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Reviews
Boogeyman (2005)
Dear God, this film sucked whale d*ck!!
There's simply nothing I could say that would redeem this film. It was a 15-rated (in the UK) horror movie, and there wasn't a single cuss-word or half-decent (even quarter-decent!) bit of gore at all.
The chick getting swirled around by the titular fiend and the end looked like a big lump of crap in a diarrhea attack. The CGI effects were on a par with "Shark Attack 2" (or better yet, 3!) for suckiness.
This film is like one or two of the girls I've been out with - you wouldn't normally touch them with a bargepole, but something conspires against you, so you have to do it! Better stop now, gotta go to work!! Incidentally, one of the trailers was for the remake of "The Amityville Horror". Never seen the original, and don't really plan on seeing this one!
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Gnarly!
George A Romero's classic Dawn of the Dead is given 21st Century treatment in this cracking gore-fest from first time director Zack Snyder.
Hordes of zombies go on the rampage throughout Middle America, and a group of humans manage to hole themselves up in an abandoned shopping mall to avoid becoming zombie-fodder.
I was a bit sceptical about going to see this as zombie-movies aren't my cup of tea at all. However, see it I did (without a previous viewing of the original) and thoroughly enjoyed it. What makes my opinion of the remake stronger is the fact that the original was on TV a few days later!
Within the first ten minutes you're given a general idea of what's going on, as the carnage and chaos spreads like wildfire around the city. Pretty soon your reward for paying your £5 or whatever is the gore: lots of it! Oh yeah, and the action.
The remake has far more characters in it than the original (something like fifteen, compared to four). As is usual in Hollywood horror movies, the number of characters in them means that predictably they will fall prey to the hordes of nasties running around the mall. Who they will be isn't quite as predictable.
The remake is fast-paced and never boring, while the original dragged on and doesn't really go anywhere for a long time. Also, the remake features zombies more along the lines of those in 28 Days Later, which aren't the shuffling, moaning, brain-chomping beasts they once were: they're faster, stronger and slightly more scary! Plus, these new `Mk2' zombies (with new go-faster stripes!) are much more threatening and they make the film more suspenseful. I know there is a reason for Romero's creatures to be slow and shuffling, but hoorah for the steroid-enhanced undead!
While the original went on into showing the characters holing themselves up in the mall for the foreseeable future, the remake has them wanting to bust out and find civilization again. OK, so some of the acting's not great, there are a ton of clichés in there and the music is pretty standard fare for a horror movie (although I do love the Richard Cheese version of Disturbed's `Down With The Sickness', the original version of which chimes in at the end. At least you can now hear what they're singing!).
The movie is definitely not for the faint-hearted, as the gore comes thick and fast with brains a-splattering all over the place! And an over-enthusiastic human with a chainsaw makes for some unintended hilarity as the humans escape the zombie hordes (believe me, it IS funny! Practically the whole cinema was laughing!).
Four outta five stars - and definitely worth viewing is the spoof horror "Shaun of the Dead"!
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Oh God...
Oh God
(no pun intended)
Much has been made about this film, even before it reached US cinemas little over a month ago. The violence, the symbolism, the fact that all the dialogue is in Aramaic/Latin etc
Praise is due indeed for Gibson, whose credits as director can only be counted on the fingers of one hand, for tackling such a difficult subject matter. But what about the movie itself?
Well, frankly my dears, disappointing. Gibson co-wrote the script, but he has automatically assumed that everyone who goes to see it will know what has happened prior to Christ being betrayed. Tragedy no back story! Now, having never gone to Sunday school and, quite probably, imagining myself dogfighting the fearful foe at 15,000ft at a tender primary school age, I must admit to knowing about as much as a goldfish when it comes to the subject! We all know that Christ died for us etc, but what happened before he was nailed? We're only given very brief flashbacks into his life, such as him building a table or saving Mary Magdalene (Monica Bellucci covered up for once!) from a stoning. What does this add to the story? Not much.
Gibson could have given maybe an hour of screen time to Jesus' teachings, his followers and his miracles, and this would have been quite acceptable for those of us not really in the know'(I've sat through all three Lord of the Rings films, Mel, so three hours is nothing to me!). He could also have made less of the scourging and punishment, but I think his main focus was the pain and suffering that Jesus went through for his beliefs. Gibson dwells on the lashing and gruesome details somewhat, although much of it, like the ear-hacking scene in Reservoir Dogs, remains pretty much unseen. It's only really hinted at by the sound of wood on flesh, for instance. And, like Dogs, you only see the after effects of it pools of blood, and a ravaged and ragged human being.
Jim Caviezel (The Thin Red Line) looks the part of Jesus, as we might imagine him (unless, of course, you've seen Kevin Smith's Dogma: `Jesus was black!!'), and credit must go to all the actors who learned how to speak in a dead language.
Apart from the lack of story (even though we should all know it by now!), the music and the umpteen slow-mo shots that Gibson cuts in here and there really did nothing for me. It was like seeing the same bunch of dudes running across yet another cliff whilst being filmed from a helicopter over and over again in a certain Peter Jackson movie. The music, although very fitting for the subject, was overcooked to the point of being annoyingly so. Slow-motion shots of Jesus falling over again, and again, and again
So much of it could have been left on the cutting room floor if they had bothered with some background into the whole deal. Finally, I couldn't help but wonder if the three crucified men at the end were going to start singing `Always look on the bright side of life'!
This may have been the film that Mel Gibson had always wanted to make, but it wasn't a film I'd always wanted to see.
Along Came Polly (2004)
"This sucks and blows!"
Dammit, we were duped again!
How many times have you been at the cinema, seen a trailer for a pretty good-looking movie, then gone along to see said movie only to find that, to quote a certain ten-year-old miscreant, it sucks and blows? That they've bunged all the good bits into the trailer again?
Well, this was one of those times!
Along Came Polly tried to be a tamer version of There's Something About Mary, and failed. I ultimately found this movie to be lacking and unfulfilling. Lame, predictable, pointless.
Along Came Polly? Hell, I wish I'd waited for a train to come along, so I could hold Polly out in front of it
Camp (2003)
Feel-good movie? I felt like taking a life...!
Some spoilers - watch out!!
The trouble with this one was that the trailer showed it to be more of a comedy. A bunch of misfit kids (a cross-dressing Latino, a golden boy, a large girl, a homely girl etc) go to a drama camp for the summer. You'd expect there to be a few moments of American Pie-type humour, or at the very least some kind of Animal House likeness, interspersed with the odd bit of teen romance etc. Not a bit of it.
From the off, we get all kinds of clichés about `my parents don't understand me' or `I get bullied because I dress a little differently' etc. Each of the main characters gets their turn to whine about their uncaring parents, and it seems Golden Boy gets the chance to show that, despite being teenage chick-bait, he's really a nice guy that understands everyone. In addition to Golden Boy and Gay Latino (could almost be horses at the 3.15 at Epsom!), we have washed-up has-been Bert, a musical composer who hasn't had a hit in years, except the bottom of several bottles. By the end of the film, his credibility rises from the ashes after Golden Boy discovers some of the best stuff he's written since, well, since the last one. Did I have a crystal ball to see that one coming? Nope. The movie's ending leaves too many dilemmas unresolved, and one couple in an obviously unsound relationship.
The saving grace for the movie was that some of the kids could really sing. There's a very powerful song towards the end sung by the character Jenna about being herself despite being slightly larger than what her parents would prefer. It was rather moving, but again too clichéd. The best two actors, Joanna Chilcoat (Ellen) and Robin De Jesus (Michael), stand out with their own teen dilemmas over the others they're genuinely quite interesting in their own ways. The funny thing was that Ellen was meant to be the "homely" girl - I found her to be quite strikingly attractive, to be honest. As for the others, well, I couldn't be bothered with them. In a movie about a camp for future acting talent, most of the others couldn't act!
If you went to some sort of theatre group, you might get some of the jokes more than the rest of us, but the fact remains that several couples (not individual people) walked out of the movie way before it had finished. Maybe it was meant to be a feel-good movie? It made me feel like taking a life, preferably the director's!
Pearl Harbor (2001)
Not as bad as they make out...
I'm an aviation nut, so that was the main reason for me going to see Pearl Harbor. I knew what kind of story was involved, too, but I went in with an open mind.
Sure, it's not totally 100% historically accurate, the story and the acting is a bit naff and the patriotism is over the top, but you cannot deny that, as an action flick, it's sure hard to beat!
Having watched this numerous times on DVD and video, I STILL sit and marvel at the explosion of the USS Arizona, the Zeros chasing the P-40s along the ground, the thumping Hans Zimmer score, the hair-raising carrier take-offs at the end.
In the end, it's meant to be a war/action/romance movie, and it succeeds at most of that. I won't openly sit and say "Hey, they didn't use those kind of planes" or "Those guys aren't wearing the right uniform" etc etc. I might afterward, but whenever I watch this, I don't care. I want to be entertained. If I want historical accuracy, then I'll stick on the DVD of Tora! Tora! Tora!
**** out of *****
Tmavomodrý svet (2001)
Beautiful and breath-taking
That's how I'd describe Dark Blue World.
I saw this for the first time on DVD last year, and it immediately went straight into my Top Ten Movies of all time!
**Possible Minor Spoilers**
Many people have compared it to Pearl Harbor, and vice versa, but this film has more than "PH" does. It has the love-triangle, a storyline done to death in a thousand other movies, but that's about it. Apart from that, two totally different movies altogether.
The characters are more human, not one-dimensional comic-book types, and, I think, hit the spot. Take Karel, for instance; he LOOKS like a typical young fighter pilot in the Battle of Britain (and the average age was about 19 or 20), while Franta looks the more level-headed and experienced leader. Their dilemma is handled better and a little deeper than "PH's", and with more conviction.
The film appears to be better researched, too - Czech (and Polish) squadrons were not used in the Battle of Britain until nearer the end, and were often angry at not being allowed to fight against their enemy.
The fight sequences are marvellous, making little use of CGI and as much use of the Spitfires as the budget would allow - especially the train-attack sequence and the subsequent crash. I won't reveal just how they do the excellent dogfights, but it's truly amazing what you can do with a limited budget and a couple of fighter planes!
Despite the limited budget, Dark Blue World has a proper "feel" to it - it's not a churned-out movie that was rushed through shooting and released to make a ton of money as quickly as possible. It's evident that the movie was very much a labour of love for its director and the crew.
The DVD contains an excellent "making of" documentary, a special effects short and a brilliant "aerial symphony", showing the old warbirds being put through their paces to the film's stirring theme tune.
I give this movie 9.5 out of 10 - a very human, moving story about something from WW2 that is largely overlooked, and that is the contribution of the occupied nations to the Allies' war effort.
Piece of Cake (1988)
For once, a movie (or TV series) better than the book
Forgiving the various historical inaccuracies (Spitfires instead of Hurricanes, aircraft colour schemes, etc) this is a very enjoyable piece of TV.
Though it may be hard to choose one truly great character in the programme, as there are so many, I really have to admire 'Moggy' Cattermole. Moggy gets the best lines, without a doubt, and he is undeniably the one we'd all want to be. Unbelievably charming, absolutely dashing and the definition of wit itself, Moggy steals the show on the ground. But it is the aerial content that I wanted to watch in this - the fight scenes are well done, and the way in which the whole thing is brought together (well explained in a very informative and thought provoking book, 'How They Made.....') is quite remarkable.
Throughly enjoyed over and over on video, too.
Aces High (1976)
Splendid
Aces High - having never seen the movie before, but I had heard of it, I went ahead and bought it, expecting it to be good. It was! The dogfight scenes were very convincing, although stock footage from 'The Blue Max' was used in places, but only to add a sort of 'link' to the footage you saw in the movie. Stampe SV.4s made excellent substitutes for SE5As, but the Stearmans/Tiger Moths and Jungmeisters weren't exactly convincing. But hey, who cares? This is a top notch movie, with good performances and convincing setpieces. See it, enjoy it!