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Jtalledo
Reviews
Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows (1998)
A landmark in professional wrestling history
Although "Wrestling with Shadows" began as documentary about the life of World Wrestling Federation (now World Wrestling Entertainment) wrestler in the mid-1990s, it ended a film about so much more. The timing of the film was odd yet in hindsight historically impeccable - in 1997, the WWF was at a low popularity-wise and losing money and fans to Ted Turner's competing World Championship Wrestling promotion. With Bret Hart being encouraged by Vince McMahon to leave the WWF for the better of both Hart and the WWF, the documentary initially becomes the story about a man in transition.
After the Montreal incident, the documentary switches gears to show Bret Hart as a man in limbo - unsure of how to react to the worst exit he could have possibly made from the WWF and hitting a wall both personally and professionally. Before and after this point in the film, the whole tone of the piece is decidedly somber, showing the gritty inner workings of the eternally running machine of a professional wrestling promotion and the sacrifice a pro wrestler on the road must make for himself and his family. The movie's legacy remains the statement it makes not about Hart himself, but about the rise of the World Wrestling Federation after Hart's departure.
Though Hart's departure was not completely responsible for the WWF's resurgence in popularity in the late 1990s, it did set in motion a chain reaction of events that spurred it. Almost prophetically, little hints of the WWF's rise are interspersed throughout the film. We see Steve Austin, Vince Russo, Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon, all key players in taking the WWF to new heights in popularity after Hart left. At the end of the film, we get the feeling that the events transpired had set into motion something new. As is turns out, those things didn't just happen to Bret Hart, they happened to the entire professional wrestling world.
Ghostbusters (1986)
It's a not a copy, just a hair-brained scheme
Considering that this show WAS based off the old series staying Larry Storch and both this and the "Real Ghostbusters" cartoon (which WAS based on the hit movie) were released as roughly the same time it wasn't really a copy of either the original Ghostbusters movie nor the other cartoon. However, it was a pretty cheap way to capitalize on the success of the movie and its name recognition. I mean, do you think we'd see a remake of the original Filmation series if it wasn't for the big success of the completely unrelated movie of the same name? Thankfully, the producers of the other, much better series cleared things up with the "Real" prefix to the title.
That having been said, I don't remember this series being really any good. I do remember being a bit confused as a kid as to why the ghostbusters were a bunch of stupid kids with a darn talking bat. Soon though, kids realized the series wasn't the real deal and watched the real one.
Extreme Ghostbusters (1997)
Just call the XGB...
Say what you want about Extreme Ghostbusters, from the tacky name to the controversial new characters, it was a decent show. I remember being really surprised turning on the TV one morning in 1997 and seeing the series on air. As a longtime fan of the GB, it a pleasant surprise indeed. Needless to say, I watched it almost every day before taking the bus to school.
The new characters have garnered mixed reviews, but I liked them. Kylie is absolutely adorable and Eduardo was hilarious as the token laid-back slacker of the group. Roland was low-key, but played the role of the big brains of the group well. Garrett was really the only questionable addition. I know that it's been said that they didn't have him in a wheelchair just for the sake of having a character in a wheelchair on the show, but his ability to keep up with the rest of the ghostbusters borders on unbelievable, even for an only semi-serious cartoon. Still, his experience in "extreme" (there's that word again) sports does explain his ability to keep pace with his fellow ghostbusters. The retention of Egon, Janine and Slimer (who undergoes a little facelift) is necessary and is definitely a nod for long-time fans of the old cartoon. Voice acting with both main and supporting characters was superb.
The stories were pretty decent. The first episode does a decent job picking off where the last series left off and examining how Egon's character has changed. The ghostbusters seem more inclined to battle demons and such rather than the old straight-out spooks of the original series, but there's really not much difference between the two monsters. For the most part, the plots are more serious though there's still the humor from the classic series. All the busters seem to have a sense of humor, except maybe for the dry Roland. Still, the plots were fun, particularly the last few episodes of the series, which featured the return of some familiar faces.
The show's biggest downfall is definitely something most mid-late 1990 Sony cartoons are guilty of: lackluster presentation. Also seen in "Men in Black: The Series", "Jumanji" and "Godzilla", "Extreme Ghostbusters" features some pretty uninspired character designs and animation. Each of the ghostbusters is obvious patterned after a ghostbuster from the original cartoon, (Eduardo as Peter, Garrett as Ray, etc.) except for Kylie. The character designs are pretty outlandish and look more like caricatures. The other ghostbusters and even the new Egon, Janine and Slimer redesigns are OK, but Roland just looked freaky. The original series was way better in the design department. It's also incredible how the animators made New York seem as people-free as possible; you'd think they could through a few more crowds on the streets here and there. Colors are drab and lifeless, a contrast from the original series bright designs. The soundtrack is passable, though most of it isn't very distinct. Some of it was actually reused in Men In Black! Mid-season, the additional of a new version of the old Ghostbusters theme as the new title music did help though.
While XGB may not be as good as the original cartoon it follows, it did do a decent job of continuing the series as whole. It's too bad it wasn't give the chance it deserved.
Incubo sulla città contaminata (1980)
Goofy and amateurish
You can't honestly give any excuses for this movie; it's just plain cheesy. You could say that it's just a horror movie and it shouldn't be taken seriously, but that's a lame excuse. This movie is just not good at all. From the terrible makeup fx to the hokey dialogue, there's not much of redeeming value in this movie.
The plot itself is pretty humdrum. Hordes of the dead terrorize a big city while spreading their walking-dead disease to others.
The only interesting part of this movie is how it tries to follow several groups of people and their encounters with the zombies. Among the people whose stories are followed are a military major and his wife, General and his daughter and son-in-law and last but not least, a reporter and his wife. The best sub-story is that of the reporter who witnesses the start of the mayhem firsthand and attempts to break the story of the walking dead, while people turn a deaf ear to his reports. The reporter tries to stay alive and rescue his wife from the chaos. Hugo Stiglitz is great as the reporter kicks some major butt, especially near the movie's end. The rest of the substories that the movie oscillates between are boring and pedestrian though.
The "zombies" in this movie are decidedly some of the more active ones in movie history. They run, jump and even use weapons. Some of them actually look like living humans, except they have some ghastly scare. "City of the Walking Dead" was a badly chosen title; "City of the Running, Jumping and Scampering Dead" sounds more apt. You could argue that they are far more lifelike that the people in this movie, especially the military guys, who apparently are too damn stupid to follow the advice of their superiors and shoot the zombies in the head.
The movie isn't too scary at all. There are some genuinely creepy moments, such as when the reporter's wife fumbles around in the dark in a hospital and encounters one of the walking dead. That was one of the only chilling parts of the movie. The scene where the major finds his wife is also pretty creepy, although it was predictable. For the most part, the gore was nothing that hasn't been done better in other movies, although the lively zombies did make them considerably more vicious.
The makeup was really terrible. Most of the zombies look like normal humans, except for a little blood here and there and a crazed look in their eyes. It would have been best if the filmmakers went with that look for the whole movie, as the makeup jobs usually consisted of a few cheesy cast-like extensions and mud-like molds being added to creature faces.
City of the Walking Dead is a decent movie to watch if you aren't took picky with your horror movies. It has some decent action and some novel concepts that were extremely flawed in implementation. Otherwise, stay far away from this one. Furthermore, a word of warning: you will groan at the movie?s ending.
Greed (1999)
Greed is bad
"Greed" was Fox's blatant and pathetic attempt to capitalize on the success of ABC's primetime game show and breakout hit, "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" And as far as trivia shows, it's about as trivial as they get. No one really cared about the show - even when it boasted the biggest amount of money won in gameshow history for a while (a record later surpassed by the remake of "21" which aired on NBC and PAX TV). This was probably because the format was decidedly stale - the game began with a bunch of players with one captain who decided if the team wanted to go further in the game to win more money.
Contestants could be eliminated in mini-segments that involved players taking on each other in a one-on-one session similar to the first round in a "Family Feud" match. Prize money was shared, as was the responsibility to provide answers to questions. Questions had multiple answers so each player had to provide an answer.
Speaking of questions, they were even more trivial than the show itself. In a behind-the-scenes segment on I believe the cable channel E!, they showed how the writers came up with the questions. They basically pulled out the most obscure facts they could find and made them into questions on the show. As a result, there were a load of questions on the show that NO ONE on Earth could come up with the answer to, which kills the all-important "playing at home" ability that keeps the TV audience hooked. I mean, no sane person knows the answer to questions like "What are the four most popular syrups at the International House of Pancakes?" (a real show question).
While "Greed" wasn't the most pathetic attempt to capitalize on the success of "Millionaire" (CBS's dismal "Winning Lines" from some "Millionaire" producers is in the running for that title), it sure wasn't a fun game show to watch. Its questions were so obscure; "Price is Right" was more of a trivia show than this. The game format was extremely stale and boring and the show's most redeeming feature, oddly was its host: Chuck Woolery, of "Love Connection".
Hearts in Atlantis (2001)
Yet another solid King fantasy
While some argue that the recently Wes Craven-driven horror genre of film - a genre that writer Stephen King is no stranger to, has become extremely formulaic, one can also argue that there's a new genre that is becoming increasingly formulaic: the Stephen King fantasy/drama. Take the film adaptation's of "The Green Mile" and "The Shawshank Redemption"; both feature cinematography based around a bygone era and both feature human will triumphing over the long odds and injustices that life brings.
It is fitting then that the latest miraculous tale translated from King's pen to the silver screen begins with a flashback, similar to the early scenes in "The Green Mile". It is also fitting that the tale center around an odd, mysterious character with the ability to work miracles - this time played by the stately Anthony Hopkins as the enigmatic Ted Brautigan instead of the imposing Michael Clarke Duncan as gentle giant John Coffey. Yet another recurring theme is present in an adaptation of a Stephen King work in the focus of children and that aura of magic that exudes from them. This was also seen in King movies such as "The Shining" and "It" where children are capable of much more than their adult counterparts. Chances are if you've watched another movie based on a King work, you'll probably notice some common themes strewn together in "Hearts In Atlantis".
Yet as cookie-cutter as the movie seems, it is extremely well done. Hopkins is perfect as the genial but odd boarder in young Bobby Garfield's life. Anton Yelchin and Mika Boorem are simply delightful as the pre-teen sweethearts Bobby Garfield and Carol Gerber and Hope Davis plays the token troubled single mother to a T. The score, primarily composed of late 1950's tunes, while a bit of an anachronism considering the time is in the 1960's, fits perfectly. Yet what is truly amazing is the cinematography. The late Piotr Sobocinski did an excellent job of capturing the colors and look of the era; the picture doesn't look too drab and dreary nor does it look too bright and whimsical.
The movie itself is typical dramatic King-fare; an enigmatic yet incredibly figure impacts the lives of all those around him, in this case, several children in a low-income Connecticut neighborhood. It's your classic coming-of-age tale with a supernatural King-twist, centering around how young Bobby Garfield matures in one magical summer thanks to his relationship with Hopkins' genial boarder Ted Brautigan. It's nothing you probably haven't seen before, but it's done so well that it's well worth seeing. The performances are excellent, the cinematography is stunning and direction is solid. Though a bit formulaic, this King tale is definitely a magical journey you'll love taking.
All-New Dennis the Menace (1993)
Lacks the charm of the original toon
While some may argue that the original Dennis the Menace cartoon was way too over-the-top and stereotypically cartoony for the down-to-earth humor of Hank Ketcham's long-running Sunday comic, I personally liked it. The voice acting was great. Dennis's voice was perfect and from Joey to whiny Margaret, the voices fit perfectly. Even Mr. Wilson's voice was right on the spot. The writing was just hilarious. From traveling in time to adventuring in the jungle, there were an entertaining bunch of shorts on that show.
The "All-New" Dennis the Menace is a radical departure from the far-fetched cartoon antics of the previous series. It aired on CBS's Saturday morning cartoon lineup for a little while... just one season I believe. Everything is all-new, from the voice actors to the storylines. Gone are Dennis's days of meeting dinosaurs and stopping international smuggling rings. Gone is Mr. Wilson's incredible ability to take any beating Dennis accidentally inflicts. The new cartoon features plot-lines that are more "realistic" and true to the comic's old era sensibility.
The format is all new, with one single episode taking up the entire half hour. The plots are incredibly mundane compared to the outlandishly fun plots of the original 'toon. I remember one episode being about either Dennis or Mr. Wilson being sick... it was incredibly boring.
The voice acting is pretty dismal. Dennis's voice, perfectly cast in the original toon sounds really raspy in the new one. The other voices, from Joey to Mr. Wilson are extremely pedestrian. Mr. Wilson sounds strangely subdued, much like Walter Matthau's Wilson in the major motion picture, but not as apt. Dennis's parents are also miscast; Mr. Mitchell is a far cry from Phil Hartman's excellent delivery.
The good news is that the animation is better. The colors are more vibrant, much like the newer intro to the old series and everything has a crisp detail that the original series lacks.
Cosmetic changes aside, tuning into the new cartoon on Saturday mornings when I was a kid, I still missed the crazy plots and superb writing of the original. The new series isn't funny at all; but instead tries to replicate the low-key humor of the comic, which is impossible in the cartoon medium. The creators of the original cartoon knew that task would be impossible and instead made a great cartoon with some crazy plots, loads of slapstick humor and funny dialogue. The "All-New" Dennis the Menace tries to be faithful to the comic, but in doing so forgets to be fun. And that's what Dennis is all about, right?
Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas (1992)
Go Go Gadget comeback?
"Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas" was actually the first new piece Inspector Gadget material release since the series went off air. The first and only time I saw the episode was on ABC's Saturday morning cartoon lineup near Christmastime.
Anyway, the episode is pure "Gadget" fun. The special goes on like a regular episode of the series, with the gizmo-toting inspector doing battle with Dr. Claw and his terrorist group M.A.D. This time though Gadget has to try to save Christmas from the not-so-good doctor. Dr. Claw has hatched up a plan to take control of Santa's workshop at the North Pole and ruin Christmas for all the good little boys and girls. Of course, Gadget is on the case and once again Penny and Brain must guide the bumbling inspector on his way.
The half-hour special was quite good; I remember the animation being colorful and pretty detailed. The voice-acting was decent; Don Adams reprised his role as Gadget. I don't believe series voice actors Frank Welker (Dr. Claw) and Cree Summer (Penny) returned for the special though. Penny's voice sounded WAY different from the original series.
Just like an episode of the old series, the show was hilarious. Gadget is clueless as usual, and even tries to arrest the real Santa! Of course, Penny and Brain help Gadget save the day as usual. The Chief returns as the series' old running gag of getting hurt accidentally by Gadget.
The Inspector Gadget Christmas special was what I hoped to be a the start of a comeback for the beloved walking, talking Swiss army knife. Unfortunately, Gadget didn't fit in this era of post-1980's sophisticated, more "educational" children's entertainment and we haven't seen the Inspector since (the terrible live action Gadget movie, cute little internet Flash shorts and "Gadget Boy" not withstanding). Still, it was great to see an old animated friend return, if just for one half-hour.
Steampipe Alley (1987)
An indelible part of my youth
"Steampipe Alley" was one of the coolest kids programs around for its time. It aired on Sundays on Channel 9 in the NYC Metro, Northern New Jersey and Western Connecticut markets. I remember spending many Sundays watching the show and its fun games. While the production values had much to be desired, Mario Cantone's charisma and child-like enthusiasm as host/ringmaster made the show a lot of fun.
The show was highly irrelevant and fun - it featured kids from local elementary schools competing against one another for prizes and also featured some funny comedy skits. The best part was seeing some of the kids' teacher participating in the show. As a matter of fact, the most memorable segment was the one where kids actually got to throw pies at their teachers' heads! The show was light years ahead of Nickelodeon in the kids' gaming show genre. Granted, Steampipe Alley lacked the high production values and buckets of non-toxic green slime, but it will always be a part of my youth.
Rambo (1986)
Give me... RAMBO!
After several successful movies, it really wasn't a surprise that the seemingly invulnerable action soldier Rambo would have spun off a series. What was really surprising was that it was a CARTOON series. I mean, what good parent would have let junior watch any of the Rambo movies, notorious for their blood, gore and sky high body counts?
Questionable marketing aside, the folks at Ruby Spears productions did a bang up job on the Rambo cartoon. Sure, the series is basically a GI Joe clone, but it's a good one. Rambo is made considerably more sociable in the cartoon, more boy scout than Green Beret. He's not above giving bicyle riding safety tips in between picking off baddies with his precision bow and arrow. They also give Rambo a little team, two pals called the Freedom Force, his version of the GI Joe team.
Voice acting is pretty good. Rambo's voice is a wee bit generic, but James Avery ("The Fresh Prince of Bel Air") as Turbo is excellent. Plots are pretty thick-headed, with Rambo and crew being sent off by the colonel to rescue little villages in foreign countries and the world in general. Of course, Rambo performs some pretty darn superhuman feats like dangling from helicopters and the like. What was really cool was the intro, complete with inspirational, heroic theme music and the colonel saying, "Give me... Rambo!" Also cool were the safety tidbits at the end of each episodes.
What was not cool were the production values. Animation is typical 80's cheese - lacking the fluidity and vivid color of cartoons from later years. The character designs are good though, and Rambo is a decent likeness of Stallone. Trautman is well drawn as well - complete with his trademark green lid.
In all, Rambo was one of the more entertaining cartoons of the 1980's. Forget GI Joe, for thick-headed animated warfare and fun, Rambo is the man.
Inspector Gadget (1999)
Wowsers! This movie is bad
"Inspector Gadget" the cartoon show was a funny, light-hearted romp not unlike other cartoon shows made before the duldrums of Congressional legislation changed the kids TV market. The show featured a half-man, half-robot, half-witted policeman (voiced flawlessly by Don Adams of "Get Smart" fame) and his adventures solving crimes with MUCH assistance from his niece Penny and faithful dog Brain. Having loved the TV show immensely, I immediately saw the film upon its release. Now there's one 5 dollar bill I'd like back.
I should have known how bad the movie version would be - having seen the bad commercials and the inevitable McDonald's promotional tie-ins. And to top it all off, the movie was produced by Disney - notorious for butchering perfectly good source material for their own profit. Just look at "The Jungle Book" and "The Little Mermaid", movie adaptations that are far from what the original authors of each respective work had in mind. Disney has once again chopped up its source material - this time one of my favorite cartoons.
Matthew Broderick is the predictably youthful choice to play Gadget, the man with more inventions than a swiss army knife and less brain cells than an organ grinding monkey. Had Disney wanted to make a movie more pleasing to a broader audience the natural choice to play Gadget would have been the voice of Gadget himself - Don Adams. Even considering that this is a kids movie, Broderick is extremely hammy and not at all funny as Gadget. Equally bad is Rupert Everett as Claw - he's about as intimidating as a housewife with a bad manicure.
The good news is the supporting cast is solid. Michele Tractenberg makes a good Penny (although the cartoon Penny was blonde, not brunette) and Dabney Coleman is good as Chief Quimby. Cheri Oteri as the mayor and DL Hughley as voice of the Gadget mobile are also solid for the few scenes they appear in. Joely Fisher is good as Gadget's love interest.
The worst news is that the movie ignores almost everything fans loved about the cartoon. Penny is nowhere near as smart as she was in the cartoon and Gadget nowhere near as dumb. It is apparent that no one involved in the making of the film knew anything about the material upon which the film was based. The Gadget-copter is called a "Gadget-chopper" and even Gadget's catch phrase "Wowsers!" is sans the 's'. While some criticize the cartoon as being empty-headed and formulaic, the movie is dumber and scatterbrained. It seems like the filmmakers filmed a bunch of stuff they thought would be entertaining and filled in the gaps as they went along. The plot is so scattered - the evil Gadget subplot seems tacked on - that it makes no sense whatsover.
No doubt kids, who care nothing about plot and will laugh at anything will find this movie entertaining. The old fans of the cartoon will groan in pain though. The movie gets a 9 for some nostalgic value and a -1 for entertainment value.
Suspiria (1977)
A tad overrated (minor spoilers)
Without question, hype is a huge factor in determining a movie's success. This is especially true in the horror movie genre. From early entries in the 50's and 60's, whose campy trailers promised thrills and chills to recent times where internet hype made "The Blair Witch Project" the most profitable piece of Shoestring budget trash in history, hype can make or break a film. It was hype from knowledgable horror movie fans than made me see Suspiria. Needless to say, some of that hype is not deserved.
It's easy to tell that Suspiria is made by people who know and respect the horror movie genre. Argento tries to create the most thoroughly creepy atmosphere he could. And in the most part, he succeeds. Most of the film takes place at night, aiming for a dark, seedy look. The opening airport scene combines hard rainfall, a scary soundtrack and darkness for a most chilling effect. Some scenes light up the dark in eerie shades of reds and blues, almost hinting at something creepy lurking on the horizon.
Yet the creepy, forboding soundtrack (excellently scored by Goblin) and subtle hints at something wicked coming usually ends up disappointing. One scene in one of the girl's rooms builds up tension well and woefully ends in an infestation of maggots. Other tense scenes such as the one where all the girls sleep in the same area while heaving breathing is heard in the background have unresolved tension. The movie constantly makes you think one thing will happen and something totally different happens. This is evident in the murder of the blind musician. Such as attempt to surprise the viewer is so typical of late 20th century horror films, but ends up flat.
The plot also disappoints. As with other movies that are heavy on imagery, such vivid pictures come at the cost of a deep plot. The extremely graphic first murder (one of the scarier scenes in the movie, especially in the uncut version) throws the viewer into the plot. Questions are raised as to what force is causing the murders, but are resolved at a snail's pace. Indeed, none of the questions are thoroughly answered until the film's climax, which is way too subdued and nowhere near as impacting as the opening scenes. The acting carries the movie through the film and the female leads due their jobs as budding scream queens. The actress playing the freaky Directress did is well cast.
Again, it is obvious from the chilling opening to the creepy end credits that the Argento and company tried to create a surreal, creepy atmosphere for this film. In that, they succeeded. However, the film builds much tension without giving the big payoff - which is a huge scare. The movie owes much to its brooding soundtrack - the most constantly chilling part of the film. Despite how is disappoints, the surreal imagery and soundtrack do make Suspiria a must-watch for hardcore and even passing fans of the genre.
The New 3 Stooges (1965)
The Stooges STILL leave you in stitches
Legendary and timeless as well as way ahead of their time, the Three Stooges and their movies took slapstick comedy to heights that have not been reached again, more than a half century later. Their fluid chemistry and uncanny sense of timing made their routines side-splittingly funny no matter how many times they were recycled.
However, "The New Three Stooges" is more like a last gasp than a new beginning for the Stooges. Granted, the two Stooge stalwarts Moe and Larry are present (which is more than can be said for "The New Adventures of Laurel and Hardy"), but Curly Joe is a poor substitute for the original Curly. His performance makes you long for Shemp or Joe Besser, who are sometimes overlooked in Stooge lore. Curly Joe is way too subdued in the show - too passive to be one of the manic Stooges.
The show's episodes were formulaic. They featured one live action segment, which introduced a typical Stooges conflict, then segued into a cartoon Stooges short. Then it was back to live action, where the comical conflict was resolved in a manner only the Stooges can fathom.
I feel fortunate to have two episodes of the show on low-quality tape, despite its many flaws. One such flaw being the production values. The live action segments have all the budget of the average film school student's final project, as does the animation. Props are extremely limited. The cartoon animation is stiff and lacks the detail and color of more well animated shorts of the time from companies such as Warner Bros.
As for the plots, they're typical Stooge fare from the episodes I've seen. The Stooges deal with mean bosses (like in the Western railroad episode) and tackle odd jobs (like being police officers). They're back to their old schemes again, such as prospecting for gold. Even some of their old routines are present - like mistaking something else for syrup, specifically glue in one episode. Unfortunately the one thing not recycled from the old days is much of the slapstick comedy. Sure Moe scowls plenty and the Stooges get their fair share of bumps and bruises in the cartoons, but the face-slapping, head thumping action of yesteryear is sadly kept to a bare minimum, possibly due to the Stooge's ages.
When you look at all the show's flaws though, it's amazing the Stooges were able to deal with second-rate cartoons and their increasing ages and still make people laugh. The bit in one episode where Moe and Larry duel it out Western-style over a "fair dame" (played by Curly Joe) is classic. The cheesy sound effects and campy cowboy getup, combined with some hilarious lines is the perfect recipe for a laugh-out-loud skit. Their innate aptitude for childish antics make for comedy that is simultaneously idiotic and brilliant. And at the core, it is that special knack for comedy is the reason why the Stooges have made and still make many laugh, even in this flawed production.
Darkstalkers (1995)
A Saturday Morning NOT well spent
Just to give you an idea about how bad this series was, it was on at like 5:00 AM on Saturdays in the NYC Metro market. Ironically, I was actually dumb enough then to actually watch it at that early time. Looking back on it, that was time I could have spent preparing a bowl of Capn' Crunch.
"Darkstalkers" is supposed to be based on the popular arcade/console game Vampire Hunter (known as Darkstalkers in the US) by Capcom. Vampire Hunter was a one-on-one fighting game that pitted creatures of the night such as Dimitri the Vampire, Morrigan (a succubus) and even Frankenstein against each other to decide who was the greatest night dweller of all. The game met with great commercial success internationally and spawned a Japanese anime. Sadly, the series the United States saw was not the anime, but a lousy original series.
"Darkstalkers" the original series was I believe produced by DiC, who in their heyday produced some of the best animated series. This series is decidedly a shoddy piece of work though. It features one of the game's foremost characters - catgirl Felicia. Of course, they had to "tone down" the in-game costume which is understandable. But the direction they took her character is just terrible. They teamed her up with some stupid little boy - Willy or something who goes on adventures with her. Not only that, they made it so that sometimes she turns into a REAL cat. Lame.
Felicia and said little boy trek the globe and sometimes encounter (and battle) characters from the game. Animation quality was decent, and some of the character designs are good enough, but it definitely lacked the fluidity you expect from American animation. Voice acting was extremely hammy and the two main characters had REALLY annoying voices. I remember some voice-acting being passable, including Dimitri, but overall the acting was quite bad. The highlight of the soundtrack was the show's half-decent rock theme.
Fans of the game and animation fans otherwise should all STAY FAR AWAY from this series. Fans will be disappointed by the series' bad adaptation of the game story and animation fans will cringe at its cheesiness. Try Vampire Hunter - the anime instead.
Men in Black: The Series (1997)
Men in Black comes out flat
I remember watching this series back when it premiered in 1997 during Kids WB's infancy and I've watched it progressively become worse. The show began decently enough - re-establishing the partnership between Agent J and Agent K that made the movie so memorable. The voice actors, particularly Keith Diamond as Agent J deliver their lines admirably. The writing was and still is relatively top-notch, with a healthy dose of humor.
The rest of the series is extremely flawed. While the character designs are okay, the colors are extremely drab and lifeless, VERY characteristic of Sony animation. The soundtrack just drones on, particularly the monotone theme. Danny Elfman's movie score is WAY better. Heck, they even brought over an instrumental version of Will Smith's catchy but forgettable rap song that played during the closing credits. Why couldn't they use the original movie theme? But the soundtrack is the least of the series' problems.
While the series does right to bring back Agents J, K and Elle as well as Zed, some of other character additions are questionable. The Worms? They were mildly funny break room puppets in the arcade, but their squeaky voices and obsession with coffee in the series is definitely pushing it. It wouldn't be half as annoying if they didn't build ENTIRE EPISODES around them. Jeeves? Maybe, but if he keeps selling contraband to alien terrorists, why doesn't he get arrested? The head-shrinking thing was funny just once. Frank the Pug? Why?
The show fails to be fully faithful to the movie - it seems like the MIB shoot first and ask questions later in the animated series. As a result, the slick image of the MIB from the movie is totally lost. Sometimes it's a wonder that they blow so many things up and get into firefights and are never noticed.
The new characters are just plain bad. Agent Elle's partner Agent X is just terribly annoying. Elle was way better as a lab technician. And what's up with her personality shift? She's gone from the cool personality in the movie and up until season five to a crazy hothead. Even more annoying is the over-happy new alien lab technician. Someone should blast that moron with a noisy cricket.
Men in Black: the series may be decent enough for little kids, but for older viewers, it's certainly a far cry from Batman: The Animated Series. While is does try to add some coherent continuity and decent storylines, it's extremely disappointing for fans of the movie like me and cartoon enthusiasts.
Avenging Force (1986)
Dumb
This movie has no redeeming value and actually fosters a bit of racism. All the characters of the move lack depth and are all portrayed as ignorant, militant slobs. The movie's low budget and bad direction don't help matters either.
Dick Tracy vs. Cueball (1946)
Off the funny pages and onto the silver screen
The second of several old Dick Tracy films, this movie pits Tracy against another motley crew of villains. A bald convict named Cueball is the chief outlandish baddie in a rogues gallery of characters. This time around Tracy tries to bust up a diamond stealing conspiracy involving employees of a jewelry firm, an antique shop owner and of course, the bald Cueball.
Once again Morgan Conway does an admirable job as the sleuth from the Chester Gould comic. Anne Jeffries does a good job reprising her role of Tess from the first film. Lyle Lattell as Pat Patton is much more visable in this film than in the first and provides some decent spots of comic relief. The running gag is that he keeps getting knocked out by Cueball. It's no surprise that he became a staple of this series. Ian Keith as Vitamin Flintheart steals the show though, with his dimwitted antics that are showcased in the scene in the antique shop.
The compliments about the characters end at the main villain, Cueball. While most Dick Tracy characters from the strip have a one or more distinct characteristics (Flat Top's flat top, Prune Face's face and Measle's measles), Cueball has one lame gimmick: he's bald. He's extremely dumb as his weapon of choice: a belt. Cueball seems to bumble around and by luck find out that everyone is double-crossing him. You can't help but laugh as the stone-faced lummox whips out his belt which is an effective but underwhelming selection of weaponry. His death scene is even more humorous, considering that he knows it's coming, but doesn't make a sound.
All in all the second major Dick Tracy motion picture is a nice throwback to the glory days of comic strips. At the very least it's better than the disappointing Warren Beatty update. The weak main villain does hamper it though. Too bad none of these movies featured some of the villains from the comics. They would have been better if they had.
Dick Tracy (1945)
Chester Gould's character done right
It's kind of funny that the Warren Beatty Dick Tracy movie and Tim Burton's Batman movie were released so close to each other. Each movie tried valiantly to recreate the atmosphere of their respective comics with high impact visuals. However, Batman did a much better job carrying the comic's look and feel over to the big screen. The new Dick Tracy movie's wild colors and cheesy backdrops took away from the all-star cast that the producers put together. The original Dick Tracy movie featuring Morgan Conway is much more realistic and doesn't try as hard to be a live action comic strip and is the better movie for it.
First off, things must be said about Morgan Conway's portrayal of everyone's favorite detective. He bears a decent resemblance to his 2-D counterpart, but not one nearly as uncanny as Ralph Byrd's look. Nevertheless, Conway does a good job getting across Tracy's tough as nails yet sympathetic family-oriented character. You can't help but think that Conway looks and sounds too much like Humphrey Bogart to be Dick Tracy though.
Anne Jeffries and Mickey Kuhn as Tess and Junior do decent jobs as well. Pat Patton is a little deemphasized though, something that would remedied in future films. The scarred Splitface doesn't have the personality that some of the comic strip characters do, but he's passable as an original character. The whole movie doesn't try to be exactly like the comic as the 1960's Batman and the latest Dick Tracy movie did later. Rather, it's more true-to-life with some subtle hints of its comic roots. It keeps the stereotypical police department, the daring feats of courage by the heroes and the rogues gallery of characters from the strip while giving Dick Tracy's world a more real feel. That real-world feel puts this movie a cut above the 1990 movie.
Quick Change (1990)
A Bill Murray sleeper
Truly one of Bill Murray's better works, Quick Change is often forgotten thanks to Ghostbusters, the movie he is most commonly associated with. Still, Quick Change employs a lot of Murray's low-key, suddle humor and stiff yet heartwarming views on love. Quick Change is one of the films where you're supposed to root for the bad guy, because Murray's character is "just a bank robber" and overall a decent guy. Thus, it's easy to feel sorry for him when his getaway plan(s) constantly go awry and it is quite funny to see how he escapes the long arm of the law which is closing in on him.
The movie also benefits from a supporting cast with comedic experience, including Geena Davis, who plays Murray's suffering yet ever patient love interest and Randy Quaid, who plays their inept conspirator. There is also a substantial amount of bits of comedic commentary on the nature of New York which only New Yorkers can appreciate. That, mixed in with the little social commentary that is under the surface in most of Murray's films make Quick Change a "lost" example of Murray at his best.
Think Big (1989)
Think Little
A most ironically titled film, "Think Big" is a relatively brainless movie. The whole movie revolves around two appropriately airheaded, truck driving twin brothers who have to save a teen genius and the world's ultimate weapon from the clutches of the bad guys. The weapon? A device that looks like an otherwise ordinary remote control, but can control virtually every electronic device.
Of course, the "humor" comes in when the lamebrained gymrat twins bumble around trying to defeat the baddies. As expected in any b-movie, the humor is substandard and often crude. The Paul brothers play the role of the bungling duo pretty well. The movie also boasts a fairly decent supporting cast, with Martin Mull from Sabrina: The Teenage Witch, Richard Moll from Nightcourt as the brothers' boss and of course, Claudia Christian.
In short, "Think Big" isn't a bad movie for what it is and what it tries to be. Taken lightly, this low budget picture's sophmorish humor and sexual innuendo can be entertaining for a day's rental. Just try to think as little as possible while watching it, and the b-movie lover deep inside you will enjoy it.
The Newz (1994)
Pedestrian Late Night fare
Taking a cue from Saturday Night Live, "The Newz" tried to break out as the only big sketch comedy show in syndication. Unfortunately, it totally lacks the innovation of the much more successful "Kids in the Hall". The fact that is was really low tech didn't help either. In the end, the facts that it tried too hard to be like SNL and that it just wasn't funny put this sketch-based show on the shelf beside "Chevy Chase". Good to see regular Whose Liner Brad Sherwood has moved on to better things.
The Beat (1988)
Proof that any nimrod can write bad poetry
Yet another tale of people's lives being changed by an unlikely hero. In this one, token ironic hero Rex is a new student in a New York City high school who doesn't fit in but has a penchant for poetry. After being the victim of a violent society that is unwilling to accept the different and in his case, the mentally challenged, he somehow manages to build his own little following of friends all of whom he changes the perceptions of. He makes them buy into some type of quasi-Religion that he invents and talks in verse that only melodramatic beatniks could appreciate. For some reason, his friends, who are in a constant struggle with adults and questions of adulthood, actually begin to understand what he's talking about and become better people for it.
While you can't really fault the movie for using the same tried and true formula that later made Forrest Gump successful, half the move you spend trying to figure out exactly what the heck Rex is saying. Just as with all poetry, his words are open to interpretation and the fact all his work seems ripped straight out of a bad mad lib book doesn't help any. A boring plot line that doesn't go anywhere and an extremely anti-climactic, predictable ending don't do anything to peak interest. Besides Rex's incessant ramblings, most of the characters can't seem to express themselves without throwing an expletive in their sentences here, there and everywhere. Also look out for punk teenager stereotypes and an odd lack of ethnic diversity in a strange New York as anomalies.
All in all, the Beat is under dramatic, predictably sympathetic work that won't do anyone any harm. Good to show on tape to an English class, if only to show students how poetry is not done.
Destroyer (1988)
One-dimensional fun
At first glance, Destroyer looks like a very promising film for horror fans on paper. In an era where the slasher flick was in its prime, it looks as if this film sets itself apart from the rest. It features a human enemy who seems to be more of a genetic freak than an indestructible demon who does not target teenagers, as the bad guy usually does in recent entries of the genre. However, all the positive points end there and what we're left with is another excessively gratuitous gorefest that most horror fans won't take seriously.
Beyond Anthony Perkins, there are no seriously notable names in the movie. It's too bad that such the horror icon did not have a notable body of work after his defining performance in "Psycho", making several mediocre "Psycho" sequels and b-movies like this. Nevertheless, he plays his role as skin flick director to a T. Other than the two heroes, everyone else in the movie is either there to get killed or say a few lines. And the heroes aren't even of note either. The only difference they have with everyone else in the movie and in the number of lines they have. There is never any development of their characters, so you don't know what special qualities they possess that make them the good guys in the end other than mere coincidence and serendipity.
If there's one thing the movie has going for it, it's the way some of the characters get dispensed. There's a nice scene with a blowtorch and the movie's best part, involving a huge drilling device (as seen on the video box). However, as the movie goes on, the scenes become a little less graphic though we are treated to some body parts strewn around and some wax-museum quality bodies. Credit must be given to Lyle Alzado, who looks VERY menacing as the main bad guy. He shows a bit of acting ability in this movie. Throughout his brief career acting after football, which was cut short after he sadly succumbed to brain cancer, he was thoroughly underused as a main villain in movies.
In short, the Destroyer is a decent weekend b-movie. Its partly refreshing perspective on the slasher genre and its almost humorously over-gory scenes make it a fun movie to watch and laugh at with a few friends. Look for some nice (if inadvertent) homages to horror classics the Shining (with the blood on the wall sequence) and Friday the 13th (with the gotcha! end of the movie). Finally, be sure to sit through the credits for a very weird name for one of the movie's songs. The laughs are definitely worth a cheap rental.
The Terror (1963)
Bad, but not MST3000 fare
There's a thin line between bad and campy. "The Terror", it's safe to say, is in the latter category. The plot is hackneyed, but not too typical or outlandish. There are your typical obligatory characters for a haunted castle movie. The curious guy, his love interest (who also doubles as the mysterious apparition), the eccentric castle owner and his creepy cohort.
The acting isn't all that bad. Nicholson is solid in one of his early roles and Bela Lugosi proves to be decent beyond Frankenstein's makeup and Dracula's cape. The special effects are bad, but not blatantly bad. After all, it was made in 1963. "The Terror's" ending sequence makes a decent general statement about the film's sorry special FX, as it is a cheesy mock-up of "time-lapsed" photography. Add this to the film's cheap plot twists and nonsensical story, it is a great addition to the camp hall of fame. Or at least a great late movie.
The Devil's Advocate (1997)
Dispassionate nonsense
Once in a while, there comes a film that simply tries too hard to do whatever it was intended to do. The Devil's Advocate is one such film. It tries hard to be a brooding, chilling tale of the evils of greed and heartlessness that plague modern society, but it eventually fails in the end.
While the movie attempts to characterize Kevin Lomax as a brash, young hotshot attorney who has his priorities to his family and friends turned awry, it does not manage to further the point effectively. Instead, for much of the movie we see an insufferable hothead who will stop at nothing to win his cases, even at the expense of the relationship with his wife.
The movie also tries to further exactly how evil Al Pacino is, through various scenes of grisly murder and implied sexual encounters. However, the violence comes across as excessive and the sexuality is best represented by a truly gratuitous nude scene involving Charlize Theron. All this is heaped on to make John Milton look like an evil force, but succeeds only in making stomachs churn. It also dilutes any potential moral message that the screenplay tries to convey in shallow, mind-numbing acts of cruelty.
While the Devil's Advocate seems to tug at the moral fabric that binds humanity, it sacrifices any redeeming content to its audience through overly extreme uses of graphic adult themes. The only thing it manages to do well is be a movie of nice little spots dotted here and there in various scenes that would please the mildly perverted movie watcher among us.