Alternate logline: Once upon a time, two films got together to have a child. Melancholia the mother; Conan the Barbarian the father. Unfortunately, the film they birthed was dropped on it's head during delivery and is now known as The Veil.
Many of the other reviews handled some of the finer details of the film's shortcomings with more precision, but the story is a mess, it's overreaching and underachieving, the stakes seem lacking. One small example that's not a spoiler because it's so early in the film: We're expected to believe this is an alien planet, (or possibly an alternate Earth) but there are no aliens, only a shot in the sky for VFX to support such a thing. There are no likable characters or performances (aside from the old man at the end) and not any humor to speak of other than some painfully long pauses in the middle of fight choreography here and there.
As a couple of pros for the movie: The film's makeup and wardrobes were great. The scenery is fine. It's shot decently.
TLDR; The writing was horrible. It doesn't go anywhere. Watch Conan or Melancholia instead.
