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Reviews
A Real Pain (2024)
A Real Pain is a Real Good Time
An absolute roller coaster of emotions, Jesse Eisenberg's second theatrically released film A Real Pain is an incredibly well-acted, well-directed film that's both incredibly hilarious as well as tragically bittersweet. Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin play off of each other incredibly well, as they really do feel like cousins that don't really get along but still hold deep love for one another. The two cousins' trip throughout Poland to visit their late grandmother's hometown makes them have to confront past familial drama and trauma, and while they do end up closer as a result, a thing I really respect this film for doing is that their insecurities and issues are never really solved. Most movies would have a dramatic schmaltzy where the two cousins would have a big fight, make up and have all of their problems be solved, but A Real Pain instead shows that this kind of emotional healing doesn't happen overnight and doesn't have a clear cut solution.
The soundtrack consisting of mostly all piano pieces written by Frederic Chopin is also a great choice, not only due to the fact that they're all great pieces, but also works in tandem with the scenery and setting where the film takes place. The Polish landscape and architecture have such a distinct historical quality to it that this soundtrack choice is able to really engross and invest the audience to this setting.
Day of the Dead (1985)
The Darkest Day of Horror Man Has Ever Known
Arguably the most nihilistic and bleakest out of all the movies in Romero's "Dead" series, Day of the Dead combines an oppressive, claustrophobic atmosphere with sickening gore/practical effects in order to make an absolutely great post-apocalyptic zombie film. The effects on the zombies are incredibly great, probably the best I've ever seen come from Tom Savini. They really do look like they have been rotting for a while, and their kills are especially gruesome, a definite step up from how they looked from Dawn of the Dead.
All of the performances in this are great, every character really sells the fact that they are all worn down and at their breaking point, especially the late great Joseph Pilato, playing main villain Captain Rhodes. Rhodes is used rather effectively as an example of how leaders and governments can use times of great stress and panic in order to seize total control and complete obedience over the people they deem as underlings. Due to the political turmoil in the 80s over nuclear warfare and the conflicts between the US and the USSR, I think that this was probably in Romero's mind while making Day of the Dead.
While most of Day of the Dead is fairly bleak, the ending is actually quite hopeful, as the survivors are thinking, if just for a moment, that humanity might be able to pull through and rebuild themselves.
Don't Breathe (2016)
Hack Fraud Fede Alvarez strikes out yet again
Don't Breathe has an interesting premise, being that a trio of home intruders are robbing a blind man thinking that it'll be a quick and easy job, only for them to find out that the man is able to fight back. However, this quickly falls apart due mainly to how ridiculous the plot gets, and not in a fun way. How the blind man is able to outplay the robbers starts off fairly grounded and reasonable due to him being an Army vet, but quickly devolves into him essentially becoming Daredevil. He appears out of nowhere most of the time and attacking in increasingly unrealistic and unbelievable ways that would be more in line with a Looney Tunes cartoon than a gritty thriller. There's also several moments throughout the movie where any one of the characters should have died, but for plot convenience sake they somehow are still alive, even when being shot multiple times in the chest or having fallen several feet to the ground.
What's even worse is that none of the characters are likable in the slightest, as each one of the trio robbers are incredibly insufferable and stupid, so I don't care if they escape or not. Even the blind man isn't a character I can cheer for, as while they try to establish him as a sympathetic and tragic character, by halfway through it's revealed that he's a sex weirdo, but due to how he tries to justify himself there's no way I am able to take any of his nihilistic ramblings seriously.
Terrifier 2 (2022)
Way too long for too little thrills
Kind of a step up from the first one but still has many of the same issues that plagued the original Terrifier. While I appreciate Damien Leone focusing on making a single narrative rather than the several different converging vignettes from the first, it ultimately falls flat due to the themes about mental illness and trauma being barely explored throughout. This is mainly due to how drawn out and boring a lot of the scenes that don't involve Art the Clown, and the fact that it houses some of the most annoying characters I've seen in a horror movie. Nearly every character who isn't Art delivers such a wooden performance like they're in a Goosebumps episode, especially when they're supposedly screaming in terror due to being horribly mutilated.
Obviously, people are mostly here for the gore, and for the most part Terrifier 2 delivers, but I do think that the marketing of it being so gory it'll make you sick is pretty overblown. Yeah, the effects are good, but it never really feels as gruesome as you would think. A lot of the kills feel so over the top and ridiculous, especially towards the end of the film, that it's kind of hard to really take them all that seriously, kind of like if Happy Tree Friends got a full-length movie.
Honestly I have no idea what more they could possibly do with the character of Art without treading over the same ground that they already have, but considering that Terrifier 3 is out now, and even a 4th one is in the works, so it's fairly obvious that Leone and company have no plans to slow down. If you loved the original Terrifier and just want more, hey, more power to you I guess.
V/H/S/Beyond (2024)
Another year, another mid V/H/S film
Once again the V/H/S franchise proves its consistency is in its inconsistency of quality. From the framing tape you would expect that every one of these shorts would be about aliens, but even that isn't consistent as 2 out of the 6 tapes don't follow that theme. I personally don't like whenever the V/H/S franchise focuses on aliens, because due to the microbudget nature of these films, they almost always have to use CGI in order to create aliens/UFOs, which end up looking like trash. Not surprisingly, most of the aliens in this film have that exact same problem where the practical gore effects end up being pretty gnarly and nice, but nearly every time they use CGI it instantly takes me out of the film.
That being said the short "Stowaway", written by Mike Flanagan, actually makes great use out of the alien gimmick, as it is actually shot with a VHS camcorder (something that the V/H/S films are ironically using less and less of), which hides a lot of how amateurish the CGI effects usually can be. It also uses really clever cinematography to never fully reveal what the aliens in the short look like, making great use out of the fear of the unknown.
"Dream Girl" also showcases another major theme of the V/H/S films that foreign filmmakers always outclass their American counterparts. This one isn't about aliens at all, rather a couple of Mumbai native paparazzi who are assigned to get candids of a Bollywood sensation named Tara, who holds a dark secret. It's one of the shorter segments, but it goes pretty hard with some of the best gore in this film.
"Fur Babies" is the other segment that doesn't have any aliens at all, and while it starts off pretty weak, it ends up being pretty middle of the road due to how hilariously they push the concept. "Stork" is also fine, as while the creature design for the alien is pretty gnarly, being based off of the art of Oleg Vdovenko by the same name, it feels more like a video game than an actual horror movie. The gore and action just feel way too floaty and doesn't have the impact that it should.
"Live and Let Dive" is the worst one of the bunch, as it relies too much on the alien gimmick and I quite frankly could not take any of the CGI creatures seriously whenever they come on screen.
The framing tape is ultimately the most frustrating out of the bunch, as throughout we get spoonfed info about how 2 recently discovered video tapes about a missing man might finally prove the existence of aliens. We never really get enough context to actually be excited about what's on the tapes, and when it finally gets revealed at the very end of the movie, it ends up being extremely underwhelming. Yeah, the gore's cool and all, but I've been strung along for nearly 2 hours and this reveal was not worth the wait at all.
If you're already a fan of the V/H/S franchise you'll probably get a kick out of this, and it might provide some amusement if this is your first V/H/S film and you're bored looking for something to watch.
The Blob (1988)
Don't Touch the Strawberry Jam
A really great movie that I think improves on nearly all of the shortcomings the 50s original had. While this one still retains some of the folksy charm from the original, the Blob in this feels so much more viscerally horrifying to look at, mainly due to its fleshy color palette. The way it kills is also much more unsettling as you're able to physically see it disintegrate the flesh of the people it's consuming right under its membrane. The effects do admittedly get less convincing as the movie goes along, as the green screens become much more noticeable, but it ultimately doesn't affect my enjoyment of The Blob that negatively.
This movie also integrates themes of nuclear armageddon and government distrust that were very prevalent in the 80s quite well, as in this version the Blob is actually a rogue government bioweapon that accidentally crash-landed in a small American town. This cynicism is even shown in the main characters, as the popular jock ends up dying very early to the Blob, with the homecoming queen having to team up with the rebellious punk in order to survive. While it has a relatively happy ending where they use cold in order to subdue the Blob by blowing up a snow-maker, that results in the town being covered in snow, seems to be making a connection to nuclear winter. A very common fear in the late 80s, but there is a bit of humor in the town celebrating this snowfall, as it is established as a ski resort that has been struggling due to lackluster winters.
The Blob (1958)
It Creeps! It Leaps!
Honestly I think that more horror movies should have songs during the opening credits that warn you about the villain, I legitimately think it would improve nearly every horror movie released in the past 10 years.
Overall, I'm pretty mixed about The Blob. While it starts and ends relatively strongly with both of its most iconic moments, that being the bum discovering the Blob crash landing on Earth and the movie theater scene, the middle portion is pretty unimpressive and rather boring. Most scenes revolve around the police or other adults not believing the main characters about them seeing the monster or the characters rambling on about how dangerous the Blob is and what should they do. This is also not helped by the fact that the nearly 30 year old lead Steve McQueen is playing what is supposed to be a 17 year old, despite the fact that he looks no way like a teenager and yet keeps getting talked down to by people only a few years older than him.
That being said, I do find some enjoyment out of The Blob due to how quaint and kitsch it feels, like how the solution to get rid of the Blob is to have it airlifted to Antarctica so it remains frozen forever. Plus the "The End" morphing into a question mark is honestly just so goofy I can't be too mad at it.
The Batman (2022)
The Long Year Two
An absolutely great movie, I adore the neo-noir atmosphere with an absolutely banging score. Seeing Batman still trying to figure out who he is and what he wants to fight for is really fascinating to watch, especially when things don't go as he plans and he has to figure something out on the fly. That scene where he tries escaping with his inflatable glider suit and eats dirt like 10 seconds later is genuinely a treat to watch.
Batman's relationship with Gotham and its residents is also a really strong point of this movie, as no one ever feels like a wasted character throughout the runtime, everyone plays their part in one way or another. That said, I do feel that the mystery was dragged out a little too long and could probably have been trimmed down to make a more concise picture, but I still thoroughly enjoyed watching The Batman.
Joker (2019)
But Doctor, I am "Joker (2019), Dir. by Todd Philips"
A pretty okay movie with a pretty mediocre script that's saved by a great performance by Joaquin Phoenix and cinematography/sound design.
I'm usually not one to complain about a movie piggybacking off of a classic, but when you so obviously ape off Taxi Driver and not supply enough of your own original commentary, that is where I feel Joker ultimately fails. Arthur Fleck's downward spiral in this movie feels ultimately inconsistent, as if Todd Philips imagined great setpieces in order for him to lash out but didn't know how to get there smoothly. It's only within the last third that I really think Joker comes together, especially with his confrontation with Murray, and it is honestly a really great spectacle to behold, but even that has problems. The murder of Thomas and Martha Wayne in front of Bruce feels ridiculously thrown in at the last minute as a memberberry, especially when Joker felt like it was trying to go for a more grounded tone.
Megalopolis (2024)
Overstuffed and confused, but remarkably unique
Kind of a beautiful mess of a film, Megalopolis' ambitiousness is simultaneously breathtaking to watch and extremely embarrassing for how nonsensical its execution ends up being. Megalopolis has a problem where it satirizes so many different things simultaneously that it ends up not really saying much of anything as the narrative gets overstuffed with convoluted and outrageous plot points.
That being said, I do admire how bold and confident Coppola is with his vision, as he tries to make the city of New Rome feel grandiose and dreamlike. Sometimes this works in the movie's favor, as the set design is genuinely breathtaking to look at; but at the same time when Coppola tries to be extremely psychedelic and abstract it ends up being extremely laughable and silly. Another director could probably make a film that follows the exact same story beats and tone down all of the eccentricities and ridiculousness, but that film would end up being much more pedestrian and nowhere near as memorable as how Megalopolis turned out.
While I am conflicted about exactly how I feel about Megalopolis, I would still end up recommending you check it out, if nothing more than to experience what a mind so far detached from modern Hollywood sensibilities can present to you on the silver screen.
The Substance (2024)
You Are Still You
A modern day Jekyll and Hyde, The Substance combines dark humor, sickening body horror, and great commentary on the state of modern beauty standards that creates an absolute gut punch of a film. While The Substance focuses specifically on a former female media personality in Elizabeth Sparkle, who creates Sue in order to remain a star, the message of the film does still apply to how men are expected to look. Hell, you only have to look at the MCU to see how steroids have negatively affected some of their biggest male leads in pursuit of having their supes look as jacked as possible.
The editing and cinematography make this film look especially nightmarish, as Elizabeth/Sue's grasp on reality begins to slip as they try to sabotage each other in order to take control. This eventually leads to an absolutely nightmarish climax, that I can only really describe as being darkly hilarious and extremely upsetting at the same time.
I definitely recommend you watch The Substance while it's still in theaters, it's an experience that you definitely don't want to miss.
The Omen (1976)
Not great, but still a devilishly fun time
The fact that Richard Donner made Superman just two years after this is such a wild juxtaposition in one's career.
Realistically I feel that The Omen is just an okay horror film in retrospect. While the scene where the nanny hangs herself definitely is deserving of an iconic moment, the rest of the film really doesn't grab me as much as something like The Exorcist. To me, the main issue of The Omen lies in the fact that it's not very well paced. The first and last 20 minutes are incredibly strong and engaging to watch, but for the 80 minutes of this nearly 2 hour long film feels so needlessly drawn out.
Damien, for as much as he's hyped up as being the absolute menace in the Antichrist, who will bring ruin upon the world, really doesn't show up for most of the film. We mostly get monologues from priests telling us how evil he is, but a lot of these demonic acts that he's supposedly responsible for seem to be spurred on by the secret satanic replacement nanny. The kills are at least very interesting, hell they're the most interesting part of the film, but at the same time they do end up feeling a lot more corny than actually scary.
Immaculate (2024)
Not quite a Devilish good time, but still fun
A pretty decent time overall, but what really hinders this movie is how much it plays into typical horror clichés during its first half. It gets more interesting by the end, especially in the gore department but that unfortunately isn't enough to completely elevate it. Sydney Sweeney delivers a really great performance in this, however her character was really the only one I was invested in, as we don't really get to examine anyone's motivations too closely but hers.
Even though it feels that Immaculate is treading over ideas that have been done better in other films like Suspiria or Rosemary's Baby, I would still recommend people to go out to see it, going in as completely blind as you can. It was definitely not an experience that I regretted.
Anatomie d'une chute (2023)
A View to a Kill
An absolutely enthralling and heartbreaking watch from start to finish. The cinematography especially is excellent, as it does a great job of both showing and obscuring the events of the fatal death of a husband that the wife is accused of murdering, leading the audience to be unsure of exactly which side to believe. Was it a passionate murder due to years of marital issues boiling over, or rather the tragic suicide of a man suffering behind the shine of his wife's success in a shadow of mediocrity? Even when we get the verdict by the end, even that answer isn't entirely clear, but that's not really the point in my opinion. This is a film, much like the trial itself, who's plot is driven by the emotion of the actors, all of whom deliver incredibly impassioned performances, especially child actor Milo Machado-Graner.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
Insultingly Bland Space Opera
Yeah, there's no beating around the bush here, Rebel Moon sucks. This film is an edgy mishmash of the most generic sci-fi and fantasy tropes with some of the most flat characters I've ever seen in a film. While many have pointed to Star Wars as an obvious point of inspiration, Rebel Moon seems to be biting off of Seven Samurai very blatantly: as its premise revolves around a former imperial officer has to recruit a number of other notable fighters across the galaxy to protect a village from an impending force that will kill them all if they do not supply them with grain in 10 weeks.
Besides the narrative plagiarism, Rebel Moon also has no real sense of originality in the universe it inhabits, as so many of the locations in this film are straight up lifted from other films/genres. These include your average dusty farm planet serving as both a Tatooine/Western townsplace, a Blade Runner-esque cyberpunk planet, and a Roman coliseum planet that looks like it was a leftover set from Gladiator.
The characters are even worse, as they all are absolutely devoid of any personality and give absolute no reason as to why they would want to fight for these villagers that they barely know. Despite this, Zack Snyder desperately wants you to think that they are cool so he gives them ultra-edgy names like "Bloodaxe", "Nemesis", and "Decimus". This even applies to the villains, who are the most generic evildoers imaginable. Their outfits are the most on the nose Nazi parodies, with the main baddie Atticus Noble being the worst offender, looking like a wannabe Hans Landa with a Richard Spencer haircut.
Despite the edgy dark tone that Rebel Moon is trying to go for, the action is surprisingly neutered, as the camera seems to be afraid to show any actual blood beyond just a quick blaster wound. That being said, this film has a remarkably high number of attempted sexual assault scenes that only seem to be in the movie in order to reinforce that this is a "mature, adult sci-fi" movie despite its PG-13 rating.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
Much More "Nice" Than "Naughty"
A pretty fun sleazy slasher that does a pretty good job at psychologically analyzing the main killer. It surprisingly has a lot of moody atmospheric shots that make the kills a lot more engaging than they otherwise would have been. Most of the more comedic moments of this movie work, like for example a fake out where Billy gifts a kid a bloody box-knife he has when asking if she's been good or naughty, or him jumping out and beheading a random bully who stole a kids sled. Other times miss incredibly, mostly revolving around the police officers' attempts at catching Billy.
Still, Silent Night, Deadly Night is a pretty damn good holiday slasher that I very much recommend for this time of year.
Christmas with the Kranks (2004)
Tim Allen Should Have Skipped This Movie Instead
Despite being only an hour and 40 minutes long, Christmas With the Kranks feels like a goddamn eternity due to how atrocious the pacing is. For the first 30 minutes plot points just rush past until when the Kranks learn that their daughter is coming home and they need to quickly churn out a holiday party, which is when the pacing grinds to a halt. This leads to extreme tonal whiplash, as it turns from a Cable Guy-style black comedy into a generic, paint by numbers Hallmark movie.
I do have to agree with others who have reviewed this movie that the message is completely antithetical to the spirit of Christmas, as the titular Kranks are bullied and essentially brainwashed until they are forced to give in and celebrate with the rest of the neighborhood. While this might work if they really went all in on the black comedy angle, the fact that Christmas With the Kranks ends with the film endorsing this behavior leaves me with a particularly sour taste in my mouth.
Election (1999)
A Biting Piece of Secondary School Political Satire
Election might just be one of the funniest films I've ever seen. The snappy dialogue and delivery combined with the expressive cinematography makes this a film that always keeps me engaged while watching.
The characters in this movie are also incredibly well-written, aiding in the dark comedy extremely well, particularly with the rivalry between Tracy Flick and Jim McCallister. The fact that both characters share the personality of being superficially nice, which hides extremely vindictive and petty schemes is absolutely genius for the type of political satire told through the lens of a high school election.
Also, Paul Metzler is an absolute himbo treasure that did nothing wrong and deserves the best.
V/H/S/85 (2023)
The Best of the Shudder V/H/S Movies So Far
V/H/S/85 is the first V/H/S film in a while that feels that all of its segments are pretty decent. I initially thought that the 80s setting would make this film feel annoying, but it actually played into it quite well.
My personal favorite segment was "Dreamkill", which felt like a pretty slick 80s slasher with a pretty interesting supernatural twist, having a connection to the film The Black Phone, even being made by the same director. During the "No Wake" short, I initially thought that it ended way too abruptly only to be pleasantly surprised that it payed off in a segment later on into the film that connected all the pieces that it had been building up to.
That being said, this film is not without its problems, as the short "TKNOGD" feels more like a modern writer trying to replicate a Videodrome style narrative while "God of Death" starts off extremely well that's supernatural twist is rather underwhelming.
Still, this is a definite improvement from the past couple of entries and I would definitely recommend it to fans and newcomers to the V/H/S franchise.
Terrifier (2016)
All Guts, Little Glory
While I appreciate the throwback to ultra-gory splatter slashers of the 80s, Terrifier was overall a miss for me. Right off the bat, I will definitely say that the gore is the highlight of the film, Damien Leone is incredibly talented as a visual effects artist and it definitely shines here. The gore feels incredibly visceral and real, with the infamous hacksaw scene being a particular highlight. Art the Clown is also pretty entertaining to watch, with his mixing humorous pantomiming contrasting the brutal torture of his victims.
However, what makes this film fall apart for me is that anything that isn't Art toying with his prey is pretty goddamn boring. The narrative is ridiculously overstuffed for a 90 minute movie, feeling like 3 decent short films mashed together to create a disjointed mess of an experience. This isn't helped by the fact that most of the acting is pretty godawful, with most characters feeling more like paper thin horror stereotypes than people.
But still, it's clear that most people love this movie for its gore than narrative substance and if that's what you're here for, I think you'll have a pretty good time.
The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)
A Must-Watch, Albeit Flawed Proto-Slasher
While certainly not perfect, The Town That Dreaded Sundown is still a very interesting watch. In many ways this film feels like a true slasher film, as it features a masked killer going around a small town hunting down mainly teenagers. Hell, the design of the Phantom himself feels like it was the direct inspiration for Jason's look in F13 Part 2, with the fairly simple bag over head with eyeholes and grimy work clothes fit.
While many films before and since have claimed to be "a true story", this film actually pulls its weight, being loosely based on an actual string of murders in the real town of Texarkana, Arkansas. This leads the film to be presented in a documentary style, with voice over narration explaining the major players and other events not shown on screen. While it generally works, it does feel somewhat corny at times, especially since the narrator is quite flat and monotone in his delivery.
One aspect of this film I do love is the Phantom Killer himself. Every second he's on screen is quite eerie and menacing with his deep, muffled breathing and hateful eyes behind his mask. His cleverness and resourcefulness is also incredibly interesting to watch, as he adapts his killings over the course of the film to avoid capture, like him adding a silencer to his pistol after nearly getting caught due to a Ranger hearing gunshots at his last murder site.
One aspect of this film that has aged the worst is the humor, particularly with the character of "Sparkplug". His shenanigans feels like they would be more in line in a sitcom like Andy Griffith rather than in a serious horror-thriller like this.
Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)
Can You Find the Wolves in this Picture?
An absolutely phenomenal film, did not at all feel like 3 and a half hours long, it was paced so excellently. This is probably one of my favorite Scorsese films so far, he beautifully tells the tragedy that befell the Osage nation during the 1920s due to corruption, greed, and betrayal by the people who claimed to be on their side. Several scenes use symbolism derived from traditional Osage legend, which helps communicate the themes of this film extremely well.
The acting is also superb, with leads De Niro, DiCaprio, and Gladstone delivering exceptionally great performances.
I definitely recommend you watch this film, this is quite possibly my favorite film of this year.
The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953)
Extremely Influential Early Kajiu Movie
Overall a pretty standard 50s monster movie, but I definitely understand its influence over other famous kaiju films like Godzilla, which came out only 16 months after this. The main cast is serviceable at best, with most of them just standing around in rooms talking in jargon about how to destroy the monster, but no one was really a bad character.
What this movie does excel in is its treatment of its monster, a prehistoric dinosaur that had been reawakened due to nuclear testing in the Arctic. The way it's filmed really does make it incredibly mysterious and menacing, and the stop motion effects done by the famed Ray Harryhausen help tremendously in making it terrifying. Easily the best part of this movie is the climatic showdown in the amusement park, where the effects are able to truly shine.
Carrie (1976)
"And Now the Devil Has Come Home"
An absolutely phenomenal film, both a horror film and a tragedy. Carrie White throughout the course of the movie starts to trust others and make meaningful connections for that to all seemingly be betrayed by just one cruel prank. And even when she goes to the last place she thinks she's safe, back in the arms of her religious zealot of a mother, even she betrays her by stabbing Carrie in the back after revealing that she was the product of her mother being raped by her father.
One thing that I picked up on during this latest rewatch is that when Carrie's mother first sees the prom dress she made, she comments that it's red, with Carrie correcting her that it's pink, only for the dress to be completely red after it's been drenched in blood.
...E tu vivrai nel terrore! L'aldilà (1981)
A Hellish Downward Spiral
An extremely surreal nightmare of a film, the moment you start watching "The Beyond" it only goes downhill, going from bad to worse to the very gates of Hell itself. Much like the characters in the movie, you are doomed from the very start. Fulci's movies are usually fairly sparse of "plot", as the atmospheric visuals and intense gore of his movies are what drive them, and this is no exception. The audience is thrown into the same situation as the rest of the characters are, there's no reasoning of why these things are happening, they just have to deal with them and survive, if they can.
And that is why "The Beyond" rules, watch it.