Mafia Mamma (2023)

Toni Collette: Kristin

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Jenny : Kristin, what do you masturbate to?

  Kristin : Italian cooking shows. I mean, more specifically, "Stanley Tucci: Searching for Italy." There was this one episode where he went to this burrata factory and it was all creamy and he got his hands in all the milky stuff. It was so...

• Paul : This is really hard for me to admit, but, I have - this illness. All I want to do is have sex.

  Kristin : I mean, I want to have sex too. We haven't had sex in, like, three years!

  Paul : Yeah, I know, but, what I mean with a new person.

• Kristin : Shouldn't I stay here and work on my marriage?

  Jenny : You should work on getting your pussy pounded.

• Kristin : It's such an amazing time in your life. You can really become anyone you want to be.

  Domenick : Mom.

  Kristin : You could change the world.

  Domenick : Mom.

  Kristin : You could colonize the Mars!

• Kristin : I just need a vacation. I just really want my: Eat, Pray, Fuck!

  Bianca : Eat, Pray, Fuck?

  Kristin : Yeah, it's a - play on words, you know, the book, "Eat Pray Love".

  Aldo : Yeah, it's a very uplifting and moving memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert.

  Kristin : Yes! Yes, see, he knows! I want to make wine and I want to eat pasta and be romanced and...

  Bianca : But, you came for a funeral.

  Kristin : Yeah, I mean, you know, after the funeral.

• Kristin : [Dante stomps on Kristen's cell phone]  How is Lorenzo supposed to get in touch with me? How will I ever have sex!

  Bianca : [slaps Kristin]  You cannot be speaking to random strangers. It's too dangerous.

  Kristin : He's not a stranger. He's *gorgeous*.

• Aldo : You can't leave. If the boss says you are the boss, you are the boss now.

  Kristin : Yeah. Yeah, but, you know what, I am not a boss, like, not in any way shape or form. So, you know, especially, not in a mafia kind of way.

• Kristin : I deserve this. I deserve this. I'm gonna go and I'm gonna have my own "Under the Tuscan Sun" or "Eat Pray Love".

  Jenny : Fuck.

  Kristin : What?

  Jenny : Eat, Pray, *Fuck*. Say it.

  Kristin : What? Eat, Pray - Fuck?

  Jenny : Eat! Pray! Fuck!

  Kristin : Jesus. Eat, Pray, Fuck.

  Jenny : Say it again!

  Kristin : Eat, Pray, *Fuck*!

  Jenny : Louder. Fuck the Vagina!

  Kristin : Eat, Pray, Fuck!

  Kristin , Jenny : Eat, Pray, Fuck! Eat, Pray, Fuck! Eat, Pray, Fuck!

• Bianca : We have machines to crush grapes now. But, this is the classic way.

  Kristin : This does feel kinda nice, huh?

  Bianca : You must stomp on the grapes to release their juices.

• Kristin : I was hoping to try gnocchi. I love gnocchi. And I promised myself that if I ever came to Italy, I would eat as much gnocchi as I could.

• Kristin : Listen, listen, listen. It's Oreo.

  Carlo Romano : Really? Two chocolate biscuits together - with cream?

  Kristin : The *cream* - the cream is my favorite part.

• Bianca : Kristin! Kristin! You can't run away from your destiny.

  Kristin : Oh, yeah? Watch me. Which way is it?

• Bianca : It can't be Fabrizio. He started the shootout. He's a hothead - with a horrible temper. Just like Sonny.

  Kristin : Whose Sonny?

  Bianca : From "The Godfather"!

• Kristin : He tried to kill me.

  Jenny : With his penis?

  Kristin : No, no, with poison.

  Jenny : Poison penis? Slow down, Lorenzo did what?

  Kristin : No, no. Not Lorenzo. Carlo!

  Jenny : Wait. Who the fuck is Carlo?

  Kristin : Oh my God, he is a super, hot mob boss who I had dinner with.

• Kristin : Is that a cannoli in your pocket?

• Carlo Romano : You are a Balbano. My Uncle killed your father. One day, you will come for me and the rest of my family. Eventually, we both seek revenge. Like Vito Corleone.

  Kristin : I never saw "The Godfather"

  Carlo Romano : No. No! It was "Godfather Part 2". Stupid American woman!

• Bianca : So you fucked him.

  Kristin : No. He died first.

  Bianca : You missed something. When he came, he screamed like a woman.

• Carlo Romano : Do you like Limoncello?

  Kristin : Oh, I'm more of a cherry jello person.

• Kristin : Who's this?

  [points at a photograph] 

  Kristin : Oh, yeh, he looks like such a naughty little hobbit.

  Rudy AKA 'Lorenzo' : Yeah, he's my Uncle Ernesto. He recently died.

  Kristin : Oh, I'm so sorry.

• Kristin : You could be a little nicer to me, you know. I just killed someone. I'm a very good person. I am a good mother. I would do anything for my son. I do everything for everyone. Even animals. I can't even kill a bug. I it under a little cup and take it outside and I whisper, "Go, be free! Go live your life." And I imagine them building a new home and a new life.

• Kristin : [to Lorenzo]  Ooh, your pasta. It's the greatest thing I've ever had in my mouth.

• Fabrizio : Drugs.

  Bianca : Counterfeit bags.

  Fabrizio : Guns, gambling.

  Kristin : Ah, so far, I have heard nothing that is either legal or moral.

  Fabrizio : You know, we are the fuckin' mafia!

• Kristin : No. No intrada! Absolutely, no intrada! No.

  Bruno : You like sausage...

  Kristin : No. No sausages! I'm strictly vegetariano. No, thank you.

  Bruno : Very spicy.

  Kristin : Spicy? No, my God. Oh my God. No!

• Kristin : I feel like Michael Corleone.

  Bianca : You saw the movie!

  Kristin : No. I read the Wikipedia summary.

• Bianca : I thought once you had sex you would calm down a bit.

  Kristin : Hey, I've been here two days and I've been almost murdered twice. That's one per day. I'm going to need a lot more sex to calm me down!

• Fabrizio : It wasn't just blood on Bruno. It was mushy, thick, bits of his scrotum were stuffed in his side socket. And that's why the listen to you.

  Kristin : Because he had bits of his scrotum stuffed in his side socket?

  Fabrizio : Maybe. And that's how you earn - respect.

• Paul : Who the hell are these people?

  Bianca : They are her best grape squashers and I'm the label maker.

  Kristin : Yes! I'm a vintner, now.

• Kristin : I came to this country at a time in my life where I completely doubted myself. Then, when I arrived here, I discovered that I had inherited a vineyard. It was shriveling and dying - much like me. So, I nurtured it and I came to realize that I inherited so much more than a vineyard. I inherited an opportunity to fulfill my purpose. So, I inherited me.

• Kristin : Oh my God. Are you even a pasta maker? We were gonna run away together. We were gonna open a restaurant. I was gonna make the wine. You were gonna make the food. I was gonna get fat and you weren't gonna care. It was gonna heaven!

  Rudy AKA 'Lorenzo' : How fat?