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boyd1955
Reviews
Srpski film (2010)
Forget the hype/antihype cos this is a roller coaster ride of transgression
Lets get one thing straight from the start. No one got hurt and no child was on set and saw anything sexual or violent in the making this film. This is not in any way child porn as some people who obviously either haven't seen the film or are retarded have commented . Its nothing like Cannibal Holocaust , Visitor Q ( ? ) , or anything else its been compared to. I can totally understand that this film is a form of catalyst to try and purge the memory of what went on in all the violence seen in the wars that split Yugoslavia
I saw things on TV at that time that were as bad as things seen in this film
I will never forget the sight of a little girl being taken from the wreckage of a bombed school, her arm hanging by a small piece of flesh having been blown off
I'll never forget that. The fact is that it does happen in war
And probably all the things you will see in this film have happened in Iraq recently
Backed by our disgusting governments and multi-nationals
Its what happens when you give men ( and women ) nothing but encouragement to be the animal inside
They become animals. Things do occur in this movie that you never thought you would see on the screen
But its not done in any pathetic juvenile manner like in Hostel or any of those boring pieces of torture porn
In fact Eli Roth could do a lot worse than watch this and learn to make a good film. But it is not all unmitigated horror
There's a few laugh out loud moments and one great audience cheer out loud moment
Homages to Cannibal Holocaust, Nightmares in a Damaged Brain, Videodrome and countless Giallo's with the product placement. And let's be honest, the baby scene is just 2010's homage to D'Amato's "Anthropophagus" It's one hell of a roller coaster ride of a film that is a true piece of modern transgressive cinema. It doesn't need the hopelessly stupid camera-work that ruined " Irreversible "
It is intelligent rather than stupid like the second half of ' Martyrs " which was really just a reworking of the directors earlier and far better film " House of Voices " The performances are great in a totally naturalistic way, apart from the one which I thought was odd
Until you see the end The only thing I would have changed was to have it stop at the end of the last shoot sequence and have a post title sequence where the survivors were on a train getting as far away as possible
I could have done without the last 5 minutes and that last line isn't THAT special But I didn't make it
Srdjan Spasojevic and his team did
And I respect his choice I'll be in the cinema on the first night watching this with an audience if it gets released in Britain
Cos there is going to be screaming and people running out and loads of fuss. But hell people
Its not real
And its so well done It's the first time I've been so affected by a film in about 15 years Its not a masterpiece
But it is Bloody Great
The Gravedancers (2006)
Bad Script... Bad Direction ... Bad Editing
The cast tries its best ... But nothing can save this amusing idea from being wrecked by the usual failures of modern horror films ... The directors are clueless ... The editors haven't got a clue ... And I can't actually believe that a script writer was involved at all Why is it that nearly all these horror films in the last 5 years or so suffer from all the same problems ... There is only one answer ... The new generation of film makers are cretins : ) There's no getting away from it ... Nearly all young film makers are clueless beyond belief ... They've obviously grown up on television and the idea of putting any depth or complexity of character or storyline is beyond them ... A sad sad state of affairs
Irréversible (2002)
This camera-work isn't clever ... Its just plain BAD
I had been meaning to watch it for ages but had to be in the right mood cos it sounded really grim ... Well I managed half an hour of it ... THE Camera-work ISN"T CLEVER ITS JUST TO COVER THE LACK OF COHERENCE ... What a bloody letdown ... It really looks like Noe was just trying to be controversial ... But this is just DULL CINEMA ... Take away the bad camera-work and you would have a dreary little film ... And BAD Camera-work DOES NOT A MASTERPIECE MAKE ... Cassel was good ... Belluci may have been too ... But after half an hour I realised the director didn't have anything to say to me I have been really looking forward to "Enter the Void" which seems forever getting a release ... I'm now really worried its because it is an unwatchable mess like this I wasn't shocked ... I wasn't surprised ... I wasn't entertained ... And I didn't see anything new and or clever
The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
Laugh : ))) ... I nearly poo'd myself : )))
I'm sorry but anyone who thinks this is a horror film has completely lost the plot ... Its quite obviously a parody of all these things that have been called torture porn recently ... From the ridiculous over the top campy acting to the ridiculous premise of this little film it is sooo obvious that it can only be a comedy ... Or a real failure that is : )) And please ... When was a psycho ever going to leave them in their underwear to cover their naughty bits ( a la Flesh for Frankenstein ) rather than leave it all on display to be able to appreciate his creation properly ... Silly Silly Silly ... And obviously done cos they couldn't afford the prosthetics or cgi, both of which would have been difficult and expensive Unfortunately the film does suffer from the same problems as all these films ... Too Long ... Just can't fill a 90 minute film with this sort of stuff it gets dull ... However this isn't as bad ( in either way ) as a lot of people make out ... And really is ideal for a drunken film evening with your mates
Solomon Kane (2009)
Awful direction ruins any decent ideas
God knows who the imbecile is that directed this mess but he should never work again ... Great actors can't save this from the fact that the director was too scared to go for an action film and incapable of drama, leaving us with a totally lifeless beast The score is so leaden it makes this folly seriously difficult to wade through ... It took me three sittings to get to the end There's a decent budget ... But it was seriously in need of MORE effects work ... Something I have NEVER said before Really give this one a miss ... It is truly one of the most mediocre non events I have ever come across A real shame as it could have been so much better with a decent director and script writer and editor and musical score
Ligeia (2009)
More unwatchable nue-horror
OK ... So it tried not to be a typical worthless neu-horror failure ... But it fell for all the usual things ... Drained colour flashbacks ... Naff unnecessary quick cut editing ( at times ) ... Acting that would make the local drama group blush ... And a storyline that could ( possibly ) have been interesting if it hadn't been written like a bad soft porn movie I have a feeling the budget on this was actually bigger than it looked ... Some of the settings were quite grand for a low budget film ... Unfortunately the director didn't know what to do with any of them How on earth do these awful directors and script writers get to make these films ... They are just a waste of time and money ... Everyone involved with the production I presume got paid ... Because that is the only thing this sort of junk does ... Pay workers As long as the financiers don't expect people to pay money to watch this dross ... THAT WOULD BE GOING TO FAR
Shutter Island (2010)
Cliché ridden waste of time rehashing overused and obvious plot
Never been a fan of Scorsese but the trailer for this made it look interesting and the guy is really praised as a great filmmaker so I thought I must be missing something and should give it a go What a mistake ... Awful cliché ridden film making ... Not an original idea in the whole thing ... Even the basic premise has been used so many times before that it is obvious from the first 5 minutes where it is all leading The only thing that made this watchable was the cinematography ... Its all beautifully shot and framed ... But along with that there's some of the worst blue/green screen work that has been seen in decades !!! Go figure Its release was postponed a number of times and it looks like they realised they had a right turkey so the green screen stuff may have been re-shoots ... Who knows ... And who cares ... Cos in the end it just ain't very good
Born of Fire (1987)
Amateur hour at the surrealist factory
First the good ... The landscapes and architecture in the film are absolutely beautiful which makes it all the sadder that nothing was made of them This folly ( of the uninteresting kind ) plays out like a flat episode of 1980s Doctor Who ... Peter Firth does his best with what he has to work with, but with a director that obviously hasn't got a clue he isn't able to salvage anything. The story and script may well have come from a really interesting source but the writing and assembly is completely incompetent Somebody mentioned that it could be played and appreciated silent ... I think they are right ... It would be more worthwhile silent as it would seem like there was a possibility of something good going one here Oh and the lead actress ... Well ... It seems like she may have just stepped out of "Acting for television - 1 " ... Abysmal The little man however was fabulous
Saint Ange (2004)
So much better than Martyrs
I thought Martyrs was a hugely over-hyped nonevent ... Just what people say it isn't ... But it is just torture porn ... This however is a magical, visually stunning piece of cinema ... Just because it doesn't have an obvious linear narrative and make everything obvious for the slower among us it seems to have been ripped to pieces by the critics out there I have to admit one image nearly ruined it for me and I wish those contact lenses weren't there and she had worn a dress in that scene and played it down rather than iconically ... That would have made it an 8 out of ten rather than a 7.5 ... But I really loved it Hopefully the director will develop this side of his imagination rather than feeling the need to throw loads of boring bloody torture porn at us, like he was obviously forced into with Martyrs... Thats just the latest little gore movie for the youngsters to sit through and think they are big ... This film is for those that demand a bit more in a film
Martyrs (2008)
Not awful ... But terribly over-hyped
Its OK ... First three quarters was alright ... Quite a tight little film ... But nothing special unless you are just looking for a brutal gory new film ... Then there is 20 minutes of torture porn, I fast forwarded through that cos its boring and just nasty ... Anyone could do that its not clever ... Then there is the ending, which tries to bee,,, I'm not sure what ... But it certainly isn't the revelation that some people seem to think it is ... It does sort of create a unique world of suffering ... But is that of any particular use to anyone ... In the end, the fact is, it isn't that special I won't watch it again, not because I found it disturbing, but because it just isn't particularly clever or interesting ... And exciting this film isn't ... Its a film you have to see once I suppose because its talked about so much, but its the hype thats the reason you see it ... Not the film which is really only a 3.5 out of 10
Dante 01 (2008)
Nothing of consequence
Now... Let's be honest ... Caro has never been able to get his head round a narrative ... Delicatessen and City of Lost Children were both wonderful to look at, but were a complete mess when it came to pacing and narrative ... This is so typical today when most of these cinema directors come from Television ... And making ADVERTS ... What we get is loads of flash, but no real substance This film even manages to fail on that front ... It looks cheap ... The story is all over the place ... And in the end it just turns into 2010,only not as good ... Which, lets be honest, wasn't the greatest piece of cinema I'm reading a lot about financial problems with the production etc... But quite frankly, however much money you throw at something it is going to be crap if there isn't a decent idea in the first place... AND THERE WASN"T : )
Eden Log (2007)
What a stinker
Well this one came as quite a shock ... I didn't realise this awful 80s style was back in fashion ... This looks like nothing other than a piece of alternative dance done for television in the 80s, but without the dance ... If you've seen Duran Duran's video for Wild Boys then there is no reason to watch this film ... Cos its all in that, only done better What on earth are these new directors thinking ... Haven't they got any experience of what's been done in the past ... This is just lazy film making and rather juvenile psychologically ... I usually am willing to put up with a lot from a new film maker as I know how much effort it takes to make a film like this ... But in the end you have to remember that it takes just as much energy to make a bad film as it does to make a good one ... And this unfortunately is bad ... And quite frankly there isn't anything special about this that may develop into something in future projects ... Looks to me like another talentless kid with the right contacts
Vinyan (2008)
Shallow in the extreme
Another complete load of rot from Fabrice Du Welz ... Calvaire had such a following, but I can only think it was from Emmerdale Farm fans cos it was just like an episode of that soap opera ... There was no intelligence or motivation in Du Welz's surrealism ... Why this guy has fans I have no idea ... The script for this is unbelievably bad ... It makes Coronation Street read like an intellectual masterpiece ... The photography is good in a clichéd flashy way ... But there is no story or characterization to back it up ... And to be honest half the time the visuals look like they have been matted off from a square eyed TV ratio ... There is a 20 minute film here stretched to 90 ... The poor actors give it a shot but have nothing to work with ... I doubt Du Welz will get another chance after this non event ... He should think about a career in TV soap operas cos that really is all he's fit for Good Budget Good Actors ( apart from the Thai guy in the pit at the end ) Good Cameraman Great location Good sound team Decent, though clichéd, editing And no direction whatsoever It would probably have turned out better if the director hadn't been there Oh and someone tell me why the whole of the last 15 minutes is completely copied from Apocalypse now and doesn't include one original visual idea ????
Bad Biology (2008)
Whatever happened to Frank Henenlotter !!!
Whatever happened to Frank Henenlotter !!! ... He made 2 absolutely great cult movies ... Basket Case and Brain Dead are truly unique pieces of cult movie history ... I don't see any of that twisted humor and skewed vision in this awful mess ... It plays like a totally unfunny comedy sketch on some titty channel, stretched out into a feature length film, but with nothing to fill the extra time but more bare bossoms ... I have nothing against titties but quite frankly I found this practically unwatchable ... I sat through it in disbelief, expecting it to get better ... But it never did It is terrible to think that FH has lost his spirit ... And in fact I don't believe he has ... This is really a film mainly by his rapper mates, who put up the funding for it ... A sad fact ... But Frank, just make a film by yourself, cos this is a stinker The tag line reads A God Awful Love Story ... And that about sums it up
The Ruins (2008)
Hugely Overrated
I cannot believe anyone thinks this is good Its tedious beyond belief When will Hollywood learn that a few gory bits do not a horror film make Even the gore scenes are clichéd I didn't care less for the characters Plants are cretinous as villains apart from for camp value in Little Shop of Horrors There are so many holes and contrivances in the plot it is embarrassing Self mutilation isn't exciting Laugh ... I nearly peed myself Don't waste 90 minutes of your precious time on this, its certainly not new or interesting Have you noticed how IMDb has made it impossible to comment precisely on films now The are insisting on you rattling on for ages, which makes people give up because they can't be bothered Well that needs to stop Its a con ... So that they can make this sort of dross easier to hype up Bur I know excrement when I smell it And this stinks
Lost Souls (2000)
Pure Drivel
Rosemary's Baby rewritten ( badly ) for the clueless generation ... This film reeks ... The acting is fine ... The story is basically "antichrist" appears on earth ... Done to death ... And as most people with a brain now realise that there are no gods, this sort of story no longer works ... The fact that whoever edited this was unable to put a narrative flow together from such a simplistic story is another matter I love horror films but would strongly suggest you give this one a wide berth as it offers absolutely nothing of interest This rule that you have to write 10 lines or more is really difficult with this film because it is so devoid of any interest that it really is just ... Sad ...Boring ... And a complete waste of everyones time
Death Proof (2007)
There was a reason they pulled Grindhouse ... It stinks
I cannot believe how bad this film is ... It looks like a pastiche of 80 American television ... And its stinks as bad as that was ... No wonder they pulled Grindhouse cos Planet Terror ain't much better ... Although it is much batter than this stinker Now don't get me wrong ... Tarantino wrote some great dialogue here ... But it sounds like its coming out of 16 year old Californian girls, never and intellectual race at the best of times ... Then he has them played by 30 year old women ... STUPID So for the first half hour you may be captivated by the dialogue between these girlies ... But after that it just gets annoying ... Then you get the plot ... Or what purpots to be something that we should find interesting ... And it isn't ... In any way ... Its just a lame excuse to kill off the girls in a spitefull way ... Not that we really care for them ... In fact I couldn't give a damn about any of them apart from the one who gave the lap dance ( can't even be bothered trying to remember what her name was , its that much of a waste of time Tarantino has made some amazing films ... Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill are classics of modern cinema ... But this is one of the worst films I've seen this year
Sunshine (2007)
What a stinker
OK ... Lets say whats good about it ... It has SOME good visuals But this is one huge incoherent mess ... A story full of shallow brit boy pretension wallows in its own clueless overblown self belief ... Its a sort of new millennium 2001 ... Another over appreciated piece of twaddle that sold itself on visuals alone ... And now looks like the dated junk that it was in the first place Boyle made "Trainspotting" ... A good fun fast movie ... That had dealt with some issues that hadn't been dealt with in that way before ... Since then he has made nothing but a mes ... 28 days later being the best of a pretty bad lot ... But this is just unbelievable ... DRIVEL So no ... I didn't like it ... Give me Barbarella any day : )
Le orme (1975)
Absolutely beautiful
OK ... The end of this may be something of a letdown after what has come before ... And Klaus Kinski should have had his 10 second appearance cut out ... But there is no getting away from the fact that this is a really wonderful atmospheric Euro thriller ... I can't believe I have never seen this till now ... Its good to know there are films out there that are still worth tracking down ... And this really is ... Stunning visuals ... Haunting ... And builds an amazing atmosphere ... Florinda Balkan is perfect as our heroine ... And the scene on the beach with Nicoletta Elmi is some of the most relaxed and perfect acting you could see ... Lila Kedrova is spot on as a fellow visitor to the town who may or may not be who she seems ... If you miss the hay days of Euro cinema then chase this out ... There's a decent widescreen print going round ... And please get this out in a restored DVD someone ... They did it with the directors " Fifth Cord " ... And this is a much better film
Le beau mec (1979)
Well worth seeing - More art than Gay Porn
As far as gay porn goes this is a masterpiece ... Beautifully shot ... This film is in need of reevaluation ... Goodness knows who Wallace Potts was ( though he was obviously known in the industry and did other non porn films ) but the man obviously had a lot of stories he could have told ... Its a shame he died last year ... Also whoever Karl Forest ( the lead, co writer and producer ) was, he was one handsome man ... And was certainly one of my fantasies in past years ... Would love to know more about this movie if anyone has information ... I think its important that these films don't just get forgotten as they are a large part of the history of gay men in the 20th century and a huge part of coming out
Casino Royale (2006)
Craig is great ... But the movie isn't
Daniel Craig is definitely the best Bond since Connery ... Mainly because he can act ... Which is something that the others were just incapable of ... They were just churning out the old caricature, and it was really tiresome ... Craig brings the character bang up to date Of course that is all well and good ... Craig will do some Bonds and go on to bigger ( and MUCH better ) things ... The fact is, the whole concept of Bond is completely past its sell by date ... The structure is so outdated it is untrue ... People still seem to go and see them out of habit ... But really this film was rather dull ... And the villain was a complete waste of space ... This is the best Bond for ages ... But the fact is time and cinema have moved on