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Reviews
Hammer: Heroes, Legends and Monsters (2024)
Great until the end....
A lovely documentary about the Hammer film studio with some charming actors from the films and directors and behind the scenes stories.
The documentary rattles along nicely with insider info on lots of the productions and who and how they were made.
It's lovely to see the surviving actors clearly having a nice time remembering their films, unfortunately there is an appearance that is not so welcome, and A. I. Version of Peter Cushing poorly rendered and quite distasteful.
The other problem is they don't tell us about the TV company and the famous show Hammer house of horror, which we would like to have seen explored.
The Roommate (2011)
Move out!
This is the movie where clichés go to die. A plot with more holes than swiss cheese, I have no idea who wrote this but I hope it was a tax right off. Teenagers in their 20's act like wooden dolls in this snoozefest, Sorority Row is much better and it's funny. Fashion and art are parodies in this flat pumpkin spice flatte of a film. Pingu has better plot lines and character development than this and it's more engaging. Billy Zane, Nina Dobrev and Francis Fisher are in this? I can't quite believe my eyes at the cast here, all that's missing is Tony Todd as the janitor. Whoever green lit this should be fired.
After Baywatch: Moment in the Sun (2024)
Moment indeed
What's wrong with this show is the constant repetition of actors dialogue, it jumps around and doesn't have current clips of some of the stars, the stories aren't in depth enough for the viewer to draw any conclusions, some of the stories are sad but again the depth of a puddle.
The opportunity to hear how the actors felt about filming of their behind and other bodily parts would have been interesting, unlike American Gladiators it lacks teeth.
Most of the cast are thankfully in good to fair health and those who aren't deserve some kindness, I felt that David Hasselhoff could have been asked some pressing questions. I also wonder where the money went from toys etc.
Live from the Other Side with Tyler Henry (2024)
Live... really
This guy looks like the Hanson brother that went to the dark side, his sweating due to effort communicating with the other side, really? I didn't think looking up Wikipedia was so straining, his fox anchor lookalike co presenter has a dead husband, he shoehorned that fact in in the first ten minutes, his verbal diarrhoea with no actual facts being so vague as to be unintelligible is grasped at by seemingly nice people who deserve better, (I don't actually know who they are really) it felt like an episode of the mentalist, I kept expecting Simon Baker to jump out and Lisbon to arrest him. I pondered as to whether the next Netflix special he'll be on is an investigation into him.
Love Rats (2022)
Love Rats ( Netflix 2024)
One question keeps booming in my head why would you give money to someone you didn't know?
These women are sad and lonely and I still am questioning why they gave these guys money, if a child made up some of these stories you'd punish them for lying so how can an adult fall for it?
1) he works for a secret organisation/army/oil rig
2) he has an inheritance/ wound up a business/messy divorce
3) why don't they do simple detective work, reverse image search, check facts? One woman actually said it's only money, I'm flabbergasted.
4) if they did something positive to stop it happening to other people that would be just great and a worthwhile ending.
Zheng Gang Fen Ju (2024)
Not funny
The charm and wit of marry my dead body have been kicked aside for a ham fisted cash in, the very things that made the film funny are totally ignored here.
I was so looking forward to GG after rewatching marry my dead body, I expected great things. The first episode is just not funny the roles are caricatures the fat one, the female one, the uptight one, the hysterical boss, there is a serial killer scene with cooking that will put you off kebabs for life, I couldn't watch anymore it was really awkward, then it got worse the jock guy was pounding a punch bag, the uptight one was flicking a knife while questioning a suspect it was ludicrous, I'm so disappointed that I won't be watching anymore.
Guan yu wo han gui bian cheng jia ren de na jian shi (2022)
Marry my dead body
It's a charming and warm comedy with a pair of lively mismatched leads, one of the high points involves a naked pole dance, which is very funny. The elderly women who participate in the marriage ceremony are hilarious, the tender moments of friendship and kindness between the two leads are heartwarming and sweet. The double cross scenes are good and the end is predictable but very sweet, I haven't seen many Taiwanese comedies but this seems to be a great one to start with, I have seen some Taiwanese horror and that was very entertaining.
A follow up series is now on netflix, I hope it lives up to the promise of this really lovely film.
Aseudal Yeondaegi: The Sword of Aramun (2023)
Arthdal yippee
The costumes, the scenery, the fact that I can see who the characters are and pause to check on my phone is very useful. The different tribes can get a bit confusing at times but that said this is a wonderful programme hidden away on Disney so quietly I don't think anyone knows about it, which is a shame. It's not G. O. T. It's better and different and I hope it gets another season. The plot has everything a Macbeth type couple, prophecies, magic, young love, overcoming adversity, war, intolerance, poisonings, some gorgeous hair styles, hidden twins, spy's, and the pressure of being a king. I absolutely love it, I found it accidentally on Disney the first part plus the sword of Ashin is on Netflix, I recommend it highly and I hope this review helps it get seen by more people.
Criminal Minds: The Black Queen (2014)
Queen of what exactly
Oh my lord how bad does this episode get? The Black Queen is Garcia in an outfit that makes her look in her sixties, the character has no room for personality development or depth the guy looks like he's still at college which makes it worse.
The plot has scooby doo going rot the ruck is ris? It's more embarrassing than a family member showing your baby pictures to your date. I watch a lot of crime shows and the gothy/older woman or Paulie Pettet are the cut and paste role model standards for lazy writers.
Criminal minds used to be excellent now it's clichés and stale stories rehashed and it's sad.
I'm surprised there hasn't been a musical episode yet to be honest.
Cringe factor 10/10.
Suepsandan (2024)
Mistress of suspense
A fresh faced young girl works as a maid for a wealthy jewellery empire owners family, at a dinner for his birthday he announces he is formally marrying his personal maid.
His family are incensed at this then he mysteriously dies, the family shun his widow at the funeral and treat her so badly she retreats back to being a servant, after his will is read leaving her nothing this seems a shrewd move.
What follows is the horror of people with too much money and too little sense exploiting those with nothing.
As the untalented and unappetising family unravel, we take a malicious slice of schadenfreude with cream as things take a turn for the worse.
If you like The Glory Korean TV show you will love this, it's themes are universal, use the subtitles it's a blast.
Hit Man (2023)
It's a miss
I expect a certain standard from films this misses the mark quite broadly, a much overhyped mess which is boring, I was surprised because I like Glen Powell in Scream queens he was excellent, I literally couldn't get through this film it was poorly written and acted, I just gave up, it didn't make sense plot wise or any other ways, I very disappointed I genuinely wanted to like it but it was just unwatchable and desperately unlikeable, thank the good lord i didn't got to the cinema to see it I'd have asked for my money back, lets hope next time he gets a good film to work on and it launches him into a good career.
Spadek (2024)
Why?
This film is truly awful, I've seen better acting from sock puppets, it manages some unique it combines comedy/drama/escape rooms and never hits the target in any of these genres. It is quite possibly one of the worst films I have ever seen.
It must have been written by someone living in a cave who has never seen either a comedy or any other decent films and who hasn't spoken to a human since before lockdown.
I have seldom seen a film that I can't find a single positive word to say about it, I pray they never, ever make a sequel, don't watch this film it isn't even so bad it's funny it's just awful from start to finish and it gets worse.
Messô mo nai (2024)
Which formed one big orifice of garbage
Seven orifice arrive on earth and god forbid they put a camera into one, instead they embark upon an idea so outlandish it defies belief.
They worship the orifice, ok I like quirky and I like fun, this is neither, instead of putting on programmes people want to watch netflix serve us with literal garbage like this, what were they thinking?
I have never turned a programme off so quickly in my life I couldn't sit through another second of this rubbish, I'm no expert on tv, I have a humour level slightly above beavis and butthead, airplane, white chicks, top secret level humour, hot shots are my thing, despicable me, I couldn't find the humour in this.
Miraklet i Gullspång (2023)
Gullspång miracle
Wow where doing start, two religious sisters look at a flat and the owner looks like their dead sister.
They take DNA tests bingo they are sisters, end of story but wait there's more, it turns out the sister may have been hidden from the Nazis because she's a twin, her birth and baptism certificates make her five years younger.
The dead sister supposedly committed suicide or did she?
This is an absolute rollercoaster of a ride, the director comes across as a bit annoying putting words in people's mouths and yelling you told me you had a story, which I found strange
The family fall out because the new sister is overlooked by the happy clappers and they try to make over in their image of the dead sister.
There are many more twists and turns I recommend this documentary highly.
Salinui chueok (2003)
Memories of murder
I didn't like the film it was rough and painful to watch, I thought the script wasn't strong enough and good actors didn't have much to do.
The fact that it was based on a real crime was disheartening and depressing. It was slow to the point of nothing happening in other places it was a throwback to 1970's cop shows but not as good.
I admire the director and his other work, this felt like a misfire for me.
I recognise some of the actors from Train to Busan and my kdrama viewing it was a depressing film and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, watch Drug Lord or something like that instead of this.
The Ashley Madison Affair (2023)
Ashley Madison Hacked
Where to begin hmm the beginning, a poorly dressed oaf fusses over sunglasses and acts like an oaf.
Sam and Nia seem fake to me, if a man stole urine to check if I was pregnant I'd go a bit drama queen to be honest her reaction seems totally fake to me, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes, this is only my opinion.
Most participants seem to work for Ashley Madison and seem to not care about the families of the people who cheated, we aren't judging as long as we make money, and we'll lie to you on the phone because it suits us.
I'm sure there is a story to be told but Netflix gave money to the wrong people to make it.
There's Something About Miriam (2004)
Horror show
To take a vulnerable person and display them and their challenges for entertainment purposes is akin to Georgian pay per view Asylums and is repellent.
Not all the views displayed are balanced or based in fact and this programme has hurt the memory of Miriam more than it's helped it.
I am disgusted by channel 4 airing this show and I can't quite believe some of the contributions are frankly scared, I wish they had asked people who watched at the time how they felt and not had 'celebrity' contributions.
My sympathy for all concerned is unbounded and I hope they can heal and move forward from this point now.
Slyth: The Hunt Saga (2023)
Slyth on outta here
It starts off with a promising premise a sort of Dr Who smog episode rip off with traditional car crash involving a small child or adult with issues type of thing.
It rips off Tron, Ready player one, Scooby Doo, Cyborg, Power Rangers and many others.
It fails to deliver on any of these rip offs and has a storyline written by either :
A) a drama student
Or
B) a failed drama student consumed with bitter jealousy
C) The special effects are quite good but the acting is dreadful and the writing is interestingly bad.
I liked it up to the point where it became children's TV.
This had so much potential and it literally dissolved before our eyes.
Shiti Hanta (2024)
A little too pervy
Why are females treated like they can barely tie their shoelaces in some films?
I was enjoying this until the meow meow cosplay madness started, the women have a lower I. Q. than a Pikachu plushy from a claw machine, and it's getting boring.
I got to a point where I want to shake the women awake, gently, to ask why they are acting like schoolgirls when one of them looks well into her 30's I think the smart actor was the guy who got offed in the first half hour.
This had a lot of promise it's a shame it's so poorly done, I love a good Japanese film, but not this it is pretty awful, even Nic Cage would have refused a role in this.
Files of the Unexplained (2024)
Why they made this the biggest mystery
Boring stories told by a world weary or simply lacklustre narrator, I've watched some real rubbish on netflix but this takes the biscuit and tramples it into the ground.
There are dozens of this type of show but they are well made and interesting this isn't I fell asleep during the first episode and struggled to keep.y eyes open during the second, I suppose it might be good for insomniacs it certainly helped me sleep.
Decent shows get sidelined while rubbish like this exists, why?
I pray they won't have a second season of this mindnumbingly boring hogwash, it's an insult to the men who passed away in the minibus R. I. P.
Traces (2019)
Traces of bad writing....
Season one is stretching credulity with dialogue no actual human being would say, season 2 all the acting is stilted and a good cast wasted on a lackluster poorly written plodding drama.
A one night stand turns out to be the son of the guy who might have killed her mum eh unlikely at best in season 2 spoilers ahead.
She's now pregnant to the guy who's dad might have killed your mum???
It stretches credulity to the outer limits of ones ability to be entertained.
I hope there isn't a season 3 unless it brings in old characters from Corrie or Dr Who because this just doesn't work, I wanted to like it tried really hard.
Lost in Perfection (2023)
Lost in admiration
A fairly typical did this femme fatale bump off some older men after rinsing them of their cash via apps and her charming persona?
All signs point to yes apparently but there's more, a TV newswoman finds her father is seeing this woman and guess what....he married her, gasp!
He married her in secret..and it doesn't come out until the case heads to court, a dashing prosecutor, the bad boy in light the night Rhydian Vaughan sweeps her off her feet and into his boudoir, dumping 110 pounds of useless flesh, her fiance, she uses the dashing Rhydian to get the new wife prosecuted, her dad doesn't give up god love him, after this there are smashing little twists and turns that make this a good watch, I recommend it highly.
Pandore (2022)
Box full of creaky secrets
It's a really good start for this show but it's clouded by too many plots and sub plots.
The lead male actor was in the Break a cracking show better than this to be honest, about a cop who has a breakdown and a young daughter he is a fine actor, they all are but the middle drags.
The last few episodes are just too unbelievably scripted for my liking.
The frankly ludicrous plot involves a judge ruining every serious relationship in her life getting demoted to a cupboard as a workspace.
Spoilers ahead
The ending was weaker than a day old puppy and made as much sense, it was disappointing to say the least.
Sequía (2022)
A drought of original ideas
The drought on channel 4 in the UK, it has all the clichés, a cop with a backstory, she's serious because she wears black vests and jackets in 100 degree heat, and her hair is in a ponytail.
Apparently if you want to spot a criminal type in Portugal just look for a guy in a black vest, and unlikely backstory for cop no 2 is his crippled child was helped by a rich lady so he has to go to spain to check out a dead body.
Like lockdown sourdough bread all the ingredients are here but for me the dough doesn't rise, there is no unique element, the lady cops mum looks younger than she does.
Some of the cast members of ministerio del tiempo are here which gave a glimmer of hope which sadly died a death as this incredibly boring show trundled on.
Walter presents has lost its charm, before we die another earth shatteringly dull show in scandi or UK format, Gold-diggers was excellent and Astrid in Paris, the rest are duds pull up your socks channel 4.
The Heist Before Christmas (2023)
No ho ho ho here
The standard mum in a tracksuit tied back hair poverty images that are so cliché are rife here, the popular badly behaved kid runs amuck while mum struggles on bravely.
The initial charm wears thin when the one dimensional baddies v goodies showdown happens, the horrendous accent of Tim Spall grates eventually, James Nesbit has an actual ball to himself being mean and bad and funny, he's the best thing in it.
It reminds me of a Korean drama where if someone actually spoke to you like that you would probably slap them( I'm not condoning violence it's a metaphorical slap) there was no happy ending no resolution and hee haw joy in this and I'm disappointed.