News

This story first appeared in the Nov. 27 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine. To receive the magazine, click here to subscribe. In 2009, When I sold my Shit My Dad Says Twitter feed to CBS, the most common response was, "They bought a Twitter feed? Hollywood is completely out of anything resembling an original idea." (The second most common was, "Fuck you." There was a random guy who just tweeted me "fuck you" every day for a year, the longest relationship I've had aside from my wife.) If I'm being honest, I would have agreed with

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Very British Problems, the 1 million follower-plus @soverybritish Twitter feed turned best-selling book of Britons' daily woes, hits our small screens tonight (August 13).

Starring Jonathan Ross, James Corden and a variety of famous funny Brits moaning creatively in a Grumpy Old Men stylee, the Channel 4 series looks to bottle the retweet phenomenon for a non-social audience.

I meet its London-based creator Rob Temple to find out how that's going to work and, to be honest, exactly how it all got this far. Over a beer, not an under-heated cup of tea ("I don't even like tea," laughs Temple), I ask how the idea started. "Well, it started it in 2012, cause you told me to."

Now, this is sort of true. Full disclosure: I used to work with Rob. And I did implore him to start a Twitter feed, as despite having never seen it himself, his dry, pithy humour was clearly a good fit.

Surviving Jack, Fox's latest comedy, based on the book I Suck at Girls by Shit My Dad Says author Justin Halpern, stars Christopher Meloni as a no-nonsense father who takes on a more active role in parenting when his wife decides to attend law school. Much of the humor on the sitcom derives from Jack’s piss-poor dad skills. But in this exclusive Fox spoof-promo, Meloni maniacally urges Halpern and the show’s other scribes to up the hilarity by having Jack become incarcerated at a brutal maximum-security prison and investigate sex-related crimes, à la the characters Meloni played on Oz and Law & Order: Svu, respectively. Surviving Jack’s second episode airs this Thursday at 9:30pm.

Justin Halpern and Patrick Schumacker, creators of Warner Bros TV‘s upcoming Fox comedy series Surviving Jack, have signed a two-year overall deal with the studio, which begins June 1. Surviving Jack, which the duo executive produce with Bill Calahan, who is serving as co-showrunner alongside them, Bill Lawrence and Jeff Ingold, was based on Halpern’s bestselling book I Suck At Girls. Halpern and Schumacker, repped by ICM Partners, previously co-created CBS’ S#*! My Dad Said for Wbtv and CBS with Max Mutchnick and David Cohen. It was based on another Halpern bestseller, Shit My Dad Says. Related: TCA: Justin Halpern Says Dad Better Suited For ‘Surviving Jack’ Than ‘$h*! My Dad Says’...

Factory 25 has acquired world rights to "Marvin, Seth and Stanley," starring Alex Karpovsky ("Girls," "Inside Llewyn Davis") by writer/director Stephen Gurewitz, who co-stars.When the comedic road trip, which was shot on 16 mm, screened at festivals in 2012, Richard Brody at The New Yorker called it "an extraordinarily touching and quietly hilarious dramatic version of 'Shit My Dad Says.'"The Brooklyn-based indie distributor plans to release the film digitally on January 28 on cable VOD, iTunes, Amazon Vudu, X-Box, Sony Playstation and other digital outlets before it premieres theatrically in February.Here is the plot summary from Factory 25: The film joins the quarreling Greenstein brothers Seth (Karpovsky) and Stanley (Gurewitz) when they reluctantly agree to join their father, Marvin, for a weekend trip in rural Minnesota. Estranged from each other, the threesome of inept outdoorsmen rediscover repressed grudges as the weekend comically devolves into a series of...

If no one seemed surprised to learn about the upcoming feature film starring Grumpy Cat — the Arizona-based house pet named Tardar Sauce whose feline dwarfism and underbite have burdened her with both a perpetually grouchy face and Internet celebrity — it's because Hollywood never passes up a chance to get into bed with a cute new star with a built-in fan base. Still, while the entertainment industry has always bet that successful books, toys, and video games can work in other formats as well, the road map concerning Internet culture is still being drawn. There have been a few attempts, of course: The web series Annoying Orange has since become a TV series, now in its second season on Cartoon Network, and Justin Halpern got a CBS sitcom out of his Twitter feed, Shit My Dad Says. However, both projects contained something clear to build from and were started by people...

Remember when in 2009 CBS put in development a comedy series based on the blog Shit My Dad Says? The racy title raised a lot of eyebrows throughout the project’s development process. The network toned it down to $#*! My Dad Says when it picked up the comedy to series, but still drew the wrath of watchdog Parents Television Council, which urged a boycott of the show. It seem like $#*! My Dad Says was the canary in a coal mine that tested the limits of how far creators can go with the use of foul language in titles and get away with it. While so-called “fleeting expletives” have gotten broadcasters in hot water with threats of steep fines, curse words slowly but surely have been creeping into show names. $#*! My Dad Says was followed by two projects during the 2010-11 development season that had “bitch” in the title: ABC’s Don...

By Carson Blackwelder

Television Contributor

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Social media users are increasingly becoming good partners to TV, helping to spread the word about which series are critically adored and popular. But like every relationship, there are some negative aspects, too.

Unfortunately, networks using social media as inspiration for shows is one of them.

NBC recently ordered a pilot based on 24-year-old Emma Koenig‘s Tumblr account entitled, “Fuck! I’m in My Twenties,” which already spawned a book. The site features drawn images filled with sarcasm and insight about quarter-life crises. The show will follow a young woman in her twenties as she navigates her way in New York City. Sound familiar, fans of HBO’s Girls?

This announcement comes just two days after CBS ordered a comedy based on another Tumblr, and the source of inspiration for it comes from yet another twenty-something woman. On deck for this pilot is Lauren Bachelis‘ blog entitled “#hollywoodassistants.

Former Australian adman Nigel Marsh is on the verge of seeing his book Fat Forty and Fired turned into a sitcom on Us TV giant ABC.

The network has ordered a “put pilot” of the show, reports Us site Deadline Hollywood. A put pilot virtually guarantees that the show will go to air because it comes with financial penalties for the broadcaster if it is not aired.

Marsh – whose agency stints have included running Leo Burnett and being CEO of Y&R Brands – wrote the book about his experiences after after losing his job. The success of the book saw him write follow ups including Overworked and Underlaid and more recently Fit Fifty and Fired Up. He has also developed a successful speaking career.

Shows currently on the ABC include Revenge, Last Man Standing and Once Upon A Time. Recent hits have also included Desperate Housewives, Lost and Grey’s Anatomy.

In a very competitive situation with all major networks bidding, I Suck At Girls, a single-camera comedy from Bill Lawrence and Warner Bros. TV, has landed at Fox with a pilot production commitment. It is based on Justin Halpern’s book I Suck At Girls, the follow-up to his bestseller Shit My Dad Says that was based on his popular Twitter feed. The half-hour comedy will tell the story of a boy becoming a man, and a man becoming a father, in a time before coming of age was something you could Google. Halpern will write with his TV writing partner Patrick Schumacker, with Lawrence supervising. Lawrence, Halpern and Schumacker will executive produce with Jeff Ingold, Lawrence’s development executive at his Wbtv-based Doozer production banner. Warner Bros. TV and Bill Lawrence optioned the book in February, three months before it was published by HarperColins. Halpern and Schumacker co-created the...

A parody Twitter account created by an Australian teacher and featuring the public relations team on the Death Star has hit more than 200,000 followers. The team behind Death Star PR has now branched out into video content and is seeking sponsors.

The account was created by Robbie Boland, a English and History teacher at high school who has no connection to the real PR world.

The series follows three colleagues, Wilson Wilson the III, Sharp and Green, working in the PR department of the Death Star, spinning catastrophes and carries the tagline, “Behind every great hero is a great PR team.”

The 6×8 minute episodes, written by Boland have been filmed with producers Carolyn Mee and Matt Ford with Tim Nicholls directing.

Mee, who previously produced series such as Seven’s The Mole and Ten’s Personal Best, is shopping the series around as branded content.

Mee said: “We’re an...

It's become a ritual. Every spring, I'm forced to say good-bye to welcome visitors who've graced my home and provided me with fascinating company week after week. Yup, I'm talking about my favorite TV series that somehow find themselves on the chopping block even though millions of viewers across the country enjoy them as much as I do. I'm still missing Human Target, Flash Forward, Traveler, Bleep My Dad Says, and The Good Guys, and now I'll have to light several more candles for Harry's Law, A Gifted Man, and Awake. Even the venerable CSIs, some good for a shiver, some for a chuckle, are on the "bubble." All with audiences in the gazillions.

It's gotten so bad, I'm seriously thinking of not watching a new TV series until I'm sure it's a real hit. I can always catch up on past episodes once a series is established (I'm already...

These days anything can be turned into a TV show or movie. Remember how those cavemen from the Geico commericals got their own sitcom? How about the Shit My Dad Says Twitter feed being turned into a program with William Shatner? And let's not forget the E*Trade Baby commercial movie that was put into development a couple years back. With this knowledge in mind, this new story doesn't come as any kind of a shock. Variety reports that Paramount has hired Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm writers Alec Berg and David Mandel to write a script based on the popular YouTube viral video "Ultimate Dog Tease." For those unaware of the video, you can watch it below. The video is from the Talking Animals YouTube channel and since being posted on May 1st of last year it has accumulated over 94 million views. In fact, last year it ranked as...

Twitter accounts don’t necessarily make for the best television shows. Justin Halpern and executives at CBS will be the first people to tell you that. Halpern’s Twitter account Shit My Dad Says was picked up as inspiration for the CBS sitcom with the eponymous family-friendly-title of $h*! My Dad Says back in November 2009. By May 2011, after one 18-episode season, CBS cancelled the program. This happened despite star appeal (William Shatner played the role of “Dr. Edison Milford Goodson III” aka “Dad”) and a rabid online fan base (Halpern’s Twitter account has a couple million followers). Twitter accounts may, however, make for pretty great web series. If the initial reception of Shit Girls Say is any indication, Halpern should’ve kept Shit My Dad Says online. Created and written by Toronto-based filmmaker Graydon Sheppard and his partner Kyle Humphrey, and cameod by Juliette Lewis, the first installment of...

The ‘Bitch’ is back.

After ABC changed a new show’s mildly profane title during development, upcoming comedy Apartment 23 has now more-or-less reverted to its original head-turning name.

The official new title of the show is Don’t Trust The B—- in Apartment 23, dashing out the letters of the curse in an attempt to soften its impact (not unlike how CBS dealt with the short-lived Shit My Dad Says last season, substituting the non-word “$#*!”). The Disney-owned network has two upcoming shows that previously used the word “bitch” in their title: Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apartment 23...

It will be a sad day in TV land if (as Nielsen history suggests) the powerhouse of CBS' The Big Bang Theory helps deliver the abysmal new How to Be a Gentleman a ratings win over NBC's little-show-that-could-do-better Parks and Recreation.

Here's my Fall Preview take on How to Be a Gentleman (CBS, 8:31/7:31c), a misfire that almost makes me miss last year's Bleep My Dad Says, which wasted the same time period: "Felix and Oscar should sue. The overused Odd Couple premise gets one of its more cringeworthy sitcom workouts in the latest assault on the male mystique — caricatured as a squeaky-voiced priss and a bellowing gym-bunny boor. Actually, mankind should sue." To elaborate: David Hornsby plays a metrosexual metropolitan fusspot whose ...

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Update: 1st August We've had a couple of updates to the Chrome Extension.

1.7.1 - 01/08/2011

* New look! The news feed area is now scrollable and your scroll position is maintained when you close the popup.

* Several small fixes.

* Automatic updating every 10 minutes

Update: 27th July Just to let you know that a number of old shows have been removed and we've added the following shows.

New

A Gifted Man

Alphas

American Horror Story

Archer

Bob's Burgers

Bored to Death

Breakout Kings

Dallas

Damages

Death Valley

Homeland

King

State of Georgia

Switched at Birth

Teen Wolf

The Nine Lives of Chloe King

Xiii

Update: 1st July Seeing that we have a lot of new users using Google Chrome I thought I'd bump this back up for anyone who has yet to install the SpoilerTV Chrome Extension that will alert you when new content on your show(s) is posted without having to...

Veteran TV director Rob Schiller has sneakily been putting together a feature length comedy starring Sean Astin and Cheri Oteri called And They.re Off. Schiller, who has directed episodes of Two and a Half Men, Shit My Dad Says, and whopping 165 episodes of King of Queens, surprisingly has kept his film under the radar until only two months before its October 28th release. Along with Astin and Oteri, MadTV and Parks and Recreation alum Mo Collins costars with Kevin Nealon and a host of others. The film follows Astin, a down and out horse trainer looking to start winning again, but the only way to do so is to hire his, presumably psychotic, ex-girlfriend Oteri to play jockey. And They.re Off will be a Christopher Guest style mockumentary much like Spinal Tap or Best in Show, so done properly this could prove to be really funny, but the...

With Tsr Buzz, you’ll find links to articles, videos and other random things that will help you waste your time just a little bit more.

Last week, Fox News spent a lot of time complaining about Common being invited to the White House by Michelle Obama. He was variously accused of being a thug, misogynist and bad actor (Ok, made the last one up but have you seen Just Wright?) So on Monday, good friends Jon Stewart and Bill O’Reilly got together to duke it out. I mean, there’s nothing else going on in the world, right? Here’s part one of the verbal sparring match (parts 2 and 3 are available on Hulu).

I enjoyed the twitter feed and book Shit My Dad Says, but not so much the TV show. Apparently I’m not alone because CBS has decided to cancel it. Justin Halpern, writer of all...

One would think that, if a network television show based on someone's life was just cancelled, that someone might be very upset. Of course, when that someone got the TV show because he didn't care about things like TV shows, the reaction is a little bit different.

Justin Halpern's Twitter sensation, "Shit My Dad Says," first became a book and then, incredibly, a sitcom on CBS starring none other than William Shatner as his cranky, tough talking father. When he got the news that it was canceled after one season, he called his dad to tell him. His reaction? Hilariously typical, according to the transcript Halpern later posted to his blog.

Here's an excerpt:

.... "You didn't know who it was and you answered the phone with 'Hey. What do you need? I'm busy?," I asked.

"Let's people know not to f*ck around with my time," he said.

"My show got cancelled,...

Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall has confounded some and angered others with his controversial Tweets about the death of Osama bin Laden. The 23-year-old NFL player apparently was not pleased with the mass celebrations of bin Laden’s killing that broke out across the country on Sunday night.

“What kind of person celebrates death?” Mendenhall posted on his Twitter feed after President Barack Obama announded the death of Osama bin Laden and celebrations broke out across the country in response. “It’s amazing how people can Hate a man they have never even heard speak. We’ve only heard one side…”

If that wasn’t enough to rile up half the country against Mendenhall, he went on to share his doubts that the World Trade Center was not brought down by terrorist controlled airplanes at all.

“We’ll never know what really happened,” Mendenhall said. “I just have a hard...

Will Sasso has landed the role of Curly in the Farrelly Brothers upcoming "Three Stooges" movie, TheWrap has confirmed. The "Mad TV" and "$#*! My Dad Says" star is the first Stooge cast. The Twentieth Century Fox comedy does not yet have a release date. Bobby and Peter Farrelly are directing, writing and producing. Mike Cerrone is writing and Bradley Thomas and Charles B. Wessler are producing. The Hollywood Reporter originally reported the story. Related Articles: ...

Comedian Gilbert Gottfried is the latest person in Hollywood to be fired for saying the wrong thing on the internet. Over the weekend, Gottfried took to Twitter to make some crude jokes about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan.

What he didn’t consider was that his employer, Aflac Insurance, gets most of its business from the Japanese market… and they didn’t find the jokes funny. So Gottfried is unemployed again, and now he’s decided to remove the offending tweets and apologize to Japan. Too little, too late! He claims to be proud of not having an internal censor switch, so taking the tweets down when it doesn’t matter anymore seems a bit weak.

This content is copyrighted by Snark Food.

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Related Articles at Snark Food:Racks of servers are dedicated to Justin Bieber traffic, Twitter saysMiley Cyrus Says Everyone Should Leave Twitter‘Shit My Dad Says...

Yesterday I got a new TV to replace the one I've owned since 2005, which was some old Crt thing I picked up for not much money and which had (unfortunately) survived being dropped last fall with a few scratches and a funny patch on one side of the screen that glowed either green or purple, depending on how much it wanted to annoy me. My new TV, which I already adore, is a Vizio 32" web enabled 1080p HDTV and I'm only telling you that because I'm the kind of person who feels the need to brag about new gadgets for at least two or three days after I buy them and proper bragging requires that I list off all of those details. I really do like it though, everything looks so much better on it. Here's the TV that I will be enjoying in gloriously crisp fashion this evening:

8:00pm: "American Idol" on Fox.

It's that time of year, folks: February sweeps, when the networks line up soft-drink and erectile dysfunction advertiser, and when ratings really matter. The network suits are eying that bottom line and wondering how they can make more with less, and contemplating which of those fictional reality shows on "30 Rock" might actually work while chanting, "Down the scripted programming! Up with product placement!"

What does that mean for your favorite network shows? It rarely means anything good.

ABC

"Modern Family" and "Cougar Town" have already been renewed. "Mr. Sunshine," the new Matthew Perry show that premiered last night, actually had stronger numbers than "Cougar Town," and while that's only one episode, you can bet that it'll already be back for another year, likely replacing that show that comes on before "Modern Family" that I can't be bothered to remember. "The Middle" has been renewed, but in any block that contains "Modern Family" "Cougar Town,...

Even after Charlie Sheen once again proved himself to be the worst person on the planet, the latest episode of "Two and a Half Men" clocked in with over 15 million viewers. The title of that episode? "Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak."

According to TiVo users, the most popular Super Bowl commercial during Sunday's telecast, based on the commercial that was rewound most frequently, was the Snickers commercial with Richard Lewis and Roseanne Barr. The Best Buy ad with Ozzy Osbourne and Justin Bieber was the second most popular. And, of the 13 film spots that aired during the Super Bowl, the Adam Sandler comedy, "Just Go With It," was the third most popular. (Reuters)

Last week's Nielson ratings have been released. The top two spots belonged to The Super Bowl. After that: "Glee," the two episodes of "American Idol," "NCIS," "The Mentalist," "CSI," and "The Big Bang Theory" held the other 8 spots.

CBS's primetime schedule is the epitome of stability: no other broadcast network has more scripted hits. Its Monday night comedy block has held its ground for more than a decade. Its most popular procedural, "NCIS" is enjoying its highest ratings in its eight-year history. The network's 2010-2011 freshman class is holding steady.

On the other hand, CBS also employs Charlie Sheen.

As such, when CBS entertainment president Nina Tassler appeared before reporters at the Television Critics Association's Winter Press Tour on Friday morning, the "Two and a Half Men" actor's recent booze-fueled misadventures topped the question and answer portion of the executive session.

Tassler dryly opened with, "I really didn't expect to get that question this morning, so I am just taken by surprise." Once the laughter died down, Tassler continued, "We have a high level of concern. How could we not? .... This man is a father, he's got children, he has a family, so obviously there's concern on a personal level."

In the latest tale reported by TMZ and others, Sheen was seen partying with an assortment pulchritudinous ladies (allegedly including Michelle "Bombshell" McGee) in his suite at the Palms hotel over the weekend, accompanied by a great deal of liquor. This would not be a problem, we suppose, except for additional reports that Sheen missed his call time on his show's set on Wednesday allegedly because he was suffering from an ear infection.

Tassler told us that we cannot look at the situation simplistically. "Charlie is a professional. He comes to work and does his job extremely well," she said, reminding us that the show is a hit.

The greater concern (one would think) is the impending arrival of "American Idol" on Thursday nights, where it will be in direct competition with the Eye's hit comedy "The Big Bang Theory." Tassler, of course, did not express any trepidation about "Big Bang's" ability to hold its audience against the mighty gravitational pull of broadcast television's Death Star -- "'Idol' is 'Idol'," she said. "There are enough eyeballs to go around. We think we'll do OK."

Then again, there's a reason Tassler has been at the helm of CBS's entertainment division since September 2004. Successful broadcast network executives can be counted on to never show fear or admit failure. "Big Bang's" audience is large and loyal, and the network has every reason to believe it'll even out with relatively healthy ratings once the "Idol" season settles in.

The fate of its timeslot partner "$#*! My Dad Says," like all of the other bubble shows on CBS, is a different matter. "Everything's up for grabs in May," says Tassler.

CBS has other success stories, of course; Tassler informed reporters that she's confident "NCIS" star Mark Harmon will renew his contract. Tassler also revealed that the network has six yet-to-be aired episodes of "Flashpoint" in the can, which could appear this summer.

Television tonight is Seriously slim pickings so I guess I can let y'all in on the loose details about why I keep referring to an injured hand. Short version: I fell down. Long version: I fell down real hard. What's broken is the proximal phalanx of my left pinkie or, for those of you who don't speak science, the bottom bone in my left pinkie. My X-ray analysis skills have mostly been learned from doctor-ish TV characters, but it looked like the break started on the far left side towards the bottom and went through the bone diagonally. I had thought this would get me some kind of splint but for reasons which are unclear to me, I have a cast covering my arm from a few inches below my elbow to the first knuckle of my left hand that holds my fingers in a curled over position. So! That's why my hand hurts,...

We're about a week into the new year, so if I were to use an extended metaphor comparing the New Year to a new relationship (and I am), this would be about the point when you'd notice that while the New Year currently seems fun an interesting, it also seems to have quite a bit in common with the Old Year. However, you'll brush that uncomfortable observation aside for now, telling yourself that you're only imagining things or maybe that every year has "The Jersey Shore" and you just never noticed it before. Or that people just didn't talk about suspiciously large die-offs of animals previously. I hope you're right, imaginary person courting 2011, and that there are only good things in the future. Now that I've thoroughly unsettled you, here's your Thursday night TV:

8:00pm: "The Big Bang Theory" on CBS

"Million Dollar Money Drop" on Fox

"Wipeout: Winter Wipeout" on ABC.

Some vampires never die, at least at the People's Choice Awards. Keeping its momentum from last year, the Twilight saga was the big winner on Wednesday night. The latest installment in the series, Eclipse, picked up four awards, including favorite movie, surpassing nominees including The Social Network and Inception. It also won favorite drama movie and favorite on-screen team at the awards at the Nokia Theater in L.A., and star Kristen Stewart beat out Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston for favorite movie actress as Bella Swan. But the film's heartthrobs Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner didn't have as much...

Alright people, listen up: Chances are, you probably won't die today. That being said, if you do die today because you happen to be trapped in a horror movie, here's a list of all the fantastically fun ways you can ensure that your death is both gruesome and unsurprising. (Premiere)

Over on FilmDrunk, Vince talks "Shit My Dad Says," with Justin Halpern, the guy who started the Twitter feed, who is unsurprisingly far more interesting (and profane) than his television show. (Frotcast)

They're finally releasing a tell-all book about the Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien clusterfuck from earlier this year, and just in case you thought it was going to be either really boring or really fake, worry not: It's entirely true and soooooooo fucking awesome it hurts. (Warming Glow)

Today's quiz is all about, you guessed it, Halloween, the magical time of the year where you can dress like a slut,...

Friday

ABC

Rerun of No Ordinary Family was second In total viewers with 4.1 but came In third In 18-49 Demo with 1.Hour 1 of 20/20 came In third with total viewers with 3.8 Million and Fourth in 18-49 Demo with 1.1.Hour 2 of 20/20 came In third with 4.6 Million and tied Dateline for second In 18-49

Demo with 1.3

CBS

Medium won total viewers with 6.1 Million but lost 18-49 Demo to Smallville!It came In 1.2 among younger viewers.CSI:New York won second hour with 9.5 and 1.7 and Blue Bloods won hour 3 with 10.2 and 1.7

NBC

The School Pride special came In fourth with 2.9 Million and tied for 4th In 18-49 Audence with 0.9.Dateline came In second In hour 2 and 3.Hour 1 of Dateline Tied Supernatural among younger viewers,and Hour 2 tied with 20/20 among younger viewers.

Fox

Rerun of House was dead last In hour 1 among all viewers with 2.6 and tied School Pride with 18-49 Demo with 0.9.The Good Guys...

CBS is going five-for-five: The network is giving full season orders to all of its freshman shows: The Defenders, Hawaii Five-0, Blue Bloods, $#*! My Dad Says and Mike & Molly.

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Twitter is a collection of random thoughts, sputtered out by narcissistic people who are painfully convinced they are funny or interesting. Of course, I have one. Unhide all those annoying people on Facebook that we've all hid, and then sit down and wade through every stupid sentiment, random non-sequitir and ridiculous crap to see the five out of one hundred status updates you actually give a shit about. Welcome, you've now entered the world of Twitter.

Since "Shit My Dad Says" is a terrible sitcom, based on one of the rare Twitter feeds that are actually funny, naturally America has embraced it. So Ashton Kutcher has actually bought the rights to two different Twitter accounts and is converting them to sitcoms. The first is "Dear Girls Above Me," which is a collection of faux letters written by a man to the idiot girls that moved into the apartment above his.

0:00 - Intro / In-House Stuff 8:40 - Headlines: John Carpenter Suffers a Seizure, Tony Gilroy to Direct The Bourne Legacy (Without Bourne), Zack Snyder to Direct Superman, Sacha Baron Cohen to Play Freddie Mercury, Mike Myers to Voice Pepe Le Pew, Emma Stone is Gwen Stacy, Star Wars 3-D Coming in 2012, Harry Potter Won't Be in 3-D, Netflix Launches in Canada 36:00 - Review: The Social Network 59:38 - Trailer Trash: True Grit, The Fighter 1:07:35 - Other Stuff We Watched: Theremin: An Electronic Odyssey, Confessions of a Superhero, Superman/Batman Apocalypse, Eastbound & Down, Shit My Dad Says, The Defenders, Blue Bloods, Law & Order: Los Angeles, Nikita, Lost Girl, Defendor, Community: Season 1, Deadliest Catch: Season 3, Catfish, Daybreakers, Middletown, Sherlock, Harry Brown, The Runaways, The Blind Side, Repo Men, Exit Through The Gift Shop, This Movie is Broken, Waking Sleeping Beauty, Winter’s Bone, Convention, What Just Happened 2:...

The Good News

"Modern Family," saw its biggest ratings to date, and pummelled the competition in its time slot in the only demographic (18-49) that matters.

"Castle," gained on its premiere last year, even up against the premiers of "Hawaii Five-o," and "Chase." Nathan Fillion is not in any danger of losing his job anytime soon.

In the 18-49 demo, "Glee," placed 2nd for the week; "Modern Family" placed 5th; "The Office" placed 10th; and "How I Met Your Mother," placed a decent 24th.

"The Office," "30 Rock," and even "Community" (!) had decent gains over their premieres last season.

"The Biggest Loser," had a precipitous 21 percent drop from its premiere last season.

"The Apprentice" (non-celebrity edition) had terrible ratings, and may not complete its half-season run.

The Bad News

"Lone Star," as previously mentioned, was cancelled.

"Chuck" was the lowest rated scripted show of the week that didn't air on Friday.

The biggest scheduling gamble this fall has paid off: The Big Bang Theory kicked-off its Thursday run, well, with a big bang. Of the newbies, CBS' $#*! My Dad Says and NBC's Outsourced did solid business, while ABC's new documentary-style drama My Generation was pretty much D.O.A. Besides The Office, all returning series were down year-to-year led by veteran Thursday anchors CSI and Grey's Anatomy, which continued their ratings erosion with second consecutive year-to-year double-digit ratings drop in premiere week. The Apprentice continued to flatline, while NBC's comedy block wasn't bang-ed up too much (get it?) by the new comedy competition. Here is a network-by-network rundown: The fourth season premiere of The Big Bang Theory scored a 4.8/15 among adults 18-49 and 14 million viewers. That was up 4% in the demo from the series' premiere behind Two and a Half Men on Monday last fall and a whooping 37% in the demo...

Premiere week continued Tuesday with the return of Fox's "Glee," but the most-anticipated ratings battle wages Thursday night when CBS unleashes a "Big Bang" on rival NBC.

Thursday night's clash represents an attempt by CBS to gain a comedy-block foothold in what traditionally has been NBC's territory. TV's top-rated comedy "The Big Bang Theory" will face NBC's "Community," and the Twitter-inspired sitcom "$#*! My Dad Says" goes up against Emmy favorite "30 Rock." The two geek-friendly CBS shows could be dubbed "Must-Tweet TV."

There's seldom been more curiosity about a fight whose winner seemed almost certain. The question isn't whether CBS will win the hour, but by how much -- and how its presence will affect NBC. If CBS' plan succeeds, the network eventually could shift "CSI" out of the 9 p.m. anchor slot -- just like it has with the rest of its "CSI" spinoffs -- and set up a two-hour...

Updated: For all the pull the Internet has on younger viewers, no Web property has yet been able to successfully migrate to TV. It may be because it needs time - music, which was an early Internet adopter, already produced a few bona fide superstars who started on the Web, including Justin Bieber. Using the Internet for storytelling is less mature, which is probably why most crossovers to TV so far have failed. There are two more that will try to buck the trend over the next week: CBS on Thursday is launching the comedy $#*! My Dad Says based on Justin Halpern’s hugely popular Twitter feed with 1.7 million followers, and a telefilm, Fred: The Movie, is premiering on 3 consecutive nights on Nickelodeon this weekend. It is based on the hit YouTube series of shorts by teen Lucas Cruikshank whose Fred channel has received over 593 million video views and is...

In the latest tracking study of what shows will most likely connect with viewers this fall, CBS' "Hawaii Five-0" reboot and Twitter-based sensation "$#*! My Dad Says" continue to score top marks -- but now they're joined by an unexpected trio of other comedies.

The report from advertiser market analyst NewMediaMetrics gauges viewers' "emotional attachment" to TV show titles. The company claims an 85% track record for ranking fall shows according to their eventual Nielsen ratings.

Like the recent other awareness studies tracking various measures, "Hawaii" and "$#*!" received top marks.

Unlike previous reports, however, three relatively low-profile freshman sitcoms have filled out the top five: Fox pair "Running Wilde" and "Raising Hope" and CBS' "Mike & Molly."

Rounding out the top 10: ABC's "My Generation," NBC's "Law & Order: La," NBC's "Outsourced," ABC's "Secret Millionaire" and NBC's "Love Bites."

Curiously absent: NBC's "The Event," which topped the other two surveys. Last year, NewMediaMetrics' measurement...

The Parents Television Council is ramping up its campaign against the CBS sitcom "$#*! My Dad Says," sending letters to 300 advertisers.

The PTC is urging marketers to not sponsor the show "unless they wish to associate their hard-earned brands with excrement."

"The Second Edition of the 20-volume Oxford English Dictionary contains full entries for 171,476 words in current use, yet CBS decided to use the 's-word' in the title of this show, putting its blatant contempt for children and families front and center," PTC president Tim Winter said. "Unless or until CBS chooses a different title for this program, we are urging advertisers to avoid sponsoring such an abomination purported to be lighthearted fun. The advertisers have two options: Either they can be complicit in the effort to serve up excrement in front of children and families, or they can choose not to associate their products and services with excrement."

CBS has...

Toronto – Just as William Shatner returns to TV with the new CBS sitcom "$#*! My Dad Says," the Montreal-born actor is headed to Canada to salute local films for the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. (CBC).

Shatner will host "Making A Scene," a retrospective on award-winning Canuck films, on Thursday, Sept. 23, the same night his upcoming CBS comedy drawn from a Twitter feed will air locally, courtesy domestic broadcaster CTV.

News of Shatner's Canadian gig came Thursday as the CBC unveiled a fall 2010 schedule in Toronto that plays its safe with returning shows and familiar faces.

Another Canadian, Alex Trebek, whose career was launched by the CBC, will return to host "Jeopardy!" weeknights at 7:30 after "Wheel of Fortune" at 7, and help usher in the public broadcaster's primetime schedule this fall.

With Canadian viewers mostly shunning rookie series until they perform in their second seasons, the CBC has chosen to rely on old favorites to bring viewers set-side.

If you don’t know of Shit My Dad Says, then you are just not cool. Well, not necessarily. You are just not on Twitter apparently.

Allow me to educate you. Currently 1,359,244 followers strong, @shitmydadsays is a Twitter account started just 9 months ago, already earning its own book and TV show. Started by Californian Justin Halpern, the account is described as this: “I’m 29. I live with my 74-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.”

Read more on First Look: “Shit My Dad Says” pilot…...

CBS reports that the new comedy series "Shit My Dad Says", starring Emmy Award winner William Shatner, based on the Twitter feed "Shit My Dad Says", will air Thursday nights starting in the fall.

The series follows Shatner in the title role as a 'curmudgeon' who dispenses politically incorrect opinions and advice to his son.

CBS will promote the show verbally with the word 'bleep' instead of the profanity in ads -- as in, "Bleep My Dad Says."

CBS maintains the show will be perfectly suitable for family viewing.

"The program is inspired by the wildly popular Twitter phenomenon, which now has more than 1.5 million followers and also has spawned a best-selling book of the same name," said CBS.

"It will in no way be indecent and will adhere to all CBS standards..."...

CBS has released trailers/previews for their new television line-up, which was announced this week. Shows include William Shatner in Shit My Dad Says, the Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci reboot of Hawaii Five-o, The Defenders, Blue Bloods, and Mike & Molly. Watch them now, after the jump. Blue Bloods A drama about a multi-generational family of cops dedicated to New York City law enforcement.  Frank Reagan (Tom Selleck) is the New York Chief of Police and patriarch of the Reagan brood, which he heads as diplomatically as he does the force, even when dealing with the politics that plagued his unapologetically bold father, Henry (Len Cariou), during his stint as Chief. A source of pride and concern for Frank is his eldest son Danny (Donnie Wahlberg), a seasoned detective, family man and Iraqi War vet who on occasion uses dubious tactics to solve cases.  The sole Reagan woman in the family,...

Even though CBS is America's "most watched network," it has decided that it's time to go out with the old. Quite a lot of the old, actually. "Cold Case?" Canceled. "Ghost Whisperer?" De-breasted. "The New Adventures of Old Christine?" Not so new anymore (although there's a chance ABC could revive the show). "Accidentally on Purpose?" Kaput (I guess the world really wasn't clamoring for that new Jenna Elfman comedy!). "Miami Medical," "Gary Unmarried," "Numb3rs?" Dead, dead, deadski, all joining "Three Rivers," which died a quick death long ago.

Some of these shows weren't even on the bubble, and yet they're gone. "Ghost Whisperer," while a crap show, is a particular surprise because it was doing quite well for the network in its little Friday night slot (as with "Christine," there's a slim chance that this show could also land on ABC). "Rules of Engagement" and "Medium" were somewhat-surprisingly renewed,...

In addition to being the first-ever sitcom based on a Twitter feed, CBS' new series "$#*! My Dad Says" is also the first network show we can think of whose full title can't be said on network primetime.

The series is based on Justin Halpern's million-plus-follower Twitter account, which chronicles the many salty and hilarious utterances of his father. The show stars William Shatner as the titular dad, a "forthright and opinionated" man who is not shy about sharing his opinions, sensibilities be damned. "Will & Grace" creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick are executive producing.

Now, about the title: The dollar sign, number sign, asterisk and exclamation point are the official, CBS-approved way of rendering the S-word in the title, CBS Entertainment president Nina Tassler told reporters Wednesday morning (May 19). That led to the following rather amusing exchange:

Question: How will you say it on air? Thursdays at 8:30, watch ...

Tassler: "Bleep.

It’s official: CBS has picked up its remake of the tropical cop drama Hawaii Five-o which is among four new shows the network has just ordered for its next season of Fall shows.

The primetime leading network also announced it was picking up Mike & Molly from producer Chuck Lorre adding to his already two comedies (Big Bang Theory, Two and Half Men) on the CBS roster. The pilot centers on a couple that overeats. The title role of Mike is going to comedic actor Billy Gardell, who was on My Name is Earl for awhile, his character Mike, is a hefty police officer who meets the girl of his dreams at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. Swoosie Kurtz will be in the pilot as well playing the role of Joyce, mother to Molly.

The network picked up a family cop show Blue Bloods (formerly known as “Reagan’s Law”) starring...

This Just In: CBS has picked up the Twitter-inspired sitcom $#*! My Dad Says starring William Shatner, sources confirm. The role of Shatner’s son, played in the pilot by Cougar Town’s Ryan Devlin, is being recast. To recap, CBS has now ordered four dramas (Hawaii 5-0, Defenders, Blue Bloods, and Criminal Minds 2) and two comedies (Mike and Molly, $#*! My Dad Says) for fall.

I didn't think anything could physically pain me more than the trailer for Human Centipede (review up later today!) until I saw the opening of last night's "The Simpsons." The show is, indeed, dead. (Warming Glow)

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt topped Time's "least influential" list. Although I think it's kind of sad that they were influential enough to be considered least influential. (Agent Bedhead)

Well this sucks: Twice Oscar-nominated actress Lynn Redgrave passed away last night at the age of 67. (Movieline)

Aww, my tiny little man crush, Seth Green, was married this weekend to his much-taller-than-him bride. Defs break out the hankies. (Evil Beet)

Lady Gaga's "Telephone" was supposedly originally written for Britney Spears, which, whatever. At this point Lady Gaga could have farted on a microphone for 10 minutes and it would have been a hit. (Litelysalted)

Because I'm juvenile and it makes me laugh, here are 15 funny movie marquees.