Death on the Tyne (2018 TV Movie)

James Fleet: Jack

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack : Terry, all my life I've been searching for the perfect woman, and now I think I've found her in Mildred... Or possibly Hilda.

• Jack : Now if you'll excuse me, I must get this old girl ready to sail. She needs quite a firm hand.

  Mildred : I bet she does.

  Jack : The feisty ones always do.

• Jack : Try the duty free shop. Anything with a collar will do. They'll have something in your size. We get a lot of truck drivers on here.

• Emily : It's a special dinner for old friends.

  Jack : Actually, Emily these are my friends.

  Emily : Yeah well, they're certainly old.

  Justin : [laughing]  Savage as usual, Emsy.

  Colleen : Who the bloody held do you think you are?

  Emily : Who am I, babes?

  [pretends to think] 

  Emily : Umm. I'm the most in demand lounge entertainment on the North Sea. I'm known in every port across Northern Europe.

  Colleen : Oh, popular round the docks, are you? We used to have a name for girls like that.

  Hilda : "Dirty girls!" That's what mother said.

• Mildred : Draw me like one of your French girls, Jack.

  Jack : Well, I've only got a Biro, but I'll do my best.

• Jack : Well, hello, girls.

  Colleen : That's right, girls, don't lose your dignity. He could be riddled, this one. You know, sailors usually are.

  Hilda : If we get shipwrecked, I'm more than happy to make a fishing net out of my pantyhose.

  Mildred : I don't wear any.

  Jack : Then I'll get us out onto the ocean like my very life depended on it.

  Colleen : Oh sorry, sorry, couldn't quite hear you for the sound of my skin crawling.

• Jack : Oh, surely you can let the cat out of the bag for a silly old captain?

  [he kisses Mildred's hand] 

  Hilda : Tell him, Mildred, tell him everything.

  Mildred : If he goes on like this, I'll tell him my pin number. Yours too, Hilda.

  Hilda : 2596, Jack.

• Jack : Bobby, if you could make the jokes actually funny, that would really help.