Files and Twin Peaks DVDs again and remember what good viewing USED to look like.
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
Miller loses the plot with mediocre Mad Max spin off...
Not sure why this latest Mad Max spin off (prequel) is getting such high marks - in reality it's an absolute crock.
Basically it's a dumbed down mirror-image of 'Fury Road' without the thrills and star power of Charlize Theron and Tom Hardy to carry it through the wanton wasteland.
While the film's cinematography and sweeping desert landscapes are worthy of praise, the many ott, over-long CGI action scenes actually detract from the same old Mad Max storyline of bad vs badder in pursuit of power and greed.
The biggest draw back though is that none of the characters are particularly likeable so we are unable to engage emotionally or indeed root for any of the main protagonists. Miller's direction is haphazard and lacking in humor while the amount of extreme 'zoom ins' he uses throughout is literally laughable.
An almost unrecognisable Chris Hemsworth chews up the screen as the main bad guy while a brooding Anya Taylor-Joy as Furiosa just scowls her way from one explosive fight scene to the next. The final showdown between the two is an absolute let-down, which ultimately sums up the whole pointless excercise. I can only see this appealing to shut-in loners who live their lives playing violent computer games and watching serial killer documentaries 'for fun'.
On this evidence it's time for me to check out from the enduring yet now overbaked Mad Max universe - think i'll rewatch the halcyon days of Mel Gibson's incarnation instead - you'd be well advised to do the same. Ladies and gents - dyin' time is here...
Atlas (2024)
It's life J-LO, but not as we know it...
Well, it's big budget sci-fi (about AI), it's Netflix (uh oh) and it's Jenny from the block - what could possibly go wrong!?... a few things actually, but it's NOT as bad as anticipated or suggested on here by some.
Bizarrely much maligned superstar Lopez stars as 'Atlas', a long orphaned AI nerd/data analyst who is on a dangerous mission to find a 'familiar' rogue AI robot terrorist who has fled to another planet and plans to seek revenge on us evil humans back on Earth. After a disastrous landing on his bleak outpost hideout it's J-Lo and her (Robocop) life support robot against the world in order to save it... the question is can she do so, or are we all doomedddddd like Elon Musk's space program to colonise Mars...
It's a strange one this. The script is pretty good (especially with all the mad AI tech going on right now) but the execution is questionable. Lopez is decent but the hefty dialogue is corny and her ridiculous amount of screentime is ott (as is her wayward afro hairstyle). The sfx are pretty good but the movies look is too digitally clean and shiny. All the juxtapostions are very frustrating and annoying.
Overall then Atlas fails to match its lofty ambition of emulating the likes of T2, Aliens and Robocop, all of which it heavily draws from, while J-Lo clearly wants to be Ripley but isn't. However, it's still worth a one-watch with brain parked in neutral and bucket of popcorn to hand... just keep an eye on that feisty Robot vacuum roaming around your house! Live long and prosper y'all...
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
Mad Max Monkey Business
Well I have to say, this latest instalment of the competent and successful 'Planet of the Apes' franchise was a pleasant surprise - it's pretty damn good!
First up the cinematography, special effects (incredible apes) and music score are especially top-notch. The post-apocalyptic storyline itself is smart and engaging while the dystopian 'Mad Max' vibe and settings are really well realised.
However there are flaws. The film itself is too long, slow in places and drawn out - a good half hour less to tighten things up would really have set the bar way higher. It's also difficult to become fully drawn in emotionally with a 98 per cent simian cast. Meanwhile, elements from many other movies are ripped off (10,000 BC, Conan the Barbarian, I Am Legend and the aforementioned Max Max for example), which somewhat spoils the originality of the piece.
All in all then a decent new chapter in the Apes canon that sets up a new trilogy with aplomb and is definitely worth a watch. Let's just hope this is the start of some decent summer blockbusters away from done-to-death comic book heroes... it's about time.
The Fall Guy (2024)
Cupid Stunts...
You always know you're in trouble when even the movie trailer is lame and this hapless, pointless big-screen reboot of the enduring 80s tv show (starring Lee Majors) is easily one of the worst tv-to-movie incarnations i've seen. It rates alongside fellow cinematic cathode ray stinkers such as Sgt Bilko, Baywatch, Charlie's Angels, CHiPs and The Dukes of Hazzard as must-avoid viewing.
The usually decent Ryan Gosling mails it in for the money (like he did in Barbie) as stunt guy 'Colt Severs' while lovely Emily Blunt fails to deliver as his air-headed 'film director' love interest. Indeed the lack of chemistry and laughs between the two is an epic fail.
The actual plot is pointless so not even worth discussing while the charm, fun and part-time bounty hunter angle of the original show is jettisoned in preference for stunts (duh), cheesy dialogue, comedy that doesn't work and a cringey love-hate scenario throughout between the two leads.
No pleasant surprises on show here then - I expected it to be cr @p and it was. Even the music sucks. Do yourself a favour and swerve this absolute braindead rubbish and go watch the old TV show on DVD, Blu-Ray or whatever instead... Should've called it The FAIL Guy, it would've been funnier.
Mothers' Instinct (2024)
White picket tense...
Of course, any movie starring fabulous Anne Hathaway and Jessica Chastain is worth checking out, but as always, even legit A-Listers like these two can't save a poor script from becoming a mediocre movie.
In this nicely shot Hollywood remake of some Belgian flick things start out well enough as the two best friends happily live out their American dream in pristine 60s suburbia. However things turn pear-shaped when tragedy strikes and the dream is shattered forever. Alas, this is also when things start to unravel in the storyline. It all gets stodgy, slow and boring. Elements of the screenplay become questionable and don't add up while the wheels fall off completely during and after the final act. There is also an insane amount of smoking throughout which is both annoying and uneccessary.
All in all then a disappointing Hitchcockian-light thriller with decent performances from Chastain and Hathaway, ultimately ruined by an inconsistent script, lack of intensity and the especially hard-to-accept ending. A one watcher at best.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)
Richie rips off Tarantino... and gets shot to pieces...
Guy Richie has always been way overrated for me. A self-indulgent style over substance director, I can't recall one of his films that actually 'wowed' me.
This latest WW2 action fodder is another Richie effort that looks great (aided by a big budget) yet fails to fully ignite due to a weak script and cartoonish screenplay. While female lead Eiza González excels in her sexy femme-fatale role the rest of the cast is cliched and forgettable, including annoyingly pompous lead Henry Cavill and especially the laughable Winston Churchill characteization, which is truly dreadful.
The plot (loosely based on a true story) is easy enough to follow but soon begins to plod and illicit groans. Stereotypical Nazis laughably drop like flies throughout while the Brits barely get a scratch, with the many ott gunfights and explosions culminating in a predictable by-the-numbers ending that inevitably sets itself up for a sequel.
In summation, it's a naffer version of Tarantino's naff WW2 'Inglorious' flick, but without the depth of characters. I would therefore suggest giving this bloated 2 hour dud a miss and re-watching some similar old WW2 classics like 'The Dirty Dozen', 'Cockleshell Heroes' or 'Guns of Navarone' instead. Sadly they just don't make 'em like that anymore. Toodle Pip.
Cash Out (2024)
Money for nothing...
Yep - John Travolta has now sadly joined the likes of Cage, Willis, Gibson and Russell Crowe in making god-awful movies for an easy paycheck and frankly it's sad to see. I mean from Saturday Night Fever, Grease, Swordfish and Pulp Fiction to THIS absolute garbage! Why?
This terrible 'straight to streaming' trash lacks any sembelence of credibility, excitement or originality from the start and while Travolta still has the charisma to mail in a decent enough performance the rest of the cast (including a washed up Kristin Davis and usually decent Lukas Haas) are as throwaway in their parts as the lacklustre script is.
I actually gave up and switched off less than half way through this botched bank heist debacle it was that bad - there really is nothing to keep you interested or engaged here folks.
Amazingly, there seems to be a sequel already in the works!!... which is about as enticing as a fistful of crypto = sad times as Hollywood continues to churn out mundane rubbish and once respected actors become a parody of themselves. What actually happened to GREAT MOVIES starring great actors?!
Sleeping Dogs (2024)
Forget about it...
What has happened to Russell Crowe these days!? He looks terrible and literally hasn't made a decent movie in a lead role since 2018s 'Boy Erased'. This tame bore-fest is yet another Russell dud.
While Crowe himself remains a decent actor, the screenplay and supporting cast on show here are terrible. It's like a tv movie version of a Dashiell Hammett novel.
Things meander along without much happening for close to 2 hours until the Columbo type ending where all is revealed in flashback, but the clued up viewer already knew the outcome long before that.
Honestly, there is nothing on offer here to engage, excite or empathise with. The 'alztheimers' angle also doesn't stack up with many inconsistencies that betray the reality of the condition.
Sadly it's a case of another once great actor joining the likes of Cage, De Niro, Willis and Mel Gibson in simply going through the motions to earn an easy paycheck with no regard for a decent script, his legacy or once super solid reputation. One to ironically forget...
Road House (2024)
UFC - Ultimate Fkn Calamity...
Thought i'd give this reboot of the 80s Patrick Swayze action flick a go, seeing as it stars Jake Gyllenhaal with a decent director like Doug Liman (Go, Bourne Identity, Mr & Mrs Smith) in tow but man, it's a total ott trainwreck.
A ripped Gyllenhaal plays Dalton (nice nod to Swayze), a down on his luck ex-UFC fighter (with a past) who gets hired as a bouncer to clean up an overly-rowdy beachfront bar on the Florida Keys. Of course there's a hefty side plot involving shady drug deals and corrupt property development plans that drive the film in between numerous insane fights, cheesy dialogue and some fairly decent 'bar band' music.
Aside from the wholly predictable popcorn fodder plot, the main problem here is the casting. Despite his impressive physique, Jake just doesn't seem right in the lead role with his annoying permanent smirk/grin and dull downbeat personality, while there is literally no one likeable or believable in the entire cartoonish supporting cast. MMA superstar Conor McGregor is worthy of mention though, just because his big screen debut is so insanely ott it's actually funny and entertaining - like Vinny Jones on speed!
The piece is nicely shot with some decent CGI effects, but the haphazard overlong screenplay, throwaway love angle and especially off the rails level of gratuitous violence/fight scenes actually becomes a distraction come the crazed, drawn out finale.
In summation I would actually give it a hard pass and seek out the 1989 original instead - this is definitely one pointless remake that fails to punch above its weight and deliver a knockout blow. Get back to business Jake!
Damsel (2024)
Chasing the Dragon...
This new Netflix take on the 'done-to-death' fantasy/dragon genre was actually better than expected.
Headed up by a decent fire-breathing CGI dragon and a stellar veteran cast including Ray Winstone, Angela Bassett and Robin Wright, it's actually 20 yr old Millie Bobby Brown (TVs Stranger Things) who steals the show with a fine and mature lead performance. Good job too, as she is carrying a good 95 per cent of the screen time!
After literally being thrown into the Dragon's Den, our Damsel in-a-dress goes into full on action mode as she tries to escape her perceived fate as a sacrificial lamb-to-the-slaughter. The question is, can she fight fire-with fire or will her flame soon flicker out...
Though the story starts well, it begins to plod while certain elements of the screenplay leave the viewer pondering its overall depth and continuity. However, it still manages to keep you engaged and interested enough to see how things play out.
The dragon itself is impressively evil and sinister, which perhaps leads to the films biggest faux pas - it's rather too scary for kids, yet not adult enough for a more mature audience.
All in all then nothing particulary new or groundbreaking, but still decent enough for a one-watch on a rainy day... a case of out of the frying pan and into the fire as it were...
Poor Things (2023)
Lust for life...
Well, what a strange, flawed yet oddly compelling gothic opus this one is.
First up, despite a relatively small budget, the vibrant Dali-esque set design, unique cinematography and ott costumes are truly spectacular (Oscar worthy), while the magnificent scene stealing performances from Willem Dafoe and Mark Ruffalo in particular are worthy of mention.
Lead performer (and producer) Emma Stone also carries her hefty workload with aplomb as the Frankenstein inspired muse 'Bella Baxter'. From the off we get to witness her bizarre 'coming of age' shenanigans charting her sexually charged progression from magnificent mansion shut-in to wide-eyed world traveler and wild n crazy Paris prostitute with no punches pulled. The drawn out storyline eventually comes full circle upon her arrival back in Blighty where the proceedings get even more twisted, macabre and downright crazy!
However, despite the impressive aesthetics and performance kudos, a series of flaws prevent the piece from reaching the true masterpiece status of such similar genre outtings as 'The Shape of Water', 'Pan's Labyrinth' and 'Edward Scissorhands'.
First and foremost, none of the characters are particularly 'likeable' so the viewer cannot fully engage with any emotional response, while some scenes just drag on too long (eg - Lisbon, the ship journey, Paris). Meanwhile, the final act and abrupt ending fall rather flat after such a long, arduous, psychedelic journey through mankinds/sciences warped curiosities regarding mortality and the meaning of life.
In summation then, a well performed, visual feast full of gratuitous sex and horror that ultimately fails to fully deliver in the storyline and emotional departments. Still worth a watch with an open mind over so many duds on offer these days though. Bon appetite...